Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

"So I know this isn't your usual job, but everyone else went to see family and Ichijouji's already been here 18 hours."

"It's fine," I say. I have no plans, and the money is good.

"Usually he just stays home on the holidays, it should be an easy night. Just make sure no one gets in, or if he does go out that no one gets to him."

"Okay." I agree. It is my job after all.

"He's been sick, too, so don't bug him."

"When I have I ever bugged clients?" I ask, slightly annoyed.

"I know, Yagami, but he's like..really famous. This isn't just some rich kid that needs an extra body guard." I wonder who I'm watching, then.

"Come on," The boss says, entering a code on the door before pushing it open and letting  us both in.

Directly inside is a small room, There's a couple of armchairs, an open closet with a singular winter jacket, and two pairs of boots. One pair is meant for cold and snow, the other for rain. There is also a shoe rack that has multiple pairs of slippers in different sizes and colours. The boss goes for some shoe covers, though, and hands me a pair. I put them on.
He leads me down a dark hallway that has a single closed door in it. The hallway opens into a huge room, the main focus point being the floor to celing window over looking the ocean. The sun is starting to set, bathing everything in pinks and oranges. My breath catches in my throat.

"Beautiful, eh?" The boss asks. Before I can answer, movement to my right makes me turn that way. On insticnt I reach for my belt, and the weapon there. "Ah, Matt, this is-"

"Yagami." The blonde says. He tilts his head to the side, studying me with sapphire  eyes. He's drowning in a sky blue hoodie 3 sizes too big for him, and black track pants. His feet are bare, and the paleness of his skin is striking against the dark grey carpets.

"Sir," I respond, a beat too late. If Matt Orin is offended by it, he doesn't show it. Instead, he walks by us, turning to walk backwards to ask, "Don't you have a family to visit?"

"Sir?" I question, glancing over to my boss. He shrugs. How very helpful. "They went away." I supply after.

Matt turns away from us, to nestle himself on a couch in the main room in front of the window. It appears he's made a nest out of blankets. I understand Jeremy's worry now. Literally going to be a glorified babysitter.

"Where's Ichijouji?"

"I'm here,"

"Kitchen." The voices say at the same time. Standing in the same place Matt just was is Ken Ichijouji. The reason I even have this job.

"Hello." He says in his soft voice. Even with all the gentle and calm Ichijouji projects, he's one of the best.

"Just gonna give Taichi a quick tour, then you can go. Sorry it took so long to find a replacement."

Ken simply nods his agreement. He settles himself in an armchair in the corner, that's placed to see the entire room and all of it's entry points. The boss gives me a tour, which consists of two half bathrooms, a full bathroom, a library, a recording studio, a music room, Matt's room which has another full bathroom attached, as well as a balcony, a spare bedroom that also has a balcony and then back where Matt and Ken had been is a space that's split between a dinning room and a kitchen.

"He lives alone?" I ask, it seems like a lot for one person to deal with.

"Yep. Sometimes a band mate will spend the night but usually it's just him and whoever's keeping an eye on him."

"Mmm..seems lonely." I say, without thinking. The boss shrugs, but leads me back to the main room. Matt is shaking his head at Ken.

"Yes," Ken says.

"No." Matt says firmly, and Ken sighs. He puts his hands up in surrender.

"Okay." Ken stands and walks towards us. "All set?" He asks.

"Yeah, go home." Jeremy says. Ken nods at me before calling a good bye to Matt, that goes unanswered.  "I'm off too, Matt. Merry Christmas."

Matt throws himself roughly onto the couch with a sigh, but says nothing else. I follow Boss to the door and watch him leave, making sure the door is locked. Boss set the alarm before he left, and it says armed. On my way back towards the main room, I check the single doorway in the hallway, as it wasn't part of the tour. It's locked.
Matt is still in the same place as when I left, mostly hidden under blankets, staring at the skyline with a blank expression. I take up the same chair Ken had been in, so I can see the room, and watch Matt. I suspect it will be a long boring night for me of watching Matt sleep.

I'm not stupid, and I'm well aware that Matt is beautiful, and anyone else would probably kill to watch him sleep, but when I'm not moving I get antsy. After about 15 minutes of silence, my work phone vibrates against my thigh. Matt jerks, and his eyes refocus, sliding to land on me as if he felt the vibrations, too. I pull it out of my pocket to find a text from Ken.

Matt is a lot but he's can also be super easy going if you are. Treat him like he was anyone else, and not a famous musician.

I put my phone away, which seems to signal to Matt to get up. I stand as he does, expecting to follow him.

"Sit down, I'm not going anywhere." He says. I sit. He fiddles with a blank wall within eyesight of me, but behind the couch he's on, and space opens up to show a TV. He walks back to me and dumps the controllers in my lap before falling back into his couch. "Are you a sports fan, too?" He asks.

"Yeah," I say, because it would be rude to not answer him. "Ken and I played on the same team in highschool."

"Mmmm," Matt aknowledges. I turn the TV on, and it's already on my favorite channel, sound off. Clearly, Ken has also been watching TV.

I know I'm not supposed to engage in anything that could distract me, and football is definetly one of those things, but it's 5pm on Christmas Eve, and Matt seems on the verge of sleep. 

After an hour of watching TV and Matt, my neck is getting sore, so I stand, and tilt my head side to side. Matt's eyes are closed, but I can't tell if he's asleep or not. My personal phone vibrates it's call pattern, but I ignore it, assuming it's my family calling from Japan.  I pace the room in front of the huge window a few times, before getting bored of that. I wander into the kitchen and find a note on the fridge door that reads "SafeSecurity: Help yourself."

I open the door and pull out a water bottle and have a drink before deciding to check all the rooms again, just in case. I start in the lobby and check the alarm system. It still says armed. The door in the hallway is still locked. I almost ignore the kitchen, but it had a big window, so I check to make sure that's locked. It is. I backtrack into the living room, Matt seems to actually be asleep now, his breathing slow and even. As well as the couch Matt is on, there's a coffee table made of black marble with a glass top. There's a closed laptop ontop with no cord, and Matt's cell phone. The TV that dissappears into the wall is a couple years old by the looks of it. There's also a bookcase that has DVD's and CD cases on it. I browse through the collection, and immediately am drawn to the Japanese titles. Most of the DVD's are Japanese, although the CD's range to languages I couldn't name. Most of the bands I've never even heard of. I check the rest of the house, checking doors and windows as I go. I avoid Matt's bedroom, simply because I imagine it's a safe space for him, and he's not awake for me to ask permission. 

The room with the library also catches my eye, the books are in different languages, and each language has it's own place. There are as many Japanese books as English, and there's an entire wall dedicated to astronomy and space. I've never been much of a reader but a lot of these books look like they've been read at least once. I trail my fingers along the spines. My sister would love it here.

"If you find anything interesting you're welcome to borrow it." I nearly jump out of my skin at the voice, and whip around to look at Matt. His eyes are swollen from sleep and he looks like he's about to fall over. "I'm going to my room, so don't panic. Do you want me to leave the door open?"

"Uhm. What do you usually do?" I ask. Having the door open will make it easier to check on him, but also I can't imagine sleeping with my own open. Matt just shrugs.

"People have been watching me my entire life. I don't care. Some of you want it open so you can just eye me, others want me to close the door so they can do whatever they want without me knowing." 

"Oh." I say, a little put off by the honesty. Matt shrugs again. 

"It is what it is. I'll leave it open." And with that he turns and walks away, trailing his hand along the door as he goes. I sigh. I will probably never be asked to come back here again. Ah well.

After browsing the books for a little while longer, I head back to the living room. The TV is still on, and Matt's blanket nest is still on the couch. I instinctly fold the blankets and leave them in a pile on the seat the blonde had vacated. Watch the TV for about a half hour, a game I've already seen, before my phone vibrates again. This time I pull it out of my pocket.

"Hello?" I ask, knowing it's probably my sister.

"Merry Christmas!" My little sister chirps in my ear.

"It's not Christmas there anymore, silly." 

"But it is where you are. What are you doing?"

"I'm at a job, I can't really talk, but thanks."

"Ooh, someone famous?"

"Yeah, actually it is." I only know who Matt Odin is because my sister is currently obsessed with him, and it's all she can talk about. How badly she wants to be able to see him live one day.

"Who is it? Someone I'd know?" She asks, laughing. We both know that I can't tell her anything, so I just laugh with her until she starts coughing.

"You alright?" I ask after she's managed to catch her breath again. I hear her sigh.

"I'm alright, tired, though. I should go rest. I love you, big brother."

"I love you too. I'll come see you soon, okay?"

"Okay. Bye." Hikari hangs up the phone, and I stare at it with a frown. I've been promising her I'd come visit her for over a year, and never manage to find the time. I check the time, almost midnight, and put my phone away.

I check on Matt, and he seems to be asleep, all I can see of him his a mound of blankets and a tuft of blonde hair sticking up, I don't even know if he's facing me or not. I pace the house again for something to do so I don't fall asleep. Usually I'm with someone whose awake, and not sleeping, and that makes me wonder why Odin needs 24 hour surveillance.

Eventually I sit back down and watch the TV, my head resting on the back of couch.

I wake with a jerk, eyes flying open. Matt Odin is in front of me, nudging me with his foot.

"Hi," He says.

"Hello," I mumble, rubbing my eyes with my palm. "What time is it?"

"Almost six. I'm not sure what time Stupid is going to be here with a replacement for you, but usually they swap around six so..."

"Thanks," I say glancing up at him.

"Yeah, whatever." He says. He paces away from me, towards the kitchen and hallway. I take a second to wake up before hauling myself to my feet and following him. 

Matt's sitting on the counter with a water bottle in one hand, phone in the other. He's cross-legged and has socks on now. Dark blue with yellow and orange socks. I choose not to say anything. I lean against the counter, and watch him text or scroll with one hand. I take in his features, having never really looked before. Matt's hair is naturally blonde, and his eyes are the bluest blue I've ever seen. He has long lashes and frame almond shaped eyes over high cheek bones, and- "Are you part Asian?" I ask before I can stop myself.

Those impossibly blue eyes glance up from his phone to meet my own brown ones. "Uhm. Yeah. My dad's Asian." He doesn't clarify, but now I'm curious about his mom, cause clearly he doesn't get his colour from his dad. He goes back to his phone

The alarm chirps "unarmed" and I'm immediately on alert. I step back so I can see the front door, and watch who comes in. Matt doesn't even look up. Some guy whose name might be Joe or John or Jay, maybe and Jeremy walk through the door.

"Morning," Jeremy says as he sees me.

"Morning." I return.

"Maaaaattt," the other guys half whines,

"Oh jesus, christ." Matt mutters behind me. I look back at Matt in time for him to roll his eyes and frown. I snicker, and Matt shoots me a look before hoping off the counter. 

He stands close enough behind me that I can hear him breathing and stretches as he watches the two men come through the hallway. Joe or John or Jay walks around me and goes to slap Matt's shoulder in greeting, but he jerks away so fast he slams into me. "Don't fucking touch me," he snarls.

It surprises me enough that it must show on my face cause Jeremy and John both laugh.

"Don't worry about it," Jeremy says as Matt stalks away, "he's like that with touch sometimes." A door slams deeper in the house and John laughs again. I frown.

"He seems ridiculously unhappy about this arrangement." I say, which isn't really my place, but..

"He'll be fine," John says. "He's always like this." I don't believe him for even a second, but again, it's not my place so I say nothing.

"So," Jeremy starts, and I move my attention back to him. "How was it? Any issues?"

I chew my lip as I debate on telling him that I fell asleep, wondering how he will view me after. I've never had an issues before. "No, there were no issues. Odin went to bed after you guys left."

"He didn't give you any attitude or anything?"

"No, he was great. Showed me the TV, and told me I could borrow books." Jeremy gives me a look that I can't read. "Uhm. I did fall asleep for a couple hours though, I'm not used to the night shift."
Jeremy blows at a breath. "Well, that's okay. This time. Matt is known to run from his guards, and try and slip them. Since nothing happened, and you didn't know, I won't hold it against you. And I appreciate you being honest."

I nod my head at him, not really sure what else to say about it. 

"You can go home, thanks again for covering. You've got the Smith family tomorrow at breakfast, right?"

"Yes, sir."

"Alright, good. Give me two minutes, and I'll drive you back to the office."

"Sure," I say, heading towards the door. Jeremy heads deeper into the house. There's a few seconds of silence, then Matt's voice.

"I swear to God," and then a stream of words that I think might be French. None of them sound like nice words either. Jeremy reappears looking annoyed and strained. 

"I need to replace that guy," he mutters to himself as he passes me. I pull off my little shoe booties, and Jeremy and I leave, him resetting the alarm as we leave.

I glance at the house as we pull out of the drive-way, but all seems still.

Chapter Text

I do my daily assignments, without hearing anything about Matt Odin for over two weeks. At a mandatory staff meeting, where everyone is required to attend, I can hear Matt in the background of someone on the phone.  I can't really make out what he's saying, but I can definitely tell it's Matt. Jeremy is talking like he can't hear Matt and his bodyguard arguing. 

There's a thump, and a "Oof!" then temporary silence. Jeremy also falls silent. "What the fuck?" is whispered quietly.

"Daisuke, are you okay?" Ken breaks the silence.

"Huh? Oh, yep, all good here." Daisuke doesn't sound very convincing though. Jeremy starts talking again.

"Where the fuck did you get that?" Daisuke asks, Matt laughs. "No, really. What is that thing?"

Jeremy keeps talking. I am more interested in the conversation going on somewhere away from me. Daisuke frantically tries to figure out why kind of animal Matt has brought home, and Matt has absolutely no interest in sharing that information with him. Matt laughs more then talks, but it seems forced, and more like a drunken response then anything. After Jeremy has officially closed the meeting and the staff is all standing to leave, a newer member of our team asks, 

"So...is Matt Odin always like that?" Jeremy sighs, but it's the only answer that is given.

I leave the meeting, bored. Perhaps I should finally try and get time off so that I can go and see Kari and my parents. I know her health isn't great, it never has been. I drive home on auto-pilot. 

Once in my house, I open my laptop and check out flights and hotel stays in Japan. Realistically, I could pull it off, I think, within a month, if I'm really, really careful about my spending. Which is something

I'm used to, having grown up poor. An hour into my research, my phone rings. Glancing at the caller ID, I answer it.

"Hey Jeremy, what's up?"

"Hey, Taichi, sorry to bug you. I just had a quick question for you."

"Go ahead." I say, suddenly interested.

"Okay, so I had to fire Jared." The name means nothing to me. "But he was head of security at the Odin concert next week."

"I'm not hearing a question," I say, because clearly I can not replace whoever Jared is as head of security.

"Right. Well, obviously I can't give you head of security, but Jared's job is watching Odin's dressing room, and I figured I'd offer you that spot since Matt sorta knows you. You'll be getting a raise for the night."

"How big of a raise?" I ask, although I know I'm already going to say yes. Any extra money is something I want right now.

"You'll make double, hourly. And you'll need to be on site for like 10 hours."

"Oh." I say. "Sure."

"Great! I'll arrange something with Ken so you guys an talk about what's expecting. Ken also does Matt's door, but he's not available that night."

I hang up with Jeremy and look at the prices on my screen again with a smile.

----

I jerk away, my body immediately going into fight mode. I look around for threats, but find none, and then my phone rings again. Glancing at the clock on my beside table, the lights flash 2:13am. I grab my phone and connect the call without looking at the caller ID.

"Hello?" I ask, now immediately worried something is wrong with my sister.

"Yagami," Jeremy says, his voice is strained. I sit up, suddenly wide awake. "I need you at Matt Odin's place, right now." I'm already climbing out of bed, pulling on whatever clothes I can find as Jeremy gives me an address and a code for the alarm.

"What's going on?" I ask as I scramble for my keys and shoes.

"I don't know, he called and said he needed help, but the line went dead. I'm on my way but you're twenty minutes closer then anyone else."

"I'm going." I say as I slam my front door closed. The line falls silent in my hand. 

Odin lives seven minutes away from me, and as I pull into his drive-way, there's two cars I don't recognize. His front door is open, but the alarm is silent. I wish I had the foresight to grab my gun. I enter the house slowly, watching for any sign of danger. Currently everything is silent. No noise at all. There's nothing until the hallway that has Odin's bedroom, library and guest room.

