Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Art by: TammyXD

Wolf suddenly woke up, letting out a gasp as she lifted her head from her pillow. She gazed around her room. Her breath was heavy as her eyes searched, slightly panicked by her sudden awakening. She curled up into a ball, wrapping her arms around her knees and resting her head on them. Her ear twitched at the sound of creaking floorboards, although she knew her family wouldn't be up at this time. She slowly turned her head to look at the clock, moving to lean towards it. Lifting the clock up so she could read, she saw it read 3 AM.

She put the clock down with a frustrated growl. Why must she always wake up at these hours? Usually 3 AM would be during her worst episodes. She knew it, and she hated it. She adjusted her position to sit up in bed, holding onto herself tightly, not wanting to let go. She hummed softly, focusing solely on the tiny scars raking up her arm. She squeezed herself further at the sight.

Her eyes glistened with small tears. In this room, all she could smell was dust; it was the only room she avoided cleaning when asked. The faded walls of the house made her world feel both lived in and suffocating. Wolf rested in her bed, absorbed in her thoughts. She carefully got out of bed and looked out her small, broken window, just as the sun came shining through. The distance between it and the ground below was small. 

Wolf watched kids her age walking down the path talking and laughing, backpacks on their backs. She watched for a few moments before she heard talking and conversations within the hallways of the house. She looked over to her doorway to see both of her sisters, Amy and Lizzy, walking down the stairs. They were off to breakfast. She looked at the time — it had been a few hours. It hadn’t felt like it; her racing thoughts prevented her from keeping track of time. Fuck. She needed to get dressed and ready before her father, Azazel, would get frustrated with her. 

She walked over to her wardrobe, but before she could open it, she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror; she took a step back, looking in the mirror at herself.

She had visible bags under her eyes. Although she barely slept, it wouldn’t prevent her from being awake all day. As she looked at herself, her gaze fell to the small scars adorning her arms.  A small sigh escaped her lips; she needed something to cover them up. She continued to walk over to her wardrobe, grabbing something that had sleeves long enough to keep them out of sight.

Once she was ready, she put her paw on the staircase and walked down; the kitchen was filled with laughter and talking. The air was filled with the smell of food - cooked eggs and bread. She could feel hunger clawing at her stomach. She reached the kitchen, walking over to the dishes sitting at the counter. Her father added a comment. “Before you eat, I want you to do the dishes.”  She gazed at her father, giving an acknowledging nod. 

She started getting the dishes washed as her sisters sat eating their food. She knew better than to talk against her father, but the hunger and smell of their food was intensifying her nausea. Her thoughts were interrupted by the snickering and laughter directed at Wolf, as Amy and Lizzy sat at the table mocking her. 

All Wolf could do was ignore, maintaining her calm energy. Before the bullying escalated, the sound of the school bus emanated from outside. Her ear perked up; her head didn't turn to look, but her eyes gazed over to the door. Father walked over, opening the door for her sisters. They haphazardly grabbed their books, papers, and pencils and shoved them into their bags. They quickly grabbed their bags and ran outside to catch the bus.

Curiosity hit Wolf like a brick; she desperately wanted to know what it looked like. She quietly walked over to the hallway, looking at a small glimpse of the outside world; she saw her siblings waving to their father. They quickly got onto the bus to avoid missing it. Her father turned, his gaze cold and unwelcoming.

He had noticed her watching, “You know what to do.” His voice was stern. 

"Certainly, Father." Wolf responded, and he walked past her, causing her to flinch slightly. He didn't seem to notice. Azazel started walking upstairs to his room; she heard the door close behind him as he went in. In reality, he spent the entire day working from his room. But each afternoon, he emerged with an odd odor. 

Wolf didn't question his actions, though she didn't know much about them. She went over to the table, picked up some of the soiled knives, plates, and forks, and washed them with soap and water from the faucet. Opening the cabinets and putting the plates back where they belong. She removed the cover and walked back to the table. Taking a wipe and setting it aside. She proceeded to wipe down the table until it was spotless.

She went to get the mop after she was done with the table. putting on her preferred tunes. As she cleaned the house, she enjoyed the sound of punk/hard metal music. She switched it on and began mopping the floor. Her eyes widened as she caught a glimpse of blood on the floor. Setting the mop aside, she lowered herself to her knees and wiped her finger over the stain. It appeared to be hers. She stared at the floor and her finger for a few silent moments. 

