Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Karin Uzumaki was having a bad day. First, she gets assigned a solo mission as a genin to infiltrate the strongest village in the great nations, then she gets drained half to death on an Uzumaki gargoyle thing off of an old vault. Her last thoughts before passing out are of the genin that saved her in the chunin exam. “I wonder how that kid’s doing.”

Naruto was having an even worse day. Finally able to leave the hospital after a disastrous fight with Sasuke, the blonde finds himself meandering through the Uchiha clan compound, thinking about his failures. At least he gets to spend the next few years with Pervy Sage, even if that keeps him from his remaining loyal teammate and the rest of the Konoha 12 11. On this even worse day, Naruto is so distracted that he nearly trips over the passed-out redhead. The orange ninja panics, leaving one clone to keep an eye on her and his main body checking out the crypt.

Walking into the crypt, he notices the walls are lined with kanji he barely recognizes. To be fair, that is an unfortunately common description, but he does recognize the words for “preserve,” “space,” and “blood” before he makes it deeper. If Naruto were more observant, he would have noticed that despite no direct source of light, everything remained visible. If he were in tune with sage energy, he would have noticed it being siphoned off into the walls, providing power to the runes leading down the stairs. Finally, upon reaching the bottom landing about 3 stories underground, Naruto reaches a doorway with a blood seal. After a swiftly bitten thumb and a smear, the crypt opens and beckons for Naruto to enter.

Upon entry to the crypt, Naruto’s brain goes into overdrive. First, there are shelves upon shelves of books and scrolls with titles like Uzumaki Family History, How I Learned to Embrace the Storm: the Story of the First Uzukage, and the Seven Habits of Highly Successful Ninja. Second, there are bowls of silencing tags, storage seals, and hard candy that all say “take one!” so he takes a dozen of each. What really catches his eye is a scroll at the entrance labeled “to the next Uzumaki.” As he opens the scroll, his heart skips a beat as he begins to read:

Dear the current Cryptkeeper,

Congrats on the promotion! Inside, you will find all of the documents pertaining to upkeep of the Uzumaki Crypt. It is a great burden and an even greater honor, although there aren’t many of us left so there are probably slim pickings, y’know? Anyways, fuinjutsu does all of the work for you in terms of temperature control, light, and security, so the Cryptkeeper’s job is to learn Uzumaki secrets/techniques and add to the collection. Remember to read warning labels, keep our legacy alive, and stay sane. We learned from the fall of Uzushio, so this is a self-sustaining pocket dimension based off the Summoning Lands and should be safe in the case of emergency. It would take the chakra of several tailed beasts to make a dent in these walls.

From the current Cryptkeeper to the next, I wish you all the luck and happiness in the world.

Sincerely,

Kushina Uzumaki, Cryptkeeper, Naruto Uzumaki (yet to be born), and Minato Namikaze, husband to the Cryptkeeper and 4th Hokage

Naruto, upon reading the last line, blazes back through the entryway, grabbing the (still unconscious) Karin bridal-style and making his way to the hokage’s tower.  Granny Tsunade has a lot to answer for…

Chapter Text

Tsunade answers to a lot of people. This week, the unnaturally youthful blonde has the daimyo, the elders, and the clan heads. The elders are currently on her shit list, having just barged into her office to confront her about Naruto’s training with Jiraiya. After hours of headache-inducing discussion, Tsunade slams her hands on the desk and, with a tone that declines further arguments, says “he is a responsible young man and a valuable part of the Leaf. The Will of Fire is stronger in him than anyone in this room, and you will not snuff it out to turn him into a weapon!” Naruto, having no luck for timing nor any care for decorum, decides that now is the time to make himself known.

“GRANNY TSUNADE YOU OPEN THIS DAMN DOOR RIGHT NOW OR I SWEAR I WILL BURN THIS VILLAGE TO THE GROUND.”

Danzo, the hokage’s least favorite, gives Tsunade a knowing look and says “I hope your meeting is… productive with the young lad. I will be taking my leave, but if anything happens to our little blond friend, it will be on your shoulders.” Koharu and Homura are in lockstep behind Danzo as they leave the office, bumping past Naruto (who is still holding the now-rousing Karin).

 Upon entering the office, surrounded by Jiraiya, Tsunade, Kakashi, and Shizune, Naruto drops an Uzumaki silencing seal on the ground and asks, “why didn’t you tell me?”

Seeing the spiral sealing tag, Jiraiya is the first to realize what his godson had figured out. Tsunade’s face falls for a split second, showing her real age in a flicker before she gets herself under control and signals the ANBU to leave them be. Kakashi puts away his book and has the decency to look guilty. Karin finally wakes up. Shizune stares pointedly at Tsunade while Tonton stares at Karin.

The toad sage speaks up first, “we were hoping to tell you when you hit chunin, but I guess the cat’s out of the bag. Tsu, get your grandma’s spirit, it’s time to give a toast.”

Tsunade nods, picks up a floorboard, and pulls out a dusty bottle of… something on her desk with a painting of nori on the front. “It’s a delicacy from Uzushiogakure, where your mother and my grandmother were from. I promise we’ll explain everything, but I gave my word to Jiraiya that this would be broken out for just this occasion. It’s made from seaweed, tastes like shit, but it’s our family’s home, y’know?” Jiraiya gives Naruto a coral glass sake cup, then passes some around to the rest of the Leaf nin.

Naruto takes a sip, swishes it around, and swallows, but he’s not happy about it. Karin starts making her way to the door but is stopped by Kakashi, who readies a kunai. “I’m so sorry, I was just walking through town y’know? Took a visit back to where I took the chunin exams, see what’s around…” well, this is how I go. Stuck between some of the strangest chakra signatures I’ve ever felt, in the office of our greatest enemy. After a few seconds, Tsunade speaks up, “you’re an Uzumaki right? You might as well stay, Naruto will need the support. For now, have a drink with us to the memory of Kushina and Minato, Naruto’s parents, the previous holder of the 9-tails and the 4th hokage”.

Jiraiya, ever the peacekeeper, started the discussion, “do you want to talk first or listen first?”

Naruto, in a rare quiet, heartbroken tone, says “please, just tell me anything.”

Tsunade starts, “Kushina was like a niece to me. 30-someodd years ago, Mito Uzumaki was getting old. She was the first nine-tails jinchuriki, and in fact was the first jinchuriki of any tailed beast, so she had to figure things out from scratch. The world of sealing is messy and complicated, but the most important things to note are that Uzumakis make for good hosts, extracting a tailed beast kills the host, and killing the host without extracting a tailed beast causes the creature to take a number of years to reform.

Rather than let the leaf lose its greatest weapon, Mito bargained with Uzushiogakure to send over their pupil with the most compatible chakra. That was your mother, and at the age of 9 she became a Konoha citizen. Unfortunately, things only got worse.

“29 years ago, Uzushiogakure was attacked by the hidden mist, lightning, and earth villages. An army ten thousand strong versus a thousand ninjas fighting for their homeland, it was a blood bath. By the end, two thousand of the attackers went back to their villages, battered and scarred. The Uzumakis were presumed dead, barring a few such as my grandmother and Kushina. Soon after, as Mito was dying, she transferred the 9-tails into your mother and had her join the ninja academy, where she met your father Minato.”

Jiraiya picks it up from there, seeing how emotional his teammate was getting, “your father loved 3 things in this world: Kushina, you, and fuinjutsu. Kushina was on a team with mikoto Uchiha and Shibi Aburame. They were a designated tracking team, with Mikoto’s dojutsu, Shibi’s kikaichu, and your mom’s sensory abilities, even Mu would have a hard time getting away from them.

“Your father was on my genin team as the second incarnation of team seven, alongside Ami Shimura and Tsuma Inuzuka. Ami was top kunoichi, Tsuma was deadlast, and Minato was far and away the top of his class. Within the first week, I knew something was special about him. He passed the chunin exam alongside Kushina and Mikoto the following year, and they became a squad with Fugaku Uchiha.

“After years of battlefield experimentation, Minato and Kushina were able to capture whole battalions in fuinjutsu traps. Mikoto used to call them “pranks,” but at least two kages have found themselves sucked into their contraptions. As all four became jonin, they became known as “team Dart Frog.” Given that their nicknames were "the Yellow Flash,” “the Red Hot Habanero of the Leaf,” “the Black Death,” and “Wicked-Eye Fugaku,” the moniker stuck. While it is well-known that your dad was given a “flee on sight” order, if more than one member of Team Dart Frog was seen at the same time, the order was to immediately destroy any intel, including the ninja who knew it, to avoid getting captured.

“The war ended with your father routing 1000 Iwa-nin on his own in a single battle. Knowing that there were three others at that level in the Hidden Leaf, the shinobi nations agreed to a truce. Minato and Kushina got married in secret, and Minato was elected hokage for his efforts in the war. Anyone who told you Fugaku was jealous didn’t know what they were talking about. Team Dart Frog were his biggest supporters, with Fugaku acting as police chief and unofficial advisor. If reports are true, then upon seeing the bodies of your parents, his mangekyo activated for the first time.

“At your birth, in a heavily sealed cave a few miles south of the village, the best medics in the leaf were nearby to keep things stable. Unfortunately, that wasn’t enough, as a masked man thought to be Madara Uchiha tore the 9-tails from your mother and killed many of the medics including Hiruzen’s wife. Your father drove him off, but by then it was too late and the only way he could ensure that the village remained protected is by sealing the 9-tails into you. Before dying, he had Hiruzen swear to take care of you.”

Naruto stayed quiet for a minute, just staring through the window of the hokage’s office. The office he wanted for his whole life, the office from which three people have let him down and destroyed his childhood.

“Hiruzen didn’t take care of me. I took care of me. He gave me a monthly stipend at the age of 5! Even then, stores kicked me out or gave me trash! I was all alone, y’know? And when I finally got to the academy, they didn’t teach me anything! Ask Kakashi, my forms are all wrong, and I was never even taught how to read! I’m supposed to be Mr. Positive about everything but things suck y’know? Your apologies mean nothing, lady hokage, I’m leaving.”

Before he could turn around, Tsunade yelled “wait!” Which stopped him in his tracks. “What can I offer you to make this right?” 

Chapter Text

More uncharacteristic silence from Naruto, a blank check from a hokage is a big deal indeed. Shizune was doing her best to keep her face level, but she was irate. I knew keeping him in the dark was a bad idea. Lady Tsunade, what were we thinking? How did we leave the Leaf like this?

“First, you should teach him how to read.” Heads turned to Karin, who was still nursing her glass of Uzu Special. Tsunade motions to Shizune, who pulls out a pen and a notebook. “Okay ms. spy, that’s a good first step. The average adult takes about three months to get to an ‘adept’ reading level, but you have a background already so let’s put that at one month.” Naruto, getting used to the idea, asks, “what if we get the shadow clones to do the work? Have a bunch learning different things at the same time? I can work hard y’know? I heard that’s how the fourth- how my da- how your predecessor cut down on paperwork time.” Wait, that’s how he did it? Tsunade thinks, for the first time today feeling grateful Naruto came into her office. “How about giving him access to his parents’ funds?” Karin says, now slightly tipsy but very much happy in the role of “Naruto advocate.” 

“Deal.” 

“full and exclusive access to the Uzumaki Crypt” 

“Deal, I’ll even call it an A-rank. I was thinking B-rank, but after telling me about the shadow clone trick, I’m feeling generous.”

“... can I get tutors in other subjects? Mizuki was our taijutsu, reading/writing, and science teacher. Iruka did all he could for history, but I barely passed.” 

“done, you’ll get the best tutors we have.”

“How do you know they’ll treat him any better than his teachers at the academy? To them, he’s still a demon y’know?”

“I’m getting a little tired of you, you know that? Still, you have a point. Retired ninjas only, told about your heritage and given low-B-ranked pay to make sure they do things right. Pay contingent on Naruto’s progress.” Karin, now embarrassed but still emboldened by the alcohol, pushes a little further, “so far it looks like I’m the only person in this damn village in his corner so cut us some slack!” I like this one, thinks Jiraiya. 

“I also don’t want to go on a training trip outside the village with Jiraiya, and I want out of the toad summoning contract, they betrayed me too.”

“That contract is your legacy!” Jiraiya roars, scaring Karin and Tonton. 

“I need a clean break! Please Jiraiya, just give me this,” Naruto said, not backing down from his former hero. The lack of “pervy sage” was not lost on any of the people in the room. 

“Fine, I will talk with the toads. As long as you know there is no going back from this, you will be permanently expunged from the summoning contract and any and all abilities, traits, and jutsu will be forfeited.” 

“Next, I want to have another sensei.” It’s Kakashi’s turn to look insulted, but Naruto continues, “Kakashi, what have you taught me? What jutsu do I know that I didn’t know at the academy? Sure, you fixed my forms and taught me water walking, but we’ve been a team for a while and that’s all I have to show for it. I want to practice with Team Gai on taijutsu, and I want to learn how to use my elemental affinity.” 

Kakashi starts, “I can teach you ninjutsu! Let’s just get you some chakra pape-” “you never tested his affinity?” Tsunade interrupts, glaring at both Jiraiya and Kakashi. 

“It’s wind primary and water secondary by the way,” Karin brings up, getting a look from everyone else. “What? His chakra feels like a hurricane. I’m an Uzumaki sensor, we pick up on these things y’know?”

“Okay, we’ll set you on Asuma then. He’s our best wind user. Shizune! How are we looking?”

“Lady Tsunade, right now we have three-to-six months of eight tutors, two each of reading/writing, history, science, and mathematics, at a low-B-ranked pay. For all of that it’s roughly 1.2 million ryo. For a year-long A-rank to study the crypt, it’s another 1 million ryo. Gai will train anyone if they can keep up with his Youth, and Asuma will grumble about it but will be fine if we send him a nice bottle of something. I’ll ask Konohamaru’s old tutors if they’re around, but right now that puts us at 2.2 million ryo. To claim Minato and Kushina’s inheritance, that’s about 39 million ryo at last check.”

“That is acceptable. Anything else?” 

“I want Karin to be pardoned for whatever it is she did, and I want to claim my name and heritage.” Naruto turns around to his new friend, “by the way, what did you do?”

Karin sighs, then gives in, “... I was sent from Kusa to break into the Crypt. A spy from Kumo was picked up and our T&I team got some info regarding ‘stolen’ Uzushiogakure loot. As the only Uzumaki in the village, they sent me back to check out the rumors. I was drained half to death of chakra to enter the damn cave, and that’s when you found me.”

Tsunade pinches the bridge of her nose, “Okay, counter offer: at the time you reach chunin, you get to claim the title of Uzumaki clan head, along with claiming your father’s legacy. Karin will remain a citizen of the Leaf on probation until such a time as you become a chunin, and will be regularly monitored by ANBU. We will send a letter to the Hidden Grass to tell them we’re keeping their Uzumaki.”

Naruto drops another silencing seal and turns to Karin and says, “how does this sound? I’m freaking out right now but you’re smart so you probably know, y’know?”

Karin blushes and says, “I don’t think you’re getting a better deal.”

The mini-privacy seal is broken as Naruto says, “two more things. I want Karin to maintain access to the Uzumaki crypt, and I want Ichiraku to get a tax break.”

“With another Uzumaki in the village and your inheritance, I don’t think Teuchi has to worry much. Regardless, all of this is acceptable. By the power vested in me as hokage, and as a descendant of the Uzumaki, I pledge that these will be done. Now get out of my office, I have paperwork to do.”

Naruto bows, “thank you, lady hokage. I won’t let this village down!”

Chapter Text

Turns out, when you have an army of private tutors and nobody is sabotaging you, learning can be downright fun! After learning how to read in the first two weeks of his classes (thank you, dozens of shadow clones), Naruto practically blazes through his history textbooks and starts learning about politics, psychology, and warfare. Within a month, he reaches academy graduate proficiency in all topics. Within three months, he reaches the proficiency of an academic, and has to start doing independent research in the library. At any given time, five Narutos can be found in the stacks. Having gotten special permission, he can be found in the jonin and chunin sections as well.

