Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“You showed up! That’s the first step, and that’s all you can ask for! It takes a bunch of steps to get around the track, so just keep going!”

I hug my woven blanket tightly, staring up at the ceiling as the sounds of Tracen Academy’s night whirr quietly. 

The muscular umumusume’s words were on repeat in my mind, in tune with my beating heart. All I’d done was wake up and go to the training field. And then she’d run me through a few stretches. And then I’d backed down from doing more - like a coward. 

I expected disappointment from her. Maybe I was hoping for disappointment, because it would be an excuse to not come back - to toss aside this resolution to do better just like all of the other times I’d made them. 

Instead, I was met with those words, and a shining passion… just remembering the blaze in her eyes made me want to cry, and I nearly did right in front of her. She probably wouldn’t have minded.

She hadn’t minded when I watched her training through the windows of the Tracen Academy gym. 

She hadn’t minded when I ran away the first two times she tried to come over. I remembered both times that I hid in the shade of one of moss-stained gates, my heart pounding, kicking myself mentally for being so weak.

She didn’t let me run off a third time without saying a word, not that I could have outrun her. 

She hadn’t minded that I barely managed to string two words together. She didn’t laugh at my halfheartedly-uttered, hazy resolution to ‘exercise more.’ 

She’d just said… “You can do it! Let’s start tomorrow morning, I’ll figure out some routines for you! Don’t worry, I know what works for a human!” 

I was only able to do a few of the stretches before Io froze up, but she didn’t mind that either.

“Just build the habit! Day by day! Let’s focus on just the stretches and some basics, you know, the simple things, first! We’ll wake up your body, and then move forward from there.”

On the other side of the room, my older sibling stretches and groans. I close my eyes and feign sleep as they look over. “... Goddesses, you’d better have done your damn homework before going to sleep…” they mutter under their breath. “This time had better not be like all of the others. I can’t have you embarrass me and ruin everything again.”

I’ll certainly try.

My sibling’s bedtime preparations are quick, probably as quick as their trainee’s (or quicker,) and soon they are snoring quietly. As the light faded into a distant memory, I stare up at the ceiling again. 

It probably would be like all of the other times. I didn’t know how many chances either of us would get, but I did intend to not fail this time. I never intended to fail, ever.

… This time was different, though. This time, I had someone helping me. I feel horrible about that, but the thought of seeing that umumusume again and hearing her kind and encouraging words… It makes me want to feel the burn in my muscles and my lungs. It makes me want to leave my little corner of the dorm room, the classroom, and the front hall and open my world to the others. Maybe it would be easier if my fellow students were umumusume instead of humans, or maybe it was just because of this one.

I’m going to get up tomorrow morning and join her at the track. I’m going to figure out what routine works for me. I’m going to feel myself get stronger, and then…

And then…

Meijiro Ryan… One day, I’ll have the words to tell you everything. My hopes… my dreams… 

And maybe then… someone will believe in me.

Chapter Text

“You’re right! Everything’s a muscle!” 

Meijiro Ryan laughs as I watch her work out. I’ve been managing to join her every day. Not always at the same time, or the same place, but I do my little exercise routine with her and then hang out.

“Writing, reading, studying, sleeping, discipline… they’re all sort of like their own muscle groups, aren’t they?!”

“Y… yeah, it really struck me when you were explaining how workouts work.” I say quietly. “How similar it all is.”

“Yeah, yeah! You have to train them, and the key is…” She finishes the set and takes a long drink of water. “... the key is that you at least do something, you know? Every day, just something. You figure out how to balance the training from there.” She sighs. “... I have working out down. Anything to do with my body? I get it! It’s the rest that I have to work on.” 

I nod sympathetically. “Is your trainer helping you with that?” I ask quietly, taking the break as a cue to drink my own water. 

Instinct causes us both to glance towards the door to the gym, as if expecting her trainer to step through at any moment. There’s nothing wrong with her trainer, at least, not as far as I’ve heard. They seem like a nice person, honestly - but I try to avoid them when I can. All of the trainers, actually. Humans in general. Ryan knows this, but she hasn’t asked why, and I don’t think I could explain even if I tried.

“They’re trying, I think. They have a ‘wits’ training regimen that we do sometimes, but I don’t know if anyone knows how to train, um… confidence.” She fidgets with her water bottle. “I mean, I guess they do, but it’s tricky. Nothing’s working. Maybe it's the balance. Maybe they just don’t have the right brain workout that trains all the… uh… brain muscles?”

“Maybe it’s different from person to person, too.” I say, swirling the water in my bottle and watching it shimmer behind the clear plastic. “Um… do you really have trouble with the other things? Sleeping and reading, and all of those?” 

“Well…” Ryan’s cheeks flushed a pretty shade of rose and she reached up to play with one of her long, dark-furred ears. “I like reading manga! I maybe read it too much, though, haha. I forget to sleep at the right times…”

“Me too!” I admit. We laugh. It feels nice to laugh with someone else. “I have a lot of trouble going to bed, and sometimes it’s because I’m reading too much. Not… for school…” Or for work. 

“Oh? What kind of things do you read?” Even I can tell that she’s nervous, and I’m notoriously oblivious, or just too nervous to read people… but then, Umas are easier to read. It’s comforting to know that I can look at their pretty ears and tails and know how they really feel. That’s not the only reason why they feel safe, but it’s a big part of it. 

“... Fanfiction.” I admit. “Sh… ship fic.”

She breaks into a laugh. “It’s romance manga for me!” she confesses, “I… uh… can’t get enough of it…” She tries to hide her embarrassment by beginning another set, but I can see her smiling. Every day I spend time with her, every day I do my exercises, I feel more at ease. 

And then a trainer comes and it all goes back to square zero… I think, glancing nervously at the door… Anytime, now.

I watch her do her next set, drinking more of my water.

I remember when I first met Meijiro Ryan - right here in this gym. I had just arrived, and had wanted to avoid lingering in my room - with my sibling - as much as possible. The first few days of school, I went to class and kept to myself. I didn’t want to bother anyone - I knew that I was already pushing things by being here, that I was a burden on my sibling and the system. 

But, passing by the gym, and seeing a whole pack of umamusume training together… I couldn’t look away. The power and grace on display was awe inspiring, and the way that they talked to each other, interacted with each other, and just moved… I wished that I was strong enough to be around them.

And then she saw me. 

She waved me in. 

And, Goddesses know why, I didn’t run away.

I don’t want to be the way that I am forever. I want to be better, stronger, happier - able to see a future worth reaching for. Already, with just the daily stretches and light exercises, for the first time in my life, I feel like I can try. 

“I can help you work out those muscles,” I say suddenly, “the mind muscles.” I look away, flustered at having said something so ridiculous - but I meant it. “You can help me with the body and I can help you with the mind.”

“Really?” Ryan stops mid-lift.

“Really.” 

I’ll try to come up with something, some plan to ‘train’ with her. On seeing her wide grin, I know that I have to. I don’t want to be the way that I am forever. I want to be better, stronger, happier… and that means…

I have to do this. 

“Okay! Yeah! Heck yeah! Woo!” She lifts even faster, sweat dripping from her, eyes blazing. She’s a little terrifying to watch, but also inspiring. She finishes her set with a grunt that wouldn’t be out of place in a martial arts movie. “We’re gonna work on your eating habits first!” She says, pointing at me, her arm trembling from exertion. “You’re not eating enough to work out anything.”

“Oh…” I look away shyly. I’d been hoping that she hadn’t noticed that. “I did eat something today.”

