Archive of Our Own ^beta

Music and laughter drifted through the open windows of Aubrey Hall as Penelope parked her car. She was running late. 

Everybody arrived in the morning, wanting to make the most of the long weekend but she had promised to pay her mother a visit for breakfast. Portia had found task after task to make her stay and then she couldn’t decide what to wear tonight and got stuck in traffic afterwards. 

But once she stepped out of her car and took the air around Aubrey Hall in, she was at ease. The air was cleaner, smelled sweeter and energized her every time she was here. It was her favourite place on earth. Every core memory was placed in or around these walls. Not at least because of her company here. 

“Finally you arrived!” Eloise shouted from the entrance of the house, ran down the stairs and jumped in her arms. 

“You’ve seen me a few hours ago before you left to come here, El.” Penelope laughed but tightened her embrace.

“Still too many hours ago. We’ve been waiting all day!”

“Are you already drunk? I’m not that late, girl.” 

Eloise always got touchy when she was drunk. It was more than obvious because physical touch wasn’t normally her love language.

“Maybe a little.” Eloise held her hand up to show a little distance between her thumb and her index finger.

They got Penelope’s bags and two beer crates out of her boot and into the house.

"Damn!” She heard Benedict’s voice in her back while she placed her purse onto the sideboard in the hallway.

Pen smiled secretly and thanked herself for the right choice of dress, obviously. That was exactly the reaction she anticipated, not from the right Bridgerton, but she was just a girl. 

She wore a tight floorlength black neckholder dress with a deep, very deep, v-shaped neckline and a low cut back. It was very revealing, even for her. She loved to show off her curves and boobs and they planned a party tonight. 

So, where’s the harm, right? Perfect occasion. 

Ben and Colin invited a lot of their friends from uni and Penelope secretly hoped for a little make out, with anyone in principle. 

Of course there was a wish list with exactly one name on it but she needed something real, something beyond her dreams.

She just wanted to be kissed and touched and to forget about her bachelor thesis which she needed to finish sooner than later. 

So this dress it was. Her hair was down in soft waves to cover her a little. She felt confident and Ben’s, let’s call it a compliment for now, boosted her self-esteem. 

She turned around to his voice. “Catcalling is not a compliment, Ben.” She feigned offence.

“I’m sorry.” 

Pen could see him biting his bottom lip to suppress a smile. It didn’t work. 

“I’m happy to see you, Penelope. You look amazing.” His eyes traced down her body.
“Nice dress!” He smirked. 

He was such a flirt all the time. It didn’t mean anything. 

That was just his personality and since he went to uni it increased even more. One-night-stands and situationships. Causality, that was his thing. Everyone knew it and he surprisingly managed to not break hearts since that was common knowledge. He used his time at uni as an opportunity to explore himself or everyone around him. He never did a move on her, she was family, forbidden fruit maybe but she enjoyed the flirts and innuendos. 

“Thank you.” She closed the distance to hug him. Her arms reached around his neck. 

There were only two people on earth she hugged like this. Normally everyone wrapped their arms around her shoulders because she was so small. It was nothing weird about that, but Ben and Colin always went for her waist. She loved those embraces more than others, it felt more intimate because her face wasn’t pressed against the other's chest, but brushed cheeks or necks. 

Today even more, since her waist wasn’t covered completely and Benedict’s hands touched her bare skin slightly. 

Her skin tingled with his touch, but she shook it off. 

It just meant that she definitely needed someone tonight, maybe even more than kissing and touching. 

Still in his arms she noticed foot steps approaching. 

“Penelope!” Hyacinth was the first to get to her. She broke Benedict’s hug and greeted each of his siblings the same until she looked around to see Colin still at the other side of the hallway. 

He was staring, lips parted. 

Enough for her to notice his shock but not enough to raise attention. He looked starstrucked and she loved it. She knew he wouldn’t say anything, that was not his style. 

He complimented her humor or her intelligence but never her looks with more than “You’re cute” or something like that. 

“Hey Colin.” She had called him a few hours ago when she left for Aubrey Hall and they’d seen each other yesterday, so emotional greetings weren’t necessary. She wanted to hug him anyways, to feel his hands around her body but he didn’t move, didn’t answer her either. 

So she closed the distance between them, his eyes were fixated on her, but still no reaction. She stopped directly in front of him so their bodies nearly touched. 

“Hey Colin.” She repeated, her voice not more than a whisper. 

He licked his lips and she watched him curiously. He swallowed. 

“Are you okay?” She couldn’t help but giggle. 

That apparently brought his attention back to reality. 