On the floor is a body, it's someone from work, his name is Charlie, I think. Charlie is on his back, and there's blood on his face. I check his pulse, and am thankful he's still alive. I glance up and find that Odin's door frame is splintered, like someone kicked in the door. I raise to my feet and approach the door. In side is Joe or John, or now that I think about it probably Jared. He's standing in front of the bathroom door, which is closed.

"Listen, you little fuck, I'm coming in there, whether or not you want me to. Jeremy is almost a half hour away." Jared says. There's no answer from the bathroom.

"What are you doing?" I ask. Jared whips to face me. One his eyes is swelling shut and already bruising, and there's blood coming from his nose. He's also sporting some vicious looking scratches that didn't quite break the skin.

"Who the fuck are you?" He retaliates. He steps away from the bathroom door. I can only assume that Odin is in there.

"Taichi Yagami." I say, slowly. "We met two weeks ago." I try to ease him.

"...Right." He says, stepping towards me again.

"Your face looks pretty bad. We should get some ice on it." Jared looks confused for a second before looking back at the bathroom door.

"He fucking attacked me." Jared says. "I should..." He trails off, like he's not really sure what he should do.

There's still nothing from behind the door. "Well, why don't you go get some ice for your face and I'll talk to Odin." I suggest.

Jared nods, and walks towards me, I step out of his way, and change places with him, moving towards the bathroom door. I knock gently on it.

"Mr. Odin..It's Taichi Yagami. I hung out with you on Christmas. Jeremy sent me to check on you."

The bathroom door unlocks, and I'm looking into emotionless pools of blue. 

"He just..showed up and attacked us.." Odin says, voice trailing off. He looks like he put up a fight. A split lip and dark finger prints showing up on his throat. His eyes shoot to something over my shoulder and he reels back, moving further into the bathroom.

I turn in time to catch a hit from Jared, Odin's warning giving me enough time to make it a glancing blow to my shoulder, instead of the back of my head. On instinct, I shove him away by the shoulders, but he manages to fling himself back at me. I grab his wrist as we swings again, and manage to twist it away, he snarls at me. Using this momentum, I swing us away from the bathroom door, and towards the middle of the room. We go back and forth for a handful of seconds before I manage to pin him beneath my weight, arms tucked safely away from me. Jared is struggling beneath me, yelling and swearing, calling me names.

Odin appears beside me, far enough away that he has time to get away if Jared gets away from me. a second later a girl with brown hair and pink streaks appears beside him.

"Are you hurt?" I ask her, cause she looks unharmed. They both say no, although clearly Odin is. "Charlie is alive. My phone is in my back pocket. Call 911." 

Odin steps forward to pull my phone out of my jeans. "Code?" he asks.

"0116" Jared has finally stopped yelling but he's still trying to break free. "Just stop," I hiss at him. He fights harder.

Movement in the doorway makes me tense up, ready for another fight, my brain already trying to figure out how to keep both Odin and his girlfriend safe from this other threat.

"What the fuck?" The new persons voice is familiar, although I can't place his face. He immediately turns to Odin. "What the fuck happened? What happened to your face? Holy shit."

He has mahogany hair that's shorter then mine but just as wild and intense eyes that seem to take everything in all at once. Odin passes my phone off to the girl, who takes it and starts talking, walking away into the other room. I relax, because clearly they don't see this new person as threat.

"Who the fuck are you?" He finally asks me. I open my mouth to answer but Odin beats me too it.

"Yagami, Taichi. He covered that shift on Christmas eve, he said Jeremy called him..Jared was fired and broke in."

"Charlie, Matt, Taichi!?" Jeremy's voice drifts in from the kitchen area.

"We're in Matt's room," the new comer calls back.

"This is Daisuke Motomiya." Matt says to me. "Can one of you fucking help him?" Daisuke jerks towards me to help me haul Jared up to his feet. Odin side steps us to give us space to move away. I hear sirens now.

A handful of hours later, with Jared gone in cuffs, Charlie away in the ambulance, Daisuke, Jeremy, Ken, who showed up in the middle of the police interviews, Odin, and his friend, whose name is Mimi and is not his girlfriend, and I are sitting in his living room together. Mimi's head is resting on Odin's shoulder, her eyes closed. Odin had flat out refused to let paramedics look at him or touch him. He had wiped his bleeding lip with the back of his hand, and called it a night. 

"Well, fuck," Daisuke says, finally.

"Dai," Odin says in a tone that is mostly warning.

"What do you want me to say nii-chan?" I startle at the causal, affectionate Japanese term.

"They aren't actually brothers." Ken offers, but doesn't give more detail. Daisuke, in turn offers me a full-toothed, goofy grin.

"Are you from Japan, too, or just have Japanese blood?" He asks.

"I was born in Japan, I came out here because Ken said he could get me job. My sister is sick, and this pays more then anything I could find back home." Daisuke nods his head like he understands. Odin is staring past my shoulder into nothing. Jeremy is typing frantically on his phone.

The room falls into silence again. "Alright," Jeremy finally says, startling all of us.

"Matt, are you okay if Taichi covers Jared position at the concert next week?" Odin's eyes drift slowly to meet mine. For a second, something close to fear flashes in his eyes. Of me, or something else I don't know.

"Yes." he says. "Neither of you are going to be there?" He asks, but his eyes are still studying my face.

"I have a thing with my mom," Ken says. 

"I'm going to be in the audience with a friend," Daisuke says, his cheeks turning pink."

"Alright, great, can you three plan a get together and go over details of routine and protocols? Obviously, text me the time you're together and you'll get paid for it."

"You can do it here if you need a mutual place to meet. Daisuke is with me during the day for the next four days," Odin offers. Our eyes have locked, and I find myself lost in the depths of blue, a little weary because there's nothing in them. With the split lip, he looks a little terrifying.

"Great," Jeremy says. "Daisuke, can you just start now? Your shift starts in an hour anyway."

"Yep. No worries. I am already here."

"I'll be staying for a bit. I need to change all the codes and alarms, now. Ken, you're here tonight, right?" Ken nods. "Go get some rest, when you get here I'll update you."

"Sure, rest well, Matt. Good-bye, everyone." Ken stands and offers us a bow before leaving. Daisuke also gets to his feet and heads towards the kitchen. Jeremy scrubs a hand across his face with a sigh.

"You look like shit," Odin says, eyes on my face again.

"Thanks, I had to come rescue your sorry ass," I say, raising an eyebrow. Odin rolls his eyes. 

"You can nap in the spare room if you need." Jeremy looks between us, but doesn't say anything.

"Oh. Uh, thanks," I say surprised. Odin shakes his shoulder, rousing Mimi from her nap on him. He climbs to his feet, Mimi trailing behind him as he heads to his room. He offers us a two finger slaute in mock attention before he vanishes, Mimi directly behind him.

"I think he likes you." Jeremy says with a laugh.

Chapter Text

A week later, and I'm standing in a group of people in front of Jeremy, as he hands out radios with headsets. I haven't seen Odin since that night, and I wonder, briefly, what his neck looks like, if the bruises have faded yet.

"Alright!" Jeremy yells above the chatter of the room. It falls silent and everyone turns to give him their attention. "Some of you probably already know this, but Jared was fired last week, and in retaliation he attack Matt and Charlie." There's a handful of shocked whispers. "Ken and Daisuke who would usually take his place are both busy, so, Yagami, come here," Jeremy says, motioning me forward.

I step through the crowd to stand beside Jeremy. "This, is Taichi. He's going to be point on Matt Odin tonight. If he tells you to do something, you do it. Am I clear?" A chorus of yes's come back towards us.

 "If, for whatever reason to happen to think Taichi is making a stupid decision, radio me, so I can fucking yell at you."

I laugh with everyone else.  

"Alright, go do what you need to do," Jeremy dismisses us. "Yagami," he says quieter. I turn to look at him.

"You met with Ken and Daisuke, right?" He asks. I nod. Jeremy studies me for a second before sighing. "How much do you know about Odin?" he asks me. I shrug.

"Nothing. I only know who he is because of my sister. I don't really follow news or anything. Doesn't seem worth the time."

"Right, well, he's notorious for being a dick. He drinks or does drugs, or whatever suits him. Just. Don't take anything personal, alright? I know you've only met him when he's been sleepy or scared. And your certainly gonna be seeing a different side of him tonight."

"You seem to forget that I work with snobby rich people all the time." I say with a smile. Jeremy nods at me. 

"Any issues, radio me, alright?"

"Yes, boss." I say with an eye roll. The radio crackles in my ear and voice tells us that the band is now in the building. I walk slowly towards Odin's dressing room, and wait. The door is open and empty, but someone has scrawled his name in black felt pen on paper and taped it to the door.

I hear the band before I see them. They are shouting and laughing and calling things out to the people they pass. The three of them round the corner, and I take them in. Two boys and a girl, the boys both have brown hair. One is covered in freckles. The girl has long dyed red hair, and fair skin. She's pretty, even from afar. As they get closer, she visably checks me out.

"Hey," She greets, "Your new."

"Hello," I return. The boys both eye me, but say nothing. They pass through the door, and close it behind them. I lean against the wall, wondering where Odin is, and why he didn't come with the rest of the band. Fifteen minutes of boredom later, the radio comes to life again in my ear.

"Odin is entering with his manager." There's a pause, and then "He can hardly walk."

Having no clue what that means, I simply pull myself away from the wall. A minute later, they round the corner and into my view. Odin is stumbling his way, and his manager keeps pushing him forward. Even being twenty feet away, I can hear him berating Odin.

"Your a fucking mess, you know that? Can't fucking trust you for fucking anything. I should just replace you." Odin seems to just let the insults roll off him.

As they get closer, his eyes land on me, and for a moment, he smiles. "Yagami!" he calls, cheerfully, moving forward faster. He looses his balance, and tips forward, but I catch and steady him. The brusies on his throat are hidden under a layer of make-up, but definitely still there.

"Slow down," I say softly. "Have some water." I tell him. Odin nods enthusiastically.

"Jesus Christ. You're a fucking disaster." The manager opens the door, and all but shoves Odin through the door. He gets tangled on his own feet, falls to the ground. Odin takes a sharp in take of breath that sounds terrified at the same time his manager grabs his hair and yanks him back up.

Before I can process moving, I have my hand pushing on the pressure point of Odin's wrist, causing him to cry out in pain, and release Odin. Odin ends up back on his knees, "What the fu-" The manager starts.

"Absolutely not. Get out," I snarl, releasing his wrist and sliding in between Odin and his manager.

"Do you kn-" The manager starts.

"I don't give a fuck. Get. Out." I am taller, and wider, and I can make myself tower if I have to. I step forward, moving the other man backwards, because his flight or fight has kicked in and he chooses flight. He hurls a cuss at me before storming out.

Behind me, I can hear the short gasping breaths of panic coming from the floor, I turn to the rest of the room and the band has surrounded Odin, as he gasps for air. I kick the door closed.

"Back up," I tell them. They move, fleeing to the couch across the room. I crouch down in front of Odin, my instinct is to hold, and comfort, but I know he doesn't like being touched, so instead...
Looking up at the band, who are watching us intently, "One of you get water." then, refocusing on Odin, I chew my lip, before swapping to Japanese.

"Hey, Matt, listen," I say, he's still gasping, looking every where but at me. "Put your head between your knees." He listens to my instructions immediately, so good start. "Can you tell me five things you can touch?" I ask, he shakes his head. "Okay, how about I tell you five things I can touch....I can touch your shoes, but I won't. The floor, my jeans, my sweater.."

The boy with freckles offers me a water bottle, which I take and place beside me. I count down things I can touch, taste, hear, smell, slowly. Eventually Odin's breathing slows down to something more normal, but he keeps his head on his knees. "Here, have this." I say in English. He holds his hand out without looking, and I place the water bottle in his hands. He drops his hand back to his side, without having water, but at least hes not choking on air anymore.

I excuse myself, and leave the room. I close the door behind me, and hit the button so I can talk through my radio. "Hey Jeremy, I need you."

"Fuck, what did he do?" Comes back immediately. "Never mind don't tell me. I'll be right there." 

I wait outside the room for Jeremy, listening intently for anything inside the room. I hear nothing. Jeremy appears looking a little flustered. "What's up?" he asks, looking around for, assumably, the issues.

"Well.." I start, before telling him everything that just happened. 

"Shit." Jeremy says, rubbing at his forehead. He knocks on the door before pushing it open. Odin is  sitting in a chair, and the red head from his band is fixing his hair. The boys, now in different outfits look ready to be on a stage in front of thousands of people.

Odin looks at me over his shoulder, and beside looking tired, it's hard to tell he just had a panic attack on the floor. He still has the water bottle I gave him held tightly in his grip, but his eyes are emotionless, and he looks no different then he had the very first night I met him. I ran a hand through my hair.

"Daisuke said he'd be here....I could probably find him." I offer. Odin shakes his head.

"I'm fine. Thanks for..whatever." his words are slurred, drunk maybe, but he sounds okay otherwise. The red-head catches my eye above his head, and we share a look, but neither of us say anything. Music explodes from behind us, and Odin stands, tilting his head side to side to stretch his neck.

"Half an hour," Red says, Odin nods. "Sure you're okay?" she asks.

"Fucking peachy." Odin snaps. He leads the way out of the room, and we all follow.

I watch as he gets fitted for a microphone, and Red plays with his hair some more. He drinks more water, and when it's their turn on stage, he bounces out there, and performs like he was born for this, and nothing else.

---

After the show, I follow Odin and the band back to their dressing room. Odin's manager is sitting in the chair Odin had been in before, looking annoyed still.

"You were stumbling all over the place," He says. Odin throws up his middle finger but says nothing. 

The manager eyes me, and I stare right back at him, waiting for him to make a move towards any of the band. He doesn't. Odin closes the door, and as one they all start stripping out of the clothes they were wearing on stage and changing into stylish but more comfortable clothes.

"I hate the meet and greets after a show," one of the males say, both of their backs are to me, so I'm not sure which it is. Red snorts, Freckles shakes his head. "Like, I like meeting fans, but why can't we do it before the show?"

No one answers. Ten minutes later, I'm joined by Daisuke. and we follow the band to a big room that has couches and food, and a ton of people with cameras as well as fans. The room erupts when they see us, and I can see Odin's shoulders tense. He rolls them, but then waves to the crowd. Daisuke and I stand to the side and just watch, in case we need to intervene, but mostly it's pictures and hugs and questions. Odin is rude and snarky and at one point spits a mouthful of water on his fans, who seem to enjoy it. The smile on his face is fake, and the longer we are there, the more tense and snappy he gets. 

"Give me your radio," Daisuke says, suddenly. I yank the ear piece out and un-clip the radio from my belt and hand it over. Daisuke put the ear piece in. "Hey, it's Daisuke, we need to shut this down," 

It takes a couple minutes, but Jeremy appears, and calls out that it's time to say goodbye, and that the band has to be somewhere else. It takes another half hour for the room to clear out of anyone that shouldn't be there. Odin drops onto the couch, and hangs his head. Daisuke throws the radio onto the table to our left and joins Odin on the couch. He whispers something that Odin doesn't respond to.

"Hey, Odin," Jeremy says. Odin looks up. Jeremy points at me. "You want to keep him?" Odin twists to look at me. His eyes sweep over me, and I feel like he's looking into my soul.

"Sure." He says, I frown at Jeremy, cause I have a regular list of clients.

"We'll discuss it tomorrow. Right now you get to go home, while they go get trashed." 

The band cheers in delight. As I'm leaving the venue, I pull out my phone.

Guess whose concert I was just at for work. I text my sister. She responds almost immediately.

Who?

Matt Odin. I got to meet him.

NO YOU DID NOT.

Chapter Text

After my on-boarding meeting with Jeremy, where he explained to me staff rotation, pay, benefits, and a handful of other things, he had told me, quietly, to search Odin's name. He had explained that Matt was prone to running away, causing a scene, and just generally causing havoc for anyone within arms reach. Daisuke and Ken, apparently, are an exception to this, and Jeremy can't really tell me why, although I think I know.

So now, after getting home, and eating, I sit at my kitchen table, with my laptop in front of me, and the search engine open. Part of me is terrified to search his name, the other wanting to know exactly what I will be dealing with six days a week. I wonder if my sister knows all the things I'm about to find out. I tap my fingers against the keyboard, and with a sign, type his name into the search bar and hit enter.

