Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Ruleo and Leavo stood in Ruleos room, staring at the map on the wall. Dreamland was circled in red paint.

“So you’ve finally found the long lost kingdom of the elves.” Ruleo said as he turned to Leavo.

“All clues lead right to it. I have yet to explore further, but the ruins underneath the castle are no doubt once of the elves.” Leavo said.

“Then it must be ours!” Ruleo exclaimed.

“But how should we take it back? It must be covered head to toe in security ever since the humans took it. And our people have… softened since then. Ever since we agreed it was dangerous out there most haven’t even thought of leaving this easy candy life!”

Leavo agreed; “While the guards there didn’t seem… efficient, it is true that we aren’t quite ready. It would be easier if they were distracted. We could sneak around during a panic, that’s how I snuck around.”

Leavo thought about it for a moment. “Ruleo, I have an idea.”

“What do you suppose we do?” Ruleo questioned.

“I suggest… we strike the head. Kill the royals. Every last one until the only one left to lead is the one who rightfully should. Us. We will send one of us, it will be quick and quiet. Their people wouldn’t suspect a thing.”

“You mean… an assassin?”

“Exactly. However I myself have tired myself out from my last voyage. I don’t know if I’ll be as fit as the old me, or young me in this case…”

Ruleo hummed in disappointment. “I guess we’ll have to find a new elf for the job…”

————-

The elves were gathering around the gumdrop tree, the more elves that came around the more talkative they got. All of them were wondering what this emergency meeting was about. There were so many guesses, ‘the king must be dying’, ‘the squirrels are back’, ‘there’s a problem in the factories’, but the most popular guess was that it had something to do with Leavos voyage due to his recent return.

“Settle down everyone! Settle down!” Ruleo demanded.

As the crowd quiet down, Elfo squeezed his way through to about as close as he could get to the stage to see his favourite elf, Leavo on stage. Elfo silently squeed in delight as Leavo walked up to the front of the stage; “there he is!”

Leavo cleared his throat before speaking to the crowd. “Ladies and gentlemen, I have returned from my adventures with great news and the reveal of what I was searching for all these years,” the crowd gasped and Leavo continued; “the long lost city of the elves! What was rightfully ours 100’s of years ago was taken from us by the humans.”.

The crowd of elves burst into angry muttering at the mere mention of humans, one of the elves occasionally yelling out in the mutters about how terrible outsiders were. Ruleo hushed the crowd.

“Yes yes humans are terrible creatures. Now quiet we’re not finished!”. The muttering quiet down to just one elf, Ruleo gave them a stare.

“Rumouro!” Ruleo yelled, it got the elf to finally stop. “Go on Leavo.”

Leavo nodded to Ruleo and continued. “The long lost city of the elves is now Dreamland! A kingdom not too far from here, just outside the woods.”

Once again the elves burst out whispering and talking to each other about the news and Ruleo had to yell at them again. “QUIET! We have plans to discuss!”

“Yes, like how we’re going to take back our land!” Leavo said, immediately interrupted by gasping elves. Ruleo stared at the crowd before they could interrupt further. They stayed quiet so Leavo continued.

“Buuut… the problem is too high security for us very very strong elves! Who uh… just haven’t had enough training or information. Due to us living simple lives for so long it might take us forever to build up an army with a chance against the brutal humans. So Ruleo and I have discussed a plan to speed up the process. One of us elves will go out alone, sneak around quietly under their noses, and make the kill that will make the take over easy. We need an elf to assassinate the royals of Dreamland.” Leavos speech made the crowd gasp and chatter loudly and out of control. Even Ruleos staff on a rope couldn’t quiet the crowd. They had so many questions and concerns.

“Why can’t Leavo do it? He was just out!”

“The outside world is so dangerous! Elves rarely return!”

“It’s not gonna be me, right?”

All the elves had something to say. The only quiet elf was Elfo. Mostly because no one else there wanted to talk to him except maybe his Pops when no one wanted to listen to his stories, but also because he thought about it. A chance to go outside? Go on a dangerous adventure full of misery, horror, saltiness and death? That sounded amazing! He always wanted to see the outside world and everything that was there. Especially the misery! He was so sick of the singing and the conformity to pretending to be happy. At least he was pretending to be happy, and Elfo wasn’t very good at it. It probably was best if he spent his last moments out there instead of confined to the rest of his expected years in this pastel coloured hell of smiles and song.

While Elfo was off in his own world thinking about it, the other elves were starting to calm as Leavo answered questions. “Yes, yes I know, it’s dangerous and it’ll hard to find another elf even willing to go now that my adventuring days are over. We will need someone who can face what’s out there and be prepared for the horrible things in it. Preferably someone who can handle a good weapon, and unfortunately won’t be missed by many.” The crowd dispersed during that monologue, anyone who didn’t fit the requirements and/or was too scared to go stepped to the side, leaving Elfo the only one standing in the middle, still off in his own world thinking about what mustard and sardines must taste like. Elfo looked around in confusion and asked; “why are you all looking at me like that?”

Before he could ask another question, a small crowd of elves lifted him high up in the air, and all the elves started heading to the magic drawbridge, servant elves quickly catching up after retrieving some a bag of weapons for the new assassin.

“Wah- wait, wait! Aren’t you guys gonna like give me some helpful advice, wise words I’ll only ever use once during my mission but in a super dramatic moment, or even a training montage? I’m still at the stage where I fall in the mud during my training in the rain storm!” Elfo cried out, he wanted to leave this past-hell coloured song echoing jail of a kingdom forever, but this was all happening too fast!

Ruleo attempted to reassure him as he led the crowd of elves. “Relax, all you have to do is sneak around the castle and stab them with our little knives! It’s just sticking a blade through some meat you shouldn’t find it too hard. And it’s not like anyone will try to stop you, it’ll be easy for you to sneak around unnoticed in such a big world!”. The words were only somewhat comforting to Elfo, but he couldn’t ask for more, as he was placed onto the ground right in front of the slow and bright lowering of the drawbridge. When the drawbridge finally landed on the ground with a thud and his eyes slowly adjusted as the bright light faded, the sack of weapons was roughly pushed him into him causing him to instinctively grab it. Ruleo and Leavo approached Elfo with tiny, translucent, light blue glass ball. Ruleo gave it to Elfo.

“This is our tiny crystal ball, you can use it to update us on your mission.” Ruleo said.

“You must inform us of all new developments of your completion of this mission, and call us over when it’s finally over. Don’t be afraid to let us know of any other important details you might spot.” Leavo said, before remembering he had one more detail to share. “Oh and Elfo, if you see any symbols like this around, make sure to keep track of them. I’d like to know where they are when I get to be back.” Leavo said as he slipped a piece of paper into Elfos hand. The paper had a doodle that looked like a house with 2 big windows and a circle on top. Elfo nodded his head excitedly with a smile. Mostly because thee Leavo was acknowledging him. He was about to talk to him, probably gush about Leavo right to Leavo, but then he was quickly swept up by the elves again and pushed outside. The elves quickly ran back inside in fear and the drawbridge began to close.

When the drawbridge finally closed the elves sighed in relief. It took awhile for Elfo to leave. Elfo on the other side turned around and looked at the beautiful dark greenery, taking in his first big breath of the fresh air. The subtle noises around him mixed with the mildly chill air was so relaxing. Elfo started to speak to himself; “For the first time in my life, I feel completely calm and-“, but then Elfo quickly cut off his own words with screaming as the screech of an eagle ran through his ears and the animal quickly swept down grabbed him for lunch.

This was gonna be a long mission.

————————

Being in the air with the big eagle wasn’t so bad, Elfo got to experience more of the fresh cool air hitting against him and rant forever. Much to the eagles dismay, the eagle was too fed up with his talking that he dropped him before actually eating him.

