Chapter Text
You are Ashley!
…
It, somehow, surprised Ashley to see Andrew waiting for her at the front of their high school. Looking back, she really doesn’t know why she ever expected him to act any other way other than obsessed and paternal. Not that she ever really cares all that much about it, the public perception was partially the problem with it. Otherwise, she can't say that she wouldn't enable him, she kinda likes to. Who doesn't want to be pampered constantly by an emotionally insecure sibling. He gets angry, sure, but never towards you. Only to the people around you, the “persistent twats.”
He greets you with the only real smile that ever suits him, while he plays facades, he's rather bad at it and comes off transparent with it. Knowing that his own thorny exterior doesn't allow for a kind mask to fit on top. Not quite an outcast, but is definitely a ladies man. He's attractive, but his pungent aura drives so many people to question his intentions, he's left alone after school aside from chatting with any guy friend that looks like they have plain-toast hobbies and unseasoned interests. And sparingly, dumbass women who simply don't understand him like she does.
As she approaches, she wonders, maybe he does want friends, but doesn't find the tradeoff of putting on a mask for it worth it at all. She can understand, kind of. Andrew has always been the one to coddle and raise her, while he definitely had his own share of behavioral aggression, it didn't show up enough to press worry into Mother. Not in comparison to how much Ashley was harped on as a “last chance at normalcy” child, but she was raised by the Graves, it was always doomed for her to end up this way, even if she gave a damn.
Ashley almost wishes she cared about being neglected, but seeing how much of a toll being the oldest has on Andrew, she lets him deal with the screaming matches between Mother and himself. Meanwhile, Ashley is half somewhere else, dissociating on her own bed. Mother's thrown around the idea that she needs to be put on medication multiple times, but after a pretty bad reaction to an anti-depressant, Mother won't bother with the doctors or the pharmacies again. Alas, Ashley Graves remains hollow and numb, able to perform tasks because she has to, and that's about it. It gives her something to do, but it's not giving her any reward or any dopamine for doing so.
Maybe one day, she'll be a drug addict, she thinks. The moment I get some magical cure in a capsule, I'll never want to let it go. Since no person can fill me with emotions.
Andrew embraces her in front of everyone, babbling like a real mom that's excited to see her baby. Perhaps that's just how it is, but she likes feeling really special under his own hands. His strong hands, height that towers tall above herself, his potentially hostile and angry side never scares her, knowing he would simply never turn on her. He feels this way because all he wants to do is protect her, she thinks.
She can never truly know, but when all you've got is hours and days of time to sulk and brood, assumptions are easy to make to fill in the gaps.
She smiles, despite being embarrassed, in all honesty, that he's gripping her tightly like she's something more. It makes her feel the rare moment of giddiness and spark in herself. She comfortably leans in and presses her nose into the middle of his sweatshirt. It smells so wonderfully of her only home, of him.
“Welcome to high school, Leyley, it's only going to get worse from here.”
She snickers, but keeps her head comfortably in his chest with her eyes closed. “You know that isn't a reassuring thing to say, right?”
Ashley moves back, it feels like heartbreak, but when she glances to her left, she already sees some mindless hussie staring at her. Mind your damn business, whore.
“Also stop calling me that, I'm a woman, we're in high school, as you said. Not elementary.” Despite her complaining, her fingers are still gripping the sleeves of his sweatshirt. Guess some things never change.
He looks down with a sad pitiful face, a kicked puppy. What a cute little failure of a man.
“But you're my baby, just let me take care of you. That's all I want to do.”
She rolls her eyes. “Oh, please, say more questionably romantic things about me right in the school courtyard.”
Andrew pulls away and his embarrassment and fumbling is even better than the sensation of hugging him. Only marginally.
“Shut up, dipshit, God forbid I'm happy you're here. I guess I'm always the problem, aren't I?”
“No. It's mine, actually. Can you show me to my classes now, since you're so smart?”
“Ask a school guide.” He says with a smirk.
She looks at him with a deadpan face. He can't possibly be serious.
Lets fuck with him. “Oh, I'll make sure to find an attractive male senior too, maybe he'll do a great job showing me around.”
His eyes sharpen, he grabs her schedule right out of her hands immediately, with angry gusto. “I think the fuck not.”
Ashley knew she was in basic classes, so his deep examination of her paper was almost confusing. All he needed was the room numbers, most of her classes the first class in a set, she wouldn't be sharing any courses with Andrew unless they orchestrated it by signing up for an elective together. She's suddenly upset that she hadn't thought of it earlier, but it's probably too late at this point. He returns the paper, slightly crinkled by his grab earlier. Oh well.
