Archive of Our Own ^beta

Usually, Gerard doesn't have any problems being the only omega in My Chemical Romance. It helps that half the band are betas- and that no one but Mikey actually knows he's an omega.

He's been on suppressants since he was a teenager, and it works just fine. Even being stuck on a bus with Ray, his best friend and the best smelling alpha he's ever known.

Ray smells like his guitars, like mahogany and metal and grease, and a little like glossy paper. Like a comic book. It's a warm, steady smell, a little sharp but not quite dangerous. Edgy, with some depth. Like the way he plays guitar. And it's fine, the fact that he's so into the alpha, Gerard is handling it- except sometimes, he can't help but cuddle up to Ray a little more than necessary. Sometimes, he wonders what Ray would think of his own natural scent- his scent without the suppressants in the way. He wonders if they're scent compatible, if other people would think they were mates if they smelled them together.

But that's not going to happen, because Gerard is not going off his suppressants. Not now, when the band is just starting to take off. When they're touring nonstop and recording when they're not. He can't take a heat break, and he won't give anyone any more ammunition to use against him.

So he sits a little too close to Ray and laughs a little too hard at his jokes, and they make music together and fall asleep next to each other in the van, and Gerard takes a pill every day and it's all perfectly fine and in control.

Except, he must have miscounted his last refill. Because they're on the road somewhere in the middle of Kansas, and the bottle is empty. And he has no idea when they'll pass a pharmacy next, or if they'll fill an emergency same day prescription from New Jersey, or if he'll take it in time to get on stage tomorrow. So basically, he's beyond fucked.

"Mikey," he whispers, shaking his brother's shoulder. He would feel bad for waking him, because it's hard enough to sleep on the road, but this qualifies as an Emergency. "Wake up, Mikey."

"Hmm?" Mikey mumbles, rolling over and burying his face in the blanket.

"Mikey. Seriously."

"Sup," Mikey mumbles, peering up at him, eyes squinted. Gerard shakes the empty pill bottle, and it takes a second for it to click in Mikey's half awake brain. He scrambles up, pushing his glasses onto his face. "Seriously, Gee?" he hisses.

"I don't know how I didn't notice yesterday, I thought I had more," he whispers. "I don't know what happened, I'm sorry."

"Okay, just-" Mikey glances towards the front of the bus, then at their still-sleeping band mates and drops his voice even lower. "I'll call ahead to- where the fuck are we?"

They stop at a gas station, and the others file in for the bathroom and snacks while Gerard paces anxiously next to the van, waiting for Mikey to find a pharmacy. He's already feeling it- a sick churning in his stomach, a strange prickling heat on his skin. Soon, it won't matter if they get the pills, because there's no stopping the heat once it starts.

"Alright, there's one coming up soon that can fill it," Mikey says, snapping his phone shut. "You hanging in there?"

Gerard frowns, picking at a loose thread on the worn t-shirt he's wearing. He hadn't noticed when he'd picked it out of the pile of laundry in the van- it's Ray's. "I don't know," he admits. "I'm freaking out, Mikey."

"I'll sit between you and Ray on the way," Mikey says, and Gerard wants to argue, because he wants to sit with Ray, but Mikey is right. It's safer this way.

Maybe Gerard doesn't always want to do the fucking safe thing. He smells like Ray, and it makes him ache somewhere deep down.

It doesn't matter how close the pharmacy is. They're not going to make it. He holds out as long as he can, ignoring the roll in his stomach and the way his scent gland is starting to ache and the prickling desire low in his stomach. But he has to give in- he's a stinking fucking omega in heat. He kicks Mikey's leg, eyes wide and panicked, and Mikey nods.

"We need a motel, now," he says, and Gerard leans his hot face against the icy cold van window. His eyes are heavy, and all he wants to do is fall asleep right here. It feels like the tail end of a fever, his entire body aching and sweaty, but he knows this is just the start. "Gerard is-"

"An omega," Ray finishes. He sits up a little, and Gerard very nearly whines when he catches his scent.

"Going into heat," Frank says from the back seat. Gerard groans and covers his face.

"Didn't want anyone to find out," he says, miserable. Mikey is still between him and Ray, and thank god, because Gerard is- not in his right mind. He doesn't know what he'd do if he was touching Ray right now.

