Archive of Our Own ^beta

You say we’re fine, but your brown eyes

Are green this time, so you’ve been crying

It’s in the way you say my name

So quick, so straight, it sounds the same.

They had met completely by chance, and clicked like magnets. It had been late August, and Peter was in the lab with Tony, taking something apart and putting it back together. Then, Tony had gotten a call, the call, rushed back into the lab after it ended, said, “Wanna meet someone, Underoos?” and proceeded to introduce him to Harley Keener.

Harley with his Southern accent and manners, Peter with his usual awkwardness and a clumsiness  that you wouldn’t expect Spider-Man to have, had clicked in a way most people didn’t. Hell, he had been nervous around Tony at first too, before warming up to him eventually. But this boy with his dusty blond hair, freckles thrown around his face, a suspicious bandaid on his cheek, and who’d be at least six foot tall had managed to somehow stumble past all of Peter’s walls and awkwardness as soon as he held out his hand and said, “Hello, beautiful. I’m Harley Keener.”

“Peter Parker,” He introduced himself as, as he shook hands with the southern gentleman. Tony had smiled from the side, proud of himself for getting his two favourite kids to meet, and went back to tinkering.

Harley had smiled at Peter, and Peter was a goner.

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Harley, Harley, Harley.

That was all he had on his mind as he swung through the roads of Queens. He smiled through his suit as he felt heat rise up his neck. All of Harley’s flirting was really getting to Peter, and although he was significantly better at hiding how flattered he was, his stomach still did somersaults whenever he was called darlin’ in that accented voice he’d grown to love.

A scream somewhere, a bank robbery somewhere, a mugger here, a car theft there.

And yet, all Peter’s mind screamed was the same mantra of Harley, Harley, Harley.

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His friends had noticed it, because of course they had. MJ was way too observant for him to really hide it, and somehow, even Ned had taken notice. Was he really that bad at hiding his crush that even the most oblivious person he knew had it figured out within a week?

Harley had gotten enrolled in Midtown High too, so Ned and MJ got to see who had their best friend in such a daze. MJ had given him a nod, which meant she was impressed, while Ned had gone crazy. He had shaken Peter by his shoulders, and whisper-yelled, “That’s your boyfriend?!” Of course, Peter had turned as red as his own suit and yelled back, “He’s not my boyfriend!” which earned him a few looks from the people around him.

And, of course, Harley had to choose that exact moment to walk up to their table. “Who’s not your boyfriend?” MJ smirked and Peter died a little inside. “Yeah, Peter, who’s not your boyfriend?” She asked, like the absolute devil she was. “N-nobody.” He stuttered out. “You good, Pete?” Harley asked. He leaned in a little and lowered his voice from where he sat in front of Peter and continued, “Something happen at patrol last night?”

MJ barked out a laugh, Ned’s face morphed into a grin and Peter froze. “ What? ”

“It wasn’t that hard to figure out, dude. You work on Spider-Man’s suit and webshooters, you sneak out every night, you stutter every time we talk about Spider-Man. Who else could it possibly be? Besides, you’re way too bendy to not be part spider.” Harley explained.

MJ howled in laughter, and while it was probably the first time she’d laughed like this, of course it had to be at him.  

-----------

So, Harley knew about Spider-Man, and he was friends with Ned and MJ.

It should be great, right?

Wrong.

Firstly, it was one more person at risk because of him. Secondly, it somehow seemed like everyone knew about his stupid little crush and was bent on embarrassing him more than he already was.

His friends, the Avengers, Tony, and even May. 

May had taken one look at his starstruck expression, and immediately understood what was going on. She was expecting it at this point for her seventeen-year-old nephew-basically-son, after his sad excuse of “dating” with whatever happened with Michelle. She was happy for him, he deserved something as normal as a crush after everything that had happened. She had been dying to give him The Talk too, but nobody needed to know that.  

Now, almost two weeks in, everybody was urging him to make a move or making fun of him.