Elfo fell quickly into a large grass patch right in the middle of the forest with a loud thud, dizzy from the fall. Once the dizziness left him he got up and dusted himself off. He decided now was a good time to look through his pre-made bag so he hoisted it off his back and rummaged through the contents. It had arrows and stiff bow which had been sticking out the bag a little since he got it. He dug deeper and noticed a few blades that were only slightly different in length from each other. There was a flask that either contained water or vodka, and Elfo had no problem taking a big gulp from it to check, but he was quite disappointed to find it was just water. Oh well, he’d change that soon. The bag also contained a small lunch box with, as always, candy. Elfo put back the flask and the mini crystal ball he had previously been giving and quickly put in his pocket at the time.

As he was repacking he heard little grunts, wooden wheels and footsteps quickly approaching, he turned around noticing the gnomes approaching in armour and little weapons ranging from blades to cannons.

“Oh, Hi, I’m Elfo! And you are?” Elfo said.

“Busy! We’re at war here.” A gnome responded.

“War with who?” Elfo asked, his question was quickly answered by loud thudding followed by ogres with their own weapons. The gnomes started to run to the ogres, most getting hit by a flail, or stepped on. The ones that didn’t climbed the ogres and struck their faces with knives. It was hard to see through the chaos, and it was worse when the gnomes started shooting their cannons and it created clouds of smoke releasing ogre blood showers among everyone.

Elfo attempted to slip through the crowd and continue his trip to Dreamland, but soon realized he had caught the attention of an ogre, who probably assumed he was on the gnomes side because of his similar height, because he was quickly approaching him. Elfo panicked, his eyes darting around as he thought of how to escape. He then remembered he was carrying weapons and there were a couple lying around by now. He dashed to hide behind a tree trunk half covered in a large corpse pile. He swiftly took his bag off and hurriedly looked through his bag again. He was anxious about what to choose but it was too late to decide when he saw the shadow of the ogre start to tower over his hiding spot. Just as the ogre was about to swing his bat, Elfo grabbed one of his medium sized blades and flung it at the ogre, it landed in his neck and he started to fall back, landing on a few gnomes. Elfo was shocked it worked, he sat there for a few seconds taking deep breaths as his fear settled. He watched as the small war continued. There were lots of tactical, messy, and quick kills. Elfo thought about it for a minute, he did need practice for his own mission, and this was clearly the best opportunity he’ll get till he arrives in Dreamland, so he put his bag back on and ran across the ogre, grabbing his weapon from the giants neck as he dashed past.

Elfo slipped between large legs and tiny creatures, climbing ogres next to gnomes climbing other ogres and effectively killing their opponents. Elfo had some close calls when he started but eventually got the hang of dodging blinded gnomes and ogres swinging flails and bats with nails. However once he got the hang of it the crowd started to literally die down. At the end of the battle Elfo found himself at a stump again, looking around and eventually seeing an ogre standing still with a blank stare and a large gap in his chest. It began to fall over to its own weight onto Elfo fast, fast enough he could only think to flinch, however it worked out when he fit perfectly through the chest hole. He climbed out and hopped onto the grass. It was somewhat quiet but filled with the noise of injured survivors retreating to their home land and animals returning from where ever they hid from the fight.

Elfo of course noticed all the loose loot. So he explored the area. He picked up an extra blade just in case, one that seemed relatively sharp, and held it as continued. He then found a few pouches containing gold coins, he took 2 small light ones from some gnomes and one big gold coin from an ogre. It was a calming after math to the horrors that just happened, and all seemed well until he saw another ogre, one with a knife stuck in his at an angle that didn’t seem easy to take out of. The ogre stepped forward towards Elfo, although he didn’t seem to notice the nervous elf. He did quite soon though he ended up stepping on an angled axe that Elfo was standing on the other end of, making him fling forward and cause the knife he was holding land in the ogres other ear.

“Ooo… glad you can’t see this!” Elfo said as he jumped down and ran from the scene. He headed into the woods and out to what he hoped would be the way to Dreamland, to officially start his mission.

Chapter Text

Elfo spent about half an hour walking through the woods, and was starting to worry he’d be lost forever and never find Dreamland. He was also pissed, they could find him a mini crystal ball that can help contact his people to bring with him but not a map?! Elfo frustratedly pushed through some thick branches at the thought. He ends up landing on some neatly placed firm dirt. Elfo gasped in relief; “Finally a trail!- AH!” Elfo ran across the trail as a long line of carriages passed through it in a rush. He watched the pretty horses and well crafted carriages drive down the path that lead to a far off, big and beautiful kingdom by the lake shore. It was Dreamland! He stood back in awe as he looked at the kingdom, it was beautiful, the perfect place for his people!

“Wow!… it’s so small! Oh wait, I’m far away.” Elfo said. He took out his flute and skipped happily on his way to the kingdom gates, attempting to somewhat keep up with the carriages to lead the way and have the main gets open to sneak in.

—————————

Luci was picking himself from a tough kick from the father of his new victim of his demonic works. As he watched the princess and the king fight he quietly left the room, looking to quickly leave the church and take a smoke to relax from the stress of being in Gods home as a demon.

Luci walked beside the outside walls of the very same church until he found a nice spot to lean against the wall in the nice warm sunlight. He grabbed a cigarette from his stash, lighting the end by emitting a small flame from his thumb. The second it was lit he brought it to his lips and took a long puff, letting the dark smoke fill his empty, organless, dark pit of a stomach. After a few seconds he shot the smoke out his mouth, using demonic magic to shape the smoke into the image of a tortured soul screaming for help. He chuckled to himself at his self entertaining trick.

“Noice.” Luci said proudly as he took another puff. From a distance he heard a tiny clank. He thought he might’ve been imagining it due to something he probably took earlier and forgot, and ignored it. Then he heard tiny small grunts. His eyes darted to the side at another part of the walls of the church. He could spot a little green creatures, they were climbing up a rope to get to the big high church windows. He could tell it was an elf, but it was weird seeing one out on the over-world ever since they all hid away since the war they had with humans. He curiously watched the elf from his spot from afar. The elf slowly climbed up his rope… somewhat well, occasionally slipping down the rope with a small yelp of fear. Luci giggled a little as he saw the elf accidentally catch his leg in the rope and have to anxiously kick it off.

As Luci internally started to play bets with himself on whether the elf would actually make it to the top or fall and die, the tip of his tail buzzed and involuntarily emitted a green flame. Luci sighed as it continued to buzz. He only just started this mission today! What did they want? Luci twisted his tail to place the green flame in front of him, and pressed a finger into it for a mere second, causing it to flame up into a bigger size, large enough to clearly show 2 faces looming in a dark room. Their faces were only illuminated by the green flame from their size. They had serious expressions on their faces.

“Luci! There’s something you might have to take care of.” The woman in the flames said.

Luci groaned loudly in frustration. “Aren’t I already taking care of stuff? What do you need me to do now?”

“We need to check you on that green fellow over there. At least we think he’s green. It’s hard to tell when our vision of things is entirely tinted in green! Anyways, just go check and see what he’s up to. We think he’s a dude, it’s also hard to tell with the green tint. Right Becky?” The man in the flames said.

“No… No, it doesn’t Cloyd.” Becky said, clearly annoyed at him already. “Anyways, all you need to do is check if the little elf is a threat to our plan, who knows what an elf could be doing after they were last seen.” Becky stated.

Luci turned his head back to the elf in confusion, the elf was once again struggling not to slip down the rope. Luci turned back to his flame call. “You want me to check on THAT guy because you think he’s a threat?…” Luci questioned.

“Yes, and if he is one, make sure he doesn’t lay a finger on Bean and her family, we can’t have them focusing on something distracting from our mission.” Becky demanded.

“Ugh fine…” Luci replied. The flame wisped away from Luci’s tail and he walked off to meet the elf.

—————————

Elfo panted heavily as he climbed up the last of the rope. “Almost there…” he grunted near the top of the rope. He gasped in excitement and relief as he pulled himself over the edge and finally found himself at the windowsill.

Elfo laid out his bag and took out his bow and arrows. He silently opened one of the big pieces of stained glass in the window, surprised but glad that part was on hinges. When he started to prepare his position he slowly felt an invisible, yet dark aura begin to smother him with its presence. That’s when he noticed a shadowy figure out of the corner of his eye. He turned his head to see it fully.

