Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Chapter 0: How We Got Our Mayonnaise

by McPhoenixDavid

Day 1: The Spark (Sept 23rd):

It all kicked off on September 23rd, when Cretviones dropped the idea of a collab. It started small—just the core four: Elsa_Tan, Halyne Volatnet, and Jacoder, plus the dynamic duo of VeiledLiar and Dr_Smooth keeping things running.

Soon, the guest list expanded, pulling in McPhoenixDavid (Nix) and Tahap. Tahap, being the MVP of organization, immediately whipped up our home base: a Discord server aptly named The Cluster Of Chaos.

The Name Game:

A few names were tossed around, but after Nix set up a poll (because, democracy!), VeiledLiar’s genius suggestion won by a landslide: "Pass Me The Mayonnaise, Please." A true masterpiece!

The Fic Plan:

More people kept piling in, but the main story was locked down: a peak FemBaru X Royal Candidate Otto pairing.

Coder volunteered (or was volunteered) to pen the first chapter. To keep the flow state, Nix—our brilliant mind—suggested everyone adopt a number and publish their chapter according to that number in their nickname. Everyone was chill with a two-week deadline per person.

The Great Draft Mishap:

Nix, also volunteering to be the poster, went through the huge hassle of setting up the draft post and inviting everyone. A few hours later... disaster struck! Someone accidentally posted the fic! 🤦‍♀️

Good thing Nix has the brainpower of a strategic genius. She had the presence of mind to set the draft in a dead fandom, not Re:Zero. Crisis averted! The fic was swiftly deleted, a new draft was made, and invitations were sent out again. By then, legends like [Redacted], Zero_Haven, and other respected authors had rolled into the server.

One crucial rule was laid down: No Smut. Keep it classy, folks. The vibe for Subaru was to be MimaGauIF Subaru—intense, but clean.

Day 2: The Art and the Femboy (Sept 24th):

The next day, Cardinal was invited to write. He initially gave the classic "too busy" excuse, but the chaos was too tempting, and he ended up joining the fun anyway!

Then, SOMEHOW, Tahap sweet-talked Sirius into the equation, and he became an author. Sirius, being a rockstar, promptly dropped two pieces of amazing artwork! (He drew Otto as a girl, though, because he hadn't fully caught up on the plot yet. Oops!)

This led to a crucial meeting of the minds: Is Otto a buff dude? A girl? The tension was real! Nix, bless her brilliant soul, dropped the ultimate solution: "femboy!Otto, too girly, so people mistake him as a girl."

Perfection! Accepted.

And just to clarify the record, Cretviones made sure everyone knew: this is NOT a crossover. Just pure, unadulterated Re:Zero chaos.

Also, Nix is gonna be the host throughout this whole journey. She will handle the end notes! Hehehehe.

Day 3: The Debut and the Intro (Sept 25th):

Cretviones had an important milestone: he didn't want his debut fanfic to be a collaboration. So, he published his own fic first: The Red String. It was an instant hit, showering him with well-deserved praise and love!

Day something (Lost count xD): The Draft (October 15th):

After waiting for over two weeks, Jacoder was finally able to send the draft to the beta readers. Phew.

The reading (October 18th):

After a lot of discussion, the writers decided to have a live reading event. About time! It was a big challenge to match the timezones since nobody wanted to read in midnight.

So Saturday (Sunady for me) was selected as the day. It was great fun! Unfortunately, some authors couldn’t participate T-T.

Oh, and here's the list in which the writers will write chronologically: Chapter Order: 

1. Jacoder23

2. Halyne

3. Nix

4. Tahap

5. Cret

6. VeiledLiar

7. Smooth criminal

8. Elsa_Tan

9. Volat

10. Totes

11. FreshyReshy

12. MeowCatMax

13. Sane/anatheous

14. Vain

15. Sawa

16. Angel

17. [?????]

18. Horus

19. Crispy 

20. Hellbringer 

21. Genoshock

22. Sirius

23. Astra

24. Cardinal

25. Zero_Haven

26. Berthauthor

27. Sir_Kuro/Croco Mom

28. ZG468

29. Pandoras_Cult/Satellu

30. TechnicallyAPerson/Magic

31. Hadest

Last Chapter: OtonashiRen

And can you imagine? This guys didn’t even think of a summary; Nix, again bless the FemBaru Deity, was able to come up with a summary just a few hours before publishing it— hehehe.