The first thing that pops up is an article that reads "Matt Odin found after a year." The article is dated a year and four months ago. I click on it. I scan over the article, that explains that Matt Odin, 19, had been found safe after being missing for just over a year. It claims, that Matt was held captive, handcuffed in a basement. It doesn't explain what happened to him there, and although I search, I find no details or statements about what happened to him. I find the articles that explain that he went missing from his managers office, that they spent months looking for him, with no luck.
I also find a ton of articles, blogs, and pictures about him. Mostly after he returned from his kidnapping, but not all. In most of them he is either drunk, being an asshole, or just plain trashy.
I scan through them, and try to compare these to the person I've seen. I know that I don't have a lot to go on, but the person these images paint is not the same person I watched have a panic attack two days ago. A good portion of these articles show Odin as too young, too famous, too addict person. The band as a whole seem to be seen as good people, they donate to charities, they volunteer during disasters, Red's family fosters. Odin himself, seems to be just a disaster. I stare at a picture of Odin, apparently taken two years ago, being held up by two people. The image states the picture was taken at 10am, and he was blacked out. I tap my finger against the table top as I look at the image, and my heart hurts for him. I wonder where his family is, or if he even has one. It doesn't seem like he has any real friends, except for maybe the band. 

I pull out my phone and scroll through contacts to Ken's name. I debate on calling him to ask, since he seems close enough with Odin to have some answers for me. As I'm debating, the phone rings, and I jump, dropping it. It clatters against the table, and continues to vibrate. I pick it up, and see my mom's number. I slide the accept button, and forget about Odin for awhile.

---

When I arrive for my first official shift, there's four cars in the driveway. One is Jeremy's. Sitting on the hood of the car is Odin. His head is tilted up towards the sky, but I can't tell if his eyes are open or not. He's sitting cross-legged and leaning against the front windshield in grey sweats and his own bands sweater. He doesn't react when I close my car door, so I approach him slowly. He ignores me until I speak.

"Hey. What's with all the cars?" He rolls his head onto his shoulder so he can look at me. His eyes scan me head to toe slowly. I feel a blush jump up my neck.

"They're looking," his words are slurred. "Damn, that shirt looks good on you."

I look down at my shirt, a tighter grey t-shirt that perhaps does define my chest and arms, to hide my embarrassment.

"Uh, thanks. Are they by any chance looking for you?"

Odin huffs out an amused snort. "Yep," he says, popping the p.

"Well, why don't we go in? Your lips are turning blue." Odin tilts his head to the other side, making him look like a confused puppy.

I offer him my hand to help him down, worried he may fall. He inspects my hand for a couple of seconds with a raised eyebrow, but does eventually place his palm in mine. His skin is cooler then mine. He slides to the edge of the hood, and allows me to help steady him. His feet, I notice, are bare. The second he's steady he releases my hand, and together we walk to his front door. He shoulders it open, the alarm staying silent. Odin stumbles down the hallway, using the wall for support when he needs. I walk behind him, a step closer then I would if he was sober, which he doesn't seem to mind. I can hear Jeremy talking in the general direction of the kitchen, and Odin goes that way without prompting from me.

"Oh thank God," Jeremy says when he sees us. "Where the hell was he?" Odin pulls a chair out from the kitchen island.

"On your car." I answer as I offer my hand to Odin again to help steady him. He takes it as he hauls himself into the chair. He folds his arms on the counter and drops his head onto them.

Jeremy sighs and starts furiously typing something on his phone. I look through the kitchen cabinets and find a glass and put cold water in it. I place it within Odin's eye sight. He glances at me, but doesn't move to grab the water. Jeremy taps the table by Odin's hand. "You need to stop taking off, Matt. We can't keep you safe if we can't find you."

Odin rolls his eyes. "Think you can handle me, 'Chi?" he asks.

"I'm not that worried. We seem to get along okay." I tell him. He snorts. Jeremy shakes his head.

"Door," Odin says suddenly, and then I hear a sliding door open. Jeremy and I both become alert, but Odin doesn't move. 

Daisuke appears, Ken and a woman named Crystal steps behind him. Crystal's brown eyes are wide and alarmed.

"Nii-san," Daisuke says, annoyed. "You can't run away." Daisuke places his hand on Odin's shoulder, and to my mild surprise, he doesn't pull away or shrug him off. He doesn't say anything, though. "Matt." Daisuke says, firmer.

"Sorry I worried you, Dai." Odin says into the table. Daisuke pats him once, gently before removing his hand.

"Be nice to Taichi." are Daisuke's parting words. Ken bows at us, silently, and follows Daisuke.

"Why does he do that?" Crystal mutters, staring after Ken.

"It's a sign of respect," Both Odin and I say at the same time. I laugh, he lifts his head enough to glare at me. Jeremy stands, and points at Crystal.

"You're coming with me so we can talk." Crystal bites her lip. Odin snorts and offers her a wave good-bye.

Jeremy pats his shoulder on the way by, and then we're alone. I lean against the counter, and just watch Odin, wondering if he's going to fall asleep. Eventually, he lifts his head and has a small sip of the water I gave him.

"So.." I say, and he glances at me. "Do you run away from everyone?"

Odin shrugs. "No." He says, flatly. "Only the ones I don't like."

"Oh, good," I say, pleasantly. "How about you have a nap?"

Odin nods his head in agreement, and allows me to shuffle him into his bed.

Chapter Text

Three weeks in, Matt and I almost become friends. I spend nights with him, my shift starts at 7pm. Usually, by the time I get there, he's drunk. Twice he'd been high. We fall into an almost normal routine. The days when Ken and Daisuke are with him during the day are best, because he's usually in a good mood when I get there. Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays, the band comes over and they do their music thing and fuck around. Twice, Red spends the night with Matt, door closed tight after throwing me a wink, and once Freckles. All three times, Matt had emerged from his room in the early hours, bruises sucked into his skin. A drop of jealousy had heated my stomach when it was Freckles turn. Sometimes Matt and I talk, about day to day things. Where I live, my favourite animal(dinosaurs), his favourite colour(blue), his favourite instrument(an acoustic guitar). He shows me how he uses his make-shift studio to record things they come up with, explain they finalize in a proper studio. I'm fascinated by the process.

On the last day of January, I show up to an unknown car. I enter the house and everything is quiet. This could be a good thing, or a very bad thing. I wander the house, leaving Matt's door, as it's closed, but find nothing. I open his door, and find the sliding door onto the balcony open. A black haired man is sitting on the floor just inside the door. He turns to look at me.

"You Yagami?" He asks.

"Yeah, where's Matt?" he thumbs towards the open door.

"Been out there for like two hours, I can't get him in." I frown, cause this is something I've never dealt with before.

"It's cool, I got it." I say.

"Good luck," The guy says as he gets up, I move out of his way as he passes. 

I take a breath to steady myself, and then I walk out onto the balcony. Matt is laying on a sun tanning chair, curled up in the lower half. His knees a curled up towards his chest, and his hands are together, pillowing his head. He's staring out towards the ocean. Everything is quiet, the only noise the waves lapping against the rocks a handful of feet away from us. He's in jeans and a long sleeved shirt, but as usual, his feet are bare. I walk around the chair so I can kneel down in his view, but not block it.

"Hey," I say. This close to him, I can see his cheeks and nose are red from the cold, and his eyes are glassy and not really seeing. He doesn't respond to me.

The glassy eyes and rosy cheeks make me think of Kari, and all the fevers she had, and instinctively I reach out to feel his forehead for fever. When my hand makes contact with his skin he jerks, eyes focusing on my face. Once he sees it's me, he settles again, and part of me is happy I'm safe person for him. "You gotta be freezing, let's go inside." I say, removing my hand. He doesn't have a fever.

Matt doesn't respond, just shifts his eyes back towards the ocean. Clearly, he is upset and doing his best to deal. I chew my lip as I stand. "Okay," I say, at a loss on what to do now. I stare down at Matt, nibbling my lip.

"Okay," I repeat. Obviously, I need to warm him up, and if he won't go inside, I will bring him something to keep him warm. I unzip my jacket, and drop it on the chair behind me, and then take off my sweater, laying it across Matt's chest. He doesn't react. I pull my jacket back on as I step back into the house. I go through to the spare bedroom, and pull out two of the thicker blankets. I bring them with me to the kitchen, having no fear that Matt will be gone when I get back.

I grab water bottles, and some snacks. I head back to Matt, and drop the blankets and snacks on the second chair. I spread out the blue one, Matt's preferred colour, and drape it over him. Then I set up the second chair, with the snacks and water beside me, and the grey blanket across my own lap. 

"If you wanna talk, I'm here." I tell Matt. I'm not expecting any sort of response, and I don't get one. So, we sit in silence, and I scroll on my phone for a bit. Tonight will be no different for me then the nights when Matt sleeps, although over the last week and half he had been spending more time awake at night with me, playing chords of music or singing under his breath. I imagine it may be a long night for Matt. 

An hour and a half after giving Matt his blanket, he shifts. "Imoto-san?" he asks quietly. His voice is hoarse from disuse. It startles me. 

"Her name's Hikari. Most people just call her Kari, though. She was born with a heart defect. She's had a bunch of surgery since she was born, but she still gets sick really easily." I talk quietly, almost a whisper, but my voice carries easily. "I'm always worried that every time I talk to her it may be the last. She's my best friend, and I forget she's five years younger then me sometimes. I was going to go home to see her. I was planning it right before Jeremy offered me this." 

Matt's adjusted himself so that he's looking at me through hooded eyes. He blinks slowly at me.

"She's a huge fan of you, too," I say with a little laugh. "For the longest time the only reason I even knew your name was because she told me all about your music. Every once in awhile I'd hear your songs, obviously, but I never really listened to any of it until I started working for you. You're really good." Before now, I'd never had a reason to compliment his music talents, his voice, but really, he's presence was amazing.

"I have a younger brother." Matt says, ignoring my compliments.

"Yeah? What's he like?" I ask, hoping to prompt him into saying more, and hopefully get him on his feet and back inside.

"Dunno," Matt says. I don't know what to say to that, so we fall silent again. I give Matt a few more minutes to say anything else he may want, but he remains quiet.

"I'm gonna go check the house," I tell him, climbing to my feet. He tilts his head to watch me go.

I check all the doors and windows, as I usually do every couple hours. It's never been an issue before, and I have no reason to believe it will be now, and I wonder why he even has 24/7 guardians. Part of me thinks it may be to keep him safe from himself. On my way back to Matt, I stop in front of the library. On a whim, I go in, and browse the titles, pulling out one about constellations. I bring the book outside with me, and prop it open on my lap. To fill the silence, I read out loud. It's definitely not one of my stronger abilities, but Matt doesn't seem to care.

When 6am comes, Matt is still awake, and my throat is sore from reading. I get up to do my final check of the house before I leave. 

When I get back, only minutes later, Matt is curled up in a tight ball, my sweater pressed against his face, and he's asleep. I get the sudden urge to run my fingers through his hair, and so I do, carding my fingers through soft blonde locks. Matt sighs in his sleep, and nuzzles closer into my sweater.

When Daisuke shows up an hour later, I give him a quick over view of the night, and he frowns, but doesn't comment. I leave my sweater wrapped around Matt when I go.

---

I'm off for two days after that, and I don't hear anything about him while I'm gone, so when I show up for my next shift, I'm a little surprised to see three cars in the driveway. I enter the house, and immediately am greeted by music. Ken is in the kitchen, doing dishes.

"Hey," I greet his back.

"Hello, Taichi." He says without turning around.

"Who else is here?" I ask, not seeing anyone.

"The band, and Mimi."

"Oh," I say, dragging it out. Ken finish the last dish and turns the water off. "Doesn't he have a dishwasher?" I ask.

"It's broken, someone is supposed to be here tomorrow to fix it. And he'd probably just leave the dishes." Ken sighs.

I laugh, because it's true. Matt has very little day-to-day life skills. He must have come from a rich family, not that I'd ever asked him about it.

"I can't imagine growing up without learning basic life skills." The music stops as Ken talks, someone screams in mock horror, followed by laughing.

"Well, maybe he learned different life skills. Like how to deflect questions." Ken nods his head in agreement.

"He is certainly good at that, isn't he?" The group spill out of the far hallway and into the dining room, putting us within their sights.

"Hey hottie!" Red says, throwing me a wink. Mimi laughs. Matt is at the end of the parade.

"Hi, Red," I return. Someone snorts, un-amused. They spill into the kitchen, dropping onto bar stools or learning on the counter around us. Matt goes to the sink and gets water. He's wearing my sweater.

He joins us at the counter, standing beside Mimi, who takes his cup and has some of his water.

"Hello," I say, into the open, to whoever wants to receive it.

"Hi," Mimi says, a smile on her lips. "Thanks again, for last time." She says, looking down.

"It's my job.." I answer. 

"Thanks, anyway." Not-Freckles taps his fingers.

"Are you gonna be able to get those last vocals done, Matt?" He asks. Matt shrugs. "I need you to like, actually try though, dude."

Matt looks up, their eyes meeting. The other male looks away almost immediately. "I'm well aware how a deadline works, thank you." Matt snaps. I realize as I'm looking at them together, that I have no idea who does what.

"So, you sing," I say, pointing my chin in Matt's direction, "What do they do?" I ask, tilting my head, trying to draw his attention away from murdering Not-Freckles.

"I sing and play guitar. Mark also plays drums." He says, pointing at Not-Freckles. "Noah is also guitar and back up vocals and Nikki plays keyboard and sometimes sings."

"Who don't know who we are?" Red, I mean Nikki, asks. I shake my head.

"I've heard a couple songs on the radio and my sister is obsessed but music's not really my thing."

"He's a jock," Matt says, with a tone that implies he thinks it's gross. Mimi and Nikki make ick faces at each other. Noah shakes his head.

"You literally were just calling him hot, Nik, clearly you like jocks." Noah supplies helpfully. Nikki eyes me again.

"He is pretty hot," she agrees. Ken and Mark both shake their head.

"Alright," Ken says, "Time for me to go. Mimi, would you like a ride home?" he offers. Mimi agrees to go with Ken, and they get ready to leave.

"We should go too," Noah says to Mark. He gets up from his chair.

"Bye!" Nikki says, inviting herself with Mark and Noah. They're loud and they laugh and they get their shoes and leave. After the door closes, I sigh.

"How do you handle that chaos?" I ask him. He just looks at me. My eyebrows raise as I wait him out.

"I am the chaos, usually."

"So I've noticed." He shoots my a dirty look, before stomping away, heading back into the studio. I follow, but stay in the living room.

A few minutes later, there's music playing from the other room. It's quieter then it was before, now that there isn't 5 of them talking over each other. I listen closely, but don't hear any singing. The music stops, and then starts again, from the beginning. He spend a few hours in there, without coming out.

The song starts again, and I frown, cause clearly it isn't going well. The recording stops, and stays off for much longer then any of the previous times. I wait for Matt to come out of the studio. There's a long pause, then Matt let's out a frustrated yell, which is immediately followed by a thump. I get to my feet, and speed walk towards the studio, as the banging gets louder. I round the corner, into the room, right as Matt's laptop crashes into the equipment. The laptop breaks in half, and Matt claws at the buttons and dials on the panel in front of him with his fingers.

To my astonishment, Matt manages to rip some of the buttons out, exposing cables, which the blonde also immediately starts tugging on. I watched in stunned horror as Matt systematically destroys the room.

Only once I notice the blood on the floor, the equipment, do I shake off the shock. I grab at Matt's shoulders, pulling him backwards, away from the room. Matt fights me.

"Stop, stop." I plead, trying to get Matt away from the danger of himself. Even I can hear the desperation in my voice as I half drag, half carry Matt into the living room, and only then does he stop fighting to get away, and just trembles in my arms instead.

I pant from my position the floor, with the blonde curled against me, shaking. It takes me far too long to realize he's crying now. "It's okay," I whisper softly to him, not wanting to spook him. He doesn't react at all. 

Very carefully I wrap one arm around Matt's shoulder, and with that move he collapses against me, and a real sob escapes him. On instinct, my other arm wraps around him, and I hold him against my chest as he sobs. I whisper non-sense into his hair in Japanese, the same way I would if it was my sister in my arms, instead of a famous musician. Matt cries until he can't, and his breathing simply becomes gasps for air, and I keep my grip on him even after I've run out of things to say.

Chapter Text

Taichi whispers into my hair as I sob into his chest. There's too many emotions, too many words, too many expectations, and now that it's coming out, I can't seem to make it stop. Taichi holds onto me tightly, and that makes it worse, because I can't remember the last time someone hugged me. My hands ache, my head aches, my lungs ache. Eventually the sobs stop, and I just gasp for air. Taichi has stopped whatever he was saying.

