Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Hope was like a stubborn candle that refused to be snuffed out.

Even in an place like this...

The bell of the elevator rang again, signaling that it was time to step off. The sole occupier of the elevator sighed, adjusting their cap. Their shoes squeaked against the floor as they stepped out into the stale air. How many rounds it has been, always appearing in the same dusty hotel? They lost track.

And no matter how many times they died. No matter how many times they were brought back to life. No matter times it tried to plunge them into a sea of darkness.

It was never pleasant.

But even that has made way for numbness.

It's been awhile, they know. They tried to keep some track of time but it felt useless when it was just going to reset again. There really was no use in dwelling on anything in this place.

They shook their head to clear of the thoughts, checking their pockets before moving towards the counter. Thankfully, they had a small gift in the form of their lighter. There wouldn't be any wadding blindly in the dark for them... Until the fluid ran out at least. Guiding Light twinkled faintly in the distance, they were grateful for its presence as well. Their lips twitched into a soft smile, following obediently.

"Yeah, yeah, don't worry. I'm going." Just as they were about to duck under the obstruction, a mumbling sound reached their ears. Their head instinctively snapped up to the noise, scanning around the room as if something was about to get them. What was that?

They stood once they were inside of the reception area, now distrustful of the safe room. Maybe they had misheard?

There weren't supposed to be any entities here.

Another sound answered them, this time in the form of a crackling voice, as if it was coming through a speaker. "...What the hell was THAT?!"

They spun to the source so fast they swore they heard a crack in their neck. It was... coming from Guiding Light? Their body instinctively moved closer to the sprite, having never heard any human-like speech ever since they got stuck here. They haven't spoken with anyone in probably years now. "H-hello?"

One thing was for sure, that was definitely not from Guiding Light.

"I think this thing's busted, Seb." A sigh and then, muffled protests from a different voice. They couldn't quite make out what the other was saying. "Damn it, you're scamming me at this point. I shouldn't have bought this crap from you."

Maybe somehow they got contact with the outside world? It was a silly thought but something about it made just the slightest bit of hope bloom in their chest.

"...Can you hear me?" They hesitantly sat next to Guiding Light, unsure of what else to do. Something about this seemed as unnatural and strange as the walls around them. The silence stretched on for a good while, a sense of dread pooling in their stomach with every second. They were really going insane here, they're starting to hear voices in their head.

The question is... was that really a bad thing?

"The f*ck, there's someone talking– Hey, hey! I can hear you." The same gruff mutter answered, their swears punctuated with a beep. They sighed with utter relief at conformation that they weren't actually imagining things. "I actually heard something this time... I KNOW signal doesn't reach down here, I'm not sh*tting you, dumb*ss."

Oh wow, he had some... very crude language.

"Uhm, hello? Well, wait, I already said that..?" Their statement ended up curling into a question from their own confusion about this whole situation. What should they say? They haven't had a conversation with another human being since being here. Was he even human? "Who.. are you?"

"Can't say I like that question but you can just call me Expendable." That... wasn't a name. But they did notice that Guiding Light was starting to grow more illuminated when the man talked, as if responding to his voice. "Let's get to the point, are you anywhere near Norway right now and if you are, please contact someone– sh*t, anyone."

...

"I.. Uh, don't think I can't help you. Not that I don't want to! If I knew where Norway was, I swear I would help but it's just..." They looked around at the lobby of the hotel, wondering just what to say. "I don't even know where I am right now."

"Great. That doesn't help." Disappointment dripped from Expendable's voice.

Ouch. They knew that feeling well, almost too well. Though, they weren't expecting it in this realm of all places. 

"Sorry to disappoint." That must've sounded pitiful.

"Save the apologies, whoever you are, I don't care." He huffed and then a noise they didn't recognize the source of crackled in the background. Whatever it was it sounded like metal clashing together. "I don't really give a sh*t if you believe it or not either."

"If it's not rude to ask, why do you need to contact somebody?" They prompted.

He chuckled, although it was directed more towards himself. "You wanna know why? I'm stuck in a facility THOUSANDS OF STUDS UNDERWATER and I'm stuck in a time loop inside said facility in which I die infinitely."