Here are some ground rules. They are very simple, do abide by them:

1. Specify which author you are talking about. Use username or nickname.
2. Be kind and do not spam.
3. Any hate speech will be swiftly deleted. 
4. User may be banned if seen harassing others.

Back in The Cluster, Nix ran another poll. The majority voted for a separate first chapter—a Chapter 0. This intro would basically explain the insanity before Chapter 1 drops the main plot bomb.

Guess what? All this cool intel you just read is the body text of Chapter 0!

Chapter 0 and Chapter 1 are being released back-to-back! Yosh!

Chapter Text

Chapter 01: Easy Homemade Recipe for Disaster

by Jacoder23

Otto Suwen was dead—dying. His head swam, his heart hiccuped, his throat burned. They really shouldn't have been doing any of that; he should've been thinking of a way out of this. Using every heartbeat, he had to inch his way out like he always has, and scream until he ran out of voice to give.

Instead, there he lied. Still and limp. Of the many parts of his body, only his ears were still working. And work they did. Too well. A wet, piercing roar suffocated any coherent thoughts in his mind, filling it with garbage. And yet, this was the only reason he was still conscious. Unpleasant as the noise was, he understood why he was hearing it.

Death is not a quiet affair. The body is machines stacked upon machines in a lattice: a tower of cards. And when one thing fails, the rest follow in a glorious, gurgling collapse. Bubbling liquids echoed—a pot boiling over. And Otto has heard the last cries of a thousand, thousand, thousand Zodda bugs, felines, common rats, birds and all creatures under the sun. It never sounded very fun to die.

And now I can speak from experience. This really sucks.

But the longer he lingered, the less he could feel it. No more heat, no more aches. And no more black-haired scam artists. Just ennui. Forever. Back to the dirt his body would go and back to the Od Laguna his soul. He didn't have to be Otto Suwen any longer.

That roaring grew louder—louder than the sounds of the Zodda bugs chittering outside, knocking their little bodies against the windowpane. Babbling and bubbling became indistinguishable as the sound grew and grew: a cascade of noise. For the first time in a very long time, Otto didn't hear even the littlest voice of any animal. It wasn't the silence he expected but it was different. And it was getting nearer. Louder. Greater. Great?

The Great Waterfall? He wondered, the thought coming to him unprompted. He couldn't be anywhere near there, almost certainly not, but the idea of things— people— unlike anything else in the world occurred to him. Why? He didn't know. He couldn't— not while his mind was so overwhelmed, his senses untrustworthy. But the non sequitur shook him from his spiraling and a more pressing question occurred to him. Where was he?

Struggling, his eyes opened. Just a peek at the end of the world. Instead, he saw a woman in the oddest clothing hold up a pot rolling with a white liquid that smelled of eggs and sounded like death. She screamed. Noise on noise multiplied and Otto felt even sicker.

"Get mayo-ed, suckers!" the woman cried as she threw the boiling pot of condiment at a ruffian at the other end of the room; it collided with a CLANG, subsequent third-degree burns, and a sticky smell as the substance spilled over. It sizzled upon reaching skin.

There were many things going through his mind in this slice of time, a single snapshot in his brain like that "photo" he had seen taken by the "camera" of... of... Subaru? Yes. Miss Natsuki. He had so many questions to ask her, so many concerns and little suspicions.

"What?" was the only thing Otto managed to put to words before he felt the back of his head warm and his fingers grow numb. The turn of head of the strange mayo-carrying girl towards him was the last thing he saw as she mouthed the words, "Oh crap."

Back to the lake of oblivion he went, that same place he always ended up in-between revelry and hangover. Small islands of lucidity teased at him from a distance. Always out of reach, no matter how hard he swam. So he didn't. It was so peaceful to just float, no worries about paying off tabs or following the market trends. There were no voices to follow, no secrets to keep. The numbers, conversion rates, and skittering gossip all seemed like nonsense from down here. Above, distant voices muttered, forming a squall of magic, iron, and more primal shouts.

Then, a storm.

Swirling and swirling, a vortex spun him broadwise, swallowing all the buoys. Rainbows formed just as quickly as they were torn away, false ends to the cyclone. Distant voices filled his ears, familiar and unfamiliar. It tore him from his lull and sent him spiraling into the sky, colliding with it. It tasted like floorboards.