That’s not the only change. Naruto, under Shizune’s name, buys a two bedroom, two bathroom apartment as close as he can get to the Uchiha district so he and Karin can make it back and forth from the Crypt as easily as possible. Naruto also finally gets a real physical exam, and finds that he needs glasses, which he gets in his trademark orange. Karin buys them groceries and cooks most of the time, so Naruto accidentally gets a healthy diet. She also is the only one who can match him at Ichiraku’s, so they go there at least 3 times a week too.

On any given day for the first three months, Narutos main body is getting destroyed by Gai sensei’s training regimen. After a particularly grueling handicapped match against Tenten, Naruto asks her, “how do you do that thing with the scrolls and weapons?” and Tenten replies, “it’s fuinjutsu! Here, I have a book somewhere.” Tenten reaches into a small storage scroll and pulls out “Fuinjutsu for Dummies” to give to the orange ninja. “It’s where I learned everything I needed to know about sealing! There’s more advanced stuff out there, but I never found the need.”

Naruto tears through Fuinjutsu for Dummies in an hour flat. Finally, something that makes sense the first time! He eventually ventures to the Crypt where Karin is almost tearing her hair out categorizing all of the documents.

“damn ADHD Uzumakis, can’t figure out how to organize a library because ‘everything is based on feeling’ and ‘oh look, a butterfly, let me write about that in my book on the FUCKING SHINIGAMI.’ Hey Naruto, how can I help you?”

“Well, I was looking for some sealing instructions. If you’re too busy I can leave and come back lat-” “no, you stay right there! Your dad, bless his soul, organized all of the sealing in this corner right here, in order from ‘beginner’ to ‘intermediate’ to ‘expert’ to ‘Uzumaki bullshit.’ From what I understand, the seals that maintain the Crypt fall under ‘Uzumaki bullshit.’”

“Thanks y’know! Also, can you say ‘lord fourth’ instead of ‘your dad’? Still weird.”

Naruto still hadn’t gotten used to his hero, the fourth hokage being the same person as his dad. For now, he would make learning about sealing his personal project. 

“Sorry, I’ll remember for next time. There’s a room labeled ‘fuinjutsu practice’ in the back, it should have some ink and paper, and I believe it’s reinforced so you don’t blow us up.”

The next two months were a blur. The main body started doing Gai training in the morning, wind exercises with Asuma in the afternoon, and sparred at night with whoever was available. Twenty clones were in the crypt during the day. Five read through the history of Uzushiogakure and all of the documents they left behind, and fifteen were set on fuinjutsu practice. By the end of the second month, he only lost ten a day to “errors” in his script. The first lesson was that in Uzumaki style, there are two types of fuinjutsu; “quick” and “slow.” 

“Quick” sealing was anything that can be applied on the fly by controlling ink with chakra. It was how his dad lord fourth was able to tag objects and people with the flying raijin seal. “Slow” sealing was anything that really required a brush and time. The philosophy was also different; a quick seal trends towards shortcuts and tricks, while a slow seal will have multiple layers of redundancy to keep everything safe. Theoretically, if you’re good enough, anything can be a “quick” seal, but the New Naruto wasn’t overconfident like that. He would take things one step at a time, albeit with about a dozen of him taking that step with him.

One benefit of his fuinjutsu training was that he had never been safer. Twice fellow Leaf shinobi tried to break into his apartment, but he was prepared. Whatever was left of the intruders after tripping the first layer of fuinjutsu traps was dropped off at T&I for the vengeful Anko. Tsunade gave their families the small mercy of not branding them as traitors, but besides that she gave no quarter to anyone who even spoke out of turn about the boy.

Eventually, the rookie 12 11 started to worry about Naruto. At the fourth monthly catchup without the overeager blonde and the fifth month since any major pranks were pulled, Sakura was elected to check up on him. Turns out, she’s beaten to it by Naruto. While she’s on her way to Asuma’s training session Sakura is shocked to find a hundred of him practicing a variety of different wind jutsus. She’s about to go over to one of the dozen practicing wind bullets when she hears a voice behind her.

“Hey Sakura! It’s been a while, how’ve you been?”

Sakura is a little surprised at how relaxed he is. There’s no fake smiles, no extra words, just like an adult catching up with someone. Someone they hadn’t seen in a while… and didn’t mind the distance.

“I was just coming to say hi, see how you were doing! Are you free tomorrow night? I want to see how you’re doing and how you’ve improved! You already look so different!” Sakura was right; since the infamous failed retrieval of Sasuke,  Naruto had gained two inches and about twenty pounds of lean muscle. He also wears the ugliest orange glasses known to man, but Sakura’s not quite comfortable enough with him to say that. Not after four months.

“I was going to ask the same thing! Let’s do that new katsu place! My treat, we really do need to talk.” Another surprise, no request for a date, no comments about Sasuke. Most surprising of all, NO RAMEN. Something really had changed, and she was getting to the bottom of it!

Chapter Text

After Naruto and Sakura sit down and order their meals, there’s an awkward pause. They had never really spent time with just the two of them, even before Sasuke left. Finally, Naruto breaks the silence and says, “Sakura, I’m going to tell you something and you need to promise me that you won’t tell anyone else. Promise on something important.”

“I promise on team seven’s honor.” Naruto flinches a little bit before saying, “that’s good enough.” Naruto drops a silencing seal of his own design, but is so nervous he accidentally silences just himself. After much gesticulating and a sigh of relief having finally told someone, Sakura finally gets his attention to tell him she couldn’t hear anything. Naruto breaks the seal and puts another one down, this time correctly.

“Sorry about that, let’s try that again. First; you know I’m the jinchuriki of the nine-tailed fox right? Well, turns out, my mom was the previous jinchuriki.”

“That’s horrible! Why would she pass the burden onto her own son? Didn’t she know what you would go through?” Naruto is touched. He knows he could’ve kept in touch a bit better, but he still feels some simmering guilt over not bringing Sasuke back. Sakura actually caring enough about him to feel offended on his behalf is not unwelcome.

“It’s a little more complicated than that, y’know? For one, it wasn’t her that did it. The nine-tails was released that night by another shinobi, and she and my dad sealed it into me as a last resort to keep the Leaf from losing its greatest weapon.”

“But I thought that the fourth hokage was the one that defeated the nine-ta- oh shit. OH SHIT HOLY FUCK NARUTO HOW DID I NEVER NOTICE THAT. HOW DID KAKASHI NEVER NOTICE THAT.” Naruto is somewhat grateful to his silencing seal, although he now wishes that it brought down the maximum volume as his ears are currently ringing. Maybe I can try that tonight, I’ll check the notes. “See, that’s the problem. Kakashi knew. It feels like every person responsible for me knew except Iruka. It hurt to find out, y’know? I had to find out from some underground Uzumaki library.”

“I’m so sorry. Is that where you’ve been the past few months? Underground or training?”

“Actually, both at the same time. First I had to learn how to actually read, then-” “YOU DIDN’T KNOW HOW TO READ? HOW DID YOU EVEN MAKE IT THROUGH THE ACADEMY?” Yep, definitely working on that improved silencing seal tonight. “Turns out, I’m actually not that dumb, y’know? I got some tutors from Tsunade, so now I’m practically an academic! At this point I could probably answer the chunin exam questions for real!”

Sakura was stunned into silence. Here was the deadlast, now practically a new person. She suddenly remembered the years of torment he went through from their classmates. Sakura didn’t feel bad for what she personally did, given his borderline harassment of her to go on a date, but for the rest of the class…. “I am so sorry Naruto. You don’t deserve this. You never deserved this… torture on a village-scale. If there is ever anything I can do for you, please let me know.” Naruto reaches over and grabs Sakura’s hand. “There are a few things. I have this friend, she’s new to the village and I think she could be a great medic. Can you do a test for that? Second, just keep being my friend, it’s been lonely, y’know? I know I pushed you away, but I really appreciate you Sakura. Finally, would you be willing to join my chunin exam squad? I’m supposed to go public with my heritage once I hit chunin, and I think we work well enough together to make it happen. Maybe with Shino, I’ve been meaning to reach out to him.”

“... Naruto, the exams happened last month. I’m a chunin now. You missed it, you have to try again in five months.” “WHAT!” Now it’s Sakura’s turn to wince at the noise, with the sound breaking through the seal and other tables giving them a look. Having lost the last privacy seal on his person, the rest of the meal goes well with some pleasant updates on both sides. Being friends with Ino the gossip queen has its perks, so Naruto gets to know more about the goings on of the village. Sakura remains impressed with what Naruto can do, as he shows off some impressive chakra control with the infused ink for fuinjutsu tagging various objects to seal and unseal. He is really avoiding going home, as he has a difficult discussion with Karin ahead.

“I CAN’T BE A FULL SHINOBI FOR FIVE MORE MONTHS BECAUSE YOU COULDN’T KEEP TRACK OF A SINGLE DATE? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU NARUTO!” The blonde winces as he continues writing on his emergency “slow” fuinjutsu pad before placing the seal behind the framed Team Seven photo. “There, a noise maximum for the apartment. Anyways, yes but who’s to say I would’ve become chunin anyways? I’ll just sign up next time, it's no big deal!”

“OF COURSE IT’S A BIG DEAL, THIS IS MY LIFE WE’RE TALKING ABOUT” still a little loud, but bearable. Requires more experimentation “STOP WRITING NOTES WHEN I TALK TO YOU, IT’S RUDE Y’KNOW?” After another hour of being berated, Naruto finally goes to sleep and Karin makes her way to the Crypt. At this point, it’s a comforting place; the only place her ANBU guard can’t get to her, and the place that reminds her of her mother’s homeland. She meanders to the summoning scroll section. Screw it, I need SOME control over my life. Let’s see what I can find. The first scroll has what appears to be the shinigami on the cover, so she bites her thumb, does the handsigns, and pushes as much chakra as she can into it. Nobody ever accused Karin of being subtle.

After a massive poof of smoke, a rather large butterfly poofs into existence. “Who dares summon me to the land of man? You of the Uzumaki clan? I am Shinigami of Mt. Kunshu, but you may refer to me as Shin. Why have you chosen my contract?” The butterfly has a deep, clear voice. Like a singer, or maybe a preacher. “My name is Karin Uzumaki, and I am looking to connect to the Shinigami to protect my precious people” nice going me, that was some good bullshit. I almost believe it! “That is acceptable. I will take you as my seventh summoner if you abide by these rules:

1. Make every effort to avoid killing insects
2. Bring me flowers with unique nectar
3. Rebuild the Uzumaki clan. I heard what happened to your people and you have my sympathies. If you abide by these rules, you will become a ninja unlike any in your generation. Do you accept?”

Karin blushes at the mention of rebuilding her clan, but nods nonetheless. “Good, let us begin.”

Chapter Text

Two more months of training, two more months of experimentation, two more months of everything happening at the same time. Naruto doesn’t really interact much with the hokage, but he did get permission to look at the forbidden scroll he had stolen a year ago. Finding the page for the shadow clone jutsu again, he looks through the warning labels seriously. Accelerated mental aging, migraines, information gathering… why didn’t anyone tell me about this? At this point, given his 25 clones a day for ⅔ of a year, he must have aged something like seventeen years mentally in that time frame. No wonder the Konoha 11 think I’m so mature. After the intervention with Sakura, Naruto started attending the monthly hangouts again. True to her word, nobody else had found out about his heritage. Shikamaru may have his pet theory, but besides that it was sealed.

At the end of one of these monthly hangouts, Naruto pulls Shino and Hinata aside.

“Hey guys! The next chunin exams are coming up, I know Kiba is injured so I wanted to see if you wanted to take it with me!”

Hinata, seeing this as her chance, yells a little bit too loudly “YES I would love to be a part of your team.” Her face turns a bright red, but thankfully it’s a loud restaurant so just the nearby tables could hear. “Okay Shino, how about you?”

“I will take the exam with you on one condition: You introduce me to your cousin. Why? Because I see her with her butterfly summon, and my bugs can smell her chakra. It’s… intoxicating to them.”

“Deal. Team NaNaNo is ready to go! It’s in Kusagakure next month, we’ll all become chunin, believe it!”

After saying their goodbyes, Naruto makes his way home. He passes by another four shinobi at his door, currently under both a paralysis seal and a silencing seal. He taps a symbol four times next to his doorbell, which signals T&I for a pickup. This time, it’s two chunin and two genin.

“Hey Karin, we’ve got a team coming by to pick up the trash. How’s it going in the Crypt?”

“I was wondering about that, things are normal y’know? Nothing too interesting, the shadow clone jutsu has been a lifesaver. I’m about ¾ of the way through organizing the archive, Shin has been a great help with some of the more archaic texts.”

“I have a few favors to ask, you can say no y’know.”

Karin thinks on this for a few seconds and says, “okay, lets see what you need.”

“Can you teach me how to use chakra chains, and would you be willing to meet one of my friends? He won’t take the chunin exams unless he meets you and he’s really strong!”

“Fine, not like I’ve got anything better to do.”
“Great, you’re meeting tomorrow at six, bye!”

Chapter Text

Finally, it’s time to become a chunin! Naruto is practically vibrating with joy as he does laps around Hinata, Kurenai, and Shino on the way there. While Kusa is in his top two least favorite villages (it trades spots with the Sound), the blonde would go through hell twice over for this promotion. Sure, a lot of his excitement is about going on cool missions and getting to claim his parentage, but the majority is so he can help Karin. She’s basically in prison and he owes his new life to her. With that in mind, he stops his squad (Hinata, Shino, and Kurenei) about fifteen kilometers out from Kusa and drops a silencing seal (one he made himself, thank you very much).

“Before we go any further, we need to talk. The chunin exam is always important, but it’s a reaallly big deal for me this time y’know?”

Kurenei looks uncomfortable, “I must caution you against what you’re about to say. It is your secret to share, but it’s my duty as your jonin to warn before any S+ ranked secrets are shared. How certain are you in this privacy seal?” Naruto shakes his head for a second, then pulls out another and drops it twenty meters away. He then throws an explosive tag into the other seal’s dome, and not a sound is heard. “That good enough? Shino, Hinata, do you want to know my secrets?”

“O-kay, Naruto, if you want to tell us…”

“I trust your judgement. Why? Because Karin trusts you.”

Naruto clears his throat. “As you both might know, I am the jinchuriki of the nine-tailed fox.” Hinata and Shino both nod. As ninja with unique sensory abilities, both had independently seen (or smelled) the nine-tails inside of him, and had it confirmed by their respective parents. As clan-head prospects, they had some leeway with S-ranked secrets.

“Well, the next part is S+. My mother was the previous jinchuriki, and my father was the one who sealed the nine-tails into me. The fourth hokage, Minato Namikaze, is my father.”

In a privacy seal, silence is a given. Still, even Shino’s kikaichu are still as everyone digests the bombshell. Hinata is bright red and shaking, until she yells,

“HOW COULD THEY? THE VILLAGE TREATS YOU LIKE TRASH, AND YOUR FATHER DID THIS TO YOU? This is worse than the caged bird seal!”

Naruto is grateful he figured out the noise dampener for his privacy seal, but he’s even more grateful that now two of his closest friends have been apoplectic on his behalf. Still, everyone within the dome is shocked by Hinata’s outburst, herself most of all.

“I agree. Why? Because you are kind and deserve better. What does this have to do with the chunin exam?”

“Well, if I make chunin, they’ll let me claim my heritage. I get to be Naruto Uzumaki-Namikaze, son of the hokage, instead of just a demon. Also, if I become chunin, I become clan head of the Uzumaki and Karin gets to officially become part of the Leaf.”

To the Uzumaki, Shino was as calm and impassive as ever, but Hinata and Kurenei knew better. “You have my word Naruto. You will become a chunin.” Shino raises his hand to shake Naruto’s, and he is instead embraced in a (somewhat awkward) hug.

“Before we continue, I have a gift for both of you. It’s just a little Uzumaki special I cooked up before we left.” Naruto hands out two pieces of paper, each with a swirling symbol on one side and the kanji for a word on the other. On one, it has the symbol for “bug” and on the other, the symbol for “flower.”

“Place this somewhere on your body you can reach, it’s a temporary tattoo. Double tap it to start a Morse code message, three taps to send a mental message, four for emergency, and hold for two seconds to open mental communication. If it’s anything like our previous chunin exam, we’ll need to talk to each other and I want privacy. Once it’s on your body, give your papers to the kikaichu. I don’t want my chakra signature to be left anywhere, and it’s made of edible paper and ink. Any questions?”