"...I believe you." Hesitantly, they added, "My situation is pretty similar actually."

"Sure, buddy. Sure." They get the impression that Expendable didn't trust other people very much. This sudden shift in the looping routine would've put them on edge as well, if it weren't for the fact they couldn't stop smiling like an idiot. They were actually talking with someone else in a conversation. God, they were lonely here.

"Sorry, it's just... I haven't spoken with anyone in so long." That traitorous bit of hope appeared in their chest again. "There's not many things I can talk to in this place, I thought I was going to go insane."

"Look, it was good talking to you and all.. but I need to go." Sound clattered in the background and Expendable cursed under his breath.

"Hey, wait! Hello??" They repeated a few times before realizing that they weren't going to get an answer, especially when the noise faded into static. Way to go, scaring off the one person they could talk to in this godforsaken place. They should've expected much. "...I'm such a disaster."

They started to get up from the floor, dusting off their pants. Maybe they should go and give the doors another try. Who knows, it could be that this time is different.

"Self-loathing is dangerous. Don't say such things." They nearly jumped from the scratchy voice that suddenly boomed from Guiding Light. "He would want you to love yourself as He has to you."

"What..."

Chapter Text

John jumped down into the hatch, landing on the familiar ground below. The entrance quickly slammed shut, allowing the tentative feeling of safety wash over him.

Just another run among many others, he supposed. However, his eyes widened when he saw a pile of torn pages on the floor, scattered across the walls as well. They seemingly spawned out of nowhere and as he walked closer, more appeared. Why?

He shivered at the thought that there would be more entities to avoid going forward. 

Not just from the danger but from the thought that he had yet again done something to displease God.

John crouched, gathering some of the spilling notes. There seems to be only writing on them, which was strange. He skimmed over the notes, gathering insight on a conversation he was never supposed to see. No, He would not want him to eavesdrop. This must be some kind of temptation, some kind of test.

And yet, his eyes caught on the last passage, slowly materializing on the paper.

"Sorry, it's just... I haven't spoken with anyone in so long. There's not many things I can talk to in this place, I thought I was going to go insane."

"Look, it was good talking to you and all.. but I need to go." 

"Hey, wait! Hello?? Hey! I'm still here..!"

"..."

"I...I'm such a disaster."

Words are so often very cruel, God would not show him this if there was not a reason to. His hands itched for a way to respond, to reassure. And the answer came in the form of the notebook hiding behind the pile of pages. He had always left the pen there, it would suffice as a writing tool.

John didn't hesitate, scribbling his words.

"Self-loathing is dangerous. Don't say such things. He would want you to love yourself as He has to you." Short, simple. Things he had contemplated over and over before. Once he put in the last dot, the page turned back to paper white, as if the last words hadn't been uttered at all. And the stranger answered, filling the page once more.

"What..."

Somehow, he was surprised that anyone responded. "Oh, sorry. I don't mean to intrude or anything." 

Comfort, comfort was something he could do. It was familiar, safe.

"Not at all! But uh, there's not just one of you? How many people are there? And who are talking about..?" The text came faster this time but stuttering at the same time. More than one... They must mean who they were talking to before, right? Unless he was speaking of God.

"I feel you would do good with a reminder of His love. He is God and He loves His creations truly." John wondered about Him waiting at the end of this maze, perhaps they would reunite soon. "Your words.. should be used carefully."

"Oh–! Of course, I'll keep that in mind. Yes.." A few moments of silence and the etching started again, "This might seem weird but you sound very.. wise? I don't know if that's right.."

"I don't know about that... I'm just repeating what I've been told." John said truthfully.

"No, really! You really have a way with words! I wish I had that kind of thing.."

It was really that easy to speak with someone else. Ironically, he doesn't know what to answer with anymore after that. John would've smiled if he could but he couldn't even talk to this person much less see them, another one of his short-comings. 

"It really is no problem." God's embrace seemed a little warmer today. 

Expendable took off his headphones, listening in to the slight buzzing in the air. His thoughts were still drawn to the useless conversation from earlier, despite trying to focus on getting research. He pushed open the next door a little harder than he needed to. Who cared, certainly not him.

