Chapter Text
PROLOGUE
From: [email protected]
Date: Monday March 28, 2022
Time: 11:23
Subject: How are you settling in?
Hi Colin
How was the journey up? I am sorry again for ambushing you before you left, well actually no I am not really, your hoody was looking very sad at being left behind :(
How’s the flat? I know you are dying to tell me everything about the walk in shower. Is it the shower of your dreams? Do you hear angels sing when you step inside?
I still can’t believe you’ve made detective already! Proudest bestie ever right here!
Don’t forget about your old friend in boring London when you’re busy cleaning up the streets of Glasgow.
Pen
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From: [email protected]
Date: Monday March 28, 2022
Time: 15:48
Subject: RE: How are you settling in?
Hi Pen!
Thank you for trying to reunite us but I think we came to the right decision, my hoody will be far happier staying with you. ;D
It’s my first day in the new office and I’ve just got my email working. How!? Did you get my email address before I did? Wait, what am I saying? Of course you did, you’re Penelope Featherington!
The journey was loooooong but so beautiful. The pennines were gorgeous to drive through, I’ll have to show you them one day! Marina was not interested in them at all, I think she’s regretting coming with me already actually, she put her noise cancelling headphones on half way up, eeek! I am telling myself it was the road noise not my running commentary on the flora and fauna of the hills.
Pen..oh ..my ..god! ..The shower is incredible, we thought the brochure was exaggerating but no, it wasn’t shouting about this shower enough! It’s like having hundreds of tiny people running across my back. I think I saw the gates of heaven and I might have time travelled a bit. You have to try it!
Unfortunately though the rest of the flat is pretty dire. I need decor ideas from you, your flat always makes me feel so warm and cosy.
I better get going, I’ve got a team induction in a minute. Hopefully they’re a nice bunch.
Write to me again soon?
Colin
xx
P.s. Don’t be silly, I could never forget about you, ever!
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From: [email protected]
Date: Saturday October 15, 2022
Time: 12:12
Subject: So that’s all done then
Hi Pen
How are you? I still can’t stop laughing at the Phillipa story you sent me last week. “Inserts himself where?” ha!
Marina came by and collected the last few boxes of her things so that’s all done. Her new boyfriend came with her, he seems nice. I know it ended badly but it’s all for the best. We weren’t right for each other, I think I’ve known that for a while. Plus, there’s only so many biscuit puns a woman can take, I guess.
So anyway Pen, tell me about home. I spoke to Benedict and mum the other day. Benedict says I should come and visit, I don’t have any longer stints off until Christmas now but I plan to come down for that. Will you come and join us for Christmas this year? I miss you.
Oh! I was at a burglary scene the other day and you will never believe what they had! A Mr Frosty! Do you remember how badly you wanted one that Christmas? Your mum got one for Prudence instead and she wouldn’t let you play with it so we planned our first heist. We had code names and everything! I remember you were ‘Red One’, ha! Prudence was so annoyed, it was hilarious.
What happened to Mr Frosty? Did you ever get to use it?
Work is going well, no major cases at the moment but I’ve got a pretty decent solve rate going. Anything exciting on your desk?
Colin
xx
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From: [email protected]
Date: Saturday October 15, 2022
Time: 23:08
Subject: RE: So that’s all done then
COLIN!
Yur wonderful Colin colin colin, I like typing your name Colin. But yeah don;t think wat happened with mAmina was anything to do with you, you’re such a good man Colin colin colin, youre jus so loverly. Also your biscuit puns are the custard cream of the crop…haaaaaaaaa
SRry Eloise made me go to Phils fo psta and cocktails and i thik i had too many. I miss ou I wanna see you at chrismass you wuld be the besst presents.
