Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The Saja Boys. The new breakout male Kpop group that had hit the world by storm. Their debut single, Soda Pop, had topped the charts, and won them a number of awards. Their second single, Your Idol, was soon to follow, with fans citing how exciting it was to see the boys showcase a different style.

They were loved. They were adored. But nobody loved or adored them more than they did each other. They were more than just a group. They were more than just friends. They were lovers. Had been all along. It started in their trainee days, when they would all lie on the floor, out of breath after long gruelling hours in training, where they didn’t know whose sweat was whose. 

Which of them actually started the relationship, Daehyun couldn’t tell you. His memories were either ‘before’ or ‘after’, he couldn’t really remember that in between time. Maybe one of the others remembered but not him. In his eyes, it felt like they had always been together. They were meant to be together, and that was the most important thing. There was nobody he loved more than those four other men.

Jinu, Mingi, Taeyong, and Wooseok. Or Jinu, Abby, Mystery and Romance as the world knew them.

He, himself, was known as Baby. Not the best of stage names, but even he could admit it worked perfectly. And as much as he hated it… he was good at acting cute. It helped that he had a youthful face and was the shortest of the lot of them. He was also the youngest, but only by a year or two. So though he wasn’t the biggest fan of his stage name… he didn’t hate it.

Plus it gave him something to fall back on for the fans. Sometimes all he had to do was make a heart with his cheek and they would swoon. His boyfriends’ did too, as much as they tried to hide it.

Or they used to anyway.

Lately they hadn’t really been paying him much notice or attention at all. At first he didn’t even realise, he had been so focused on writing lyrics and music for their future releases that he hadn’t noticed anything amiss. Yes, they had all been busy doing their own thing, but that was normal for idols. And they still shared beds, shared clothes, and leant against each other when they crashed out on the sofa. So it had all seemed normal to him.

But then he started waking alone, the space next to him cold as it had been all night. The good morning kisses teetered off. The ‘I love you’s’ changed into silent nods before fading into no acknowledgement at all. First it was Jinu… then Mingi and Wooseok… and then finally Taeyong. Daehyun suddenly found himself feeling incredibly alone, and like he had done something wrong. He had to be the problem, right?

And then the fans noticed, because of course they did. Posts started being made about how out of place ‘Baby’ was, and that maybe the other four had gotten sick of him. They were acting distant with him, so he had to have done something to upset them. If the fans were right, as his brain was telling him, then he wished he knew what exactly it was he had done. He missed them.

Those weren’t the only posts flooding his feeds though. No, the most popular posts were actually about his lovers being with the Huntrix members. There were photos of them all with the girls at different times and in different places; Jinu and Rumi at the aquarium, Taeyong and Abby at a theme park, Mingi, Wooseok and Mira walking around the shopping district. It was all across social media, and Daehyun couldn’t escape it.

He tried to talk to them about it, but every time he approached one of them they would blow him off, citing they didn’t have time to talk. 

“Can’t talk now, but catch you later?” They would say, before walking out the door. And Daehyun knew that every time they would not speak to him later and the matter would be dropped. Again, and again, and again. Eventually he just gave up trying. He gave up trying to talk to them in general. He gave up seeking out attention from them.

If they had wanted space from him, all they had to do was tell him, and he would have backed off. But to basically cut him out of their lives, despite being in a kpop group together… It felt cruel. Maybe he deserved it though? Every ignored conversation, every blank stare, every lack of acknowledgement… anything they did that hurt him, Daehyun began to just shrug off. No matter how bad, he just tried to stop caring about it.

It was hard to stop caring when his heart was hurting so much, though. It was silently destroying him and he didn’t know how long he would be able to last.

Chapter Text

They had been given a day off. After all of the schedules they had been given lately, and all of the rehearsals, they had finally been given a day off to just rest, relax and spend some much needed time together. Daehyun had been looking forward to it from the moment he had seen it on their calendar. He had even triple checked with their manager that it was correct, that they were actually getting a day off.

Maybe his lovers would finally spend some time with him? They had no excuse not to, right?

He woke up that day, as he always did lately, alone, but he tried not to let it bother him. Not when he was going to get to spend the day with the others. He had felt a small bubble of excitement in his gut and he quickly threw the covers off of himself and rolled out of bed. Once upright, he stretched his muscles out, enjoying the feeling for a moment before shoving his feet into his slippers and wandering out into the hallway, heading towards the kitchen.

“Morning.” He called out to Taeyong, who was already curled on the couch with a book in hand. Daehyun received a nod in greeting, and he tried to stifle his smile at finally getting some acknowledgement as he ducked into the kitchen to make himself some toast and grab some orange juice. He hummed quietly as he waited for the toaster to finish its task, his eyes repeatedly flicking over to where he could see Taeyong reading. 

Would he be up for a cuddle so early in the morning? Taeyong usually didn’t mind cuddles or physical contact, at least not from anyone in their polycule. Strangers, he was not so comfortable with, which was understandable. But he had frequently cuddled up to the older while he read, both of them enjoying the quiet moment. Or they used to at least. It had been quite some time since they had last spent any one on one time together.

Daehyun was jolted out of his thoughts by the toaster finally releasing his breakfast. He hurriedly grabbed it, slathered some butter on the slices, before picking up the plate and orange juice, and shuffling over to the sofa. Not wanting to push the boundaries too fast, he sat himself down with a respectful space between him and Taeyong, throwing the older a smile before beginning to munch his way through his toast.

He was about half way through his first slice, enjoying the comfortable silence between him and Taeyong, when Jinu emerged from his room, fully dressed in what was clearly clothes meant for going out. Daehyun tried to hide his frown as he swallowed and his eyes tracked as Jinu moved around, shoving his phone into his back pocket and checking he had money.

Unable to take it any longer, Daehyun piped up. “Hyung, where are you going? Isn’t it our day off?”

“Oh…” Jinu responded, turning to face the two of them on the sofa and blinking in what was clearly shock. “I didn’t see you two there.” He chuckled. “Me and Rumi have plans for the day. But I’ll be back probably around 7. Make sure you eat some actual food for lunch and not just snacks.” He finished, looking pointedly at Taeyong who just hid his face further into his book.

“Oh, okay…” Daehyun answered, his voice growing quiet as he watched Jinu turn towards the door to find his shoes. Not wanting to sound too disheartened, even if the excitement he had been feeling before was slowly dying, he piped up, “have fun!”

He received a raised in hand in reply as the leader left the dorm. “See you later.”

Letting out a quiet sigh, Daehyun closed his eyes for a moment, trying his best to squash down the wave of disappointment. The others wouldn’t bail on him too, would they? It didn’t look like Taeyong had any intention of going anywhere at least. So even if the others all had made other plans, he could at least spend time with one of his boyfriends. Feeling a little better, he opened his eyes and resumed eating.

“You okay?” He heard from beside him, after he had finished the last of his toast. Glancing over, he locked eyes with the other male and the youngest hurried to reassure, as he always did.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” He said, flashing a smile as he stood up, plate in hand. He quickly chugged his orange juice before beginning to move back towards the kitchen. “I’m gonna go shower.” Taeyong was rather perceptive, when he was paying attention anyway, so Daehyun knew that he had to hurry and leave the room if he didn’t want to spill out his guts to the other. He had tried so many times before and gotten brushed off, so there was no point in it now anyway. Better for them all to just get on with their days.

He carefully placed his used dishes into the sink, with the intention of washing them later, before shuffling back through the apartment and into his bedroom to grab some clean clothes. Since their plans for the day consisted of just relaxing and chilling he settled for a simple pair of tracksuit bottoms, plain tee and a hoodie. He didn’t need to dress up to lounge on the sofa, just pure comfort instead.

Fresh clothes in hand, he made his way to the bathroom. Just as reached for the door, it opened in front of him and Daehyun was gifted with the rather glorious view of a freshly showered Mingi. The taller male was dressed similarly to what Daehyun had picked out for himself, which meant he also had no intention of going anywhere that day. A relieved smile appeared on his face. That was two.

“Morning.” Mingi said, reaching out to ruffle Daehyun’s hair. 

The younger playfully scowled, reaching up to bat at the other’s hand. “Hyung, stop it.” which only received a laugh in reply before Mingi patted him on the shoulder and left, heading in the direction of their lounge. Daehyun watched him go with an almost giddy smile dancing on his lips, and a fluttery feeling in his heart. Two positive interactions in one day? Maybe this day off was exactly what they needed.

With a new spring in his step, he made his way into the bathroom, and hurried to get the rest of his morning routine out of the way. Once he was showered, he towel dried his hair, not really caring at the messy fluffiness that always resulted in, cleaned his teeth and threw his clothes on. Now he was ready for the day.