“Most of these classes are in their departments, I'll show you around then… It's not like all the freshmen classes are clustered all together, all the biology classes are together… and so on.”
She nods, the courtyard in the front of the school is still pretty populated, but people are also looking around for classes. It's thirty minutes until class starts and people are walking around with small checkered disposable trays with breakfast food in it. Fuck, shes hungry. Where is that coming from?
He must've seen her staring, because Andrew leans his body on her from behind, it immediately soothes her, perception be damned. “That's breakfast from the cafeteria, they serve it before classes.”
Ahhh okay… “Probably is stupidly expensive for that little bit, though.”
“We're on the low-income list, we get it for free, actually.”
The astonishment of free food has her turning around with the most energy she's had that entire morning. “Really??? Everyday???”
He smiles at her. “Every day for 4 years.”
“Well, fuck the tour, I'm starving!!! Mom barely cooks or even buys excess food.” She pulls his hand like a child, but her stomach comes to the clutch by rumbling loudly to prove her point.
“Okay, Leyley, we can get something for you, they swap out the choices everyday though.”
Andrew's starting to walk, and Ashley follows his lead by his side. Schedule being folded into a square and shoved in her pocket. “Stop calling me that, I wanna at least try to look cool.”
“Aww, someone's embarrassed.”
“Hush it, if you aren't going to eat anything then can I have your portion too?”
He chuckles like she's the most endearing thing on earth. “Sure, sure, only if you let me call you Leyley.”
“You're so annoying.”
“Boohoo, my little Leyley is so sad…”
She starts playfully swatting at him. “I said Hush!!! How did you even convince mom to get us on the low income list, anyway?” Just can't imagine her doing anything kind.
“Oh, that? I just forged the signature and got the proof of income. They don’t check if hag herself actually gave it. That's how I got it 2 years ago.”
Fascinating, but not surprising. “How many documents have you forged?”
He caresses her by the small of her back as she walks. “Many more than you'd ever know.”
The chatter fades into the background as they approach the cafeteria.
*
As the first 4 months of her first year of high school went on, Ashley realized that she didn't have any interest in truly connecting with the people here. Hollow and shallow conversations that make her feel nothing with every word. Every lesson drones on as a boring symphony and among other things, the people would talk about TV shows she's never watched or cared enough to digest fully, never was into the things that everyone else was. It seemed that liking things was a privilege that those with money could indulge in, but as for herself? With not even any kind of music player in her house, and overdue rented vhs tapes sitting in her house, when people were already talking about their DVD players. It made her not even want to try, knowing she'd have nothing interesting to talk about.
Andrew has been more busy studying (actually, which is truly bizarre, he's never cared about testing from her eyes, but what does she know.), The last year of his schooling is next year and it's leaving this incredible sense of dread within her. There isn't anything interesting happening within her life, not a bit, not really. Guys approach her, and that's made her realize that apparently, despite what her mom says about her being an “ugly wretch”, guys can't stop staring at her chest development. Her clothes feel too-small and suddenly she's getting groped in the hallway on her way out from classes. People call her a “stone cold ice bitch”, and also sexy? It bothers her, but only a little bit. Hey, she's used to attention from Andrew, but now that any braindead guy with a pulse is ogling at her, she figures to use this to her advantage.
What she's found on her superficial dates with these men, is that they're so fucking boring.
And tremendously fucking stupid.
Her first hit of whatever-pill was great, and pitiful letters of please-call-me-back's as well as free chocolates and money made her almost enjoy being prudish, her brother is hot, sure, but these guys were giving her all this stuff. Not even Andrew did that… mainly because he couldn't afford it, with Mother's frugal and stingy lifestyle.
Then the day comes, sometime in early December, a girl approaches her, some girl she knew in elementary and aged up grade school with. Never got super close, but once had a mutual friend, and yes, everyone had passed around the rumor of the slices on her wrists, and when she speaks to her in person, she tries to peep at her arms discreetly when that girl isn't paying attention really. She thinks she's kinda gay or at least somewhat into her, never admitted it, but she looked flustered and jittery like girls were to boys, except it was towards “the ice bitch”, and she found it the funniest thing ever once she was alone. It wasn't obvious enough to be fact, so there's some doubt, but Ashley believes it as so.
Now, Playing with a lighter a boy had left her, hiding on the side of the school, watching the flame disappear and reappear as she fidgeted with it. She's waiting for Andrew as he gets out of his classes.
He looks furious when he approaches her. He's holding a bundle of crinkled up papers. Before she knows it, he's using his height to tower over her, he's so close his breath is fogging onto her face.
“What are these?” He holds one out, a boring note from a guy she'd kept in her locker. Oh boy…
“How did you even get my locker combo? I never told you that.”