As the gasps slow, Taichi finally shifts around me. He keeps one arm wrapped firmly around me, but removes the other. "Let me see your hands." he whispers, his voice raw.

At first, the words don't make sense, but then I remember ripping apart the make-shift studio. Something else to add to my long list of reasons to be put in a straight jacket, I suppose. And yet, being curled against Taichi's chest seems like the safer option, so I don't uncurl, my hands tucked safely between our bodies.

"Matt." Taichi says, voice firmer this time, pulling gently on my elbow. I let him pull my arm out, so he can look at my hand, it's still bleeding heavily in a few places. "This looks like it's going to need stitches." Taichi says, voice totally back to normal.

I let a deep breath shudder out of me, and the arm still wrapped around my shoulders tightens momentarily.

"Come on, up you get." Taichi says, letting me go and moving to stand. Once Taichi is up he helps pull me to my feet, and looks at my other hand. Although still bleeding this one seems to be in better condition.

Taichi leads me into the kitchen and wraps my left hand in paper towel. He washes his hands in the sink, rinsing the blood off them, and then turns to face me. He rubs a hand across his face, and I can see dark stains on his blue shirt.

"Sorry," I mutter. Taichi glances down at his shirt and shrugs.

"It's fine," he says, studying my own clothing. I glance down and find that I also have blood stains on my jeans and (Taichi's) sweater. "Where are your shoes?"

"In my room," I wiggle my bare toes against the tile floor.

"Stay here." Taichi says, before pushing away from the counter and heading towards my room. I stand alone in the kitchen, trying to stop my hand from bleeding. "How many goddamn pairs of shoes does one person need?" Taichi calls back at me.

I huff out a half laugh, cause it's absurd that he's complaining about my shoes right now. I move through the house and enter my room. I use my feet to flip a pair of high tops into the correct position to slid my bare feet into them. Taichi scowls at me, but doesn't say anything. He just walks away, and I know that I'm supposed to follow, so I do. I don't know what else I would do, anyway. I was never very good with dealing with this kind of stuff.

I follow Taichi outside, he closes the front door, and then leads me to his car. He opens the passenger door and I fold myself into the front seat, crossing my legs. Taichi leans around me to do my seat belt up. "Thanks," I say softly.

"Yeah," Taichi agrees, before closing the door and walking around to the drivers side. Taichi pauses with his hand on the door handle, and for a second there's no movement, but then I see him blow out a gust of air and he opens the door. He climbs inside and starts the car. "Are you gonna have a freak out at the hospital?" he asks, voice steady and nonjudgmental.

It makes me sigh, because I had been hoping that maybe Taichi didn't know about that fear, but clearly I am wrong. "I'll behave." I say quietly. "Just don't leave me there alone." It seems a stupid thing to say, because Taichi has never left me alone when he is on duty, but it makes me feel better to say it, anyway.

"I can do that." Taichi pulls the car out of the driveway. "I don't like hospitals either," he admits. I turn slightly, so I can face him from my seat. Taichi keeps his eyes dutifully on the road, but must see my out of the corner of his eye. "We spent so much time in them when Kari was little."

"I'm sorry," I say again, for what feels like the millionth time. On a roll tonight.

"Me, too." Taichi agrees softly.

----

Arriving at the hospital makes all of my already frayed nerves worse.  Taichi parks the car, and comes around to my side to open the door.

"Come on, " He says, watching me. He doesn't offer his help and I don't ask as I climb awkwardly to my feet without using my hands. Taichi leads me into the hospital.  We have to wait in a small line, and as we do, Taichi flips my hood up and tucks my hair into it. He studies me, and I let him, although usually it's something i shy away from. He tugs the hood firmer down so that it covers more of my face.

"Keep your head down," he tells me.  I  lower my head so that the hood covers most of my face. Then it's our turn.

"Name?" The nurse behind the counter asks us, Taichi opens his mouth, but..

"Yamato Ishida," I say. Taichi closes his mouth.

"Spell that?" I spell my name for her. Taichi tilts his head, and I wonder if he recognizes the name. 

We go through the questions. I show her my hands. She tuts at me, and pokes at my hand. Asks more questions then I avoid as much as I can while still telling her what happened. Taichi stands silently beside me. Whens he's done examining me, she tells us to wait in the waiting area.

"Uhm." Taichi says. the nurses raises her brow but doesn't look at us. "He's Matt Odin. He can't be just waiting out here." Taichi says quietly, but firmly. The nurse finally looks at me, and not just my hand.

Her eyes widen a little bit. I take a deep breath.

"Wait here," She says, getting up. She disappears into another room. Taichi shifts beside me, and I glance up at him, to see him scanning the other patient in the room. Although I doubt anyone is going to attack me here, I say nothing, wondering if  he even knows he's doing it.

We wait for a few minutes and I start fidgeting, getting restless and uncomfortable the longer we just sit here. Taichi shifts his body so that his leg is touching my side. It soothes me a little bit. The nurse comes back through a different door, and motions for us to follow her. She leads us to a room somewhere in the hospital. 

"You'll still have to wait, but this is a private room." She tells us.

"Thanks," Taichi says, scanning the room. There's no way in or out except the one door, and no windows. The nurse leaves.

I hop up onto the bed, and Taichi leans against the wall by the door. The paper towel wrapped around my hand is soaked through now, so I drop my hand into my lap, knowing the blood will just get caught up on my jeans. Taichi watches, but doesn't say anything. The air in the room is tense, and I don't know if it's because Taichi doesn't know what to do with me, or if it's because we both hate hospitals so much.

We sit in silence as blood seeps through my pants. A knock on the door startles both of us. Taichi reaches for a weapon that he doesn't currently have. A man comes in, and everything in me pulls tight. The doctor introduces himself, but I don't hear him. He approachs me, Taichi a step behind. The doctor takes my hand, and it takes all of my will power to not yank away and hide. He examines my hand before placing it back down and leaving again. 

"Tell me about your brother." Taichi says from his spot beside me. The doctor comes back with a nurse. She starts cleaning off my left hand while the doctor examines my other hand.

"Don't know." I say, trying to remember anything about my little brother. "His name's Takeru. He's 6 years younger then me. We look similar. He had a thing for hats. I haven't seen him since I was twelve."

The doctor talks, Taichi answers him. I tremble as they stitch my hand back together. Taichi mutters a lullaby to me in Japanese. The nurse leaves and comes back and hands Taichi a bottle of pills. He stuffs them in his pocket. When the doctor finishes, he deliberate catches my eye. "Rest. Hand wounds bleed a lot. No drinking. Keep them dry for 48 hours." I frown down at my pants that are no stained red and no use to anyone.

"I'll make sure," Taichi says confidently. I nod my head in agreement.

---

We pull into the parking garage of a big building I've never seen before. I frown at the gates close behind the car, and Taichi expertly weaves his car to a spot in the underground. Taichi helps me out of the car this time. He leads me towards a door and I follow quietly, assuming, we are at Taichi's apartment. He we get into an elevator and go up to floor 7.

"I know you probably shouldn't be here," Taichi says, leading me out of the elevator and to apartment 712. "But I really need a shower and clean clothes.." he unlocks the door and pushes it open for me to enter first.

"Mrow! Mrow!" a cat yells as I enter. The cat twirls around my ankles still yelling as Taichi closes the door.

"Hi, Miko." Taichi says. The cat abandons my legs to stretch up on Taichi's leg, reach for him. He scoops the cat up into his arms as I slide my shoes off. 

The cat climbs out of his arms and onto his shoulder as he bends down to untie his own boots. Miko relaxes along his shoulders. Taichi makes sure the door is locked before going further into the apartment. I follow him. It's small. There's no bedroom, just a big space that's been split in two by a couch, one area very clearly a living room and the other Taichi's sleeping space, his bed shoved in a corner. There's a wall not attached to anything that I assume the kitchen is behind and a single door that must be the bathroom. Near the kitchen wall is a table that a laptop currently sits on.

Although small, the space is clearly a home and not just a place to exists. There's pictures on the walls, and knick-knacks. And although the place is clean, it's definitely lived in. Taichi moves into his apartment and starts making sure all the windows are locked, and I move towards the wall that has a ton of photos on it. Some have a younger Taichi in it, but most centre around a woman, a man, and a girl. They look like Taichi, so I can only assume they are his family.

They look happy, and I wonder if Taichi misses his family. I wonder, briefly, what it would be like to have a family. As I scan the pictures, I find one of Taichi in a sports uniform, and a littler Ken is by his side. Ken looks as quiet and reserved as he is now. I feel Taichi's presence beside me.

"Your sister is cute," I say, tapping a picture of them together, smiling at the camera. It looks like they are sitting at a booth in a restaurant.

"She's the best." Taichi agrees, with nothing but affection in his tone. "You are going to sit at the kitchen table for five minutes and not touch anything while I shower," he tells me, placing his hands on my shoulders a guiding me towards the table. As we pass by, I glance at the kitchen. "I'll get you something to change into after and a cloth and we can figure out how to wipe all the blood off of you."

"Okay." I agree, because what else am I supposed to do, tell him no? I settle at the table, and Taichi watches me for a minute before pulling the cat off his shoulder and carrying it over to the couch. He drops the cat onto the back of it before heading over to a dresser and pulling out clean clothes. Taichi gives me one last suspicious glance before closing himself into the bathroom. 

The shower turns on I look around Taichi's little house more, but I stay firmly in my chair. My hands are starting to hurt now that there's no more adrenaline, and sitting alone in the quiet gives me time to think. Which is never a good thing for me. Suddenly the cat jumps into my lap, and I jump, having forgot that the creature was here.

"Hi." I say quietly to the cat,

"Mrrrrow?" It returns.

"I don't speak cat," I tell it, offering it a gentle scratch on it's head.

"Mra-ow." Miko says back to me. I keep petting in between Miko's ears. The bathroom door opens, making Miko jump down from my lap and run to Taichi.

Taichi's hair is still dripping, and he only has pants on, and goddamn he's handsome. It's not that I hadn't noticed before, it's just that it's more noticeable now. Taichi ignores Miko as he yanks his shirt over his head. "Alright. Do you think you'll need my help?" He asks me. I wonder what it would be like to kiss him.

Chapter Text

Matt stares at me, not answering for longer then I'd like.

"Matt?" I ask. He blinks at me, dazed.

"Huh?"

"Are you going to need help?" He glances down at the bloody clothes he's still wearing. Miko claws at my leg. I bend down to scoop her up as Matt stands.

"No, I can do it." He walks towards us and I slide away from the door, cat still in my arms.

"I left you a change of clothes. Just leave yours in the tub, I guess.."

"Okay." Matt agrees easily. He disappears into the bathroom, door closing softly behind him.

I take Miko over to the couch and drop onto it with her. I'm exhausted already, and my shift still has three hours. I cuddle into my cats fur, and sigh. I debate on convincing Matt to sleep here for a few hours, because no one knows we're here, so I could probably also nap..I nibble on my lip and sigh again. Miko purrs in my ear. 

My eyes are closed and I've almost dozed off when the bathroom door opens. I sit up properly to look over at Matt. He's standing near the bathroom door in a pair of my joggers, a bit too long on him, and one of my t-shirts. The shirt is also a bit too large, because even though he is taller then me by a couple inches, I am broader in the shoulders then he is. His arms are folded in front of his chest, hands holding his arms just below his elbow.

Having known him for as long as I do, I am immediately alert, because it tells me he's hiding something. "Okay?" I ask him.

"Yeah," he says, not moving. My eyes narrow.

"Come sit, pet my cat." Matt moves closer, but does not come and sit, and does not lower his protective stance.

"I pet it when you were in the shower."

"It?"I scoff, annoyed. "Her name is Miko."

"I pet Miko when you were showering." Matt corrects, with a tone that hints at mild amusement but also a bit of annoyance. I pat the space beside me. Miko pounces onto my hand.

"Mrrra?" She asks. Matt moves towards us, and I pull Miko away. He folds himself into the far corner of my couch, his back against the arm rest, knees up and hiding his arms from me.

"Show me," I demand, because now he's just making it extra obvious.

"Show you what?" He asks, blinking innocently at me.

"Your hand." I reach out for him, and after a brief pause, he offers me his hand. I pull him forward, twisting his wrist, to expose his arm. He immediately fights me, trying to hide it, but it's too late.

His wrist and lower arm are covered in criss-crossing scars. None of them look new, but they definitely aren't that old, either. I open my mouth to say something, but then he's surged forward into my lap and is kissing me.

My first thought is no. no. no. no. But then my brain full stops, and all I can think of is how good it feels to have his weight in my lap. It's been far to long since I'd been with anyone. His arms come up to rest on my shoulders and instinctively the kiss deepens, adding tongue and teeth. My hands come to rest on his hips, and pull him down further into my lap. There's a soft gasp into my mouth, and he rolls his hips into mine, and godda-

"Mrow?" Miko chirps. And suddenly everything slams back into place and my hands move from Matt's hips to his shoulders and I push gently. He goes willingly. He eyes are dark and half lidded, lips swollen and flushed, and he looks at me like he knows exactly what I'm going to say. I open my mouth, but he covers it with a hand.

"Don't," he says. He leans forward and kisses the back of his hand, before removing himself from me completely.

He curls back up in his corner, and Miko jumps onto his shoulder. He rubs his head against her, and she immediately starts purring. I close my eyes and rub my fingers along my lips, stifling a sigh. fuck.

---

Matt and I barely talk to each other after the night in my house. At some point, he had his house fixed and finished recording the vocals Mark was on his ass about. When I'm with him he's either asleep, or busy on the phone or the computer. I over hear Daisuke and him talking about a tour after the album release. The tension between Matt and I grows the longer we don't talk. It gets so bad I struggle to be alone in the same room as him.

Once the new album releases, suddenly Matt and the band are everywhere. Literally. Posters, billboards, radio, TV. Most nights I'm texted a random address and I show up to some TV show or radio studio.

Many nights it's just some famous persons house, or a club where they are celebrating. Matt is mostly elusive and a dick head. He doesn't respond when people talk to him, and he's just an asshole. More then once, I have to pull him away from someone that's about to hit him. He doesn't seem to care. Mimi seems to be missing from his life currently, and Nikki encourages him. Noah and Mark don't necessarily stop him, but they don't encourage him the same way. They just seem used to it at this point.

The more the album sells, the worse Matt seems to get. The less he sleeps, the more annoyed he gets, the easier he snaps at people over nothing. And suddenly there's music videos to film, photo shoots to be had, another famous person to smile at and appease.

The tension between us snaps 6 weeks after the album is released. They are finishing up a meeting with their manager and studio, trying to finalize a tour that Matt doesn't seem to want to go on. There's a break, where people are making phone calls, getting drinks and food, when I offer Matt a water bottle. I've been reminding him for days to hydrate and eat, the only verbal contact we have.

"Drink something." I tell him quietly. He smacks the water bottle out of my hand almost immediately.

"Fuck off," He snarls. And I see red. Cause who the fuck does he think he is? Eyes have drifted to us, but it doesn't matter. I'm already reacting. I kick his chair leg, causing him to jolt.

"Excuse you, but who the fuck are you talking to like that?" I snap back. The room is silent. All eyes are on us.

Matt seems frozen for a few seconds as he studies me. "Sorry." He says in Japanese. I narrow my eyes at him, but Matt will always win a stare down. He has the ability to portray nothing in his eyes, and it always terrifies me.

I pick up the water bottle and offer it to him again, silently. This time he takes it. The room goes back to whatever they were doing. Matt drains half the bottle in one go. "Dickhead," I mutter, turning away.

Matt snorts, just to tell me he heard, but doesn't say anything. I let it go. I take my position leaning against the back wall as people start sitting back down again. I see Matt's shoulders rise and fall in a silent sigh.

"Alright. End goal is this," The studio head starts, I missed her name. They were already in the meeting when Ken and I swapped shifts. "A year world tour. I don't care what it takes to make it happen. But it will happen. Clear?"

Matt's shoulders stiffen ever so slightly. "Clear," The bands manager chirps back. "We'll figure it out. Probably need full time bodyguard staff."

"You already have full time staff, right?" The studio head asks Matt, indicating me with her chin. 

"Yes, but they work for a company, and that company has a contract to provide the service." Matt says.

"We'll buy it out then. I don't know. We'll make it happen." Matt doesn't answer, and the tension doesn't leave his shoulders. "Give me the name of the company and a phone number and I'll work something out with them." Matt nods, and pulls out his phone, sending off a quick text, with I assume Jeremy's contact info in it.