He awoke to a splash of water, thankfully not the boiling condiment, and his face smooshed into the ground. The lake was replaced by wooden planks, dimly lit cobwebs, and an unfamiliar ceiling stained in broken dreams. No, wait, that was just him projecting. Either way, it felt like a place of desperation different to his usual haunts— a different flavor than alcohol.

His mind was still a jumble, but he recognized the voice that greeted him back to the world of the living (along with the thousands of other, tinier voices clamoring for his attention).

"You're awake! I'm so glad you're alright. I don't know what I would've done if..." Subaru observed before her words trailed off.

Otto blinked. "You are? I didn't think we were that close." It was all coming back to Otto in bits and pieces. His mind hadn't quite landed exactly on where he was yet, but he was pretty sure he knew the person in front of him: Natsuki Subaru. Beyond that though, he wasn't sure of much, just that he hadn't met the strange black-haired girl before today. And he couldn't have forgotten a previous meeting. Even while recovering from the mental deluge, he felt it difficult to imagine forgetting someone as... her as her.

"You were out for quite some time, Mr. Suwen. What do you recall?" A male voice asked. He didn't quite recognize it. But before he could try and place it, the events of today began to come to him.

He had been sitting in a bar earlier, just barely into the afternoon, mug in hand and beer foam on face, minding his own business— or lack thereof. Business in the capital was oddly quiet, so he went home (as much as a bar could be home) no richer than he started that day— that week. He didn't have that much in the way of spending money, enough to spare on a mug and bed for a month or two at most, but everyone had their vices and he figured he had done a reasonable amount of do-gooding to deserve to choose his own poison (his savings had recently gone to a girl in need by the name of Marone). Even if it was a bit lonely to be drinking alone. But that was all the more reason to send another down the hatch. Bit by bit, the rest of what he could spare was going into the barkeep's pockets, a fine enough arrangement, until an orange and black storm grabbed him by the shoulder and twisted him around his stool.

"Otto!" She said. There was something desperate in her eyes.

His mug swung unsteadily, his mind and body somewhere between a buzz and a haze, "Do I know you, miss?" He didn't but he wanted to give her the opportunity to introduce herself while he gathered the wits he left lying around.

"Huh? Ott- ohhhhh... right. Right!" She remarked, as if she had just remembered you were supposed to introduce yourself to new people.

"I'm Natsuki Subaru. First name's Subaru, last name's Natsuki!" She struck a pose pointing towards the sky. Or ceiling, rather. Coincidentally, her finger was aimed at some stain: equal chances it was either piss or drink, Otto wasn't sure. It seemed incongruent with the girl doing the aiming; her clothes were strange, clearly the fashion of a noble but a fashion he had never seen before. Her hair was black, so she couldn't have been Lugunican either. Was he getting approached by someone important?

She then turned her pointing to him, "And you're Otto Suwen. A merchant."

"You know me." Otto responded emptily, raising his glass. "This isn't exactly the ideal setting I'd conduct my business in."

His instincts as a merchant seemed to catch up to his mouth though, placing down the mug as he added, "But maybe I can still help you with something?"

He couldn't quite make out the look on Subaru's face when he said that. It almost looked like he had disappointed her. How come? He couldn't be sure. He was just merchant-ing as a merchant does; but it still hurt to see someone hurt over something he said.

She spoke in uncharacteristic low tones. "Yeah, you could say that."

The gloom passed and turned into a wry grin. The desperation in her eyes was replaced by something he should've feared— an energy that just screamed trouble. But he was on his fourth drink, and the day was new.

She pulled a stool up next to him, and leaned into the counter, and began her pitch. "What'd you say I tell you about this revolutionary new food product I have planned?"

This got his attention properly, and a distant regret formed: he shouldn't be drunk for this.

"What makes you think it's revolutionary?" he asked.

Her smile grew wider. "Trust me on this one. You'll be the first person in this world to try something like this."

One thing led to another, and one suspiciously generous offer led to him being led to her-

A hacking cough escaped Otto's lips, the saliva catching in his throat. Mere seconds had passed in silence since he had been asked: What do you recall? More and more of it was flowing in now, the initial question unstoppering the cork.