Chapter Text

Daehyun returned to the lounge, feeling relaxed and ready to start this day of chilling with his three remaining boyfriends. Mingi had joined Taeyong on the couch and was flicking through the channels on the TV, one arm resting along the back of it. Taeyong hadn’t moved much from where Daehyun had left him, nose still buried in his book but was more relaxed into the cushions behind him, feet tucked up to one side. 

He tried to smother a small smile as he made his way to the kitchen, intent on finally doing his dishes. A raised voice stopped him in the threshold however. “Why does no-one ever do their own dishes?” A clatter of crockery accompanied the annoyed tone of voice and Daehyun winced. He forgot how much Wooseok hated when they left dishes in the sink and didn’t just wash them after use. He hadn’t left them for long, but apparently that was long enough for the other to notice.

“Sorry, Hyung, my fault.” He apologised, stepping into the room and offering the older a sheepish smile. 

Wooseok glanced at him before sighing, and rinsing off the dishes in preparation for proper cleaning. “Daehyun-ah… you should know better by now.” He sighed, shaking his long hair out of his eyes. “Though not all of these are yours. You couldn’t be the cause of three plates and two glasses!” The end of the sentence was called out loud enough to be heard from the other room, and Daehyun swore he heard Mingi’s low chuckle in response.

He still felt guilty though. “I was going to wash them right after I got out of the shower, I promise.” Before the distance, he would have taken this opportunity to curl his arms around the other’s middle and nuzzle into his back. But with how everyone had been with him lately, including Wooseok, he wasn’t sure if that would be welcomed.

Daehyun took a step closer, however, one hand raised as if to breach the gap, when Wooseok let out another sigh and waved him off. “It’s okay. Just… make sure to do them next time.”

“Yes Hyung.” He replied, voice quiet and his head lowered. 

“Hey.” Wooseok’s voice was now soft, and the younger raised his head to see his boyfriend gazing at him gently. “It’s really okay. Don’t worry about it.” Daehyun just nodded simply in reply. That seemed to be enough for the older for he nodded back and gave him a cheeky grin. “You just owe me now instead.” He said with a flourish, turning back to the dishes in the sink he was in the middle of washing. “Go sit down, and tell that oaf ‘the next time I see his dishes in the sink he’s doing my laundry for a week’.”

“Yes Hyung.” He nodded before doing as instructed. He shuffled back into the lounge, dropping onto the couch and turning to tell Mingi just that when the other waved him off.

“Ignore him. He woke up grumpy this morning.” He said before flashing a grin. “Apparently I was snoring too loud.”

“It was like sleeping next to a foghorn,” Wooseok’s voice yelled from the kitchen. Daehyun tried to keep the amused smile on his face as he felt a spike of sadness and envy roll through him. So it was just him they were avoiding on a night then… 

Taeyong turned a page in his book and glanced up briefly. “He’s not wrong though. You do get loud sometimes.”

“Oh… I get loud huh?” Mingi grinned, raising one eyebrow and his voice turning sly to emphasise the innuendo.

Taeyong let out a sigh, and Daehyun watched as Wooseok exited the kitchen and clipped Mingi playfully around the back of the head. “Stop being lewd.”

Mingi yelped before throwing a pout over his shoulder at the other. “Hey! Taeyong said it, not me.”

“Yes, but you took it further than what was intended.” Wooseok sighed, before patting the larger’s cheek. “Now stop pouting. I’m going to shower.” And with that he sauntered off towards the bathroom, all the while Daehyun tried to swallow down the bitter feeling in his throat. They were never like this with him anymore. 

He settled back into the couch, his eyes locked on the television though he wasn’t truly watching whatever show the other had settled on earlier. He was too stuck in his thoughts. This break was what they needed but would it actually change anything? Or would it just highlight to him even more that he didn’t belong anymore? Had they fallen out of love with him? Did they even love him in the first place? Or had they simply included him because he was there? Was there any point in him even being here anymore?

He didn’t know how long he was wallowing for when Mingi’s voice broke through his reverie. “Hey, where’s Jinu-hyung? I haven’t seen him this morning.”

Daehyun blinked at the interruption but was beaten to answer by Taeyong. “He’s gone out with Rumi for the day.” He said as he turned another page. “Apparently they made plans.”

“Oh…” Mingi trailed off before he gave a small laugh of disbelief, shaking his head with a smile on his face. “Why didn’t I think of that? That man is a genius sometimes.”

“Don’t let him hear you say that or it will go to his head.” Taeyong quipped back.

Daehyun remained silent throughout the exchange, his eyes moving from one to the other as they spoke. An uneasy feeling filled his stomach and he curled into himself as the banter around him turned into white noise.

Was he the only one who wanted to spend time together?

Chapter Text

As hopeful as Daehyun had initially been about the day, that soon turned to anxiety and bitterness the longer he sat on the couch with the other three. After his shower, Wooseok had joined them and after some brief bickering over the remote they had all settled down to watch whichever cheesy drama the other had settled on.

Daehyun wasn’t paying any attention to it. Kdramas weren’t really his thing, not unless they had strong fantasy elements involved, and Wooseok rarely picked those. Instead he was focused on his phone, scrolling through his social media.

First he scrolled through his private accounts, the ones that were locked and only followed by specific trusted people. There weren’t many of those, mainly just the other Saja Boys, his manager, and one or two friends he had made since joining the business. Nobody from before, he had no family anymore and no friends that predated him becoming an idol. Even now, he could count the number of friends that he wasn’t dating on one hand. He didn’t trust easily, after all. 

After exhausting those accounts, which didn’t take long, he then switched to his undercover ‘fan’ account. A good way to truly know what the fans thought and felt was to masquerade as one. So he switched accounts and his timeline was immediately flooded with posts and images. The difference was staggering.

The first few posts he scrolled past were general musings on when they were going to be releasing a new song, what hairstyles would they be changing to next, followed by fan edits of their most recent photoshoot. He made sure to like a few of the posts and reblog any that he deemed suitable, throwing a few replies out with his own fake musings in answer. Of course he was totally going to have bright orange hair with the next comeback… not. 

He reblogged a nice piece of fanart of the five of them, even going so far as to save it to his phone. He had a folder full of fanart and fanedits that he really liked. Sometimes when he was feeling sappy or sentimental he would open up that folder and just look through all the pieces. They made him smile, and sometimes he really needed that. He hadn’t brought himself to look through them all lately though, too afraid he would just get upset seeing the flashbacks of their happier times.

After closing out of the art, Daehyun continued to scroll but stopped when a certain post caught his eye, or more like the photos attached to the post. There was Jinu, in the outfit he was wearing when he left the apartment this morning, and there was Rumi. They were all cosied up together and the fans were going wild with happiness that their ‘favourite ship’ was ‘real’. 

Daehyun immediately felt nauseated.

He continued to scroll, but the posts never stopped. Scroll, after scroll, after scroll he saw post, after post, after post. All the same thing. All Jinu and Rumi. Getting closer and closer and closer. And wait… were they holding hands? Friends can hold hands, it didn’t mean anything. Did it? It was hard to deny just how it looked though. 

Unable to take it anymore, he closed out of the apps and locked his phone, taking a breath to try and quell the nausea as he tuned back into the conversation around him. He quickly wished that he hadn’t done so however.

“Mira says that she and Zoey are just chilling on their own couch today. Well… Mira is chilling, Zoey is writing lyrics. That’s a lot like you, Daehyun!” Wooseok grinned over at him, looking up from his own phone that was in his hand.

Daehyun laughed along with them, shaking his head gently. “I’m not that bad.”

“Not any more, anyway. But when we were in training? That’s all you ever did, write lyrics!” 

“Maybe…” He said, plucking absent mindedly at the cuff of his hoodie. “I don’t remember…” His voice grew more and more quiet, and he shrank even further back into the couch cushions behind him.

Not that it mattered as Wooseok had quickly returned back to his phone, evidently tapping out a reply to the Huntrix member. “Maybe we should invite them over? What do you guys think?”

“No!” Daehyun hadn’t even realised he had spoken until three sets of eyes were blinking over at him in confusion at his sudden outburst. “I mean… they probably just want to relax too, right? They’ve been just as busy as us, if not busier.”

He hoped that they would believe his explanation.

“How would you know? You don’t talk to them.” Wooseok’s voice was almost accusatory and Daehyun masked his wince with a shrug.

“I pay attention.” Was all he offered in reply. 

There was a brief silence as the others thought over what he said and he was relieved when they all seemed to nod in acceptance. “Ah, you’re probably right. Besides… I have no intention of getting up from this couch, not even for the girls.” Mingi said, stretching his arms out above his head in emphasis.

“You will if you want to eat.” Wooseok shot back, and Daehyun watched as Taeyong hid his smile behind the pages of his book.

Mingi waved him off with a grin. “Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know what I mean.” He laughed.

