Chapter Text
She had slept in, again. She didn’t like sleeping in, she had work to do, even if walking was almost impossible for her nowadays. Clementine was glad AJ and Rosie got her hat back. It was not only the one thing she had left of the world before it went to shit, but it had been with her through everything. Since meeting Lee, and then Luke, meeting back with Kenny, AJ being born, then David and Javi, Gabe and Kate, until being with AJ alone in the road and meeting Ericson’s kids. Every single encounter had something bad happening, and that cap was with her every time.
Things were different now. She had a room to come back to, people she loved, a kid, a boy who meant the world for her. But still there were times she felt useless. Clementine was unable to do half the things she did before getting bit. If she didn’t have the school, she would’ve died in a day or two.
She grabbed her crutches that were always at her reach, drank the coffee AJ left at her bedside table, which was now cold and headed outside.
Clementine was a slow walker now, and made more noise than she did before because of the wood hitting the ground. The inside of the school was usually quiet, if Louis wasn’t playing the piano, which he didn’t do much anymore. Not since that night at the party, before Tenn died.
Louis was the one who felt most guilty about his death, constantly wishing the walkers had grabbed him instead of the little boy, or that in the best scenario, they both came back. He also couldn’t bear to look at where Clementine’s leg was supposed to be, he believed that if he hadn’t climbed past that fence, she wouldn’t have been bitten. He wishes he had been stronger in order to not need saving when the raiders attacked, like that, maybe Clem could’ve saved Violet instead of him and she wouldn’t be blind.
He was unable to talk this with Clementine. Not because he didn’t trust her, or that she wouldn’t understand, but because the last thing he wanted to be was a burden.
Everyone was minding their own business outside. AJ was on lookout, Omar was making dinner with the help of Violet, Ruby and Aasim were heading to the greenhouse, Willy was making some new weapons. The only one out of sight was Louis.
“Sorry guys, have you seen Louis?” asked Clementine to the ones closest to her.
She couldn’t bring herself to go down the stairs only to not find the boy with dreads. Stairs became a big challenge for her, even with crutches.
“No Clem, sorry,” said Omar.
“He’s probably in Marlon’s office, but I know stairs are not your best friend. I could go get him for you, if you want,” offered Violet.
“It’s fine, I’ll go.”
Although it wouldn’t be an easy task for her, Clementine thought it’d be better for him that she was the one to find him in whatever state he was in.
They never put labels on what they had. A month ago, right before the raiders attacked, Clementine had helped Louis to tune his piano and ended up confessing her feelings for him, and he confessed had the same ones, naming a song after the girl, they kissed for the first time in that music room, carved their initials in his piano with a heart around them. She was really happy to have him, and she knew he was too; Neither of them had someone like that before.
It wasn’t getting easier, going up or down the stairs, but she managed.
When she got to Marlon’s office, Clementine took a deep breath trying to prepare for whatever was inside, and went in. The sight was sad. Louis and her had talked about how he felt about Marlon, he did do horrible things, but he also kept them alive for nine years and was his best friend for way more than that. Louis was sitting in what was his friend’s bed with Rosie by his side. He was looking at a picture, perfectly framed. It was the only photo he had of Marlon, and it happened to be also the only one they had together. It was also obvious that he had been crying.
“Clem! I didn't see you there!” said Louis, cleaning his face and probably whipping away his tears. “Is everything okay?”
“Yeah, it’s not like I got anything to do either way..” she said. “Are you okay, Lou? You know you can talk to me, right?”
“Yeah… Yeah, I know,” he sighed. “I was thinking of taking this to my dorm, but at the same time I feel like it’s wrong. Not because I’m taking his belongings, but.. Ugh this might sound weird…”
“Just get it off your chest Lou.”
“I feel like it’s kind of his fault that you lost your leg.”
“Huh?” said Clementine, confused. She was expecting anything but that.
“I Know it sounds weird, but look: If he didn’t sell the twins to the raiders, Minnie she… she wouldn’t have turned like she did and cut your leg with that fucking axe, you would’ve been fast enough to cross that fence or even climb those rocks or.. Or..” his breathing started to become more heavy, and fast. He got like that sometimes, since the attack.
“Louis.. Calm down,” she said, approaching him and sitting by his side. “Breathe.”
It took a minute for him to calm down. It always did.
“Wanna go to the music room?”
“Yeah,” said Louis. “I think I need that right now.”
⋆.𐙚 ˚. ˙⟡.
Clementine loved watching Louis play, it made her feel peaceful. She never got many chances to be like this. The freckled boy was working on a new song, he always talked about how composing made him feel human, although Clem was not fully sure of what that meant.
He had shown her some songs he had worked with, throughout all those years in the apocalypse. And still, ‘Clementine’ was her favourite. It reminded her of that moment, when she first felt another one’s lips pressed to hers, and that that other person was Louis, the boy she loved, the one that made her feel things no other person could. She didn’t tell him that, yet. She didn’t think either of them was ready for that. However, it didn’t change how she felt.
“You know? I’ve never asked you if you had any hobbies! You know I have the piano and singing, but what about you?”
“I used to do soccer back in the day, but I didn’t really like it.”
“Well.. what about now? What makes you feel human?”
“Uhm.. I’m going to be honest with you, Lou, I have no fucking idea what that means.”
“Well, you know! What makes you feel alive! We’re all constantly thinking about survival, that we don’t get a chance to live properly,” explained the boy.
“I don’t know if I have something like that, I used to like driving, but it got a person I cared about killed and almost got me and AJ too so I’m not going with that.”
“It’s not like we’ve cars anyways.”
“Well uhm…”
She had nothing. Anything. At that very moment she realized she had only been surviving. Not living. Just nine years of surviving.
“Climbing trees was my favourite thing, back before all this,” she chuckled. “I still remember my mom talking about how I should take more care of myself. I think that would be my thing.”
“Can you..?”
“No. Not like this. I got to do it again though, back when I was with Kenny.”
“Kenny?” he asked.
“He took care of me and AJ, since I was eleven, though I met him right at the start. He would’ve liked you.”
“Maybe we’ll find a way for you to do it again!”
“Yeah, I hope we do.”
He smiled at her, in a way only he could do. The helpless look in his eyes when Louis looked at Clementine was incredible. She wondered what she did to deserve him. She wanted to spend the rest of her life with him, grow old. Did she ever wanted to grow old? Yeah, before all this. Before Lee, before Kenny, Carley, Christa, Omid, Luke, Javi, Kate, Gabe, Ava, AJ, before everything. When she was just a tot she dreamed of being in highschool, having a cool job and growing old with the love of her life just as her parents were supposed to.
With Louis, everything felt like before, like she could be the person she grew out of for the sake of survival. Maybe, that’s what he meant with feeling alive, human.
“And.. I think..”
“Yes?”
“I think I also.. I think that you make me feel alive too, Louis.”
“Wha– Me? Wow.. I–”
“You don’t have to say anything about it, it’s just.. When I’m with you, I stop thinking about anything outside, I feel like everything is as it was before and–”
The girl was interrupted, it’s not like she cared. Louis had kissed her in such a soft and delicate way. He only did it that way when he needed to show Clementine that he was there for her, that he cared.
“You don’t need to explain anything,” he said as soon as he broke the kiss, and held her hand. “You also make me feel alive.”