He had followed her and had a brief tangent to the nearby guard station— she had something to report and he chose to let her do that on her own (though his Zodda bugs told him that she had a chat with a certain famed purple-haired knight but that hopefully had nothing to do with him, other than proving she probably isn't a criminal)— before arriving at what she called home. He called it the slums.

"And this is where you've been living?" Otto asked. He really did not expect his new business partner to be roughing it. Was she a fallen noble who couldn't bear to part with her favorite clothes? It fit the picture she was painting so far. Someone way in over her head wearing a "tracksuit" as she called it. Why not "trackdress"? He couldn't say— nor really judged: at least beyond what was necessary towards figuring out what her deal was. The other option on the table was still some sort of criminal, even with the guard station and her general cluelessness against that. Maybe she was a patsy?

She pulled a loose brick from the dilapidated property they were waltzing into; behind the brick was a key. He saw her pump her fist and say "Yosh!" before grabbing it. That she didn't seem embarrassed doing that only further convinced Otto that she had fallen hard.

She unlocked the door and entered, beckoning Otto to follow. He sighed.

"What is it with you and charity cases?" Frufoo had asked earlier before he left; he wouldn't bring his carriage for a trip this short. In the past, his ground dragon teased and scolded him before, calling him knightly for giving away his money to someone in need. Now it sounded more like genuine curiosity.

One is a coincidence. Two is a pattern.

The dragon had warned him, "Try not to give away your savings this time."

"This is just a business opportunity." Otto whispered before following Subaru inside. Frufoo wasn't anywhere near there'; he was just reminding himself.

"Mi casa is su casa!" Subaru declared with open arms, spinning as she presented a derelict, if spacious, two-story building. Otto's steps stuttered when she switched to a strange language: another point in favor of her being a fallen noble from afar. The evidence was quickly becoming overwhelming.

"Miss Natsuki," Otto began, "I wanted to ask you something about yo-"

Subaru popped up from behind a counter coated in dust. "What'd you say? I was busy grabbing the pots and stuff." She held up said pots and stuff. The veneer of dust on it all did not fill Otto with confidence. But as she did, he also gave the place a look over. A wooden sign, probably taken off the front door, laid on a countertop— it read: The Cat's Paw. Or the Cat's Claw? The text was worn and underneath a sheet of dust and what must've been at least ten years of abandonment. It was a miracle it wasn't burnt to the ground or turned into a drug den. Not that its current state was anything to brag about. How his new business partner could live here, he couldn't discern.

It didn't look like the place was very lived in. Actually, between the sign, countertop, and tables and chairs, it looked like a closed down restaurant.

"That's because it is." Subaru answered.

"Oh, did I say that out loud?" Otto asked. He dragged a finger over a round table, leaving behind a streak— and a splinter. He cringed, blew on his hand, and shook it off. "I was just, uh, curious."

"So am I. Haven't gotten that many go arounds to explore it yet." She said while opening all of the cupboards at once, releasing a cloud of decay and a whole flurry of ACHOOs.

Between all the sneezing, Otto managed to ask, "Go- ACHOO- arounds?"

Subaru responded kindly, "Go- ACHOO- arounds!" And that was all he was getting out of her on that topic. Especially as her sneezing continued unbridled.

"So, about this mayonnaise," Otto asked, "You do have a recipe, right?"

Subaru's sneezing stopped suddenly.

"Uh." She paused. "I think there might be milk in it?"

Her sudden lack of confidence aside, Otto had other things to confirm beyond ingredient lists.

What do you recall? Sooner and sooner the memories grew. He could feel himself approaching the event horizon.

"Event horizon?" He had asked. The day was growing long but the sun was still up, illuminating trapped dust in the air, shimmering in beams of light. He could make out footfall outside. Odd. This didn't seem like the kind of general area that got business, except the illicit type. He hoped this didn't count.

Subaru nodded back furiously, "That's right. There's this thing in space, or I guess you'd just call it the sky, called a black hole. It's a supermassive object from which no light can escape."

"Some kind of Yang magic?" Otto wondered aloud.

"Yang magic?" Subaru asked before stopping herself, "Wait, wait! Hold on, I'm telling the story. Or factoid, I guess. You can tell me more about magic later."