They pull over into a random parking lot, and everyone else scrambles out of the van to make a game plan while Gerard curls in on himself, as small as he can get. He doesn't want to cancel shows. He doesn't want to waste money on a room where he can be alone and miserable. He doesn't want everyone to know. He just wants to play, and hang out with his best friends, and have everything stay the same.

"I should go check on him," Ray says, anxious. There's always been something off about Gerard, his scent not quite beta neutral, but it's none of his business. Until now, that is. Because now, Ray is smelling his best friend for real, and he doesn't know if he can ever forget it. The way he's always felt about Gerard has been something he's considered less important than making music with his best friend, but the scales may be tipping further towards I need him now and bad. He'd been going crazy before he'd even realized what he was smelling was Gerard going into heat, and now- well. It's only natural.

"Don't, Ray," Mikey sighs, dialing another motel to ask about vacancies. "Let him be."

"But what if-"

"Ray," Mikey says seriously, looking up rom his phone. "I know you want to help, but he needs to be alone right now. He'll be fine, I promise."

"I just want-" Ray says, but he's not sure what he wants. To hold Gerard? To mate him? Maybe just to make sure he knows he's not alone. Being around an alpha is supposed to help, right? Or will it just make it worse? He's not sure. He's never had an omega he cares about this much, and he doesn't know what to do.

"Ray. I know you- like him, or whatever. But seriously, this isn't the time. Let him ride this out on his own, and you can court him for real when he's in his right mind again."

Ray opens his mouth to argue, but he knows it's a lost cause. He could just go all alpha on them both, make Mikey let him have his way with Gerard, but what kind of alpha would that make him? What kind of friend?

Well. The kind of alpha who gets what he wants.

Mikey hits call on his cell, and Ray stalks away. He feels anxious and twitchy, remembering the inky scent that had started coming off of Gerard to fill the van earlier. He smells like exactly what Ray thought he would. Ink and musty paper and coffee, dark and a little dingy and not very omega-like. It's fucking perfect. Gerard is perfect.

When they get to the motel Mikey found, they're told in no uncertain terms they can't sleep in the parking lot, so the others decide they're going to park at a truck stop a few miles down the road. Ray quietly books his own room. Just in case Gerard needs him. Mikey looks at him like he knows what he's doing, but he doesn't stop him. Ray just wants to be close to Gerard, he swears. He's not going to do anything- untoward. He just wants to be close.

He gathers a few things from the van, then makes a stop at a nearby convenience store.

Gerard is slipping further and further into heat frenzy, something he hasn't felt since he had his first one years ago. All he knows is that Mikey had put him in a motel room and told him to keep the door locked, so he has. Now, he's curled up on the bed, not horny enough yet to want to do anything about it but sick and shaky enough that he can't move.

Someone knocks at the door, and he sits bolt upright. For a second, his heart starts beating out of his chest, and then he catches Ray's scent and relaxes. "Gee? Hey, keep the door closed, I'm just dropping some things off for you."

Gerard scurries across the little room to lean against the door, and he almost reaches for the lock before Ray is speaking again. "Keep it closed. How are you feeling?"

Gerard drops his hand. "M'okay," he mumbles, pulling his knees up to his chest. He's still wearing Ray's shirt, but he's sweated through it, so now it mostly just smells like him, and suddenly he wants to cry. "I'm all alone, Ray," he says.

It's not just the heat. It's that he's been living in a tiny van, piled together with all the people that he loves, and now it's just him.

"I know. I'm sorry." Ray says. "I can't come in."

"I hate this."

"Listen- I'm in room 103, call me on the room phone if you need, okay? I know you've got Mikey's cell, but-"

"Ray," Gerard says softly, pressing his palm flat against the door. "I'll need you."

"Okay," Ray says, sounding pleased. It makes Gerard want to purr, which is absolutely not ideal. Fucking heat. Fucking hormones. He's never wanted to beg for an alpha's attention in his life until now. "Okay, Gee. Call me later, okay?"

"Yeah."

"I'm gonna go," Ray says. "I'm leaving some stuff out here for you. Count to ten before you open the door, okay?"

"Kay," Gerard says, squeezing his eyes shut. He could just open the door, catch Ray by surprise. Make him come in.

"I'm serious," Ray says, an edge of alpha authority in his voice. "I'm not coming in, Gerard. Wait for me to be gone."