Wrong thing to say, he looks angrier. “Who gave you these?”. Worded like a demand.
She can't help but shrink back, maybe he's just being possessive as usual, but he's being awfully hostile, he looks like he's a hair away from screaming at her outright. She isn't sure how to feel about it, really.
Really… lately he's been acting more pushy and aggressive than normal, it's abnormal when at first it was just reserved for when Ashley was being berated by her mom, or got an injury from someone else, or was just generally caught doing something he wasn't finding acceptable (strangely, the line was very blurry and hard to determine.).
Andrew's shadow drapes over her and it makes her feel warmer, even with his breath in her face. She would usually push away immediately, but this weirdly heightened aggression had made her pause like a deer in headlights. It takes her a few seconds before she replies.
“Just some guys, I dunno, what's the big deal?”
He gets closer, she feels some wave of shivers run down her body that she swears isn't just the chill of the December air. She hugs herself with her hands as she alerts her eyes.
“Who?”
She pushes him back, even if no one can see them in this quieter area, someone might, and that makes her feel motivated enough to do something. “Back the hell off, I don't know, guys send me love notes I guess. At least I know I'm pretty. “
He turns the paper over and starts dramatically reading the damn thing outloud, oh boy…
“Ashley, with your raven hair and your pale skin, you have such a bodacious figure and your icy heart has a grip on my flame. All I want to do is hold you and make you warm, I feel so much passion for you, I want to melt away your hard-ice exterior. We are drawn together, despite being opposites, I love you and I want us to be together forever, signed Brandon.”
She's embarrassed, can he shut the fuck up? She would run, but she's already cornered and the possibility eyewitnesses will see the commotion makes her pause. Brandon was just one of those dumb jock guys that gave her money every time she fluttered her eyelashes about ‘being a couple dollars short for the bus’, or ‘I don't have lunch because my mother can't afford that stuff…’. Wasn't all lies, but she definitely was just using that money to buy cola and the occasional smoke off seniors she also elicited.
“What about it? I don't know this guy, he's just a random that wrote a sappy poem, big deal—”
“Then why were you talking to him at lunch today? I saw you.”
… It hits like a steel train. There's no way he's actually jealous of her. She'd find it all humorous if her heart wasn't currently racing to scrape excuses out her ass. She almost would feel flattered if this wasn't fucking Andy she was talking to.
“Look! I'm allowed to have friends, you have guy and girl friends, and so can I.” She presses herself against the brick wall behind her. Ashley's looking at him as he closes in again with the note already beyond crumbled in his left hand. “Why are you acting like you're anything other than my brother? Seriously, you're acting like some crazy ex-boyfriend from the trashy TV channel.”
His face goes neutral instead of angry, she doesn't know which is worse. But he approaches her slowly, their bodies press against each other and the only good to come out of this is that she isn't freezing anymore. His hand lifts up to her face and she gets the reflex to close her eyes and embrace for a slap, a hit, just as her mom slaps her sometimes, he now would too and she'll hate it but she'll always deal with it because she loves—
A large warm palm caresses the side of her face gently, his right hand as his left hand unfurls from the paper, it makes a sound but she can barely hear it from her heartbeat in her ears. She slowly opens her eyes to see his pink toxic eyes staring down at her like an uncanny cat, a predator. She wants to look around to see if anyone is seeing what they're doing, but she can't. His breath is hitting her face and fogging the vision. But he's so clear.
“I don't want to see you talking to him again, ever again. I'll beat the shit out of him if I do. I don't care.”
She pleads, he doesn't understand. “Please don't do that…”
“If I can't stop what you do, then you can't stop me.”
She wants to complain, but his hand is stroking her cheek with his thumb, and she melts into the gesture. Ashley preens under the attention, it makes her giddy like a real teenage girl. His nose is touching hers when he leans in as intimate as he could get, and utters quiet, breathy fog as he speaks.
“Let me keep you mine, Leyley…”
She can't argue, not even if she wants to, as he pulls his hand away and she is so upset about the withdrawal as he steps back and looks around, she does too, nobody saw… maybe. But her face clearly has the emotion of missing him written all over, because he smiles and suddenly that mask that fits over his thorny face slides on like it's natural. It's anything but, only the facade she can sense and maybe a few others. But it's never like he tries too hard to keep it on from what she's seen. Who knows if he's talking to his own girls in his classes and breaks, it makes her suddenly sympathize with his anger towards her own dating. If only he got it, but her ass shouldn't have to spell it out, he wants to major in English for fucks sake.
“Come on. Ley, let's go home. It's cold.”
They huddle together, perception be damned, they both walk to the bus and Ashley keeps close next to him inside the cold metal tin box of the bus. His arm wrapped around her entire self and she felt so, so safe.
