Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

August, 2001

“This one?”

Mingi looked over at where Yunho was sitting, a cigarette hanging from his lips as he flipped through a magazine. “No, the one above it.”

Yunho huffed in annoyance as he switched the position of his fingers on the guitar again, hands aching from keeping them in one place for so long. He strummed, making sure to hold the strings down so they were touching the frets. A sound came out, but nowhere near the notes that Mingi would make. 

“That one wasn’t bad, keep trying,” Mingi spoke, exhaling around a cloud of smoke. He was reading a music magazine, the current page showing a collection of American electric guitars. Yunho couldn’t read English too well, but the bold print helped him make out the word “Fender”.

“This is hard, how come you're so good at it? I’d rather just listen to you play.” Yunho pouted. It was still warm out, and the window he was sitting near was open to let in the cool breeze. Autumn was right around the corner, and the leaves of the trees outside were starting to turn a soft orange. 

Mingi tilted his head to look at him again from his position on the floor, his dyed blonde hair was washed out now, dark roots starting to show through. “You’re the one who said you wanted to play the Foo Fighters on guitar, not me.”

Yunho didn’t think before pushing him with his socked foot. Mingi toppled over, cigarette falling out of his mouth and onto the hardwood floor as a yelp came from him. “Hey! Don’t disrespect the teacher!” 

Yunho laughed as Mingi got up from the floor, moving the guitar from his hands and pushing him back on the mattress. He tried to fight back, but Mingi was stronger than him, despite Yunho being slightly taller. Before he knew it, Mingi had him pinned to the bed, Yunho still laughing with his arms held above his head and Mingi straddling his hips. 

“I think I deserve an apology for that,” Mingi’s voice was low, Yunho noticed it when he was acting serious. 

Yunho couldn’t control the shit eating grin that was plastered on his lips, trying to press his mouth together to contain his laughter. “Oh yeah?” Yunho chuckled, pressing his hips up into Mingi’s. A soft breath escaped him, Mingi still staring down at Yunho with his piercing gaze. 

That look was all it took, Yunho caught Mingi’s lips in a heated kiss, deep and hungry. Familiar in the way that Mingi felt under Yunho’s hands as he slid them under his shirt. His fingers brushed over a nipple, drawing the sweetest of moans from Mingi that Yunho swallowed whole. 

The sounds that Mingi made, the spots on his neck that made his hips twitch, the moles on his skin, Yunho had memorized over the weeks. Being with him felt like flying, soaring high with no desire to ever land. 

Mingi rolled his hips down, pulling a whimper from Yunho. “You’re insatiable. Should’ve left you at the music store.” Mingi teased.

“You started it” Yunho shot back with a smirk. 

Before Mingi could reply, the shrill ring of the phone on the wall rang. The sound cut through their bubble, Yunho buried himself in Mingi’s neck, groaning in annoyance. “Ignore it.”

Mingi hesitated, but pushed himself off. “Impatient little puppy,” he muttered, heading to the phone. 

He picked up the receiver, his tone flat as he greeted the person on the other end. There was a pause, then he laughed, turning to Yunho with a playful smile. “It’s for you.”

Yunho blinked, brows furrowed in confusion. No one knew he was here, he never gave anyone Mingi’s phone number. He got up from the bed, took the phone, putting it to his ear.

“You’re fucking late, Yunho.” Hongjoong’s voice echoed through the speaker, forcing Yunho to hold it away from his ear to save his hearing. 

Yunho winced. “Shit Joong, sorry–”

“Thirty minutes late. I had to get Jongho to cover. If your ass isn’t here in ten, your job’s going to him.”

Then the line went dead. The dial tone droned in Yunho’s ear for a moment before he hung the phone back up. “I gotta go,”

Mingi was leaning against the wall next to him, lighting another cigarette, a smirk plastered on his face even with the stick between his lips. “Aren’t you forgetting something?”

Yunho was already throwing shit into his bag, he spun around, confused. “What?”

Mingi pushed off the wall, striding towards him, grabbing him by the collar and kissing him hard, then pushing him back with a grin. “Now go before you lose your job.”

Yunho smiled, shoving his feet into his shoes and tugging his bag over his shoulder. He was halfway out of the door as he said his goodbyes, then booked it down the steps of the building and ran down to the street. He took one last glance at the window of Mingi’s apartment facing the sidewalk he stood on, catching a glimpse of him leaning against the window. Mingi watched him with a cigarette in hand. 

He smiled, giving him a salute before turning back towards the street and running as quickly as his feet would carry him. Thankfully, Mingi’s apartment was only a ten-minute walk from the store, with him running the way he was, it was four minutes tops. He dodged a few older ladies carrying home groceries, their surprised gasps barely heard as he rushed past them. 

He finally rounded the corner to the music shop, pulling the door open, now sweaty and out of breath. The bell above the door rang aggressively with the amount of force he opened it, but he ignored it, passing customers who were staring at him, heading to the front counter. Jongho peered up at him from above his book, then looked back down at the page. “Hongjoong’s in the back, he’s not happy.” He said calmly, flipping to the next page. 

Yunho swallowed, lungs burning from panting and trying to catch his breath. He looked at the door that separated the back stockroom from the rest of the store, then back down at Jongho. “On a scale of 1-10 how mad?” he asked wiping sweat off his brow. 

“8.5” Jongho said back without missing a beat. 

“Fuck” Yunho sighed. He threw his bag down on the seat next to Jongho, taking a deep breath before stepping into the backroom that was the office. Hongjoong was there, arms crossed as he read over a paper on his desk. His shirt was unbuttoned at the top, his dark hair a mess falling in his face, lips turned down into a frown. 

“Sit,” Hongjoong spoke without looking at him. 

Yunho audibly winced, immediately plopping down on the beaten-up couch that sat right next to his desk. “This is the third time this week, Yunho. Monday, you even left early.”

“I know, and I’m really sorr–”

“Aht! I don’t want to hear it.” Hongjoong held up a finger, shutting Yunho up immediately. He bit his lip to prevent any more word vomit from escaping, sitting there picking the skin on his thumb.

“Look, I know you really like this kid Yunho, but you have responsibilities too.” Hongjoong stated. He turned in his chair to properly face Yunho, leaning forward slightly to catch his downward gaze. “You can’t blow off work like that, even if we are friends. I’ve got a store to run.”

Yunho sighed, a solemn apologetic look on his face, he did feel guilty. The pit in his stomach grew the more Hongjoong spoke to him. He had been spending so much time with Mingi that it was starting to cut into other parts of his life. He was barely even at his own place anymore, paying rent for nothing the past month. 

He picked at the dry skin on his thumb, not even able to make eye contact with Hongjoong. “I’m sorry, really I am, I don’t know what’s come over me.”

Hongjoong’s gaze softened slightly, he was still upset, but he could never stay mad at Yunho for too long. He sighed before leaning back in his chair, running a hand through his already messy hair. “Just try to be on time? Buy a fucking watch or something, I pay you enough to afford one, I know that much.”

Yunho nodded, head still hanging low, he hated being talked sternly to by anyone, but hearing it from Joong, someone he admired and looked up to hurt him more. Although part of him didn’t regret not keeping an eye on time, when he was with Mingi, time seemed to not exist, just the two of them in their own little world. 

“Now get to work, and tell Jongho he can head out for the day.” Hongjoong waved his hand dismissively to signify the end of the conversation. He turned back to his desk, shuffling through a stack of papers he had been previously focused on. 

Yunho stood, about to walk to the front counter again, before Hongjoong stopped him. “Oh, and Yunho?” 

He turned to face Hongjoong, but his focus was still on the papers in front of him. “Yeah?”

“Be careful around that kid Mingi, I know I encouraged it, but something’s off with him…reminds me of myself a bit.”

Yunho’s brow furrowed, confusion written all over his face. Mingi reminds him of himself, yet Hongjoong wasn’t a bad person, if anything, he was probably the most responsible person he knew. Something about the warning made a chill run down his spine, it was parental, and it made Yunho feel like he was being lectured, warned even.

“Now get to work.”

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Yunho didn’t have time to ask Hongjoong what he meant during his shift, the store was surprisingly busy for a weekday, a constant flow of customers coming through the door. Somehow, he managed to make it through with Hongjoong holed up in his office, and just himself watching over the store. 

He finished all of his closing duties, now heading to the front to turn over the open sign, when he spotted Mingi standing on the other side of the street, headphones over his ears and foot tapping in rhythm to whatever he was listening to. Yunho felt his heart pick up speed at the sight of him, something that happened more often than not.

He rushed to the office to grab his bag, finding Hongjoong still at his desk, now with a cigarette in hand and a record playing softly in the background. He seemed to be relaxed now, instead of hunched over his desk with papers scattered in front of him. “Heading out?” He asked, smoke exhaling with his words.

“Yeah, I won’t be late tomorrow either,” Yunho said, shrugging his bag over his shoulder. 

Hongjoong chuckled, “Better not, or I’ll drag you here myself.”

Yunho laughed, but he knew there was most likely some truth to his joke. He gave Joong a wave before heading out, making his way to the storefront to meet Mingi.

The evenings were getting chilly, the soft breeze making Yunho tuck his hands into his jeans, he’d forgotten his sweatshirt due to being in a rush earlier. As he neared Mingi, he couldn’t help but stare, the way the breeze gently rustled his hair, his furrowed brows focused while listening to his music, now a soft pout on his lips as he sat on the curb. Yunho stood in front of him, casting a shadow from the sun above.

Mingi looked up, a lazy smile growing on his face. “Hey, loser.” 

Yunho smiled back, offering his hand to help him up. “Hey, shithead.”

Mingi took his hand, pulling himself up from his seat. He tugged down his headphones, hanging them around his neck. The action made his hair stick up from wearing them for so long, but he made no move to fix it.  “Hongjoong didn’t tell you off to badly, did he?”

“Well, he was pretty upset. I’ve been late often recently.” Yunho mumbled, they started walking, his hands still shoved in his pants pockets. He walked so closely to Mingi that their arms brushed against one another.

Mingi hummed, his face didn’t show what he was thinking, it never did, but the corners of his mouth downturned, forcing his lips into another pout that made Yunho want to lean over and kiss it away. “Maybe you need a watch.”

Yunho rolled his eyes and scoffed, jaw clenching from his uncanny response.. “Now you sound like him. He thinks I’m spending too much time around you. That you’re distracting me.”

Mingi eyed Yunho as they walked, his gaze intense as he stared at him down. “Is that what you think?”

Yunho paused for a moment, he knew Hongjoong was probably right deep down, but he would never say that to Mingi. Not when he finally felt like he’d found someone who understood him so well, who helped him discover things about himself that he never knew. “No, it’s not.”

This time Mingi didn’t hide his expression, a small smile forming on his face. “Good, then you probably just need a watch.”

Yunho laughed, shouldering Mingi as they walked together, causing him to stumble, a goofy grin still plastered on Mingi’s lips. They were about to turn the corner to head to Mingi’s apartment when Mingi walked right past the turn, making Yunho stop in his tracks. He waited for Mingi to stop, maybe not realizing he missed the turn to his own place, but he never did. “Hey, where are you going?”

Mingi didn’t look behind him, he knew Yunho would follow, because he always did. “Gotta get more smokes, and snacks since you eat everything in my fridge.” 

Yunho slightly jogged to catch up with him, a sheepish look on his face. “Yeah sorry,” he mumbled. He had always had quite the appetite, even he had to grocery shop often for himself.

“S’okay, puppies eat a lot when they work as hard as you do, don’t they?” Mingi said causally. 

A hot blush crept up on Yunho’s face, eyes widening and the air he inhaled getting caught in his lungs. Mingi seemed so nonchalant, but Yunho knew him well enough now to know that Mingi was teasing him. “You can’t just call me that,” Yunho half-whispered. Despite the evening hour there were still some people roaming around, thankfully none of them within earshot of the two. 

“Why not?” Mingi questioned. His brow was raised as if he was genuinely curious, and by the way he was staring at Yunho, he really did wonder why he couldn’t.

They had arrived at the corner store by now, Mingi turned to look at him, brow raised in genuine curiosity, or so it seemed. Yunho adjusted the bag on his shoulder, suddenly feeling small under his gaze. “I dunno it makes me…feel, you know…”

“Horny?” Mingi asked much too loudly.

 There was a middle-aged woman who passed them, entering the store within earshot, her head turning to them in pure shock. She gasped in surprise at their openly explicit conversation, only adding to Yunho’s increasingly reddened cheeks. Yunho nearly jumped out of his own skin, immediately shushing Mingi. 

“Mingi! We’re in public, lower your voice.” A hushed tone now taking over his speech. The woman thankfully ignored them, walking into the store, but not without a dirty look thrown their direction. 

Mingi didn’t seem to care, still focused on Yunho now a smirk creeping up on his face. He stuck his tongue in his cheek to keep himself from laughing. “You’re cute when you’re all worked up like that.”

Yunho could only huff in response, lips forming a pout. Mingi moved past him, entering the store leaving Yunho behind. “C’mon we got snacks to buy!” 

Yunho stood still for a moment, a sudden warmth growing in his belly that wasn’t there before. He tried his best to ignore it as he took a deep breath of warm balmy summer air and followed Mingi inside.  

He found Mingi browsing the snack aisle, a hand basket already half full of snacks that they both enjoyed. Shrimp chips, Nongshim ramen, more chips, more ramen. Mingi didn’t even need to look over his shoulder to tell Yunho was standing near him, it was like he could feel his presence when he was nearby. 

He followed Mingi around the store like a well-trained pup, never straying too far away. They reached the candy aisle, Mingi leaning in, lips brushing against Yunho’s ear. “You’ve been good, get whatever you want.”

Yunho whimpered. He hoped it was quiet enough that the drone of the freezers would muffle it. Mingi’s hand grazed his ass, not a hint of shame on his face. Yunho slapped it away with a surprised gasp, embarrassment flooding his brain. “Mingi, someone will see–”

“Let them,” Mingi grinned. He strolled over to the checkout without a care, plopping the basket on the counter. Yunho quickly grabbed what he wanted, not even paying attention to what candy it was, he just wanted out of that store and behind closed doors with Mingi. He put the candy in the basket, standing next to Mingi, face still burning hot. 

The cashier was young, hair long and wild, the ends were dyed an electric blue that contrasted well against his tan skin. He scanned the items with a bored, uninterested expression until he glanced at Mingi, pausing. “Don’t I know you from somewhere?” 

Mingi’s expression didn’t change, but Yunho noticed the slight clench of his jaw. “No, I don’t think so,” Mingi replied, tone flat. 

“No seriously, you look so familiar…” The cashier leaned forward, eyes narrowing as if he was trying to get a better look at him. Mingi didn’t move, but his fingers stiffened around the edge of the counter. Suddenly, it clicked. “Weren’t you in a band? I think I saw you in Hongdae, you played guitar, right?”

“You must be thinking of someone else,” Mingi said as he reached into his pocket to pull out cash. He wasn’t rude, but his tone remained deadpan. Uninterested. Yunho looked between the two, palms sweating. 

“Shit was crazy, man. Floor was shaking, wild fucking night,” the cashier continued, slowly bagging the items as he talked. He seemed too in his own thoughts to even notice Mingi had said it wasn’t him. “You look just like him.”

Mingi said nothing, placing a few bills on the counter and grabbing the bag of snacks. Before Yunho could register what happened, Mingi was halfway out of the door. Outside the warm air felt heavier, the humidity. made Yunho feel like he couldn’t breathe. He stepped beside Mingi, who was lighting a fresh cigarette with unsteady fingers. “What was that?”

Mingi didn’t answer, just pulled a deep drag from his cigarette and stared at the cars on the street. Maybe because looking away was safer than looking at Yunho. 

They stood in silence, Yunho’s curiosity burning under his skin. “What band?”. What was Mingi hiding that he didn’t want Yunho to know?

Mingi took a few more drags of his cigarette, fingers shaking, then those same trembling fingers were pulling Yunho’s wrist, tugging him down the sidewalk. Yunho let himself be dragged, Mingi never answered his question, but he knew he was walking a thin line if he asked again. 

The walk back to Mingi’s wasn’t long, but Yunho could feel every passing second prickling under his skin. Mingi didn’t speak at all, just kept walking at a steady pace, a cigarette clenched between his fingers and the other hand holding him as if he might float away. 

Their usual peaceful silence was charged. Yunho studied him, the rigid set of Mingi’s jaw, the way the smoke from the stick in his mouth curled around his features. He thought about how Mingi reacted to the cashier, the way he practically ran out of the store, refusing to elaborate. 

Maybe there was much more to Mingi than Yunho thought he knew. Something he was keeping underneath that nonchalant mask he wore. But Yunho didn’t press, not now. Part of him was still riled up from before the whole thing happened, and he knew Mingi was too. 

By the time they reached Mingi’s building, Yunho could audibly hear his own pulse thudding in his ears, and between his legs. He was sure he’d been sporting a considerable tent in his pants, but he couldn’t bring himself to be ashamed. 

Mingi fumbled with his own keys, fingers shaking as he unlocked the door. Yunho watched him, watched how his cigarette fell as soon as the door opened, crushed under his own sneaker. 

And suddenly, Yunho couldn’t take it anymore. 

