Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Prince Khemjira, fourth child in line for the throne, without any interest in power, lived his everyday life as a huge game. Chatters and food all day, gossip and secrets were all he knew, all he wanted to know about. He got pushed to like it early. The moment he understood that he would never have any weight in this world, that his voice would never be taken seriously as much as his brother's, Khemjira stopped trying. He was bored learning. He had wanted to party, quietly and without fireworks exposing his richness, but he really had wanted something else. If he wasn't allowed to choose anything, then he would live in seclusion of the world outside.

If the whole world was considering him like the last candid one, then he would be one. He could have all favors, he was looking at like the jewel of their kingdom. He was full of preciosity and grace. He was cultivated, reading books after books. He loved literature so much. He became the show of the castle, and no one would be surprised anymore by his way of dancing every second.

Khemjira liked to be stared at, he felt like existing through the eyes of those rich families. He was the entertainment of the room. He deserved to be entertained by them.

This was why Pharan, the son of their war general, was getting on his nerves. He had been sitting on this sofa for thirty minutes now, and he was silent, he looked so bored. It seemed like he had no interest in his existence, for this right moment, and it annoyed him to the point that everyone in the room could tell he would explode.

“This is the first time we met.” He said, staring right at Pharan.

“Obviously.” He answered with the same lack of interest.

“Don't you have things to say?”

“It wouldn't be my place to say anything Prince.”

“Why wouldn't you ?”

“All I know is about history and wars. Nothing as fancy as that food and those clothes.”

Khemjira gulped down. Those answers were so cold, so full of boredom. He couldn't stand this.
“Why would you even come here ?”

“To give you my respect.”

“You gave them when you entered the room… don't you have anything else to say? Anything to tell?”

“I fear I don't Prince.”

Khemjira bit his lips of frustration. He could see the other person in the room being tensed with this conversation.

“Don't you fear to anger me?”

“Then I would be reminded of my place and of the quality you want me to have that I seem to lack. Then, I would not appear anymore to not anger you, Prince.”

“I-...Pharan…you're too strong with words…”

“Focusinf helps to choose the right words at the right moment Prince.”

“Was it your father who told you this?”

“He did.”

“Then, this was this ! Having a general as a father…of course you would have trouble being entertained.” He smiled, satisfied that he would find a resolution to this conversation.

“It could be. I also think that this is my personality, Prince. At some point, it can't be tainted by everyone around. It had to develop its own shape and flesh. Prince.”

“I …guess…”

“Then, I won't be long and stop you from enjoying your day Prince.” He stood up and bowed with respect. “It has been a pleasure to meet you.”

Khemjira stayed there, staring at this man who walked away from his perfect little bubble of fun. He didn't understand how he couldn't enjoy being here. It always had been everything for him and surely it was for everyone being here.

“Was I boring?” He asked them, disappointment showing on his face.

“Of course no, you weren't!"

“Prince you could never be.”

“How could he not understand this?”

Those sentences, this tone…all felt shaped with lies. He knew that no one would go against him. He might have been weirded out by their behaviour strongly because of Pharan's attitude. Everything around felt shaped for him, except this man.

Khemjira pouted, frustrated. He didn't have the energy anymore to make this day a gossip mess.

—-

Khemjira rolled on his bed this night, from one side to another. He rolled, rolled, rolled. Rolling was all he could do while his brain refused to forget how Pharan acted with him. He began to be obsessed with this “breaking so easily any fun” man. How couldn’t he be receptive ? It was concerning. Did he lose his splendour? And his bed was way too big for him, so he couldn't stop turning around, again and again.

Khemjira's shining era seemed to lose its majestic brightness. He felt like something got ripped from his own heart.

—-

Pharan wasn't here to play. His father had business with the king. It had been suggested to him that he should visit the youngest Prince, they were close in age, but he would disagree. Close in age but not in temper or attitude. He looked like a child who only wanted to play and Pharan had long lost the ability to be in a game.

His father had been clear, he should find a good place for himself in the castle. He would surely talk about it to the king…

Pharan sighed. He didn't mind, he should work. What he minded was to not participate in his own future.

He had been contemplating the garden through his room for minutes when he heard a knock on the door. His voice barely said that they were welcomed that the Prince came inside. He looked angry and wasn't planning on hiding it.

“You! Give me my sleeping hours back.”

Pharan stood up, losing his composure, before taking some seconds to answer calmly. “Prince, what do you mean ? I don't understand your request.”

“I-...I couldn't sleep-”

“I am not sure that I can do anything about this…”

“You can! You got me obsessed! Wasn't I entertaining?” He mostly asked with a huge pain in his voice.

Pharan wanted to push him out of that room for good. Why would he act like a toddler now ? This young Prince's confidence had been artificially congratulated to the point that one little rejection was destroying his whole mind.

“You certainly were Prince…I might not be receptive to it. I apologise, I should have played in your fantasy.”

“Fan-fantasy? Is it all it could be for you ?” Khemjira asked, his expression getting sadder after each word. Tears appeared in his eyes but it could be seen how he was trying his best to keep them inside. His trembling lips weren't helping.

“I didn't want to offend you Prince.” He said, bowing his head, hoping to not create a diplomatic incident as soon as he arrived.

“Offend me ! Tell me…what do you really think?” He said, getting close to the point that his head was just under Pharan's one.

“Well…well…” He looked aside.

“Don't do this. Look at me…in my eyes.”

Pharan nodded, bringing back his attention to the Prince. “You're not that entertaining but no one has to be…I don't know you enough Prince, may you forgive me for my poor experience at your side. May you let me explain to you my thoughts and reactions. Entertainment can be all about who wants to be and I really don't want to.”

“Entertain me. Now. If you wish for my forgiveness.” Khemjira said with the most serious tone.

It made Pharan panic, he mumbled incoherent noise, his expression showing discomfort and his gaze trying to find a way out. He could have panicked more if the Prince's laugh didn't reach him.

“Your face…was enough entertainment.”

Pharan opened his mouth, blushing, trying to keep his composure, miserably failing. “Prince…”

“What ?” Khemjira asked, smiling happily, staring right at Pharan with his big opened eyes.

“Are you entertained?”

“I am! I really am! I think that I like this!” He turned around, beginning to walk away before turning one last time towards Pharan. “Can I come for you to entertain me again?”

And he didn't even wait for an answer before leaving.

Pharan sighed. As if he didn't have all the rights to come whenever he wanted. He was the Prince after all. He truly surprised him today. He didn't think that his reaction could be genuine when he thought about their encounter. He wasn't as annoying as he seemed to be. He simply looked like a spoiled child who didn't need, and never had to think about the next step of this life, of this kingdom.

Pharan had been educated to think about it, to be able to suggest a solution to the next King like he was doing. Nothing else, nothing more.

—

“Pharan!”

The boy bit his lips, turning his head to meet Khemjira again at the door of his room early in the morning. He stood up, trying to play the conventional game the Prince didn't seem to mind.

“Prince. Is there anything I can help you with ?”

“Your whole existence can !” He jumped happily getting closer. “Make me learn.”

“Learn? What could you possibly learn that you don't already know?”

“Everything!” He answered with the same shining pupils.

“It'll be boring for you…” Pharan tried to excuse himself from the situation.

“You won't. Everything I want to know, I had time, all the time in the world to master it… but I need more. Your field seems to be so far away from mine…I truly want to be invested in it.

“What if it doesn't entertain you?”

“Then…I'll just go back to my room. Nothing complicated to think about. Please…accept me…”

“Prince…I am not sure that you ever need to ask anyone to accept you…”

Khemijira bit his lips. His eyes looked aside. He pouted a small amount before nodding. “Then…I am staying…”

Pharan didn't understand his reaction. He thought that he had been clear enough to not say anything outrageous, but staring at those hurt eyes, he wasn't so sure. “Well…” He scratched his head.

“Were you going to train ?” He asked, lurking at Pharan's sword.

“I was.”

“Can I come ?”

“Have you ever seen training? Wouldn't it be a waste of your time?”

“I didnt…and I don't think so…” Khemjira nodded to himself. His brothers always pushed away from everything related to their battle, training or anything linked to a battlefield. They didn't fight for decades but they kept getting better at it. The youngest Prince kept getting useless in this matter. It could be interesting.

“Then, if you would allow it, Prince, please follow me.” He said, beginning to walk away.

Khemjira followed behind, looking excitedly at all the corridors he never stared before. He had never been interested in battles, nor fights. More like his brothers always told him that he shouldn’t play around a place with so many swords. It was too dangerous. Though, it was full of mystery. When he saw all of the swords in that room, and the beautiful painting on the walls. He didn’t know how he could have missed this all of his life. It seemed that no one was ready to find him entering this room, all people inside bowing down and saluting him with confusion.

“Prince, what made you want to come here?” The one in charge asked with the most careful tone.

“I wanted to.” He smiled brightly. “Don’t mind me, I'll be watching Phi Pharan.”

Pharan stared at him and then at those other people staring at him too. He simply nodded at Khemjira feeling the embarrassment. He didn’t know how but the Prince was so honest with his intentions. He even wondered if it wasn’t a little risky, like a kitty who would let anyone take them in their arms.

Khemjira had to be honest. He wasn’t a fan of sword fighting, or training but Pharan was to be admired. He was focused on every step, on his posture. He could see years of training moving in front of him and he liked it. It was as exciting as he thought it would be. When Pharan walked towards him, panting from the efforts, he only had the reflex he would have for his own brothers, getting a tissue from his small bag and collecting his sweat on it.

