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Chapter Text

Entertaining visiting nobles was usually one of the easier duties Ella was expected to carry out as Queen.

She had dreaded it at first, not knowing what to expect and having grown so unused to taking part in decent society. Tadius had guided her through her fears, his knowledge of the Great Houses and their members indispensable, and slowly old habits had reemerged. In her youth Ella had learned how to curtsy and bow, how to host even the most honorable guests, and those lessons had not been fully forgotten.

There was the occasional hostile Lord or Lady, some who did not like how Ella had come to power, but between Tadius’ wealth of knowledge and Ella’s practiced charm they were easily disarmed.

Today’s guest, however, had Ella anxious and pacing.

Lord Grizzwald and his entourage would be at the castle gates soon.

Ella hadn’t seen him since the funeral.

“I believe the carpet has been subdued, my grace.”

Ella halted midstep, heart jumping in her chest. Tadius was at the door of her study; she had been too preoccupied by her anxious thoughts to notice him enter.

“Right.” Ella smoothed her skirt. “I, ah, just thought I’d get some exercise in. You know how restless my feet get.”

In truth, it was quite the opposite. Ella’s new legs, gifted to her by the Fairy Queen, had a tendency to burn and ache when pushed past their limits. Ella found herself needing to rest more frequently than she had before her trip to the realm of the dead, though not so often as to catch the attention of the court.

Tadius was the exception to that, as he was in most matters. His brow was furrowed now, lips turned down every so slightly at the corners. He closed the door behind him, leaving them to a privacy that would be viewed as improper were he another man and not the Queen’s advisor. 

“Are you alright?” he asked, voice soft.

The anxious buzzing in Ella’s head abated somewhat. “Lord Grizzwald is expected to arrive soon.”

“My Queen is used to entertaining guests from the Great Houses.”

Despite his words, there was an understanding glint in Tadius’ eyes. He was prompting her to share her worries, and offering her an out at the same time. Gratitude warmed Ella’s heart. Somehow, Tadius always knew exactly what she needed.

“He must hate me,” she said. “If he had not send his daughters to my house-”

She cut herself off. Even now, months after those terrible events, the thought of Justine and Lucy’s grim fates brought a lump to her throat.

“You are his Queen,” Tadius gently reminded her. “He will not show you hostility, nor speak an unkind word to you.”

“But I would know. I spent my childhood summers at his home and he was always so good to me.” Ella looked to the distance. If she focused her mind, she could almost see Honeyhold rising above the hills, shining in the golden glow of the morning sun. “He looked at me with such fondness, as if I were one of his daughters. I couldn’t bear it if I looked into his eyes now and saw hatred instead.”

She felt a light touch at her elbow. Tadius’ hand, anchoring her back in the present.

“If he places any blame on you, then he is a fool.”

Ella smiled sadly. “Grief can make a fool of even the wisest man. It blinds you.” She sighed. “I suppose it’s no use worrying. What will be, will be.”

“I’m sorry I couldn’t be of more help, my Queen.”

There was a frustrated pinch between Tadius’ brows. Ella longed to reach up and smooth it, or perhaps kiss it away. She was almost sure her touch would not be unwelcome but it would certainly be ill-advised. She settled for placing her hand on Tadius’ arm, squeezing it gently. Even that innocent gesture was enough to bring a slight flush to Tadius’ cheeks.

“You’ve helped plenty,” she said. “You always do.”

Lord Grizzwald and his entourage painted a solemn picture as they entered the castle’s courtyard. Still clad in mourning colors, black banners fluttering in the breeze alongside those bearing the insignia of the House Grizzwald, they resembled nothing so much as a funeral procession.

Lord Grizzwald himself looked even older and more weathered than when Ella had last laid eyes on him. Grief had etched itself into his features, making his losses clear to anyone who would glance his way.

He was the last member of his House left alive, Ella realized with a pang of kinship. 

His eyes were cast downward as he approached her.