Kurenei is impressed with the former knucklehead. She’d heard Asuma describe his wind training regimen, but seeing the kid work his magic was something else entirely. Maybe I should start betting this year. If I put a few ryo down now that they’ll all be in the top four, I could buy a house.

Karin and Shino fluff ahead, not at all plot relevant but I like them.

Karin was sad. At first, she was a bit weirded out to be introduced to one of Naruto’s friends as a favor, but quickly changed her mind when she met Shino. What struck her first about him was how his chakra seemed to mellow her out. His kikaichu were such a chakra sink that she didn’t have to block out the rest of the world anymore. The Leaf treated her so much better than Kusa, but she missed the smaller population. Too many people overwhelm her senses. “Overstimulated” was what Naruto said, having just finished a psychology book. Shino was like her own privacy blanket and she hadn’t even said hello. 

Shino felt high. There are no drugs on earth that can get an Aburame high, but this incredible chakra could with no effort. It was living seawater, strengthening his insects and intriguing him. Shino and Karin both blushed, then said “hi” at the same time.

“Naruto t-t-old me all about you. D’ya wanna get ramen?”

There was nothing in this world Shino hated more than ramen.

“Sure, I-I’d love to.”

And so the stammering and awkward couple went, rarely making eye contact over their bowls of ramen. Shino, despite warnings from both Teuchi and Karin, had offered to pay. Still, as they both left Ichiraku’s and made their way home, Shino’s wallet noticeably lighter, they both felt like it was an awkward disaster. Still, they both couldn’t help but want to see each other again. Karin was the first to send a message, having her faithful butterfly Shin write and deliver it while she closed her eyes and turned away.

Dear Shino,

If you want to see Karin again, come to the Uchiha waterfront tomorrow at 7pm. 

Shinigami

Given Shin wasn’t able to get into Shino’s house, this was pasted to his window. Under normal circumstances the message of hey come see the girl you’re dating tomorrow would be taken well. Shino, who didn’t know Karin’s summon’s name, basically read a letter saying “death has kidnapped your girlfriend, come by the lake tomorrow or else.” And so, when Shino arrived the next day with an army of police, ANBU, and enough bugs to drain an army, Karin was very surprised. 

The police found the miscommunication hilarious. ANBU less so (especially because it meant that they had lost track of their charge so she could go on a date). 

The rest of their dates were not nearly as exciting. Walking in the park, eating AYCE instead of ramen, nights spent watching stupid movies, and generally being comfortable with each other. As a consequence of spending so much time together, Shino’s kikaichu became stronger, having been fed willingly by an Uzumaki. The density and character of an Uzumaki’s chakra is an incredible thing. The other part of it was that the kikaichu were happy, which made them all the more effective. Shino’s father Shibi, having heard Shino do his version of gushing about his girlfriend, gave Shino free reign to spend from the family coffers on falcon messaging service back and forth during his time in the chunin exams. Karin already had carte blanche on the Uzumaki/Namikaze bank account, but suffice to say they were happy they could still talk, if a bit delayed. These exams were going to be tough on Karin, but she’ll make it through; if she can survive the bites of Kusa-nin, she can survive her boyfriend being gone for a month and a half… right?

This chapter absolutely got away from me. I see the Karin/Shino relationship a little bit like a neurodivergent power couple, and I love them for it. 

Chapter Text

The exam room is in a nondescript concrete building. It looks a bit like a prison, except the proctors look even meaner than guards. One especially is giving everyone a stern look, although to the Konoha crew (krew?) he looks an awful lot like Ibiki.

“Hey mister! Do you know an Ibiki Morino?” This time, not a question from the usual blonde but instead the other Konoha blonde, Ino Yamanaka. “My dad works with him all the time!”

“Never heard of him,” a gruff voice replies, although a hint of a smile can be seen on his face. “I will be your proctor for the first part of this year’s chunin exams. As you all know, we’re not one of the ‘fancy’ villages with a kage and safety nets. It’s a rare honor to host as a small village, but it’s expensive so get a move on! Your first test: find the real exam room within an hour. Your jonin senseis are scattered around the village and will only answer questions from genin from other villages, so no unfair advantages. If you’re lucky, I’ll see you then. GO!”

Not-Ibiki vanishes in a rather impressive shunshin. Naruto taps out a quick two rooftops north and gets an affirmative back from Hinata and Shino. Let the games begin!

The first test was decidedly not made with team NaNaNo in mind. Hinata could see through buildings, Shino’s bugs were already tracking Not-Ibiki, and Naruto finally got to try out his first original seal. The seal was a fascinating piece of work if he says so himself. He calls it the “drop seal,” and it acts like a long range fuinjutsu detector. 

The drop seal works on the following principles:

1. Chakra must go in to a seal to make it function, so there must be an opening for chakra to go in and an exit for chakra to escape
2. Chakra in a seal is practically its own nature transformation, albeit one that happens automatically upon inputting chakra into a seal
3. No seal is 100% efficient, meaning there will always be loss

With these principles in mind, the drop seal sends out an omnidirectional pulse of fuinjutsu-transformed chakra that will go out 100 meters, then come back. Based on how much loss of chakra there is, Naruto can determine the rough location, efficiency, and strength of any seals nearby. It’s how he found out about the underground tunnels near the Uchiha compound, but that was firmly on his “think about later” list.

The new team came up with the same answer rather quickly: it’s the basement of the testing building. It was practically covered in seals, and Hinata noted it was the only spot she couldn’t see through.  There were no clear entrances or exits. Guess it’s time to go through.

One rasengan into the ground later, and team NaNaNo was at the right location… probably. No proctors are there, which is slightly worrying. Naruto holds his wrist tag for a few seconds and thinks at his teammates hey, we’re in the right spot right?

Shino, as always, is nonplussed. I believe we are. Why? Because my kaikechu can smell through the genjutsu and we are surrounded by proctors. Hinata?

Yes, I see five proctors, twelve of their ANBU equivalent, and their village leader drinking coffee about thirty meters south. Apparently, in her mind, Hinata does not have a stutter.

Sounds good to me! Do you wanna play cards? Naruto pulls out a pack of cards, although Shino and Hinata don’t see where he pulls it from.

After a few games of Ninja BS (which is the same as civilian BS, just with more kunei), they start playing twenty questions. At the hour mark, Naruto brings out a bottle of seaweed-based liquor.

Where do you keep getting things from? I don’t see anywhere on your body you could hold a bottle.

You should be careful what you think. Why? Because it sounds like you are staring at his body.

Hinata blushes, and after a few seconds to realize what Shino means, Naruto blushes too. Wait, does Hinata like me that way? Oh shit I’m still on mental communication! Abort! Abort!

After five minutes of silence when everyone disconnects to gather their thoughts together (and for Naruto to put back his homebrew), Naruto opens back up communication. Shino, I’ve never heard you make a joke before! Karin must be rubbing off on you!

I believe it to be the mental link. It is strangely… intimate to be connected in such a way. Naruto, can you let Hinata and I talk for a minute? Teammate to teammate. Naruto thinks for a second, then Hinata and Shino watch in awe as the ink on his arm seems to shift, with the characters for “channel” and “five” appearing on his wrist alongside his tattoo. Okay, if I tap this five times, I will be cut off from our mental connection while you two talk. I’m going to meditate.

While Naruto spends the next hour meditating, Hinata and Shino have a deep conversation.

Your father would approve of him, especially now. Why? Because he is an incredibly intelligent clan head. Karin does not talk highly of anyone, and she freely extols his virtues. Ask him out before he becomes a chunin, or you may lose your chance to someone else.

Who are you and what did you do with my teammate? Why is my love life any of your concern? And you know how shy I am, how could he ever like someone like me?

How will you ever find out otherwise? Think on this, but you have my full support. 

Naruto finds himself mentally in another crypt. When he previously met the nine-tailed fox, he always met in a sewer, but it appears that he spends enough time underground that his subconscious mind changed. “Hey fuzzball! How are you? Have you thought about my offer?”

Ever since reading Mito’s notes on being a jinchuriki from her later life, Naruto had a lot more sympathy for his roommate. Nobody but Naruto knows, but Mito was close to divorcing Hashirama when he died. She grew to hate him for pressuring her into becoming a jinchuriki. Of course, she was at least equally to blame for creating the seal and agreeing, but Naruto never had the chance to call her out for her hypocrisy, especially considering she pushed the nine-tails into Naruto’s mom. Still, he felt a kinship with the fox, having also been sealed away.

‘To me, you are just another human. Stop bothering me.” The offer was simple: tell Naruto his name and story, and Naruto would stop bothering him and calling him fuzzball. “Let me help you! My father was wrong! Mito and Hashirama were wrong! I promise I will free you from me if it’s the last thing I do. Just tell me your name and I’ll stop coming by unless you want me.” “You would talk this way of your village’s founder and your ‘hero’?” He gets a dark look from Naruto. “He’s not my hero anymore. Not after what he did to both of us.” “There is no us, Naruto. Our circumstance is a god and an idiot stuck together, nothing more.” “If wanting to be friends makes me an idiot, I don’t want to be smart. You’re right about one thing, we are stuck together. What can I do to make your life better?”

The fox, for the first time, looks wistful. “You can let me see the world again, stretch my legs, and tune you out.”

“Why didn’t you say so, fuzzball? Give me five minutes.”

Red chains spring out from Naruto’s back. Part of the benefit of being in his own mindspace is that this requires minimal chakra, and he can manipulate the world however he wants. His chains spread out and begin organizing themselves on a plane into the characters for “small,” “clone,” “window,” ”control, “ “space,” and “thought.” When the characters are formed, they glow and spring out into the void, causing the mental crypt to shift. A miniature nine-tailed fox appears outside of the cage next to Naruto, roughly the size of a regular red fox. The most familiar sight in Naruto’s life appears in the “sky,” that being his own closed eyelids in the “real” world. Two button appear in front of the fox at his feet labeled “talk” and “silence.” The cage grows hundreds of times over, giving the original fox more room to walk, and a big horn appears at the cage entrance. Naruto sweats, both in his mental and physical body. Didn’t know I could sweat in my mind. Thoughts for later. 

“Okay fuzzball, here’s the new deal: I can summon you in your mini-body into the real world to frolic and rut and whatever it is foxes do for fun. You will have roughly a clone’s worth of chakra, which is around 0.05% of your existing chakra. Given that it’s roughly the same proportion of your size, it shouldn’t be too big of an issue, just don’t go burning down any villages. Or people! Or orphanages, or forests, or… you know what, just no fire in general unless you really need it. I’ll summon you at least once a day for an hour, which is unfortunately about how much time inmates in solitary confinement get in Konoha Penitentiary. When I’m a clan head in a month, I can probably get away with more, just be careful until then. Our original deal still stands, and I promise I won’t try to use your chakra. Sounds good?”

The fox had not been stunned into silence in a long time. Hundreds of years, in fact. The last time was when he saw his brother Shukaku get sent flying kilometers away when the tanuki had made the first explosive tags and accidentally set them off all at once. Just like last time, the stunned silence turned into laughter. “Okay brat, you have my attention. This puts you at the top of my ‘favorite warden’ list, so I will give you a favor in return; when you wake, reverse summon yourself. I will send you to the fox summoning land, and IF they approve of you, I will tell you my name. For now, get out of my space, it looks like you’re needed.” With that, Naruto is kicked out of his own head.

“-Ruto, are you okay??” Naruto wakes up to the concerned faces of Shino and Hinata and the feeling of sweat down his back. He quickly readjusts his tattoo tag and holds down the button. Sorry guys, was talking with fuzzball. What did I miss? IMPUDENT BRAT I AM NOT A FUZZBALL. Shino and Hinata do not take notice of the fuzzball’s outburst, which comforts Naruto. Well, HInata and I had some discussions. It is best if she tells you after the second part of the exam. Why? Because we do not want any distractions. Also, by the one hour mark, about half of the teams had made it, and no more had joined. We are approaching two hours, so we might have been wrong. With that note, the Ibiki lookalike steps forward. “Genin, you have spent the past hour in this room, despite no other teams showing up. What makes you think this was the right room? What made you stay here?” Hinata and Naruto giggle while Shino gives an almost imperceptible smirk. “Regardless, for your blatant disregard for your own time, and your stubborn belief that you were right despite no other team agreeing… you passed. Congratulations, you’ve made it to the second stage. Yay.”

With that, not-Ibiki drops the genjutsu, showing the non-dojutsu crowd their competition that had also made it to the next stage. “Come to the Forest of Life in twenty four hours. Don’t be late.”

“HELL YEAH! THE REST OF THE EXAM IS GOING TO BE EASY FOR TEAM NARUTO UZUMAKI!”

One of the Kusa genin sneers at Naruto. “You must know that traitor bitch Kari-” he is swiftly cut off by a swarm of insects and a clearly angry Shino. “You should be careful what you say about her. Why? Because she is under the protection of one of the Four Great Clans of Konoha, and is my girlfriend. She is also under the protection of our strongest ninja. Tread lightly, lest you become my prey.”

Ino is practically vibrating with joy. I can’t wait to tell Sakura about this! It’s romance, it’s drama, it’s beautiful! Wait, who is this “strongest ninja” that’s protecting her?

The Kusa-nin practically shits his pants as he walks away without a word. Naruto claps Shino on the back. “That’s what I like to see! She’s definitely hearing about this! By the way, who was the strong ninja you mentioned?”

“It was you, Naruto. Why? Because you terrified most of the jonin before you started studying Uzumaki history. Now? I am certain you are among the top ten in our village.” Naruto practically preens at the compliment before Tenten opens her mouth. “Okay, I can see that he’s stronger and all, but he’s still deadlast right? How could he improve so much?”

“Because he doesn’t give up!” Hinata speaks up.

“Okay but that’s not enough. I know he does runs with Gai and Lee, but that doesn’t mean that he’s a good fighter. Maybe if he-“

“Tenten, he beat Gaara who scared Temari half to death. Temari, who need I remind you folded you like origami. All of this before he knew more jutsu than two thirds of the Academy Three and shadow clones. If anyone should worry about being strong, it’s you.”

The leaf genin stared slackjawed at Hinata. Shino gave a slight smile. Looks like she took my advice to heart. Let’s see how this goes.

While Tenten walks away to lick her wounds and cry, Ino grabs Hinata and says, “okay, girl talk moment. We’ll meet you back at the hotel! Choji, find a ramen spot or something. I’ll find Tenten later.”

Ino and Hinata walk over to a nearby park. Hinata breaks the silence, “I should make something for Tenten, maybe she’d like a kunai? Kunais are nice. Maybe a balm or something? Do you know what she li-“ Ino grabs her by the shoulder. “Calm down Hinata, you’re fine. Tenten was out of line, and you gotta protect your man.” Hinata blushes, but Ino continues, “and don’t try to deny you like him, I think he’s the only one in the village who doesn’t know. When are you going to ask him out?”

Hinata rubs her index fingers together. “I don’t know if he likes me back that way.” 

“So make him! He doesn’t have to reciprocate at the beginning, but you can ask him out, then wow him! You’re a badass, you’re rich, you’re pretty, and you’re kind. What’s not to like? Just find out what he’s interested in, learn everything you can, and start asking questions about it!”

“Will that work?” Hinata still wasn’t convinced.

“Most of the time that wouldn’t be enough, but he’s Naruto. You know as well as I do how starved for affection he is. Just think about how he looked when Shino complimented him!”

Hinata takes a second to think. “Okay I’ll ask him after the Forest of Life. Thank you Ino, I am in your debt.”

Ino laughs. “No problem ‘Nata. I like seeing my friends happy, and this kind of thing is what life is about.”

At about five the next morning, while Ino is stretching on the roof of the hotel trying to clear her mind. She feels a presence approaching her. 

“Hey Ino! Do you have a second? I need some help y’know?”

Ino frowns. “Okay fine, but only to thank you for the entertainment lately.”

Naruto doesn’t quite get what she means, but walks over anyway and drops a privacy seal.

“What I tell you can’t leave this dome. Are you sure?”

“Are you going to tell me you’re a jinchuriki?”

Naruto is flabbergasted. “How did you know that?” He whines, “that’s an S-ranked secret!” 

