Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Nezumi heard Shion’s intentionally heavy footsteps behind him. Nezumi tilted his head back over the arm of the couch, letting the script he was holding fall into his lap.

“What?”

Shion brushed Nezumi’s hair out of his eyes and smiled. “Don’t you want to come to bed?”

“I’m running lines.” Nezumi waved the pages in Shion’s face.

Shion pouted. “I don’t hear anything.”

“I’m saving my voice.” Nezumi tipped his head back up and looked pointedly at his book.

“I’ll run lines with you tomorrow. Come to bed.” Shion tried to grab the script from Nezumi’s hand, but Nezumi slapped his hand away.

“If you’re that horny, just get yourself off.”


Shion groaned.

Nezumi marked his page and turned in his seat, finally setting the book down. He raised an eyebrow at Shion. “Shion. Are you trying to tell me that the guy who owns like a thousand vibrators — ”

“That’s an exaggeration,” Shion protested.

Nezumi ignored him. “ — doesn’t know how to use them?”

“I know how to masturbate, Nezumi,” Shion huffed.

“So go do that.” Nezumi waved him off and crossed his legs on the couch.

Shion kept standing there. “It’s not the same.”

Nezumi rolled his eyes but didn’t look over. “I mean, obviously.”

Shion kicked at the rug.

“Don’t be a brat. Here, I’ll come sit by you.” Nezumi stood up and led Shion over to the bed. He sat, and patted the blanket next to him.

Shion frowned. “But I want to touch you.”

Nezumi laughed. He folded one leg over the other. “Yeah, well, too bad. I’m busy.”

“Ugh!” Shion dropped face-down on the bed, his legs dangling off.

“What’s up with you today?”

“I don’t want to masturbate with you right here.” Shion mumbled into the mattress. 

“I can leave.” Nezumi uncrossed his legs.

“No, I mean…” Shion paused. “I had to do that when you were gone. It’s supposed to be different now.”

“Hold on.” Nezumi brought the script to his forehead and closed his eyes. “Are you kidding me? You haven’t jacked off since we’ve been together?”

“Why would I!?” Shion turned, pressing one of his cheeks into the comforter, one wide eye staring at Nezumi. “Wait, have you?”

Nezumi rested his elbows on his knees and stared at the wall on the opposite side of the room. “You have to be fucking with me.” When Shion didn’t respond, Nezumi sighed. “It’s about getting to know your body. What you like. It makes you a better lover.”

“I know my body,” Shion retorted.

Nezumi shrugged.

Shion frowned. “Nezumi, am I a bad lover?”

Nezumi kicked Shion’s foot.  “I’m not playing this game with you.”

Shion rolled over onto his back. “You never told me I was supposed to masturbate. I didn’t know I had to.”

“You don’t have to. I’m just trying to help.” Nezumi mussed his hair.

“Could you keep doing that?” Shion asked quietly.

Nezumi considered it for a moment. “Sure,” he responded, then went back to reciting lines in his head. He checked the script every once in a while, when he forgot a word or needed to reference the stage directions.

Next to him, Shion breathed shakily. Nezumi petted Shion’s hair with his free hand, pulling lightly at the white strands.

“It’s awkward,” Shion complained.

Nezumi disentangled his hand from Shion’s hair. “I’ll stop.”

Shion shook his head. “It’s weird that you’re just sitting there silently. Can you at least say your lines out loud?”

Nezumi chuckled. He stroked Shion’s head patronizingly. “It’s not a sexy scene, Shion. It’s for my audition.”

“That’s alright.”

“It’s unsexy.”

Shion’s hand was still down his pants, but it wasn’t moving at all. He stared at Nezumi expectantly.

“Okay, if you insist.” Nezumi closed his eyes. “The raven himself is hoarse / That croaks the fatal entrance of Duncan / Under my battlements / Come, you spirits / That tend on mortal thoughts, unsex me here / And fill me from the — ”

“Shit.” Nezumi paused to consult his script, catching Shion’s flushed face out of the corner of his eye. His heavy breathing was distracting. Nezumi started the line again. “And fill me from the crown to the toe top-full / Of direst cruelty! make thick my blood; / Stop up the access and passage to — ”

Shion moaned, and Nezumi shot him a look. Shion covered his own mouth. Nezumi continued, “To remorse / that no compunctious visitings of nature / Shake my fell purpose, nor keep peace between / The effect and it! Come to my woman’s breasts / And take my milk for your gall, you murdering ministers — ”

Shion’s whole body tensed up. He pulled his knees into his chest and rolled onto his side, uncovering his mouth and removing his other hand from his pants. He hugged Nezumi’s knee.

Nezumi smiled. “See, you learned something about yourself. What did it for you? The woman’s breasts or the murdering ministers?”

“Just your voice,” Shion responded shakily. “That’s nothing new.” 

Chapter Text

Shion's voice came out muffled from between Nezumi's legs.

"What?" Nezumi asked, his voice loud with annoyance. "Don't talk with your mouth full."

Shion kissed Nezumi's hip and rested his head on his inner thigh. "Sorry. I was just asking if you liked it."

