Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

3rd person pov.

-more like a prologue to begin with-

It was the 4th of September.

The beeping of a heart monitor was the only sound in the silent hospital room.

Kageyama lay on the bed, still unconscious, unaware of the fact he was still living.

Unaware that even though he had tried his best, he had failed.

Unaware that he was ok.

He wasn't ok though.

He hadn't been ok in years.

Sure he said that he was ok, but...he wasn't.

His parents had left him with his grandfather when he was just a baby. His grandfather raised him. His grandfather tried to. His sister had left to move to Tokyo his first year of middle school and his grandfather had started staying at the hospital that year.

He visited nearly everyday.

The 4 walls of his grandfather's hospital room became familiar.

When his grandfather died, Kageyama broke.

He curled up in his quiet room in his grandfather's hoodie. He didn't go to school that day. He didn't go the next day. When he finally got up.

He cut himself.

He wanted the pain of grief to stop.

So he gave himself pain instead.

The next day he went to school. He wore a long-sleeved top and his jumper at practice.

No one noticed.

No one cared.

Eventually he realised he didn't like wearing a jumper during practice so he moved to his upper thighs, his upper arms.

He hid it.

No one noticed.

His first attempt wasn't planned he'd just...overdone it.

After THAT match, he didn't think, he just wanted the pain of the rejection to stop. He wanted to feel something other than betrayal and eventually he stopped feeling.

Eventually he passed out.

Eventually the sink he'd filled overflowed and leaked to his downstairs neighbour who banged on the door for 5 minutes before charging in. Finding the underweight 14 year old lying in a puddle mixed of his own blood and water.

Kageyama got to the hospital that night, he layed in the bed and when he woke up he was confused.

The hospital didn't let him leave for two weeks.

He missed his middle school graduation. His "friends" thought he was just being self-entitled and sulking.

They didn't know the truth. They had no idea.

He still cut himself when he got out. When he joined Karasuno. After the loss against Aoba Johsai, Kageyama pretended not to be bothered. He was. He was the setter, he was meant to be able to guide the ball for the spikers, he had failed. He'd let the team down.

He decided that night.

He was never letting anyone down again.

He was going to that by killing himself.

-end of prologue thingy-

Kageyama tried opening his eyes.

Bright lights blinded him and he immediately turned away.

What the fuck.

He rubbed his eyes as he tried looking around.

A hospital room.

He stared. He'd failed. He looked down at himself. He was in a hospital, an iv tube in his arm along with bandages all up his arms. He flexed his fingers and they felt fine. Meaning he hadn't done any nerve damage.

But he was still alive.

He looked around the room. There wasn't much. A drawer, a table in the corner with a glass vase and flowers, used for decoration, a bathroom.

He glanced at the door.

No nurses, just another door labeled a different number..

He slowly took the blanket off his legs. He flexed them as well, sore but they worked. He slowly swung his legs off and stood up. His legs felt numb, almost gammy. He slowly took a step as he found his balance.

He moved to the glass vase slowly picking it up.

It wasn't too heavy.

It would break easily and do some damage.

He made his way to the bathroom and locked the door behind him.

He stared at the mirror. His eye bags more present without the concealer he usually wore. His blue eyes looked dull and he looked skinny. He hadn't been this skinny during the match surely?

He sighed before cracking the vase on the sink.

It shattered.

He stared at the shards and grabbed one of the bigger ones.

He glanced at the bandages on his arms. Then he looked at his legs. Only one plaster. On his left leg.

He took a deep breath in before driving the glass shard right into his left thigh.

His legs immediately gave out and he fell to his knees with a pained yell.

His hands were on the sink clutching as the glass stayed in his leg.

He reached down and pulled it out.

Blood seeped onto the floor, around his knees as he laid against the sink. He could rest now.

No one would find- footsteps. Running footsteps. The jiggling of the door handle. The yelling of a nurse for him to let her in. The jingling of keys. The yelling of "code red". The darkness.

When Tobio woke up again the lights were still bright, he closed his eyes and tried to rub them with his hand but he couldn't. He glanced at his wrists and he was restrained. Cuffs were around his wrists, holding him to the bed. He stared, he looked at his legs but they were covered by the blanket. He sighed before lying back.

A nurse walked in smiling "Hello- I'm nurse Andy, I'm just going to check your vitals and then you can rest until the doctor comes." Tobio didn't reply, the lady sounded nice but he didn't really care.
The nurse checked his vitals and nodded "Alright- I'll be on my way- but if you need anything just ring the bell.' She smiled as she left the room. Tobio sighed as he laid back defeated.

He'd fucked up this time.

Only 5 minutes later a doctor walked in, he was a tall man, black hair with grey roots, built like he could hold someone down. "Hello, I'm Doctor Noah, I'll be the doctor assigned to your case- I'm also a psychiatrist-"

"I'm not crazy." Tobio quickly interrupted, he wasn't crazy, there wasn't anything wrong with him, he wasn't sick.

Dr Noah stared for a second before smiling "I understand that- but Tobio you tried to kill yourself."

Those words. Tobio quietened up again. Maybe he had... but he still wasn't ill. He didn't hear voices didn't see things that weren't there he was just... a little sad..