“The crown is honored to receive you,” Ella said, relieved that her voice kept steady. She had spoken those words a hundred times in the past few months but today, they tasted different on her tongue.

Lord Grizzwald lowered his head in a deep bow. “The House Grizzwald is honored to receive your welcome, my Queen.”

Ella breath caught as he raised his gaze, eyes meeting hers. She searched them but she could find no reproach, only a deep and consuming sadness.

“I am sorry it has taken me so long to come and pay my respects,” Lord Grizzwald continued. 

“You need not apologize,” Ella said. “Loss must be met with understanding and you have lost,” her voice wavered, “so much.”

Lord Grizzwald’s expression softened. “We both have.”

Ella tilted her head, in part to acknowledge his words, in part to hide the trembling of her lips. Once she had composed herself, she spoke.

“Please, join me in the Upper Hall.”

Rarely did the Queen and her guests enjoy complete privacy, though the Upper Hall offered some approximation of it. There were always a few servants bustling about but it had surprised Ella to realize that most nobles failed to acknowledge their presence at all. Too used to ignoring them, she supposed. 

She may well have behaved the same before her father’s death but in truth she could not remember. Having been the lone servant of House Ashmore herself for many years, she couldn’t ignore them now if she tried. It was a strength, Tadius insisted, though Ella felt self-conscious every time she nodded in greeting at a servant while the noble guest at her side let their eyes slide past them unseeing.

Lord Grizzwald, at least, tipped his head towards the maid who poured his wine. 

“How was your trip?” Ella inquired.

“Quite uneventful,” Lord Grizzwald replied. 

They exchanged routine pleasantries for a while, and though Lord Grizzwald did not smile his expression smoothed into something less troubled, the deep lines in his face softening. By the time he had finished his glass and the maid had poured him another, he looked almost relaxed.

“I must apologize again,” he said, “for neglecting my duties and not visiting sooner.” 

“I already told you, you need not apologize for taking time to grieve.”

Lord Grizzwald shook his head. “It was not grief that kept me. It was shame.”

“...Shame?” Ella repeated, baffled. “You have only ever shown me kindness. What could you possibly be ashamed of?”

“I failed you.” Lord Grizzwald’s brow furrowed, expression turning grim. “After your father’s death, I should have offered my support. I foolishly assumed your new stepmother would give you all the comfort you needed.”

“You were not responsible for me,” Ella said, voice faint. “I am not your family.”

“You were as close as kin to my daughters,” Lord Grizzwald gently disagreed. “I should have treated you as such. If I had only thought to ask for news of House Ashmore, I would have known something was wrong and been moved to act. You might have been spared some pain and my daughters…”

He trailed off. Sorrow crept over his features, making him look terribly old and weary. Ella reached out, placing her hand on top of his where it rested on the table.

“You must know I bear you no ill will,” she said, hoping he could hear her sincerity. 

A smile tugged at the corners of Lord Grizzwald’s mouth. “It gladdens me to know your kind nature has persisted, despite all you have suffered.”

The compliment lodged uncomfortably between Ella’s ribs and she drew her hand back, giving him a shaky smile.

Perhaps sensing her discomfort, Lord Grizzwald pivoted. “I am ashamed to admit, it was not just duty that drove me to journey here.”

“Oh?”

“With my daughters gone, my family line now threatens to end with me.”

Ella blinked. This was an unexpected line of thought, but she supposed it made sense. “You wish to remarry?”

“No,” Lord Grizzwald said simply, looking none too happy at the idea. “I wish to acknowledge my bastard son and pass my title and lands onto him.”

“Oh,” Ella repeated, for lack of anything else to say.

She had almost forgotten that Justine and Lucy had a brother.

“That is, if my Queen thinks it wise.”

He did not strictly need her permission but he clearly wanted her blessing. Ella had no desire to deny him. 

“Of course. If he has only half of Justine’s grace and forbearance, or of Lucy’s strength and liveliness, then he will be a worthy heir to your house.”