He was almost fully convinced Harley wouldn’t like him like that, because, really, who would be unfortunate enough to like him? But then again, all of Harley’s pet names only seemed to apply to him. He didn’t call MJ or Ned or anyone else from their school darlin’ and sweetheart and the occasional babe.

Besides, MJ thought he had a chance, and when is MJ ever wrong?

-----------

A week into September, Peter had thought of every possibility that this might result in.

Every way to say no, every sad expression, every catastrophe, and every way to answer to “Look, Peter…”

Other than that, it could only go great, right?

September meant Harley’s birthday. It was the perfect time to ask him out.

Harley entered Peter’s room in the tower like he was walking into his own. He dropped his bag on the floor and threw himself on Peter’s bed. Peter spinned around his chair so that he was facing Harley instead of his desk. “What are you getting me for my birthday?” Harley asked him. “Don’t worry about it,” Peter replied. He’d do all the worrying. Harley gave him his gorgeous smile, and Peter wondered, once again, how anyone could be this beautiful.

“C’mere.” Harley gestured to the bed as he made space for Peter. Peter did a backflip into the bed. “So extra,” Harley said with a laugh. “You love it.” Peter replied with a smirk. “Yeah, yeah, I do love Spider-Man!” Harley laughed. Peter rolled his eyes, but it made something in his stomach heavier.

Harley loved Spider-Man. He had since he had come to New York. Peter didn’t blame him, Spider-Man was really great. Spider-Man saved lives, he helped people and in return, the people loved him in return. It was stupid, Harley loved Spider-Man, and he was Spider-Man, and logically, he knew that.

But Harley loved Spider-Man, and he was just Peter.

“What’re you thinkin’ about?” Harley asked him softly. “Nothing.” Peter replied with a small smile.

-----------

It was Harley’s eighteenth birthday and Peter had spent extra hours making sure he looked good enough in the mirror. It was the day, and Peter had to make sure everything was perfect.

“It’ll be great, baby.” May had told him. “Catch him when he least expects it.” MJ had said. “It’s gonna be awesome, dude! You got this!” Ned had shrieked. “Go get your boy,” Tony had said with a smile and rolled his eyes.

So now, after the cake cutting, and the small party that Harley had insisted he didn’t want was over, Peter grabbed his hand and pulled him to the elevator. “What’ve you got planned?” Harley asked him with a raised eyebrow. “You’ll see.” Peter replied.

The elevator dinged, and Peter pulled Harley with him to the edge of the rooftop. “What, you’re gonna throw me off?” Harley asked with a laugh. “Jesus Christ, no,” Peter replied. “What I am gonna do though,” Peter’s hand wandered up Harley’s neck. “is this.”

Peter pushed himself up to his toes to be able to reach Harley’s lips. A gasp bubbled out of Harley when Peter’s lips met his own. Peter’s heart was beating wildly, before Harley’s hands gripped Peter’s waist and he finally kissed him back. Peter’s hand grabbed Harley’s hair and Harley let out a pleased noise from the back of his throat.

Eventually, they both pulled apart, panting. “Look at me,” Harley said in the softest tone Peter had ever heard him use. Peter shyly looked up to meet his eyes. They looked almost too beautiful in the evening sun, perfectly complimented by Harley’s sparkling skin and messed up hair. A smile pulled at his lips and he leaned down to kiss the side of Peter’s lips. “Thank you, darlin’, for your gift,” He said in that thick southern voice, “I loved it.”

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There had been a plan. Of course, there had been a plan. And that plan was not to just straight up kiss Harley Keener the second he found him alone. He had a whole speech ready. He was meant to tell Harley how he felt first, and then kiss him, if Harley said yes.

But, well, straight up kissing him had gotten Peter here, comfy on his queen sized bed with Harley cuddled up beside him, and Peter was not complaining.