There in the corner of the windowsill, sat a cat like figure, as dark as the midnight sky, with one of his giant eyes replicating the moon on either side of him. The “moon” was eclipsed with a large and deep black hole, that looked like it was filled with soul. SoulS actually, screaming ones to be specific, and it wasn’t hard to assume none of them were his own.

“Hi! I’m Elfo…” Elfo said nervously; “what are you doing up here kitty-“

“Boo.” Luci interrupted with a dry tone and a evil smile.

Elfo yelped and jumped back. “You can talk?!”

“Of course I can! And I’m not cat either. DONT call me one, I am the great, powerful, one and only, Luci!” he declared proudly.

“…Really? I thought Lucy was a common name around here-“ Elfo questioned before being interrupted by Luci again.

“Oh shut up,” Luci frowned; “besides, you’re probably thinking of Lucy with a y, mine is spelled with an i, the much cooler way.” Luci stated.

“O…Kay… well, if you’re not a cat than what are you?” Elfo asked.

“I am a demon!” Luci responded smugly.

“…Sure…” Elfo said sarcastically, clearly not believing him. As Luci scoffed at the audacity, he propped up his bow and arrow once more and positioned himself to lean slightly out the window and inside. As he went to aim he could feel the previous presence heavy behind him, clearly trying to get a look at what he was aiming for.

“So what are you up to, ‘Elfo’?” Luci asked as he made it physically impossible for Elfo to aim and yet also try to look for who he was aiming for. Elfo frowned when he heard Luci’s voice.

“None of your business, it’s a secret mission.” Elfo said, trying his best to sound tough and mysterious.

“Hm, probably shouldn’t have told me that part if it’s secret and none of my business.” Luci stated dryly.

Elfo thought about it for a moment and internally slapped himself. “Damn it…”

While Elfo did that Luci finally figured out where Elfo was trying to aim, noticing it was right at the royals seat up front. Luci happily gasped in surprise.

“Oh. My. God. Are you trying to kill the royal family?! That’s so cool!” Luci said with a big smile, as if he was proud of him, which confused Elfo a lot. Despite the confusing adulation, Elfo still got defensive.

“What?! Pft- of course not! I’m not doing that! I’m not assassinating anyone! I’m just uh- uhm… damn it!” Elfo said panicking.

Luci gasps again as the faulty lie confirms his suspicions. “Woah! A royal assassination job, wish I got that. Yours is way cooler than my job. It’s almost gonna make this less enjoyable.” Luci says disappointedly with a frown.

Elfos long pointy ears perked up a little and he raised an eyebrow. “Make what less enjoyable?” He asked.

Luci made a devilish grin and immediately pushed Elfo through the window, causing him to land right in the wedding.

Elfo screamed as he fell down the high church walls. He landed with a loud thud on the ground, immediately followed up with a loud collective gasp from everyone in the wedding. Elfo freaked out and tried to get up, finding his bag was tied around his feet. As he untangled himself from the strap of the bag the crowd stared at him in wonder, the king and his wizard were whispering to each other from a far.

“What the hell is that?!” Someone in the crowd asked.

“It’s an elf!” Another one said.

“A magical elf!”

As Elfo finally found himself out of the confining straps of his bag the king spoke up; “Whoever catches that elf will get a shiney gold coin!”

That’s when everyone turned to Elfo as he put his bag on. They all got up from their seats in a hurry and Elfo scrammed for the front door. He dodged reached out arms and big kicking legs. He ran until he bumped into someone who wasn’t as focused on capturing the elf. She slipped on her own puddle of mop water and fell to the ground. As she looked up from the ground, clearly frustrated at the inconvenience. However when she slipped some of her long brown hair just past her eye ball to see who pushed her, her face turned to surprise when she saw a green elf.

Elfo just stood there for a moment, as if he was frozen. She was so pretty… He couldn’t stop looking at her face in the small time frame that he had. He nervously tried to apologize.

“Oh I’m so sorry I didn’t-“ Elfo was immediately cut off when a big guard in heavy metal armour picked him up.

“I caught the elf!” The guard exclaimed, that’s when everyone heard a big smash. Everyone turned to the window it came from and spotted the princess escaping her wedding. Elfos attention however was drawn to the window sill he fell from, where the demon Luci was laughing uncontrollably, only stopping to show Elfo a big paper that said ‘5’ to rate Elfos ridiculous fall earlier. Elfos face grew furious as he grumbled. His anger only intensified when Luci wrote on the back of the paper and showed him the other side, which said; ‘Nevermind what I said earlier, this is gonna be great!”.

Luci’s smile and pointing at his own sign had to be the most infuriating thing Elfo has ever had to endure in his life. Fortunately, it didn’t last long as the demon soon enough jumped out the window to go join the princess on her escape. That made Elfo’s anger only dim slightly, but it was completely replaced with anxiety when the king started to approach him and the guard that held him captive.

“Pendergast! We need to catch Bean as soon as possible and get this marriage over with! Merkimer said he’ll help you, he’s already outside preparing horses. Have Odval and another guard take in the elf. Go and get your finest trackers and bring back Bean!”

“Our finest trackers would be Stryker and Bolt sir, but they’re lost, so it’ll be Turbish and Mertz…” Pendergast said as he handed Elfo to another younger knight that was accompanied by Odval. Turbish and Mertz approached from behind.

“We won’t get tired this time!” Turbish said. Pendergast, King Zøg, and Odval all collectively sighed tiredly at him. The three ‘best’ knights ran out the door to set off. The rest of the group watched them go and started discussing about the elf. The advisor, Odval, began to inspect Elfo.

“Fascinating, it really is an elf! Not like that missing child who came back purple by eating berries in the enchanted forest.”

A wizard shoved past and looked at the elf excitedly. “Oooh hoo hoo hoo! This will be amazing, think of all the new magic I could do! I can finally move on from card tricks!”

Odval was the only one who clapped for the wizard. He smiled as he agreed. “It’ll be excellent for your career Sorcerio!”

“Where should I put him?” The young knight asked.

“I have some big bird cages in the garden shed. Shove him in one of those and put him in Sorcerios lab!” King Zøg said. The young knight nodded. He walked off with a struggling elf in his arms.

“Wait.” Odval called out as he walked to the knight. The knight turned to him and Odval took the struggling elf. Odval took the bag from Elfos back. Elfo gasped and attempted to reach for it back as he was handed back into the knights arms.

“Let me go!” Elfo cried out as he struggled to release himself. The knights arms wouldn’t budge and he walked out the church, heading towards the castle.

“Your majesty, what should we do with his belongings?” Odval asked holding it up to him.

“Eh just put it in Sorcerios office too, but put it out of his reach from wherever his cage is put.”

Odval nodded at the king’s request. He turned and walked away to head to the castle himself. King Zøg sighed at everything that has happened that day. Then he heard the birds crashing into the bell over the church’s rooftop. It rang 3:30. With all the stress and chaos it felt much longer, causing Zøg to sigh even louder.

“Where did I go wrong…” Zøg muttered to himself. He eyed the memorial room in the corner, the door was slightly ajar leaving just enough line of sight for Zøg to see his late wife. His brow furrowed and he looked away, thinking to himself.

“I’ll have you back soon Dagmar… soon…”

Chapter Text

The young knight opened the door to Sorcerios lab and walked straight over to an unused coat hanger. Elfo was now being carried in a large birds cage with his legs dangling out the bars. His personal jail cell was carefully propped up on the hanger. Odval walked into the room soon after with Elfos belongings. Elfo slumped against the bars as he defeatedly watched his bag be set down on the other side of the room.

“Go let King Zøg and Sorcerio know that the elf has been successfully and safely into Sorcerios office and that he’ll be ready for testings tomorrow.” Odval ordered.

“On it sir.” The knight said with a small bow before he left to fulfill his duty. Odval walked up to Elfo.