"And don't ask stupid questions. You're fishing." Nezumi propped himself up on one elbow and fixed his perceptive eyes on Shion.

"I like to hear you say it," Shion acknowledged, pushing himself up to sit between Nezumi's legs.

"You've gotta earn it." Nezumi scooted back. He finally kicked his ankles free of his pants.

"I guess that's true."

Shion lowered his head and mouthed Nezumi's pubic hair. Nezumi pushed his hips up, wetting Shion's chin, and Nezumi could feel Shion start to smile. Nezumi stuck another pillow under his head so he could see Shion's face, too.

"Close your eyes!" Nezumi shifted his legs, sending Shion's head falling onto the mattress.

Shion made eye contact. "But I like to see it."

"Shion," Nezumi warned.

Shion closed his eyes, and Nezumi leaned his head back, positioning himself to give Shion space. Shion started moaning before Nezumi did, but Nezumi did moan. He moved his hips, letting his skin press into Shion's lips.

"Mm, Nezumi," Shion sighed, "you feel so good. I want you inside me."

Nezumi kicked at Shion's head. "You're literally sucking my clit right now."

Shion pressed his tongue harder, making Nezumi grind against him one more time before he responded. "Your fingers, though."

There was something about Shion's voice that made Nezumi furrow his brow. He couldn't quite place it. "Shion, are you... coming right now?"

Shion didn't respond. He just kept sucking and licking, gripping Nezumi's ass so hard that Nezumi was sure he'd have bruises tomorrow, pulling Nezumi's clit into his face like he was trying to literally consume him.

"I bet you could penetrate me like this. When it's engorged like this," Shion said when he came up for air.

Nezumi laughed in shock. "Don't say 'engorged' while you're going down on me!"

Shion kind of shrugged his shoulders in the limited space he had between Nezumi's splayed knees. Nezumi got what he was going for, though. He wanted to make fun of Shion's lackluster dirty talk but Shion did something with his tongue that made Nezumi completely lose his train of thought.

Chapter Text

This was Shion's favorite part.

If Nezumi could read Shion's mind (and it sometimes seemed like he could), he'd point out that Shion said that about almost every part, and that was true. But it was always true that that part was his favorite when he said it. He could have multiple favorite parts. And right now, this soft, quiet moment was definitely his favorite part. The way Nezumi let Shion run his fingers through his hair. The way Nezumi's eyes stayed closed even when Shion moved next to him. He wasn't asleep, but he wasn't alert.

Shion hated it when he fell asleep after orgasm, because either Nezumi was going to be like this (calm and cuddly), or he was going to be withdrawn, sulky, angry. Or he could do a million other things. Shion could never predict it, even after so many opportunities to observe Nezumi after sex. No matter what, Shion wanted to be awake for it. This time, Nezumi breathed evenly, and Shion let his hand rest on his chest to feel the rhythmic rise and fall.

If Shion had to fall asleep, he'd prefer to do it during sex. Nezumi got pissed at him when he did that, but not for real. Not in a way that made it seem like Nezumi wasn't safe with him. It was usually during oral sex that Shion fell asleep. There was something so relaxing about having Nezumi in his mouth. Nezumi made fun of him for it, said it was an oral fixation, that there was definitely something Freudian about it. Maybe he was right. Whenever Nezumi brought up psychology, though, it sent Shion spiraling, wishing he could talk to Safu, even just one more time. Thinking about Safu during moments like this was Shion's least favorite part of sex with Nezumi, actually. He just wanted to see her. If she never forgave him for how he treated her, that would be okay, as long as she was alive. But would Nezumi let Shion talk to Safu about their sex life? Well, not let, but... would he hate it? Nezumi was so cavalier about some things, but then he'd get sensitive about other things. He made fun of Shion's sexual proclivities in front of their friends, but blushed and told Shion to shut up if Shion agreed. Shion still didn't get it. He didn't have anyone alive he wanted to tell about sex with Nezumi, so it hadn't really come up. 

Nezumi's eyes stayed closed. Shion had his legs closed over Nezumi's knee, and Nezumi moved his leg slightly. There was a red mark on his thigh from the pressure of Shion's weight. They'd been like this for a while. They could stay like this for as long as they wanted, today. That is, they could stay as long as Nezumi would allow. Shion would literally stay like this forever if he could. He could do most of his work from bed as long as he had an Internet connection.

Maybe Nezumi would fall asleep, and then Shion would get to have his chest against Nezumi's chest for hours. He'd try to stay awake the whole time, and then he'd probably pass out as soon as Nezumi woke up. He loved Nezumi's skin. Nezumi hated when he said that. He said it sounded like Shion wanted to kill and eat him. That wasn't what he meant at all. He didn't know how to say what he felt in a way that didn't make Nezumi uncomfortable. Anything less than "I love your skin" felt like a lie, and they'd promised not to lie to each other. He'd tried specificity - "I love the way your skin shines in the morning light when you're sweaty" or "I love the way your skin smells right before a shower." Nezumi hadn't liked that, either. Nezumi wasn't good at giving constructive criticism. He could tell Shion what he didn't like, but not what he did like. Shion tried not to take it too personally when Nezumi pushed him away, figuratively or literally. That was information, anyway. Shion would just have to keep trying. After all, they had time.

