Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Dorcas

”It's an all-ages night. You need me to come in to babysit some fifteen-year-olds?”

Dorcas was sitting on the sofa, propping one foot up against the armrest. On one hand, balanced on her knee, she had a bottle of blue nailpolish, with which she was attempting to paint her toe nails. What made it hard was her best friend, jumping up and down beside her, clinging to the back of the sofa. 

”C’mon Cass, Xeno needs you”, Pandora said, crossing her hands as she slumped down against the cushions. ”He won’t find another bartender in such a short notice. Pleassseeee I promised him I’d get you to help.”

”Why’d you promise him without asking me first?” 

Pandora rolled her eyes, pushing herself back up only to sit down onto the arm of the sofa, taking the applicator from Dorcas’ fingers. ”Because you’ve been sulky for ages”, she said, adding colour to Dorcas’ pinky toe, ”and you could use a chance to go out. Meet new people. Maybe have some fun.”

”I have plenty of fun”, Dorcas quipped, resting back on her elbows. She supposed she could’ve gone out more, to get her friends off her back. Somehow it had all lost its charm, partying and being so loud, now that there was no one to care enough to keep her in line. 

Not that Emmeline had done that, though. Still it had been, well, kind of nice to know that she was there, paying just enough attention for Dorcas to never feel detached. 

Pandora tutted, screwing the nail polish bottle closed. ”Don’t argue with me. I'm just saying, this could be a chance to, y’know, clear your head a bit. See what’s the world like without… her.”

She still wouldn’t call Emmeline by her name. Somehow that made it all the more worse for. Dorcas, having to tiptoe around the topic even though it was her pain they were talking about. Especially since it had been months, really, and she would’ve needed her friends to stop fussing over her so she could cut off the thoughts of exes and breaking-ups all together. 

How many times did she have to tell them she was over it? 

Dorcas dropped her head back, going over her possibilities. She could turn Pandora down now, even with the risk that she probably wouldn’t talk to her properly for the next couple of days. This thing with Xenophilius, it seemed to be getting serious really fast. Dorcas would hate to cause harm to her friend’s relationship over the stupid act of nursing a (supposedly healed) broken heart. 

Besides, she’d been refusing a lot of invites lately. Her friends had started to talk about plans without even attempting to ask her to come, knowing that she would only sneer at their ideas and go back to bed. Dorcas wasn't even sure why she still did that, though she supposed it had simply become easier to isolate herself than to be out there, where it was all people-y but never again Emmeline-y. 

’Oh you two broke up? That’s too bad, you were totally a cute couple!’ Just how many times would Dorcas have to hear that before people would forget about it altogether? 

If she got through this gig, it could mean finally being free of the allegations that she wasn’t completely over her ex. Maybe she could even steal a couple kisses from someone over the counter, just to give people something new to talk about. She hadn’t heard anything about Emmeline seeing other people, and though it wasn’t really a competition, Dorcas felt a little triumphant considering the fact that she would get to be the one to move on first. 

”Fine, I’ll do it”, Dorcas said, dodging Pandora as she squealed and tried to catch her in a hug. ”On two conditions.”

Pandora placed a hand over her chest, looking very solemn. ”Anyhing.”

”Nobody mentions Emmeline”, Pandora winced at the name, yet Dorcas pressed on, ”- and it’s free drinks for me for the next three weeks.”

She didn’t really plan on going out again anytime soon, free drinks or not. But the more she seemed normal, as though she was nowadays only mildly upset, the more likely it was for Pandora to move on. And thus, maybe Dorcas would even gain her other friends back, too. 

Pandora clapped her hands, leaning in to press a lingering kiss on Dorcas’ cheek despite her mild protests. ”Have I ever told you how much I love you, Meadowes? Thank you.”

***

The club owned by Xenophilius Lovegood was called the Quibbler, and it was one of the most peculiar places Dorcas has ever been in. First and foremost, none of the drinks were named after what they were, but instead something like ”nargle” and ”gernumbli” which Dorcas was fairly sure weren’t even real words. The worst thing about this was, how was she supposed to meet anyone, let alone kiss them, when she was stuck squinting at the menu trying to make sense of how to actually do her job? 

It was almost seven o’clock, and people had started to file into the club. They were packed onto the main floor, some making their way straight to the front of the space, where the stage was. A few slumped into the bar stools, gazing at Dorcas where she was, safe behind the counter and surrounded by dim lights. 

”You the girl from Pat’s?” asked one man, whom Dorcas could tell was one of the regulars at her actual job, a pub called Patsy’s Den, a name that sucked hard but that was okay, since the place sucked even harder. There was this one girl washing dishes on the weekends, and Dorcas felt especially bad for her. The disher’s job was to clean out the bathrooms at the end of the night, and more often than not Dorcas could hear the poor girl heaving at the sight. 

She smiled amiably at the man. ”Sure am.  Just covering for a friend tonight.”

”Oh is that right? ’Tis not that uptight lad, I’d hope?” The man grinned, looking at his friends. They were all smirking, as though they’d just remembered a really good inside joke. 

One of the guys, yet another regular of Pat’s, nodded. ”Yeahhhh, him. Black hair, kinda lanky? Real short but looks at you down the nose.” The men burst into laughter. ”Tosser.”

Dorcas knew better than to start arguing with the sorry drunkards. They’d call any sober person uptight in a heartbeat, though Dorcas had to admit that that description fit Regulus just a little bit better than most people. Not that she didn’t still love him, but that didn’t mean she had to act blind to his very obvious poshness. 

She was saved from the men by Pandora, Xenophilius at tow clinging to her hand. They slipped past the counter, Pandora immediately wrapping her arms around Dorcas’ neck, her face glowing in the low lights of the club. 

”Here she is! My best friend, our saviour, Dorcas Meadowes.” She squeezed Dorcas tightly, then stepped back, practically gleaming as she grabbed Xenophilius’ arm and tugged him closer. ”Cass, Xeno. Xeno, Cass. My two favourite persons, finally uniting!” 

Dorcas hadn’t met Xenophilius yet, at least not officially. Pandora rarely stayed at home nowadays, preferring her boyfriend’s place to her own bedroom at the flat she shared with Dorcas. She’d only taken him there once or twice, when Dorcas was at work. She could only tell by the way the special quest slippers had moved, those that they saved specifically for advanced visitors.

Emmeline had been the only one to use those before Xenophilius. 

”Nice to meet you”, Dorcas said, flashing him her practiced Hi, it’s nice to see you but bye-smile, the one she’d perfected during the past weeks during which it had been her most used expression at all times. ”Pandora’s told me so much about you.”

”Only good things, I hope?” Xenophilius smiled. He had this weird way of staring deep into Dorcas’ eyes, his head slightly tilted, as though he was seeing something in her that deeply interested him. She didn’t like that idea very much. 

Pandora rolled her eyes. ”Of course. There are no bad things to tell.” She, too, was looking at Dorcas, a slight crease forming in between her brows. She’d been bleaching them for a while now, which crazily enough went very well with her pale hair. At this point of their friendship, Dorcas was fairly sure there was nothing that Pandora could do to make her look any less stunning. 

Right now, however, the beautiful friend was looking dangerously close to asking Dorcas something along the lines of ’you good, love?’ With Xenophilius right there, it was the very last thing Dorcas wanted to hear. 

”Isn’t the band starting soon?” she asked, glancing at the clock. It was half-past seven at that point, and the club was getting more and more crowded by the minute. ”Shouldn’t you guys be checking on them or something?”

Pandora looked sceptical, opening her mouth to say something. But Xenophilius’ gaze had snapped towards the stage, and the backroom there. ”Yeah, she might be right. Coming with?” he asked Pandora, snapping her out of her worry.

”Go on”, Dorcas said when her friend glanced at her, clearly torn apart between staying back to question her and going backstage to meet the band. ”I’m fine.”

She didn’t miss the way Pandora’s eyes narrowed at that, like she was pondering whether or not to trust her. But in the end, following after Xenophilius was ever so much easier than to spend the night having yet another mock-therapy session about her friend’s ex. 

After they were gone, Dorcas found that for the first time since entering the club, she could actually look around. Few people were in need of drinks this early in the evening, and even those that did need something asked for a glass of sparkling water or a beer, or a bag of crisps. Dorcas had plenty of time to take in the mass of dancing, chatting and laughing people around her. 

It was weird, Dorcas thought, just how much she didn’t miss all this. Spending her nights surrounded by drunken people, either arguing or making out right in front of her, she’d realised how little everybody cared. They could do anything, or anyone, and never mind about the coincidences. They could hurt, or lie, or become distant without ever feeling the slightest bit guilty. 

Dorcas, on the other hand, felt guilty about everything. More often than not, she’d found herself angry at herself for not being better somehow. For not managing to make Emmeline stay. For not trying harder to fight for her. 

No matter how many people told her that she had done her best, that sometimes loving someone simply wasn’t enough, Dorcas could always come up with another thing she’d done wrong. There were always some little faults to spot in the way she’d acted, and it tore her apart. Slowly, with every tiny error, she became smaller, until there wouldn’t be any more room left for mistakes. 

”Hey, are you okay?” 

A voice brought Dorcas back from her misery, ringing clear as a bell through the haze of her thoughts. She turned her face away, touching a hand briefly to her cheek to make sure she hadn’t accidentally cried. That had happened a few too many times already. 

With her eyes blessedly dry, she turned back to the girl speaking to her across the counter. The stranger was practically halfway over the tabletop, sitting on her knees on a stool with her arms stretched out before her. She was looking at Dorcas expectedly, her eyes standing out from her face due to heavy eyeliner and black, sparkling eyeshadow. 

”Yeah, fine”, Dorcas said, for the second time that evening. She couldn’t help but frown a little at the girl’s hair, which was a messy shag of blond streaked with black highlights. It stuck out in all the wrong directions, making her look somewhat like she’d just crawled out of bed a moment ago. 

In contrast to that, her outfit consisted of a black leather vest over a white button-up shirt, and a miniskirt with black stockings. On her feet she wore a pair of heavy-looking boots with all sorts of metal accents, the heels high enough for Dorcas to be ending up in the emergency room if she even attempted to walk in those. 

Before she could think better of it, Dorcas had already shaken her head and blurted, ”Well, aren’t you something.”

”Now, we can’t all be mysterious, brooding bartenders, can we?” the girl said, as easily as if she hadn’t just been mildly insulted by a total stranger. She tipped her head forward, lowering her voice conspirationally. ”So, who broke your heart, and most importantly, can I fix it?”

Dorcas squinted, searching the girl’s gaze. ”Please don’t tell me you’re like sixteen, rockstar.”

She gasped, backing off as though physically hurt. To be fair, she didn’t look sixteen, but during her time as a bartender Dorcas had learnt never to make assumptions of anybody’s age based on their appearance. Most of the time she had, she’d guessed wrong. 

”I’m twenty-one, thank you very much”,  the girl said now, pressing her lips into a tight line. She had dark red lipstick on, the colour of overripe cherries. ”Is this how you get all the girls?” Sliding her ID across the counter, nails clicking against the plastic. There were tiny stars drawn across the smooth red polish. 

”What makes you think I want any girls-”, Dorcas leant over to examine the ID, her gaze flicking between the girl in the picture and the one staring at her across the counter, ”Marlene?”

She met her gaze, her eyes unwavering in the way they bored into Dorcas’, a kind of hazel colour that was really more brown but could definitely be argued to have at least a greenish shade to it. Dorcas couldn’t help but smile at the sly way the other girl sneaked a look down at her mouth, studying her lips for what felt like an eternity but was really the blink of an eye. By the time Marlene pulled back, a wide smirk had overtaken her face. 

”Dunno. Guess I just know these things.” She winked, jumping up from the stool so quickly that Dorcas was hit with an overwhelming sense of being sorry to see her gone so soon. ”Don’t be looking so sad, broody. I’ll still be needing a drink later.”

Dorcas arched a brow, grabbing a rag from under the counter. She needed something to do with her hands, now that she felt oddly shaken and somehow loose inside. She busied herself with scrubbing at the tabletop. 

”Late from somewhere?” she asked, looking up to see Marlene chewing on her lip, gaze following Dorcas’ hands like a predator might watch its prey. ”Hey, watch out. You’re drooling all over your shirt.”

”So you wish.” Marlene grinned, her eyes climbing back up to meet Dorcask gaze. She waved a thumb vaguely towards the front of the space, where the stage was. ”Gotta go now. A rockstar, remember?” 

Only then did Dorcas remember what Pandora had spoken about the band, The Circuit, and its players. It wasn’t much, though she’d made Dorcas listen to her ranting about it the first time she’d found out Xenophilius had gotten them to perform. ’They are pretty popular, Cass, and the main singer, Mary MacDonald, she’s crazy talented. Her friend writes the songs, I think she’s the guitarist? Marlene McKinnon.”

Dorcas couldn’t believe it hadn’t immediately clicked. No wonder Marlene stood out from the crowd. She was looking at Dorcas now, expecting some sort of a recognition, maybe. Well, too bad for her that Dorcas knew how to play, too. 

”Oh, yeah. Bye”, she said, turning her attention back to the counter, sweeping the rag across the surface in wide arches. 

”Like you aren’t going to watch”, Marlene laughed, flicking her hair just the right moment as Dorcas raised her gaze. ”Don’t get too lonely. I might just come back.” And with that she was gone, weaving her way through the crowd just as Pandora climbed onto the stage.

”Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome onstage, The Circuit!” 

Dorcas watched as the crowd threw up their hands, clapping and yelling wildly as the band emerged onto the stage. Marlene was the last one, already deep into a conversation with a very tall brunette guy. He was adjusting the strap of a bass across his shoulder, his head tilted slightly to the side to catch whatever Marlene was saying. 

There were five people in the band in total. Three guys, Marlene and another girl. She must’ve been Mary. She adjusted the microphone, turning to say something to the drummer, a black-haired lad with startlingly pale eyes. Dorcas could now remember Pandora telling her that the three men went mostly by pseudonyms, Padfoot, Moony and Prongs. She wished she could recall the drummer’s real name, for he looked awfully familiar even from a distance. 

The band started playing, and from the very first seconds alone Dorcas could tell they were good. Very good. Mary and the third man, his hair a ragged mess, round glasses hanging on his nose for dear life, sang a song about a woman dying in a corn maze after searching for her lost lover for a lifetime. As strange as it sounded, Dorcas found it oddly touching, a simple Halloween night stretching into an eternity of longing and solitude. 

Marlene was at the back, her head bobbing in the rhythm of the music, her mouth moving along with the song. She seemed absorbed, pulled into the world of music, where nothing else existed but her and her passion. Dorcas was unable to look away from her, couldn’t imagine risking the chance of missing the way the stage lights hit the glitter on Marlene’s cheeks, making her skin glow, her pale hair casting a flaring halo around her head. 

She was alluring.

Totally, soul-crushingly beautiful.  