*
Two weird things happened today.
Julia is now in a kerfuffle with Ashley, and Andrew is late coming out of last period.
Let's start with the Julia thing.
Some piece of shit bitch must've saw them getting close on the side of the school, because a couple days after, rumors spread about how Ashley's brother was fucking her on the side of the school. All her work to try and just make herself blend into the background for nothing. But yet, compared to other rumors she's had spread about her before, this one significantly bothers her more than any other. Stressed out, she assumes it because there is a difference overall between being accused of being a menace and a ice-hearted bitch, and her being some poor victim to incestuous desire. It's making her mind wander in a lot of different directions, places she really wouldn't like to be entertained with complex thoughts.
Some douchebag in the hallway starts patronizing her about it, it feels like everyone is staring at her, even if they're really not. She's unsure how to hold any of these conversations other than “that didn't happen”, dead monotone apathy that will hopefully dispel the rumors. The less affected she is, the easier it will be to get them to go away. It's always been like this. Even if the occasional letters stop flowing as heavily into her locker, she acts performative and saves face with the people she does know. It makes her want to peel her skin off with her nails, all the mean things she's saying, unsure if it's true herself.
“I don't know where these people got this idea, maybe we were walking home from school when it was just really cold.” She half-lies. “But you know, I'll always have eyes for someone else. Seriously, I don't even know why someone thought we were doing that. Pretty sure Andrew has a girlfriend.”
The prudish guy leans in with all the smoothness of a prickly boulder. “Do you have a boyfriend?”
She ditches the conversation with a quick excuse, he looks bummed out, but whatever, she did what she needed to do. She flees towards the girls restroom. This part of the school, it's usually empty, and if she's lucky, she can smoke out the windows at the top. But before she can, she's stopped by someone in the bathroom, Julia. What now?
She's dapping her wrists with a wet paper towel near the trashcan, it is so obviously covered in blood that Ashley is actually shocked. Didn't expect that to be true, assumed she was too much of a pussy to cut herself. An old friend from middle school, though they never chatted much, she seemed like the type to just pull her sleeves up like that performative-like. Guess she was wrong.
It's rather graphic and uncomfortable, and they're both holding eye contact, she looks terrified and Ashley must look shocked. She blurts out the words before Ashley can even think. “Please don't tell anyone, I….. I just–”
Ashley sighs. “I don't care, whatever, if you let me smoke in here, I'll forget what I saw.” She pulls out the bummed cigarette and twirls it in her fingers in front of Julia, she looks almost entranced. Weird hussie bitch.
“A...Ah– Okay… I don't mind the cigarette, it's… fine.” She goes back down to frantically pat her arm, the scarring fresh and red. Ashley walks into the large disabled persons stall, and leans against the wall as she flicks her lighter, Julia out of sight, hopefully that bitch won't snitch, or else she'll rat her ass out and send her to the psych ward, showing her what true crazy is.
After she seems to be done, she opens the stall door that Ashley hadn't fully closed, and is fidgeting as she tentatively clicks the lock behind her. Ashley raises an eyebrow but the nicotine buzz is blurring her anxiety and making it nondescript and not too strong. “By the way… Ashley?”
“...Yeah?” She looks at her, but is in no interest to stop what she's doing. If Julia wants to hotbox herself, that's her problem. Not like she is one of those weak ass asthmatic hussies.
Julia takes one step closer. “I just… I noticed that some– … some rumors have been going around… and…” She mutters it small and meekly like Ashley is the cat and Julia is the mouse. Clearly afraid of setting her off.
“Ugh, I'm kinda tired of having this conversation, it's the fifth time today.” She takes a long drag from her cigarette, unfortunately, starting to be used as a distraction device to avoid talking rather than leaning into the burning feeling. What a waste. “It's not happening, some weirdos must've just seen us close to each other on the bus because it was cold, whatever.”
“I don't think that's happening!!! I… I've known you for so long, and him too, he really just seems… Uhm—” She cuts herself off, nervous, Ashley quirks an eyebrow. “... Just protective, I don't know.”
“Very.” She tries to spin a tale that will win sympathy. “Mom's a bitch, he's been the one getting my school supplies and clothes for a long time. He's just got an older brother complex, y'know?”
Takes a drag as realization glazes across Julia's face, guess it worked.
The girl is bumbling to herself, nervous and fidgeting. “Yeah, of course… I… uhm…”
“I see you talking to boys… around school. Are you— ah… taken?”
She's confused by the question, yeah boys ask her because they wanna get with her, but why is she asking? “........ No. They're just, uh, easy to talk to.”