They then all fell into a companionable silence, Taeyong continuing to read, Mingi and Wooseok alternating between watching the tv and scrolling on their phones, and Daehyun… trying not to spiral. Oh how he wished they actually had a schedule right now. As much as they needed the day off, if all they were going to do was talk about the girls, then he’d be better off being kept busy at the studio or something.

Eventually, after an hour or so with no comment about any of the Huntrix girls, Daehyun began to calm down, allowing himself to relax again. It likely wouldn’t last long, but he would try to enjoy it while it lasted.

At one point Mingi did actually get up to make them all some noodles for lunch. Not the instant kind, as Jinu had warned them enough that they needed to eat proper food, but a whipped up meal from scratch. He wasn’t a bad cook, and more often than not he was the one who made them all food… whenever he managed to kick their leader out of the kitchen anyway.

Daehyun had volunteered to do the dishes, remembering Wooseok’s reaction to the breakfast dishes earlier and considering Mingi had been the one to actually do the cooking. Once he was done, and everything had been put away, he returned to his spot on the couch, sinking gratefully into the cushions. 

Taeyong had finally put his book away, and had somehow managed to get a hold of the television remote. He scrolled through their options before settling on a documentary about the ocean, causing Wooseok to groan in mild annoyance though he made no attempt to change the channel.

Time passed quietly for a while, and Daehyun felt himself becoming somewhat sleepy, his eyes drooping as he relaxed. The narrator had just started to talk about hammerhead sharks when Mingi piped up, breaking the companionable silence. “Hey, what’s the date?” He asked, a small frown on his face. 

“Your phone is in your hand, just look at the screen.” Wooseok said, rolling his eyes before ducking as Mingi took a swipe at him. “Not the hair!”

“Oh ha ha.” Mingi huffed before settling back and after glancing at his phone he spoke again. “I just realised… it’s almost Mira’s birthday. Maybe we should arrange something?”

That shocked Daehyun awake, and he immediately felt as if the bottom dropped out of his stomach. They were going to do something for Mira’s birthday? No… No.

“Zoey told me they plan to do a big cookout sort of party for her. I could always ask her if we could join in, maybe bring along dessert or something?” Taeyong replied, flicking his hair out of his eyes for a moment.

“No…” Daehyun whispered, his posture turning tense as he felt himself just snap. “No. No. No.” He grew louder with every word, drawing the attention of the other three in the room. “No.” He stood up, heading towards the front door.

“Daehyun… what?” Wooseok started, Mingi just blinking at him silently in confusion.

Just as he reached the door and shoved his feet in his shoes he heard Taeyong speak behind him. “Where are you going?”

“Out.” He answered simply, shoving his phone and keys into his pockets, he made sure to grab some headphones just in case. “I need some air.”

“Daehyun-” He heard from behind him, but he just walked out the door, almost slamming it behind him. He couldn’t deal with that conversation any longer.

He was done.

Chapter Text

Daehyun didn’t wait around, he immediately headed to the lift to take him down to the ground floor and outside. He wasn’t lying when he said he needed air. But he also just didn’t feel welcome in that apartment right now. It was all too much. All the other members ever talked about now was the Huntrix members. They never did anything together anymore without one of them being mentioned. 

Mira this, and Zoey that… Jinu couldn’t even spend one day without Rumi! Yet who were the ones in the actual relationship? Because it currently looked like he was no longer a part of their unit and they hadn’t told him.

As soon as he reached the outside, he took a deep breath and just started walking. He briefly thought about heading to the studio to blow off some steam, but quickly scrapped that idea. He would be immediately questioned as to why he was there on a day off, and he did not want to deal with any questions right now. So instead he just started walking aimlessly, letting his feet take him where they wanted whilst he let his brain go into overdrive.

The birthday thing had been the final straw… they had missed his own birthday completely, simply scolding him when he brought the extra cake back to the apartment after his livestream. And yet they wanted to do something for Mira? It was too much. Just too much. He couldn’t take it anymore. Never before had he felt so unimportant. Not even as a trainee did he feel like this.

Was being an idol really worth this? If he could go back in time… maybe he would stop himself from falling for the other four. Though chances are he still would have anyway. He loved them all way more than he could ever truly express. So it would have been an inevitability that he would have fallen for them. If he couldn’t stop himself from falling for them, then maybe stop himself from even becoming a trainee. If he didn’t become a trainee then he never would have met them, and he would have been saved from all this heartache.

But he couldn’t go back in time and instead had to deal with feeling like he had had his heart completely ripped out of his chest. 

Stopping at the lights to cross the road, he raised a hand to readjust his hood to make sure he wasn’t recognisable, and realised he was crying. Great. He pulled the hood down lower over his eyes, and with a sniffle finally crossed over to the other side of the street. He continued to just wander, letting the tears fall. He couldn’t hold them in anymore. He had finally broken.

Eventually he realised the sun was beginning its descent, the sky around him growing a little bit darker. Was Jinu home by now? Would he even care that Daehyun wasn’t there? Probably not.  He doubted the other three would have said anything to him. The only time his presence ever really mattered anymore was when they had a group schedule or if it was something for their idol career. 

He crossed another road and realised he had made his way to the Han River. He blinked for a moment before making his way to a patch of grass that was relatively free of other people and sat himself down, finally stopping his aimless walking. He curled his arms around his legs and rested his chin on his knees just staring out at the water.

He felt so lost. This had been going on for so long now and he had just put up with it, hoping that they would snap out of it, maybe realise that he was there too and that they had been practically ignoring him for months. But nothing changed. In fact the longer it had gone on, the worse it had gotten. And he couldn’t even talk to them about it. He had tried so many times but with no result. 

At the start he had wondered if it was all in his head, but more and more instances kept happening. 

And then his birthday happened. 

He had woken that morning feeling excited. It had been Wooseok’s birthday the previous month and they had started the day with treating him to breakfast in bed, and Daehyun had expected to get the same treatment. But after 30 minutes of lounging in bed with not even a peep into his room from any of the others he had gotten himself up and ready for the day.

Breakfast had been silent and lonely, the other four not surfacing until Daehyun had finished doing his dishes. He had asked if anyone was going to come to the studio for filming that day, as usually their livestream ‘birthday parties’ would involve one or two of the other members alongside the birthday boy. They all said no, citing they were busy with other plans. 

So he had left, alone, to go celebrate his birthday with the fans.

The livestream had been… hard. Daehyun had tried his best to entertain his fans, making excuses as to why the others weren’t there with him, distracting the fans with questions of his own. It was during a sudden awkward comment about Mingi being spotted out with Mira that the managers had come in to give him his cake and ask him what food he wanted to order. Of course he had asked for something spicy. He had an image to uphold after all, and besides… if the others weren’t there then what was stopping him?

He had blown out the candles, winking at the camera saying he wouldn’t tell them what he wished for, before vowing to take some cake back for the other members so they could enjoy some when they were done for the day. He then ate his food on stream, continuing to answer questions and vibing to music. He had glanced down at his phone for a moment only to see he had received a text from Zoey of all people wishing him a happy birthday. He had laughed and told the chat, watching in amusement at their excitement.

The stream had ended shortly after that, and as he had promised, he had taken the remaining cake back to the apartment for the other boys. He got back to an empty home. And still no messages from any of them.

By then he had realised that they had all forgotten. Huntrix hadn’t forgotten… but his own boyfriends had. 

He had spent the rest of the day by himself, and once the others had returned, they mostly ignored him. Jinu did tell him off though for bringing cake into the apartment, saying they were all on diets so what was he thinking? Daehyun just apologised quietly before retiring to his room for the night.

That had been one of the worst birthdays he had ever experienced. And for someone who had spent a lot of his childhood in foster care and being shuffled around constantly… that was saying something.

How could they remember Mira’s birthday but forget his?

Was he not important to them anymore? Had he ever been important to them? Or was he simply another body just to fill the last spot in their group? Did they only include him in their polycule because he was there and they felt sorry for him? 

They should have just been honest with him from the start. Because this was cruel.

If they wanted to break up with him, they should have just told him. This silent break up by ignoring him and pushing him aside was not fair. But then again maybe he wasn’t worth the effort of a proper break up. If they hadn’t truly wanted him in the relationship in the first place then of course they would just end things without talking to him about it. Save the air and energy it would take.

Did they even still want him as part of the Saja Boys?

He didn’t want to leave the group, but if that was what they wanted, then he would do so. Regardless of how they felt about him, they were all still incredibly important and precious to Daehyun, and he would do whatever was the best for them.

Maybe he should just leave though. With how hurt he was about the whole situation right now, he knew it would take a long time to recover. And how would he recover from this break up if he had to continue working with them and living with them? That was something he was going to have to sort out later. He was too emotionally worn out to handle anything like that right now.

He definitely couldn’t return to the dorm tonight however. He needed a break from the heartbreak.

