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Published:
2025-09-27
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the knife inside myself (turns)

Summary:

After leaving the hospital, Yoshiki heads out to look for 'Hikaru', and hopes that he finds him before anyone else does.

Notes:

hello hello hello!!!! happy hsgn Saturday and happy 200th fic to me!!! I thought it would take me to the end of the year to get there but here we are :) and what better way to celebrate than with my boys !!!!
I am finally all caught up on the manga and I gotta say.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH
also shout-out to the person at the renfaire with the sick hsgn art who I got to nerd out with for a few minutes!!! what a joy!!!
anyways ENJOY happy 200!!!!!

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

The car rumbled underneath him as Yoshiki stared at the blinking dot on Tanaka's phone.

"This is where he is?"

Tanaka glanced over at the map, taking the next turn that pointed them in the direction of the dot. "Yep. Your 'Hikaru' is there. Did you think I only put the tracker on you?"

The answer was yes, but Yoshiki didn't answer him. All he could think about was 'Hikaru' and the look on his face when he realized what he'd done.

It was strange to think of the monster inhabiting his dead best friend's body as having any emotions, but the horror and dread on 'Hikaru's face was burned into Yoshiki's memory. And maybe it was because he was afraid of what Yoshiki would think, and what this meant, but it didn't matter.

He had felt something. A human emotion.

The dot blinked red on the screen and Yoshiki wondered if the mixing Kurebayashi-san talked about went both ways.

Asako leaned up from the backseat to peer out the windshield. "That's Hikaru, right? By the lamp?"

Following her gaze, Yoshiki saw 'Hikaru'. His white hair practically glowing under the light of the lamp post as he watched their car approach with downcast eyes.

"Stop the car."

"I'm coming with you," Tanaka said.

Yoshiki grimaced. "Five minutes. Please."

"Tsujinaka-kun..."

"Please." Yoshiki didn't wait for an answer, pushing the car door open and stepping out into the muggy summer air. The cicadas screamed through the night air, but he barely heard them. All of his focus was on the boy standing ahead of him.

'Hikaru' watched him as he approached, eyes distant and sad. He looked so different from the Hikaru Yoshiki had known. He wasn't certain he had ever seen such a look on the others face.

He didn't think he'd seen it on 'Hikaru' before either.

"Hikaru...where have you been, why haven't you answered my messages?" Yoshiki asked, breathless as he stood a few feet back from the other boy. His eyes dropped from his face to scan him, to see if he was hurt and-

Orange.

A flash of bamboo grass, and the feeling of ice cold skin beneath his hands sent Yoshiki stumbling back. 'Hikaru' was in a bright orange t-shirt that looked like it belonged to someone else, and he tugged at the hem when he noticed Yoshiki's eyes.

"My clothes were covered in dirt so Kurebayashi-san let me borrow this. She just dropped me off here," 'Hikaru' said, looking through pale lashes at Yoshiki.

Confusion cut through his grief and Yoshiki stared into the darkness behind 'Hikaru'. "Kurebayashi-san is here?"

"She drove away...Yoshiki, I-"

The sound that came out of 'Hikaru' pulled Yoshiki's eyes back to him. A wet, painful sound, a cracking gurgle that raised the hair on his arms.

'Hikaru' was bleeding.

His left eye was filled with blood and it dripped down his face as he struggled in place. He was trying to move, to get to Yoshiki he thought, but 'Hikaru' wasn't moving.

A car door slammed and he heard Tanaka's voice. "Tsujinaka!"

Yoshiki looked down. There were four pins sticking out of the ground in a square around 'Hikaru'.

The air stilled.

"Hold him."

The voice came out of the darkness at Yoshiki's back, and arms suddenly wrapped around him. He hadn't heard anyone approach, but Yoshiki couldn't break free no matter how he struggled.

Footsteps crunched through the gravel of the road. Yoshiki tensed as a woman came into view, her hair a short blonde bob and her smile pleasant.

She didn't look at him, gazing at 'Hikaru', bound and bloody. He was struggling, the same as Yoshiki, but every time he moved, more blood flowed from his nostrils, his left eye, the cut around his neck. The noise he was making tore at Yoshiki's heart.

They were trapped.

Even beside a lamp post, all Yoshiki could see of her was that smile, the rest of her face covered in shadow. He felt his world tip on its axis as she spoke.

"It does not matter to me, nor the Company, who you are. All that matters is what you can provide me. And you, Yoshiki Tsujinaka, give me nothing."

The arms that were holding him suddenly loosened, one rearing back with something in its hand.

And the knife was plunged into Yoshiki's stomach.

A gargled shout from 'Hikaru' broke through Yoshiki's panic as he stared down at his stomach. It was the same spot he'd stabbed 'Hikaru', how...how did they know, how-

Something was wrong.

Yoshiki remembered what it was like, stabbing 'Hikaru', how the blood welled up, the sensation of the blade going in.

There was no blood.

The hand holding the knife slowly retracted, the knife reforming as it came away from Yoshiki's body. A retractable blade.

"What?" Yoshiki gasped, jerking his arms out of the stranger's grip and pressing his hands to his stomach.