Chapter Text

Marlene

Marlene couldn’t see a thing from the stage. Surrounded by the bright lights, she felt alone in the world, captured inside a bubble where the only thing that mattered was her, her people and her music. She was always hit with a pang of disappointment at the end of a gig, when the ruckus of the crowd overwhelmed the chaos of the stage and she was forced back into reality. 

Mary, as always, was ecstatic as they made their way backstage. She was already talking wildly, waving her hands around, her voice slightly hoarse after an hour of singing. Still, she managed to have enough energy left in her to hype the band up. 

”We were so good, guys, possibly our best gig ever!” she was saying, not for the first time. Marlene smiled, placing her guitar into its case, the lid covered entirely with stickers and names scribbled in a white marker. At the very beginning, when The Circuit had only played for free in small pubs and on the streets, Marlene had made a thing out of asking people to write their names on her guitar case. ’You know, in case we become famous, I won’t forget my first fans.’

She still hadn’t, though the band had become far more successful than she could’ve imagined. Marlene held onto the first times she ever played in public, keeping them fresh in her memory by stroking her fingers over the written names. She had been shy with her music back then, but it was all a part of her journey here. She didn’t want to forget a thing about it. 

”Yeah, ’twas great”, Sirius said, tying his long hair into a topknot, sticking his drumsticks through it. ”Fancy a drink, anyone?” 

”We could go to ours”, Mary suggested, turning to Marlene. ”Right, Marls?”

Marlene draped her jacket over one arm, hoisting the guitar case into the other hand. ”Sure, go ahead. I’ve got something to do here.”

”Something, or someone?” Remus grinned, coming to stand beside Mary, his face aglow with a teasing smile. ”I saw you talking to that bartender earlier. Seemed intense, no?”

”Huh? I thought you were going to try it out with Sam”, said Mary.

”I did. She just wasn’t the right one.” Marlene pushed the door open with one shoulder, fighting against the need to roll her eyes. Mary had been more or less annoyed with her social life lately, the way people changed rapidly enough for Marlene to never get the chance to mention some of them. Mary said it drove her insane to never be able to tell who she could run into in her own home. 

And it was true, really, that Marlene hadn’t been able to settle down. She couldn’t explain it, hadn’t even tried to, not even to herself. It was just that every time things seemed to be going well, she always managed to screw them up somehow. Sometimes on purpose, yet mostly by accident. It drove her insane. 

But it wasn’t in Marlene’s nature to give up like that. She was convinced that someday, some of the people she met would choose to stay. That had happened first with Mary, then with Remus. And with Remus she’d gotten them all, James and Sirius and Lily. Marlene had yet to send them away, and she grew more and more hopeful each day that her curse would soon lose its power altogether. 

”Right”, Mary said sceptically, shrugging as she turned to pick up her purse. ”You got your phone? Let me know if you’re going to spend the night.” She came over, tugging Marlene down to press a kiss on top of her head. ”Be careful.”

”I always am.” Marlene waved them all goodbye, letting the backstage door fall closed behind her. Outside, the crowd was still thick on the main floor, the clamour of too many people talking at the same overtaking the space. 

Marlene made her way through the throng, blessedly lost in the mass of people. It took her some time to finally reach the bar, and when she finally did, she was met with a depressing sight. 

The bartender was leaning across the counter, very productively eating some girl’s face. Marlene stopped dead on her tracks to watch as her brooding new acquaintance cupped the stranger’s neck, drawing her in. The other girl was actively attempting to climb onto the counter, though it seemed like a hard task considering that her eyes were screwed shut. 

Marlene rolled her eyes, sauntering over to the free stool next to the girl. She dropped her guitar case and jacket onto the floor, sitting down. ”You just had to go and get lonely anyway?” 

The stranger girl flinched back, nearly dropping from her stool. She turned to look at Marlene, her lipstick smudged all over her mouth. For a moment, she looked Marlene up and down, too drunk to form a coherent thought. 

Then her eyes widened. ”Holy shit, you’re the guitarist girl. From that band!” She gestured excitedly over to the stage.

”That’s right. Do you mind getting lost?” Marlene asked kindly, leaning over to help the girl down from the stool. ”Thanks for keeping my friend company.” Then, handing her a napkin from a pile on the counter, ”By the way, you’ve got lipstick all over your face.”

She giggled, staggering away towards the toilets, clutching the napkin in one hand. The bartender watched her go, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. ”Jealous much?” she asked Marlene, her mouth pursed into an annoyed line. 

”Sure, why not. She was a catch”, Marlene said easily, picking up the drink menu and flipping the pages. ”So, Dorcas, any recommendations?”

She stared at Marlene, dark eyes narrowed against the dim lights. ”Are you stalking me or something?” 

Marlene hummed, running a finger along the list of the drinks. ”It says so on your nametag, Sherlock.”

Dorcas looked down on the plastic tag attached to the front of her shirt, a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. She reached over, snatching the menu from Marlene’s hands. 

”A nargle”, she said, running her eyes up and down the page. When she looked up to see Marlene raising her brows, she grinned, setting the menu down. ”It’s just a Long Island Iced Tea. Fits for a tortured musician, don’t you think?”

”I wouldn’t know. I’m just a humble guitarist, all sunshine and rainbows.” Marlene flashed her widest smile, snapping her fingers with a flick of a wrist. ”I’ll take one nargle, and a shot of tequila to the side, please.”

Dorcas shook her head, turning around to grab a cocktail shaker from the shelf behind her. ”You guys didn’t suck that hard”, she noted, dumping ice into the shaker. 

”Oh so you did watch?” Marlene smirked, showing her card to the reader as Dorcas typed in the sum and pushed the device in front of her. ”I thought you were too busy snogging.”

Dorcas winked, sliding the drinks over the counter to her. ”I had my eyes open.”

Marlene widened her eyes, twisting her face into a horrified grimace. ”Ew, you’re a freak”, she said, downing the shot first, the grimace never leaving her face but deepening against the burn. As she bit into the lime, Marlene flicked her gaze up to look at Dorcas. ”Too bad I’m kind of into that.” 

”I’m sure you are.”

Dropping the lime into the shot glass, Marlene leant over the counter, resting her chin atop tented fingers as she smiled at Dorcas. ”As if you aren’t into me, too. Why else would you kiss other girls but keep your eyes on me?” She tilted her head, twirling a straw in her drink. ”Maybe you were trying to make me jealous.”

”Why would I have bothered to do that, when you were already throwing yourself all over me?” Dorcas said pointedly, planting her hands on the counter in front of Marlene. She had pink lipstick on the corner of her mouth, a leftover from that stranger girl. Marlene had the overwhelming need to reach out and wipe it away. 

”You make it sound like a bad thing. What’s wrong with trying to get what I want?” 

They looked at each other, the moment pressing on and on. If Marlene hadn’t known better, she might’ve thought they were having a competition. Which one would look away first? 

It was Dorcas, her gaze slipping away reluctantly. ”You don’t know what you want.”

That took Marlene by surprise. ”What?” she huffed, the sound part a giggle, part a sigh, both sounds equally confused. 

”I said, I don’t think you know what you want”, Dorcas said, bending down farther over the counter. A few stools away, a man was trying to get her attention, but either she didn’t notice or she didn’t care. ”’And I wonder, baby, whatever I chase, will I ever know?’ You write all the songs, don’t you?”

Hollow After Halloween. It was a new one, the first that Marlene had written entirely on her own. She’d been thrilled to hear just how much the crowd had loved it, people singing the words along with Mary and James, a hundred different voices melting into a chaotic melody. 

Marlene wasn’t sure if she was happy that Dorcas had taken the time to memorise the words, or upset that she was using the song to win this stupid- was it even an argument? Marlene had no idea what was going on, only that she wasn’t about to lose. 

She sat up on her knees, her face rising to be inches away from Dorcas’. ”I think you’re scared”, she declared, quietly enough not to be disturbing the people around them. 

Dorcas laughed. ”Excuse me?”

”I think you’re scared. You don’t want to like me, because I’m clearly not a girl for you to just snog across a bar”, Marlene continued, getting more confident with every word said. And hell, judging by the look on Dorcas’ face, she was actually being right. ”I'm someone. You are afraid you might still remember me tomorrow.”

”That’s absurd”, Dorcas said, her gaze turning upset as she shook her head, a furrow appearing across her brow. 

Marlene shrugged, not ready to let go just yet. If Dorcas was willing to start this game, she might as well finish it. ”Not really. Whoever it was that broke your heart, they were clearly important to you. You are not ready to move on.”

Dorcas stared at her, something twisting her face. A kind of sadness, maybe, settling over her features. Marlene watched it unfold, fascinated by the sight, the rawness of it. It was almost like the beginnings of a song, where the words couldn’t yet be spelled out but she could feel them somewhere deep in her bones. 

It was gone as quickly as it had appeared, and Dorcas was leaning forward, her lips turning into a bitter smile. ”I’m not afraid of anything.”

”Then prove it.”

Marlene stood up, taking a long swig of her drink. Then she turned around, forcing her way through the crowd across the floor. She didn’t look back, couldn’t look back, in fear that she’d just done it again. Calculated it wrong. 

How could she ever go back to get her things if her plan didn’t work? 

She was almost laughing by the time she made it to the ladies’ bathroom, her head spinning just a little. Had she been stupid to think this could work? She’d been so sure of Dorcas before the gig, but the comment about Marlene ’not knowing what she wanted’ had thrown her off guard. 

Wasn’t that precisely what Mary had been talking about for the last few months?

The bathroom was empty, given that Marlene had chosen the one at the very end of the corridor. She could at least grant it to this place that there were enough toilets for none of them to ever be too crowded. Marlene went to the sink, checking her face in the mirror. 

Her makeup was somewhat smudged, especially her mascara, tiny flecks of black sticking to the skin around her eyes. She added more lipstick, no liner as Marlene had never bothered to buy one. Wetting the corner of one paper towel in the machine next to the sink, she attempted to wipe away some of the mess the mascara had done to her eyes, being careful not to scrub off any of the eyeliner. 

The door to the bathroom opened just as Marlene was wondering whether she should come up with a plan for leaving. She turned around, her hands propped against the edge of the sink, and smiled. 

”I thought you wussed out”, she said as Dorcas stepped in. She was taller than Marlene had guessed, standing equal to her height despite the heels. 

Dorcas pressed her lips into a tight line. ”You left your things behind”, she said, speaking quickly, her tone strained with annoyance. ”What’s the point of doing anything if you’re just going to be reckless like that, I mean, your guitar was there-”

”And did you put it away?” 

”Well, yes, but like, that’s not the point-” 

If Marlene had had to guess, she would’ve bet her money on Dorcas being more than able to rant for hours about something just to prove a point. They could’ve stood there, arguing about Marlene’s recklessness and her guitar and how she didn’t know anything and how Dorcas was scared of everything, but Marlene didn’t give them that option. 

Instead, she stifled the last of Dorcas’ sentence against her own mouth. With her arms wrapped around the other girl’s neck, she drew her in, drowning any protests into the press of their lips. 

Marlene had kissed quite a lot of people in her life, and thus she wouldn’t necessarily have considered Dorcas something extraordinary, at least not right away. But she could tell she was good from the way she, after a quick pause of surprise, cupped Marlene’s face and pushed her hips forward, their bodies crashing against each other in what would’ve been a clumsy manner in any other situation, but felt perfectly deliberate at the moment. As Dorcas stepped forth, Marlene sank back, her body acting by instinct according to Dorcas’ movements. It was almost like dancing, in a way.

They moved backwards against the sink, Dorcas’ body pushing against Marlene’s, forcing her back to arch over the edge of the counter behind her. Breaking the kiss, Dorcas leaned down to mouth the side of Marlene’ neck, nibbing soflty at the tender skin. Marlene groaned, throwing her head back to give the other girl more room to work with, her skin set afire as Dorcas’ lips moved across it.

”The stalls”, Marlene murmured breathlessly as Dorcas picked her up, setting her down onto the edge of the sink. Hands moved up along her thighs, crumpling Marlene’s skirt around her hips. ”Someone could- oh, fuck it.”

She grasped Dorcas’ face, pulling her into a kiss. As her tongue slid into Dorcas’ mouth, Marlene wrapped her legs around the other girl’s waist, pressing herself against the other body. At her hips, Dorcas’ fingers bored into her skin, grounding her. Within her chest, Marlene thought she could feel something slowly fading away, her longing to be touched and felt leaving her for a time, maybe not truly gone but chased away for now. 

The door of the bathroom slammed suddenly open, making both of them flinch. Marlene looked over Dorcas’ shoulder at the girl in the doorway, staring at them with wide eyes, mouth hanging open. She was swaying slightly, with a greenish tone on her face.

Dorcas hid her face against Marlene’s neck, her breathing quick and shallow, her mouth twitching as she fought not to laugh. Marlene placed a hand softly to the back of her head, keeping the other girl’s head down. ”Toilet’s that way”, Marlene said, pointing with her free hand to the left where the stalls were. 

The girl nodded, slapping a hand to her mouth as she ran past them, rushing through the door of the first stall. Soon the room was filled with retching sounds. 

Marlene laughed. ”We weren’t that bad, y’know!” she shouted after the girl.

Dorcas stepped back, pulling Marlene’s skirt down as she did. ”Guess that’s our sign. I should go help her”, she said, her mouth smeared with lipstick. Red, not pink, and Marlene felt no need to mention it. 

She hopped down, grabbing Dorcas’ arm before she could slip away. Already buttoning up her shirt, Dorcas raised her gaze, her eyes softening as she looked at Marlene. It had Marlene’s stomach flipping looking into them. 

She leant in, pressing her mouth against Dorcas’ ear. Within her chest, her heart was hammering wildly. ”Take me home with you tonight.”

Chapter Text

Dorcas

Dorcas woke up to the feeling of something wet dripping down the side of her neck. She cracked one eye open, starting to rise only to find that she was being held in place by a body pressed against hers. Dorcas frowned, stroking her hand experimentally along the soft curve of a bare hip by her side. 

Her first, groggy thoughts went to Emmeline. Looking down, however, she saw the shaggy top of a blond-and-black haired head, and came rushing back to her senses. Marlene was curled up against her, one leg draped across her stomach, drooling profusely against her neck. 

Fucking hell. Dorcas grimaced, pushing away from the other girl’s sleeping form. Thankfully, Marlene seemed to be a sound sleeper. Dorcas moved her leg carefully off her midriff, wriggling her numb arm free from underneath Marlene’s body. The tips of her fingers tingled painfully as sensation came back to them.

Dorcas stood up, throwing a blanket over Marlene to cover her up before turning around to search for her phone. All over the floor, their clothes from last night were scattered around. Dorcas fished her phone out from the pocket of her jeans, typing in the password as she stepped over Marlene’s skirt.

Two messages from Pandora, both of them from last night. She’d thanked Dorcas for covering the shift at The Quibbler, then let her know she was going to spend the night at Xenophilius’. Dorcas felt a little guilty for not having even considered the possibility that Pandora could’ve come straight home from the club. She was gone so often, Dorcas had begun to forget she still lived with her. 

