Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Alhaitham had never liked people- that much was very clear. He had always kept to himself, even as a young child. He’d preferred books and solitude over toys and playing pretend. His grandmother never judged him, in fact she supported his unique interests wholeheartedly. She’d bought him all the books he could ever want, and helped him to make a special little sensory area for him to read in. It was nice and cozy, and it was the default place he could be found in when his grandmother looked for him. He’d always be out like a light at 9 PM, holding a thick book in his small hands, tucked close to his chest.

His habit of preferring his own company continued throughout his childhood into his teens. He never joined any clubs or extra-curriculars in middle-school or his first year of high-school. He never spoke up in class unless he was asked to, and spent his free periods reading in the back corner of the library where no one else bothered to look. Safe to say, no one knew who Alhaitham even was. He liked it that way. He didn’t need friends, he didn’t need to be known. Popularity was a distraction from his studies- and the kids in his sophomore class were all incredibly loud and annoying.

That is, except for one boy. Kaveh was his name, and he was… An anomaly. Intellectually brilliant, most importantly. But also beautiful, in both mind and body. He had a smile that could light up a room, with canine teeth that poked out in the cutest way. Well, it would be cute if Alhaitham even remotely cared about something as superficial as looks. Not that he was attracted to Kaveh, no. He was simply curious about someone who seemed to have it all and handled it like a champion, never seeming down or depressed or stressed at all. Alhaitham wondered what that was like, to not have any problems. To live without a care in the world.

Alhaitham should get back to his book. 

But he couldn’t bring himself to.

Late Autumn- a few weeks into the school year. Third period had just ended early, the teacher let the class chat and have some free time until it was time to switch classes. Alhaitham, of course, pulled out a thick book from his backpack and continued where he left off last period. But his eyes kept wandering up and up, over the edge of the book and to the small group of friends just ahead. His eyes zeroed in on the person in the center- as bright as the sun, and just as tempting to stare at- Kaveh.

He was laughing along with one of his friend’s jokes that Alhaitham didn’t bother paying attention to. Alhaitham furrowed his brows as he felt an unfamiliar fluttering in his stomach. He pushed it down and ignored it. He hated new things… But he did keep staring. At Kaveh’s eyes, a deep, soulful red that could entrance anyone who looked long enough, the freckles dusting his cheeks and the bridge of his nose that Alhaitham suddenly got the urge to trace with his finger.

Kaveh glanced over in Alhaitham’s direction, surely feeling eyes on him. His smile didn’t falter, despite not knowing Alhaitham at all. He paused for a moment, seemingly thinking, before sliding off the desk he was sitting on and strolled over, plopping down in the seat in front of the other boy, facing him. He rested his arms on the back of the chair, tilting his head and studying Alhaitham’s face. He completely ignored the complaints of his friends and groans of annoyance that Kaveh was talking to Alhaitham.

Alhaitham had a “resting bitch face” as someone once called it, and he knew it. Maybe that would deter Kaveh from wanting to talk to him? Alhaitham tried to give Kaveh his best smile in return- which really was the slightest upturn of his lips, looking incredibly forced.

Kaveh giggled at that, “Hey, hey, no need to fake a smile, alright? Just do what feels natural,” he said, waving his hand dismissively. Alhaitham’s smile immediately dropped.

Kaveh leaned forward with an eager sparkle in his eyes, “Anyways, Alhaitham, right?” 

Alhaitham only nodded, his grip on his book turning his knuckles pale. No, he was not nervous!

“Oh, cool! I’ve heard a lot about you-” 

There it was, just what Alhaitham was waiting for. He’d heard the rumors about himself, he wasn’t stupid. The nasty comments on his weight, the dirty looks and snickers he’d get in gym class when he tried to do anything. He didn’t let it bother him- he tried not to, anyways. His grandmother always told him that his body was perfect no matter what size he was, and he tried to believe her, he really did. But with the way everyone looked at him, treating him like he was worth less than dirt, it got to him sometimes.

