Work Text:
Unknown
Unknown:you left your tie here last night, beefcake 😈
Unknown:…and if you’re going to be here anyway, i wouldn’t mind a rerun 😉
Unknown:consider this a preview…
Unknown:come claim it, Dean
Harry:Tempting offer. Micro-issue: I’m not Dean.
Harry:I’m really wishing I was, though.
Unknown:…oh my god!
Unknown:i buggered the number, didn’t i?
Unknown:please tell me i did not just send a thirst trap to a stranger
Harry:Good news: I’m stranger than average, but mostly harmless.
Harry:Bad news: Tragically jealous of Dean already.
Unknown:how do i know you’re not a creep serial killer that’ll come after me?
Harry:Well, for one, I am a detective in training. And my tragic houseplant collection should be plenty of proof that I lack the dexterity to carry out well-planned murders.
Harry:
Unknown:i don’t think you’re making the case you think you’re making
Unknown:all i see is a bunch of dead plants
Unknown:…proof of a psycho
Harry:At least I am not texting thirst traps to strangers.
Unknown:….
Unknown:i deserve that
Unknown:i’m…mortified 😳
Unknown:well, i suppose i should leave you alone, not-Dean
Harry:Unfortunately, not-Dean. But I am Harry. Just in case you ever need help running your sexts by someone for a vibe check.
Unknown:Harry…
Harry:Yes, far less interesting and exotic than Dean.
Unknown:well, there’s a prince named Harry, but none named Dean
Unknown:Detective Harry…
Unknown:do you often offer to do a vibe check for sexy texts for strangers?
Harry:Not until today. But just now, I was tempted to.
Unknown:and…?
Unknown:do i pass the test?
Harry:Based on what I’ve seen so far, I can confirm: the evidence is… pretty compelling.
Unknown:🙈 stop
Unknown:(don’t stop)
Unknown:i suppose i am never seeing Dean again, am i?
Harry:Oof, unlucky. For some reason, though, I have a hard time feeling too cut up about it.
Unknown:idk about unlucky
Unknown:he did get pretty lucky last night
Harry:Duly noted. Filing under Case - Dean, The Lucky Bugger.
Harry:I’ve been told that jealousy is not a good look. For you, I’m willing to wear it.
Unknown:well, your jealousy is kinda hot? purely academic observation
Harry:With purely academic intent, I’m curious about the shade of lipstick one wears when deciding to send thirst traps to men?
Unknown:want a practical?
Harry:As your vibe inspector, I require it.
Unknown:
Harry:🥵
Unknown:Dean approved as well
Unknown:twice 😏
Harry:You seem to be intent on feeding the green-eyed monster.
Unknown:green is a colour that seems to suit you
Harry:Haha, if you only knew.
Unknown:knew what?
Harry:Maybe I’ll get to show you one day.
Unknown:maybe you will…
Unknown:until then, i can show you…
Unknown:
Harry:Jury’s in. You’re lethal. 💀
Harry:I think I might need to restrain you. For the sake of public safety.
Unknown:i consent
Unknown:as long as you drag me back to your bedroom after
Harry:If you keep teasing me, I might really have to.
Unknown:well, i’ll make sure to text you again then
Unknown:bye, not-Dean
Harry:Bye, Not My Hookup!
Not My Hookup
Not My Hookup:morning, detective
Not My Hookup:thought i’d wake you up with a steamy picture!
Harry:Haha, that’s not what I imagined when you said steamy.
Harry:I will counter with caffeine art.
Not My Hookup:impressive! did you make that yourself?
Not My Hookup:are you doubling as a barista?
Harry:No, just good with my hands. 👈👈👈
Not My Hookup:😳
Not My Hookup:well, i at least have something to think about at night
Not My Hookup
Harry:Met a suspect who insisted his cat ate the CCTV footage.
Not My Hookup:as a cat person, i support the veracity of this alibi
Harry:As a detective, I do not. Lunch?
Not My Hookup:picking up a banh mi as we speak
Not My Hookup:*text
Harry:I like women who enjoy a variety of food.
Not My Hookup:in that case, you’re going to love me
Harry:I don’t think that was ever in doubt.
Not My Hookup
Harry:Dress code for today?
Not My Hookup:why 🤨
Harry:For… accurate case notes.
Not My Hookup:staying in for the day, so a cosy jumper and nothing else
Harry:I’ll say a prayer for my concentration at work today.
Not My Hookup:want a preview or will that ruin your concentration even more?
Harry:Ruin me.
Not My Hookup:
Harry:That’s not a preview, that’s an ambush. I might just skip work altogether.
Not My Hookup:i wouldn’t do that if i were you
Not My Hookup:you need those detecting skills to track me down, after all
Not My Hookup
Not My Hookup:bath time, glass of wine, a few candles, and one thought
Not My Hookup:
Harry:Tell me the thought.
Not My Hookup:you, kneeling by the tub, sleeves rolled, mouth at my knee
Harry:You can’t text that and expect me to behave.