Dorcas left the phone onto the bedside table, heading in for a shower. She was shivering, and a little confused, but mostly pissed at herself. After stepping under the warm water she propped her hands against the tiled wall and closed her eyes, hoping for the heat to wash away her regret. Because really, what had she been thinking? 

She couldn’t remember much about what had happened at the club after the bathroom incident. Only that she’d finished her shift in a haze, and somehow, at some point, found Marlene in the chaos. Brought her home, like she’d asked her to. Dorcas didn’t think of it as a decision she’d made, but rather saw it as though she’d been following an order Marlene had given her. Take me home with you. Like a dog charmed by attention, Dorcas had done what she’d been told to do.

Not that she hadn’t wanted to. It was just that, well, Dorcas rarely did anything simply because she desired so.

Once she felt clean enough, she turned the shower off, immediately freezing in the absence of too-hot water (Pandora often complained about the steam after Dorcas’ showers). With her body wrapped in a fresh towel, Dorcas stepped out of the bathroom. On her way past the foyer she saw Marlene’s guitar case, left carelessly right in front of the door. Her jacket was lying on the floor next to it, the pockets turned over as if Marlene had been desperately looking for something. Lipbalms, receipts and crumpled bills littered the floor. 

’I think I left my phone somewhere. Mary’s going to kill me.’

The memory was a blur of kisses, with Dorcas tugging Marlene up, pulling at her shirt. ’She’ll be fine, you can use mine, don’t worry, rockstar.’ In the midst of the mess, Marlene never ended up texting her friend.

She was still sound asleep by the time Dorcas returned to the bedroom to find a new message from Pandora on her phone. It had been sent five minutes ago, saying that she was about to head home soon.

Dorcas went to Marlene, shaking her by the shoulder. ”Wakie-wakie.” Then again, since Marlene only groaned and rolled onto her side. ”Hey, wake up.”

”Whaattt??” Marlene moaned, burrowing deeper underneath the blanket. Dorcas reached over, snatching it away. 

”My flatmate’s on her way.” She bent down to pick up Marlene’s shirt and skirt from the floor, throwing them at her head. ”Get dressed.”

Marlene cracked her eyes open, squinting against the light. ”Good morning to you too”, she muttered, sitting up slowly, then winced and pressed a hand to her temple. ”Any chance to get a cup of coffee?”

Flushed from sleep, with her hair tousled and her makeup smudged on her face, she looked very different from the cool and confident rockstar from last night. In the middle of the crumpled sheets she seemed vulnerable somehow, making Dorcas almost sorry she was going to have to drag her out. Just almost, though, because Pandora coming home to find naked Marlene McKinnon in Dorcas’ bed seemed like a far more tragic story, one that Dorcas did not intend to see being executed.

”If you put your clothes on, then maybe.”

”Wasn’t what you wanted before”, Marlene smirked, taking the skirt in her hands, staring at it as though she had never seen it before. ”What’s this?”

Dorcas rolled her eyes. ”Your skirt. Just how wasted were you?”

”You think I’m going to leave wearing that?” Marlene laughed incredulously, abandoning the skirt as she began fishing her bra out from under the covers at the foot of the bed. ”Broody, in the last fourteen hours I’ve been onstage, then drunk, fucked, and now hungover. There’s nowhere in hell I’m stepping out of here wearing anything else but joggers.”

”You couldn’t think of that before you asked me to take you home?”

Marlene shrugged, her arms twisted behind her back to fight with the clasps of the bra. ”Dunno what you want me to say. Sorry I don’t go about with extra trousers in my pockets.”

Dorcas shook her head, going to her wardrobe. This is unbelievable. She only had two pairs of joggers, one of which she intended to wear herself. The other pair she tossed at Marlene. 

”Bathroom’s on the left”, she said, picking up a T-shirt on her way out of the bedroom. 

While Marlene got ready, which included wandering about the flat searching for her things, Dorcas stood in the kitchen waiting for the coffee to brew. Her head felt heavy, although she couldn’t remember drinking anything last night. Maybe it was the Marlene-effect, sucking the life out of people. 

No, that was mean. Dorcas had no right to be like that, she knew that, yet she couldn’t stop blaming Marlene for barging into her life when she hadn’t been ready for that yet. She hadn’t wanted to wake up in the morning to make coffee for some stranger, or to lend her favourite pair of joggers to someone who seemed especially susceptible to losing things. 

She’d just wanted everyone to stop treating her like she was about to break down crying at any moment.

Dorcas poured the coffee into one of the takeaway cups Pandora sometimes brought home from her job at a nearby coffeeshop. She searched the cabinets for a painkiller to go with it, then headed to the foyer where she could hear Marlene cursing to herself at the mess. 

Marlene was on her knees on the floor, trying her best to get a look under the shoe rack for anything she might’ve lost. She hadn’t buttoned her shirt, and only one boot had found its way to her foot. Dorcas sighed, holding out the coffee for her. 

”Cheers”, Marlene said, taking the cup and placing it next to her on the floor. Her face was still scrunched up against the light, her eyes screwed nearly shut. ”Have you seen my other shoe?” 

Dorcas hadn’t, but she found it quickly lying on its side at the bedroom door. ”Here”, she said, handing it over to Marlene. Then she dropped the pill onto the other girl’s palm, ”For the headache.”

”Aw, so you don’t hate me then?” Marlene smiled, sticking out her tongue as Dorcas rolled her eyes. 

”Just put on your shoes.”

Marlene did, fighting with the boot for a while before managing to pull it on. She shrugged on her jacket, zipping it closed so as to not have to bother with the buttons of her shirt. Then she stood up, running one hand through the tangled mess of her hair. 

”Well, I guess this is goodbye”, she said, straightening to her full height. She was almost as tall as Dorcas with the heels, and somehow still beautiful even with the mess of eyeshadow and mascara on her face, her eyes puffy and slightly red.

Dorcas thought she could’ve easily written a song about Marlene then, though she was no songwriter and had no experience with music whatsoever. There was something tragic about the other girl, the sight of her simultaneously empowering and utterly draining. Dorcas wondered whether she would ever achieve the same level of confidence Marlene had, standing with her chin held high even when she was hungover and getting thrown out of the door. 

”Yeah”, Dorcas said, leaning past Marlene to open the door. 

Marlene turned her head sharply to the side then, catching Dorcas into a kiss. Their mouths closed this time, it felt somehow more intimate, like a little peck on the lips before leaving home. Dorcas flinched back.

”Right. Bye”, chuckled Marlene, turning to leave but stopping on her tracks before she could step out of the door. ”No, wait, one more thing.”

She fished out one of the old receipts and a ballpoint pen from the pocket of her jacket. With the paper pressed against the wall, she scribbled onto it, her tongue poking out from the corner of her mouth. 

Once she was done, she handed the note to Dorcas. ”There’s my number, for when you want your joggers back”, Marlene said, then raked her gaze slowly up and down Dorcas’ body. ”Or, y’know.”

”Yeah, right. Goodbye”, Dorcas laughed, pushing her out of the door. Outside, in the hallway, Marlene dug out a pair of sunglasses from her pocket, setting them dramatically on her nose. 

She waved goodbye, wobbling towards the elevator with her guitar held in one hand, the other carrying the coffee. Dorcas waited until the elevator doors closed before retreating back into the flat, shutting the door after her. 

The flat seemed eerily quiet then, the familiar aftermath of having someone over settling over the place. Dorcas had in mind to get back to bed, partly to avoid the hollowness caused by sudden solitude, partly because she would still have to go to work tonight. Not to mention not having to face Pandora and listen to her asking questions Dorcas wasn’t ready to answer yet. 

She stopped to stand beside her bed, her gaze raking over the rumpled sheets. On the pillowcase there was a mark left by makeup where Marlene’s face had been. Everywhere, on the pillow and on the blanket, tiny flecks of glitter remained from her eyeshadow. 

Dorcas sighed, trying to lay down. But as she closed her eyes, she found that she wasn’t feeling the least bit tired anymore. Instead, she was uncomfortably fixated on the way Marlene’s scent clung to the room, filling the space. 

”I won’t get up”, Dorcas murmured to herself, turning to her side, pressing her face into the pillow. She wasn’t bothered, she was simply going back to sleep after a long night, her one-night stand having left the apartment.

But she couldn’t ignore the gnawing feeling inside her, the sense of having done something wrong but not being quite sure what exactly. It drove her insane. 

In the end, Dorcas got up, tearing the bedsheets off the bed. She threw them into the laundry basket in the corner of the room, picking it up and leaving the bedroom. On her way across the foyer to the bathroom, she was spooked by the doorbell ringing, the sound sharp and violent disturbing the quietness of the flat. 

Almost immediately the door cracked open, and Pandora poked her head in. ”Oh, you’re up-”, she said, stepping over the threshold, ”and doing laundry?”

”Going to change my bedsheets”, Dorcas explained, pushing open the door of the bathroom and setting the basket down in front of the washing machine. ”Did you have a good night?”

Pandora followed after her but stayed in the doorway, leaning against the frame. ”Fine. And you? Too busy to text your best friend?”

”I know, I’m sorry. I was so tired after my shift, I came straight home to sleep.” Dorcas dumped the sheets into the machine, starting to measure in the detergent. 

”Really? There were no other reasons why you might’ve forgotten to check your phone?”

Dorcas frowned, turning around to face her friend. ”What are you saying, Dora?” 

”Xeno said he saw you snogging some girl.” Pandora chewed on her lip, looking as though she was regretting a little the way she was bringing the matter up. It was too late to back away now, however. ”And I saw her there, Cass, that’s why I asked if you were okay. I just, I don’t know, guess I’m just asking if you did it to mess with her.” 

Emmeline had been there? Had she seen Dorcas? Based on the anxiety on Pandora’s face, that seemed likely. Dorcas wasn’t sure what to make of it. 

”No, I didn’t. I didn’t even see her”, Dorcas said, sighing as she saw the doubtful look on Pandora gave her. ”It’s true! Look, that girl, I was just doing it to get some creepy guy off her back. It didn’t mean anything.”

”Are you sure? I mean, I’m your best friend and all, so I guess I’m supposed to support your rights and wrongs.” Pandora was wringing her hands now. ”But I kind of hoped you would say something like that, ’cause I really, really don’t want you to be a prick.”

Dorcas smiled, taking her friend’s hands in hers. She felt a little guilty for lying, though she didn’t know how she could properly explain everything that had happened. But she hadn’t been using that girl to hurt Emmeline, that much was true. And whatever the thing had been with Marlene, well, it certainly didn’t need mentioning. 

”Yes, I’m sure. It had nothing to do with Emmeline.”

Pandora nodded, her gaze searching Dorcas’ eyes for a moment before she stepped past her into the bathroom. ”Good. But for the record, Xeno thought it was annoying that you were making out while you were supposed to be working.” 

”Oh. I see.” Dorcas smiled guiltily, meeting Pandora’s gaze in the mirror above the sink. ”I’m sorry.”

”Say that to him, not me”, Pandora said, looking around with a frown. ”Have you seen my sunglasses? I thought I left them by the sink.” She bent down to peer into the narrow space between the washing machine and the sink, where they usually lost most of their things. Pandora had aptly named it ’the void’.

Dorcas shook her head, stepping into the foyer and towards the kitchen. Only now that she was fully awake she realised just how horribly stomach was starting to hurt from hunger. ”Um, no. Why?”

”Well, they’re actually Reg’s.” Pandora followed Dorcas, sitting at the kitchen table as Dorcas went to the fridge. ”I was planning on returning them.” With Pandora always rather borrowing things than buying something anew, their flat was full of stuff waiting to be given back. Unfortunately, most of the time neither the owners nor Pandora could remember whom she had lended which item from.

”How very generous of you”, Dorcas smirked, peeking past the edge of the fridge door at her friend. ”Fancy eggs?” 

Pandora shook her head, propping one elbow against the table to rest her chin on her palm. She watched as Dorcas picked up a pan, spreading butter on it as she set in on the stove. For a moment there was a silence, only the sizzling and hissing of the frying eggs breaking the peace. They often did that, the other one just staying to watch the other cooking or making coffee or tea in the mornings. It was kind of nice, Dorcas thought, to have company even if it sometimes meant only doing chores in each other’s presence. 

The eggs were almost done by the time Pandora spoke again. ”So what’d you think of the band?” she asked. Dorcas sneaked a look of her before answering to see if there was any hidden meanings behind the question, but Pandora’s expression seemed innocent enough. 

”They were good, I guess.”

”You guess? I thought they were amazing”, Pandora declared, which was no surprise. Getting The Circuit to play at the club had been a huge achievement for Xenophilius. Dorcas supposed the band could’ve stepped onstage and played their songs by beating at pots and pans and Pandora would’ve still thought they were brilliant. ”And that last song, Lonely At Dawn? It had me crying like a baby!”

Dorcas flipped the eggs, averting her friend’s gaze. ”Yeah, it was fine. Nothing special though.” She took a plate, then sat down opposite Pandora with her breakfast. ”In fact, I thought they were pretty lame. Just another wanna-be rock band with forcibly meaningful songs and pretentious artists.”

Pandora laughed. ”Woah, who hurt you? I just asked if you liked them.”

”Yeah, and I gave you an answer.” Dorcas cut the eggs in tiny pieces, popping one in her mouth. ”They were nothing special.”

Chapter Text

Marlene

At every spark of light, Marlene felt like someone was trying to carve her eyeballs out using a blunt dagger. Any sound louder than a whisper echoed around in her head with ten times more volume, as though her skull was hosting a concert and forgotten about the soundcheck. 

Thankfully, her and Mary’s flat was quiet as she entered, and lovely in its darkness. The curtains were drawn shut despite it being almost eleven in the morning, and none of the lights were on. Marlene had just come to the conclusion that Mary must’ve still been sleeping when her friend appeared at the end of the hall, nursing a cup of coffee between her palms.

Marlene set her guitar down quickly so she could throw up her hands. ”I know, I’m sorry, I didn’t text you. I lost my phone.” 

”I know. You’d put it in my purse”, Mary said, pointing at the side table. On top of it there was a bowl for keys, a scented candle gathering dust, and Marlene’s phone. ”Nice joggers. Lost your skirt, too?”

”Great, so now I’m a slut as well as untrustful?” Marlene crouched down to open her guitar case. She took out the skirt, which she’d stuffed on top of the guitar, and threw it at Mary. ”Thanks a lot, friend.”

The corner of Mary’s mouth quivered as she picked the skirt up, a smile fighting to get a place on her face. ”That’s right, a friend. Am I not allowed to be worried about you?” She turned to go, calling over her shoulder, ”There’s coffee in the kitchen. And, uh, I hope you’re not too tired. Your bed’s kind of… occupied.”

”What?!” Marlene kicked off her boots, nearly toppling over in her haste to get to her bedroom. Despite her pounding headache, she screamed. ”EW ew, no, I hate you guys!”