Behind them, the surprisingly functional mana stone brazier boiled away as their pot of "mayonnaise" brewed. The smell wasn't that bad once they went out and picked up some fresh ingredients (paid for by Otto's wallet) but their first attempt was catastrophic. Noble indeed: she didn't know eggs went bad after sitting in a dusty failed restaurant for however many years this place went unused. He had thought to question her on her ownership of the place but stopped himself: he had a feeling that knowing the answer would be more inconvenient than just letting a (hopefully) little white lie sit pretty.

"Anyways, past a certain point, the gravity- er, that's a force that attracts things to heavier things- of the black hole is so great that light can't escape. That's why it's a black hole: we can only see things because of light so if the light is all trapped-"

"Then there's nothing to see." Otto finished.

"Exactly!"

Otto had to admit; this girl really could rile herself up. She had a knack for ranting, even if Otto didn't quite understand everything she said— and vice versa, as he had to explain to her what an appa was.

"And that point where light can no longer escape is called the event horizon. Where nothing can escape."

Otto had never heard about black holes before but with the sheer wonder he heard in Subaru's voice, he couldn't help but be drawn into the mythology she painted.

He wondered if he'd perhaps be drawn into Subaru's event horizon, doomed in this hopeless building to brew strange potions with a woman out of this world. And she was otherworldly, so much so that he briefly wondered if she came from beyond the waterfall. But he shook those fantasies from his mind. She was no black hole, and he was no light. And if things got bad, he'd need an exit plan. Just like with Picoutatte. If he had to run, he had to run.

"Picoutatte?" Subaru asked. Otto noted in his head, right as he felt his heart fall, to watch his words more carefully when around strange women.

"...Did I say that aloud?"

Subaru answered, "Just that part. Oh, and the exit plan."

Otto buried his head in his hands and felt his ears burn. What a rookie mistake. What an absolute bungling. That was him. Expert bungler: Otto Suwen. Been bungling since he was a kid: Mr. Otto "Keep Your Stupid Mouth Shut" Suwen.

"It's really no big deal." Subaru tried to reassure Otto. "I'm used to it, y'know? I've been around the block with outlandish plans— did plenty of pranks as a kid. I'll admit the outlandish part is oddly literal this time around though." This only made him feel worse.

"I'm sorry." He managed.

Subaru replied, "Don't be. Be sorry you let yourself get dragged around so easily. I mean, I like that. I prefer that since, y'know, you helped me out. But still! Stranger danger."

"Stranger what?" Otto balked. "And all I've done so far was pay for some groceries."

"You've done more than that." Subaru declared. Otto almost believed it, hearing the conviction in her voice. She doubled down. "You've done more than someone can repay with a life."

"Don't you mean, in a lifetime?"

"Oh, uh, yeah!" she scratched the back of her head, her voice trailing unsurely. "I guess so."

Otto went back to his worrying, his face entangled in frustrated fingers and his back hunched as he sat on one of the few dusty furnishings left in the building. The silence was filled with the sound of belching flame and bubbling brew.

"Say, Otto?" Subaru asked, breaking the pause as quickly as it came.

He fought his embarrassment and responded through his finger cage, "Yes?"

"Are you supposed to boil mayonnaise?"

From there it was a matter of trial and error— two dozen eggs, a quarter of that many attempts, and a whole lot of forgetting and remembering before triumph. The sun was setting but they had finally done it.

It took picking up a nice whisk (paid for, again, by Otto) and beating the ever-loving stuffing out of a mixture of eggs, oil, and the juice of a "lemon" (it was just lemom, he didn't know why Subaru seemed to hate it when he called it that though). It combined into a strange tangy concoction. Otto was a bit hesitant to try it at first, their past failures not exactly adding up to much confidence, but Subaru turned on the doe-eyes, and he turned on sunk cost fallacy. They didn't have anything to eat it on though so that meant spooning the wispy condiment into his mouth.

"Are you sure about this?" Otto asked, his throat growing tense. Their last few failures didn't even look edible. Was this iteration actually better or just better-looking? "Why don't you try it first, Miss Natsuki?"

"I promised you'd be the first person in this world to try it, right?" she countered, holding the spoon up as if feeding a child. "Now, bottoms up!"

She shoved the concoction into his mouth and he closed his eyes, ready for his taste buds to burn. And yet...

"Mhm, huh." he mumbled, the flavor sticking to the roof of his mouth as he savored it. "Huh! This is actually pretty good!"

A vision from another world for a moment passed through Otto's mind: a cold beer, fried potato wedges, and a cup filled with this mayonnaise for dipping. Beer, potato, mayo. It would be divine.