“Well, once I finish this last set, we’re going to make sure that you do eat something. You can’t forget to eat, you know!” she scolds. 

Laughing is easy with Meijiro Ryan. 

Maybe she’s working out my soul, too. 

Unfortunately, that happy feeling is cut short as her trainer enters the gym. I pack up quickly and say my goodbyes before I escape to the safety of the hallway. I don’t flee to the courtyard like I usually do - the cafeteria is my next stop. 

I text her a picture of my carrot steak.

She sends me three thumbs up back. 

Somehow, I feel like I accomplished something. 

Chapter Text

My head doesn’t hurt, not exactly.

“Everything feels like… too much.” I say as I try to enjoy the tea with my new friends. “The light is too light. Sounds are too sound…” The heat of the tea isn’t the issue - the feel of the liquid on my lips is. I can barely manage the teatime snack of apples and honey - even good sensations are too much. I want to curl up into a ball and lie in my bed all day with a blanket over my head, but I can’t really do that.

And so, here I am.

“I’m terribly sorry,” Meijiro McQueen says, eyes soft with sympathy. “That sounds like a migraine. I’ve had them before.”

“Yeah! Me too!” Meijiro Ryan’s voice makes me wince. “Sorry!” She lowers her voice to a stage whisper. “Me too.” Her natural voice is still so vibrant. It rattles my brain. “But you know, you did your stretches anyway! And you even did a set of ten pushups and squats today! I know you’ve been nervous about those!”

I nod. I feel silly every time I feel nervous. Why am I scared of a few exercises? Why those, and not the planks that Ryan taught me to do? 

She never laughs at me when I’m nervous. McQueen doesn’t laugh at me, either, actually. She’s so beautiful and elegant and refined - I feel like grit under an Uma’s cleats around her. And then, without fail, every time I feel like I want to shrink into the shadow of the two Meijiros, Ryan says something.. It doesn’t actually matter what she says. She just has to say it, and everything falls into place. 

McQueen responds to her, and it becomes so very clear: 

McQueen is not some perfect, untouchable idol. She’s just an Uma. An extraordinarily talented person, but a person. Who doesn’t mind my presence at all.

“Y… yeah. I did.” I say, fidgeting with the cup with a small smile. The texture of the cup is very… texture… but the smoothness isn’t terrible.

“Training with a migraine is so tough, but I always feel better after working out!” Ryan continues. “It’s hard to focus on mental training, though.”

Focus? Oh yeah. I keep losing focus, even on the tea itself. Their voices feel like they are swimming around me, currents in a sea of stimulation. 

“Hey. Are you okay?” Ryan’s voice cuts through the noise. It hurts. 

“I’m fine.” I lie, then feel dirty for lying. “I… I have things to do today,” I say, my voice slow and quiet. “So, I’ll have to be.”

McQueen nods. I feel both of their attentions on me. I try to lose myself in the remaining tea, a hand-picked blend that only their prestigious family can provide. I end up having to close my eyes as the lights shimmering on the surface of the liquid stab into my eyes. 

“We’re in the same class next period. I will go with you.” McQueen says quietly. 

“Oh… oh! It’s that time already?” Ryan laughs nervously, the sound clawing across my senses - even as I enjoy the sound. “I’ll check in with you later, okay? We don’t have to hang out and… uh… read tonight.”

… Read manga, she means. The idea makes me wince - I wish that I could, but just the thought of looking at and interpreting manga hurts. 

“Sounds good.” I say softly, standing awkwardly. I feel a sense of shame as I reach for McQueen’s sleeve to ground myself, but she links her elbow with mine. Her smile is amused, not disdainful.

The patterns in the hallway shimmer, dazzling my eyes. I’m not sure how I’m going to make it through class, but I have to try - if I don’t, it’ll be worse when my sibling finds out. I’m managing one foot after the other, at least, and classes are quiet, here. Even the most… volatile… Uma is quiet in class, I’ve found, so I should be fine.

I have to be fine.

“If I may say something?”

I look over at McQueen. Her bright colors seem to create a halo around her that hurts my head somewhat. 

“Thank you. For joining us for tea. And for training with Ryan.”

“I’m not doing much.” I manage to say. My mouth feels cottony, and my stomach clenches, but I swallow my feelings back down. 

I have to look away from her smile. “You are doing far more than you realize. For you. For her. And… for me. So, please, keep doing so.”

I stare straight ahead. I’d be confused even if my head wasn’t throbbing, but now? I have no idea how to respond. “Okay,” I half-whisper, just to say something. I don’t want her to feel ignored, after all!

“Keep going. Push yourself to your limit, but retreat before you break. And then, try again.” McQueen opens the classroom door and gently ushers me inside. “That’s all. The rest is up to you.”

I wish she wouldn’t have said something so inspiring while I was in the middle of a sensory overload migraine, but I do my best to hold onto her words. Even when they conflict with how the world has always reacted when I tried, even tried my best.

… But what else can I do?

I fight through the rest of the day, and I feel like that might as well be literal. I can only blink at the pencil that somehow ended up in my hair, or the notebook that I somehow forgot three consecutive times. A fog has settled on my thoughts, slowed by the pain coming from the neurons of my ears. 

Meijiro Ryan’s forceful hand on my shoulder sends a shock through my body, and I wince. 

“Oh! Sorry, sorry.” She lowers her voice. “I just wanted to check on you.”

Through the ringing in my head, I can’t even open my eyes. Nodding feels like an incredible effort, my body so tense that it outright locks up. 

“I guess no manga tonight, huh.” She says with an embarrassed laugh. “Let me help you get home.”

She doesn’t wait for me to answer - Ryan steadily pulls me back to the Trainer’s dorm. She’s not supposed to go in. My sibling isn’t back yet, thankfully, so our shared room is a sanctuary of quiet. 

As I lay there, my head wrapped in a blanket,I’m struck (literally) by the thought that it was very brave of Ryan to bend the rules to help me.

She’s so kind. 

I pass out hard. I don’t remember my sibling coming back. I wake up late, missing our morning get together and breakfast. I feel significantly better - life isn’t pain today! I probably could have called it a rest day…  but I do my stretches anyway.

I have to be as brave as Ryan.

Chapter Text

“Okay! Let's work on form today!”

Oh, if I only had known what awaited me when I happily submitted myself to the trap of Meijiro Ryan's sunny smile!

“But… but I…” I struggle on the verge of tears, trying to do everything right. Form is important, and Ryan is trying so hard to teach me. “I can't!”

… My body doesn't want to obey. I watch her do the exercises. I try to mimic her and follow her directions, but it's always somehow wrong. 

“You can!” She gives me a pat, managing to hold back enough force to not hurt me while I attempt another squat. “Here, you just have to position your legs a little… here… and your back like… this…” 

She's trying to show me, to move me into place and teach my muscles what to do. It should be reassuring, but panic starts to set in as my frustration overloads me.

“Okay, now push your body up! Use that core and leg muscles! There you go!”

I try. I can do it. It's gotten easier, but I don't feel good or secure. I have to force my feet down into a stable position, with the ball of the foot, toes, and heel all work together. I stand, and I want to just give up, escape, curl in a corner and hide.

I'm such a failure. I can't do anything right.

It's either run or cry.

“Hey, hey, it's okay!” Ryan steadies me. Apparently my body made the choice for me, just as it makes its choice with every posture fuckup.

“Do you want to take a break?”

I shake my head.

“... Let's take a break.”

