Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

There are times when Toni doesn’t want to see anyone, doesn’t want to hear anyone.

Sometimes distant noises swell until they’re impossible to ignore, even when they shouldn’t be audible at all. At times, it is impossible to make the world around you disappear, no matter how desperately you want it to.

Today is not one of those days, but Toni is pleased when she finally gets the chance to sit in the movie theater and wait for the film to start, a small popcorn box in her hand. There is something addictive about the darkness of that room, which makes the two hours she usually spends there fly by.

No one will bother her. Leah will lean close to that trying to explain how the scenes in the movies were made. She knows everything there is to know about every subject you can possibly imagine. Toni doesn’t understand how she’s not in college yet, or maybe writing books. And Dot will argue with the screen, giving reasons for why she would’ve made different decisions if she was the main character in the film. She’s convinced that she’d be able to survive any situation – from being stranded on a deserted island to surviving the attack of a werewolf.

Perhaps they’ve spent too much time here every week. Leah has also read way too many books out loud for them. It’s something they do often, mostly when they go over to her house and sit in the backyard to look at the sky. Dot doesn’t like reading and Toni’s mind is too crowded with thoughts, so she can’t focus on the words in front of her. But they both like listening to stories, so Leah doesn’t mind reading for them.

Martha is the only one who seems able to enjoy the show without making some type of comment. As long as it’s not about romance, of course, those are her favorites.

Her best friend is always telling her how much she craves a real love story the way some people crave sugar. Toni never knows what to respond when that happens, and Martha keeps bringing up girlfriends she’s had over the years, as if they were important or changed Toni’s life in some type of way. They didn’t. Regan was the only one that stood out above the rest, but their story didn’t end up well, so she doesn’t count either.

Telling her to shut up about it is not an option – they have known each other since they were kids and Toni loves her like the sister she never had. Besides, she’s the nicest person Toni has ever known. Anyone who speaks unkindly to her deserves a punch in the face.

Sometimes she feels guilty that Martha is still hanging out with her.

Such a waste.

Everything is quiet for a few minutes, and Toni believes that this will be the day she’ll be able to watch a film without any interruptions. But of course, that’s until The Golden make their entrance in the room, smirks spread across their faces like a disease. Maybe not with the pocketknife that she can feel burning against her leg in her jeans, with the desire to come out, but with anything else.

If they locked her up, it would be a huge problem. Someone must take care of the gang. They are her responsibility now.

“Why can’t they choose some other day to come? It’s like they want to be close to us all the fucking time,” Leah comments, stealing popcorn from Toni’s box. A couple of them fall on Toni’s lap and she groans, tossing them to the floor.

“It’s obvious that they are obsessed with us. That’s the only interesting thing in their stupid lives,” Dot responds, waving at them sarcastically.

Their city has been divided in two parts since it was created. Toni was born and grew up in the middle of all the mess that those two sections forged. The Golden, the rich kids, hated them. But The Firebirds hated them right back, even more.

Toni was part of the latter. Her family never had enough money to move away and somehow, they ended up getting used to that type of life. Nowadays it almost feels like a betrayal to even think about leaving.

Her parents used to run things around here—her father led the toughest gang in fifty years, until he fucked up his life and decided that it was time to abandon everyone and run away. He did that a lot, and then came back home after two or three weeks. One day he left and never returned – Toni has seen him twice in the last two years, but she doesn’t miss him.

Her mother is someone she doesn’t talk about.

Now that The Golden are here, mocking them, walking loudly down the stairs to the front of the theater, Toni’s peace is gone. Only once does she shift in her chair, not wanting to give them the satisfaction of seeing her uncomfortable.

Her eyes remain fixed on them until everyone has taken their seats and they don't seem to want to cause trouble.

They are a group of seven, maybe eight, but one of them sparks Toni’s interest every time they share the same space.

Shelby Goodkind catches Toni checking her out.

It’s not Toni’s fault that the pink skirt she’s wearing looks so good on her. But, when they make eye contact, she doesn’t know if Shelby wants to send her to hell or hide. She doesn’t do any of those things though, just follows her friends, raising her brows at Toni the whole time, like she’s daring her to do something.

From what she has heard, she’s been out of town since high school ended and that’s why she hasn’t seen her around much. Not that she cares what Shelby Goodkind does, but a part of her wanted to make sure that they had at least one more interaction before she left for college. Toni wants confirmation that she’s not as good as it seems, that being gorgeous isn’t everything and that she probably has a personality Toni will hate. Just to get her out of her mind.

From where she’s sitting, she can see her blonde hair and she’s tempted to throw a few popcorns at her head, but Martha stops her before she can finish lifting her hand.

“Don’t be the one starting this before the movie begins,” her friend tells her, making her put her hand down. “It’s not worth it. You said you wanted a quiet night.”

“She’s not going to do anything. You know how much she hates conflict.” Toni has not been watching her, really, she hasn’t, but it’s impossible not to notice how she steps aside every time someone starts an argument and then tries to make everyone get along.

Maybe her church has been telling her how to behave and she can’t be lowered so much to the level of gangs that fight just because they feel like it and not because they have a good reason to.

It’s a good way to let off steam.

“I know that, but if her friend sees you, he’ll make a big deal out of it. Andrew likes fighting for both of them. Last time you almost ended up with a black eye.”

“She’s not a saint either, even though she wants to pretend like she is.”

“Can you two shut up and let us watch the movie?” Leah is looking directly at Toni. She rolls her eyes, but sits back and stares at the screen as a Bill Haley song plays in the background, her ankles resting on top of the backrest of the empty seat in front of her.

The first twenty minutes, Toni spends them glancing down at where Shelby is sitting. Her curly-haired friend is next to her, laughing at something she just said. Though Shelby must feel her gaze on the back of her head because she glances back for a couple of seconds, enough for Toni to wink at her.

Flirting with the enemy is dangerous – she shouldn’t be doing it. Maybe Shelby herself had something to do with the fire that happened in their side of town last month.

Multiple people got injured when the community center caught on fire. They said it was an accident, but Toni knows for a fact that it’s not true.

There’s been rumors that the others want to knock down a few buildings of theirs to build some type of restaurants, forcing them to leave their homes and move somewhere else. Besides, they are always talking about how they are tarnishing the name of the city.

The Golden had something to do with it, Toni is sure. She just needs to find out which one of them did it so she can make them pay. She’s able to play with fire too. That way they’ll know what it feels like. Her family and neighbors had a hard enough life without others coming along and screwing it up even more.

Soon, Toni gets distracted with the drama in the movie and forgets about paying attention to anything else, wondering what it would feel like to drive John Milner’s car. Some of the girls around them sigh every time he’s on screen and she has to hold back the urge to roll her eyes to the back of her head.

Motorcycles are better, anyways. Specifically, the red Yamaha RD 350 waiting for her outside. Nothing compares to the feeling of driving it on a hot summer night, when the streets are empty and the breeze feels like life is worth living.

Toni puts her arm around Martha’s shoulder as they leave the movie theater about two hours later. “I really need a smoke right now,” she comments. Dot throws the pack of cigarettes at her and she catches it in the air, lightning one up before they even open the door.

The rest of the gang is waiting outside, in the parking lot, sitting on the back of their trucks, drinking and smoking, inviting them to do the same. Some of them get bored easily at the movies, and Toni prefers them waiting instead of coming inside to annoy her. Others simply don’t give a fuck. But Toni loves it, being the right moment to focus on something that’s not the thoughts inside her head.

Regan is there too, and she gives Toni a hamburger and fries she must have just bought given how hot they still are.

Toni kisses her temple and finishes her cigarette before taking a few bites.

“I think my brother is looking for trouble tonight,” Regan tells her after a while, stealing a fry from Toni’s box. She looks around until she finds her ex-girlfriend’s brother, James, finishing a beer too close to where The Golden have been gathering, a few feet away from them.

“How long has he been drinking?”

“Since we got here about an hour ago. Would you tell him to stop?”

“He’s not doing anything, and you know I can’t take care of them all the fucking time. I have a life, too, you know? These guys should learn how to choose a fight and not start one just because they don’t know how to fucking drink. I’m sick of being in the middle.”

“Right. You’re such a leader sometimes, Toni,” Regan comments in the most sarcastic tone she has ever used. They will get into an argument if they continue having this conversation, so Toni stands up from where she has been sitting on Dot’s truck and walks to the closest trash can to throw the package of her finished food.

Just as she’s about to return, Regan’s brother pushes one of the other guys to the floor and screams at him, but his words are too slurred to be understood, and he gets frustrated. Even more when some older Golden surrounds him, ready to pull up a fight.

God, she’s too tired to do this tonight.

Toni locks eyes with a few Firebirds that comprehend what they have to do, pulling their guy away from the mess and making sure this doesn’t escalate to something bigger, though some of them clearly want it to.

It’s too hot outside to be doing this right now.

Regan takes her brother to her car without even looking at her and Toni knows that this will transform into another argument the next time they see each other.

It would’ve been easier to forget about one another when they broke up, but they live close, hang out with the same people and go to the same places all the time. It’s not like Toni could erase her from her life so easily.

Part of her doesn’t want to do that either.

She just needs a moment to collect herself, so she goes back inside the building, to the cinema’s bathroom, and washes her hands with cold water, eventually getting her arms wet up to her elbows.

Then she looks at herself in the mirror.

Her curly hair is down that evening and dark circles are starting to show under her eyes, but before she can splash some water on her face, too, someone opens one of the stools and Shelby Goodkind walks to the sink next to hers.

A smirk starts spreading over Toni’s face as she leans back, crossing her arms over her chest.

“Did you like the movie?” She asks. What a stupid question. But she doesn’t want to waste the opportunity of talking to this woman.

Toni observes her delicate hands, her pink nails and the gold bracelet on her wrist. For a second, her eyes search for her own hand – her rings are not so shiny, in fact most of them are not even real silver, but that had not mattered to her until now. There is a clear contrast between them, but when she stares in the mirror and sees them side by side, she simply doesn't help but think that maybe pink and black go together perfectly.

Shelby looks soft on the outside, but Toni knows there's a hidden strength inside her, a fire that should come out more freely. She knows because she's seen it repeatedly – when her grades were bad in high school and she thought no one was watching her reaction or when someone made an offensive comment about her best friend, and even when Toni throws popcorn at her head when they coincide at the movies.

The glance she throws at Toni now holds multiple unasked questions. But then she carefully dries her hands, probably wondering if it is worth it to even answer.

Her final decision is to speak.

“I’ve seen better. There were too many men doing stupid things in this one.” She’s trying to hide a smile by slightly biting at her bottom lip, Toni is sure of it. “How come you’re talking to me? Doesn’t that go against everything you believe in?”

“I’ve talked to you before.”

“Yeah, and somehow we’re always alone when you do,” Shelby comments, pointing at their surroundings. She’s not wrong.

“Being seen with you is bad for my reputation.” Toni lights up another cigarette and takes a couple of smokes before handing it to Shelby. “Want some?”

“You’re confusing. You know that, right?” She doesn’t take it right away so Toni takes another puff from it, leaning her head back so she can blow it up. When she looks in Shelby’s direction again, she has moved a step closer to her. Toni could take her by the waist, pull her against herself, maybe even taste those shiny lips of hers. There’s a part of her certain that Shelby would let her do it.