"This could be big." Otto declared to himself. Then he turned to Subaru, looking her directly in her brown eyes, "This could be big!"

Subaru reached over and grabbed the same spoon (Otto would blush if he wasn't all riled up himself) and took a taste for herself.

"This is... perfection! Perfectly tangy and savory, a clean taste that is neither too oily nor too lemony. This is the mayo suited to a mayo lover, suited to being drunk out of a jar straight out of the refrigerator like a salary man coming home from work looking for a beer— and yet so much better!"

"Uh," Otto tried.

"This'll go on fried chicken, on bread, on salads, on gyoza, on fries, on spaghetti, on ice cream, on everything! We did it Otto, we made the perfect condiment!"

"Ice cream?!" Otto broke into disbelieving laughter and so did Subaru.

As they celebrated, that same dreaded pot from earlier still continued to bubble. They didn't dare touch it however, foam ever so close to overflowing and burning them if they so dare approach. Nor could they turn off the brazier, as the heat was sweltering. They chose instead to continue their attempts in another corner of the restaurant, which was fine by Otto. It wasn't unexpected from a metia meant to create heat to well, create heat, but it was far more powerful than they had anticipated. Perhaps it was left behind despite its functioning state because it functioned too well and went from fire producer to fire hazard. They would just have to wait for it to die down on its own.

Still, a success was a success and Subaru brought out a strange, colorful metia to commemorate.

She unfolded it to reveal a dizzying array of nubs with foreign symbols painted on them along with a tiny mirror with an evening glow. She turned it around, facing its backside to her and Otto who stared at a dark eye round of glass on the metia.

"Say 'mayo'!"

"What- ACK!" cried Otto as a flash of light burst from it, blinding him. He could see sunspots on the back of his eyelids. "What was that for?"

"Oh, sorry." Subaru apologized. "This is a camera! It takes photos. See?"

Otto muttered, eyes still closed. "No, I can't."

The "camera" was not doing wonders for his head, a ghost of a migraine coming in. He could hear worried muttering in his ear, Subaru's hand on his shoulder, but he couldn't make anything out over all those Zodda bugs telling him someone's coming.

Wait, repeat that: someone's coming?

He shook himself best he could, pushing the burning sensation in his eyes into the back of his head. He could tell the noontime drinks weren't making this any easier, but he'd bear with it. Even if 'bearing with' wasn't quite enough to open his eyes again, it was enough for him to listen for more details from his winged lookouts.

"Miss Natsuki, someone's coming." he muttered, rubbing his eyelids. "A half-dozen of them. Thuggish types."

If Otto's vision wasn't out of commission, he would've recognized the shock on Subaru's face as particularly suspicious— not that of someone who wasn't expecting company but someone who inexplicably was. And underneath that, the look of someone who hadn't known anyone else could've known what was coming.

With uncharacteristic gravity, she asked Otto, "Do you remember the last go-around?"

Otto, for his part, had no idea what she was talking about. "What?"

"Uh, nevermind." Subaru sighed, putting the unstated question of how he knew that aside. "Must be the kidnappers."

"Kidnappers?"

"Yeah, chased us, er, me down last ti- mhm. Before. Chased me down before." She settled. "Real assholes, not even good at kidnapping cause they just get their victims killed."

Otto didn't like the level of detail she seemed to know these people. He tried to get his grips once more, this time successfully opened his eyes. Subaru looked not nearly as panicked as he would've otherwise expected and for a moment, he felt a tinge of doubt. Maybe he was getting tossed in a cell again and she was just the hook for their line.

"I think I can manage to take one of them out if I use the mayonnaise pot."

Of course, he immediately let that doubt go, it being replaced by a magnitude more of disbelief. He was ready to respond but all that came out was: "...Okay."

"You do that, I'll find us an escape route." Otto said as he went for the door. But Subaru held his shoulder, turning him, and shook her head.

"They'll be able to grab you if you leave. They know this place too well."

Now this and that eerily detailed testimony as to what they did with their victims really, really worried Otto.

"Miss Natsuki," He gently placed his hand on hers, "have they been stalking your home?"

"My home?" She blinked twice before slapping her forehead. "Oh! Uhm confession time: this isn't mine."