Lord Grizzwald bowed his head. When he raised it, his eyes were shining with unshed tears. He did not speak and Ella allowed the silence to settle between them, knowing his mind was carrying him back to happier times.

The discomfort in her chest inexplicably grew.

His business concluded, Lord Grizzwald did not linger and Ella couldn’t blame him. She was shaken herself, even more so for being unable to pinpoint the source of her malaise. It might just be the reminder of her dear lost friends but somehow, that felt like only half an answer.

After seeing off the Lord and his entourage, Ella retreated to the upper floors. She hesitated in the hall for a moment, then turned away from her bed chamber and headed for the study. Although she felt weary and longed to lie down and rest, there was one thing she needed more.

Tadius was already waiting inside when she pushed the door open and a smile jumped to her lips, unbidden. 

“I hope you haven’t wasted your afternoon fretting over me.”

“I did not waste it,” Tadius said, not bothering to deny that he had indeed been fretting. That darling man. “So it went well, then?”

Ella let out a shaky breath, considering his question. By all rights it had, and yet she felt no better for it than she had this morning. “I suppose so.”

Tadius’ eyebrow twitched. “You suppose, my Queen?”

“Ella,” she corrected. It was not a request she made of Tadius often but there were times when all the pomp and circumstance got to be exhausting. “Just Ella right now, please.”

“Ella,” Tadius repeated softly. “Then it was as you feared? Lord Grizzwald blames you?”

Ella shook her head. “No, he doesn’t.” 

As soon as she’d spoken, she realized it. The source of her discomfort.

“But I wanted him to.”

Tadius startled. “What?”

“I wanted him to blame me,” she repeated, and it sounded nonsensical but somehow she knew it to be true. “I wanted the chance to defend myself, because there’s some part of me that - that does feel guilty.”

“Ella…”

“I knew how dangerous Stepmother was, how clever, and yet I let my dearest friends walk right into her trap. I should’ve -”

She stopped short, shocked into silence as Tadius grabbed her shoulders. 

“You can’t believe that.” His voice was low but fierce in its urgency. “There is only one monster to blame for their deaths, and thanks to you she is in no position to harm anyone ever again.”

He had never defied her so openly. They’d had their disagreements, and Tadius was never shy about voicing his opinion, but he always did so while making it clear he would respect her decision either way. 

His words now left no room for rational argument.

But guilt was rarely rational.

“Why should I get to live when they didn’t?” Ella demanded. “Why did they have to die?”

Tadius looked struck. “I - I don’t know.”

She was crying, Ella realized suddenly. She stepped back, out of Tadius’ grip, ashamed to have let her emotions get the best of her.

“Forgive me,” she said, quickly wiping her tears away, as if they could have escaped Tadius’ notice. “I don’t know what came over me.”

“There is nothing to forgive.”

Ella smoothed her skirt. “Yes, well.”

She had no response. She felt wrung-out, her head fuzzy as if stuffed with cotton.

“It’s not fair,” Tadius said quietly. “What happened to the Ladies Grizzwald, it was a terrible injustice. But your survival, your triumph despite all odds, that is fair. It is just. Please never question that.”

“Making demands of your Queen?” Ella joked weakly.

“If you’ll allow me such impudence.” 

“Maybe just this once.”

Chapter Text

“Mind your footwork, men!”

Lord Hop-A-Lot’s voice rang across the castle grounds. Ella raised her hand to hide her smile. To her right, Tadius made no such attempt, cheeks dimpling with a small but amused grin.

Though Hop-A-Lot now had his own house to mind, he still made frequent trips to the castle, and somehow every visit ended up involving a training session with the royal guard. This was not one of Hop-A-Lot’s duties - as the Captain of the guard liked to remind him of every chance he got - but he was the best swordsman in the kingdom and the knights were eager to receive his tutelage. 