“Whay are you doing Prince?” Pharan asked, taking his wrist in his hand and pulling it down softly.

“What do you mean? You’re all sweaty, and I can help you.”

“I am not worth this attention from you.”

“Ans who are you to tell me who is worth or who isn’t?” Khemjira said with his majestic tone. “See? You’re impressed when I talk like this.Just let me do what I want okay?” He said, getting back to collect that sweat with his tissue. “You entertained me a lot.”

“I thought it would rather be… boring for you.” Pharan said, looking aside.

“It wasn’t! I am absolutely honest about this.”

“Then, Prince, tell me who did you prefer?” Another of the trainers asked.

“Me? Who? I mean…I was only here to look at Pharan so.”

Pharan didn’t know what was coming into him but he had to. He excused them and took Khemjira by the wrist to get out of the room.

“Oh! Oh Pharan!” Khemjira said, feeling his wrist hurting. When Pharan stopped, he immediately took the man’s hand on his own. “This hurts less better!”

Pharan stared at their entangled hands and moved away on his own. “Prince. You need to understand that your thoughts are not all to be said. There are places and circumstances.”

“Why did I do wrong?” He asked, pouting.

And Pharan truly thought that he didn’t mean any harm. “Listen, now that you said this, they might not really appreciate me if I am being in your favor…”

“But you’re in my favor.”

Pharan stared blankly at him. He really didn’t know what to say or to think anymore. Khemjira was like a blank page always ready to be full of the most unexpected sentences. Khemjira was such a mystery for Pharan. He had no idea what to think anymore.

“Then, let me go back to my studies for today, Prince. And let yourself be back to your usual life.”

“Can I come back to see you tomorrow?”

“As you wish…Prince.”

—--

Khemjira was bored. He was so bored that he didn’t know how he could live his life like this everyday. He was sitting on his sofa for breakfast, already hearing the gossip of the day. Some were really delectable, some were usual and some had no interest at all. All he was thinking about was that Pharan surely had another practice today. He wondered how it would go. He wondered if they would look strangely at him like he said. Well, they could try. They would see.

Khemjira began to feel truly upset to have been here for hours. He shouldn’t do it like this, he truly shouldn’t but he had to take his leave and to leave everyone behind. He had to understand why he had been so intrigued by Pharan’s way of living and why he wanted to get an eye on it.

“Pharan!” He screamed, opening the door without even knocking.

He wasn’t here. The young Prince felt even more upset. He had taken on himself to not go earlier and now he wasn’t here. He sighed and yawned loudly.

—

Pharan scratches his head on his way to his room. It had been so complicated to talk with his father the past few days. He had wanted him to begin to give advice to one of the Princes but he truly wasn’t feeling ready for this. Politics wasn’t as easy as it had been for his father. And if he didn’t follow this path, he wouldn’t be able to look into the eyes of his family anymore. He had just wanted some time. Just some time to be sure of what he would say.

He stared weirdly at this room when he saw that the door was opened. He got inside, slowly, and locked the door behind him, for sure the thief wouldn’t be able to escape him.

“What the-” He said, when he saw Khemjira sleeping on his bed. He looked so peaceful. He had the head of someone who was living such a good dream. Pharan sat down next to him, sighing loudly. “What will I do with you, Prince?” He asked, his hand wanting to move away soe strands of Khemjira’s face but he stopped himself. It would be inappropriate of him to do so. He had to break this moment. “Prince…Prince…” He repeated until the man finally opened his eyes, looking absolutely still asleep.

“Pharan! You had been so long…” He yawned shortly after.

“What are you doing like this Prince?”

“I was waiting for you.” He smiled brightly.

“You can’t do this.”

“I want to do this.”

“You can’t always do what you want.”

“I am a Prince! Of course I can!”

“And this is why your brothers don’t give you any responsibilities! What do you think people would think if someone found you in my bed sleeping? Why can’t a Prince think like a Prince? Is it your spoiled type of childhood that made you like this? You can’t always have what you want, Prince!”

Khemjira’s heart stopped beating for a few seconds. It had been such a long time since he had been scolded. He kept staring blankly at Pharan who seemed to realise what he just said.

“Well. Prince, if you want me to be in jail for what I did to you, you just have one word to say and I won't have anything to say against your decision…”

Khemjira stared at him again and stood up abruptly, walking away. Pharan stayed there, thinking that he went too far.

It had been calm for the rest of the day. In reality, Pharan did not want to scold Khemjira, he could have simply let it pass. He could have simply let the Prince have his fun around him until he would be bored. Pharan felt invested in Khemjira’s way of living. If he kept going on this way, he would be hurt and it wasn't pleasing to him…not at all.

He might be scolded because of this but he wouldn't regret anything.

It simply was too calm suddenly.

A knock at his door made him raise his head from the book.

“Come in.” And he regretted having said this. “Jet…” He sighed, closing the book for the son of his dad's second wife.

“Phiiiiiii! I really really don't get that part. And I tried, I promise!”

“Come here.” He said, putting his book on the side. Jett was more of a little brother than of any side brother Jett's mother had wanted to make of Pharan. This rivalry of blood never interested him. Jet wasn't made for this life, for strategic reasons. He was more of a free spirit. His mother didn't think the same and was more than eager for him to take those classes that should make him capable of everything and anything at the same time.

“How can you understand something that is for your next year ? If there's different exercises, the reasons behind it should be evident.”

“I don't know…she heard that father pushed you to take a place soon…she might want my place to be better than yours.” He laughed brightly. Pharan knew better than the usual happiness and cheerful smile his brother would spread. At least, on this subject.

“You don't have to be anything else than yourself for now. And if you become someone people lean on, it would be up to you growing up, not your mother's wishes.”

“So wise Phi.” Jett nodded with this same perfect smile.

“Stop praising me.”

“What if I don't want to?” Jett answered proudly.

“Then, do it silently will you.”

“Yes!”

“Silently.” Pharan repeated, making Jett smile more. This was the only moment he felt like willing to help someone.

—-

“Prince…why won't you go back to him?”

“You don't understand Khemmika…he was angry…”

“I am… enjoying the interest he got into my actions but…I am also sulking.”

“You know that he won't come back to you right ? You were the one to be interested in his days first.” She smiled, mostly mocking him.

“Your smile.” He pouted. “Keep it away.” He added, pouting more when she laughed. “You might be a little right in your wrongness…”

“I might be Prince. And you're not the type to never apologise. What's keeping you here?”

“I fear that…his rejection might be a little harder to swallow than any other one…”

“How can you be so sure that he will reject you?”

“I have a feeling…”

“And you listen to it ? Prince… I have known you since our childhood. I do not think that you listen to those negative feelings.”

Khemjira kept staring at Khemmika. She wasn't wrong. He simply had to use way more courage than usual to walk back in front of Pharan. It would cost him way more. And yet he couldn't let go of the idea of being back.

Khemjira walked, slowly, really slowly towards Pharan's room. He had to make a good impression, to come with the sensation that he was waving a white flag.

“What are you waiting for Prince?” He heard a voice behind him, and when he turned around and faced Pharan immediately, he mostly fell against the wall of surprise. “Are you alright?”

“I - I am…”

“It's pretty late in the afternoon, do you need help with something ?” Pharan said, inviting Khemjira inside.

“Yes…I am still…bored… so I am here…”

“Will it ever stop being boring for you Prince ?”

“Now that I am here.” Khemjira smiled easily, softly, staying up.

“You can sit wherever you want, Prince.”

“Oh! Thank you.” He said, directly sitting on the bed. “Is it…not allowed?” He asked, witnessing Pharan's gaze.

“No…surprising but allowed.” He answered, taking two books and sitting against a pillow, inviting Khemjira next to him.

“Why?” He asked, still taking the place.

“I need to read and you might be even more bored. If you would like to try Prince.” He explained, giving a second book to him.

Khemjira looked at it intrigued. “Oh! It's about the falling snow dynasty!” He happily said, already eagerly opening it. “How could you choose a book from your own personal taste to be perfectly adapted to mine?”

“It isn't that hard to know what someone appreciates if you give it a little effort. And learning about the story of our kingdom is something I need to do, Prince.”

“Call me Khem.”

Pharan had the head of the ones who couldn't understand how bread was falling on the same side, the one which couldn't touch the ground. He had the expression of someone who just got slapped on their cheeks. It made him look like a funny man and the Prince couldn't stop a soft laugh coming from his mouth. “I mean it.” He added, trying to make his intention clear.

“How…how could I possibly?”

“Because I told you. It isn't more complicated than this.” He smiled brightly, opening the book and beginning to read.

Pharan was the one with difficulties concentrating now. He didn't even know if he would have the courage to call the Prince by this nickname…

The silence, the sound of reading, the page turning and the focused spirit, a lot of time wasn't needed before the Prince would feel extremely tired. His eyes were closing slowly, while his whole brain wanted to let go of its consciousness for some time.

Pharan's own shoulders shook a little when Khemjira’s head fell on it. He didn't dare to move anymore. When he tried to stare at him, he could witness that he already read a whole part of the book. This spoiled Prince didn't totally look like someone who wouldn't care about the world around him. It warned Pharan's heart who put his own book aside, worried that turning those pages would wake him up.