He was expecting Kaveh to make a comment on his weight, or ask why he used the staff restroom to change during gym instead of the boys’ lockers with that judgemental look on his face. He braced for the worst, a “None of your business,” placed on the tip of his tongue, aimed and ready to fire.

But Kaveh didn’t. He commented on something no one else cared about or seemed to notice about Alhaitham. 

“-You’re like, really smart, aren’t you?” Kaveh asked with a curious tilt of his head, “I check the class grades when they post them sometimes- you’re always at the top!”

Alhaitham blinked, dumbfounded. “You care about that?” He asked in that blunt manner of his, the one that always pushed anyone who even dared to give him a chance away.

Kaveh was unfazed. “You don’t?” He asked back, “I like the feeling of accomplishment, I guess. When I get good grades.”

Alhaitham hummed, finally setting his book down. “The grades of other people don’t matter to me, and we get sent our grades in the mail. So why would I?”

Kaveh hummed back, rubbing his chin in thought. “But everyone checks their grades,” he argued, “I mean, I’m sure you see the crowd that gathers the morning-of, right?” 

Alhaitham’s lip turned up slightly- for real this time. “I do. I walk past it. It’s none of my concern. Besides, it takes so long, isn’t it easier just to wait for your grades to come in the mail?”

Kaveh’s eyes sparkled with something that looked like genuine, keen interest. “Class is almost dismissed. Wanna spend the free period together?”

Alhaitham froze for a split second. Kaveh… wanted to spend time together? Really? With him? He was so shocked he almost blurted out a dry “no,” but caught himself at the last second and nodded.

Kaveh stood up abruptly then, putting his hands on his hips with a bright smile. “Cool! I think we can go now-”

“I know a good spot,” Alhaitham found himself saying. Was he really about to share his semi-secret reading spot with someone who was essentially a stranger? 

Yeah.

“The back corner of the library… near the encyclopedias. It’s really quiet and no one goes over there.” Alhaitham said, quieter than his normal tone of voice. 

“Oh? That’s perfect then! Let’s go now!” Kaveh cheered, going to pick up his school bag- decorated with cute lion charms, and took Alhaitham’s wrist in his hand, tugging him along. 

Alhaitham quickly grabbed his bag too, almost missing the strap due to Kaveh’s eagerness to get going. He threw it over his shoulder and followed Kaveh, almost tripping over his feet as the older boy rushed to the library, his longer, slimmer legs carrying him better than Alhaitham’s shorter, chubbier ones.

They arrived perfectly on time for classes to switch, the bell ringing above their heads. Kaveh nudged the shorter boy with his shoulder, silently telling him to take the lead. Alhaitham nodded and led Kaveh to the back of the library, politely waving at the older librarian who worked at the front desk as they went. Kaveh resisted the urge to coo at the adorable gesture, and continued on until Alhaitham stopped.

The corner was more dimly lit than the rest of the library, one of the lights having gone out forever ago. But no one really cared enough to fix it, since again, only one person- now two, ever went over there. Alhaitham had brought a little lamp from home to light up the desk space there so that he could read without further straining his eyes. He’d read in the dark long enough as a kid to warrant glasses now. 

Alhaitham reluctantly let go of Kaveh’s hand- it was warm and soft and smooth and perfect… And sat down at the desk, dusting off the other chair that no one else had used in years. Some dust got up in Kaveh’s face and he coughed, with Alhaitham mumbling a “Sorry…” 

Kaveh didn’t seem to mind, waving it off and rubbing his eye which had begun to water. He sat down beside Alhaitham and pulled out his own textbooks, filled cover to cover with annotations and notes sticking out in all sorts of different colors. Meanwhile, Alhaitham grabbed his textbook from his bag, as well as a notebook that he used to take notes.