Chapter Text

The second they stepped inside, Shion pushed Nezumi against the door and kissed him on the mouth. Without breaking the kiss, Shion pulled Nezumi's jacket off and dropped it on the floor, then he took out Nezumi's hair tie. He pressed Nezumi's hips against the door with his own and traced his hands up Nezumi's bare arms. Nezumi kissed him back but didn't do much else in response. He reached a hand down to lock the deadbolt by feel. The metal clicked, and Shion pulled away.

"Sorry, was that -- ? You just looked so beautiful tonight. I couldn't wait -- "

Nezumi pressed a finger to Shion's lips. "I'm just making sure we have privacy. I can't be giving away this kind of entertainment."

Nezumi grabbed Shion's shoulders and pushed him back. Shion stumbled over the entryway rug, his feet even more uncoordinated than normal in his dress shoes, and fell flat on his ass.

"Shit, you okay?" Nezumi offered Shion a hand, his eyes communicating genuine concern.

Shion nodded. He kept his hands by his side. He liked how Nezumi was standing over him. When Shion didn't take his hand, Nezumi let it fall back to his side. He dropped to his knees, straddling Shion, and Shion liked that even better, even though his legs were stuck in an uncomfortable position, half-on and half-off the rug, and one of his heels was digging into his thigh. Nezumi kissed him hard on the ground, and Shion didn't mind that the back of his head was rubbing painfully on the hard floor.

Nezumi grabbed Shion's collar and stood, bringing Shion with him. The sound of seams ripping made Shion cringe, but he knew they'd fix it later. He grabbed Nezumi's arm to pull himself all the way up. Nezumi swung Shion around by his shirt and pressed him against an empty strip of wall next to the door. The textured paint scratched at Shion's back through his shirt. Shion unbuttoned it as quickly as he could while Nezumi kissed his already exposed neck. Shion shrugged the shirt off and pulled his belt free of its loops. Nezumi sucked the skin just above Shion's clavicle and ran his hands down Shion's chest, stopping at his waist. He unzipped Shion's pants and palmed Shion through his briefs.

"Mm, you're already so big," Nezumi whispered.

"You know you don't have to say those things to me," Shion responded, his voice strained.

Nezumi lifted his head to make eye contact with Shion, who averted his eyes. Nezumi grabbed his chin. "I know I don't have to. I'm saying it 'cause it's hot how turned on you get just from sitting next to me at dinner."

"I just don't want you to think -- "

"I'd rather not think at all, if you don't mind." Nezumi snapped Shion's waistband, and Shion shuddered.

Shion touched Nezumi's shoulder with one hand and used the other to gather Nezumi's dress above his hips. Nezumi's erection spilled out of his thong.

"Oh, Nezumi," Shion whimpered.

Nezumi pushed Shion's underwear down while Shion pulled Nezumi's hips towards him, still clutching the soft fabric of his skirt. Nezumi stepped back for a moment to kick his thong off. He braced both elbows on either side of Shion's head and kissed him, letting Shion use his hand to stroke both of them. They were both close when Nezumi remembered to pull the dress off over his head.

Shion didn't want Nezumi to stop touching him for even a moment. He couldn't get a single actual word out, but he could see in Nezumi's face that his tone got his complaint across. "This is silk," Nezumi chastised before he went back to kissing Shion.

Chapter Text

"Do you think we could move the larger bookshelf into the corner by the window? I think that would open up the space a little more." Shion gestured in the dark at the furniture he was rearranging in his mind.

Nezumi turned over to face the wall. "Do we have to talk about interior design right now?"

"What do you want to talk about?" Shion asked gamely.

"I just want to sleep."

"Oh... okay." Shion pressed his body into the mattress and stared at the ceiling. He counted from 0 to 100, then counted back down. He had to restart at least ten times on the way. He fidgeted. Nezumi turned back over and let his arm flop over Shion's chest. Shion tried to focus on how it felt to be in his body. He tried relaxing all of his muscles from his toes to the crown of his head. He tried imagining a wide open field. It was when he started whispering Shakespeare that Nezumi sat up.

"What the fuck are you doing?" Nezumi twisted to stare at Shion, the little light filtering through the curtains more than enough for Shion to recognize his impatient expression.

Shion pushed himself up. "I'm trying to fall asleep."

Nezumi waited a moment, then brought his palm to his forehead. "And what's with the creepy mumbling?"

"I thought maybe reciting a monologue would help," Shion explained.

"Do that in your head! What the fuck is wrong with you?" Nezumi dropped back onto the mattress. "Stop freaking me out."

Shion tried to do it in his head. He really did. But it didn't feel right. The words wanted to be spoken aloud. It felt like this strategy could work if he said the lines instead of just thinking them. He could feel his body so close to sleep. He was really almost there when Nezumi's hand clamped over his mouth.