"I understand if you feel like you're ok- but Tobio you're not. We found old and news scars all over your body. You weigh less then 60kg- someone your age and height should at least be in the 70s." He sighed as he checked his clipboard. "We couldn't get a contact for any family members- do you have your parents' number?" He looked at Tobio with his pen ready to write.

"...My parents have never been in the picture.. My grandfather passed two years ago and my sister doesn't talk to me anymore- Her old number doesn't work and I don't have her new one..." Tobio glanced at his lap while he spoke. He really had no one.

"I- Tobio- is there anyone you'd like to have here before we continue?" Dr Noah asked hopefully, the kid had to have someone.

Tobio's mind flashed to his volleyball team. They wouldn't want to deal with him though. He wasn't their problem. He didn't need to bother him. He shook his head.

"Are you sure? The man who found you said he was your coach?"

Tobio's eyes shot up. He stared at the doctor.

"Coach Ukai- he found me?"

The doctor nodded, a little startled by the direct eye contact, "Yes- Keishen Ukai? He said he coaches volleyball at your high school."

Tobio stared. His coach- he didn't need anyone on his team, much less his coach, to be dealing with him.

"How about I give him a call-"

"NO"

Dr Noah looked up. "No..?"

Tobio nodded "No- no I can't bother him- he'll be busy."

The doctor stared. The kid looked worried. This wasn't uncommon for patients who had attempted. For them not to want anyone to find out.

"Tobio- I'll get a nurse to bring you some food. Ok? We'll have you on a high calorie diet to help you gain some weight."

Tobio watched the doctor stand up and he started walking out. Food. He was hungry... He could eat one meal...

Kesihin Ukai sat behind the desk.

The last few days had been HELL.

Two days ago.

The team had practice. Not uncommon for a Wednesday.

Except Kageyama wasn't there.

Where was he? When he asked the other first years they said he had been at school that day but must've went home.

Ukai knew how bad a loss can impact a setter. Especially as they feel like it's their fault.

He spoke to Takeda and they decided that Ukai would go check on him.

He got the address from the school. It was far away from the school and was in a slightly run down part of town. He got to the building and walked in.

He found Kageyama's door. It was stained, he was on the 3rd floor. He'd knocked and received no answer.

He knocked again and again and still heard nothing. He tried listening in and heard running water?

So he was there but the door was shut. He tried the door handle.

It opened.

The kid must not have locked it?

He walked in and shouted on the kid. Getting no response he walked in.

The house was bland. The kitchen was empty of food but had a singular stove. The living room was composed of a simple couch and a table with a chair, along with a small, cheap looking tv. He walked to the bedroom and found a simple bed, blank walls except for a volleyball sheet describing one of their plays. Homework on a desk, and his winter uniform.

Ukai realised the sound of water was coming from the bathroom. He pushed the door open, asking Kageyama if he was in there.

He was.

The kid he'd been teaching volleyball to for the last few months was lying on the floor.

His face pale. Blood surrounding him. He swore as he got on the ground.

The kid was still alive- barely.

He quickly called an ambulance, holding a jumper to his arms trying to stop the bleeding.

When the ambulance arrived at the hospital, Kageyama was taken to a surgery room to stitch up the deeper cuts. He was patched up. He was ok.

Ukai left that day but asked the doctor to keep him updated where he could.

And here he was. Two days later and no call about Kageyama. To say he was worried was an understatement. He didn't know the kid's home life but it looked bad. He was taken out of his trance by his phone ringing "Oh shit!?" He picked it up and didn't recognise the number. He quickly answered "Hello- this is Keishin Ukai?"

"Hello Mr Ukai this is Dr Noah from the Miyage hospital- you accompanied a patient here a few days ago" The doctor's voice came through the phone calmly, a complete contrast to Ukase's panicked voice.

"Yes- yes I did- Tobio Kageyama- is he ok-?"

The question.

He was hoping for the best. That the kid had woken up. That the kid was ok.

"He's sustained multiple cuts to his arms and legs- but yes, he is stable. He is currently awake and eating. But... he was apprehensive when I spoke about contacting someone-"

Ukai stared. Apprehensive?! The kid can be apprehensive, Ukai was marching down there no matter what he wanted

"Well he can suck it! im coming now! I'll be there in 10 minutes."

The doctor stuttered before recovering, "I- ok. I will let him know."

The phone hung up.

"Ma! I need you to cover the front desk- one of my students needs me!" Ukai was already out the door. He'd grabbed a carton of milk. One of those Kageyama always bought. He also grabbed some sweet treats. He headed out and quickly made his way to the hospital.

Kageyama sat in his hospital bed.

He was picking at his food, eating a small amount every now and again. The nurse was in the corner, watching him as he ate. Apparently he wasn't trusted to not be restrained without supervision yet. He didn't pay much attention to him, he'd eaten about half of his plate when he heard hurried footsteps approaching his room.

He was confused before he saw Coach Ukai storm in. "Kageyama! Are you ok?!" Ukai looked panicked as he rushed to Tobio's side.

"I- yea- I'm fine-" Tobio said a little startled by his coach.

"Oh thank fuck- ya gave me a heart attack-" Ukai looked at him.

His eyes seemed genuine. Genuinely worried for him. Like he genuinely cared about Kageyama. Tobio stared. He hadn't seen that look in someone's eyes in quite a while. Someone cared. Someone actually would have missed him if he had succeeded.