Mingi had barely creaked the door open enough to let them in before Yunho surged forward, gripping the hem of Mingi’s oversized tee and pushing him against the adjacent wall with a thud. Their lips harshly collided, all teeth and tongue, both of them immediately had hands all over one another, the bag Mingi carried falling to the floor.

Mingi groaned, rough and hungry, grabbing at Yunho’s ass, squeezing hard, and dragging Yunho flush against him. Their kisses didn’t dissipate, only growing messier, saliva coating Yunho’s lips. He mouthed down Mingi’s neck, tongue lapping over a previous mark and biting down, enough to make Mingi hiss. 

“Fuck–” Mingi gasped, his hips rolling against Yunho’s, clothed cocks rubbing against each other.

It wasn’t just about being interrupted before work, or being teased at the convenience store. It wasn’t even about whatever band Mingi was in and was hiding from Yunho.

It was the way Mingi made Yunho feel wanted , desired . 

“I wish I had kissed you in that store,” Mingi panted, fingers still tangled in his hair, tugging at the strands. Yunho let off with a soft pop, admiring the hickey that was blooming on his neck. “Got you all worked up, didn’t I?” There was a cockiness to Mingi’s tone, playful, flirty, like he knew exactly what he was doing to Yunho. 

Yunho lifted his gaze to Mingi, meeting the other's dark wolfish stare, and without saying another word, he sank to his knees so fast that they hit the linoleum floor with a dull thump. He didn’t process the slight pain; instead, he kept staring up at Mingi with those big doe eyes, desperate and silently begging. 

Mingi smiled down at him. His hair was disheveled, lips swollen from kissing, his shirt falling off his shoulder, exposing his tan skin underneath. He looked beautiful as ever in Yunho’s eyes, and he couldn’t help but smile back as his hands ran up his legs to the waistband of his pants. Mingi already knew what Yunho wanted, yet made no move to give him the green light, only returned his gaze with a mischievous smirk. 

Yunho whined, shifting his weight back and forth as he sat on his heels, he was getting impatient. Still, he waited, he knew better than to go on without permission. 

Mingi reached down to stroke his cheek gently, to which Yunho leaned into, eyes shutting for a moment. “Go on, puppy I know you want it.” 

Yunho hummed in response, hands quickly undoing his pants and pulling his briefs down enough to expose Mingi’s cock. It was fully hard and leaking, the intense scent of sweat and salty skin making Yunho’s mouth water. He wet his lips before sticking his tongue out just like Mingi had taught him, giving the head a lick, letting the precum that had drooled out collect on his tongue. A sharp hiss came from Mingi, his hand gripping his hair out of instinct. 

The action spurred Yunho on, fully suckling on the head now before taking more into his mouth inch by inch. The weight on his tongue was grounding, the taste of Mingi was enough to have him feeling drunk off of it.

 “Ah, you’re getting good at that, aren’t you?” Mingi panted, brushing the hair off Yunho’s forehead to look into his eyes. Mingi pushed his hips forward ever so slightly, making Yunho gag, but he made no move to pull off despite his big doll eyes watering. 

His gag reflex wasn’t the best, but that didn’t matter to Mingi– he liked making him gag and drool all over himself, and Yunho enjoyed the feeling of being used. He wanted to be good, please Mingi in any way he knew how. Yunho kept going even with Mingi’s small thrusts, bobbing his head and hollowing his cheeks, saliva starting to spill past the corner of his lips. Mingi moaned, chasing the tight wetness of Yunho’s mouth, his thumb brushing away a stray tear that had fallen on his cheek.

Yunho’s own cock was hard in his jeans, craving any type of friction as he desperately thrust his hips against nothing. The movement alone was barely enough until he accidentally brushed against Mingi’s leg, the friction causing him to whine and nearly choke around his cock. Yunho knew it was pathetic, his face burned with shame, yet his hips still rutted against Mingi’s leg. 

It wasn’t until Mingi looked back down at him, watching him squirm on his knees, feeling Yunho grinding against his leg, that he noticed just how pathetic Yunho looked.  

“Just like a puppy, you need something to hump,” he teased. Yunho feared he might tell him to stop, telling him to wait to pleasure himself like a good boy. Instead, he felt Mingi’s shoed foot slipping between his legs and pressing against his crotch. The feeling made him sputter, throat constricting around Mingi’s cock in surprise. “Does that feel better?”

Mingi let Yunho pull off to answer, but all that came out was a whiny moan, orgasmic almost. The act of him rutting against Mingi’s dirty sneaker without resolve nearly sent him over the edge. “O-oh fuck,”

Yunho never thought he’d enjoy getting his cock stepped on, but that was the enigma that was Mingi. With him, everything felt safe, even if it was new. 

Mingi smiled, pressing the ball of his foot down more, not enough to hurt, but to give some resistance for Yunho to thrust into. The pressure mixed with pain was almost too much and not enough at the same time, his thrusts becoming more rapid as he stared up at Mingi with pleading eyes. “More p-please, f-feels good”

Mingi obliged, pressing further with his foot, the crotch of Yunho’s jeans now dirty, covered in scuff marks.  He pressed the tip of his cock back to Yunho’s lips, which he gladly welcomed, letting Mingi fully thrust into his mouth this time, hands in his hair holding him in place. “You like being used, don’t you?” Mingi’s voice was low, teasing, but also rough, demeaning. 

Mingi kept his eyes on Yunho, pushing past his threshold just enough to let him fall further into submission. Yunho’s doe eyes were glazed over, teary, and unfocused. Cheeks flushed as he moaned around Mingi’s cock the vibrations only making the other closer to spilling his load down his throat. 

“Look at you, acting all shy in the store, only to come back and drop to your knees to suck me off, begging me to step on your little cock.” Mingi spoke in that condescending tone that could make Yunho come in seconds, and he knew it. “I bet you would’ve sucked my cock right there in the aisle if I asked you to,” he continued, his words becoming more breathy, more desperate.

Yunho moaned, still rutting against his shoed foot. He was so close, his skin starting to feel warm and fuzzy. “You would like that, wouldn’t you? Putting on a show, letting people see how you like to be bossed a-around, just like the good boy you are.” 

Mingi’s hips stuttered, thrusting one last time before coming down Yunho’s throat with only a moan as Yunho’s warning. Come quickly spilled past his lips and dribbled down his chin.  “Ah fuck Yuyu,” Mingi panted, his head hit the wall with a thud as he threw it back, fingers gripping tightly in Yunho’s hair. 

Yunho swallowed as much as he could, the bitter salty taste coating his tongue as he lapped at the tip of Mingi’s cock as not to waste a single drop. It only took a few more frantic thrusts for Yunho to come, the taste of Mingi still on his tongue as his orgasm hit him. Eyes rolling back under his lids as he released into his jeans, Mingi’s foot still pressed against his cock. 

Mingi let his orgasm subside before sliding down against the door to join Yunho on the floor. The bags that they dropped were still there, and most of the contents spilled out over the ground. Yunho immediately crawled over to him, disregarding the mess, and lay his head on his chest. 

Mingi hummed, letting him curl up underneath him as they sat in silence. Yunho still felt like he was floating, his mind far away as he listened to Mingi tell him how he did such a good job. He didn’t even notice that he had opened his new pack of cigarettes and set one alight until he smelled the familiar scent of smoke. 

The sun had finally set, leaving them in darkness, the only light coming from the street through the windows in soft yellow beams. Mingi’s fingers rubbed soothing circles on Yunho’s back as he took drags of his cigarette, smoke pooling from his mouth and nostrils. They sat in silence for a while, Yunho listening to Mingi’s soft breaths, hearing the consistent thud of his heartbeat beneath his chest. He could never get enough of Mingi, even if it did make him forget about the important things he should pay attention to. 

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It was past midnight into the early hours of the morning, both of them had stayed up late to watch Yunho’s favorite drama reruns despite him having work early the next morning. 

They lay in bed together, the window open, letting the air wash over them as they slept. It was quiet, unlike bigger cities, this town was deserted in the late hours, barely anyone roamed the streets unless they worked at night and were heading home. The only sound was from the hum of the refrigerator and Mingi’s soft snores. Yunho was turned on his side, staring at Mingi as he slept next to him. His lips were slightly parted, eyes shut, his long eyelashes fanning over his cheeks. His silver hair sprawled out around the pillow in a halo. Yunho thought he looked much more boyish this way, more like the picture he saw on his ID from years ago. 

Yunho couldn’t sleep, feeling restless as he tossed and turned until finally giving in and staring at the ceiling for some time before turning to watch Mingi. His mind wandered to the confrontation at the convenience store, the way Mingi reacted, like he knew exactly what the cashier was talking about. 

“I saw you in a club in Hongdae, right? You played guitar?”

Yunho had a gut feeling the cashier did recognize Mingi, his mind racing with possible answers. A club in Hongdae? Was Mingi so popular back in Seoul that he performed in clubs? Why had he never told Yunho? He didn’t keep secrets, but he knew Mingi had plenty. 

While he was lost in his thoughts, his hand reached up every so gently to trace small patterns across the other's skin, careful not to wake Mingi with his touch. Thoughts of how they met wandered through his head, how Yunho was enamored the moment Mingi walked through the door of the shop. He knew deep down, as soon as Mingi began openly flirting with him at his job, that he’d be unlike anyone he’d ever met. 

Now, over the course of the summer, they had become inseparable. Yunho truly never wanted it to end, the way he felt around Mingi was something special, sacred. 

Still ,Yunho wondered how Mingi got here, how Mingi afforded his own place, able to support himself at such a young age, if Mingi had much more behind leaving Seoul than he led on. 

Yunho had a tumultuous past himself. After his grandmother passed, the only person he had was Hongjoong. Yunho was the main beneficiary of her assets, leaving the twenty-year-old with a decent amount in the bank. He wasn’t in a rush to figure out what he wanted to do with his future because his pockets were padded enough to sustain him for a few years. It wasn’t as if he had any parents breathing down his neck, either, they had died when he was too young to remember their faces. Only pictures provided him with any context of either his mother or father. 

But Mingi never spoke of his past or why he moved from Seoul to a much smaller city near the countryside. Yunho wanted to ask, wanted to know what Mingi was so secretive about, but he feared he wasn’t the type of person to open up so easily. With how private Mingi was, he could’ve left home on his own accord, wanting a fresh start away from the place he grew up in.

Although Yunho had a gut feeling it was something personal, almost as if he was hiding from something. Mingi never even spoke of friends, only occasionally mentioning Seoul or his life before now.

Yunho exhaled a sigh, letting his head fall back onto the pillow. This time, he moved enough to rouse Mingi. He rolled onto his side, hand rubbing the sleep out of his eyes as he looked over at Yunho. “Can’t sleep?” his voice was rougher than normal, softer too.

“Yeah, dunno why,” Yunho mumbled. It was a lie, but he couldn’t tell Mingi the real reason why he was lying awake at such a late hour.

Mingi hummed in response, propping his head up in his hand to look down at Yunho. He was staring up at the ceiling until he turned to look at Mingi, silence between the two. 

Yunho bit at the dry skin on his lower lip for a moment before speaking. “Can I ask you something?” 

Mingi was still half asleep, but he nodded, eyes heavy with slumber. “Anything.”

“Why’d you move here? Out of anywhere else?” Yunho questioned softly.

Mingi blinked a few times, his face remained the same sleepy expression, lips twitching as if he wanted to speak but was struggling to find the right words. “I closed my eyes and pointed to a place on a map,” he finally answered.

Yunho stared at him, waited for him to giggle or maybe tell him it was just a joke, or to go to sleep. Though he never did, he just stared back at him with a deadpan expression. “Seriously?”

Mingi nodded, and despite the darkness, Yunho couldn’t find a hint of dishonesty on his face. He sat up slightly, brow furrowed in curiosity. “Why? Just because?”

“Yeah, just because,” Mingi repeated, but this time he rubbed harshly at his nose and looked away, not meeting Yunho’s eyes when he replied. Yunho knew that part wasn’t true, but he didn’t push any further; it was too late to keep bothering him. As if Mingi knew he wasn’t going to ask more questions, he lay back on his pillow, eyes shutting once more. “Let’s sleep now, yeah?”

Yunho paused for a moment but followed suit, lying back down and getting comfortable. “Okay,” he whispered. He still looked over at Mingi, giving him one more glance. He had his back turned to Yunho now, probably a bit put off by the conversation. The thought that Mingi could be hiding something from him almost made Yunho feel worse, a twist in his gut that made him feel off, yet he ignored it, letting sleep befall him before his thoughts could keep him up again.

It had been a bit weird the next morning. Mingi was quieter than usual. Instead of waking Yunho up with soft kisses, it was the sound of the old coffee maker that woke him. The smell of the strong brew filled his nose, along with the gurgling of the machine, rousing him from sleep. He turned to look at the clock next to the bed. It was nearly 8 am, almost time for Yunho to open the store at work.

He plopped down on the bed again, lying on his stomach with his head buried in the pillow to avoid the harsh sunlight pouring through the windows. His arm hung off the side of the bed lazily, in no rush to get ready. 

Mingi didn’t say anything, only pouring two mugs of coffee and adding a copious amount of milk and sugar to one, then setting it on the bedside table next to Yunho. He perched on the windowsill next to the bed, pulling a cigarette that was tucked behind his ear out and lighting it. 

“I don’t know how you smoke those. Hongjoong does too.” Yunho’s voice was muffled by the pillows he was buried in, but Mingi still heard him.

He didn’t look over at Yunho, instead keeping his gaze on whatever was happening outside the window. “It’s soothing, keeps you from getting all pent up.”

Yunho rolled over to peer up at Mingi. He wasn’t wearing a shirt, only a pair of plaid boxers that hung low around his hips. His hair was messy as usual, hanging in front of his eyes and sticking out in random places. The sun cast a beautiful glow over him, as it always did, illuminating every muscle on his toned body. He watched as he brought a hand to his mouth to take another drag of his cigarette, smoke exhaling from his pouted lips. 

“Hm,” Yunho had heard that before, yet still never saw the appeal. Yet for some reason, when Mingi lit up a cigarette, he wanted to inhale the smoke right from his mouth. Take a deep drag right from his lungs and taste the tobacco on his own tongue just to be that much closer to Mingi. Instead, he reached for the mug of coffee, taking a small sip tasting the sweet, creamy flavor before taking a more substantial drink.

“I don’t know how you drink your coffee with that much sugar.” Mingi retorted. Yunho glanced up at him, this time he was looking at Yunho, his eyes trailing over his body before looking at his face. 

Yunho raised a brow, hiding his smug look behind his mug. “Different strokes for different folks.” 

Mingi only scoffed at his reply, bringing his own mug to his lips. It was one he must’ve bought with him when he moved. There was a chip on the side, with big bold letters that read ‘SEOUL’. It was gimmicky, the kind of thing a tourist would buy to remember their vacation. Mingi had no other memorabilia it seemed, yet for some reason that mug was special to him.

“Sorry,” Yunho mumbled, nearly quiet enough not to hear, but of course, Mingi did.

By the way he paused midway from taking another sip of coffee, he was taken by surprise. “For what?” he asked.

“For um, bothering you last night.” Yunho felt heat rising to his cheeks, he had to look away just to avoid Mingi’s piercing gaze.

There was a moment of silence, it felt like minutes to Yunho, but it was probably only a few seconds. “Oh Yuyu, don’t worry about it,” Mingi spoke in the soft, comforting tone he used only between the two of them. He didn’t see Mingi move until he felt his touch on his chin, lifting his head to meet his eyes. He ran his thumb across Yunho’s lower lip, lingering for a bit longer than needed. “How about naengmyeon after work today, hm?”

The thought of cold flavorful noodles at their favorite spot made Yunho perk up, a smile spreading across his lips. “O-okay” he nodded, Mingi’s hand still under his chin, now holding it gently, the smell of the cigarette he had held earlier still lingered on his skin. “Can I have a kiss?” 

Mingi smiled back, leaning down just centimeters from Yunho’s face. “Of course puppy,”

↻      ◁     ||     ▷       ↺

Yunho wasn’t late this time, although Hongjoong did stand at the door waiting for him like a father waiting for their kid to come home before curfew. He managed to make it five minutes before the store opened, earning a smirk from Joong. The day went by slowly, with not many customers, therefore, they spent most of the afternoon restocking shelves and organizing the store. It was comforting. Hongjoong let Yunho pick the music, Nirvana playing lowly through the speakers. 

While fixing the window display to put up the latest pop albums to show, Yunho noticed Mingi standing in his normal spot across the street. He had on baggy jeans and an oversized black t-shirt with orange bleach stains across his chest. His skateboard was tucked under his arm, and he had his hands shoved in his pockets, bouncing slightly on the balls of his feet like he had too much energy to contain. Sunglasses covered his eyes, but Yunho could feel him staring. 

Yunho glanced up at the clock above the door, 4:05.

 He quickly set up the other CDs and vinyls, not paying much attention to their positions on the shelves. Hongjoong could yell at him for it later. He bolted to the back to grab his things. He found Hongjoong looking through a box of vinyls, checking the count against an order list. He looked up at Yunho, then back down at the box with a soft shake of his head. “Always excited to leave, huh?”

Yunho would’ve felt bad had this come from anyone else, but he knew Hongjoong well enough to know his dry sense of humor. “Yeah, gotta see a man about a dog,”

“Is that what we’re calling him now?” He asked while setting a record aside.