Hmmgghh gnight colin Xxxxxxxxxxx
SEND sned sendddd why isn;t this bloody sending OH hahahahah
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From: [email protected]
Date: Sunday October 16, 2022
Time: 08:14
Subject: RE: So that’s all done then
Colin, please tell me you did not read my drunken ramblings from last night? I am so embarrassed, I tried to recall it when I woke up this morning but it was too late. I am 100% blaming Eloise for this, let’s just pretend it didn’t happen OK!
So anyway..
Hi Colin
Yes, I will be at Bridgerton House for Christmas evening as usual, if I don’t die of embarrassment first that is. Can’t wait.
Glad to hear the job is going well. I am on a credit card fraud case at the moment…joy! I’ve been paired with this new Constable, Debling. He says some funny stuff to me sometimes, like the other day he said I’ve got the perfect eyes for interrogation??? What the hell does that mean? I think he might be trying to flirt with me. With me!? Pfft HA.
Oh I do have some gossip actually, did you hear the rumour about the new MET Commissioner? Apparently it’s going to be Commander Charlotte! She was in charge of bringing down the Southampton heroin ring, I hear she wants to crack down on the cocaine crisis next. She’s amazing!
OMG I can’t believe you remember the liberation of Mr Frosty! I don’t know why I thought a red beret was the right headwear for a heist but I suppose fashion is more important than jail time. Oh god… It’s one of my darkest secrets, but I abandoned him Colin! I got so scared of Prudence and my mum finding out that I dropped him to a charity shop a week later.
You were in your Doctor Who phase then so you were Tardis One! Remember you spiked your hair right up HA HA! So adorable!
Pen
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I miss you too.
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From: [email protected]
Date: Sunday October 16, 2022
Time: 08:35
Subject: RE: RE: So that’s all done then
Ah Penelope, Penelope, Penelope
You have made my weekend, there is no way in hell I am letting you just forget about that glorious email.
But before I get distracted by your late night poetry, this Debling guy, I don’t know him. It says here that he trained in Wales, so not with us. He’s on LinkedIn.. Lame! he seems a bit, I dunno, particular. And of course he is flirting with you, Pen! Why would he not be??? Pretty rubbish flirting though if you ask me.
Do you like him?
Pen, that biscuit pun was atrocious. You need to take a timeout for that one. Get it!? A Time Out! Yeah ok fine, yours is better.
Love from loverly
Colin colin colin
(you’re right, it is fun to type!)
xx
P.s. How many presents am I exactly?
SEND!
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From: [email protected]
Date: Friday January 13, 2023
Time: 18:44
Subject: My tongue is still blue.
Colin, I still cannot believe you got me an actual Mr Frosty for Christmas. My tongue is still BLUE. Thank you.
I am going to have to make sure I keep it safe, we need to make frosties with Anthony and Kate’s little one when they arrive. Ahhh they’re having a baby! You’re going to be uncle Colin, again! I can totally see you sneaking them cake before dinner and showing them the best tree to climb in the garden. It's so exciting!
Did you hear about the cocaine taskforce? Word is Commissioner Charlotte has asked Chief Inspector Danbury to put a list of names together for the team.
I’d absolutely love to get involved in that, not sure they’d need a basically never been in the field, tech nerd sergeant for it though. Sergeant Cowper is so certain she’s going to be asked to head it up so it’s probably a good thing I’ll never be picked for it. I don’t think I’d be able to survive reporting to her, or maybe she wouldn’t survive it, either way it would be bad.
It was so great to see you, Colin. And can I just say, those elf jammies were something to behold!
Will you visit again soon?
Pen
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From: [email protected]
Date: Friday January 13, 2023
Time: 19:10
Subject: RE: My tongue is still blue!
Pen, of course you can get on that taskforce if you want to, don’t let that..well you know my thoughts on Cressida Cowper! But don’t let her stop you from putting your name forward for it, please! Even if she does head it up you can show her how good you are. She’d be lucky to have your expertise! Plus I would happily help you hide the body if it came to that 😀.
Promise me you won’t let her stop you, Pen?