His head fit perfectly in the crook of Harley’s neck; it was like they were meant to fit together. Their legs were tangled together under the covers, and one of Harley’s hands snaked up Peter’s neck to his hair. A calloused hand started untangling the knots in Peter’s hair, and Peter could swear, right then and there, that this was heaven. His hand lay limply on Harley’s waist and Harley pulled him just a little closer as he pressed a kiss on Peter’s hair.

“I wanted to ask you out, but you beat me to it,” Harley’s soft voice cut through the quiet.

“I was convinced you wouldn’t like me,” Peter said quietly.

“What’s there to not like about you? I could write, like, twenty-thousand songs on why you’re the embodiment of the word ‘perfect’, darlin’-” Harley pushed himself up to one elbow and started, but Peter laughed and slapped a hand on his mouth. “Shut up,” He said, way too fondly to have any actual heat in it.

Harley licked Peter’s hand.

His eyes flew open, and he immediately started wiping his hand on Harley’s shirt. “ What the hell, Harley- ” he shrieked, as Harley leaned down, the tips of their noses touching, and said, “Make me.”

Peter scowled, but leaned up and kissed Harley’s lips.

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As the time we took a break

February fourth to the sixteenth of May

It was all going so, so good.

Almost too good to be real. He guessed that’s why it didn’t last.

He should’ve known, of course this had to happen.

They had been dating since that fateful day in September, and continued on till February with no real problems. Harley had cherished him, and Peter could swear Harley was the one thing he never knew he needed, and now couldn’t live without. Every kiss, every hug, every word said in the soft lighting of the roof and every single moment they spent together send fireworks in Peter’s brain.

His friends liked him, May liked him, and Tony obviously adored him.

Peter loved him.

They had been dating for 5 months when they had the argument.

It didn’t even qualify as a real reason to have such a heated fight with your partner, but May was sick and off work, finals were looming around the corner, and he’d lost another person on patrol when Harley had announced he was going back to Tennessee.

He should’ve probably asked Harley why he was leaving suddenly, if everything was okay at home, if he needed any help, and he should’ve given Harley a hug and gone to see him off at the airport as he texted him everyday.

But he was stressed out of his mind and his boyfriend was the only thing keeping him sane, so instead of doing any of the things he should’ve, he lashed out on him. Really, it was stupid. Harley’s life didn’t revolve around him.

But for some reason, it seemed like Peter’s life revolved around Harley.

“You can’t leave now!” He had yelled. “I can do whatever the hell I want, Peter.” Harley had replied. “May is sick, Harley, and you know I have the finals. I need your help!”

“Well, she’s your aunt, and your responsibility right now. That’s not my problem. I need to go.”

“Go? Like, you’re leaving for good?”

“No. I’ll come back. But I need a break. From everything and this relationship.”

“Harley-”

“Bye, Peter.”

And then he’d left. Left Peter standing in the middle of his room at the apartment, still too shocked to move. Then a tear slipped down his cheek, and before he knew it, he was on the floor, unable to breathe with how hard he was sobbing.

Pathetic. Must’ve been the reason Harley left.

After five months of dating - and six months of knowing Harley - how could he just leave? 

Maybe he really was cursed. It wouldn’t be a shock seeing everybody he loved seemed to leave him right when he needed them the most.

His parents. Though he didn’t remember much of them, he remembered the time he’d faced a bully in kindergarten for the first time. He remembered being pushed on the ground, and him crying, then the nurse was there, telling him that mommy and daddy were on their way. He remembered being mad. He wanted to tell his parents about the bully, but that wasn’t on his luck. His parents never showed up. After two hours of waiting, it was his Aunt May and Uncle Ben who came to pick him up. May kneeled down in front of him, tucked a stray curl behind his ear and pulled him into a rough yet gentle hug. He doesn’t remember much, but that was the first time he had seen May cry. Even Uncle Ben was crying.

They had taken him home and then told him that his mother and father weren’t going to return. A car accident, apparently. Their funeral was a blur, but he remembered Ben’s voice amidst the memories. “ Let’s say goodbye to mama, Petey. ” he had said. He didn’t want to remember anything else.