“Get some sleep. Once the issues with Princess Tiabeanie are dealt with you’ll have a lot of work to do, so you might as well sleep while you.” Odval said, finishing off his words with a smug little hum and a condescending smile. Elfo didn’t answer Odval. He just wait till he left and the candle light was blown. He slumped even farther in his cage and sighed. There was still some daylight out. He didn’t want to listen to Odval, but he knew he was right, and there wasn’t really anything else to do in the cage anyway. He slowly closed his eyes and let himself drift off.

—————————

The sunlight of the next morning shot through the wizards lab like a comforting warm beam. Elfos eyes slowly fluttered open. When his finally adjusted he noticed a big contraption beside his cage. He felt a small prick in his leg.

“Ah, good morning elf!” A happy old voice said coming from the other side of his cage. Elfo turned to it and jumped a bit in surprise to see the wizards face so close to the bars. The voice of the wizard continued to talk.

“My name is Sorcerio! What’s your name? If you can’t talk I’ll just refer to you as lab elf.”

“Hi, my name is Elfo!”

“Oh wonderful you can talk! Now I know for sure I can press out all your little secrets!” Sorcerio said with an innocent looking smile. Elfos face twisted into fear.

“Wait, what?-“

“Oh nevermind that Elfo! We have work to get to! It seems my blood pumper isn’t as efficient as I once thought…” Sorcerio said with sorrow. Elfo curiously peered out his bars as much (which was little) as he could. He noticed a giant flask, probably taller than his face, placed by the big machine he noticed earlier. It was placed right below a long tube connected to the machine, which also had another very similar tube that was lifted up. When his sight followed the trail of the second tube he realized it was the prickly feeling in his leg.

“Wait, you’re taking my blood?!” Elfo said, horrified at the new revelation.

“Attempting, it’s not going well as you can see, I hooked you up an hour ago and only one drop!”

“Wha- an hour ago?! You did this when I was sleeping?!”

“Of course! Didn’t want to risk you struggling against it, I learned that the hard way the last few subjects I used…”

Right after that, King Zøg barged in, yelling at Sorcerio; “Sorcerio! How’s that elf stuff going? We finally got Bean back for the wedding. I’d rather have this ready to deal with once we’re done with her.”

“I’m afraid it’s going, very, very slowly your majesty… I attached him to the blood pumper an hour ago and only a droplet has landed into the flask…”

“What?! God damnit- well try to speed it up over the wedding! Find a way.” Zøg demanded.

“Of course sire, I’ll be right on it.” Sorcerio responded. He then turned to the cleaning girl in the corner who was so quiet Elfo didn’t even notice her yet. “Mop girl, give Elfo a cookie and see if it helps get his sweet blood running!”

Mop girl rested her mop against the bookshelves and in her bucket and reached for a jar on a higher shelf. Well, higher to her, to most other humans it was quite reachable. She took out a big chocolate chip cookie and handed it over to Elfo. Elfo was quite surprised to see the girl he bumped into yesterday here, and his face displayed that clearly. Elfo stared at her with wide eyes as Miri approached him and silently obeyed her orders and handed him the cookie. A light tint of pink spread across a small area of his face as he grabbed.

“Ah see? Just the mere touch of the delightful sweet treat has the blood flowing through his body faster!” Sorcerio exclaimed as a few more drops of blood dripped into the flask. Right at the same time of Elfos apparent blushing that somehow he hadn’t noticed. Zøg side eyed his ‘magic wizard’ for a few silent seconds before responding.

“Right… well-“. The king was quickly interrupted by a loud yelling from down the stairs leading the lab.

“Let go of me! I’m already in the castle you don’t need to keep dragging me around!” The loud voice said, followed by subtle sounds of metal being clanged against something. Then followed up loud steps heading towards the doorway, specifically the King standing in front of it. The source of the voice barged in to face the man, revealing her to be a woman with medium length hair that was as white as the clouds her head was often found in by the people around her. Her face had freckles sprinkled over it and her mouth showed 2 big buck teeth that were about as straight as her posture. Which wasn’t BAD, but it wasn’t exactly perfect. She wasted no time starting her rant to Zøg.

“I’m not marrying that pig of a prince dad! You know it’s not gonna work out it’s gonna be a disaster either just call it off and stop trying to ruin my life- what the hell are you doing?” The woman said, her eyes catching sight of the elf and the condition he was in. “Dad! What the hell? This is cruel, even for you. Well… maybe not that much for you, but it’s up there!” The princess continued.

“We’re just borrowing a wee bit of blood to… test out a few things. Wouldn’t you want some more magic around here? Don’t you want a magic daddy?” Zøg responded.

“What? Ew no. I would never want that. Also, you can’t ‘borrow’ his blood. Dad he’s an innocent being you can’t keep him like this! He needs to prance and dance!”

Elfos eyes darted around the room at the ‘innocent’ part. Did none of them know? Was he really just here to produce blood for magic spells and not as punishment for trying to take down the royal family?

“Alright alright fine Bean. Lucky for you, I’m a master of the arts!” Zøg said responding to Bean. “Sorcerio! Poke 2 holes in the bottom of his cage.”

Sorcerio grabbed a blade off one of his tables and did as told. Elfo just barely missed the blade poking into him with small yelps. Once the holes were made he slipped his legs through, giving him the ability to walk whenever his cage was placed on the ground, which was done just then. He did a test circle almost tripping, but otherwise fine.

“There! Now dance.” The king commanded.

Elfo reluctantly attempted a dance with the limited mobility he had. Reaching for the spare flute in his back pocket to top it off. The traditional fanfare for elf jigs back in Elfwood. Everyone else in the room clapped for him. Elfo kept dancing in circle until he noticed another being enter the room and join the humiliating clap circle around him. Just like last time Elfo met them he was smiling at his misfortune right there.

It was him again. Luci.

Elfo was not happy to see him, the mere sight of him made him frown. What was this jerk doing here?! Humiliating him when he was stuck in a cage, and after he pushed him from the highest window no less! Elfo had a few words in mind he wanted to tell the demon, and a lot of fists. It didn’t take long for Elfo to find himself running to Luci wanting to give him a piece of his minds. Unfortunately for him, just before he could reach Luci with a good kick and punch, Sorcerio grabbed him and put him back on hanger, reattaching the tube.

“Now let’s get you back to work Elfo!” Sorcerio said.

“Good idea Sorcerio. Get as much as you can.” Zøg added.

“Dad, this is ridiculous! You’re insane! You can’t just use this innocent elf to make yourself powerful and you can’t marry me off to do that either!”

“A King can do whatever he wants! You’re gettting married Bean. That’s final! No crazy stuff this time!” Zøg said as he stormed off. Bean groaned. Sorcerio attempted to help by looking through some ‘remedies’ he made awhile ago.

“You seem tense Princess, here, have some lizard tea! It has mint!” Sorcerio said offering it to her. A weirdly shaped and small lizard poked out of the cup and looked at Bean, before turning back into the cup and continued swimming in the tea.

“SCRAM Sorcerio!” Bean yelled. Sorcerio hurried off afraid, dropping the tea. Miri shuffled herself into the corner to get back to mopping the one part of the room. When Sorcerio dropped the tea Luci caught it with his small hands. He used his extendable tail to place it back on the table that was around twice his height like most surfaces around here. He did however take out the lizard to eat it before putting the tea back. Bean watched Luci do it with a pretty straight face. She had only met her personal demon yesterday but she had been quickly growing used to his antics. It wasn’t that much crazier from the usual things that happened in the castle, so he fit into her life pretty well. She sighed and turned back to the elf in his cage.

“Sorry about my psycho dad and that old coot Sorcerio. I don’t know why he’s just calling you ‘Elfo’ it’s ridiculous. My name is Bean! What’s your actual name?”

“It’s Elfo…” he stated awkwardly. Beans reaction was just as, if not more, awkward. Her face dropped.