“Are you telling me that you wouldn’t mind if your friends saw you hanging out with me? It’d be war out there right now if that was the case,” she finally tells her. Not daring to move a muscle, so Shelby wouldn’t do the same.

The blonde woman grabs her wrist, but it’s just to take the cigarette Toni offered before.

Watching her smoke makes Toni’s legs go weak for some reason. Honestly, it surprises her how naturally she does it, like she has done it a hundred times before. She wets her lips when she passes it back to Toni, who has forgotten what they were talking about.

“Is that what we’re doing? Hanging out?” Shelby leans her head slightly to the right. Yes, maybe Toni glances at her exposed neck for a second. It’s really not her fault that this woman is so mesmerizing. She has never in her life felt interested in a Golden before, but there’s something about this one that pulls her in her direction all the time. Especially when there’s barely any space between them.

“What would you call it?”

“I don’t know. I’m not used to hanging out in public bathrooms. Maybe we should do it somewhere cleaner next time?”

“Sure thing, princess. If you don’t disappear again. I haven’t seen you in town lately.”

“I’ve been traveling with my family these past few weeks. But I’m taking a break now. Try to enjoy the summer here, you know? I’m sure you’re really bored when I’m not around.”

“You’re the peacemaker – you can’t just leave this place.”

“Why can’t you learn how to maintain the peace instead of creating conflict?”

“I like the adrenaline too much,” Toni tells her. “Don't you?” She pokes her in the chest with an index finger that Shelby shovels away, making Toni grin.

“I like other types of adrenaline.” Shelby smiles too, just as someone walks inside the room and stares at them with furrowed brows. Toni recognizes her – Fatin Jadmani joined their high school during senior year and has quickly become one of Shelby’s closest friends. She’s the richest of them all, but Toni knows that deep down she doesn’t belong with The Golden, especially not when she has a huge heart tattooed on her arm.

“Have you been smoking without me?” The brunette woman asks. So this is where Shelby has been learning how to have fun. Toni offers her one and even lights it up for her, gaining a funny look when they step away from each other. “I think your friends are looking for you. The tall hottie has been asking about you.”

“I should probably go, then.”

Toni shares a quick look with Shelby before opening the door and walking outside. She has no idea how long she has been in there, but the look on Leah’s face tells her that the answer is: more than she should’ve.

The parking lot is emptier, but there’s a weird feeling in the air. Something is wrong and Toni doesn’t know what it is.

Apparently, Martha left with Dot a few minutes ago and that’s why Leah has been asking for her, so they could leave together, too, but as Toni tries to focus on what her friend is telling her, she can’t help but notice the way the others are watching them.

They are planning something, and it must not be good. It never is with them.

A few more Golden arrive a few minutes later. They are outnumbered now – Leah notices it, too, because she has tensed next to her.

Shelby is standing up from where she has been sitting on someone’s truck and digressing to where the new ones are, to greet them. But, on her way there, she walks by Toni’s side, bumping their shoulders together like she’s the one who’s about to start something.

When she looks down, there’s a piece of paper in her hand.

A warning. Shelby is warning her that Andrew is planning a fight and they should leave now if they don’t want this to become something too hard to handle.

Toni considers it for a minute. She should stand her ground. Even if they are more than the Firebirds right now, they still can win. Besides, they arrived here first. But this has been so exhausting lately. She just wanted a quiet movie night – maybe she should have left as soon as the movie ended. Maybe she should’ve listened to Regan, protected her brother and then went home with her.

Everyone’s strength must also be intact for when she finds out who started the fire. That fight would be bigger than anything they have ever done, no matter who gets in the middle.

“I think it’s my fault,” Quinn suddenly tells her. He’s nervous, but he has never provoked a fight before – Toni thinks he doesn't even like fighting, so this comes as a surprise. He’s the last person, apart from Martha, that would be getting in trouble with the others on purpose.

“What did you do?”

“One of them caught me making out with one of the Golden girls and they think I was doing it without her consent or something. But I swear I didn’t. We like each other.”

“What the hell were you thinking? There’s plenty of women on our side!” Toni tries not to scream at him, but her voice might be a bit raised. It’s not because he was kissing a Golden girl, but because he wasn’t more careful. She would be a hypocrite if she got angry about it, given that she just shared a cigarette with Shelby Goodkind in the bathroom and thought about tasting her lips.

Why can’t she have one moment of peace?

“I’m sorry, okay?”

“We’re leaving!” She says loud enough so everyone can hear her. Some of them complain, but Toni gives them a look and they all walk to their vehicles without another word.

Toni makes sure Quinn is gone before getting on her bike and looking up one last time.

Shelby is staring right back at her. She makes a soft head movement, telling her to join her, but the blonde woman shakes her head, no, so she drives away before she has the chance to change her mind.

Chapter Text

The fair has been Toni’s favorite place since she was a kid.

In fact, she met Martha there when they were five and there weren’t many attractions they could ride. They even worked there together for one summer when they needed money, about three years ago. Martha used the cash to go visit her grandparents on the other side of the state and Toni saved it for a while, until she had enough to buy her bike. She preferred to just eat a small meal per day instead of wasting that money on food.

If she wanted something, if she put her head to anything she desired, she’d always get it. No matter how hard it was and the sacrifices she had to make to get there.

That night she walks all the way to the fair, though. She needs to move her legs after laying in bed, listening to the radio for hours. A lot of things had been on her mind lately and that was the best way to clear her head. Her friends sometimes complain that she constantly has music playing in any of the rooms.

One of the things she worries about the most is getting distracted and someone setting more properties on fire. They probably wouldn’t risk doing it again after the mess they created, but the police didn’t listen to their case when they showed their concern about it not being an accident. Toni has never trusted them – the Firebirds weren’t the ones paying their salaries or improving their offices every six months.

The other thing occupying most of the space in her brain is Shelby Goodkind.

Every time she goes to bed, the first thing that comes to mind when she closes her eyes is Shelby's face. For some reason, she is always smiling at her, as if Toni's presence makes her happy. But that's not the unsettling part. What really fucks with her head is the feeling it provokes in her. She wants to make Shelby laugh when they're together, she wants to see that grin and be the reason for it. She craves to taste those lips, sigh into her mouth when they run out of air or trace her face with her fingertips.

That’s the furthest she lets herself go, though.

Those fantasies are not healthy – Toni needs to get her out of her thoughts. Quickly. It’d be too difficult to handle. Besides, Shelby is going to college in a few months anyways, so it’s not like they are going to get married and have half Firebirds, half Golden kids.

“What are you smiling about?” Regan’s voice snaps her back. She has been so caught up in her own head that she has forgotten she’s surrounded by people. It’s a Friday night, so the majority of the city’s youth is there, being loud, restless.

“I was just remembering the day I met Marty by the lemonade stand right there,” Toni lies, pointing at said stand. This is getting out of hand. “Where is she, anyway? She said she’d meet me here when I offered to pick her up.”

“I’m not supposed to tell you.”

“Don’t mess with me, Regan. What’s going on?”

“It was taking you too long to get here and some guy started talking to her. I think they’re in the fun house together.”

“Do you know him?” Toni inquires. She’s protective sometimes. Okay. Always. But Martha is family for her, so she needs to make sure she’s safe all the time. If there’s one person Toni couldn’t bear to lose, that’s Martha Blackburn.

“He’s one of the boys from my band. You don’t have to worry. He’s a good guy, I’ve known him for years,” Regan comforts her, squeezing her hand in reassurance. It doesn’t last long, though. It still feels weird to be so close and just be friends with her. Toni doesn’t particularly enjoy the sensation. “Why don’t you take me to the Ferris wheel before you get all paranoid?”

“I don’t get paranoid.” Toni rolls her eyes, but lets Regan lead the way. It’s her ex’s favorite ride, but Toni used to like it better when they’d make out on the top like some other couples are doing now that she’s looking up at it while they wait in the queue for their turn.

When they go up, Toni looks at the fair. She used to feel like she could rule the world from up there, but somehow she’s lost that over the years, as she grew up. Now she knows she’s never going to do anything meaningful. How could she? With her parents gone, who knows where, and a high school diploma she isn't even proud of?

Plus the scars.

The scars are the worst. Those you can see, visible on her body, and also those buried deep inside her heart, where no one can touch them.

She comes back to Earth when Regan places her hand over her thigh.

“Is there something in your mind you want to get out? You’ve been absent since you arrived.”

“Sorry. It’s nothing.”

“Are you sure? You know I’m a good listener.”

Toni doesn’t want to comment on how untrue that is, but her raised brows must speak for her because Regan pulls her hand away, clearly bothered about it. But, come on, they both know she hasn’t listened to Toni that much during their relationship. Maybe they wouldn’t have broken up if she heard what Toni wanted instead of just judging her for every decision she made.

Like it was easy to protect a whole group of people, prevent them from getting hurt or in jail. The Firebirds needed her, and she needed them right back. Regan was part of that, she should’ve understood.

“It’s impossible to be friends lately, isn’t it?” Toni asks her, being the one placing a hand on Regan’s thigh now. She doesn’t make her remove it, so she squeezes gently, making her look at her. “Please, don’t be mad at me again. It took us a week to be here without screaming at each other.”

“Someday, you’re going to say something we can’t go back from. Do you want to lose me? I know I was the one who broke up with you, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t want to be friends, have you in my life.”

“Do you want to lose me? Because I’m always the guilty one in your story.”

The wheel stops before Regan has the chance to say anything and they get down under the ride operator’s insistence.

Toni runs a hand over her face while she walks away from it. She’s on a mission to forget about all of this and find the rest of her friends when Regan holds her hand, making her turn around.

“I’m sorry.” Toni looks her in the eyes, trying to find the truth in them, trying to find the feeling Regan used to have for her. She doesn’t. Sometimes she is a stranger to her. After all the shit they’ve been through together.

“What for?”

“Look, Toni, I’m still frustrated with you, okay? Because it didn’t work, and I really wanted it to. It’s embarrassing because it’s been a while, but I honestly prefer arguing with you every day than not having you in my life.”

Toni leans on the wall behind her as if Regan’s words hit her directly into her chest. She has felt how she’s always taking everything out on her, but she didn’t know that was the reason. Toni wanted it to work, too. For a while, at least. It took her forever to get over her, but she believes she is now.

Though, when Regan steps towards her, she doesn’t have the strength to push her away.

“I haven’t kissed anyone in a long time, and I know we said we wouldn’t be doing this again, but maybe if we do it just this one time nothing will happen,” her ex comments. “Then we can forget about it.”

Her hands are already holding Regan’s waist by the time she finishes her sentence. She wants to look her in the eyes again, ask if she’s sure about this, but something at her back catches Toni’s attention and she glances in that direction.

The Golden are sitting at a table next to the corn dogs stand.

Only one of them is paying attention to what they are doing – Shelby is sitting on top of a table, her legs resting on the bench and her eyes locked with Toni’s. This time she’s wearing jeans and a yellow shirt, and somehow she looks even better than last time she saw her. If she were wearing a black jacket or one of those bandanas Martha likes to put on her head, she could pass herself off as a Firebird.

That thought alone makes Toni’s heart skip a beat.