“Daehyun?” He heard from behind him, and he flinched before looking up at the source of the voice. He prayed it was not a fan, the last thing he needed was to deal with fans when he was feeling so broken. Thankfully it wasn’t a fan. Unfortunately it was the girl who had stolen all of Jinu’s attention, Rumi.

“Oh, it’s you.” He muttered before turning away from her to look back out at the river.

He mentally willed her to just go away and leave him alone, but when did things ever go the way he wanted? Instead she sat herself down next to him and continued questioning him. “What are you doing here?”

He lifted his shoulders in a shrug before responding. “Needed air.”

“Rough day?” She asked, her tone turning sympathetic. He didn’t want her sympathy. He wanted her to leave him alone. She was the last person he wanted to be with right now.

“Yeah.” Why wasn’t she getting it? Why was she just sitting here?

He saw her nod in understanding, and it took all his willpower not to roll his eyes at her.

“Do the others know you’re here?”

Daehyun felt his irritation rising. “Nope.” He answered, popping the p in emphasis.

A beat of silence passed before she spoke again. “They’re probably worried about you.”

“Why do you care?” He asked, his voice growing louder as his annoyance continued to grow.

“Because you’re important to me.”

“Yeah right.” He scoffed, before standing up and glaring at her. “Try better lies next time.” He said before turning and beginning to walk away. “Bye Rumi.” 

He didn’t wait for a response.

Chapter Text

Daehyun knew that his run in with Rumi would immediately make it back to Jinu. Of course it would. She would likely tattle on him, telling his leader how dismissive he had been of her, and how unwilling he was to talk to her. Whatever. It would just be yet another lecture he would have to endure whenever he did finally return to the others… if he ever did. He wasn’t sure if he could handle seeing them anytime soon.

They did have practice the following day though, so he wouldn’t have a break for long. But he could at least avoid them until then. And if he remembered correctly, he actually had a solo photoshoot first thing in the morning, so he wouldn’t have to face his exes until the afternoon. Because that’s what they were now, exes, he just had to accept that they had broken up with him… without actually telling him to his face. But actions speak louder than words, and their actions were screaming it at him.

Sliding his phone out of his pocket with the intention of checking his schedule to confirm, he saw he had a lot of missed calls, primarily from Jinu but there were some from the other three too. They were probably just concerned he might get seen by a fan or something, as if he couldn’t look after himself. He had managed perfectly fine before he met them. He didn’t need babying. Contrary to what his stage name might make them think.

He rolled his eyes, ignoring the many message notifications that were blinking at him as well and instead tapped over to his calendar app. He was right, he did have a photoshoot in the morning. Good. More time to work out just what he was going to do. He knew he would have to talk to them… but wasn’t sure if he could do it face to face. Maybe tackling the conversation one at a time would help? Maybe a phone call? He’d work it out tomorrow morning or something.

Spotting the time, Daehyun sighed to himself. It was getting close to nine in the evening. Had he really been wandering for that long since his run in with Rumi? His stomach rumbled as if to answer him and he grimaced. Aside from breakfast and the noodles Mingi had cooked for lunch he hadn’t eaten anything else. Time to try and find some food.

He continued walking, looking around for a restaurant or a supermarket, anywhere he could get some sustenance. It took a couple more minutes before his eyes fell on a convenience store. Well, that was better than nothing!

He made a beeline for the shop, making sure his hood was up and slipping a mask over his lips and nose to help disguise himself that little bit more before he stepped through the door. He wasn’t in the mood for anything substantial and so browsing the aisles he settled on some snacks and a cup of spicy instant ramen. So what if he was having double ramen in one day, he was sad and he wanted comfort food.

Daehyun paid quickly and swiftly exited the store, bag in hand. Next task… finding somewhere to stay for the night. Thankfully he knew of an internet cafe that had rooms you could rent out for the night to sleep in. He and Taeyong used to spend time there a lot when they were trainees, mainly using the PCs to play games, but they had rented out one of the rooms one night when they were given a week break.

He stopped at the entrance, taking a moment to breathe in the nostalgia. It didn’t last long before the sadness took over him once again. Everything always led back to one of them. Everything.

He hated this.

Shaking his head, he pushed through the door and immediately went over to the main desk to ask about a room. Checking in took a few minutes, and a quick swipe of his company card. They would understand… hopefully. He could just say it was for research purposes or something? Yeah.

He took his room key, thanking the staff, and immediately headed towards where he would be staying for the night. It wasn’t the most spacious of rooms. A simple bed, with lots of outlets around the walls. There was a kettle and a small table. A small television was up on the wall, and just through the other door was a small bathroom consisting of a sink and a toilet. Yes he had opted for one of the more expensive rooms. The need to remain off the radar was inbuilt now that he was considered a ‘successful idol’. 

With no bags to put down other than his snacks, he just placed them on the table and sank down to sit on the bed for a moment. This… was not how he had expected his day off to go. He had been hoping for some nice quality time with the other four members. He should have known better than to hope for anything. Instead, Jinu had left immediately, the other three only wanted to talk about the Huntrix girls, and now here he was… alone.

He should be used to being alone though. His life prior to becoming a trainee was mainly just him being alone. Every foster family he had ended up with just tolerated him, only in it for the money they got. They never really cared about him. His social worker didn’t care either, he was merely a number to her, and once he became a legal adult she had been relieved to be free of him.

Becoming a trainee had been a shock to his system. He had gone from being mostly by himself to being surrounded by other young people like him all striving for the same thing. He had only done it because he had been told he had a talent for writing and producing by one of his teachers at school, and he knew he could dance, he was a natural at it. He never expected for him to put in a group so quickly, but apparently the higher ups in the company saw the potential the five of them had and so swiftly set them up with a dorm together so they could begin building the inter-group relationships they would need to be successful in the future.

Daehyun doubted they expected the five of them to develop a relationship so deep that they all fell in love with each other. But they had. Or so he had thought anyway. He hadn’t wanted to fall in love with them. He hadn’t even wanted to trust them at first, but they had all weasled their way into his heart.

He should have stayed firm and not gotten close. Should have kept it purely professional.

However it was easy to say that he should have done this, and should have avoided that… but that didn’t change where he currently was. That didn’t change the heartbreak he was feeling. That didn’t change anything. So what was the point?

He missed them though. He missed those times when they were all so happy. He missed their shitty dorm where two of them had to cram into a single bed. He missed the long grueling hours of practice, followed by studying, followed by more practice. He missed sneaking snacks into the dorm late at night. He missed the laughter. He missed the pranks. He missed them. 

When had it all gone so wrong?

Or had it always been wrong and he just didn’t realise?

Ah, it was just all so confusing. It hurt so much to think about, but he couldn’t stop. They had become his whole world, and he didn’t know how to properly function without them. Who was he outside of the Saja Boys? That was something he was going to have to find out, and soon. Because it was becoming clear what he would have to do. 

First he would try to find out what they wanted from him. Did they want him to move out? Did they want him to leave the group completely? Once he knew that he could then move on to do whatever it was they wanted, whilst then trying to find out just who he was alone. If he could remain in the group then he would focus on his career, he could keep his distance from them whilst remaining professional enough to not jeopardize the future of the Saja Boys. And if they wanted him to leave… he’d work it out somehow.

That could start tomorrow though, he was way too emotionally wrung out to handle anything that like right now. Daehyun sighed to himself before dragging himself up to make his ramen. He would eat and then grab some sleep before his schedules started in the morning. 

Tomorrow was another day, he could tackle the next steps then.

Chapter Text

Daehyun felt exhausted when he woke, memories of the previous day had rolled through his mind all night so his sleep had been very disturbed. He did not feel rested at all, but he knew he had no choice. He still had schedules to attend to, such is the life of an idol.

He rolled out of bed, lifting a hand to rub tiredly at his eyes before stepping into the attached bathroom. He took a quick detour to the front desk to buy some toiletries as he had left everything of his own back at the dorm and there was no way he was returning back there before he was ready. 

With newly acquired products in hand, he returned to his room and his small ensuite bathroom. He washed himself as best he could, and brushed his teeth, not wanting the staff to have to deal with that at least. He couldn’t do much about his clothes however. Thank goodness his first schedule was a photoshoot where he would be changing into coordinated outfits.

He would grab a proper shower once they returned to the company building after his schedule was done. He always kept a spare change of clothes there too, in his locker. There had been some times he accidentally slept there, so had learned quickly to always have spare clothes around.

Leaving the room, he disposed of all of his rubbish, thanked the staff and then waited outside the building. Waking his phone, he continued to ignore the increased notifications and instead dialled his manager’s number. It rang a few times before the other answered.

“Hello? Daehyun-ah? What’s up, bud?”

“Morning Hyung!” He replied, putting false cheer into his voice. “I’m not at the dorm right now and won’t have time to walk back before pick up time. Are you okay to pick me up from here? I’m just outside that internet cafe I used to go to as a trainee.”