She grabbed a stray shirt from the floor, crossing the room to smack Remus’ face with it. He was cuddled up in her bed, drool dripping from the corner of his mouth onto her pillow. And that wasn’t even the worst part.

”Get lost, McKinnon”, Remus muttered, his voice rough from sleep, reaching up to tug the shirt out of her hands. ”’S not like I haven’t been in your bed before.”

”First of all, fuck you. Second of all, not with him!” Marlene pointed at Sirius, who was sleeping contently at Remus’ side. She grabbed his shoulder, shaking him awake. ”Get out of my bed, idiot!”

Sirius only groaned, curling up into a tighter ball. Remus smacked Marlene’s hand away. ”Relax, we didn’t even do anything.”

”Anything?! I’ve got your spit all over my pillow!” Marlene whirled around, marching out of the room. At the door, she turned to point a finger at the two of them. ”You are so changing those sheets!” 

Mary was in the kitchen, making a toast with jam. Marlene stormed past her, getting a mug from the cabinet above the coffeemaker. She poured some of the dark liquid in, adding half a teaspoon of sugar before turning to her girl friend. 

”Nice payback, MacDonald.”

”It wasn’t!” Mary insisted, though the mischievous grin on her lips told Marlene otherwise. ”I swear. Pete came to pick James up because Lily had to work today. But, y’see, it was his sister’s car, and by the time he arrived Sirius was kind of puking everywhere, so I said he ought to stay and not ruin Philly’s car.” She paused to take a sip of her coffee. ”And well, y’know Sirius and Remus, never one without the other.”

Marlene snorted, hoisting herself up onto the kitchen counter. She remembered the time she and Remus used to date, though not gladly. It had been three years ago, yet it seemed like only one of them had changed since then. There hadn’t been a time someone could’ve called her and Remus inseparable, in fact, Marlene had often felt herself neglected by her so-called boyfriend. 

And now such a day didn’t exist that Remus wouldn’t have been clinging to Sirius, either emotionally or physically. Sometimes Marlene caught herself wondering whether it was Remus who had changed, or if she had just been the problem all along. 

Not something that she wanted to think about. Marlene took a sip of her coffee, still too hot to be drunk but the burn was a welcome sensation. It shook her out of the what-ifs and the guilt of maybe not being enough or maybe being too much. 

Another, though not as bearable, wake-up call was the sudden moaning coming from her bedroom. At the sound of it Marlene doubled over, nearly choking on the coffee. She was red-faced and coughing, with Mary beating at her back, when Sirius came into the kitchen, his sighs and groans dying out as he started cackling at the sight of them.

”Jeez, McKinnon, when did you become such a nun?” he grinned, taking the cup from her hands and sipping the coffee. Sirius grimaced. ”Bloody hell, who made this crap?” 

Marlene pointed at Mary, stealing the cup back. ”Go home and make your own, then.” To be fair, the coffee was horrible, bitter and stale-tasting, but it helped the throbbing at Marlene’s temple, so she wasn’t about to complain.

”Speaking of home”, Sirius said easily, leaning back against the counter opposite Marlene, ”how come you didn’t come to yours last night?”

”Yeah”, Remus butted in, joining them in the kitchen. There were a lot of people there now, given that it was a relatively small space. ”I trust you gave the bartender your signature?”

Sirius smirked, nudging Remus with an elbow. ”I think she gave her a little more’n that, right, McKinnon?”

”You tell me. You’re the one who called me a nun.” Marlene stuck her tongue out at him, then turned to Mary. ”Oh, but wait, you can just ask Mary! I mean, she’s the one who called me a slut, so she must know something we don’t.”

”You called her a slut?” Remus frowned.

”I did not!” Mary shouted defensively. ”I was pissed at her for not texting me, which by the way happens every single time!” Her voice went shrill, like always when she was annoyed, and everyone winced. ”And as I already said, I was just worried! Does that make me such a bad friend?!”

Marlene didn’t think so, and normally she might’ve stopped the fight there. But she was feeling angry at Mary, for making her feel bad, and at Dorcas, for making her feel used, and at herself for not remembering to text Mary and for taking Dorcas’ joggers and her sunglasses. Why did she have to always cling to people who did not want her?

So she didn’t give up, though she knew the argument was already lost on her part. ”You let them sleep in my bed!” she accused, pointing a finger at Remus and Sirius, standing innocently across from them. 

”Hey, woah, we told you we didn’t do anything”, said Sirius, throwing his hands into the air. ”Girl, just admit you are wrong. I honestly don’t see what’s the problem here.”

”You, Black, you are the problem”, Marlene spat, setting her cup down hard enough for the coffee to splash over the rim and all over the countertop. 

Remus stepped forward. ”Oi, Marls-” 

”And you, and you.” Marlene pressed a finger to Mary’s shoulder, shoving at her. Her head was aching again, her body hot with anger, but Mary just stood there, her gaze fixed to the floor. It made Marlene all the more furious. ”Why can’t you all just stop trying to control my life?”

She pushed past Mary, ignoring Remus’ calls after her. Once she was in her bedroom, Marlene shut the door as hard as she could, slamming it closed behind her. It created an angry barrier against her and the rest of them, driving them away.

The tears didn’t come until she’d turned around and seen her bed, the bedsheets changed just like she’d asked Remus to do. Marlene sat onto the edge of her bed, pressing the heels of her palms against her eyes. 

It didn’t take long at all for a knock to emerge at her door, followed by Remus softly calling her name. Marlene rubbed her eyes, quickly wiping away tears from her cheeks as the door cracked open, and Remus stuck his face through. He was holding a white napkin, waving it in front of him. 

”Peace?” he asked, stepping in and letting the door fall nearly shut behind him. Marlene sniffed, chewing on the insides of her cheeks to keep from crying even more. 

Remus crossed the room, dropping the napkin into Marlene’s hands as he crouched down in front of her. ”You look like a really sad raccoon”, he said, a small smile on his lips as he used his sleeve to wipe off some of the tears on her face. 

”Says the guy with a bird’s nest on his head”, Marlene smiled, ruffling Remus’ hair. His haircuts had always been interesting, but this time he’d let Sirius cut his hair for him. Now the strands were short on one side, longer on the other, with a kind of mullet-ish thing happening at the back. 

Remus dodged her hand. ”Do you want to talk about what happened last night? I can’t see any other reasons for that cat fight with Mary.”

”Cat fight? You and your boyfriend were a part of it as well.”

”Well, yeah, but you were really just pissed at her”, Remus noted with a shrug. ”Which was kind of unfair, y’know. Mary’s done nothing but look out for you.”

Marlene sighed, dropping her head back to stare at the ceiling. She’d taped glow-in-the-dark stars there, which were barely visible during the day, but brought her solace at night. Something pretty to look at when she couldn’t sleep. 

”I know. It’s just, I’m getting really tired of no one having any faith in me. You all treat me like a kid with no responsibility.”

”That’s not true”, Remus protested. ”Nobody treats you like a kid. In fact, you’re more like a really old lady with a tiny drinking problem and maybe some issues with her memory. 

”Not helping, Lupin!”

Remus stood up, spreading his arms in a mock surrender. ”Just saying. Maybe if you started having faith in yourself, others would be having an easier time doing that, too.” 

He squeezed Marlene’s shoulder, the gesture somewhat brotherly. Marlene wasn’t sure whether the idea was making her cringe or melt. ”When did you become so wise? I would’ve thought all that drinking and smoking turned your brain into mush.” 

”I was always wise. People just don’t trust a drunk man’s advice.” He winked, offering her a hand to help her on her feet. 

***

Three days later Marlene was sitting cross-legged on the sofa, her notebook open on her lap. She was chewing on the tip of a pencil, staring at the empty page as though she might be able to force it into filling itself. At the top, she’d scribbled Little More’n That?

”A new song in progress?” asked Mary, coming to stand behind her. They had been friendly enough with each other, with barely any apologies exchanged since their argument. Still Marlene wasn’t sure if things were really that great between them, or if they were just holding up a temporary truce, both of them waiting for any excuse to start the fire again. 

Marlene closed the notebook, looking up at Mary over her shoulder. ”It’s something”, she said, stretching her arms out above her head. On the coffee table, her phone buzzed loudly, making Mary flinch. 

”’Bout to give me a heart attack”, she muttered angrily, glaring at the device. Then she shook her head, clapping Marlene’s shoulder as she stepped away into the kitchen. ”We’re leaving in ten. Let that person know.” Mary pointed at the phone, disappearing around the corner. 

”You let yourself know! Unless you’re trying something new, leaving the house in a bathrobe”, Marlene shouted after her. As always, Mary was doing anything but getting ready, including wrongly rushing her flatmate. 

Marlene reached for her phone, her stomach flipping as she saw the message. During the past days, Marlene had almost given up with her mysterious new acquaintance, her brooding bartender friend. Or more than a friend. Less than a friend? Marlene couldn’t be bothered with labels, not when she was already smiling like an idiot at the text from unknown. 

Unknown: Hello, rockstar. 

Marlene: i thought u’d forgotten about me
…

but then again, who could forget me?? 

Dorcas: You still have my joggers

Marlene: that’s right

come n get them 

i’m finished with them anyway ;)

Dorcas: … On a second thought, just keep them

Marlene: c’mon snowflake

u can’t see me but just so yk i’m rolling my eyes 

SEE YOU pick me up after practise <3 at 5!!

She typed in the studio’s address, swiping away from the chat before Dorcas could reject the idea. Marlene jumped up from the sofa, leaving her phone on the coffee table as she practically danced into her room. Before she went, she stopped outside Mary’s bedroom, knocking sharply at the door.

”Mary, you’ve got five minutes!” 

***

The Circuit practised at the studio twice a week, sometimes three times but never just once. It was often a chaotic event, with all five of them shouting over each other, somebody complaining about the lyrics, or the time, or the inconvenience of the whole thing. Yet in the end, they always ended up feeling sorry as the two-hour studio time was finished. 

This time, however, Marlene sensed trouble since the very beginning of the session. The first sign was that, unlike most days, Sirius and James showed up together, with Remus coming in almost ten minutes late. Mary started yelling at him immediately. 

”Seriously, this costs money, Remus. Not to mention you’re wasting everybody’s time.”

”D’you want a bassist or not?” Remus said bluntly, passing Sirius without so much as a glance at his way. Marlene watched them from her spot at the edge of the room, where she was standing with her notebook pressed against her chest. She didn’t usually play that much, using the time at the practice instead to test her ideas for new songs on her bandmates. 

They started playing, Marlene sitting at the back, listening. Sometimes they did covers, playing the same song over and over a couple of times, with Marlene joining up during the last round. This time, though, Mary had chosen to sing one of their own songs, Growing To Be Less. 

It started okay, up until the first chorus. Marlene noticed the way Sirius was slamming aggressively at the drums, missing the beat and playing far too loudly for the lyrics to be heard. Soon enough Mary cut her hand across the air, indicating for everyone to stop. 

She whirled around, one hand still squeezing the microphone. ”What the hell, Black? You’re playing too loud!” she said, looking at Sirius who sat behind the drums, a grim expression settling over his face. 

”Oh really? Tell that to Remus. His bass is abusing my ears”, Sirius spat, turning to glare at his boyfriend, standing innocently beside the drums. ”How childish can you be? You’re a waste of fucking time, Remus.”

”Me? ’Tis not my fault you forgot to soundcheck”, Remus protested. ”Again.”

Sirius threw up his hands, about to start yelling. That always happened when they fought, which happened fairly often, now that Marlene thought about it. She sighed, dropping her head in her hands as Mary joined the party, her voice rising high and annoyed.

”Both of you just shut up!” Next to her, James had turned around with his hands cupped over his ears. He couldn’t be allowed to take part in any type of argument, because he always took Sirius’ side and everything would blow up after that. 

Marlene didn’t participate, either. She would’ve stepped to Remus’ aid, no matter what. And then James would have to come and help Sirius out, which would leave Mary in the middle. She hated that, saying she couldn’t be expected to play in a band full of squabbling idiots. 

”Sirius, do your fucking soundcheck. Remus- just be quiet or something.” 

Marlene stood up, leaving her notebook on the chair as she went to pick up her guitar. She supposed it wouldn’t do her any good to try and get any sensible answers from her friends right now, let alone discuss new song ideas with them. If anything, she would only end up getting her feelings hurt by the angry boyfriends.

They perfected two songs of their own, then played a few covers Mary had chosen for them. Marlene thought they did fine, though she couldn’t properly enjoy the songs with two of her best friends sulking right behind her. Overall, she was relieved when they reached the point of the session where there was only fifteen minutes left, and Mary clapped her hands, indicating that she was about to start her feedback. 

”Okay, guys, we did pretty good. My main issue with today’s performance was the lack of feeling”, she presented, turning around to face the band as though they were a class she was trying to teach. ”James, I’m sorry, was the song about love? Because the way you sang it, it could’ve as well been a storytime on how I got my wisdom tooth removed.”

Marlene giggled, and James cast a look of feigned annoyance at her before facing Mary. ”Yeah, I’m sorry, MacDonald”, he said, smiling sheepishly. ”Wasn’t at my best there.”

”Well, you weren’t alone with that. Black, Lupin, with that sort of a talent, maybe you’d be better off playing at middle school discos.” Mary sighed, waving a hand towards Marlene. ”You, love, you did perfect. Maybe if you and I just ditched the guys, we’d actually be getting somewhere.”

”C’mon, it wasn’t that horrible”, Marlene disagreed, pointing a thumb over her shoulder towards Remus and Sirius. ”Besides, we can’t ditch them. They’re the token gays of this band.”

”And what am I?” blurted James, holding one hand over his chest as though his heart was aching. 

Marlene shrugged. ”You’re the mandatory straight guy.”

”James and straight in the same sentence? Now I’ve heard it all”, said Sirius, as they begun to file out of the studio. Marlene grabbed her guitar case in one hand, sliding her notebook under the other arm. 

Mary turned to glance back at her as they stepped out of the doors and onto the street. ”What would you say about getting McDonald’s on the way home, Marls?”

”I would love that- but I actually kind of have plans.” Marlene had spotted a black Ford Fiesta parked on the other side of the street, with the driver, though her face turned down as she scrolled on her phone, looking suspiciously like one very special Dorcas Meadowes. 

Mary’s eyes followed Marlene’s gaze to the car, her brows drawing together as she squinted to see better through the driver side window. ”My, my, so I take that things went good on Friday, eh?” She shot Marlene a meaningful glance. ”Unless she’s just here for the joggers.”

”Is that the bartender?” Remus asked, grasping Marlene’s shoulder as he craned his neck to see better. ”From that club?”

”You stole her joggers?” Sirius butted in, his frown mirroring Mary’s. ”Whatchu- ohhh.” He looked down at Marlene’s legs, his brow smoothing out as a grin split his face. ”You’re a genius, McKinnon. Teach me your ways.”

”What do you need her ways for?” Remus let go of Marlene, spinning around to glare at Sirius instead. 

