Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Susan was miserable.

Beyond miserable, perhaps.

For as long as she could remember, she had been told it was wrong. She was wrong. Even though she had tried so hard to suppress the desire that engulfed her like a physical pain. No matter what she did, no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't stop the pull of them. Woman. Their beautiful, long bodies, their hands, the way they held themselves, and the slight buldge of the breasts and asses. She wanted them. Every single part of them.

Her first time with a woman had been maybe the best moments in her life. However, she knew it was all wrong. Her family told her so. And they would only want what's best for their daughter, right?

Mostly, she could ignore it with a healthy mix of work and vodka. She also tried her best to only make friends with men or woman she wasn't remotely attracted to - and that had been working out quite well for her on B5. That is, until she first saw Talia Winters in the dome that day.

She had turned around slowly, expecting just another boring person asking her to do more paperwork. But instead, she saw the most beautiful, sexy woman she had ever seen. The woman was talking to her, but it all went straight over her head. She watched her mouth move to form the words, GOD her mouth. Her lips were painted bright red, and before she realised what was happening, Susan started wondering what that lipstick tasted like. What it would feel like to run her mouth down this woman's neck, down, to the swell of her breasts, to take that Csi-Corp jacket off of her... WAIT. FUCK. Csi-Corp ment telepath. Telepath meant reading  minds. HER mind.

Everything had come flooding back all at once, and she had come up with some exuse to send the other woman away, then leave herself through the opposite door. Had she felt it? Heard it? Noticed it? Would she bring it up? TELL anyone?

But that was a long time ago. A whole 5 HOURS ago now. Time had never moved so slowly. In fact, she wasn't completely sure time was moving at all. So she was slumped on the couch, surrounded by vodka bottles and her clothes. She tipped the last dropps of vodka into her mouth, before turning to lie down and entering the mouth of the bottle into her sex. She gasped at the intrusion. Further in. Another gasp. Further still. A low throaty growl. Then out a bit, in a bit. Out a bit, in a bit. She repeated this until she was moaning and writhing on her sofa, one hand thrusting the bottle, one pinching and cupping her breasts in turn. She was close. So close. A strangled sound of pleasure left her lips, and she was coming hard into the bottle. An image flashed through her mind. Talia.

An hour before hand, she had scoured through the Csi-Corp B5 records until she found her. She found out every single thing about her. At first it had been innocent research, or so she told herself. But soon, she started to find the seem line in her pants VERY interesting. Especially they way it felt when she moved from side to side. How it flicked and rubbed her clitoris when she rubbed against it. Soon enough, she was stripped naked with one to many bottles of vodka. And now, her she was. Cumming into a bottle. She half laughed at how pathetic she had become, all because of a spike of arousal and a sensative libido. Hell, she needed more alchohol for this. However, upon opening her freezer, she was distraught to find it was empty of said alcohol, unless you counted that supplement shit Garabaldi drank. It truly was foul.

So, she did the only thing she could do. She threw only some clean clothes, put on some makeup, and marched down to the casino.

She was on her third round of drinks, and 200th round of telling men she wasn't interested when she heard the soft husk of Talia Winters's (as she had recently found out the woman's full name was) alto voice. She turned around, trying to mask desire with annoyance.

"Do you mind if we talk?" Talia was asking.

Susan sighed.

"Fine." She gestured to the chair next to her at the counter.

"So... After our interaction in the dome, I inquired Captain Sheridan as to, your..." She bit her lip, trying to think of a way to say this nicely. "Stiffness" she finished carefully.

"And, what wonderful insights did he give you" Susan asked, making sure to layler her voice thick with sarcasm to mask her relief. She hadn't noticed. Talia lay a simpathetic hand on Suans shoulder. She automatically leaned into the touch, then, realising what she was doing, masked it as a flinch.

"He told me about your mother." She said, aparently oblivious to Susan's discomfort. "I'm so, so sorry that you had to go through that. I can't even imagine what it would be like to loose someone like that."