Not My Hookup:i never expect you to behave
Harry:
Not My Hookup:♨️♨️♨️
Not My Hookup:careful, or i might have to be the one to arrest you, detective
Harry:Only if you frisk me.
Not My Hookup
Harry:What’s one thing you like that would surprise people?
Not My Hookup:spreadsheets
Not My Hookup:i take my budgeting very seriously
Not My Hookup:and there’s never a vacation without a strict, anal itinerary
Harry:That’s sexy. Utterly, completely, unreservedly.
Not My Hookup:your turn
Harry:I knit. Mostly scarves.
Harry:
Not My Hookup:🤯
Harry:Like I said, good with my hands. 👈👈👈
Not My Hookup:i want one
Not My Hookup:i’ll wear it and nothing else
Harry:Brb, going to knit for the next few hours.
Not My Hookup
Not My Hookup:going out for drinks with mates
Not My Hookup:what should i wear?
Not My Hookup:red or green?
Harry:The green, definitely the green.
Not My Hookup:how are we looking?
Not My Hookup:
Harry:Criminally good.
Harry:The green-eyed monster has reawakened.
Not My Hookup:relax
Not My Hookup:there’s no Dean in sight
Harry:I wasn’t worried about him. I’m more worried about every man with eyes that gets to look at you tonight.
Not My Hookup:i never thought i’d be into the possessive type
Harry:I never thought I would BE the possessive type.
Not My Hookup:i suppose we both bring out the bad in each other
Harry:I like it bad.
Not My Hookup
Not My Hookup:confession: i like the way you make my phone light up
Harry:I have the same confession.
Not My Hookup:does that mean we’re free of our sins?
Harry:We haven’t sinned enough for that yet.
Harry:But we will.
Harry:
Not My Hookup:💦💦
Not My Hookup:You’re going to make me want to jump your bones the second I see you.
Harry:Permission granted, Not My Hookup.
Harry:I’m going to need a better name to call you soon.
Not My Hookup:better earn it then
Harry:Challenge gladly accepted.
Not My Hookup
Not My Hookup:can’t sleep
Not My Hookup:my brain keeps replaying your picture
Harry:I can escalate responsibly.
Not My Hookup:responsibly is optional
Harry:
Not My Hookup:oh
Not My Hookup:oh no
Not My Hookup:i have to be up in six hours
Harry:I warned you about escalation.
Not My Hookup:i’m saving this photo for…personal uses
Harry:At least take me to dinner first.
Not My Hookup:sorry, can’t hear you over the sound of my vibrator
Harry:😵😵😵
Not My Hookup
Not My Hookup:mother invited herself to dinner
Not My Hookup:i’ve been asked to “settle down” already
Not My Hookup:send a distraction
Harry:Well, I do have a space for you to “settle down” on.
Not My Hookup:😳
Not My Hookup:you can’t turn me on with my mother in the same room
Harry:I thought you asked me to distract you?
Not My Hookup:yes, but keep it PG
Harry:Alright. What do you call a belt made of watches?
Not My Hookup:a waist of time?
Harry:😟 You ruined my punchline.
Not My Hookup:when i asked you to distract me, i didn’t expect tired dad jokes to be your move
Harry:You’re a difficult woman to please.
Not My Hookup:very
Harry:And I’m stubborn and determined to win.
Not My Hookup:i could get used to you
Not My Hookup
Harry:Being dragged to a house party. Send help (and maybe skin)!
Not My Hookup:rude of you to ask and not specify which skin
Harry:Any that ruins my composure in front of a room full of strangers.
Not My Hookup:
Not My Hookup:Is it ruined yet?
Harry:Oh gods, yes.
Harry:My mate is also threatening to introduce me to his sister. Apparently, we’d “hit it off”.
Not My Hookup:oh? interesting
Harry:Why does that “oh” feel… territorial?
Not My Hookup:because i called dibs on you first
Not My Hookup:don’t flirt with her too hard
Harry:What if she flirts with me?
Not My Hookup:then text me so i can remind you exactly who you belong to
Harry:I’m sure I won’t make it through the night without a text from you.
Not My Hookup
Harry:Just arrived. Music is loud, snacks look questionable. Mate has taken it upon himself to drink all the beers.
Harry:Oh, and the sister’s late.
Not My Hookup:good, i hope she never shows up
Harry:Lol, is your night at least progressing better than mine?
Not My Hookup:i doubt that
Not My Hookup:my brother’s fiance is dragging me to this party to meet him and his friend
Not My Hookup:she’s not saying it, but i think they’re trying to set me up with the guy
Not My Hookup:my brother keeps trying to find the “right” person for me
Harry:…this is oddly specific
Not My Hookup:wait…
Not My Hookup:what the fuck..
Not My Hookup:
Not My Hookup:is this you?
Harry:I just choked on a crisp. Yes. That’s me.
Harry:Wait… does that mean you’re here?
Not My Hookup:turn around, detective
Not My Hookup
Not My Hookup:hello, detective
Harry:Hi. You’re… real.
