Archive of Our Own ^beta

Prologue

For the next course of the weeks, Kihyun kept a close eye on Changkyun.

When Ms. Lee had her lessons, he would sit on his chair and quietly observe the boy. But Changkyun didn't do much at all. The most he ever did was sit on his chair and gaze blankly out the window, nothing else. Kihyun sometimes wondered if he ever got bored of daydreaming because if it were him, he would tire quickly. He had always been a man of action. He didn't do much fantasizing and instead strived to achieve it instead. He didn't like the idea of mindless dawdling around, it makes him anxious.

It's probably one of the reasons why he's here now. His parents had always disapproved of the profession, saying he's too smart for an underpaying job and that he should try for business school instead. Put his smarts to good use as they say. But it has never been a passion for him. He loved knowledge but he loved the idea of sharing that knowledge even more. Despite the difficulties, he still moved forward because he was determined. He had always been determined. His mind wandered back to Changkyun and he wondered what the boy intended to do in his life.

He didn't seem to be interested in much, just sits there in his little corner. Although, he had caught him scribbling something in this blue leather bound notebook from time to time. Kihyun didn't know what he would write in there but it's clearly important because he didn't stop much when writing, like he'd been possessed by a great force. Kihyun would admit that he'd been a little curious. But he can't really do much about his curiosity. He really couldn't just walk up to the kid and demand for it. Besides, he felt like the notebook was something he treasured. Something intimate that mustn't be revealed so he leaves it at that. He just quells his thirst by continuing to watch the boy and hope he will find something.

 

Kihyun did not find the something until a few more days later.

 

It was Kihyun's turn to teach again, the fifth meeting in the two weeks he's been there. As was the obligatory, he's supposed to give an assessment to the topic that he had been discussing to the kids to test their learnings. He announced a pop quiz to the class and gets the usual collective protesting groans. He hushed them and started handing out a single-papered questionnaire.

While he passed out the quiz sheets, he talked. "Don't worry, it's a short test and if you listened really well to my lessons, its guaranteed that you'll get a high mark. Everything on the quiz is points that we have discussed so just take your time and analyze. Be careful because a lot of the questions are a little tricky." he advised, hoping to placate their worries.

He finished making his rounds and went back to the front. "Alright, you have half an hour to fill that up." he glanced at the clock. "You may begin."

The students immediately attacked the paper. Kihyun took a sit behind the teacher's desk and watched them. "No cheating okay?" he reminded them, eyeing a group of boys. They sheepishly smiled at him and ducked their heads down, embarrassed. He nodded his head satisfyingly, noting the students were behaving well.

As he was eyeing the room, his gaze settled on Changkyun. He was expecting the boy to be busy daydreaming or something. But surprisingly, the boy was busy at work. Changkyun hunched over the test, hands scribbling furiously. Kihyun almost did not believe what he saw. As far as he knew, Changkyun didn't really listen to class so he's surprised to see him answering and at an alarmingly fast pace as well.

Maybe he was bullshitting through the whole thing. Kihyun thought idly. Oh well, he'd know as soon as he got back the papers. He glanced at his watch and gave everyone a time check. He leaned back on his chair and waited for the time to be done.

~*~

"Bye, Mr. Yoo. See you tomorrow!" The students shouted as they rushed past him. Kihyun smiled and waved back at them. They slowly trickled out of the room until at last, the only remaining people in the room were Kihyun and Ms. Lee.

The woman praised him for a job well done and gave him her rating. They chatted for a bit before she finally hurried along for her next class. The woman quickly disappeared out of the room. Kihyun grabbed the kids' tests and stuffed them as neatly as he could in his workbag. He didn't notice that someone was still in the room until a chair loudly scraped on the floor.

"Jesus christ." Kihyun wheezed out, clutching his chest. "That scared me to death!" He turned towards the person. He was not actually surprised to find Changkyun lethargically adjusting his bag strap on his shoulder.

The boy nonchalantly pushed his chair back into order, just as noisily as before, and begun walking towards his next class. Kihyun glowered at the boy and gave a haughty, "Aren't you going to apologize?" he was really starting to get annoyed now. This boy really had a serious attitude problem. Is this how you treat other people?

Changkyun stopped in his tracks and looked at him blankly. Kihyun continued to scowl at him, feet tapping impatiently. "Well?" he pressed. This kids audacity was reaching levels sky high.

The boy stood there for a while more, not really doing anything but just staring. Kihyun could feel his irritation start to boil over. What the heck was this kids problem? Did he really need to be told twice? Just as he was about to reprimand him again, Changkyun turned to him and spoke.

"Sorry." he said blandly and made to leave once more.

Kihyun gawked at him. He sounded so insincere! The man huffed angrily as he watched Changkyun walk away. He had never met anyone as rude as Changkyun ever in his life. He grumpily gathered the rest of his things and stuffed them into his bag, uncaring if it was orderly or not. He just haphazardly tossed everything and headed for his own college. Hes done for the day anyway. He walked to the bus stop to hitch a ride back towards his dormitory.

When he reached the bus stop, hes greeted by another student-teacher, Shin Hoseok whom he shared an elective with. He barely acknowledged the man; too busy stewing in his own brooding thoughts. Hoseok looked at him weirdly. Kihyun was known for being a very cheerful and optimistic person so this reaction was a little discomforting. Hoseok poked him in the shoulder.

You okay? You look like someone just punched your dog. Kihyun glared at Hoseok. The other man just raised his hands in the air in a please-dont-punch-me-Im-just-an-innocent-man gesture. Kihyun sighed and offered Hoseok a dejected sigh. Sorry, just had some trouble with one of my students.

Hoseok nodded in understanding, humming thoughtfully. Let me guess its that Changkyun boy isn't it? Kihyuns head shot up quickly, surprised. His companion just chuckled ruefully at his expression. Hes quite the tough cookie isnt he? Kihyun scoffed at the statement. That's one way to put it I guess.

Poor kid. He has potential but he just wastes it all. Hoseok sighed, shaking his head solemnly. Then he brightened up, patting Kihyun's back. But anyways just dont think too much about it okay? Oh look, heres your stop. Hoseok then ushered him to the bus, waving at him cheerfully once he settled on one of the window seats. He waved back at the smiling man rather robotically. Then the vehicle made a sudden lurch, moving forwards. Hoseok slowly disappeared from view.

Kihyun slumped in his seat and hugged his bag to his chest. His mind stewed around Hoseok's statement, confused. Whatever the hell did Hoseok mean by potential?

~*~

When Kihyun reached his dorm, he immediately slumped on his bed exhausted. He didn't even bother changing out of his clothes, too content with lying around. After a few minutes of lazing around, he decided to take a shower. He stayed a few extra minutes in the bath, enjoying the warmth. He felt a little zapped out today and he needed the relaxing trickle of the water down his body to unwind the tension hes feeling.

When he got out of the bath, hes felt a little more peaceful. He decided to do a little studying. He was taking things out of his bag when he noticed the stack of quiz papers. He groaned, remembering he had to grade them. He decided to do the papers first so that he didn't have to worry about it later. He checked the papers diligently, pleased with the results.

At least more than half of the class got good scores. They were some that didn't quite reach the mark but they were close enough. Kihyun smiled as he continued grading the papers, proud of his students. But then his eyes landed on a name. He scowled at the name neatly printed on the top.

Lim Changkyun

He felt the anger resurfacing when he remembered what happened earlier. He then spent a good amount of time glowering at the paper, hoping that his glare would be felt by the person. After a few minutes, Kihyun sighed and shook his head.

What in the world was he doing? Acting all petty over a kid... Yoo Kihyun, shame on you.

He shook his head once more before he started to read over the answers. After a few minutes of reading, Kihyun held it up in front of his face, surprised. Changkyuns answers were correct. He stared at it dumbly, unable to process it at first. He skimmed through the rest of Changkyuns answers and was once more dumbstruck when he saw that the kid had practically aced his quiz. He shook his head, stunned.

He quickly marked the rest of the items, disbelief evident on his face. Then he turned the paper around to the last segment of his test, an essay. He had made the children create a two paragraph narrative of any given topic with at least five sentences per paragraph. They had to use at least ten subject-verb agreements and identify the parts. He stared at the title Changkyun had written.

Adrift.

Kihyun was walking down the halls, hands clutching his bag. But he barely saw anything. His mind was wandering elsewhere, far from the present.

He was thinking about Changkyun's quiz sheet or more specifically, the essay he wrote. The essay itself was simply written with words that are straight to the point. But at the same time, with its simplicity came the eloquence of the piece. He hasn't seen anyone his age write such elegant writing before and it was making him reevaluate his regard for the boy. But what really made it stand out was the message behind it.

The feeling of helplessness, the sense of solitude and as Changkyun had simply put, being adrift.

Kihyun sensed a deeper meaning behind it but he wasn't sure what to think of it or how to process that information. Something was troubling Changkyun, that was a given already. But as to what, he didn't know. "Stuck in crossroads..." he murmured to himself, deep in thought.

Poke.

Kihyun startled when he feels a finger push at his shoulder. He had been so lost in his own thoughts that he completely forgot the present. He turned around to see the smiling face of a young boy. "Mr. Yoo, what are you doing standing around the hall like this? You're five minutes late for class."

It was Hoshi. The boy was still looking at him, smiling questioningly. Kihyun can feel his face heat up with embarrassment. He was so preoccupied that he didn't realize he'd been standing motionless in the middle of the hallway for quite some time now. "Ah, sorry about that. I was distracted I guess." Kihyun mumbled, shaking his head. He really needed to get his mind out of the gutter.

He had started to walk for the direction of his class when he stopped and veered around, struck with a sudden realization. "Hold up a second. Hoshi, doesn't this mean you're late for class too?" Kihyun said sternly. "My English class to be exact?" Hoshi's smile wilted.

"Why are you running late?" He asked. Hoshi tittered nervously, rubbing the back of his head sheepishly. Kihyun shook his head, amused. Hoshi smiled at him again, albeit a little impishly. "Well sir actually, I was helping you with something that's why I'm late." he winked at the man. Kihyun stared at him blankly. "Please, help me out sir. Just play pretend, I don't want detention." The boy pleaded when he saw Kihyun's deadpan expression.

Kihyun pretended to be unaffected, enjoying his student's turmoil but then he smiled and rolled his eyes. "If you weren't my favorite student..." He trailed off, shaking his head. He started walking again. "Alright, you were 'helping' me with something that's why you were tardy. Now come on, we don't want to be any later than we are now."

The boy cheered triumphantly, punching his fists in the air. "You're the best sir!"

~*~

Kihyun was handing out the quiz sheets. His class will be over soon and he was hoping he could hand out all of the papers before the bell rang. He didn't want to keep them after all.

He was in the last column when the bell rang. The students who got their quizzes clattered out of the room, shouting goodbye's at Kihyun. He waved at them distractedly and continued handing out the last of the papers. "Good job on this one." he said patting the back of one of his students, Jeonghan. The boy smiled widely and thanked him.

Kihyun carefully moved forward until he reached the last person. The other students have filed out already and it was only him and Changkyun in the room now. He gently pushed the paper to the waiting boy. "You aced the test." he said. "I have to say I was really surprised. But I'm glad you did well." The boy simply stared at the paper before him, he doesn't even bother looking at the older man before taking it. Kihyun stopped him from grabbing it. "I really liked your essay. It was good."

Changkyun glared at the hand on his wrist and Kihyun immediately removed his hand. Then the boy stared at him intently, seemingly searching for something. His eyebrows were scrunched together in concentration as he watched him. Kihyun squirmed a little. Changkyun's gaze was really intense. After a good deliberation, he finally spoke up. "Thanks."

Kihyun offered him a generous smile. "Do you always write like this?" he asked, curious. Changkyun squinted at him suspiciously, suddenly alert and defensive. His eyebrows furrowed even more. "What's it to you?" he asked tersely, voice harsh.

Kihyun's eyebrows shot up to his hair, surprised at the sudden hostility. Then Changkyun abruptly stood up. "I'm late for my next my class. I'll be going." He hoisted his bag up his shoulder, leaving his test on the table and walked away from the stunned male. Kihyun stared after him, frowning.

Whatever the hell did he say wrong?

~*~

No matter how much he tried, Kihyun couldn't keep his mind away from Changkyun. He was getting more and more confused about his attitude. He still couldn't get what he did to offend the young boy.

All he did was ask about his writing skills. It was a pretty harmless question. So why did he react that way?He seemed pretty touchy about the subject that made Kihyun want to know why. Lim Changkyun was such a mystery and he wanted to uncover the secrets behind.