“Hi Pen.” He breathed out and his hands carefully tugged around her waist. Her arms flew around him and she pulled him down. She nestled her face into his neck as he tightened the grip of his right hand while his left curved around her lower back and his fingers trailed along her bare skin. She held his embrace until the inferno under his touch became unbearable.

***

They danced around the kitchen, sang at the top of their lungs, drank aperol spritz and shots, and kicked some balloons through the living room while the house got more and more crowded. 

Penelope spotted a few familiar faces, but she didn’t recognise everyone since all Bridgerton’s invited friends from uni or school. 

Some guys brought her drinks or danced with her, but no one seemed interesting enough so far. 

Hyacinth straddled her boyfriend on an armchair in the back of the living room, Eloise snogged Phillip on the terrace, Anthony and Kate were nowhere to be found, Benedict flirted with some guy at the bar, Colin chatted with two of his friends on the sofa. 

She leaned against the wall and took a sip of her umbrella drink. 

What an amazing evening, she sighed happily. 

“Scanning the room for your next prey?” Phillip teased her. 

“Finished snogging?” She mocked back and earned rolling eyes from Eloise.

“For now.” He wobbled his brows facing his girlfriend. “Now, what about you? Not the right one in sight?”

She scanned the room again, her eyes landed on Colin, who was already looking at her.

“Not really.”

“Hey Ben, come here. ASAP!” Phillip shouted over the music. 

She couldn’t read Phillip’s smile. What was he up to?

“Penelope wants to get laid. Any suggestions?” He stated as Ben approached them with the guy from the bar. 

“Phillip!” Eloise and Penelope cried out in unison.

“Everything okay over here?” The screams got Colin’s attention, so he joined the group.

“Who of your friends is single, Colin?” Eloise asked.

Great, now she’s wrapped up, Pen groaned mentally.

“All of them, why?”

"Sweet! So Pen choose your player.” Phillip chuckled. 

Since they were a couple, Eloise and Phillip really became a two-headed person. Like they finished each other's sentences and shared thoughts just by looking at each other, sometimes even without that.

Penelope saw no other way, but to play along. Their intention was in her favor nonetheless.

“The left one went with Camilla upstairs earlier, so he’s out. The right one undressed me with his eyes the moment he arrived, but was too shy to speak with me. I felt like a piece of meat. So not the right pick either.”

“He did what?” Colin’s head snapped to his friends but his offense was already lost against El’s and Phillip’s other suggestions. They listed the guys she had already danced with and sorted out.

“Ben, any proposals?” Phillip asked for help.

“Hmmm…” His eyes scanned the room. “Fife just broke up with his girlfriend. He might be up for a rebound.”

“I don’t want to be a rebound. In the end, he’ll think of her while making out with me.”

“Basilio? I hit on him earlier but he’s just into girls, sad to say. He certainly has his eye on you.” Ben tried to convince her, but looked more at his younger brother than the guy he talked about or Penelope. 

Colin was already fuming. “He sucks!” Colin groaned out loud. 

Nobody reacted to him though, everyone was checking out the crowd.

“His Mom recently died. I don’t want to take advantage of that.” Penelope said softly.

“Fair.” 

Ben’s eyes scanned the room once again and his eyes landed on a tall handsome guy from their neighborhood with broad shoulders and blond hair. 

“What about Sam? He’s good in bed and you don’t have to see him again. He will move to Brasil in a few weeks.”

“What is going on here?” Colin tried to get their attention, but failed once again, only Ben noticed that his younger brother's rage grew with every word of their conversation.

“He looks fit…” Penelope’s words trailed off as she took him in.

Benedict decided to push his brother a little more. Teasing him became far more interesting than finding a match for Penelope. So he leaned sideways against the wall next to Pen and bent his head down to her, watching Colin out of the corner of his eyes. 

“With that dress and those boobs you will wrap him around your finger in no time.” He motioned to her cleavage. 

“Watch yourself, brother!” Colin’s voice got dangerously low. 

That finally got everyone's attention, most of all Penelope’s. 

She loved his protectiveness and jealousy when she was around other men. His intimate touches, the way he danced with her closely, holding her hips when they were at a party that marked her as his (he didn’t do it today, she wondered why). 

The way he played with her fingers at restaurants or cuddled with her at movie nights. She had given up hope that he would ever take the step to give his protective behaviour a legitimate reason. That’s one of the reasons she did what she did next.

She turned her head to Benedict. Her breath caught in her throat because she did not realise how close he was. She kissed him on the cheek. 

“Thanks, Ben. Maybe he’s worth a shot.”

“He’s not…right for you, Pen.” Colin nearly screamed.

Her eyes burned into his. 