He had them lined up by the east wall now, practicing their parries and thrusts. As he walked past them, Ella could see the younger knights puffing their chests, putting on a display in hopes of earning the frog knight’s praise.

She squinted her eyes as she realized Sir Crumb was nowhere to be seen, but the mystery was soon solved as she heard a voice from around her knees.

“Lord Hop-A-Lot says they are coming along quite nicely, my Lady!”

Ella did not bother hiding her smile this time, looking down to see Crumb beaming up at her, ears twitching in a silent greeting. 

“So I see,” she said fondly. “I apologize, I didn’t mean to interrupt your practice.”

“Not at all!” Crumb said, eyes wide and sincere. “I was just about to rest my feet!”

“It is important to rest when needed,” Tadius agreed, with a pointed look in Ella’s direction which she pretended not to notice.

So there may have been a disagreement or two about Ella overworking herself. As far as she was concerned, Tadius would do well to take his own advice.

“Anyway, I have already mastered the steps Lord Hop-A-Lot is teaching right now.” Crumb leaned in, voice low as he confessed, “He says I’m his best student.”

There was genuine pride in his voice, and Ella could not blame him. Hop-A-Lot was quite stingy with compliments towards anyone but his Queen, making each one all the more precious. 

“But don’t tell the others,” Crumb hastily added. “I don’t want them to feel discouraged.”

Ella laughed. “Your secret is safe with us.”

“My Queen!”

Ella turned to see a young man approaching. She did not recognize him but his leather bag and the insignia on his chest marked him as a messenger. He came to a halt a few feet away, bowing deeply.

“I come bearing a message from House Grizzwald,” he said as he straightened, holding out a thin letter.

Ella accepted it with a nod, doing her best not to appear anxious as she tore the letter open. 

“What is it?” Crumb asked, formalities forgotten in his curiosity.

“It’s the young Lord Jonathan Grizzwald,” Ella said, reading on. “He requests permission to visit and pay his respects to the Queen.”

It shouldn’t have been a surprise, really. It had been a few weeks since the older Lord Grizzwald’s visit, and she had already received news that his son had been named his heir. As a newly minted Lord, it was only proper that he make his official acquaintance with the Queen. 

He had just… slipped her mind.

She cleared her throat. “I will grant it, of course.” She turned to the young messenger, now standing at bright-eyed attention. “You may tell your Lord that he is welcome at his earliest convenience.”

“Yes, your grace.” 

He bowed again, and then he was off. 

“Have you met him?” Tadius asked. “The young Lord Grizzwald?”

Ella shook her head. “He never lived at Honeyhold, at least not while I summered there. Justine and Lucy hardly ever mentioned him. All I really know is that he hunts trolls.”

“Something you have in common, then.”

Ella snorted. “I don’t hunt trolls, Tadius. I only slayed the one.”

“I meant that you have both dedicated your lives to bettering the kingdom.”

Warmth rose to Ella’s cheeks at the soft tone in Tadius’ voice. She glanced at him, unsurprised to see the pleased grin on his face. He did so enjoy to fluster her for a change, rather than the other way around.

“Oh, hush.”

Lord Jonathan Grizzwald was an uncommonly tall man, fair, muscular, and square-jawed. Ella noticed these features with distant curiosity as he approached the castle steps. If she had been asked to describe a troll hunter she would have pictured someone much different; he looked rather more like a knight from a storybook.

Then his eyes met hers, and her breath caught. 

They were the exact same shade of blue as Justine’s.

Lord Jonathan bowed, allowing Ella a moment to compose herself. She lowered her head in greeting. “The crown is honored to receive you.”

“The honor is all mine,” Lord Jonathan said. It was not the traditional response but close enough as to not be improper. “I thank you for your welcome and offer my condolences.”

Ella’s chest ached hollowly. “Likewise, dear sir.”

She led him and his entourage inside. It was approaching evening and they would be staying  for at least the night, so rather than inviting him to the Upper Hall, Ella instructed her servants to show Lord Jonathan and his people to their rooms.