When Khemijira woke up from his nap, he felt this body against his own skin and he had been delighted to remember who was his owner. “Pharan…” He whispered softly. “Pharan.” He repeated a little louder.

“Prince…you really have no sense of danger…”

“Pharan…you really didn't hear about the name you should call me?”

“We might both have trouble in hearing what can be better for us.”

“So calling me by this name might be better for you.”

“It might be better because this is what the Prince wants.”

Khemjira pouted, moving his head away from the man's shoulder. “Make me learn danger then.”

“What could this be all about ?” He asked, standing up and walking to his desk to put the book on.

“You're so eager for my own self to protect my soul. I never learnt it. You could be my perfect master for this.”

“Not sure that I have the capacity to teach…Prince.”

“You do have them. Or I hope you do but if you never tried how could you even be so sure?”

“Prince, you're already good at talking. I am sure that you will be able to overcome it by yourself.”

“Pharan.” He whined, standing up and standing in front of him for a few seconds. “Please.” He added with pleading eyes.

“Is it your way of not being bored anymore Prince?” He sighed.

“No…it might soothe my boredom but I am also interested in learning.”

Pharan stared at his shining eyes. He kept his gaze close to his own pupils. He didn't think that this could be the best idea but he wasn't sure that the Prince's request should be rejected. He had been so hopeful about this. His heart was melting at the sight of this young man asking for his benevolence.

“As…it will please you…Prince Khem.”

“This is…better but not that much.” He smiled mockingly. “What are we beginning with?”

Pharan gulped down. Khemjira was way too invested, way too adorable with his cheeks getting pinkier every time he was excited.

“I am not sure. I am taken aback Prince Khem. It's too sudden…”

“Then I'll do it today!” Khemjira said, taking Pharan's hand on his own and making them run out of the room.

He didnt know what was coming into him. He didnt know why he was letting the Prince move him around like this. Pharan felt like flying above the ground. It was so easy to let himself be swayed away by this young Prince who didn’t seem to truly see every danger surrounding.

Pharan got pulled into a garden, a pretty garden with red roses growing all around. Red pretty roses being highlighted by the starry night and the dark sky. Night already had begun and Pharan didn’t even realise it.

“Where…are we?” He asked when Khemjira stopped turning around under an ark of those same gorgeous flowers.

“My special place…I like to be here.”

“Shoul…should I learn anything here?”

“Learn…mmmmmnnn…learn about enjoying beauty.” He smiled brightly.

“I am already… enjoying it now.” Pharan whispered without even realising it, his pupils not moving one inch from looking at Khemjira. His heart skipped a beat. He didn’t know if it had been the roses around or if Khemjira was way prettier than this ark.

“Wh-what?” Khemjira asked, fearing to understand what he meant.

“I-I am not- I mean…this place is pretty…” He scratched his head.

“It is! It really is! I really love to come here…”

“Thank you…Prince Khem. Thank you for sharing it with me.”

“I should also make you learn things…” He blushed.

“You didn’t have to.”

“I liked to do it…and you enjoyed it…should we stay a little?”

“We can.” Pharan nodded, hesitating when Khemjira was offering his hand to him.

“I might…it’s a little late. I might…stumble and fall and-” He stopped when Pharan entangled their hands, nodding softly, hinting that he got it, or at least he tried to not see the excuse.”Thank you…”

Khemjira kept looking around, his cheeks blushing. Pharan got his body so hot, he had trouble breathing.

“Pharan…it’s surprising how…doing nothing and being around you…isn’t boring at all.”

“Even if you don’t gossip around.”

“Even if.” He giggled loudly.

Pharan stopped in his tracks, the sound of this laughter making him feel warmer.

“Pharan?”

“I fear…I fear for my intentions to be impure…”

“Impure?” Khemjira looked at their intertwined hands.

“I…forget what I said…” He said, letting go of the Prince's hands. He bowed to him, and turned around, saying his farewell.

Pharan couldn’t go far away, Khemnjira’s hands embracing his chest tightly. This sudden back hug cut the man’s air from his lungs, he had the sensation that nothing else existed in this moment. “Prince…”

“Don’t go please…I feel like…like nothing will be the same if you go away…I do…I do not want this atmosphere to fade away…”

Pharan gulped down. He closed his eyes, he would have wanted to stay like this…he would have wanted to. He turned around, putting down Khemjira’s hands. “Prince…this…this is why you need to be educated on danger…throwing yourself at me like this when I told you…this…It’s better if we keep it professional between us.”

“Professional? But Pharan!”

“This is the best for us.”

“Pharan! Pharan!” Khemjira screamed, watching him walk away. His eyes shined with tears, he didn’t, he couldn’t let this go, let him go. It was way too powerful between them. All he knew was that he wouldn’t let this end. “You keep calling me Prince…watch what power I am capable of…”

—-

Pharan had trouble sleeping. He couldn’t believe that he refused Khemjira this way. He truly couldn’t believe it when his own heart screamed so badly. It didn’t feel right. It didn’t feel good at all. Khemjira looked so soft around him and he was worried. He was so scared of being the harsh one in his life. He was worried about everything related to the Prince. And as he couldn't stop thinking about this hug, his eyes couldn’t close at all.

Time had been so slow this morning. He stared at the book Khemjira read. Every part of his own room was already making him remember the Prince.

“What did you do?”

Pharan abruptly turned around, sitting in front of his desk when his father came inside. “Father?”

“I can’t believe that this happens but we can’t go against the King’s orders…” He sighed, sitting in the bed.

“What did the king ask?”

“He wants you to take care of Prince Khemjira’s education. As if he couldn’t get any good professor for it!”

“Father…” He said, standing up.

“I am not saying that you can’t do it…Pharan. You’re good, way too good. I had a bigger project for you.”

“Father. King's orders are King's orders.”

“I guess…you'll need to babysit now.” He sighed, standing up and walking away.

Pharan didn't know what to expect. Did he anger the Prince ? He had no idea.

“Will you hate…babysitting?” He heard from behind making him turn towards the door again.

“Prince… you heard…”

Khemjira closed the door, sighing. “I heard….I guess that this is the result of my own behaviour…in the end… I am just good at gossiping.”

“Prince. Don't take my father's words at heart. He can be harsh…”

“I still did it.” Khemjira smiled sadly, walking to the desk and taking this book in his hands. He opened it, hiding from the situation. “You left me no choice…you ran away…”

“It wasn't right Prince.”

“What was right? You told me that you would help me out of my boredom…”

“You know very well Prince why staying away is a necessity.”

“Why?” He asked, putting the book back on the desk. “Why would it be?” He added, standing in front of Pharan.

“Prince…Prince Khem…dont make it harder.”

“Harder ? When it could be so simple…” Khemjira said, taking Pharan's hand in his own, squeezing it softly.

“It can't be so simple when you're the Prince and I am simply…myself.”

Khemjira laughed lightly. “Being yourself should be enough…am I only a Prince? A gossiping Prince? Am I?”

“It's not true…”

“Then…” Khemjira raised his head towards Pharan. “You shouldn't have abandoned me…you shouldn't have…”

“Prince… that's a line we can't cross…”

“Then, let me still be close to you…make me learn…take me away from boredom?”

“I…will try…” Pharan said, defeated. He couldn't ignore those shining pupils anymore.

“Really?” Khemjira happily jumped.

“Let's begin.” Pharan said, letting go of his hand again.

“What?”

“You asked for it. Come with me.”

“What? Pharan wait!” Khemjira pouted, following him.

Pharan kept taking books, book after book, at the royal library. He kept choosing, hesitating in silence. And the Prince didn't know how to interpret it.

“Are…you mad?” He finally took the courage to ask.

“Why would I be? You made an official request and I need to fulfill it, or the king will not be satisfied.”

“Oh…” He could only say, his tone translating a huge disappointment. “I didn't realise that my request could…bring you trouble.”

“Another reason for me to help you learn that the world isn't all about talking with acquaintances about other people.”

“Pharan…you make me feel dumb…”

“This wasn't my attention Prince Khem. I apologise.” He said, walking even faster to the opposite side of the library. The further Khemjira saw him walking away, the bigger he had the sensation their relationship got badly tainted.

“Wait- wait Pha-” Khemjira's voice got cut in the huge sound of his own body falling on the ground. Too eager to follow, too eager to speak, too fast without his legs really recording his own orders.

“Khem.” Pharan left the books on one shelf, walking and kneeling in front of him. “Are you alright?”

Khemjira massaged his knees, nodding slowly. “I am….I am… but…I don't want to be your burden…it wasn't what I wanted…I only…didnt want to see your back walking away from me like this…”

“I guess I should have been clear about those impure intentions Prince. It would be way better for you to keep your distance…but your position can get you to ask for anything. And I am not into any position to refuse. However, if it had been a trouble to teach you, I wouldn't be here and I would have pleaded my cause to the King. Now we're here.”

Khemjira didn't know how to react. He got his darker gaze, the one when he wouldn't be satisfied by an answer which felt way too polished to be sincere. “You know what ? It's enough for today. I am tired of your push and pull. I am not freeing you though…I just can't stand when people are politely hiding their real intentions. And even more when they give different signs…I am not that naive like you might think Pharan. Now do whatever, be clear and honest or just join me in boredom because I won't free you from your duty.”