I give in to her strength as she pulls me aside to the bench. 

“Electrolytes time!” She shoves a bottle of near-fluorescent liquid at me… and a bag of crunchy granola-yoghurt snacks. “Because you forgot to eat again, didn't you?”

I look away in shame.

“You're saving room for tea and biscuits later, I get it!” Her kindness radiates from her vibrant features, from her kind eyes to her broad smile. “But your body needs it! And more! You should listen to your body when it says it needs more food, you know!”

I take it and stare at it for a moment, hyper aware of her eyes on me. What if I eat this wrong? It’s irrational, I know. But I feel that thought inside me, painfully. Nervous, I force myself to eat the oat bran, chewing it reluctantly. It feels tasteless and mushy in my mouth. I know that the raisins and sweet yogurt are there, but I can’t taste them. 

Everything in my mouth is cardboard and paste.

I feel like nothing more than cardboard and paste.

And failure. 

My sibling’s voice echoes in my mind.

“Hey. Hey. What’s wrong.” Ryan’s hand is gentle on my shoulder. “Tell me what’s going on. I… I want to help.”

There’s something more to what she’s saying, not between the lines but beneath them, but I can’t think of that right now. I just don’t want to hurt her feelings. 

She’s trying so hard. I don’t want her to feel like a failure, too.

“Please?” I look up at Meijiro Ryan, her eyes suddenly locking onto mine. I feel a jolt of what feels an awful lot like fear, shifting in discomfort, but her eyes hold mine. They are bright and shining with her inner fire, but they also plead with me to speak. I can see the shimmer of tears forming, and my control wavers…

And breaks.

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” I start crying, breaking eye contact and curling into myself. “I can’t do them right. I’m trying so hard, but my body can’t do what you want me to do. I don’t understand what you want, and I’m trying so hard. I’m wasting your time, and I’m sorry. I’m stupid and that’s… that’s just how it is… Please…” forgive me…

My sibling wouldn’t forgive me for wasting anyone’s time. Especially theirs time. Back when my sibling was studying to be a trainer, I wanted to help them with it. Maybe I wanted to try to be a trainer, too. Maybe they’d smile at me, then. That might have been the thought, I never was entirely sure… but they never did smile, and I wasn’t enough for their exacting standards. I gave up on helping them very soon after starting, and they brushed me off. I stayed in my lane after that.

That was exactly what they expected of me.

“You’re not.” Ryan says firmly. “You’re not a waste of time. You’re not stupid. You’re trying so hard, and I’m really proud of you, so… so…” I look up as she starts to cry, too. “Stop saying that about my friend.” 

Her hug is almost crushing. 

Friend…

“But… but my form…”

She gives me another squeeze before letting me go. “Form is important because you can hurt yourself, but you can’t get it perfect at first. Or… or even after a few tries! Your body is learning, I just forgot that your muscles and tendons and joints need time to learn and get used to how to move. I’m sorry. I’ll be a better teacher!”

I shake my head. “You… don’t have to put that much effort in for me…”

“I want to! I want to help my friend! And… and it helps me. It really does.” 

I blink. “How?” I ask, with no little bitterness in my voice. 

“You’re so useless! Just don’t get in my way at Tracen, okay?! This is a big opportunity, so don’t fuck this up!”

“I… I can’t put it into words, yet. But you do! You’re my friend! Please, keep trying. We’ll fix your form. We’ll build you up. You’ll get as swole as you want. I promise. You can do it, okay? Please…”

If she’s begging me like that, if she’s holding onto me - tightly, but not too tight - this has to have some sort of meaning to her. Even though I’m a weak human, in a place I don’t really belong, and she’s an uma, one of the strongest in the school… if she’s so earnest, I can’t say no.

Even if I wanted to I couldn’t disappoint her like that.

“Okay.” 

Her distressed expression becomes a smile as rapidly as the sun breaking free of an island rain. She hugs me again. I can feel her tail lashing, sometimes hitting my stocking-clad legs. It doesn’t entirely hurt. “Ahh! I’m so happy!”

I can tell… It feels amazing, almost a rush of excitement, a thrill to make her happy. It feels like…

I matter…

I don’t mind the crushing hug. I don’t mind the closeness. I hug her back gently, too gently to resist her pulling away again. She radiates enthusiasm, brimming with energy. 

“Let’s take a break for now, anyway! We can try a little run to the ice cream shop in the town, just a little run, to get your cardio, no form training just baseline movement! And then… have ice cream!”

Oof… running hurts and intimidates me, especially with an Uma as strong as Ryan… she’s a racer for goodness sakes! But still. “That sounds nice…” I start to say, but the bell interrupts me.

“Oh no! I have to go to class!” She stands up, abruptly. “L… later then?” she says, blushing with embarrassment. 

“Yeah.” I say quietly, fidgeting. “I’ll take a, um, fast walk. Just around the grounds. Just to… get used to moving.”

“Oh, right! This is your free period!” She laughs. “See? You’ve got the spirit!” She grabs her bookbag and warms up a little bit. “I gotta get going!” She waves… and then she’s off, just as surely as if she’s emerging from a starting gate. 

I still want to cry. Hell, I’m still crying, but as I touch my hand to my face, I realize just how much I’m smiling. It hurts a bit, as if the muscles there are not used to it. It's not like I don’t smile. I smile all of the time!

But not like this.

Not in a long time.

I start to do as I promised - start to fast walk around campus. I usually walk slowly, taking in the scenery, but I can still do that if I walk quickly, and I know that the cardio and stamina that I build is important. 

It’s mild enough for my thoughts to sort themselves out and to recover from the emotional turmoil. 

I know that Ryan is my friend. I know that she’s taking time out of her day to teach me, and to hang out with me, but I can’t understand why. How am I not a waste of time? She has many other important training, classes, and priorities that should come far ahead of me.

“It helps me. It really does.”

… But how? How am I a help to Ryan? How can I help someone who is so strong and confident and kind already? 

Meijiro McQueen had said something like that, too. I don’t disbelieve either of them. I might well be some sort of support… but how? 

I don’t understand.

I watch a grey and white cat that has started to follow me. He trots just a few paces behind before bounding up to my side. 

“I don’t get it.” I say to him out loud, stopping briefly to pet him. He meows as I reach down, leaning his head into my touch. “I really don’t.” He rubs against me again, before trotting ahead and looking back expectantly.

My smile feels incredibly pleasant. My body feels good, too. 

It really is nice to move.

I follow the cat.

Chapter Text

Meijiro Ryan worked out as she waited for her friend to arrive for their usual morning session. Only the exercising kept her legs from trembling, but she was convinced that, if she opened her mouth, a butterfly would fly high into the mist and the cloudy sky , her stomach was fluttering that much.

Her friend's routine wasn't exact, and sometimes she missed the morning exercises, but...

Ryan knew that she was trying. Ryan knew that she wanted to be here. Ryan believed she would. Believing in her human friend and patiently waiting had worked out before, as if wishing her into existence would magically bring her running. Apologizing that she was late, school bag jostling in her arms.

Well, more like speedwalking. She’s still scared to try jogging. She’s afraid that it’ll hurt. Maybe I’ll see if I can start her on that today?

I really want her to come today.

I need her to.

I believe in her.

"She might not be coming.” McQueen finished her warm up lap, checking her time out of habit. “She was up late last night.”

“Really?” Ryan was mid-set of crunches, but finished her rep and brought her full attention to McQueen. 