The two didn’t need to speak further, just falling into an easy silence as they both worked. Kaveh was too focused to speak, and Alhaitham didn’t like talking anyway. Though, Alhaitham didn’t seem to get much work done in the hour they had together. He may have been too busy staring at the pretty boy sitting mere inches away from him, with a look of concentration that made the funny feeling in Alhaitham’s tummy come back. Kaveh’s brows were furrowed and his tongue poked out from the corner of his mouth as he scribbled and read and scribbled again.

Alhaitham finally glanced down at what exactly Kaveh was working on after more than half of their study time had gone by, dragging his gaze from his face almost painfully. Kaveh was drawing. Not just mindless doodles, but a full sketch of something that looked like a building.

“What is that?” Alhaitham whispered, leaning in closer to get a better look.

Kaveh jumped, as if Alhaitham’s voice pulled him out of a deep trance. He looked frazzled for a second, before looking back at Alhaitham, then down at his art.

“Oh, this isn’t really..” He chuckled dismissively, his fingers twitching slightly, fighting the urge to hide it or crumple it up and throw it away.

“It’s really pretty,” Alhaitham murmured, then repeated, “What is it?”

“Uh..”

“Is it important to you?”

Kaveh blinked. How did he…? “Y-yeah, it is.” He whispered, mindful of library rules. “It’s… like, my dream, I guess?”

Alhaitham hummed to himself, “A dream, hm…” He looked up at Kaveh from the paper to see the other boy looking away, cheeks dusted pink.

Alhaitham decided at that moment to stand up, grab all his things, and leave. Oh, Archons, that funny feeling was back again, and it was like two-hundred times stronger than before. Was he getting sick? Surely that had to be it, why else was he feeling flushed and lightheaded and nauseous?! He didn’t register Kaveh quietly calling for him as he rushed to the nearest bathroom, not thinking about what would happen.

As soon as he opened the door, a group of older boys’ heads snapped to look at him. They were taller and probably a lot stronger than he was. Alhaitham’s eyes widened as he realized he’d gone to the wrong bathroom in his daze. He tried to leave, but another boy snuck behind him and Alhaitham yelped as he felt his back hit the guy’s chest.

“Let me go,” he demanded, trying his best to look and sound intimidating. He really didn’t want to deal with this right now. He’d experienced enough of it in middle school. 

“Or what, fatty?” One boy sneered, crossing his arms, “what do you think you’re gonna do? Flash your little girl-boobs at us?”

The other boys laughed as if it was the funniest thing in the world, but Alhaitham’s cheeks only grew hotter. Not from “sickness” this time, but rage.

“I’m not-”

“A girl? Oh, come on, everyone knows!” The boy behind him mocked, shoving him forward, knocking Alhaitham down to the floor.

“Shut up-” Alhaitham tried to growl, but one of the boys just cooed mockingly. 

“Everyone can tell, come on!” The first boy laughed, “The teachers might let you do what you want, but everyone in school knows you’re a freak.”

Alhaitham felt tears well up in his eyes. Not again, no no no- This wasn’t supposed to happen. He had these accommodations for a reason- So this wouldn’t happen again. It was supposed to be better in high school! Why-

A slam, and yelps from the four boys made Alhaitham jump. He looked up but could barely see anything through his tears. He could only see a tall, blonde head of hair shoving the boys into a corner with his mere presence alone, no pushing needed. Then he heard a voice.

“Really?! What the hell is wrong with you guys!?” Kaveh yelled, hands on his hips. Alhaitham couldn’t see, but his red eyes were blazing like flames, his lips pulled into a deep scowl.

“Kaveh-”

“Oh, shut it!” Kaveh snapped, throwing a hand up in frustration. “You know I’m gonna have to report you guys, right? Bullying is a serious offense here. You should be smart enough to know that, being seniors.” 

The boys didn’t even bother begging for their lives. They just silently walked out of the bathroom with their metaphorical tails between their legs, and when the door finally closed, Alhaitham heard a deep, sad sigh. 

He felt a hand on his shoulder. “You okay?” Came a much softer voice than the sharp, angry one he’d just heard.