“That’s your real name?… your parents must hate you…” she muttered a bit sadly under her breath before continuing; “I mean!- sorry! I didn’t mean- I just… sorry… annnyyyyways, thanks for crashing my wedding earlier. I know it didn’t really work out for either of us… but it was nice thinking it was over while it lasted. Thanks for that.” Bean smiled gratefully as she finished off what she was saying. It was incredibly uncomfortable for Elfo knowing what he was actually doing before that happened. He didn’t know what to say, but then he saw Luc try to open his mouth so he knew he had to say something to stop him from speaking.

“It’s uhm!- it’s fine…” Elfo then leaned over a bit to check his blood flask. Not much added. Or at all. “I just wish I could get this over with without them trying to kill me…”

“Dying still gets it over with! It’s gets everything else over with too!” Luci chimed in.

“We’re not letting that happen Luci.” Bean stated.

“What?! Why not? He wouldn’t do the same.” Luci argued.

“Sure he would, any normal being would. Right Elfo?” Bean smiled optimistically as she looked for Elfos reassurance. Elfo was getting even more nervous, subtly starting to sweat.

“Uhh… yeah! Of course! Haha…” Elfo said trying to replicate Beans optimistic smile. Luci once again opened his mouth to say something, but was interrupted by a loud squeal from outside. Bean rolled her eyes, groaning.

“Stupid loud pigs… I’m so sick of hearing them from inside the castle!” She muttered, walking to the open-wall window and swiftly grabbing an empty glass flask. She peered out the window angrily.

“SHUT YOUR SNOUTS OR ILL-“. When she was threatening the loud pigs, she caught view of one of the bigger ones from through the empty flask in her hands. She realized how juicy and succulent they were. It reminded her of a tale in one of her childhood books, one that mentioned pigs being 80% blood. She wasn’t entirely certain that was true, but they seemed like they would have a lot. At least enough to fill a certain blood flask. She turned back to the elf in his cage, momentarily ignoring how Luci was teasing him by pushing Elfos cage and making it spin around in a haywire motion, and saw the perfect portable curtains standing behind him. Perfect enough to hide a pig… she quickly put the flask she was holding back on the table and cranked a lever down. Suddenly a table with clamps slanted down and the floor in front of opened, leading down a shute into the pigs meals. She grabbed a rope and handed one end to Luci.

“Luci! Go down there and tie this around one of those pigs! I have a plan to help Elfo and I need one of them up here.”

“What?! Why? We could be eating one of those succulent living barrels of meat for dinner tonight instead of wasting it on this idiot.”

“Because even if him stopping my wedding didn’t work out it’s the least I could do for this poor guy! Besides, maybe it’ll still be good for eating once we’re done with it.”

Luci muttered and mumbled as he took the end of the rope and slid his way down the shute. He pushed his hands to the metal sides around him near the end to be reduce speed at the muddy ending. He managed to just stop at the ending and sit on the edge of the metal shute. He groaned in disgust at the trough surrounded by the pigs. Everything about this area smelled awful. Half of the things dumped in here probably wasn’t even good for the pigs if it was coming from Sorcerio. Before he slid himself of the edge of his spot the end of his tail buzzed a little and emitted a small green flame.

“Again?!” Luci complained as he picked up the call from Cloyd and Becky.

“Hello Luci!” Cloyd said.

“What do you want now?” Luci replied, frustrated.

“Jeez, grumpy much…”.

Becky continued for Cloyd; “Luci, we have a few new… specifications for you when you deal with that elf.”

“What, kill him? Privately or in front of the princess? Y’know steer her closer her darkness and all?” Luci suggested, now becoming happier at the thought.

“That’s sweet of you, but far from it actually.” Cloyd said, trying to get back into giving orders for the mission. Once again Becky took his spot. “We don’t want him dead. In fact, we don’t even want him getting caught.” Becky stated.

“What? You want me to help him?” Luci asked, confused, but not that opposed to the idea of helping taking over the kingdom.

“Not exactly. You need to make sure he stays in line, keep him out of trouble and trying to kill that family. BUT, you also need to make sure he’s alive so Zøg can continue to use him. It might help move this mission along if he does get what he wants from that elf… however we also don’t trust him not to waste the elf if he catches onto what that little twerp is up to… he has a thing with public executions.” Becky states.

“Can I least mess with him a little?”

“Sure. But if he’s useful to Zøg he’s useful to us.” The flame whisped right after Becky finished her words. Luci watched it fade until the small smoke cloud it produced faded along with it. Luci scanned the pigs for a pig no one would really miss. Might as well help Bean with whatever this was gonna be if he can’t get rid of that weirdo. Spotting a light pink pig with black spots on his upper thigh, that was standing near the entrance. He wrapped the rope around it and tied it tightly.

Once it was ready he looked around for any people. He smiled at the emptiness of the yard.

“You know I’ve always to try something like this.” Luci climbed onto the back of the pig, shooting out his tail to the rope to tug on it twice, giving Bean the message to pull up. “Giddy up piggy!” Luci cried as the rope pulled up the pig he was riding.

—————————

“Sorry I can’t let you out, my dad would kill me. You too. Well, mostly you to be honest. He’s already marrying me off so he doesn’t have to deal with me and my bar tab.” Bean explained to Elfo as she helped Luci and the pig out the shute. Luci remained on the pig like it was his steed, while Bean pulled up the pig by the rope. To anyone that knew her, or came across her at the pub, it wasn’t surprising how easily she accomplished that. To Elfo, who had been counting on that she would at least struggle a little, was surprised and scared at the strength of the princess.

Bean carefully unattached the blood tube from Elfos leg, not noticing the subtle look of fear he had looking at her, and attached it to the pigs leg. Blood immediately flowed throughout the tube and poured into Elfos blood flask. The happy gasps from Bean and Elfo almost drowned out the quiet awe of disappointment Luci let out. Elfos big elf ears picked it up of course, but for now he let it slide. He didn’t feel like starting a fight with him all of people when he was trapped in a cage.

“Did you know pigs are 80% blood?” Bean said, revealing the ‘information’ she had learned from a tale that she only stopped questioning now seeing all the blood flow so quickly.

“Not anymore.” Luci added.

Chapter Text

The wizards office was crowded the next day. Zøg, Sorcerio, Bean, and Luci all stood around the vile now connected back to Elfo in his cage, while a pig lay in the air unconscious behind him hidden by a nice red curtain.

“It seems I have underestimated the quantity of blood, your highness.” Sorcerio said, as they looked at blood over flowing and covering the floor with about an inch in height.

“Yeah… the elf is good for now on the blood.” Zøg said. Bean smiled and turned to Elfo, giving him a thumbs up and a wink. Elfo nervously replicated the gesture. It felt so odd watching the princess help him and be so… friendly. She didn’t even know him, and yet she was helping him?

It felt stranger knowing that Luci has technically helped and hasn’t seemed to mention anything to the princess despite his knowledge. Elfo eyed Luci who was standing on the other side of him on the counter, happily watching the blood bath below them. He had to be up to something, it looked like Luci was going to expose him yesterday so why hasn’t he taken any changes since then? Why did he even stop him in the first place? He mentioned something about a job… but what job could that demon possibly have that would cause Luci to NOT want Elfo to shoot the royals? Did it even have anything to do with the job he mentioned? But why would he stop him even though he didn’t seem to want to? And why wasn’t he taking the opportunity to expose him now to stop him? Did he change his mind?

While Elfo continued to question everything about the demon and his motives internally, the confusion on his face and the fact he was looking at Luci was becoming less and less subtle, and him being off in his world became more and more obvious. He almost didn’t hear when the King continued to talk.

“But we’ll keep him here. We might need him for something else later.” Zøg walked off as he released the order. Muttering about regretting his footwear choice of sandals that day. Beans face dropped at that.

“What?!” Bean and Elfo said in perfect harmony over the sound of Luci amused snort.

“What the hell dad! Elfo did his part and you have more than enough blood! Just let him go.” Bean demanded angrily. Zøg simply ignored her, however Bean stormed through the bloody floor to follow. As she started to go after him Luci jumped onto her shoulder. Elfo watched them leave, glad that  weird emotional and physical distractions from his duty were leaving despite how somewhat helpful they’ve been. Mostly (if not entirely) Bean though. As Bean dashed out Elfo caught glimpse of Luci narrowing his eyes, an ominous glare peeking between his eye lids.