Otto looked around at the cobwebs and gray residue. "I don't think this is anyone's. Not anymore. But you do live here, don't you?"

"Yeeeeees..." said Subaru uncertainly.

Otto recognized that tone; it didn't sit well with him. "Yes, but?"

"Yes, since... today."

"Today? Today! This was your first time in here?!" Otto whisper-shouted, trying to be heard over the chorus of tiny voices outside that were still shouting warnings. Subaru nodded, unable to hear said voices anyway. "How did you even know there was a key?"

"I, uh, saw someone go in?"

"Who?"

"Well, technically they haven't gone in yet." Subaru scratched her chin. "This time at least."

"What does that even mean?!"

"It means this will be the kidnapper's place. Or well, it's where they plan on setting up shop."

Otto had many things to disbelieve today but this had to top them all. "Why, pray tell, are we working inside of a human trafficking den then!"

"It isn't yet, and these guys aren't really big enough to deserve that kind of name. But they were going to target someone and I figured here would be a good place to intercept them."

"Who's this someone?" Otto crossed his arms.

She just stared at him. Otto felt like he was the butt of a joke he didn't understand. Maybe he was.

She said, as if they'd already had this conversation before, "You won't believe me."

"I can't believe it if you don't explain it to me." Otto pinched the bridge of his nose. "And that goes for a lot of things, Miss Natsuki. Who exactly are you?"

Subaru looked genuinely confused. "Me? I'm just your average girl."

"Nothing about you is average." Otto insisted. "All I know is your name, that you know weird things, and led us to a kidnapper's den!"

Subaru sighed. "Believe it or not but I was improvising. Had to make sure they couldn't find us and, well, I figured this was the last place they'd check."

"Great plan," he said, his voice dripping with insincerity, "Except you forgot that they'd check it eventually, as they are now."

"Don't worry, Otto, you didn't think I wouldn't do something right? They don't know the guards are coming in circa... uh how long until Water Time?"

"Long enough for us to clean house." One of the thugs leaned into the doorframe, a lockpick set in hand, and a club in the other raised up high. It was then that Otto realized his conversation with Subaru distracted him from actually listening to what the creatures around him were saying. The kidnappers weren't getting nearer; they were already here.

"Oh crap." Subaru muttered. Otto would've said the same, but a flying club soon met his forehead and Otto's face met ground.

And from there his memories caught up with the present. In between was only a flash of pain that made his eyes go white and knocked his hat off, Subaru's mayo-ing of one of the kidnappers, and the arrival of a brilliant iridescent light.

"Mr. Suwen?" The voice repeated once more, breaking Otto from his lull into memory land. "Are you alright? Do you remember what happened?"

"That's the fourth time you asked." Subaru remarked, tension in her frame. "I don't think he does."

"I..." Otto began, ready to repeat what he remembered back out loud, before realization hit him and he clamped a hand over his own mouth. "Wh th hck r y?"

"Pardon?" said the yet-to-identify-himself voice.

He uncovered his mouth then repeated, "Who the heck are you? I remember Miss Natsuki but that's all!" At that, Subaru's shoulders dropped, and she let out a sigh of relief.

"Well, he seems to remember you at least, Miss Natsuki." Otto wondered briefly if this was one of the kidnappers Subaru was shouting about during her mayo altercation.

The owner of the voice stepped out into the light, and it was then that Otto realized that wherever he was, it was dark outside and dark inside. But the soft glow of candlelight illuminated just enough for Otto to make out Subaru standing next to a knight.

And one more unidentified figure, crouched in the dark, wound up. With fear or with readied violence? Otto didn't give it much thought before calling out in a language neither Subaru nor the knight recognized. With his command, a cacophony of creatures, rats, bugs, and birds swooped down on the intruder in a frenzied attack.

The knight turned and so did Subaru to see the last of the kidnappers.

"You can do that!?" Subaru cried.

"My Divine Protection," Otto managed to slowly croak out, "of Soul Language."

"As decisive as you described, Miss Natsuki." remarked the knight. Otto didn't agree with the assessment but wasn't much in the mood for fighting a compliment. "Now let's test your other theory."

Now seen in better view, he recognized who he was looking at. The greatest of knights: Julius Juukulius, the man in the guard station. And he was holding up some kind of badge- no, an insignia. He tossed it underhand towards Otto, who caught it. It began to softly glow.