“Okay,” she whispers. She doesn’t break eye contact when Regan kisses her. Shelby doesn’t look away either, doesn’t make a single movement.

It’s getting hard to read her.

God, why is she not looking away? Toni shouldn’t be doing this either – use Regan like this. Pretend that she wants to kiss her when the woman she really wants to put her mouth on is across from them.

Only when she slides both her hands down to grab her ex’s ass, Shelby looks away and Toni can finally close her eyes.

There’s a pressure on the pit of her stomach that’s becoming more and more uncomfortable with every second that passes. And she’s the one who breaks the kiss, but Regan doesn’t seem to mind. She just smiles at her and Toni feels even worse than before. But she also feels like her head is in the clouds.

“I should go find Marty and make sure she’s okay.” Toni takes her leather jacket off. She doesn’t even know why she brought it with the warm weather it’s been lately.

She needs to get out of here.

“Alright. I have to go get ready for the show anyways. Will you come watch us play later?”

“I’ll try.”

Regan nods as she starts walking towards the stage and Toni can finally exhale.

When she looks up again, Shelby is not at the table anymore. She can’t help but search around until she sees her walking inside the mirror maze. Alone, glowing like a light in the dark. Toni’s legs carry her in that direction like they can make their own decisions. It makes sense with how empty her brain is right now.

The moment she steps inside, she hates it. There’s no one there, just endless mirrors and dim lights that don’t let her see properly. It’s the worst attraction she’s ever experienced. A horror movie could be filmed there and it would be terrifying, no matter the plot.

Toni walks slowly, not wanting to bump her head against one of them, her arms raised in front of her to protect herself.

It’s not until she hears her laughing that she remembers Shelby is really there, the reason she came. She turns around, but when she goes towards her, Shelby moves and disappears. She does that exact same thing three times before Toni stops in her tracks, letting her arms fall to her sides, frustrated.

“I’m going to knock down one of these fucking things, Shelby, I swear to God. I don’t have the patience for this.”

“What are you even doing here if you don’t like it?” Shelby’s voice teases, close but unseen.

“Who says I don’t like it?”

“You’ve been furrowing your brows so much I’m scared they’ll be stuck like that for the rest of your life.”

When unknown footsteps echo nearby, Shelby walks out from behind a mirror and closes her fist around her T-shirt, yanking her to where she has been standing – hiding.

They stay pressed against the wall, silent, waiting until they don’t hear any noises before looking at each other.

“What do you want?” Shelby puts her hands at her back and lays on the mirror.

Toni stands in front of her, eager to touch her but close enough to feel the heat of her body.

“Nothing. I was just interested in the mirrors.”

“Such a bad liar.”

“You don’t know me, Goodkind.”

“I know a lot of things about you, actually.”

“Really? Like what?”

“Well,” Shelby begins, pretending to be thinking about it. Then she counts with her fingers. “You don’t like the mirror maze. You smoke too much. You’re really good at playing basketball, but it goes to your head too quickly. You always take care of your Firebirds, even if they don’t deserve it sometimes. You were a great student until you decided you didn’t care about it anymore. And you’re also a bit of a dick. What am I missing?”

Toni raises her brows the way she did on the Ferris wheel before with Regan, but Shelby just laughs and looks away for a second.

“Why am I a dick?”

“Is that what you take from everything I said?”

“If you’re gonna call me that, I think it’s logical that you give me an explanation, too,” Toni comments. Shelby doesn’t say anything, and she knows she’s not going to. So, she leans closer, her hand against the mirror right next to Shelby’s head, and asks the question she has wanted to know the answer to for a week and a half. “Why did you warn me the other day? About Andrew, I mean.”

“I’m sick of those unnecessary fights. He always comes to my house with a bloody nose and my dad is getting tired too, asking too many questions.”

“As if your dad didn’t fight when he was our age. I bet he was the one who started the whole rivalry in the first place.”

“He’s not like that anymore.”

“He comes to your house often, then? That guy.”

“Of course he does.” Shelby bites at her bottom lip for a split second, enough for Toni to wish it was her teeth grabbing it instead. She doesn’t seem to be bothered by their new proximity. “Doesn’t your girlfriend go to your house often?”

Andrew is not her boyfriend, if that’s what she’s trying to imply. Toni knows she hangs out with him just because it has always been like that, they had known each other since they were kids. It’s hard to walk away from these sorts of things. But Toni is not going to give her the pleasure of commenting on it.

“Is he going to do something stupid at the lake party next week? Because we’ll be ready and we won’t be holding back this time.”

Shelby shakes her head. “I don’t think so.”

“Does he know you talk to me so much?”

“This feels like an interrogation, Toni.”

No one has said her name the way Shelby does. So tender and kind of accusatory at the same time. Like it’s easy for her to say it, but she doesn’t want to do it too often just in case it becomes a curse or something.

They hear a noise somewhere on their left and they are aware right away that a few people are walking towards them, even though they can’t be seen from their position. Toni recognizes some of the voices, especially with how loud they are. They are all friends, but they shouldn’t see her here alone with a Golden or they’ll make a big deal out of it the way it happened with Quinn the other day. Shelby must realize this, too, because she takes Toni’s hand and starts walking through the maze, pulling Toni along with her.

At some point halfway to the emergency exit, they intertwine their fingers.

No one uses that door, with the fair being on the other side, so they won’t be bothered there.

The grass is soft beneath her when she sits with her back against the wall and looks up at Shelby, who’s staring at her as if she has just sat over a sack of manure. She rolls her eyes and places her jacket on the floor next to her.

“Sit down,” Toni commands. Shelby tells her some shit about not wanting to get her jacket dirty and Toni insists until she finally lowers herself next to her. “I guess this doesn’t count as a cleaner place to hang out.”

“It’s cleaner than the public bathroom, but sitting on dirt is not really ideal either.”

“Where should I take you next time?”

“How long are we going to do this for?” Shelby asks, leaning her head back against the wall, slightly to the side, looking at Toni with those gorgeous green eyes.

“Until we get bored of each other.”

“Right. Did you not see how mad they all got when they caught Nora and that boy kissing behind the movie theater?”

“We’re not kissing though. It’s different,” Toni points out, glancing at her lips. Shelby wets them before smiling widely and Toni can’t help but wonder what she put on her lips to look so shiny. If it’s one of those flavored lip glosses, Toni wants to taste it. Though that’s not the only reason she’s sitting here with her now, she just likes listening to her speak.

They stay there for about an hour. Shelby tells her stories about childhood road trips with her parents, before her siblings were born. She also tells her about the first time she came to the fair and cried for the entire day because she dropped her cotton candy.

Toni promises her that she’ll buy one for her next time they come here.

And then she tells Shelby about the time she taught Martha how to ride a bike and they almost provoked a car accident, and about the time she fell into the river during a storm. She shares it as a funny story, but Shelby doesn’t laugh, just looks at her with concern drawn all over her face.

“Shalifoe!” Someone screams over the fair’s noises. “Shalifoe, where are you? We need you!”

“Fuck!”

“Who is that?” Shelby is already standing up. She takes Toni’s jacket and cleans the grass that has stuck to it. Toni does the same with her pants.

“It’s Dot. She wouldn’t be calling me like that if it wasn’t important. I have to go, but I liked spending time with you.”

“Toni, wait,” Shelby says when she’s about to walk around the mirror maze. She turns and takes the jacket she is handing her. “I liked spending time with you, too, but we should clarify some things next time we have the chance to talk.”

“Alright, Shelby.”

Toni finds her friend a minute later. She notices that she’s not the only one who has been looking for her, and she also notices that the concert is almost over and she wasn’t there to see Regan play the guitar.

As if her ex wasn’t sick of her already.

“What happened?” She asks when Dot wraps her arm around her shoulders. By the smile on her face she knows it’s not going to be something she’ll like.

Except she does like it.

“Leah made a bet with a Golden girl saying that our bikes are faster than their shitty ones and now you have to race and demonstrate that it’s true and that we do not go through life proud of something we are not, like they do.”

“I’m not complaining, but why am I the one racing again?”

“Because you’re the best of us?” Dot asks like it’s the most obvious thing and Toni is stupid for questioning it. Toni laughs and her friend realizes what has just happened, pumping her fist against her shoulder. “You just wanted to hear me saying it, didn’t you?”

“You’re smart, Dorothy.”

They join the rest of the Firebirds by the cotton candy stand and Toni throws her keys at one of the youngest girls she knows she can trust. “Run to my house and bring the bike here. I don’t want a single scratch on it,” she tells her. As soon as she finishes, the girl sprints towards the exit. “Who am I running against?”

“Rachel Reid,” Leah tells her.

“I’ve been wanting to go against her. She’s good. Not the best, but good.”

“She was the one who offered to go against you, so I guess the feeling is mutual.”

Toni glances around to see how many of them there are and, after she has made sure that her cheering crew will be full, or at least tied with the others, she looks at the stage, searching for the only one missing. But Regan doesn’t even acknowledge her when she leaves her guitar on the floor and walks down the stairs, following the rest of the band somewhere far from where they have gathered.

She deserves that.

Maybe this whole thing with Shelby was a sign that she should leave things with her ex-girlfriend in the past and focus on finding new adventures, a new love. If not with her new friend, then with someone else.

This is not something she should be thinking about right before a race, so she shakes the thoughts away and follows Dot outside the fair, followed by the rest of the squad.

The road where they usually race is not well illuminated, but they are sure that no cars would be passing by it and the police won’t even have time to get there before they are over with it. Toni has done it multiple times, even when she didn’t have her Yamaha and had to borrow some cheap, almost rusted bike, and she has only lost twice, but never against a Golden.

Rachel Reid pulls her curly hair into a bun and then gets off her motorcycle to come and fist bump Toni. The gesture surprises her – it's been a long time since a Golden had shown any sportsmanship.

The woman nods her head and Toni does the same, no words needed.

Her opponent uses a helmet this time, so Toni decides to imitate her. She’s not used to using them. A race usually feels like a regular bike ride. Just a little bit faster and with people screaming at them. Plus the pressure –she likes– of winning a bet.

Deep down she knows she shouldn’t look for her green eyes, but she desires it too much not to do so and Toni searches for Shelby in the crowd that has gathered on the side of the road. She finds her right away, as if there was a giant sign over her head telling her exactly where to look.

Shelby isn’t too excited about the whole thing, scratching at her arm nervously.

God, she’s so cute like that.

Toni winks at her, not even thinking about it, and gains a small smile from Shelby. Though Andrew sees their interaction and his face gets gradually redder as he approaches Shelby.

If Dot weren’t pushing her towards the start line, she would’ve probably done something stupid like getting between them to tell him to fuck off. She doesn't need to drag attention towards them if she wants to keep speaking to this woman.

“Ready?” Someone asks. Some girl Toni hasn’t seen before, but who gets in front of their bikes with a bandana to indicate the start of the race as soon as they both nod. “Three! Two! One!”

At the beginning, during the first two minutes, Rachel has a big advantage. She is fast and not afraid to turn into the curves without braking. Toni doesn't get disturbed. Having a certain lead at the beginning doesn't guarantee you a victory. In fact, all her life she has been used to doing things without any kind of advantage and has neither given up nor lost anything that should have been hers. She just has to wait for the right moment, to be patient, and although this is not something she is used to having, in this case she knows how she should do it, how to take control of the situation.