Gerard whines, but he doesn't open the door. He waits to hear Ray's footsteps, then counts to ten. He gets a little thrill from being a good omega, for following directions even if all he wants is Ray. Maybe if he misbehaved Ray would punish him, and isn't that an idea?

Once Ray is gone, he fumbles with the lock and quickly pulls in the bags Ray had left, a plastic grocery bag and a duffel bag he recognizes as Ray's. He locks the door again, like a good little omega.

The groceries are all of Gerard's favorite snacks, plus some pre-cut fruit and brightly colored sports drinks. There's a tin of shitty instant coffee, since this motel doesn't have coffee machines in the rooms, and a pack of smokes. He almost laughs, and then he almost cries. His stupid best friend.

The duffel bag has a few blankets from the van, perfect for his nest- he brings them to his nose and smells the comforting, familiar scent of Mikey, plus Frank's sharper blood and metal scent. He loves them for their familiarity, for how safe they make him feel. But what he's really looking for is tucked at the bottom of the bag. A soft sweater that just smells like Ray, a little warm like he'd just taken it off, and he forgets about the rest of it.

He might be a little fucking in love. Whatever. He's not happy about it, in this particular moment.

He pulls the sweater on over Ray's shirt that he's already wearing and sets to nesting. By the time his heat hits in earnest, he has a half decent nest tucked between the bed and the wall. He's starting to overheat, so he kicks off his pajama pants but keeps the sweater on. It's frustrating, trying to get any relief with just his own fingers. He pushes his face into the collar of the sweater, trying to get Ray's scent, and it's just- not enough. He groans, yanking the cord of the room phone so the receiver falls into his lap. He dials Ray's room number, rutting against his own hand mindlessly.

"'M sorry," he says as soon as the line connects. "Just needed to hear you."

"Gerard," Ray says, voice static-y on the other end of the line, and Gerard gasps, pushing a finger into his slick hole. Just one word from Ray, that's all it takes. Jesus, he's so gone. "Hey, Love," and if his name hadn't done it, that would have.

"Ray," he whines, squirming against the blankets under him, biting at the sleeve of Ray's sweater. Ray's sweater. Ray's voice on the phone. His alpha. "Need you. So bad."

"Glad you called," Ray says, voice gentle, a little breathy. Gerard whines, squirming against his own fingers. "Tell me. Tell me what you're doing."

"Wearing your sweater," Gerard says, as if that's the most important thing in the world. Maybe it is. "Fingering myself."

"Fuck," Ray gasps on the other end. "So good, baby. You're so good."

"Thank you for bringing everything, alpha," he says, and Ray groans.

"Anything, omega, promise," he says.

"Will you come over?" Gerard challenges.

"Anything but that, Gee."

Gerard whines, high and needy, squirming against the nest. "But I need you," he complains.

"Oh, you're a needy omega," Ray growls. "How about I tell you what I would do with you?"

Gerard mulls that over for a second, still chewing on the sweater sleeve. He can almost imagine he's tasting Ray. "You can try," he sighs. Ray laughs, quiet and close in his ear, and Gerard moans.

Damn it.

"Ah, not so high and mighty," Ray says, a little condescending. Unfortunately, it goes straight to Gerard's dick. Gerard whines, shoving his fingers deeper into himself. "Okay, baby, I'll take care of you, don't worry."

His hole is leaking, his dick hard against his stomach. It's the neediest he's ever felt in his life, and he needs to get off immediately. "Alpha, please," he whines, and he knows he's being a brat, but he can't help it.

"I can't decide," Ray hums, and Gerard can hear the wet slap of his hand on his dick. "If I want to see your face when I fuck you, or if I want you to present like a good little omega."

Gerard gasps, thrusting his fingers into himself. "Wanna be good, I promise," he says.

"Oh, but you're being so naughty," Ray sighs, disappointed.

"But I'm good, I can be good," Gerard begs, wrapping his hand around his hard dick.

"Don't touch your dick," Ray commands, and Gerard hates that Ray clocked him so quickly. "Want you to come with just your fingers in your hole."

He wants Ray to be here, with him, so fucking badly. "Want to see your face when you talk so dirty," he mumbles, burying his nose in the collar of Ray's sweater. "Gonna come all over this sweater, then it's not gonna smell like you anymore."

"I'll bring you another one," Ray promises. "God- tell me what you need right now."