Frustration and desperation clawed at his mind, unrelenting in its chase. He hated this.

Useless, the accusation burned on his tongue.

All of this was the same.

"WHAT THE F–!" He flinched when something slimy started climbing on his leg, instinctively kicking it away. All in all, it bounced away pretty harmlessly. And after a closer inspection, where Expendable was squinting the entire time, he realized it was a deep sea bunny.

It was stuck on its back from his kick, flailing its little legs around to try to get up. 

Expendable looked around for a second, trying to figure out if this was a prank or not. He screamed way too loud for comfort, especially for something as stupid as this. A distraction? Something to lower his guard?

It was looking at him now, its f*ckin- cute little face pleading with his. He looked away but his eyes were drawn back.

No, ignore it. He was supposed to be a stronger man than this. 

The sea bunny made some sort of expecting noise, as if waiting for him to pick it up. Its antenna was twitching. As it turns out, he wasn't as strong-willed as he thought he was. 

Ah, f*ck it. 

Expendable gathered up the creature, holding it at arms length. He was still a little suspicious of this... thing. It tilted its head at him, as if it was confused. Was it evil if he said he wanted to crush this thing?

"I want to name you something..." He then quickly realized how bad of an idea that was, is he seriously trying to adopt a creature that got experimented on by Urbanshade? No thanks. "Sh*t no, nevermind! I shouldn't be getting attached. You probably don't even have a brain! No thoughts in that head of yours.."

It tilted its head to the other side.

"Dumb*ss."

Expendable startled when it scrambled up his arm before resting on his shoulder, son of a b*tch. "Y'know what? I like that name, you're called Dumb*ss for now."

It didn't seem to like that or maybe it did, he didn't speak sea bunny. The creature gummed at his headphones, accidentally causing it to turn on. 

"So, Mister John, was it?" The same voice he heard before filtered through once again. 

"Just John is fine." A new voice?! These headphones were not even supposed to connect to one signal, let alone two.

"Okay... Well, I thought of- something. It- There has to be something connecting us all together, right? The person I talked to before, you, and me. I think... I get it."

"Take my story with a grain of salt." There was something unnatural about the way he spoke, it made a shiver go down Expendable's spine. "God moves in mysterious ways, even I can't hope to decipher."

"...Right. So, the person I talked to before this, he mentioned that he was stuck in a time loop and I am as well." He wished that he didn't tell them that right about now, this idiot was probably the type to believe in everything he said. "Your situation... is a bit different but similar. That means-"

"What you're telling me is that.." The silent observer of the conversation decided to chime in, Expendable swore he heard the first voice gasp softly. "That's the reason all three of us can talk right now."

Chapter Text

"That's... pretty f*cking stupid." He felt Dumb*ss squirming around a bit on his shoulder before settling down. It was pretty cute, he had to admit. "Do you hear yourself? Would you believe that? Because I wouldn't!"

"I'm sorry! I didn't know you were here!" The echo of that voice was starting to annoy him. "R-really! I wouldn't have said anything, I just thought you wouldn't be able to talk to us anymore-"

"Can you stop yapping?" Expendable tugged one side of his headphones off so that he could hear for anything trying to get him, especially because the facility was near dead silent for some godforsaken reason.

Ugh, he shouldn't have said anything in the first place! Now, he had more problems to deal with, Sebastian and that robot's stupid scheme...  and Dumb*ss as well. How lovely, exactly the kind of situation he wanted to be in. Still, it felt like something inside of him was pulling him closer. There was no way that he wanted to talk to them, right?

"I don't like you already." His eye twitched at the oh-so-helpful comment from this John fellow. 

"You do? Oh wow, the tragedy!" He purposefully pitched his voice up, putting his hand on his head despite the fact they couldn't see him. Or maybe they could? He didn't know. "Am I supposed to be hurt? I'm not, you can kiss my *ss."

John kept talking, as if that was going to change anything. "I definitely dislike you." 

"Hey, let's not fight, alright?" Expendable should really get this guy's name, they were obviously flustered by the sudden animosity between the two. "We should.. try to figure out what's going on here." 