Yunho stilled, just for a moment, but long enough for Hongjoong to catch it. 

“Look Yunho,” he sighed, his tone was a bit more serious. “It’s obvious you really like Mingi, I’ve seen the way you look at him. The way he waits for you every day makes you forget about everything else in life.”

Yunho chuckled awkwardly, he knew he looked at Mingi like he hung the moon, but he liked to think he could control it. “We’re close, yeah.”

Hongjoong leaned back in his old office chair, his tone softened but still stern. “You ever learned about Icarus? The Greek mythology story about the guy who flew too close to the sun?”

Yunho nodded slowly, fingers gripping the strap of his bag tighter. Suddenly, the lightness of the conversation left, now a heavier tone in the room. 

“Mingi’s the sun, Yunho. He’s burning hot, like he’s always about to run or explode, but can’t decide on which to do first. I was like that at one point too, when I drank too much and too often just to numb whatever hurt I had inside.”

Yunho was silent, he knew Joong had a rough past too, but he’d never heard much about it. He felt the weight of Hongjoong’s words like bricks being placed on his shoulders. 

“There’s nothing wrong with being close, liking him. But just know Icarus’ wings failed him, and I hate to see the same happen to you. People like Mingi…” he trailed off, eyes looking away for a moment as he gathered his words. “They’ll let you in just enough to fall, then you suddenly see you were always on the edge of the cliff.”

Yunho stared down at his shoes, biting the inside of his cheek. “You make it seem like he’s no good.”

“All good comes with some ugly too.” Hongjoong replied a bit too quickly. 

Yunho swallowed the growing lump in his throat. He knew the things Joong had said came from a place of love, concern. But how could he not be so close with Mingi? The only person who truly saw him for who he was?

“Just…be careful. You may not know everything just yet.”

If any part of the conversation stuck out, it was that one sentence. No, Yunho didn’t know Mingi fully, but he wanted to. He wanted Mingi to trust him enough to let him in. And that had to count for something. “I’ll be careful,” he promised.

He meant it, even as he stepped outside, the previous feeling of his stomach sinking vanishing as soon as he saw Mingi, waiting for him like always. Mingi smiled, just a bit, flashing a hint of teeth, and suddenly Yunho’s worries washed away. 

“Hungry?” Mingi asked. 

Yunho hummed, “Always.”

The naegmyeon place they frequented had the aircon blasting as always when it was warm out, the old thing making more noise than the antenna television that sat on the front counter. It was currently playing the local news, which didn’t show much, the town usually didn’t have anything major to report on, nothing new, nothing exciting. 

That’s why Yunho felt stuck. 

Now, with Mingi sitting across from him at the small table, he felt a little less stagnant. A little more alive, a bit more interested. Yunho had already finished his food, his chopsticks set beside the bowl, only broth left. Mingi though always ate slowly, savouring the taste. The silence among them wasn’t uncomfortable, but there was something underneath it all. Yunho stared at the silver rings that were stacked on his fingers, the way he spun one with a cross emblem around his forefinger with his thumb. 

“You’re like Icarus, and Mingi’s the sun.”

Hongjoong’s voice echoed through Yunho’s mind, he was able to push it back earlier but now, in the silence they’d resurfaced. It continued circling his thoughts until Mingi spoke, bringing him back to reality. 

“I talked to a friend today.”

Yunho perked up at hearing that, brows slightly raising. “From Seoul?” he asked, suddenly intrigued. 

Mingi nodded, swirling the last bit on noodles in his bowl with his chopsticks. “He wants me to come back,”

Yunho tensed, blinking a few times, looking at Mingi for any sort of indicator of how he felt about the situation. “Oh,” he responded carefully. 

“I told him over my dead body,” Mingi added. He lifted the bowl to drink some broth, still casual as ever. “I don’t want anything to do with that place.”

Yunho let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. The way Mingi mentioned Seoul was as if it didn’t deserve to be called by its name. ‘That place’ like it was a physical thing that hurt him, not just a city. “You don’t want to go back? Not even to visit your friends?”

Mingi shrugged indifferently. “I miss the people, not the place. Too many memories I’d rather leave behind.”

Yunho wanted to ask what he meant, what those memories were. Why did they haunt him the way they did? But he didn’t, not yet. 

“Maybe your friends could come here?” Yunho offered, trying to lighten the mood. “I’d like to meet them.”

Mingi looked at him, eyes narrowed. “You wanna hang out with a bunch of rejects like me?”

“You’re not a reject,” Yunho responded a bit too eagerly, leaning forward to further his point. “You’re different, but you’re still you. There’s nothing wrong with being different.”

A pause followed, and Mingi blinked a few times, seemingly thinking about Yunho’s words. Letting them hang in the air as he fiddled with the ring on his forefinger. “You sound like San. He would always say stuff like, ‘You’re not broken, just a little bent.’”

“Sounds like a good friend to me,” Yunho chidded, his voice softer now. “You’re Mingi, and that’s more than enough.”

A small smile tugged at Mingi’s lips, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. Almost like he wanted to believe what Yunho was saying, but couldn’t let himself do so. 

“I wish everyone thought of me the way you do, Yuyu.”

Yunho didn’t respond this time, just looked at Mingi, really looked– the messy bleached locks of hair, the shadows under his eyes that made him look a bit tired, the way his shoulders always seemed to be carrying something too heavy. Despite that, Yunho still saw the light in Mingi, the fire in him that was still there beyond the cold exterior he put up. 

‘All good comes with some ugly too.’

Maybe Yunho accepted his ugly, the part Mingi didn’t want to name. That’s the part that made it all feel real. 

Later, they ended up at Yunho’s, it was closer than walking back to Mingi’s, bellies full of savory noodles and tired from the relentless heat. They laid on Yunho’s bed, the TV was on in the background, commercials playing after a sitcom had aired. They were curled around one another, Yunho’s head on Mingi’s chest, his fingers carding through Yunho’s hair. He could feel Mingi’s other hand on his back, rubbing soothing circles into his skin. 

“Yuyu?” Mingi’s voice was low and husky, only loud enough for Yunho to hear. Yunho moved to look at him. “If I got you a dog tag, would you wear it?” 

Yunho froze, his muscles tensing after hearing the question. There was a long pause, Yunho’s mind reeling with thoughts. A dog tag, as if he were a pet, as if Mingi were his owner, the thought alone made his cock stir in interest. The excitement must’ve shown on his face with the way Mingi giggled. “Yes, I think I’d like it very much,” Yunho replied. He could feel his cheeks and ears heating up from arousal and a hint of embarrassment. “I wouldn’t take it off.”

Mingi softly bit at his lower lip for a moment, tongue poking out to wet it before speaking. Yunho’s eyes were on his mouth now, watching the way his tongue and mouth moved while he spoke. “My sweet puppy,”

Yunho closed the gap between them, not that there was much to close, their lips connected softly, immediately falling into sync with one another. There was a feeling that grew in his chest, a feeling of warmth and passion that made his heart beat fast and his palms sweaty. He wanted Mingi all to himself, all of him, the good, the bad, the ugly.

The kiss was passionate, less haste behind it than their usual makeout sessions. This time, there was no rush, tongues lazily sliding against one another until salvia threatened to spill past their lips. Mingi’s hands gripped Yunho’s hips, thumbs pressing right into his prominent hip bones and fingers holding him hard enough to leave marks behind. 

Mingi was the one to break the kiss, both of them panting for air and a string of spit still connecting the two. Yunho whined, his cheeks flushed a pretty rosy red, and his brown hair messy, falling in his eyes. Mingi couldn’t help but smile at how ruined his puppy looked already. 

“Can you be a good boy for me tonight?” Mingi asked, brushing a lock of Yunho’s hair behind his ear. Yunho nodded quickly, his stare lustful and heavy-lidded. “If you listen well, you’ll get to fuck me, wouldn’t you like that?”

A exhale of air left Yunho’s chest, it almost sounded like a gasp, although it was more of him sighing in delight at the thought of getting to fuck Mingi. He wanted to be good to get his reward, meaning he’d do anything Mingi told him. “Yes, I’ll listen,”

Mingi moved further up the bed, legs spread to allow for room to let Yunho crawl right between them. Mingi didn’t need to speak, only lifting his arms to motion to let Yunho get closer. 

He sat in front of him, letting Mingi settle him in the position he wanted with his back against his chest and both of them facing forward. Yunho could feel Mingi’s nose brushing against the skin of his neck, the soft feeling of his breath ghosting over his skin, giving him goosebumps. His hands ran over the expanse of his chest, playfully teasing one of his nipples over his faded band tee. 

It was enough to have Yunho biting his lip in anticipation, hips moving in interest. His cock was already hard, a noticeable bulge in his shorts that had ridden up his thighs from squirming. “Now I’m gonna play with you, and you have to let me know when you're about to come, okay?”

Yunho gripped at Mingi’s thighs, which were next to his own, the feeling of his warm skin grounding him. “O-okay,”

Mingi hummed in response, mouthing at his neck, his hand drifting above his boxers and cupping his clothed erection in one hand. The contact was barely anything, but Yunho still bucked into his hand, looking for stimulation. Mingi applied just the right amount of pressure, palming until Yunho began whining.

“Always so needy,” Mingi mumbled, his fingers now working to undo the button of his shorts. It gave Yunho a bit of relief, his cock throbbing the more Mingi groped him. His gray boxers had a wet spot, pre-cum coating the fabric. Yunho was embarrassed at how excited he was from barely any foreplay. All Mingi had done was touch him, grope him, and he could barely contain his arousal. Mingi’s index finger rubbed over the head of his cock, rubbing the sticky wetness over his already soaked boxers. “Look at you making a mess, and we’ve only just started.”

Yunho bit his lip, his ears now red, yet he couldn’t look away from the way Mingi stretched a string of seminal fluid connecting from his cock to his finger. It was obscene, but Yunho had never been more turned on. 

“Need you to touch me, please, Min,” Yunho breathed. It was desperate, but he needed it. Yunho could feel it throughout his body, he wanted nothing more than for Mingi to wrap his skilled fingers around his cock and make him feel good. 

“Hm, do you really want it?” Mingi asked. This time, he took the head of his cock between his index finger and thumb and pinched. There was a jolt of slight pain, but the sound that Yunho let out was unlike any other. 

“Ah! Oh!” His back arched, trying to move away, yet Mingi’s arm around his chest prevented him from doing so. A mean giggle came from Mingi, along with another kiss to his sensitive neck. “I want it–please, I want it,”

Mingi listened to his begging, watching the way Yunho’s legs began to shake and tremble. “I would make you wait, but you’re just too cute.” 

His hands reached into Yunho’s now soaked boxers to wrap his hand around his cock, the air felt cool on his bare skin, the wetness adding to the chill. Yunho couldn’t help but thrust into Mingi’s hand, the slick glide giving no resistance. Before he could process what happened, a sharp sting was felt on his thigh. Mingi had spanked him, right on his upper thigh. It waas sudden, but once Yunho got over the initial shock, he moaned. The slight pain made his cock twitch in interest. 

“Good boys sit still,” Mingi’s voice was low, right in Yunho’s ear. His hand hadn’t moved to stroke him yet, but he did start rubbing his thumb around the head of his cock, spreading the leaking fluids on his skin. “So wet, you like being spanked?”

Yunho bit his lip, the blush extending to his upper chest now. He liked it, he liked it so much he wanted to ask Mingi to do it again. “Feels good when it hurts,” he admitted. 

A sigh was heard from Mingi, as if he’d been waiting for Yunho to say those words. “I know it does baby,” He started at a slow pace, too slow for Yunho’s liking. He tried his best not to move, to keep still like Mingi had told him, but he couldn’t help it. His hips lifted to meet Mingi’s hand on each downstroke, biting his lip to try and muffle the whines leaving his mouth. 

Another harsh slap landed on his thigh, this time slightly harder than the last. Mingi didn’t stop stroking him either, the mix of pain and pleasure becoming one for Yunho. “You’re enjoying that, aren’t you?”

Yunho moaned, his hips meeting Mingi’s hand on every downstroke. Mingi’s hand felt so good, his cock steadily drooling over the other’s knuckles, creating a wet mess. He knew if Mingi continued even at his slow pace, he was bound not to last very long. Yunho could feel his cock throbbing, right on the verge of blowing his load. He was biting his lip hard enough to draw blood, finally releasing it to let out a high-pitched whine. 

Mingi sped up his strokes, still not moving too quickly, his tongue running along the column of Yunho’s neck. The rings that Mingi had neglected to take off dug into the skin of the thigh that he had spanked earlier, pinching the soft flesh, adding to the addictive pain. “O-oh I’m gonna–”

He couldn’t even finish his sentence before his orgasm hit him, his back arching and hips stuttering to meet Mingi’s languid pumps. The initial release was so good he almost felt lightheaded, a sudden rush of adrenaline flooding his system. Mingi stroked him through it, Yunho’s cum coating his knuckles as he kept going. The sight turned Mingi on so much, the fact that he could make his puppy so aroused so easily was the most satisfying thing to him. He brought his now soiled hand to his lips, giving them a lick just to taste the bitter and tangy come, which made his mouth water. 

Yunho had come down from his orgasm, now lying limp in Mingi’s arms, chest rising and falling quickly after coming so hard. He lazily looked up at Mingi, who was stretching the cooling cum between his fingers. He brought his hand to his mouth, licking at the substance. He moaned once the taste hit his palate, eyes heavy with lust. “You taste so good, puppy,” He moaned, his cheeks flushed red and eyes heavy. “Wanna try?” 

Yunho had never tasted his come, sure, he had been curious, but would always stop himself from even trying. Despite that, he’s swallowed Mingi’s, and he knew that turned him on, so what was the difference with his own? He nodded, a soft hum followed with his tongue poking out to coax Mingi into feeding him his own secretion.

Two fingers slipped past Yunho’s lips, and his mouth filled with saliva. The salty yet bitter taste wasn’t much different than Mingi’s. He swirled his tongue around Mingi’s fingers, licking them clean without even being told to do so. He could feel Mingi’s long fingers pressing down on his tongue, almost deep enough in his mouth to make Yunho gag. When he pulled them out with a soft pop, there wasn’t a hint of the milky substance left, only wet with saliva. 

Mingi grinned, letting his thumb run across Yunho’s bottom lip. “Has my puppy earned his reward?”

“Yes! I’m a good boy,” Yunho pleaded. His eyes were wide, staring up at the other with a sultry look. His cock was already half-hard, his first orgasm only satisfying him temporarily. He even sported a small pout, his heart-shaped lips jutted out to enhance his pleas. 

Mingi ran his tongue across the inside of his cheek, his eyes dark. Yunho could feel his cock pressing against his lower back, having not been touched since they started. He looked to be thinking, wondering if Yunho’s begging was enough. There wasn’t much of a decision to make. Mingi wanted badly to have Yunho’s cock, hear his needy whines and moans. 

He swiftly moved from behind Yunho, a shoulder pushing him back into his sheets. He landed with a grunt, and within seconds, Mingi had shed his bottom layers, moving to straddle Yunho’s hips. Yunho’s hands grabbed his hips, their cocks brushing together, making Mingi’s hips stutter. 

“Always so excited, so happy even for the smallest amount of attention,” Mingi spoke softly, the same soft voice he used when it was only the two of them alone. He reached over to grab the spare bottle of lube that Mingi had stashed in his bedside table weeks ago. “You wanna make me feel good, puppy?”

“Y-yes,” Yunho nodded quickly, almost embarrassed by how fast he was to take any form of Mingi’s attention or praise. “Yes, please.”

“Of course you do.” Mingi hummed, letting Yunho take the bottle of lube and add a generous amount to his fingers. He was still a bit clumsy, especially with Mingi on top, but he was able to reach behind and prod at the other’s hole with his index finger. A groan came from Mingi, his eyes fluttering for a moment before finding his words. “Go on, it’s okay,”

Yunho listened, pressing his index finger into Mingi’s tight hole, going slowly so as not to cause too much discomfort. It was always a treat for Yunho to prep Mingi; watching the way he slowly lost himself on his fingers was a sight to see. Once his finger was fully seated, he added another, curling his fingers slightly to find that spot that made Mingi’s cock drool. 

“Oh fuck, your fingers are so good.” Mingi’s hands ran up Yunho’s chest, his hips practically grinding against his fingers. His cock was sticky and wet as it slapped against his tummy from the movement. “Enough, fuck me already,” It was a half-demand and half-plea, Yunho could tell from his tone. He pulled his fingers out, a pout immediately forming on Mingi’s lips from the loss of stimulation. 

“I’ve been a good boy? I can get my reward now?” Yunho asked, his cock already lined up with Mingi’s hole, all he needed to do was sink onto it, yet he kept still. “Please?”

Mingi leaned down to place a kiss on Yunho’s lips, surprisingly chaste given the situation. “My special boy, of course, you deserve it.” He lowered his hips, guiding Yunho’s leaking cock into his hole, the stretch making him hiss from the stretch. 

Yunho had to grip Mingi’s hips harder, fingernails digging into the flesh bound to leave half-moon shapes behind. The tightness around his cock felt so good that his eyes rolled under his lids after the head was fully in. “O-oh, Min,” 

It took all the willpower in Yunho to not thrust upwards to close the gap between their hips, wanting to chase the wet tightness. Mingi took him inch by inch, slowly letting Yunho’s cock breach his hole, soft pants the only thing Yunho’s ears could hear. Once he was fully seated, he paused, still not moving his hips. 