Before Kageyama could stop them, tears welled in his eyes. His first tears since he'd woken up. He cried. He quickly went to rub his eyes to stop Ukai from seeing them.

"Oh kid-" Ukai let out before Kageyama felt himself engulfed in a warm embrace. Before he knew it his little cries became sobs, his body shaking as he broke down. Ukai's hand rubbed his back, soothing him, telling him everything was gonna be ok. Eventually his sobs subsided to sniffles but he made no move to leave Ukai's arms. Ukai felt the boy's breathing slow and even out. The arms going lax. He slowly moved Kageyama as he'd fallen asleep. He laid him on the bed before looking at the nurse.

The nurse who had watched everything stood up and walked over, taking Tobio's plate. "The doctor may want to speak to you- you seem to be close to him." The nurse said while moving the table and placing the plate beside him.

"Yea- yea I should-" Ukai nodded and walked off to find the doctor.

He walked to the desk, "Hi- sorry I'm looking for the doctor for Tobio Kageyama?" The lady behind the desk looked up "Ah yes- the boy In room 306. That's Dr Noah's patient-" "Yes- he was the one that called me this morning-" Ukai interrupted. The lady smiled "I'll contact him- if you just wait it shouldn't take long." Ukai nodded before bowing slightly "Thank you." He went and sat down.

A few minutes later a taller man who was a doctor walked out, "For Tobio Kageyama?" Ukai stood up "Yea- I'm his coach-", he walked over. "Hello Mr Ukai- if you'd like to follow me and we can talk about what happened to Tobio and potentially discuss treatments." Ukai let the doctor lead him to a separate room.

Chapter Text

"Sit, please." The doctor instructed him, Ukai quickly sat down in the man's office, "I'm Dr Noah and I'm Tobio's doctor while he is staying with us here. He told us that his parents aren't in the picture.. did you know about that?"

Ukai stared, jeez, no wonder the kid's house had no personal touches, he didn't have anyone. "No- I didn't- I'm just a coach- maybe I should call his teacher- he'd know more about Tobio's home life than I do-" Ukai knew Takeda would know the kid better then he did..

Dr Noah nodded, "It would be greatly appreciated if you could.." Ukai nodded as he quickly grabbed his phone, sure it was one in the afternoon on a Thursday, but this was important! It rang for a minute before Takeda answered, "Ukai..? is everything ok? I'm on lunch." "No- I mean yes everything's ok- you have information on Kageyama, right?" The line went silent for a second before Takeda replied, "Yes, I do. It's on his school file. Is he ok?" "Well, he's awake, and the doctor wants more information on him. As a coach I don't have that but you as a teacher do.. so please come down to the hospital." Takeda sighed, "Of course- I'll tell the headmaster and I'll be there in 20." Ukai nodded "Thanks Specs, see ya soon."

Ukai looked up at the doctor as he hung up "His teacher should be here in about 20 minutes." The doctor nodded "That's good. May I ask, did Tobio seem...happy when he was at school?"

Ukai though for a second, sure the kid seemed happy when he was playing volleyball, but that was all Ukai ever saw him do. He seemed happy. He smiled on the court... he thinks... when did he last see Kageyama smile? Kageyama had this permanently blank look on his face, almost like he was analysing every movement people did. He wasn't very good at it, considering that the kid never got sarcasm, jokes or understood when his teammates were being appreciative of him, hell he could barely say "Good block" to Tsukishima.

"Well- I only see him playing volleyball... he seems ok.. He struggles to communicate with his teammates sometimes, like if they're joking around and stuff like that." The doctor nodded as Ukai answered and scribbled some words on a notepad "Displays symptoms common in people with autism" Ukai stared for a second before nodding, he hadn't realised that Kageyama was autistic... it explained some things. Never getting sarcasm. To think about it, that's probably a reason for the fact that Kageyama's old teammates had abandoned him. He had apparently been so fixated on winning and being the best that he had forgotten that his team needed to catch up. He'd forgotten that he was a part of a team.

"Is Tobio close with anyone on the team?" The doctor looked up at Ukai again. "I mean- sure. Kinda? I think he's close to one guy but it's more of a bantering relationship.. you know? There'd only really be one guy he doesn't get along with but it only cuz they both nag eachother- I don't think it's serious..." The doctor nodded again. "Thank you Ukai."

Eventually Takeda walked in, "Hi- I'm here for Tobio Kageyama?" The doctor looked up. "You must be his teacher. Please have a seat." Takeda nodded as he sat down "I'm Ittetsu Takeda. Kageyama's teacher." The doctor smiled "I'm Dr Noah and I'm Kageyama's psychiatrist who has taken on his case. I have a few questions." The teacher and coach both nodded. "As you both know, Kageyama attempted to take his own life. Now Kageyama is currently under 24 hour supervision and we are trying to get him booked into a psych ward."

Both the coach and the teacher stared. A psych ward? They knew it was serious but a psych ward sounded too serious... "A psych ward..? Are you sure that’s necessary?" Coach Ukai glanced at Takeda and then at the doctor.

"Yes. Kageyama has no stable support at home. I discussed with his social worker and Kageyama is currently trying to become emancipated. So a psych ward is best for him as he has no relatives or family." Takeda sighed, nodding, “That would be the best course for his mental health..." Ukai looked at Takeda

"What if he does have someone?"