“Strange” Elfo thought. Although it wasn’t nearly as strange as Luci just willingly let Bean force him to help her help Elfo after what he gladly did to him. That led him in his damn cage in the first place.

“Well now that they’re gone I suppose we can finally start some magic!” Sorcerio exclaimed. He walked over to his bookshelf and grabbed a very dusty book. He blew a layer of dust off and dusted the rest of it with his gloves.

“Now that I have such a wonderful new subject to work with I can try some of these spells and potions from a new book I got!”

That was new?! How often did this man even actually practice magic? Hopefully more than Elfo did, which wasn’t at all, but currently it didn’t seem impossible the wizard hadn’t done more spells than that.

Sorcerio laid the book on one of his desks and picked up the various vessels filled with all sorts of pickled magical ingredients, putting them on shelves. Taking the empty vessels in their way on the shelf to replace their old spots on the table. He brought up a chair for himself and opened the book to the first page to start reading.

—————————

The wizard spent about 15 minutes reading while Elfo got to sit in silence. Despite still being locked in a cage and having to stare at his bag of belonging on the other side of the room out of reach, it wasn’t that bad. Sorcerio only just got up from his chair for the first time to grab a little microscope somehow less dusty than the new book. He very carefully brought it to his desk and picked up a needle and a small glass disk that was with the microscope, heading over to Elfo. He gently took his hand and poked one of Elfos finger, letting a droplet of blood fall onto the disk. Sorcerio sat back down and slid the disk under the microscope to inspect it, humming with curiosity.

—————————

The routine of the wizard going through the book and occasionally getting up to actually try to make a potion, spell, or do some research went on for about an hour or two. Elfo was bored in his cage and there still wasn’t anything he could do about it. He attempted to get more rest but to no avail.

However he snapped out of his trance of boredom and tiredness when the pretty girl with long messy brown hair covering most of her face walked in.

“Ah! There you are Mop Girl. Perfect timing. I need your help with some of these experiments.” Sorcerio said as he spotted her walk in. Miri silently listened and walked over to the table to help. Elfos eyes followed her in admiration in a totally normal way. It was nice whenever she walked up to his cage for once, but the moments were fleeting as she only came up to him to help with Sorcerios tests.

The earlier routine continued for about half an hour with Miri around. It stopped in the weirdest way when Sorcerio came across a page in the book. His eyes were wide with something Elfo couldn’t read. Elfo tried to get a look at from his cage but all he could pick up was an image of a purple vessel tied to a string or small rope. Under the picture Elfo read ‘ELIXIR OF L-‘ but then Sorcerio placed a book mark on the page over that last of the title as he slammed the book shut and shot up from his desk.

“Mop Girl, watch over the elf. Make sure he stays in the cage and continue research on the blood. I have to go talk to Odval.” He said seriously and with a hint of probably nervousness. Then before Mop Girl could respond he walked out with book in his hands. Both Elfo and Mop girl watched him leave until the sound of his footsteps disappeared.

—————————

Odval was sitting silently at his own desk filing out papers. They were all requests and complaints from the citizens. Most were complaints, and most of the complaints were about the king and his recklessness. As per usual he disposed of those papers while writing papers back that lied about how it’s being dealt with. It was silent amongst the sound of moving papers until the soft sound of a small wood piece sliding against the stone wall interrupted him.

“Yes Ms. Moonpence?” Odval responded to the sound calmly, giving her the signal that she could speak up without interfering with his focus too much.

“Sorcerio has news. Important news. He’s heading here.” Ms. Moonpence said.

“How long until he arrive-“ Odval was asking until the door to his office burst open and Sorcerio stormed in.

“Oh Oddy! It’s finally happening! It’s the moment I’ve been waiting for to become a real wizard! Zøg will be so proud!” Sorcerio exclaimed as he slammed the book on to Odval’s desk opening it to the page he was last on. Odvals eyes widen as he read the page himself.

“The elixir of life… a vial to return life. Ingredients being elf’s blood!” Odval smiled as he read it, standing up to hold the wizards hands.

“All I need is the elixir… but I have no idea where to find it.” Sorcerio says with a frown. Odval places a hand on his shoulder, reassuring him.

“We’ll find it eventually. The king will definitely be willing to help search for it. Have you alerted him of the news?”

“Not yet… just you so far. I’m a little scared to tell him about the missing vial. Oh would you would please tell him with me!”

Odval leaned in closer to him, speaking softly; “Of course. We’ll wait till after the wedding is done to alert him and get a search started right away! Speaking of the wedding we should be getting ready for it. Take a break and help me get ready.”

—————————

Before Mop Girl could respond to Sorcerio he walked out with book in his hands. Both Elfo and Mop girl watched him leave until the sound of his footsteps disappeared. When Sorcerio left Mop girl and Elfo turned to each other.

“So… Elfo right?” Mop girl asked walking up to his cage, bringing her mop to get the area around him done. And maybe to just to talk to him to distract her from work.

“Yeah!” Elfo said, scolding himself internally for sounding a bit too excited about that. “It’s nice bumping into you again.”

“I don’t think that first time was really all that great.” Mop girl said. The way she stated it made it hard to tell if she was joking. Elfo cringed and shrunk in his cage as he remembered literally bumping into her. He tried to laugh it off but it didn’t help hide his embarrassment.

“Riiight, that… sorry about that… what’s your name?”

Mop girl smiled at him. “It’s Miri. Why?”

“Well you know mine.”

“Yeah, most people don’t ask for mine though. They all kind of ignore me around here and call me Mop girl the rare time they talk to me.” Miri complained.

“What? That’s terrible.” Elfo sympathized.

“Eh, it’s not that bad. I don’t really mind not being the centre of attention anyways. It’s nice just being in the background when you’re an introvert.”

Elfo hummed quietly in agreement, not really knowing what to say at first. “If you’re an introvert how come you’re talking to me?” He asked.

“Well… I just thought it would be nice to meet another elf.” Miri responded.

“Oh. Yeah, I guess it is nice to-! Wait what do you mean other” Elfo tried to ask for clarification, wondering what she could’ve met by ‘other elf’ when he was the first to leave in such a long time. Miri cut him off though.

“Anyways! I’ve got stuff to clean, so I’ll just get to that… I could let you have another cookie.”

“Yeah, that’d be nice.” Elfo said with a small smile.

—————————

A unclear but short amount of time passed as Elfo and Miri hung out in silence. The silence was much more comforting than the other moments of silence Elfo had to embrace in the cage. To Miri the silence in room was as familiar as it was nice as an introvert. Miri spent the time mopping while Elfo spent it eating his third cookie by now. It was relaxing until they were interrupted by the pig finally awaking and causing much unneeded noise.

Elfo immediately went into a panic trying to explain the pig to avoid suspicion about what it was doing there and how it might relate to the unexpected amount of blood earlier. “Sorry! That’s the pig Sorcerio was using for… magic research! Yep! He totally knows about it and it’s totally normal.”

“It’s alright Elfo. I saw Bean and Luci pull it in and drain the blood. You don’t have to hide anything from me.” Miri said with a smile turning to Elfo.

“Oh thank god.” Elfo said with a relieved sigh as Miri peered behind the curtain behind Elfo that hid the pig.

“We should probably take it out of her while we have the chance though.” Miri stated. She was happy to see that it was hung up by something with wheels. She pushed over the contraption to make sure the pig hung over where she guessed the trap door entrance was. She walked over to the large lever and pushed it down. When she looked back the entire lifter was gone with the pig it carried. Elfo and Miri looked down the hole as it made a few quiet crash sounds on the way down until it hit the bottom where the other pigs were.

“Whoops… someone else will get that soon.” Miri said. She closed the trapdoor back up. She then went back to her work and they both acted like the pig was never there. While Miri mopped she also inspected some of the shelves and drawers, as if looking for something. Elfo silently watched her, not having much else to do, although somehow he could picture himself watching her even if he did have something.