“Mmm. Yes. She sent me a text at about 2am.” McQueen brought out her phone and showed it to Ryan. Just a smiley face. 

“Oh! Let me check mine!” Ryan had a bad habit of forgetting to look at her texts - and sure enough, there one was from her friend. More than just an emoji - a little exclamation that told Ryan exactly what her friend had been doing up that late. “Heh. She was reading manga.” Specifically, the super cute manga that Ryan had also been reading, though she’d remembered to actually go to bed at a reasonable time! Racing was important, and the season was coming up, which meant that training and working out was even more important than ever! Ryan was also excited to do other sports, too! Sports were always so reassuring, proof that she was strong enough even as they showed her where she needed to do better. 

Didn’t she say that she used to play baseball when she was little? And football? Not American football… What did she call it, again?

McQueen let out a light little laugh. “I thought as much. I suppose that her sibling wasn’t back that night. I hear that their trainee is somewhat erratic and keeps them… busy…”

“Heh.” Ryan wasn’t surprised. She hoped that meant that her friend’s sibling was at least a good trainer and had a good heart. She hadn’t met them yet, but her friend’s reaction made it clear that they were, at least, prickly. To say the least. “Well, if she doesn’t come, we’ll see her later, right?”

“Mmm. She might miss tea, too, but not classes.”

Ryan frowned, deeper than before. “Why would she do that?!”  Breakfast, she understood. Waking up was so hard after staying up late reading manga! And morning exercise - she understood that, too. Her friend didn’t need to train for racing, so she didn’t need to worry about waking up at the crack of dawn to be race-ready . Ryan and Ines sometimes found her napping, though, fully dressed and ready, in the common area of Miho Dorm. Just to make sure that she didn’t miss them. Whether she did that in Ritto Dorm too, Ryan didn’t know. McQueen hadn’t mentioned it. 

“Ah… maybe you haven’t noticed.” McQueen brought her hand to her chest, just under the place where her neck met her collarbone. “She has… low spells and slumps.” A serious expression shadowing her face. It was like the cloud cover above them, shadowing the training track, and Ryan’s already fluttering gut sank. 

Like me.

“She is in more of my classes than yours. She’s managed not to be late for class, but I recognize such… periodical slumps… when I see them. I would not be surprised if she is awake right now, but cannot summon the energy to get out of bed. She will do so eventually.”

Ryan rubbed at her neck, looking away. “Oh. Uh. I see.” She understood that well enough. The desire to stay under her covers that had nothing to do with comfort or warmth. 

“Again, we will likely see her at lunch. However…” McQueen thought for a moment, and then typed out a text on her phone. “… There.” She sent it. “She knows that we haven’t forgotten about her, now.” McQueen looked at Ryan expectantly. 

“Oh! Right.” Ryan hastily started writing a text on her phone, deleted it, rewrote it, deleted it… and then awkwardly settled for a meme. “Will this, um… help?”

“Probably.” McQueen put her phone away and found a place alongside the track to start her own exercises.

Ryan watched her for a moment before looking down at her phone and the message that lingered in their text chain awkwardly. 

She couldn’t really remember a time before she’d started working out, but she knew that the call of her muscles was keeping her going. They begged for her attention, and she couldn’t keep them waiting. 

Maybe her friend would get to that point. 

Somehow, the thought made her want to train a little harder. A little more. Not because she wasn’t sure if she was strong enough to match McQueen, for once - but because she wanted to be strong for someone.

As if she could will that strength to her friend.

Just before she put her phone away, it dinged. Her friend had liked her message.

Ryan smiled, somewhere between overjoyed and sad, and resumed her set.

***

“Director, I’m sorry, but I think that it’s time to talk about our… unique student… and her situation.” Assistant Director Tazuna’s expression was soft. It was clear - to herself and to the Director - that she didn’t want this to have to be a topic of discussion at all. 

Neither did Director Akikawa. 

“Regret - I hoped that the situation was settled when we hired her sibling! We were very careful with the arrangements!” The Director fanned herself in irritation and concern. “Agitation! The board of directors is ridiculous! Absurd! Sticklers beyond measure!”

“I agree. If they’d had a problem with their sibling’s terms of employment, then they should have said so when they read over their contract the first time. They signed off on it, but maybe they thought that she would race in human meets?” Tazuna managed to hold back a frustrated sigh. “There was nothing in her previous records that indicated an aptitude or interest in sports at all. Her reasons for going to Tracen Academy were clear enough, and it was enough for having her board here and attend the academy on a trial basis.”

“Yes.” Director Akikawa cringed as she looked toward the seemingly insurmountable file cabinet. “Thus far, even if the racecourse does not call to her heart, I am satisfied with her trial! She has integrated well into our wonderful academy. Thriving!”

Tazuna nodded. “I agree. The effect is much as we had hoped. Her grades and class attendance are only slightly improved, but socially, I’ve seen her interacting well with many of our students. She’s even become somewhat physically active, which is a novel development. She may not be exceptional in a way that can be measured with grades or racing placements, but Tracen Academy is bringing out her unique and shining potential, bit by bit.”

“Admiration - it sounds as though you know her progress like the back of your hand!”

“I, well… yes.” Tazuna had read the girl’s student file over and over, every word, trying to find a way around the school’s charter. Anything to convince the board to not bring it down on the poor human’s head.

“I must applaud you - applause, applause.”

It was just Tazuna’s job. She intended to do it well, and support every student in Tracen Academy to the best of her ability!

“Assessment - Their sibling is also doing well, as expected for a trainer of their experience.” And a trainee of that… caliber… was left unsaid. “I suppose the board is restless due to racing season. Agreement?”

“… Agreement.” Tazuna said, resigned to having picked up some of the Director’s distinctive speech quirks. “We must find a way to help her. I… wouldn’t want to see this progress ruined by her being forced to transfer to a human school. I wouldn’t want to see such a thing happen to our new trainer, either.”

… though uncommon, it wasn’t unknown that some humans were more comfortable around Uma than fellow humans. Tazuna didn’t think that there was any research on the topic, just incredible anecdotes of humans finding that being around Umamusume could do wonders for human mental health. If they didn’t want to retire into a quiet office job many Uma, once their bodies had sated themselves with racing (… or never had the chance to race at all, a fact that always broke Tazuna’s heart when she recalled it…) went into professions that helped and comforted others. They trained to be social workers, nurses, occupational (and physical) therapists, and even aides for people with disabilities because of this reputation for empathy. Tazuna had witnessed with her own eyes even the most ornery Uma treat children gently. Especially sick children… The memory of a specific racer’s redemption was almost just as heartbreaking as the knowledge that not every Uma would get a chance on the racecourse.

“Determination! I shall continue searching every avenue! Every nook and cranny! I will pay out of my own pocket if I must! If palms must be greased, I will do so in the name of our precious students! All Uma have a chance to shine… and so do their trainers, and every human doing their part for Tracen Academy!”

“I will continue to do so as well.” Tazuna’s shoulders were suddenly very heavy. Despite her resolve, it was always possible that it was simply impossible to keep the human student at the school.

“Ah - Change of Subject! Tazuna, have you seen North? He has wandered off again, and I miss him…” the Director touched her hat, noticeably devoid of the black and white cat. 

“Unfortunately, he is a cat. I’ve seen him patrolling the school grounds, watching the students.”

The Director bowed her head. “… I suppose I cannot fault him for appreciating our students as much as I do, but it still aches to not have him with me all the time!”

“I’m sure he’ll be back for your attention, soon.” Tazuna said, smiling comfortingly. “Or for feeding time.”