He decided to interview Ms. Lee first, seeing as she's the only faculty member he knew well enough. The elderly lady seemed surprised at his curiosity but offered her help anyway. Although Kihyun did not escape a few cursory questions. "Why are you so interested boy?" she had asked the moment he expressed his request. "It's not everyday someone comes up to me asking about him. I mostly just get angry rants about his behavior. Why, did the boy offend you or something? Wanna get back at him?"

Kihyun shook his head at the statement. "No, I was just wondering ma'am." he denied quickly. "But you said something about complaints on his behavior? Why?" The woman looked at him in disbelief. "Have you not seen his attitude in my class? The kid doesn't even have the decency to try and act like he's listening. He just sits their in his ass, looking at god knows what. He doesn't even look at you when you're speaking at him, acting as if you aren't there." she huffs, shaking her head.

"It's downright offending is what it is." The woman continued to rant. "He seems to think he can act out just because he's stupendously smart. But let me tell you something, smartness can only go so far. In the real world, your ingenuity is nothing when you have an attitude as foul as a skunk!" Ms. Lee was starting to really pour out her emotions now. "No one would want to be with a person like him." she tsked.

"Why do you think he acts like that ma'am?" Kihyun asked earnestly, hoping for an answer. The woman shrugged, still looking slightly mad. "I don't know. He probably feels like it. He's just a rude and disrespectful boy is what he is." Ms. Lee grunted, jabbing her pointer finger up in the air. Kihyun stayed quiet, disatisfied. He doesn't really think that's the entirety of the story. Everyone had a reason why they act as they do.

"Is there someone I can ask for more information about him?" He asked politely. It seemed that he wasn't going to get a proper answer if Ms. Lee had grudges against Changkyun. He might as well ask for another person. The older woman frowned in thought. "Well the best option is his homeroom teacher." Ms. Lee answered after awhile. "Oh look, there he is now! How lucky." she said, pointing at someone. "Park, hey Park! Come over here for a sec." she said, calling him over.

Kihyun turned to see a smiling man, around his mid-thirties standing by the door. He started to walk over to them. When he reached their place, Ms. Lee introduced them. "Park, this is Yoo Kihyun, one of our student-teachers. Yoo, this is Park Chanyeol." the two men exchanged bows and handshakes. "Nice to meet you." The older man said, smiling warmly. "Likewise."

"So, what's up? Why did you call me over?" Chanyeol asked. "He wants to ask about Lim Changkyun for some unknown reason." The woman answered. Chanyeol said an "Ooh..." turning to him. "Did the kid do something wrong to you or..." he trailed off, looking at him questioningly. Kihyun released a short laugh and shook his head. "Nothing of that sort sir, I'm just a little curious about him."

Chanyeol looked at him strangely. "Well you're an odd one aren't you?" The man laughed. "But sure, why not. Come on over to my cubicle. We can talk there better." Kihyun nodded, thanking both him and Ms. Lee for their cooperation. The elder lady just batted him away. "I don't know what you're planning Yoo. But let me tell you this, you're wasting your time and energy. That kid ain't worth it."

Chanyeol laughed at the statement and patted Kihyun on the back. "Just ignore her. She's a bitter old bat. Now come along." he whispered conspiraciously. Kihyun laughes quietly and nodded.

He lead him to his cubicle where they took a seat on chairs. "So, what do you wanna talk about?" He asked, smiling good-naturedly. "Well, I wanted to learn more about Changkyun." he started. "Ms. Lee says you're his homeroom teacher?"

The man nodded. "Going two years." Chanyeol said. "But anyway, hmmnn... Lim Changkyun." The man hummed, tapping his chin thoughtfully. "He's a complex kid, is what I can say. I don't really know much about him. He's a quiet kid and mostly spends his time watching outside from a window. As far as I know, he doesn't have any friends so I can't really ask around. He doesn't speak about himself either. Believe me, our guidance counselor almost resigned because of him." the man chuckled at the thought ruefully.

"What about his family?" Kihyun asked. "Can you tell me about them?"

"Well he has siblings, he's the youngest." Chanyeol stated, thinking hard. "Oh yeah, his parents are hot shots! I think his dad is a lawyer and the mom's a renowned surgeon. But I've never actually met them, just heard them from gossip around the school. You know how they are here." Kihyun frowned. "How come you've never met them? Don't they go to PTA things or something? Changkyun's been sent to the guidance counselor right? Surely they've requested a meeting, you're his homeroom teacher after all."

Chanyeol sighed and shook his head. "Nope. They don't actually attend those things. I guess they're busy. Maybe they do talk to the principal but I really don't know. That thing's confidential. Part of the rich and famous charm, you can do stuff like this." he said, air quoting his own words. "Although I think his old homeroom teacher did meet them a couple of times but I'm really not sure. When I came to handle him, we didn't report about him anymore."

"I think we just got used to Changkyun at this point that we don't even bother with him. I mean, his grades are exemplary. He doesn't really cause any real trouble to raise our attention. There's no actual reason to call for meetings. It's just that he's disinterested in almost everything." Chanyeol explained. "What do you mean by that?" Kihyun asked curiously. "It means what it means." The man answered vaguely. "He just seems bored all the time." Kihyun nodded, thinking back on Changkyun's lackluster attitude.

"You know," Chanyeol continued. "I've never seen a kid so indifferent to his surroundings. It's like he's just drifting through his life you know? We can't really make him open up. That kid's stubborn as hell." Chanyeol sighed. "There may possibly be no helping him at this point." he said, ending his story with a sad expression on his face. Kihyun sat back, trying to take it all in. The older man patted him on the back comfortingly.

Then Chanyeol takes a glance at his watch and his face morphed into one of alarm. "Oh shoot! I have to leave you now. I'm having a class in fifteen minutes. Are you fine with that?" Kihyun nods. "Yes. You helped me a lot. Thank you."

"No problem. Don't hesitate to approach me when you have more questions okay?" The man said, grinning. "I know what you're trying to do. You're trying to help him and I'd gladly pitch in. I've never done him much help the past couple of years so I want to lend a hand this time around."

Kihyun smiled and bowed. "Thank you very much sir. I will surely come to you when I need help."

The older man smiled. "Good." he said, sounding satisfied. "Alright, I'm off. See you soon!" Kihyun waved at his senior. When the man had left, he slumped on his seat in a dejected manner.

His mind ran through their conversation once more. But one statement stuck to him the most.

"I've never seen a kid so indifferent to his surroundings. It's like he's just drifting through his life you know?" is what echoes through his head.

"He is wading through the unknown. Stuck in crossroads. The feeling of being adrift." Kihyun recited from Changkyun's essay.

What could this mean?

Kihyun tosses and turns in his bed, bothered. Ever since his talk with Chanyeol, he hasn’t had a goodnight’s sleep. He keeps thinking about Changkyun and his situation. It bothers him how troubled Changkyun is and how nobody seems to be helping him. He keeps imagining how the boy must feel all the time. He must feel so alone.

He twists around in his bed again, unable to get comfortable. He thinks back on the essay Changkyun wrote. What had him feeling adrift? Was there trouble at home?

Kihyun’s stomach churns at the thought. His mind drifts back to his own parents; back to the time he fought with them for his dream. He remembers how they had pushed him away, the cold and lonely nights. He remembers the unshakable doubt that crept up, wondering if he made a mistake. He remembers feeling helpless and worthless and lost. He remembers the feeling of being adrift.

His body runs cold at the memory. He knows how hard it is when everything you believed in just felt so wrong. He knows what if feels like when the whole world seemed to be watching your every mistake, laughing as you trip and fall. He was young back then, much like Changkyun and young people tend to be more fragile, easily daunted. Kihyun swallows hard. He had to help that poor boy. He couldn’t let him experience what he felt back then. Kihyun was lucky but he fears that Changkyun isn’t. It was up to him to help the boy.

He sits up in bed. He will help Changkyun.

 

 

Kihyun walks to the faculty room with purpose. After last night, he had immediately made a request to talk to Chanyeol. He opens the door to the faculty and steps inside. He greets the other personnel in the room. Chanyeol sees him and waves at him. When he reaches the older man, they immediately take their seats. Chanyeol smiles at him. “So, what do you want to talk about now?”

Kihyun nervously clears his throat as he launches into his question. “I did not have the opportunity to ask you this but I just wanted to ask you if Changkyun is experiencing trouble at home?” Chanyeol releases a short bark of laughter. "I can't say I wasn't expecting this because I was but unfortunately for you, I can't give you a concrete answer. Like I said, Changkyun doesn't talk and I've never met his parents." The older man reclines in his seat, staring at Kihyun intently. "I'm sorry I can't help you much."

Kihyun sighs. "I expected as much. Thank you anyway for entertaining me." he said, smiling defeatedly. Chanyeol frowns at this. "Now I feel bad." The older man murmurs. But then he suddenly jolts forward, seemingly struck by a sudden thought. "You know, I've read somewhere that a troubled child releases their depression through a certain outlet. I don't see Changkyun as the physical type but I just remembered that he liked to write. I remember being impressed with a few of the stuff he wrote."

Chanyeol starts to rummage around his desk looking for something. When he finds what he's looking for, he releases a loud crow of victory. He eagerly hands Kihyun a few papers. "These are some of the work I kept that came from Changkyun. I suggest you read through them. I think I recall reading a few lines that may relate to your current query." Kihyun brightens up as he takes the said papers. "It's actually a pretty good idea. Do you have more of these?"

Chanyeol laughs at his eagerness but shakes his head. "Those were the only ones I kept but I'm sure Ms. Lee collected some. She's a pretty lazy person and a bit of a hoarder so she just stuffs the children's work in one big box. I'm sure you can find Changkyun's writings there." Kihyun smiles and nods his head. "Thank you so much. I'll go to her immediately."

The older man grins and nods his head in approval. "Alright then, good luck. But promise me this Yoo, don't tell anyone about the things I said about Ms. Lee. She'll kill me for sure." Chanyeol mimes a knife slicing his throat, making a silly face. Kihyun laughs at the other man's antics. "Don't worry Mr. Park, your secret's safe with me."

 

 

"You want to what?" Ms. Lee says in disdain, eyeing him up and down. Kihyun shifts nervously in his feet before replying with a meek, "I want to look through Changkyun's old writings. I heard that you keep them."

The old woman doesn't reply but instead gives him a scrutinizing glare. Kihyun lowers his head, twiddling his thumbs together. Then he hears an exasperated sigh. He looks up to see Ms. Lee rummaging around her cubicle. She moves the sea of papers in her desk, grumbling all the while. "I still don't understand your fascination for this kid Yoo. You're just wasting your time." she comments sourly as she produces a medium sized yellow box.

She hands it to Kihyun. "Here, have fun with this and when you're done, do me a favor and throw that out for me will you?" After saying that, she quickly gathers up her things while shaking her head and mumbling about the current youth's complicated minds.

Kihyun doesn't bother to listen as he stares at the yellow box happily.

He leaves for a more secluded place -an empty classroom- to work in peace. He begins segregating the various papers found on the box, wrinkling his nose when he sees lizard poop on some papers. After pawing through the numerous things stashed on the box, he finally starts to find papers marked with Changkyun's name. He piles them beside him.

After he is sure he scoured through the box already, he throws the whole thing out. Kihyun gathers the papers from Changkyun and files them all in one folder. He grins at the fat folder. He's sure to find something now.

 

 

It wasn't till a day had passed before Kihyun found the time to read. He came home exhausted to the bones after a long day at uni. He would have immediately collapsed on the bed and snoozed away if his eyes did not catch the folder placed on his desk.

The brown thing was sitting innocently, tempting. Kihyun stares at it heatedly before he heaves a big sigh. He stands up and ambles towards it. He opens the folder and picks up the first thing his hand could lay on. He goes to sit and read on his swivel chair. After he finished reading it, he sets the paper down. After a few more minutes, another one joins the lonely parchment on the table. The pile grows. Kihyun doesn't know how much time has passed but he couldn't care less. He lets out a contemplative sigh, staring at the stack of papers. He picks up one of the papers to read it again. "So this is what Hoseok meant when he said Changkyun was wasting his talent..." He murmurs. "These are beautiful."

It was true, the things Changkyun wrote were unique. Most of them were of random topics ranging from the most mundane of things to the more outrageous, almost impossible ones.