”Oh my god, when did you become such a control freak little-”

”You guys!” Mary shouted, stepping in between the two of them, her arms spread out to keep them apart. Beside her, James was grabbing Sirius’ arm, trying to pull him away. 

It was chaos. Marlene looked back to see Dorcas’ face in the car window, watching the scene unravelling before her. She caught Marlene’s eyes, the laughter on her face clear even from the distance. 

Leaving her squabbling friends behind, Marlene ran across the road to Dorcas’ car. She could hear Mary screaming at Sirius, and him screaming back just as loudly, as she opened the backseat door, throwing in her things. Then, without so much as a waving a goodbye, she slid into the passenger seat. Marlene buckled in, twisting around to meet Dorcas’ eye.

”Hiya, broody. I’m glad you made it.”

Dorcas shrugged, starting the engine. ”I was around the corner, anyway.” She took one last look at the window and Marlene’s mess of a band, then steered away from the curb. ”Your friends seem… interesting. I can see why you stand each other.”

”Oh trust me, we don’t.” Marlene leaned back against the seat, propping her elbow against the tiny ledge on the window. She glanced at Dorcas from the corner of her eye, unable to stop the smile that forced its way onto her lips. ”And by the way, you were not around the corner. It’s thirty minutes from your place to here, and your job is in the opposite direction.”

”How’d you know where I work?” Dorcas blurted, alarmed. ”You are stalking me, then?”

”Nope. But the gentlemen at the club were pretty open about their love towards Patsy’s”, Marlene said smugly, propping her feet up on the dashboard. ”It was kind of sweet, actually. I think they were afraid you’d switched into The Quibbler.”

Dorcas didn’t say anything, but from the way a small smile played about her lips, Marlene could tell she was pleased to hear that. They didn’t much speak after that during the drive, which took ten minutes, but Marlene couldn’t say she was upset about that. In fact, she quite enjoyed just sitting there in silence, sneaking looks at Dorcas when she was focused on the road, her hands gripping the steering wheel, her eyes fixated forward.

Dorcas had pretty hands, with golden rings on her fingers. Her nails were painted blue, with the nail polish chipping just slightly at the tips. Marlene imagined one of those hands leaving the wheel and settling on her thigh instead.

Flushed, she turned her gaze away, focusing instead on the view outside. Marlene felt a significant drop in her mood as she begun recognising houses from her neighbourhood, and realised the drive was about to come to an end.

Dorcas stopped the car in front of Marlene and Mary’s building, keeping one hand on the wheel as she regarded Marlene again. ”Well, you’re welcome for the ride, rockstar.”

”Cheers”, said Marlene, starting to open the door but stopping when Dorcas didn’t move. ”You’re not going to come in?”

”Why should I?” 

Marlene dropped her hand from the door handle, suppressing a laugh. ”Er, well, in case you didn’t notice-” she gestured at herself, ”I’m wearing your joggers. Y’know, the ones you came here for.”

Dorcas arched her brow, an amused look on her face as she nodded slowly. ”Oh yeah, I did notice. You didn’t have any trousers of your own you could’ve worn?” 

Marlene twisted uncomfortably on her seat. This was not going quite as smoothly as she’d thought, but then again, she’d grown rather used to improvising. Only a few people ever went according to the script, anyway.

”I could’ve. I just didn’t feel like carrying around an extra pair of trousers, especially if you were going to give me a ride anyway.” 

”Oh, okay.” Dorcas folded her hands onto her lap, tilting her head innocently as she said, ”Want me to look away, then, or?”

Marlene blinked. She wasn’t sure whether Dorcas was messing with her or not, only that no matter what, things were going downhill very rapidly. Marlene met Dorcas’ gaze, searching for any signs that would’ve assured her this was just a joke. Anything that would’ve told her that in a few moments, she would be crashing through the door of her flat, unable to breathe with Dorcas’ mouth on hers. 

But Dorcas simply watched her, eyes wide and honest, though there was the glimmer of mischief in them that Marlene had begun to recognise in her friends. She sighed, though only internally. 

”You’re kidding. You want to send me home half-naked?”

”I dunno what you want me to do, McKinnon. Honestly, I’m kind of in a rush here.” Dorcas tapped the steering wheel, her apologetic tone a hideous match to her otherwise smug demeanour. ”Maybe you should’ve considered that, y’know, before making assumptions.”

Marlene chewed on her lip, considering her chances. So what if she couldn’t get Dorcas into the apartment? They could still do it in the car just fine, and then who cared if she had to walk home wearing just a shirt? From the corner of her eye, Marlene measured the distance between her and the backseat, wondering just how she could gracefully haul herself over. 

”Fine, then”, she said, beginning to pull off the joggers. She had to rise up from the seat, her back sliding up against it. For the sake of her audience, Marlene added an extra arch there, thrilled by the way Dorcas’ eyes raked over her body. 

She bent down to pick the joggers up from the car floor, shoving them onto the other girl’s lap. As she did, Dorcas leaned over her, and Marlene could feel her body perking up in anticipation, every inch of her keyed up as she waited where Dorcas’ hands would land. 

”Thanks, Marlene. See ya.” Dorcas pushed open the passenger side door, retreating back onto her own seat. Marlene thought she could feel her body physically deflating, like she was a balloon emptied of air. 

”Cold”, Marlene said, casting a glare at Dorcas’ way as she dragged herself out of the car, slamming the door closed. The dramatic effect might’ve worked better if her things hadn’t been on the backseat, forcing her to still look at Dorcas’ smug face. 

On the upside, Marlene supposed they wouldn’t even have been able to hit it on the backseat, considering that her guitar case had taken up the majority of the space there. She sought consolation from that thought, although it did little to cheer her up from her sour mood. 

Dorcas, on the other hand, did not seem to suffer from any kind of negative feelings. She was practically giggling, waving at Marlene from behind the wheel. ”’Twas nice to see you, rockstar. Hope you won’t catch a cold!”

Marlene considered saying something, but in the end, she closed the car door and stepped back. Standing on the side of the road with her guitar and notebook, and no trousers, she watched Dorcas’ car leaving. Only once it had turned the corner did Marlene look down at her hand, where she cradled a slender, golden necklace on her palm.

”Until next time, Meadowes.” She smiled to herself, opening the front door of her building. For the first time in a while, Marlene didn’t even mind climbing up the three flights of stairs to her and Mary’s apartment (as the elevator of the building had been out of usage for the last three months). 

Once back home and in her bedroom, Marlene opened the top drawer of her nightstand, dropping the golden necklace in right next to a pair of sunglasses. 

Chapter Text

Dorcas

Dorcas came home to find Pandora tearing the apartment up. All of their jackets, shoes and bags were scattered across the floor of the foyer, and in the living room, the cushions had been thrown off the sofa and piled up in the corner. In the midst of all the chaos, Regulus stood sipping tea, wiggling his fingers at Dorcas as a greeting.

”What’s going on?” Dorcas asked, coming to stand beside Regulus. She watched as Pandora emerged from the kitchen, looking rather anguished as she spotted Dorcas.

”You still haven’t seen those sunglasses, have you?” she inquired, heaving a sigh as Dorcas shook her head. ”I can’t believe this! Where have they disappeared??”

She went to the bathroom, and Dorcas could hear the cabinets being opened, then banged shut as they failed to provide Pandora with what she wanted. Regulus hummed quietly, entirely at ease as he slumped down onto one of the sofa cushions. Once he’d successfully folded his long legs underneath him into a somewhat comfortable position, he raised the cup of tea towards Dorcas.

”Fancy a cuppa?” 

”What’s the deal with the sunglasses?” Dorcas asked, ignoring the offer. She crossed her arms, looking down at Regulus sternly. ”They’re a family heirloom or something?”

Regulus snorted. ”Yeah, the great Black family’s most precious treasure, a pair of sunglasses.” He rolled his eyes, downing the rest of his tea. ”Don’t be ridiculous, Dork.”

He still called Dorcas that, despite knowing that she despised the nickname. She presumed if anyone else but Regulus dared to refer to her as ’Dork’, she would’ve already been throwing hands for a while. But Dorcas let most things slide with Regulus, maybe due to the weird, sisterly way she regarded him. She had no brothers, bigger or smaller, and so Dorcas supposed she’d shaped Regulus into a substitute of sort.

”Then why are you torturing her?” Dorcas demanded, glancing towards the bathroom to make sure Pandora wasn’t lurking at the door, listening.

”Because Pandora’s got to learn responsibility. I mean, seriously, how long have I waited to get those shades back?” Regulus cocked his head, not really waiting for an answer. ”Long enough that I already bought new ones. So it’s really not about the item but a principle.”

”Oh, ok. Well, after she’s found your principle, make sure Dora cleans up. It’s like hell’s broken loose here.”

Dorcas went to escape the mess into her bedroom, planning on maybe having a nap before dinner. She’d been at work the night before, and she could feel her head starting to get heavy from her fatigue. But with Regulus following at tow, she resolved to having to survive the rest of the day with the sheer power of coffee. Extra strong, then, and she would be in bed by ten that night. 

Regulus flopped onto the bed, dangling his legs over the edge. He had this look on his face, the one Dorcas knew meant he had something to say, often something negative. Almost always it was a piece of news or an opinion that would’ve been better off unsaid, but Regulus couldn’t simply not say everything he was thinking, no matter how bad it sounded. 

So, Dorcas sighed, sitting down next to him. ”What?” 

”What what?”

”Say what you want to say!” Dorcas lowered herself on one elbow, looking down at Regulus who was lying on his back, staring at the ceiling. ”It’s about your brother, isn’t it?”

Regulus made a face, his gaze flickering to Dorcas for a second. ”What makes you think that?”

”You always do that thing with your nose when you think of him. Like you’re smelling shit or something.”

There was a moment of silence then before Regulus burst into laughter. ”I do not!” He grabbed a pillow, throwing it at Dorcas’ face, but she only smiled smugly, knowing she was right. ”Whatever, freak. Yes, it’s about him, but it’s not what you think. He invited me to a party.”

Definitely not what she’d been thinking. Regulus didn’t often talk about his brother, or any of his family members for that matter, but Dorcas knew enough of them to be able to hate them. Well, maybe she didn’t hate Sirius just as badly, but she certainly didn’t like him. 

Or at least she tried very hard not to find him likeable in any way. It was something that she guessed would be getting tougher, now that Dorcas had found herself awkwardly related to the older Black brother.

To her great dismay, she had figured out why the drummer of Marlene’s band had looked so familiar that night at The Quibbler. Dorcas hadn’t realised it immediately, given that she didn’t often have to look at Sirius’ face, but there’d been no questioning it when she’d gotten a closer look of him while picking Marlene up from the studio. Now that she thought about it, Dorcas couldn’t believe she hadn’t connected the dots earlier. She could’ve sworn Regulus had told her about Sirius playing in a band. Hadn’t he?

”What party?” Dorcas asked, keeping her tone as neutral as possible, unsure whether this was good news or bad news. Regulus didn’t seem to know either, judging from the way he was fidgeting with his rings, picking away at the nail polish he always had on. Little flakes of black fluttered onto the bed and his shirt. 

”His birthday party”, he said, chewing on the inside of his cheek. Dorcas nudged him lightly to get him to stop, like she’d always done back when he’d been rather addicted to biting his nails, to the point where his cuticles had been all bloody and infected. ”Three weeks from now. He said he’ll be sending an actual invite later, but that he… really wanted me to be able to make it.”

Dorcas could feel her brows rising so high up her forehead, they must’ve been close to reaching her hairline. ”You saw him? Where?”

”Well, y’know, his boyfriend works at this record store downtown. I try to avoid going in when he’s there, but yeah, he was there and Sirius showed up.”  Regulus propped his hands against the mattress, pulling himself up to a sitting position. ”I mean, I’m obviously not going. But it’s kind of nice to know he might want me to.” 

”Maybe you should go”, Dorcas suggested carefully, well aware that she was walking on thin ice there, but unable to stop herself. 

”Right, and maybe I should offer to bake him a cake as well? What d’you think I ought to buy him for a present?” Regulus said, his cynical tone leaving no room for further arguments. ”What about you, though? Y’know, since we’re talking about unhealthy relationships.”

”I don’t have any.”

Even as she said it, Dorcas thought about Marlene, how she’d just hours ago kicked her out of the car partly naked. Mostly naked. It had taken everything in Dorcas not to give in and follow Marlene inside, to let her have what she wanted. 

What they both wanted. Dorcas thought she must be going crazy, allowing herself to fall into such an obvious trap. Marlene didn’t care about her, yet Dorcas couldn’t help feeling intrigued by the other girl’s dedication towards catching her attention. As much as she hated to admit it, Dorcas found it incredibly attractive. 

Yet surely that didn’t count as an unhealthy relationship? In fact, there was no relationship to begin with. 

”Oh please, you think about her all the bloody time.” 

Dorcas snapped back from her thoughts, staring at Regulus in dismay. ”What?! No I don’t!” She hadn’t even mentioned Marlene, not once-

”Yes you do? She’s all we ever talk about”, Regulus said snarkly, oblivious to Dorcas’ confusion. ”’Emmeline this, Emmeline that’, I’m honestly growing tired of the name. I mean, at least you’ve finally stopped wearing that stupid chain, so I guess some success has been made.” 

”Oh, yeah.” 

Wrong girl. Dorcas could feel her mood physically drop at the sound of Emmeline’s name. She’d done fairly well not thinking about the girl for a while, and really, she hadn’t even remembered to check on the necklace for a while. 

Emmeline had gotten it for her on their first anniversary four years ago. They’d agreed on not getting anything, both of them sick with nerves about the date on its own, even without the pressure of having to come up with gifts. Dorcas had been mad at Emmeline at first, for breaking the promise. 

’I couldn’t resist it! Don’t think of it as a gift’, Emmeline had said, fastening the necklace around Dorcas’ neck. ’It’s just something pretty for my pretty girl. For no reason.’

Dorcas had made a game out of forgetting about the necklace now, hiding it in random places every once in a while. Every time she remembered its existence again, she would find it and hide it again, forget about it again. It’d turned out to be a sort of a competition against herself. For how long could she keep it out of her mind? Her record for now was one and a half weeks, broken now that Regulus had reminded her. 

She would have to hide it again. But where had she put it?

”What’re you doing?” Regulus asked, sitting fully up as Dorcas climbed off the bed, dropping to her knees beside it to glance underneath it. 

”I just remembered this, er, shirt. I haven’t seen it in a while.” She lifted the mattress slightly at the corner, then turned to her nightstand, peeking into the gap between it and the wall. Dorcas was sure she’d hidden it in her room, somewhere, a place that she wouldn’t necessarily have to see too often…

Her heart dropped at the realisation. She practically sprung up to her feet, rushing to her wardrobe. Behind her, Regulus sneered and muttered something along the lines ’took you long enough’, but Dorcas wasn’t listening. She was looking through the pockets of her jeans, then her other joggers, her shorts and pyjama bottoms, finding nothing but occasional old tissues, turned into hard, rock-like balls of paper from all their visits to the washer and dryer. 