Shion tried to say, "Sorry, I was trying to be quiet." But Nezumi's fingers blocked him from forming the right letters. It came out all garbled, and Shion could tell from the way Nezumi's hand pressed against his teeth that Nezumi wouldn't care, anyway. Shion bit down at the skin of Nezumi's fingers, but Nezumi didn't budge. He hadn't said anything. Maybe he wasn't even awake. Shion bit a little harder. No luck, and it was getting a little hard to breathe. But he didn't want to bite any harder - he had no desire to damage Nezumi's beautiful hands. He tried a different strategy. He pressed at Nezumi's palm with his tongue, ran his tongue in the gaps between Nezumi's fingers. Nezumi shifted a little, enough for Shion to catch a fingertip in his mouth.

"Goddamnit, Shion," Nezumi muttered, pulling his hand away and wiping Shion's spit on Shion's own nightshirt.

Shion defended himself. "You know I like that!"

"Fucking read the room. I'm trying to get you to shut the hell up, not coming on to you." Nezumi pulled the pillow out from under his head and pressed it on his face.

"But you know how I feel about you covering my mouth," Shion pointed out. He rolled over and looked at the bit of cheek he could see of Nezumi, the rest covered in bedding. "Are you saying you don't like it?"

"Not the point," Nezumi said into the pillow.

Shion hummed as if he was considering Nezumi's perspective. "You know, I always feel more relaxed after sex. I bet it would help me sleep."

Nezumi climbed on top of him. "You're merciless, you know that?"

Chapter Text

"I love alcohol!"

Nezumi took another sip of his beer and tipped it towards Shion. "So you've said."

"You're not drunk," Shion accused, scooting closer to Nezumi on the couch.

"Yeah, well, you're drunk enough for the both of us," Nezumi replied, lifting the can to his lips again.

"You always say that!" Shion grabbed it out of Nezumi's hand, spilling beer on himself and the couch. "Are you even drinking? It's full!"

Nezumi snatched it back. "That's because I just cracked open a new one, genius." He pointed at the empties overflowing from the recycling bin.

"Oh, yeah. I should take that out." Shion stood.

Nezumi pulled him back down. "You're not going anywhere right now."

Shion shook Nezumi's hands off. "I'm not that drunk. I'll be fine."

"Not what I meant." Nezumi set his beer down on the coffee table, setting it next to and not on top of the coaster Shion had set out for him. He pushed Shion down on the couch and kissed him, one hand in his hair and the other flat on his chest. Shion's heartbeat was fast and irregular, like it could burst out of his chest at any moment.

Shion broke the kiss with a laugh. "You really are drunk! You smell like a distillery."

"What do you know about distilleries?" Nezumi teased.

"I know they smell like alcohol." Shion leaned up to give Nezumi a peck on the nose.

"I thought you loved alcohol." Nezumi squeezed Shion's cheeks so he looked like a fish.

Shion kept talking through his pinched lips. "Its effects and its taste, not its smell."

"That doesn't even make sense." Nezumi rolled his eyes, dropped his hand to Shion's neck, and kissed him on the lips.

Shion still didn't shut up. "Yes, it does. Smell and taste are different senses."

Nezumi sat up, exasperated. He rested his weight on Shion's thighs and gave him a withering, silent look.

"Hey, Nezumi, how come you only get drunk when we're alone?" Shion said, as if he were starting an entirely new conversation.

Nezumi took his hands off of Shion and closed them in front of his nose. "What the fuck are you talking about?"

"Well, it seems to me that you rarely drink much when you're with other people," Shion continued. "But you're drunk right now."

"So what?" Nezumi cleared his throat.

"I was just wondering. It's okay if you don't want to talk about it." Shion reached his hand up to play with a strand of hair that had fallen loose from Nezumi's hair tie. "Your hair is so soft."

Nezumi sighed. "You keep changing the subject. I'm starting to think you don't want to fuck me. Careful, or you'll hurt my feelings."

"That's not it at all!" Shion tried to sit up under Nezumi, but he fell backwards, almost off the couch. Nezumi caught his arm and hauled him back up. "I just get distracted. There's so much I want to talk about with you."

"You're so fucking weird." Nezumi pulled impatiently at the buttons at Shion's shirt, his fingers unusually clumsy. He loved the way Shion looked in this shirt, but it was a pain in the ass to take off. Shion unbuttoned it himself, exposing his undershirt.

"Why are you wearing so many clothes?" Nezumi complained. He didn't bother taking off the undershirt, instead sticking his hand between the fabric and Shion's skin as he leaned back to kiss Shion again.

Shion shivered and pulled at Nezumi's t-shirt. Nezumi didn't move to allow Shion to pull the shirt over his head. Holding the fabric in his hands, he pulled down, hard, so Nezumi's chest slammed against Shion's. Their teeth crashed together, the sound vibrating in Nezumi's head.

Chapter Text

Shion struggled to compose his face. He wanted to be grateful, but he just felt disappointed, and then disappointed in himself for being ungrateful.

"You don't like it." Nezumi dropped his jacket over the back of the chair.

"It's very pretty," Shion said, looking down at his hands, at the ripped wrapping paper underneath the wooden knife. It was pretty. The hilt had an elegant pattern, its metal inlay sparkling in the light.

Nezumi leaned over the kitchen table, getting very close to Shion's face. "But you don't like it."