Julia's relieved, and suddenly she's fumbling with her hands again, it's usually a sign there's something on her mind she won't say. Ashley can snuff it out instantly. Does she not believe her or something? No idea why Ashley herself would even lie about something like that, she really doesn't need her brother beating up other guys in her name… and if a rumor about a boyfriend going around started, her life wouldn't be much better than the current ones.
“Just spit it out, I know you've got something on your mind.” She takes a hit again, exhales, then continues. “You look stupid standing there acting like you've got nothing to say to me.”
She blushes. Hm?
“Ashley… I just wanna say I’ve always thought you… ah— you are really pretty…?” Julia stumbles over her words.
You're joking.
“Look! I… I don't know what to do, but like, I want to tell you… is all. I suppose.”
Oh my god.
She's a lesbian hussie
She almost wants to laugh at her, seriously, you're already fucked enough to cut yourself, and you also like girls that smoke cigarettes in the school bathroom and a bitch to generally everyone she talks to, and this hussie… twat. Has a hallway crush on your ass.
“Look, uh……….”
Fuck, this is surely a scenario to be in… but those rumors… if she just… dated her, then they'd go away easily, right?
“What do you want…?”
Julia stutters, shyly like she didn't expect to get this far. “I… don't know, whatever you want…?”
Fucks sake.
“I mean… uh, sure, I guess?”
Julia looks excited, like she's made her whole week. “Really?”
“Only maybe, okay? Look, I don't really even… swing that way, but I dunno. Maybe?” She doesn't even realize the cigarette is almost burnt to the butt when she takes another drag of it to keep her mouth from moving. “Nothing official, though, okay? Not… yet…”
Not ever, she wants to say, but knows it's inappropriate. She will ditch the girl the moment the school year turns to summertime and can escape this.
“Oh… well, can you at least tell… your family, or…?” Julia looks hesitant to ask.
“Oh no, uh, please, don't say anything yet… my family, especially my brother…” Generating bullshit… “... he doesn't exactly approve of this sort of thing. Yeah… don't say a word as of now. To anyone.”
Julia looks flustered and joyous… somewhat. Ashley isn't really selling this well, is she? Goddammit…
She slowly tentatively puts her hand on her cheek and… as much as she knows her breath smells of cigarettes, she looks more tentative than shy, but it works in her favor. Julia looks with wide yellow eyes and stares at her like she's about to attack. What is Wrong with this chick?
When she kisses her, softly, quickly on her lips, she squeaks and makes some noise. But against her better judgement, the butt of her cigarette falls to the bathroom floor as Julia takes some initiative with her meek form to grab her cheeks and deepen it. Well… if she wants to…
It lasts for a few minutes, awkwardly, neither of them know what they're doing but they find a rhythm with it. It becomes something that would be considered a good makeout session, at least. At least, until Julia checks the time on her watch and realizes she's cut into most of her lunch hour, she haphazardly says some final words before leaving the stall, exchanging numbers.
Ashley isn't quite sure what she's thinking when she's partially high off a nicotine buzz and the first ever makeout she's ever had, with another girl nonetheless. Does it count to having my first kiss yet or not…? She isn't too sure. Her lips are softened from Julia's spit, and she is already trying to dump this memory into the pile to be burned. But she isn't sure if she's going to forget this one.
She makes it to class wishing she had another cigarette.
…
And now back to the other thing, you must've thought that was a lot already, but now, Andrew isn't turning up to the place where they usually meet up to go home. While Ashley isn't super punctual, Andrew usually is.
She's been waiting for like 30 minutes, where the hell is Andrew? Against her better judgement, she walks to the office to help locate him, when she sees him sitting in one of the chairs with a bloody nose.
She really wishes she had another cigarette. She can just smell the reason why he did it through the iron in the air.
A two-day suspension, Annoying cunt, if he wanted me to stop talking to people by myself, why get himself suspended when he can't see me?
Whatever, Andy functions on impulse and emotions, despite his best attempts at a mask. It's near hopeless. Brandon is unfortunately sitting with his bloody nose and she almost feels upset, if only by virtue of her freebies being taken away… can't buy stuff off his friend Jacob anymore… and of course the remorse that anyone had to endure Andy's wrath. But that doesn't quite stick for such genuine reasons, asides from how this even affects her, she doesn't really give a damn.
Because of Andy, stupid hag bitch has to pick them up. And she's seething, because now she has to deal with her bitch of a mom arguing with Andy in the car. She debates ditching him and taking transit home, but she has no money. Because he decided to punch one of the only means to her cashflow. Fucking fucking stupid dumbass twat cunt. She wants to give him a bloody nose herself.
When they head outside to be picked up with Andrew's suspension slip, they finally exchange words.