Gerard whines, bucking his hips down against his fingers, and it's not enough. He wishes Ray had stopped by the omega health section of the store, picked up something he could fuck himself properly with. "Need something bigger," he says. "Have- small hands. Not like you. My fingers aren't enough."

"How many? Right now?" Ray asks gently.

"Three," Gerard says, shoving his fingers in as deep as they'll go. "Ray-"

"Well, you're going to have to make it work, love," he says. "I know you need a knot, but you can get yourself there. I know you can."

"I can't," Gerard whines, desperate. Frustrated. Heat-sick and love-sick and horny. "I need you." And it comes out a hitching almost sob, not sexy in the least.

"Hey, hey," Ray soothes. "Stop for a second?"

Gerard hates this, that Ray is stopping everything to talk him down. He's in heat and all he should be doing is getting the fuck off, but here he is crying on the phone like a teenage girl who just got dumped on prom night. "Alpha," he whines, sniffling.

"You're okay," he says. "I'm here. Take a breath."

Gerard does, shaky and uneven.

"I'm here, and I do care, Gee. Promise."

"I miss you," he mumbles into the phone. "And I hate that I didn't count my fucking pills and we have to cancel the shows and you won't even come touch me 'cause my asshole brother sold you some fucking delicate omega story, and- and maybe you should just go back to the store and buy me a fake knot so that at least I can pretend my alpha wants me." He's crying for real now, fat tears sliding down his cheeks, and it's fucking embarrassing. He's almost glad he's alone so no one can see him snotting up Ray's sweater.

"Gerard, baby," Ray sighs. "It's not your fault."

"I just should have counted them," he says miserably. Then none of this would be happening, and he'd still be Ray's best friend falling asleep next to him in the van. It doesn't matter how much he wants something more than that, because everything was just fine the way it was.

Gerard does not handle change very well. He's very set in his ways, for a touring rock band front man.

"Okay, here's what's going to happen," Ray says decisively. "I'm gonna hang up-" a strangled little sob breaks out of Gerard's throat at that, and Ray shushes him gently. "I'm gonna hang up the phone and come over there, okay? I want you to clean yourself up and have something to drink, you'll feel better. Have a smoke, but open the window, okay?"

He's coming over. He's not hanging up because Gerard scared him off.

"Okay," Gerard says softly. "See you soon?"

"Real soon, I promise."

Gerard gets up and wipes off his face, cleans the slick from his legs and puts on a pair of soft pajama pants. He keeps Ray's sweater, though, as he drinks half a gatorade and cracks the window to blow smoke out of the room. He really does feel better, and having a set of commands from his alpha to follow makes the waiting for him not feel so awful. His arousal has become somewhat secondary, but he's totally impatient to have his alpha's hands on him.

It's about half an hour before Ray knocks at the door, and Gerard stubs out his cigarette and closes the window. It's really way too cold to have it open, but even that had felt good on his overheated face.

He stumbles in his haste to get to the door, but then he pauses, hand on the lock. "Am I allowed-" he starts, unsure. He feels totally out of his depth, unsteady on his feet, his head vague and unfocused. The cigarette had helped steady him a bit, but now that he can smell Ray through the door he's itching to get his hands on him. But he's not sure if Ray wants to be let in.

"Please open it, Gee," Ray says, and Gerard can't get the door open fast enough.

"I drank half a gatorade and had a smoke, but I did it by the window like you said," he reports, grinning up at Ray. There's a greasy take-out bag in one of Ray's hands, and it's nice to be looked after. It's really, really nice to see Ray's face. Even if Ray refuses to fuck him now, Gerard thinks it will be worth it. Ray smiles, pulling Gerard into his arms.

"Good omega," he sighs, nosing at Gerard's scent gland. "See, you're not a brat, you just need someone who knows how to look after you. Feel better?"

"Now you're here," Gerard sighs, practically melting into his alpha's embrace. "Sorry I got so-"

"Don't apologize," Ray says, pulling back so he can look at Gerard's face. "I just want you to be okay."

Ray has never thought of Gerard as fragile before, and it's not that he's an omega or his eyes are still bloodshot from crying, although maybe it's a little that. Mostly, it's that he's swimming in Ray's sweater, looking tiny and unsure and a bit sad, and the reason he'd been crying was because his pretty hands aren't big enough to get himself off. Because he needs Ray. God, Ray could just pin him down and have his way with him, really, and Gerard would let him. But it's Gerard's first heat since he was a teenager, and he's scared and sad and Ray just wants to make him feel better. And if that involves fingering him until he comes, well. That works for Ray.