Shion hesitated. He turned the knife over in his hands. "It's not real."

"...Right. It's a prop." Nezumi leaned back. He pulled a chair out and sat. "I can get you a real one for self-defense, if you want."

Shion rubbed his thumb against the tapered edge of the knife, where the blade would be on a real knife. It was so dull. He put it down.

"I feel like we're not on the same page, here." Nezumi crossed his legs. "Shall I explain? You asked me to hold a knife to your throat while -- "

"I know!" Shion interrupted. He waved his hand in front of his face and squeezed his eyes shut. "I know. I understand."

"Well, that makes one of us. Why do you look like you just watched me kick a puppy?"

Shion bit his lower lip. He didn't know how to explain himself. He'd thought Nezumi understood. A prop wasn't the same. There was no danger. Nezumi hadn't even made fun of him when Shion had asked if they could try knifeplay. He said it sounded "kind of hot." But now Shion saw that that was because Nezumi hadn't really understood what he was asking for. Shion scooted his chair out and stared down at his lap, hands gripping his pant legs.

Nezumi rested his elbow on the table, and let his head fall onto it. "Are you gonna make me guess? Is it because of the flowers?"

"No. Nezumi, the design is beautiful."

The knife sat on the table between them. Nezumi picked it up. "The size? The material?"

Shion wanted to cry, and he felt so stupid for that that it made him want to cry more. "It's very nice. Thank you."

"Hey." Nezumi reached out to lift Shion's chin. His voice was soft. "It's me."

Shion pulled away from Nezumi, then lifted one of his legs up onto the chair and crossed his arms in front of it. He held one wrist with the other hand, twisting it nervously. He looked past Nezumi, knowing his face was red and his eyes watery. Knowing that of course Nezumi could tell even if he didn't look at him. "I don't know how to explain it."

"Try."

"When I asked about knives, I was..." Shion paused. "It's not just the knife. Do you know what I mean? There's... danger."

"I assure you, I can be dangerous with this." Nezumi waved the wooden knife. "Besides, you seemed pretty enthralled when I held you down with a spoon."

Shion was surprised into making eye contact with Nezumi. He laughed in Nezumi's face. "We were twelve!"

Nezumi shrugged.

"It's the risk. It's... knowing that you could cut me, if you wanted."

"I don't get it." Nezumi shook his head. "If I wanted to, I could slit your throat at any time. If I had to, I could kill you with my bare hands. You know that."

Shion shuddered with desire and frustration. "Forget it."

"I'm trying to understand!" Nezumi dropped the wooden knife and grabbed Shion's hand, stopping his nervous fidgeting.

Shion lifted his eyes to meet Nezumi's gaze. He hoped he looked confident. "I want you to hurt me. I don't want a prop. I want you to make me bleed."

Chapter Text

Shion touched his fingers to the cold metal of the bars on the window. They'd come with the place, on the first floor. He'd never liked them. There was something mistrustful about them. They seemed to tell him: you can't trust your neighbors.

On the other hand, there was something attractive about being closed off. The entire world outside, and him caged in here. With Nezumi.

"What are you thinking about?" Nezumi appeared behind him.

Shion dropped his hand. "Nothing."

Nezumi put his hand on the wall next to the window and leaned in. "Bullshit."

"I was just wondering if these bars make this place feel like a prison cell to you." He turned away from the window. He'd left it open, and a cool breeze was blowing in. It made the hairs on the back of his neck stand up.

Nezumi laughed. "The whole thing about prison is that you can't leave. I have keys."

"Do you ever feel trapped?" Shion pressed his fingertips against the wall. "With me?"

Nezumi brushed Shion's collarbone with the back of his hand. He looked into his eyes. "Do you worry about that?"

"Sometimes." Shion didn't lower his gaze. "You said that you weren't made for staying in one place."

"Well, that's the thing, isn't it?" Nezumi brought his hand to Shion's elbow and let it rest there. "Have you read Heraclitus?"

Shion shook his head. "He was a philosopher, right? I've seen his name."

"Yeah. He said that no man can ever step into the same river twice. Every step changes us, and we change every step." Nezumi took Shion's hand and placed it on his shoulder, then pressed his palm into the small of Shion's back.

The dance flowed naturally. Dancing didn't take his breath away quite so easily anymore, so Shion had the chance to consider Nezumi's words as the two of them moved to Nezumi's humming. He'd read those words before, somewhere. He couldn't remember where. "So you're saying there's no such thing as staying in one place?"

Nezumi smiled. He dipped Shion low. "That's one way of looking at it."

Shion felt off-balance, dizzy, though they'd barely moved. Nezumi pulled him back up, gently. They were back by the window. Shion got lost in Nezumi's eyes and found himself with his back against the wall, sliding down, neck pressing into the edge of the sill once he hit the ground. Nezumi on top of him, kissing him, while Shion pressed up into him to force him closer. Shion realized he was gripping the bars of the open window, and he didn't let go, savoring the bracing contrast of the cold air on his knuckles and Nezumi's warm breath on his neck, then his chest, then lower.

Chapter Text

The rope slipped from Shion's sweaty hands. He caught it before it hit the floor.