“Why is that, Colin? He will fuck me real good, I suppose What’s good for Ben, will be good for me as well.” 

She heard Eloise and Phillip sucked their breath in sharply. “She did not say that, did she?” Eloise murmured to Phillip. He nodded, his eyes wide open in shock and curiosity, flipping between Colin and Pen. 

“Si hermosa, tell him!” The guy with Ben hadn’t said a word since they came over until now and now he smirked at her. She saw his dimples first and then she heard his latin accent. 

Penelope winked at him and wondered where Benedict always found those handsome, smart, open and ridiculously hot people while she found it so hard to find just one she wanted to kiss except for Colin.

Colin hadn’t recovered from his freeze. “You…don’t know him…and… he’s…too particular.”

“So you think she needs someone she knows for a fling?” Benedict teased his brother. 

He couldn’t help it, he just wanted to push him more and more. 

Besides, Pen was a catch! He never understood why Colin never made a move or wanted more while every time he flirted with her Colin got jealous. Benedict thought about taking his shot at her himself, but knew about her crush on him so he didn’t dare. 

Previous affections weren’t noticeable right now, though, and Colin still hasn't answered him. Maybe he could push a little more to see if she fell for it and how Colin would react.

“Or maybe, you’d like to pick more than one for tonight, Pen, if one decision is too hard to make.” His face was still dangerously close to her, he practically breathed his question into her ear but still loud enough for everyone to hear. 

A shiver ran down her spine. Every thought of physical contact reached critical anticipation at this point. 

Benedict leaning so close to her and Colin raging over her theoretical ONS was tightening every muscle of her body. She took another sip from her cocktail to cool down or to build up courage. Helpful, either way.

Colin’s eyes narrowed, his emotions unreadable which made her even more annoyed. So she turned her face to Benedict once again.

“I could handle two tonight.” 

“You can’t be serious about that.” Colin nearly lost himself.

She didn’t pay attention and let her eyes spark flirtatiously and watched while Ben’s guy pulled him softly back and whispered something in his ear. She couldn’t get it but Ben’s head snapped to him with confusion and mischief. 

They whispered a few more sentences into each other’s ears and Ben kissed him lightly. 

She definitely lost track of what was happening right now and she saw confusion in El’s face as well, so her gaze went back to Ben. 

Perfectly timed to see Benedict raising his brows in Colin’s direction as he pushed himself off the wall. 

In one fluid motion he stood inappropriately close to her, his legs parted with hers between them and he dropped against the wall leaning against his forearm over her head. Her eyes grew wide as she looked up at him. 

This has to be a joke, Ben flirted, he touched occasionally or stared but he never made a move. Especially not in front of his family. 

She swallowed hard. 

It must be a joke, that was too much. 

She searched for a sign in his face, but his eyes were serious. 

He caught his bottom lip between his teeth, his eyes dropped to her lips, then to her boobs and back to her eyes. She held up his gaze to let him understand that she’d followed his eyes which repeated their way down and up again. His eyes sparkled as he leaned in. 

“Pedro wants you to join us.” He whispered for only her to hear it. “I’m up to his idea entirely, just to let you know or you can play along to get rid of your bodyguard here.” 

Her heart nearly burst out of her chest. Her mouth was suddenly dry and her stomach tightened in a knot. He backed off of her just to watch her face. 

What is happening right now? She liked Ben, but not in this way, he’s not the right Bridgerton. 

But she knew for a fact that one night with him and Pedro, his date obviously, wouldn’t have consequences for their friendship, because there were no emotions involved and Benedict was very good at separating both. 

Was she really considering accepting his offer?

That has to be a mistake. 

What did he mean by playing along? 

Did he do that to annoy Colin? 

Why was she considering Colin’s opinion anyways? 

He had his chance.

He didn’t take it over the years. 

Maybe you should take things as they come along your way.

She leaned into Benedict, there were some points to clarify, before she knew what to do. 

“What would you do in both scenarios?” She really hoped no one could hear them, but she didn’t dare to loosen her eyes from Ben to watch around. 

Penelope felt his hot breath against her ear before he spoke. 

“I would press you against the wall and kiss you senseless. Passionately. My tongue will force your mouth to open and I will taste you. ” She trembled, but managed to set her drink on the sideboard next to her without dropping her gaze from the crook of his neck. “You would feel my hard cock against your belly and you could decide if you want to try it or try your luck with finding another one.” 

She pressed her palms against the wall behind her to steady herself. 

Why was her body reacting like that?

It was Ben.

She never thought about him like that. 

“Or you could just playfully turn me down. But playfully, please, so I could keep my dignity after your rejection.” 