Kihyun feels a smile tug on the corner of his lips when he reads through them again. The boy had an endearingly colorful imagination. Chanyeol was right, Changkyun's writings were impressive. But another thing that Chanyeol got right was about the fact that troubled children tend to looked for an outlet for their depression and clearly, this was Changkyun's.

Kihyun noticed that as the date got more recent, the stories he concocted grew more serious, heavier. He reckons this is the time Changkyun started experiencing trouble. Changkyun was vague with the meaning behind his words but after reading through them a few more times, Kihyun begins to understand. The boy spoke of loneliness and the feeling of being caged. Kihyun's heart clenched at his words. He sighs deeply as he stares at the stack of papers. He mulls the situation over his head. How will he handle this? Kihyun idly looks at the ceiling, thinking hard.

Then he suddenly stands up in his seat. He has a plan.

 

 

Kihyun stares at the side of Changkyun’s face intently. Ms. Lee is having her lecture in front of the class and as usual, the boy wasn’t listening. Ever since he vowed to himself that he would help Changkyun, he had been conscious of the boy’s actions. He wants to understand Changkyun and to understand him, he had to know the younger boy at an intimate level. But he believes the right way to tackle the situation is to make Changkyun open up by himself. He would have to befriend the boy.

That was his plan.

Kihyun grimaces as he thinks about it. He recalls how Changkyun had lashed out the last time he tried to initiate small talk. He was already on Changkyun's bad side, he doesn't want to tilt it further. But he knows there's no other way so he strengthens his resolve. He must talk to him.
Kihyun nervously fiddles with the end of his shirt, drawing some courage at the action. Hopefully, he will be successful enough. The bell rings for dismissal. In front, Ms. Lee is desperately pointing out a few reminders to the dispersing class. Kihyun doesn't listen much but instead watches Changkyun like a hawk.

Eventually, Ms. Lee gave up speaking and just resorts to huffing out her disdain as she herself walks out of the room. Kihyun breathes in a shaky breath as he approaches Changkyun. This is it.

Changkyun is slowly fixing his stuff, acting like he has all of the time in the world. Kihyun breathes in again as he stands in front of the boy. "Hi." he says.

Changkyun stops in the middle of placing his notebook in the bag to look at him. The boy frowns at him but does not respond. Kihyun tries again. "I said hi?" Changkyun just stares at him. Kihyun can feel his confidence slipping at the lack of response and the conversation he played in his head suddenly disappeared. He starts to panic, struggling to find something to say.

"Okay, well uhmm.. today's English lesson was fun right?" he blurts out suddenly.

Changkyun's frown deepens, obviously weirded out at the sudden topic. Kihyun feels the need to facepalm. What the actual fuck Kihyun. What are you saying??

But apparently, his mouth wasn't listening to his brain anymore. He just continues to babble nervously. "Yeah, the lesson was fun. Learning about question words and whatnots. The no-no double negatives. So fun! I had so much fun. Did you have fun? You did? That's great!" Kihyun releases a series of deranged laughter, patting the boy on the shoulder. Changkyun grows more uncomfortable. Kihyun just can't seem to stop speaking. He moves closer to the boy. Changkyun leans away, looking scared. Kihyun smiles at him, hoping to alleviate the situation. It didn't work.

The younger boy tries to leave. Kihyun, not wanting Changkyun to leave, slams his hands on the table startling the poor boy into place. "What I really mean to say is," Kihyun leans even closer to Changkyun. "I want us to be friends."

Changkyun's eyebrows shot upwards before it morphs into a frown. The boy pushes him away. "No." The boy then proceeds to gather his things and rush away from him. Kihyun sighs and rubs at his face regretfully.

Well that went well.

For the next course of days, Changkyun made it a point to avoid him.

Usually, the boy liked to dawdle after class, taking his sweet time to pack his things. But now, he left with the pack of students rushing out of the classroom. Kihyun sighed as he watched the back of Changkyun's head go out of sight when the boy once again, left the room early.

This was all his fault. Changkyun must've been frightened of the way he talked to him. Honestly, he would've been scared too. Kihyun scratched the back of his head. He would have to fix this.

He sighed and gathered his things exasperatedly. He knew he just dug himself up a hole with how he botched things up. It would be near impossible to approach the boy now. He groaned at himself. God, why was he so stupid? He only had to initiate conversation, why did he have to be so nervous? He stared at the ground lethargically.

What was he to do now? Kihyun kicked the ground in frustration. He trudged out of the classroom. As he was walking down the courtyard of the school, his eyes caught upon a hunched figure. He turned his head towards the figure and almost tripped on his own two feet when he saw who it was.

Changkyun stood beside the school gates, leaning on it. He seemed to be waiting for something or possibly someone. Kihyun decided to move closer. He observed the boy. He knew he looked kinda like a creeper but he didn't really care at this point. He saw kids pass by the solemn boy, laughing merrily. He caught Changkyun eyeing them with something sardonic in his eyes. Something stirred inside Kihyun.

Feeling as if he was compelled, his legs carried him to Changkyun. He didn't stop his walking until he was beside the boy. He watched Changkyun stare at him cautiously. "Hi." he said.

Changkyun stood up properly, leaning away from the gate. He stuffed his hands on his pockets and looked at Kihyun. Kihyun just smiled. "Are you waiting for someone?" Changkyun didn't respond. "I could wait with you." He offered.

The younger boy frowned, looking dubious but he did not voice out his concerns. Kihyun pursed his lips and released a quiet breath.

Okay, I can do this. Fighting Kihyun!

"I hope you don't mind me staying with you." Kihyun said. He looked at Changkyun but the younger boy did not meet his eyes. The older man sighed. "Look, I just wanted to say sorry for what I did yesterday. You must've been scared." Kihyun apologized, looking at the boy's face intently.

Changkyun remained silent the whole time Kihyun talked, but the older man could see the interest reflected on the boy's eyes so he turned to the boy and smiled. "But my offer still stands though. I really want to be your friend."

Changkyun looked at him carefully. Kihyun smiled wider and hoped he looked sincere enough. The boy just stared at him guardedly before he seemingly found what he was looking for, dropping his heavy gaze. But he still made no effort of replying.

The two of them fall into heavy silence, standing together awkwardly. Kihyun nibbled on his bottom lip, wondering if he had pushed the younger a little too much. He might have really ruined his only chance to make it through the boy's walls. Changkyun must find him really annoying. Unfortunately for Kihyun, he didn't get much time to ponder over the situation because suddenly, a silver car parked in front of the gates.

The driver's door opened and out came a chauffeur. The chauffeur greeted Changkyun cordially, replied only by a small nod coming from the boy. Kihyun saw the newcomer's eyes shift towards him in question. He's probably wondering why his young master had company for the first time. But like the professional he was, he didn't comment. He just went to the other side and opened the door.

Changkyun walked up to the car with natural ease, offering a quiet thank you to his chauffeur. The man bowed and smiled kindly, stepping aside. The boy steppes into the car and the other man closed the car door. The chauffeur didn't even spare him a second glance as he boarded the car again and started the engine.

Kihyun stood on the gates alone. He will admit that he's a little disappointed that Changkyun gave him no response. He's a little worried that things might have just gotten worse but he told himself that stuff will just work out. They drove off shortly, leaving behind a muted Kihyun who missed the chance to bid Changkyun goodbye. He watched the dust in his feet intently.

Tomorrow, he'll try again.

~*~

To say that he was trying was an understatement.

Kihyun swore he embarrassed his whole family tree more times that he could count already and it was all Changkyun's fault. It was like every time he talked to the boy, he ended up into a blubbering incoherent mess. Kihyun winced as he remembered their last conversation -although calling it a conversation was a stretch.

-

"Hello!" Kihyun greeted Changkyun. The boy stared at him as if he was just a mere bug stuck in his shoe and did not respond. Kihyun tried again. "Hello, how do you do?"

When Changkyun remained stone cold Kihyun huffed in frustration. But then he dragged a chair and sat in front of Changkyun's desk, face showing determination. Although he concealed it well, Changkyun seemed alarmed at the action. But luckily, days of intent observation had sharpened Kihyun's eyes. The older man cleared his throat and leaned away, hoping to appear less threatening.

"Well, I hope you're doing good because it'd be bad if you weren't." Kihyun said chattily. He laughed awkwardly, slapping Changkyun's back. He felt the boy flinch under the touch so he quickly took his hand away. Changkyun visibly relaxed but he still looked tensed, like a spring ready to bounce off when jostled. Kihyun cleared his throat. "You know, I really like reading on nice afternoons like this." he said, trying to act carefree and nonchalant.

"Do you like to read Changkyun-ah?" He waited for Changkyun to respond. When it looked like Changkyun wouldn't respond, he awkwardly laughed. Kihyun fell silent after that, thinking of something to say. Suddenly, Changkyun stood up.

"Are you going already?" Kihyun asked in a panicky voice. Changkyun spared him a look before he turned away and started walking. "H-hey! Changkyun, wait!" Kihyun shouted, scrambling to catch up. "Hey! Don't leave yet!" Kihyun yelled desperately. As a last ditch effort, Kihyun decided to spontaneously say something in random. What came out next was a little undesirable and definitely toeing the edges of wrong. "Changkyun-ah, don't leave. I really like you!"

Changkyun stopped walking and turned to look at him. His eyes were a little wide, looking absolutely shocked. Kihyun mirrored the other boy's face, covering his mouth after. "I-I mean, I would like to talk you like in a friendly way, not in a romantic way. I wasn't you know..." Kihyun trailed off laughing awkwardly.

The both of them stood for a while, unsure of what to do next. Kihyun was sweat dropping, dying from absolute shame. Changkyun was still standing frozen, face taut. Slowly, Changkyun thawed. He turned to face Kihyun, expression composed. "Sorry, I don't date." he replied simply. He bowed at Kihyun and left.

Kihyun slapped his face and slumped over a table. "That wasn't what I meant!!" he screamed.

-

Kihyun wailed and covered his face when he remembered that awful moment. "Fuck, I'm so embarrassing." he moaned out mournfully, burying his face on desk in front of him.

He sighed and resurfaced from the desk. He'd been reviewing Changkyun's essay, trying to release his frustration by trying to decode more of Changkyun's stuff. Chanyeol, bless that man, had given him more material. Apparently, he found some mixed in with his old files. He read through it once more.

I am able yet at the same time I'm not
I move yet at the same time I'm stuck to my spot
I can speak yet I have no voice
I can think but I am given no choice

He mulled it over, trying his best to draw conclusions. But when he remembered how he embarrassed himself, he slumped back on the desk. He still couldn't get over it. He was busy lamenting over his misfortune when he heard someone cough from behind him. He lifted his head off the table to stare at the person who dared to disturb him. He saw a smiling yoda in front of him instead, looking at him with concern. "What are you doing Kihyun?"

"Chanyeol!" Kihyun wailed, throwing his arms up in the air. "It's terrible!" He bemoaned, dramatically laying his upper half across the desk. Chanyeol took a seat next to Kihyun, staring at the younger man in amusement. They've been constantly talking to each other ever since their first meeting and the two of them quickly realized they had a lot of common interests. They became fast friends and now, Chanyeol had front row seats to Kihyun's unfortunate life.

Chanyeol patted Kihyun on the back. "What ails you my friend?" He asked teasingly. Kihyun turned his head to face the older man as he replied. "Changkyun." Chanyeol hummed in understanding. "What about him?" Kihyun buried his head in his hands as he wailed again. "I did something embarrassing." Chanyeol raised an eyebrow. "Again?"

"Again!" Kihyun whined, rubbing at his face. He then proceeded to tell Chanyeol the events that conspired. At the end of story, Chanyeol gave him a pitying look. "Ah, I feel shame for you my friend. I don't think I would have any face left to show anymore after a stunt like that." Kihyun wailed at his words, waving his arms around. "What should I do??" Chanyeol pursed his lips in thought. "Hmmn... I think it's best to clear up the misunderstanding first. I don't think you can move forward with that kind of mess before you." Kihyun paled at the thought. "You mean more talking?"

Chanyeol nodded his head. "Yes, more talking." Kihyun deflated in his seat. "Please, no more of that." Changkyun laughed. "I'm sure you can do it. Just a simple apology and explanation will do. Now come on scoot over, I'm doing my paperwork there." Kihyun scowled but complied anyway. "You barely spent more than half a minute over my dilemma. I'm starting to think I'm not actually you're friend." Chanyeol rolled his eyes. "Please, I need to do my job. Your dilemma won't put money in my pockets. Now, keep quiet and let me do my work in peace."

Kihyun scoffed. "Meanie."