And then that's it. Everyone is standing and stretching, meeting over. Matt drinks the rest of his water before he stands, and he is the last to rise. He looks at me before walking away, and I push off the wall to walk a couple steps behind him. We go in silence to the parking garage, and Matt follows me to my car.

"Do you drive?" I ask him. I'd never seen him drive, or even mention a car.

"Yep, but Ken took my car back to my place so he could get his car to go home."

I have nothing to say to that, so I unlock the door. Matt climbs in and does his seat belt up before I get myself into the car.

Although some of the tension between us eased when I snapped at him, it wasn't entirely gone, and the drive back to Matt's place is silent besides the radio spitting out songs, some of them Matt's own. As we pull onto Matt's street, he breaks the silence.

"If the studio buys out your contract are you going to come on the tour?" His voice is quiet, barely heard over the radio, and I wonder what emotion he's trying to hide.

"Probably not," I admit easily. "I can't really commit to a full year with my sister..I could have to leave with no notice."

Matt doesn't respond. When we get to his house, he disappears inside, leaving the front door open behind him. When I get into the house, he's no where to be found but his bedroom door is closed tight. I do a quick walk through and make sure everything is locked and nothing has been tampered with before stopping at his bedroom door. I listen to see if he's on the phone, but I don't hear anything. 

I knock on the door...and get no answer. I chew on my lip as I debate if it's worth it to piss him off even more by invading his personal space. It is, however, my job to keep him safe, and I need to check his door. I turn the handle, half expect the door to be locked. It isn't. Matt isn't in his room, and the bathroom door is open. I sigh, and pray that he hasn't taken off on me finally. 

I walk across his room, and slide open the door to the balcony. No Matt, I turn slightly, to see if maybe he's just jumped over the railing, and catch a glimpse of blonde out of the corner of my eye. I look up and he's sitting on the roof, looking out over the ocean. He looks empty, like that time we sat outside in the cold all night.

I lift myself onto the balcony, then up onto the roof to sit near him.

"Are you gonna go silent on me again?" I ask softly. Matt doesn't answer, doesn't move. I assume that means yes.

After a few minutes of us sitting quietly, Matt flops backwards spreading out on the roof. I spin to look at him. His eyes are closed, and he's still stiff with tension. I tap his leg twice, leaving my hand against his thigh. His eyes open, but don't focus on me.

"Talk to me. You're not here, so something is obviously wrong."

Matt rubs his hands along his thighs. hand brushing mine but not pushing it away.

"I just." He starts, "I haven't been away from home since.." He trails off with a sigh. "I'm not ready. And there's a really fucking good chance that the handful of babysitters I do get will be...bad."

"I'm sure Ken or Daisuke will go. Maybe both." I try to sooth, although there's nothing I can really say. Matt doesn't respond at my attempt. "And you'll have Mark, Noah and Nikki with you."
Matt simply sighs, some of the tightness leaving his body. I reposition myself and lay down beside him, our shoulders touching as we stare at the sky together.

Chapter Text

I don't know how long it normally takes for a tour to be put together, but four days later, we have a mandatory staff meeting, I show up ten minutes early. Matt is laying on the floor in the meeting room with Daisuke at his side. Matt's arms are up, his phone in his hand, and him and Daisuke are looking at it together. Without thinking, I join them on the floor, on Matt's free side.

"What are we looking at?" I ask. Someone else walks in, moving around us.

"We're looking at the best hotel rooms," Daisuke says. Matt scrolls on his phone to a different room. "Oh man, that ones the best for sure." Daisuke says. Matt makes a noise of agreement, before copying the link into a text message. 

He navigates back to Google, and adds another city name in front of 'best hotels'. He sends two more hotel links to whoever before Jeremy comes into the room, with some lady I've never seen before and Matt's manager.

"What the fuck are you doing?" He asks Matt. Matt throws him a middle finger without answering. Daisuke rolls onto his side and climbs to his feet, sitting next to Ken. I have a feeling I know what this meeting is about, so I roll onto my stomach so I can watch, but I stay on the ground next to Matt.

Jeremy watches me for a second, before moving into the room. Matt drops his arms onto his chest, his phone sliding onto the floor between us.

"Alright, as you can see, the only people here are the ones that regularly work for Matt Odin. As I'm sure many of you know, he's going on a world tour. They leave in two weeks. The studio is offering to temporarily offer you contracts to go with him, and continue your regular duties. They're willing to fly you guys to each new location and pay for you to room with another person in each city, as well as offer you a food allowance per day."

Jeremy looks over at us again, briefly. "This is not mandatory, but something for you to think about."

The lady I've never seen before steps forward now. "I've been working with both your boss and Mr. Odin to make specialized contracts for each of you around your current work schedules and benefits. We will need answers from you within a couple days so we can arrange for travel and rooms."

Jeremy walks around the room handing out everyone contracts. He gives mine to me last. I drop it onto the ground in front of me without looking at it. As I watch the room, I can see some of the people look impressed, others don't seem that interested. I look over at the blonde at my side and find he's already watching me.

"Did you hype up the salary for people you like?" I ask Matt quietly in Japanese.

"Obviously." He returns with an awkward shrug.

"So I should read this because you're trying really hard to convince me to go?"

"No. You said you couldn't because of your sister, I can respect that."

I look down at the contract anyway, and flip through the pages. I almost expect to see a clause in it that states I can leave as needed for family, but it doesn't. There's a page dedicated to food budget, and it's a decent amount that says we'll receive weekly, as well as a page that shows that each person will have to double up with someone to sleep, It also has a page where we are supposed to full out days we are willing to work and the hours. Most of the people here only do one or two days a week, and I know someone has to be around to fill in my one singular day off a week, but I'm not sure what they will do without me. 

Matt climb up to his feet makes me realize that we've been dismissed, so I also climb to my feet. I have a couple hours before I'm supposed to be at Matt's house, so I hope I can get some more sleep.

---

I dream about the night Matt was at my house. In my dream, I don't make him stop, and kissing goes far further then it should have, and when my alarm goes off, I wake up with a hard on that doesn't go away until I'm already on my way to Matt's house. When I get to Matt's house, I stay in my car for an extra few minutes trying to calm my brain down enough to face him. It doesn't work.

I wander into the house and find Matt and Noah on the couch watching a movie. Daisuke is in the big armchair. Daisuke is hiding his face with his sweater sleeves, and Noah is hiding behind a blanket. Matt however, is staring directly at the TV, although I can't see his face, I imagine it is blank, and he's not really seeing anything at all.

"Hi," I say. Noah yelps, and Daisuke jumps to his feet, a look of pure horror crossing his face. Matt flinches, but doesn't turn to look at me.

"What the fuck!?" Noah asks, giving me a dirty look. Matt snorts a laugh before leaning back on the couch to get more comfortable.

Daisuke huffs out a nervous laugh.  "Never do that again," He tells me. I grin back at him. 

Daisuke heads toward the front of the house and I follow.

"How's his mood?" I ask, as Daisuke puts his shoes on.

He shrugs. "Distant. He's really not looking forward to the tour."

"I've noticed."

"He's upset you aren't coming." I frown at Daisuke, but there's nothing I can do about it.

"Are you going?" I ask. Daisuke nods.

"Ken and I both are going."

"Well, that's something." I say. Daisuke nods at me, he offers me a wave before heading through the door.

When I get back to the living area, the movie is paused and Noah is sitting on the couch alone. I assume, Matt is in the kitchen or bathroom. I drop onto the couch on the other side of were Matt was sitting. I regret my choice immediately when I realize Matt's probably going to be sitting back down there and I will be basically touching him,

"What are you guys watching?" I ask. Based on Daisuke and Noah's hiding, I'm pretty sure it's a horror, but maybe I'm wrong.

"I don't know. Some Japanese movie. They're terrifying," Noah says, looking at me. His freckle are extra visible today, even in the dark.,

"Are you okay? You look extra pale."

"This movie is horrifying!" Noah says, nestling closer under the blanket. Matt reappears from the hallway that leads to the bathroom and his bedroom. 

He walks passed us into the kitchen and comes back with water for him and Noah. Noah takes the water, and Matt drops back into his spot between us.

"What are you watching?" I ask Matt now.

"Uh.. Ju-on." He says, Turning the movie back on. He leans back against the couch to get comfortable and our shoulders rest together.

We watch in silence for about 15 more before Noah breaks it. "Man, I have no idea what's happening."

"Stop hiding your face then," Matt says.

"But then I have to watch the scary parts!"

"You wanted to watch this," Matt says, annoyance creeping into his tone.

"Well, yeah, but it's Japanese, I have to read the subtitles, and watch the show. It's a lot."

Matt shakes his head, and I snicker. Matt pauses the show again, before giving Noah the controller.

"Find something else then. Maybe something in English."

Noah shakes his head this time. "Are you scared of anything?" He asks. It sounds rhetorical, but Matt answers anyway.

"No."I give Matt a look, that he either ignores or doesn't see. We both know he's lying. Noah, apparently does too, because he makes a noise of disbelief. "Shut it," Matt snaps at him.

Noah raises his hands in a placating manor. There's a commotion near the front door, and I'm on my feet immediately. Matt yanks me back into my seat by a belt loop.

"It's just Mark and Nikki, you can hear them." I get up onto my feet again.

"I still need to look," Matt let's me go this time, and I meet Mark and Nikki in the hallway.

"Hi Taichi!" Nikki greets me happily. I nod my head at her and make sure the door is closed and locked and the alarm is on. As I head back to them, I can hear Nikki and Mark talking about popcorn, and Noah's input about pulling the big mattress out.

And as I walk up behind the couch, I get the best idea.. I drop my hands on the couch behind Noah's head, and go "So," Noah jumps almost out of his spot, and Matt snickers behind his head.

"Jesus Christ, what the fuck?" Noah demands. "Again? Seriously?" Nikki and Mark are also laughing now, and I grin at Noah.

"You're too easy. Why do you guys always hang out here, anyway?"

"I'm the only one that doesn't live with family," Matt says before anyone can answer. No one argues with him. Guess that makes sense. "Anyway. Taichi, come help me," Matt says, climbing to his feet. 

He walks around the couch and I follow him into the kitchen where he grabs a set of keys, and then leads me to the front hallway and to the locked door that I've never seen before. Matt unlocks the door, and behind it is..a bedroom. There's a couple of boxes stacked against one wall, but otherwise, it's just a normal bedroom. Matt moves to the bed, and waits for me to come help him move it. Together, we manoeuvre it into the living room and onto the floor in front of the  couch. I can hear the other three in the kitchen, assumably getting snacks.

"A movie night, then?" I ask Matt. He shrugs without looking at me.

"I guess. Noah will probably fall asleep a movie in, and Nikki and Mark will start fighting within the first half hour,"

"Ah, the usual, then?" I ask. Matt nods.

The other three come back and get comfortable, Nikki and Mark on the mattress we threw on the floor, Noah on the couch beside Matt. I sit in my chair across the room, where I can watch the four of them, plus the TV and the house.

---

Matt's assumption was correct, two movies in, Noah is asleep, head on Matt's shoulder, and Nikki and Mark argued horror icons until Mark fell asleep. Now just Matt and Nikki are awake. As I watch, Nikki turns her head, placing it against Matt's knee. Matt, who hasn't been watching the movies, but staring into space, looks down at her. I think I see him raise his eyebrow, but it's hard to tell with the only light coming from the flashing on the TV.

"Are you worried about the tour?" She asks him quietly. Matt doesn't answer in anyway that I can make out. "You know you can talk to me, right? I know we aren't close like you and Noah are, but.."

"I'm fine, Nik," he says softly.

"You don't seem fine. You seem chaotic and out of control."

"I'm supposed to be chaotic and out of control." He counters.

"Matt-" She starts.

"Seriously, I'm good." Nikki seems to tell that the conversation is over, because she turns back to the TV. They finish off the movie, and then Nikki gets up and goes to the bathroom. When she gets back, she nestles down into the blankets beside Mark.

Nikki picks a new movie, and when it's over, she doesn't change it. Matt slowly removes Noah from his shoulder, easing him into a position that he won't hurt tomorrow sleeping on the couch, before he climbs to his feet. He heads into the direction of his room. I wait, listening for the bathroom door but I don't hear it. A minute later, though, the sliding door opens. I quietly follow Matt to his room to check on him. He's leaning against the railing. He has the same blue sweater from the first night I met him pulled over his head, hood up, hiding himself from the cool night air.

I join him at the balcony. He doesn't acknowledge me. Usually I'm someone that can't handle silences, needing to fill the space with noise, whether it be talking, music, or TV in the background. The only noise here, is the sound of the water lapping below us.

"So..you and Noah are close?" I ask. It's something I've only really noticed recently, and I wonder if that's because I'm more attuned to what Matt is doing in the day to day, instead of just to keep him safe, or if it's because Noah's been around more.

"Yeah," Matt says, turning to look at me finally. He shifts his position, so that his hip against the railing and he's facing me. "We were in a group home together."

"A group home?" I ask.

"Mhm." Matt says. I think he's going to leave it at that. The only time I'd ever asked about his family was when we were at the hospital and I asked about his brother. "My family came out here from Japan when I was twelve. They left me. Noah's parents were in a car crash. We ended up in the same group home while his family recovered. He went back to them with his older sisters, and I ended up on my own."

Matt studies my face, waiting, I'm sure for something to cross my face. "That's awful." I say, keeping my face neutral. Matt shrugs it off.

"It is what it is."

I disagree with him, but I don't say it. It's not my place. "Are you worried about the tour?" I ask, to change the subject.

Matt turns his face away from me, looking out over the ocean. "Yes." He admits after a few beats.

"Can I help?" I ask.

"No."

"What are you worried about?" I press. Matt sighs. It's a defeated sound, and not one of someone who is about to go on a world tour literally weeks after releasing a new album.

Matt reaches up and twirls a piece of his hair between his fingers before pulling on it sharply. I grab at his wrist and pull it away from his head. "Don't do that." I say it gently, so it's an ask and not a demand. Matt pulls his wrist away from me and I let him. He hides his face in his hands.

"Everything," He mutters eventually. "I'm clearly fucked. And I'm going to be away from my safe space, in a bunch of shitty hotels with people all over me, a manager that hates me, and my only barrier is going to be Noah. Henry was there when I was taken, too, so I have absolutely zero faith that he'll care what's happening, and I'm much more exposed on tour. They always like to spring things on us last minute, Surprise guests on stage and at talk shows and on the radio and I just...I'm too tired to be Matt Odin." 

Once the words start they keep tumbling out of him until he sounds like he's about to cry. I've never heard him talk about his kidnapping, either. I nibble on my lip and picture the contract that's sitting on my kitchen counter.

"Daisuke and Ken will be there." I say, hoping it offers some comfort.

"Not when it matters. They're on concert duty only." He sounds scared and broken, and my hands move before my brain allows real thoughts to form. I pull him towards me by his sweater, and he comes willingly, no fight, no questions. I wrap my arms around him and hold him against my chest. He lets his head rest against my shoulder, but otherwise just allows himself to be hugged.

"We'll figure it out," I tell him, softly. He lets out a breath against my neck and it sends a shiver down my spine.

Chapter Text

After getting Matt settled, I use my work phone to text Daisuke. I just ask if he's able to meet me after my shift. Surprisingly, he answers me with an affirmative almost immediately. When I don't respond back, he texts again, offering me a cafe for breakfast and says he'll be there by 8. This works for me.

Since the band is asleep in the living room, I go to the library. I trail my fingers along the spines of the Japanese books, seeing if anything looks familiar, and find my favourite childhood book. I pull it off the shelf, and open it to the first page, and written in it is a note in Japanese:

Yamato,
You're going to be the best big brother. 
Take care of Takeru.
Obaasan.

I close the book and put it back. That seems like an invasion of privacy I shouldn't have taken, even if I didn't know. I keep looking at the books, hoping something will catch my attention.

"Taichi?" I spin around, and find Noah standing in the doorway.

"Hi." I say.

"Hey. What're you doing?" He asks.

"Just looking. I'm not much of a reader but I didn't want to wake you guys up."

"Where's Matt?"

"In his room."

"He said you weren't coming on tour with us."

"I'm not," I say, although I'm currently having some hard doubts about that. Noah frowns. "I can't commit to something that long. I have a sick sister."

"Yeah. I heard." Noah says, but he doesn't seem eased, at all. "I'm worried about how it's going to affect him."