She waits until she sees the gas station that serves as a reference point for the middle of the race to start accelerating. With it comes the most difficult turn, the one she knows many are terrified of – if you are not confident enough to turn without slowing down, your advantage is lost.

Rachel barely slows down, but it’s enough for Toni to have the lead now. She does a quick glance back to make sure of the distance between them and almost feels her opponent’s fiery eyes behind the glasses.

Toni loves it. The feeling of the air on her body, the comfort of knowing that she won’t be disappointing her people tonight, that they’ll probably have a reason to celebrate because of her.

Their cheers and laughter when she gets close to the finish line makes her chest fill with pride.

But suddenly she loses control.

Toni loses her grip on the handlebars and is catapulted over the bike, falling a few feet to the other side of the road. She is lucky to land on grass, but even so, having been swept across part of the road, her left arm and leg are shattered. She feels the burning even before she looks at the ripped fabric of her jeans. The pain in her shoulder is the worst. But she doesn't know what went wrong until she realizes the others are fighting.

Dot and Martha help her up.

They both speak at the same time, but Toni’s head is spinning and the pain on her side is not letting her focus on anything else, so for a moment she doesn’t know what they are talking about until Rachel runs to her.

“Are you okay? I swear I didn’t know that idiot was going to do that. It wasn’t planned. I wanted a fair race,” she tells her. Toni furrows her brows, but soon, with her words and the ones she understands from the people around them, she finds out that Andrew threw a bottle to her wheel and that provoked the fall.

Rachel’s explanation is real, and she is aware of that because she knows the reason Andrew did it.

It takes her a while to find him inside the mess, but when she does, she throws her helmet on the floor and walks there as fast as her leg lets her. Martha tries to stop her, but she breaks away from her grip and gets to the guy, throwing a punch directly to his eye.

When he wants to reciprocate it, Toni throws another one at his ribs and he takes a step back, enough for the others to pull him away.

Shelby gets between the two of them and that makes her even madder somehow.

“Stop it. You’re already bleeding,” she tells her. She also tries reaching out to Toni’s arm, the one that stings so much it makes her dizzy. Or maybe it’s her wrist the one provoking that.

“Don’t touch me, Shelby.”

She gives her one last look, like she’s hurt, like she cares about Toni, before Rachel grabs her hand and drags her away from there. They all run to their cars without looking back and Toni waits until they have all disappeared before dropping to her knees.

“They are all a bunch of fucking cheaters. What the fuck was that?” Leah asks, squatting in front of her to examine her face. “Are you okay? Should we drive you to the hospital?” Her blue eyes are filled with concern.

Toni shakes her head. “I’ll take a pill. I’ll be fine.”

It’s not until she has taken a moment to breathe that she remembers her bike and walks to where it has landed. It has too many scratches and some of the pieces were blown away, but she’ll manage to get them fixed somehow.

As soon as she stops feeling her heartbeat in her head, right inside her ears.

When she tries putting it uptight, her wrist fails her and a few tears gather in her eyes, ready to fall.

It’s enough for Dot to force her to go to the hospital.

A cast and an even worse mood is what she comes out of there with.

Chapter Text

Martha's voice sounds as if through a dream. In fact, it takes Toni a minute to realize that her best friend is in her room, shaking her awake, and not in the world of dreams.

“Wake up, I need to make sure you’re okay before I go to work,” she tells her in a serious tone. Toni opens just one eye to look at her and then turns away, her face buried in her pillow.

There’s nothing she hates more than waking up early.

Why is there so much light, anyways?

“I’m good.”

A lie is not the right thing to start her morning with either, but she doesn’t want to worry her friend more than she already did last night. When she left her home, Martha was still unconvinced of her wellbeing. She’s still sore and her left side is hurting even more than it did a few hours before. Toni didn’t even take her jeans off when she got in bed, knowing that it would feel like hell to get changed, especially with one of her hands being completely useless.

Now that she needs to go to the bathroom, she’ll have to face it, but she wants Martha to leave first or she’ll ask to stay if she finds out how bad it actually is, especially when she pushed everyone at the hospital away, not giving them permission to check on her legs.

“I don’t believe you. I brought you this,” Martha says, holding out a tube of wound care cream. Toni stares at her for a second and then takes it. “You should’ve put it on last night when the doctor said you had to.”

“You’re not my mom.”

“Don’t be an idiot. Will you be okay? Should I stay with you today? I can take the day off if you tell me you want me here.”

“Marty, I’m fine. I’ll take another pill and I’ll be as good as new. It doesn’t even hurt that much.” She sighs, wishing it sounds at least close to a truth. “It looks worse than it is.”

Martha nods, not satisfied at all when she glances at her cast. Toni knows she’ll be concerned about her for the rest of the day, but she’s been here before, has had multiple accidents over the years, so this is not new for any of them. No one showed her how to ride, so she had to learn by herself.

Falling and getting up over and over again was part of her daily routine.

She sits up carefully on the bed, trying not to make any faces that would show her friend how much it fucking hurts. She’s glad it’s all just bruises and not blood all over the bed like she expected to wake up when she laid down the night before.

“Oh, I almost forgot!” Martha takes a piece of folded paper from her pocket and hands it to Toni. An address and the name Marcus are written on it with a pretty handwriting that Toni has seen before somewhere. “I ran into Shelby Goodkind in town this morning and she gave me this for you. She said that Marcus is a friend of hers and that he’ll fix your bike for free, you know, because her other friend was the one who provoked the accident.”

“You can’t call that an accident. An accident happens when you make a mistake. He was trying to kill me.” Toni rubs her forehead. “I’ll check it out later.”

“Promise me you’ll take care of yourself first and then worry about that junk outside.”

“If you call my baby bike a ‘junk’ one more time, I’ll kick you out of my house, Marty B.”

“Whatever. Rest, and use that ointment. My mom wants to see you soon, so make sure you have some time for her in your busy schedule, would you? Or else you’ll have her banging on your door when you least expect her.”

“Tell Bernice I’ll go visit her this week.” Martha leans over and kisses her temple. Then she gives Toni a small smile, the way someone would do with a wounded puppy that they find abandoned on the street and feel sorry for, and starts heading towards the door.

“Thank you, Marty!” Toni shouts as she hears her friend walking outside.

When she musters up the courage to go to the bathroom and take her clothes off, she hates what she sees in the mirror. Her arm is turning purple, at least the part over her elbow that is not covered by the cast, as well as part of her waist and her leg. She keeps her underwear on so she could sit in the bath to clean her wounds, but by the time she’s done with her arm, she can’t see anything – the tears in her eyes are blurring her surroundings. The dizziness is not helpful either.

“Toni! Are you home?” Someone shouts. By how close it sounds, Dot must be in the living room. Her friends always walk inside her house without a warning, but Toni has never minded. Her neighborhood is not known for its privacy. They all know each other, and most houses don’t have anything of value that could be stolen anyway. It’s better to have a house full of people than it being crowded with an eternal silence.

“Bathroom! Come here!”

Dot opens the door a few seconds later and furrows her brows, looking at the wet towels on the floor and Toni’s bruised arm resting on the side of the bath while she tries to keep herself up. It must look like hell from the outside – it sure feels like it.

“The fuck are you doing?” It’s a rhetorical question – she doesn’t wait for Toni to finish before kneeling on the floor next to her and taking a clean towel. Dot has taken care of her own father for a long time when he got sick a few years ago, so she’s used to everything that has to do with it. She could be a nurse if she put her mind to it.

Toni doesn’t try to stop her, telling her she doesn’t need help, because she clearly does and, besides, Dot wouldn’t give a shit.

Her hands are careful when she cleans the rest of the wounds. Then she lets Toni finish her shower, waiting for her in her room so she can help with the ointment Martha brought, too. After that, she gives Toni an antiseptic and they sit in front of the TV for it to take effect.

Toni is so caught up in the Sesame Street episode they are watching that she almost forgets Dot is sitting next to her, until she speaks, gaining a roll of eyes.

“You shouldn't go out today.”

“Right, you also think I’m going to stay here all day crying about falling off a bike. I’m an adult, you know? I can take care of myself.” She takes the pack of cigarettes from the table in front of her and lights one up, the ashtray resting on her leg.

“I know you believe you have to be strong all the time and protect us all, but you could let us do the same for you sometime. Besides, you didn’t fall. It was that fucker’s fault.” Dot turns in her seat to stare at her, a judgmental question in her eyes. “What did you even do to him? He wasn’t trying to hide how much he hated you.”

Toni grins, a wide smile that makes Dot want to punch her shoulder, but she stops right in time when she remembers Toni’s injured arm.

“Don’t worry about it.”

“Are you going to get us all in trouble with the Golden again? They have been very altered, with that whole Quinn and Nora thing. And one of them got robbed a couple of days ago and I’m pretty sure that it was someone from our side. The older ones are behaving like jerks lately.”

“Why? Are you scared of a little fight?”

“Never.”

“Then stop complaining, Dot, and don’t forget what they did to us. I just need to find proof. But, for now, come help me find this place,” she says, giving her friend the piece of paper with Marcus’ address, the one she has been shuffling between her fingers for the past hour.

“I know where this is.” Toni smiles at her again. “I’m not taking you. You have to rest. Martha will kill me if she finds out I helped you do something stupid again.”

“If you won’t take me, I’ll walk all the way there by myself. Maybe I’ll run into a few Golden and I won’t be able to defend myself with one arm.”

Dot ends up loading Toni’s bike onto her truck and driving her there.

She insists on going inside with her, but Toni wants to do this alone, just in case Shelby is around. She wants to see her. Craves seeing her, really, and she knows that she’d have to pretend she doesn’t if one of her Firebirds are there, so it’ll be better to be by herself. She hasn’t even told Martha yet, and that woman knows every single one of her secrets. But Dot said it before, with everything that happened to Quinn, Toni knows she has to keep her mouth shut.

Marcus' workshop is quite small – more than two cars wouldn't fit in at a time, but there are several parked outside, as if waiting for their turn.

Toni leaves the bike at the entrance and walks in. There’s a guy, approximately her age, with short dark hair and also dark skin, covered in oil and God knows what else. The corners of his mouth curl upwards when he sees Toni, which takes her aback for a second. She doesn’t know if he’s a Golden or where Shelby Goodkind knows him from, but they are definitely on their side of the city and no one treats her with kindness there. That’s part of the reason Dot wanted to go in with her.

“I’m looking for Marcus,” she simply says. He wipes his hands on a cloth and then extends the left one towards Toni.

“That would be me.”

Toni shakes his hand.

“I’m Toni. Shalifoe. Goodkind told me to come here so you could check out my bike?”

“Right. Shelby talked to me about it this morning. She also said she wasn’t sure you’d come. I think the word she used was stubborn.”

Toni accompanies him outside to have a look at the bike. He takes his time checking every single broken piece and Toni uses that same time to look around, hoping she’d find green eyes staring back at her. But she doesn’t.

“I guess the Yamaha was not the only thing that suffered,” he points out, looking at the visible part of her arm while they are taking the bike inside. “What happened?”

“Shelby didn’t tell you?”