~*~

Kihyun nervously walked through the school courtyard. He decided that he would make yet another attempt at talking to Changkyun. He'd gone over the situation multiple times in his head and after much deliberation, he realized he couldn't fix the mess any other way. No matter how many times he tried to upturn the situation in his head, it always came back to one solution; talk to Changkyun and clear up the misunderstanding.

The problem is, Kihyun doesn't think he can handle talking to Changkyun again. It's like the boy had some sort of magic that twisted his tongue in nothing but an incoherent mess. He hated how stupid he felt when it came to him.

It's the eyes. Kihyun consoled himself. It was true though. Changkyun's eyes scared him to death. They looked so dull that it's a little daunting and intimidating. It doesn't help that every time he tried to strike up a conversation with him, Changkyun looked so irritated with him. Plus, Changkyun still thinks he likes him which is bad...really bad. Kihyun prayed he'd have enough strength (and face) to show to Changkyun.

Kihyun spotted Changkyun in the crowd easily. It was hard not to actually. The boy was leaning by the school gates again, looking absolutely bored and detached. Kihyun immediately deduced that he was waiting for his chaffeur to come pick him up. Kihyun breathed in deep. This was his chance. Gathering up all of his courage, he made his way towards him. His heart was thrumming hard against his chest, making it hard to breathe but he pushed on. Instead, he tried rehearsing the speech he prepared to explain the misunderstanding, hoping fervently to the heavens above that he would not get another mental block and say something stupid.

"Deep breaths, calming thoughts." Kihyun muttered to himself. "Rainbows and unicorns, rainbows and unicorns. Okay Kihyun, deep breaths and calming thoughts."

Just as he got near enough, Changkyun suddenly turned his head and caught his eye. Kihyun's breath hitched, locking eyes with him. His mind went blank. The next thing he knew, he was running away from Changkyun.

 

"So why are you here in my office again?" Chanyeol asked calmly as he set his newly brewed coffee on the table. Kihyun eyed a preposterously pink sticky note stuck to the mug. "So who's Baekhyun?" He asked, pointing at the note. Chanyeol spluttered and inspected his mug. He snatched the sticky note, scanned it quickly and promptly blushed hard. "No one." The older man coughed awkwardly and pocketed the note. "Let's go back to you. Again, why are you here?"

Kihyun squinted at him suspiciously but let the matter slide. He'll talk about this Baekhyun person some other time. "Welp, I was going to talk to Changkyun but I chickened out and-"

"Ran all the way here. What am I? Your mama? For god's sake if you came here to cry, I've got papers to do." Kihyun huffed and rolled his eyes "Asshole. I just need time to recollect myself. I'll leave as soon as I'm sure that Changkyun is gone." Chanyeol scoffed and settled down on a seat. "Suit yourself."

Chanyeol began to work on his papers, leaving Kihyun to his own devices. The latter didn't mind and maintained the comfortable silence. He was busy looking at the clock, wondering if Changkyun's ride had arrived and took him home. All of a sudden, Ms. Lee passed by and saw him.

"Oh Yoo? You still here? Well that's good. Can you come with me for a minute?" The old lady asked, stopping mid-step to talk to him. Kihyun shrugged. "Sure ma'am." He followed Ms. Lee to her cubicle where the old lady began fumbling around. After a few minutes of searching, she found what she was looking for and passed it to him. "Here, have a look."

Ms. Lee had given him a piece of paper. Kihyun looked at it blankly, idly wondering what its for. Fortunately, he did not have to wait long to find the answer. "Youre looking at an invitation from the SIEPC, Seoul Interschool English Propaganda Competition. Each year, the organization hands out multiple invitations to selected schools and we've been invited to every single one of them."

Kihyun nodded his head in understanding. "I see. But may I ask why I'm holding this ma'am?" Ms. Lee sighed and ran a hand up her messy bun. "Well you see, the board had a meeting and they decided that they should cut a few employees. They think I'm too old for this kind of job and a little unfit for the spunk of the students. They mean to throw me out. I asked them not to and they considered it. The SIEPC will decide my future. You see, our school had always won in the different competitions but for the past ten years we haven't achieved anything. If I at least get our school a win, they won't kick me out. This is where you come in. I want you to help me Yoo."

Kihyun looked at the old woman in surprise. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. "I just need you to coach a student for me. It's up to you who you will take. I just need you to train him or her. I guarantee you full marks and a good recommendation especially if you win." Ms. Lee approached him and took his hands in hers. "Please Yoo, I'm desperate. I still love this job."

Kihyun bit his lip in thought. He never realized Ms. Lee held something this close to her heart as she did now. He had always thought the old woman loathed teaching. He never realized that beneath her sour attitude was a happy woman. Kihyun smiled and squeezed the old woman's hands. "Okay ma'am."

Ms. Lee smiled. "Good. Think over your candidates and come to me tomorrow morning before class okay?" Kihyun grinned and nodded his head. "Yes ma'am."

~*~

Kihyun looked at the copy of the SIEPC's general rules. They were a lot of competitions under it. Ms. Lee had told him that some legitimate people were coming over to scout promising students to study under their university so he had to pick the student he thought had the most potential. He contemplated on coaching Jisoo, a student of his that was well versed with the English language. He could join the essay writing contest. Kihyun mused.

He glanced up at the paper again. "Declamations, debates, extempos-" Kihyun stopped speaking, an idea suddenly forming in his head. It was just a tiny sprout, a nagging thought calling out to him from the recesses of his mind. Kihyun reached out for it, playing it over. He set the paper down. He had a decision.

--

"Am I hearing you correctly?" Ms. Lee demanded, frowning at him. Kihyun nervously scratched the back of his head and nodded. "Uh.. Yes ma'am..." He answered meekly.

The old woman sighed and slumped in her seat. Kihyun stared at her a little guiltily knowing the stress the woman has been in. But he had made up his mind, he wasn't about to change it any time soon. "Why him?" She asked, staring at him unrelentingly.

Kihyun braced himself. He had expected this reaction and he was prepared. "I don't really see the reason why we shouldn't let him join this competition. The kid is brilliant!" He answered.

"I'm not denying his talent Yoo. You're right, he's very gifted in the field but is he going to cooperate? The kid is a delinquent!" Kihyun frowned, feeling the irritation fly up. There it was again, the old woman's misguided wrath. "He's not a delinquent. He's just misunderstood." He retorted, voice even. Kihyun caught the way Ms. Lee's face clouded over so he swallowed back his anger and continued on with his argument. "Please, just hear me out. Give him a chance. I'll train him myself. I promise he'll be ready for it but just please, let him join this."

Ms. Lee sighed long and deep. She stared at Kihyun hard before speaking again. "Have you talked to him about it?"

Kihyun laughed nervously, scratching at his cheek rather sheepishly. "Oh uhm, not yet. I wasn't sure you'd agree so..." The older woman pursed her lips, looking contemplating. Kihyun's heart beat against his chest painfully, hopeful. Finally Ms. Lee stood up. "Alright Yoo. Go talk to him first and if he agrees, well, we'll discuss things then."

Kihyun smiled, relieved. "Of course ma'am. I'll make sure he'll agree. Thank you for giving him a chance." He said hurriedly, feeling elated at the fact.

"I haven't agreed to it yet Yoo. I just said to go talk to him." Kihyun laughed. "But I know you will let him so thank you ma'am. I really appreciate it. I won't let you down!" Ms. Lee sighed and shook her head. "Don't make me regret my decisions Yoo. Remember, my career is still on the line."

Kihyun's smile softened. He took the woman's hand and patted it reassuringly. "I know. I'll do my very best."

“You know, I have a hard time thinking you’re right in the mind.” Changkyun said, eyeing the invitation suspiciously. "No offense, but my opinion of you isn't that great at all." Kihyun sighed and rubbed his face tiredly. "Yeah, I had a feeling." He mumbled sourly.

If Kihyun thought about it, it was kinda sad that the first real conversation he had to have with Changkyun was having the boy insulting him. But he couldnt negate the fact that yes, he did not leave a very nice impression on Changkyun. It was totally justifiable. On the brighter side, at least they were talking. Changkyun stared at him in contemplation before holding up the invitation. "So what makes you think I will join this?"

"I have faith that you will make the right choice." He answered simply. 'And lowkey hoping you'd join without a fuss to save my ass as well as Ms. Lee's.' Kihyun thought to himself as he watched Changkyun frown and lean back on his seat. "It's too much work."

Kihyun stared at him levelly, determined not to lose. "I think you have talent Changkyun, you're just holding back for some reason. I don't know what it is, but this is your chance to be heard." Changkyun stopped fiddling with the invitation and looked straight into his eyes. He could see surprise, confusion and tangible fear waver in and out of the boy's eyes. Silence permeated in the air, deep and suffocating. He could see the wheels turning in Changkyun's head but any signs of agreement or disagreement could not be found in his face. After much contemplation, the younger boy finally sat straight and stared at him hard.

"Why me?" He asked frankly. "Why not you?" He countered easily.

Changkyun fell into momentary silence, pondering over it. Kihyun felt hope bloom inside of him. It was not an outright rejection. He was actually considering it. "I could write essays you know. I assume you're still not over that." Kihyun blushed but shook his head. "Essays can only be read by a few, doing this extemporaneous will make people see you. They will hear your voice. They will all be here to listen to your thoughts." Changkyun frowned. He knew Kihyun meant something more when he said those words. There was an underlying meaning that only the two of the seemed to understand. Kihyun smiled kindly as he touched Changkyun's hand. He could see the boy was confused with what he said and he wanted to reassure that everything was fine.

"Please consider it okay? I'll give you till the end of the week to decide." He said with finality as he stood up to leave. "I hope I'll hear from you soon."

--

"Would you please stop that?" Chanyeol said in irritation. Kihyun immediately stopped tapping his pen on the wooden desk, scared and looking much like a wounded puppy. Feeling a little sorry for his outburst, Chanyeol sighed and turned towards him. "You'll never let me work at this rate won't you?" The older man asked rather defeatedly, looking just about on his wits end. Kihyun could only smile in guilt. Chanyeol sighed heavily again before turning his full attention towards him. "Alright, what's got your panties in a bunch now huh?"

Kihyun huffed in poorly hidden anxiousness, face contorted in a worried grimace. "Changkyun hasn't come up to me yet and it's really killing me. Tomorrow's friday and if he doesn't come well..." He trailed off, not wishing to foretell the misfortune that could possibly arise in the fear of jinxing it. Chanyeol frowned as he crossed his arms against his chest. "Why is it so important that he joins this little contest of yours anyway?" Kihyun sighed and shrugged. "I'm not really sure about his but I think I know why Changkyun's acting the way he is. I think he really likes to write or something but something's holding him back. I don't really know what but I'm hoping that I can use the contest as an excuse to spend time with him and figure things out." He explained. "Plus, Ms. Lee's career is on the line remember?"

Chanyeol released a low hum as he nodded his head in understanding. He leaned in and patted Kihyun's head. "Well my advise to you my friend is that you," He paused, making sure Kihyun was paying attention. "Should suck it up and face the decision." Chanyeol declared bluntly. Kihyun frowned and he groaned in exasperation. "Why did I think I'd get a straight answer from you?" He mumbled huffily.

Chanyeol laughed and shrugged his shoulders, getting ready to go back to his work. "It is a straight answer. You can't force the kid to do something he's not willing nor prepared for. In the end, it will all depend on Changkyun's decision." Kihyun fell silent at the older man's words. Chanyeol was right. Despite the jabs, Chanyeol was smart. "You're right. I guess all I can do is wait."

"Of course I am." Chanyeol mumbled distractedly, eating some semi-burnt looking cookies from a plastic container. Kihyun noticed another pink sticky note from this Baekhyun person stuck to it but the (passive) arrogance behind Chanyeol's reply had him focused on a witty comeback instead. "You know for a fumbling giant, I thought you'd be less smarter but I guess not."

"Ya! I just gave you sage advice. Don't go disrespecting on me." Kihyun laughed and rolled his eyes. "Whatever. Need to go, bye!" He chirped as he padded away from the office -now his second home- with a salute to Chanyeol.

--

Kihyun was busy typing in his laptop when suddenly, someone cleared their throat. He sighed in annoyance, unhappy with the sudden interruption. His distaste easily melted into surprise and then nervousness as he looked up and saw Changkyun standing there. "Changkyun!" He squeaked out in a high pitched voice. Embarrassed, he cleared his throat and tried again. "W-what can I do for you?" He said, smiling awkwardly.