He hasn’t told a single person about his first bully till this date. That information was reserved for his parents, and, well, they’re gone.

Uncle Ben. He had gotten his powers just a month ago, and already broken the faucet. He’d been a little better at hiding why the doorknob of his room was broken, but Uncle Ben was quick to catch him red-handed. He was getting used to sticking to everything, and Ben had caught him trying to unstick himself from the kitchen table.  

He’d told Ben everything. Ben had laughed and said fondly, “ Only you, Pete. ” and then offered to buy him ice cream. They were walking in the busy streets with ice creams in hand when someone gave a shout. Ben had run back, wanting to find out what was going on. He was still a police officer at heart. Ben told Peter to get out of there, but before he could, a man ran into him, sending them both on the ground. Peter had gotten up and helped the man up too. He’d received a, “Thanks, kid.” in return. He’d lost his uncle to the same man.

A gun had gone off. A body fell. Peter kept his eyes closed and his hands over his ears as he sat hidden in a random alleyway. Finally, when he got out, everybody had left. Except a man lying on the ground with a pool of blood under him. Peter had run to him and almost screamed when he saw it was Uncle Ben. Eyelids barely open, Ben had told Peter, “ With great power… Comes great responsibility. ”

He carried the weight of his uncle’s death as well as the weight of the advice that was given to him as Ben’s last words.

God, Tony. The man who took him under his wing and asked for nothing in return. The man who taught him how to actually understand what Ben’s advice had meant. The man who expanded his family until it wasn’t just him and May. The man who gave Peter someone to look up to, the man who gave Peter a father. 

Titan and dying had been awful, granted, but at least he was with Tony then. It had made the pain of being ripped apart atom-by-atom a little bit more bearable, knowing someone he trusted and loved was with him as he turned to dust.

And then, suddenly, he woke up to five years later, the worst battle of his life, and little Morgan Stark.

It had been a blur between waking up on Titan without Tony by his side, and hearing Tony’s heart stop. Those few seconds as Tony’s heart struggled to keep beating, as Pepper pulled him back and said goodbye to her husband, as everyone seemed to give up on Iron Man were some of the worst seconds of his life. Worse than dying, he’d say.

But it seemed Parker Luck had worked right the first time in his life, because somehow, they saved Tony. Lost an arm, yes, but saved his life. 

Fast forward to the trip to Germany, Beck, EDITH glasses, his identity being revealed and his life being a mess until he asked Dr. Strange to use a spell, and meeting Harley Keener, and oh, being left by him, and Peter was still a crying mess on the floor.

He sniffed again, pulled himself up and stood up. It wasn’t like Harley had broken up with him. This was just a taking a break. This was normal. And healthy.

But damn, if it didn’t make Peter feel more of a curse than a human being.

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Next day at school… was hectic, to say the least.

Between trying not to cry during class and Ned telling him that hey, it’s fine! He said he’ll come back, right? It’s okay, dude and MJ seething were she sat, or maybe sending Harley death threats, he could positively say that he’d seen better days.

He had an unnerving headache as well as a probable sensory overload. He paid no mind to Flash, he had bigger problems than his childish antics. The journey back to the apartment practically tore him apart even as he gnawed at his ears and squeezed his eyes shut. He’d thought May wouldn’t be at home - a thought that was equal times relieving as it was depressing - but here she was, sitting on the couch with a book in hand.

Her head snapped towards him as he entered, and a warm smile spread across her face. She had gotten a bit better yesterday, and told him that she wouldn’t miss another day at work but it seemed she hadn’t followed through her plan.

“Why’re you at home?” He asked her a bit too roughly - courtesy of his sensory overload - and even she looked a little shocked. “Health got a bit worse. You okay, baby?”

“Yeah, May, don’t worry.” he said as he sat down beside his aunt. Her hand found his hair and he let his head fall on her lap. “Harley and I are taking a break.”

“Now? You’ve got your finals and Spider-Man. Distracting, huh?”