Not My Hookup:disappointingly so?
Harry:No, catastrophically better than imagination.
Not My Hookup:big word for a man who choked on a crisp and turned crimson
Harry:You wore that green dress and expected me to remain upright.
Not My Hookup:i expected you to say hi
Not My Hookup:instead, you did a full system reboot
Harry:My OS wasn’t prepared for freckles in 4K.
Not My Hookup:mm, so you like the freckles
Harry:I’m prepared to dedicate a thesis to the freckles.
Harry:Truth: You’re even prettier than the pictures. I didn’t know where to look first. Still don’t.
Not My Hookup:start at my eyes, graduate downward
Harry:My life will henceforth be divided into Before Ginny and after.
Not My Hookup:careful, i might decide to keep you
Harry:Maybe I want to be a kept man.
Not My Hookup:say that again and i’ll kiss you in front of everyone, brother included
Harry:…Temporary restraint engaged.
Not My Hookup:meet me by the kitchen in five
Harry:I don’t know if I can last another five minutes in the same room as you without being able to kiss you.
Not My Hookup:then don’t
Harry:I’m going to ruin that lipstick.
Not My Hookup:that’s the assignment
Not My Hookup
Not My Hookup:status report: lipstick = ruined, brother = unsuspecting, me = still buzzing
Harry:Status mirrored: knees weak, smiling like a git, with an unnerving urge to never wash my face again.
Not My Hookup:ugh
Not My Hookup:who knew you were a cheeseball, detective?
Harry:I keep replaying the bit where you grabbed my collar and pulled.
Not My Hookup:i keep replaying the bit where your hand found my waist and tried to sneakily glide to my bum
Harry:Guilty as charged.
Harry:I’d like to take you somewhere I can forget more things.
Not My Hookup:like the existence of my brother? yes, please
Harry:Proposed plan: Wednesday, 19:30, tiny Italian with scandalous tiramisu and a corner table.
Not My Hookup:i accept. dress code?
Harry:For me: shirt with buttons I hope you undo. For you: whatever makes the room stop.
Not My Hookup:
Harry:Oxygen levels already low.
Not My Hookup
Not My Hookup:truth: i’m a little nervous
Not My Hookup:i don’t want to fuck it up
Not My Hookup:i like you too much for someone i’ve kissed only once
Harry:Truth: I feel the same. But we can take it one step at a time. We treat it like the inevitability it already is.
Not My Hookup:it has been inevitable, hasn’t it?
Harry:You had me at beefcake.
Not My Hookup:😂
Not My Hookup
Harry:Do you want me to pick you up or meet you there?
Not My Hookup:meet there - less chance of a Weasley ambush
Harry:Noted. I’ll still walk you home after.
Not My Hookup:you planning to behave?
Harry:I plan to ask permission and then misbehave responsibly.
Not My Hookup:consent is sexy
Harry:Tell me one tiny thing to look forward to besides your lips.
Not My Hookup:i’m practising not running from good things
Not My Hookup:you’re one of them
Harry:I’ll go slow if you want slow.
Not My Hookup:i want slow… and then i want not-slow
Harry:My speciality is range.
Gin❤️
Gin❤️:morning, detective
Harry:Morning, menace.
Gin❤️:did you change my contact name or do i have to steal your phone and do it myself?
Harry:Contact name has been changed to Gin❤️.
Gin❤️:…oh, that’s cute
Gin❤️:i like the heart
Harry:It reminds me of your hair. And of the sinful way you said my name last night.
Gin❤️:you mean the time i said it into your mouth or the pillow
Harry:Yes.
Gin❤️:status: i cannot move my legs and i am not mad about it
Harry:Status: I’m making coffee and trying not to run back to your flat and ruin you again.
Gin❤️:rude to threaten and run
Harry:Not a threat. A promise pending hydration.
Gin❤️:
Gin❤️:evidence that you were feral
Harry:Exhibit A is insufficient; I need to take new measurements.
Gin❤️:bring your hands and your very persuasive mouth
Harry:I live to serve.
Gin❤️:you’re impossible. also… i can still feel you
Harry:I can still taste you.
Gin❤️:stop
Gin❤️:(don’t)
Harry:Round two after coffee?
Gin❤️:make it after coffee and pancakes, and you’ve got yourself a deal
Harry:Bribery works. Batter’s already mixing. Will swing by with nourishment soon.
Gin❤️:you’re cooking? marry me immediately
Harry:Hmm, I can carry you over the threshold of your shower after.
Gin❤️:and then you can take me against the tile?
Harry:I don’t think I’ll ever tire of you, so yes to that, and anywhere else you want me.
Gin❤️:ps—do you ever think about how none of this might have happened if i hadn’t mis-typed a number?
Harry:Constantly.
Harry:Thank my lucky stars you sexted me by accident.
Gin❤️:best typo of my life
Harry:Best case I’ve ever taken.
Gin❤️:come here, detective
Harry:Coming soon, Gin.