Alhaitham nodded, trying to wipe his tears. Kaveh shushed him and took care of it, lightly brushing away the hot tears falling from the boy’s cheeks with his uniform shirt sleeve. Alhaitham blinked away the last of his tears, and swallowed seeing the soft, concerned expression on Kaveh’s face. 

He must have been an angel. 

Alhaitham found himself wrapping his arms around Kaveh and sniffling into his shoulder, the taller boy rocking him on the dirty bathroom floor and humming a soft tune, rubbing his back.

After a while, they both stood, Kaveh holding on to Alhaitham’s waist, making sure he was stable. Kaveh didn’t bring up a single thing those awful bullies had said the whole way back to class. And Alhaitham was deeply grateful. Maybe Kaveh hadn’t heard? He hoped so. He really didn’t want to be outed to his- to someone he looked up to. 

Alhaitham didn’t notice the knowing look in Kaveh’s eyes as they both settled back in their seats, Kaveh looking behind himself at the boy pulling out his textbooks with red, puffy cheeks. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. Maybe he and Alhaitham were more alike than he thought.

Chapter Text

For the rest of the week, Kaveh felt… off. He couldn’t help but glance back at Alhaitham from time to time, and the sight was always the same– he was always reading a big, thick book. It was a different one every day or two, usually some nonfiction historical biography or something. Kaveh felt a pang of hurt each time he’d turn around and not find Alhaitham looking back. It was fine, he told himself. They weren’t friends. They only talked once. Maybe Kaveh had pushed too far, trying to help him last Monday, in the bathroom. He bit his lip and turned back to face forward before the teacher called him out for getting distracted. 

During the free period, Kaveh watched as Alhaitham got up and left the classroom, backpack slung over his shoulder. He stared down at the ground as he walked, pushing up his glasses and sniffling. Kaveh wanted to get up and follow, but didn’t want to seem like a weirdo. In the end, his curiosity won out, and after a few minutes, he went straight to the library, back to the back corner, and… 

No one was there. 

Kaveh deflated. Where else would he be? He’d looked all over the library, in the Cafeteria, he’d even managed to get access to the staff break room to see if Alhaitham was there, but no luck… Kaveh didn’t even know why he wanted to speak to Alhaitham so badly. Sure, that Monday, Alhaitham was fun to talk to– he challenged him, disagreed with him, unlike anyone else dared to do. He’d overheard some people say they were scared of Kaveh once, which was absurd! Kaveh would never hurt a fly! Maybe it was a… status thing? Kaveh was popular… Maybe everyone just wanted to be on his good side. He was fine with that, he supposed… It was better than being hated, right?

Kaveh reluctantly dragged himself back to class and put on the cheery, bright smile he always did for his classmates. He sat down at his desk, looking up at his friends as they gathered around him once more. 

“Kaveh! Where’d you go?” Asked one girl- Zara. She seemed innocently curious until her expression soured. “Don’t tell me you went looking for Alhaitham again!”

Kaveh felt a simmer of hurt rise in his chest. What was everyone’s problem with Alhaitham? He was nice, if they just gave him a chance-

Another boy, Hamza, spoke up from Kaveh’s left. “Yeah, this is like, the seventh time you tried to look for him, dude. What’s your deal?”

Kaveh faked a laugh, “There’s no deal, Hamza,” he shook his head, “He’s just interesting, is all. I mean, I know everyone in class well except him, right?”

Isha, another one of Kaveh’s “friends,” emerged from behind Zara, resting a hand on her shoulder as she leaned forward with her hand on her hip. “Yeah, okay, but like why do you wanna talk to him so bad?” She scoffed, “he’s… y’know…” 

The girl gestured vaguely with a dirty look on her face. Kaveh had to keep his eye from twitching with herculean effort.

“Mm, well..” He thought for a second, “it’s just to be polite, I guess.” A complete lie, but if it kept suspicions off him…

Hamza shrugged, “That’s so like you, Kaveh. Always nice to everyone.” 