“No, May, he…” he swallowed, “he left saying he needed a break. It caused a fight. God, why did I have to fight with him? I could’ve… I don’t even know why he left. Was it something I did? I must’ve been too clingy. Or maybe I wasn’t giving him enough attention. But- but a break is normal in relationships, right?”

“Oh, Pete.” May leaned down and kissed his forehead. “It wasn’t your fault. He should’ve told you what was wrong. This is on him, okay?” Peter thought May looked about ten years older than she actually was at that moment. “And he’ll be back! This is not the end, Peter. I know you don’t give up on people, much less on people that you love as much as you love Harley.”

“I don’t love anyone like how I love Harley, May.”

She smiled softly, and continued playing with his hair. “I’m so happy for you because you found someone who you can love like that. Don’t give up, baby. It’s absolutely okay to be upset- and hell, you can be mad at him, too! Like I said, this is on Harley, sweetheart. He should’ve known you’d blame yourself, and at least said something about what was wrong. It’ll be okay.”

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Another person died on patrol. Peter secretly hoarded a bunch of energy drinks into the tower so that he could focus on studying. May got a bit better. Weekdays that were supposed to be labdays turned into Peter studying in the lab as Tony worked beside him.

Oh, and he was running on 2 hours of sleep in the past… week? Fortnight? He had no idea at this point.

He forcefully watched a movie, and broke down halfway because there was a scene that Harley would’ve found hilarious. He played with Morgan, and cried because a doll had the same hair as Harley. It was ridiculous.

March rolled by, and passed in the same blur that had been the entirety of February. Finals. April. 15 people dead, he counted each of their last breaths.  And then, May started.

The sixteenth of May was a Saturday, and therefore a labday.

He thought he was getting better at lying to himself that things were fine. May was okay  now, finals were over and he was no longer crying at every little thing that reminded him of Harley.

That was good, right?

He walked into the lab, and finally zoned back in as Tony said, “Guess who’s back, Underoos?”

His eyes locked with familiar blue ones across the lab. He watched a familiar smile spread across a familiar face. He heard a familiar voice say, “ Hi, darlin’.” in a familiar soft tone.

The look in his eyes wasn’t familiar.

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So strange to be back at your place

Pretending like nothing has changed, oh

They were lying in the same bed where they had laid on the night of Harley’s birthday. Peter’s head was tucked under Harley’s chin, but they didn’t seem to fit perfectly now. There was no comfortable atmosphere around them now. Peter had dreamed of the day Harley came back since the day he’d left, but now…

He couldn’t bring himself to be happy about it, because this wasn’t the same Harley who’d left him.

“How was Rosehill?” He asked him quietly.

“Ah, ya know, the usual.” Harley replied back, a little too quickly. “Met up with a few of my friends.”

Ah, yes. There was that.

“Did you miss me?” Peter asked him.

“O- of course, darlin’. All I thought about was you.” Harley lied with a straight face. Of course his stupid Parker Luck wouldn’t let him have everything he wanted.

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Speak up, I know you hate me

Looked at your picture and cried like a baby.

Everybody was congratulating him for having his boyfriend back.

May had smiled, hugged him and said that she was proud of him for not giving up. There was nothing left to give up on now, but May didn’t need to know that.

Maybe he was overreacting. Maybe Harley did still love him the same.

Ned and MJ were a different case. MJ had gone full feral mode when she saw Harley and yelled at him for at least an hour, and Ned just had a sad look in his eyes when he saw that Harley had changed.

He had no idea what had changed. But this wasn’t the Harley he knew and loved.

This Harley complained when he returned from patrol late, didn’t hold him as close as he did before and made fun of sensitive topics.

This Harley told him sweet nothings and looked bored whenever he ranted about Chemistry or Physics.

Maybe it really was the end back in February when Harley had left.

It was late at night, and Peter was the only person awake in the apartment. He knew he couldn’t get drunk, but maybe if he drank enough…

That was his exact thought as he reached the top shelf to grab one of May’s Vodka bottles that she hardly ever drank.