The doctor looked up "He doesn't... but if he had someone then we would assess them and have them look after Kageyama until he improves..."

Ukai nodded "I could look after him." Takeda whipped his head to stare at Ukai, “I live with my ma- it’s just us but we have a spare bedroom- it ain’t big... just a single bed. But me and my ma are either at home or in the shop which is just below the house-" Takeda looked at Ukai, "Ukai- are you sure?" Ukai nodded as he looked at the doctor, "If I can look after Kageyama while he recovers." t

The doctor sighed as he thought for a second, "I mean- if Kageyama were to agree to it would be okay." Ukai nodded, "I'll ask Kageyama today, you may both go. “The teacher and coach nodded as they both bowed then left.

"Hey Specs.." Takeda looked over, "Did you.. recognise anything?" Takeda sighed, no one had noticed anything, neither him or Ukai would have ever imagined Kageyama would have done this. "Ukai- we had no way of knowing." Ukai nodded, "I know but... I still feel like we should have.. did no one on the team ever notice?" Takeda looked at Ukai, “No one ever said anything to me." Ukai nodded, "I’ll see you at practice." Takeda nodded as he walked off.

Ukai stood there for a minute.

No one.

On a team of 12 players, 2 managers and 2 coaches.

No one had noticed Kageyama struggling.

Ukai felt anger in his gut. He should have realised. He should have.

How did he not?

How did he not see that one of HIS players was going through something so severe they would try and kill themself.

Did anyone know? Anyone in the school? Any teachers? Any friends? Anyone?

Ukai stared at his feet.

What if he hadn't gone to check up on Kageyama that day?

What if he and Takeda had decided to leave it?

What if Kageyama, a 16 year old volleyball prodigy who had so much more to do had died that night.

That hurt to think about.

Ukai bit his lip as he punched some numbers into a vending machine. He grabbed the chocolate and went to his car.

What if.

What if Kageyama was dead.

He sat in his car and hit his head on the steering wheel.

Kageyama had scared him. He told Kageyama and the kid had broken down crying.

All because someone gave a fuck.

That made Ukai feel sick.

The fact that someone caring about Kageyama not killing himself had made him cry.

How did no one notice...

Kageyama sat in his hospital bed awake.

He’d woken up about 10 minutes ago and hadn't done anything.

His wrists were cuffed to the bed. He sighed as he curled in on himself, attempting to shield his eyes from the harsh lights.

He'd always hated that about hospitals, lights so bright that they'd give you a headache if you looked for too long.

His grandfather hated them too.

Always asking Tobio to turn the big light off and put the bedside one on.

Kageyama liked turning on the little light for his grandfather.

Even though his grandfather could have done it himself, Kageyama liked to feel useful.

Useful.

Did the team think he was useful?

He didn't know.

It’s not like he was the only setter, he'd stolen being the starting setter from Sugawara-senpai and he'd always felt bad about that.

Did Sugawara hate him?

Did he hate him like Kunimi and Kindaichi hated him?

He hoped not.

He liked Sugawara.

Sugawara was nice to him.

A voice brought him out of his thoughts.

"Tobio, I see you’re awake." Tobio sat up as he looked at the doctor, "Uh yea.." The doctor nodded as he walked over and sat on the chair by his bed.

"Now Kageyama, you've been here for 3 days. Your wounds are improving but to send you home we would need you to have a secure environment." Kageyama nodded. He remembered this talk. He got it last time he was in the hospital. About how, "There was no other choice.” "Now. You have two choices. The first one is that we put you into a psych ward, where you have to attend therapy every few days, and will be supported by medical staff."

Kageyama didn't like the sound of that. There was no privacy in those things. It annoyed him. He liked alone time.

Plus there was no volleyball.

"The second option is that your volleyball coach has agreed to look after you." Kageyama’s head shot up, "He says that he lives with his mother but someone is always home." Coach Ukai.

Coach Ukai wanted him to stay with him.

Someone wanted to look after him.

"It’s up to you." The doctor smiled.

"Coach Ukai’s", Kageyama answered.

The decision was easy.

If he stayed with Coach Ukai he could go back to normal. Go back to school and play volleyball. "Okay then. I'll contact Ukai and let him know your decision and we will discharge you tomorrow." Kageyama nodded "Okay then. I’ll see you later Tobio.” The doctor stood up, bowed and left.

Kageyama smiled to himself.

He wanted to live with Ukai.

He was excited.

Chapter Text

Ukai walked into the shop, his mother was at the counter even though the shop was empty.

"Keishin, you're home!", she smiled but quickly recognised the solemn look on his face. "Is everything ok? You look sad." Ukai sighed as he shrugged. "One of the students that I teach volleyball to... could he come and stay with us for a while? Until he recovers." His mother looked up, "Recover? Does he not have his own family?"

Ukai shook his head, "His parents abandoned him, his sister lives in Tokyo and his grandfather's dead."

His mother nodded, "Then of course. We have a spare room he can use." She smiled as she went through the cash in the drawer.

"You said recover. What's wrong with him?" Ukai looked at his mother, "I- he tried to kill himself a few days ago... That's where I was a few nights back. I found him Ma. I found him in a pool of his own blood." His mother stared before nodding, "That's... heavy." Ukai nodded, "Ma, I didn't notice. No one noticed. Ma what if-" "Keishin. Don't even ask yourself that." His mother walked over and placed her hand on his shoulder, "All you know is that you were there. You found him. And now he is okay. He will come and live with us and we will look after this boy. Now, when is he coming and what does he like to eat? I'll cook him his favourite! Like a welcome meal."