“Doesn’t it get exhausting? And annoying?” Interjected Zara, which got a nod of agreement from Isha.

“No, no, it’s perfectly alright. It’s easier than being angry all the time.” 

Another lie. 

Isha snorted, “Whatever you say, Kaveh. Mr. Too-Nice-Guy.” 

Kaveh rolled his eyes and leaned back in his seat, crossing his arms, toned from years of swimming as a hobby. “That nickname sucks, Ms. Eyeliner-For-Days!” He teased, that fake smile only getting wider. 

Isha gasped in offense, which garnered belly laughs from Hamza and Zara. He tried to laugh along as authentically as he could, and hoped it didn’t sound too forced. He spend the rest of the free period listening to Zara and Isha gossip about “girl stuff,” while Hamza doodled mindlessly crude drawings in his notebook. If only he actually cared about art… Maybe he and Kaveh could get along for real then. 

With a sigh, Kaveh stood as the bell rang, signalling the next class was about to start. He took one more glance behind him- and of course, Alhaitham still wasn’t there. His lips curled down ever so slightly, but before he could fully let himself frown, he shook his head and moved on. 

The rest of the school day was a blur. All of the classes Kaveh liked were earlier in the day, so after free period, his brain more or less went into autopilot. He snapped out of his daze when the final bell rang, signifying he could go back home. 

Home… With his mom. Faranak. He thought about her the whole walk home. He always did, no matter what happened during the rest of the day. He thought about how it was his fault she was in the state she was in. He thought about the chance of going home one day to find her dead in the same spot she always stayed in during the day. Of course, that day hasn’t arrived yet, but he always wondered when- not if- it would come.

She barely even moved. Kaveh had to help her out of bed and into the bathroom every morning, then sit her down in her recliner, put on her favorite TV channel, and fed her a meal he’d prepared the week before. They were always simple dishes- he was only a kid, after all. A broke kid. But if it kept her alive, then so be it. Then he’d leave for school, and as soon as he came home, he helped her to the bathroom again (sometimes she’d wet herself during the day. He had to clean that up too,) and bathed her, before helping her back to the recliner to eat. After homework, it was her bedtime.

They’d had the same routine for years, ever since Kaveh’s father died and they had to move into the shittiest, cheapest apartment possible. Kaveh was young, but he knew the insurance money and Faranak’s savings wouldn’t last forever. So he learned to budget, only spending money on the things they really needed, like bills, food, and a new school uniform for Kaveh every year. 

Kaveh pushed open the front door, and if the incredibly loud creaking alerted Faranak, she didn’t show it. Kaveh took off his shoes and placed them neatly near the door- they were the only ones there. His eyes were downcast as he approached his mother, sitting down his backpack near her chair. 

“Hey, Mama,” he spoke softly, leaning in to kiss her forehead, just like he always did. “Anything good come on today?” He asked, knowing she wouldn’t answer. 

He pulled back to look at her, and if his broken heart could shatter further, it would. Her eyes were glassy and her lips were parted slightly. The only real signs she was alive were the soft breaths puffing against Kaveh’s face, and the rise and fall of her chest. Kaveh held back tears. He smiled instead, knowing he had to be strong for her. 

He brushed a stray lock of hair from her face, swallowing hard. “Let’s get you up, Mama… c’mon. The TV’s not– It’s not good for your eyes.” 

He then slowly lifted her, helping her walk to the bathroom, incredibly slow. Her steps were weak and wobbly, a sign of the muscle atrophy she’d gone through. Maybe Kaveh should invest in a wheelchair for her, just to make it easier for her… He immediately began to think about the costs and changes to the budget in his mind, and before he knew it, he’d sat down Faranak in the bath, her old, stained clothes gently removed and folded to the side, same with the dirty bandages that he’d wrap around the bed sores on her legs. 