Khemjira said all of this with so much composure and calmness that Pharan was surprised. He kept staring at the Prince, watching him stand up and walk away. He couldn't say anything. He couldn't say anything at all.

And watching his back walking away, he understood what the Prince told him. He sat down, on the ground, sighing loudly, staring at those books he still needed to take. The Prince was truly too sincere. And as much as he was worried who could hear his thoughts…he couldn't stop his smile from appearing. He wasn't sure anymore to be able to ignore those “intentions” he kept trying to move away.

—-

“What did he even do to you?” Khemmika asked.

“Nothing…” The Prince said, sulking and not allowing anyone other than her to come into his room.

“Prince…you can say to everyone that you're just tired but you can't lie to me.”

“It's not really “something”. Pharan is just getting on my nerves and I am tired…”

“He got to annoy you…this is new.”

“Lets not talk about him Khemmika…what do you still have to say to me…I didn't hear a lot those days…”

“It's a little complicated… for everyone around.”

“Tell me more.” He said, his interest growing.

“People are worried about the King's strategy…he seems to be a little…stressed on a basic…”

“I see… I guess… I asked for an audience yesterday but I barely saw him…he didn't even raise his head… I hate…ignorance…”

“Why don't you ask Pharan what he really thinks ?”

“After he literally kept giving me hope? No…if…if his intentions are as impure as he said, he wouldn't be able to stay away…”

—-

Pharan never had been this peaceful in those last hours. He surprisingly…felt that his time could have been better around the Prince. He was insecure, unsure. He didn't know what to do. If he listened to his heart Prince Khemjira would be able to say anything anymore as those lips would have been his.

He tried to erase those foggy emotions in him, getting down to the huge kitchen part of the castle. He knew where he would find Jet. He also knew that he had a friend who worked there. He didn't expect to witness them hand in hand.
Pharan coughed lightly to make himself seen. If the other boy had wanted to hide their hands away, Jet didn't move that much.

“Phi! Do you need anything?”

“Can we talk please ? Outside.” He said, getting outside and waiting for him.

“I am coming back.” Jet blinked softly at Chan who whooshed him away. “Phi, I am outside now.”

“Is your relationship why you can't focus on learning?”

“Phi…that's not kind…to say. What do you mean Chan isn't a distraction. He is a passion.” He answered proudly.

“And you think that father will let you act like this?”

“And you think that father will let you do this.”

“And you think that duty is the only way to live. Phi…Phi…why are you so harsh on yourself…why ?”

“I am not harsh…”

“So why did you annoy Prince Khemjira ?”

Pharan kept his silence. He didn't even know how Jet could get this information. His confusion was seen.

“He isn't the only one who can gossip…why are you even on the Prince's nerves? He seemed to appreciate you…a lot.” He smiled brightly.

“Not your business Jet.”

“But my business is yours?”

“I am worried about you Jet…”

“I am more worried about you Phi…Prince Khemjira can be hard to win over…”

“Wi-win? I didn't want to win anything, Jet.”

“Your head is telling another story.” He laughed. “Listen Phi…I think that you should listen to your emotions this time…duty…is for old people like father.”

–

“Are you in trouble, Jet?” Chan asked, standing up immediately.

“I am not.” He giggled, sitting next to him and caressing his cheek. “I am trying to convince him to be more free.”

“Will he listen to you?”

“Not sure…Pharan is hardheaded.”

“You're not different though.”

“I- love…this was easy…”

“I wasn't joking.” He answered, smiling mockingly. “Now go back to work…I need to.” He added, kissing his cheek.

Pharan kept standing outside. He had a perfect view on them. He could get why Jet was trying to convince him to let his guard down. He was tempted.

More importantly, he missed Khemjira.

—-

When the voice of the guard came from the other side of the corridor, the Prince giggled louder than he should have. He allowed Pharan to come in. He came. He hoped that he would begin to reproach him for not having come to study. He was more than sure that those would be his words. He wasn't wrong.

“Close the door behind you.” The Prince said to the guard after he kept an eye on Pharan.

“Prince.” Pharan bowed.

“Why are you here?” Khemjira asked, trying to hide his happiness.

“You…you didn't come to study yesterday. You shouldn't have walked away like this. Duty is duty.”

“Duty…so I am your duty or the shape of your impure thoughts?” He chuckled. “You need to choose.”

“It isn't as simple Prince. You're important for our kingdom and-”

“Those are excuses!” Khemjira stood up abruptly. “I am not important at all. My brothers are. I won't ever be able to get on the throne and I don’t care nor mind it…dont lie like this!” He stopped walking just in front of Pharan. “Didnt you miss me?”

“I missed you…like crazy…”

He surely shouldn't have answered this. He should have kept his composure. He should have followed his duty. Khemjira had been shaking his world, his truth, his core. He didn't know how to act but he also couldn't keep his made of stones emotions when his shining pupils were looking at him so brightly. And now that he said those words, those eyes were stuck on him, not knowing how to answer. Khemjira had been too surprised by the sudden honesty. His heart was beating fast, his cheeks were so warm. He wasn't expecting to hear the answer he had waited for.

“Are…are those words to be trusted ?” He still asked, his gaze looking shyly at Pharan.

“I wouldn't betray my duty for lies.”

Khemjira bit his lips, looking at the ground. “I didn't think that you would…be like this so rapidly…it feels like I ran without even moving…”

Pharan's arms shook a little when he took Khemjira's hand in his own. “It isn't easier on my side… there's something…something screaming inside of me that the distance between us is more a menace than any enemies of our kingdom.”

“You're making it…too sensational.” He giggled softly, raising his head. When he crossed gaze, Khemjira’s heart busted. Those attentive and caring eyes were all for him, all about him, all about this moment.

“Let's study…” He coughed.

Khemjira had to pout. He had to show his disappointment but he also knew that what he got from Pharan now was more than he ever hoped the man would say.

“I guess…” He sighed, sitting on the huge sofa with this tissue made of gold.

Pharan followed him, sitting next to him and putting a lot of papers on the table. “I did not forget by duty Prince Khem.”

“I couldn't even make you forget…what a shame.”

“No one would make me forget.” He said.

“Well…that makes me less special…anyway, what do you want to teach me? You know that I got educated as a teenager.”

“You have a tendency to speak loudly without even knowing who could be whispering against you in the room. So, I drew a kind of tree of everyone you should be aware of in this castle. Who could be a danger, who might be, even if in your position anyone could be.”

The paper had been worked on a lot. It was worn out from all of the time the ink had to be brushed on. There were so many names, even some he never heard about. He was sure that he didn't even meet half of them. He realised that it wasn't only one huge piece of paper. There were several under.

“You did all of this for me?” Khemjira asked, his face getting so close to Pharan's that he felt trapped. He couldn't move away. The magic worked on him. The spell was on. Khemjira's eyelashes were prettily moving. His pupils shining. His mouth slightly opened. His heart beat so fast. There wasn't anything anymore than them and that distance.

Pharan slowly moved closer. His emotions aimed for it. His soul screamed. He needed to get closer to him. He wanted, he was yearning for this Prince whose existence was just some millimeters away from him. A small distance he could cross so fast, but a distance giving them the time to look at each other's eyes, to secure their needs, to analyse their body languages. To witness that their faces were naturally pulling towards each other.

Enough time to imagine, to apprehend, to yearn so badly for those lips.

Pharan's hand landed on Khemjira’s cheek as the collision looked inevitable. The magnet attraction between them was slow but strong and when their lips brushed against each other, something exploded in the atmosphere. A tension no one knew was here before.

The brush, not pushing their mouths to their maximum against each other, lasted some seconds, before Pharan pulled away, staring in shock at the Prince.

Khemjira was blushing, he was looking absolutely gorgeous after being the bearer of his attention. He wanted to taste him again. He needed to but the initial shock stayed. He didn't had think that he would have lost his control this easily.

“I-”

“Don't say anything !” Khemjira panicked, putting his hand over Pharan's mouth. “Don't or you will break the moment…I…liked it…” He quickly added to make his own feelings clear. “Did you…too?”

Pharan's soft smile was hidden behind Khemjira’s hands. He wasn't wrong. His mind could have covered this moment, rejecting it, because he would have been reminded of his duty. His only official duty.

“I…did…” He honestly answered, blushing and looking aside. Pharan wasn’t the best at showing his emotions but he couldn’t refuse this stare the Prince had, the hope, the yearning for words that wouldn’t scatter his own world.

“Good…” Khemjira nodded, not really knowing what to do now. “We could…do it again?”

“We need to focus Prince.” Pharan got back to his seriousness, making Khemjira pout.

“Yes…yes as you wish…master.” He said, smiling brightly when he witnessed Pharan’s surprised expression.

The Prince had trouble even recognising every name. He realised how much his own family had kept him in the dark about their world, about his own world. He definitely needed and wanted to know more and to understand. At first, he had thought that Pharan had exaggerated, that he wasn’t that much in danger by talking freely around the castle. He understood better now, who wanted what, who had interest where. It felt like a never ending game where he would find new enemies at each corner.

“Do you think…that I would be in danger?” He asked, a little worried now that everything had been revealed to him.

“I don’t think so. All of this is to prevent but in reality I don't think that anyone would do anything, unless they have an opportunity and this doesn't seem to be the case.”

“If anything happens…will you protect me with your swords?” Khemjira happily asked, his soft eyes pleading for an answer.