The woman kept her pleasant smile. "A little warning. Step away now and no harm will come to you, Tsujinaka. This is not who you want to be." She glanced down at his arm, at the bruise climbing up it.

The warmth of a body behind Yoshiki vanished, and he saw a man be thrown to the ground from the corner of his eye.

"Don't listen to her, Tsujinaka-kun," Tanaka said behind him. "I'm going to get you both out of here. Stay with Hikaru."

Scrambling back, Yoshiki got as close to 'Hikaru' as he could, feeling the barrier holding him in place. It felt the way 'Hikaru' had described the shrine to be...a ward, or something? A blessing. Something to keep impurities out or contained.

Like 'Hikaru'.

But he wasn't an impurity. He was something else.

Yoshiki stared through the space at 'Hikaru', watching the blood leak from his eye, his mouth.

'Hikaru' stared back, and the bruise on Yoshiki's arm pulsed in time with the blood flowing from his injuries.

"Ah, Tanaka," The woman said, her smile turning sharp. "I suppose I should be surprised you are helping them, but I am not. They are, after all, your kind."

Tanaka shrugged his hands into his pockets, staring through the dark lenses of his sunglasses at her. "Guess you're gonna have to beat it then, huh? Not gonna be as easy as you thought."

"No, I do not think I will," The woman replied, turning away from him.

"And I should be surprised by that, but I am not," Tanaka mocked.

Waving her hand at 'Hikaru' and Yoshiki, she said, "Did you think by coming to this town that you could keep this thing from me? If so, your attempts have been feeble and pathetic."

"You'd know all about that, Satou," Tanaka said. "And that thing is a teenage boy."

"No, it is a monster," Satou said. "We destroy monsters."

Yoshiki felt his heart lurch as he realized she wasn't just talking about 'Hikaru'. As mixed as he was, to her, Yoshiki was a monster, too. This Satou woman was planning on destroying them both.

They were going to kill them.

"We, huh?" Tanaka rocked back on his heels, sending Yoshiki an indiscernible look. "No, I don't think so."

He removed his hands from his pockets. In his ruined hand he held a knife that he used to slice the palm on his other.

Blood welled up along the cut and Tanaka pressed a small bell into it.

jingle jingle

Yoshiki's eyes widened at the sound. The same jingle as the creature that had attacked him and 'Hikaru' in the American Diner.

Satou narrowed her eyes at him. "And what is that supposed to do, Tanaka? I am not an impurity."

"The thing is Satou, none of us are entirely sure how this summoning actually works, are we?" Tanaka said, coating the small bell in his blood. "Who is to say I cannot sic this guy on whoever I will it? If I ask just nicely enough and give it enough, I could make it go after you."

There was silence. Not even the ever present cicadas were making a sound as Yoshiki stared between the two adults.

"You wouldn't," Satou said, her smile finally gone.

"I think you know I would," Tanaka replied. "Leave this town and these boys alone, or I will make good."

Satou glanced at her man who was still on the ground near Tanaka, and back at Yoshiki and 'Hikaru'. Her expression did not betray her, but her smile didn't return and her eyes glimmered with barely concealed hatred.

"Pack it up," Satou said. She didn't look at any of them again, but turned and walked away into the darkness. The man slowly stood, his eyes darting between Tanaka and 'Hikaru' as he backed away.

They were gone, but 'Hikaru' was still bound in the warding, his body spasming with pain. The neck of his orange t-shirt dark with blood and Yoshiki dropped to his knees.

He reached for the pins locking 'Hikaru' in place, when Tanaka's hand landed on his shoulder.

"Not you," Tanaka said, and swung his leg backwards and kicked a pin out of place.

'Hikaru' instantly collapsed bonelessly to the ground and Yoshiki lurched for him.

"Hikaru? Yer okay, right, Hikaru? Can ya hear me?" Yoshiki took 'Hikaru's' face in his hands, smearing blood across 'Hikaru's' too pale skin. "Hikaru?"

For a long moment 'Hikaru' was still, and Yoshiki saw bamboo grass again and felt the mountain wind sting his cheeks.

Then 'Hikaru's' eyes opened, his irises undulating with the monster inside.

"Yoshiki..."

"You promised, remember?" Yoshiki said, pressing his forehead down to 'Hikaru's'. "Yer still granting my wish, Hikaru."

'Hikaru' lifted a shaky hand up to Yoshiki's face and pressed a finger to his moles. "I ain't gonna leave ya, Yoshiki. I'll always come back."

Yoshiki felt a smile tug at the corner of his mouth. He would work through the horror of what happened. They would do it together.

He wasn't going to leave 'Hikaru'. No matter what happened.

The mark that splotchily spiraled up his arm looked black under the lamp light, and the blood that coated his fingers gleamed.

'Hikaru' was his and he was 'Hikaru's'.

'Hikaru's' fingers wrapped around his wrist and Yoshiki sighed.

"You better."

Notes:

Thanks for reading!
It's hard to know what to comment, but they can make a fic writers day! So, inspired by other authors, I've made this emoji cheat sheet for you, to hopefully make it easier :)

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🖤🎱: What even was that?
💙🌊: Crying, this made me so sad! How could you!
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