"What? Me not being there? Or the tour?" Noah shrugs.

"Both. He's more relaxed when you're around. And Henry's so hard on him.." Noah trails off. A door opens somewhere in the hallway, and I watch the door behind Noah.

Noah moves further into the room, collapsing into an arm chair.

"I think you're not giving him enough credit." I say. Noah shakes his head.

"Maybe if it was before. But not now. He just takes it now, with his head down. Hurts himself later."

"Daisuke's going to be there," I counter. " Nii-san means brother, so obviously Matt and Dai-"

"It's different." Noah cuts me off. "He cares about Daisuke, but Daisuke doesn't help him the way you do."

I sigh, because, what the fuck, dude? Noah frowns at me before getting to his feet.

"Never mind. Forget I said anything." Noah turns to leave.

"Noah, wait." He stops, but doesn't look at me. "What if..I give you my number? You can call me if you need help..and I'll do my best to do what I can." Noah doesn't answer right away. Instead, standing still in the middle of room.

"..Okay." he eventually agrees. He turns and walks to me, handing me his phone. I enter my number and give him back his phone. "Don't tell Matt we talked. He'd be so mad at me." Noah says. I nod my head in agreement, because I know Noah is right.

---

Daisuke beats me to the cafe, and he has Ken with him. I drop into the booth across from them.

"I assumed this was about Matt, so I invited Ken, too, I hope you don't mind." Daisuke greets me.

"You were correct, and yes, it's fine." Daisuke and Ken both look at me, waiting for me to start a conversation, but instead, I rub my hands across my face and sigh.Fuck me for getting attached to people.

"Are you okay, Taichi?" Ken asks softly.

"I'm just...I had a conversation with Noah last night and it's making me think far more then I'd like to."

"Noah has quite the...crush on Matt," Ken starts.

"Yeah. I noticed." I agree. I drum my fingers against my thigh as I think about what I need to say to them. "Okay, look, I'm worried that something bad is gonna happen while he's on tour. Matt is hurting, so badly, and no one is helping him. He and Noah are both worried about the manager, and the way he treats Matt, so I need you guys to be on top of that.." I trail off, not knowing if those are the right words, but needing them to understand.

"Oh." Ken says, and gives me a look.

"Shut up, Ken." I snap. Daisuke looks between us, confused. "You guys need to do better. He's proven more then once he's not above hurting himself."

"He's going to have way more eyes on him while we're gone." Daisuke protests immediately. "He won't have the chance."

"How many times has he vanished under eyes that know he runs away?" I counter. "If he wants it to happen, it will happen." Daisuke opens his mouth, but closes it without saying anything. Ken just looks thoughtful.

"Morning, gentlemen! Is there anything I can get started for you?" A waitress greets us happily. We all order breakfast and drinks, and once she's gone, Ken breaks the silence.

"Maybe, Tai, if you're this worried you should talk to Jeremy and Matt." Ken starts, slowly, I open my mouth, but Ken puts up his hand to stop me from saying anything. "Perhaps there's a middle ground somewhere."

Instead of answering I chew on my lip. It's bad habit I've never been able to break. Ken has a point, I suppose. I guess the next step for me is to call my sister, and see how she's doing. The waitress returns with drinks for us, and we sit quietly while we wait for our food. Daisuke and Ken start talking quietly between them, but I don't listen to them. If I go on the tour with Matt, I'd also have to find a place for Miko to stay. And what about my house? Would I let it go, or would I continue to pay my rent? I wonder what Daisuke and Ken are going to do.

"What do you do with your place?" I ask, cutting off whatever Daisuke was saying to Ken.

"Place?" Daisuke asks, confused.

"I'm not sure what to do yet," Ken says at the same time.

"What place?" Daisuke asks.

"Your home." I clarify for Daisuke.

"Ohh," Daisuke says. "I mean, I share a place with my sister, so probably keep paying my way."

The waitress returns with our food, placing orders in front of us with a smile. I pick at my food as I think about all my options.

"--- Matt." Daisuke using his name makes me tune back into the conversation.

"Oh," Ken says, "I never thought of that. I imagine they'd all have some advice, wouldn't they?"

Clearly, he's referring to the rest of the band, "About?" I ask.

"What to do with my apartment while I'm gone." Ken says with a small smile. "I imagine they don't rent their places out when they leave."

"Oh." I repeat Ken. Daisuke snickers at us, before stuffing his mouth full of egg as I shoot him a glare.

After we finish eating, we say our goodbyes, and I head home. Kari is 10 hours ahead of me, and I wonder if it might be too late to call her. I try anyway.

"Hi onii-san!" She answers on the second ring.

"Hi, how are you?" I ask. Kari answers that's she fine, and then launches into an update on her life, the drama at her high school, and the new boy she's crushing on. I let her talk, and she sounds good, she doesn't cough or anything, and she sounds awake and well.

Listening to my sister talk makes me miss her so badly my heartaches.

"Hey! Did you hear that Matt Odin is going on a world tour!? He's going to be in Tokyo! I wish I could go."

"Yeah.. actually that's why I'm calling. I need you to just..listen and be totally honest with me, okay?"

"..Are you okay Taichi? You're never this serious."

"I'm okay, just listen..please?"

"Okay." Kari agrees, quietly.

So, I tell Kari that Matt's been my client for months, now, and that I was given the opportunity to go on tour with him, but it's a year long thing. I also explain to her, without going into detail, that some of his bodyguards are in it for the money, and money only, and he doesn't trust them enough to feel safe in the long run.

"So, you guys are like, friends?" She asks once I'm done.

"I mean, sorta, I guess." A safe space is closer then friends, but friends works with the details my sister currently has.

"I think you should go if he needs you."

"And you're not just saying that because it's Matt Odin?"

"No, Tai, if he needs you, you should be there for him. Everyone deserves a safe person. But maybe see if you can take a brake to come and see us while you're home?"

"I will make sure I can see you guys, don't worry." 

Kari and I talk for a couple more minutes before I yawn. She laughs and tells me goodnight, and we hang up. I feed Miko, shower, and climb into my bed. Miko jumps up beside me, and curls into a ball at my side.

I pet my cat and think about the pros and cons and going. I want to go, and be there for Matt, to be the one person he can trust in world where everything is scary, and yet..part of me is still worried that if I do go, something will happen and I'll have to leave. Then I have to deal with the fallout of leaving him after telling him I could be there for him.
On top of trying to figure out what to do with my house, my stuff, I also need to find a place for my cat. For a year. I blow out a breath, and rub my hands across my face. I have a lot to think about, and thinking has never been my favourite thing to do, especially with no one to bounce ideas off. Before I fall asleep, I settle on talking to Matt and Jeremy before deciding anything and going from there.

---

I dream of Matt again, kisses and sweaty skin, and the feel of his mouth on my skin. I wake far early then I'd like, and have a cold shower. Since up already up, though, I text Jeremy and ask if he's still in the office. It's only 3pm, so I assume he is, but some times things happen. He responds that he's on his way back, and so I get dressed to go and meet him.

When I get to the office, there's a handful of people there, some I know, and some I don't. The lady from Matt's label is here, talking to some of the people going on the tour.

"Hey, Taichi, how can I help you?" Jeremy asks as I approach his door. I enter and sit in the chair across from him.

"I am..debating on going." I say. 

"Oh?" Jeremy asks, watching me closely. "What's stopping you?"

"Well, my sister, for one." Jeremy nods his head, "And my cat. I don't know anyone here, really, and I don't know how well she'd travel all the way back to Japan to be with my family."

"Well, we can talk to Ms. Losier while she's here about your sister. Did you bring your contract with you?" I pull the folded up contract out of my jacket and hand it over to Jeremy. He takes it from me, and scans over it quickly. "Does Matt know about your sister?" He asks me.

"Yeah. Sorta,"

"I'm surprised he didn't have that included, honestly."

"Well I told him I couldn't go, but.."

"But?" Jeremy prompts.

"Well, him and Noah have both talked to me about concerns. Noah's are about Matt specifically, Matt's are about the tour itself.." Jeremy frowns at me.

"I don't understand how easily you got him to trust you." He admits. I shrug.

"I listen?" I offer.

"Maybe." Jeremy agrees, climbing to his feet. "Stay here." He leaves his little space, and disappears into the broader space, my work phone vibrates, and I pull it out of my pocket to see Ken has sent me a link to place that will rent out and take care of my apartment while I'm gone, for a fee. I look through the website, and add it to me mental list of things to do. I also ask Ken to remind me about it.
Jeremy returns with Ms. Losier, and she takes the seat to my left. Jeremy sits back behind his desk.  "This," he says, pointing at me, "is Taichi Yagami. He is Matt's favourite person. He has some concerns about going on tour though."

"Favourite person?" Ms. Losier says at the same time as I say,

"I'm not his favourite," We look at each other, and she raises her eyebrows at me. 

"What do you mean, favourite person? He doesn't like any body, outside of the band." She asks, turning back to Jeremy.

"Well Matt likes Taichi. Taichi has been a huge help for us keeping him in one place. And not breaking things."

"Except for his own hands," I remind Jeremy.

"Just once. I can assure you, you've had it easy." Jeremy says. If only he knew.

"I have to agree. Matt's always been a hand-full," Ms. Losier says. "Tell me your concerns."

"Well, I have a younger sister that has a bad heart. So if my family calls I need to go. I also want to see them while we're in Japan." Jeremy offers her my contract, which she takes. She makes a note in the corner of it. "I'm also worried about airports.. One person doesn't seem like enough, given everything that's happened to him." She makes another note.

"Technically there will be four. One for each band member, however, if you think it will help ease him to have more then that we can talk to him about it."

"Maybe we should invite Matt," Jeremy says. Ms. Losier laughs.

"You think you can get Matt here at this time? Maybe if it was this morning." She says.

Jeremy shows me his phone screen with the contact information open. At the top it says "Odin." Using my person phone, I key in the number and thumb out a quick text It's Taichi, call me.

I'm not expecting Matt to return my call, but five minutes later my phone rings. It's not a registered number.

"Hello?" I ask, a bit suspiciously.

"What do you want?" Matt asks. He sounds out of breath, but otherwise okay.

"Can you meet me at Jeremy's office?" I ask. Matt sighs.

"Yeah. Now?"

"Mhm." Matt hangs up without another word. Jeremy and Ms. Losier are watching me. "He says he's coming."

She looks at me like I told her the sky was falling, and Jeremy laughs, "Told you so."

Chapter Text

While we wait for Matt, we discuss my sister's heart. Ms. Losier asks me questions about when she was little, and I answer the the best of my ability. She offers her condolences, and that she hopes my sister has more issues going forward.

"Depending on Mr. Odin, I don't see why we can't make that happen for you. We have more then enough people to fill all the time slots."

"What else do you need to figure out, Taichi? You don't have a lot of time." Jeremy asks.

"Uhm, my cat, and what to do with my apartment.." I answer. I'm very lost on Miko.

"I think Mr.Odin has a company come in and check on his house. Perhaps you can ask him." Ms. Losier says.

"You can look into pet hotels or kennels for your cat," Jeremy says. "Or maybe a friend can take her?"

"I don't really have friends out here," I say, with a strained laugh. "A pet hotel might not be in my budget for a year, but I'll look into it."

There's a little bit of commotion out in the main area of the office, and I know without looking that it's Matt showing up. He wanders into the office, and I take him in. He's wearing black jeans, white high tops, an orange long-sleeve shirt. Held loosely in his hand is a bunch of keys. Ms. Losier stands and offers her seat to him.

"Hello Mr. Odin," She greets him, with a smile. Matt ignores her, and stays standing.

"What do you want?" He asks me, eyes darting to me momentarily before moving towards Jeremy.

"We're trying to sort out an appropriate contract for Mr. Yagami to go on tour with us," Matt's eyes land on Ms. Losier for a second before darting back towards me. He just..looks. He doesn't ask anything, but the look he gives me is enough. I try to portray that it's something we'll discuss later.

Whether or not he understands he lets it drop. "So why am I here?" Matt asks.

"Please, sit," Ms. Losier says. Matt does so, and Ms. Losier explains my hesitation about my sister.

"I already knew that," Matt says, flatly. Ms. Losier tries to explain that if he wants me to go, she has to get his approval for me to leave with little to no notice, but Matt has drifted, his eyes going to that far away place. He isn't listening at all.

So, I intervene. "Matt," I say, cutting her off mid-sentence. He blinks those pretty blue eyes twice before focusing on me. "Do you want me to come on this tour with you?" I ask, plainly.

"It would be preferable, yes." He says.

"Cool, I need to go if my family tells me somethings wrong with my sister. I talked to her earlier and she said she's feeling great." 

Matt nods his head at me.

"Also you need to help me find a place for Miko, cause she can't come with us."

"Anything else?" Matt asks, that annoyance yet amused tone back in his voice. 

"I want to go spend a day with my family while we're in Japan." Matt nods his head to this one again.

"Got all that?" He asks Ms. Losier. 

"Yes! I'll make sure everything is in the contract by tomorrow. I will also need a new NDA signed." She agrees readily.

"Also get him VIP tickets for the show in Tokyo." Matt adds.

"Yes, of course. How many?" Matt looks at me, and I stare back with wide eyes.

"Well?" Matt asks. Just annoyance this time.

"Four?" I question.

"Absolutely, I'll have those for you as soon as possible."

"Is that all you need from me?" Matt asks, standing. Jeremy, who has been silent so far, just nods. Ms. Losier looks down at her scribbled notes and says a quiet  I think so.

"Where is your bodyguard?" I ask, because no one has come to look for him yet. Matt shrugs. "I'll walk you to your car." I say. I say goodbye to Jeremy and Ms. Losier.

Matt leads me out of the building and around to the back where the parking lot is. I watch for anyone I recognize, and frown when I don't see anyone. Matt stops next to a very shiny, very blue car. I look the car over, and Matt stays silent and lets me. "What is it?" I ask.

Matt shrugs. "Lamborghini. Blue." 

"Right," I agree.

"Ask Dai, he'll tell you all about it."

"I might," I say. I'm watching Matt now, whose leaning against the driver side door, he looks tired. "Did Noah and them sleep late?" I ask.

"Noah left when I came here. The other two left this morning." Matt has a distant look in his eye, but he's still mostly present. "You don't need to come." he tells me, suddenly.

"I know." I say.

"I managed without you before. I can now."

"I know." I repeat. Matt glares at me.

"Obviously you don't." Matt snaps, his eyes focusing on me. "I don't need you to-"

"Look," I say, cutting him off. "I know you don't need me, but we both know you can trust me, and you're going to need that on this tour. Being in public during the day doesn't change the fact that you're upset about the tour as it is. This makes it easier for you."

Matt let's out a huff at my words. "Why do you care?" it's a vulnerable question, spoken quietly. Like he doesn't really want the answer.

"What do you mean?" I ask. "I think we've been through enough at this point that even you know our relationship isn't just about work." Matt frowns at me. "I know I shouldn't get attached but some times I do. You're one of those cases. Besides, as my sister says, everyone deserves someone they can trust."

"...yeah." Matt says. He's fiddling with the sleeves of his shirt, worrying them between his fingers.

"I told you we'd figure something out, so I did." I add. Matt looks down at his feet and says nothing, but one his hands come up and he tugs at his hair. I grab his hand and pull it away. I don't say anything, and he doesn't fight me. Hurting himself seems to be his way of coping with big emotions.

I wonder how he hasn't hurt himself more in the last year. I rub my thumb along his knuckles once, twice, before letting his hand go. I do it without thinking, and it's only after I even realize I've done it. Matt doesn't comment, just lets his hand fall back to his side.

"You're off tonight, right?" He asks. avoiding looking at me.

"Yeah. I'll see you tomorrow night though." He frowns down at the ground before pulling his phone out of his pocket. He checks the time before putting it back. 

"It's only 5, I don't know where...my babysitter went." Matt says softly.

"Well, good thing we're here then, yeah?" I pull my own phone out and call the office number.

"The fuck do you want?" Jeremy answers.

"Matt's out here alone, besides me. And I'm not on tonight so.."

"Yeah, I'll look into it." He hangs up me. Matt unlocks the car door, and sits in the drivers seat. He indicates the other side with his chin, so I walk around and open the car door. I slide into the seat, and Matt closes his own door.

"This is different," I say. Matt makes a sounds that's almost amusement. He fiddles with the space on the dash that's between us, and then there's music playing quietly. We sit quietly, the only noise the music for a handful of minutes.