Pharan always had been a man of thoughts and not a man of action. He was training, like everyone, he should train but he hoped to never have to use his sword. Those pupils staring at him made him want to believe that he was capable, that he would be such a good knight with his weapon to stop anyone wanting to hurt his wonder. And he had no idea where this nickname came from but he felt it. This sensation of belonging in someone else's soul. This sensation of wanting to keep that special place forever.

“I will. I hope to never have to but I will.” Pharan confessed, his hand gently caressing the Prince's cheek, making both of them blush. “Then Ill…get going.” He said, bowing and standing up. He didn't let any time for the Prince to say anything.

“Coward…” Khemjira whispered, still smiling happily. What happened was more than enough. He simply couldn't wait for their relationship's next chapter.

When Pharan walked back to his own room, he was surprised to find the second Prince in it.

“I thought that you would never come back, Pharan.”

“Prince.” He bowed lower than he ever did. The second Prince was known to not tolerate any disrespect.

“I don't know. Tell me. Why is Khem running after you?”

Pharan looked confused hearing that question, before getting back his composure. Facts. Only facts.

“Prince Khemjira got bored of eating and chatting all day. He asked me to entertain him by showing him the knowledge he didn't know about, watching a sword training for example. But he didn't want to try.”

“I see…Khem is suddenly bored…well, be careful with him. Everyone loves him a lot…you should know this.”

“I do know this Prince.” He bowed again, trying to show as much respect as possible.

“Protect him…at all costs.” The Prince said and stood up getting out of the room.

Pharan kept bowing again. He wondered what those words meant. He wondered what could happen for the Prince to suddenly have this type of recommendation. He felt so nervous, the kiss lingering like a sin he shouldn't have committed but also like a divine touch he wouldn't want to avoid.

Khemjira was like a sudden burst of sunshine in front of his eyes. He sat down on his chair, sighing, not really in the mood of studying anything. He didn't think he had been weak but he definitely lost his rationality and control over those sweet and delicate eyes and that soft brush which was lingering on his.

Pharan touched his own lips. He wanted to taste them again. He didn't know what happened but he wouldn't be able to resist now that he did not only sin, but he liked it.

If he had stayed. If he didn't have bowed goodbye for the day to the Prince, he didn't know what would have happened. He didn't trust himself.

“I am doomed…” He whispered to himself, hoping for those words to make him feel the weight of the way he did not only bend his back to bow to Khemjira.

—-

The Prince had enough of this lesson. This wasn't who he had wanted to meet, staring blankly at this woman who should make him remember how violin works. Khemjira learnt it by heart when he was younger, then he left it aside. The king suddenly wanted his son to play for his birthday in one month. It stopped everything he had in his head. He had hoped for Pharan to come back, for him to stumble over his actions and then they surely would kiss again. He felt his cheeks becoming hot just thinking about it. He was far from liking to play violin when his mind only wanted to play with Pharan's lips.

“Prince. Are you listening?”

“I wasn't I apologise.” He politely said and he knew that this woman would always prefer honesty over fake words. She nodded quietly.

“You only have one month to practice. We need to be efficient right?” She smiled brightly. “The King will be the happiest witnessing you play again.”

“I am not so sure…the days he was admiring what I am doing ended…he was satisfied when I learnt well and then he focused on something else. I don't resent any grudge for this. But you know, this being asked was so sudden that I have trouble…trouble to understand where this is coming. So…I am also lacking motivation…” Khemjira explained. He might have said too much but he said exactly what he wanted. He also wasn’t worried about her talking to his father. He might even want her to talk to the king about what he was feeling.

“Prince. I can’t tell you anything that I don’t know about our king but I am pretty sure that he loves his sons.”

“I know…” Khemjira said, wanting to add that he knew too well that he loved his sons, his sons as a whole. His sons he talked a lot too about strategy, his sons who could protect his kingdom. His older and talented sons at being a Prince. Khemjira was the little Prince dancing making them laugh, the little clown making them laugh. He was a distraction, so much that he had wanted and needed to be distracted. He had wanted to be more than simply who he had become and Pharan's behaviour definitely pleased him.

How much he missed his presence right now. He wondered if he had been even a little saddened by the fact that he wouldn't be able to be his teacher for the day.

The violin in his hands was letting out a crying sound as he wasn't concentrated enough on it. He had the sensation that when he was playing it wrong, it was representing in the most realistic way his relationship with his father.

—

Pharan had been thinking about Khemjira. A lot. But his duty always came back first in his mind. He had himself to study more and more everydays. It would never be enough for his father. And he understood perfectly when one of the guards from the Prince told him that he wouldn't be able to teach him today. There were things about fathers that they couldn't change. And it was the duty of their sons to answer their calls. He understood that he also was a centre in the Prince's life even if he hoped for. He was before all the King's sons.

Pharan had time to think about it, all day, stuck at his desk. Their own place in society could give them trouble. As adviser of the crown, his family had privileged access to the royal family. The way everyone eyed him weirdly at the sword training after the Prince's appearance had been clear.

And yet. He couldn't think about renouncing. He couldnt think about stopping to touch those lips. Khemjira looked way more interesting than what he was reading. It was a matter of hours until he would think that the tutoring should have ended from their parts, the Prince being finally free to move freely. The sentence of his father kept turning in a circle in his mind. Why wouldn’t he be glad that Pharan was already advising one of the Princes? Or it might be because it is Khmejira and not one of the three others. He wasn’t as decided as everyone was. Even if Khemjira couldn’t do anything as the fourth Prince, even if the throne was out of reach, he could still be, act, and reign differently. Pharan was already imagining him at the head of culture in this kingdom. He might love gossip but it also looked like he liked art. He had so many small paintings in his room.

Pharan didn’t forget to look around when he was there, and letting aside his emotions, he was persuaded that the Prince had way more to show the world than just some playful games.

“Phi.” Jet came behind him. He didn’t even witness his presence, thinking too deeply.

“I can’t help you every time with your exercises, Jet…”

“I am not here for this…I wondered…did you see father today?”

“I didn’t, but this isn’t as strange as we could think. He is always somewhere else than where we are.” Pharan chuckled lightly.

“You always say out loud what I never have the strength to say…”

Pharan stood up, messing with his brother’s hair. “I am older, I lived more years than you. Of course, I would have more guts. But most importantly Jet, you need to keep quiet when you think that someone might not be on your side. Why do you think that I am never quiet around you?”

“Of course I am on your side!” Jet laughed. “Tell me, how is it going with the Prince?”

“I don't really know…It isn’t your story to read about anyway!”

“Phi! Tell me, I can tell you everything about Chan. Chan is sweet, Chan is tough, Chan is cooking so well, you know if Chan was from rich families like us, he would have been the end of so many people, behind his serious appearance and his strict glasses, he has so many, many many, things to say…I am so deep in love with him.”

Pharan stared at him in disbelief. Jet always had been the best at expressing emotions, unlike him. “This, this keeps it low Jet, we never know what can happen to your Chan.”

“This is why I am only saying it to you Phi.”

“Aren’t you scared of father’s reaction?”

“He already thinks that I am a failure…I won’t lie, it hurts, but I am not made for his big pictures, I am not made for it. What can I do? Give my best and we will see. But I am old enough to understand when I love someone and this is the power they can’t have on ourselves. I insist Phi…because you seem to honour him way too much.”

“Take care of your own side first.” Pharan sighed, making Jet grin and walk away.

This was the intelligence his father was failing to witness. Emotional sensitivity could be a strength if used well. But their fathers was way too turned towards power. Power and only this to entertain his everyday. It worked like blood in his system.

Pharan didn’ t think that he was like any of them. He might be a mix, he might be fifty percent about power, and fifty percent about emotions. He simply didn’t know how emotional and territorial he could be before meeting the Prince. It was a new side of his personality he failed to tame until now. He didn’t want to make it disappear but he still wanted to let it take all of his decisions. For fifty percent separated needed to turn into one hundred percent, stabilised and full of consciousness. And yet, all that he was doing now gave him the sensation that he was definitely more on the emotional side. It should be this young discovery that felt closer to his heart.

His father or even the most usual faces in the castle were hard to reach. The atmosphere was heavy. So heavy that Pharan wandered around the corridors wondering what could be happening. If it had something to do with advising the King, his father would have already told him. He likes more than anyone to make his son learn about what he should probably do when he wouldn’t be able to fulfill his duty anymore.

The tension, the silence. He didn’t like this. It sounded out of habit. Even Jet wondered where their father had been and he wasn’t of the type to look after him.

Pharan only got the answer at the beginning of the evening. He only got the answer when the night began to fall slowly around the castle. His soul only understood the disaster that was bound to happen when someone knocked at his door. He had hoped for Khmejira to be behind, then he had said to them to come in, and he had thought that it would have been more logical for his father to be behind that door.

It was worse than this.

“Pharan.” A soldier of his father got inside of his room in a hurry. “Urgent letter from your father!”

Pharan stood up and took it abruptly. His father wasn't really talkative but if he had to say something he would come to him. If he delivered a letter this only meant that something was bound to happen, something he felt in the way the soldier looked anxious. Something he felt all day. Something he had no way to understand by himself. Something he had been let aside from, but important enough for his father to let him know.

Those words cut the air from his lungs. He stumbled against his desk, unable to blindly believe the ink on this small paper.

“You need to hurry Pharan or you will get caught in the middle and you won’t be able to survive!” The soldier screamed at him, himself running away to his duty, to the allegiance he surely gave to his father.