“We will dine in the Great Hall soon,” she told him. “You are welcome to join us, if you are not too exhausted from the journey.”

Lord Jonathan grinned rougishly. “Just the opposite. A day on the road always seems to invigorate me.”

“Then I will see you once you have settled in your room.”

“Indeed.” Lord Jonathan hesitated, grin diminishing into something small and almost shy. “And perhaps after… we could talk of my sisters? Father can still hardly bear to hear their names spoken, and no one else knew them as you did.”

Ella’s heart clenched. Her first instinct was to deny him; she had talked of Justine and Lucy a few times in the past months, but only to Tadius and only when the pain over their loss became too much to bear in silence. Lord Jonathan was a stranger. Who was he to make such a request of her?

Their brother, Ella reminded herself in the next instance. He had lost them, too.

“If you’d like,” she agreed quietly.

Lord Jonathan smiled.

Two tables were set for dinner that night: one for the Queen, her attendants and guests, and the other for the servants. Tadius, as the royal advisor, sat at Ella’s right hand, while Lord Jonathan was placed to her left. 

The kitchen staff had prepared three courses and as they dined, Ella attempted to engage Lord Jonathan in polite conversation. His answers were curt, verging on dismissive without quite crossing the line. At first, Ella was disheartened, until she noticed Lord Jonathan’s hand trembling slightly around his fork.

He was nervous, she realized. This had to be his first time dining with royalty and though he had clearly been taught the rules of etiquette, he did not seem to remember them all that well.

As desert was brought out, Ella decided to move the conversation to more comfortable territory for him.

“I’ve heard it said that you’ve hunted trolls.”

Lord Jonathan’s eyes sparked at the question. “Yes, my Lady. Since I could properly swing a sword.”

“Really?” Ella straightened in her seat, curiosity piqued. “How did you come into such a dangerous profession at such a young age?”

“My mother’s brother,” Lord Jonathan said. “He taught me everything I know: how to track trolls, how to trap them, how to fight and kill them. He belongs to a guild of hunters that used to be well-known, but they’ve lost their standing in recent decades. Trolls aren’t as common as they once were, and people don’t fear them as they used to.”

He leaned in, voice growing softer, “But your grace, of course, knows the danger they still pose.”

Ella swallowed, mouth dry. Stepmother’s voice seemed to ring in her head, cold and cruel. Mocking her fears, dismissing them as delusions to anyone who might attempt to rescue Ella from her imprisonment. Her legs twitched, a phantom pain running down them.

Yes, she did know. 

“Naturally, the guild has seen a renewed interest now,” Lord Jonathan added. “The Prince’s death was tragic but it raised people’s awareness. They’ve welcomed many new members in the past year, and they’ve received invitation from most of the Great Houses to come and instruct their guards on how to track and fight trolls.”

Ella tilted her head, considering that. “Perhaps my knights could do with lessons from the guild as well. Lord Hop-A-Lot has taught them much but he is a swordsman, not a hunter.”

“Why wait?” Lord Jonathan said, eager. “I could teach them now, if you’d let me. I may no longer belong to the guild but I trained and worked with them for years.”

“Oh?” 

Ella hesitated. This hardly seemed an appropriate task for a visiting Lord, even one who had so recently gained his title.

“I would be honored to do it,” Lord Jonathan added. “The sooner your knights know how to sniff out invading trolls the better, right?”

She couldn’t fault his logic. “Very well. You may begin your lessons tomorrow. I will see that the Captain of the guard is informed.”

“Thank you, my Queen.” Lord Jonathan’s expression darkened. “I didn’t protect my sisters as I should have. I won’t fail you, too.”

It was odd, after spending such a long time as an outcast, how many people now seemed to take personal interest in her well-being. Perks of being Queen, Ella supposed.

“Your dedication to the crown is appreciated,” she said. She glanced quickly to her right, where Tadius sat sipping his wine. Her palm itched to reach out and take his hand. “But I have it on good authority that the only one to blame for Justine and Lucy’s deaths is the monster who actually killed them.”