As is normal for me, the silence doesn't last long. "So...." I start, and Matt turns to look at me. "Are you gonna tell me what happened with your arms?" Not the greatest topic, maybe, but it's what comes out of my mouth, and it's too late to take it back.

"Are you going to admit you want to kiss me?" he counters, with a raised eyebrow. I look directly back at him, knowing that he will always win a staring contest, but doing my best to hold his gaze as long as I can. He's fully here, and he's less scary this way, when there is awareness behind the sapphire of his eyes. Of course, Matt still wins, and I look away before he does.

"I never said I didn't." I admit. "I just said we shouldn't."

"Hmm," Matt says. I think maybe he's going to offer up something in return, but he doesn't. Jeremy appears at Matt's window then, so our conversation is over.

"Apparently he was in a car crash on his way here. Safe but shaken so I'm gonna watch you until shift change, okay?" Matt nods his head in agreement, and Jeremy leaves to get into his own car.

"I'll see you tomorrow." I repeat from earlier.

"Bye," Matt says quietly as I get out of his car.

---

At home, I looked into a couple agency that are willing to rent out my apartment and care for it while I'm gone, but more importantly I look into kennels and pet hotels near me. There's one hotel that specializes in cats, but is pretty pricey, and definitely out of my budget, but it's the only one that looks even remotely good enough for Miko. I probably should have thought this through better. I also look at how much it would be to just sedate her and send her to my parents. Also very much out of my budget. I briefly consider asking Matt to help me pay for it, but toss that aside immediately. I e-mail the pet hotel my details, and ask them to call me. Maybe since she'll be with them so long we can work something out price wise.

When I wake up the following day for my shift, I have a text message on my work phone from an unknown number:

Good luck, he's been drinking for the last while.

I ignore the message, because I don't know the number, but regardless, Matt being drunk isn't something I can't handle. I give my cat an extra snuggle and leave with a kiss on her nose. 

When I get to Matt's house there's only one car there, Ken's. With less then a week before they leave on tour I figured the whole band would be together every day sorting things out until late into the night. As I enter the house, the first thing I hear is music. As I move further into the house I can hear Ken talking, but getting no response.

When I can finally see Ken, he's leaning over the couch looking down at what can only be Matt, whose got one leg over the back of the couch, but is mostly hidden. 

"Hello," I greet. Ken straightens up and turns to look at me.

"Good evening," He greets pleasantly.

"You didn't text me, did you?" I ask, because I should have Ken's number in my phone.

"I did not." Ken confirms. "Why?"

"I got a text message about Matt." I say, and Matt sits up at his name to look at me. "from an unknown number on my work phone."

"Oh." Ken says. "You should tell Jeremy, just in case." I agree with Ken. Matt flops back down onto the couch.

I take up Ken's position, leaning over the couch. "How ya feeling?" I ask Matt, who looks rosy cheeked, and far more relaxed then I've ever seen him, except for when he's sleeping.

"Drunk," he answers, and then sticks his tongue out at me. "Jeremy dropped off your contract and DNA...AND?" Matt frowns up at the ceiling.

"NDA?" I ask.

"Yeah! That." Matt seems pleased that we've reached the correct term.

"Oookay, well, you stay here, I'm gonna say bye to Ken and get those forms. Okay?" I ask. Matt sits up again, shifting onto his knees so he can rest against the back of the couch and watch us.

"Bye, Ken." he says, with a little wave.

"Bye, Matt. Drink lots of water, okay?" Ken says, returning his wave.

Ken and I walk to the front door, and Ken tells me about the day shift, and that the band had left not that long ago cause Matt kicked them out. "Have fun." Ken says as he leaves.

I go into the kitchen, and on Matt's counter is a small pile of papers with my name written in big block letters. I grab the papers and take them with me back to Matt. He's still on the couch, where I asked me to stay. He's curled up in the corner of the couch, knees up and arms resting on them. He's moving his head along to the beat of the music.

"Can I sit?" I ask him, indicating the remaining space of the couch.

"Yeah," He says, watching me as he wiggles to the song.

"I don't think I've ever seen you happy drunk," I tell him. He sticks his tongue out at me instead of answering. I sit down in the middle of the couch, leaving space between Matt and I. I look open my new contract, and read through it, and then I at the NDA. It's bigger then the contract it's self.

The song changes as I read, and I feel Matt get up from the couch. I glance up at him to find him dancing, mouthing the words to the song to himself. I get distracted watching him move, and I understand why people, myself included find him so attractive. At first, I think he isn't even aware of me anymore, but then he offers me a hand. "Come dance?" He asks.

I shake my head. "Oh no. I'm no good at dancing." I tell him. Matt drops his hand and shrugs, and continues to dance.

"I'll teach you while we're gone then," he says. I don't answer, and instead turn my head back down to the NDA.

Eventually, Matt returns to the couch, sitting close enough that he loops his arm through mine. He holds onto my wrist, and rests his head against my shoulder. He stays quiet, so I continue reading. 

"It's how I got away." Matt says finally. I have no idea what he's talking about, so I say nothing. He runs one finger from my wrist up towards my elbow, and it clicks into place. I stay very still. His hand falls flat against my wrist. "He thought I was going to die, so he had to take me to the hospital..but after it was so hard..." Matt trails off with a sigh.

"You should be in therapy." I say. It sounds harsher then I mean, and I cringe, hoping he doesn't take it as being judgmental, because that wasn't  what I was going for.

"I was." Matt says. "But the first one didn't believe me. And the second one released details to the press.." I bite down on my lip hard to stop from cursing loudly. I taste blood. Matt shrugs against my side.

"And then I was expected to just be okay. So I was."

"You aren't," I say softly.

"Obviously." Matt fiddles with the sleeve of my shirt, before saying, "After it made me feel anything. But then I really did want to die. What am I even living for? More crazy people? Noah found me the second time."

"Poor Noah." I say before I can stop myself. Matt releases my arm, but doesn't move away from my side.

"Yeah, he struggled for awhile. I think he's doing better now though."

"It might help that you aren't adding any other marks to your skin," I tell him. 

There's a long, tense pause before Matt says "Right."

I want to make him strip, to show me all his skin so  I can see for myself, but instead, I ask. "..You aren't cutting, are you?"

"No." Matt says a little too quickly. He starts to stand, "I'm gonna go-" Before he can finish, I pull him back down into his spot on the couch. He looks at me with wide blue eyes.

I shift my position so that I'm fully on the couch with crossed legged, and then I bundle Matt up, and pull him into my lap. At first he's tense, but he relaxes against me, and shifts to a more comfortable position for both of us.

"Don't hurt yourself anymore," I say into his hair. Matt lets out a sigh. "It's not just Noah that you're going to hurt." I admit. Matt tenses again, briefly.

"I'll...try." Matt agrees. I suppose that's all I can ask for. I keep Matt wrapped up in my arms until he falls asleep, and then I move him so he's laying on the couch. He looks relaxed in his sleep, and it's something I wish I saw on his face more when he was awake.

Chapter Text

That night with Matt is the last time we spend together alone before the tour. The following days were spent confirming shows, songs, learning dance moves, going over topic to discuss with interviewers.

For me, I spent a lot of my awake time going over schedules, learning where I'll be sleeping, Daisuke, Ken and I will be sharing a room, being taught layouts of the venues, airport security protocols, and who will be watching during the handful of talk shows the band is expected to me on.

Noah saves the day for Miko, as his sister works at the one pet hotel I was looking at, so they're taking Miko for free because Noah got the bands autographs for the owner. I don't know why this is a big deal, until Noah tells me that Matt doesn't give autographs anymore. It's something I add to my list of things to talk to him about.

Surprisingly, it's not Matt who has the next meltdown, but Noah, at the airport. We've made it through security and are waiting at the gate, currently early enough that no one else is there. Ken, Daisuke, and I are there, as well as a girl with short black hair whose name I missed. She's supposed to be watching Noah, and I suppose, technically, she is. Noah's breathing is coming faster though, and I wonder if anyone else catches it or just me, since I'm so attuned to Matt having panic attacks now.

It's Matt that moves towards Noah first, and by the time he reaches Noah's side, Noah is gasping for air. Matt pushes his head down between his knees and sits on the ground next to Noah's head. His bodyguard watches, with wide eyes. When she sees me looking she mouths, 'what do I do?'

It takes a couple minutes of Matt talking into Noah's ear, but eventually Noah sits up, breathing normal, and Matt comes back to his seat beside me. "He's scared of flying." Matt tells me quietly.

"That's unfortunate," I say. I wonder why he agreed to fly when they could have drove.

"Yeah, and Nikki doesn't like the take off, so she might panic, too."

"Oh, good," I say. I'm supposed to me watching Nikki but she seems happy enough to be scrolling on her phone in the seat behind me currently.

For their part, they look good. Every bit the punk rock stars that they are, with fishnets and skirts for Nikki and mesh and black outfits for the boys. They all match, but each of them have their own highlight of colour. Matt is blue, Noah is dark green, Mark is red, and Nikki is purple today, although I've seen her in pink too. Matt of course, is in long sleeves, and the shirt he's wearing must be one of his own, because he's made his own thumb wholes in the sleeves. There's a strip along his stomach that his mesh and shows off the pale skin there, and I do my best to avoid looking at it.

As people start coming into the gate to wait to board, they start noticing us sitting in the corner. The only one with a carry on bag of the band is Nikki, and it's really just a large purse, that's currently in her lap. The three boys only have their phones with them, and I'm pretty sure I saw Mark with a set of headphones, but they're currently not in sight.

Daisuke sighs, and gets to his feet, and Ken follows suit. "Are you going to be nice, nii-san?" Daisuke asks. Matt shrugs.

"Depends on how they act." He returns, which is fair. It takes another 15 minutes before the first person is brave enough to approach and ask for a picture and an autograph.

"Absolutely!" Nikki says, jumping to her feet. She pulls Mark and Noah up as she goes, and Matt gets to his feet on his own. Nikki hands the phone off to Ken, and they group around the fan that asked for a picture. Ken takes a couple before offering the phone back to the girl, who seems to star struck to actually thank them.

Nikki comes back to her bag, and pulls out pens in the their colours, and hands them out. Matt stuffs his in his pocket, but I watch as the other three sign the back of the girls black t-shirt with her. This begins a line up, where they take pictures and sign things for them. Somehow it gets out to people at other gates, too.

"Wow, this escalated quickly." I say to Daisuke, as I help him group together the next batch of fans to see Matt and the band.

"Mhm. It's why Matt gets a little nervous at airports." Daisuke tells me in Japanese.

"Makes sense," I return, also in Japanese. "Especially considering there's so many strangers here. I can't imagine it's easy for him, after everything that has happened to him."

"No, I don't think it is. He does okay though, considering." Daisuke says, ushering the next few people forward. "You help." He adds, as an after thought.

"That's what Noah says, too." I say with a frown. Noah looks up at us when he hears his name. I shake my head at him. Noah goes back to signing things. Matt however, shoots us both a dirty look.

Suddenly the PA comes on, announcing that a plane is boarding at a different gate, and a bunch of people boo, but many leave the line, not wanting to miss their flight. I watch Matt comb his fingers through his hair, and give one quick tug, before his eyes meet mine, and he drops his hand. I check my watch, and thankfully we'll be boarding soon.

When the announcement for our flight finishes, Mark and Nikki both start apologizing, telling fans they love them all and will see them soon. Matt has no interest in saying good bye, so instead he walks towards the main gate, Ken a couple steps behind him. It takes Daisuke, myself, and airport staff to make fans move on, to allow us to board the plane. 

As we board (I've never been first class, before!), Henry joins us. The plane has booths, and each booth sits groups of three. Matt, Noah and Nikki end up in one together, and Daisuke, Ken, and Mark in another. That leaves me with Henry and Rebecca. It seems like a bad sitting arrangement, and when I say as much, Henry shrugs me off.

"They'll move around once we take off. Besides, what kind of trouble can Matt possibly get into on an airplane?" Henry asks. Matt leans around Noah to look at us.

"Are you challenging me?" He asks, blue eyes narrowing into dangerous slits.

"No!" Daisuke, Ken, Noah, Mark and I say at the same time. Nikki lets out a loud laugh, but Matt rolls his eyes at us before leaning back into his seat. 

I shake my head, but Daisuke gets up on his knees to look at us. "Can you like, not antagonize him?" Daisuke demands, giving Henry a dirty look.

"It was a valid question."

"It was not. You and I both know Matt can cause all the chaos he wants, no matter where he is."

"Matt can hear you," Matt adds from his spot. Daisuke vanishes back into his seat, I hear him hiss something in Japanese, but I don't catch the words.

After the plane has taken off and levelled out, Matt appears by our booth, and drops into my lap. He's showing Henry something on his phone, and I sit very still.

"There's a fundraiser in Salt Lake while we're there, you should see if we can help." Matt says. Henry, for his part doesn't look at Matt's phone.

"For what?" he asks, uninterested.

"Animal shelter." Matt answers.

"Sure, I'll look into it." Henry says, Matt shifts in my lap, it seems far too deliberate, so I tap his leg. He ignores me. 

"I am going to harass you about this until you call them." Matt warns. Henry sighs.

"Trust me, I know." Henry says, with a sigh. Matt turns to Rebecca, now.

"Shoo, go sit with Noah." He tells her. She moves immediately, and Matt moves out of my lap to take her spot. Matt settles into the spot, probably closer then he needs to be, but I don't really mind, and Henry isn't paying attention to us anyway.

Matt scrolls through his phone, and I wonder briefly how much he paid to have wifi on a plane, but decide it doesn't matter, and he probably has the money to spare. After a few minutes I hear Nikki and Rebecca laughing, but Noah is quiet.

"What chya looking at?" I ask Matt. 

"The set list for tonight." Matt says, showing me a list of, I assume, songs they will be playing tonight.

"Don't change anything." Henry hisses at Matt,

"Choke on a dick," Matt returns, pleasantly. Henry mutters something under his breath, but Matt and I both ignore him. I look over the name of the songs, and only recognize one.

"Oh, that's Kari's favourite," I say, pointing to a song half way down the list.

"Hmm," Matt acknowledges. I watch as Matt thumbs through the list, and he starts humming under his breath. So instead, I turn my head to look out the window (And yeah, Matt too, shut up, brain). 

Matt looks unfairly pretty with the clouds behind him, the sun makes his hair golden, and even though his eyes are down, I imagine the blue looking back at me. I bite hard on my lip to stop that train of thought, and am brought back further my Mark going, "Matt,"

Matt looked up at Mark, whose leaning over the back of his seat to look at us. "You should try and sleep. You won't have time when we land." It's the first time I've ever heard Mark say anything to Matt regarding his health, and Matt, who tilts his head slightly to the side, nods his head in agreement.

Mark offers his hand out, and Matt, after a pause gives him his phone. Mark retreats, sitting back down in his own space, and Matt settles against the back of the chair. Although much roomier, trying to sleep in a booth with three people in it will probably be hard. 

This doesn't seem to be an issue, though, because within 10 minutes, Matt's head hits my shoulder, and I recognize the pace of his breath when he sleeps. I put my head on top of Matt's to stop it from moving, and keep him still as he sleeps.

---

Matt wakes on his own about fifteen minutes before the plane should be landing. He stretches out his neck beside me, but then drops his head back down onto my shoulder with a yawn.

"Sleep well?" I ask him quietly, trying to avoid other ears.

"Ye-aahh." His answer turns into another yawn.

Henry stands in his seat to lean over the back of Mark, Daisuke and Ken's booth.

"Team." he says, and I see the red of Nikki's hair appear, "Once we get off the plane, immediately to the venue. You guys have two rooms, so everyone showers and changes for sound check, yeah? We only have two hours until doors once we land." Noah or Nikki blows out a gust of air with a whoosh. Matt scrubs at his eyes with his palms, and lifts his head. "After the show I expect you on the bus no later then 1am so we can get to the next city. There's no meet and greet here,"

"Psht, we're seeing the fans." Nikki protests. 

"Yeah, they always wait out back for us." Mark adds.

"Shows supposed to end at 1130, that gives you guys an hour and a half." Henry says firmly. Then, he looks at me. "And I know you're supposed to watching Nikki but try and help Daisuke keeps this idiot," he points at Matt, "away from intoxicants, please, for the love of God."

Matt snorts, "There is no God," he says. Henry rolls his eyes, and turns back to the rest of the band. 

"None of you worry about anything except making it to the cars to get to the show, am I clear? We have people to get your bags."