Wolf shook her head as she got back to reality. No point in dwelling on these memories. She got back up, grabbed the mop, and wiped the blood off the wooden floor. The song helped overtake her thoughts, and she began cleaning the rest of the house.

The sweat soaking up her sleeves made her wounds sting after a few hours of work. She inhaled deeply as she heard her father come downstairs. She hurried over, turned off the music, and returned the broom to its proper position. 

"About time you did something useful," he said, glaring at Wolf as he entered the living room. 

The words fell flat as she gave a rigid nod. "Yes, I did it." She spoke in a low, cautious tone that was neither proud nor eager. Simply safe. Without saying anything else, her father passed her and went to sit on the couch. It looks like he finished his work upstairs, since now he’s taking a book to read.

She put her hands together and stood there, waiting for him to notice, perhaps because she had free time to do whatever she wanted. Azazel could see out of the corner of his eye that she was waiting for him to release her. "Now what?"

Wolf felt a shiver up her spine; his words felt like a cutting wound. She hated asking him for anything. Even a simple request. "Can I go upstairs and play?"

Azazel’s red eyes stung and burnt into Wolf’s; her ears lowered a little, unsure if she asked the wrong question. He then suddenly nodded, “Fine. Just don’t let me hear a single word from you again.”

She didn't waste any time as she didn't want to bother him anymore; she walked up the stairs and into her room. It still smelled like dust; it made her nose tingle a little and tear up from it. She huffed, turning to close her bedroom door. Her sisters might be home soon. She walked over to her little dollhouse, grabbing a character from the toy box.

She looked at the small, hand-made figurine of her making. It appeared to be a little worn out and damaged. Wolf shrugged it off and simply began playing.

She dropped her doll as she heard voices coming from downstairs. She stared towards the closed door. I wonder how their time in school went. She returned her attention back to the doll, picking her up and placing her on the floor of the small dollhouse while thinking. Her father then called her from downstairs; he needed her again. She got up to open the door. It creaked in a way that reminded her of some horror movie.

Wolf went to her father downstairs. “Yes, Father?” Her sisters looked at her; Amy gazed at Wolf with a hostile expression, and Lizzy gave her an amused look.

Azazel looked at Wolf; she detested being around him and felt as though the entire room had frozen in place, surrounded with icy stares and shivers. Either way, she turned to face him after he started speaking. "Set the table for dinner and don't be lazy." 

After he left, Lizzy turned to face Wolf and giggled comically, wrinkled her nose, and said, "Ugh. Your stench is fucking disgusting.” 

She smelled herself and her eyes widened, glinting with embarrassment. The way she smelled wasn’t even her fault, considering she was forced into cleaning the whole day. Amy stared with a slight smirk on her face as Lizzy continued to giggle. Though Amy contributed, she rarely bullied her as much as Lizzy.

Frustrated, Wolf turned her head. There was nothing she could do to stop them from laughing. It haunted her, echoing in her mind. Lizzy noticed that she was now ignoring her as she clumsily set the table for their dinner. She hummed in amusement and turned to leave towards the living room. After continuing to stare for another moment, Amy trailed behind Lizzy. Wolf was relieved that they were now off doing their homework. She would no longer be bothered by them.

In the living room, she could hear laughter as her sisters conversed with Azazel. The red fox sat with his legs crossed on the couch. With a cigarette between their fingers, they occasionally take a puff. Her sister Lizzy was rambling on about some student in the class having trouble with reading. Her misery made her and her friends laugh uncontrollably.

It gave her a sense of humanity to hear what the real world was like, and Wolf enjoyed listening to their conversations. Even if all she got to listen to was about her sister acting like a bitch. For the most part, Amy either sat there and watched or occasionally participated in the harassment if she felt like it. She was no better; she just rather harass others in private.

Wolf turned to face her family after she had finished arranging the table. "The table is set," she said, calling them over. 

Lizzy rolled her eyes and turned her head. "You must really ruin my good story, don't you?" 

Wolf glared, causing Lizzy to look back at her. She really wanted to tell her to get lost, but she was unable to do so. She needed to take a shower to keep herself composed. Her clothes were extremely uncomfortable as they stuck to her fur. She went up the stairs to the bathroom, ignoring her family. Putting the clothing aside, she readies a towel for when she exits.