“Not really, we didn’t have much time to chat.”

“Some Golden idiot threw a bottle at the wheel while I was racing and I didn’t see it coming in time to stop,” Toni explains. He shakes his head but doesn’t say anything as he places the bike on the right side of the workshop. “Are you one of them? I haven’t seen you around.”

“I’m no Golden and no Firebird. I honestly don’t give a shit about all that. I know Shelby because she messed up her father’s car one day and needed someone to fix it without him finding out. We became friends, and that’s the whole story. I prefer to fix things instead of breaking bones, you know?”

“Didn’t take her for a bad driver.”

“She’s not. She just surrounds herself with the wrong people sometimes. But I guess that’s what y’all are used to. Accepting everything around you from the day you are born without stopping for a moment to think if it’s still worth it or not to keep making the same mistakes.”

“It’s not like we have much of a choice.”

“Why are you two friends, then?”

Toni smiles. It comes out before she can stop herself and Marcus chuckles, kneeling in front of the bike to check the wheels just as they hear a knocking sound that saves her from answering the question. Toni doesn’t know where it comes from until Marcus points at the window on the other side of the room.

Shelby is there, with a bright smile, waving at them.

“You can go wait with her if you want. I’ll let you know if I can finish this today or if I’ll need more time,” Marcus comments, focusing back on his work.

Toni doesn’t argue with him.

The office door is open and Shelby stands up from the couch as soon as she closes it behind her. She looks nervous, as if she doesn't know what she should do now, but then notices Toni's arm and walks over to her, concerned, slowly raising her sleeve to get a better view of the mess.

“Oh, God. Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, Shelby,” Toni responds, holding back the urge to take a step away from her. She’s not used to being so close to her, and the way Shelby’s hand is caressing her shoulder now it’s making her tremble. “I got your message. Next time you can come over and tell me yourself, by the way.”

“Maybe I would’ve if I didn’t run into your friend at the bakery. I’m glad you’re here, though.”

“Did you miss me? You ran away pretty fast last night. I thought we had a moment at the mirror maze.”

Toni sits on the couch, asking Shelby to join her. She does, sitting so close their legs are almost touching. She has noticed that Shelby always looks people in the eyes when she speaks, which is something Toni adores.

Now that they are so close, she can also notice how good she smells, fresh and sweet.

She should stop doing this.

Wanting this woman.

“I guess I felt guilty for what happened. Besides, you were pretty clear about not wanting me around. Or did you hit your head and forgot about it?”

“Right. I’m sorry. It wasn’t your fault. You weren’t the one who threw the fucking bottle.”

“I know, but I was the one you winked at and that pissed him off. Now he’ll be watching us, you know that, right? He’s going to be really annoying about it.”

“He’s not your boyfriend, is he?”

“What if he was?” Andrew? He could never date someone like Shelby Goodkind, not even in his best dreams. Could Toni? Maybe not, but they can have fun together for a while if they both want to, and by the way Shelby looked at her the night before, when she was kissing Regan, and then later in the mirror maze, something tells her that she might want the same thing.

“Please, Shelby. He doesn’t deserve a woman like you. And I think you have better taste than that.”

“We’re just friends,” Shelby confesses. Her face is slightly redder than before. “He’s actually nicer when you meet him. But he’s very passionate when it comes to protecting the Golden, and I guess he thought what you did was a threat of some kind.”

“He could’ve killed me.”

“I’m not justifying what he did.”

“Sounds like you are,” Toni tells her, standing up. It bothers her that she’s defending that guy, but she shouldn't react like this – Toni would also defend one of the Firebirds if it was the other way around, even if they did something wrong. That’s what family means. Protecting the people that you love.

“I’m sorry. I’m not here to talk about Andrew. I just wanted to make sure you were okay and that you had a place to get your bike fixed after the damage one of us did.” Shelby stands up to face her, but Toni takes a few steps back this time, followed by the blonde woman. She wishes she had the strength to push her away, and she almost does it, until she crashes against the desk, with Shelby just an inch away. “Please. I don’t want to argue with you. We were doing great until now.”

“Were we? Or were we playing a game we both know it’s going to end badly for the both of us?”

“I’m not playing games.”

“You’re definitely playing with my head.”

“Why? You’re going to tell me you can’t stop thinking about me?”

“Would that be wrong?” Toni asks, putting a finger through the loop of her pants and pulling her closer to her. “If I couldn’t stop thinking about you?”

“I wouldn’t believe it. You have a girlfriend. I won’t be doing anything with you while she’s still around – I’m not a homewrecker.” Shelby bites the inside of her cheek for a second and Toni wraps her casted arm around her waist. She can feel Shelby’s chest going up and down with faster movements.

“I don’t have a girlfriend. Is that what you wanted to talk about last night? What you wanted to clarify?”

“Yes. What about the girl you were kissing? I remember you dating her in high school.”

“We broke up a year ago. We were just bored.”

“Right.”

“Why don’t you believe me?”

“Because you’re so…you don’t look very trustable. No offense.” Toni raises her brows. “You don’t follow any rules, you wander around all night, you hook up with girls and then forget about them, you don’t talk to me in class and now you’re suddenly interested. I don’t get it. I don’t get you.”

“And despite all of that you’re still pressed against me. Maybe you do trust me a little bit, and that’s what I’m going to focus on.” Toni grins for just a couple of seconds. “I’ve been interested in you for a while, but it’s not like I can go out there and tell everyone how badly I want to kiss you. We’re a losing game, Shelby. I wasn’t kidding before. But that doesn’t mean it wouldn’t be the best summer experience we could have.”

“So I’m a game for you.”

“Aren’t you a Golden? Aren’t you going to leave for college? It’s not like we are going to get married or anything.”

“Sometimes I wish I wasn’t a Golden. I’m so sick of the whole two teams-city. Just because our parents did it, it doesn’t mean we should be doing it too.”

“You’re speaking from your privileged position. You’ve always had it all, Shelby. Your people are always going to look at my people over the shoulder. Like we are scum, and I can tell you that we feel like that a lot, but we have to defend what we are. The day you start to respect us will be the day this is over.”

“Do you really think that we shouldn’t be fraternizing? Not all of us hate y’all and not all of you hate us. Do you think they’ll care if, let’s say, we hook up or something?”

“We’d be like Romeo and Juliet. Montesco versus Capuleto. We’d be starting a fucking war. It happened the other day.”

“I kinda want to set the world on fire with you.”

Toni stares at her eyes for a couple of seconds, but then Shelby caresses her face and she just has to kiss her now or she’ll explode. She puts some pressure on Shelby’s back, encouraging her to come even closer, her mouth finding Shelby’s already opened one, looking for her tongue right away. She tastes exactly the way Toni imagined she would: sweet. She definitely uses one of those flavored lip balsams.

Her hands travel to the back of Toni’s head, her fingers tangling with her curls, and Toni is sure this is the closest she would ever be to heaven.

Then Shelby starts sighing heavily and it sends a shiver down Toni’s back that reminds her where she is and that they can’t do anything past this. At least not here. She wishes Shelby never ran into Martha so she would’ve come to her house instead.

There’s a chance Shelby wouldn’t want anything else to happen, but she hasn’t stepped away from Toni and her hands are making sure Toni’s head doesn’t move away from her either, so maybe she does want her.

It’s purely sexual attraction between them, it’s not like they are going to be a couple and go on dates all over town, swinging from one side to the other like they both belong everywhere.

Shelby is the one who stops the kiss, completely out of breath. She rests her forehead against Toni’s and closes her eyes.

“I feel like I need a hug,” she comments so quietly Toni almost doesn’t hear her. She moves the hand that had been holding her waist to her back, wrapping her arms around it, and Shelby does the same with her neck.

“Was that okay?” Toni asks, worried that this is Shelby’s way of telling her that maybe they should be just friends without making her feel bad about it. Maybe the kiss was a reminder for her too that this is something that would complicate their lives even more.

“It was not okay. Now I won’t be able to get the taste of your lips out of my head.”

“Good. I don’t want you to.” Shelby nods and takes a step back, glancing at the window, probably making sure that Marcus hasn’t seen them, so Toni knows that the moment is over. “Listen, pretty eyes, if you ever want to do this again, you can come over to my place. We’ll have more privacy.”

“We’re going to get in trouble if someone sees us. It’s not that I want to keep this, keep you, as a secret, because I don’t want to, but you know…”

“Shelby,” Toni firmly says, to make her shut up, which she does. “It’s just one of those summer things people have all the time. No one has to know about it and get into our business. Then you’ll be gone to college, and I’ll probably stay and rot here because I don’t know what the hell I’m going to do with my life.”

“A summer thing?”

“Exactly. Stop worrying about it and live a little.” Shelby raises her brows for a second and Toni waits for her to say something, but she just sighs and gives her a small nod. Then Toni invites her outside to smoke together and, to her surprise, Shelby accepts again. “You’re really serious about going to college, huh?” Toni asks then, leaning on the wall outside the workshop.

“I didn’t really have a choice. My parents want me to have the best education and there’s nothing else I know how to do better than studying,” Shelby responds. “Do your parents not want the same thing for you?”

“They haven’t been around lately. My dad probably wants me to take care of the Firebirds and my mom doesn’t really give a shit about what I do.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

“I’m used to it. I’ll teach kids how to play basketball or something. I did that last summer, so I’ll do it again. I don’t need a fortune to live.”

“Aren’t you tired of taking care of everyone? Of getting hurt every time someone has an extra drink or decides to hook up with someone they shouldn’t? I don’t know if I could live with that type of pressure.”

“You’ve always lived with pressure. You think I didn’t notice you in high school all those years?” Shelby looks away, but Toni can see her cheeks getting red. Maybe she shouldn’t have said anything – now there’s awkwardness between them.

Luckily it doesn’t last long because Marcus joins them, and Toni passes him a cigarette. He gives them a funny look, but doesn’t comment anything regarding their relationship, whatever that is, or if he saw them kissing before.

“How long will you need to fix it, then?”

“I think you should leave it here for a couple of days so I can make sure everything works. It isn’t as bad as it looks, but I’m missing some pieces and I have to get them from a friend of mine out of town. Does that work for you?”

“It’s not like I have another option.”

Toni doesn’t want to owe anyone anything, so she offers to pay for the reparation, but Marcus insists that any friend of Shelby’s is a friend of his or some shit and he sends her home.

They say their goodbyes and then she walks Shelby to her car.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to drive you home? I really don’t mind,” she says. Toni shakes her head.

“We both know it’s a bad idea. I’ll walk.”

“Take care of yourself, would you?”

“You too, gorgeous.”

Shelby looks at both sides of the street and, once she has made sure that no one is near them, she leans over and kisses Toni’s cheek. Then she enters her car and starts the engine.

“I hope I’ll see you at the lake party in a few days,” Toni tells her, leaning on her opened window. “Can I ask you something before you go?”

“You’re going to ask even if the answer is no.”

Toni smirks.

“What do you put on your lips? Was that vanilla or something?”

“Do you like it?” Toni nods. Then Shelby takes her purse from the passenger seat and grabs a small metal tin with a sliding lid and places it inside the pocket of Toni’s jeans. “Bye, Toni.”