Yunho squirmed as much as he could, pinned under Mingi, tears now threatening to slip down his cheeks. “Min p-please, h-hh need you to move, please, f-fuck,”

It must’ve been enough desperate begging for Mingi, because he began bouncing on Yunho’s cock so hard the bed creaked beneath them. The sound of skin slapping against skin wasn’t enough to cover up the loud pornish moans that erupted from Yunho’s mouth. He had to bend his knees and plant his heels into the mattress just to keep from moving too much. 

The feeling of Mingi slamming down on his cock was almost too much, already highly sensitive from coming once, the glide against his slick walls was nearly too overwhelming. His vision blurred slightly from salty tears pooling in his eyes, the near overstimulation sending him into a place of bliss he didn’t know he could reach. 

“Puppy’s cock fucks me so good, so deep,” Mingi panted, his tan skin had a sheen of sweat from his vigorous movements, but in Yunho’s eyes, it made him look even more ethereal. Mingi’s firm hands were planted on his chest, pinning him down to keep him from squirming too much. 

He whined, throwing his head back and squeezing his eyes shut, the sensitivity and overstimulation quickly turned into burning pleasure. “O-oh, m-more, hurts…” A deep blush reddened on Yunho’s face, yet he opened his eyes and looked right at Mingi just to beg. “Please, hurts so good, p-puppy wants to come,”

A Mingi had a devilish smile as he reached up with one hand until his fingers pushed past Yunho’s bitten lips. He invited them without hesitation, almost immediately drooling on the two fingers that pressed down on his tongue. “Such a needy little pup, always begging for more.”

His fingers pushed deeper into Yunho’s mouth every time Mingi came down on his cock, making him gag slightly at the intrusion. His tongue lolled out, eyes half-lidded with a mix of fresh and dried tears staining his cheeks. He looked utterly fucked out, incapable of forming any thoughts outside of Mingi and the way his cock throbbed inside him. 

Mingi seemed to be close, his legs shaking from exertion and the need to cum, hair sticking to his forehead with sweat. His cock was an angry shade of red, his pre-cum pooling on Yunho’s tummy. He continued sucking on the fingers in his mouth, saliva dripping down his chin to soak the sheets under him. With his heels planted in the mattress, he was able to thrust upwards every time Mingi slammed down on his cock, making the sound of skin on skin even louder. 

Yunho must’ve hit Mingi’s prostate with the way he nearly keeled over, mouth hanging open and cock spurting a generous amount of fluid. “Oh, yes, keep going,” Mingi moaned, more high-pitched than he was before. It was like a dam broke loose with the way Yunho began thrusting up in Mingi, unable to hold back any longer. 

Mingi pulled his long fingers out of Yunho’s mouth just at the right time. All it took was one more hard thrust, and Yunho was seeing stars. “C-coming, coming, f-fuck”

Eyes rolling back into his head and head thrown back into the pillows, Yunho came, cock pulsating inside Mingi so hard that he could feel Mingi’s walls spasming around him. His hearing was clouded by his own moans and the sound of blood rushing in his ears. His hand gripped the soft fat of Mingi’s ass hard, forcing him to stay fully seated on his cock while he orgasmed and pumped him full.  

Mingi wasn’t far behind, his hand reaching down to fist his own cock a few times before he was coming too, ropes of come coating Yunho’s chest and stomach, far enough to hit his chin with the amount of cum he released. He fell forward, right onto Yunho’s chest after coming down, the mix of sweat and cum mixing between them. 

“My good boy,” Mingi hummed as he pressed a soft kiss to Yunho’s cheek right where his tears had dried. “You did such a good job,”

Yunho’s arms wrapped around the other almost instinctively, the mix of both their fluids on his body the least of his concerns. His mind was still reeling from his orgasm, feeling fuzzy around the edges as he listened to Mingi whisper soft praises into his ear. It was like Mingi’s voice was the only thing he could hear, eyes closed, inhaling the familiar scent that was Mingi, faded cigarettes, and a hint of his eucalyptus shampoo. 

“You’ll look so good with my name around your neck,” Mingi whispered against Yunho’s skin. 

And Yunho couldn’t wait to be his, owned, to be someone’s. The warmth in his chest spread like a growing fire under his skin. He didn’t care if Mingi was all he could think about, if he was falling too hard, too fast. Yunho was no better than a dog, hanging onto Mingi’s every command. 

And he fucking loved it. 

Chapter Text

September

Yunho thought the need for Mingi would subside, maybe the excitement would slowly wear off over time. But it never did, his desire for Mingi only grew stronger as time went on. 

Over the weeks with him, they had fallen into a comfortable, familiar rhythm. Mingi would cook them dinners, and they’d stay up late watching movies or listening to music. It always ended with heated make outs and passionate sex that left Yunho craving more. Most would assume they’re just close friends, but behind closed doors, it was much more than a simple friendship. Yunho was Mingi’s, a shared secret that they kept just for them. 

The more time they spent together, the better Yunho got at guitar, his weak and uncertain strums turning into convincing notes and small melodies. He still couldn’t play a song, but nonetheless he was improving. 

Mingi would play for Yunho in the evening, sitting on his windowsill with the early autumn breeze flowing in, softly strumming while Yunho sat on the bed watching, attentive, listening. His fingers moved so fluidly, unlike Yunho's, never hesitating when switching chords. 

Yunho could only imagine him in a band, playing in packed bars in Seoul with hundreds of people watching. It must’ve been a sight to see Mingi shredding a guitar, completely lost in the music on stage. Oh, how he would’ve loved to see Mingi perform, only Yunho knew nothing about his band. All he had was pure speculation, a vivid imagination of Mingi’s band days.

Hongjoong had been less on Yunho’s case lately since he stopped showing up late, now making sure to get there at least five minutes early. He still would ask about Mingi occasionally, questioning him about their time together, or how things were faring out, but Yunho only saw it as him being concerned, being cautious that they weren’t too out of hand. 

Now in the tail end of summer, the hot weather was finally giving way with chilly mornings and evenings. The leaves had turned a beautiful shade of burnt orange, littering the pathway that he and Mingi currently walked along.  

It was Yunho’s day off, and Mingi insisted they venture out and enjoy his favorite season. Autumn. He had his guitar in a soft case strapped on his back, signature baggy black jeans, and a black sweater with so many holes it was barely even considered a sweater anymore. He wore a white long-sleeve underneath as an extra layer, and a black beanie to cover his longer hair. He still hadn’t re-dyed it, the ends a shade of brassy white mixed with his natural brown roots. His chunky boots made a satisfying crunch against the fallen leaves as they walked, and added a bit to his height. Yunho liked the way it made him feel smaller walking alongside him. 

The air was a bit chilly, but nothing compared to the freezing winters caked in layers of snow the small province experienced every year. Yunho was still dressed warmly, yet fairly simple, with loose blue jeans and an oversized grey sweatshirt. His beaten-up sneakers needed a good wash, but since Mingi had doodled on the rubber toes, he never wanted to scrub them clean again. Yunho enjoyed their comfortable silence, arms brushing together as they always walked so closely to one another. 

After a few minutes, they reached their destination, a small park near the neighborhood. There was a playground and a wide spread of grass with benches scattered to enjoy the rest of the park. Thankfully, it was later in the day, and there weren’t many people, only a few older ladies walking along the paths, seemingly far off. 

Mingi scanned the area momentarily, his cheeks tinted pink from the chilly air around them. “Let's find a good spot,” 

Yunho followed him, even though he had been to the park more times than he could count. He remembers the late nights as a teenager listening to music with his portable cassette player on the swings. How lonely he’d felt, just him and his cassettes as he mulled over his thoughts. 

Mingi found a bench that was surrounded by trees, not too close to the path that circled the park, but still had a view of the grass and trees around it. He sat down with a sigh, setting his guitar case next to him. Yunho, as always, sat close enough that their thighs were touching, but Mingi made no move to scoot over. 

“What song do you want me to play?” Mingi asked, he was looking at Yunho when he spoke, biting at his chapped lips. He unzipped his case and set his black guitar on his lap. It was beaten up around the edges but still smelled of polished wood and laquer, with various stickers covering the case.

Yunho thought for a moment before responding, he needed to look away from Mingi in order to focus and come up with an answer. Looking at him directly would make him lose his train of thought. “Linger, by the Cranberries.”

Mingi had put his pick between his teeth while he waited for him to respond, a bright smile erupting once he heard Yunho’s answer. He strummed the strings of the guitar to check if they were in tune. Once he was satisfied with the sound of each note, he tapped his foot on the ground to pick up a tempo, then played the first few notes. 

Yunho didn’t know the lyrics, the entire song was in English which he wasn’t fluent in despite the many lessons in school. Regradless, he loved the song, the soft guitar and violins in the background, the singer's raw vocals. He watched as Mingi played, and at this moment he wished he owned one of those new digital cameras. 

Mingi looked so beautiful with his guitar and black clothes in total contrast to the orange and red leaves around them. He glowed with the sun hitting his face, the hair around his neck softly rustling with the breeze. Yunho wanted to capture this moment and frame it, a candid photo of their time together. Instead he settled for trying to absorb the image in his head, commit it to memory so he’d never forget a single detail. 

Yunho swayed with the song, softly humming under his breath taking in the sights around him. He got that warm fuzzy feeling in his stomach again, the feeling he didn’t know how to name, the one that made his hands clammy and his heart rate increase. It felt as if his chest would explode with affection for Mingi at any moment.

 Before he knew it the song was over, but Yunho almost didn’t catch the way that Mingi effortlessly kept playing in the same tune as ‘Linger’. It wasn’t an actual song, but still sounded like one even with him making it up on the spot. His fingers moved on their own swiftly, not even looking down at the instrument. 

“Why is autumn your favorite season?” Yunho suddenly asked. He had been wondering since Mingi dragged him out of his apartment to the park. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to go out, but autumn seemed like such a random season for Mingi to choose. 

Mingi continued playing as he replied, strumming his guitar at a low volume. “It’s when the trees look the prettiest, the weather isn’t too cold or warm, everything in life seems to slow down.”

Yunho thought this over for a moment, and for him it made sense, his favorite season was spring, right after the snow started to melt and the pretty flowers started to bloom. They were on two ends of the spectrum, autumn and spring, day and night, yet their connection to one another was so strong. “Maybe you bloom in autumn, like flowers in spring.”

Mingi stopped playing when he heard what Yunho said, his chipped black fingernails halting against the frets. Yunho looked over at him, and it was probably the first time he had ever seen Mingi blush, a true one, cheeks burning red as he stared. 

Yunho stared back, their gazes speaking louder than any words that could be exchanged. Yunho saw something different in Mingi’s eyes that day, the light casting down on them to show how his pupils dilated, suddenly breathing harder than he was before. It felt like the world had stopped, and they were the only two on the planet. 

The ‘mushy’ feeling Yunho had named it came back full force. Butterflies in his tummy and an overwhelming desire for the other. 

Mingi’s lips twitched as if he wanted to speak, his mouth opening and closing a few times before he found the right words. “I think that’s the sweetest thing anyone has said to me,”

Now Yunho was the one blushing, he adjusted the glasses on his face and let out a shy giggle, finally breaking the intense eye contact. Suddenly the sounds of the world around them could be heard again. “Oh shut up, don’t get all sappy.”

“You started it,” Mingi smiled playfully. They fell into their usual banter where they sounded more like old friends, as if they’d known each other forever.  

They stayed at the park until the sun had gone down, Mingi playing his guitar and Yunho listening and requesting his favorite songs. Once it was  too cold for them to stay, they went back home, now sitting with two mugs of hot chocolate at Yunho’s low coffee table. There was a small space heater underneath it, allowing them to warm up after a cold walk home. 

Mingi used his Seoul cup as always, his fingers wrapped around the white ceramic with a lit cigarette in his right hand. Yunho didn’t own any ashtrays, so he used an old soda can with the top haphazardly cut off. He tapped a blob of ash off and brought the stick to his lips taking a deep inhale. 

Yunho stared at Mingi hands, the rough callouses on his fingertips from hours of playing guitar, the redness of his knuckles from the cold air. His silver ring embossed with a cross, the chipped black polish on his nails. 

His mind wandered to the conversation at the convenience store, how the cashier knew who Mingi was. The phone call from Mingi’s friend begging him to return to Seoul. He knew Mingi was in a band, there was no denying it now. He’d put the pieces together from countless hours for thinking, laying awake at night wondering about Mingi’s past. The lack of knowledge was eating away at Yunho, all he wanted was to get to know Mingi better. Find out more about the layer of mystery that hung around his past. What kept him up was how Mingi hid so much from him. 

Yunho wasn’t dumb, he might be a lovesick fool, but he’d like to think he still had some rationality about him. That’s what bothered him, did Mingi think he could keep hiding away and Yunho wouldn’t pry? He was only human, bound to find out from Mingi himself or another way regardless. Secrets can only be kept for so long before they come spilling out. 

Eventually through Yunho’s flurry of thoughts, curiosity got the better of him, words coming out before he could stop it. “What was your band like? The one you were back in Seoul?” Yunho’s voice was quiet, treading lightly with his question. 

Mingi exhaled his smoke, then took a sip of the steaming liquid in his mug. The long pause wasn’t too heavy, yet Yunho felt the need to shift in his seat just to give himself something to do. 

“It was a rock band, we weren’t very popular but we played a few gigs here and there.” Mingi replied. He didn’t seem put off by the question, and didn't try to deny it, so Yunho dug further. 

“Well if you played gigs you must’ve had some sort of fanbase right?” He perked up at this, sitting straight and slightly leaning forward. “How many of you were there?”

“Five,” Mingi answered. “Four now.”

“Did you sing?”

Mingi chuckled, really it was more of a scoff at the mention of him singing. “No, I let the guitar do all the talking.”

His response made sense to Yunho, Mingi didn’t seem like the lead singer type. Although his rough voice would probably sound great in a rock band even as a backup vocalist. “I bet you had women falling at your feet when you played those gigs,”

Mingi smiled, his mug covered some of it since he bought it to his lips, a flash of his white teeth showing. “Men too.”

Yunho blushed at this response. He could imagine some small bar with Mingi and his other band members up onstage, women waiting for them to finish their set, only for Mingi to deny all of them and flirt with a man instead. Would he have hookups with fans at the club? Fuck them in one of the bathroom stalls after his shows? Yunho wished he could’ve met Mingi in such a way, but would he still be as interested in him if that were the case?  

“I’m sure I’d be a fan of you guys,” Yunho replied. he played with the sleeve of his sweater absentmindedly as he talked. “I’ve never been to a gig before, but I bet it's so cool, especially in a big city like Seoul.”

A soft smile appeared on Mingi’s lips, one that reminded Yunho of the way a child looks at their pet. Pure adoration. “Have you ever been?”

“No,” Yunho seemed shy to admit it, but he had never stepped foot in the big city. He had no reason to go, nor the desire until recently. “But I want to. Wanna see you play onstage one day, I’ll be front and center cheering you on.”

Mingi seemed pleased with Yunho’s interest, not finding the conversation uncomfortable at all. He loved seeing the way Yunho lit up when talking about music or his old band. If Yunho had a tail, it’d be wagging behind him in that moment. “Oh I know you would,”

Yunho beamed, hiding his smile behind his fingers. “Did you have a name? All rock bands have to have a cool name.”

It was at this that Mingi faltered, just for a split second. Yunho didn’t seem to notice the slight hesitation, too busy thinking about the topic itself. Mingi ran his hand through his hair and took another drag of his cigarette. “We were called Cyphr.”

Yunho made a noise of awe. Mingi laughed at his reaction, finally stubbing out his cigarette in the empty soda can. “It was short for ‘Decipher’, but we shortened it and spelled it differently.” He explained further. 

“I can tell by name alone you guys were popular,” Yunho admitted. The name was unique and edgy, just like his Mingi. 

Mingi spun his ring around his finger a few times. He seemed shy from the compliment, bashful, almost. “We were alright, nothing to brag about really.” his hand came to rub the back of his neck as he avoided eye contact with Yunho across from him. 

Now that couldn’t be true, if Cyphr were big enough to play shows in bars or clubs, more than once, to have some random guy in a convenience store miles away from Seoul. Even if it were smaller shows, they had to have been popular. They seemed to get better recognition than most musicians get when starting. What could make him leave that behind? Playing in a band with your friends, living in a place where the potential was essentially endless. It was something Yunho could only dream of. 

The question was at the tip of his tongue, yet the words stuck in his throat. Why was it so hard for Yunho to just ask? To just get the words out, cure the need to know more about Mingi, why was he so quiet about his past? Yunho felt like he knew everything yet nothing all at the same time, only knowing a version that Mingi wanted him to see. 

“Just…be careful, you don’t know everything yet”

Hongjoong’s words stuck with him, his voice clear in his mind. He didn’t know, but he was determined to find out.

Mingi had collected their now-empty mugs, standing in the kitchen washing them carefully. Yunho watched him, the way he did so with such care. The Seoul mug was old and worn, but well-used. 