“Yes. Resignation.” The Director straightened,  I shall let him have his space as an individual! For he is a cat, free as the wind, much like our students!” 

… Which did remind Tazuna, she did have to do the cat-related chores. As the sheer force that held the school together, she did nearly everything. It was a burden she was happy to bear -

No matter how overwhelming the worry could become.

***

North groomed himself in the stands, his collar jangling, fastidious as any cat, and yet, he considered himself exceptional. His coat glowed with health in the late afternoon sun, his claws were perfectly kept. His appearance was perfect, the white and black perfectly contrasted yet softly - not harsh and stark. 

And he was impeccably exceptional in his responsibilities.

Idly, he looked up from his perch to watch his students train. They were born to run, just as he was born to be the ideal of ‘cat.’ Just as his personal person was born to be kind. 

Exceptional, every one. 

North started on his tail, noting that one of his students was not training, but he didn’t expect her to. The human wasn’t that sort of student, but she was his none the less.

He paused in his grooming to stare at her intently as she stood and began to stretch and roll her shoulders, clearly unable to bear being seated anymore. Satisfied, he resumed grooming, getting every spot even as the length of his tail frustrated him. He had to grab the exceptionally misbehaving appendage and force it to obey him!

With almost perfect timing, the human hummed to herself and picked up her bag right as North was satisfied with his grooming session. He shook himself out, his collar ringing jubilantly, and trotted up to the human, newly-gleaming tail waving, meowing expectantly and with gentlemanly poise.

“Oh, hello again!” She bent down to pet him, and he gracefully accepted her attention, pressing his head into her hand before slipping out of her grasp and leaping into her arms. He held on with his claws as she recovered from being startled, finding her grip. She let out a little laugh. “Okay, sweet boy. Okay, I’ll carry you.” 

He liked that laugh. He liked that smile. He especially liked how she pet and cuddled him as she walked to whatever insignificant appointment that she had. If it was homework or writing, he would keep her company, as a gentleman cat should. If it was class, he would seek out his person and make sure that she didn’t get into too much trouble.

For now, he would accept her much-deserved worship and settled, contentedly purring, in her arms.

Chapter Text

Yesterday, I went to my first ever Uma race. It should have been odd that I’d never been to a race before, but my sibling hadn’t wanted me around their work before, and I’d never been very interested in sports.

Yesterday, all of that changed when Meijiro Ryan leapt free of the gate. I couldn’t take my eyes off of her as she ran, and in doing that, I noticed the other Umas on the track for the first time - really noticed them. 

How they ran. How their bodies moved. The sheer beauty of muscle and resolve, pure determination and locomotion. Their high-tech shoes thundered on the ground, their cleats tore up the turf, and Ryan… 

Ryan kept her pace near the back, ears pulled back slightly by the wind, eyes on the prize… and then she surged forward. Surge, like a tidal wave - there was no other word for how she pushed through the pack like a hot knife through butter, jostling her way to the front and holding the ground that she conquered.

I could feel it in the air, how every runner on that homestretch wanted to win. Strategy had played its part, and now it was now all down to pure muscle power and whatever stamina they had left. 

And resolve.

So much resolve.

Was it down to who wanted it more? Or was it going to be a matter of pure luck?

Ryan took third, but I still found myself cheering as she won -

I’d never cheered before. 

I’d never had a reason.

It felt good.

I liked it. 

“Ugh, damn it…” My sibling growled next to me. They leaned on the railing, glowering at the umas as they slowed down and cooled off, basking in the light of victory or defeat. “She didn’t even try, and she doesn’t even care.” 

I gave them a sideways glance, then looked out to where their trainee stood - dead last and smirking as she looked over the others. Not tired in the slightest. 

I said nothing. I’d heard my sibling rail on and on about their rainee and her eccentricities whenever we ended up in the same place. Those occasions were now few and far between, because their trainee had odd… habits… and honestly? I didn’t care.

If Agnes Tachyon didn’t want to race, she didn’t want to race. That was her business. It was a little disrespectful of her to participate in a race and take a spot from someone who did want to try, but from what my sibling had told me, Tachyon had made her stance known. If anyone expected otherwise after pressuring her to race, then it was their own fault.

I couldn’t really say anything about it, one way or another. 

I went with my sibling down into the back areas, breaking off from them to join Ryan and give her all of the excitement and admiration that bubbled free of me like a soft drink. McQueen was there, too - I could see her out of the corner of my eye - but she kept her distance. When I left to let Ryan prepare for the stage, McQueen joined me. 

“I should take you to a baseball game, soon.”

The thought sent a chill down my spine - but I nodded. I had to be brave, just like Ryan was down on the track. I couldn’t let them down.

***

… But as I stepped into the meeting with the Assistant Director and the Director of the academy, I felt like a coward, a little lamb heading right into the lion’s mouth. Even before they opened their mouths, their voices conciliatory yet resigned, I knew what this was about. My position at Tracen Academy was tenuous at best, and my sibling’s inability to get their trainee onto the course (or training) meant that the scales were tipping in a direction that made my stomach churn. 

I don’t want to leave. I want to stay here. I’ve never felt like this before. Please…

Surely, though, there was nothing. If the Director and Assistant Director had no ideas, what could I do? I’m still standing there, but I already feel like I’m packing up my belongings and preparing to leave the only school that has ever made me excited to be here. I can feel time running through my fingers, nausea rising. 

Don’t cry. Not here. 

Tazuna puts a hand on my shoulder. "The most important thing is the desire to improve yourself. Its all about working to become your ideal self. That’s always been the purpose of Tracen Academy.” Her grip is firm but reassuring, somehow both kind and hollow. “If you keep searching that out, then I know you will find an answer.” 

The Director’s cat, North, follows me out of the room and rubs against my heels. I pick him up and hug him. At first, when I’d realized who North was, I’d been nervous, but he had been such a sweetheart that it didn’t really matter. 

“At least she means it.” I bury my face in his fur, murmuring into his warmth. I don’t want to cry, but cat fur is. very absorbent, when they permit it. “There’s nothing I can do, though. So, what’s the point?”

I’m going to let them down, aren’t I?

I’ll just… keep going until the end, I guess.

***

The point was, I supposed, that I really wanted to be here. 

I really wanted to be here.

I did my exercises during one of my free periods, pushing myself to my limits - miniscule as they were - to try to distract myself from my doom. When I bent down to pick up something I dropped, I felt it.

I felt it again when I did a few extra pushups, a few more seconds of balance practice, as many squats as I could manage…

Every stretch, every set of knee lifts…

Ryan didn’t have a chance to wave before I ran up to her. 

“I understand now! I understand! I know what you mean now about my muscles talking to me! And they’re happy!” I’m smiling and crying, embarrassed but I have to tell her. She has to know.

She laughs and gives me a pat on the back. It hurts a lot less than when she did it before. “Hehe. Right? It feels good! You’re getting it!”

“Yeah! I’m getting stronger and everything is getting easier and…” I feel the despair rising again, tears pricking at my eyes. I turn away to try to hide my face. “I want to keep going. I want to do more.” It shouldn’t be difficult to push my emotions down, I’ve done it before -  but I start crying anyway. 

Ryan strokes my back - she doesn’t need to ask why. I tried to keep my business to myself, but rumors spread faster than even Class Rep Bakushin-O. I stood out anyway, and I knew that my attendance at Tracen had some mixed reactions. Opinions were many and varied. My own? I knew that I didn’t belong. I shouldn’t belong. 