Ray brings those small hands up to his mouth and kisses them gently, and Gerard's face flushes. He's unbelievably pretty, always is, but like this- needy and open and ripe for the taking- totally undoes Ray.

"Can I see your nest?" he asks, and Gerard nods and tugs him across the room by his hand. Ray hums in approval at what Gerard's done with the stuff he brought for him and pulls Gerard in so he's leaned back against Ray's chest. "Good boy," he whispers.

"Thank you for bringing it all," Gerard says, lacing his fingers through Ray's on his stomach. "And for coming. 'M sorry I was a brat on the phone."

"Nah, still my good omega," Ray says, kissing the back of his neck where the sweater has slipped down to reveal a few precious inches of skin. "Let's have something to eat."

Ray holds Gerard tight and close in their nest as they eat greasy burgers and fries, and Gerard relaxes more and more in his arms. Which, really, is all he wants. He just doesn't want his favorite person to be left alone when he's crying.

"Everything is good now," Gerard sighs, when he's crumpled up his burger wrapper and tossed it into the paper bag. His skin is still flushed, and Ray can see the outline of his hard dick through his pajama pants. He's squirming a little in Ray's lap, pushing into Ray's touch desperately. Now that he's relaxed and he's had something to eat, he seems to have remembered he's in heat.

"You forgot to eat, huh," Ray teases, running a hand over the bit of Gerard's hip revealed where his pants have slipped down.

"So mean to me, Toro," Gerard pouts, twisting around to look at him. "Wanna kiss and make up?"

Ray would very badly like to kiss Gerard, as a matter of fact. But- Mikey's words come back to him, he's not in his right mind.

"I just came to check on you, Gee," he sighs, leaning his head down onto Gerard's shoulder. "I'm not sure if it's a good idea-"

Gerard whines, turning his head to the side to press close to Ray. "But I want it," he says, voice thick. "Wanted you forever."

"So you'll still want me when your heat is over," Ray says, slipping a hand up the sweater to rub comforting circles in his side. He is displaying an enormous amount of restraint right now, seeing as all he wants to do is pull Gerard's stupid batman pajamas off.

"Want you now," he says, kneeling up a little to wrap his arms around Ray's neck. He presses their foreheads together, batting his eyelashes at Ray. "Too good to me, Ray. Need you to be bad. Need you to stop being gentleman alpha."

And Ray is a weak, weak man, but he's loved Gerard for so long, and here he is needy and desperate and all Ray's.

"If that's how you want it, then," he says.

He barely has to turn his head at all to kiss him. Gerard lets out a little sigh against his lips, relaxing fully into his arms. He's panting a little, trying to push closer, and Ray wraps him up in his arms and pulls him into his lap. Gerard's dick is hard against his hip, and he's squirming against Ray, trying to get some stimulation. Ray runs his hands up his sweater on Gerard's body, getting his hands on on all that beautiful pale skin. "So pretty, baby," he gasps. Gerard whimpers into his mouth, pushing into his hands. All of the noises Gerard makes are so pretty, setting Ray on fire even over the phone. He's so fucking vocal, not that Ray is surprised. "Love hearing you."

"Ray, alpha," Gerard whines. "Need you. Fucking bad."

"I have you," Ray promises, pushing Gerard's hips up so he can work his pants off. He's not wearing underwear, because he'd obviously dressed in a rush after the failed phone sex incident earlier. Gerard kicks his pants away, spreading his legs over Ray's lap. Ray pushes the sweater up, and Gerard pouts a little bit. Ray laughs, running has hands up Gerard's naked skin.

"I'll give you the shirt I'm wearing when we're done," he promises, and Gerard purrs happily into his mouth. He grips Gerard's thighs hard, tipping him backwards so he can spread him out. "What do you want, baby?"

"Want you naked," Gerard says, pawing at his sweatpants mindlessly. "Want you to fuck me."

Ray complies with the first part, stripping out of his clothes. He would try to make it a show, but he's not feeling very patient right now. From the looks of Gerard, he's not very patient either.