“What the hell was all this for?” Ashley can't help but sound angry in her tone.
“I told you, I'd do it, I don't care.”
She grabs his shoulders. “Well, you SHOULD!! Fucks sake, you know I'm partially going to be to blame for this, right, dipshit?” His face contorts into rage, good. “You don't know shit about what goes on between me and other people. Great job on getting yourself suspended, I'm gonna kiss his bloody nose all better while you sit at home all day.”
Ashley leans in, “Congratulations, Andrew.” She faked a snicker, worming her way under his skin. This monster can't feel remorse, but he can get an incentive to not do this shit again by pissing him off. “Hope this was worth it.”
Andrew stares, his face looks upset, blank, his face is bruised. He looks so messy it's almost attractive, but she's too fueled by how angry she is to give a shit. She wants to smack the shit out of him. But before she can, his eyes sharpen and the iris within shrinks to nothing as he stares with full pink eyes. It stuns her, legs locked up and scared.
A fist clenched tightly into her hair as he directs her head to stare at him, she starts to fight against the resistance. It only hurts her to fight back as his other hand grabs her chin tightly and stares at her and gets in her face, cold December air making breath clouds come out as he huffs. “You ungrateful bitch.”
… What?
“After everything I do for you, you go against my better judgement? You don't listen, you're so fucking stupid.” Poisonous words that unfortunately twist up and chew up Ashley's heart get spoken into the air. All she can do is close her eyes and try to let this pass.
“LOOK AT ME!”
She keeps her eyes shut, she doesn't even know she's shaking. Too stunned quiet out of habit and forced to say anything that could keep her foot ahead. He grabbed her foot and dragged her to the ground and pinned her down by her wings. “........ Let me go, please.”
“Why should I? All you do is demean me, belittle, and spit in the face of all my efforts to protect you, you know that?” All it does is make it worse when he grips her tighter. “They will take advantage of you, they get to look all at you, then next it's dates, inviting you to parties, then before you know it! They're slipping a fucking roofie in your drink to use YOU, Ashley!”
“They will rape you, and when you come crawling back to me about how you were hurt by these stupid people. I'll have to sit there and watch as you cry.” His grip gets impossible tighter. “Either I beat the shit out of them now, or I murder them later.”
“Which do you prefer, Leyley?”
… Since when the hell did Andrew say these things, god forbid she talks and tries to socialize. It's like Andrew wants her to be lonely forever. She's shaking like a leaf and it's all too real how he's speaking to her. It makes her want to vomit. Shake, cry, run, hug him, grab him, shake him, keep him chained up like her favorite dog somewhere dark where he can't hurt her or anyone. If only there was even remotely a reality where she even had an inch of control.
“Awh…” his voice softens, she feels cold wet tears on her face. “Baby…”
His hand on her chin gently let go and moved to her cheek to use a thumb to wipe her tears. She's crying… she opens her eyes and sees his expression as a dark comfort. It's clear he's had one of his episodes, but kindness and sympathy floods his expression. “I don't want to scare you, but people are horrible… everyone is, they've got these ulterior motives that… are hard to read.”
Against all her red flags and warning bells going off, she wraps her arms around him and cries. God today has been so fucking stressful, at least this part is over… almost.
“I just want to keep you mine, forever…”
She sniffles. “You're doing a shit job… ruining your education record over this dumb shit… it's pitiful how I have a better record than you.”
“You are worth any sacrifice.” He says plainly, it leaves no room for argument.
They sit there wrapped around each other, until they hear a car pull up and Mother looking furious. Before she's in earshot, Ashley says one more thing.
“You owe me big time for forcing me to sit through a hag-rant.”
He laughs. “Okay, I think I have something good for you when we get home.”
It's back to business as usual.
*
Ashley lays in her bed, in a large worn shirt of Andrew's, and the shortest pair of shorts that she's had since she was a child and stretched out over long years of use. Andrew got the scolding of his life in the car, and he argued back as always. Talking about how Ashley was starting to “act better than he is.”, which was surely a shocker. The only difference is that Ashley is better at lying about it all.
When Andrew comes back into their bedroom. He's holding a grocery bag, as “punishment” from mom, he was sent to walk back out to get groceries she needed. At his expense, whatever, she wasn't forced to be responsible for it, so all she's done for the afternoon. Barely any homework to do, she can do it in the morning…
“Leyleeyyy, got you something.” Something hits her, it takes her too little time to realize that it's a bag of candy. She may not be a little girl anymore, but her ass is a slut for sweets. Andrew knows that about her, she supposes. The childhood name grates on her, but the candy pays off for his behavior as of recent…… but just barely.
