Chapter Text
Usopp was sweating with nerves as he sat on the railing of the Thousand Sunny, fishing line dangling into the calm waters beneath him.
“C-c-can you say that again, Sanji? I don’t think I heard you right…” he said nervously
Sanji took a long drag on his cigarette before replying.
“I said,” his voice deep, and deadly serious, “how would you like to have a chance to see the girls naked.”
Usopp gulped hard.
“Sanji, you know what Nami will do to us if she catches us peeping in the bath again.”
A shudder went through them both as they remembered what happened last time, and the threats to their lives and wallets that were made.
Sanji grabbed Usopp’s shoulders and looked deep into the eyes of his comrade in arms.
“Don’t worry Usopp,” he said with a devilish grin, “I have a plan. How much Berry do you have on you?”
Nami was taking a well deserved break by the main mast of the Sunny. She had charted the next leg of their journey, and given Chopper, Franky, and Brook the money they needed to stock up on their shopping, and now she was rewarding herself with a nice, cool cocktail, and some tanning with Robin. She couldn’t help herself but steal a few glances here and there at the other woman. Not only did she have some serious curves, she just held herself with a confidence that made showing them off seem almost accidental. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to have them, or just to shove her face in them. The only thing interrupting her perfect afternoon was that muscle brain lifting weights next to them. Not that he didn’t cut a fine figure himself, but did he have to make those off-putting grunting noises every time?
“Couldn’t you do that somewhere else?” She said, “or at least more quietly?”
Zoro gave no indication that he heard her, just kept pumping away.
Luckily, she didn’t have much time to grumble, or threaten Zoro, since right then her ears started burning.
“Sure, I could go for a card game,” she heard Luffy saying below them.
In a flash she was dressed back in her jeans and standing right next to Luffy with Berries in her eyes.
“Well, what are you all waiting for,” she said, “deal! Hurry up!”
In her haste to make some money off these chumps, she completely missed the sly grin that Sanji and Usopp gave each other. As Nami rushed into the mess hall, Luffy stretched up over the railing.
“Zoro, Robin!” he cried, “wanna join us for a card game?”
Robin closed the book she was reading, and set it aside.
“Sure, sounds like a fun bonding experience.”
Zoro honestly wasn’t too interested, his wallet was still missing plenty of Berry from the last time he’d played with that shark, but the first mate of the Straw Hat Pirates could never say no to that stupid grin his captain wore. He sighed as he put down his equipment and followed everyone inside. Zoro was the last inside, so he sat next to Robin on his right, Usopp on his left, and Luffy directly across from him, flashing him that idiotic, dopey, lovable, goofball grin. To Luffy’s left, Sanji was shuffling the cards getting ready to deal.
“The game is simple; five card draw, one betting round after the first hand, one round of draws, then another round of betting. You can only draw four if you keep an ace. Winner takes the pot.”
“Sounds good to me,” Nami said, “just as long as there’s no complaining when I win.”
Robin simply smiled that placid smile of hers that made it hard to know what she was thinking.
<If it’s not Nami I’m watching out for, it’s her,> Zoro thought.
Luffy was nodding along with a look of consternation on his face. Zoro was pretty sure he wasn’t following the rules explanation, but it was simple enough that he thought it would be fine.
“Hey Sanji dear,” Nami said, batting her eyelashes at the hopeless romantic, “why don’t you pour us all drinks before we get started?”
“Aye aye, Nami-Swan!” the heart-eyed freak leapt to his feat to comply. He poured some gorgeous pink cocktails for the girls, some fun drinks for Usopp and Luffy, and finally slammed a dirty grog and a dirty look in front of Zoro, which he accepted, because it was booze. Sanji gave him a sneer, and Zoro knew his drink had been spit in, but gave Sanji a shit-eating grin after drinking deep.
“Tastes better than usual,” he said teasingly, “did you do something different to it?”
Sanji just turned away and went back to dealing, which Zoro found odd.
<Why is he so serious about this card game?> He thought, <I thought he liked giving Nami money.>
Sanji dealt the cards in order, Robin, Zoro, Usopp, Nami, Luffy, then himself.
Zoro took in everyone else’s faces before looking at his own hand. He saw Usopp exchange a glance with Sanji.
<So whatever it is, those two are in it together,> he thought. <Eh, I’ve been bored lately, let’s see how this bites them in the ass.>
Nami, of course, is impossible to read, but she’s confident that she’ll sweep all of them. She has in the past, so it’s not unfounded.
Luffy, well, Luffy is-
“Hey Sanji,” he said, “are cards with faces on them a good thing?”
Zoro slapped his face to his hand.
<He has no idea what’s going on.>
“It depends what’s in your hand, Luffy,” Sanji taught patiently as he considered his hand, “The best hand you can get is an Ace, a King, a Queen, a Jack and a 10 all of the same suit, followed by any other run of cards with the same suit, then 4-of-a-kind, one pair and a 3-of-a-kind, otherwise known as a full house, then a flush, which is when all your cards are the same suit, then a straight run of cards of any suit, then 3-of-a-kind, two pairs, one pair, and if you don’t have any of those, or you’ve tied with someone, you just look at the highest card in your hand.”
It was a thorough explanation, but Zoro thought that Luffy just looked more confused afterwards. Clearly Sanji could tell too, cause he sighed before continuing.
“Yes, Luffy, the cards with the faces on them are a good thing.”