Then, and only then did Susan remember. The pain when the Csi-Corp had first come and injected her mother with the drugs. The pain as she watched her mother slowly, slowly loose herself. The pain when she finally found her hanging from the ceiling in her bedroom. How could she leave her like that?

"Well, yes, umm..." She cleared her throught. "Uh, yes. I suppose you can see my reasons now. And," she took a deep breath. "That is why I would like to stay, seperate as much as possible. I hope you can respect that."

Before Talia could answer, the commander was getting up and leaving her sitting in silence, in disappointment. She didn't know what it was, but she, felt something about this woman. For this woman. Somthing that told her to not stop trying, to not let go. So, as she watched the commander walk out of the casino and out of sight, she promised herself that this would not be the end. She could see the commander had something more to her then what meets the eye. She knew it.

She did not however, see the way the commander sagged against the walls as soon as she entered he quarters. The tears that streamed down her face. The pain that was tearing her apart. The other reason she had turned her away.

But when the doorbell chimed to Susan Ivonava's quarters, someone might just see after all...

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Shit. Susan ran into the bathroom to clear her face from the tears and put on a little more makeup, as well as shouting:

"Give me a sec! I'm not dressed!"

She then ran out of the bathroom and quickly shoved the bottles under the couch and sprayed some perfume around the laungeroom - the smell was practically screaming masterbation and vodka. She then took a moment to compose herself, before calling:

"Enter".

When the captain walked in, she expected more jobs or paperwork. She had never wanted paperwork so badly. John was wearing his 'I'm about to shove my way into your personal buisness' face rather then his 'I have a job for you' face. At seeing this, she half felt like sending him back out again. However, he was still her superior, so she had to play nice.

"Captain!" She faked happiness and suprise at seeing him. "What can I do for you?"

His eyes only got more serious as he stepped closer and put a hand on her shoulder as if to hold her in place.

"Susan. I'm sorry." He whispered.

Now that, that was odd. And TERRIFYING. He was being UNPREDICTABLE. John was never unpredictable. Something was seriously, seriously wrong, she could see it in his eyes in his eyes, and she had a sinking feeling it had everything to do with her. Just, hopefully not THAT part of her.

"John, what on earth are you sorry for? Please, come in! Have a drink!" She tried to move away from him, but his hand and eyes pinned her in place.

"No, Susan. I'm not going to let you keep running from who you are. Not anymore."

Fuck. He knew alright. The game was over - there was no stopping John and his protective feeling of responsibility towards her.

Susan sighed and looked down to hide her quickly burning up face. "How'd you know?"

A sigh. "Delen. We were having dinner, and she asked if you had a girlfriend. I was confused and was like, what do you mean?" A slight smile. "She could tell easily from the way you looked at woman... The same way she usually see's Garabaldi do. She asked why I didn't know, and Susan, that hurt at first. Did you not trust me enough? What had I done wrong? Then I remembered your family's, 'views', on other things. I peiced it together form there on. You know, when I told Delen, she was horrified that we could and do suppress some of our people like that." He reached for Susan's chin and tilted it up.

"It's not wrong, Susan."

The usually so composed commander began to wrestle her head out of the captain's grip, tears falling down her cheeks like rain down a window.

"No. No no no no no! This is not your business! No one forced me into anything, I'm NOT suppressed, I am perfectly happy this way." Ok. Even she could hear the lie in her voice for that last one.

John seemed to contemplate her, thinking about his next move. He stepped back a bit, and asked. Innocent as day.

"Have you ever fucked a woman?"

Her jaw dropped. What was she supposed to say to that?!

"Uh, what, I..." He gave her his 'tell the truth' look, so she just settled for nodding and crossing her arms over her chest. His face softened.

"Okay, so... Did you, like it?" At that point, the Russian thought she might just die of embarrassment. But, she was in too deep to get out now. Also, there was a small, hopeful part of her that thought this might, just might, lead somewhere. So, she turned her face away and ommited another nod.