"I can't knot you today, baby," he says, running his hands up Gerard's chest. Gerard pouts up at him, grabbing at his arms.

"But I want it," he whines.

"Gerard," he groans, leaning down to kiss him. "We can't have a baby right now."

"We don't have to," Gerard says. "There's a pill for that. I'll take the pill. Promise. I just want you."

Ray Toro is weak. But no alpha in the world could resist such a pretty omega begging for a knot, and he'd give Gerard anything he wants. Hell, if Gerard said he really did want to raise a baby on the road, he'd have given Gerard a baby. "If your brother asks why I'm buying plan b tomorrow I'm going to say you coerced me," Ray grumbles, leaning down to kiss Gerard again.

"Oh my god, he really did give you the shovel talk," Gerard groans, covering his face with his hands.

"No, he gave me the heat consent talk," Ray says. He's not sure what it says about him that he really doesn't give a fuck right now how clearheaded Gerard may or may not be. He's been thoroughly convinced.

"Don't listen to Mikey, listen to me," Gerard says, pulling him in. "Want this so bad."

"I am not even remotely thinking about Mikey," Ray promises, sliding one hand down Gerard's thigh to push his legs apart. Gerard parts them willingly, and this close with his hole that wet he smells just like that basement where they used to write music together, before their band was anything but a way to keep Gerard going from one day to the next. Those long weeks of fall and winter when he and Mikey had done nothing but try and pull Gerard back from the brink. It should be off putting, the musty sort of damp smell of a New Jersey basement, unwashed clothes and cigarette smoke and printer paper scribbled with song lyrics, but Ray is crazy about it. He was crazy about Gerard back then, and he's crazy about Gerard now.

He pushes a finger into that wet hole, and Gerard is all warm and slick around him. He moans, gripping Ray tighter, and Ray grins. "More like it?" he asks, bringing one of his hands up to press against Gerard's. To really show him the difference. It's not like their size difference is that extreme, but there's something oddly delicate about the proportions of Gerard's body. Ray's fingers are, in fact, bigger.

They're also, by virtue of his career as a guitarist, very, very nimble.

"Yeah, yes," Gerard moans, writhing on Ray's fingers.

"Gonna make you come on my fingers first," he says, leaning down to kiss Gerard hard. "Then I'll knot you, okay baby?"

Gerard whines, high and pretty, and Ray pushes another finger into him. "So desperate for me."

"Always," Gerard pants.

It doesn't take long, after that. Gerard has clearly been on edge all day, and he comes whining on Ray's fingers, then melts into the blankets below him, staring up at Ray with his eyes blown dark and his mouth slack. Ray pushes his own slick fingers past Gerard's lips, and he laps at them eagerly. "Such a good job, cleaning up after yourself," Ray says, leaning down to kiss him gently. Gerard laughs, breathless, and reaches out to palm at Ray's painfully hard dick.

"You promised, alpha," he says.

"Yeah? Ready to go for another round already?" Ray asks, pushing a finger back into Gerard's hole. Gerard whines, overstimulated. "Hmm, I don't know," Ray teases, sliding his other hand up Gerard's side. "Sure you're ready?"

"Yes, alpha, been waiting for you all day," Gerard says.

"Well, I guess you've been patient," Ray sighs. "Turn over for me?"

"No, wanna see your face," Gerard says, reaching up to grab Ray's shoulders.

"It's gonna be really uncomfortable to be knotted like that," Ray says, sliding his own hands over Gerard's waist to pull him closer.

"Don't care," Gerard decides, leaning in to kiss him. They lose themselves in it for a moment, all tongues and teeth. Ray pulls one of Gerard's legs over his hip, lining them up. He pulls back from the kiss, letting Gerard lean back against the pillows behind him so that Ray can see him when he pushes in, slowly at first. Gerard reaches out with one trembling hand and lays it flat on Ray's face, and Ray has to lean down to press their foreheads together as he bottoms out.

"Good?" he asks, nosing at Gerard's scent gland. He's given in to a lot today, he knows that, but he's not going to complete the mating bond. He really does want to court Gerard properly, after everything.

"Perfect, please-" Gerard gasps, breath hot and wet against Ray's face, and Ray nods and starts thrusting into him. He has every intention of being gentle, their first time. Of making it last. But the way that Gerard is moaning below him, the way he's been just begging for this all day, Ray can't help himself. And if he thought Gerard sounded pretty before, well- the way he moans when Ray is really fucking him is even better.