Ino smirks. “I’m a sensor, and your chakra is so clearly inhuman. I’ve felt large reserves before, but yours feel like Gaara’s.” Ino shivers. “Also, daddy’s home office silencing seal is faulty. I think he’s used the same one my whole life. Says it was from a friend.”

Naruto, for once quick on the uptake, realizes who probably made it and smiles, although deep down he’s a bit annoyed at Inoichi for wearing it down like that. He remembers book after book telling him either keep the silencing seal on or off, or make multiple. Constant switching will burn it out within a year.

Naruto clears his throat. “Anyways, I wanted to ask about Hinata. Even I know she likes me at this point, and I like her a lot, but I’m not sure I’m ready for a relationship. After Sasuke-“

Ino sputters. “WERE YOU TWO A THING? NO WONDER HE NEVER WANTED TO DATE ME OR SAKURA. THIS EXPLAINS SO MU-.”

“No we weren’t a thing, but he left a hole in my heart, y’know? Almost literally. I’m not sure I can start anything when I’m still stuck on him, y’know?”

Ino thinks for a minute. “How about this: neither of you ask each other out, you spend time together before we come back to Konoha, and if you think it’ll work you go on a date. If not, no harm no foul. Sound good?”

Naruto nods. “Thanks Ino, I won’t let you down!” An alarm goes off, and he poofs into smoke. “YOU LEFT THIS CONVERSATION TO A SHADOW CLONE?”

Naruto doesn’t hear Ino. He only hears the chittering of vixen and tods as he goes through the fox summons land. About five hours before he (or at least his facsimile) went to go see Ino, he made six clones and gave the instructions to disperse themselves every hour to keep him on track. Time works differently in the summoners realm, and he wanted to make sure he kept a decent time clock. So far, clones had been dispersing at an even clip of roughly two hours in the summoning realm for every hour outside of it. I wonder if I could work in here, get some extra sleep…

The nine-tailed fox, in mini-fox mode, leads the way to a temple.  Here, there are nine foxes of various tails, one through ten (missing nine). 

“Welcome, fellow kitsune. I see you have brought your kit,” the ten-tailed fox says, obviously the eldest. He is an arctic fox with a white beard down to his waist, and walks on his tails with his arms and legs dangling.

“He’s not my kit , he’s my jailer and unfortunately, I owe him so I’m dumping him on you. Give him the trials, he is of Uzumaki blood and my chakra so he can handle the worst. If you need me I will be walking. Do not give him my name. That is his reward for completing the trials… if he survives.”

And thus, the nine-tails is gone, frolicking to his heart’s delight (although if Naruto ever told anyone that, he would be dead, years reforming be damned).

The first thing Naruto learns is the foxes’ names. In order of tails: En, Zwei, Tuna, Arba, Xuti, Alti, Sata, Nyolc, and Ten. 

(A/N: All names are numbers in a different language, although I already know it’s going to be a pain in the ass for reader and writer to keep track so I’ll refer to them by number of tails. Anyways, En (Swedish), Zwei (German), Tuna (Sinhalese), Arba (Hebrew), Xuti (Georgian), Alti (Turkish), Sata (Sindhi), Nyolc (Hungarian), and Ten (English))

Once that’s settled, Ten starts the questions:

“Young one, why are you here? You smell of toad, but obviously faint. It is very rare that one gets a Sage Summon, and unheard of for someone to reject one.”

Naruto clears his throat. “Esteemed elder, I am here because as a jinchuriki, I wish not to be in conflict with my tailed beast. I know not his name, but I know he is as burdened as I am to be connected in such a way, and he wants you to judge if I am worthy of knowing his name.” And becoming his friend.

Nyolc (the eight-tailed vixen, with red fur and an eyepatch) asks, “you speak well, runt, but what of the toads? Why have you forsaken them?”

Naruto thinks about not mentioning his heritage for a second, but then remembers that 1. These foxes have nobody to tell and 2. It would be a very bad idea to lie to some of the only creatures that the nine-tails respects.

“They were the summon of my father and mentor. My father, who sealed the nine-tails inside of me at birth, and my mentor who was supposed to take care of me. The toads never told me of my heritage, never pushed my godfather to take care of me, and were dangerously close to drafting me into their war against the snakes. I have no more forsaken them than they have forsaken me.”

This time, Xuti (the smallest tod, with oversized ears, five tails, and a bow and quiver over her back) speaks with an angry growl. “Who is to say you won’t abandon us the same way?”

Naruto thinks for a moment, then pulls his trump card: “because I’m not asking for your contract, I am asking for your approval.”

This gets the kitsune chittering. Ten speaks up, “you would do all of this just to know the name of your captive? Despite trickery being our domain, I detect none from you. I must confess, I have heard of you, Naruto Uzumaki-Namikaze. You are the greatest regret of the toads, and despite our animosity in your realm, toads and foxes remain close in the summoning lands. We have heard much of your exploits, but you seem much more mature than they would lead us to believe. How did you do that in a year?”

“Shadow clone jutsu, esteemed elder. Most of my waking hours are spent between twenty of myself, if not more. I have experienced decades in a year, including some self-taught etiquette classes.”

The foxes put up a barrier. After talking amongst themselves, they release it and Arba (a four tailed tod, on the smaller side with a rich brown coat) speaks up, “as unorthodox as this request is, we have agreed to the trial with no promise of contract. Your test: catch all nine of us!” And with that, they scatter, except for En (one tail, obviously the youngest, with a wide face and orange fur). “Hey buddy, aren’t you gonna run along with the other foxes?”

“Nope, I like you Naruto. We’re gonna be friends!” En jumps onto Naruto’s shoulder. “Okay En, hold on, we’re gonna have some fun!” And another clone dissipates. In the human realm, three hours have passed.

Naruto reaches the top of the temple and thinks inwardly. Hey fuzzball, any tips?

Look for hidey-holes, under roots, and wherever you would think a prey animal would be. Foxes know all of their spots, so they’ll repurpose them to trick you.

… thanks fuzzball, that was very helpful! I won’t let you down!

It hurts me to see you stumble around like an idiot. My carrier should be more dignified.

Naruto decides to solve the problem the same way he does every problem these days: fuinjutsu. He spends a good twenty minutes repurposing his drop seal. 

In this case, the solution was based on the seals surrounding the Crypt. Those seals take in natural energy to fuel their shielding from sensors and attacks, and so Naruto knows how to pick it up from the environment, even if at this point he can only barely sense it. He knows that foxes, as sage animals, unconsciously take in a certain amount of natural energy. By creating a seal that shoots out a pulse of natural energy 200 meters before calling it back in, Naruto can determine the distance and direction of the nearest sage creature by where natural energy doesn’t return from. 

“Okay En, you might feel a slight tickle, but I’m setting off my seal. Are you ready?”

“Sure thing boss!”

A pang of nostalgia hits Naruto right in the heart. When this is done I’ll hang out with Konohamaru and his friends. Who knows, I might even become their jonin sensei one day!

The pulse goes out, and he finds first that En is there, proving the concept, then that the first four are less than 200 meters away. He puts a silencing, anti scent, anti chakra, anti everything seal on a clone and sends him out to find the first fox. 

Xuti (five tails) is the first to be found, having hid in a nearby tree. When Naruto arrives, the fox is immediately on guard, pulling out his bow and arrows with his tails. “Xuti, I mean you no harm. Why fight when we can trade?”

“What does a human have to trade with a kitsune? We can always fight instead!”

Naruto sighs. “If I give you some raw fish and a belly rub, will you come with me? For the offer of a belly rub and some fish, Arba joined the original Naruto with En.

Kitsune two, three, four, six, and seven were similarly easy to find and convince. Tuna (three tailed, white as snow tod) wanted a fire, which Naruto reluctantly agreed to. Alti (six tails, vixen, gray face and back with red furred legs and neck, three swords across her back) got some of Naruto’s flower seeds that he kept in a seal. Zwei (who Naruto is pretty sure is a black dog) got coffee, and En, for his help, got a bowl of ramen. After the fourth real world hour had passed and all but two foxes were caught, Naruto decided to summon five more shadow clones to talk over the options.

“Okay number one, two, and three, your job is to find the answer in Hashirama’s notes. The rest of us will spend that time discussing our options from what we currently know. Ready? Break!”

It was clone three that found the answer. As it turns out, the better you are at collecting natural energy, the less excess you pick up from the environment. The reason that there was no good signal from Nyolc or Ten was that their bodies simply weren’t taking in the natural energy. Given the two left were the oldest, it was reasonable to assume they were perfect sages and thus had all of the energy they could handle. Suddenly, Naruto had an idea. What if instead of a natural energy sink detector, he just made a natural energy detector?

By adjusting the adjusted drop seal again, Naruto takes out the pulse component and instead adds a noisemaker that bings when he’s closer to a strong natural energy source. He tests it out, walking back and forth from the group of gathered kitsune, and once he’s sure it’s good he makes a dozen clones, has them copy down the new seal, and starts the search in all directions. Before long, Nyolc comes back with a clone, the fox looking very content. “I simply asked for a signed copy of lord Jiraiya’s next book. He promised me he’d get it, so I came along quietly.”

“What do you even get from it? It’s about humans!”

“I’m in it for the plot.”

Another real world hour had passed. Naruto now knows about his conversation with Ino, and decides to try something crazy.

“Kitsune! I humbly ask for your assistance in locating your elder. Will you help me?”

If foxes could look stunned, they would be the spitting image. Arba (four) speaks up, “somehow, nobody’s ever asked us that before. He’s in the temple, third door on the left.”

Naruto facepalms. Of course he is.

Naruto walks into the room to find Ten drinking tea with the nine-tailed fox. “Took you long enough boy. Very clever using fuinjutsu that way, I know Jiraiya didn’t teach you that.”

“Thank you Elder Ten, I learned from the Uzumaki crypt. How did you follow me?”

Ten points to a crystal ball, the same one that used to be on Hiruzen’s desk. “I took this back when the third died. Very useful.”

The nine-tailed fox speaks, “Naruto Uzumaki-Namikaze, much to my dismay, you have completed the trial so I must give you my name. I am Kurama, the nine-tailed fox, son of Hagoromo. You may not reveal my name to others, but you have earned my respect.”

Ten decides it’s his turn to speak. “I will convene a vote of our ranks. Despite not asking for our contract, I am inclined to give it to you anyways and I am sure the rest will agree. Give us ten minutes.”

Before Naruto leaves, he turns around and asks, “how did you hide?”

“Simple my boy, I wasn't using nature energy at all. If you had chosen to search the temple, you would have caught me immediately. In other words, if you had searched for a solution instead of just trying to solve the problem, I would have been easy to find. Never forget to do both!”

With that, Naruto leaves, grumbling about “stupid ‘sage wisdom’ bullshit.”

After only two minutes, Naruto comes back into the temple to cheers and Ten says “congratulations, you are the first fox summoner in 300 years! En will be your guide, for now here is a list of kata I want you to practice, twenty jutsu of our own design, and a step by step guide to sage mode over the course of the next thirty years. Sign here please:”

Naruto is given a contract. Standard rules of summoning apply, with the exception of adding belly rubs, fish delivery, signed books, an exchange of scrolls, and a part in pranks moving forward. “Wait, these kata include a tail! I don’t have one of those!”

“You are an Uzumaki! Use those damned chains.”

Ten speaks up. “While we may not have the ‘boss summons’ of the deadlock trio, we do have our own benefits. Keep us fed, keep us informed, stay clever, and we’ll be your best allies.”

Naruto signs the contract in blood. For the first time, he uses his full name of “Naruto Uzumaki-Namikaze,” and it feels right. He sees the name “Arashi Uzumaki” was the last summoner but he had passed hundreds of years ago.

Naruto bows, “Thank you, esteemed foxes. I won’t let you down!” and reverse summons himself, carrying a new legacy.

Chapter Text

Naruto apparates in his room right before his last clone disperses. 6am okay. I’ve had all-nighters before but it’s not fair to team NaNaNo to be anything but 100%. Naruto writes out a time delayed message on the communicator tag of “I am asleep, don’t come back for me I’ll be fine! I am packed, safe, and will meet you at the forest at 1:30pm. In case you don’t believe it’s me: lord fourth would be curious too.” With that, he sets what legally is considered a paper bomb on a timer by his pillow and goes to sleep.

True to his word, Naruto is right on time at the forest of life, albeit with singed hair.

He finds Shino and Hinata easily, opening the communication line. Sorry, had a foxy emergency. It’s all fine, anything good happen while I was gone?

Shino looks ashamedly at the ground. My father has cut me off from the family coffers. Why? Because 100 letters by falcon a week is “excessive.” 

Naruto whistles. How much did that cost?

…200,000 ryo

(A/N I ran calculations based on Edo period express mail, the relative buying power of an Edo period ryo, and in that range I picked the funniest answer. FWIW the cost of a single letter is 2000 ryo, or about $180, and thus 100 of them is about $18,000. Suffice to say, Shino will be doing a LOT of missions to pay that off).

Hinata, despite being practically royalty, is astonished. Shino Aburame, that’s an A-rank! What could you possibly have sent her that often?

Whenever I saw something that would make her laugh, I wrote it down and sent it. Wouldn’t you do the same?

Hinata blushes at this, but before she can think of a reply, Ibiki’s doppleganger shunshins in.

“Alright brats, here’s the deal: you have to collect and keep two rabbits alive for five days, then bring them intact to the tower in the middle of the forest. Fighting is allowed, killing is discouraged, and if you are missing any teammates on the fifth day, you’re disqualified. NOW GO!”

With that, not-Ibiki shunshins away and the genins scatter.

Okay, two bunnies, that isn’t so bad. Shino, Hinata, scout out for the nearest rabbits and let the rest of us know where they are. I’m going to meditate. Naruto isn’t worried about making it through the exam. If he survived Orochimaru, he could survive a few bunnies. Instead, he focuses on page one of How to be a Sage in 10,000 Days.

Naruto doesn’t get far. Hinata is the first to notice, and thinks out they might be a bit more of an issue than we thought. The rabbits are about the size of the largest Nara deer, and they’re angry.

Naruto stops for a second, then pulls out some seals. Okay, I’ve got a paralysis, minimum chakra stasis, and storage seal. That should do it. I meant for this combo to be used for hunting anyways.

And so, team NaNaNo reaches the closest two rabbits and takes them down with some precise gentle fist strikes before sealing them away.  Okay team, let’s get to the tower. 

Before they make it to the tower, Hinata notices something. 

Three Kusa-nin, five o’clock, 100 meters. 

Shino smirks. I can smell them. Same ones from before. Attack formation epsilon.

“Attack formation” was a misnomer. “Epsilon” was Naruto’s idea, the theory being that sometimes you needed to “stand on business,” and do something stupid like 1v3 an entire team.  Are you sure Shino? I can back you up here but-

This is now personal. Why? Because my kaikechu can smell Karin’s chakra in them. They bit her. 

Naruto’s eyes flash red before he calms himself.

Nevermind, I’ll be here for cleanup. Try not to kill them, but don’t try too hard, y’know?

The Kusa team arrives. They are a motley crew, around their late-teens each. 

The leader is a classic pretty-boy. He looks like a distant cousin of Ino, except with black eyes. He has three wrist-mounted crossbows, which Naruto mentally notes are similar to Shizune’s. Likely poison, but you don’t have to worry about it Shino.

The second is shorter than the other two, with green electricity sparking across his body. He has a manic grin too large for his face, and bright pink hair. Maybe a distant relative of Sakura? Upon his waist are belts upon belts of ninja wire. 

The third is a brute of a man. Standing at two meters tall, carrying a giant wooden club, he is already breathing heavily.

The three misfits see only Shino, standing in the middle of a field.

The pretty boy speaks up. “Okay bugbitch, you had your time to shine at the end of the last exam, but now you’re going down. Poison mist jut-what!”

Before he could release his jutsu, he notices that he doesn’t have the chakra for it.

“You shouldn’t taunt before you are certain the battle is over. Why? Because you lose the element of surprise.”

The big man takes a running leap at Shino to smash him into the ground, but once the club hits the top of Shino’s head, it falls to dust.