Toni watches the car disappear down the street before walking up towards her house. Then she pulls out the tin and stares at the ice cream drawing on the front.

Lip Licking Lip Balm, what a great name.

Chapter Text

It was one of those days again.

Toni didn’t want to get up from her bed in the morning – her shoulder ached and she dreamt about her mother for the third time in a row that week. It always came out of nowhere. Or maybe it was her consciousness playing tricks after lying awake for hours, looking at the ceiling like the answers to her questions were all written there and she just had to decipher them.

The dreams usually started as something ordinary and then quickly transformed into a nightmare. But this time it was different, she was…sad.

Her chest was feeling tight when she woke up and she hasn't been able to shake it off. Not even in her morning meeting with a few Firebirds, or later, at lunch with Martha. She hasn’t had a second to be alone that day so, when everyone is distracted mixing drinks in her kitchen and playing cards in her living room, Toni slips into her bedroom and closes the door.

A minute. It’s all she needs.

There’s a party at the lake that night. One of those is being held every two weeks now that everyone is on summer break, so people try not to miss it. The last time she stayed home instead of going, someone nearly drowned and she wasn’t there to witness it, so she was not part of the jokes that followed, which she hated.

When Toni lived with her parents, the pre-parties took place at Dot’s house. Sometimes she misses it, but she also loves having people over. They have learned not to move her shit around, so everyone is invited as long as they behave.

The calm is over about five minutes later, when someone knocks on the door, and Toni sits up on her bed before Leah’s voice comes through it, asking if she can come inside.

“Is everything okay?” Her friend asks, sitting by her side. “You’ve been really quiet all day.”

“I just had a bad night. But one drink will probably fix that, am I right?” Toni grins as wide as she can without it coming out forced, but Leah shakes her head.

“You don’t have to do that with me – pretend that everything is perfect in your life. I know you're angry about the inexistent progress we've made with the investigation. I promise you we're doing our best to find out. But you know it won't return those people to their homes and it won't stop anyone from trying to hurt them again. On the bright side, we did manage to raise quite enough food last week and most of them aren't having too bad a time.”

“Leah, it’s not just that. It was the community center now, and you’re right, maybe tomorrow they’ll start setting every single house in this neighborhood on fire and we wouldn’t have done anything to prevent it. I need everyone to be safe and to sleep at night without having to worry about not having a home the next day.”

“You’re blaming yourself for this, and you’re wrong.”

“Am I? Because last time I checked, I was the one in charge. Whether I want to be or not.” Toni runs a hand over her face and then stands up. “I don’t want to talk about this right now. Besides, my shit day didn’t start with it. The meeting was just another thing to add to it.”

“Then sit down and talk to me, Toni.”

“We should get going to the lake.” Leah stands up too, knowing that there’s no reason to argue with her about something she said she won’t be doing. This is not the right time to have a conversation, and she detests talking about her parents anyways. It's her business and she should fix it by herself. “I’ll join you in a sec, I need to get changed.”

Toni locks the door when Leah exits the room. Then opens her wardrobe – black jeans, a black tight tank top and a dark green shirt with short sleeves that she leaves unbuttoned will have to work. Then she puts on her comfiest boots because she won’t be able to drive there, so there’s no need for her feet to suffer too.

Her rings are on her fingers since she got out of the shower earlier, so the only thing left is the metal tin from her nightstand. She’s not planning on giving it back to Shelby, but she has been keeping it in her pocket everywhere she went that week and it gave her comfort, as stupid as that might sound.

Shelby would probably laugh at her if she found out.

Once it is back in her pocket, she leaves her room.

“You better be ready,” she warns the people in her living room.

“You look hot, Shalifoe,” Mateo tells her. Toni flips him off and then opens the front door for them to get out of her house. Martha lingers last, waiting for Toni to walk with her.

The damp smell from last night’s rain is still in the air, but now the weather has gone back to its usual summer warmth and the stars are visible in the sky, just like Toni likes it.

Three large bonfires burn along the lake, so Toni can scan the crowd, searching for familiar faces. Of course, many of them will be in the woods making out, and many others will arrive later, when their parents have gone to bed and they can sneak out the window.

That's not the case with the Firebirds – the vast majority don't have the problem of their parents being concerned about where they're going in the middle of the night.

Leah disappears minutes after they arrive, who knows where, and Martha reunites with the boy from the fair. Toni gives him a nod and walks off with Dot to give her the space she clearly wants. She only does it because Martha has that hopeful smile on her face that comes when she's excited about something, so she's not going to be the one ruining it.

“Is that Nora girl going to be here?” Toni asks Quinn, who has been walking with the two of them and Mateo towards the cooler full of beers.

Dot hands one to each of them.

“She’s over by the benches with her sister and some other girl,” he comments, nervously. He looks like he’s expecting Toni to reprimand him for something he hasn’t even done yet. She follows his gaze and spots the Reid twins. The other woman has her back turned, but Toni would recognize that blonde hair anywhere. She wishes she was the one sitting there with her.

“I’m not going to do anything I can regret later,” he adds then, making Toni chuckle for the first time all day.

“Listen, if you’re scared of Andrew, don’t be. He won’t be messing up again now that everyone is still pissed for what he did the other day. There’s at least ten Firebirds keeping an eye on him tonight, so do whatever you want and, if he bothers you, just come to me.”

“Toni, what are you saying?” Dot grabs a hold of her arm. Toni looks in that direction and then at her friend’s eyes. “You know it’s not that easy. In case you have forgotten, your arm is still in a cast.”

“I haven’t forgotten – it’s itchy as fuck.” Dot rolls her eyes and Mateo chuckles into his bottle, but Toni’s focus is back on Quinn. “Whatever you want to do, I’m here, alright?”

“Thank you, Toni. At least you're not like me and you only fall in love with girls who can return your love without hiding.” Toni clinks her bottle against Quinn's and then chugs half of it.

Her eyes betray her and drift towards Shelby in the crowd again. She’s not sitting on the bench from before – she is now pouring herself a glass of what looks like soda, from which she takes a sip. Then she looks around until her eyes find Toni’s. They smile at each other and Toni holds back the urge to wink at her again.

When she joins her friends, she has to look for something to entertain herself and not spend the rest of the night thinking about those beautiful green eyes.

An hour later, some more people arrive at the party and Toni sees Regan’s brother with them. He greets her quickly and then vanishes with a girl into the woods.

Regan walks to her and gives Toni a hug.

“I lost you the other night,” she comments. “Are we good?”

“We’re good, Reg.”

“That doesn’t sound convincing at all, babe. Is it because we kissed? Has something changed?”

Toni hasn’t planned to do this tonight. She hadn’t planned to do it at all, really. With the horrible morning she had, this was the last thing she wanted to do, but now that Regan stares at her like this, waiting for an answer, an explanation, Toni doesn’t think it would be fair to leave her hanging.

“Everything changed.”

“There’s someone else, isn't there?” She inquires before Toni can keep explaining whatever she was about to invent to get out of this situation.

“What makes you say that?”

“The other day at the fair you kept searching for someone in the crowd while we were walking. I know you, Toni. We dated for two –very intense– years. After we kissed, you got really awkward and then you disappeared on me.” Toni just stares at her, completely speechless. She feels like whatever she says, it wouldn’t do any good. “It’s alright, Toni.”

“It’s complicated.”

“Then make it less complicated.” Regan caresses her cheek for a second and gives Toni a warm smile before she turns away. “I’ll see you around, Shalifoe.”

Just as she’s about to leave, Toni takes her hand and pulls her into a hug. She knows they’re going to see each other often, but somehow it feels like their last hug, like the official ending, like they are breaking up all over again.

A real goodbye.

When she’s gone, Toni gets a soda and goes to look for her best friend.

Martha is playing cards with the guy she has been spending the night with and some other people that Toni doesn't really recognize. They are not Firebirds, so she’s not interested in meeting them right now either.

“I need a pen,” she tells her, kneeling by Martha’s side. “You got one by any chance?”

Martha gives her a suspicious look and then pulls out a pen from her backpack, handing it to Toni right away. Toni kisses her friend’s temple and then finds a spot by the trees where she can have some privacy. She should’ve asked Marty for something to write on, but it’s too late now. She takes the pack of cigarettes from her pocket and tears off the top, smoothing it out until she is able to write a message on the inside: I’ll be by the abandoned van in the parking lot at 11.15 in case you’re craving midnight sandwiches at my place.

She folds the note neatly and smokes a cigarette alone.

Then she casually walks down to the lake’s shore, where Shelby and Fatin are making some kind of competition to see how many times a stone can bounce on the water surface.

“I can do better even with a cast on my wrist,” she tells Fatin, stepping by her free side. Shelby is watching her without showing any emotion. But then Toni finally winks at her and she catches the curve of a smile she’s failing embarrassingly at hiding.

“Toni Shalifoe! I’ve missed you,” Fatin responds, putting her arm around her shoulder as if they were alone. Toni holds back the urge to check over her shoulder if someone is looking at them. “Would you keep my friend Shelby some company while I go grab us some drinks?”

Toni shares a look with Shelby again and nods, watching Fatin wandering towards the bonfires.

There’s a big gap between them and Toni waits for her to be the one getting closer but, when she doesn’t, she grabs a stone from the floor and takes advantage of the movement to step closer in her direction. She throws the stone into the water, but it bounces once and disappears to the bottom of the lake. It’s only then when Shelby lets herself giggle.

“Was that your good hand?” Shelby asks, glancing at her before doing the same thing, resulting in the stone bouncing four times on the surface of the water. Toni tries not to look impressed.

“Yes. It's only that it's a good hand for doing other things, not for playing with pebbles, if you know what I mean.”

“I don’t. Could you explain?” Shelby tilts her head to the side when she looks at her with a smirk on her face that makes Toni want to kiss her right there and then, in front of everyone, no matter the consequences.

“I’m better at showing it than explaining it in words – I think it would be better understood.”

Shelby’s grin grows wider, but then her head turns towards the water, her face becoming serious, like something has just crossed her mind and made her realize who she’s speaking with. Toni wonders if she was wrong to approach her, if maybe she should have chosen another day to talk to her again, one where they would be alone and not in front of all those people. But, on the other hand, she wanted Shelby to realize that she's not trying to hide her, and never would, in the hypothetical case where they could have a relationship someday. Which won't happen because they already agreed that this would be a summer fling and nothing more.

There is also the possibility that it is Shelby who is worried about someone seeing them together. It's been years since the Golden's had any sentimental relationship with the Firebirds, and many of them are too prejudiced to even have a friendship or anything close to it. But Shelby had always seemed different, as if they were both in a limbo that allowed them to get out of all the rules.

If Shelby asks her to leave, she will forget about the proposition she was going to make and she’ll get out of there without asking questions. But the blonde woman doesn’t say anything for a few –very long– seconds, so Toni just waits until the silence becomes too loud to handle.

“Is everything okay? Did I do something wrong?”

“Everything is fine.”

“I don’t believe you, Goodkind.”

“Remember what we talked about? About this being just a summer fling and all that?” Toni nods, hoping that this is not going to be Shelby telling her that it’s over before it has even properly started. When she speaks again, she does it quietly, even though no one is close enough to hear them. “Well, I just wanted to know if you meant that it should be something exclusive between us, or that we are supposed to hook up with other people, too?”