The joggers she’d lent to Marlene were lying innocently on top of her laundry basket, where she’d thrown them when she got home. Dorcas approached them now slowly, relishing on the final moments she had to cling to the hope that she might find the necklace there, tucked into the pocket of the joggers. She had put it there, hadn’t she? In her mind’s eye, Dorcas could replay the memory of hiding the necklace that last time, shoving it into the pocket of a pair of random trousers she’d picked from her closet.

”Maybe Dora borrowed it?” said Regulus from behind her, unaware of the racing of her heart, the tightening in her chest. She couldn’t explaing why she needed the necklace, why she clung to it so desperately. It wasn’t as if she needed it to remember Emmeline, really.

It was more like she needed it to forget her. 

***

Dorcas was outside Marlene’s building, sitting in her car. It had taken her some time to be able to leave; Regulus had stuck around to watch a movie with them, even after Pandora had given up the search for his sunglasses. Only when Pandora had left to spend the night at Xenophilius’ had Regulus followed her out, waving Dorcas goodbye.

Then Dorcas had had to wait a while before going, in case they’d stuck around talking to a neighbour or somehing. Pandora did that sometimes, since she was especially good friends with their upstairs neighbour, Ms. McGonagall. Whenever she’d run into the lady in the elevator or in the lobby, they’d be lingering for a long time chit-chatting. Dorcas had more than once escaped their small talk into the flat, if she’d been unlucky enough to be with Pandora when Ms. McGonagall appeared. 

But now she’d come back to Marlene’s building, and was ruefully regretting her choice. Really, what did one necklace matter? She didn’t even love Emmeline anymore. Or more like, Emmeline sure as hell didn’t love her. So why ought she to keep having this little piece of her around, a painful memory of what had once been?

The answer was simple: there wasn’t any answer. Dorcas had no reason to be doing this, yet still she stepped out of the car, entering the building in a haze. On her way up the stairs, she could hear Regulus’ voice echoing in her head, like a mantra she was being forced to listen to.

’”Emmeline this, Emmeline that”, I’m honestly growing tired of the name.’

’Something pretty for my pretty girl.’ She’d laughed, her fingers warm as they brushed against Dorcas’ neck. Emmeline had been so gentle, even when things had turned rough and Dorcas had become mean.

’At least you’ve stopped wearing that stupid chain.’

Dorcas didn’t have to guess which flat belonged to Marlene. She could hear her voice even from the stairwell, rising high with anger. It was accompanied with another voice, even higher than Marlene’s, shouting over her.

Dorcas rang the doorbell before she could turn back. For a moment, the voices inside the flat quieted, before the door was cracked open and an eye peeked into the hallway. 

Mary MacDonald stared Dorcas down for two full seconds, which felt more like minutes, before she pulled the door fully open. ”You’re the bartender?” she said, stepping back to let Dorcas in. ”Are you mad? You look mad. Please tell me you’re going to yell at her, too.” Mary turned around, shrieking down the hall, ”MARLS, I’M GOING! Your… er… your whatever’s here!” She looked back at Dorcas, flashing an apologetic smile. ”Sorry. I’m Mary, by the way. And I’m also leaving. So hi, nice seeing you, and bye.”

She slipped past, grabbing her jacket. Dorcas couldn’t get a single word out of her mouth before the door slammed closed at her face, leaving her standing alone in the dim foyer. Something smelled burnt in the flat, like someone had just been cooking and tragically failed at the task. 

Dorcas stood still for a moment, chewing on her lip. She wondered whether she should just ditch the whole idea and escape through the door now that she still had the chance. She could go home and sleep her anger off, and then maybe tomorrow she wouldn’t even remember the necklace again.

’My pretty girl.’

Marlene was in the kitchen, scrubbing furiously at a pan with a sponge. The sink and the counter in front of her were both covered in tiny black, charred bits, and the soap dripping from her hands had turned a dark grey. There the smell of something burnt was stronger, and on the kitchen table lay a smoke detector, its batteries torn off. Judging the by the blacken piece of what might’ve been a toast tossed right next to it, Dorcas guessed that had been the start of the fight she had interrupted.

”What do you want, Meadowes?” Marlene grumbled, dropping the soapy pan into the sink. She grabbed a towel from a hook on the wall, twisting it in between her hands as she turned to face Dorcas. 

”You took my necklace.” Dorcas stepped closer, her gaze spanning over Marlene’s body despite her not intending it to. Marlene was dressed in a loose white T-shirt, the front of it soaked from her struggle with the pan, and a pair of checkered pyjama bottoms. Unlike every other time Dorcas had seen her, she wasn’t wearing make up now, and she looked… not cocky, like usual. Instead she stared at Dorcas defiantly, her eyes appearing bigger now that they weren’t rimmed with dark eyeliner.

In the low light of the kitchen the scene was somehow comforting, as though Dorcas was somewhere she didn’t know yet that she belonged. It was like one of those times she’d first woken up to Emmeline beside her, all soft and serene during the early hours of the morning, only the two of them existing alone in the world. Those moments had felt hazy somehow, not quite there but still more real than anything else.

But of course, Marlene was not Emmeline. She clenched her jaw, crossing her arms over her chest. She wore an armour of charm and annoyance, her feelings so raw and powerful they felt like a barrier that Dorcas could not get through.

Not that she would’ve even wanted to. 

”Yeah, well, I was planning on giving it back”, Marlene said, for the first time not teasing or flirting, but coming up with an issue she needed to get fixed. ”Even if you didn’t want to do anything. But then you dumped me out of your car, and y’know, I wasn’t feeling like returning it anymore.”

”Right. As if you didn’t do it to get me to come here.”

Something flickered in Marlene’s eyes, a secret hurt surfacing at the accusation. She pushed past Dorcas, taking her wrist as she passed. Dragging Dorcas after her, she marched into her bedroom, leaving Dorcas at the door as she went to her nighstand, pulling open the first drawer.

”There”, Marlene spat, coming back and slamming her palm at Dorcas’ chest. As she retreated, a thin, golden chain dropped onto Dorcas’ hands. ”Fucking take it. And get the hell out of here.”

Dorcas looked down on her hands, at the necklace glimmering softly in the low light. ”McKinnon-”

”Y’know, I’m sorry if I acted weird or, I don’t know, made you feel like I was making this into something that it’s clearly not”, Marlene rambled, running both hands through her hair, making it stick out at the front. ”I thought you were into me. And, like, since you’ve gotten your heart broken or whatever, I just figured you were a little shy or something. I’m sorry.” 

”Look, rockstar-” Dorcas sighed, but Marlene interrupted her again.

”But like, just y’know, you didn’t have to try to hurt me to get me to back off.”

Dorcas stalled. Marlene was looking at her, not crying or really even shouting. Instead, she pressed her lips together, something firm in the way that she squeezed her hands together in front of her, keeping herself grounded to the spot. Like she knew she’d been mistreated, and wasn’t afraid to hold Dorcas accountable for it. 

’Something pretty for my pretty girl.’ Dorcas closed her fingers around the necklace, feeling the slight weight of it agaist her palm. It had been full of promises the day she’d gotten it, an unspoken agreement between her and Emmeline. They would stick together, no matter what.

And where had that gotten her? Crying after a necklace, after something that no longer existed. Maybe something that hadn’t ever existed to begin with. There’d been so many promises, with no one responsible to keeping them. 

And after that, there’d been more. Promises of being okay, of trying harder to move on, of having moved on. Still nobody believed her, and why should they have? Dorcas had done nothing to prove that she was past it, in fact, she’d only made matters worse by lying to herself about being fine. 

Maybe it wasn’t so much about proving things to others as it was about proving them to herself.

’At least you’ve stopped wearing that stupid chain.’ She hadn’t then, but she would from now on. Dorcas let the necklace drop to the floor, her hands instead grasping Marlene’s face, pulling her into a kiss.

It wasn’t like that first time at The Quibbler, with Dorcas held back by everything she wanted and could not have. This time, the roll of her tongue on Marlene’s lips was a statement. Her hands sliding up the other girl’s shirt spoke out their freedom, leaving behind the memories of everything they’d touched before, born anew to the sense of skin against skin. Dorcas closed her eyes, forcing the ghost of Emmeline out of her mind, focusing instead on the moment, and what she had there.

She pushed Marlene onto the bed, barely waiting for her to hit the mattress before she climbed on top. With her knee in between the other girl’s legs, Dorcas leaned down to kiss her again, her tongue sliding into Marlene’s mouth, a smile tugging at her lips as she swallowed her moans. She rubbed back and forth, with Marlene mimicking the movement, crying out ever so softly as Dorcas pulled away to kiss the line of her jaw.

”So you’re- not mad?” Marlene gasped, raising her arms as Dorcas tugged the shirt off of her. ”Wait-” 

She arched her back, twisting her arms to unclasp her bra. Her fingers slid into Dorcas’ hair, clawing at her scalp as Dorcas kissed her breasts, hands moving down the soft curves of her hips, stroking the warm skin there. Marlene was warm all over, so impossibly hot that touching her should’ve burnt. 

Marlene rose from the mattress, wrapping one arm around Dorcas’ neck as she pressed herself against her, kissing her. The other hand went down, fingers finding their way between the waistband of Dorcas’ trousers, tugging experimentally. She let Marlene drag them off of her, and then her shirt, until they were all skin against skin, their bodies hot and entwined so perfectly, Dorcas thought she might never want to move away.

It was so different from the first time, where everything was blurred by Dorcas’ guilt and Marlene’s drunk clumsiness. There was not a sign of that now, not with her slipping out of her pyjama bottoms and taking Dorcas’ hand to guide it down, hiding her face against Dorcas’ neck, her teeth worrying at the skin there. 

Dorcas wondered at the way Marlene’s body moved, the way it arched magnificently, her head throwing back, mouth opening to a cry as she reached her pleasure. When she did, she shuddered against Dorcas, nails burying into her back, pulling her as close as possible, until there was no room for neither of them to come closer. Afterwards, Marlene moved slowly against Dorcas’ hand, savouring the feeling, her face glowing with the perspiration that coated her skin. 

”D’you-?” Marlene murmured breathlessly, moving her hand down. ”Just ’cause you didn’t, last time. ’Tis fine if not.”

Dorcas nodded, kissing her. She suppressed a moan as Marlene cupped her breast with one hand, the other one squeezed in between them. And then Dorcas couldn’t stay silent, her body shuddering and squirming, moving uncontrollably as Marlene simply grinned, tipping her head to take Dorcas’ breast into her mouth, sucking at the nipple. 

”Fuck, rockstar-” Dorcas cried, her body going tense, then turning limp against Marlene. Behind her closed eyes, Dorcas thought she could see stars dancing around and around. 

Marlene rubbed herself gently against Dorcas’ knee, stroking her back. ”I’m sorry for the necklace”, she murmured, barely loudly enough for Dorcas to hear. Which was fine, since Dorcas was throbbing all over, and she didn’t want to think about the necklace, or anything, for that matter. She pressed her knee against Marlene, turning her head to kiss the other girl lazily. 

”Let’s not talk about it. Ready for round two?” 

She thought she had never seen anyone grin as widely as Marlene did then. 

***

”Just stay the night.” Marlene was lying on her stomach, her voice rough and pleading although she was speaking the words against her pillow. ”Mary’s not going to come back until tomorrow.”

Dorcas sat on the edge of the bed, rubbing at her eyes. ”I really need to get some sleep.”

Marlene rolled over, grabbing her arm. She had her eyes half-closed, her hair sticking out from the back. ”So sleep here. C’mon, you don’t seriously want to drive home right now?” She slid her hand into Dorcas’, brushing her thumb over her knuckles. ”Please, Dorcas. It’s like, what, past midnight anyway.”

It was well past that, actually. Dorcas had no idea how they’d lost so much time. She was aching all over, and so tired, she thought she could well sleep for at least the next twenty-four hours. In her tired mind, she went over her options.

So what if she spent the night here? It wouldn’t make this, whatever it was, any more bigger than it already was. Dorcas was not making a commitment, she wasn’t promising anything. She just wanted to sleep, which she could do next to Marlene, as well. It didn’t mean anything. 

Dorcas fell back into the bed, tugging the blanket over her body. ”No drooling, then.”

”I never drool!” 

Chapter Text

Marlene

No morning had ever started as beautifully as this one. Marlene woke up sore all over, her body feeling heavy and clumsy as she rolled over to her side. She opened her eyes slowly, fearing that she’d be finding an empty space beside her, which was something that had happened more than once in the past. This time, however, she was met by the lovely sight of Dorcas sleeping next to her, her back turned to her as she’d curled onto the edge of the bed.

She looked ethereal. Marlene’s heart skipped a beat, her brain stammering, unable to form coherent thoughts as she took in Dorcas’ figure, her dark skin painted golden by the late-morning light seeping in through the window. In front of Marlene’s watchful eye she slept peacefully, the blanket only half-way on, crumpled at her waist. 

The scene didn’t look like anything out of ordinary. There was no question, at least not in Marlene’s mind, as to whether or not Dorcas belonged in the view. Instead, Marlene found herself wondering just how she was supposed to wake up tomorrow morning, all alone.

Slowly, she inched closer to Dorcas’ sleeping form, placing her hand gently on her hip. The curve of the bone fit perfectly against Marlene’s palm, the skin there warm and welcoming, inviting her there. She leaned in, pressing her mouth to the other girl’s neck, not necessarily kissing her but rather caressing her skin.

It felt so right. Not something she should apologise for, or hide behind a flood of crappy jokes and flirting. For the first time in a long while, Marlene didn’t feel the need to explain herself, or the ache deep within her. There weren’t any questions lingering in the back of her mind, the ghost of a voice demanding answers. What did she want? Why was it so hard for her to just be enough, why she couldn’t keep the people she loved in her life. 

She didn’t feel the need to keep Dorcas there beside her. With Sam, she’d sometimes woken her up in the early hours of the morning, asking her not to go. ’How about you stayed this time?’ But she never did, and then in the end, Marlene stopped giving her the choice. 

Marlene never got what she wanted. It was better, and less painful, to not long for anything, though it was hard as well. So impossibly hard, her chest felt heavy with guilt as she breathed in Dorcas’ scent, thrilled by the way heat poured off the other girl’s body. It made Marlene’s stomach clench with need, the desperation for touch overwhelming her.

Dorcas moved slightly against her, not quite awake yet but coming to her senses. She twisted her arm back to run her hand softly along Marlene’s thigh. ”Morning”, she murmured, her voice rough, the sound of it tugging at something inside Marlene’s stomach. 

”Good morning”, Marlene said, speaking against Dorcas’ neck. Gently, she opened her mouth, running her tongue across the flushed skin under her lips. ”I was afraid you would’ve disappeared.”

Dorcas hummed, tilting her head back as Marlene kissed her neck, then her shoulder, her fingers stroking softly where they lay against the sharp curve of Dorcas’ hip. ”I wouldn’t do that.”