Yunho stared at the lonely cup on the counter when he finally found his words. 

“Tell me about Seoul,”

Mingi’s back was turned to Yunho, but his shoulders still tensed, arms stiffening. The sink kept running for a while, the sound of rushing water permeating the silence. Mingi didn’t turn around, only stood at the sink, the tap still going. 

“Please?” Yunho tried. Maybe if he pushed a bit more, asked nicely, it would all come spilling out. Maybe Mingi would figure out he could trust Yunho. Whatever it was he was hiding about his past, it was safe with him. 

Mingi was safe with him.

“Mingi?”

The last plea is what brought Mingi back to reality, turning off the faucet and abandoning the rest of the dishes in the sink. “You really wanna know, huh?”

He didn’t sound upset, not in the slightest. There was tiredness in his tone, defeat perhaps. He turned to face Yunho, his expression was neutral, save for the way he chewed on his bottom lip. His arms were crossed over his chest, his head hung low, and his hair covered his eyes. He looked vulnerable, soft, and boyish. 

“I do,” Yunho picked at the dry skin around his thumbnail out of nervousness. “What happened? Why’d you leave?”

Mingi took a sharp inhale as if he was going to speak, yet no words came out. Instead, he looked off to the side, unable to meet Yunho’s eyes. “It’s not what you think,” he started, but hesitated. He dragged a hand through his hair and closed his eyes for a moment. “And I don’t want you to see me differently either.”

Yunho rose from his spot on the floor, moving to stand in front of Mingi. He took the other's hand in his, rubbing his thumb over Mingi’s knuckles. “Nothing could do such a thing,” Yunho meant every word. There wasn’t anything Mingi could say that would drive him away. Not after everything they’ve shared together.

Mingi looked up at Yunho, held his gaze momentarily before speaking. “Okay, I trust you.”

Yunho felt his chest swell with pride, grateful that Mingi was willing to put faith in him. He knew it wasn’t easy either, being so open and vulnerable with another person. Mingi guided them to sit on the bed, settling right next to one another, shoulders touching. 

Mingi shut his eyes, as though he was remembering everything again. “I joined the band right after high school. I had always loved rock music, the style, the aesthetic. I was an outcast because of it, always called the ‘scary one’. I didn’t care, I think I preferred to be alone anyway. Kids are mean, but I grew thick skin from the bullying. It wasn’t until I met San, we were in the same class and he approached me, handed me a CD that he’d burnt some songs onto. Told me to listen to them and tell him what tracks I liked,”

Yunho listened intently, picturing a young Mingi sitting in a busy cafeteria, alone, invisible to his peers around him. An entire classroom full of kids chattering to one another while Mingi was by himself. He must’ve looked so soft, so gentle with his natural brown hair and school uniform. How lonely he must’ve been. 

“At first I was wondered why he even wanted to speak to me. No one ever did. But I went home and listened to the whole thing over and over. It was mostly rock, with some indie and punk. When I brought it back to him, he just smiled and said, ‘I knew you’d like them.’ After that, San introduced me to the rest of his friends, Wooyoung, Yeosang, and Seonghwa. We all shared a love for rock, the grunge-punk lifestyle. Even though I had infiltrated their group, they welcomed me as if I belonged. It was the first time I felt like I did belong.”

“When the idea of starting a band came up, we were all  excited at the thought of it. A bunch of eighteen-year-olds in a rock band, what could go wrong? We pooled money together for some beaten up equipment and started up as soon as possible. At our first practice, we had no clue what to do, so we tried our best to just cover a song we already knew. Wooyoung’s parents let us use their basement, and that became our space.”

Mingi smiled faintly, his gaze distant, warm. Yunho has never had a true friend group, besides Hongjoong and Jongho. Now he knows what it feels like to have a person, someone who accepts him for who he is. The comfort and solidarity that comes with it was incomparable to anything else.

"We were rejects with a dream, we didn’t want to become famous, we did it because we loved music, it gave us a purpose. We practiced every day, until Wooyoung’s mother forced us to go home or said we were being too loud. The only thing was that I didn’t have much of a home anyway. My mother left when I was young, and my father…” his brows knit together, eyes wandering, with a lingering sadness. “Well, he wasn’t much of a father. So I ended up mostly with Wooyoung and San. I’d crash on Wooyoung’s bedroom floor or San’s couch. After some time, months of practice, we actually sounded cohesive. It was Yeosang on bass, San as the drummer, Wooyoung and I on guitar, and Seonghwa sang.”

“Wooyoung also got us our first gig, he’d taped us playing, and walked into a bar asking if we could have a set there. Thankfully, he’s better with people than me, because two weeks later we played our first show. That’s where we started gaining traction, people would tell us we played so loud and hard the floor vibrated, that we really had some potential. After a few sets, we got asked to play at other clubs in Hongdae and Itaewon. It was my first taste of freedom, of nightlife, being accepted.”

Mingi reached for his cigarettes, opening the pack and putting a stick between his lips. It was for comfort mostly, giving him something else to focus on other than the story he was telling. He pat down his pockets for his lighter, even though it was on the table beside Yunho. He grabbed it, thumbing the wheel and holding out the flame for Mingi. He leaned over, setting the end alight and taking a few deep inhales before continuing. 

“After awhile, I fell into some bad shit, we’d play a gig and those shitty bars and clubs always had all types of drugs floating around. At first, it was just some weed or snow here and there, something to celebrate another good set or to have fun. Maybe a bump before a show, during the afterparty. The others did it too, but they seemed to know when to stop. I didn’t.” Mingi’s breath was shaky as he spoke. 

“I knew it was bad when I started craving it, feeling like I needed it to play well or function properly. Seonghwa was the first to call me out, told me I needed to stop while I still had the chance, but I didn’t care. The other members tried to get me to stop too, but I was too far gone. The pills, the snow, it made me feel good, the alcohol too.”

“I used to be really fucking reckless,” Mingi said quitely, “I did a lot of shit I regret, that I wouldn’t do now. All that snow, the pills, it made me forget who I was. I lost myself. I looked in the mirror and didn’t recognize the reflection staring back at me.”

Yunho had never done any drugs before, but he knew how addictive it was. In Mingi’s position, it was a crutch, something he probably never thought would escalate as badly as it did. And he was so young, the same age as Yunho, yet it sounded like he had lived through a million lifetimes. Mingi took another drag of his cigarette, and Yunho noticed the way his fingers trembled slightly as he brought the stick to his lips.

There was a hefty pause, smoke curling in the air as the cigarette burned down. Mingi wasn’t looking in Yunho’s direction anymore; his gaze slid away, as if the truth was too bitter to say aloud while being in Yunho’s presence. “There was one night, the club was fucking packed, music was shaking the walls. We had an amazing set, people even asking us to sign shit. I was on cloud nine, bought some snow from some dude I don’t even remember the name of. I don’t remember much, but I OD’d in the middle of the fucking club. Snorted way more than I could handle. Wooyoung found me lifeless on the stairs barely fucking breathing. I could hear him screaming….crying,”

Mingi was fully trembling now, his hand curled into a tight fist, knuckles turned white. He didn’t look at Yunho at all while he speaks, jaw clenched tight, brows knit together. The cigarette he had was long forgotten, burned down to the filter. 

Yunho couldn’t speak. Couldn’t move. He just watched, listened. There was a million things he wanted to say, how sorry he was. How it never was Mingi’s fault. Though, there was nothing Yunho could say that could fix it, that would lessen the blow of having to experience it the way Mingi did. 

He watched as Mingi’s shoulders visibly tensed, his fist still shaking in his lap, like he was seconds from breaking. He was trying desperately to not break down, but Yunho could hear the tension in Mingi’s voice. See it in his body, like he was trying to hold back all of the emotions and trauma he was reliving by telling his story. 

And Yunho wished he could take it all away. Shield Mingi from ever feeling such pain again. He wished he could say something to make it stop hurting. 

But all he could do was sit there and watch, his own heart breaking as if he was there with Mingi when it all happened.

“When I woke up in the hospital I was so angry. Not because I had overdosed. But because I’d fucked everything up. Everyone who saw me at that club knew what had happened. I’d ruined Cyphr’s name by being reckless. Seonghwa was there and I’d never seen him look so disappointed. So disgusted.”

“So as soon as I was discharged I left, they’d kept me for a while you know detoxing and all that shit. But I knew I had to get away. Far away.”

“Now I just feel guilty, like I was holding the others back from succeeding…becoming big, you know…I ruined the one good thing we made together. They gave me hope, and I gave them nothing but problems. I fucked it all up”

Yunho waited, waited for Mingi to say something more, anything. The moment never came. The silence was loud, deafening, and he could tell Mingi was trying to gauge his reaction, read his face for any hint of disappointment, shock even. 

Yunho didn’t even notice he was crying himself until he felt a single tear fall on his cheek, his own hands shaking as he cupped his hands around Mingi’s. “You don’t need to feel that way, Mingi, No matter what you’ve been through, that doesn’t change how I see you. You’ve dealt with so much, but you’re still my Mingi.”

Mingi pressed his lips together in a tight line, unfocused gaze staring down at his hands in his lap. “I was selfish, I didn’t think about how I’d hurt everyone around me by being stupid.” His words were dripping with anger, disgust. 

There was a desperation in Mingi’s voice, it cracked, his breathing becoming heavier with every word. “I tell myself they hate me. Hate me for leaving. Only San knows where I am. I haven’t spoken to the others, it’s probably for the best.”

“It’s not,” Yunho interjected. He had a feeling that Mingi’s friends missed him just as much as he did. No matter how hard he tried to hide it. “You were there from the beginning, your friendship with them is more than just some rock band named Cyphr. They care about you, they don’t hate you.”

Mingi sniffled. He wasn’t looking at Yunho, his head hung down with his broad shoulders slumped. Although it was obvious he had begun crying, Yunho felt like he could audibly hear his own heart shattering. “San was the one who told me to come back or they’d find someone else. Said I was being stubborn. He doesn’t understand….I just can’t…I fucked up, I-I didn’t’ mean to,”

And just like that, the dam broke.

Mingi practically folded in on himself, breath hitching with racked sobs, choking on each inhale, like his body couldn’t handle the grief of having to relive the memories. 

Yunho wrapped his arms around Mingi so tightly as if he were the only thing holding him upright.  Mingi didn’t try to push him away either, instead he sobbed right into Yunho’s chest. Fist clutching the fabric of Yunho’s shirt, to keep him from moving. 

When the tears eventually subsided, Mingi’s eyes swollen and puffy, nose red and raw from rubbing at it, Yunho never felt closer to another person. The way Mingi had trusted him, enough to cry into his arms, to tell him his struggles with addiction, to be so vulnerable between just the two of them. 

“I’m sorry, I-I didn’t mean to–”

“Don’t be,” Yunho interrupted. Usually, he was the one being held, but it felt nice to take care of Mingi for once. Let him shed the tough exterior to just be him. “You have nothing to be sorry for.” More tears welled up in Mingi’s soft eyes, but this time he wiped them away before they had a chance to fall. Without saying anything more, he wrapped his arms around Yunho’s frame, head resting on his shoulder. Yunho held him for what could’ve been minutes, hours, he only pulled away when he heard a sudden pattering of rain on the window. 

The clock on the wall read close to midnight, and when he looked down at Mingi, who had been silent, his eyes were shut. He had fallen asleep right there in Yunho’s arms, cheek resting against the other's shoulder, soft breaths leaving his lips. 

Suddenly, the mushy feeling came back again, this time it was harder to ignore. He stared down at Mingi, admiring how soft his normally sharp features looked, the moles on his cheek, the pout of his lips. His chest swelled with such overwhelming affection that it felt as though his heart was bound to beat out of his chest at any moment. Yunho let his thumb brush over the sleeping boy’s cheek; he wanted to commit the feeling of Mingi to memory. 

Deep down, Yunho knew exactly what that mushy feeling was.

Yunho had fallen in love with someone. 

Not just someone. 

He had fallen in love with Mingi, and he didn’t fall slowly. He thinks maybe he’d been falling from the very first moment Mingi treated him like he mattered. 

↻      ◁     ||     ▷       ↺

Yunho awoke the next morning before the alarm went off, a rarity for him. He turned to look at the digital clock next to the bed, which read 7 am, much too early for him. He sighed, rubbing at his eyes to will the sleepiness away, then turned to Mingi, who was still asleep next to him. He was curled up under Yunho, his face buried in his chest, hands gripping his shirt to make sure he didn’t move too far. 

Instinctively, he pulled Mingi closer, cradling his head and taking a deep inhale of his messy hair. The familiar scent relaxed him, letting his body sink into the warm sheets surrounding them. 

It was still raining outside, the sound of raindrops softly tapping against the window. Absentlymindedly he ran his hands through Mingi’s hair, it was getting so long that the lengths covered his face and curled around his neck in unruly locks. Yunho had told him he needed a haircut countless times, but Mingi said he’d cut it when he was ready. 

Their conversation from the night before was still fresh in Yunho’s mind. He couldn’t shake the image of Mingi sobbing into his chest, finding out the reason why he left, the struggle with addiction. He could only hope that at least talking about it helped, that some part of Mingi felt relieved afterwards. 

Yunho didn’t see Mingi differently because of his past, if anything he admired him for it. For the transparency, the willpower to try and do better, the ambition. Mingi was a diamond in the rough in his eyes, nothing could shake the pedestal that Yunho put Mingi on. 

He almost drifted off into sleep again until the blaring sound of the alarm clock brought him back to reality. The electronic beep rang through the room as he blindly hit the machine until he found the right button, the sound immediately ceasing. 

Mingi had been roused too, eyes barely open as he looked over at Yunho. His hair stuck up in all different directions, lips pouted, and his brows furrowed. “S’too early.”

Mingi’s morning voice was another favorite thing that Yunho discovered he loved. Much deeper and lower than usual. “Agreed,” Yunho chimed. “Go back to sleep, you can rest longer.”

Mingi blinked a few times. He looked like he was still processing Yunho’s words in his sleep-ridden brain. “Will you stay?”

God Yunho wished he could. He wanted nothing more than to cuddle with Mingi and hold him while he slept. He could sit for hours just watching the other boy slumber. But he knows Hongjoong would grab him by the back of the neck and drag him to work if he did. 

“I’m sorry, Min, I can’t.” Yunho’s heart constricted at the pout that immediately formed on Mingi’s lips. He fell face-first into the pillows beneath him, a long sigh following after. He was acting like a child not getting his way, like he hated being told no.

“Maybe Hongjoong will let me go early since it’s raining.” He was being hopeful, but there shouldn’t be too many people willing to brave bad weather to peruse records and CD’s. 

Mingi turned his head ever so slightly to peer up at Yunho, only allowing one side of his face to show. “Fine, I gotta go to my place anyway and pick up some stuff.”

Yunho smiled, reaching over to ruffle Mingi’s bedhead. “See? I’ll be back before you know it.” He tossed the sheets off him to finally get up, until he felt a hand around his wrist pulling him back. 

“Oh, and Yuyu?” 

He looked behind him to see Mingi hanging on desperately, his face still puffy from crying himself to sleep the night before. He looked shy, a dusty pink forming on his face as he found his words. 

“Thank you.”

Yunho didn’t need to ask what he was thanking him for. He already knew. Hell, he had woken up thinking about it. Mingi didn’t need to thank him at all, it was the least he could do after all the things Mingi did for him without even knowing. Did he know the amount of love Yunho felt for him? How would he do anything Mingi asked?

He didn’t respond, instead leaning down and pressing their lips together in a chaste kiss to silently say, ‘You're welcome, anything for you.’ 

Yunho had a hard time leaving that morning, and the weather only added to the dreary mood. All he could think about was if Mingi was lonely in his apartment, even considering calling his own landline just to check on him. 

Maybe he was worrying too much, Mingi always found something to do, he was an adult, he could keep himself busy. 

Yunho, on the other hand, struggled to stay occupied, even though he was working. Just as expected there was not a soul in the shop besides himself and Hongjoong, and he was waiting for the moment when Joong would call it quits. In the meantime, he doodled, read comics that he had stashed under the counter, and mindlessly tapped his pen against the desk.

No matter what he did to try and pass the time, the clock seemed to move even slower every time he looked at it. 

“Alright enough moping, we can shut down early today.” Hongjoong had been hanging up a new poster in the front of the store, probably trying to find things to keep himself busy too. 

Yunho jumped out of his seat like a high schooler on the last day of school. “Thanks Joong!” 

His bag was stashed under the counter this time, he had been waiting for the moment that he’d be able to leave. Hongjoong wasn’t even able to give him a proper goodbye before Yunho bolted out of the door, only the sound of the bell ringing above it left behind. 

Yunho knew it was silly to run home, he had no real reason to. He knew Mingi would be waiting for him, probably laugh and call him silly for coming in all out of breath and flushed. He didn’t even have an umbrella, letting the rain soak his clothes and hair as he rushed down the sidewalk.

But he couldn’t help himself. He wanted to see Mingi. Touch him, feel him, be with him.

It was like Mingi was his own personal drug, and Yunho didn’t plan on quitting anytime soon. 

He finally made it up the steps, breathing heavily as he unlocked the door and swung it open. “Mingi! I was…”

The words quickly died in his throat. Yunho stared at the room in front of him, it was empty. The bed was unmade, the sheets thrown back haphazardly. He looked around the corner into the kitchen, still no Mingi. 