The adviser of the King, who looked now like a traitor.
Pharan kept staring at those words, one billion possibilities running in his panicked mind.

The black ink seemed to already turn into red, blood surely spreading in the next few hours.

-escape by the doors we know, the king will fall tonight-

Chapter Text

Pharan felt his sweat weeting his whole body. His muscles shook, the paper fell on the ground. He couldn't believe it. He couldn't stand it. He stood up abruptly, taking his sword and running after the soldier.

“Wait!” He screamed, making him turn around, and have an impatient stare towards him.

“What do you want ? Simply escape!”

“I need to know! Did Jet get the same information?”

“No. Not that I am kno-Pharan! Just escape safely! This is your father's wish!” He said, keeping him by the arm before he could fly away.

He had to help Jet. He stares at this soldier for some seconds, confused. He didn't understand how could their father only advise him? How could he only try to save one of his sons? His heart beat. He had a sword, he was trained. He wouldn't be the one running away. He couldn't do this.

Screams alerted them, the soldier's hand letting him go.

“Did it begin earlier? Shit! Pharan, I am telling you, don't try to be a hero!” He said, before running on the other side.

There wasn't a lot to think about anyway. He had to prevent anything from happening to his family. Pharan ran quickly, stopped at the corner of the corridor by another soldier. He looked absolutely delighted to be able to fight in the middle of the castle. All laws erased.

“Why?” Pharan asked when he saw him ready to aim.

“You should know Pharan, better than anyone. And if you don’t then you would not be worthy for the new era to come.”

His confused expression had been so convincing. He was sure that this was the moment this other man decided to let the sword try to pierce his body
Pharan moved the swords. He moved it by instinct, not by want. He moved it because he needed to survive. His pupils were concentrated but panicking. He didn't want to. He didn't want to pierce anything.

He needed to still breath.

His sword pierced it. Pharan acted out of a survival move. The one he thought that he would never have to use.

The soldier fell on the ground. Blood was spreading around. It was red. It was so red that he thought that he imagined it. It couldn't be too red … looking too petty knowing that life was slowly fading away.

And Pharan knew that he had to get his sword back. He had to get closer to his crime. He had to grab it. And when his hand shook, putting his fingers around it, he froze. He felt it, the way it sliced the skin. The way it cuts through it.

Pharan closed his eyes, and took it out in one fast move, his guts feeling the disgust, and his eyes full of tears.

They didn't fall. They stayed there like the weight of the life he just took. He stared at his shoes, the blood reached it. He had the sensation that he would never be able to be free from the scenery that just happened here.

Pharan shook his head. He needed to find Jet. He needed to find him and then he should get through this secret door. He should also try to find Khem. If he could grab his hand again…if he could help him. He thought that he wouldn't need anyone like him to protect him. And yet, he was willing to try to find him.

Screams were heard through the whole corridors. They came from the garden, in the middle. Pharan walked closer to the edge, hell growing as a reflection in his eyes. Soldiers were killing from one side to another. Soldiers looked out of their minds. They weren't serving their kingdom anymore.

Pharan kept staring, his muscles feeling numb. Blood. This same blood was spreading. The same red ocean that kept tainting his eyes. He felt, finally, his warm tears falling. Pharan clenched his hand around the sword. Running.

He needed to run quickly away. And he knew somehow where he would find Jet.

—
The violin's strident sound was way more satisfying then whatever Khemjira could hear now. He had lost all of his control over his own brain. He didn't know what to do, he didn't know how to face anyone.

His teacher was laying on the ground, in a pull of blood, the violin he had let go violently tainted by it. If he had to play it right now, he might have summoned some evil spirits. The man in the room would kill him. He wasn't hesitating with those thoughts. He knew it, in his gaze , that he had nothing better to do than to end his life.
Khemjira was static, he was standing there. His eyes opened big. His breath erratic. The information wasn't loading in his mind. He should have ran away, he should have screamed. He should have taken the secret door from his chamber to get out and be safe.
Nothing worked anymore in his brain. Nothing to gossip about, nothing to laugh about, only terror and despair.

The red spreading on the soldier's clothes made him fall on the ground. He witnessed the pain in his gaze. He witnessed life slowly disappearing from his features. He witnessed how a soul could leave a body so fast.

When the corpse fell, when the atmosphere made him feel that death was out of his vision, he saw him. He saw Jet with a sword he had trouble taking in between his fingers. He remembered who he was because he had been an intruder in this castle, like Pharan and his father. They had been introduced, briefly.

He looked like someone who didn't realise that he killed a man.

“Why…you here?” The Prince could only ask with a trembling voice.

“She- she screamed at me to come.” Jet panted, pointing at the woman behind him he didn't see at first. Khemmika wasn't in a better state. Her arm was bloody but her eyes were alive, still alive and this was what mattered the most for him.

“We need to go Prince.” Jet came towards him and pulled his frozen legs on the ground. “You can do this right?”

“Why…aren't you killing me like him? You're not part of this castle…”

“This soldier…is from your own guard Prince…I am sorry to say that someone betrayed your family in your own castle.”

Khemjira let the words be tattooed on his soul. Betrayal had been one of the classes he had about when he was younger and learning to be a Prince. He remembered how they made him learn that everyone could turn into their enemies at some point. With great power, came greed and arrogance. With the title of Prince came responsibilities and carefulness. Khemjira was none of this. He was a child whose body grew up too fast. He was a doll people liked to play with, but not to talk seriously with. He was the core of the party, of the good times of the castle. He wasn't strategic. He never learnt to be this. He wasn't made to kill, to decide, to tame. He was made to be and to laugh, and it was impossible for now. Pharan came too late in this life. He came too late to remind him that peace was fragile and that he should be at least careful about what he would say.

“Lets go Khem! We need to run!” Khemmika breathed out with difficulties, her wound hurting. She tried to pull him towards the secret door they both knew about. He resisted. “Khem!”

“We need to follow him Khemmika!” He said, surprising Jet.

“Why? He can even come with us. Right Jet?” She stared at him with pleading eyes, asking for help for him to push the Prince to run away.

“I have someone I need to go to. Right now.”

Khemjira stared at the dead soldier, trying to stand by his idea.

“I can't kill a man. I don't know how to defend myself and I don't have a sword. Khemmika if we go together we might die quickly…”

“Do you think that…we better go with him?”

“I think…”

“Then come. And be my eyes, okay? I can't see everywhere. We need to meet as few people as possible…I am not that good with swords…”

Khemjira nodded, looking at Khemmika and when she took his arm in her hands, he guessed that she decided to follow them. The woman wasn't confident enough. She knew that they had no chance alone. She only hoped for Jet to come with us, for him to witness a sign of salvation in the exit they could take. However, he had been driven by something stronger than a survival instinct: emotions. She couldn't do anything against it.

“Stay close to me…we should try to get out through the back doors…”

Their walk was tiring. They needed to be fast and yet they didn't want to face anyone rapidly because they weren't slow.
Khemmika kept grabbing the Prince's arm tightly and it felt to him the only pressure able to make him come back to reality.
The Prince didn't know those corridors. They looked dirtier and less practical than the rest of them in the castle. It looked like the one everyone working for them would take. It looked like the only way to survive was to try getting out by the doors the high level of society would have never wanted to take on normal days.

The screams were coming from the core of the castle, where everyone linked to the King would be, where egos and money had always been fighting over the smallest facial expression. The one death was erased so easily.

Jet wasn't good with swords, he said it to all of them. And no one was the best at observing either. The tension was too high, their souls were slowly fading away in the nightmare that they were living. No one heard the steps of the soldier behind them. No one heard the way he approached in silence. No one was aware enough of the danger in their everyday life to keep an eye ahead and behind.

Khemmika's scream woke them up when the soldier pushed her on the side. His target was obvious. His whole actions were so obvious. He needed to kill more royalty men in this castle. The instructions were clearer now, he needed to kill as violently as possible the souls of the King and of his children because not one of them should take the throne back.

Khemjjra got pushed strongly against the wall, his back hurting it so badly. He whined, feeling his body hurt, hurt like it never did before. His eyes grew bigger when he saw the sword being held up, when he knew that the next move would bring death to him.

What the soldier didn't realise was that Jet never had more strength than today. He never was serious in any training. He never had wanted to be well trained to fight, and he knew this by heart. What could he have done? He didn't even expect him to have a sword.

Khemjira saw death falling on him. He saw it in the sword moved up, he saw it in the confident eyes of this man. He saw it in those same eyes, the surprise making him unable to move anymore.

Jet had aimed for the closest part of the heart. Jet couldn't bring himself to not be fast and precise. He definitely had to do something and to not give any chance for this man to attack again.

The weight of death fell right on the Prince. The blood began to soak his own clothes, to taint his skin. It was so rapid. It spread like rain all over the world. The red colour not symbolising the great power of the King but the gruesome end of an era.
Khemjira wanted to vomit. He couldn't move, he felt stuck.

“Prince!” Jet tried to wake him up, himself having a hard time to realise what he did, so precisely. He pushed the body of the soldier on the side and the sound it made was going to haunt Khemjira forever. “Please we can't stay here.” He added, pulling him up.

“ I am here ! I am still here!” Khemmika screamed, using her hands to support him, trying to make him feel that he was here, alive, and all of this blood in him wasn't his.