“Oh! Yeah, sure, not a problem! Why are you there?”

“Morning walk.” He said, praying that his manager would just buy the excuse. He did go for walks occasionally, so it wouldn’t be a surprising thing to hear. Plus it seemed like they hadn’t realised he had used his company card yet, and the longer he could get away with not having to explain that, the better.

“Nice morning for one.” The older male commented and Daehyun felt his shoulders relax. His manager had clearly fallen for his lie. He did feel a little guilty about tricking him, but he didn’t think he had it in him to explain everything first thing in the morning. He may know about their relationship and had been one of the big reasons they had been able to keep it secret from the company, but Daehyun wasn’t ready to confess about the break up to him yet. “Okay, I’m just heading out the door now. I’ll grab us some coffee on the way to pick you up.”

A smile, genuine and small, spread across his face. “Thanks, Hyung. I appreciate it.”

“Anytime, Daehyun-ah! See you soon!” And with that, Daehyun heard the usual click of the call disconnecting. They really had gotten so lucky with being assigned their manager. Anybody else would have been appalled and would have immediately reported them to the company upon stumbling on their relationship. But Kibum-hyung had simply talked to them about it, so he understood everything about them completely before promising to help them keep it a secret.

They trusted him completely. His only rule had been no PDA at schedules, not unless it was for fan service. That hadn’t been a problem at the time. But once the fan service had started to include the Huntrix members… that’s when everything had started going downhill.

But he didn’t want to think about that right now. He didn’t want to think about anything if he could help it. He needed a distraction. Hopefully his schedule would help with that a lot. But for now… music would have to do. He pulled his headphones out of his pocket, plugged them into his phone and pulled up one of his favourite playlists. Wooseok called it his ‘angry’ playlist, but it was just the one he listened to when he didn’t want to think. The songs were all loud, full of guitars and drums, fierce rapping and singing. It was just what he needed right then.

He lost himself to the music, leaning back against the wall, as he waited and it wasn’t long before a black car pulled up in front of him. Daehyun pulled out one of his headphones as the window rolled down, but smiled in relief as the cheerful face of his manager came into view.

“Morning!” The older male called out, and Daehyun offered him a wave as he opened one of the back passenger seat doors and slid into the car.

“Morning Hyung.” He replied, buckling his seatbelt. “Thanks for picking me up from here. I hope it wasn’t too out of the way?”

“Not at all!” His manager responded before passing back a takeaway coffee cup and a paper bag. “Got you your usual, and a chocolate muffin as a treat.”

Kibum-hyun was a saint. A literal saint. He had to be.

“Thank you!” He grinned, gratefully taking the items and clutching them to his chest for a moment. “I forgot to grab breakfast this morning and I’m starving. You’re a lifesaver, Hyung!”

“You’re very welcome! Now eat up. We’ll be there in like twenty to thirty minutes.” 

“Yes Hyung.” He agreed, settling down in his seat and bringing his coffee cup to his lips. He happily threw himself into enjoying this impromptu breakfast as the car drove off. The coffee was just the pick me up he needed, and he felt the lethargy leave him with every sip. And the muffin… the muffin was perfect, and he was so grateful to have such a kind and caring manager.

He was just finishing the muffin when his manager’s phone began to ring. He didn’t pay attention at first as that was a common occurrence. But as his manager answered, Daehyun’s ears immediately perked and he stubbornly looked out the window, feeling awkward and uncomfortable.

“Jinu-ah! What’s up?” Silence. “Daehyun? He’s right here! We’re on our way to the photoshoot right now.” More silence. “Oh don’t worry, he explained to me about needing a walk this morning.” This was so awkward… the lie sounded so obvious now. 

How Daehyun wished he could actually hear Jinu’s side of the conversation but his manager always used an earpiece when he was in the car. “Uh huh, we’ll be returning to the company building once we’re done. Don’t forget you are in studio 3C today. Minho will be there to pick you all up in an hour, make sure Wooseok is ready or he will drive off without him. You know what he’s like.” 

More silence followed by a laugh. “You got that right. You remember the studio code?” A hum of acknowledgement. “Perfect. Okay, we’ll see you later, Jinu-ah. Bye.”

The call disconnected and Daehyun let out a silent sigh. That could have gone… a lot worse. It didn’t sound like Jinu had told him that he hadn’t been at the dorm all night. If he had Kibum-s tone of voice would have been a lot different and there would have been many more attempts of making eye contact. Was he off the hook?

“What time did you leave this morning, Daehyun-ah? Jinu sounded concerned.” Shit… time to make up another lie.

“Everyone was still asleep when I slipped out. Couldn’t sleep.” He said with a shrug. “I thought it was best to be productive in some way instead of just lying there.”

“Bad dreams?” The sound of the indicator ticked through the car before they turned.

Daehyun pulled his lips to one side and he let out a sigh. “Something like that.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” Why did they have to get a manager that cared so much? 

“Not… right now.” He said, voice quiet but still loud enough to be heard. “Maybe later.”

His manager hummed in agreement, eyes still on the road but his tone of voice was gentle. “Okay. I’m always here for you, whenever you need me, okay?”

“Thanks Hyung.” Daehyung said, smiling gratefully as he briefly met the other’s eyes in the mirror. 

He received a nod before the older male returned to business mode. “We should be arriving shortly and you’ll likely immediately get whisked away by the stylists. Behave, no snarky comments, and I’ll be just off set should you need me.”

Unable to stop himself, Daehyun rolled his eyes. Why did they always warn him to behave himself? He was an angel… okay, so maybe he was cheeky from time to time, but any snarky comments were made purely out of earshot, and usually only to the other Saja Boys. He only got snappy properly when he was pushed too far or prodded too much. “I’ll be on my best behaviour.” He promised.

“Good. Try to have fun, okay? I know photoshoots aren’t in your comfort zone, but this will be good for you.”

He wasn’t sure if he would have fun, but he was hoping it would be a distraction at least. He didn’t often get to do solo schedules, and when he did they were mainly just variety shows. This would be his first solo photoshoot, and he should have felt excited… or anxious. But instead he was apathetic. He could fake it when he needed to, though. This was his job, he had to be professional.

“You know me, Hyung. I always do my best.”

“Good.” His manager said, nodding in satisfaction as he pulled into the parking lot of the studio they would be shooting in. He quickly found them a spot to park in, and once the engine was off, turned to face Daehyun. “You ready?”

Daehyun sighed before shrugging with a helpless smile. “As I’ll ever be.”

He received a nod in response before his manager opened the door and exited the car. Daehyun was quick to follow suit, grabbing his rubbish to dispose of on the way to the dressing room. His manager was already on his phone, tapping away at the screen doing what was probably more scheduling for them all. 

He knew there was pressure from the company for them to make a comeback soon, which meant meetings had to be scheduled to decide on the song, and if none they already had in their unreleased catalogue didn’t fit the bill then they would have to go into writing rooms to figure something out. Which mainly meant that Daehyun would end up locked in a booth by himself, as was the life of the main lyricist of the group.

He could actually do with that currently. Would make the perfect excuse to not have to face the other boys. 

Once they reached the dressing room, the stylists immediately descended on him, and Daehyun was soon lost to outfit changes, makeup and hairspray. He would be whisked out to the set, where he would do a few poses, following the instructions the photographer gave him, before he was hurried back to change. This happened a few times, until he was sure he had tried on 30 different outfits and taken photos in two thirds of them. 

Time ticked on, and soon enough they were wrapping up the shoot. Manager Kibum had just stepped outside to take a business call, leaving Daehyun alone to change back into his own clothes. It didn’t take him long at all, and so he sat flicking through the selfies he had taken in every outfit. At the time he had thought to show the others later, completely forgetting that he actually probably wouldn’t get to do that. They wouldn’t be interested.

The photoshoot had clearly successfully distracted him… but now it was all flooding back, and he bit his bottom lip as he stared blankly at his phone. Maybe… maybe he should call them, apologise, make it clear he wouldn’t mess anything up for the group… yeah, that sounded like a plan.

They were all in dance practice right now, so none of them would be likely to answer… he could leave a message though? That sounded preferable actually. Or maybe he should just drop a voice message into the group chat? That way they would all get to hear it… and he could continue to hide from them, not having to face any immediate responses. That was the best idea he had had so far. He didn’t think he could handle actually hearing their voices right now.

He tapped through his phone to find their group chat, ignoring all of the new messages that had accumulated there and he hovered his thumb over the record voice button. He could do this. He took a deep breath before tapping with his thumb.

“Hi…”

Chapter Text

He tapped the screen of his phone with his thumb and raised it up towards his mouth. This was still going to be hard even if he was only leaving a voice message. 