"Are you sure about this?" he asked, not for the first time.

"I think you should know what you're asking me to do," Nezumi answered without answering.

Shion wrapped the soft rope around his own hands, then unwrapped it, then wrapped it again. "It feels... wrong."

"Isn't that the point?" Nezumi touched a single finger to Shion's wrist, now exposed again.

"Is it?" Shion's eyes snapped to Nezumi's.

Nezumi dragged his finger up Shion's arm and lightly tipped Shion's chin up. "The subversive is sexy."

Shion held Nezumi's gaze but said nothing. He pulled the rope taut and bit the inside of his cheek.

"Look, you're not gonna hurt me." Nezumi took a step back and rolled up the cuffs of his shirt. "You read about it, right?"

Shion nodded. "I practiced the knots, but..."

Nezumi brought his wrists in front of his face, then extended them towards Shion, palms out. He smiled and waited.

"Forget it!" Shion thrust the rope into Nezumi's outstretched hands.

Nezumi let it hang. "Huh?"

"I get it, okay?" Shion crossed the room to the couch, letting all of his weight fall at once. "You can stop now."

"What are you talking about?" Nezumi trailed a few steps behind, stopping in front of the coffee table. He tossed half of the folded rope over his shoulder, still holding one end.

Shion hugged his arms to his chest. "If you don't want to do something, you can just tell me. Not everything has to be a test." He shook his head. "I asked you to tie me up. You don't want to. Got it."

Nezumi stepped around the table. "I didn't say that."

"Right. You want me to learn for myself that I shouldn't want to, either." Shion pressed his body harder into the couch and let his heels come up off the floor. "Just stop."

Nezumi closed the gap between them and placed his free hand on Shion's elbow. "Shion."

Shion stared at Nezumi's stomach.

"Look at me." Nezumi dropped to his knees. "I'm trying to tell you that I trust you." He moved Shion's arms to his sides and placed his own arms in Shion's lap, wrists together. "Can't you trust me?"

Chapter Text

Nezumi stood behind Shion's desk. He cleared his throat, but got no response. Shion picked up his red pen and turned the page of the report he'd been reading. The same document he'd been poring over for hours.

Nezumi tapped Shion on the shoulder. "Your neck's gonna hurt tomorrow."

"Mm." Shion straightened up a bit. His back cracked from the movement, and he winced.

Nezumi sighed and placed a hand on each of Shion's shoulders, rubbing them softly. He pressed the heels of his palms into Shion's shoulder blades and pressed out. 

"That's nice," Shion said through the pen cap between his teeth. He slashed the pen across the paper in front of him, striking out a paragraph and adding a note in the margin.

Nezumi kissed Shion's neck, his hands still drawing circles on Shion's back.

Shion looked over his shoulder at Nezumi, smiling apologetically. "I really need to finish this."

"You've been at it all day." Nezumi squeezed Shion's tense muscles. "Take a break."

Shion sighed and turned to the next page, hunching even further forward, his elbow pushing balled-up rejected drafts onto the floor.

Nezumi squatted to pick up after Shion. He threw the crumpled papers into the trash. As he placed his hand on the ground to push himself back up, he looked up and saw the dark circles under Shion's eyes, even more pronounced than usual. Nezumi shook his head. Shion never knew when to stop. Instead of standing, Nezumi dropped his other hand to the floor, then lowered his knees. He crawled under Shion's desk. Shion didn't even seem to notice until Nezumi pushed his knees apart.

"Nezumi, I'm busy." Shion attempted to bring his legs together, but Nezumi put his shoulders between them.

Nezumi unzipped Shion's fly. "Just pretend I'm not here."

Shion scooted his chair back, though Nezumi's weight stopped him from moving much. "Nezumi," he repeated, his voice tight.

"Really, don't mind me." Nezumi pulled Shion closer to the edge of the chair, and lowered Shion's pants and underwear down to mid-thigh. He kissed the hair above Shion's cock, still soft. He cupped Shion's balls with one hand and stroked Shion's thigh with the other. As Shion hardened against his cheek, Nezumi showered him with soft kisses all over his pelvis. Shion gripped the desk with both hands, the report still open but the pen no longer in his hand. Nezumi smirked. He touched his lips to Shion's tip, then pulled back when he heard a snap above his head. He looked up to see Shion removing the splintered plastic cap from his mouth. Nezumi stifled a laugh and took Shion into his mouth. Shion pushed up into his throat, and Nezumi allowed him to, swallowing to make it easier for Shion to fuck his face.

Shion's hands were off the desk, now, and in Nezumi's hair. Nezumi let Shion push his cock deeper into his mouth, making spirals with his tongue, until Shion pulled away. He wasn't fast enough; he came half on Nezumi's face, and half on his own pants.

"It's okay," Nezumi preempted the apology. He grabbed the edge of the desk and pulled himself out from under it. He wiped his face with a tissue. By the time he looked back, Shion was passed out face-down on top of the report he'd been editing. Nezumi sighed, picked up a blanket, and wrapped it around Shion's shoulders.

Chapter Text

"Yours tastes so much better," Shion marveled.