Electric boy takes the opportunity to try to shock Shino. He sprints past the Aburame over and over again, carrying wire back and forth until the field is a web of metal spools. Shino remains nonplussed at the display.

“And so the insect is eaten by the spider. Tata!”

The green haired boy sets an electric shock into the wire. As the current lights up, Shino rises into the air on his insects.

“Like I said, the battle is over. I placed my insects on you before we entered the forest. You have all used my beloved for your own gain. I will drain you until all of her chakra has left your system. If you are still alive by the end of that… then you are lucky. Like I said, you do not want to be my prey.”

The kaikechu that were on each of the Kusa genin, having been waiting for the signal, begin draining in earnest. The electric field only seems to fuel their frenzy, and by the time five minutes had passed, the victims are barely alive husks.

“Okay, mercy time! Here we go!”

Naruto makes a few shadow clones to drag the genin over to a corner of the field.

“I’m setting up a barrier around you and shooting off a flare that says ‘we fucked with the wrong team.’ Hopefully the proctors pick you up. If not, there’s enough food, water, and medical supplies to last until the exam is over. The last thing I want to say is, don’t fuck with the Uzumaki, y’know?”

The rest of the second test went off smoothly. Nights were spent in tents about one kilometer away from the tower, with Naruto bringing out ramen for Hinata and himself and udon for Shino, plus a bit of chakra-infused sugar water for the insects. During his watch, Naruto lets Kurama out for a stroll and practices more natural energy gathering. It appears he already made it through the first year by virtue of his research into using natural energy for seals, so he hopes two through ten are as simple.

In the morning, Hinata turns on her communicator and asks something that’s been on her mind since the beginning of the exam.

Naruto, where do you keep getting things from? I see it’s behind your back, but I can’t find a chakra signal from there!

Well, you see Hinata, it’s a seal undershirt. Naruto takes off his jacket, then his mesh undershirt, then an apparently invisible shirt underneath. Hinata blushes, and Naruto sees this and blushes too. He sends a bit of chakra into the invisible shirt, showing off a very complicated array of storage seals.

Someday, I’ll get this tattooed on me, but I’m still growing so it’s ill-advised. 

Incredible! How much do you have in there?

Naruto thinks for a moment. About a liter of chakra infused ink, three weeks of clothes, two weeks of food and water for three people, forty kunai, ten special kunai, one hundred explosive tags, one hundred miscellaneous tags, two hundred sheets of sealing paper, three tents, fire wood, ninja wire, and a couple of cans of paint. Plus a dozen brushes of different shapes and sizes.

… Naruto, I never thought I would insult you, but don’t you think that’s a little paranoid?

Naruto raises his hands in defense. Hey, I based everything on historical scrolls y’know? The best seal masters carried twice as much! Truthfully, he’s just happy she didn’t ask about the special kunai. That's a surprise for the finals.

At day five, the rabbits are released from the seal and brought to the tower. 

At the tower, they find one Kusa team, two Ame teams, the other Konoha team, and a Suna team. There are eighteen participants left, which means a preliminary needs to be held.  Choji holds up his hand. “I forfeit, I ate a berry and my insides are unraveling.” One member of an Ame team raises her hand and says, “you too? Okay I drop out as well.” The two hobbled ninjas rush to the bathrooms, having gotten their teams to the final round.

“If there are no more questions, let the prelims begin!”

The first match is between Naruto and a purple haired teen from Ame named Ori. Ori stands at a solid 1.7 meters, with a wide grin and a dangerous look in his eyes.

“Genin are you ready… fight!”

Ori starts off with trash talk. “I hope you’re ready to die, Konoha scum!  Ame style, paper claw jutsu!” Out of Ori’s arms, claws of paper form, glinting in the sun. “I don’t know what you have against Konoha, but I do know what beats paper every time! Wind style: scissor slice jutsu!” Out of Naruto’s hands, blades of wind emerge. As the ninjas clash in the middle, Ori immediately realizes he’s outmatched. The paper claws are shredded like… well, paper. “I’m not done yet! Ame-style, paper hammer jutsu!” Instead of claws, a paper mache hammer appears in Ori’s hands. The hammer is quick to fall to Naruto’s blades. “Ame style: paper umbrella jutsu!” Much like the previous weapons, as umbrella meets blades, they are shredded to pieces. “I know when I’m beat, I forfeit.”

The next match is between Hinata and a puppeteer from Suna named Conip.

Conip is a broad woman, wearing the same black outfit as Kankuro had, and her puppet is a tiny garden snake with ten segments. 

“Kankuro mentioned fighting your teammate. I look forward to seeing how you do!”

“Genin, are you ready… fight!”

Conip sends her puppet out directly at Hinata, who activates her eyes in response. At the last second, Hinata dodges to the right and cuts the chakra wire to the front segment with her gentle fist. The head of the snake lies limp while Conip brings her puppet back to reattach her strings. Hinata doesn’t give her the chance, shunshining right between Conip and the puppet and cutting the rest of the strings. 

“You will not escape my divination! Gentle fist, sixty fou-“ before Hinata gets a chance to start her attack, she notices the snake hurtling towards her back. I cut all the chakra strings, how- wait! Mechanical strings!

The Suna puppeteer had attached “regular” ninja wire to her snake as backup in case the strings were ever cut or she ran out of chakra. As Hinata dodges again, Conip reattaches her chakra strings. “Good try Hyuga, but I’m smarter than your average puppeteer. Poison style: senbon storm!”

A deluge of senbon, dripping with purple toxins of all sorts, are sent flying at Hinata from the mouth of the snake puppet. “Heavenly rotation!” Hinata responds with her family’s signature jutsu. The senbon are sent flying in various directions.

“Take this!” The snake is sent flying at Hinata. Hinata decides to start putting her mind into this. Maybe I can take the snake out of commision…

Hinata sidesteps again, this time cutting through all of the wires and grabbing the snake by the neck with her fingers by its throat. “Give up or I break your puppet joint by joint!”

Conip sighs, “I forfeit.”

“Winner: Hinata Hyuga of Konoha.”

A Kusa genin faces off with Shino, but immediately forfeits with a shudder, having heard about the other genin from his class. 

Ino faces off against an Ame parasol-holder named Laycon. Laycon has black hair and is in all black, but his parasol is a random rainbow mess. The second the match starts, Ino knows what to do. “Hey Laycon! Want to see something cool?”

“…sure.”

“MIND DESTRUCTION JUTSU!”

“ACHHH I FORFEIT!”

Laycon goes back to his team, who look positively incensed at his display.

Next is Tenten, who faces off against an Ame nin. Impatient as ever, Tenten opens the first gate and blitzes him. He wakes up on a stretcher.

A Suna nin, wearing a small gourd of sand and announced as Kotarou Fuuma, walks forward and faces off against an Ame nin. As the match starts, the Ame nin is quickly surrounded by sand. “Sand coffin! Forfeit now, or your family will be scraping you off the ground.”

“I forfeit! Jeez, this is just a competition, no need to be so serious.”

The final Ame nin faces off against a Kusa nin. Ameno Akashi, an older teen wearing short shorts and a crop top, faces down a flute-wielding Kusa fighter.

The fight is over as soon as it starts. Ameno Akashi, feeling that he wants to get home early that night, opens the pores in his skin. “Salamander style: poison gas jutsu!” The arena fills with poison gas before the flute-wielder can activate any jutsu, and she forfeits in response before faceplanting, paralyzed.

The final Kusa nin faces off against the final Suna nin. 

“I’m the last chance for anyone from my village to make it to the finals! You will not stop me!” Albost Hakonechloa, a wind specialist, starts the match. “Wind style: grass cutter!”

The Suna nin responds. “Earth style, gate of return!” Before the cutting winds reach the Suna nin, a rock structure grows from the ground. This rock structure is shaped like a U, sending the winds back towards Albost.

“Clever! Wind style: dance of the reeds!” Albost starts to move faster, wind augmenting her taijutsu. She blitzes forward, knocking down the Suna nin and holding a kunai to his throat. The Suna nin clears his throat. “Proctor, I forfeit.”

“Winners, make your way to the front, we’re matchmaking!”

Papers are taken from a bowl, and the results are as follows:

Shino Aburame of Konoha v Ino Yamanaka of Konoha

Tenten Higarashi of Konoha v Ameno Akashi of Ame

Kotarou Fuuma of Suna v Naruto Uzumaki of Konoha

Albost Hakonechloa of Kusa v Hinata Hyuga of Konoha

Chapter Text

To prepare for the finals, Naruto starts a routine of sorts:

5am: run five laps around the village with gravity seals.

6am: stretch, drink a shake, and split into forty clones. Twenty work on a jutsu from the foxes, twenty work on sealing practice, and the original works on Gai-approved exercises to make sure he’s ready to use fox style taijutsu effectively.

12pm: have lunch, then meditate for an hour. Take the time to make sure his mental side is up to snuff.

1:30pm: fox kata for Naruto-prime, while twenty more clones work on sage mode and twenty work on fox jutsu.

5:45pm: shower, head to dinner

6pm: dinner with Hinata.

On day seven, Naruto is met at lunch by a familiar face. Already worn out by years on the field, the past two had been especially rough for the spymaster. 

“How did you find me?”

“Kid, it’s the only ramen shop in Kusa and you’re in town for the chunin exams. I’d be surprised if you weren’t here.”

“Fair enough. What are you here for?”

“I wanted to train you. Like last time. I know there’s nothing I can do to make up for the years we lost and the lies we told you, but if I can do any-“

“I forgive you.”

Jiraiya is flabbergasted. “What?”

“I said I forgive you. I just don’t want to be angry anymore, y’know? I missed you, pervy sage. If you didn’t show up here, I would’ve tracked you down back in Konoha when we got back.”

“So you’ll train with me again?”

Naruto smirks. “Only if you can keep up, old man!”

The second week is spent catching up, sparring, and showing off new techniques. Jiraiya is particularly impressed with the jutsu of the fox summoning clan.

“Okay kid, what do you have down so far?”

“I’ve got fox style: mischievous winds, which is a genjutsu that makes the opponent feel the pressure of impending strikes from the wrong direction. I’m not usually a genjutsu user but it spoke to me, y’know? 

Next is foxfire, which is where I shoot out globs of green fire that stick to the target, as much to ‘mark’ them as it is to burn them.

Finally, I have earth style: false dumpling. It’s an advanced earth clone, with the added benefit of the earth below turning into a swamp like a mini-swamp of the underworld. I need to think about if I really need to add any more to my arsenal.”

“Kid, between those and your fuinjutsu, I think you’ve got it.”

“Well, there’s one more thing I want to get down before the exams. I’ve got the basics, I’ve got the script, I’ve got the sensory abilities, I just want to make sure that I can do it with no issues. Can you help me perfect the flying raijin?”

Jiraiya’s eyes bulge. “You can do the flying raijin? Show me now.”

Naruto grabs one of his special kunai (with a different design from his dad’s) and chucks it at a tree fifty meters away. He then flashes over to the kunai with a grin on his face.

Jiraiya whistles. “You got the hard part down. You’re still not a sensor, right? How’re you able to make it to the kunai?”

“Well, I’m getting better at sensing, but for now, I just imbue the kunai with hatred.”

“I’m lost, kid. Is this Uzumaki bullshit or sealing bullshit?”

Naruto gives a fox-like grin. “Neither. It’s jinchuriki bullshit. Part of getting closer to the kyubi is that, even if I don’t use his chakra, I still can use his traits. That means I can sense negative emotions and I heal fast.”

“So you put negative emotions into your kunais. Of course you can do that. So what do you want to work on here?”

“Speed, strategy, and multiple kunais at once. You ready?”

Naruto and Jiraiya spent the next two weeks trying out every variation of ninjutsu, fuinjutsu, and taijutsu to come up with some ideas for the finals. They are planning on facing the sand user, then Hinata, then Shino in the finals. 

(A/N I was absolutely thinking about that one Reddit post where, when the wife is angry, she makes her husband’s sandwiches “with hate” (aka uses off brand ingredients). So that’s what I’m picturing with the kunai being “imbued with hatred.”)

Naruto doesn’t regret his time with Hinata, but the ambiguous couple quickly realize that they’re better left as friends. Once Hinata gets past the hero-worship of Naruto, she finds out that he’s just a goofy guy whose hobbies are “physical training” and “mental training,” with a side of gardening. She does her best to read up on fuinjutsu like Ino told her to, but Naruto only really can talk to experts about his ideas.

On Naruto’s side, Hinata just… isn’t on the same wavelength. Sure, she’s talented and a strong fighter, but if he were in her shoes, he would’ve broken down Hiashi’s door ages ago to force his hand into stopping the caged bird seal. Would it have been smart, and is it fair to Hinata? No, but Naruto was certain that he’d at least do something.

By day four of their attempts, both had individually gone to Ino to say that it’s not what they thought. Ino is saddened, but they all have a job to do so she can sulk later.

Hinata did get something from her talks with Naruto: he mentioned Tsunade using her chakra to rearrange the motor connections of Kabuto’s brain, and Hinata decided to follow up on that. She also followed the advice of Naruto and started incorporating water and lightning release into her gentle fist. By the end of the month, Hinata has her skill set on lockdown and is ready for anything.

Shino is ready for anything. He considers himself very lucky; this is one of the rare times that all of the other Konoha ninjas do not have a fire affinity. Except for Tenten, but she’s not likely to face him in the bracket. Shino decides to focus on being unpredictable and picking up some other elemental jutsu. I can’t do fire release yet, but some lightning jutsu can’t hurt.

Top eight:

Shino and Ino approach each other in the center of the arena.

“Okay genin, I want a nice, clean fight. While killing won’t get you disqualified per se, I can’t imagine you’ll ever be promoted to chunin if you are responsible for the death of a fellow Konoha-nin. Shino, Ino, 3…2…1… begin!”

Ino jumps back, doing handsigns. “Fire style: sunspot jutsu!” Out of Ino’s hands, in the same pose she would use for her mind transfer, comes a bright flash of light and a medium-sized fireball. Shino, even under his sunglasses, is momentarily blinded. Ino uses this opportunity to rush forward, punching him in the face and knocking him to the ground.

“That was a clever move. Why? Because I did not expect you to know fire jutsu. I will not make that mistake again. Water style: senbon barrage!”

Out of a cloud of insects behind Shino, thousands of senbon shoot out towards Ino. “Water style, water wall!” Ino’s jutsu activates just in time, stopping the senbon storm. Ino belatedly realizes that several insects had made it through the attack and were attacking her chakra system. “I forfeit!”

“Match: Shino Aburame by forfeit!”

Kurenei is on the edge of her seat.

Yes! That’s the first part of the parlay, I just need Naruto and Hinata to win their matches and I’m set for life!

Next up: Tenten Higarashi of Konoha vs Ameno Akashi of Amegakure!

“Fighters, the same rules apply to you: killing is highly discouraged, but everything else is allowed. Tenten, Ameno, 3…2…1… begin!”

Ameno is small for his age. Behind a perfectly parted down the middle blond mop of hair is a set of intelligent purple eyes. He starts the fight off. “Hidden rain style: gas of the salamander!”

Ameno’s pores open and purple gas is expelled. Tenten tries to blow it away with a giant fan, but more keeps coming. Guess I gotta go through. “First gate: open!”

Tenten blitzes through the cloud of gas, quickly finding “Ameno” in the middle and cutting him down with a kunai. This Ameno dissolves into orange smoke. A poison clone? And a different poison too?

“Come out you coward! Fight me like a ninja!”

Kurenei sighs. Tenten… that’s the opposite of how a ninja fights. At this point, the only “Konoha eleven” ninjas left for the next chunin exams are you, Kiba, and Choji.

Tenten is starting to get dizzy. I gotta end this quickly, I can’t breathe too much more in.

“Third gate: gate of life, open!”

The poison gas disperses under the pressure of tenten’s chakra as her entire body turns red. All that’s left is tenten in the middle of the arena, and Ameno standing by the wall. Tenten tries to blitz the Ame nin, but falls flat on her face halfway there.

“Proctor, I believe this match is finished. I gave the med staff the antidote before the matches started, so she should be safe as long as she’s brought there in the next half hour.”

The proctor sighs. “Winner: Ameno of Ame by knockout. Take Tenten to the medics!”