So that’s the big deal. There must be someone else in her life. Maybe that curly-haired girl who goes wherever she does – Becca. Toni is surprised she’s not here right now. She also spends quite a lot of time with Rachel Reid and she’s gorgeous, so it wouldn’t surprise her if Shelby liked her.

It does hurt a little that she wants to be with more people, but Toni is in no position to lose her chance of having her in her life, even if it’s for a little bit – a couple of months to be exact.

“I’m not planning on being with anyone else, but I don’t mind if you want to hook up with more people. Who is it? Well, don’t answer that, I don’t want to know. Sorry I asked,” she says, running a hand through her hair, nervously.

Shut up.

“I wasn’t talking about me, actually. I’m not interested in anyone else.” Okay, the way she has just implied that she is interested in Toni makes her heart do a flip, run in circles and then try to get out of her chest, but Toni just stares at her curiously, waiting for her to say more. “I just…I saw you and Regan before. Hugging and stuff.”

Oh.

Toni laughs.

“Fuck. That was absolutely nothing. We were actually talking about the kiss from the other day and how we shouldn’t do that anymore. It was a mistake.”

“Oh.”

“Exactly.”

“God, this is so embarrassing. Why don’t you leave and then come back and pretend that I never opened my mouth, and we can go back to normal?”

“It would be really weird if I did that.”

“You do weird things all the time, Toni.”

“I do not.”

“I saw you playing golf with a stick and an orange about twenty minutes ago.”

“Fair. Anyways, we have a deal, then? Exclusivity?” Shelby nods. Her smile is warm now, almost shy, and Toni wishes she could see them all, every single one of the smile variants Shelby has. “Now we’re going to shake hands and, if someone asks what this was about, we’ll both say that we made a deal to forget about what happened the other day and race again when my cast is gone.”

That way the Golden will think that Shelby was just saving Andrew’s ass from revenge and the Firebirds will think that the next race will be the actual revenge.

They won’t be suspicious about it.

Hopefully.

“Okay,” Shelby tells her. Toni reaches out and Shelby shakes her hand, but she furrows her brows when she feels the folded piece of paper Toni is passing her. She pulls her now empty hand away, walking back to where the rest of her people are playing truth or dare, sitting down next to Dot and Mateo, ready to spend the rest of the night checking the time.

At exactly 10.50 she says goodbye to her friends and promises to stay longer next time. Martha offers to go with her, but Toni shakes her head and insists that she has to stay, that she needs to walk alone and clear her head.

There’s a small parking lot at the entrance of the lake, with a van that has been left there unmoved since Toni was in seventh grade. She leans on it and lights up a cigarette, but changes her mind and puts it out quickly, not wanting to smell of smoke in case Shelby decides to come.

Her hands are sweating and she wipes them on her pants.

Why is she nervous? It is not like she hasn’t taken a girl home before. But this is Shelby Goodkind. She’s definitely not like other women she has hooked up with. Toni doesn’t even know if Shelby wants to do something past making out and she wasn’t lying when she offered sandwiches.

At 11.13 she hears steps coming from the other side of the van and peeks out the side of it to see Shelby approaching her. She stops in her tracks when she sees Toni and then resumes the walk towards her.

“What was that?” Toni meets her halfway, eager to escape that place already. “It looked like you were regretting it.”

“Never.” Toni is pleased enough with the response.

With every minute that passes, she starts feeling more and more nervous about bringing Shelby into her home. She never seemed judgemental, nor had she ever made any hurtful comments like the other rich kids she hangs out with, but Toni is certain that her neighborhood is not the environment in which she moves. She isn’t ashamed to live where she does, but there is a part of her that fears Shelby would be uncomfortable.

The street dogs barking at them every two minutes are not helping her case.

She twirls the keys around her finger nervously until Shelby catches her hand and makes it stop. Fuck, her hands feel so soft and warm.

“You've been quiet for the past five minutes, are you okay? Are you the one regretting it? Because I can turn around and go back if you don’t feel like hanging out.”

“I don’t know what the fuck you’re doing with my head, Shelby. I haven’t felt so nervous around a woman in years.”

“Good. I’m not the only one freaking out,” Shelby tells her, letting go of her hand. They look at each other for a second and start laughing. “We’re such idiots.”

Knowing that Shelby feels the way she does makes Toni relax her shoulders. It’s like a weight has been lifted from her back. She needs to return to being Toni Shalifoe, the respected one, the one the Golden don’t want to mess with, the one who is confident and knows how to treat a woman, it doesn’t matter who she is and where she is from.

This anxious version of herself makes her too tense.

When they step inside the house, Toni puts on a smile on her face that hasn’t been there all day and offers Shelby something to drink. She says she doesn’t want alcohol, so she grabs cold sodas for them both.

“You have a nice house,” Shelby comments when Toni comes back to the living room, where she’s now sitting on one of the armchairs in front of the TV.

“You don’t have to lie, Shelby.”

“I’m not. What’s that music, though?”

It takes Toni a moment to understand what she’s talking about, being so used to it. “I forgot to turn off the radio when I left. I have it on all day long – I don’t like the silence.” Shelby gives her a soft smile. “It’s in my room. I’ll turn it off if it bothers you.”

“I like it. Leave it,” Shelby tells her when she attempts to go to her room. Then she makes sure she doesn’t say it just to be polite, but she doesn’t have time to speak when Shelby stands up and wraps her arms around her neck, pressing their lips together. Toni’s hands grab her waist to steady herself and once she’s sure her legs won’t fail her, she brings them higher, grabbing at her sides harder than before.

“I’ve been wanting to put my mouth on you since you arrived at the lake earlier,” Shelby comments in between kisses. “You look so good.” Toni presses her against the wall, sticking her right hand under Shelby’s shirt and caressing her back. When she uses her nail, it arches against her.

Her neck gets all the attention next.

Shelby’s hand is in her hair now, guiding her head to the spots she likes to be kissed on the most. Toni can feel her warm breath on her cheek and holds back the urge to move her palm to the front of her body – she should do this slowly, taking her time to savor every gasp that comes out of her mouth and the way her skin is getting hotter with every second that passes.

They haven’t even got to her room and Toni is completely turned on already. She pulls her hand from under Shelby’s shirt and places it against the wall, right by her head. With the cast on the other one, the only thing she can do is hook her finger in the loop of her jeans the way she did at the workshop the other day.

“Slower,” she whispers over Shelby’s lips when she gives her a questioning look. Her swollen lips look even more desirable than before. “You used the vanilla thing again, didn’t you?”

“It’s your favorite, isn’t it?” Shelby grins, holding the sides of her open shirt. But Toni takes one of her hands and guides it to her pocket so Shelby can feel the metal tin inside as a response. The fact that Shelby used it for her makes her heart skip a beat. “Have you used it?”

“No. I like tasting it on your lips better.”

Under Toni’s expectant eyes, she takes the tin from her pocket and opens it. They both have stupid smiles on their faces, but they disappear when Shelby puts some lip balm on her finger and then spreads it on her lips, not taking her eyes off Toni, though she’s too focused on the way she forms her lips into a kiss, waiting for Toni to lean in.

It’s just a small peck at first.

Then she does it again and again, with Shelby’s both hands placed on her face tenderly. Toni doesn't remember anyone ever kissing her so affectionately before. But Shelby bites at her bottom lip and she forgets about the weird feeling setting at the bottom of her stomach. She takes Toni’s shirt off, taking her time to drag her nails across her arms and then waits for her to nod before pulling her tank top over her head. Shelby’s hand travels down her neck, between her breasts, all the way down to her abdomen.

Toni helps her take off her shirt and then urges her to wrap her legs around her waist. She does, letting out a hot whimper when Toni presses her harder against the wall. Her blonde hair tickles her face when they kiss again and, when she takes a moment to breathe, her eyes stay focused on her bra for longer than they should.

“My eyes are up here,” Shelby tells her, raising her head by her chin. But she’s grinning, and Toni knows that she likes the attention, which is confirmed when she sticks out her chest so her face would be right where they both want it to. She leaves wet kisses all over it, as much as her bra lets her. God, she wishes she would’ve taken it off earlier.

“Now I’m going to lock the door, just in case, because my friends don’t know how to knock,” she tells her, pointing at the front door. Then she looks Shelby in the eyes, noticing how dark the green has gotten – she didn’t know it was possible for them to be prettier. “And then I’m going to fuck you nice and slow. Does that sound okay, pretty eyes?”

“If you speak like that, I’ll be done in ten seconds.” Toni laughs and Shelby gets down so she can do what she said.

When she’s about to go back to her, she realizes that Shelby has disappeared.

In her room, she’s holding a baseball bat Toni has had for years, inspecting it like she’s never seen one before.

“I didn’t know you played.”

“I don’t,” Toni tells her, grabbing the bat and placing it on the floor next to her bed, where it belongs. You never know when you’ll need it.

Shelby raises her brows, but doesn’t say anything as she turns around to keep inspecting her room. But they’ll have time for that later. Right now she needs her. So, she grabs her sides and presses her chest against her back. She’s about to ask if she can take her bra off when Shelby reaches back and unclasps it herself, letting it fall to the ground.

Toni turns her around to look at her, but she covers herself with her arms. She doesn’t want to push, so she kisses her again until Shelby’s hands are the ones touching her now. She lets her undo the button of her pants and then take them off, and she finally lets go, so Toni does the same with her.

Their underwear is soon forgotten, too.

Instead of letting Toni lay her on the bed, she makes her sit on it and then climbs to straddle her – her legs opened enough for Toni to feel her wetness. Both of her hands land on her thighs.

“If you want me to stop at any point, just say the word. Same thing if you feel uncomfortable or something. Just talk to me, okay? I don’t want to do something you don’t like,” she comments while they’re taking their rings off and leaving them on the bedside table.

“I want you to do the same, Toni.” Shelby puts her hand on her neck, her thumb pushing her face up to look at her. “You’re still bruised. I don’t want to hurt you,” she adds, caressing her shoulder with her fingertips. It’s annoying that she can’t get the cast off yet, but she’s glad it wasn’t her good hand that broke.

“You won’t.”

Shelby kisses her again. It’s slow, but dirtier than before. Their tongues move together in a steady rhythm and, when Shelby pulls away from her, it’s just so she can hold her breasts and run her thumbs over Toni’s nipples. She unconsciously bucks her hips once, resulting in them gasping at the same time.

One of her thumbs comes up to her face and brushes over her bottom lip. Toni knows what she wants and wraps her mouth around it to get it wet before she brushes it over her nipple again. How does she keep surprising her? And how does she feel so good?

“Fuck, Shelby.” She hasn’t realized how hard she has been grasping her waist until Shelby grabs her wrist to make her loosen it. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Did I hurt you?”

“You didn’t, baby. I just need your hand somewhere else.”

Toni grins again – she can’t seem able to stop doing that when Shelby is around.

Her fingertips caress Shelby’s thighs so slowly she makes goosebumps appear on her skin. Shelby closes her eyes, her mouth partly opened, breathing softly, and Toni can’t help but wrap her teeth around her bottom lip and pull, making her moan in her mouth.