That’s okay, maybe he was in the bathroom. It was cold out, maybe Mingi had decided to take a bath to warm up. Yunho’s heart picked up speed as he turned the knob, not even bothering to knock first to see if the other was in there. 

Only when he opened the door, it was empty. 

The messenger bag on Yunho’s shoulder fell to the ground, yet he barely noticed the sound of it. A lump grew in his throat, palms sweaty as he tried to reason in his head where Mingi could be. Why was he worrying so much? Why did he feel so anxious at the thought of not being close to Mingi, not being able to touch him, see him. 

“I’ve gotta go back to my place and pick up some stuff”

That was his last hope, otherwise he’d be stuck there waiting until he came back. His feet carried him to the phone on the wall, fingers quickly dialing the number of Mingi’s landline. It rang three times before there was an answer. 

“Hello?”

Some of Yunho’s anxiety washed away, a sigh of relief exhaling from his chest. “Mingi?”

There was some shuffling on the other end, as if Mingi was moving around his apartment while holding the phone, getting tangled in the cord like Yunho had seen him do before. “Yeah, did you get off early Yuyu?”

Yunho nodded, then realized that Mingi couldn’t see him. “Yeah, I-I came home and you weren’t here.”

Mingi must’ve sensed the tension in his voice, a soft hum following Yunho’s sentence. “Sorry, I got caught up at my place longer than expected,” There was a brief pause, hesitation almost. “Actually, can you come over?”

Yunho glanced out of the window, the rain had stopped, now just a gloomy sky above. “Sure, I’ll be there in 10.”

“Cool.”

The line went dead, and for some reason that feeling of dread and anxiety came back to Yunho full force. He stood there for a moment, staring at the phone that was still clutched in his hand. He hadn’t even bothered to take off his shoes, he was dripping water onto the wood floor, his wet footsteps tracked throughout the apartment. 

What did Mingi mean by being caught up? Had something happened? He didn’t sound like he needed help on the phone. If anything he sounded normal, so why did Yunho feel dread pooling in his gut? 

He looked over at the clock in the kitchen, it read ten minutes to two pm. He didn’t know what time Mingi hung up, or how long he’d been standing there staring at the phone on the wall. 

He finally moved from his spot, suddenly in a hurry grabbing his bag that he’d dropped in the bathroom doorway and rushing out of the door. He tried his best to calm his nerves on the walk there, staring down at the pavement with his damp brown hair covering his eyes. 

Somehow Yunho managed to get there without even really paying attention to where he was going, his feet taking him to Mingi’s front door on autopilot. He stood there for a moment, hesitating before lifting his hand to knock. 

He barely hit the door twice with his knuckles before Mingi swung it open, as if he had been waiting for Yunho arrive. He looked tired, although Yunho saw him that morning in his bed, his eyes seemed heavy, his hair dishelved as if he had been running his hands through it constantly. His lips were chapped from being bitten, and his nose slightly red from the cold. He wore a oversized grey hoodie that made him look small from the way it swallowed his larger frame. 

Mingi stared for a moment before silently stepping aside to let Yunho in. The way he didn’t greet him as normal, with a flurry of kisses or soft touches only made Yunho’s anxiety worse. He stepped past Mingi, slipping his shoes off and dropping his bag next to them. The first thing he noticed was how dishelved his place looked, more so than normal. Clothes scattered everywhere, sheets of music spread on the table and the floor around it. 

“Is everything okay?” Yunho asked. He was still standing in the doorway, despite Mingi having already taking a seat on his bed. 

Mingi didn’t answer at first, again spinning the ring that was on his index finger. Yunho wanted to fill the quiteness with words, though none came to mind. He finally stepped further into the room, Mingi’s eyes following him like a hawk. 

Mingi reached beside himself to grab what appeared to be a letter, handwriting scrawled across the page. “San sent me this,” Mingi held it with slightly trembling fingers, Yunho had never seen him so pent up before, not since last night. “Read it.”

Yunho glanced down at the paper then back to Mingi before taking it. It wasn’t very long, only about two paragraphs, the ink slightly spread across the paper as if it got wet in the rain. 

Mingi,

You don’t answer my calls anymore, so that’s why I’m writing to you. Who even writes letters these days? It took me forever to find your address, but I have my ways. Good news and bad news, bad news first because I know you’d prefer it that way. We had some auditions for a new guitarist, and both Hwa and Wooyoung denied every single one. They came up with petty small reasons why they didn’t like them, they didn’t play hard enough, or their ‘vibe’ was off. Whatever that means. Yeosang and I knew they didn’t like them, because they weren’t you. 

Good news, we sent one of our old tapes to a few labels, just for shits and giggles. We’re always booked for shows here in Seoul so we decided to give it a try. You remember the tapes we recorded of our cover songs? Mingi, one in Tokyo got back to us, they want to sign us onto their label. But we can’t accept it without you, none of us wanna go big without you being a part of it. 

I know why you left, and I know you don’t want to come back to Seoul, but please Mingi come to Tokyo. We need you now more than ever. 

Yours Truly,

Sannie.

Now Yunho understood, the hesitation, the anxiety, the overall feeling like something was off. He looked up at Mingi who was staring right at him, biting his lower lip. He looked just as anxious as Yunho did, eyes big and shiny, flitting across his face as if trying to read his expression. 

There was a conversation they had when they locked gazes, one that didn’t require words. Yunho knew he never wanted Mingi to leave this town, or leave him all alone back at square one. But knew when he looked in the other’s eyes he saw excitement, hope even. And no matter how much Yunho hated letting things he loved go, he could never take that away from him. 

“You should go.” Yunho’s voice didn’t sound convincing, but he continued anyway. “Do it. It’s too good of an opportunity to pass up Mingi.”

Mingi sat up a bit, a look of shock took over his previous worried expression. “You think so?” 

Yunho nodded, finally taking a seat next to the other, so close their thighs touched as always. “Yeah I mean, it’s not everyday a band gets offered to sign onto a label. Your friends want you there, they need you.”He almost felt like he couldn’t believe the words that were coming out of his own mouth, as much as he never wanted to say goodbye to Mingi, he wanted to see him happy more than anything. The way he talked about his band Cyphr the night before with such nostalgia, how he played his guitar everyday, Yunho knew deep down how much he loved music, how much it meant to him. 

Despite feeling like a piece of his heart was being cut in half, or the screaming in his head that was telling him Mingi was his and only his, he ignored it. Willfully. It was probably the first time he had ever agreed to parting with something he loved so dearly. 

Mingi only stared again, eyes wide, mouth opening and closing before responding. “Okay,” He wet his lips with his tongue, biting at his chapped lower lip. “W-what if, what if I get caught up again.”

Yunho cupped his face in his hands, his cold fingertips feeling Mingi’s warm cheeks under them. Again he felt his stomach flip as he looked at Mingi, the soft pout of his lips and soft gleam in his eyes. “You won’t. For me, you won’t.”

It was less of a demand, and more of a plea. A promise. He needed to hear Mingi say it, just to give him peace of mind, for his own sake. 

Mingi understood the underlying meaning, nodding gently. “I won’t. For you.” he repeated.

Yunho’s jaw clenched slightly, only to prevent himself from saying ‘I love you.’. Instead he pulled Mingi to let their lips meet, and immediately Yunho was calmed by the scent and taste of Mingi. They both melted into the kiss, it was chaste at first, quickly becoming more heated as hands wrapped around one another. 

It was Mingi that pulled away, his face flushed and lips swollen. He ran a hand through Yunho’s brown hair, tucking a longer piece behind his ear. If Yunho wasn’t mistaken, it looked like Mingi was staring at the most beautiful painting he’d ever seen. “My special boy,”

↻      ◁     ||     ▷       ↺

Yunho had helped Mingi clean up and pack his apartment over the course of the next few days. The constant rain had let up, now soft breezes and sunny skies. More orange and red leaves fell on the ground, the trees slightly barren in preperation for winter. 

Mingi had asked him to sit with him while he talked to San on the phone, and he did, holding his hand the entire time. He had enjoyed watching the laughs and smiles that broke out whenever San cracked a joke on the other end of the line. Seeing Mingi happy was enough for Yunho to feel it too. 

Yunho had wondered if Mingi would ask him to come with him to Tokyo. Make a life with him there, Mingi pursuing music and Yunho finding his way. Though Yunho would be in the same position as he was here, he didn’t know what he truly wanted to do. He didn’t have the same ambition Mingi did, the same motivation. If anything Mingi was his motivation. 

That’s why he already decided he'd stay. He’d figure himself out without weighing Mingi down, and when he was ready Yunho would join him. When the time was right, whenever that may be. Until then, they’d call, send letters, try to stay in touch as much as possible. 

Yunho knew he’d miss Mingi, it was all he could think about now when he looked at him. How much time they had left together, as if there was an hourglass that was counting down the minutes until he had to say goodbye. That’s what Yunho was currently thinking as he sat on a box of Mingi’s belongings in his apartment watching him lazily strum his guitar in the windowsill. 

After packing and organizing, they both sat listening to the soft notes that Mingi strummed. They only had a few days left together, although it felt as if  time was going too fast. 

“Can you play my favorite?”

Mingi glanced over at Yunho, his eyes softening at the sight of him. Yunho was dressed in a pair of old washed out jeans and one of Mingi’s hoodies, his hair now more outgrown and his glasses perched on his nose. “Sure, puppy.”

The nickname no longer made Yunho blush when it was just the two of them, now a term of endearment. He watched as Mingi switched chords, the beginning notes of Linger sounding through the room. Mingi must’ve played it over a hundred times for Yunho, but he never complained, never asked him to choose something different. 

Mingi played, even softly humming the tune every now and then while Yunho sat listening, eyes closed. He loved the way Mingi played, softly but passionately, he made it look easy, his fingers switching chords on muscle memory. 

Once the song ended Mingi finally put his guitar down, letting it rest against the wall next to the window. “I have something for you,” Mingi shifted to stand, heading over to the small bedside table he owned. He pulled open the wooden drawer, taking out a small box wrapped in red and blue wrapping paper. “It took awhile for it to be made, but I’m glad it was finished before I leave.”

He handed Yunho the box, it was small enough to fit in his palm, and the wrapping paper was haphazardly taped onto it. The thought of Mingi struggling to wrap a gift made Yunho smile, his thumb running along the creased lines of paper. He gently shook the box, trying to figure out what could be inside. 

Curiosity got the best of him as excitedly ripped the paper away, revealing a small jewelry box, the blue velvet soft in his hands. He looked up at Mingi, who was watching him closely, sitting on the bed across from him. He gave Yunho a nod to say ‘open it’. 

When Yunho opened the box, a gasp of pure shock came out of him. His heart beat quickly in his chest as he stared down at the present. “Min…”

A dog tag. An engraved one. Just like Mingi promised. 

Yunho took the tag out of the box. It was sturdy, felt weighty in his hand, real silver.  Another charm dangled from it, a cross, just like the ring on Mingi’s finger. The engraving was in a bold font, deeply etched into the surface.

My special boy - Yunho

“Turn it over.” Mingi told him, now leaning forward from his seat across from Yunho. 

Yunho flipped over the tag, reading the other side aloud. There was a date, with an engraved ‘M’ below it.  “17th of June, 2002,” Yunho’s brow furrowed for a moment, eyes flitting around as he thought about what date it could be. That was only about three months ago, his mind racing before it clicked. His head shot up so quickly it almost hurt. 

How could he forget? It was the fateful day they met, the first time they locked eyes, Mingi walked into the store to rent those albums. The day everything became a little brighter in Yunho’s life. 

“Oh, its so beautiful Min,” Yunho stared up at Mingi, his eyes misty with tears that had yet to fall. It seemed almost silly to him to be so emotional over a dog tag, but to Yunho it meant the world. The most thoughtful gift anyone had ever given him.

Mingi beamed down at him, catching his bottom lip between his teeth. He looked bashful, head tilted to the side as he watched Yunho. “You like it?”

It was a rhetorical question, and Yunho answered it as such. “Of course, I love it,”

Mingi giggled at his response, his hand reaching out to pet Yunho’s hair, as if he was petting an actual puppy. Yunho leaned into it of course, the gentle touch adding to his happiness. “Here, I got you a chain for it too,”

He pulled out another box from the drawer, this one not wrapped in gift paper. When he opened it a thin silver chain was revealed, the light hitting it just right to make it twinkle. Yunho stared in awe, his eyes wide. 

Yunho who was still sitting on the box in front of Mingi, kneeled without even thinking about it. He held the dog tag out to Mingi, a blush forming on his cheeks and ears red. “C-can you,” he took a shaky breath to steady himself before continuing. “Can you put it on me?”

Mingi stared down at him, slight shock on written all over his face at first, then his eyes softened, a smile blooming. “Of course puppy, come here.”

Yunho crawled over to Mingi, turning to face away from Mingi, so he could put the necklace on him. He felt the cold silver touch his neck, making goosebumps prickle over his skin. 

The act of Mingi putting it on for him felt intimate, like some sort of ceremony for only the two of them. Yunho told Mingi weeks ago that if he had a dog tag he’d never take it off, and he intended to keep that promise. 

Yunho was Mingi’s, and only Mingi’s. He belonged to him, his mind, his body, his heart. It was all for him. Nothing could change that.

The necklace hung low, hitting Yunho’s sternum. The way it looked hanging there was beautiful, like it was made for him to wear. He held it again, bringing the tag to his lips and pressing a kiss against the cool metal, now his most prized possession. 

“My beautiful puppy,” Mingi hummed, his hand resting on Yunho’s shoulder, fingers squeezing and kneading at the hint of muscle there. 

Yunho turned to face him, hands planted on Mingi’s knees for leverage as he rushed forward to kiss him, the impact making Mingi grunt before he melted into it. There was no buildup, no softness in their kisses, just pure urgency and passion. Mingi’s hand found the back of Yunho’s neck, pulling him impossibly closer as their tongues slid against each other with hunger. He had to pull away for air, mouthing at Yunho’s pretty neck, eliciting desperate whines from the boy. 

“Mingi,” Yunho spoke, but it was in that tone that Mingi knew Yunho used when he wanted something. The soft whiny one that made his cock twitch.

“Hm?”

Yunho paused, nervously chewing on the skin of his bottom lip. If he didn’t get it out now, he never would. “I want,” another deep breath, but this time to steady himself. He can do this. “C-can you fuck me?”

He could feel Mingi physically stiffen under him, seconds that felt like minutes passed before Mingi let out a sigh, more akin to a moan. He pulled back from Yunho’s neck, eyes now low and heavy with lust. Yunho was nervous, about to word vomit apologies about how it was just a thought, he didn’t have to. 11

“You want to be fucked?” 

Yunho shuddered, not in a bad way, in the way that he felt like he was about to come in his boxers at any moment. The way Mingi said it was blunt, but the raspy low voice and complete vulgarity of it all is what got him. He blushed a deeper red, feeling his cheeks heat up out of arousal. 

Yunho linked a few times, chest rising and falling quickly as his mind raced. Finally when his mind caught up he nodded. He wanted nothing more than to feel Mingi inside him, he had never bottomed before and what better way to experience it than with the person he loved so much. 

Yunho loved Mingi, he was sure of it now. Just as sure as he wanted Mingi to fuck him. 

Mingi ran his tounge along the inside of his cheek as he stared Yunho down, drinking in his body, reading his face as if to see if there was any hesitation. There was none, Yunho hoped Mingi could tell. 

“I need to hear your words.” Mingi finally said, although with the way he was gripping Yunho’s waist as if he was holding himself down from floating away, he probably already knew Yunho was certain. Still, he asked. “You want me to fuck you?”

“Yes, please, want it to be you and only you.” Yunho meant every word, suddenly finding a streak of confidence as he spoke. 

Mingi inhaled and exhaled quickly, tugging on the front of Yunho’s shirt to close the gap between them again, mouths crashing together. It was all the confirmation that he needed, this time pulling Yunho up from the floor and onto the bed. 

Their rushed kisses only increased as they shed clothes, Yunho’s neck and chest littered with hickeys left by Mingi. Yunho gazed up at Mingi, watched as his fox-like eyes drank in the sight of his own doing. He shivered as Mingi ran his ringed fingers down Yunho’s chest, pausing at the new piece of jewlery that decorated Yunho’s neck. 

Mingi ran his finger along the tag, tracing the metal. “Your mine, all mine.” It sounded like a soft prayer that he was whispering to himself, something that he wishing for and now it was in the flesh right before him. 

“Always have been.” Yunho whispered. 

Mingi leaned down, hovering over Yunho, crowding his space, but not in a bad way. In a way that made Yunho feel small, safe. Mingi’s larger frame and wider shoulders engulfed him, and Yunho loved it. He rolled his eyes up to look at Mingi, lips parted ever so slightly. 

“And always will be.” Mingi responded to further prove his point he rolled his hips against Yunho’s, the friction making them both moan. 

If Yunho wasn’t already turned on enough, hearing that made him even more so. He let out a shuddering breath, eyes fluttering shut for a moment. His hard cock was constrained by his boxers, the only pieces of fabric left separating them. 

Mingi continued running his hands down Yunho’s smaller torso until he reached the hem of his boxers, tugging them down and watching hungrily as his cock slapped against his tummy.