“Hi. I know this is me being a coward but I don’t think I could get through this if we were all in the same room.” Daehyun started, sitting on the edge of the dressing table behind him. “I guess I mainly just wanted to say I’m sorry. I’m sorry I wasn’t good enough. You all took me in and treated me like an equal when you really didn’t have to. Honestly I feel like I didn’t deserve it at all. But I’m so grateful for the time we did have together, and I’m sorry if I never expressed that to you all.

“I’m not great at talking about my emotions or feelings. I thought I was doing better at that, but evidently not.” He paused to take another breath. He knew this was going to end up a waffley mess, but there was nothing for it. He couldn’t exactly rehearse what he was going to say.

“I’m sorry if I ever made you feel like I didn’t care about any of you or that I didn’t love you. Because I do. I love you all more than I can ever truly say, and that’s why I’m doing this, because I want what is best for you all.” He paused again, letting out a sigh through his nose as he chewed on his bottom lip. Trying to piece together the words was not an easy task.

“I only wish that you had all talked to me instead of breaking up with me silently. I would have understood a lot sooner, and you all wouldn’t have been living in such an awkward situation with me for so long.” He raised his eyes, staring at the upper edge of the doorframe. He blinked a few times as he felt his emotions rising in him. He couldn’t cry. He needed to focus so he didn’t start spiralling. “I’m sorry if I put you all in the position that you couldn’t talk to me about it.

“But I get it now.” He paused, chewing on his lip again for a moment. “I get it. And I don’t want to make things awkward for you all any longer.” 

Daehyun stood up, turning to face the mirror as he lifted a hand up to chew on his thumb nail instead of his lip. He took a shaky breath before continuing. “If you want me to leave the group, I will. If you all think it would be too hard to continue being the Saja Boys with me still there then I’ll step away. I can talk to the company, come up with a plan, it will be fine.” His chest tightened at the thought. He didn’t want to leave. He didn’t want to stop performing with the others. He didn’t want to let anyone down. But was it too late for that?

“But if you still want me there, then I promise I will work my hardest to not let this break up affect our fans or our career. That’s a promise.” He said, lowering himself down into the chair behind him. “On that… if you’d like me to leave the dorm, I’ll do that. I can move my stuff out as soon as you need me to. Just let me know.”

Daehyun’s voice cracked at this, and he had to pause again to suck in a breath as a tear began to slide down his cheek. This was so much harder than he thought. He was not okay with any of this but what choice did he have? The other four and how they felt were more important. “Just let me know.” He repeated, his voice now thick with the tears he was trying his hardest not to let escape. He was breaking, that much was evident. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea after all.

“I’m sorry.” He said, his voice choking into a sob as he covered his eyes with his hand. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I just want what’s best for you all. I can leave. I can do whatever. Just let me know. I’m sorry.” He quickly pulled the phone away from his face and ended the voice note before he dropped the phone onto the dressing table and sobbed into his hands.

It was finally hitting him properly. They had fallen out of love with him. They had broken up with him. And he was alone.

He curled over himself, making himself as small as possible as he cried. How was he going to do this? How was he going to handle being alone? Just the thought of it was too hard. Actually doing it was going to be impossible. Those four men had been his entire world for years now. To go from that to nothing… it was going to break him. And there was nothing he could do.

“Daehyun-ah? What’s wrong?” 

His manager had returned… and caught him breaking down in his dressing room. But he didn’t care anymore. He was going to need his help regardless right now. First he had to try and pull himself together enough to be able to talk again.

“I-I…” He started but the tears kept coming, and his breaths kept coming out as choked sobs.

The concerned look on the manager’s face only intensified, and Daehyun felt as his arm curled around his shoulder, rubbing soothingly. “Hey, it’s okay. I’m here. Just let it out.”

The younger turned into the other’s hold, burying his face in his shoulder and clinging to him as he sobbed. He tried to speak a few times but he kept choking on his tears instead, his manager doing his best to soothe him. 

Eventually the intensity of his tears began to wane, and he felt himself calming down. The tears continued to slide down his cheeks, but he could at least breathe again, and he pulled away once he was more stable. “I’m sorry.” He said, his voice completely broken and despondent.

“It’s okay.” The manager responded, offering him a reassuring smile. “Care to tell me what brought this on?”

“I-I…” He started, pausing to sniffle. “Hyung, can you do me a favour?” He asked instead.

“Of course, what do you need?” The reply was automatic but Daehyun knew his manager meant every word. The older male was more than just a manager, he was a friend and more like an older brother than simply a manager. 

“Could you pick up some of my things from the dorm for me? Like clothes, toiletries and my electronics? I… I can’t go back there yet.” He said, lifting a hand to try and wipe the tears away from his cheeks. They were finally slowing to a stop, though it left him sounding congested and he knew he must look an absolute state. Good thing the photoshoot was over already.

“Sure I can.” He agreed immediately. “Did something happen with the other boys?”

Daehyun chewed on his bottom lip, sniffling quietly before nodding. He took a shaky breath before meeting the concerned gaze of his manager with his own broken one. “They’ve basically broken up with me. We haven’t… we haven’t really felt like we were in a relationship for a long time now.” He admitted, before his voice dropped to a heartbroken whisper. “Hyung… they forgot my birthday.”

“Oh Daehyun…” Arms encircled him once again, and he was pulled into the soothing hold of his manager. He rested his head on his shoulder again as he closed eyes, focusing on his breathing so he wouldn’t cry again. He hated crying. They remained like that for a few minutes before his manager spoke once more. “I can excuse you from rehearsal today, so you don’t have to see them.”

“Thank you, Hyung.” He whispered, sniffling quietly again as he nodded into his shoulder. 

The arms around him tightened and a hand rubbed his back soothingly. “It’s not a problem. I’ll let them know you won’t be joining them but I won’t go into detail.” He explained before continuing. “Though you will have to face them eventually, Daehyun.”

“I know.” He sighed, pulling away but keeping his gaze lowered to the floor. He just felt so broken. Maybe curling up alone in a vocal studio and just escaping the world would do him some good? Probably not but it was all he felt he was capable of right then. “And I will. I promise. It just hurts too much right now.” He said, lifting his shoulders into a broken shrug.

“It’s okay.” His manager reassured, squeezing his shoulder. “We should probably head out before the stylists come to collect the clothes though.” 

“Yeah.” Daehyun agreed, lifting a hand to wipe at his face. His manager apparently took pity on him for he passed him a baseball cap and a face mask. Idol images were everything after all, and he knew that if any fan saw him looking as devastated as he was that rumours would circulate and that was never a good thing. “Thanks, Hyung.”

“Anytime.” The manager said, squeezing his shoulder once more before ushering him out of the room, making sure to swipe Daehyun’s discarded phone. The young male tugged his hood up and over the baseball cap for an extra layer too. Not to protect his identity but more for comfort. 

He let his manager lead him out to the car, only stopping briefly to bow their thanks to the staff at the photoshoot before they left. Thankfully it seemed like his schedule hadn’t been leaked and so no fans were milling around the building. Either that or he didn’t actually have any fans. He knew that was just his bad mental health talking though. He did have fans, and they usually were quite respectful of his schedules. Maybe they thought he was actually a minor and so gave him space? Whatever the case he was thankful right then for the peace they granted him.

Daehyun accepted his phone back from the manager, noting that there had been no response as of yet. That was to be expected as the other four were all in dance practice and so shouldn’t even glance at their phones until a break was called. And knowing Jinu breaks were not frequent. He always pushed them to try and get the best out of them… and it always worked, despite their grumblings. 

If he did have to leave the group, would they rework all their old songs and choreography? They would have to as everything was currently set for five, not four. Mingi could take on his raps, that wasn’t a problem. Redoing all the choreography would take time though, and would delay any sort of comeback the company wanted.

But if that was what the others wanted, so be it.

The drive to the company building was fairly short, the photoshoot location being closer to their headquarters than where his manager had picked him up that morning. Not enough time to fully wallow or pull himself together. That was why he made sure to readjust the baseball cap, hood and face mask to ensure he was as covered as he could be before exiting the car and following the manager into the building.

“Okay, I’ve got you into vocal studio 5D.” His manager said, and Daehyun nodded in acceptance. “I’ll go tell the boys you won’t be joining them today. Just… take it easy, and I’ll be back this afternoon so we can work out a plan of action for you, okay?”

Daehyun nodded again, his voice quiet as he responded. “Okay, thank you Hyung.”

“It’s not a problem.” The manager smiled before gently patting him on the shoulder. “Call me if you need anything.”

Lifting his head, the young rapper gave his manager a small smile as he nodded again, before he watched the older male walk down the hall, heading in the direction of the dance studios. He felt a pang in his heart knowing that he was about to go talk to his ex-boyfriends, but he knew he would not handle seeing them right now.