The bell of the church rang out. Miri peered out the window to see people afar in the kingdom heading to the church. Walking out the castle doors was King Zøg, his wife and son, followed by Odval, Sorcerio, and some other higher up staff members. The wedding was starting soon. She went back to the shelves and pulled a piece of paper out from behind some books. She grabbed a key from Sorcerios desk and walked up to Elfos cage, slipping the cage into the keyhole.

“Wait, what are you doing?” Elfo asked, sitting up in confusion in his cage.

“I’m letting you go, a lot of people will be distracted by being at the wedding, it hasn’t started yet so you should have plenty of time to get away.” Miri said as she opened the cage and lifted Elfo out of it onto the ground. She passed him the paper she found on the bookshelf.

“You can use that to steer clear of people. The passages are short if you know where you’re going.” Miri explained as she grabbed him his bag by the door while Elfo looked at the paper. It was a map titled ‘CATACOMBS’. Before Elfo could get a proper glimpse of the complex maps Miri pushed his bag into his arms. She stepped harshly on a stone slab near them, causing the other end of it to tilt up, she grabbed it and lifted it to the side with a small struggle.

“The catacombs are here, they lead to a lot of other rooms too. Once you enter you’ll be right here on the map.” Miri continued as she pointed at entrance drawn near the top corner that had a wizard hat drawn beside it.

“Try not to get caught.” Miri said. Elfo looked up at her with a smile as he put his bag on.

“Thanks Miri.”

“You’re welcome Elfo.”

They smiled at each other for a moment before the sound of metallic footsteps started to approach. Miri rushed Elfo down the wooden latter already by the entrance. While Elfo quickly climbed down Miri pushed the stone slab back on the entrance. Just as she got up in time to dust herself off, she saw a knight walk past the door without even glancing into the room. She sighed and got to work, making the cage seem a bit more ‘escaped from’.

—————————

Bean struggled against Bunty as she attempted to put make up on the princess. The poor maid sighed as she saw the results of her work. It was terribly done, but as good as it was gonna get with Beans stubbornness.

“Don’t worry princess, once the weddings over you’ll get to enjoy your new fancy kingdom and see how you’ve got even better than before.” Bunty said softly in attempt to sooth Bean. Bean just silently turned on the stool to look at her miserable reflection in the mirror.

“I’ll leave you be princess, once the bells ring you should start making your way to the wedding.” Bunty said as she placed the make up she was using back on the vanity. Then she left. Bean didn’t wait to wipe all the make up off after she heard the door click to close. The only sound after that was the soft puff coming from Luci smoking his new ‘dreamland ditch weed’ cigarette pack.

“You think if you put that out on my wedding dress my Dad will get mad enough to delay the wedding?” Bean asked hopelessly. Luci leaned over from where he was sitting on the window seat, noticing her fixed yet still a little dirty wedding dress from their getaway.

“Probably not… but I could probably smoke a couple cigars before the wedding that will do the trick!” Luci replied trying to cheer her up with the suggestion, not exactly sure what his reasoning for cheering her up was. Shouldn’t he be enjoying this misery? He had this weird feeling in his stomach as he looked at her solemn face. Was he… feeling bad for her? …Of course not! Just thinking the idea felt idiotic. He’s a demon he can’t feel emotions like that.

And yet, he knew he didn’t feel happy about it. Or maybe he did and this was some weird new way of feeling it? Does experiencing a new emotion happen after living over thousands of years? Yeah probably! It’s more likely than feeling bad! Way more likely!

While Luci silently dealt with his inner conflict that he was pretty sure he was winning, Bean stood up from the vanity of the table and sat beside Luci by the window. Staring at a painting that was hung high on the opposite wall.

“This is the dress my mom wore when she married my dad.” Bean stated solemnly as she lazily lifted up the ends of the dress a bit with her hands. “I was always thought that when it was my turn to wear it I’d be as happy she was. Somehow I don’t think my portrait is gonna be nearly as happy.” She continued, letting go of the dress so that she could bury her face in her hands. Lucis blank stare turned to the painting, observing the happy couple. It felt strange seeing it, knowing the things he did and the things Bean didn’t. But maybe he just thought to put the blame of his weird stomach feeling on something else.

“If you no like, I fix.” The artist said pausing his painting of Bean to ask.

“No, no, that’s okay Giuseppe, we hired you for your emotional realism.” Bean stated. Once the interaction ended the bells of the church rang. Bean gave the painting of her mother’s wedding one last look.

“It’s time. Well free will was fun while it lasted.” Bean awkwardly joked trying to force a smile as she looked at Luci, who only responded with a blank stare. “Just doing the stuff I wanted to do, going to places I wanted to go.” Bean rambled, placing a hand on top of Luci’s head. He immediately tried to escape from whatever she was doing but quickly stopped as he felt her nails covered in soft silk lightly scratch him behind the ears, causing him to lean into her touch and enjoy the unfamiliar feeling.

“It was nice having one last escape with you Luci, thanks for being there.” Bean said with a smile that was smaller but much more real than her earlier one.

“So anyway, here comes the bride.” Spoke Bean one last time as she got up and walked away. Luci’s head followed her hand pulling away until it was out of reach. He watched her walk up to the doorway, stopping at it, and only continuing to walk after sighing. The entire moment made the feeling in his stomach more empty. He still didn’t know the feeling, and honestly didn’t want to try and find out what it was, he needed a distraction. Bad. He immediately tried to focus his mind on something else, anything else. The only thing he could put his mind on that didn’t fleet away to think about this new feeling was that elf.

Perfect, Luci thought. An elf trapped in a cage for him to torment? What better distraction could there be for a demon? Luci hopped off the window seat and headed out to Sorcerios office. Thinking of all the ways he could tease and ridicule the elf. The bars were fairly spread apart, someone with Luci’s body could easily jump through that. It would be the perfect way to mess with him! Luci’s happiness grew with all the thoughts, just them alone distracted him from the stomach feeling enough it started to fade.

—————————

As Luci confidently stepped into the room where Elfo was in, or should’ve been in, he slumped in disappointment. The joy on his face died. He walked up to the cage on the floor, the door swung open with little dents in the bars. Once he kicked the cage to sooth his mild anger Miri walked in, looking as surprised as he was disappointed.

“Elf escaped.” Luci stated.

“Yeah… I was just going to the bathroom! You won’t tell anyone I accidentally let this happen will you?” Miri responded.

“No but they’ll probably blame you anyways.” Luci responded dryly. Miris grip on her mop tightened a little at the thought.

Just then another figure walked in, one dressed far ‘fancier’ than the other 2 in the room. Which wasn’t hard considering one of them was wearing a torn dress and the other wasn’t wearing anything. The part that was confusing was how he managed to look 10 times more ridiculous than both of them despite the status of the cloth and the man wearing it. It was the recent one and only prince of Bentwood, Merkimer.

“Have you seen Sorcerio?” Merkimer asked.

“No, he’s at a wedding, yours?” Luci said, continuing his dry tone.

“Ah well if it isn’t Beans weird little familiar the talking cat. I wonder if she’ll be open to having you turned into a hand bag.” Merkimer said, talking as if Luci couldn’t hear him.

“1. I’m not a talking cat, I’m a demon! 2. it’s Luci, and 3. absolutely not!” Luci responded.

Merkimer completed ignored what Luci said as he continued. “I’m feeling a tad nervous cat, lately I’ve been worked over pretty hard, sexually, I’m afraid I may not be able to perform to not on the matter of the mattress.”

Luci groaned as Merkimer kept talking. He hated every second he was in the same room with him. It made the weird feeling in his stomach that Beans wedding gave him even worse.

“I mean I’m drained.” Merkimer clarified. “Ah! Here it is.” Merkimer continued as he grabbed the flask of elf blood, swirling it a little, causing little sparkles to form.

“Legend has it that elf’s blood contains the mystical essence of life itself. Perhaps it could perk my poor tuckered dong.” Merkimer said, catching Lucis attention.