"Would you, DID you do it again?" John asked, his hope rising. But Susan wipped her head around, and when she looked at him, her eyes spat fire.

"Are you crazy!?! No!! It was all wrong, it IS all wrong, I'm just broken and I'm working on fixing myself but it's so fucking hard when Talia fucking Winters won't leave me the fuck alone!!!" John took a step back at that, but he could already see cracks of uncertainty forming in her resolve.

"Then, do you regret doing it? Do you regret feeling the way you felt when you felt when you had that woman naked beneath you? Touching you?" Susan was cowering back, like she was being cornered by her worst nightmare.

"Stop stop stop stop!" She was choking out, trying so hard not to cry, not to give in. But it was getting more and more tempting by the second.

Despite Susan's protests, he continued listing in painful detail everything he new about lesbian sex, trying to get Susan to give in.

"What about after the sex? You're lying sweat soked on the bed, and she leans into you and kisses you. Whispers secrets to you." And that was the final straw.

Susan stopped backing away, and stood dead still, halfway to her room. The captain took a carfull step forward, then another, and another, and when she stayed in her place, he finally pulled her towards him and hugged her. It was only a few seconds before she started crying.

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Once the tears had stopped, he stepped back from the shaking woman to get a better look at her.

"See? Feels better, doesn't it." He whispered.

She reluctantly nodded her agreement.

"Which is why I've decided that each day, I'm going to visit you, and you're going to talk to me about this whether you like it or not." He grinned, satisfied with the outcome of his counselling so far. He expected Susan to argue, but when she lifted her head up and nodded, he could see a small glint of hope in her eyes. "She needs this, and I think she's already starting to want it too." He though to himself proudly.

(20 hours later)

5 minutes till he arrived. 4, okay, need a shot. 3, another one. 2, god, got to stop drinking. 1, just one more...

"BZZZZ!!!" The doorbell rang, nearly making the Russian drop her vodka.

"Uhh, come in!" She called out, quickly putting away the vodka. She didn't need John PC-ifying her about alcohol too.

"Hi John! So what"

"Sit down on the couch stare at the screen and don't run away." He interjected, putting a disk of some sort into her 4K player.

Oh god, what was he going to do.

It started out normal, but very quickly it turned into an old sappy lesbian love story with WAY too many sex scenes. Elisa and Marcella, she remembered it was called. She had to admit she later rewatched some of the less... Octopusy sex scenes.

(22 hours later)

"BZZZZ!!!" The door bell rang, signifying another session of strange advice.

"Enter" she grumbled.

"Right, good! You're learning to sit on the couch and leave the alchohol alone!" He grinned at her like this was a perfectly normal situation, then marched over to put another disc in the 4K player.

"Great, what sappy romance are we watching this time?" She said, performing her famous eye roll.

"Oh, there is no we this time" he was smiling at her way too much, and it was getting scary.

"What do you mean, why are you so happy?"

"Well, I know you'll hate me for this, but I may have invited a certain someone while pretending to be you to come and watch a movie in your quarters, and I may have attached a certain other video to the end..."

Her mouth went dry.

"BZZZZZ!!!" The doorbell rang again, and she knew she was done for.

Then she walked in. Fricken Talia Winters. She was in half a mind to send both of them out and never speak to either again. But that dip in her V-neck made her think otherwise. "Geez, this is going to be arkward", she though half miserably and half hopefully.

"Ah, Captain Sheridan! Sorry, am I interrupting?" Susan was snapped back into reality with the sound of Talia's soft alto.

She smiled at Susan, and for a moment, she didn't know how to breathe. She was dazzling. Every. Single. Part of her.

"Well, I'll leave you too alone then." John smirked. Susan shit him a look that said "you go and smirkity smirk your way out of here, traitor."

"Shhhhhhhhht" the doors hissed closed, leaving the commander alone in a room with the last person she should be with.