He made his way to the roof and then he drank. Ignoring the awful taste, he chugged down the entire bottle in one go. Then another. And then suddenly he had 5 empty bottles beside him.

He was pretty sure the alcohol was supposed to make him feel lighter, but instead, he found himself even more upset and raging at Harley.

He grabbed his phone from beside him as he sniffed, a big tear rolling down his cheek. He clicked on Harley’s number, and by the time he picked up, Peter was wailing. 

Sob after sob bubbled up his throat as he mindlessly yelled at Harley.

“ I LOVED YOU SO MUCH! WHY- WHY’D’YA LEAVE? I- I JUST WANTED YO’ TO BE YOU! H’RLEY Y- YOU’RE S- SO AWF’L! I- I L’VE YOU! IF YOU D’N’T LOVE ME THEN J’ST BR’K U’ WITH M’! L- LEAVE M’ L’KE YOU LEFT ME TH’T DAY! ”

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Now I look dumb and you look mean

You casually steal back your T-Shirt

And your Polo cap, yeah, I noticed that

Yeah, I notice everything you do

The next day, Peter having no recollection of the last night and Harley being mad at him, was a mess.

“Why won’t you talk to me?”

“You know why, Peter. Everything you said last night… God, Peter, what happened to you?”

“What did I say last night?”

Then Harley had scoffed and left Peter alone. Every time he tried to talk to him, it resulted in a fight. Peter, exhausted, entered his room and started looking for something comfortable to wear. He opened his wardrobe and reached into the farthest end of it, to pull out something he’d kept here for days like this.

Only… it wasn’t there. The only T-Shirt that Harley hadn’t taken with him that belonged to him was gone. And the cap too. Could this day get worse?

He apologized to Harley about whatever had happened last night. That, and they were “good” again.

Good, meaning Harley was back to pretending he still loved Peter.

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Since the time we took a break

Everybody knows you don’t love me the same

So cruel to be lying to my face

‘Cause I know what you’re too afraid to say, oh

MJ had basically growled at him when she told him to leave Harley. Ned had pleaded that he end things. Neither of them liked Harley now.

“Listen, Parker, if you don’t break up with that southern loser, I’m gonna steal your phone and do it myself.”  MJ had said.

“Yeah, dude, MJ’s right. You deserve better than him.” Ned had agreed.

And Peter was so tired. All he wanted was to be happy and when was the last time he was truly happy? Oh, right, January. 

And, well, Peter was tired of Harley’s shit, so he finally confronted him.

“Harley.” He approached  the older boy in the crowded hallway.  “Peter?” Harley looked surprised to see him. He gestured to the boy beside him to leave as he turned to Peter. “Yeah, babe?”

Peter punched him square in the face.

“Don’t call me those pet names when you don’t mean them.”

“Peter, what the-” He couldn’t finish as Peter slammed him against the locker behind him.

“What happened in Tennessee, huh? You find someone new? Someone better?” “Peter-” “No! I’m not finished, Keener. Just say it, just say that you hate me. Why did you need to lie to my face every time you told me you loved me? Jesus Christ, Harley what happened to you? I’m not going to just tolerate everything you do anymore. If you don’t end things, then I will. We’re over, Harley Keener.” He leaned forward so that their lips met. “A goodbye kiss.”

He let go of Harley, who slid down the locker and ended up with his butt on the floor. Peter took a step back.

“ Goodbye, Harley. ”

Speak up, I know you hate me

Looked at your picture and cried like a baby

Speak up, don't leave me waiting

Got way too drunk off a vodka cranberry

Called you up in the middle of the night

Wailing like an imbecile

If you won't end things

Then I will I will

(Don't make me do this, but) I will I will, I will I will, I will

Looked at your picture and cried like a baby

Speak up, don't leave me waiting

Got way too drunk off a vodka cranberry

Called you up in the middle of the night

Wailing like an imbecile

If you won't end things

Then I will.