The boy said nothing but simply slipped a small parchment of paper. Kihyun took a glance at it and saw it was the invitation for the contest. Gingerly, he opened it and took a peak inside. It was signed. Kihyun pulled the paper all the way open. His eyes widened to see the confirmation that yes, Changkyun will join the contest. Kihyun grinned happily as he stared at the boy. "Is this... Is this real?!"

Changkyun shrugged nonchalantly. "Yeah, it's signed isn't it?" Kihyun squealed (he will deny that later) loudly as he grabbed the boy's shoulders and pulled him into a tight hug. "Oh god! I can't believe it! You won't regret it I promise!" He babbled as he hugged the boy closer. After a few more happy shouts, he released the dazed and semi-frightened boy. He thanked him before dashing out of the room. "I have to tell Ms. Lee the good news!"

--

"Okay! So let's start our lessons by uhm... introducing ourselves!" Kihyun internally winced at the loudness of his voice. He hoped Changkyun wasn't regretting his choice already.

As expected, Ms. Lee agreed to let him tutor Changkyun. Excited at his new achievement, Kihyun arranged a meeting with Changkyun on a Thursday after his classes where they are now, painfully awkwardly starting their first session. "So yeah, I'm Kihyun and I'm 21 and you're..?" He paused, prompting Changkyun to speak.

"18." Kihyun clapped his hands a little too enthusiastically. "18! That's good, that's good. Pretty awesome." He laughed nervously. Changkyun's mouth twitched as he leaned back in his seat. "You know if you're uncomfortable, we could just start the sessions. No need for awkward intros. You're my teacher I'm sure you read my student's profile at least."

Kihyun coughed awkwardly, cheeks aflame. "Right. So uhm... Yeah. So have you had any experience with public speaking?"

Changkyun pursed his lips, staring at him contemplatively. Kihyun couldn't help but shiver under the heavy gaze, feeling exposed and slightly bothered. After a brief moment of intense gazing and stifling silence, the boy spoke. "In case you forgot, I don't really talk much sir. So yeah, the answer would be a no." Kihyun wanted to punch himself. God he was idiot. But he also felt like punching Changkyun as well. He was already goddamn awkward with him but he didn't need to make it worse. Asshol- okay nope. No cussing. Kihyun opted to laugh awkwardly, the sound loud and boisterous even to his own ear. "Right. So okay let's just start by explaining how an extemporaneous speaking works."

--

Kihyun felt like he was dying. They've been barely thirty minutes in and teaching Changkyun is proving to be difficult. It wasn't that the boy wasn't listening because he was, if the quietness and the focused stare was anything to go by. He wasn't even making much fuss. But the real reason why their session was turning in shambles was because Changkyun was too unresponsive. He just sat there, making him feel like he's talking to stone. Kihyun was losing things to speak about and they still had a whole hour to waste. He wanted to use the opportunity to get the boy to loosen up, maybe spill a little info about himself to him. But so far, things weren't fairing well. He'd tried cracking jokes but the younger boy didn't seem to get it so he stopped. He knew he had to get information in a roundabout way or else Changkyun would shut off and push him away but it was proving to be difficult. He doesn't know how long he can hold on. But this was prime time for him to know a little about the mysterious boy so he wasn't going to give up so easily.

"So yeah. That's about it. I think I'll let you see a few examples over the next sessions then we can try a sort of practical on you. Sounds good?" Changkyun nodded his head. "So what will we do the rest of the time? Will you teach me basics at least?" Kihyun nodded his head. "Yes. I was thinking we could start practicing with your on-the-spot speech formulation." He began to explain, an idea forming in his head. "I'll think of a topic and then I'll give you five minutes to think before you give the impromptu speech to me. I'll be assessing it so that after I show you videos of other extemporaneous, I can see what you've learned and how you've improved so far." Kihyun smiled as he finished the explanation. Changkyun seemed a little worried but nodded his head anyway. "Good. Now I need a topic..."

Kihyun pretended to be thinking hard but he already had an idea. He just needed to ask. "Do you have any siblings?" Changkyun frowned at the sudden randomness of the question. Kihyun could see the exact moment Changkyun doubted his intentions and before any of that doubt could settle in, he blurted out an excuse. "I'm not prying or anything! I just needed to know. The topic I was thinking of had something to do between an only child and children with siblings. I was hoping I'd know which one of the categories you belonged to so I could build a topic you'd be most comfortable with. I promise I wasn't being creepy."

Changkyun studied him for a bit before sighing, seemingly accepting the explanation. "I actually have an older brother and an older sister." Kihyun beamed at him. "Really? That's nice. I'm an only child so it gets lonely fast. Must be nice." Changkyun shrugged. "I guess. Until they get jobs." The boy commented, sounding a little angry and perhaps dejected. Kihyun raised a brow. This was it. He was getting onto something. "What do you mean?"

"Nothing. Can we please just continue." And just like that, Changkyun shut him off. Kihyun sighed but continued anyway. Maybe next time.

~*~

"Can I borrow your LCD? I'm using it so I can show Changkyun some videos." Chanyeol lazily gestured towards the said object. "Sure, sure. Man, you're taking this tutoring session thingy way seriously. Also, aren't you getting way familiar with me? Usually you get a pass to borrow one of these babies." Kihyun ignored the last comment as he focused on the first. "It's my only way to reach to him and besides, if we're joining a competition, I might as well get serious. Plus he genuinely seemed interested."

Chanyeol seemed surprised at the bit of information but his expression quickly melted into happiness. "That's great. I do hope you manage to bring him out of his shell. I guess we all lack the fresh perspective of an aspiring teacher now that we're all butchered and jaded by the harsh system." Kihyun laughed at Chanyeol's dramatic charade. "Just say that you're all old and cranky because of the meager pay and demanding tasks."

Chanyeol huffed and rolled his eyes. "I was trying to add dramatic flair to it. Geez, to think I'm not the one who teaches English. Shouldn't you be more theatrical and eccentric?" Kihyun laughed as he grabbed the LCD. "I'm an exception. Thanks for this!"

"Whatever, poopypants." Kihyun shook his head at the absolute absurdity of the situation. You wouldn't believe Chanyeol was older than him with the way he acted. "You know I noticed you're becoming over the top lately. I used to think you were cool and chill. Whatever the hell happened?" Chanyeol opened his mouth to speak but a loud voice chirped up all of a sudden. "Hey, Yeollie!"

Kihyun watched Chanyeol's face flush ever slightly before he turned to the newcomer, inspecting him. He was short and looked cute but the eyeliner on his lids made him look devious. Kihyun had seen him around. He was that drama teacher who liked to sing and joke a lot. He watched as Chanyeol let out a big grin. "Hey, Baek."

The dots suddenly connected. The atrocious pink notes from Baekhyun a.ka. Baek, Chanyeol's sudden dramatic flair and that really cheesy smile he's sporting. "Are you free now?" Baekhyun asked, smiling prettily. Chanyeol looked at Kihyun and Baekhyun followed his line of sight. Baekhyun directed his smile at him and held out a hand. "Oh hello, I didn't notice you. I'm Byun Baekhyun, the drama teacher." Kihyun smiled and shook the outsretched hand. "Yoo Kihyun, nice to meet you."

Baekhyun smiled and dropped his hand. He stared at him in contemplation. "So what's your relationship with Yeollie? He asked straightforwardly. Chanyeol gurgled an incomprehensible sound, eyes wide and looking shell-shocked. Baekhyun paid little attention to the bumbling giant as he continued to stare at Kihyun. "I'm just a friend." He answered confidently.

Baekhyun seemed satisfied as he nodded his head. "Okay then!" He said cheerfully as he scooched over to spontaneously sit on Chanyeol's lap. "Take me out to dinner!" He whined as he wrapped his arm around the tall man's neck. Chanyeol still seemed shock to answer so Kihyun took the initiative. "I'm leaving now. Thanks for the LCD and nice to meet you Mr. Byun."

Baekhyun hummed as he waves his fingers at him before going back to bothering Chanyeol. Kihyun caught Chanyeol's gaze and smirked. He's definitely getting dirt later.

Kihyun hummed happily as he fixed the classroom. He was playing music on his portable speakers and he couldn't help but sing along as he readied the room. He resettled the LCD and his laptop bag from a random desk to the teacher's desk and began to drag two chairs in front of it. He diligently wiped the whiteboard free from ink as he began to dance to the music. He plugged the LCD in and turned it on. He was busy booting up his laptop, hips swaying to the music when all of a sudden, he heared a throat clear behind him. Kihyun stopped dancing and turned around quickly.

Changkyun was standing behind him, looking flushed and a bit disturbed. Kihyun reddened as he coughed awkwardly, scratching his cheek in a nervous tick. "C-Changkyun! Didn't know you were here already! I was just setting up the video. Just take a seat here." Kihyun rambled, patting one of the chairs for Changkyun to sit at. The boy nodded his head quietly as he sat, setting his things on the floor. Kihyun turned back to his laptop and quickly attached the LCD chords to it. His cheeks were still red when he sat back down. God he was such an embarrassment to humanity. "Sorry about that." He said, coughing uncomfortably. Changkyun nodded his head but thankfully made no other comment. Kihyun never thought he'd ever be grateful for Changkyun's quietness until now.

"So yeah, I promised you that I will show you some videos so that you can get the feel of the whole thing before we can practice again. I chose some of the good ones and I hoped you learn a lot through it. You had a pretty good start the last time but we just have to brush on some things here and then. Other than that, I think we got this." Changkyun nodded his head in understanding. Kihyun smiled as he turned to his laptop and played the video.

They silently watched the video. At first, Kihyun had been watching but he felt his eyes getting drawn to Changkyun. From this angle, he could see the bridge of Changkyun's nose perfectly. He couldn't help but think it was attractive. Actually, Changkyun was really attractive. He never noticed it before but he had cute droopy eyes and nice lips. His eyes zoned in on those thin yet plush looking lips, thinking of how pretty and pink it looked. Catching himself, Kihyun shook his head and refocused on the video. 'That's your student for Pete's sake Kihyun! Control your gay!'

Kihyun shivered and shook the thought away. The video ended after a few more minutes. "Shall I load the next one?" Kihyun asked as his fingers hovered over the wireless mouse. Changkyun shook his head. "I think I get the gist already." Kihyun nodded his head happily and exited the player.

"Great! Let's do some exercises then."

The two of them worked for a while. Changkyun had moments where he stumbled on words and each time, he looked up at him in fright. It was as if he was waiting for Kihyun to scold him. But he only gave him an encouraging smile and told him to continue. Despite the smile plastered on his face, he felt a little unsettled. Pieces of the puzzle where starting to fall into place. Changkyun's behaviour was starting to make much more sense to him now and he couldn't help but feel a little sad for the boy. He could see from the way Changkyun spoke that he enjoyed this. There was the flicker of a spark in his eyes that wasn't there before. He definitely looked like he loved the idea of voicing his thoughts through colorful words. But something was obviously restricting him. It was evident with the way he withdrew every time he made a tiny mistake. It was as if he was used to being berated for his smallest imperfections. Or maybe it was something deeper, something more significant. Like maybe his passion. Kihyun would know. He'd experienced it.

Changkyun looked up and stared at him expectantly. He had finished his speech. Kihyun smiled at him in response, breaking away from his train of thoughts. "Good work Changkyun. I like how organized your thoughts are already which is very important in this." He said in encouragement. "But don't stop when you stumble over your words and don't rush okay? It's important to finish before the time but clarity is just as vital. People should understand your point regardless of whether you finished the thought or not." The student nodded his head. Kihyun smiled. "Good. I guess we're done for today then." He said looking at his watch. Changkyun's chauffeur should be here any minute. "Let's continue this tomorrow."

Changkyun nodded his head again and began to pack his things. Kihyun followed suit but stopped when he remembered something. "Hey, I want you to have this." He said and handed Changkyun a packet of choco pie. Changkyun looked at it curiously. Kihyun suddenly felt embarrassed. "It's a little reward for doing a good job today or something like that." He rushed to explain, scratching his neck nervously. "Anyway, just take it okay?"

He might have imagined it but a ghost of a smile appeared on Changkyun's face as he accepted the small gift. "Thanks."

"It's no problem." He said as he finished putting away his things. He offered to walk Changkyun to the gates and the younger boy hardly complained. They were going in the same direction anyhow. The walk was silent but Kihyun noticed the atmosphere seemed lighter. He felt pleased. Maybe he was getting somewhere.