"Hi." Talia whispered softly. "I'm glad your giving this another chance." She chuckled. "Even if someone did set us up."

"Oh my god, thank god." The Russian rolled her eyes. "That man is a traitor."

Talia grinned. "Should I be looking for trap doors too?"

Susan laughed. "No, but, ummm... There is something at the end of the movie, and if my premonition is correct, John stole my remote." She checked, yup. "Soooo, we might be stuck watching something, ummmm..."

The blonde held up her hand. "Commander, I'm sure that there is nothing the captain can throw at us will make this any more awkward."

Susan laughed. "Well, your probably right. It's already awkward enough."

"Well, I'd better get comfortable before the pre-movie credits end."

Ivonava almost gestured to the armchair, but she didn't have the heart. So, she scooched over and gestured to the other side of the couch.

Talia gave her shy smile and sat down next to her. The movie was only five minutes in when the blonde shifted her position, making herself just that little bit closer to the brunette.

"Shit. What, what's happening?" She panicked. "Susan," she childed herself. "You know exactly what's happening. She trying to get closer to you, because she LIKES YOU. So, make up your mind. Move closer - see what happens, or move away - shut this down."

Unfortunately, the commander had been taught something. Never, shit negotiations down until your satisfied. And Susan Ivonava was far from satisfied.

So, after contemplating her options, she carefully moved her left hand to lie SO CLOSE to Talia's, they were almost, almost touching. All Talia would have to do was move her pinky a millimetre towards her hand, and...

Touch. She was touching Talia Winters. Shit. She hadn't realised that she had removed her gloves when she had entered.

She had researched Talia, and therefore found out that she was a P5 - a contact telepath. And she was was having contact, with the contact telepath. Contact. They were connected.

Could she read her mind right now? God, she bloody hoped not. Otherwise she would see herself turn to the Russian, run her left hand along her cheek, lightly, ever so lightly, lean in, slip her hand into her shirt, into her bra, her hand would brush her...

Talia interrupted her thoughts with a soft, breathy sound that was WAY too close to a moan.

For the next half an hour, they sat in silence. Each presenting to the other as if they were watching the movie, but both really focusing on the delicious skin to skin contact of their intertwined pinkys.

The feeling was enough to make the commander want to throw away all her self hatred and just give herself, body and mind, to Talia.

The ache she was experiencing wasn't the one of hunger she usually experienced around attractive woman, like the one she slept with that long night. But one of concentrated, focused, energy, directed not only at her curves and lips and breasts ect... But for her mind, too. She wanted to know what it would feel like to have Talia's mind in her's, to be so deeply connected to her. To feel herself touching herself through Talia, to know what she was thinking, to see herself in whatever way Talia saw her. From the way she was acting, she must see her as pretty good.

But she could think about it all she liked, and she would still be left with a decision. Wait for Talia to make the next move, which she knew she wouldn't do. It had to alternate. So, she could not do anything and let l, whatever this was, die before it had had a chance to live at all, or, the scary option. She could throw away all she was ever taught about gender rolls in society, and make the next move herself. Sh wasn't good enough for Talia though, even if she ignored her upbringing and teachings, surely. Then again, did it matter? Did it matter whether she was good enough for Talia? She snuck a glance at the blond, seeing her quickly divert her attention from her breasts back to the screen. "Well, she certainly seems to think I am", she thought. And in that moment, the stars they were surrounded by seemed to be aligning.

"Fuck it" she said out loud.

Talia looked at her, confused. She oped her mouth to ask, but the Russian quickly shut her up with a kiss that was filled with all the love and passion she had only dreamed of in her deepest slumbers.

When she felt Susan's mouth open, vining her in, she briefly pulled back to smirk at her.

Where did this sudden change of heart come from? She husked, and she was met with a look of pure lust and want.

A look that said fuck now, "talk later".

And she was all too happy to oblige.