Robin let out a chuckle at their antics, before placing a moderate bet of a few Berry into the pot, and Zoro realized he had yet to look at his cards: 5D, 9D, 5S, 7D, 3S. Pair of fives. Nice to see on an opening hand, but nothing really to write home about. Then again, he also had three diamonds, two off from a flush. He called Robin’s bet, deciding to think about it while everyone else placed their bets. Once the bets were placed, it was back around to Robin. She quietly gave 3 cards back to Sanji, receiving three in return.
Zoro decided to take a small risk, since it was early in the game and he was still pretty sober. He gave Sanji the 3S and the 5S, sacrificing his pair to go for the flush. He looks at his new cards; QD- Yes! Now just one more- 9S. Oh well, back to one pair, but at least it’s a stronger one. Not likely to win the pot, but who knows, maybe everyone else drew like shit.
Usopp decides to stay.
“Typical,” Nami prodded him, “why not take a risk, huh Usopp? Scared to make your hand worse?”
“Heh, Nami, that’s where you’re wrong,” he said with a mischievous glint to his eye, this is all part of my plan, muahahahaha!”
Nami rolled her eyes before trading in three cards to Sanji.
“Here, my love, three cards for you, to make your hand the best in the world!” he said as he handed them over.
Luffy seemed to consider his cards for a great deal of time before deciding to just switch out one card.
Then back to Sanji, who also decided to keep.
“What can I say,” he said, “I’m just lucky tonight.”
“Well, certainly luckier than me,” Robin said. “I believe we’re back around to the betting phase, and unfortunately I don’t really trust my hand. I fold.
“I’ll raise,” Zoro said. “500 Berry.”
“700,” said Usopp, clearly bluffing and bluffing badly.
“1000,” Nami said.
Luffy considered for a moment, then said “call.”
Sanji calls. Zoro looks at his pair of nines and folds. Usopp also calls.
“Alright crew,” Sanji said, “show em. I’ve got a pair of queens.”
“Damn,” Usopp said, “that beats my sevens.”
“Read em and weep boys, cause I’ve got a pair of kings!”
“Wow Nami, that’s really good!” Luffy said. “Sanji, how does it compare to my hand? I’ve got two eights and two of these guys with the faces.”
“That’s a two pair Luffy, that means you win!”
“Shishishishishi, really? Sweet!”
“Beginners luck,” Nami grumbled as she saw her hard-earned Berry swept away.
They continued like this for a number of rounds, money changing hands, laughs being shared, and drinks being poured, until they were all more than a little tipsy. Nami seemed to win every hand that she dealt, though even with the color of perception Zoro couldn’t tell if she was cheating, until finally she had taken just about everything they were all willing to give.
“Well boys, and Robin,” she said as she was counting her winnings, “it’s been fun, but the night has to end sometime.”
Usopp grabbed her wrist as she was pooling her piles of bills together.
“Wait right there Nami,” he said, his voice taking on a new gravity that seemed out of place in the jovial atmosphere.
“U-Usopp? What’s wrong?”
<Did they catch me cheating?> She thought, <there’s no way, right?>
“Double or nothing,” he said.
<... Huh?> She thought.
“Huh?” she said, “with what money? I run the finances on the ship, remember? I know you guys don’t have anything else to bid.”
“What about our clothes?” Sanji said.
“Your clothes? Why would I want your clothes?”
“It’s not about the clothes, it’s about what they represent. 50,000 Berry. For each article of clothing you walk away with tonight, its owner will owe you 50,000 Berry.”
Nami’s eyes once again turned into Berry signs as her crewmates clothes suddenly seemed to sprout price tags, but she shook her head.
“So basically you want to play strip poker?”
“I’ve read that many pirate crews take part in naked bonding time,” Robin said, “It could be fun!”
Nami looked at her pile of money, then at Sanji and Usopp staring intently at her, and at Robin, sweet Robin, smiling so sweetly at her.
Nami steeled her resolve, and said “50,000? How’s this gonna work?”
“Simple,” Sanji said, “the game is the same, except there’s no betting and no folding. Once you’re in, you’re in. Whoever has the lowest hand in the round removes a piece of clothing, and gives it to the player who won the hand. It’s theirs permanently, and we play until only one person has clothes left.”
Nami looked at Sanji in his suit, Robin in her skirt and blue top, and herself in a bikini top and jeans.
“Fine,” she said, “but I’m at a clear disadvantage here. Let’s take a break to let me get changed, and then we can start.”
“DEAL!” Sanji and Usopp said at the same time.
“Hey! No fair!” Luffy said. “If Nami gets to change, then I want to change too!”
Shortly thereafter, just as the sun was dipping below the horizon, the six of them were gathered once again in the dining room. Sanji was wearing his slacks, a shirt, a jacket, his shoes, socks, and presumably boxers; Usopp had a regular t-shirt, his baggy yellow pants, his orange jacket, shoes, socks, and his underwear; Nami now had her jeans, a pink button-up, her strappy heels, some dangly earrings, a bra, and panties; Robin was wearing her pink side-fastened skirt, her blue zip-up top, her sandals, some stud earrings, and presumably underwear underneath; Zoro had his green robe, some black pants, his belly sash, some boots, socks, and underwear; and Luffy looked like he was wearing everything he had in his closet at once.
“Luffy,” Usopp said, “you have to choose six things to wear like the rest of us. Otherwise it won’t be fair.”
“Hmmmmm… does my hat count?”
“No, Luffy,” Zoro said, “you can keep your hat.”
“Ok, hyup” and in one motion he gum-gummed out of the pile of clothes and was wearing blue shorts, a t-shirt, his vest, his belt sash, sandals, and underwear.
“Well,” Sanji said, “If everyone’s ready, I’ll start the deal.”