"So fucking desperate for my knot, little omega," he gasps, biting Gerard's shoulder hard.

Gerard reaches for him, and Ray takes his hand, tangling their fingers together, and slides up to kiss him again. Gerard's dick is caught between them, already hard and dripping again, rubbing his scent all over Ray. He fumbles between them to wrap his hand around it, and Gerard gasps against his mouth. When his knot starts swelling, he slows his thrusts, teasing it in and out of Gerard. Gerard whines, gripping his hand hard.

"Please, Ray," he says, pushing his hips forward to try and get Ray deeper. Ray laughs, stroking Gerard's dick slow and gentle. Gerard blinks up at him with big, wet eyes, face flushed bright red, and if Ray was half way in love with his best friend before, well.

He pushes his knot into Gerard, making him cry out and arch against the blankets Ray had carefully picked out for him, and coming into Ray's hand, against their stomachs, hole clenching around Ray's knot. Ray gasps, half collapsing on top of him, squeezing his eyes closed. He makes sure to keep as much weight as possible off of Gerard as he gently repositions them onto their sides.

"Better now?" he asks softly, running a hand through Gerard's greasy hair. Gerard nods, tucking his face into Ray's neck and wiggling his hips a little as he tries to get comfortable.

"Love you," Gerard mumbles into his skin. Ray just holds him tighter, curling a hand around the back of his head and kissing his greasy hair as Gerard drifts off to sleep, finally sated.

Gerard goes through the next few days in a haze of pleasure. He doesn't have to think about anything, worry about anything. Ray fucks him and feeds him and carries him to the little shower between knots, and he barely leaves his side at all. He makes quick trips to his own room for clothes, buys them food from the corner store, and on the second day he slips off to the drug store for a pack of little white pills and a box of condoms. Gerard dutifully takes them, because he'd promised he would. No babies on tour. Other than that, it's just Ray and Gerard and endless hours of sex and cuddling in their nest. He loses track of time, not sure if it's been hours or days, but that's okay. Ray is taking care of everything. He doesn't have to think at all.

At some point, Mikey comes to check on him. Gerard only realizes it when he wakes up from a post-knot nap and hears a whispered argument at the door.

"The fuck were you thinking, Toro?"

"He called me crying, Mikey, what the fuck do you expect me to do?"

Gerard's heart falls into his stomach, and he buries his face in a pillow that smells like Ray. Of course he only came because Gerard was upset. Of course he's just trying to be a good friend, and Gerard had talked him into everything. Stupid fucking omega hormones overriding his sense.

"Not fuck my brother when he's in heat!"

"Okay, you're not actually the boss of him, you get that, right?"

"Someone has to look after him! Obviously I was right not to trust the two of you-"

Gerard whines, turning his face towards the door, and Ray whips his head around to meet his eyes.

"Oh, hey," he sighs, coming over to kneel next to Gerard. Gerard reaches for him, and Ray takes his hand, kissing the back of it. "No one is mad at you, baby."

"This is fucking ridiculous," Mikey says.

"You know, I don't really give a shit what you think, Mikey," Ray says. Gerard isn't sure what to do as he pushes his face into Ray's stomach. Ray runs a hand through his hair gently, and Gerard relaxes a little. He doesn't want to think about what's going to happen after, when he comes to his senses and Ray lets him down easy. Gerard won't be mad at him, he thinks. It's enough, to have this one week with him.

"Tell my brother to leave us alone," he mumbles, gripping Ray's shirt in his fist. "Leave us alone, I'm fine," he says, raising his voice so Mikey can hear him.

"You heard the man," Ray says.

"Whatever, do what you want. But don't say I didn't fucking warn you."

"Bye, Mikey," Gerard says, sitting up a little so he's on Ray's level, in kissing distance. Ray grabs his hips, rubbing his thumbs into Gerard's skin. He's wearing one of Ray's t-shirts and a pair of boxers, dressed by Ray after he had made him shower earlier, so Mikey can't complain about getting an eyeful.

"Yeah, bye, Mikey," Ray says, grinning. Mikey scoffs, but Gerard hears him walk out. As soon as the door is closed, Gerard surges forward to kiss Ray.

He'll be perfectly happy if Ray never touches him again.