He tried his best to keep the tiny bathroom as clean as he could, knowing it would give him less stress and worry of Faranak getting an infection somehow. He filled the bath with warm water, just as she liked it, and began to hum a tune she’d taught him as a child as he lathered her hair with her favorite peach-scented shampoo. 

All the while, Faranak stared blankly ahead. Even as he rinsed her hair and gently washed her body, trying to avoid irritating the bed sores further. Kaveh honestly couldn’t even tell if she could hear him, or if she even knew who he was. But he couldn’t just… let her die, or send her to a home… This was his fault. And he had to take responsibility. 

When Kaveh and Faranak were done in the bathroom, Kaveh got her dressed in a sweet set of pajamas with padisarahs printed on them, sitting her back on her chair and lifting one of her legs to wrap up her wounds again. 

“You’re so beautiful, Mama,” he found himself saying, unsure if he was trying to comfort her or himself, “this will pass, you know… You’ll feel better soon, I know it.” 

He stood back up, taking her thin, cold hand in his own and squeezed lightly. “You’re stronger than you think.” 

He then fed her fatteh for the second week in a row, grateful she still could chew and swallow on her own. He patted her knee and stretched, offering her a small smile. “Don’t let it rot your brain, Mama,” he teased, then grabbed his backpack from her side and went to his room. 

Instead of doing homework like he’d planned, Kaveh bee-lined to the bed and threw himself onto it, tears streaming down his face. He tried to sob as quietly as possible, not wanting his mother to hear. He tugged at his hair as he buried his face in his pillow, but sat back up soon after, feeling like he would choke. 

He held his face in his hands, nails digging into the edges of his scalp. He hated this. He hated everything. He hated himself. He wanted to die– but that would be selfish. He couldn’t leave his mother all alone like this, especially with no one else he could possibly think of to take care of her. His father was dead and long gone, all thanks to his own selfish desire. He had no siblings or cousins or aunts or uncles, not even grandparents. He– just like her– was alone. Completely. 

He had no real friends. Everyone who hung out with him only wanted that sense of popularity, or for Kaveh’s “help” with homework (they just cheated off him, and he let it happen, because maybe they really did need the help!) No one saw Kaveh, the real Kaveh. 

Maybe “Kaveh” was just a mask that this boy had developed through years of people-pleasing and self-sacrifice. Maybe “Kaveh” had replaced the real one long ago, the Kaveh who… Liked to dress in skirts and wear his mother’s lipstick, who’d play princesses with her and have his father be their knight in shining armor. No, those days were long gone, and so was that boy– that girl. The girl he knew he was, deep down. The girl he longed to be.

He desperately wanted to wear dresses and skirts and do his makeup, to grow out his hair and play for the girls’ swim team instead of the boys’. But he couldn’t. Not now, not ever. He couldn’t afford it. He couldn’t afford to buy himself pretty clothes and makeup. He couldn’t afford to ruin his reputation by outing himself as a freak. 

He was completely, utterly alone. No one had his back. No one was on his side. He was “Kaveh,” the straight-A’s student. He was “Kaveh,” who took on others’ troubles when they couldn’t do it themselves– and did it with a smile. He was “Kaveh,” the brilliant, the unbreakable, the genius.

He was “Kaveh,” the Light of Kshawrewar. 

That night, Kaveh didn’t do his homework. That never happened. No matter how hopeless he felt, he pushed through and got it done. But no, that night, Kaveh passed out on his bed, dried tears sticking to his face and his hair a mess from tugging and pulling at it. 

Why? Why was today the straw that broke the camel’s back? Nothing had changed. Except… Now Alhaitham was in the picture. Kind of. He’d seemed to tap on the glass of Kaveh’s enclosure, and it had cracked. And each day, as Kaveh waited by the glass for Alhaitham to appear again, the crack only grew. Until finally, that night, it shattered, leading to a flood of Kaveh’s emotions to spill out.

…He wanted to see Alhaitham again.