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This was the day.
It was his wedding day.
He was wearing a golden suit. It was not his best look.
It was supposed to be the best day of his life so far. The day his fiancée Maryse Trueblood would become Maryse Lightwood. Except that everything about it was wrong.
Something none of the guests watching them knew, or at least none of them were supposed to know, was that this marriage was happening because Maryse was with child.
It didn’t matter if Robert was ready to be a husband or father. He had to be, so he would be.
When they first found out, Maryse had been nervous, but somehow still happy. Robert had no idea of what to say. How could someone like him have a child? What would be of such a child? Would he or she react badly to the Marks, like he did? Would his whole lineage be cursed?
Now he and Maryse would be linked forever.
It was all his own fault, of course. Maryse was a good distraction from Valentine and from… from his suggenes, Michael. His parabatai. Maybe the only present who could have guessed the reason for the wedding.
No, he couldn’t know. The time when he knew everything about Robert was over.
Strangely, and Robert knew this was wrong of him, even when they were close, Robert had never pictured Michael being his suggenes at his wedding. It simply wasn’t something he’d been ever eager to happen. When a wedding would mean distance between them.
Now, such idea was madness. He needed distance from Michael, or his life as a Shadowhunter would be over. He was glad Michael never insisted on any proximity. Being Robert’s suggenes was just a formality, just like all of the ceremony. Nobody was supposed to suspect there was anything off about the parabatai pair.
It didn’t make it any easier.
Michael, above all, looked like the adult he was, a serious man, not the dreamer boy Robert had known. It was not easy, when it was his turn to accompany Robert before the guests. Robert wanted to flinch, but he couldn't, he had to look imponent. It was difficult to not want to push Michael away defensively. He kept telling himself there was no need. They don't know. They don’t know. They don’t know. Michael was a man, and he had a girlfriend. This was all there was to know. The thoughts gathered like a storm in Robert’s mind while they walked before Robert’s family.
Robert was a real Shadowhunter now, who was getting married like a true Shadowhunter. Of course his family was not turning their backs on him now. There was no reason to. Except, maybe, Michael…
No, they didn’t know. They would never know. Robert would want to kick Michael if that wouldn't mean touching him.
Maryse was coming in now.
Robert wanted to kick himself at realizing that when he walked beside Michael, he didn’t think about her at all.