Next: kotarou fuuma vs Naruto Uzumaki!:

“Kotarou fuuma of Sunagakure vs Naruto Uzumaki of konohagakure. Are you ready? 3…2…1… fight!”

Naruto remembers his discussion with Jiraiya ahead of the fight.

“Okay pervy sage, he’s a sand user like Gaara and used the same sand burial technique. I have a couple of theories and methods for this fight.”

“Okay kid, what’re you thinking?”

“Well, I have three ways to approach this: blitz, outlast, or stand on business.”

“So the question is, do you want to save energy, look strategic, or impress the crowd?”

“Exactly! I’m faster, have more stamina, and can take him down one on one. I plan on outlasting Hinata and out strategizing Shino, so I’m thinking about just making it up on the fly with what jutsu I have on hand.”

“If you think that’s best I can’t stop you. Just stay on your toes.”

Naruto makes his handsigns. “Fox style: mischievous winds jutsu!” Immediately, he is surrounded by a shimmer as he jumps into the fray.

Kotarou surrounds his fists with sand and gets into a fighting stance, low and steady. Very defensive, interesting

The first strike goes to Naruto. The sand user sees the right fist coming, but every instinct screams that he’s getting kicked on his left leg and he fails to block. What’s happening to me?

Naruto doesn’t let up, tenderizing his ribs and kicking him away. The winds dissipate as Naruto beckons for the Suna nin to come forward. Kotarou readily accepts, bursting forward with his arm cocked back.

“Fox style: false dumpling!”

As kotarou’s fist connects, it sinks into “Naruto”‘s head as the ground around the two turns to swampland. The real Naruto comes up from behind the sand user and hits him on the back of the head with the blunt end of a kunai, intending on finishing the fight by knockout, but it turns out to be a sand clone.

“Clever, didn’t think you’d get around me that easily. Still, I can feel your anger. Fox style: foxfire jutsu!”

Naruto spits a glob of green flames at a seemingly random spot on the wall, which immediately glomps onto the previously-hidden kotarou, who begins to scream.

“Here, let me put that out for you! Water style: wave buffet!”

A wave of water shoots out of Naruto’s hands, crashing into Kotarou and pinning him to the wall, knocking him out.

“Winner, Naruto Uzumaki of Konoha by knockout!”

Most of the crowd boos, including several Hyugas and Yamanakas that had come to support their clan heirs. The Aburames don’t react, but that is normal for them.

Come on Hinata, make your sensei some money!

Hinata faces off against the final Kusa nin in the tournament, Albost Hakonechloa.

“Albost Hakonechloa of kusagakure, Hinata Hyuga of konohagakure, are you ready? 3…2…1… fight!”

Hinata starts the match by throwing senbon, lightning senbon, and water senbon, causing outrage amongst the traditionalist Hyuga members in the audience. Hiashi merely sighs, I’d prefer you lose rather than do this daughter. Now I may have no choice.

Albost, once she gets over her surprise, dodges them as she retreats. “Wind style: great breakthrough!”

Hinata manages to hold her ground, but is still buffeted by the attack. She rushes in, still throwing senbon as she goes. 

Albost continues to dodge before running in herself. Kurenei smiles. Nobody ever accused Albost of being smart. Trying to fight a Hyuga up close is a dangerous game.

Hinata smirks at the sight of Albost running towards her. She sees the kusa nin throw handsigns together. “Wind style, scissor blades!”

As Albost runs, she quickly realizes something: the “real” senbon are connected by wires! She trips over the first one but lands on her feet shakily. Why am I shaking? This bitch has nothing on me! I’ll take her head back to the village leader, maybe we can get a byakugon of our own!

Hinata sees the shaken genin and realizes it’s time to finish things. She throws senbon directly at the kusa nin, who is too shaken to dodge and they land right in two tenketsu. Hinata channels her chakra through the wires, finishing rearranging Albost’s nervous system and leaving her twitching on the floor.

“Proctor, I have temporarily incapacitated my opponent. She is unable to intelligently defend herself, please call the match.”

The proctor shakes his head. “Hinata Hyuga of Konoha by technical knock out!”

SemiFinals between Hinata and Naruto.

Kurenei is jumping for joy. Not only did ⅔ of her genin team make it to the final four, but her bet at the beginning paid off! That bookie better give her the money. She’ll spend the first 200k paying off Shino’s letter debt to his dad, then she’s going to fuck Asuma Sarutobi. Screw that “will they, won’t they” shit, she’s rich! She can do what she wants.

“Hinata Hyuga of Konoha vs Naruto Uzumaki of Konoha, are you ready? 3…2…1… begin!

“So kid, you said you’re going to try to outlast your girlfriend in the fight.”

Naruto blushed. “She’s not my girlfriend, and yeah I know her stamina isn’t jinchuriki-level. It’s barely chunin level if I’m being honest. The only problem is her taijutsu. She has the gentle fist, her eyes can definitely see through the mischievous winds, and I’m saving the chains and raijin for the finals. My best bet would theoretically be a distance fight.”

“I sense a ‘but’ coming.”

Naruto nodded. “I have some tags that I want to try out. Worst case scenario, I reopen my tenketsu.”

Hinata starts the match on the offensive, activating her byakugan and running in. Naruto, let me show you what I can do!

At first, each strike is parried or dodged, but counterattacks are similarly avoided. After fifteen seconds of neither party gaining ground, Naruto jumps back and throws a tag on the ground. “Fuinjutsu style: dust of heaven!”

A cloud of golden dust forms. Hinata tries to see through it with her byakugon, but is blocked by the sheer amount of chakra in the dust devil. Before she gets the chance to rotate away, she feels a tag hit her back. “Fuinjutsu style: wind rocket!”

Hinata is sent flying into the air from the tag on her back, straight upwards before she can take the tag off. As she comes hurtling towards the ground, she has an idea. If I time things just right, I can start taking out his tenketsu.

Naruto is prepared below where Hinata is falling with a rasengan in his hand when he feels his arm go numb from a lightning senbon. Clever girl. Let’s see what you do with this.

Hinata continues to land distance tenketsu closings with vacuum palms and senbon on Naruto as she falls until she gracefully ducks and tumbles to the ground, while he hits his knees. “Naruto, please forfeit, your tenketsu are closed and you cannot attack me back.”

Naruto grins. “Well, playtime is over then. FIRST GATE! OPEN!”

His morning sessions with Gai finally paid off. While rapid re-opening of tenketsu points is normally comically dangerous, Naruto’s healing makes it a moot point as he shunshins behind Hinata and slaps a paralysis seal on the back of her neck, ending the fight.

“Winner: Naruto Uzumaki by TKO!”

Shino, who at this point has the record for forfeits against him in a chunin exam, gets yet another one as Ameno bows out. “I am sorry everyone, but as an Aburame, he is likely immune to my poisons.”

Final round:

“Shino Aburame of Konohagakure, Naruto Uzumaki of konohagakure, approach.” After the genins find their way to the center of the ring, the proctor leans in and whispers, “Keep it clean, respectful, and dignified. You’re both shoe-ins for chunin so this is just for bragging rights.”

Okay Kurama, just sit there and watch the show.

Not like I have a choice, kit.

… kit? You’ve gotten soft, fuzzball.

Fuck you brat, the match is starting. Good luck

“Shino Aburame, Naruto Uzumaki, are you ready? 3…2…1… BEGIN!”

Naruto jumps back, surprising Shino. This was a bad matchup for the blonde, especially at a distance. While wind chakra is normally effective against kaikechu, both Shino and Naruto knew that Shino’s Uzumaki-infused insects could eat that up. Chakra chains and clones would only feed the insects more. Theoretically, if Naruto were to take this to a taijutsu match, he would have the advantage, but instead he backs off and… takes out a campfire? That smells like ramen?

“Order up, Uzumaki special! Wind style: flame dragon jutsu!”

A dragon of cutting wind flies out of Naruto’s mouth, catching the campfire and turning into an inferno. So this is how he plans on beating my insects. Troubling.

Shino takes a step back. “Water style: water bomb jutsu!”

A deluge of water spurts from his kaikechu, dousing the flames, but several insects die in the process. Not good. Looks like I have a time limit if I don’t want to lose too many.

“Wind style: air bullets!” While Shino is distracted, Naruto makes the hand signs and shoots out compressed air, cutting holes in Shino’s torso… or at least it would if it were Shino’s real body. More insects disperse, flying towards Naruto.

Naruto pushes himself up on his chakra chains, dangling ten feet above ground, shocking the audience. Nobody had seen chakra chains since Kushina. As he does, six chains shoot into the ground, five searching for Shino, one placing a kunai. Hook

One of the chains picks up what Naruto believes to be Shino from the ground, who bursts into electricity, cascading up the chain as more insects break through the dirt towards the blonde. Line

Insects surround Naruto as Shino comes down from the sky. In the chaos of the flame-dragon, he had risen hundreds of feet into the air, leaving his clone and most of his insects to deal with Naruto. “Proctor, call it. Why? Because he will be drai-“

Sinker

A flash of orange is barely seen through the swarm by only the most perceptive in the crowd. Neji pinches the bridge of his nose, knowing what’s coming. The more things seem to change, the more they stay the same…

Naruto, holding his father’s kunai that he had sunk into the ground earlier, bursts through the dirt, propelled by chains and a non-insignificant amount of wind chakra. His fist connects with Shino’s jaw, rocketing him into the air. Before he hurtles to the ground, he is safely caught by Naruto’s chains.

Most of the crowd boos, but Naruto is elated. There’s no way he doesn’t come back as a chunin!

One of the hokage’s guard detail whispers something in the proctor’s ear. 

“Ahem. Winner of the first Kusagakure inter-village chunin exam by knockout… Naruto Uzumaki-Namikaze!”

Bingo book record, shared between Kiri, Ame, Iwa, and small villages:

Naruto Uzumaki-Namikaze: A-ranked Konoha-nin

Bounty: 10 million ryo

Taijutsu: B

Ninjutsu: A

Genjutsu: C

Fuinjutsu: S

Kekkei-genkei: Uzumaki Chakra chains

User of rasengan and flying raijin

Taijutsu style: “Fox style”

Likely jinchuriki of the kyubi

Proceed with immense caution!

Chapter Text

“Okay brats, a few things: 

One: all of you but Higarashi and Akimichi are now chunin. This is early in your career to get promoted, so I fully expect you to do us proud! You are now the backbone of the village. Find mentors, find specialties, and make your way up the ladder. 

Two: an S+ ranked secret has been revealed to you all. Yes, Naruto is the son of the fourth hokage. I expect you to share this with anyone and everyone you can. If the kids in the academy and the elderly in the senior housing don’t know by the end of the month, I’m putting all six of you on D-ranks for a year!

Three: Choji, Tenten; I fully expect you two to make chunin next time. This was a wake up call for one of you, and extenuating circumstances for the other. Don’t eat berries you don’t know the name of, and think before you act!

Everyone else, your chunin vests are in your respective sleeping quarters. If you have any questions feel free to ask Shizune. I’m going to sleep.”

One chorus of “thank you lady Tsunade” and one “thanks granny!” later, the crew is pushed out of the room and leave for their tents.

Hinata finds her father staring at her when she enters. Even when she puts on her chunin vest, his eyes never leave her. Hiashi puts down a silencing seal.

“Hinata…” Hiashi starts, “we need to talk. As well as you did in the exam, you did two things ‘wrong’: you neglected the gentle fist, and you lost to Naruto, the ‘demon brat.’ Grandfather will be branding you with the caged bird seal when we get back. In all honesty, I have done my best to avoid you or Hanabi needing to be marked by having your competitions, but this cannot move forward.”

Hinata begins to cry. “Father, is there any way I can escape?”

Hiashi sighs. “Take the next few days to get your affairs in order and figure something out. Naruto might be able to help as a newly appointed clan head, but no promises. He would be making an enemy of the Hyuga, but I don’t think it bothers him much.”

Hinata taps her tag to get Naruto’s attention, and he’s in the tent a quarter second later. “What’s the problem old man?”

Hiashi sighs. “The clan elders want to brand Hinata, and we have until the night we get back to the compound to figure out a way to keep her out of servitude. As a newly appointed clan head, I wanted your opinion and possibly your help.”

“Well, I’ll see if there’s something I can do. Let me get my cousin to send over some clan laws, would you mind handing over the Hyuga ones too? Between Uzumaki, Hyuga, and Konoha laws, we can figure something out.”

“Naruto, my daughter speaks highly of you, but still how are you going to read through a hundred years of legal documents in two days?”

Naruto grins. “I won’t. Shadow clone jutsu!” A dozen Narutos appear behind him. “We will!”

Hiashi, for the first time in days, gives a smile. “If you do this, you will make an enemy of the Hyuga, but I will be in your debt.”

Hiashi gives a deep bow. Hinata is shocked, having never seen her father give deference to anyone, but Naruto gives a grim look.

“Let’s get to work!”

During his clones’ research, Naruto gets pulled aside by an uncharacteristically nervous Ino.

“Heeeyyyy Naruto… can I get your advice on something? Blonde to blonde?”

Naruto smiles. “What’s up?”

“… do you think Sakura likes me?”

Naruto’s brain short-circuits for a second before he comes back to reality. “Honestly I don’t know, but if you ask her out she’d say yes. Try it out, see where it goes!”

Ino still looks nervous. “What if she says no?”

“Look at what happened with me and Hinata. We tried it out and it didn’t work, but that doesn’t mean that we stopped being friends! Anyways, thanks for the distraction but I gotta get back to studying!” The Naruto clone dissipates before Ino’s eyes. Damn it Naruto, if that weren’t good advice I’d strangle you.

The two days before Hinata's branding go by quicker than anyone wanted. Naruto still hadn’t found an answer between the three legal tritises and they had entered the village in the early afternoon. Hiashi pulls Naruto aside. “Remember: branding happens at seven PM. I will delay all I can, but this is when she might become property of the clan, so prepare accordingly.”

Naruto nods, then has an inkling of an idea. He walks over to Hinata and places a tag in her palm before whispering in her ear, “before the branding, tap out SOS on the tag and I’ll be there in a flash. Worst case scenario, I pull you out of there and we become missing nin. Screw your clan.”

“Naruto… thank you.”

Naruto walks through the village in a daze. After a quick meal at ichiraku’s, he runs into Sakura.

“Naruto Uzumaki-Namikaze, chunin extraordinaire! Congrats! Why do you look so down?”

Naruto sighs. “The Hyuga are branding Hinata tonight. If I don’t find a way to get her out of there legally, she’s going to be considered property and subject to torture at any time. I’ve got a dozen clones reading through every legal document in the Uzumaki, Hyuga, and Konoha charters, but I can’t figure it out! Even Hiashi asked me for help with this!”

Sakura thinks with a frown on her face. “How is this allowed if she’s a chunin? Can’t she emancipate herself from the clan?”

Naruto is dumbstruck. “Sakura, you’re a genius! Okay I’m going to have my clones make a contract, then- oh no, it’s starting. Fuck!” Naruto had gotten an alert on Hinata’s tag. In front of Sakura’s eyes, Naruto blinked out of existence in a flash of orange, then reappeared half a kilometer away. This repeated until he went out of sight, hurtling towards the Hyuga clan. Wait, he figured out the flying raijin? What the fuck?

Naruto arrives by Neji’s side to a horrifying sight. Hinata is bound to a post in chakra-draining chains. Hiashi is chained to a chair in a similar manner. Hinata’s grandfather, Hiroto, is about to place a tag on her forehead.

“Hinata! Say the words ‘as a chunin, I relinquish my claim to the Hyuga clan and emancipate myself!’”

Hinata, with full trust in Naruto, yells out “as a chunin, I relinquish my claim to the Hyuga clan and emancipate myself!” The room is silent as Hiroto pauses. “Well, while we may accept your resignation, we are still allowed to keep your kekkei genkei from falling into the wrong hands. The seal stays!”

Naruto’s clone pops in behind him and gives him a contract, which he passes to Hinata along with a pen. “Sign here Hinata. Now she’s an Uzumaki, and I refuse to allow you to mark one of my clansmen!”

Hiashi looks up, already trying to make his way around the chains. “Naruto… what does the contract say?”