Ukai smiled at his mum's optimism.

He knew that she would be ok with taking Kageyama in.

That was how she was.

"Curry. The kid likes curry." 

Kageyama sat in his hospital bed as a nurse applied some new bandages to the wounds which were now a few days old.

"There we go! Now, because you're getting discharged today, I brought some clothes. Unfortunately, the clothes you came here in have now been destroyed due to the damage. But I have some sweats, a t-shirt and a jumper that you can try on." The nurse smiled. She was old.

Maybe in her 40s. Which wasn't actually that old.

She had her hair tied into a bun and a fun lanyard. It had pin badges with positive words, one with pronouns, she also had stickers on her ID card. It said that she was a childrens' nurse.

"Thanks.." Kageyama nodded as he got up, "I'll let ya change now just give me a call when you're done." She smiled before leaving the room but stayed beside the door.

Kageyama knew he wasn't allowed to be unsupervised, but at least he was allowed some privacy to change.

He stripped off his hospital gown.

His arms and thighs were still covered in bandages. In the end only one gash on his arm and one on his thigh needed stitching. The doctor had said that he'd need to come back in a week to check the stitches.

He slipped the sweats on, they rested loosely on his hips, his t-shirt was baggy and hung low on his shoulders.

How much weight had he lost?

He knew that he'd stopped eating in the lead up to the game and that he had started exercising more, but he didn't think he'd lost that much weight.

He slipped the jumper over his shoulders. He looked a mess in the mirror. Sure the jumper covered his bandages but he looked sick. The clothes concealed how skinny he was but he still looked sick.

He smoothed the top over. He grabbed his shoes and pulled them on.

The nurse peeked in and saw that he was finished. "There we go!" She smiled while she walked in. "Now. Mr Ukai should be here soon to come and pick you up." She smiled as she sat down.

Kageyama stood still before sitting on his bed.

He wondered.

He wondered when he'd get back to school.

It was Thursday.

Would Ukai make him go back tomorrow? He was tired and didn't want to explain where he'd been over the past week.

How was volleyball practice going?

Did they care?

He didn't know.

He kinda hoped they didn't care. He hoped they wouldn't have noticed that much.

So he could go back to normal.

Would coach Ukai let him go back?

He hadn't asked him yet.

He wanted to just go back to normal.

He wanted to play volleyball again. 

He glanced up as he saw the nurse walk out the room.

Where was she going? He didn't really want to be alone.

A few minutes later coach Ukai walked in with her, "Hey Kageyama, ya ready to go kid?" Kageyama nodded as he got up. He hadn't brought anything with him. Ukai smiled, "I've got some paperwork to fill out, so I'll go do that."

They walked over to the receptionist. Kageyama went and sat down as Ukai filled the papers out. 

When Ukai saw Kageyama, a feeling of worry washed over him.

The kid looked ill.

Even though he was wearing sweats and a jumper, they looked massive on him.

You could tell that he was skinny.

Was he that skinny before the game?

No way.

Ukai would've noticed if his student was THAT skinny.

Then again he didn't notice that Kageyama was on the verge of killing himself.

Maybe he wasn't as observant as he thought he was.

He smiled at the receptionist, "Hi, I'm here to fill out Kageyama's discharge forms?" The receptionist looked up, "Of course, there are a few things we need to go over." She pulled out some paper.

She pushed forwards one about therapy, "Tobio will need weekly therapy sessions. If the therapist thinks he needs more, then they will talk to you and Kageyama about it. Also we don't encourage that he does any physical activities while he's healing because he does have stitches in his arms and leg." She handed him a pen, "Just sign here to confirm that you will bring him to the sessions." Ukai nodded as he scribbled down a signature, "We also advise against full time school for his first month back. If you talk to the school and explain the situation they may be able to help set up a plan. We advise either half the week or the full week but with half days." She smiled as she took the paper.

She pushed another one forwards. "Here are the actual discharge forms." Ukai nodded.

He hadn't thought about Kageyama's school.

He scribbled a signature again. "Thank you... I'll talk to Kageyama and his school and we'll make a plan." The receptionist nodded as Ukai turned around to leave.

Kageyama sat in Ukai's car, Ukai was at the wheel.

It was quiet.

Ukai wasn't sure what to say. He'd have to figure it out if he and Kageyama were going to live together.

"Hey kid..." Kageyama glanced at Ukai, "You need anything from your place? I can go by and grab it if you'd like. Clothes? Your phone? Schoolwork?" Kageyama nodded, "That would be helpful." He did need his phone...

"So Kageyama? What are you wanting for dinner?" Kageyama looked up.

Dinner.

He was hungry.

The hospital food was fine but... bland... and disgusting... he didn't like it but he was worried they'd stick a feeding tube in him if he didn't eat. "Uh.. anything I guess..." Ukai nodded. "You like curry right?"

Kageyama perked up. How did Ukai know that? He loved curry.

It was his favourite food.

He'd like some. "I- I do yea.." Ukai nodded. "When we get back I'll let my Ma know while you get comfortable." Kageyama nodded before he went back to looking out of the window.