She sits up and rests her body on the wall and blankets as she opens the bag… looks like those bags of candy that are used to fill up Halloween candybowls, but that was nearly 2 months ago, how Andrew got it was beyond her. There was enough candy in here to get her past the barely-there Christmas season in their house.
“Thanks... Is this what you meant by something good for you when we get home?”
He looks startled, like it really wasn't. “Oh, no, it was something else I think… I forgot.”
Bullshit. Andrew doesn't forget shit.
Whatever.
He's approaching her bed, he's smiling like she's her favorite thing ever. Suppose she is. “Mom made me run right back out to the store even though she could've driven me there, or something.”
“Why would she ever do anything nice, she only drove us home so that she could yell at you in a secluded place.”
Andrew sighs as he collapses on her bed, she pulls her knees up to her chest and makes room for him. despite him having his own bed. She doesn't mind his company too much, especially when he acts normal and sweet to her.
… What! She likes the attention, Sue her. Not like anyone else other than teenage guys gave a shit about her.
And her girlfriend… Friends with benefits? What are the benefits? Lesbian sex before college? Replacing incest rumors with gay rumors? At least it isn't a crime, not like it'll reach mom, she can't imagine Mother giving a shit about anything she wants to do.
Andrew's laying there with his hair all messed up, and it's way hotter than any boy she talks to for superficial favors at school. She wishes she could just tell him this, but the potential outcome of him disapproving of it and digging through her shit on a daily basis is worse.
… He can never find out she's dating. But maybe? Maybe he can know? She's chewing on her cuticles in an anxious habit, Andrew cracks his eyes open and notices.
“What's up? Was school good today?”
Oh boy, wouldn't YOU like to know. “Not much, ditched lunch, saw Julia in the bathroom.” Is that too much info? Probably. Maybe? Why does this man have to be such a goddamn wildcard? He's too hot to be so dense.
He rotates to lay on his side and takes off his shoes, curling up to look at her. “Huh, she doesn't usually ditch, isn't she like a goody-two shoes or something?”
“Yeah, jesus-chick, or something, maybe it's just her family though, she doesn't seem very faithful.”
… “To her God?”
Was that too much info? Is she technically lying to him if she tells a half-truth? “I guess. She was mid-cutting when I caught her. Awkward as fuck.”
Andrew has the fucked audacity to giggle, “Really? Guess that wasn't just a rumor.”
“Guess not, smoking gun, rolled up sleeves with a brown paper towel to dry it off. Why can't she wait to do it until she's at home?”
He laughs. “Maybe because God is watching her, in her house.”
“Guess God turns a blind eye to girls in restrooms, how polite.”
They both laugh about it, Julia had asked Andrew out a few years ago in middle school, but found out pretty quickly he wasn't into her, he rejected her. Who would've guessed that she would just pursue Ashley next, she probably should be more mad that Julia only became friends with her so that she could fuck her brother, but with newfound revelations, perception changes. Who knew.
Andrew's looking at her as he scoots closer. Somehow, they're slowly changing positions to lay his head on her lap, her crossing her legs, his head looks so… wonderful between her legs. She tentatively takes a hand and rakes it through his head. He keens like a praised dog.
“Ashley… Can I ask you something?”
“You just did, idiot.”
He fully opens his eyes. “Smartass.”
She giggles. “Just tell me.”
Andrew adjusts a bit, looking so cute and small. Ashley almost forgets she was absolutely pissed off at him only about four hours ago.
“Did you hear the rumors? About us?”
….. She wants to be honest, but she has the urge to lie. Ashley plays dumb. “What rumors? I saw a few people looking at me weird today.”
“That fucking twat, Brandon? Beat his nose in after he insinuated that dumb shit about us. I wish I could kill him.”
What a normal thing to say, Andrew Graves.
“Woah, that's harsh, what did he say?” Brandon saying shit about them fucking? That, she wasn't aware of. It's kind of funny that he's still flirting with her regardless, but maybe he's just jealous or something. Boys are pathetically stupid.
“Said that he— uh…”
Is he getting… apprehensive, is he shy?
“What did he say?”
He grows pink, only by a bit, but regardless, he's embarrassed. Oh boy. She would smile in joy if she could, this means whatever happened must be really crazy.
“Said he thought we were together… You know?”
“Like fucking?” She crassly states.
“I Guess.” Seems very keen on brushing that off. “But he said he could provide for you way better than my ‘sissy-ass’, fucking cunt.” His voice seethes of venom, he's really angry about this, but she can't quite tell if it's because of the incestuous insinuation, the insult of his character, or the rude-ass insult. Either way, she gets upset too, the audacity! Maybe that blonde jackass deserved it.
He looks upset when he asks. “Why do you flirt with him? He's such a dick, and he isn't even your type. What gives?”