The atmosphere was foggy for the Prince. Nothing was clear. He kept staring at the void in front of him, tears menacing go fall but never having the strength to fall.

“Fuck! Jet!”

They all heard that voice. They all heard the way the intensity of this tone was a mix of being harsh but relieved.

“Phi!” Jet turned around, a weight falling from his own shoulders. His brother was here, his own blood was here, this sword trained man, with blood on his clothes, not his, was here.

“I was looking for you!” He screamed. “Are you alright?” He touched his brother's body, trying to reassure himself.

“I am. What are you doing here?”

“I knew that you would try to get to Chan! I-”

Pharan stopped talking. He thought that he would have seen his brother's love interest behind. He thought that he would have to worry more about someone else after. He thought that he would have to make a choice, to leave someone behind but Khemjira was here.

Khemjira was here, his soul dying. The sparkles in his eyes disappeared. His lips were parted from the shock, his eyes seemed to only be able to look straight at one invisible point.
And the blood, the blood took his whole attention. The immaculate clothes of the Prince were tainted by the violence and the arrogance of humans. The bubble of his soothing life exploded, his whole world seemed to have collapsed. His soul wasn't vibrating anymore in this body he was so freely moving in those past few days.

“Khem.” Pharan whispered, walking to him and touching his body to try to understand where this blood was coming from.

“He's safe…” Khemmika panted aside, her wound still hurting.

Pharan didn't look at her, Pharan kept looking at Khemjira who was fine but looked far from being mentally stable. “We need to get your man Jet and then we are going out! Right now!”

The Prince didn't have any reaction when Pharan entangled their hands. He didn't have any reaction at all when he got pulled to run with him. His eyes saw Pharan's back, he looked so small behind him. He felt so terrified. He couldn't realise what was happening. He was following the flow, being pulled and pulled and this only movement ahead of him was making his legs move to that rhythm.

Jet was on the edge. He had no idea if everyone working for the kingdom would be in danger. It would be a shame on this army, knowing that they were anyway serving the royal family to survive. They were obedient and respecting the crown, but they would only be themselves out of this place. They couldn't be themselves at all inside of those walls. Chan needed to be safe. He wouldn't stand it if he had been trapped in between those power angry men who killed on sight, not even thinking more for one second.
He didn't think about the Prince or Kheemika anymore. Pharan was here. He ran ahead of them, already relieved that they didn't meet any enemies. He really had the sensation that this aimed for them in charge first. It wouldn’t mean that the people working for them would be safe.

Pharan cursed internally when Jet opened the door of the kitchen without even being careful. He was too young, too bold. It already tired him to know that he would need to be able to deal with his behaviour.

The room was silent. No one was inside. Pharan felt the Prince bumping into his back, not able to stop his legs.

“Chan? Chan!” Jet screamed, exasperating Pharan. They needed to be discreet and careful. Not loud like this. “Chan? I know that you're here!”

The door of the shelves opened suddenly, revealing a crying Chan inside. Jet's heart lost it. He ran, helping him to get out of here and didn't even wait before beginning to walk away.

“We can run away by the door in the garden…” Jet quickly said, already moving. No one should follow them there, no one should try to find someone in the garden when night falls upon them all. They needed to run away. Run away as fast as possible. They needed to not be in sight. They needed to forget about anything else, or anyone else.

Khemmika followed them, only Pharan felt a resistance when he tried to do the same. He turned around, witnessing the worst expression, one he never saw on the Prince. His suffering was so evident that it scattered Pharan's emotions.

“Khem?”

“W-what about-”

“About nothing and no one Khem. The first thing we should do is to think of surviving. You're alive and I mean it when I say that I wont let you die.” Pharam said, pulling a little stronger on his hand and all he heard was the gasp from the Prince and him finally accepting to follow. Accepting or having no choice at all, Pharan had no idea what words should be chosen for this.

He was aware that he was deciding for him. He was aware that he was trespassing huge boundaries, that the Prince's ideas and thoughts should always be put first. And yet, he was doing it with confidence. He was aware that from the moment their gaze met, he would put his safety first. And he knew by heart that this experience would traumatise Khemjira for the rest of his life.

Chapter Text

They ran. They ran so fast that they didn’t even know how much they had run, how much distance they had put between themselves and the castle. No one was thinking, in fact, no one had time to think. They all simply hoped that no soldiers saw him, and that none of them wanted to hunt them down.

“Let’s take a rest.” Jet said, stopping his track in the middle of the rest, a cave with a waterfall on the side getting his attention.

“Are we sure that we are far enough ?” Chan asked, squeezing Jet’s hand tighter.

“We can’t be sure but we surely ran a lot already right Phi?” He asked Pharan who simply had stopped like everyone else but kept his silence.
The man felt it. He felt that behind him, the Prince was only a shadow of himself. He felt that their hands were still intertwined because he didn’t let go, not even for a second. If he had, he was sure that Khemjira would have given up. And he understood why, he was raised for entertainment, not to survive in the middle of a war.

“I think that we can take some time to rest here.” He nodded, letting them all get inside of that cave. Pharan stared behind him and sighed, walking towards the river. He pulled Khemjira and pushed him enough to make sit on one huge rock. He damped his hands in the water, using his palm to try to erase the blood from the Prince’s face. His skin was still the softest but his eyes bore the weight of everything he had to see. Pharan’s skin didn't make him react at all, he kept looking at the void while the red from his skin seemed to strangle his soul stronger. Pharan struggled to get rid of it. He wouldn’t even be able to do it all because those clothes were also dirty.

“Prince?” He asked, when he saw a tear falling on his cheek. His gaze still focused on the void, on the invisible. “Prince, you need to talk…talk to me…”

Khemjira’s brain was blank. Khemjira’s whole existence had been stopped the moment everything happened. It felt like the horror was still occurring in front of his eyes, it felt like his own cells couldn’t get rid of that sensation. He felt like he was in a horror loop and nothing, no one could put him out. Until he felt Pharan’s hand cupping his cheek, and his hand raising his head. Then, he was obligated to stare at him and he saw it. He witnessed Pharan’s worries, and he didn’t get it. He couldn’t get it at all.

“Why…” He barely whispered, more tears appearing in his eyes.

“Why ? What do you mean?”

“Why me… why didn’t you save my brothers… why…”

“Prince…I don’t get what you want to say but I helped you and I am glad I did…it just happened, you were here, I was there, Jet was here too and we are here now, this is what should count, nothing else.”

“That’s useless…you saved the most useless of us…” Khemjira’s voice shook like it never had before. His heart was being constricted with his despair and his disappointment. He shouldn’t have survived because he was of no need compared to his brothers. He would be a burden, he didn’t know how to fight, he could only be protected, he would only be a rock in everyone’s shoes. Without Jet he would have been dead, without Pharan he would have been dead. Useless. If they had to survive, he wasn’t even sure that he could amend the courtesy they gave him by saving him. Useless time, useless efforts.

“Prince…don’t say this. You’re not useless…you’re still part of the royal family.”

“Shut up!” Khemjira stood up, mostly falling and getting his stability back by leaning his body against Pharan’s. “See? See how useless I am…you could have saved anyone, you could have helped my own brothers but you didn’t, and now you have a burden on your shoulders…I am only good at laughing, I am only…good at doing nothing important…I couldn’t even run well…I-” His tears fell even more. Pharan’s hands were placed on his elbows, keeping him from falling. He could see and guess that he was absolutely devastated about the situation, that he had never met any violence in this life. It explained why he was so happy about seeing him play with a sword, and not fight, because it could only be a game in this Prince’s eyes. He didn’t agree. Pharan would never agree about this.

“Prince! Will you stop? You’re alive! And you’re of royal blood! Whatever the problem! Whatever the enemy, you’re still more valuable than any of us here! Why blame yourself for surviving? Shouldn’t we all try to think about what to do? About the newest steps? Aren’t we all desperate? Prince…I am simply begging you to not throw away the efforts we gave to save you.”

Khemjira took those words like a slap. A strong and powerful slap. It made him feel privileged like it never did before, any luxury wouldn’t be equal to what Pharan said. He felt bad for his own mental state and at the same time he knew that they were both right. It wasn’t about how he survived until now, but how they would all manage to survive right now.

“I am…sorry…” He whispered softly, more tears falling.

Pharan’s heart took a strong punch from the hammer of his own words. He didn’t want to make him cry, he didn’t want to make him feel more miserable than what he seemed to be but he also wasn’t in his right mind. He also didn’t have enough strength to choose words with the delicacy the Prince needed.

“Just promise me Prince that you will keep fighting for us…don’t give up yet…” Pharan said, not touching him anymore. He had the sensation that he went too far, he had the sensation that he said way too much things he shouldn’t have and the promiscuity they developed in time of peace seemed to have faded under their worries.

“I…promise…” He whispered, whipping his own tears as he understood that the relationship they had couldn’t bloom in this instant, not when they barely had the time to breathe.

Jet looked concerned when he saw Pharan and Khemjira coming back with a huge distance between them.

“Chan…” He whispered, leaning on his shoulders. “Why wouldn’t they be like us?”

“Jet…You need to understand that they both have more responsibilities than us…they can’t act out of it.”

“You’re right…it’s just sad…”

Khemjira sat down against the cave, hugging his body tighter. He never experienced this much hardship in his life and this was so uncomfortable that it could be read so clearly on his expression. Pharan took his coat, putting it on the Prince before walking away.