With that thought in mind he hurried down the hall and into the booked vocal room. He quietly shut the door behind him, flicking the outside light to mark it as an occupied room, before moving to the other side of the room. He pressed his back against the wall and slowly slid down it until he sat on the floor and rested his head on his knees.

He needed to just… breathe.

Chapter Text

Daehyun didn’t come home. After he stormed out, clearly upset, with the excuse that he needed air, he did not come home. None of them had thought to go after him, trusting his words for what they were, that he really needed air. Oh how foolish they had been. Taeyong should have listened to his gut and gone after him. Or at least pull him to one side when he realised that Daehyun was upset about something and just talked to him.

But he hadn’t.

And none of them had really even noticed how long he was gone for until Jinu had gotten home and questioned where their youngest boyfriend was. They had explained what happened, and after receiving a disappointed sigh and scolding from their leader, they had quickly all grabbed their phones to try and get in contact with Daehyun.

Taeyong lost count of the amount of messages sent, or calls that were ignored, or voicemails that were left. None of them were getting through to him. He was ignoring them. That was the moment they realised that maybe this was a bigger issue than they had originally thought.

Rumi had sent Jinu a message saying she had seen him by the Han River but he had quickly left and wandered off. That he seemed upset. Mingi and Jinu had left to go and try and track him down, Wooseok and himself staying behind just in case Daehyun returned in the meanwhile, but no luck. There was no sign of him at all, and the two returned to the dorm without their missing fifth.

They took turns to stay up and wait for him during the night. Originally they had all planned on staying awake, but then Jinu had reminded them that they did all have schedules the next day and so they still needed to sleep. So they came up with a rota. When he had been woken at 4am for his own shift, he had been hopeful that Jinu would have good news for him, but those hopes were dashed with a quick shake of the head.

Still no sign.

There continued to be no sign, and he woke Mingi up for the last shift with no good news to share. Only steadily increasing concern and worry.

The next morning Jinu fretted before sighing and admitting that they needed to call their manager. Daehyun had a solo photoshoot and if he was missing then he wouldn’t be able to make it. Plus they could do with their manager’s assistance to try and find him. Kibum had the ability to track their phones after all.

They all gathered around Jinu as he dialled their manager’s number, every ring making the anxiety within Taeyong grow. He was starting to hate the sound of it. After a few seconds the call connected and their manager’s voice echoed through the room.

“Jinu-ah! What’s up?” 

“Morning, Hyung.” Jinu said, putting false cheer into his voice. Taeyong shot him a confused glance. Why was he making it sound like everything was okay? Daehyun was missing! “Um… it’s about Daehyun…” Jinu continued before being cut off.

“Daehyun? He’s right here! We’re on our way to the photoshoot right now.” 

“He’s with you?” All four of them sagged in relief. Daehyun was safe. Wherever he had spent the night, it didn’t matter. He was safe and now with their manager. “Oh, that’s good. I…” He was cut off once again by their manager, he was clearly driving as he only ever did that when he was trying to concentrate on the road.

“Oh don’t worry, he explained to me about needing a walk this morning.” Taeyong frowned at this and he shared a confused look with Mingi. Daehyun had lied to their manager. Because he definitely hadn’t left earlier that morning for his walk. He had been missing for almost 18 hours.

“Are you off to his photoshoot now?” Jinu asked, trying to glean some semblance of what was going on. They were all so confused, still none the wiser about just why the youngest of them had even left.

“Uh huh, we’ll be returning to the company building once we’re done. Don’t forget you are in studio 3C today. Minho will be there to pick you all up in an hour, make sure Wooseok is ready or he will drive off without him. You know what he’s like.”  Taeyong had to stifle a laugh at the callout, and he glanced at Wooseok who scoffed quietly, rolling his eyes and crossing his arms over his chest. He remained silent though, not wanting to clue their manager in to them having him on speakerphone. He didn’t sound like he knew or thought anything was wrong, and they didn’t want to make him worry. Plus with Daehyun being with him, they also didn’t want to spook the younger into fleeing again.

Jinu shot Wooseok a look as he spoke, his face pulled into an apologetic smile. “He does like to take his time getting ready in the morning. He had to run for the car last time Minho-hyung picked us up. He doesn’t have the patience to wait longer than necessary. ” Wooseok flipped him off playfully, before sticking his tongue out at him. They teased him frequently about how long his morning preparations took, so he knew not to take full offence at anything they said.

“You got that right. You remember the studio code?” Their manager asked, slipping straight back into work mode by the sounds of it. During the call Taeyong tried to keep an ear out for any other sounds, to see if he could literally hear Daehyun being there, but there was nothing. Just finding out from someone else that he was okay wasn’t enough… he needed to see or hear him himself before he would truly be happy.

“Uh, yeah. I’ve got the list in the back of my phone.”

“Perfect. Okay, we’ll see you later, Jinu-ah. Bye.” The call was wrapping up, and still not even a breath to be heard from their missing boyfriend.

“Bye.” Then all that remained was the beeping of the disconnected call. The four of them fell into silence as Jinu closed out of it and locked his phone, the screen turning black. “Well… at least he’s safe.” He said after a minute of silence.

“Yeah, and avoiding us.” Mingi huffed, turning around to grab a beanie hat from the coffee table, before shoving it on his head.

“I don’t even know what we’ve done!” Wooseok said, flicking his hair out of his eyes in fake irritation, but Taeyong could see the worry in his eyes. It was clear as day. As it was in all of their eyes. This behaviour was so unlike Daehyun. What was going on?

“Well we won’t find out by just standing here.” Jinu said, sliding his phone into his back pocket. “You heard what Kibum-hyung said. We’ll see them both later, so… we might as well go to practice. We can’t skip it just because Daehyun didn’t stay at home last night.”

“You could sound like you actually care about him, Hyung.” Mingi said, turning an annoyed frown on their leader. 

“I do care about him! Of course I care about him!” Jinu scowled. “What do you want me to do? Go out there and drag him back from his photoshoot? That wouldn’t do any good, and you know it. He’d just run again.”

Feeling the tension rising in the room, Taeyong quickly moved to step between the two younger men, one hand pressed to each of their chests. “Fighting isn’t going to get us anywhere.” He said, his voice quiet but firm. “We have no other option right now. We’ll speak to Dae when he comes to practice later.”

“Fine.” Mingi huffed, turning around and stomping off to his room, likely to grab the last things he needed to take to the company building. Or to wallow for the remaining hour. That was also a possibility. Wooseok gave them both a quick glance before he hurried after their retreating boyfriend.

Taeyong watched them go with a concerned frown and he felt as Jinu’s form sagged, causing him to turn once more in concern. “You okay?”

“No.” He answered, running a hand down his face. “I don’t think any of us are. Not until he’s back. But the show must go on… as always.”

“Hey…” Taeyong started, turning fully to face Jinu and gently taking his hand. “Like you said, Daehyun is safe. He’s with manager-hyung.”

He watched as the younger chewed on his lip for a moment before admitting with his voice quiet. “Rumi said he was upset when she found him yesterday. And from what you said, he stormed out… and then he didn’t come home. I’m worried.”

Lifting his other hand Taeyong gently cupped Jinu’s cheek, soothingly stroking his cheek with his thumb as he gave him a small smile. “We all are. It just comes out in different ways. For Mingi it’s anger. For Wooseok it’s over-preparing. But we can’t let it affect how we treat each other.” He said, deliberately locking eyes with the other to make sure he was listening. “We’ll get our answers soon enough.”

“Yeah.” Jinu nodded, his shoulders dropping again with a sigh. “You’re right. We’re all high-strung right now. Everything will be fine.” He finished, offering Taeyong a small smile which he happily returned.

“Exactly.” He nodded before pulling the younger male closer and pressing a tender chaste kiss to his lips. “Now, let’s go get ready. Minho-hyung will be here sooner than we think.”

And with that he let Jinu go, and turned to head to his own room to find his practice sneakers. Once he was out of sight his smile dropped and he sighed to himself. He wasn’t so sure that Jinu was right. After how Daehyun had reacted to what was an innocent conversation, and the lack of contact since then… Taeyong had a feeling that everything would not be fine.

Chapter Text

The drive over to the company building had been tense… to start off with anyway. But once Jinu had slid his hand into Mingi’s, all tension had bled away as the taller had relaxed against their leader. With that crisis averted they could now focus their attention on practice whilst they waited for the return of their missing boyfriend.

Taeyong knew they wouldn’t be able to fully distract themselves from his absence, but hopefully they would be distracted enough so the time would fly by. The sooner they could talk to Daehyun about what was going on, the better. He just hoped they would get to address everything before the younger ran off again.

They pulled into the underground parking of the company building, and their driver spoke as they were all unbuckling themselves. “I don’t know what’s going on, and I don’t need to know. But you boys were unusually quiet today.” He commented and they all awkwardly averted their eyes. “Whatever it is, keep your chins up. It will all come out in the wash, it always does.”