He pulled back to look at her. She wasn’t sure if her heart stopped beating or if it beat so fast that she couldn’t feel it at all. 

She wanted to look at Colin.

For his help? His permission? 

Colin was the only man she ever wanted, ever loved, even when she was with others. He never slipped her thoughts. But she was also just a girl and she was fed up.

“I personally hope for the first.” Benedict said louder than everything before.

If she went for the first part of his suggestion, she could stop this madness at any second. Ben wouldn’t push her into something she wasn’t ready for. She knew that. 

A thousand thoughts flipped through her mind like in a pinball machine. Maybe one step at a time.

She was kinda curious if he was that good to get all these amazing people. Her eyes dropped at his lips at her last thought. He smirked as he noticed the change of energy between them. 

She felt herself nodding as her eyes flew back to his. 

“May I?” Benedict mostly mouthed his question for consent than to speak it out loud. But she heard him and pushed herself an inch off the wall to close the little distance until their noses touched. 

Eloise gasped loudly. 

It was the first sound outside Benedict’s that reached her but she didn’t react. 

Anticipation or fear. She wasn’t sure what caused the tension in her body. 

She saw Benedict hesitate for a second, she wasn’t sure what caused that either. 

She wasn’t sure about anything that was happening right now. 

But the moment for hesitation or second thoughts was over as Ben’s lips crushed onto hers. He did as he told her a minute ago. There was no light brush of lips, no soft kiss of love, no testing the waters, no ‘we’re friends and kiss quickly at a game of spin the bottle’-kiss. It was a ‘there’s no way back’-kiss, full of passion and lust. 

She felt his hard body pressing her against the wall as she lost herself for a second in kissing him back. 

“Whaaaat?” Eloise broke the silence around them. 

His right hand crawled into Penelope’s hair in the back of her head as he deepened the kiss. His left hand grabbed her waist wanting to pull her closer to him but his touch and his lips were suddenly removed. 

Her eyes flew open to Benedict being pushed onto the floor.

“What the hell, Colin!” He screamed angrily. Colin had dragged him by his shoulders away from her and thrown him onto the floor. 

“Colin!” Penelope saw the shock in his eyes and tears filling up, but was still startled and angry about his aggression.

“Get your hands off of her!”

Pedro and El already tried to help Benedict to his feet.

“Then do something about it, Col, and not only when it is too late.” He stated, firm but content. There was certainly an unsaid meaning behind his words which Pen didn’t get. Her eyes still sparkled with anger at him.

Colin grabbed Pen’s wrist and dragged her across the terrace into the garden to the back to the house where the music was barely the vibrations of the bass and the lights touched the grass around them dimly. 

“You can’t be serious about that?”

“You don’t have the right to tell whom to kiss or not to kiss, Colin.”

“He’s my brother, Pen, fuck’s sake.”

“What’s your point?”

“He kisses everybody, it’s just a game he plays.”

“I know him well enough, Colin, and I decided to ‘play’.”

She was air quoting the last word to use his choice of word. They were just shouting at each other, she blinked away the tears which threatened to spill.

“He didn’t mean to kiss you.”

“What’s that supposed to mean? Like he would not fall for me?”

“Of course he would, that's not the point.”

“Then, what is? You’ve seen me kissing other people before, what’s your problem with Ben?”

“He did it as a dare. To challenge me. Why don’t you get it?”

“You’re not in the position to deny me a little fun!”

“Fun? Save a horse, ride a Bridgerton to cross it off your Bingo card?”

She couldn’t stop the tears from falling anymore. She didn’t expect him of all people to be that cruel. 

All the anger and rage built in her were pushed away by pain. Unbearable pain.

“How could you say something like that? You know that’s not true.” Her voice was barely a whisper and broke a little more by every word.

“I’m so sorry, Pen, I overstepped.” His voice sounded broken and painful. “I’m sorry.”

She took a deep breath to meet his eyes. She saw tears running down his face.

“You should kiss people you love and who love you. Not Ben.”

“But the man I love, doesn’t love me back!”

She regretted her statement the moment it left her mouth, so she tried to quickly run over it.

“You never made a fuss about my flings at parties! Why is that about you anyway? I can kiss and fuck everyone I want to! That’s none of your business!” 

Her voice found her confidence back. She wouldn’t let that down. She needed an explanation.

“Fuck, I LOVE YOU! I don’t want you to kiss anyone but me. I want you to want to kiss just me.”

Oh.

Oh.

“Then you know what to do! Kiss me before someone else does!”

She shot back, not quite coping with what his declaration meant.

Colin didn’t hesitate and did as she wished.