She switches the tap to the proper setting and enters the shower. She whimpers and flinches as soon the water touches her skin, the stale wounds stinging under the stream. When she opened her eyes, she lowered her head and looked at the floor, seeing a steady trail of blood flowing down the drain. She hugged herself as she stood in the shower, tears prickling in her eyes.

She curled her tail up around herself. She can’t go on like this. At times like these she feels like she might snap, but her only viable option was to remain silent.

Chapter Text

Chapter Two

Her eyes opened, and her tail wrapped itself slowly around her leg. She was lying on her side, nestled against the bed, gazing out at the room around her. Wolf saw the sheet that was wrapped around her stomach, with the rest of it draped over her. How long had she been asleep? Her sense of self was derived from the feeling of her paws resting on her stomach.

She got out of bed and looked out the window to see the sun peeking through the trees in the distance outside. The warmth of the sun kept her comfortable , so it wasn't awful. 

She glanced around the room, her light aqua eyes softening. She felt trapped in this room, yet it was calming. It was more of an escape from her siblings and father. She lowered herself slightly to gaze at the ceiling while resting her paws on her stomach. She watched as her fan continued to circle.

With her eyes fixed on the ceiling, Wolf hummed softly to herself. Usually, she didn't even have control over her thoughts; her breathing was steady. 

Wolf flinched when she heard a knock on the door. She was startled by the sudden, loud noises, including unexpected ones. She didn't know why. She got up and is now sitting on her bed. Her father had come in, looking around the room before settling on her. He seemed uninterested in dealing with her, as evidenced by the irritated flick of his ear. 

Azazel, the red fox, gave her an unfriendly gaze. “I’m leaving. Try not to do anything stupid, for once.”

He shut the door before Wolf could respond. He left her in the room and walked away, given that her father was in a fairly large company and frequently attended meetings. However, he also had the option of working from home. 

While cleaning for her father at home, she discovered a lot about him, despite her lack of interest in his life. He might need her to clean again, she scowled glumly. In any case, she would rather avoid getting herself into trouble. 

After getting out of bed, Wolf changed into her regular clothes. Unable to hear her siblings, she walked to the door and opened it slightly. She found it annoying that her door creaked whenever she opened it. Wolf turned her head to the hallway. Staring, she was surprised that her siblings weren't doing anything since their father was away. 

The outside world appeared to be quiet this evening as Wolf descended the stairs and picked up her broom to sweep up crumbs and anything else that had fallen to the floor. She finds it surprising that Sundays are that quiet; normally, she's accustomed to hearing sounds like cars passing by. 

Carrying her broom, she made her way to the kitchen window. The world was silent as she looked out, and she could see birds flying or tweeting. She wished she could hear more of their lovely songs. Despite having more work to do, she turned her head to look at the kitchen and then the living room. Her father didn't ask this time, but he might give her praise. 

I doubt he would, though. Before stepping back into cleaning, her thoughts continued to wander. Both rooms were cleaner than before she finished cleaning them. Less than an hour later, she was proud of herself. She may be cleaning more quickly now. Wolf put the broom back in its place and turned his attention to the dishes, which seemed to have finished as well. She yawned and lifted a paw over her mouth; she was so tired that she wanted to drag herself into bed. 

She raised her head and looked towards the stairs. Perhaps it was okay to take a short nap. She turned and started up the stairs, placing her hand on the rail. There wasn't much conversation up here as she walked to the door; her sisters seemed to be quiet. But there was a gag of disgust as she wrinkled her nose.  What the fuck was that smell? 

It was impossible to resist following the scent as it led through the corridor. As she walked, the wooden floorboards appeared to crack, and then the smell suddenly filled her father's bedroom, causing her to peek inside for a look. Her eyes widened in surprise when she noticed Lizzy smoking a cigarette. Was her sister smoking? Amy appeared to be chatting quietly while seated close to Lizzy. 

Although the smoke smelled awful, it makes sense why they were so silent. She opened the door, tears welling up in her eyes. She was curious as to why they were hiding away and smoking. 

“Lizzy… why are you smoking? You know that’s not good for you.” She stood close to the doorway as Wolf spoke. Prior to seeing the wolf, Lizzy's head turned abruptly with concern. When she realised it was her, she rolled her eyes, and they became icy.

“The fuck does it matter to you? Stay out of my business.” Lizzy put the cigarette to her lips, took a slow drag, and then let it go as she spoke icily to Wolf. 