She's kind of astonished he'd assume her type, has she even discussed that with him before? Despite better judgement, his head being on her lap is making her mind into mashed jam, sticky sweet honey that's making her… feel.
“And how would you know what I am into?”
“Because TV? All you watch is those reality stunt shows, where the main host is some black-haired eyeliner wearing pervert.”
She chuckles. “Guilty as charged, I like the Rockstar type, sue me. They're interesting, you know? Have a certain je ne sais quoi to them.”
“They tend to look a lot like me, you know.”
She… doesn't have anything she can say to that. “....... Well?”
Andrew turns on his stomach and his face is proper in her space now, she pushes back but the wall is the barrier that prevents her from making space between them. If only she cared to really do anything about it. He pushes himself up to get into her space as he crawls his shadow up her body, he's starting to tower over her in her own bed, cornering her.
“I mean, do you want someone like that?”
What. “I mean… I don't— I don't know, maybe?????”
“I can be whoever you need me to be, Leyley.” He's being awfully seductive for someone who's she's blood related with, unfortunately, his flirting is working regardless.
“... Call me Ashley.”
“Are you a big girl now, don't need me anymore? You know, I can be anyone you need me to be…” His fingers touch her cheek. Barely there grazes that electrify her. She's kinda wet, how embarrassing.
“...”
She takes a breath, it hits his face with how close they are.
“If you're so good at flirting, why don't you have a girlfriend by now?” Desperately trying to reign whatever the fuck is happening in, she changes it and flips it. Hope it works for this wildcard.
Andrew smiles, though, as if she said something laughably stupid. “You just don't get it, do you?” His face is going down, her neck, her neck, her neck, her neck, his breath is on her neck. Holy fuck.
The fact that this still won't lead to sex is criminal, she's sopping and her head is honey.
“W… What don't I get? Andrew– what are you doing…”
“I'm your type, your favorite, why play all these games, just stay with me, y'know?” His warm. hot, searing, intoxicating breath hits her neck like a jolt of fire through her. What the fuck.
“Sounds like you want to elope, Andrew.”
He laughs like it's the silliest thing ever. “Really? Is that what you want?”
“You are… all over me, how else do I interpret—”
A finger is pressed to her lips, “Shhhhh…”
Her eyes connect with his as he stares so close, she feels their gut feeling again, like when he pinned her on the side of the school… like she's prey, and she doesn't have the claws or the strength, mentally nor physically, to push him away. Stunned into petrification, all she can do is hopelessly watch.
Andrew stares at her ever-changing expressions, he smiles and pulls away, relinquishing his tight grip on her entire soul. “Well, I gotta shower.” He pulls completely back, and starts taking off his sweater, and throws it on her bed without care as he stands up, “I'm exhausted, but enjoy the candy, sweetheart.”
She's so embarrassed and confused that shes babbling as he fucks off to shower, hes shucking off his pants to only his undershirt and boxers, “Wait, what— You can't just go…”
He turns his head, hand on the doorknob. “Why not? I was just playing, you're so fun to play with, Ashley.” He says with a smile. Was that all it fucking was, playing? Is he going to play with his dick in the shower after he makes Ashley wet enough to explode and die? What a prick.
Andrew watches for a second as Ashley gives up and opens the candy bag, grabbing out 3 “fun sized” bars to unwrap.
“You're such a dick.” She utters with half a chocolate bar in her mouth. He smiles.
“And you're a pussy, checkmate.” He leaves, like that.
Ashley doesn't know, but like– she swears, when he turns again to walk out, his shirt just below where his junk is, it's… bulged, more than usual? Makes her sound like a fucking creep, but like… he was hard, right??? He had to be, maybe? Not like she's ever seen his dick, anyway. Not post-puberty, anyway.
Seeing the sweater, and checking the time. She could bother him more… but this is the only privacy he's going to give her, and it almost feels on purpose.
Fucking wildcard.
Fuck it, she leans forward until hes laying on her stomach, diving towards the sweater and sniffs it like it's a feast after a famine. She doesn't quite know what to think, she's almost sure Andrew was being a suggestive little shit to her. She feels her head spin and grips the sweater as she lets its smell become all consuming.
Boy isn’t she stuck between a rock and a hard place, pretending to be a lesbian while she secretly wants her brother… not like you can pretend for her to be your brother either…
… Is it losing your virginity if you fuck a girl first? That shouldn't count, right? Maybe? Not like she can even imagine anything they'd do, she doesn't know what to do, but perhaps, if she could just come home to this version of Andrew every night, even despite the teasing… especially with the play… and the candy, and the hugs and the sweaters and the attention.
Maybe it'll be okay.