So that’s what he needs it for, Luci thought, thinking of another royal that came to mind as he looked into the sparkly blood. He ignored the last comment the prince made.

“You think they’ll mind if I have sip of elf juice?” Merkimer questioned, although both Luci and Miri doubted he’d listen to no.

“Actually that’s pigs blood-“ Miri stated before being cut off by Luci, who was now smiling sinisterly.

“Of course buddy! Can’t have an unprepared groom on the night of the wedding can we? Do it. Do it, do it, do it!” Luci persuaded. Merkimer silently followed the orders, swallowing down every drop of the blood. Luci watched with glee, feeling his stomach feeling fade away as the prince drank a whole flask of elf blood infused-pigs blood. Worst case scenario it didn’t do anything, best case scenario he’d get too sick to go on with the wedding. And what was the problem with wasting the blood? It’s not like it was useful anymore. It was the perfect last minute plan.

Merkimer gasped as he finally finished the flask. “That should do the trick! Thanks for your help cat.” Merkimer said as he put the flask back and walked out the door, finally on his way to the wedding. Once he was gone Luci turned to Miri, who was still mopping, poorly.

“If you don’t tell anyone Bean and I used pigs blood to fill the flask I won’t tell anyone you freed Elfo, deal?” Luci said casually, as if he hadn’t revealed Miris new secret.

“What?! I didn’t let him out! I was just in the bathroom and he escaped-“ Miri tried to give an explanation, hiding her anxiety before Luci cut her off.

“You left the key in the keyhole. Bit of a giveaway when he couldn’t reach it.” Luci stated, pointing the end of his tail towards the small key in the cage. Miri slumped with a sigh disappointed in herself.

“Deal…” Miri said silently agreeing to Luci’s earlier offer, walking to the cage to take out the key and put it back where it was. Luci walked away to go enjoy the oncoming drama at the wedding.

—————————

The caves were louder than Elfo expected, with his footsteps echoing throughout the catacombs, the drip of water occasionally happening, topped off with the scurrying rats below his feet. He tried to focus on the map and where he was going, but eventually his focus made him slip on a rat.

“Ow!” He yelped as he landed on his back, almost getting the wind knocked out of him, luckily the pain going to his head didn’t feel too bad, but he had to hope it wasn’t the kind of case where it was much worse than it felt. When he lifted his head to rub his hand over it he spotted the rat looking at him, and then dashing over to his legs. Scared of being bitten by it and getting whatever illnesses it carried with it, he got up quickly and ran to get away. After running for about 3 minutes he decided he probably out ran the mouse by now and retraced his step to make sure he was going the right way after not paying attention to the directions. It didn’t take him long to find 2 tunnels and realize he could’ve came out of either of them. He sighed and turned around, only to realize it was a 4 hallway intersection and he couldn’t remember which one he went into or left. He sighed again and looked at the map once more, squinting to read it in the dim light of the torch on the wall.

—————————

“Bring in the blushing groom!” Zøg demanded.

Luci helped swing opened one of the church doors while 2 men somehow littler than him opened the other door. The young prince Derek walked in sprinkling flower petals. Then Merkimer walked in a with cocky smile, tossing his cape a little for dramatic effect. He confidently down the aisle. At least half way of it. That’s when he started to slump, clutching his stomach in pain by crossing his arms over his stomach. He let out grunts, sighs and oofs, occasionally a burp, all while his body started to turn. Merkimer saw sparkles flying around him, and when he looked at himself he saw his body changing, his feet and hands shrinking, his stomach growing shorter and more outstretched. He looked at his hands horrified as fingers started to shrink web together with skin until his hands were no longer hands, but meat cylinder growing a hard cover, like hooves, his feet felt the same way. He slowly got to his knees as he shrunk, the only thing growing more in size was his stomach and… nose? Despite his inner fear he continued down the aisle until the change stopped and he reached the end.

“Hey.” Merkimer said casually trying to keep up the confidence. Everyone looked at the result of the horrific body change in fear and disgust, except for one person at the back of the church, who couldn’t be more happy.

Luci snickered trying to keep quiet and not laugh out loud to avoid attention at the moment. His face was filled with glee. The result was WAY better than he expected. Having him sick enough to cancel the wedding for at least an extra day would’ve been fine, he could’ve worked with that, but this? This was perfect! More than perfect. Changing out of his human form, right in front of everyone? Into some animal? It was glorious. The laugh Luci tried to contain started to slip out a little, but no one noticed through their own frozen stage of shock.

Bean was the first to interrupt the silence; “Really Dad? You’re fine with this? You think this arranged marriage will solve your problems? You think that magic will? You’re just thinking about yourself and what you want. You don’t care about me. I mean, isn’t there a point in everyone’s life where they need to go and like, figure out who they are?  Are we standing in that moment right now. Maybe! But I know one thing and I know it real good, I know it really, really intensely and that’s…” her words directed at her dad first, but then turned to the crowd. When she turned to face the pig again she stuttered as she continued. “I don’t wanna marry this pig!”

A crash from a nearby window then shattered, ‘the’ human Merkimer hopped through it, landed on his knees and hands, looking around with the confusion and curiosity of an animal.

“Or that one either.” Bean quickly stated. She looked back to her dad, hoping he’d finally listened. His face had slowly turned empathetic throughout her speech, and he finally spoke up.

“Aw to hell with it! Bean may be crazy, but she’s right! This whole cursed wedding is canceled!” Called out Zøg. The crowd gasped, but was clearly less surprised it didn’t happen compared to the pig turned human abomination they just had to witness. Although to come to think of it, they weirdly didn’t seem all that confused about that either rather than scared. The one thing that did spike up the feelings in the crowd was the King’s next statement.

“And the bar is closed!” The crowd gasped angrily and stood up. Lots of the guests in the back started to clear out with mutters about the whole situation. Luci got out of their way and walked on the sidelines to get to Bean, who was shuffling away from the kings of Dreamland and Bentwood starting a king-to-king fight.

Bean kneeled down to Luci who had a big grin on his face. It was adorable of course, but Bean had already made the safe guess he didn’t want to hear it.

“Did you do this?” Bean asked him, barely containing her own smile at the results of it. Although the traumatic sight was still pretty burnt into her brain.

“Maybe. If I did I didn’t think it would do that. But isn’t it so cool that it did?!”

“Whatever keeps me out of an arranged marriage. Although it would’ve been nicer if the transformation happened before he entered. Man I need to drink about this. It’s too bad the bars are closed.” Bean said as she slowly got up before her knees could get tired, carrying Luci with her and placing him on her shoulder.

“Eh we don’t need a bar.” Luci claimed as he somehow pulled out 2 bottles of wine from seemingly nowhere. He handed one to Bean who gratefully took it. Luci was just about to open his before Bean spoke.

“Drinking buddies?” Bean grinned holding up her bottle. Luci stared blankly at her before grinning back and clinking his bottle against hers.

—————————

After hours of looking at his map, turning and circling in tunnels he finally found a door that led to the outside world. He gasped in delight as he opened it and saw the sunlight ahead. He ran out it, finding himself on a nice sandy beach right below the cliff. There were a lot of boulders in the area, but as he walked along the beach the more the sunlight he felt and the rocks turned into just smooth warm sand. It was a nice beach. A nice beach that should’ve been the elves beach. Despite the chaos and clearly poor status of the kingdom, it was beautiful. The sound of the crashing waves and gentle winds hitting his skin just made him more angry he couldn’t have lived out here like he should’ve. Instead he was stuck in a conformity hell of pastels and never ending singing of the same song. If the elves still had their land he could’ve been out here! Free to leave just like any other elf without fear. He sighed, decided to enjoy the new environment for a little bit. It was so relaxing.

For maybe 10 seconds. Flailing sand covered him lightly as a naked man ran across the beach. Well ‘ran’ was pushing it, more like a fast crawl on his knees and hands? The man squealed and left as fast as he came. Elfo turned back to the bright blue ocean reflecting a light blue sky with little clouds.

“This place is so weird.”