They waited by the gates for the familiar silver Lexus that Changkyun's family owned. It arrived within five minutes and the same guy from last time walked out. He smiled at Changkyun and gave a courteous bow. Changkyun gave a tiny smile in response. But unlike the last time, Changkyun stopped and turned to Kihyun. "I'll be off now sir." Kihyun smiled. "Sure! Have a safe ride home." Changkyun nodded his head and stepped inside the car. The chauffeur looked at him in contemplation, obviously surprised at the events. Kihyun smiled and bowed at him. "I'll be going as well. Take care." He didn't wait for a response as he turned around and went to the bus station.

The wait for the bus wasn't half as bad anymore because Kihyun had happy thoughts to accompany him. Things were fairing well now.

--

"You seem to be in an awfully good mood." Chanyeol commented as he scarfed through bag of potato chips rather ravenously. Kihyun couldn't help but wince at the speed the man was eating. "Won't you get indigestion if you eat that fast?"

Chanyeol laughed. "Naw, I normally eat like this so it's fine. But hey, don't dodge the question!" Kihyun huffed in disapproval as he watched the rapid disappearance of the chips. He offered the older man tissues before he answered. "My lessons with Changkyun is actually going well. I'm happy we're civil with each other now." Chanyeol's face crack into smile. "That's great! I hope you make it further." Kihyun smiled. "Yeah, I hope so too."

Chanyeol hummed happily as he finished the rest of his chips. He folded the wrapper neatly before tossing it to the trash bin. As the man bent to throw away the wrapper, Kihyun caught a glimpse of another pink sticky note. "Hey," he said, eyeing the note. "I never got the chance to ask you but what's up with you and the drama teacher?" Chanyeol straightened up so fast he bumped his head on the underside of his table in his haste. "What?!" He exclaimed. Kihyun spied tinges of red color his cheeks. The younger man smirked deviously. Chanyeol was caught. "Are you guys dating?"

Chanyeol flushed darker. "S-something like that." He admitted, scratching the back of his neck. Kihyun whistled, clearly impressed. "Wow, how did that happen?" The giant cleared his throat nervously. "It just did. Actually he asked me out. I didn't know he liked me that way but apparently he did. It's lucky because I've been crushing on him too." Kihyun laughed and patted him on the back. "Congratulations on your love life!" Chanyeol flushed again and batted his hand away. "Ah, shut up. It's making me embarrassed." The younger man laughed and nodded his head. "Okay, okay. Man, seeing you all shy and pink creeps me out. I'm used to hyper you. Please go back to the other you." Chanyeol scowled at him in annoyance but followed nevertheless. Apparently, he wasn't used to being bashful as well.

The both of them chatted for a while until Kihyun had to excuse himself. "I need to head back now." Chanyeol nodded his head. "Sure, stay safe." He grinned and flashed two thumbs up. "Of course. Bye!"

"Bye."

--

"Ah, you're here already?" Kihyun said to Changkyun from across his messy papers. The said boy was standing in the doorway looking unsure as he clutched the straps of his bag. He vaguely thought in passing how cute it looked before he shook the thought away. Smiling, he gestured for the boy to come in. "Sorry I just need to do this quick. I forgot about it last night. Just take a seat somewhere I'll be done soon I promise." Changkyun nodded his head and settled on a seat near him. He quietly placed his bag on the desk. Kihyun smiled at him gently. He'd just realized how timid Changkyun actually was. He thought it was because Changkyun was naturally standoffish and guarded but he could see now that it was just because he was shy and a little cautious of people that made him seem so volatile. It reminded Kihyun of a frightened kitty. He grinned inwardly at the thought. Yeah, that would fit Changkyun.

He'd notice that as their sessions progressed, Changkyun became more comfortable with him. His body language was definitely more relaxed. Usually he'd sit with his back so rigid it looked painful. But now he sat leaning on the table, phone in hand, looking to be scrolling through something. He acted much like a small kitten that was coaxed out of its hiding place and was now contentedly lazing around the room. It was kind of cute.

He finished his work after more or less ten minutes. He was quick to apologize to Changkyun for the delay but the boy didn't seem to mind much. Kihyun was glad. They did a few more exercises that day until they had to go. As was becoming routine, Kihyun waited for Changkyun's chauffeur to come pick him up before he waved and left for his own dorm. Once he reached home, he collapsed into his bed and stared at the ceiling.

He didn't learn much of anything about Changkyun today. But he had learned from the first time that asking personal things right from the get-go did nothing but to get the boy to withdraw from him. So he had no choice but to simply wait until Changkyun felt safe enough with him before he can start asking questions. He was more than happy to see that their relationship was getting better and he wondered if it was okay to start prying for personal information. He sighed and rolled around in his bed. Maybe he should wait just a little bit more. It might be too soon for that.

Kihyun exhaled heavily and got up. He walked towards his bathroom and peeled of his clothes. Standing under the warm spray of water, he let his mind wander from his concerns. He felt himself relax as he began to clean himself up.

After his shower, Kihyun toweled his hair dry and applied some beauty cream and moisturizer on his face. He was very conscious of his appearance and wanted to always looked his best. After his usual routine that consisted of lathering in at least three types of product, he settled in to bed. He closed his eyes.

That night, he had a dream.

It was random at first, just him in his old tree house staring at the line of the houses in his neighborhood. He was just watching them blankly, content to observe the still scenery. But then he heard his mother call for him. It sounded so real, her voice. It felt like she was really there even though he subconsciously knew this was just a work of his mind. He followed the sound of the voice and looked down. His mother was staring up at him. Her expression was a mix of fond exasperation as she called for him to come down. Oh, he knew about this certain memory.

The small Kihyun in his dream laughed and replied an affirmative. He climbed down the wooden planks that were supposed to be stairs, jumping right in front of his mother. His mother said something to him but he could no longer make it out, he could feel himself starting to stir from the dream. Small Kihyun smiled at his mother and hugged her knees. "I love you mommy."

Kihyun woke up after that. He stared at his ceiling. Faint light was already streaming from his curtains, indicating it was at least 5 am or something. He sat up and tried to rub his eyes awake when he came into contact with moisture. He didn't even realize he had cried.

Kihyun got ready that day with a heavy chest. He didn't know what the dream meant but he didn't want to think too much about it. That part of his life was over now. Or at least, until he had the courage to walk its path again.

He finished getting ready and went to a few of what was left of his classes that he needed to take before he could graduate. He tried to listen to the lecture but he felt distracted. Even though he had tried not think about it, his dream still burned at the forefront of his mind. It was getting bothersome.

"You seem down. Is everything okay?" Chanyeol asked. They were sitting at his cubicle, having a mini break before they went to their respective classes. Kihyun blearily looked up from his bag of corn chips that he had mindlessly taken from Chanyeol's junk food stash, blinking in slow comprehension. Once the question settled in, he nodded in his head and responsed with a weak, "Ah, yeah. Just thinking about something I guess." Chanyeol raised his brow in a silent question. Kihyun sighed and shoved a chip into his mouth. "I had this weird dream last night. It was about my mom. I haven't really talked to her in ages so I was wondering if it meant something."

"Is that so? Why don't you try calling her?" Kihyun shook his head, waving a hand to dismiss the thought. "No, no. I don't have her number anymore and it's probably just nothing. I'm just overthinking." Chanyeol hummed. "Okay. I can sense it's something deep so I'm not going to pry. I just hope you won't let this get to you so much." Kihyun managed a smile. He was grateful for Chanyeol's consideration. "Thanks and I won't, don't worry." Chanyeol smiled back, although his forehead was creased in worry. But the matter was never discussed again.

As much as he would like to say that he wasn't bothered, he was. He got distracted so often that even Changkyun seemed to notice. He asked him about it but he quickly dismissed the concern away, apologizing instead for his behavior. After that, he tried not to show his state of distress.

Kihyun scratched his head in annoyance. He was staring at his assignments in disdain hoping that by staring at it heatedly it would disappear like magic. It didn't. He sighed and resumed working on it. He felt tired. He didn't get much sleep last night and the kids were a little hyperactive earlier. He wasn't half as bothered of his dream as he was in the last few days but he couldn't help deny that it still lingered in the back of his mind. But he knew he had no time for that. He still had work to do. He glanced at his watch and cursed to himself. Fifteen more minutes and Changkyun would come by for his session. He had to be quick. Thankfully enough, he managed to finish just in time.

"Take a seat. Just need to clear this mess up." He told Changkyun as the boy wandered over to him. He went back to fixing his things. When he opened his bag, he saw a plastic container filled with cookies. He forgot he had made cookies last night. He thought it was a good way to relieve some of his stress but he ended up making too many. He took the container out and handed it to Changkyun. "Here." He said. Changkyun looked up and stared at the container blankly. "I made some cookies last night and I thought you would like some."

Changkyun hesitated but carefully took the cookies from him. Kihyun smiled and gestured for him to take one. The boy obediently followed the wordless command. He watched as the younger boy took a tiny nibble on the sweet treat. "Is it good?" He asked hopefully, eyes trained on him. Changkyun nodded his head. He smiled happily. "Good! You can have the rest of them then." Changkyun frowned at the comment but didn't voice out any of his concerns. Kihyun quietly sighed in relief when the boy carefully took the cookies and tucked them near his bag. But of course, he didn't miss how the boy snuck out another cookie from the container. He smiled at the sight. So he had a sweet tooth.

Kihyun collected his things and filed them away. It took him longer than he anticipated to clean up but after a couple more minutes, he was done. He stretched for a bit, glancing at Changkyun who was busy writing something in that familiar blue leather bound notebook of his. He cleared his throat. "Hey, I'm done now. Sorry for that." Changkyun looked up sharply at the sound of his voice, hands instinctively closing his notebook. Kihyun tried to ignore it and continued talking. "My thesis deadlines were near so I had to sneak in a bit of work." Changkyun shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly. "It's okay." He said quietly before hurriedly stuffing his things in his bag. Kihyun resettled back on his seat. He was already getting used to Changkyun's cautious personality and didn't try to press anything even if he still wondered about that notebook. When Changkyun was done, Kihyun smiled at him. "I guess let's begin then. Don't want you to be late getting home."

They worked for at least twenty minutes before Kihyun called for a break. The older man sighed and leaned back on his chair. He felt exhausted. He just didn't get enough sleep last night. He massaged his slightly throbbing head in regret. Changkyun wasn't in the room at the moment. He had gone out earlier so it was just him in the classroom. He glanced at his wristwatch. Only ten minutes left. He can do this.

When Changkyun came back, he was holding something behind his back. Kihyun wondered what it was until Changkyun removed his hands from behind him and produced an energy drink. He passed it towards Kihyun silently. The older man blinked at the unexpected gift. "Is that for me?" Changkyun nodded his head, looking extremely embarrassed. "You looked like you needed it." Kihyun felt his lips stretch into a wide smile. "Thanks Changkyun." He took the profferred item and uncapped the bottle. He took a sip, sighing at the bubbly cherry flavor. The boy ducked his head timidly and went back to his seat.

Something warm spread across Kihyun's chest. He never expected Changkyun to be so sweet. He secretly smiled to himself as he fingered the already half empty bottle.

As the days filtered by, things between Changkyun and Kihyun were steadily becoming good.

Changkyun started talking to him more often. Before, Kihyun's attempt at conversation had always been one-sided or partnered with one worded replies. But now, Changkyun sometimes gave in more of his thoughts to the topic. It made the older man happy to see Changkyun slowly breaking out of his shell. It also meant that he could sometimes ask a few things about Changkyun. He discovered a lot of little things that carelessly slipped out of the boy's mouth. He found out that his favorite color was blue and that he liked sweet things especially cookies. Kihyun smiled at the information. So he had made the right decision that day.

There was also that one time where Kihyun hummed the tune to this one song. The one that's been stuck on his head on repeat all day. He was completely taken by surprise when Changkyun recognized it. It started off a long conversation about music. They discussed genres and the best songs of the year. Kihyun liked ballad songs the best while Changkyun was interested in hip hop and rap and listened to a lot of Mad Clown and Giriboy. He practically idolized them. It was the first time Kihyun witnessed Changkyun speak more than two sentences to him. He was amazed yet at the same time unsettlingly fond. It was weird.

But despite their newfound ease in each other's company, Kihyun couldn't help but feel as if something was still missing. It was as if Changkyun was still putting up a wall despite talking to him more often. Like it wasn't exactly Changkyun he was talking to but a detached version of him. He supposed it was normal. Two people didn't become close friends in an instant. They started slow, divulging only on the surface and when they became more comfortable and trusted each other more did the friendship really stem deep. Kihyun understood that. Changkyun had his walls up for a reason. But it could take months, maybe years, to break into those walls and time was not something he had. The contest will come. His quota of teaching hours will be filled. He'll have to go back to college to finish the rest of his year. There was a big chance he will never be able to help Changkyun and he was afraid. He hoped he'll succeed before that.