"I would love to, if I wasn't in mortal danger at the moment." Speak of the devil because just as the words came out of his mouth, the lights flickered dangerously. It was much longer than usual and his mind quickly filled in the rest. Shit, he cursed internally, shoving open the next locker he saw. "I swear if you two get me killed, I'm haunting your *sses."

The low droning noise quickly turned into a deafening roar as Blitz passed, leaving him safe...

For now.

Expendable honestly didn't care for this whole dying thing anymore. As he pushed open the metal door caging him in and pulled a flashlight from his pockets, his mind wandered to other places. He tried almost everything to keep himself entertained but there was only so many times he could flash Sebastian with the flash beacon or do a run completely naked or... You get it, he could go on and on.

But he did note the silence from the other end of the connection, Expendable found that he strangely disliked it.

"It's gone now, if you couldn't tell."

"What was that..." The stranger asked, sounding nervous. Who knows, maybe it was their default.

"Blitz. He's a... monster that rushes down the hallways." That was a gross understatement of what was actually going on down here but he refused to explain any more as he passed another room. "Almost everything down here wants to kill me actually. Even an AI could kill me, my gear could kill me, a telepathic shark could–"

"Alright- I see your point." John quickly interrupted but then backtracked, "Wait, what was that last one?"

"Monster that rushes down hallways... You mean like Rush? Or well, that's what I like to call them." The other chimed in, ignoring the previous question.

"Rush..?" All this information while trying to keep a look out for any entities was starting to overload his brain. "There's a lot of different f*cking types, I don't know which one you're talking about!"

"Are we going to ignore the shark thing–?"

"Again, that's just what I call them but they don't have types... Maybe our uh, entities are just.. similar? Unless you're going to tell me that your facility looks just like a hotel."  There was a sigh and then the rustling of clothes, like someone adjusting their position.

"I'm definitely not in some cushy hotel. This place is allll metal and suffering." Expendable tapped on the walls for emphasis, hoping the clanging sound made it through his microphone. Dumb*ss flinched a bit from their position, nearly making him off balance.

One of them awkwardly laughed while John's words radiated exasperation. "I guess we are going to ignore that then..."

"What about you John guy?"

"God has made me a maze, He is waiting for me in the end." Expendable resisted the urge to shut him up, not this bullshit... "I have to... cleanse myself first, I must."

"You're a religious kinda dude, huh?" He tried to limit the amount of snark in his voice but he wasn't entirely sure if he was successful or not.

"Are you not...?" That's-" The.. the other dude sounded wary. "You shouldn't say that out loud, who knows who could be listening!"

"Yeah, then what are they gonna do?" The challenge rolled off his tongue smoothly, he was honestly tired of things trying to control him. Who gives a sh*t anymore? Apparently these people. "Kill me? I don't have the will to live anymore."

They seemed flustered by his casual tone, "You could be shunned- persecuted! I- I don't know..?" 

"What are we? In the 19th century or something?"

"20th, actually." And just when the conversation was getting good too, please don't tell him these people don't know the difference. 

"Uh... no..?" He glared a hole in the nearby wall, eye twitching. "20th means that it starts with 19, you're thinking of the 21st century."

"No... That's right. It's the 20th century.. I remember the year that I came in here.. I don't know how much time has passed though."

He stashed another USB, "Freaky."

"So.. you do not believe in God?" John sounded almost offended, he probably was. He seemed more religious than the other guy at least, he was going to have to look out for that. "I'll pray for you."

"Please don't."

"I'll... do it as well." He wasn't diseased! 

"D*mn it." He couldn't even swear without being censored, free will is a joke.

Chapter Text

"Anything else we need to know..?" The atmosphere now lighter than before, at least they think it was. They glanced at the still unopened door, key jingling in their hands. It felt heavier than usual.

"We haven't gotten your name, y'know. I'm Expendable, he's John. Who are you?" The man grumbled, he was seemingly uninterested in the conversation thus far.

"Is that your name or a statement?" He sounded incredulous.

They weren't sure what to make of him since he didn't like whatever they did much to an almost ridiculous degree. John was...fine, a little harder to read but fine. It was a bit odd, they may be a little scared of him. Scratch that, they were scared of him.

Should they maybe just apologize? Or maybe that would anger him more-

God, they've lost their mind and manners here...