“Such a big cock yet you still want me to fuck you,” Mingi’s tone had become teasing, he ran his hands up Yunho’s pale inner thighs as he continued. “You ever fingered yourself before?”

Yunho’s red cheeks had become permanent at this point, more arousal than embarrassment. “Y-yes, but–” he thought about what he was going to say next, faltering for a moment. He looked away before replying in a timid voice. “But when I did, I came too fast.”

A devious smile bloomed on Mingi’s face, his hands suddenly gripping Yunho’s thighs and spreading them apart wider. “Cute,” Yunho could feel his rings digging into his skin, slight pain making him bite his lower lip. “And you think you’re ready for my cock? You might not be able to handle it,”

“I can! I can handle it,” Yunho sounded desperate and he knew it. He didn’t care. He wanted this, no, more like he needed it. He wanted to feel every bit of Mingi inside him, just to be that much closer to him, give himself to Mingi completely. 

Mingi’s head tilted to the side, a grin still plastered on his face, eyes dark.b“You been thinking about me fucking you?” Mingi asked, there was no playfulness this time, his tone domineering. 

Yunho shuddered, covering the blush on his cheeks with his hands. He had plenty of times, but he didn’t want to admit it. Something about Mingi knowing Yunho’s lurid thoughts was shameful to Yunho. Yet he couldn’t lie, not to Mingi. “Y-yes,”

Mingi grinned, grabbing the small bottle of lube stored in the drawer next to the bed. Yunho was flushed red down his chest now, skin burning with heat. Mingi situated himself right between Yunho’s spread thighs, spreading his cheeks and blowing against his puckered hole. “Such a pretty little thing,” Mingi praised. He heard the cap pop off the bottle, then one of Mingi’s lubed fingers pressing right against him.

Yunho gasped; the feeling was ticklish, foreign. Mingi didn’t press in, only circled his hole with his finger, pushing against it occasionally but not yet penetrating. Yunho’s back arched sinfully, a pathetic whine leaving his chest. His arms were thrown over his head in a desperate attempt to hide away. “F-fuck Mingi,”

Mingi was entranced by the way Yunho’s body responded to his touch, writhing and moaning on the bed, even though there was no finger inside him yet. “Feel good, puppy?” 

Yunho moaned, his hips moving on their own accord. “Y-yes,” he caught his lip between his lips, trying to hold in the pathetic sounds he was making. 

Mingi smiled, pressing the tip of his finger against his hole, slowly pushing past his rim. “Try to relax,” he soothed, his other hand rubbing soothing circles on Yunho’s inner thigh. 

Yunho whined feeling himself stretch around Mingi’s finger. He inhaled a shaky breath, trying his best to relax and not tense up. Mingi let him adjust for a moment before starting to slowly pump it in and out. 

“You sound so pretty, moaning like that just on one finger,” Mingi was watching him intently, making sure he was being gentle enough to not cause any discomfort. “Why don’t you let me see that pretty face?”

Yunho had almost forgotten he’d been hiding behind his own hands, eyes squeezed shut. He knew that he probably looked ruined already. Still he listened, moving his hands away from his face to let Mingi look at him. 

And ruined he was, eyes glassy, hair a mess and cheeks tinted the prettiest shade of pink. He lifted his head for a moment just to look down at Mingi, meeting his intense gaze. The sight of him staring back with such lust, finger still moving inside him was too much, his head falling back on the pillow under him. 

Mingi chuckled kissing his thigh. “Such a good boy,” He seemed to be in no rush, letting Yunho unravel on one finger until he was writhing with pleasure. Suddenly Mingi’s hand was gone, until Yunho felt another finger pressing against him. “Think you can do one more puppy?”

Yunho took a chance to peer down at Mingi again, bottom lip caught between his teeth. “Y-yeah, I can do it,”

Mingi planted a kiss on his inner thigh, slowly pushing in until he was knuckle deep. The feeling was new to Yunho, yet his cock still drooled steadliy on his tummy, flushed an angry red. 

It wasn’t until Mingi started moving his fingers, then curling them that Yunho felt like he’d been hit by a shockwave. The pleasure made his toes curl, mouth falling open to let out one of the flithiest moans he’d ever heard himself make. “O-oh fuck Min–”

He wasn’t even able to get another sentence out before he felt it again, his cock twitching hard, eyes rolling back and another whine ripping from his chest. “That’s the spot isn’t it?” Mingi’s voice was rough, heavy with arousal. 

Yunho couldn’t form words to reply, the only sound being choked moans and gasps. His eyes squeezed shut, hips pushing back on Mingi’s fingers as he scissored him open. The feeling was nearly too much, the heat pooling in Yunho’s gut growing, as if he would come at any moment.

Mingi caught it, pulling his fingers away right before Yunho would’ve been able to orgasm. It only made Yunho’s whines more desperate, his eyes now blurry with tears as he pouted. “P-please, fuck me, I’ve been good,” his voice was just as rough as Mingi’s throat dry from panting. 

Yunho knew that begging could only get him so far, but he saw the way Mingi’s tongue darted out to wet his lips, his hands finding Yunho’s hips and digging his fingers into the soft flesh. He leaned down right above Yunho, his breathing slightly uneven, lips brushing against his cheek. “You want it bad don’t you?”

Yunho nodded vigorously, hands moving to wrap around Mingi’s neck, he knew he needed to use his words, but he pulled Mingi down into a kiss instead, mouths slotting together like muscle memory. He wanted it, he needed Mingi know just how much he did. 

“Please,” he muttered between kisses, as if it was his last wish. “Need it, please,” 

And with that Mingi’s resolve broke, suddenly melting into Yunho, kissing with a heated passion that felt charged, different. Gone was the teasing exterior, now nothing but raw hunger. He reached for the bottle of lube clumsily, only pulling back for a moment to add a generous amount to his cock before being in Yunho’s arms again.

This time Yunho could feel Mingi’s cock right against his hole, his heart pounding, anxiety pooling in his gut. His hand found the nape of Mingi’s neck nervously playing with his hair. “Will it hurt?” 

Mingi didn’t hesitate when he responded. Blunt as always. “Yes,” he replied. “But then it feels good, so good you don’t even remember the pain.”

Yunho inhaled a sharp breath and nodded, “Okay,” he twirled a lock of Mingi’s hair around his finger as he contemplated his words. “I trust you.”

He could handle a bit of pain, it was only momentary discomfort, at least that’s what he told himself. When Mingi began to push into him, he felt it, the burn, the stretch. His fingers curled in Mingi’s hair, eyes squeezing shut. “Mmm h-hurts,”

“I know puppy,” Mingi planted a kiss on his cheek to soothe him. “You’re okay yeah?”

Yunho nodded, still not opening his eyes. “Y-yeah, fuck keep going,” he panted. There was no stopping him now, no matter how much he felt like he was being split open. 

Mingi pushed in further, slow enough to let Yunho get used to the feeling of being penetrated, and  not hurt him. By the time he was fully in, they were both panting, sweat forming on their skin from their intense body heat. 

The stretch was like nothing Yunho had ever felt before, it put his own willowy fingers to shame. He’d never felt so full before, like he could feel Mingi in his stomach. With the way his neglected cock twitched, shiny and sticky with pre cum between them, he loved it. 

"Move, s-shit Mingi,”

Mingi barely let him get his words out before he was rocking into him at a steady pace. His eyes fluttered for a moment, a sigh leaving his lips as he fucked into Yunho. “God you feel so good, taking it so well”

Yunho whined, his fingers now clutching Mingi’s shoulder. It stung, but the feeling on being full, being so close to the one person that mattered so much to him was more important. He’d hadn’t felt so vulnerable since he’d met Mingi, and there wasn’t much better of a feeling than that. 

Mingi’s pace was slow, sensual, the bed creaking beneath them as it held their weight. It was only when Mingi changed the speed of his thrust that Yunho understood what Mingi meant. The same spot that he’d almost sent Yunho over the edge with was brushed against, making him cry out. 

“Oh t-that feels good,” he whimpered, his back arching trying to chase the feeling again. He could feel that same heat pooling in his belly, only this time more intense. 

Mingi kept up the pace, one hand right in the bend of Yunho’s knee to keep him steady, the other grasping Yunho’s free hand and intertwining their fingers. “Look at you, taking my cock like a good little pup,”

Yunho was reeling, mind hazy, his entire body warm burning hot. He’d never felt such electric pleasure before, each one of Mingi’s thrusts bringing him closer to the edge. He clutched Mingi’s hand in his, the intimacy of it all driving him mad. 

Mingi’s thrust only increased in pace, and Yunho’s moans became more desperate. “Hu–fuck Mingi,” Yunho didn’t even know what he was calling Mingi’s name for, it just felt right, felt good. 

The heat licking at his spine was only growing hotter, he could tell he was going to burst at any moment.

“Are you gonna come?” Mingi asked, he was so in tune with Yunho’s body, his reactions, that he knew Yunho was close just by watching him. 

“Come for me puppy boy,”

Yunho saw stars with how hard his orgasm hit him, it wasn’t the same as coming inside Mingi, he felt it all over his body. He was hot and cold all at once, goosebumps forming across his skin. He’d never come so hard in his life, and it was better than anything he could ever imagine. He couldn’t even moan at first, mouth hanging open as his cock shot hot ropes of come between the two. 

It was so strong that it hit Yunho’s upper chest, right over the dog tag that Mingi had just gifted him. Tainting the silver, christening it in a way. 

Mingi watched as Yunho came all over himself, made a mess, including the come that had landed on his necklace. Yunho was barely there, but he watched through bleary eyes as Mingi brought the soiled tag to his mouth, licking at the come that landed there. 

That was enough to send Mingi over the edge, hips stuttering as he came, moans leaving his lips. 

He fell on top of Yunho after, his arms unwilling to hold himself up anymore. The dogtag was still between his lips, chain hanging over his chin. Yunho couldn’t think clearly, couldn’t articulate his thoughts in his afterglow, but when he looked down at Mingi, necklace in his mouth, hair sticking to his forehead with sweat, skin flushed pink, and hand still holding his, he couldn’t help but think.

‘God, I fucking love him.’

Chapter Text

October 

Yunho had accepted his fate now, that he was irrevocably in love with Mingi. There was no denying it anymore, he couldn’t keep pushing the feeling down any longer. 

Now his worry was if Mingi felt the same, if he felt the similar burning desire pooling in his gut when he looked at Yunho. Sometimes he was sure that Mingi did, the way his eyes lit up when he saw Yunho, or the soft brush of his hand along the back of his neck as he kissed him. 

Other times, Yunho wasn’t so sure. Definitely, Mingi liked him, but loved him? Those were two very different feelings. The thought of not being loved back plagued the back of his mind worse than the thought of falling in love did. 

Yunho knew Mingi was set to leave for Tokyo in a few days, and he was dreading it. He couldn’t imagine his life being the same without Mingi. He spent the time he wasn’t working never leaving Mingi’s side. Following his every move like the puppy he was. 

A growing sadness had felt like it engulfed Yunho, the impending day of Mingi’s departure imminent. Yet he tried his best to keep it to himself, and tried to continue to cherish the time they did have together. The moments where he could still touch Mingi, hold him, feel his calloused fingertips against his skin. He still wore the dog tag every day, never taking it off, not even to bathe. It was his memento, his for safekeeping. 

Mingi didn’t seem too excited to leave either, his mood shifted from his usual sarcasm and teasing to being more gentle, more touchy. Yunho didn’t know if it was because he’d fucked him for the first time or if it was because his days with him were numbered. Possibly a mixture of both. Regardless, Yunho drank up all of the attention Mingi gave, each passing look, every heated or chaste kiss, every lingering touch. 

Mingi’s friend San had been calling more often too, giving him details about Tokyo, how the other members were doing. Every time Yunho watched him on the phone, he saw that twinkle in his eyes, the way he lit up as he chatted with his friend. 

Yunho loved seeing Mingi happy, he really did. But part of him still felt empty, lost. What was he going to do while Mingi was gone? How would he cope when he couldn’t be away from the other for more than a few hours? The thought of having to go about his day without Mingi by his side made a lump grow in his throat. 

Yunho hid his true feelings, always smiling brightly when Mingi turned to look at him, even if his eyes were distant and empty a few seconds before. The only person who did notice Yunho’s change in mood was, of course, Hongjoong.

That’s how he found himself again in his office, lying on the worn sofa like he was at a shrink. He picked at the peeling leather as he stared up at the ceiling, letting out a long sigh. 

“I’m not gonna pry, Yunho, but you came in here and have been lying there sighing for the past ten minutes,” Hongjoong stated. He wasn’t annoyed in the slightest. The store had been closed for some time now, with both of them having little to do. “What’s going on?”

Yunho pressed his lips together as he processed the thoughts running through his mind. He knew if he started talking to Joong, he wouldn’t be able to stop. It’d all come rushing out in a spew of word vomit. But maybe that’s exactly what he needed. 

“Mingi’s leaving. For Tokyo.”

Hongjoong’s brows raised in surprise, but he leaned back in his chair, the old plastic creaking from the weight. He didn’t say anything, instead waited for Yunho to keep talking, because he knew there was more. 

“He’s leaving in two days,” Yunho shut his eyes, his heart starting to pick up speed. “And I can’t help but feel like I’m being left behind. Like, I’m stuck in this stupid town no matter what I do.” he nibbled at his chapped lips to quell his nerves for a moment. “I don’t want him to go, but it’s wrong of me to tell him to stay.”

Hongjoong remained quiet, letting Yunho get everything off his chest. No judgment, no interruptions. 

“I’ve never felt this way about someone before. So attached, so willing to do anything for him, even if it hurts me. He’s shown me so much, how fun life can be when you have the right person to share it with, how to play guitar, how to be yourself despite what others think. I can’t go anywhere without wondering how he’s doing, or what he’s doing, or when I’ll see him again. Mingi just consumes my mind.”

Yunho ran his hand through his shaggy hair. Even now, he could picture Mingi waiting for him on the sidewalk, leaning against a pole with a smouldering cigarette between his lips. He would never be able to look at that street corner the same way now. “You were right, he was hiding something from me. Something he was too ashamed to talk about, but it wasn’t his fault. He’s just healing, trying to do better, but I’m worried he might fall into his bad habits again if he’s in Tokyo. I don’t know what to do or what’s even the matter with me. Is it wrong of me to not want him to leave?”

Hongjoong continued to stay quiet for a moment, taking a deep inhale before he spoke. “Yunho, I think you love this kid, don’t you?”

His words hit Yunho’s chest like a ton of bricks. He knew Hongjoong would see right through him, he always did. Though Yunho had never said it out loud, never uttered that four-letter word that scared him so badly. He swallowed, throat dry. 

“Y-yeah,” he whispered. “Yeah, fuck I love him so much it hurts,”

It was easier to admit than he thought, but the act of doing so still scared him. He never imagined falling in love with someone so easily, so quickly. It scared him, but he loved the thrill of it, the rush it gave him. 

“Then why don’t you go with him?” Hongjoong asked. It was a gentle question, but of course, Yunho had thought about that too. 

“I don’t wanna hold him back,” Yunho stated. He moved to sit up on the couch, pulling his knees to his chest for some form of comfort. “I don’t have anything going for myself. He’d just be taking care of me until I figured something out to support myself.”

Hongjoong nodded slowly as if he was considering Yunho’s words. He ran his fingers over his chin as he thought, brows furrowed. “I see your point, although Tokyo might have more to offer than you think. Mingi probably wants you to come but doesn’t want to ask.”

Yunho sighed. Joong could be right, Mingi might’ve wanted him to come, but both of them were too stubborn to bring the topic up to one another. He might feel like he would be taking Yunho away from everything he knew by taking him to Tokyo. But Yunho longed for change, for something new and exciting. 

He picked at the skin around his thumb, eyes trained on his sneakers that Mingi had drawn on. “No, I need to figure myself out first. I want to be able to support myself and have a plan before I go. I’d hate to have to rely on him so much, musicians don’t make a lot of money to begin with.”

Hongjoong hummed in agreement, crossing his legs. “That part is definitely true. Sometimes if you love something, or someone so much, you have to let them go, and if it’s meant to be, you’ll find your way back to each other.”

Yunho loved Mingi, and if he wasn’t willing to pack up and go to Tokyo with him, he’d have to let him go. Just for a bit. Until he could figure out his own way. 

For now, he’d have to come to terms with separating from Mingi.

↻      ◁     ||     ▷       ↺

Later that night, Yunho’s mind was elsewhere. He and Mingi sat in front of the TV watching some movie they’d rented on VHS, but Yunho couldn’t remember what it was about. All he could think about was how soon Mingi was leaving. Only 48 hours until he’d be by himself again, alone.

Mingi was fairly quiet too, either he had picked up on Yunho’s mood, or he was in one himself. His expression was neutral, but the silence between them was heavy, and stale. Neither of them had mentioned Mingi’s departure, probably because if they said it out loud, it’d be all too real. 

So there they sat, on the floor of Mingi’s mostly empty apartment, watching some recent blockbuster together in the dark. No one spoke until the credits rolled on the screen and music sounded from the speakers. Even after that, the VHS stopped, the TV went blue, letting them know the tape had run through, but neither of them moved to turn it off. 