He comes down to earth on Tuesday morning, not quite a week after he'd missed his dose. He'd known it was winding down, the night before, so he'd pushed extra, taken as much as he could. He wants to remember it, the last night he was perfectly happy and in love. Ray is about to break his heart, he knows. But Gerard wakes up first, so he slips off to the shower and then picks the shirt that smells the most like Ray out of the pile. He sits on the edge of the bed, faced away from Ray, and he can hear the moment Ray wakes up and notices he's gone.

"You okay?" he asks from the floor, voice rough with sleep. Gerard actually can't believe they'd gotten nearly a week in a motel, a rarity when they're touring, and hadn't slept in the bed at all. The floor had just seemed better for his nest.

"Fine," Gerard mumbles, pulling the shirt on. He can't resist tucking his face into the collar to catch Ray's scent.

"Okay," Ray says. "It's over?"

"Yeah," Gerard sighs, pulling his knees up to his chest. "It's over. Don't worry, I'll go refill my prescription, we can forget it ever happened."

"What- forget? Gee, what do you mean?"

"Look," Gerard sighs, finally turning towards Ray. He's half naked in their nest, hair ruffled and beautiful, and Gerard's heart breaks in half. "I know you were just- I mean, I pushed you into it. I know you don't- want me. It's fine, Ray. We can forget it, okay?"

Ray frowns, reaching a hand out, and Gerard only hesitates a bit before taking it. Friends can hold hands. Friends can help each other through heats. Friends don't let friends get pregnant. "What makes you think that?" he asks, and he actually sounds hurt. Gerard rolls his eyes, but he doesn't let go of Ray.

"I had to beg you to touch me, Ray," he whispers, squeezing his eyes shut. He won't cry. He refuses to cry. "You didn't want to knot me, refused to fucking mate me. I'm sorry I wouldn't leave it alone."

"Gee," Ray says, tugging on his hand. "Look at me."

Gerard ducks his head, eyes still closed. He's not sure if he can, but Ray doesn't speak any more. Just lets him take the moment. Finally, he looks at Ray, kneeling in their nest, and his face is so sad and so afraid, it rocks Gerard down to his foundations. He sways forward a little, cheeks wet, and Ray lifts a hand to wipe them gently. "I just didn't want to do something you would regret, baby," he says softly. Gerard sniffs, turning his face into Ray's palm.

"Thank you for looking after me, but- I don't want you to say stuff you don't mean. We really can forget it, Ray. We can go back to normal."

"I don't want to forget it," Ray insists, sitting up more on his knees so they're almost eye to eye. Ray is so fucking pretty, Gerard can't stand it. "Gee, I've been in love with you a long fucking time. I love you. If you want to go back to the way things were I totally would, because it was awesome- being your friend and making music together and everything. But I don't want to. And I don't think you want to."

Gerard frowns, staring down at where their hands are joined. His whole fucking body is sore, he's even sweatier than usual, and he's fairly sure he's got more than one bite mark on his body, none of them where he had really wanted it. He can't remember a lot about the week they've had, but he knows he's been well looked after in every way. "It was awesome," he repeats softly, grinning down at Ray. "You love me?"

"Yeah, Gee. It's fucking embarrassing how into you I am, actually- everyone knows, your brother, Frank, everyone. You're the only one who never noticed."

Gerard laughs, tipping forward finally to kiss Ray. "I love you," he whispers into Ray's mouth, and Ray grabs the back of his neck and pulls him down and into his lap.

They get dressed and cleaned up, and the whole time they can't keep their hands off of each other, so it's late afternoon by the time Mikey comes to get them. He looks between them, an unimpressed eyebrow raised. Gerard fidgets, nervous- he doesn't need his kid brother's blessing, but he sort of wants it anyway. "Yeah, okay," Mikey sighs finally. "I'm on board, or whatever. Come on, we gotta hit the road."

Gerard grins, lacing his hand in Ray's as they climb into the van.

Later, when they stop by the pharmacy, Gerard doesn't pick up his usual suppressants. It's scary, going off of them after so long, knowing people will find out, but he wants to know what it's like. To be an omega who's totally fucking in love, with a future mate and maybe even a family someday. So he picks up regular, non scent altering birth control, and when he shows it to Ray he grins and nuzzles the top of Gerard's head, breathing in his scent fully.