"Hellooo, earth to stranger guy here." They heard faint finger snapping over the static, trying to gain their attention. It was a bit embarrassing to be caught off guard like this. "Or maybe I should call you Dumb*ss as well."

"It would probably fit you better." ...Please don't fight again.

"Oh, really? I want know your sh*tty opinion!" 

"Can you say anything good with that mouth of yours? Or perhaps you're too stupid to think of anything else?" John was actually starting to sound angry.

"Wow, what a "godly" man you are... calling someone stupid."

"Bastard."

"*sshole."

"Shove that attitude up where it belongs."  

"Make me then! You can't even say *ss, dude, this is sad." The chuckle was threatening to spill out of them, snorts managing to come out despite his best attempt to stifle it. Expendable's tone changed, "What's so funny?"

"Nothing! It's just you hah- Oh, you both..." Their voice shook, they couldn't help but laugh at this situation and the absurdity of it all. They were watching two grown men fighting with each other like middle schoolers. "This is... Pft- not going how I thought it would go."  

It was quiet for a moment before John spoke up first, rather apologetic. "I guess we did go a bit too far, apologies to you.. and Expendable as well."  

"Geez. You guys have zero shame or some sh*t." Expendable grumbled, his lack of an apology evident. "For your information, saying sorry doesn't mean sh*t. I'm not gonna suddenly get buddy-buddy with you and all."

"Expected." The reply came, simple and short. "But it is fine, I suppose."

"That's fine and uh... to answer your question from earlier. I don't really remember my name..." They moved closer to Guiding Light, not knowing what else to do. Maybe he should really try these doors again, maybe something would be different. "I don't remember much about myself, actually."

"Why don't you just make a name for yourself?" John asked and though his intentions were pure, they still weren't sure...

They've put a lot of thought into it. It was hard not to think when the only thing you can do is die infinitely. 

"I don't know. That feels... disingenuous, like I'm lying about the person I used to be. They had things they liked, they had family and friends, y'know? But I guess, I'm just not.. them?" They fiddled with the buttons on their vest, anxious about the answer to a question that couldn't be answered. "It's weird to think about them and me, I guess..."

"That's deep.. or something." Expendable commented, voice having less of an edge than usual.

"There's no worth thinking about it in the end.." They hoped it didn't sound too strange.

"How about a title then? Not a name but still something to call you by." John sounded a bit uncomfortable continuing but did anyway, "...For example, my title is sinner."

A title, huh?

They've never thought of it like that before, it was still a little odd. But maybe, just maybe, it'll lessen the burden of forgetting. Guiding Light twinkled reassuringly next to them, gaining their attention. 

"Sinner, huh?" The next words were said by Expendable who had a teasing tone to it.

"Shut."

"I think I get it, it's... like Guiding Light as well." Their mouth turned up into a smile even if the two couldn't see it, a shy small thing. They could make something up just fine. "Since this is a hotel, I guess you can call me Guest!"

John answered, "It fits you–" 

The newly renamed Guest spluttered when their guide suddenly moved, the voice coming from the light getting farther and farther away. They got up, following. "W-wait–!"

It stopped in front of the door, trying to force them to continue. They frowned, Guiding Light has never done this before... unless they were in danger somehow. The lobby had never been a place that was dangerous, it was their safe point before they started opening doors. Even Dread wasn't able to get them here.

"Hey! Are you there?!" Once they got close enough, they heard static once again. "...D*mn it."

"I'm here... But I think guide wants me to continue opening the doors." They disliked that idea but they couldn't refuse. It might be hard to speak to both of them once they keep going. "It's... probably going to keep me busy for a bit."

"God would want me to keep going as well. It's been too long." John sounded regretful.

There was a loud tapping noise, "So, you guys have rooms too? Really f*cking weird but I can still talk to you two just fine."

They really should open that door before they lose their nerve. The key jingled in their grasp before clicking in place, finally opening the first door. There was no going back now, unless getting killed was going to reset and allow them to talk to them still.

"Er, that's.. different..." There were eyes staring at them from the cracks in the walls and darkened windows. A shiver went down their spine once they clocked what was happening.

Oh, god.

That's not good.