Wolf curled back into a tiny snarl as her teeth bit into her lips. Curiosity made smoking seem like fun, but it smelled awful. A tiny thought crossed her mind: what if she tried? Amy alternated taking little ones with Lizzy while she continued to puff.

When Wolf approached Lizzy, she appeared to have forgotten she was there. She drew in a drag from the cigarette and stood up, looking up at her. She exhaled heavily into the wolf's face. 

“What do you want, mutt?” 

Wolf looked at the cigarette, seemingly unconcerned by Lizzy's remarks at the time. She wanted to know how it tasted, so her eyes darkened. Lizzy noticed her eyes briefly scouring the cigarette before a smirk emerged from her mouth. "Well, I assume this is what you're looking for?" 

Wolf gave a slight nod; Lizzy gave her the remaining cigarette. She didn't care at the time, even though the smell still irritated her eyes and nose. Following up on her observation that her father and siblings both smoke, Wolf took a long drag from the cigarette. With just one puff, she felt the cigarette smoke enter her lungs and then exit them, dragging away all of her sudden anxieties. Although she liked it, the puff seemed to cause her to cough. 

"You aren't used to the smoke yet," Lizzy said, laughing at her coughing. “If you continue, you will be.” 

Wolf felt like she belonged when she looked at her sister. They appeared to be okay with her smoking with them, even if it was only a little. Her gaze lightened as she looked at them, her ears raised. She held the cigarette in her fingers and grinned slightly. Although Lizzy's eyes were natural, she gazed at Wolf for a brief moment before raising her head at the door. She appeared to be observing something. 

Wolf's father looked at her glumly as she turned to face him. Before he noticed the cigarette in her fingers, the red fox’s eyes grew cold as he stared at Wolf. He scowled as he looked at her, asking, "What's this? Are you stealing my cigarettes?” His questions always felt like a stake in her. Feeling uneasy, Wolf backed off a little. She lowered her ears.

She turned to face them and appeared to be smiling as she said, "I'm sorry, Father, Lizzy, and—" she bumped into Lizzy. Was this her entire strategy? to apprehend her and assign blame. She felt a sudden rage as usual, but she was unable to express it.  

Her head snapped back to her father, who was staring down at her with a sharpened gaze. She was aware of what would happen next, and she didn't want it. She squeezed through the opening and pushed past him; she didn't want it. However, she felt a sudden pull back as her father appeared to grab hold of her shirt and throw her to the ground, causing the air to escape as she hit the ground. 

She regained her breath, breathing heavily, and her eyes widened as she looked up at her father. She was terrified as she felt the blood rushing through her body. Her father glared down at her before punching her arm, causing her to scream in agony. She groaned in pain as his arm was drawn back. After a few minutes, he turned to face her.

Wolf felt as though she could only feel tingles and that the pain had numbed her entire body. Her father had already left, leaving her on the room's floor, nearly dead. Her sisters were out of the room, too. 

She shuddered a little as the silence descended upon the room. She wanted to cry, but she trembled because of the pain in her body. After a few heartbeats, Wolf grabbed onto the floor in an attempt to raise herself. The tremor in her body caused her to slip and fall back down, but she didn't want to give up. But she couldn't take this pain any longer. 

As she lay there on the cold, lifeless floor of the room, a certain feeling that was piercing her body and mind made her even more angry. There was anger. She thought she might lose it. She felt depressed again and attempted to pull herself out of the anger coursing through her. Getting up, she staggered a bit and nearly fell, but she caught herself on the wall. She leant against it and began to hobble to her bedroom, opening and shutting the door. Her ears ached as the buzzing sound of her family's voices reverberated through her door. They had been having dinner when she looked at her clock and saw that it was six o'clock. The number six became increasingly difficult to read as her eyes occasionally became blurry. 

Wolf sighed, clutching herself, her body trembling uncontrollably. She limped towards her bed. She curled up and lay down.

She wrapped the blanket around her shoulders, but it didn't really stop the chills from coming. The clatter of plates and muffled laughter from the dining room only added to the weight and sharpness of the silence in her space. With her face buried in the pillow, Wolf wished the world outside her door would disappear. As the blur intensified, her eyelids fluttered, and at last she opened them, curling up like a creature in a corner, alone with the sound of her own irregular breathing.

She let the darkness lead her where no one else would, closing her eyes as she fell asleep.