A chorus of yes, and okay float back to me, and Henry sits back down. He gives Matt a look. "Just. Try and be normal." Matt fingers him without so much as a glance, instead interested in looking out the window.

"Is two hours enough time to get ready for a concert?" I ask Matt.

"Of course it is, they're professionals." Henry says.

"I mean, it's possible. More time is better though... I like watching them set up and seeing the venue before it's filled usually, but it's not necessary." Matt responds. 

"We've definitely gotten ready for concerts in under a half hour," comes Mark's voice from in front of us. "It sucks though. The more time we have to get ready the better." Matt nods in agreement to Mark's words.

Things happen really fast after we get out of the airport. There's black SUV's waiting for us, and Matt and I get split up as we go in separate cars. Henry goes with Matt, which worries me a bit, but he has Daisuke, and hopefully that will be enough. Once at the venue, the band is ushered through immediately, but Daisuke, Ken, Rebecca and I all have to show ID. They don't wait for us, they disappear down the hallway, to dressing rooms. When we are allowed to rejoin our charges, Matt and Nikki are sharing a dressing room. I knock on the door, and Nikki opens it. She's only partially dressed.

She winks at me before backing further into the room. Daisuke and I enter the room, and I hear a showering running from behind another door. Nikki is yanking a purple and black striped shirt over her head. The shower stops. Matt doesn't come out right away, and I didn't expect him too. Glancing around the room, I see that there's a bottle of vodka on a table in the corner, but also snacks and water, and a ton of clothes. I wonder who chooses the outfits they wear.

When he does emerge, he's mostly dressed in black ripped jeans, and blue t-shirt over long black sleeves. When another knock comes at the door, Daisuke opens it.

"Hair and make up!" comes the reply, followed by Daisuke asking for confirmation and checking ID. There's two chairs in front of big mirrors, and both Matt and Nikki take seats. 

Nikki gets turned towards the mirror, but Matt gets turned towards the room so he can't see the mirror. I watch quietly as they get their hair and make up done. Nikki, obviously, takes longer, being the only female and having long hair. Noah and Mark join us, looking show ready, before Matt's out of his chair. There's a sharp knock and then Henry enters, eyeing over the team. Matt thus far, hasn't had anything to drink, but seeing Henry he deliberately takes a swig right out of the battle. Henry breathes in and out heavily through his nose. Matt sticks his tongue out.

Nikki bounces out of her chair, takes the bottle out of Matt's hand and also has a drink.

"Sound check." Henry says. Nikki hands the bottle to Mark, and then Noah and in turn they each take a drink. 

Henry leaves, followed by Mark, Noah, Nikki and Matt last. He takes another drink of vodka before dropping the bottle on the table in the middle of the room.

"You're gonna be great," Daisuke offers.

"Of course I am." Matt counters, before following the rest of the band.

Daisuke and I hover around back stage, helping where we can, and moving equipment the band no longer needs as they use it. I help pack up Matt and Nikki's clothes, and obviously when I can I listen to the Matt sing and the crowd cheer for them. After the show, they disappear into dressing rooms momentarily, getting water and phones, in Nikki's case a sweater to cover some more skin, and then they are outside, in front of screaming fans, offering hand shakes and autographs and sharp words, in Matt's case. Daisuke, Ken, Rebecca and I hover behind our respective people, and only once does Daisuke intervene and pull someone off of Matt's shirt, but the damage was done and his shirt ends up ripped. Matt says something sharp, but otherwise doesn't seem too bothered.

Then Henry is ushering them on, telling them they have to go. The band says their good-byes much like they had this morning at the airport. We vanish behind the tour bus to cheers and screaming.

Matt leans against the bus and drops his head with a sigh. "I need a drink," he mutters. 

"Me too." Nikki agrees. "Thanks for taking care of me!" Nikki says to me, before walking up the bus steps. Noah and Mark follow with quick good-byes. Matt lifts his head to meet my eyes.

It lasts about 10 seconds, but then Daisuke is stepping forward and hugging Matt, which he returns. Matt says something quietly to Daisuke, and Daisuke nods his head.

"See you tomorrow," Daisuke says.

"Yeah, see you," Matt agrees, giving us a wave. I watch as the bus door closes, and Daisuke pulls me away, to another SUV, so we can also begin the long drive to the next city. 

Chapter Text

Three months into the tour, and things are going good. Being on stage makes me feel more like myself then I have in a long time, and I absolutely love hearing the fans sing along, and knowing the joy it brings them. Despite being a dick to them when I meet them, meeting the fans is my favourite part of tours. Although I wish I could get over the fear of being touched too long, or what signing an autograph might do. 

I'm still struggling with self-harm for the bigger emotions, but it tends to fall into hair pulling, pinching myself, or drinking too much and being a clumsy mess. Those bruises are easiest to laugh away. Daisuke, Ken and Taichi always end up on the security team when ever I have to interact with the public, and I'm grateful, even if they aren't strictly with me. I know they are watching, and it makes it a little easier. The rational part of me knows it's unlikely for someone to grab me again, but it's my biggest fear still. 

The most surprising part, for me, is that Henry and I are mostly getting along. He changes that though, on the morning of us pulling into Salt Lake. Ideally, we should be getting off the bus, showering and sleeping at the hotel for a handful of hours before going to the fundraiser, and then to the venue for the concert, where we'll eat and get ready for the show.

As we pull into the hotel, Henry stands from his seat neat the front of the bus and comes back to us. Nikki and Mark are playing some kind of hand slapping game, and Noah is curled up at my side, head on my shoulder, arm thrown over my waist on the lower bed of one of the two bunk beds. I'm looking over the fundraiser for the animal shelter on my phone. We're all a little drunk.

"Alright, you guys. Go sober up. Get some food and sleep, and I'll see you in a couple hours." Henry says.

"Only two?" Nikki asks, a bit defeated.

"You have about five," Henry tells her. Nikki and Mark cheer together. "Matt, I need to talk to you. Privately."

I am immediately suspicious of this. One of the reasons we've been getting along is because we haven't been alone together. Noah has sat up, but hasn't moved, awaiting my approval before he leaves. Sometimes I wish I could return Noah's feelings, because I don't deserve his loyalty. 

Mark and Nikki have already made it to door of the bus. "It's fine Noah, go," I tell him. Noah climbs over me and joins the other two, but still seems hesitant to go.

Henry waits until they've managed to get off the bus, stumbling around as they are, and I watch him. I'm not sure how old he is, just that he's older then I am. He's plain looking, really, black hair, brown eyes, basic build. No defining features, like Noah's freckles, or Nikki's hair, or Mark's weird iris that's shaped like a star and not a circle.

I've been drinking, but most of the buzz has worn off by now, and mostly I just want to eat, and then sleep for awhile. "Wha-" I start, but then Henry is basically on top of me, tongue in my mouth. He pulls my phone out of my hands at the same time.

On instinct, I bite down. Hard. He pulls back immediately, but swings at the same time. His fist connects with my eye, and I try and shove him off. The next hit I'm ready for and I manage to block my face.

"Listen, you little fuck. I gave you EVERYTHING," Henry snarls. "The least you can do is let me f-"

"I don't need any diseases," I return trying to use my legs to kick him off. He has a better position then I do, never mind the fact that my limbs are jelly like. I can feel warm drops seeping through my shirt sleeves. We struggle, but I mange to keep my head safe, mostly.

And then Henry is ripped away from me, and Daisuke is pinning him against the wall a few feet away. Taichi is closer to me, eyes running over my skin.

"What the fuck happened?" Daisuke asks, because Taichi seems more worried about me physically. Taichi reaches out and touches my eye and I flinch.

"Nothing," Henry and I say at the same time, him with much more venom.

"What the hell did I tell you about putting your hands on him?" Taichi finally asks, turning to look at Henry. Henry just gives Taichi a dirty look. "Get him out, Daisuke." Taichi follows up with.

"He's got my phone," I protest with a heavy tongue. Daisuke pushes him through Noah, Nikki and Mark, who have reappeared, placing my phone in Noah's hands as he goes.

"What happened?" Taichi asks this time. Noah stumbles forward first, but the other two follow him. None of them touch me, they just get closer. I shake my head. I have a headache from that first hit.

"Henry said he had to talk to Matt in private," Nikki says. "But Henry start yelling so I came to look. Then I came to get you."

"How many times did he hit you?" Taichi asks me. I shrug. "Did he hit your head?" 

"Yeah," I sigh, bringing my own hand up to my now pulsating eye. I'm still laying on the bed, and Taichi helps me sit up. He studies both my eyes separately.

"Hows your vision?" Taichi asks as Daisuke trots back up the bus steps. 

"Okay." I answer.

"Headache?" He asks,

"Yeah," I say softly. Taichi turns the flash light on his phone off before shining it towards my face. I blink at the sudden light, and Taichi lowers it. Daisuke is watching us quietly, chewing on his cheek.

"You might have a concession," Taichi says.

"Yeah, and a black eye. It's whatever. I still have a show to get ready for." Taichi sighs at my words, but doesn't protest, and he offers his hand to help me get to my feet. I almost slap it away, but instead take it, just for the contact with him. It's skin is a few degrees warmer then mine, and it instantly soothes my nerves.

Once I'm on my feet, I get a group hug from the band, which I tolerate, because I imagine it was pretty scary for them to see Henry hitting me like that. All three of them have questions in their eyes, and I know we are going to have a very tough conversation later, but for now, I choose to ignore the looks.

Taichi and Daisuke walk us into the hotel, and wait while we check in, and make sure we get into our shared suite. We have a family suite, so there's two bedrooms, with two queen beds in each room, and two bathrooms, as well as a living space with two couches, a coffee table, TV, and a basic kitchen. I collapse onto one of the beds, and as expected, a body follows me and curls around me. To my surprise, it's Nikki and not Noah. Noah is a few steps behind her though, and they form a bubble around me. The bed dips again, by my head, and Mark's hands are carding gently through my hair, careful of the bump I'm sure is there.

"What the hell, Matt?" Mark asks me, gently. He isn't accusing, just curious. I huff out a breath, that hurts my lungs. "How long as he been trying to..to..?" Mark can't finish his sentence, and although Mark and I aren't close in the slightest, he sounds angry at the very idea.

"Why were you hiding this from us?" Nikki asks instead.

"It's not that big of a deal," I mutter. Noah hides his face against my shoulder blades.

"Of course it is," Nikki says, drowning out whatever Mark had started to say. "You shouldn't be put through that. Especially after.." Nikki trails off and I bite my own lip, hard.

"He thinks because he made us, he deserves it, since I'm gay." I say, quietly.

"So am I," Noah mutters.

"You aren't gay anyway," Nikki says at the same time.

"It doesn't matter. He makes a pass once in awhile and I tell him to choke, and we carry on with our lives."  I say, again, just wanting this conversation to be over. I know I will be having it again either later tonight or tomorrow with Daisuke, Ken and Taichi.

"Is that why you guys fight so often?" Mark asks, his fingers still in my hair momentarily.

"Yeah." I say. Nikki clicks her tongue against the roof of her mouth. Mark resume's combing through my hair with his fingers. 

"Babe, you were like, sixteen when we met Henry." Nikki says. Noah's arm tightens around my waist, briefly.

"I was seventeen," I say. "but yes, I know." Mark makes a noise above my head that I can't quite figure out.

"Can you sleep if you have a concussion?" he asks.

"Yes." Noah says, his lips moving against my shoulder blades.

"Good," I snap, "Now get off, so I can sleep." Mark moves first, but only to lay down behind Nikki so he can throw an arm over both her and me. Noah moves next, but just adjusts himself so that he's laying with his head on the pillow and not buried against me.

"Guys, we're all in our twenties here, I don't need cuddles to sleep." I protest.

"Not everything is about you," Noah says above my head. Which is fair, I guess. Noah's always been clingy so I sort of expect it from him. Not from Mark and Nikki though, so I guess they really are worried.

So I allow it, and in fact find myself falling asleep much faster then I probably would have without them.

When I wake up, hours later, according to the way the sun filters into the room, it's to Daisuke's gentle shaking. I sit up and immediately try to rub the gunk out of my eyes, but flinch as I rub my right eye.

The pain and headache hit at the same time. I glance around the bed, and find I'm alone now.

Daisuke offers me ice, and I put it on my sore face. "Tai and I swapped shifts with people on your team for the fundraiser." 

I nod my head in agreement, and Daisuke takes it as the thank you it is, but touching my shoulder before leaving the room. As I wake up more, I can hear Nikki talking, and Henry answering. I'm so tired, still. On top of the pain, though, my skin feels tacky from sweat and overall I just feel dirty. I slide to the side of the bed before climbing to my feet. I drop the ice Daisuke gives me on the bedside table before leaving the room. 

Noah is missing, but Taichi, Daisuke, Nikki and Mark all look at me. Henry pretends I don't exist, which is fine by me. Someone brought up some of our bags while I was asleep, and I dig through mine for jeans and a long sleeved shirt. They're going to make me change anyway.

"I'm showering," I announce to the room, before going to do just that.

I scrub my skin until it's pink and sore before getting out, and change without looking in the mirror. When I leave the bathroom, Henry and Nikki are gone but Noah is back, also freshly showered and in appropriate clothes to be wearing with eyes on us. Mark takes over the bathroom I've just left. I dry my hair with the towel in the living room, when I pull the towel off me, three sets of eyes turn away. I roll my eyes.

I'm not doing this." I snap at them. "I'm fine. Nothing happened. Nothing has ever happened."

Daisuke gives me a curious look, and I realize he has no idea what I'm talking about, but both Taichi and Noah do.

"We kinda talked about it before we napped," Noah tells Taichi directly. Taichi nods his head at Noah, but then approaches me.

"Let me look," he says. So I let him, but I make it hard. I stare past him, because I know it bothers him. "Your pupils look okay...you're not dizzy or nauseous?" he asks.

"I still have a headache." I say. "And my eye hurts. But otherwise I'm okay." Taichi touches my eye gently, and frowns at me. "is it awful?" I ask.

"It's not bad considering. We need to get the swelling down though."

"I'll get more ice," Daisuke says, before leaving.

"We have a kitchen," Noah says quietly, and Tai huffs out a laugh. Nikki comes out of the far bedroom, hair done up and in good clothes, with a bag in her hands.

"Come sit," She tells me, pointing out the couch. I follow Nikki's instructions, and she sits on the table in front of me, putting the bag down beside her. Daisuke reappears with ice, and Nikki takes it pressing it to my eye.

I hiss, and Taichi moves closer to watch intently. "Noah, get Matt water, please." Nikki commands. Noah goes to get water from the kitchen, and Nikki hands me some pills.

"What are those?" Taichi asks immediately.

"Pain killers," Nikki says. I take them dry, but take a some water when Noah returns with it. Mark joins us, too,  and sits on the other side of the couch to dry his hair. "I don't know if I'm going to be able to cover this," Nikki frowns, looking at my face.

I shrug it off. "It's not the first time I've had a black eye on stage, I'm sure it won't be the last."

"Just let me try." Nikki says, digging through her little bag with one hand. She starts pulling out containers in different colours, and putting them up to my face. When she finds the colour she's looking for she removes the ice from my face, and point at Taichi. "Look at him."

So, I look at Taichi. I scan over his appearance, and he looks tired, but otherwise healthy. His eyes are big and curious as he watches Nikki apply make-up over the bruise. His hair is as wild as ever, and he's wearing a navy blue shirt with a yellow star on the right side, and dark jeans. He must feel me looking, cause his eyes shift from Nikki's hands to meet my eyes, and he flushes before looking back to what Nikki is doing.

A phone vibrates, and Noah answers it, having a quick conversation, saying we'll be down soon, before hanging up. Nikki pulls her hands away, and tilts her head to both sides, before taking my chin in her hands and tilting my head to let the light hit it different.

"Jesus," Taichi says.

"You're good at that," Daisuke agrees.

"Do you want to see?" She asks me, offering me a little mirror.

"No, I trust you." I tell her. She puts all her make-up back in her bag before zipping it up and leaving it on the table. There's a soft knock on the door, and Daisuke, whose closes opens it, and there's two other people there, dressed in the band security shirts we had made for them. 

Taichi helps me to my feet, and I go back to the room to get my phone, which I left abandoned on the bed. I slide it into my jeans, and follow Taichi out of the door. I make sure it closes tightly behind me, and am mildly surprised to find the band has waited for me just outside the door.

Nikki wraps her arm through one of mine, and leads me down the hallway.