She rolled over, pushing Marlene gently on her back as she climbed on top, straddling her. Everything was slow then, careful and wondering. Marlene couldn’t decide whether to love it or be frustrated by it, her body straining with drowsy need as Dorcas pinned her down, kissing her jaw and her collar bones. 

Marlene wasn’t used to this. In her experience, sex belonged to the night, where everything was slightly blurred, the reality hidden by the shadows. In the darkness everything felt unreal, and by the morning, it had all faded into a distant memory. 

But Dorcas wasn’t going to let her forget. She kissed Marlene, slipping her tongue in, stealing the breath out of both of them. Her hand sneaked down the side of Marlene’s body, travelling along her waist, her hips, and over her stomach. Pushing her legs apart, but lingering on her thighs, urging her body to scream out its desire. 

And Marlene did. She grunted, breaking the kiss to tilt her head back, pressing herself against Dorcas’ hand. Moving her body up and down, her breath getting caught in her throat, Marlene grabbed Dorcas’ shoulders and moaned, not even trying to stifle the sound as it tore her apart. It worked, for Dorcas’ fingers slipped inside of her, and then Marlene didn’t have to do any more labour to get herself to make noises for her.

Marlene knew that soon after this, Dorcas would be out of the door. There’d be no way she’d be staying, Mary being one of the main reasons. So, deciding to use her knowledge from last night, Marlene was determined to please Dorcas as best she could with the limited resources in use. She’d give her something to remember, something that’d haunt her sleepless nights.

Dorcas wasn’t the touchy type, nor really the vocal type. What she did like, though, was everything Marlene did with her own body. So as Dorcas’ fingers did their very best to pleasure Marlene, she ran her hands along Dorcas’ back, pulling her closer. Their hips crashed together, Marlene’s mouth going to Dorcas’ ear, lips pressed against the hot skin there. ”Mmhh.” She let her breathing come out in gasps, allowed her voice to break as she moaned softly. From the way Dorcas clenched her jaw, panting roughly through her nose, Marlene could tell the plan was working magnificently. 

At some point of the tangled mess, Marlene vaguely registered through the spasming of her own muscles that Dorcas was fully on top of her, with her free hand down in between her own legs. Breathless, with half of the syllables drowned by her groans, Marlene gasped, ”Let me.” She shoved her hand down, but Dorcas only shook her head, her body moving in a steady rhythm with Marlene’s own. Her breaths were harsh and sharp against Marlene’s neck, her mouth kissing the tender skin there.

Marlene was trapped in between the bed and Dorcas’ body, unable to do anything else but squirm and tense as she came, her legs shaking and then stiffening as her body went slack. Dorcas was still moving, faster and faster against Marlene, until she went limp as well, stifling a moan into Marlene’s neck. 

They lay still, their bodies slick with sweat and aching with post-pleasure. Marlene stroked Dorcas’ hair, admiring the way her breath stuttered as she struggled to steady it, her heart hammering inside her chest so that Marlene could feel it against her own ribcage. Comforting her, holding her close after pleasing her like that, it felt more important than anything else in the world.

Still, as her heartbeat slowly settled, Marlene began wondering about the clock. How long would it be before Mary came home? Not that Marlene minded, yet she couldn’t help but feel a strange pang of anxiety at the thought of Mary finding her like this. In her arms, Dorcas felt hers, somehow separate from the rest of her world and thus something that ought not be showed off right away. It was almost that could shatter the magic of having her, getting to stroke her back and kiss the top of her head. Marlene didn’t want to do anything that might drive her away now. 

”Mary might be coming home soon”, Marlene said reluctantly. Against her, Dorcas nodded, kissing her ear.

”I should go.” Dorcas nipped at Marlene’s earlobe, brushing her lips along her jaw, then mouthing her neck gently, barely touching skin. Marlene’s body was wired up, attuned to Dorcas’ every movement. She was barely breathing, overwhelmed with fear that if she made one wrong move, she might be sending the other girl running.

”Right”, Marlene breathed, tensing as Dorcas moved down and took her breast in her mouth. She rolled her tongue lazily over the nipple, sucking and biting softly as Marlene struggled not to move, humming quietly in pleasure. At her hips, Dorcas’ hands pushed her down against the mattress, kneading into her skin. 

All the while Marlene was trying to stretch to hear any noises from the stairwell indicating that someone might enter the flat, Dorcas was doing her very best to distract her. Her mouth moved down Marlene’s stomach, setting the skin afire wherever she stopped to tease with her tongue. Then she grabbed Marlene’s thighs, looking up at her briefly before settling in between her legs. Marlene huffed in anticipation, thrusting her hips forward to give the other girl a better angle.

Dorcas’ thumbs slid in first. Marlene groaned, her stomach tightening as she moved against the other girl’s grip, urging her on. She felt like she might snap in half, her body tense with suspense, pleading without words for Dorcas to stop, to never stop, to make it stop. ”Please”, Marlene murmured as Dorcas moved her hands to her thighs, opening her legs wider. She was kissing her, making Marlene’s eyes roll to the back of her head as she repeated her plea. Dorcas lowered her mouth, her tongue sliding inside, with Marlene sobbing in relief.

Dorcas’ hands on her thighs burrowed into her flesh, holding her legs apart. With her eyes screwed shut, Marlene pushed slightly away from the mattress, unable to keep her body still. She was gasping for air, certain of the fact that she might just break apart at any moment now.

She couldn’t stay silent. ”Yes, please-” Marlene cried out, twisting the bedsheets in between her fingers, her head slammed against the pillow, feet planted against the mattress to hold her body up, ”you’re so fucking good, Meadowes.”

It was almost painful, the moment she reached her pleasure. Her body was keyed up, anticipating it, yet it still managed to hit her by surprise. Marlene screamed, something within her breaking apart into a thousand little pieces as she shuddered against Dorcas’ firm grip. She swayed her hips, turning her head to the side to stifle some of her moans against the pillow. 

Dorcas was kissing her again, mouth worrying against the insides of her thighs, though Marlene could barely register it. She was breathing hard, her blood afire within her veins. The familiar weight of Dorcas straddling her was her only warning she got before her chin was being grabbed, her head turned forward as a hot, wet tongue entered her mouth.

”Bloody hell, Meadowes” Marlene panted against Dorcas’ mouth, biting at her lip. ”You’re so fucking brilliant. Want to go next?”

Dorcas smiled, the corners of her lips curling up ever so slightly as she pulled away, letting her grip on Marlene’s chin drop away. ”Don’t think you’re in such a condition at the moment”, she smirked, touching Marlene’s cheek before climbing off of her. She reached her arms above her head, stretching her back. ”And anyway, I really do have to go.”

Marlene watched her start looking for her clothes. ”So what, you’re just going to leave me here?” she asked incredulously, propping herself up on her elbows as Dorcas pulled on a shirt, struggling into her trousers. ”C’mon, Mary’s not going to come right now. Besides, I’m really good at it.” She got up on her knees, trying to grab Dorcas’ hand as she picked up her socks from the floor. ”Meadowes.”

”I’m good.” Dorcas leaned down, cupping her cheek to kiss her for the one last time before pulling away. ”Sorry about the necklace. And what I said. It wasn’t fair.”

Marlene shrugged, falling back onto the bed. ”It’s whatever. I think you made up for it.” She sighed, gesturing towards the nightstand. ”But while we’re at it, just take the sunglasses, too.”

”You took them?!” Dorcas shrieked, pulling the drawer open and snatching the shades up. ”My friend was getting in trouble because of them!”

”Well, you’re welcome. I was going to keep them but, y’know.” Marlene could still feel the throbbing as blood rushed to her bottom, making her ache. She turned to her side, pressing her face into the pillow. ”Just go then. Before you’ll run into Mary in the hallway or something.”

Once Dorcas was gone, Marlene dragged herself off the bed and staggered into the bathroom. Her legs felt stiff as sticks to walk on. In the bathroom, she had to stop for a moment before the mirror to stare at herself, a gasp escaping from her lips at the sight of her body. All along her throat and collar bones, purplish spots were proudly showing the places were Dorcas’ mouth has marked her skin. Marlene’s lips were swollen, her cheeks flushed red to match the strange glow in her eyes.

Nice one, Meadowes. She laughed, heading into the shower, the warm water caressing her body, washing away the remnants of the night.

*** 

Mary didn’t come home until almost three hours later. By then Marlene was at the door waiting for her, holding out a tray of muffins in her hands. 

”What are those?” Mary asked as she stepped over the threshold. She didn’t look angry, but rather nervous as she regarded Marlene, her eyes widening as her gaze settled at her throat. ”What are those?!”

”Muffins!” Marlene said, offering the tray towards her friend. ”I baked them. I’m sorry I ruined your pan… and yelled at you.”

Mary narrowed her eyes, looking sceptical as she took one muffin, biting into it. She chewed slowly, all the while keeping her eyes on Marlene. It was quite unnerving, really, and Marlene soon drew blood from her lip from anxiously ripping away at it with her teeth. Then Mary finally swallowed, shrugging.

”They’re okay, I guess. I’m glad you didn’t waste all your time feeling sorry, though”, Mary said bluntly, making Marlene’s mood deflate. She didn’t have long to feel bad, though, since Mary quickly reached forward, wrapping her arms around Marlene’s neck, carefully enough not to knock down the tray. ”I’m sorry, too. For being pissy about the phone and everything.” 

Marlene sighed, resting her chin on Mary’s shoulder. Truth be told, she’d been anxious for days, terrified that she was about to push away her best friend, too. Among all the people she knew, Mary was Marlene’s constant, a person she could trust to always be there for her. She didn’t know how she could survive without her. 

”You’re forgiven”, Marlene declared, turning her head to press a kiss on her friend’s cheek. Mary smiled, stepping back to hold her at an arm’s lenght.

”Yeah, but I’m serious though. What happened to your throat?”

They settled into the living room, tucked onto the sofa with the tray of muffins between them. Marlene explained her night to Mary in as much detail as she dared, though leaving out a lot of the most embarrassing parts for her. All in all, Mary’s mouth was hanging wide open by the time Marlene had finished.

”Y’know, I think I broke my record”, Marlene grinned, laughing at Mary’s expression. She couldn’t remember when they’d last sat like this, just talking and sharing things like they’d used to when they first moved in together. Marlene hated that she’d gotten so used to having her best friend around, she’d forgotten to actually pay attention to the way they spent time together. 

Mary was shaking her head, breaking one of the muffins into two smaller pieces. ”How many times??”

Marlene smirked. ”Well, I wasn’t counting. But at one point, I was one hundred per cent sure I would pass out if we kept going on and then…” tossing her hair at this point, her voice dropping to a whisper, ”… we kept going. Although I’m a little worried ’cause she didn’t, like, let me do almost anything”, Marlene continued, speaking out the thing that had been bugging her, no matter how stupid it made her feel. It was Mary’s job to listen, even when it meant hearing stupid concerns. 

”Maybe she’s not into that kind of stuff”, Mary suggested, reasonable as always. 

”But she did it herself! Do you think I sucked?”

”No”, Mary reassured her, reaching forward to pat her knee. ”Maybe she’s shy. Or maybe she has some corny tattoo down there. Something like ’bite me’ or a heart with an arrow shot through.”

Marlene winced. ”Excellent point, detective. Not very likely, though.” She groaned, setting the tray onto the coffee table so she could crawl into Mary’s arms. Marlene lay her head on Mary’s chest, warm arms wrapping around her, protecting her. 

She loved Mary’s smell, the fresh scent of her perfume mixing in with the blueberry aroma of the products she was using on her hair. Marlene closed her eyes, breathing in the smell, tears prickling behind her closed eyes. Mary’s fingers stroked her hair gently, brushing her scalp and tickling at the very back of her head. 

”I missed you, MacDonald”, Marlene said quietly, tilting her head slightly back to be able to look at her friend. ”How did things go with your ma?”

”’Twas fine. The same old story, ’you’re wasting your life, I’m worried’”, Mary sighed, resting her cheek on top of Marlene’s head, her words muffled by her hair. ”She wants me to quit the music and go work for her full-time. As if that’s going to happen.” Mary snorted, easily interpreted as a laugh, but Marlene knew better. Mary cared about her mother’s opinion more than she would admit, and it tore her apart that she couldn’t get her blessing. ”D’you reckon she’ll forgive me if I quit the waitress thing?”

Mary had two jobs, one as a waitress and one as a pre-school teacher. She’d just started ’the waitress thing’ as she referred to it, which meant she had no real place she worked at, but instead that she could get called in most anywhere. Mary had thought it would be an easy way to earn a little extra money, but had soon begun complaining to Marlene about the constant travelling this way and that. 

”No”, Marlene said truthfully, taking Mary’s hand. ”But it’s your life, Mar, not hers.”

It was their mantra. Useless in the way they said it only because there was really nothing else they could do to comfort each other. Just like Mary couldn’t take away Marlene’s fear and anxiety, Marlene couldn’t remove the bounds that kept her from reaching her goals; the only thing she could do was give her friend the means to do it herself. 

”I know”, Mary murmured, brushing her thumb against the back of Marlene’s hand. And they stayed like that for a long time, holding each other in a way nobody else was willing to. 

Chapter Text

Dorcas

Over the next two weeks Dorcas adjusted quickly to her new routine. Or well, the lack of it. Her work was still her constant, yet now some of her days were occupied also by Marlene, and always by surprise.

Marlene had been very particular about not setting up days for meetings. ’Makes it feel like an appointment or something. Dentist at seven on Friday, Dorcas at midnight on Sunday.’ Dorcas didn’t have the heart to tell her that that was precisely what their relationship ought to look like in her mind. Instead, she let Marlene have this one thing her way. 

They didn’t speak much, not if Dorcas could help it. She found that once she started talking, it was very hard to get Marlene to shut up, so Dorcas did her best to distract her every time she felt like things were getting even the slightest bit too personal. Still, Marlene had managed to slip in a detail or few about her life.

Those details essentially contained her friendship with Mary, the backstory of her unlucky relationship with Remus, and a girl named Sam, who seemed to have liked everything in her life just a little bit too… extreme. This little fact included a quick story about Marlene’s neighbour, an elderly lady Ms. Figg, who hadn’t enjoyed Sam’s nightly visits all that much. ’Let’s just say, it really wasn’t my piece of cake. Plus, Ms. Figg said she’d file a complaint if she had to wake up one more time in the middle of the night to worry if someone was getting killed.’ 

There were also things about Marlene’s mother, something that Dorcas really would’ve preferred not to hear. Still, one night, when they were both lying in Dorcas’ bed afterwards, Marlene had rolled to her side and sighed in the way she seemed to always do when she was about to drop some huge piece of information. 

”Don’t say it”, Dorcas had muttered, her eyes closed against the darkness. 

”Say what? You don’t even know what I was going to say.” And then, before Dorcas could interrupt her again, Marlene had blurted, ”My mum left when I was seven. I haven’t heard of her since.” 