He rubbed his eyes.

He was tired. Even though he felt like all that he'd done in the last few days was sleep, he felt tired. 

When Kageyama got to Ukai's house he realised it was above the shop.

He walked in with Ukai.

The house looked homely. An elderly woman with a kind face walked out "Keishin! You're back!" She walked over and kissed her son's head. She smiled before looking at Kageyama, "And you must be Tobio Kageyama! Oh gosh, you are tall! Obviously a volleyball player. You are a little on the scrawny side but I'll fatten you up sweetie." She smiled as she took Kageyama's hand in her own. Kageyama stared at the hand but nodded, "You can call me Tobio..." She smiled back at him before walking off, "What would you like for dinner sweetie, I can whip up anything ya like!"

Kageyama stared. "I'm fine with anything..." Ukai cut in "He enjoys curry Ma."

The lady looked over and smiled. "Well lucky for you I have a magnificent curry! If you sit tight for an hour it'll be done." She smiled as she walked off to the kitchen.

"I- I'll show you to your room Kageyama, just this way." Ukai motioned as he walked down the hallway. There were pictures of family up on the walls. Kageyama guessed the baby must've been Ukai. "Here's your room. It ain't much but its doable." Kageyama peered in.

It wasn't big.

It had a single bed in the corner, a window and a desk.

Kageyama smiled.

He liked it.

It looked cozy.

"Thank you Ukai.."

Ukai nodded as he patted the kid's back, "Sure kid. My room's the one that has my name on it and my Ma's is beside the kitchen." Kageyama watched as Ukai left, leaving the door open slightly.

Kageyama looked around the room.

He went and sat down on the bed, it sunk as he sat and the material was nice, fluffy, he smiled as he laid back on the bed.

He was excited to live with Ukai and his mother.

He didn't know her name. He'd have to ask her later.

This was nice.

He did worry about what would happen when he got better.

Getting better.

He hadn't though much about getting better.

Did he want to get better?

Maybe.

Killing yourself is so much easier then healing.

But Ukai was letting him stay in his house.

Ukai had been worried when he was in the hospital.

Ukai cared.

Ukai really cared.

Maybe he should recover.

Maybe he should actually try this time around.

He didn't try last time.

He had the whole talk about feelings and eating but as soon as he got out he slipped back down.

Recovering didn't sound too bad now. 

"Tobio?" Kageyama jolted up as he heard Ukai's mum's voice. He looked at the door as she walked in with a smile, "Hey Tobio, dinners done c'mon and eat." Kageyama nodded as he got up "Oh- I never got your name." She looked at Kageyama and smiled "You can call me Tomoko." Kageyama nodded as he followed her.

Chapter Text

After the Aoba Johsai match, the team were upset.

They'd tried so hard and yet had still lost against them. It wasn't anyone's fault, but it still hurt.

Sugawara had just gotten changed for practice. He walked into the gym and looked around.

Tanaka, Noya and Ennoshita were setting up the net while Hineta and Yamaguchi were getting the balls out.

Sugawara walked over to Daichi.

"Any sign of Kageyama yet?" Daichi shook his head.

The first year hadn't been back all week and no one had heard from him.

They were getting a little worried.

Kageyama didn't seem too upset after the match. Sure he was sad but they all were.

"I'll ask Hineta if he's heard from him." Sugawara shrugged but Daichi held his hand out, "Don't. Takeda mentioned he wanted to talk to everyone before practice started, so let's just see if Kageyama comes up in the conversation."

Sugawara nodded, "Alright then".

A few minutes later the gym door opened, Ukai and Takeda walked in, Daichi made his way over to the two, "Daichi, could you get everyone to sit down for us? We want to go over a few things." Takeda smiled as he spoke. Daichi nodded as he walked off and called everyone over.

Ukai watched as everyone walked over and sat down.

Did they know?

Had they wondered where Kageyama was?

"Alright everyone before practice starts I have a few questions."

Takeda's voice seemed to carry a less cheery tone as he spoke.

Ukai knew what the tone meant.

"As you have all hopefully realised, Kageyama hasn't been here for about a week now... We have to ask, and it's ok if you don't know the answer, or want to talk to me or Ukai in private... Did anyone notice Kageyama acting differently during the Seijoh match? Or upcoming to it?" Everyone looked around at each other.

Sugawara though for a second.

Why would Kageyama be acting differently?

Was he ok?

Sugawara didn't notice anything. Then again Kageyama was closed off anyway so maybe no one noticed anything.

Hineta looked at Yamaguchi with a questioning expression to see if he'd noticed anything but both boys hadn't. "It's okay if you didn't so don't worry.." Takeda nodded.

Daichi looked nervous before speaking up, "Is Kageyama okay?"

That question.

No one had heard from him but they all assumed he was ill.

Maybe he ate something bad?

Maybe he had a cold?

No one knew.

Takeda seemed to eye Ukai worriedly

"Kageyama is okay now..."

Now?

What did that mean.

Ukai rubbed his eyes before speaking, "Kageyama is okay- he's currently in the hospital, but he's stable."

Hospital.

Sugawara stared.

Hospital was never good.

What happened?

Why was Kageyama in the hospital.

Did he overexert himself during the match?

"What!? Why is Kageyama in the hospital?!" Hineta exclaimed loudly.