“‘Hinata, as a clanless shinobi, is hereby given full rights and privileges of the Uzumaki clan, including name, living arrangements, and protection.’ Hiroto, if you mark my clan member, I will be within my rights to destroy you. Let her go, or I’ll make you.”

Hiroto chuckles. “Who saw her sign the contract? There’s a dozen of us who will say it was forged, and four who say it wasn’t. As clan members, we are exempt from Yamanaka mind walks. Our witnesses are to be taken at face value.”

Naruto smirks. “True, you are exempt, but I am willing to allow a mind walk to show exactly what happened. Let. Her. Go.”

Hiroto pauses. I’m not getting outmaneuvered by some brat! Let’s see if he really is such a bleeding heart. “Well, then I hope you don’t mind a little ‘demonstration’ of our seal on some branch members. Now which do you choose? My failure of a granddaughter or the entire clan?”

As Hiroto makes the hand sign, he is struck in the throat by three senbon in rapid succession before falling over, dead before he hits the ground.

The occupants of the room turn to see Hiashi, having gotten his right arm out of his bonds, still extended after throwing the senbon that killed his father.

“Naruto, Hinata, Neji; please take me to the Konoha police station. I would like to turn myself in for the murder of my father.”

The aftermath is a subdued shitshow. Only the clan head may brand the seal on to a member, but with Hiashi in prison, Hanabi too young to have learned how to perform the jutsu, and Hinata an official Uzumaki, the seal would be unlikely to continue. If the scrolls detailing how to administer the cursed seal were burned on the way out by Hiashi, well that’s alright with Naruto.

After dropping Hiashi off at the station, Naruto and Hinata go to Tsunade to report.

“So you’re telling me that Hinata is an Uzumaki now? And we don’t have a Hyuga clan head not in prison? You don’t know how to make it easy, kid. Hinata, leave. Naruto, as punishment for bringing this to me on my day off, I’m introducing you to the first lesson on being a kage: paperwork. Get started on my behalf, now! We have your first clan head meeting next week so get your act together!”

Naruto grins. Oh I so got off easy. I hope Hiashi is doing alright, the old bastard deserves a break.

Chapter Text

Karin, now that she’s an official citizen of the hidden leaf, is allowed to walk around unsupervised and is allowed to leave the village. To celebrate, Naruto bought her, Hinata, Shino, Sakura, and Ino an all-expenses paid trip to the land of hot water. Secretly, Naruto just really wanted to meet his dad’s teammate Ami Shimura, who runs a pottery barn in Yugakure.

Hinata is curious. “Naruto, how can you afford this?”

Naruto grins. “I’ve been selling my seals under the name ‘Menna Chokusen,’ and they’ve more than surpassed any money I got in inheritance. Have you noticed all of the automated vacuum rats in residential buildings? That was me.”

The team continues on, stopping at their luxury inn to drop off their stuff. Shino and Karin share a room, Sakura and Ino share a room (with Naruto giving a wink to a blushing Ino), Hinata gets a single, and Naruto gets a single. While the rest of the team heads to the hot springs, Naruto runs off to find Ami.

It doesn’t take long. The pottery barn has a series of sculptures of huskies, along with a wide arch that says “Shimura and Hatake (and dogs) Pottery Studio”

As soon as Naruto walks in, he’s practically tackled by a middle-aged lady who had left her cane behind to squeeze his cheeks.

“Oh you look just like Minato! I’m Auntie Ami, I was wondering when you’d show up! And you’ve got these cute whiskers!”

Naruto blushes. “Right, the secret’s out. Dad’s journal mentioned taking mom here, and I brought my team to check the village out and meet you, y’know?” At the “y’know,” Ami’s eyes light up even more. “Oh you’re just like your mother too! Let me get Kiko and the dogs. KIKO, GET OVER HERE, MY NEPHEW JUST SHOWED UP!”

Naruto hears the sound of thirty feet scrambling over and sees a woman with white, spiky hair and a mask just like… “holy shit, are you related to Kakashi Hatake? He was my jonin sensei!”

Kiko sighs. “Yes, he’s my distant, more famous, cousin. I’m Kiko Hatake, you must be Minato's kid. Ami’s been waiting for you to show up.”

Naruto scratches the back of his head. “I wanted to, y’know? I just couldn’t reveal mysel-“

“I’m just busting your balls kid, nice to meet you.”

At this, the seven dogs rush Naruto and also tackle him to the ground. 

“So Naruto, you’re here with some friends? Bring them over for dinner tonight!”

“There are five of them.”

“So? We can handle it!”

“Two of us are Uzumaki by blood.”

Ami and Kiko look a little worried, but soldier on. “Well, we better get cooking then. See you here at eight!”

Naruto makes it back to the inn and gathers everyone. “Hey guys, my aunts invited us to dinner tonight, meet in the lobby at 7:30?”

A chorus of “you have aunts?” Came back to Naruto.

“My dad’s teammate and her wife. Anyways, I’m going to go change. See you in a bit!”

At 7:30, in various states of “dressed fancy,” the group of six sets off to see Ami and Kiko. After a brief meeting at the pottery barn, they make their way over to the medium-sized apartment in a pleasant neighborhood. Pictures are everywhere, including many with Minato and Kushina, which Naruto appreciates. There are seven (seemingly unused) dog beds, and the master bedroom’s bed is covered in fur. 

Ami starts the discussion at the dinner table. “So, I didn’t get to hear much earlier, who are you people?”

Ino speaks up. “I’m Ino Yamanaka, recent chunin, former classmate of Naruto! He invited me but didn’t tell me he had such a lovely family here.”

Under her mask, Kiko blushes. “That’s very kind of you. Pinkie?”

“Sakura Haruno, tokubetsu jonin, teammate of Naruto under Kakashi Hatake, also grateful for your hospitality.”

Kiko groans. “My famous cousin. Tell him to visit once in a while! Next!”

“My name is Karin Uzumaki, citizen of Konoha, Naruto’s recently discovered cousin.”

“Shino Aburame, chunin, classmate. Boyfriend of Karin.”

“Hinata hyu- sorry, Uzumaki. Chunin, former classmate, and current member of the Uzumaki clan.”

Ami’s eyes widen. “You didn’t tell me you got married?!”

Naruto shakes his head. “No, no marriages yet. She had some family troubles, so to keep her safe, I offered her clan membership. I’m a clan head now, so apparently I can do that.”

The rest of the dinner went by smoothly, with Sakura and Ino staring at the couple and asking questions.

“How did you two meet?”

“Who brought the dogs?”

“Why pottery?”

“Can I be adopted by you?”

And so on. The answers were fairly regular, (“a bar called ‘Friends of Tobirama,’” “they were a wedding present from an ex,” “Ami has an affinity for fire and Kiko for earth, so it was easy to pull together,” “no but you’re welcome to stop by anytime.”

At the end of the meal, somehow managing filling all of the humans and dogs up, Naruto sets a small army of clones on the task of cleaning up the kitchen and dining area. Ami and Kiko are individually pulled aside by Sakura and Ino respectively and asked for directions to “Friends of Tobirama.” That night, when everyone goes back to their hotel rooms, Sakura and Ino both say they’re going out on the town and Sakura takes first shower before heading out.

A half hour later, nervous as can be, Sakura sits at the bar of FoT, tapping her fingers on the counter before hearing a familiar voice behind her.

“Mind if I buy you a drink?”

“Ino! What are you doi- were you follow- um… hi. Yes. Please.” Sakura manages to sputter out.

Okay Ino, guess that confirms it.

Ino, having built up her confidence just enough to ask if Sakura wanted a drink, takes the seat next to her and does her best to make eye contact, failing miserably.

“So, uh, Sakura, you come here often?” Damn it! 

“Haha you’re so funny. About as much as you do.”

Okay outer Sakura, this is your chance. She’s gay, she’s interested, and you’re already sleeping in the same room! Be the confident top you always wanted to be!

But what if she doesn’t like me like th-

She literally offered to buy you a drink. At a lesbian bar. Even Naruto would get the hint!

Meanwhile, in Ino’s head, she’s on the same train of thought. 

This is exactly what Naruto talked about! I should just go for it!

The bartender makes her way over. “What’ll you two have today?”

Sakura, thanks to her training, knows a good answer. “Two shots of the Tsunade brand elixir!”

“Oh, two for me too!”

“Great, that’s four shots of Tsunade’s elixir, coming right up!”

Sakura continues to stare down at the counter, and Ino tries to start conversation again.

“So… how’s it going with Tsunade?”

Sakura smiles, thankful that they’re getting to a topic she can talk about. Ino, meanwhile, is flustered seeing Sakura smile and barely hears what she says, only catching the last two sentences of, “and then we pulled Might Gai out of the ground like a carrot. And you? How is it working with your dad?” Great move, bring up her dad on a date. Wait is this a date? No we just both happened to be at the same bar. The lesbian bar. For lesbians. That we’re both at-

Her thoughts are interrupted by the bartender dropping the shots in front of the two.

“They’re on the house. Welcome to Yugakure” the bartender says with a wink. (Meanwhile, Ami and Kiko had called ahead to pay for whatever "the blonde chick and the pinkette order,” to which the owner refused and said she’d pay for them herself. “Young love has to start somewhere” was her answer, and nothing could change it.). 

“Thanks! To Naruto having money!”

“To my idiot teammate being secretly smart!”

The night goes on like that, more shots and more cheers, until the duo decide to go back to the inn. 

They come back, holding on to each other for dear life, singing sea shanties as they make their way through the pleasant town. Finally, they arrive at the inn, only to realize… there’s only one bed. Using a med-nin trick, Sakura sobers herself up and Ino does the same.

“Well Sakura, I can take the floor and you could take the bed.”

You better take this opportunity now, Outer, or I’m going to be reminding you of every embarrassing moment you’ve ever had for the next month!

“Or…”

“Or?”

“We could share the bed… you know, platon-“

Sakura is interrupted by Ino kissing her.

(A/N I am not writing smut. Make your own guesses as to what happens that night)

The rest of the week goes smoothly. Ino and Sakura do their best to go on dates in secret and not appear to be together, but to the rest of the gang, it’s obvious. They also visit Ami and Kiko and take many pottery classes.

Shino and his insects love the hot springs. The warmth and minerals do wonders for his horde. Any time he’s not physically with Karin, he’s soaking, with bugs directly under his skin. Karin can often be found on the other side of the wall on the women’s side of the hotspring, using the thought coms to talk with Shino. Karin has gained more confidence, enough to not cover her bite marks. She survived Kusa, she can flaunt it.

As for the last duo of Naruto and Hinata… they barely interact. Hinata doesn’t know how to thank Naruto for saving her, and she doesn’t know how to live with the disaster she brought upon her clan (at least in her own mind). Still, once a day they meet up and just talk for a few minutes. “Cousin to cousin” as Naruto says, with a wry grin on his face.

Naruto takes the time to work on a project of his. He wants to fully break the seal on the nine-tails, but it’s borderline impossible without the key, and Jiraiya still doesn’t trust Kurama. Naruto lives in that very borderline, so he works on the task.

When Naruto isn’t working, he’s in a private hotspring built for twenty people that he rented out. Once he puts up his privacy seals, he summons his foxes (including Kurama) to play around in the water and be merry. This is much appreciated.

At the end of the week, the group of six makes their way out of Yugakure. “Come again soon! And bring uncle Danzo! That bastard never shows up, and if anyone can convince him, it’s you Naruto!”

“Bye aunties!”

Naruto salutes his newly codified family and performs the flying raijin, making a jump about a hundred meters away.

“Show off, just like his dad,” Ami says, with a big grin on her face. She’s already thinking of ways to spoil her nephew next time he’s in town. Him and her two new honorary nieces, Ino and Sakura.

Chapter Text

Naruto and Sakura enter Tsunade’s office. Both are nervous, as this is their first mission as a chunin and tokubetsu jonin respectively. 

“Alright brats, here’s the deal: Taki’s leader is dying. You may remember Shibuki, I believe that you met him on your last mission together.” Naruto and Sakura share a look; also their last mission with him, their last mission as team 7.

“Takigakure’s hero water took a toll on him, so you have three tasks: 

1. Sakura, make sure he gets the best treatment possible. At this point, you’re among the top five medics in the elemental nations, so if you can’t heal him, I’m pretty sure he was a goner.
2. You two are the only Konoha shinobi that Taki trusts to enter their village. If Shibuki is to die, remain there until coronation. Naruto, I know you’ve been studying up on politics, consider this your first truly diplomatic mission. Sakura as the hokage’s representative, Naruto as the village’s representative, shmooze with the top brass and make sure they like us. No need for an official treaty, just keep them in our good graces. If an official treaty comes up, Sakura can use Katsuya as our messenger.
3. Make contact with the jinchuriki of Taki. The seven-tails is allegedly one of the more… benevolent tailed-beasts. Unfortunately, Taki is one of the few places Jiraiya doesn’t have spies, so you’re on your own to find the jinchuriki.

Expect a three day trip and a month’s stay. They specifically said that team seven was the only group they trusted to enter Taki, so no backup is coming. Naruto, this is your chance to increase your flying raijin network. You leave tomorrow morning at sunrise, this is an A-rank mission. Shizune will see you off in the morning, any questions? No? Good. Get out of my office!”

The newly promoted duo make their way out of the hokage’s office.

“Is it just me, or is she pissier than normal? She hasn’t been this ornery since Jiraiya and I met her!”

Sakura sighs. “She lost a bet with Jiraiya, so she’s had to give up drinking for a month. This is day seven.”

Naruto whistles. “Guess I’m glad we’re leaving for a while. I gotta go do clan shit and pick up some gifts for diplomats, let’s catch up on the way?”

Sakura nods and heads home. He’s getting gifts? What the hell does a diplomat even like?

Naruto comes back to his clan compound and finds it empty. Karin and Hinata are out, with shino and on a mission respectively. He leaves a note on the counter for when they get back. 

Hey guys, I’m heading out on a mission and won’t be back for a while. Zwei will be checking the ‘mail room’ once a day at five PM, so just remember to leave a snack on the counter if you want him to bring anything to me. I’d say no parties, but I don’t think I have to worry about that with you two. See you in a month!

Naruto Uzumaki-Namikaze.

Naruto starts packing his things, ready for the next morning.

Sunrise comes quickly, and the duo set off. Sakura sees a curious habit of Naruto’s: every half-kilometer, he places a tag on a tree. I guess that’s the flying raijin network Tsunade mentioned. I still can’t believe he has that jutsu!

When they eventually make camp for the night, Sakura asks a question that’s been on her mind for a while.

“So Naruto… what happened with Hinata?”

Naruto, chuckles. “She’s just a close friend, y’know? We tested the waters in Kusa, but she likes the idea of me more than me, and I liked the idea of her more than her.”

“Explain.”

“Well, turns out, a ‘never give up’ lifestyle looks a lot more like ‘hours in a library and training’ than she expected, and I thought she was on the same page. Since the night she moved in, we’ve been amicable roommates and not much more.”

Sakura is a little surprised, but catches herself. “She’s a nice girl, I’m sure she can find someone.”

“How about you Sakura? Anyone in your life? Maybe Ino?”

Sakura blushes heavily. “How did you know about that? Ino promised she wouldn’t tell anyone!”

“Yeah, but I think the blind would be able to tell what was going on between the two of you in Yagakure. Also, Ino asked for advice when we left Kusa. Anyways, good for you! Glad you got over duckbutt.”

The mood is tamped down after that.

“Do you think he’s okay? Jiraiya said three years until Orochimaru tries to take his body and it’s been two so far.”

Naruto shrugs. “If he’s still the same dickhead, we’ll just have to find him and kick his ass. Then he’ll be our lovable emo again.”

“Wow, you sound like a jilted ex. Are you sure I’m the fangirl here?”

Naruto is quiet for a moment. Sakura picks up on it. “Wait, are you serious? Holy shit! I thought I was the hinge on our team’s love triangle! Turns out, it was Sasuke the whole time!”

Naruto laughs. “Took me a while to figure it out, but yeah I think I loved him. Then he tried to kill me twice, betrayed the village, and shacked up with a guy who does human experiments for shits and giggles. I still think after a good fight I’ll forgive him, but damn does it hurt.”

Trying to change the subject, Sakura tries a different conversation. “How much have you really improved since team seven? It looks like a ton, but on the off chance we get into a fight, I don’t want to be too blindsided.”