I want to belong. I want to stay here. I…

“It’ll be okay!” Ryan tries to be encouraging, and it… actually felt encouraging. Not hollow reassurance, but real belief. I couldn’t help thinking about Ryan running, trusting in her muscles to build up power and unleash  her strength in that final burst to the finish. “Want to do more working out? I’ll help you!” 

Usually, I’d turn her down out of nerves and fatigue, but my muscles… listening to them, I know the answer.  Ryan’s encouragement feels good. I’m not letting her down. I’m here. That’s what matters.

I want to stay here.

“Oops. I have to go to training!” Ryan says, checking the clock as we take a break. My muscles feel like trembling noodles, but they feel good. “Trust me, though. It’ll be okay! Keep trying harder on the things that you want to do, okay? I think that’ll be enough.”

“… That’s a little cryptic, Ryan.” I say, wincing. 

“Oh! Sorry. What I mean is, um… I think there’s something that only you can do at Tracen Academy. I don’t know what it is, specifically, but I know it in my gut! McQueen said so, too.”

“… Only I can do…” I frown. Obviously not racing… but there are so many talented students. What could I possibly have that they don’t?

“We can talk about it later in my dorm tonight! Maybe Ines will have some ideas!” Ryan gave me a half hug, and I can only think about how I wish I was strong like her - in body and spirit. “I’m gonna back you up, whatever you do, don’t worry!”

I nod.

I stare at the hallway long after Ryan’s left, thinking.

Something that only I can do…

***

I like working out, but I think better while crafting. My sibling usually gives me some choice words of discouragement, but with my free periods (and their eccentric schedule) I don’t have to care about what they think. 

As late afternoon flows into early evening, and as my fellow students train on the field, I sew under the bright light of the table. The room is dedicated to student projects, and Ryan encouraged me to sign up for a workspace even though I was afraid. I didn’t want to take the spot away from another, more worthy student, but Ryan had insisted and pushed me to put in my information. 

I’m glad that she did, because it’s been nice to craft a little. And repair people’s items. Ines Fujin has to deal with a lot of secondhand items and hand-me-downs, so my skills with a sewing needle are useful. 

I like feeling useful.

Today, though, I decided to work on some wrist braces for myself. Store bought braces have straps that feel strange, and pressure bandages need to be re-wound… that’s such a pain, and risks cutting off blood flow! So, something in between, like a soft but stabilizing gauntlet… I have ideas. 

As I stitch, I think, and something comes to mind - My free periods! That is the one thing that I have that other students do not. 

The door opens behind me, and too focused on my stitching, I don’t even realize how odd it would be for another student to be in here during a training period until she grabs me from behind. 

“Stay still, this will only take a moment!” 

My needle and thread fall to the ground as I struggle against her grip. I’m stronger now, but the strength difference between an Uma and a human is night and day - still, I manage to use the chair as leverage enough to push her away and glare at her. 

“Absolutely not!” I shout. I’m more furious than afraid, even more so at the hypodermic syringe in her hand. 

“Oh? Interesting. What a powerful response!”

“What the hell are you doing?!”

“Experimenting! A human going to an Uma school? You’re a fantastic guinea pig! Now, hold still, this shouldn’t be too much of a problem.” Agnes Tachyon grins as she approaches, chestnut hair slightly wild, her ears perked up and her eyes gleaming with predatory intent. I know that I should be afraid. Most would be. Running is not an option, and the unknown lies in the syringe. I should give in and hope that she really doesn’t intend harm this time. 

I’ve heard stories.

But instead of fear, a powerful, indignant fury burns bright, surging into a flashfire inferno. “Absolutely not! You call this the scientific method?! Injecting people with random concoctions?! I know all about your research!” I sweep my hand, indicating the project room - with its little laboratory in a corner, the domain of the chestnut haired Uma. My sibling had ranted and raved about how frustrating their trainee was, but they had forgotten - I understood. I cared. Science was my favorite subject, once upon a time.

Biology at that.

And this uma…

“An N of one?! As you randomly give people thorughly untested tonics and injections?! You don’t even have a baseline on me, do you?!”

“You’re the only human student in this school… you’re a valuable specimen for my research.” She shrugs flippantly. “In order to unlock the secrets of Uma-kind, I have to take advantage of any anomaly…”

“No. No, I’m not an…” I take a few deep breaths, calming down enough to not yell. Or cry. Or both at the same time. “I’m an ordinary human. So is my sibling. As you would know, or you should, if you actually bothered to take baseline measurements for their health instead of sending them to the infirmary every other night!” … Not that I could complain about the time away from them, but I didn’t actually wish ill on my sibling. “I can only conclude that you’re not a scientist. You’re a sadist!”

The silence was heavy, echoing through the room. “You… how dare you…” Her voice was cold and scalpel sharp. Tachyon’s eyes were locked with mine, unreadable. Fascinated, gleeful, and angry in equal measure.

“I meant what I said.” I cross my arms and stare her down. “My sibling is waiting for you at the training field. If you don’t go down there, train with them, and race when they want you to, then you could cost them their job. That’s not right.” And I’d have to leave.

“And why should I care?” Tachyon laughed, her voice avid with fascination. “Wonderful, absolutely wonderful! Yes, yes, weren’t you a quiet little wallflower when you arrived? Look at you now, fired up and ready. Is it because of proximity? Or simply scientific passion? I must know...” 

Even as she approaches, hands shaking with glee, I stand firm. “Well, you won’t be able to research me if I have to leave because my sibling got fired. And, if I’m not here…” I incline my head towards her lab space. “I can’t help you.”

“Oh?”

“I want to know, too. And I want to do it right. So, why don’t you go and train, and I’ll help you here while you’re training? I can help with many things. Give me data. I’ll work with it for you, so you can focus on training.”

Tense moments pass, and somehow, the more she tries to intimidate me, the more adamant I become. I’m sure - 100%, no, 200% sure that this is the key to everything. 

“What an interesting idea. Yes… I think I should test it.” The hypodermic needle is, fortunately, put in her pocket as she steps back. “I expect results after my training, then! Chop chop, little guinea pig.”

Call me that again, and we’ll see. “You’ll get what you get.” I say as Tachyon leaves - never taking her eyes off of me. 

I realize that I’m shaking then, as I pick up my needle, thread, and pincushion from their place on the floor, grateful that I haven’t misplaced another needle - those things are pricy, and also, sharp!

“… I believe that we may have a way to keep you here at Tracen, young lady.” Tazuna’s voice startles me, and I look up to see that the assistant director has, apparently, the quiet steps of a cat. 

“Maybe.” I sit down and go back to work on my wrist braces - leaving the mess of the lab for later out of pure contrariness. 

Where is this coming from?

This bravery… this resolve.

The sort of resolve that pushes you ahead of the rest, and makes you leap over the finish line with all that you have…

“Let’s talk about it.” I say, resuming my work. “I have a few ideas.”

The smile on Tazuna’s face is all that I need to see in order to know that I’m on the right path.

… and, by the goddesses, I’m taking it.

Chapter Text

I smile at Meijiro Dober. “I’m glad that you have someone to tutor you! She sounds great!”

I’m having tea with the Meijiro family, as I always try to do when I can. I’ve dragged myself to this before - and I try to do my best to not miss Ryan’s training sessions. After my sibling’s rant about Tachyon being disrespectful, it stuck with me how much of an awful, disrespectful friend I was. 