"Right again, Miss Natsuki. How do you do it?" Julius said with small wonder in his tone. Subaru scratched the back of her head smiling modestly. "And I suppose, I've done you a great disrespect by not calling you by your title, Lady Suwen?"

Otto would have been looking at Julius mirthlessly but instead, turned to that scam artist at his side, stifling a giggle. Oh boy.

"What the heck did you tell him?" Otto shouted.

"Trust me, this was important. Even more important than the kidnappers." Subaru explained. "I talked with Julius earlier and let him know about your situation. The whole royal shebang."

"My what? Shebang?" Otto felt less explained to than before. He felt like the opposite just happened, as if he now knew less about himself than she did. How did she even know what she knew? "And I'm not a lady!"

Julius looked to Subaru for confirmation. She nodded, a smirk still poking through.

Julius turned back to Otto and coughed. "Of course, I understand. But you are a royal candidate: a Dragon Maiden. If you are male, these are now unprecedented circumstances. Allow me to explain."

He launched into an explanation of the Royal Selection, clearly a state secret if even Otto hadn't overheard anything about it. He explained the will of Volcanica and what the glowing of the insignia meant. He talked about there being other candidates (of course, he shared no specific names) and how Otto was the fourth of five to be discovered. And he explained how each had a knight.

"Unfortunately, I've pledged myself to a royal candidate already. Otherwise, I would've gladly asked to be of service to you."

Subaru looked shocked at this, a touch of heartbreak in her brows. Was it a crush or was she looking for someone to exploit? Otto didn't know her well enough yet to tell. Julius, on the other hand, was plenty famous enough for him to have some idea of how to read.

"Your candidate is Anastasia Hoshin of the Hoshin Company, right?" he remarked.

Now it was Julius' turn to look shocked. Though it was a much more muted reaction than Subaru's.

"You are certainly a discerning person." Julius said, impressed. "Was it obvious?"

It's obvious if you've got a hundred thousand pairs of eyes always on the lookout for news.

"In any case, your... temporary base of operations might not be suited to housing a royal candidate."

A plank from the roof, coated in the residue of either stray fire or water magic, fell to the ground at this exact moment. A plume of dust drifted slowly upwards.

"It's not really our base... yet?" Otto looked to Subaru, who just shrugged.

Julius offered his hand, "Might I extend an invitation for you two to the Juukuulius manor? You're welcome to stay before you get back on your feet."

At this, Subaru rushed to Otto's side, wrapping an arm twixt his and helping him up from the ground. Though not without a bit of a struggle from the still weary merchant.

"What are you doing?" Otto asked.

Subaru just smiled and turned back towards Julius saying, "Give us a second."

"Of course." Julius replied.

She then scurried over to the corner, still supporting Otto's weight, and spoke quietly.

"I don't know if we should go with him. He's supporting another candidate right? What if he..." She mimicked the sound of a sword slicing a neck with her mouth. And her finger. Otto thought it was very unsubtle for someone who apparently wanted to keep this conversation's contents secret.

"That's very unlikely. But you have point. Anastasia is a competitor," Otto began. "Both as a merchant and candidate. And she outclasses us in both."

"Us?" Subaru seemed a little taken aback.

"You are not dumping all of this on me after roping me into this royal candidate business." Otto didn't speak the unspoken question despite the accusation: Did Subaru approach him specifically to get him into candidacy? And how did she know he's a candidate without the insignia?

"No, no I just thought you wouldn't want me around after all the trouble I've caused you." she clarified. Her eyes didn't meet his.

"Well, you've brought me a whole lot of trouble, got my head bashed in by a group of kidnappers, and told me a whole lot about anything and everything except yourself." He listed off. Subaru wilted.

"But I trust you."

Subaru's eyes widened. "Just like that?"

Otto nodded. "You meant well, and it seems to have worked out, hasn't it? But still, tell me beforehand if you're going to plan something so insane."

She chuckled and their conversation drew silent for a moment. Otto seemed content to leave it at that. He still had his suspicions as to Subaru's origins and how she knew all that she knew, but he had none towards her intentions.

"He never changes..." Subaru muttered. Who he was, Otto wasn't sure.

"Have you two made your decision?" asked Julius.

Otto looked at Subaru and she smiled.

"If you trust me, then I'll trust you too. It's your decision." She told him.

He returned the smile and told Julius his answer.