Takeda looked at Ukai before answering, "The reasons are private and it's something that Kageyama would have to tell you himself." Ukai nodded, "And if any of you pester him, I won't be happy."

They all nodded.

Ukai looked stressed. Like he hadn't slept. Dark circles under his eyes, his eyes looked heavy.

Daichi looked nervous, "Sorry, this may be inconsiderate but will he be back to playing soon? We are going to the training camp in a few weeks."

Ukai seemed surprised, almost as if he'd forgotten, "He will not be playing, we don't know for how long yet."

They all stared.

What happened?

"Kageyama will be recovering, but as he has sustained physical injuries, me and Ukai will be discussing with him about continuing the club."

Continuing.

Kageyama couldn't leave.

Everyone was shocked and confused.

Sugawara though for a second.

He must've overexerted himself.

Kageyama.

Kageyama may not be playing anymore.

Sugawara looked at Hineta.

He looked the most worried. The only reason Hineta was on the court was thanks to Kageyama.

"Now, let's start practice. Sugawara come over here please." Ukai motioned for Sugawara to come over with him and Takeda. They walked into the clubroom.

"Take a seat Suga" Ukai motioned.

Sugawara sat down

"Because Kageyama will be not playing you will be our starting setter."

Suga nodded. He knew this. If Kageyama was tired or injured or unwell he was the setter.

Takeda looked at Suga, "I have something else I'd like to ask of you." Suga nodded, "What is it?"

"When Kageyama gets back, to school, and maybe the club, can we ask you to just be there for him?"

Suga stared, be there for him? Was he not doing good enough? Kageyama was cold and didnt talk to people, but Suga still tried.

"Suga- Kageyama has been struggling mentally, and we want him to have support. Me and Ukai will be giving him that but he may also need one from an upperclassman, so we just ask you support him and make sure the younger students don't pester him too much."

Sugawara nodded.

He didn't know Kageyama was struggling mentally.

He'd never realised.

Sugawaras mind raced.

Was that why Kageyama was in hospital?

Was it because he hurt himself?

"Mr Takeda... Did Kageyama harm himself?"

The room went dead silent.

Both the coach and the teacher went still

"I can't disclose the reason behind Kageyma being in the hospital Suga.." Takeda had answered while Ukai looked at the ground.

Sugawara knew when adults lied.

Kageyama had hurt himself.

He must've.

"Where is he?"

Ukai looked up, "He's staying with me and my Ma until he gets better. I'm picking him up tomorrow."

Suga nodded, "Could I visit him on Friday? After practice if that's okay?"

Ukai looked at Takeda before nodding, "Yes- but if he doesn't want to see you thats his decision." Suga smiled, "Of course."

Takeda sighed as he looked down, "Thank you Sugawara. You can go back to practice." Ukai watched as Sugawara bowed then left.

"Shit.." Ukai muttered as he rubbed his eyes. Takeda nodded, "I had completely forgotten about the training camp!" Ukai hid his face in his hands "I- yes... But we can't let him play until he's recovered" Ukai nodded, "I agree Specs, I'll talk to him about practice and all that tomorrow after he's settled in." Takeda nodded, "We better head back to practice, if you could let me know what Kaeyama says that would be helpful." Ukai nodded as they both made their way back to practice.

-> TIME SKIP/BACK TO PRESENT <-

Kageyama walked into the living room.

It was connected to the kitchen and there was a table all laid out.

Ukai.

Or should he call him Keishin now? Tobio would figure it out later.

Was plating the food.

"Tobio would you like anything to drink?" Tomoka smiled as she walked to the kitchen, "I'm fine with just water, thank you." The lady nodded as she grabbed a two glasses. She filled two with water and set them on the table. Ukai walked over and placed down the plates on the mates.

Tobio watched as he walked to the fridge and pulled out a beer. Tomoka sat down at the head of the table, "C'mon Tobio, don't want it to get cold." She smiled.

Tobio realised he'd been awkwardly standing at the entrance to the kitchen up until then.

He nodded as he quickly went and sat down where the glass was, on her left side. Tobio watched as Ukai sat across from him. They said their thanks and then began to eat.

The second the food entered his mouth he felt amazing.

He hadn't had food this good for so long. He hadn't realised how hungry he was either. When had he last been this excited to finish a meal?

He grabbed another spoonful and happily started eating.

Tomoka and Ukai both smiled.

The kid was far too thin, the doctors had said the food he was eating at the hospital had been high in calories at an attempt to get his weight up as fast as they could. Ukai knew Kageyama was over 10kg underweight.
He'd gained 1kg while in the hospital but he was still underweight.

"Tobio, there's some clothes in your closet, pjs and lounge wear, they were Keishin's brother's but he grew out of them. They should fit you." Tomoka smiled, Tobio looked up from his plate and nodded, "Thank you." He put his hand over his mouth.

He quickly went back to demolishing his food.

Ukai smiled as he continued his meal.

The few times he'd seen the kid eat he hadn't eaten much. Normally he looked like it was more of a chore then something he could enjoy. But Tobio looked happy to eat. He looked as if he was really enjoying the food he was eating.

Of course he was.

His mothers curry was amazing. His grandfather would make jokes about how he wanted it as his last meal before he died.

Ukai realised that Kageyama must've been pretty out of it during the Seijoh match. If he was 10 kg underweight and he played 3 sets.