Dorcas pursed her lips, cursing in her mind. ”I’m sorry.” She’d curled onto her side, turning her back to Marlene. It was easier to shut her out when she didn’t have to look at her face. ”Don’t think about it right now. Try to get some sleep.”

”My dad, he’s been keeping like, a shitload of her stuff in this warehouse. He wants to donate it now, but I’ve got to go in first to see if I need anything.” Marlene sniffed, and for a moment Dorcas froze, terrified that she’d started crying, but her voice was steady as she went on, ”I don’t know if I want to do that. Y’know, look through her things. I barely even remember her.”

”Right. Shouldn’t you be talking to Mary about this?”

”I have. But you know, she’s got some shitty things going on with her family. As far she’s considered, I ought not to upset my dad.” Heaving a sigh, Marlene shifted closer to Dorcas, warm breath pillowing against the back of her neck. ”What about your family? Are you close to them?”

Dorcas shrugged. ”I guess, yeah. Can we not talk about it?” She’d turned around, cupping Marlene’s cheek as she kissed her. ”I really don’t want to waste a good night like this.”

”They’re all good. Besides, ’tis not a waste of time to get to know you.” 

Maybe so, but Dorcas wasn’t as willing to spill out details about her life as Marlene was. After all, what they had was supposed to be, for the most part, about shagging. Whatever emotions they might gain outside of that, well, Dorcas supposed those would die as time went on. It wasn’t as if she was planning on doing this forever; she’d agreed on the arrangement purely out of her desire to get free of her past. 

If that meant having to know certain things about Marlene’s personal life, then so be it. It didn’t mean Dorcas had to do the same.

It was getting harder and harder to hide her meetings with Marlene from Pandora, however. With Mary being home more often than not, Marlene usually came to Dorcas’. It would’ve been a good arrangement if only she wasn’t quite so sloppy about leaving her things behind in the apartment. 

They were mostly harmless items, easily explainable. A lipgloss, a sock, a shirt. ’Oh I just bought that, yeah. You like it?’ No biggie, and Dorcas rarely even felt the need to mention those kinds of things. She would just leave them on her nightstand for Marlene to take with her next time. 

The biggest slip of the century happened on the third time Marlene came over. That time, she managed to leave behind her bra, hanging from under the covers at the foot of Dorcas’ bed. Pandora found them the next morning, coming to let Dorcas know she’d come home. 

”You had someone over?” she asked, picking up the lacy, dark red bra Marlene had forgotten behind. ’D’you like them? Mary says burgundy is really my colour.’ She’d spun around before Dorcas, showing them off. 

Dorcas blushed at the memory, rushing forward to snatch the bra from Pandora’s hands. ”Of course not. These are mine.”

Pandora had raised her brows, sceptical. ”Cas, honey, that isn’t your size.”

”How’d you know the size of my boobs?? No, it doesn’t even matter.” Dorcas threw the evidence into her open wardrobe, her ears burning. Fuck you, McKinnon. ”They were on sale. I didn’t notice until I got back.”

It hadn’t been graceful, though ever since Dorcas had become extremely careful. She would check the flat twice for any signs of suspicious behaviour after Marlene’s departure, and every time the other girl was at the door, Dorcas made sure she was wearing every single piece of clothing that she’d come to the apartment in.

”You’re an adult, Dorcas”, Marlene had said pointedly the last time they’d met, standing at the foyer with Dorcas looking down her collar to be absolutely sure she was wearing her bra. ”What does it matter if you’re bringing someone here? Your friend’s never home, anyway.”

”I know. But would she have to know everything in my life?” Dorcas stepped back, tapping her chin thoughtfully as she looked Marlene up and down. ”All right. Underwear?”

”No. As a matter of fact, I left them on your friend’s pillow. A little gift, you know, to thank her for the hospitality”, Marlene sneered, whirling around and unlocking the door. ”Bye, Meadowes.”

One thing that Dorcas found frustrating about the situation with Marlene was that she was getting, against her will, addicted to the other girl’s presence. Whether it was the ease of not having to give anything of herself, or the euphoria of waking up next to another person, Dorcas didn’t know. The only thing she did know was that whenever she wasn’t spending her nights with Marlene, she was twisting and turning, unable to catch sleep. It was as though her body had all of a sudden found haven in the fact that it could, at any given moment, simply move to the other side of the bed and find the warmth of another human just the barest of touches away. 

This inconvenience, consequently, had her feeling tired and irritated on most days. All of a sudden she was picking fights with Pandora over the smallest things, such as forgetting to take out the rubbish or leaving rotting food in the fridge. And even when she wasn’t, she still didn’t want to talk. It was like the secret was growing heavier and heavier within her, all the more harder to carry as the days passed by. 

When it had been two and a half weeks since the whole enlightenment/gaining control over her life thing, Dorcas found herself dragged to shopping with Regulus. It would’ve been a shocking phenomenon on its own, yet what made it all the more so was the reason behind it; finding a birthday gift for Sirius.

”Remind me why you changed your mind again”, Dorcas said as they wandered through a record store, gladly not the one Regulus loved and where his arsehole of a brother’s boyfriend worked. 

Regulus picked up Endless Wire by The Who, showing it to Dorcas. She shook her head, flipping through the albums on the rack in front of her. They were already four shops in, one of which had been some sketchy looking place selling tarot cards and personalised crystal packages. Dorcas had gotten quite deep into a conversation with the owner who’d explained to her in great detail about the hexes she was also selling. Once she’d gotten to the ones about bad luck, Regulus had dragged Dorcas out of there. ’Imagine Reg, you could give Sirius a car crash for birthday!’

”I don’t know. He seemed genuine and well, ’tis not like I can avoid him forever.” 

”Why not?”

Regulus sighed, turning to fully face Dorcas. ”Honestly? Because I’m not you, dork.” He fiddled with The Who album, turning it around and around in his hands, making Dorcas nervous he was about to drop it. ”I’m not saying this to be me or anything. You can just be really stupid sometimes and I’d hate to see you getting hurt again.”

Dorcas clenched her jaw, bracing herself for the blow. ”Go on, Black. Speak out your mind.”

”I don’t know what you’re doing with this girl, so I’m not going to even get into that. But just so you know, Dora thinks you’re back to seeing Emmeline again”, Regulus said hastily, then went on before Dorcas could interrupt him. ”She says you’ve been acting weird and that she found a bra in your bed and that you lied to her about it. And she’s worried ’cause you’re getting distant again and you’re yelling at her all the time. You know, the way you were in the last weeks with Emmeline.”

It felt like a cold fist had settled over Dorcas’ heart, squeezing hard until it was all she could do not to cry. Because she did remember, when things had gone bad and everything had built up on her at once. Emmeline had been just the tip of the iceberg there, but also the thing that finally blew everything off. 

”I know you’re not seeing her again. But whatever’s going on now, you’re doing that same thing with this new girl”, Regulus continued, speaking with the monotone voice he sometimes adopted when giving a speech on something he really didn’t want to talk about. ”Maybe you think you’ve moved on, but the truth is, you’ll never let go. All that shit you carry, and I’m not just talking about Em here, you keep avoiding it but not moving on.”

”So what are you saying?” Dorcas asked dully, not looking at him because he was right, as per usual. She would never admit it, but she knew it was true, and what hurt all the more was the fact that she didn’t care. 

”Maybe you should take a break, ’s all I’m saying. You know, to work things out on your own. Learn to regulate your thoughts and shit”, Regulus lectured. ”That’s what my shrink said, anyway. When I was moving out.”

Regulus had been a wreck three years ago when he’d finally decided to move out from his parents’ house. They’d done their very best to make him stay, the level of their manipulation being something Dorcas had never seen before. Regulus had been going to therapy ever since, and maybe he had been doing better after that. At least he seemed a great deal smarter, if anything, which was strange since Dorcas had always deemed him as a genius of a sort anyway.

She shook her head, unable to even be mad at him. This grave she’d dug all by herself, by hiding and lying about things. She wasn’t going to stop, yet Dorcas knew she needed to take at least some accountability, even if that meant simply not yelling at her friends when they were clearly just trying to help.

”Yeah, I see your point. I’ll keep that in mind.” She picked up Cut The Crap by The Clash, handing it over to Regulus. ”There, your gift should make at least some kind of a statement. Or what about this one?” Dorcas raised KISS’s Psycho Circus out for her friend to see. ”You can say it reminded you of him. Sweet brotherly love, and all that crap.”

”How about I give it to you?” Regulus quipped with a smirk. ”No, I think I’m going to go with this one.” He raised The Who album in his hand. 

Dorcas groaned, putting her hands up in a surrender. ”Fine, be boring. As long as we’re done here.” 

They walked back to Dorcas’ car in silence. She let Regulus pick the music, although she knew he’d grown very fond of Mötley Crüe lately, and she didn’t much care for their music. Still she said nothing as Generation Swine began playing, and Regulus threw his head back against the seat and closed his eyes.

”Fucking angry”, he murmured, a soft smile playing about his lips as he tapped his feet lightly along the music. ”You ever wonder what makes people like that? Why’d they have to scream out their pain in order to heal?”

”Screaming doesn’t heal you”, Dorcas snorted, running her fingers along the smooth surface of the steering wheel. ”It just makes the pain easier to carry.”

Regulus nodded, the movement only a small bob of agreement, really. He stared out of the window for a time, the music filling up the space between them. The atmosphere felt loaded somehow, so many things being left unsaid that they built up a barrier in between them. 

Dorcas was used to these barriers. She’d been raising walls ever since she’d first found out her dad had been cheating. It had been the first little secret, the start of a path that only led to more silence, more lies and more hushed arguments. 

Her father might’ve created the crack in their family, but Dorcas had been the one to blow it up, breaking the scarred foundation apart. She’d been the start of the endless fights, the reason behind the shouts in the middle of the night that woke her little sister up. 

”Ma caught you again”, Gabrielle would say, standing at the doorway of Dorcas’ room, looking at her big sister with wide, confused eyes. Lying on the carpet, seeing double, Dorcas hadn’t been able to argue.

”Just go to sleep, Gabby”, she grumbled, slurring over the words like they were syrup, her tongue getting caught as it crossed over the syllables. In the drunken haze of the night, the sounds of her parents arguing sounded kind of like music, an angry song that burrowed into Dorcas’ soul and rattled her from the inside.

’’Tis our little secret, right, sweetheart? You never saw your dad with that woman, and I never saw you drinking that vodka.’

Sitting on the edge of her bed, with puke all over the front of her shirt, thirteen-year-old Dorcas had been more ashamed of herself than she was angry at her father. It had seemed like an easy promise, one that she could keep without feeling too guilty about it. Protect dad to protect herself. 

’I’ll stop if you stop, baby. Let’s be better together, all right?’

Neither of them had been good at keeping promises.

”I never said I was sorry”, Regulus said quietly, tilting his head to the side to look at Dorcas. ”About your dad. I always just… figured you weren’t up to talking about it.”

It had been three years since the car crash that killed her father. He took his secret to his grave, leaving behind a grieving wife and fifteen-year-old daughter. Oh, and Dorcas. She wasn’t sure how she would describe herself in this context.

She thought she missed her father for who he had been outside of the lies and the things he kept from his family. Yet at the same time she hated him, hated him for making her protect him for the sake of her own dignity, and then for dying and leaving her with the weight of a secret she wasn’t sure held any true value anymore. After all, Everett was gone; what did matter now what he had done? 

Dorcas shrugged, forcing a smile as she met her friend’s gaze. ”It’s fine. Talking’s never done shit for me, anyway.”

***

Surprisingly enough, Pandora was home by the time Dorcas got there. She was sitting at the sofa, watching Friends and eating ice cream off the pint. Dorcas took off her jacket, hanging it onto the rack before taking a careful step closer. 

”Dora?” she said softly, sitting onto the edge of the sofa. She didn’t even have to see the tears on Pandora’s face to know that something was wrong; she never watched sitcoms unless she was feeling terribly depressed.

”We had a fight”, Pandora sniffed, moving the ice cream around in the container. It had already gone soft, which meant she’d probably been crying there for a while by then. ”Xeno said it’s probably for the best if I didn’t go around tonight. So we could clear our heads.” She broke off, her face distorted as she sobbed, bits of snot and saliva dripping into the ice cream. Dorcas made a mental note not to touch that pint.

”Oh, love”, she said, wrapping her arms tightly around her friend. Pandora dropped her head onto her shoulder, her body shuddering as she cried into Dorcas’ shirt. ”It’s going to be okay. I’m sure you two will sort it out in no time.”

Pandora coughed, wiping her eyes into her sleeves only for them to be immediately filled by new tears. ”Do you want to hang out tonight? I really don’t want to be alone.” 

Dorcas smiled, brushing a lonely tear off Pandora’s cheek with the tips of her fingers. ”Of course. Let me go change first, and then we’ll watch a movie, okay?” 

She gave Pandora’s shoulders one last squeeze before getting up and going into her bedroom. Only there did she dig out her phone from her pocket, checking her notifications. 

There were two new messages from Marlene. Dorcas tapped the chat open, removing her shirt with one hand as the other one held the phone. 

Marlene: hey gorgeous, d’you miss me

cus i miss u!!! :’( see you 2night?

Dorcas smiled, typing up the response awkwardly with one hand.

Dorcas: Oh I know you do. :) 

Can’t tonight, friend emergency. Friday?

Marlene: nope, going to see DAD… 

and on saturday’s sirius’ birthdayyyy i hear ur emo friend’s coming there, will u crash the party?? ;)

Dorcas: You mean Regulus? How’d you know he’s my friend? 
…

And no, I won’t be there.

She threw the phone onto the bed, turning to her wardrobe. Pulling on a pair of pyjama bottoms and a T-shirt, she turned to glance at the screen at the three dots dancing at the corner, indicating that Marlene was typing out her answer. 

Marlene: booo that’s a bummer 

and duhh he’s sirius, the king of gossip?! he knows everything

the next party’s in three weeks u could come with me if u wanna

Dorcas: He has two parties? What on Earth for?

Marlene: did u not listen? he’s SIRIUS, girl, why does he do anything?? 

anyway i gotta go now mary’s making me cook dinner with her but i’ll see u pretty xxxx 

Dorcas stared at the message, fingers hovering over the keyboard as she thought about her answer. She settled for a simple heart, not a yes but not necessarily a no, either. She opened her nightstand drawer, picking up a small, pocket-sized calendar she rarely used. It had only three notes this year, and none for the last four months. Dorcas found the date three weeks from now, circling the Saturday there. Just in case.

In the living room, Pandora had abandoned the ice cream and was now buried inside a blanket, only the top of her head visible underneath. Dorcas settled down next to her, taking the remote from her hands. With an arm wrapped around her best friend’s shoulders, Dorcas burrowed against the soft blanket, dropping her cheek to rest on the crown of Pandora’s head. 

As they sat there, Pandora’s blanket-wrapped body warm against Dorcas, she made a silent promise to herself. This time, if it all went down, she wouldn’t be the one who had ruined everything.