“It is true as they say,” Lord Jonathan said, voice soft. “The Queen is as kind and she is beautiful.”

Ella lowered her gaze to her lap, blushing at the praise. This, too, she had not yet grown used to.

“But I don’t wish to discuss my sisters’ deaths,” Lord Jonathan added. “I would much rather talk about them as they were in life. You spent your summers at Honeyhold when you were young, did you not?”

“Since I can remember,” Ella confirmed, glad for the change in topic.

“I didn’t know them until they were almost fully grown,” Lord Jonathan said. “What were they like as children?”

“Much the same in many ways, very different in others.” Ella smiled to herself as she reminisced. “Lucy was always headstrong, but she did grow out of her habit of pulling on our hair if we disagreed with her.

“And Justine, she was always so gentle and caring. She would hold my hand while I cried my first nights away from home each summer.”

Ella paused, overcome. Her heart ached, but there was something almost gratifying about it. A reminder that the pain she felt now was due to the abundance of love she had known before.

“Justine was the first to welcome me,” Lord Jonathan said quietly. “When I came to Honeyhold. She took my hand, and told me she had been looking forward to meeting me. She said she’d always wanted a brother.”

Ella blinked away sudden tears.

“But Lucy was the first to embrace me,” he added, smiling at the memory. “She was so small in my arms. I was amazed that such a spitfire could fit in such small a frame.”

“She always seemed larger than life,” Ella agreed.

She hadn’t understood Lord Jonathan’s desire to speak of his sisters. It had seemed an exercise in misery, dwelling on those they had lost. In her grief, Ella had forgotten all the good memories that had become before the terrible end to Justine and Lucy’s lives.

Talking about them this way, it didn’t feel like wallowing in guilt.

It felt… comforting.

The evening dragged on but it eventually ended, as all evenings do. Lord Jonathan went to his room, his staff following, and Ella walked back to her bed chamber with Tadius escorting her, her servants following a few feet behind.

“Do you think it’s a good idea?” she asked as soon as they were alone. “Allowing Lord Jonathan to train the knights, I mean. It doesn’t seem a task fitting for someone of his stature.”

Tadius shrugged. “He made the offer, you accepted. I agree that the sooner the royal guard receive their lessons, the better.”

“I have difficulties keeping track of proper procedure,” Ella admitted self-consciously. “So many unwritten rules to follow. But if you say it is acceptable, then it must be.”

Tadius didn’t respond. He looked deep in thought, almost troubled.

“You seemed to enjoy your conversation with Lord Jonathan,” he finally said. 

It was an odd remark. Ella furrowed her brow, confused.

“I guess so,” she said. 

“He’s handsome,” Tadius added. His tone was casual. “Dashing, one might say.”

“One might,” Ella agreed slowly. “Are you alright, Tadius?”

Tadius’ expression stiffened. “Of course. Why do you ask, my Queen?”

“You’re behaving oddly.”

Something crossed over Tadius’ face, too quickly for Ella to parse. He shot her a smile, strained at the corners.

“Just tired, I suppose,” he said. “It’s been a long day.”

“That it has.”

Ella reached out, wanting to offer comfort. She paused, hand hovering by Tadius’ arm, and then dropped it slowly. All too aware of the servants nearby, watching them. 

“Take care to rest,” she said quietly. “I can make it an order, if I have to.”

Tadius’ smile softened, dark eyes sparkling. “I will, if my Queen consents to do the same.”

“Then it’s a deal.”

Impulsively, Ella held out her pinky finger. Perhaps it was the memories still lingering of carefree summers and girlhood games that had her feeling playful in the moment. Tadius looked bemused but he held out his pinky as well. Ella wrapped her finger around his, cheeks warming at the touch. After a moment’s hesitation, Tadius mirrored the movement. 

His ears had gone pink.

“Deal,” he murmured.