“Hyung, your sayings are so old.” Mingi said, unable to stop himself from the playful jab. Taeyong felt a pang in his heart at the words as they were definitely something that Daehyun would have said if he had been there.

“Oi! Enough cheek from you.” The driver, Minho, said, pointing a playful finger at Mingi. “You’re not Daehyun so you can’t get away with it.”

“Sorry Hyung.” Mingi laughed before he slid out of the car.

Jinu flashed the driver an apologetic look. “Thank you for driving us, Hyung.”

The older male waved him off, ushering all of them to get out of the car. “It’s my job. But take care you lot.”

“Bye Hyung!” Wooseok grinned, sliding out of the car and Taeyong offered the driver a wave of his own as he followed suit. Once they were out of the car they all filed into line as they made their way into the building and up towards their designated dance studio for the day, Jinu leading them.

They entered the room, the door auto locking behind them, and quickly changed into their practice sneakers. Taeyong glanced at his phone one more time, before they started, to see if there was anything from Daehyun, but there was still nothing. He sighed in disappointment before climbing to his feet and moving into the middle of the room to start stretching. At least they were just practicing their routines before moving onto their new choreography. No singing required.

With how disturbed all of their sleep had been, he didn’t think any of them would be able to sing very well. And besides… with Daehyun not being there it would be awkward during his sections of their songs. None of them could rap as well as he could, neither did they have the same tones in their voices as he possessed. Taeyong loved listening to him sing, not that he got to do that often on their songs, only being a part of the choral moments. 

Their new album, though, would contain solo songs by each of them, so soon everyone in the world would get to hear their baby sing… Taeyong could not wait.

Practice was slow to start with. They all struggled to find their rhythm with there being someone missing. But eventually they managed to get into the flow of it, and they managed to get through around half of the routines they would need for their next concert. It hadn’t been scheduled yet but the company had said that they would do a concert and then announce their new album, performing what would be their new release just before the end of the show.

It was both exciting and a lot of work and pressure. They had received the new song only a few weeks ago, and though they had the vocals down now, and had learned all of the choreography, they were yet to fine tune it. They needed to be seamless, making it look natural and not like it was as energy draining as it was. Why their choreographers kept adding jumps into their routines was beyond him. At least soon they would be adding some ballads to their repertoire, and there would be no jumps for them to worry about then.

After a few hours Jinu called for a break and the other three of them all groaned in relief, shuffling over to their bags so they could chug some water. Taeyong also took the chance to check his phone and his heart almost stopped at the notification on his screen. Daehyun had left a voice note in their group chat.

He glanced at the others to see what they were doing and if they had noticed. Mingi was starfished on the floor, his chest heaving as he tried to get his breath back. Wooseok had his hand mirror held up in front of him as he sorted out his hair that had gotten messy during the practice so far. Jinu was fiddling with the sound system trying to adjust the levels. So nobody else was checking their phone.

Taeyong climbed to his feet, water bottle and phone in hand, and he silently walked over to a corner, away from the others. He had a weird feeling in his gut which was telling him to be alone while he listened to the voice note. Not being able to just leave, taking himself to a quiet spot at the other side of the room was the best he could manage. He slotted his back into the actual back corner of the room, sliding down so he was sat on the floor, and after a quick glance to check on the others, he shoved his headphones in and pressed play on the voice note.

With each word, the growing dread he had been feeling all morning, manifested into something painful and deep within his core. Daehyun sounded so… broken. And they were the cause. It was their fault. They had caused him this pain… even if Taeyong still didn’t know how or what they had done.

Why did he think they had broken up with him? What was going on?

There was no way he was leaving the group or moving out. Taeyong was 100% sure that the others would agree with him on that. Daehyun was not going anywhere if he could help it.

But he had to get to the bottom of this. None of this made any sense.

His own heart was breaking hearing his youngest boyfriend cry, and by the end he was blinking away tears of his own. He had to see him. He needed to see Daehyun. He had to hold him in his arms and reassure him that he was loved and wanted. 

With that determination in mind, he climbed to his feet and began to make his way towards the door. Just as he reached the door, there was a knock and Taeyong opened it to reveal their manager, Kibum. But Daehyun was nowhere in sight.

Where was he?

“Hey boys.” Their manager greeted them, offering them all a strained smile. “Daehyun won’t be joining practice.”

“What? Why?” Mingi asked, hurriedly climbing to his feet.

“He’s…” The older started before sighing. “He’s not doing well. I think… I think he needs a break.” He said, lifting a hand to run his fingers through his hair, clearly worried.

“Is he okay?” Wooseok asked, a frown of concern on his face.

Their manager shook his head almost immediately. “No. No he’s not. I think one of you should go talk to him. He said he wants to be left alone but… I don’t think that would do him any good.”

Taeyong wasted no time in stepping forward, after that voice note he needed to hear things from Daehyun himself, he needed to understand what it was the youngest meant, and find out what they had done. “I’ll talk to him.”

“Okay, good. I can show you which room he’s in.” Their manager agreed, a hint of relief seeping into his voice.

“I’ll go too.”

“And me!”

“Me too.”

“No…” Their manager said with a no nonsense tone which they immediately listened to. “If all of you go he’ll get overwhelmed, and that would do more harm than good right now. Just… just one of you, and then we’ll take it from there, at his pace.”

Taeyong nodded his agreement and looked towards Jinu who was frowning in thought. After a beat their leader turned to him and nodded. “You go. I think you can handle this situation the best out of all of us. Just… just please look after him, tell him we love him.”

“I will.” He promised, nodding his head in emphasis. Wooseok and Mingi looked like they wanted to argue, but after a look from Jinu they relented.

“We’ll be right here if either of you need us.” Mingi added, Wooseok inclining his head in agreement. 

Taeyong offered them both a smile before he turned to face their manager once more. “Okay, take me to him.”

“Come with me.” Their manager said before stepping out of the room. Taeyong followed along behind him, making sure the door was closed before walking down the hall. “He was crying earlier. And he asked me to collect things for him from your dorm.” He explained, leading him towards the stairwell. “He wasn’t making much sense to me, but he’s clearly struggling. I… I’ve never seen him like that before.”

There was clearly more that the older man wanted to say but was holding back, Taeyong could see it on his face as they climbed the stairs. “Hyung, what is it?”

Their manager sighed and shook his head. “It’s not for me to tell you. But Daehyun… he’s really hurt. I’m sure he’ll explain everything but I have to admit… I’m a little disappointed in you boys.”

Taeyong stopped in his tracks, staring in shock at the manager’s back. For Kibum to be disappointed in them… it had to be bad. What had they done? He tried to think back to the conversation that Daehyun had stormed out on yesterday but was coming up blank. He then tried to think of anything before that, but he couldn’t think of anything. What was it that they had done? He knew he was going to find out once he spoke to Daehyun, but not knowing was making him feel so guilty already. Was he so blind to not realise he had been hurting someone most dear to him?

“Hyung…” He said, voice cracking. 

Their manager stopped, turning back to face him with a sad smile. “I’m not about to lie to you, Taeyong. You boys messed up. And you need to fix it before the damage becomes irreparable.” 

Taeyong swallowed thickly, nodding in acceptance but unable to say anything more. The older male nodded back before he began to lead the way up the stairs to the next floor again. They moved in silence, their manager focused on taking him to Daehyun, and Taeyong lost in his thoughts, a well of guilt in his chest that was steadily growing with each step.

He was so lost in thought that he almost bumped into the manager’s back, who had stopped just in front of the door to one of the vocal rooms. “He’s in here.” He said, turning to face Taeyong. “He won’t be happy, but talk to him.”

“I will.” Taeyong nodded and as the manager turned to leave he quickly grabbed his arm. “Hyung… he left us a voice note. The others will likely listen to it soon, so… make sure they don’t try to come find us. Like you said… too much too soon will just do more harm than good.”

“I’ll keep them away, don’t worry.” He reassured, patting Taeyong’s hand. “Look after him, be patient, and don’t let him run.” He finished before slipping out of his grasp and walking away, back towards the stairwell.

Taeyong took a deep breath as he turned to face the door. Suddenly it seemed a lot more imposing than what it actually was. He knew that behind there was one of the loves of his life, who was utterly broken and it was all because of him and the others. They had hurt Daehyun so much that he felt like he wasn’t important, wasn’t enough, wasn’t worthy of their love. That was so far from the truth, and the fact that they had let him feel that way… they had a lot to make up for.

But first he had to find out exactly what they had done from Daehyun himself.

He noted that the recording sign wasn’t lit, which meant that if he was going to enter, it would be safe to do so. But with the memory of Daehyun’s broken voice echoing in his mind he did not just want to barge in.

So instead he lifted a hand and knocked on the door. “Daehyun?”