Her casted arm is set around her body, urging her to move over her, which she does, while she uses the other one to go up to the back of her head, massaging it slowly. Shelby leans it back, panting softly. Her fingers are tangled in her hair, playing with it while her mouth searches for hers.

When she notices how desperately Shelby is searching for more friction, she decides to stop teasing her and runs her thumb over her clit a couple of times, up and down, making her moan again.

“Is this where you needed my hand?” Shelby nods, biting at her own bottom lip. Toni loves the sight of it, but she wants to hear her. “Tell me what you want.”

Shelby hesitates, hiding a smile.

Toni doesn’t hide hers.

“Don’t tell me you’re getting shy now that I’m going to fill you, gorgeous. I want to hear every dirty thing that crosses your mind.” She has started moving her fingers in circles over her, not putting any pressure, so now Shelby bucks her hips, trying to get more of it again.

“I love the way you look at me. I love the fire in your eyes,” Shelby finally says. It was not what Toni expected.

“How do I look at you?”

“Like you want me.”

“You have no idea how much I want you.”

“Show me, please," she whispers, looking at the space where her hand disappears between her legs. Toni doesn’t waste more time and runs her fingers up and down her center, wetting them well enough before using two of them to push inside Shelby. She moans softly, opening her legs a bit more so she can be completely inside of her.

Toni lets her get adjusted for a few seconds before starting to move them up and down, in and out, in a rhythm she knows she can work with for a while.

Every now and then, she pulls her fingers out and rubs at her clit. The third time she does it, she taps it, wanting to hear the wet sounds it makes, but they are mixed with Shelby’s whimpers. She’ll have to keep that movement in mind if it makes her sound like that – she can feel herself getting wetter and wetter every time she hears her.

She needs to make her cum.

“Oh, God,” she lets out a moment later, when Shelby pushes her down on the bed and moves up her body so she can reach the pillows. Her face gets right between her breasts again, with no fabric blocking her way this time so, when she uses her hand to grab at one of them and put it in her mouth, her tongue drawing circles around her nipple, sucking until it gets redder, Shelby’s hand loses strength next to her head and leans more over her.

“Toni,” she whimpers, looking down at her. This woman is going to kill her from pleasure and she’s not even the one touching her. “Wait, wait, let me do this first.”

Toni groans, but lets her do whatever she’s trying to, and then feels that warmth at the bottom of her stomach appear all over again when she realizes she was just arranging the pillows one over the other behind her back so they would be more comfortable. She sits up against it, ready to start using her hand again, but Shelby makes her keep it steady and then lowers herself on her fingers instead. She looks so pretty like this, all flustered and sweaty.

Her mouth goes back to her breasts, which she notices that the blonde woman particularly enjoys. But, after a moment, she says, “I don’t think I can finish like this, Toni. My knees are starting to hurt.” So, she listens and changes their positions, laying her with her head on the pillows and doing the same, sideways, next to her. She makes her bend her knees and spread her legs more.

While she touches her again, softly this time so it would take her a little bit longer, she can’t help but watch her in awe. The only lamp that’s illuminating the room makes her glow in a way she hasn’t seen before. Or maybe it’s the pleased smile on her face that does that.

Her fingers are back inside her and now she can palm at her clit from time to time.

When she’s about to come, Shelby sets herself in a way she can turn her head to kiss Toni, though at some point she just keeps her mouth open and lets Toni do the work while she whimpers in her mouth and cums all over her fingers.

Staying like this forever would be perfect, with Shelby clenching around her fingers, kissing the side of her face while she orgasms. But Shelby places her hand over hers, so she waits until she is ready and makes her pull out.

Toni adores her weight over her when Shelby turns around and relaxes in her arms. She wraps hers around her and kisses her cheek one more time, ignoring the sudden pain in her injured arm for leaning on it for too long.

“Did that feel good?” Toni asks quietly after a few seconds. Shelby buries her face in the space between her neck and shoulder.

“It felt like fucking heaven.”

“I think it’s the first time I’ve heard you swear. It’s hot. You should do it more often.” Toni chuckles and Shelby looks up at her. “I’m a bad influence, I know. Everyone says it.”

“Don’t care what everyone says. I have my own opinions about you.”

“And those are?”

“I’ll tell you after I make you come.” Toni laughs, watching Shelby stand up from the bed. “What are you laughing about?”

“Nothing. I just…I don’t know. I love your energy, I guess.”

“Really? No one has ever told me that before.” Shelby leans over and kisses her lips softly, followed by a smile that makes Toni stare at her, mesmerized. “Can I use your bathroom?”

“Of course. It’s on the left.” Toni sits up to watch her while she walks away.

After a couple of minutes, when she comes back and lays on the bed so they go back to their make out session, she gets distracted by some song playing on the radio – Toni is too aware of the lyrics to pretend that it’s not there.

“I need to turn that off,” Toni suddenly declares, standing up and rushing to the radio, making it stop. Shelby is looking at her with furrowed brows, but she has an amused expression on, so Toni doesn’t have to worry about her questioning her freaking out.

“You don’t like Al Green?”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about. Where were we?”

A laugh escapes her mouth as she takes Toni’s hand when she gets closer to the bed, pulling her so she can lay by her side. Though it doesn’t last long because Shelby straddles her to kiss her again. And Toni keeps her hands on her waist the whole time, tightening her grip when Shelby kisses her neck, slowly touching her sides when she starts kissing down her chest. At some point, she gets between her legs and presses soft kisses on Toni’s abdomen.

“Is this okay?”

“More than okay,” Toni tells her, closing her eyes.

“Can I go lower?” Her mouth is on Toni’s thighs now, biting and kissing her so slowly Toni has to spread her legs even more. When Shelby doesn’t move, she whispers a ‘yes’ that does the trick. “You’re so beautiful, Toni.”

She opens her eyes and attempts to look down at her, but suddenly Shelby’s tongue is on her and her back arches. “Fuck.”

When she finally locks eyes with her, she knows she won’t be able to look away. Toni wants to memorize the view and replay it in her head over and over again. She places her injured hand over Shelby’s arm, caressing her with her fingers, while the other one tangles in her hair again, pulling her closer. She wonders if it’s too much until Shelby starts moaning like she’s the one being touched.

Her hands are all over Toni’s body, on her legs, her sides, her arms, and finally settling on her breasts while she keeps fucking her with her mouth. There’s something she does with it, leaving her mouth half open and breathing over her, that makes Toni’s legs tremble. She has to make all the effort she can not to come too soon, being already worked up from before. Though it’s impossible when she realizes that Shelby is not the indoor princess she thought she’d be.

Especially when she climbs up and presses their lips together, looking for Toni’s tongue. It’s dirty, and hot, and Toni doesn’t want it to end. But then Shelby’s soft hand settles between her legs, while her other palm is pushing down at the pillow next to Toni’s head and she can feel how close she’s getting. She starts with one finger, but soon changes to two, guiding her hand in and out with her hips and Toni doesn’t even know what to hold on to anymore.

Her legs start shaking again soon after Shelby has curled her fingers a couple of times inside of her with the right pressure.

“Look at me, baby.”

She tries her best to look into green eyes while she comes, but she ends up closing them again, the arousal being too much to handle. Shelby leaves soft kisses on her neck when she’s done, waiting for Toni to breathe properly again. Then she lays on the bed next to her and puts Toni’s hair behind her ear when she turns to the side to face her.

“That was so hot,” Shelby comments, making Toni laugh.

“You are hot.”

The realization that she hasn’t been this calm in weeks hits Toni like a train. How is this possible? To feel so much at home with a person she doesn’t really know that well? With a person she has only been dreaming to have this close for years? It has never lasted this long. It usually went away after sex. So, why does she want to wake up next to her in the morning? Why does it suddenly feel like a stupid idea to call it a summer fling?

“I think I promised you midnight sandwiches,” she whispers a few minutes later, when a comfortable silence has settled between them. She doesn’t want to get stuck inside her mind.

“I think it’s way past midnight, but your sandwiches were the ones that hyped me up to come.”

“You’re spending the night, right?”

“Do you want me to?”

“Yes.”

“Then yes.”

Toni smiles, pleased with the answer, and searches for some clothes for the both of them to sleep in.

After a quick shower, Toni starts making dinner while Shelby is turning on the radio in her room, loud enough so it can be heard from the kitchen. And, when she meets her there, she’s dancing, but stops to hug Toni from behind.

It feels too domestic, but at the same time it’s like they have been doing that their whole life. Like they are supposed to be like this around each other.

“I have to say that I’m really surprised,” Shelby comments, sitting at the table, looking up at Toni. “You’re a better hang than I would’ve ever thought.”

“I don’t know if I should be flattered or offended.”

“Don’t get me wrong. I mean that I knew you were going to be a good kisser, good in bed and all that, but you’re so much better. I’m never bored when I’m with you.”

“You’re not that bad yourself, Golden.” Shelby rolls her eyes, but soon gets distracted with some Elvis song playing on the radio and starts singing it.

And of course she sounds like a fucking angel.

About half an hour later, when they sit in the living room to eat the sandwiches, with Shelby’s legs resting on her lap, Toni musters up the courage to ask something she has been thinking of since she kissed Shelby that first time. Maybe even earlier than that.

“These are amazing, Toni.”

“I have to ask you something, but I don’t want you to think that I used you for this, or that I had sex with you to get something in return or some bullshit,” Toni interrupts her.

“Why did you have sex with me?”

“Because you’re hot and we both wanted it?” Shelby nods.

“Ask me what you want to ask.”

“The community center got on fire last month, it was all over the news, but we haven’t found out who did it. Do you happen to know anything about that?”

“Why would I know anything? I thought they said it was an accident.” Shelby furrows her brows when Toni raises hers. “Do you think one of us did it?”

“I’m pretty sure, actually. That was not an accident. They have been wanting to kick us out of here for years and the people at the center were the most vulnerable ones.”

“I can ask around.”

“I don’t want to get you in trouble. They’ll think you betrayed them or something. I just wanted to know if you had more information than I do.”

“I’m on your side with this one. But shouldn’t the police do something? It’s not your job to make an investigation like this. It could be dangerous.”

“It is my job. They all count on me. If I’m not the one looking for justice, no one will.”

“You’re just a kid, Toni. You shouldn’t have so much weight on your shoulders.” Shelby’s words impact her harder than she would’ve wanted. She’s not a kid anymore, she hasn’t been for a while. Maybe since her father left, or earlier, when her mother chose different substances over her. She doesn’t say anything, though, and hopes for Shelby to forget about the subject.

Toni shouldn’t have said anything.

“You deserve to have your own life, do the things you want to do. Find happiness without being worried of other people getting in trouble or wanting you to put a pause on your life to fix up theirs. You do know that, right?” Shelby asks then, squeezing her hand. Toni would like to see the world the way she does. But that’s not possible. She doesn’t live in the paradise Shelby must live in.

“What I know is that I want to take you back to my bed as soon as you finish that last sandwich,” Toni says, trying to sound cocky. Shelby must notice how forced it is, but she doesn’t insist on the previous conversation.

That night, even though Toni is usually the big spoon when she sleeps with a girl, they both realize that she needs to be held.

Besides, with her arm still injured, she prefers not to risk getting hurt in the middle of the night. So, Shelby presses herself against her and Toni can finally let her guard down completely.