Naruto takes a second to think. “Well, there’s the flying raijin, I can use at least one A-ranked jutsu of every element, I have a fox summoning contract, I’m buddies with the nine-tails, I have chakra chains, and my taijutsu is much better. How about you?”

Sakura gets over her shock quickly. “I’m a damn good medic and poisoner. I also have a new technique I’ve been working on for hostage situations where I send chakra through my back into the opponent, which so far has taken out a lot of training dummies. I’ve also been working on genjutsu, but that’s not my main focus.” Naruto is impressed. “Tsunade must be working you hard.”

“You have no idea. Let’s get some rest though, I’m tired!”

The rest of the night is peaceful. Naruto takes first watch and sets up enough traps to bring down a village, then Sakura does her best not to trip any. 

Night turns to morning, and morning means travel. By this point, Naruto has sealed Sakura’s pack and they speed up. By their third morning, they reached the drop off point and consented to blindfolds as they entered the village. When they finally take their blindfolds off, Naruto is face to face with someone he could only describe as looking like mint ice cream. She has on a crop top, with a massive scroll on her back reminiscent of Jiraiya. Her hair and eyes were a mint green, but above all else is an aura of chakra that feels familiar to Naruto. “What’s up bros, I’m Fuu. Welcome back to Takigakure! I’m here to bring you over to Shibuki.”

That’s Chomei’s jinchuriki. Make a good impression!

“Hey! Uhh, thanks bro, I see you’re the lucky number seven!”

Smooth. I swear you’re more like your mother every day.

What would you say! “Hey, I’m stuck with a jolly giant jackass in my belly too, wanna have a play date”?

Fuu laughs and reaches out for a fist bump, which Naruto gladly reciprocates.

In the shared mind space, Naruto opens his eyes to see Fuu riding on top of a giant beetle’s head at the front of a deep cave lit by torchlight. As opposed to the musk and mildew smells of Naruto’s mindscape, Fuu’s smells of yeast and a campfire. Kurama remains behind Naruto and behind a gate, although the tag on said gate is hanging on by a thread. 

“Chomei, it has been many years. How is my third favorite sibling?”

Naruto turns around. “Third favorite?”

“He calls all of us his third favorite. Except Shukaku, who is his least favorite. I have been well, brother. It appears our hosts need to leave, we can catch up later.”

Naruto thinks for a second. “Wait! Okay Fuu, when we get out of the mindscape, I’ll make a tag for both of us. That way, Chomei and Ku-kyubi can catch up while we do business things! Are you familiar with fuinjutsu?”

Fuu’s eyes light up. “Am I familiar? You’re looking at the best damn non-Uzumaki seal master in the elemental nations! Well, given there aren’t any Uzumaki left, that makes me the best by default!”

Naruto grins and puts out his hand. “Naruto Uzumaki-Namikaze, at your service!”

Fuu looks star-struck. “Okay we’re definitely getting together after you meet Shibuki. See you in the real world!” Fuu salutes and blinks out of existence. Naruto soon follows. I like this girl!

Me too. 

Out of the mindscape, only a few seconds had passed. “This is Sakura Harano, our medic second to Lady Tsunade, tokubetsu jonin. Please lead the way!”

On the way over, Naruto makes two clones and hands them fuinjutsu tags and pens. While walking, they throw together nearly identical tags, with the only difference being the character for “9” on one and “7” on the other. One of him hands Fuu the 7 tag and puts the 9 tag on the original. “This should do it. Tell your friend to hit the big red button to talk to my friend, hit the green button to talk to all three of us, and hit the orange button to send an alert to us.”

Fuu stares at him. “How did you figure out mental communication? That’s like one of the Five Challenges!”

“I anchored it to the chakra signature! In the past I’ve used a dojutsu and kaikechu as anchors, but our roommates have enough unique chakra to make it easy. What’s the Five Challenges?”

“The Five Challenges are what Taki seal masters consider to be the hardest ‘theoretically possible’ fuinjutsu achievements. Universal mental communication is what I thought you had made, but this works for now. The last Challenge to be beat was teleportation, but that was solved years ago by the second hokage, then perfected by the fourth hokage, Minato Namikaze. What I wouldn’t give to see one of his kunai…”

“Oh like this?” Naruto says as he pulls out one of his father’s famous weapons.

“Wait a second, you’re a Namikaze too! Holy shit you’re sealing royalty!”

Naruto laughs and rubs the back of his head. “I guess you could say th-“ Sakura interrupts him, “you can go on your sealing date later, we’ve been stopped here for five minutes and I need to get to Shibuki’s hospital room!”

Fuu nods and leads the way. 

The hospital room is as dreary as expected. Shibuki looks positively gaunt.

“Sakura, Naruto, you’ve grown so much! Where’s the rest of the team?”

Naruto sighs. “Kakashi is unfortunately deep in a mission right now and Sasuke… is on a sabbatical.” 

Wow kid, good one. I almost believed you myself.

Shut up you old fuzzball, go back to talking with Chomei.

Shibuki sighs. “Like a Tsunade sabbatical, an Orochimaru sabbatical, or a Jiraiya sabbatical?”

Sakura speaks up this time. “Unfortunately, the second one. May I look you over? I’m the medic on this mission.”

“By all means, go ahead!”

After Sakura gets permission to check him over, she feels the problem.

“Hero Water is a major carcinogen. Your lungs are full of tumors, I’m sorry but there’s nothing I can do.”

Shibuki shakes his head. “I figured as much. Our doctors aren’t so advanced here, they thought I was cursed!” Shibuki tries to laugh, but it comes out as a coughing fit. “So Sakura, medic that you are, how long do I have?”

Sakura thinks for a second. “I’d say two to three weeks. I’d get my affairs in order, it’s only going to get worse from here. I’ll be by your side to keep you comfortable along with the rest of the staff here. If you don’t mind, I can also make sure they’re up to a standard while I’m here; this should’ve been caught months, if not a year, ago.”

Shibuki nods and gets a drink of water. “You do a dying man a great service Sakura. I’ll make sure my successor is worthy of the role… more worthy than I was.”

After making sure that Shibuki is stable, Fuu brings Sakura and Naruto to their hotel rooms. 

“Okay guys, as diplomats, you’ll be staying here for the duration. You have three food vouchers a day, laundry is downstairs, gym access is in the basement, and you get preferred booking for training grounds. The receptionist can call me if you need anything. Uzumaki! You’re coming with me.”

Fuu drags Naruto out of his room by his hand before he gets the chance to unpack his scroll. Sakura, in her wisdom, managed to get a picture of the two jinchurikis smiling like idiots as they head to Fuu’s home. Oh that’s going in the wedding album.

The night is spent with Fuu, Chomei, Kurama, and Naruto around Fuu’s fireplace. Naruto at some point shows Fuu how to let a mini-Chomei out, and they all share a bottle of seaweed-liquor that Naruto brewed with a recipe from the Crypt. While jinchurikis have an incredible tolerance for alcohol, mini-tailed beasts do not, which leads to a remarkably drunk Kurama and Chomei singing together to a lullaby the Sage of Six Paths had taught them. Naruto teaches Fuu the shadow clone jutsu so she can keep up with his fuinjutsu training regimen, and they compare stories about growing up as jinchurikis in a “peaceful” time. At 10am, they wake up to a knocking on the door, having fallen asleep in a puddle of sixteen tails and eight human limbs.

“Naruto I know you’re in there! Your political skills are needed!”

“Coming Sakura!”

Fuu and Naruto untangle themselves (and dispel the tiny hungover demigods) before getting dressed in their “fancy” clothes. Naruto only belatedly realizes that they got naked in front of each other, but if Fuu doesn’t say anything he won’t either. Fuu, on the other hand, hasn’t had enough human interaction to realize why it’s “wrong” to be naked in front of her new friend. Perks of being a jinchuriki.

Sakura brings over the pair, who at this point have thought-comm tags (as Fuu dubbed them), and Sakura explains the issue.

“The possible successors want to meet the Konoha contingent! Everyone’s heard about the newly-revealed legacy of the fourth hokage, so now they want to kiss your ass. They barely took a second look at me, and I’m the one treating their village leader!”

Naruto gives a sympathetic look. 

“I promise, you’re getting the better half of the deal. Mito’s notebooks had a lot to say about shmoozing, and none of it was positive. I’ll let you know how it goes!”

The aspirational heir-apparents were not particularly interesting. Shizuke, Shifuke, and Shaun (or as Sakura called them, “shitty, shittier, and shittiest”) are practically identical, although Shizuke appears to be in the lead as far as public support goes. Shaun has the most money, and Shifuke is just along for the ride. Sakura was right about one thing: they really wanted to get on Naruto’s good side.

“Lord Namikaze, I hope our humble village has treated you well. We are delighted to have you here, and if there is anything at all that you need, we are at your service!”

Naruto had already forgotten which bald bureaucrat said that sycophantic statement. In all honesty, he just wanted to get away and talk with his new friend about fuinjutsu. Actually…

Naruto excuses himself to the bathroom and creates a clone to talk with the candidates. His “main” body reaches out to Fuu.

Hey, are you around today? I’ve got a clone taking care of the politics, so we can go hang out somewhere! Maybe spar?

Naruto gets a near immediate response.

YES LET'S DO IT. YOU’RE GOING DOWN BRO.

Not long after, Naruto and Fuu face off against each other on a jinchuriki-approved, very distant training ground.

“Okay Fuu, rules of the spar: first, we do taijutsu only, with the exception of my chains and your wings. Then, we move into ninjutsu included, and finally, fuinjutsu allowed. You’ve done a great job of reinforcing the grounds, but let’s test it shall we?”

Fuu nods and holds out a hand.

“May the best jinchuriki win!”

Naruto shakes the hand, then pulls out a kunai. “When this hits the ground, we start. Ready?” Naruto throws the kunai in the air, both fighters get ready… and they charge.

Fuu starts on the offensive, first leveling a barrage of kicks without dropping her front leg. Naruto dodges the first two and goes for a sweep, which is jumped by Fuu who takes to the sky.

As Fuu lifts off the ground, chains erupt from behind Naruto and try to take her down. The first six miss, but seven, eight, and nine manage to catch her by the wings while she’s doubling back towards Naruto. Before they can take her to the ground, she releases her wings and aims for a drop kick. Naruto barely avoids the drop kick and goes for an elbow to the supine Fuu, but is grabbed into an armbar by Fuu.

Before Fuu can do any lasting damage, a bundle of chains hits her right in the liver, causing her to let go in pain. Still, she manages to land an upkick before Naruto can push in to take advantage, stunning him. 

“You’re pretty good Fuu, wanna bring in ninjitsu?”

“Dude, let's do it!”

Fuu takes back to the air. “Wind style: great breakthrough!” A current of a size that Naruto hadn’t seen since Orochimaru barrels down on him, but he smirks and raises his hands. “Uzumaki wind style: wind chain shield!”

The battleground starts to shake as layers of chains burst out in front of Naruto, protecting him from the onslaught. 

“How about this! Scale Powder jutsu!”

A bright light bursts from her mouth, nearly blinding Naruto. Fuu manages to make it to the other side of the blonde before attempting another jutsu.

“Water style: wavebreaker!” A blade of water shoots forward from her hands, directly towards Naruto’s back.

“Shit! Lightning style: false darkness!”

A beam of lightning shoots out from Naruto’s mouth towards Fuu, shocking her through the water. With that, the clone of Fuu pops, impressing Naruto.

“Hey, I just taught you that!”

Yeah, and false darkness is a Taki jutsu! How do you know that?

Oh right, we still have thought-comms up. I got it from an Uzumaki scroll, I promise! Fuinjutsu time?

Thought you’d never ask.

Both Naruto and Fuu (who has since flown down to eye-level) pull out their packs of tags. Naruto is first, grabbing a square tag and punching it. “Fuinjutsu style: art of the weapons store!”

A deluge of weaponry, from kunais to maces to arrows to even a few bows, fly out of the tiny square directly at Fuu. Fuu unfurls one of the scrolls on her back and points it forward.

“Taki fuinjutsu style: magnetic pulse!”

Naruto’s eyes widen as most of the weaponry flies back towards him. After some impressive stretches and dodges, Naruto gives a grin.

Holy shit you got magnetism seals? That’s incredible!

I know, right? Shibuki invented them. 

Naruto pulls out another seal, this one about the size of his forearm.

“Uzumaki style: art of chain binding!”

Fuu pulls out her last scroll. “Taki style: art of the infinite waterfall!”

From both sides of the training ground, there is a cascade: from side Naruto, it is of golden chains. From side Fuu, it is of water. Both parties are too focused to realize a fundamental truth: chain links aren’t waterproof. And that’s how the jinchurikis, theoretically two of the strongest ninjas alive, get stuck in a never ending waterfall and strung up in chains for the next hour, laughing hysterically as they try to escape first without letting go of their opponents. Eventually, as the sun starts to go down, they agree to a truce and let the other person go. Around this point, clone Naruto dispels and gives the main body all of the political updates.

“So Fuu, any place you’d like to eat?”

Fuu looks downcast. “Nowhere let’s me eat there. They think I’m a monster.”

Naruto is incensed. Here is this wonderful, charming, intelligent young lady, and they refuse her based on the (reasonably benevolent) creature inside of her? Kurama, ironically, has to calm him down so he doesn’t expel a tailed-beast bomb in the direction of the village.

“Okay, new plan: I was saving this for the trip back, but I’m breaking out the ramen. Let’s head back to your place while I think about some pranks, sound good?”

“Who are you pranking?”

Naruto scratches his chin. “Is it a longer list of places that accept you or hate you?”

“Hate me.”

“Okay, all of those places. They don’t get to treat my friends that way!”

Fuu is touched. “We’re friends?”

“Of course we’re friends, y’know? I wouldn’t share ramen with just anyone!”

And so the pair goes back to Fuu’s place. Unlike the night before, Naruto actually takes a look around. Fuu’s house is very nice, with one bedroom but a reasonably sized onsen in the back. After Naruto unpacks a dozen bowls of ramen (still hot from ichiraku), the pair dig in. Fuu is entranced by the meal, eating bowl after bowl, until she’s had ten to Naruto’s two. She panics. “I’m so sorry bro I didn’t mean to eat so much! I’ll make it up to you I promise!” Naruto is unfazed. “Fuu, you have no idea how much ramen I ate the first time I had Ichiraku. I promise, it’s fine. When you come to Konoha, I’ll take you there myself and you can pay me back then.”

Fuu frowns again. “I’m not allowed to leave Taki. Shibuki said that he was nice to me to even allow me out of the house, and that I should be grateful.”

It’s official, Shibuki is on my shitlist. If he weren’t dying, I’d make him wish he was.

Fuu looks shocked.

Oh shit thought-comm is still on. Sorry! The point still stands!

Naruto turns off his comms, then stretches. “Okay Fuu, I actually have things to do tomorrow morning, so I’m going to head out. See you tomorrow! Let’s talk fuinjutsu again, I have an idea for the Universal Mental Communicator!”

Before Naruto leaves, Fuu grabs his hand. “Can you stay the night again? It was the first good night of sleep I’ve had in a long time.”

Naruto is brought back to the first year after he found out about Kurama, and the first months after he found out about his heritage. He could’ve used an anchor back then, and if he could be that for someone else…

“I’ll be here, I never actually had the chance to put my stuff down at the hotel. Let me send a message to Sakura, she’ll understand.

Dear Sakura,

Spending the night with Fuu again. See you tomorrow!

Naruto

P.S. it’s nothing sexual I promise!

“That should do it!” Naruto summons Zwei, who accepts the letter with a head pat and a popsicle. “He loves popsicles, I know it’s weird for a fox but they’re a weird bunch.”

Zwei, after looking mildly offended, chases down Sakura and drops off the letter before returning with Sakura’s letter.

Naruto,

I better be invited to the wedding. Also, apparently shitty, shittier, and shittiest think you’re hot shit, so your politics skills must be decent.

Meet you at Shibuki’s room at seven!

Sakura

P.S. Polaroid attached.

Stapled to the letter was the picture Sakura had taken earlier of Fuu dragging Naruto by the hand. 

Huh, we would make a cute couple…