If I did nothing else that day, I did these two things. And my meetings with Assistant Director Tazuna Hayakawa, but that was different. 

McQueen smiled at her… sister? Cousin? The Meijiro family tree was difficult to understand. Sometimes, rarely, apparently an Umamusume was born outside of the family bearing the family name, and they were sought out and brought in. I hoped not by force… It was just one of those Umamusume features that defied Agnes Tachyon’s science. 

Or it would if she didn’t account for aspects of science that she simply couldn’t measure yet. The theoretical aspects of science were not to be discredited! 

But that didn’t belong at this table.

“It sounds like you’re chasing her. Could she be… your rival?” McQueen said, sipping her tea. 

“I…” Dober went quiet, thinking, studying the tannins in her tea. Each of us had a different blend - I’d asked Ryan to pick for me. She went with rooibos, not technically a tea, but fair enough. 

“Does she have to be?” I asked over the pleasant red of the brew. “Looking up to someone… do you think that’ could be enough?”

“Sure!” Ryan said cheerfully. “I look up to a lot of people, but most of them aren’t at Tracen. Or racing.”

Right - martial arts and manga designers. Speaking of which… I needed to take Dober aside and discuss her manga idea. I wanted her to write it.

“I think,” said McQueen thoughtfully, “That as long as you improve yourself, the method doesn’t matter. It’s all about the desire and the drive to become your ideal self.”

But what is that?

“Maybe I should be like her, then. Not just in racing.” Dober said. “Do you think that I could be in the student council? Or a tutor?”

I stretch slightly. My muscles are hurting - not singing, just grumbling. I thought that it was because they wanted to move, but even the stretches hurt. It was tempting to give up, but it could be a sign that I needed to tone it down for a bit to let them catch up? I wasn’t sure if I should tell that to Ryan, though. Dampening her smile was the thing that I wanted least in all the world. “Maybe leave tutoring for when you feel like you don’t need the guidance? But, um…” I fidget with my hair. “The students without trainers could use the help. Any advice or training from a racer honestly would help them. That’s what my sibling says.”

“Oh?” I cringe a little at Ryan and McQueen’s surprise. They’ve never heard me say anything good about my sibling, when I talk about them at all. 

“They’re a rookie, yes? Your sibling?” Dober said thoughtfully, “I’m surprised that they aren’t teaching the students that don’t have trainers, then. Why is that?”

I shrug. “Just not how it worked out.” I hadn’t asked, and I didn’t want to ask.

“Oh.” 

The bell rang and my friends finished their teas and stood up. Ryan stretched, frowning. “Not looking forward to the next class…” she said, ears tilting down. 

“... But remember, you have training after,” I say, “your trainer was going to reward you for studying with a really intense workout, right?”

“Oh yeah!” Ryan brightens, “right!”

“You have this!” I beam, my smile as bright as I can muster. “Work that mind-muscle!”

“I will!” Ryan gives me a half-hug, that is only half-crushing, and zooms off. 

McQueen laughs elegantly. “Good luck in your work for Ms. Hayakawa. It’s very impressive.”

“Thanks!” I say, waving. When I am finally alone, I sigh and take out the paperwork that I brought with me. It’s definitely teaching me more than class and homework, preparing me for an intense real world. Sometimes I feel foggy, like I can’t get through it, but I have to. 

For Tazuna.

So that she has more energy to help many students. 

So that as many people as possible achieve their dreams.

I get started, papers on the left, notebook on the right, working through the pile steadily… until a thump interrupts me. I look up to see my sibling with a belated brunch on their tray, trainer badge glittering on their chest.

“Hey.” They say. 

“What is it?” I ask bluntly, bristling. My shoulders ache when they tense, and I can’t help the reaction or the glare that I give my older sibling. 

“I just… wanted to run something by you. That’s all.” They look away - no ‘why are you reacting that way to your sibling,’ no anger. A very different kind of bell rings in my head and I straighten, waiting. 

They fidget awkwardly. “I don’t really have anyone I can consult. The other trainers are in their own cliques. I feel like they hate me. And the admin… I don’t know. I don’t trust them.” 

I roll my eyes. “You’re paranoid.”

“Maybe.” They concede, and my gut churns.

“... What’s going on?” I ask warily - this has to be dire if they’re being nice. 

“... There’s a trainee. Sakura Bakushin O. She’s a class rep, I think. She’s a little bit dumb, but she takes things seriously. Do you know her?”

I nod slowly. “She’s not my class rep, but she’s everywhere, getting student culture events and programs set up. She’s a hazard in the hallway, but she tries her best to not run into, well, me. I’d say your assessment is spot-on, but she’s more… single-minded, and, um… neuroatypical. Different.” I didn’t like saying that people were ‘stupid.’ Usually they just thought… differently. 

Like me.

… Though the world sometimes attempted to prove otherwise. People could be… interesting.

Or just Floridians.

Which is funny for obvious reasons. 

“Well, her different thinking is making her really easy to trick.” Sibling snapped. “Stupid or whatever she is, she’s getting manipulated.”

“Manipulated?!” I leaned in. “What do you mean?”

“So she’s fast. Really fast, but low staying power. She’s a sprinter for sure.” 

I nod. “I bet she had lots of trainers scouting her.”

Sibling nods. “I was watching them all crowd around her, and she turned them all down. Every time, she said the same thing. She is all right with sprinting, but she doesn’t want just that. She wants to race in all types of races, ‘because she’s class representative’ or something. And wants to set an example.”

Like Air Groove.

“What happened?” 

“She almost didn’t have a trainer, but then one stepped forward and told her that they’d help her achieve that dream. I… I almost cried right there, you know?”

My expression softened and I studied the cold tea in my mug, the line of sediment marking where I’d forgotten it. “I… I get that.” 

“I want people to achieve their dreams. I want them to be… to be their best self. I didn’t scout Tachyon, but I want that too. I want her to achieve her dreams, but I need her to race…” Anger shone through for a moment, the emotion that I was all too familiar with… but right now, it was a rare glimpse behind my sibling’s mask…

To the part that we shared.

“I wish she respected that.” They shook themselves. “Anyway, I thought that was what was happening. I know that several of the trainers here think the same way. Kiruin for example.”

I nod. “Happy Meek’s trainer.”

“Right. So I was happy, and I’ve been watching Bakushin’s trainer and…” Their expression darkened, a rage that I rarely saw, deeper than superficial anger and snapping jaws. “They lied. They’re a fucking liar.”

“What?” 

“They’re lying to her!” My sibling slammed their fist into the table. “They promised to give her all kinds of races, but it’s just been sprints. The moment that she starts to notice that it’s sprints all the way down, this trainer lies. Do you know what I heard them say?! Do you know what I fucking heard them say?!” Their face is red, now, redder than the rooibos, but just as potent. “She wanted to try a long distance race. And they told her - they fucking told her - that three sprint races were the same thing! They convinced her that it was cumulative! That if she did those three races, she’d be a stayer! And she was so happy!” My sibling wiped their eyes, hot tears running down their face - the sort of tears they usually only let show when they thought that I wasn’t looking. “They just keep lying and lying, and she trusts them! She trusts them so much! I get it, right? She’s an amazing sprinter. They want her racing career to succeed, but she doesn’t want that! She has a desire! She has a goal! Her wish to try to race in everything hasn’t changed! And you can train stamina and power, she can try. If she can’t do it, then that’s okay - maybe then she can be convinced to go into sprinting, but when you have a trainee, you have to try to help them excel. That’s why a trainer is there! That’s what a trainer should do!”