Khemjira stared at him with a warm feeling. He didn’t want to think about this, he didn’t want to at all but he had hoped that this was a sign of the way they had been close and not of a duty. He pouted, looking sad, before closing his eyes. It wasn’t easy to sleep but his brain had been so exhausted by the event that even without realising it, the Prince was sleeping.

Pharan sat down next to Khemmika, looking attentively at her wound. “How do you feel?”

“How is Khem?”

Pharan chuckled. “Getting worried about someone else when you get hurt…this isn’t how the world should work Khemmika…”

“Please…don’t act as if you weren’t highly concerned about him.”

“As we all are…”

“Liar-ouch-” She complained, when Pharan pulled on her dress to get a look at it.

“This…doesn’t look that bad but still…”

“What can we even do? We can’t get wounds dressed in a cave but thank you for looking at it.”

“We won’t stay here…we need to go somewhere…we definitely need to find a place where we will be safe for some time…”

“Do you think that… they will want to attack Khem?”

“I am sure about it…Khem might not be a strategic son for them but he is still the king’s son…he can swear on everyone, on his own life that he wouldn’t do anything to take the throne back, they wouldn’t believe him…also, if one day he has children himself…those children could be a menace, and generation after generation…”

“Children? I didn’t know that man could have children…”

“Khemmika. I understand that you had been cheerring on whatever…we might have…and I am not regretting anything, but this isn’t the moment. The situation doesn’t let us the free space to…do whatever we want…”

“You can’t say this…Pharan…will you…will we try to get the throne back?”

“I have no idea…I promise that I have no strategy about this. It would all depend on what the Prince wants…and how they would treat us…if they let us, what I can’t even imagine, it wouldn’t be a trouble to live our lives peacefully…but in this case, I think that every second our lives would be in danger. Even you Khemmika. Because you are close to the Prince.”

“”Well…I am not surprised about all that you are saying but I have to confess that I had hoped this could simply…not exist.”

“I apologise.” He giggled. “This was a harsh reality check.”

“It kinda is, but we have no choice…it’s already a miracle that we are… alive…”

“And you need to stay alive…so we will need to move, fast.”

Khemmika nodded, walking towards The Prince and sitting next to him. She realised that her everyday would be made of a lot of hardship from now on. She didn’t even know if she was ready for any of this…

Pharan walked to the river, trying to get some blood from his hands. He felt Jet coming from behind, and he knew by heart what he would want to talk about.

“Father… is behind this right?”

“It seems that he is part of this…” He confirmed, sitting on the ground, and followed fast by his half-brother.

“He saved your ass right?” He half-laughed but Pharan knew better the emotions this fake laugh could have hidden. “Thanks for having my back…”

“He always underestimated you…though you also never tried to make him change his mind…”

“You’re right, I had better to do, like seduce Chan.”

“Your priorities are…something…”

“As if you weren’t the same as the Prince…”

“This is different…this is from another time…”

“Another time? Because you think that emotions can be brushed away by what happened?”

“Jet…listen, it isn’t “what happened”... it’s death that we all saw, from so close…and the royal family, surely…not a lot of them would survive… I am not saying that emotions change, I am just saying that them blooming can’t happen everywhere, or at any time. Right now, the Prince needs to be emotionally stable. I shouldn’t be a burden…”

“This wouldn’t be a “burden” to him…but I guess that I can get what you mean…you’re just way too serious Phi…”

“Way too into the real world you mean…”

“Why did you not run away? Like father surely told you?”

“Do I look like this much like him?”

“Not really…but in front of danger, sometimes…you can have reflexes you know.”

“We surely are brothers more than half because we both decided to protect.”

“...I have a question Phi…you told me that you were looking for me…but would you have looked for the Prince?”

“I think…yes. I would have…I have to say that everything happened so fast…”

“It’s reassuring. Because…the Prince seems to really be attached to you.”

“What are you trying to do?”

“Don’t break him more Phi. This is all I am saying.”

—-

Sitting at the entrance of the cave, Jet’s words were ringing in his ears. Pharan had to be honest, he was quite lost. He had no idea about how to continue their journey right now. He looked at Khemjira, he stared tenderly at him in a way he might not be able to soon. He would want to be a free spirit like Jet, to not dwell that much on those events but he couldn’t. He had been raised to think wise as much as possible and he needed to protect the Prince as much as possible. He truly needed to protect him for who he could become, for who he was, for who he was attracted to. But this part was the last. He also needed to focus. He unfortunately had the sensation that he would be way too distracted if he let his own emotions get in the way. And yet, Pharan knew that he would surely not be able to resist him. He was feeling anxious about everything around them, about them and he had trouble sleeping. He mostly didn’t sleep at all, until his body simply forced him to close his eyes.

—

A loud gasp woke up Khemjira, making him sit. He breathed loudly, stared around, meeting everyone’s eyes, realising it had been him who screamed. He blushed strongly. He had the sensation of being a child in front of everyone.

“Are you alright?” Khemmika asked, kneeling in front of him.

“I am…” He nodded, standing up and grabbing Pharan’s coat. He walked towards him and gave it back. “Thank you…”

Pharan nodded, only their hands brushing over each other, their hearts jailed on the spot.

“Are we going now?” Jet asked, earning a soft slap from Chan.

“Were you waiting for me?”

“We were, though it isn’t important to go now, or at another hour. It is still quite dark for this morning.” Pharan explained.

“Wait where are we going? Do you have somewhere where we could go?”

“I know someone who might want to help us, Prince.” Chan humbly said, trying to talk as much respect as he could.

“We need to try anyway.” Jet nodded.

“Then, let’s go.” Khemjira answered, his apprehension could be clearly read in his tone.

“Wait.” Pharan said, walking in front of him and using the coat he still had in his hands to cover him up, especially his head. “You need to be extra careful. People might recognise you.”

“I didn’t appear much…”

“You still did.” Pharan answered, making Khemjira nod. “We need to be careful. The road isn’t long but…we need to keep in mind that anyone behind this will know that we aren’t in the castle anymore, they know that the fourth prince is surely still alive and they will want to get their work done. As we decided while you were asleep Prince, we will divide in three groups to get to that place. Chan and Khemmika will be first, playing a couple who just wander. Jet will go alone as a man wandering, hiding his head, I repeat hiding his face.” Pharan repeated, until Jet put his hood on. “And we will go together, you need to hide under that hood at all costs. If something happens, you need to run far away. Do you get it?”

“I do but…”

“Prince, please.”

Khemjira nodded, not comfortable with everything that had been said.

“We all join there right?” Khemmika asked. “When…after how many days should we worry about our destinies?”

“Well…we are about one day from here by foot…” Jet answered. “I guess we need to wait for three days…”

“Sounds about right…in the end, we just need to be careful. Even if it takes more days, we need to not rush anything.” Pharan added.

“Will you be okay alone Jet?” Khemjira asked, biting his lips.

“I will. I know how to fight.” He giggled proudly. “And if we are two acting like your bodyguards, we will be suspicious. My Hia is the best at sword fighting.” He nodded proudly.

“Enough.” Pharan sighed. “We need to go.”

___

“I am sorry…that you have to travel with me.” Khemmika said to Chan after some minutes through the forest.

“Why would you be sorry…we need to be strategic to all survive.” He smiled at her.

“You’re too kind…I know that you will be worried about Jet.”

“I am…I’ll always be, even if he was with me, I’ll be so…in the end, all we need is to believe in each other and to trust our fates.”

“You’re so full of wise words…”

“It works well to hide fear…”

Khemmika nodded to herself. She, in fact, didn’t even know why she was following them. In the end, she wasn’t part of the royal family, she could run away, she could join part of her family in the whole kingdom. She still waited here with them. She still fell for their kindness and she didn’t want to let Khemjira down. He might have been…more than just the Prince. She might consider him as a real friend if he ever allowed her to.

____

Khemjira felt trapped. He felt that he had been pushed to survive and he didn’t even know if he wanted this. In reality, he never had to ask himself if he would ever be in danger. He had soldiers to save him, he had people to listen to every need he could have. Now he felt all alone, more alone than when he felt totally transparent in the castle. It felt like his brain didn’t have enough time to manage everything that happened and he felt overwhelmed from his emotions to his body. Absolutely everything was making him want to stop walking but witnessing Pharan walking ahead, he couldn’t let himself aside.

“Prince…what are you thinking about?” He asked, turning around with such a soft gaze that it made Khemjira want to cry. He gulped down his tears, sighing.

“I might be…afraid of what I never experienced…”

“Fear is always within us. It always has been, don't you think Prince?”

“What do you mean…I always only played…”

“Played, I am not the one who can say anything and I might offend you right now but I always had the sensation that being always so full of energy to talk might have been a way to protect your own heart. And if I am right, then, there’s a part of you who also had been afraid. Fear is always within all of us but right now, we don’t want to die right?”

“We don’t…” He confirmed.”

“Then…if your fear is above it all, can you believe in me?” Pharan asked, kneeling down on the ground. “I know that I am not an official knight but I swear to do my best for your protection.”

“Please no, just stand up.” Khemjira abruptly said, his hands on Pharan’s shoulders following his movement when he did stand up. And when their eyes met, the Prince’s heart broke.

He would have loved for Pharan to reassure him being himself…not acting as a knight, not turning their relationship into something so cold…and full of protocols…