Nezumi flexed his hand, still covering his eyes with his elbow. "What?"

"It's like... salty, yes, but not too salty. It has a sort of savory flavor."

Nezumi half-uncovered his face to see Shion licking cum off of his palm. He grabbed a pillow and smacked Shion with it. "What the hell are you doing?"

"I think it tastes even better than usual today." Shion put one of his fingers in his mouth and sucked it clean, pulling it out with a pop. "Did you eat something different?"

"You're so weird." Nezumi dropped the pillow and crossed both of his arms over his head.

Shion pressed his lips to the heel of his hand. "How come mine never tastes this good?"

"Yours is fine. Do you hear me complaining?"

"I mean to me." Shion inspected his hand.

Nezumi laughed. He turned onto his side and propped his head up with his hand. "Are you saying you suck your own dick?"

"Obviously not. I'm not that flexible."

"So you've tried." Nezumi pressed his forehead against Shion's.

"Of course."

Instead of calling him weird again, Nezumi angled his chin to kiss him, then recoiled. "Oh, gross."

"Hm, you don't like the taste of your own ejaculate?"

"The issue is that you're fucking... hoarding it. What the hell is wrong with you? You look like a rabid chipmunk." Nezumi brought his thumb to Shion's cheek to wipe cum off his face.

Shion stuck out his tongue to catch it, a little dribbling out of his mouth.

Nezumi gagged. "Stop that."

"I'm savoring it," Shion mumbled through closed lips.

"It's not exactly in limited supply." Nezumi looked into Shion's eyes, one hand still on Shion's face. "I'm begging you, spit or swallow. I don't care which."

"You don't always want me to touch you, though. Plus, it doesn't always taste this good." Shion licked his lips again, more careful this time to keep his mouth closed.

Nezumi pressed on Shion's cheek, forcing his mouth open. Shion's spit mixed with Nezumi's cum dripped onto the sheets. They both stared at the puddle, then burst out laughing. Nezumi shoved Shion almost entirely off the bed.

"Go brush your teeth!"

Chapter Text

Shion's knees started to throb, the floor just beneath the thin rug hard and cold below him. He ignored it. He'd finally found an angle that made Nezumi pull his hair, and he wasn't about to risk losing it. Nezumi's other hand gripped the countertop behind him. Shion sneaked peeks at him, his own hands braced - one tented on the floor, and the other pulling Nezumi's hips toward him.

Nezumi mostly just played with Shion's hair, lightly tugging at a strand between two fingers or brushing it off Shion's forehead without even looking down. Shion looked up when Nezumi moved his hair out of his eyes. Nezumi knew he liked to watch, so he wondered if the gesture was a concession. Nezumi wasn't looking at him, though. His head was thrown back, his eyes shut tightly.

The overhead light's angle cast a shadow over Shion's body, but Nezumi was in the light. Shion preferred it that way; he'd taken his clothes off, too, but only so they could press their chests together while they kissed, Shion's bare thigh pressing against the countertop behind Nezumi, leaving a red mark that had only now started to fade. Shion could see every part of Nezumi in this light - every one of the scars along his torso, small compared to the flames on his back but no less important. More important for Shion to see, maybe, since these were his fault. The urge to cry came on fast and strong, though he wasn't sure whether out of joy or guilt or something else.

He let out a choked sob, and Nezumi tried to pull out, looking down in alarm, but Shion stopped him. He didn't want to talk about it, and he had plausible deniability - his reaction could just as easily have been physical. He ran his tongue along the underside of Nezumi's dick and sucked harder. He just wanted to love Nezumi, to make Nezumi know he loved him. It had to be enough that they were alive, together, right now. Nezumi pulled Shion's hair again - not away, just up, and hard - as if he understood what Shion was saying without him saying it. Shion interpreted it as an "I love you, too."

Chapter Text

“This is stupid,” Nezumi complained.

“Hold still, please.” Shion patted the back of Nezumi’s knee softly, then handed him some balled-up fabric. “And put this in your mouth.

Nezumi let Shion’s hand hang in mid-air, eyeing it suspiciously. “What is that?”

“So you don’t scream so loud this time.” Shion inched the fabric closer to Nezumi.

Nezumi twisted his arm to slap Shion’s hand down. “I don’t scream!”

Shion shrugged, giving up. “I just don’t want the neighbors to think I’m torturing you.”

“Well, you are.” Nezumi crossed his elbows over the pillow and rested his head on them.

Without responding, Shion removed a vial from the box and checked the label.

“Torturing and drugging.” The pillow muffled Nezumi’s comment.

Shion hummed, refusing to be provoked. “You know, for someone so tough, you’re surprisingly sensitive about needles.”

“Glad I can still surprise you.” Nezumi dug his elbows deeper into the pillow, pressing his stomach into the mattress.

Shion put the bottle down and picked up a plastic-wrapped syringe. “Are we doing this?”

“It’s not even fucking working,” Nezumi said quietly.


“It’s working.” Shion turned the package over to check the seal.

Nezumi rubbed one foot over the back of his other calf, scratching the skin with his toenails. "You just want an excuse to stab me in the ass."