Yep! I am so ready to be Uncle Colin x2, but don’t think you’re getting away with anything here! Auntie Penelope will 100% be joining us up that tree, actually I think she’ll be going up first. I can give you a leg up, you know, because you’re so tiny.
I’ve been given my rota up to March and I don’t have any decent stints free for a trip just yet, blurgh. I’ll be there the first chance I get though.
It was even harder leaving for Glasgow than last time. I miss you so much already! I am writing about it non stop in the lovely journal you got me.
Oh I almost forgot, I have a bone to pick with you, Featherington! That wasn’t very nice of you to show up looking bloody incredible when I was slumming it in my elffies!
Colin
xx
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From: [email protected]
Date: Wednesday May 24, 2023
Time: 13:07
Subject: OMG
OMG Colin, I’ve been asked to join the taskforce, ahhhhhhhhhhh. They want me to be in charge of cyber and tech, ahhhhhhhhhhh.
But Colin, do you know the best part?
Cressida has been bragging for weeks, telling everyone all about how Danbury has been hinting at her to start preparing to lead the team. She’s been gleefully informing me that she won’t be needing me at all. But she just found out today, OMG it’s so brilliant, she’s on the team but she’s not the lead, she’s still a sergeant and her remit is data entry and paperwork HA HA.
I wonder who is going to be leading though? It can’t be Detective Greer, he’s way too long in the tooth. Detective Delacroix would be great, but she told me she’d turn it down as it’s not the right time for her.
Thank you for encouraging me, Colin. I am so excited.
Pen
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I almost forgot, Debling asked me to go for a drink with him tonight to celebrate (he’s on the team too) :/ I don’t know if I should go? What do you think?
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From: [email protected]
Date: Wednesday May 24, 2023
Time: 13:11
Subject: RE: OMG
Pen! This is bloody brilliant! Of course I had no doubts at all, you can do anything you put your mind to. Woohoo!
That was good of Debling, of course you should go, if you want to.
I am sorry I have to dash, the boss is calling, but I’ll write again this evening.
Colin
xx
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From: [email protected]
Date: Wednesday May 24, 2023
Time: 20:15
Subject: RE: OMG
Hi Pen
Long day sorry.
I’ve been thinking about your news all day, I am so proud of you.
Sooooooooooo, on the subject…I just found out today, but I have news too!
A bit of background, since January I’ve been requesting to transfer back to London. Spending Christmas with you all made me realise how much I needed to be closer.
I hadn’t mentioned it to you, I guess because I didn’t want to get my hopes up too high. The transfer office were not very optimistic about my request. Apparently there is a surplus of detectives in London and hardly any in Glasgow, shocking, I know!
Anyway I’ll get to the point. This afternoon I had a call from CI Danbury and she asked me to move to London to head up the new taskforce... WHAT!?
Pen, can you believe it? We’re going to be on the same team! In fact, I am going to have to insist you start calling me sir. ;D
God, I just realised you might not be dancing with joy like I am about this. Tell me if this makes you uncomfortable or anything. I can turn it down, Pen. I don’t want to mess anything up for you or make anything awkward.
Also I just realised I am interrupting your date too. I am really doing great here aren’t I?
Debling better be a gentleman!
Colin
xx
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From: [email protected]
Date: Wednesday May 24, 2023
Time: 20:33
Subject: RE: RE: OMG
OMG Colin! What the hell are you talking about? This is THE BEST news. I honestly cannot imagine anyone better for the job. And you’re coming back! Tell me everything. When do you start? What did Danbury say? I know me and Cowper and Debling are on the team. Anyone else? Do your family know yet?
Also HA HA you’re funny. Nope, very much not a date, I am home already so don't worry, you don’t have to come storming down here. Debling was nice enough, I am not sure he actually likes me though. He’s just looking for someone convenient I think. Plus Cressida showed up to the bar so I left them to it.
Colin, I mean Sir ;) You’re coming back to London! Eloise is going to be delighted!
Pen
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