I close my eyes. “It’s all about the desire and the drive to become your ideal self. As long as you improve yourself, the rest doesn’t matter.”

“Exactly!”

The silence goes on for a moment too long, but it’s not awkward this time - it’s suffused with a sadness. A sorrow easily ignited into passion and fury.

“What do you need me for?” I ask softly.

“... I need to know who to talk to.” My sibling admitted. “I need to know if admin will care. If she’s winning races, does it matter to them that she’s being manipulated by her trainer? Should I go to the student council so that they can help her with her trainer? Will they care? The motto… you know what it means, right?”

I nod.

“If they are all about speed and leaving others in the dust…”

“They aren’t.” I say flatly, abruptly.

“Then why is that the motto… doesn’t matter. What do you think I should do?”

I consider this, and then nod. My sibling consulting me needs to be treated with every bit of earnestness that I can muster. “... I think both might help. Let’s go to the student council first, and then I’ll bring it up to Tazuna.”

My sibling nods. “Let’s go.”

***

It’s been a long time since my sibling and I have felt this united in something. I fall into step with them, our rhythm matching perfectly as we visit the student council room. Student-led governance is important to Tracen, with enough staff oversight to prevent the whole thing from collapsing into corruption with horse girls. 

However, the two of us have a somewhat fraught relationship with them. They had to be forced to accept that I was a student, but they didn’t like it. I knew they were otherwise kind people, I saw what they did for every other student. I respected them, but when Symboli Rudolf took me aside to ‘honestly tell me her opinion’... Well, I knew where the opposition to keeping me lay. 

I knew better than to have real beef with her - I was professional for Tazuna, I did what needed to be done when our paths crossed, I was polite. 

Maybe a little out of spite.

I had to stop my sibling before they could slam the door open, intending to be sweet as pie right up until we demanded something be done… but I stopped at the door handle.

“That’s Air Groove…” I whispered to my sibling. “Is she talking to her trainer?”

My sibling frowned. “Yeah, sounds like it,” they whispered. “That trainer is frazzled all the time. Obsessed with races.”

“And grass is green,” I retorted, “literally everyone here is obsessed with races.” 

They cover their mouth to muffle their laugh. “True.”

“My work with the student council and my other activities are very important to me. You are crossing a line, trainer.”

“I’m just concerned that you’re spending too much time on those other things, and not enough time training.”

“Then adjust your regimen.”

“If you cut back, maybe we’d actually see some improvement… don’t you want to win your races…”

I knew what my sibling was going to do before they did it, and this time I couldn’t - or didn’t - stop them as they slammed the door open. 

“Shut the hell up!” My sibling yelled, pointing at Air Groove’s trainer, advancing. “Who do you think you are, telling your trainee to give up parts of her life?! Not everything is about racing, you know! Not everything is about winning gold! How dare you tell this trainee that she shouldn’t live her life according to her ideals?! How dare you!” 

I followed behind, not ashamed of their outburst for once. Just watching, glancing at the ever cool and collected Air Groove. She didn’t like me, but I knew her. I knew what she did with the time her trainer claimed was wasted. She was incredible, putting her efforts into helping any student that needed it… training, tutoring, helping others achieve their dreams while also doing the same for herself. 

Her trainer cowered, eyes wide. “But… I’m only just…”

“Shut up! You’re only just thinking of her best interests? Is that what you were about to say?! Bullshit! You’re thinking of yourself and your career! Get fucked. You’re a piss poor trainer if races are all that you care about.”

“Enough.” Air Groove’s voice cut through the room like an ice-edged knife. “This is unbecoming of a trainer of Tracen Academy. My trainer’s contract is for athletics, and nothing more. They are stepping out of line, but there is no need for this outburst.”

My sibling took a deep breath, and then turned to Air Groove, their eyes still blazing. “With all due respect, miss? That’s wrong. A trainer is training your body, yes, but a real trainer takes the whole person into account. Their hopes and dreams beyond the course. They make the plan fit you and what you intend to do. What matters to you. It goes further than just winning races.”

“I disagree.” Air Groove said sharply, gesturing dismissively. “Your passion and intentions are acknowledged, but this is a private matter. Please leave.”

My sibling looked like they were going to explode again, but an imposing presence suddenly loomed behind me, radiating resolve and demanding respect.

“Trainer.” Symboli Rudolf said firmly, “please come here.” 

Sibling puffed up.

“We came here for a reason.” I added quietly.

Reminded of our mission, sibling deflated, slumping. “Fine.” I could tell that they were still seething, but that they at least knew to reign themselves in. They shot one last glare at Air Groove’s trainer before loping out with Rudolf. 

I hesitated before following them, weathering Air Groove’s pointed glare. “I’m sorry for my sibling’s outburst… But they aren’t wrong.” I said, quietly but firmly, marvelling at my confidence. “There are a lot of students that need you to be everything that you are. Find a better trainer. One that appreciates that…” I turn around to follow my sibling out. “... For Meijiro Dober’s sake.”

I know that we might have made an enemy, but I also know that it was worth it.

If Air Groove is able to live according to her ideals, it’s worth it.

***

Meeting with Symboli Rudolf went… well enough. She understood our concerns about Bakushin O, and would do everything they could on their end to help her. She would bring it to the administration herself, when she had evidence of the issue. 

That calmed my sibling down enough for them to bother with a thank you.

“... In the future, please refrain from outbursts. I respect your passion,” Rudolf said, as if she wasn’t a student talking to staff - but then, it never felt like she was. She was an equal to any administrator, in a way. “And I actually agree, but in the end, the decision is hers, as is how she makes use of her trainer as a resource.” She smiles, just enough to be seen. “In some ways, I wish that you were her trainer, but I don’t think that your personalities mesh.”

“... I’m not experienced enough.” My sibling admitted. I glance at them, but I say nothing. I don’t want to break the spell.

“True. There is a lot that you could learn from a trainer that truly suits her, I think… However, you have your own trainee, who I’m sure… keeps you busy.” 

My sibling nods - they were sort of pushed into it by the intense umamusume, and there they were.

Helping Agnes Tachyon realize their dreams. 

The thought hit me like a shock to my heart.

“Still, I hope that you continue to support any student who is being impeded in their pursuit of their goals in this way.” Rudolf nodded. “Thank you for meeting with me.”

It was a clear dismissal. I handed off the paperwork that I needed to pass on to her and left with my sibling.

“Thanks…” they said after a moment.

“... You’re welcome.” 

***

Sibling camaraderie was warm and pleasant. I’d forgotten what it felt like. Their smile was nostalgic, their laugh was relaxing. We watched Tachyon train with others, struggling somewhat with frustration but ultimately performing the exercises… for data. We walked. We even had dinner together. 

It was as though we were catching up, old friends who had been apart for years instead of tied at the hip by necessity and obligation. The distance was more within than without - this was the person I’d missed, the sibling I could actually love, the sibling who cared enough to make the proposal that I go to school here. Who demanded it, when they didn’t have to.

I’d missed them 

I’d forgotten that they existed.

For a bit, we were happy. 

And then, the next day, it was back to normal. Snapping and snarling and bristling. Yelling at me that I need to do better with my grades, or stop distracting Tachyon, or… whatever had pissed them off at that moment. Ranting about their job and life.

Or just being silent, a hostile entity in the same space as me, quiet for the moment as if I didn’t exist.

The sibling I loved was gone again, the distance between us just as stark as before, and I had no idea when they would come back.