Yunho looked over at Mingi. He was still staring at the screen, blinking slowly, eyes distant. It was Mingi who broke the silence. “Do you remember when we first met?”

Yunho couldn’t forget if he tried. How Mingi walked in, and it was the first new face Yunho had seen in a long time. How he walked straight to the rock section, how he’d never seen someone with bleached blonde white hair before. “Of course,”

Mingi wet his lips before he began talking, still staring at the blue screen of the TV. “I knew when I first saw you there was something different, the way your eyes watched me as I looked around, how your cheeks turned red when we first talked. How you were so interested in the CDs I chose. Now look at us.”

A soft smile grew on Yunho’s lips, only for it to fade just as quickly as it came. Hearing Mingi’s point of view of their first meeting was bittersweet, now a memory he’ll always cherish. 

“I’d never thought I’d meet someone like you in a town like this, but I’m so glad I did.” Mingi turned to look at him, a sullen look written on his face. 

“Mingi, I–”

The next words were not something Yunho was expecting to hear, not now. 

“Come with me,” Mingi blurted. He seemed surprised by his own words by the way his eyes widened slightly, but he doubled down. “Please?”

Yunho stared back at him in shock, mouth opening and then closing, he was at a loss for words. He knew how badly he wanted to, shit the urge to go and pack a suitcase was imminent. Yet he knew it wasn’t right, no matter how much he wanted it. 

“Mingi, I can’t,” he whispered. “I don’t wanna get in your way, I’ve gotta figure out what I’m gonna do first,”

Mingi didn’t look hurt, but there was a sullen look in his eyes, like he already knew what Yunho was going to say before he said it. “You could never get in my way, Yunho. But we at least can’t try?” he asked softly. 

Yunho ached to join him, if his heart could talk, it’d be yelling for him to go with Mingi. “How would I make money? I don’t even speak Japanese well enough to land a job, Mingi. I can’t just live off the money you make from your band, that’s not right.”

Mingi’s expression turned from sorrowful to sour in a matter of seconds, lips downturned into a frown. “Fuck it, Yunho, who cares? Imagine the fun we could have together, don’t you wanna see me up onstage like you said?”

“I do,” Yunho responded. There was a bit more bite to his tone this time, even though he didn’t mean for it to come across in such a way. “I want nothing more than that–”

“So why won’t you come with me?” Mingi was getting heated the more he spoke, now sitting up on his heels, arms crossed in front of his chest. “I know you don’t like it here, this town is all you know, don’t you wanna get out?”

Yunho looked away, said nothing, jaw clenched as he fought the urge to argue. If only Mingi knew the number of times he wished he could go somewhere else, forget about this place, and never look back. Just like Mingi did with Seoul. 

“We could live together, have a place of our own. Something to call ours.” Mingi emphasized. “What are you so fucking scared of?”

Those last words cut Yunho deep, like a knife had been twisted in his chest as the final blow. He took a shuddering breath, staring into the blue screen of the TV in front of him. “I-I don’t know,” he stuttered softly. It wasn’t a full lie, he truly didn’t know what he was scared of. Falling even more so for Mingi? That was impossible, he’d already been hopelessly in love with the other for some time now. 

Was he afraid that Mingi could fall right back into his addiction again? Maybe show business just wasn’t for him. That possibly he couldn’t handle having such easy access to the inevitable amount of drugs around him. That was the real thing frightening Yunho, losing Mingi forever. 

But he’d promised. Promised Yunho that he wouldn’t get caught up again. 

“I-I don’t want you to go,” Yunho stated, his voice cracked, but he swallowed down his tears. “I don’t wanna be alone again, but I want you to pursue your dreams. I can’t stop you from doing that either.” 

The answer wasn’t good enough for Mingi, eyes squinted as he stared Yunho down. “You don’t have to be alone anymore, Yunho,” he breathed, “Fuck, I need you too, more than you’ll ever know.”

Mingi was grasping for straws now, his resolve slowly fading. He ran a hand through his hair, slightly tugging at the roots out of frustration. “I need a cigarette,” he mumbled, standing to his feet, searching the table for his forgotten pack. 

Somehow, among the frenzy of Mingi trying to find his cigarettes and the slew of curses muttered under his breath, Yunho found his voice. “What if you relapse?” he voiced. “I can’t handle seeing you spiral like that, Mingi.” 

The room fell silent, and Mingi stopped dead in his tracks. All that was heard was the ticking of the clock on the wall of the kitchen, and when Yunho turned to look back at Mingi, he stood there, unlit cigarette forgotten between his lips. 

Mingi blinked a few times, then looked down to find his lighter, fingers shaking as he thumbed the wheel a few times before getting a flame. He lit the end, smoke exhaling from his nose. “I won’t,”

“How do you know that?” Yunho was the one getting upset now, he could feel himself getting hot with anger. “How do you know that being around those kinds of people won’t trigger you? I can’t bear to lose you, Mingi.”

“And you won’t,” Mingi reiterated. He was calm, far too calm. “I promised.”

“Yeah, well people break promises,” Yunho shot back. It was much more serious than Mingi was letting on, and he hated the way he seemed to be the only one who saw that. 

Mingi took another deep drag of his cigarette, seemingly now much more relaxed after filling his lungs with nicotine. “I won’t because I have reason to live now,” he stated. “I didn’t back then.”

Suddenly, the anger within Yunho dissipated. He stared up at Mingi in surprise, his breathing uneven. 

“You. You’re my reason. And if that’s not good enough, I don’t know what is.”

Mingi was serious, Yunho could tell by the way he didn’t look away, held his shocked gaze as he told Yunho the truth. 

“That’s why I want you to come so badly, Yunho, because if you’re not there…” Mingi bit at his lower lip, brows furrowed. “If you’re not there, then what’s the point?”

Yunho stood now, legs feeling like jelly under him, eyes brimming with tears he refused to let fall. “Mingi, you still have your friends, what about San? Wooyoung?” Mingi looked down at the table now, tapping a blob of ash from the end of his cigarette in the same soda can he’d been using as an ashtray. “You wouldn’t let Cyphr go on without you, would you?”

Mingi ran his tongue along the inside of his cheek, a scoff leaving his mouth. “They don’t mean as much to me as you do, Yuyu,” he paused, still not meeting Yunho’s pleading eyes. “I don’t want to say goodbye either.”

“It’s not goodbye,” Yunho told him, maybe a bit too quickly. But he was right, at least for Yunho, it wouldn’t be goodbye, he could never truly part ways with Mingi. He took the necklace that Mingi had gifted him in his hands, holding it up between them. “Because of this, it’s never goodbye, I’ll always come to you when you call. You know that.”

Mingi finally faced him, eyes just as misty as Yunho’s, lips now sporting a soft pout. He looked more like a puppy than Yunho did in that moment. 

Yunho reached out to tuck a lock of Mingi’s hair behind his ear, brushing his thumb over his cheek. He leaned into Yunho’s touch, visibly relaxing. “I’ll miss you so much,” Yunho choked on his words, swallowing the growing lump in his throat. 

“I’ll miss you more,”

They didn’t argue again after that, choosing to lie together in bed, arms wrapped around one another as if they were scared of losing each other. Mingi eventually fell into a peaceful slumber, but Yunho couldn’t, as usual, lying awake replaying their conversation in his head. 

Yunho understood Mingi, why he said he was his reason to live, to keep away from any of the substances he used before. Though part of Yunho was still scared, still terrified that he’d get a call one day that Mingi was in the hospital. 

The thought alone made his stomach churn, yet he didn’t want to be there if Mingi did relapse either. Yunho knew himself, he’d already grown so attached to him now, it’d only get worse, to the point he’d never let him out of his sight. 

They needed to be apart, for both of their sakes, and he knew that. 

Still, he would do whatever it took to make it to Tokyo. He’d save every dime he had just to be able to buy a plane ticket and be there with him. They just needed time. Time to figure themselves out before they dove headfirst into living together. 

Like Yunho said, if Mingi calls, Yunho would be there, no matter the distance.

↻      ◁     ||     ▷       ↺

Soon enough, the dreaded morning came, and Yunho was a mess. He had barely slept the night before, his mind racing for hours before letting him drift off. When he finally rose, Mingi made them coffee like he always did, adding extra cream and sugar to Yunho’s cup. 

They sat in silence as they drank their cups, both of them not wanting to face the reality of what would happen later. Mingi’s things were by the door already, his guitar case and suitcase packed up, looming in the corner. Yunho averted his gaze from the front door, instead focusing on Mingi sitting across from him. 

His eyes were heavy, and the skin under them dark from lack of sleep. He held his mug in one hand, his morning cigarette in the other. He was barely smoking it, instead just holding it, letting it burn down to the filter.

Yunho didn’t know what to say, or if there was anything he could say. All he felt was impending doom mixed with a lingering sadness. Part of him wanted to mention their conversation from the night before, apologize for not understanding Mingi’s point of view. But he knew it was better left unsaid. He looked down at the coffee he had barely drunk, steam rising from the mug. 

“Drink it,” Mingi told him. It was almost like they’d spent so much time together that he knew exactly what he was thinking. “It’ll get cold.”

Yunho listened, bringing the mug to his lips and taking a sip. It was good, sweet, just like he wanted it, but knowing this was the last coffee that Mingi would make for him indefinitely made him not want to drink it. 

Still, he did before he had time to regret it, setting the empty mug down between them. Mingi sipped at his slowly, finally stubbing out the cigarette he barely touched. “I’m gonna have to tell you about all the music stores in Tokyo I see,” Mingi started, trying to lighten the dreary mood that had settled over them. “Maybe one day a Cyphr album will be in the windows.”

Yunho smiled softly at that, his finger circling the rim of his now-empty mug. “When that happens, you have to walk into the store and buy your own album, just to see if anyone notices it’s you,” he joked. 

Mingi chuckled at that, his teeth biting his lower lip to suppress his amusement. “Oh yeah? And will you be there to check me out?”

Yunho could feel his cheeks heating up at the thought of Mingi being well-known enough to have his album displayed in the windows of a music store, with everyone in awe that the guitarist came in to buy his own CD. How cool he’d look sauntering up to the counter, just like when they first met. “Absolutely, I would.”

Mingi brushed his hand over Yunho’s, finger tracing his knuckles gently. “My number one fan,” he teased. 

Yunho could only smile at his words, Mingi was right, he’d always be his number one fan. He promised he’d be front row at Cypher’s show, eyes only watching Mingi onstage. He hoped that day would come sooner rather than later.

Mingi stood, hand reaching out in offering to Yunho. “C’mon, the taxi will be here soon.”

Yunho stared up at him. He probably looked like a lost puppy, pout on his lips and eyes already misty. He didn’t want to cry, not yet at least. He took Mingi’s hand, pulling himself up, feet dragging as he changed out of his pyjamas. 

The taxi arrived right on time, ready to take them to the train station in the next town over. The ride was just as quiet as their shared coffee earlier. The driver was an older man, but kind, playing jazz at a low volume on the radio. 

Yunho sat beside Mingi in the backseat, the hole in his chest only growing bigger the further they drove. They didn’t speak, but Yunho felt Mingi’s fingers touch his as they rested on the seat between them, softly brushing over his knuckles back and forth. His touch was light, soft, tracing over each dip and vein in Yunho’s hand. 

Thankfully, the plexiglass between the front of the car was scratched and cloudy enough that it was difficult to see through, meaning they didn’t have to worry about being caught. Yunho turned from the window to look at Mingi, who was already staring at him. His eyes were taking him in, scanning his body like he was trying to remember every detail. 

It made Yunho’s heart ache, the sadness in his face, the way he knew that this would be the last time seeing him for a while. If Yunho could kiss him in the back of that taxi, he would pull him into his arms until they were both out of breath. But he refrained. Instead he settled for Mingi’s soft touches of his hand, fingers twitching with angst. 

The drive felt short, even though it took about 45 minutes to reach the station. It was fairly busy, people coming and going with luggage, others with their families, saying their goodbyes. Yunho kept his gaze on Mingi as the taxi driver helped him with his luggage. 

He stood at the curb, eyes already welling with tears, and he tried his best to swallow them down, keep a strong face. Mingi joined him wordlessly, taking his arm and heading for his platform. 

Then there they stood, Mingi’s train that would take him to the airport, would soon be boarding. Both of them stood in front of one another, staring. The commotion around them seemed to be drowned out, people passing and talking sounding like it was a faraway dream. 

“It’s not goodbye, right?” Yunho asked. He was picking at the skin around his nails so harshly it was sure to start bleeding. 

“Of course not,” Mingi answered quickly. He looked to be holding himself together better than Yunho was, though his voice was strained. “We’ll be together again sooner than you’ll realize.”

Yunho bit his lower lip and took a deep breath. Time was ticking, and the sand of the hourglass was running out. “I have something for you,”

He opened his bag and pulled out a CD, which he’d had Hongjoong burn songs onto since he wasn’t very tech savvy. Still, the songs on it were ones they’d listen to together, ones that Mingi would play for him on guitar. The case had Yunho’s handwriting scrawled on it, labelling each song, along with a few doodles. He held it out to Mingi, hands shaking. “It’s not much, but I wanted to give you something.”

Mingi stared at it for a moment, eyes slightly widening. As he took it in his hands, his thumb brushed over the writing on the cover, tracing the letters. “Yunho…”

A loud buzzing sound rang through the station, along with an automated voice over the speakers. “Train 3C will be departing in 5 minutes.”

Yunho looked back at Mingi with an anxious expression. There was so much he wanted to say, but so little time. “Listen to it on the way there, yeah?” he told him, wiping at a stray tear that had fallen. He tried to smile, tried to make it seem like he was going to be okay. 

Mingi looked over at the train, the platform slowly emptying as passengers boarded. He grabbed Yunho by the collar, pulling him into a hug that made Yunho’s legs feel wobbly under him. He could feel how fast Mingi’s heart was beating against his, the warmth of his skin, the faded scent of cigarettes. 

Mingi held him for what felt like minutes, one of his hands resting on the back of Yunho’s head. His lips brushed against his ear as he whispered. “My puppy, my special boy, I love you.”

Yunho froze, his entire body stiffening like someone had dumped a bucket of ice water over him. 

“Train 3C is departing in 2 minutes, please make your way onto the train…”

Mingi pulled away, not giving Yunho any time to react before planting a kiss on his cheek and running for the train. Yunho could still feel his touch lingering, skin tingling from the kiss. He saw Mingi hop on the train, running to the window where Yunho was still standing on the platform below.

“I love you, Mingi.”

Mingi smiled widely. He knew exactly what Yunho had said. The train began moving slowly, and Yunho found himself walking with it, his feet carrying him along as he held eye contact with Mingi on the other side.

And Mingi didn’t look away either, kneeling in the seat, hands pressed against the glass, watching, lingering. When the train sped up, so did Yunho, feet hitting the pavement with urgency, chest burning with every inhale. 

Soon enough, it was too fast, he had to stop, halting as the train disappeared and picked up speed. He stood, hands on his knees, as he caught his breath, vision blurred with hot tears. He could still see the dog tag that Mingi gifted him, dangling from his neck, the only piece of him he still had. His voice echoed in his head, ‘I love you. ’ 

Those three words that Yunho had been too scared to say, too afraid to utter aloud, Mingi had said like he knew it was what Yunho wanted to hear all along. Or maybe he wanted to say them too, and he was just as scared as Yunho was. But to know Mingi felt the same, that he loved him, cherished him, and wanted him, was better than any parting gift Yunho could’ve asked for. 

When Yunho finally caught his breath, his eyes puffy and his nose red, he clutched the necklace in his hand, the cool metal against his skin grounding him. He read the words etched into the metal over and over, like a prayer, and the necklace was his rosary. 

‘My special boy’

‘I love you…’

He bought the tag to his lips, pressing a kiss against it. He didn’t care if people were watching, staring, or judging the kid crying at the train station. All he wanted was his Mingi, the person he loved, the one who taught him not to care what others thought. 

The ride back home was even more silent and heavy than the one there. The backseat of the taxi felt cold and empty with Yunho sitting alone. He stared out of the window, watching the buildings from the nearby city dwindle into smaller houses and open land. 

Back to his little town, the same place he’s been since he could remember. This time, with more grief than he could handle. The more he thought about Mingi, though, the more he felt a burning desire grow in his chest, the desire to see him again, feel his presence. 

Loneliness is what Yunho was feeling. Something he hasn’t felt swimming in his gut in the months he’s spent with Mingi. He had to see Mingi again, no matter how long it took for him to get his own shit together. He would do anything just to make their time apart shorter. 

Yunho hadn’t just fallen for Mingi, or flown too close to the sun like Hongjoong mentioned. He’d experienced freedom for the first time, felt what it was like to be loved and accepted for who he is. Mingi wasn’t just some kid who ran from his problems, he understood Yunho on a level that no one else did. 

Yunho didn’t care if he was going to get burnt, or if maybe he already had been. He’d wait, wait for Mingi to settle in Tokyo, wait for things to work out for himself. He’d wait for decades if it meant seeing Mingi again. Just like the good boy he was. He was loyal to Mingi, and now that they were apart, his love only grew stronger. 

‘My special boy, my puppy, I love you.’

A smile bloomed on Yunho’s face, warmth growing in his chest. Now he could finally say it back, no shame, no fear. 

“I love you too, my Mingi.”