--

"What's that?" Kihyun looked up in surprise. He hadn't been expecting Changkyun so soon. It was barely 4 pm. He also wasn't expecting Changkyun to speak up first. No matter how much they've started holding conversations, Kihyun was almost always the one who initiated it. It wasn't an unwelcomed surprise though.

"This?" He asked, gesturing to the book he was reading. He'd been trying to pass the time with it. Changkyun nodded his head. "It's A Discord of Two Souls by-"

"Chae Hyungwon?" Changkyun cut him off, suddenly excited. Kihyun stared at the younger boy's enthusiasm in surprise. He didn't expect such an energetic reply. "Uh, yes. Are you a fan?" Changkyun suddenly flushed red. Kihyun's head was spinning at the sight. "Yes." The younger boy fiddled at his clothes. "I really like his stuff. I haven't had the chance to read that one yet though." Kihyun nodded his head in understanding. It was actually his first time reading the author's book but he had to admit it was well written. He wasn't much of a reader but he was already interested. "I see. So you like to read then?"

Changkyun nodded his head. "Ever since I could, I've always read. My brother even teases me about it. He calls me a nerd all the time." Kihyun's interest rose. "Really? That's kinda cute though. Where's your brother now?" He asked carefully, hoping Changkyun wouldn't close off. He didn't. "Hmn, he's an intern in dad's law firm now." He said nonchalantly, his eyes trained on Kihyun's book. He seemed distracted by it. Kihyun took the chance to ask more questions. "That's kinda cool. How about your sister? You told me you had one right?" Changkyun nodded his head. "Yeah. Choa noona is a resident in some hospital. I forgot where." He said distractedly. Then he pointed at the book. "Can I get a closer look?" He asked, still looking at the book with wide eyes. Kihyun smiled at the sight. His theory of Changkyun acting like a kitten was steadily becoming stronger. He could practically see the metaphorical tail flicking as Changkyun stared at the book in his hand with unwavering eyes. "Sure." He placed a bookmark to hold his place and handed the hardbound to the waiting boy.

Changkyun eagerly took the book in his hand. Kihyun fought the urge to giggle, still seeing the image of an excited kitten in his student. Changkyun took a thorough examination of the book before handing it back to the student teacher. He seemed sheepish of his behavior. A light tint of pink dusted his cheeks, almost intangible if Kihyun wasn't so used to watching Changkyun's face closely for any form of reaction. It set something off in his mind and a flush of warmth spread across his chest. He took the book from Changkyun and put it aside. He felt a little disoriented at the sensation and he instinctively touched his chest feeling the rapid beat of his heart. He removed his hand quickly. What was wrong with him? He sighed and shook his worries away. He turned to Changkyun, a smile on his face. "If you don't mind me asking, what made you a fan of Chae Hyungwon?"

Changkyun seemed surprise at the question. He could clearly read the hesitation in his body language. Kihyun was afraid he'd close off again so he tried to alleviate some of the tension by saying, "I'm genuinely curious. But it's okay if you don't answer that. It's a silly question. Sometimes I just say things without thinking about it." The tension quickly dissipated from Changkyun's shoulder and the younger boy smiled. "Yeah. You even confessed to me." Kihyun's cheeks suddenly grew hot and he looked at the younger boy in shock. "W-what..." He stuttered incoherently. "That was a misunderstanding!" He squeaked out in an awfully high octave. Changkyun's body quaked in laughter. Kihyun felt like someone punched him in the chest, his breath leaving him as he took in everything.

Changkyun's eyes were crinkled ever so slightly into half-moons as he laughed, lips pulled into an attractive smile. A soft dimple poked out of his left cheek, quickly covered by a hand as Changkyun brought it up to his mouth. Kihyun stared hard. He was suddenly overwhelmed by a cacophony of strange emotions. Changkyun looked up at him, eyes filled with mirth. "I'm sorry. I was joking." Kihyun struggled to recover his senses. He gave a short bark of incredulous laughter. Both at the sight of Changkyun laughing so freely and the realization that his student had just teased him. "I can't believe you!" Kihyun exclaimed, still laughing in disbelief. "Why did you bring that up?!" He exclaimed, red faced. Changkyun giggled and only shrugged his shoulders. Kihyun felt his face burn brighter. "In my defense I was both nervous and desperate at that time! It's your fault you were so cold and scary. All I wanted was to talk to you!" Kihyun knew he was being petty but what the hell, he's not about to have his dignity trampled on by a young boy.

Changkyun stopped laughing to regard him with a serious look. "Why did you even want to talk to me?" He asked cautiously. Kihyun bit his lip, heart thrumming in nervousness. He didn't want to say the wrong thing and push Changkyun away from him when he's already come so far. He gulped as he answered. "Because I was curious about you." He said honestly. "I guess I wanted to know who you were." Changkyun stared at him with those intense eyes of him. It seemed as if he was staring right at his soul. It was the first time he felt so bare under someone else's scrutiny.

But then Changkyun smiled.

It was barely there, just a slight upturn of his lips, but Kihyun saw it. "I see." Changkyun said softly. His eyes clouded over with a strange emotion Kihyun couldn't quite describe but before he could linger on it, the look had already disappeared. "Anyway, I guess we should start practicing now." The younger boy said. Kihyun nodded his head dumbly. "Uh, yeah. You're right." He said, barely able to stop himself from stuttering. "Let's start."

After that incident, Kihyun felt a change in their relationship. He noticed Changkyun was much more open with him. He didn't verbally say it but Kihyun could feel it. Changkyun trusted him now.

--

"How do I say this word?" Changkyun asked one day as they were having their session. Kihyun had given him an english book so he could pick up a bit more vocabulary before the competition and the boy was quietly reading to himself until he came across the new and foreign word. "Where?" He asked, leaning over to look. Changkyun moved a little to the side and pointed at the word. Kihyun peered at it. Once he read it, he explained the meaning of the word then carefully syllabicated it, making sure his student could clearly hear and understand what he was saying.

Changkyun tested out the new word. The older man had to fight the urge to smile as Changkyun's tongue rolled around the syllables, stumbling over them rather cutely. Changkyun wrinkled his nose in slight annoyance and pursed his lips. Kihyun stared at his lips distractedly. Changkyun's lips looked smooth and pink. Then the lips moved and he belatedly realized Changkyun was talking. "I'm sorry what?" Kihyun asked in a weird pitchy tune, embarrassed at himself for letting his mind wander to weird places. Changkyun gave him an odd look but quickly shrugged away his funny behaviour. "I said can you please say it again?" He repeated. "I can't get it right." The older man said the word again and made Changkyun echo after him. It took several tries but Changkyun finally got it.

Changkyun beamed. "Thanks." Kihyun stared at his student's smiley face and a weird flutter sparked in his chest. He looked away from Changkyun's face and composed himself. What was the matter with him lately? Kihyun shook himself free of his muddled thoughts. He went back to the book he had been reading before Changkyun had interrupted him. They spent another quiet moment and Kihyun felt himself relax. He could get used to this kind of comfort.

At quarter to five pm, Kihyun wrapped up the day and accompanied Changkyun to the gates as per usual. His student was humming a tune as they waited for the shiny silver Lexus to appear. Kihyun was trying his best to figure out which song Changkyun was imitating but couldn't pinpoint it. "It's For Him by Troye Sivan." Changkyun suddenly said, smirking at him. Kihyun spluttered for a while. "I- What?" The younger boy continued smirking. "The song I was humming to, it's For Him by Troye Sivan." Kihyun's cheeks started to flush in embarrassment. "How did you-"

"Your face was all scrunched up like you were in pain but you were mumbling things to yourself. It was pretty horrifying. You looked like you were cursing someone out of existence." Kihyun frowned and hit Changkyun's shoulder (Oh wow, it's firm. Wait, what?). "Yah, I wasn't! You're making that up!" Changkyun smirked. "Sure sir. Whatever helps you sleep at night." Kihyun felt his bottom lip jut out and the childish reaction made Changkyun laugh even harder. Just at that moment, a familiar car pulled up at the gates. Changkyun's chauffeur got out and as per usual, held the door out for him. Changkyun stifled his laughter and bowed to Kihyun. "I'll be going now sir." Kihyun nodded and waved goodbye, ignoring the little smirk on his student's face. He shook his head once the car disappeared down the road. Since when did his student turn so cheeky?

--

"Do we look alike?" Changkyun asked and turned his phone screen to face him. He saw a picture loaded on the gallery, a meme to be exact, of a dog. The dog was crowded in a corner with its face scrunched up and its body fat pooling around it. He looked at Changkyun and saw the younger boy imitate the meme. He looked so startingly the same that Kihyun couldn't help but crack up. Changkyun beamed up at him. He faced his phone again and seemed to be searching for something. He must've found whatever it was that he was looking for because the younger boy grinned cheekily. He showed it to Kihyun. "Try this one."

It was another dog meme only this one had the dog brandishing it's teeth out, gums and all. It looked ludicrous. Kihyun blanched at the image. "That looks awful. I'm not doing it." Changkyun rolled his eyes. "C'mon this thing is nothing compared to the one I did. Just give it a try." Kihyun stared at the picture then at Changkyun. The latter wiggled his eyebrows, trying to tempt him. He sighed. "Fine. But don't you dare laugh." He gave the meme one last look before he tried imitating it. Changkyun took one look at him and almost instantaneously started laughing. "It actually fits you!" The boy screeched gleefully. Kihyun would be more offended if he wasn't busy appreciating the way Changkyun looked at the moment. He had his hands over his stomach, mouth into a wide smile and eyes crinkled. He looked like he was enjoying himself. The older man couldn't find it in him to care that Changkyun was laughing at him. All that mattered was that Changkyun finally had a reason to smile and laugh.

Kihyun and Changkyun ended up being friends.

Kihyun had no idea how it happened but the next thing he knew, their sessions turned into hang outs. There were no more awkward lulls or stiff air between them, just ease. It felt like they were two friends just doing homework while joking around. They had an easy thing going on between them and Kihyun found himself actually anticipating the time he spent with Changkyun. The younger boy was unexpectedly very vibrant. He liked cracking jokes and sometimes, he'd play a prank or two at Kihyun. Changkyun liked sassing back at him too which is something Kihyun usually didn't tolerate. But with Changkyun, he didn't mind. It slowly became their thing. Not a day would pass without their friendly banter. They did have an unusual tandem but Kihyun found he didn't mind. He liked how comfortable their relationship was and even though he was a few years older than Changkyun, he never once thought of Changkyun's company as dull.

"Hey Kyun, let's go somewhere else today." Kihyun invited as the two of them settled in the room. Changkyun glanced up a him disinterestedly from where he'd been thinkering in his bag. "Hmn? Don't we have a session?" Kihyun grinned. "Well, I was thinking we could take a break. I bet you're getting sick of being in the same damned classroom all the time so I thought we could pause for a while and go somewhere fun. Maybe a new location would stop you from searching those god awful memes on your phone and wasting our time." Changkyun gave him a blank look, pausing from where he'd been sitting. "If that's the case, I'll just go home." He said monotonously. "Ah, Changkyun! Please don't be like that!" Kihyun whined as he grabbed the younger boy's arm. "Come on, let's go get some fresh air. You're young, you should make the most out of it." He complained, throwing his hands up in the air in exasperation. "You sound like an old man." Changkyun deadpanned. "Sush you, just follow me!" The younger boy rolled his eyes but packed his things back into his bag anyway. He was muttering something under his breath but Kihyun ignored him. He'd be irrititated at the attitude if it was someone else but this was Changkyun and Changkyun defied many of Kihyun's standards.

"A playground?" Changkyun said, unimpressed. "You call this fun? What are you five?" The younger boy frowned as he leaned into the monkey bars. Kihyun smiled. "Yeah! Playgrounds are always fun and this is a really special place okay!" Changkyun scoffed and rolled his eyes. "Uhm yeah, sure. Only you would call the a place that's been infected with disgusting kid germs special." Kihyun laughed and shook his head. "It's more the sentiment than the actual place you know? I used to come here a lot during my first couple of years in college. I still do actually, when the pressure's too much. It's tough living alone you know and I just really need a space on my own to contemplate. My roommate's kinda noisy so it gets annoying. Plus this place is pretty near my dorm so it's easy to pop by when I need time to think."