How did the kid not pass out when he was done?

Not to mention he'd also played in the morning match as well.

Adults struggled to function normally if they didn't eat but a 16 year old not eating and playing 2 intense volleyball matches in one day?
Kageyama must've been running completely on empty.

The kid was skilled, but he shouldn't be skilled at playing while on the brink of starvation.

"Hey kid? You thought about what you're wanting from your place? I'll go pick it up tomorrow." Kageyama looked up and nodded, he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, "Just like my phone, and there's an old teddy I'd like." Ukai nodded, "Oh- and just like some clothes I guess, along with my uniform and school things."

There it was.

School.

Ukai nodded, "Have you thought about when you go back?"

Kageyama though for a second then nodded, "Am I going back on Monday?"

Ukai shrugged, "I needed to talk to you about it. Mr Takeda says that you can do either half weeks, so you can pick and close what days you go to school or you can do half days and eventually start doing full days as the days go on."

Kageyama nodded, "Can I have some time to think about it?"

"Course, you have the weekend to consider it." Ukai went back to his food but saw that Kageyama looked like he had a question on his mind.

Ukai raised an eyebrow

"What about volleyball?"

Ukai stared for a second before nodding, "The doctors said you're not allowed to do any physical activities at the moment due to your stitches"

Kageyama nodded he remembered the doctor mentioning he would have to recover from his cuts first.

"But... me and Takeda spoke, Kageyama. We don't want you playing volleyball until your in a better place mentally along with a healthy weight. We don't know how long that could take. But there's always a place for you on the team. Takeda and myself are both okay with you coming and observing practice, and helping with plays. Almost like you'll be a third manager until your better" Ukai smiled a him.

Tobio nodded.

He wasn't happy but he had to understand his teacher's and coache's perspective.

He knew he wasn't doing good.

The cutting, the not eating, the attempt. Everything.

"I get it.. can I go to the Monday practice?" Ukai smiled, "Of course, now finish your food."

The rest of the meal was spent in silence.

When Kageyama went back to his room he sat down on the bed.

Ukai's mother, Tomoko, had insisted that he went to bed, so he didn't help her tidy up.

He went to the closet and found some shorts along with a jumper.

He pulled his old clothes off and put the new ones on.

They fit him fine.

However now he could see how skinny his legs were.

He decided to ignore it and just focus on an early night.

He got into the bed and turned the lights off. Tobio layed still. Waiting for sleep to take him over.

Why couldn't he sleep?

Every time he closed his eyes he thought about what the team would say. He didn't even know if he wanted to go back to school fully yet.

He wanted to go back sure, but he always struggled at school.

He didn't mind the work but he hated it when teachers picked on him, he'd always been bad at school work, he never understood anything.

Not to mention making friends. He'd always hated making friends. He hated when teachers would make him do the, "State your name and a fun fact about yourself!" He always just said volleyball.

He had made friends.

In elementary school and middle school.

None of them stayed.

Kindaichi and Kunimi hated him.

He never fully understood why. Did they not want to win? He sighed as he curled in on himself.

He didn't want to think.

He wanted to go to bed.

He just wanted to sleep.

He wanted his brain to stop nagging at him.

Kageyama chewed on his lip. Trying to distract himself from his own thoughts.

What would everyone think when he went back? Would they question him? Would they bombard him and overwhelm him with questions he didn't want to talk about?

He didn't want everyone to find out that he tried to kill himself.

He didn't need anyone knowing how weak he was.

He felt him hands dig into his arms.

Why was he so weak? W

Why couldn't he do anything right?

Did the team actually want him back? He failed them as a setter.

They lost.

It was his fault.

They'd lost because of him.

Why couldn't he do anything right?

Why was he such a disappointment?

No wonder his parents and sister left him.

He couldn't do anything right.

He couldn't even kill himself.

Tobio felt blood seep through his bandages.

He stared as he quickly flung the covers off and turned the lights on, he quickly pulled his jumper up.

There was blood.

A little on his hand.

Did he reopen something?

He must've dug into his arms to much. He started undoing the bandages.

More and more cuts could be seen as he took them off before finding the source.

One of the bigger ones that had a steri strip on it. The steri strip had broken and it was now bleeding. Not much. But it was there. He stood up and walked to the door. Would Ukai mind? He hoped not.

Ukai was sitting on the couch with his Ma, they were watching some crappy reality tv show.

He heard a door open and looked around.

There was Tobio.

Stood there and holding his arm, there was blood.

"Oh- kid are you alright?" He quickly stood up causing his mother to look over her shoulder.

Ukai walked over.

It was just one cut that had reopened, "Uh- it opened up, its just a steri strip thats came off..." Tobio glanced at Ukai.

Ukai nodded, "I'll grab the first aid kit." Tomoko smiled as she walked to the bathroom.

Ukai took Kageyama to sit down on the couch, he checked the cut.

It looked fine.

Just bloody.

Tomoko walked back with the first aid kit, she opened it and handed it to Ukai.

Ukai grabbed some antiseptic, "This might sting a bit" Tobio nodded as Ukai wiped and cleaned the cut, he threw the wipe away and fixed up the cut using a steri strip they had. He grabbed some bandages and reapplied them to his arm.

Kageyama just sat there.

It was nice.

This was nice.

Having someone care about him.