Changkyun hummed as he began climbing up the monkey bars. Kihyun joined him and together, they sat on top of the bars. "I used to do this a lot." Changkyun commented. "I used to climb on top of the monkey bars and sit on it. I'd pretend I was a pirate looking for new islands to pilfer." Kihyun smiled. "That's really cute." Changkyun chuckled. "Not really. It was just me on top of the bars staring at the other kids playing. Not the most entertaining sight if you'd ask me." Kihyun frowned. "So you didn't play with other kids?" Changkyun shrugged nonchalantly. "Not really. They didn't like playing with me either so it was a fair trade." Kihyun had no idea how to respond to that and they were quiet for a few moments. Then Changkyun spoke up. "So why did you come here often? You don't seem like a person who needs a lot of thinking space." Kihyun frowned. "What does that even mean?" Changkyun shrugged and fidgeted with his hands. "I just meant you don't seem like the type to have problems so I find it hard to imagine you mulling around in here." Kihyun smiled. "But we all have problems Changkyun. That's part of living."

Changkyun stared at him, his forehead creased. "So what was yours?" Kihyun sighed and stared at the ground below. "Well, my parents didn't really agree with my career choice. Not to brag or anything but, I'm really smart." At that, he smirked and winked at Changkyun. The younger boy just rolled his eyes and told him to quit bragging and continue. "Well because of that, my parents thought I would join the corporate world or something but instead I studied education. That really upset them and we fought a lot. I had to juggle jobs to continue studying because they wouldn't support me. I was lucky I got a scholarship or else I wouldn't have been able to pull it off. But it did put a strain to my relationship with my parents. They were so mad that they cut ties with me. I haven't talked to them in a long time."

Changkyun frowned. "Why didn't you just follow them? You could've saved yourself from all this trouble." Kihyun smiled ruefully. "Believe me I wanted to but it just didn't feel right you know? I just didn't feel happy at all and I'd rather risk it than wonder for the rest of my life what it would've been liked if I persisted. I'm glad I did. I feel happy where I am now." Changkyun was quiet as he processed it. Another moment of silence passed between them before Kihyun broke it. "What about you though? What do you want to be?" The younger boy hesitated, looking unwilling to answer. His eyes were filled with a certain lilt of sadness that no kid should ever have and it made his heart ache. Kihyun realized just how loaded the question actually was to the young boy. He felt an overwhelming sadness followed by clawing guilt. "Hey," he called out gently, resting a hand on the boy's thigh. "It's okay if you don't tell me. Just don't mind that okay?" Changkyun looked at his hand briefly before looking up. He nodded his head weakly and attempted to smile. The relief was stark on his face. Kihyun felt the tightness uncoil from his chest and he smiled. "Hey, do you want to get ice cream? I know a place." Changkyun's lips pulled at the corners. "Sure."

--

"Let's go to the playground." Changkyun whined as he flopped over his desk lethargically like a dead fish. Kihyun stared at him in amusement. "And here I thought you hated it so much because and I quote, 'infected with disgusting kid germs'." Changkyun turned his head towards him and glared. "Shush, that Changkyun was foolish. This Changkyun isn't. Please hyung, I need to get out or I will go crazy." The older man scoffed and rolled his eyes. "You're such a drama queen but alright." The younger boy beamed enthusiastically, dimples out in the open. Kihyun felt his lips twitch upwards involuntarily in response. "Yes, hyung! You're the best!"

And that was how Kihyun found himself staring at Changkyun as he petted a stray cat that had come up to him. "Look hyung, she's purring. So cute!" Kihyun would beg to differ. Changkyun looke cuter; eyes scrunched up happily, his dimples out in the open and lips pulled wide in a careless smile. The cat sidled up to the younger boy, rubbing her lithe body against Changkyun's hands. Changkyun giggled happily. Kihyun wanted to pinch his cheeks so bad but he restrained himself. No matter how close they had gotten the past days, they still had to have some boundaries as a teacher and student. So intead, Kihyun walked up to the younger boy and squatted down next to him. Unfortunately, he scared the cat away. "Ah hyung! You scared her away!" Changkyun whined.

Kihyun laughed and sheepishly scratched the back of his head. "Whoopsies." The younger boy gave him a glare, looking mildly irritated. "Whoopsies? All you have to say is whoopsies?!" Changkyun exclaimed in exasperation. Kihyun laughed even harder. Changkyun got upset and pouted. He wouldn't talk to Kihyun until the older man finally promised to buy him ice cream in compensation. The twin dimples poking out of his cheek as Changkyun cheekily grinned at him for successfully robbing him for treats did weird things to his chest. He didn't even mind if the younger boy basically manipulated him. "Alright brat, which flavor do you want?"

"I'm feeling like having the raspberry flavor today." Kihyun nodded his head. "Okay. Toppings?" Changkyun grinned. "Oreos, rice crispies and chocolate syrup!" The older of the two rolled his eyes. "You're such a kid." The younger boy shrugged. "Hey, it beats your boring old vanilla one." Kihyun clicked his tongue. "Vanilla is a classic! Don't go dissing on my vanilla." Changkyun just laughed and dusted himself off. "Whatever, c'mon hyung let's go."

--

"Hyung, do you ever think about your parents?" Kihyun was surprised at the question. He stopped eating his vanilla sundae to look at Changkyun. The boy was looking at him intently. "What?" He chuckled as he pushed his ice cream away. "Why the question all of a sudden?" Changkyun put his spoon down and stared at the table. "Nothing. I've just been thinking about what you said before about you know... not having contact with your parents?" He scratched his cheek. "I was just wondering. I mean, don't you miss them?"

Kihyun hummed in understanding and settled his face on his hands, leaning forward on the table slightly. "To be honest, I do. I really miss them." A sad smile crossed his face. "I sometimes wonder how they're doing. There had been times when I've been tempted to go back but I didn't. I guess I'm just not ready to face them yet." Changkyun looked at him in contemplation. "Will you ever come and visit?" Kihyun shrugged. "Yeah, eventually. Just not right now. I guess I still have to find my way. But I will go back." The younger boy nodded his head. "Okay. I hope it'll go well." Kihyun smiled.

"I hope so too."

--

Kihyun smiled as he saw the silly meme Changkyun sent him. He replied with a quick 'Go back to studying!' before he went back to reviewing his lessons. Changkyun must be really bored. He usually doesn't message Kihyun unless he's asking for translations to help him understand an english text. Kihyun's hunch was proven right when Changkyun replied with a 'I'm done studying. I got nothing else to do. Entertain me hyung.' He rolled his eyes at the message and sent him an angry hamster sticker.

After a few minutes, he got a phone call. He expected it to be Changkyun trying to bother him again. He was more than ready to hear that deep baritone whining in his ear. He was shocked when instead of Changkyun, he heard an achingly familiar voice speak instead.

"Kihyunnie? It's mom."

"Kihyunnie? It's mom."

He was rushing.

He drove as fast as he could, almost passing a red light before he came to a screeching halt. His heart was thrumming rapidly in his chest and his stomach churned with anxiety. He watched the red light gleam at him, fingers impatiently drumming the steering wheel. Every second felt like a lifetime, each countdown going at a snail’s pace. The light shifted to orange and then finally, to green. He drove forwards once again.

When Kihyun got to the hospital, he immediately asked the front desk for directions. The next thing he knew, he was standing over his mom who looked pale and tired. "Mom, what happened?" His mother's eyes sparkled with unshed tears and her voice shook when she spoke. "Hit and run." She explained. "He was coming home from golf. His condition is critical." His mom broke into tears after that. Kihyun felt his own eyes well up. But he held it in. He patted his mother's back gently, telling her not to cry. His mother just cried harder.

Kihyun felt numb. He sat at the waiting lounge as the operation went on. A cup of coffee appeared on his line of vision. He looked up and saw his mother standing. He managed a small smile and took the cup. He felt his mother take the seat next to his. He took a sip of the coffee. It tasted awful. But everything tasted awful to him at the moment. He lowered the cup and turned to his mom. He stared at her. She had aged considerably. He could see wrinkles in her face that weren't there before. There was a tiredness that clung to her bones and it made him realize how bad the condition his mom was in.

He felt guilt and then a sudden longing. Without realizing it, he reached out and touched his mother’s hand. “It’ll be okay.” He whispered, watching the tight lines in his mother’s eyes soften just a tiny bit. “He’ll get through it. I know he will.” His mother smiled and clutched his hand tighter.

--

It took them nearly six hours of anxious waiting before finally, the doctor came out of the emergency room. Kihyun had been crouching forward in his seat but when he saw the man walk out, he immediately stood up. His mother followed suit. The doctor removed his mask and peered at them. “Family of Yoo Kang Dae?” he asked. His mother stepped forward and nodded her head. “Yes, that would be us.” She said thinly. The man grunted and gave them a weary smile. “Well, I have good news. The patient experienced fractures to his right upper extremities. He also suffered some heavy trauma to the head but luckily it was nothing major. The operation was successful and he is now in a stable condition.”

Upon hearing the doctor’s words, Kihyun sagged in relief. The operation was a success. His father was alright. He felt tears prick the corners of his eyes. Thank goodness his father was alive. “We will still need to monitor the patient closely in case of complications but as for now, there is nothing to worry about.” His mother sobbed and profusely thanked the doctor. The doctor smiled kindly and patted his mother. “It is not a problem. Now please, you both need rest.” He urged. The mother and son nodded their heads, thanking the doctor once more. The man simply returned their smiles, bowed and left.

Kihyun sighed and sank back into the chair. He suddenly felt drained. He felt a hand drop to his shoulder. When he looked up, his mother was standing there, a tired smile on her face. “C’mon, let’s get something to eat.”

--

For the next couple of days, Kihyun found himself visiting the hospital as much as he could. His father hadn’t woken up yet so he busied himself with tidying his father’s hospital room. His mother had gone out to get something to eat and take a nap. They had been taking turns with watching over his father and today was his turn.

Kihyun was folding up a blanket that had been left in the chair when his mother came in. He looked up and gave a nod at his mother who nodded back in greeting. Kihyun got back to folding the blanket and his mom slipped past him to go by his father's side. They didn't exchange any words, simply choosing to exist in parallel. Kihyun didn't mind. It wasn't like he expected much to happen.

The last couple of days with his mom had been well, tense. After finally wearing off all the stress and tension due to his dad's condition, the two of them found themselves unable to find words to speak to each other. Kihyun wanted to ask how things were doing for his parents but seeing as his father was here hospitalized and in pain, it would be stupid to ask. Besides, it didn't look like his mother was ready to talk to him yet considering she hasn't said anything to him apart from that first night in the hospital.

So here there were, the two of them, stuck in a weird awkward limbo that neither of them were willing to break. Kihyun had basically resigned himself to this kind of treatment for the rest of his father's stay in the hospital. He finished folding the blanket, setting it down in a neat pile. He was just about to go out of the room to give his mom some space when she suddenly called out to him.

"Son, we need to talk."

To say that Kihyun was surprised was an understatement. He wasn’t expecting his mom to speak to him at all. He was nervous for what his mother would tell him but nevertheless he followed his mom outside and into a quiet hall in the hospital. They stood facing each other and for a moment it was silent, both unsure of how to start. Kihyun chose not to say anything, waiting for his mom to organize her thoughts. He watched as she took a few deep breaths before finally, after some minutes, she spoke.

"So I've been reading this book recently." She started off slowly. Kihyun nodded, letting her know he was listening. "It's about some physiologist who lost her son. It had a lot of stuff in it and it's actually quite dramatic and complicated. It's a bit of a headache to read actually. You know very well that I don't read much. You and your father used to tease me about that." She said fondly, eyes a little cloudy as she reminisced. Kihyun chuckled at the memory. "Yeah, we did."

His mother smiled at him. "The book is a pain in the ass and I only read it because I was really bored but it did made me realize one thing." His mother paused and took his hand. "I love you son and maybe your father and I had been hard on you. We should've not pushed you but we should've just supported you. Your happiness should've been important. It doesn't matter what you do as long as we have you." His mother's eyes were shiny from unspilled tears and Kihyun could feel the beginnings of tears forming on his own. "And with your father's accident, it just got me thinking you know? Our time is short here and I just- I want to spend my time with you now."

Kihyun was crying now and his mother choked out a teary laugh, gentle hands coming to cup his face. “I’m sorry my son. You must have suffered so much.”

“Everything will be okay now.”

It’ll be okay.