"You can inject me with saline after, if you want," Shion offered.

"I'm good," Nezumi grumbled.

“It’s working, Nezumi.” Shion placed the needle back in the box and scooted in so his thigh was against Nezumi's torso, his other leg dangling off the bed. “You don’t see it, but I do.” He rested his palm on Nezumi’s back, feeling his heat through his shirt. “I love every centimeter of your body, so - ”

Nezumi groaned.

“Every millimeter, actually. So I can see the change here.” Shion traced a line up Nezumi’s back to his face, lightly pressing his thumb to the half of Nezumi’s cheek that he could reach. “Your jaw is softer. And here.” Shion lowered his hands to Nezumi’s shoulders and bent to kiss first one, then the other. "Your shoulders are rounder." Shion kept his lips on Nezumi's shoulder but let his hands follow Nezumi's body down to his hips. "And your hips have more of a curve. It's really something. You look more beautiful every single day, which seems impossible, since you've always been incredibly beautiful."

Nezumi's cheek reddened. "Ugh, enough foreplay. Just stick it in already."

Shion sat up and reached for the box of supplies. "You sure?"

"Do it."

Shion prepared the dose, touching Nezumi's side with his knee since both hands were occupied. Before he injected the medication, he pressed one hand into Nezumi's upper thigh muscle, encouraging him to relax. Nezumi tensed up, of course. He always did. After discarding the needle, Shion lay down next to Nezumi, forcing him to share the pillow.

"You okay?" Shion brushed Nezumi's hair out of his eyes, but Nezumi kept them closed.

"That shit hurts."

"I'm sorry. But don't you think it's amazing? I just gave you an intramuscular injection, so right now the hormones are working their way into your bloodstream. It's changing you at the cellular level. I can only see the changes on the surface, but there's so much more happening inside your body. I wish I could see it all." Shion stroked Nezumi's cheek. "It's amazing," he repeated.

"I guess." Nezumi tilted his head towards Shion, pressing his face against Shion's hand, then turning to kiss Shion's palm. "Thanks."

Chapter Text

"Mm... Shion, are you close?" Nezumi lifted his hands half-off Shion's neck to allow him to answer.

"Let me focus on you." Shion thrust up into Nezumi.

Nezumi keeled forward, and caught himself with one hand on each side of Shion's head. "Not an answer," he retorted once he'd caught his breath.

Shion wrapped his hand around one of Nezumi's wrists and guided it back to his throat. "This feels good."

"Yeah?" Nezumi pressed harder. He rode him like that until he came, then Shion pushed him off.

Nezumi breathed hard. "Still can't cum?"

"It's fine," Shion replied. He fit himself into the crook of Nezumi's shoulder. "Doesn't even hurt."

"Maybe you should talk to your psychiatrist." Nezumi untangled the blanket he was half on top of and pulled it over both of them.

"Actually." Shion paused. He nuzzled Nezumi's underarm. "I've been thinking I might go off the meds."

Nezumi snapped his gaze to Shion's averted eyes. He pulled back slightly, dragging Shion along with him. "Are you fucking kidding me?"

Shion frowned, still avoiding Nezumi's eyes. "I thought you'd like the idea. Since, you know..."

"That's very considerate of you," Nezumi replied, dripping sarcasm, "but I'd rather have a Shion who doesn't want to blow his brains out than one who can blow his load."

Shion chewed his lower lip. "Yeah, well, maybe I'd rather have the other one. Doesn't what I want matter?"

"Sure. But that Shion wants to die. I can't let that happen. For one thing, your mom would actually kill me." Nezumi shuddered theatrically, grinning at the memory of Karan's intensity.

Shion sighed. "It's not just about sex."

"I know." Nezumi patted his back, letting the smile fall off his face.

Shion rested his forehead on Nezumi's bare chest. "I don't feel like me."

Nezumi hugged him tight. "So change your dose. Try different meds."

Shion shook his head, rubbing his skin against Nezumi's. "I just wanna try going off them and see what happens."

"We already know what happens." Nezumi played with the soft hair at the back of Shion's neck. "You try to kill yourself left and right."

"Stop making fun of me." Shion rolled away and pushed himself up to sitting. "I'm being serious."

Nezumi dove to catch him around the waist. He threw all his weight towards Shion, both arms around him, clasped together in Shion's lap. "So am I!"

"I shouldn't have brought it up." Shion tried, unsuccessfully, to stand. "Let go. I need some water."

Nezumi pressed his forehead between Shion's shoulderblades, squeezing him tighter. "Stay with me, Shion."

"Fine. I'll ask about the dosage." Shion dropped his head back, the back of his head brushing the crown of Nezumi's.

Nezumi pulled him hard back onto the bed and spooned him, leg and arm splayed over Shion's chest. He kissed Shion's forehead. "Thank you."

Chapter Text

"I think I've figured it out," Shion announced. He stood in front of Nezumi, hands on his hips, face radiating accomplishment.

"Oh?" Nezumi didn't look up from his book. He turned the page.

"I want you to penetrate me, but -- "

"Wait. Slow down." Nezumi stuck his thumb between the pages to mark his spot and half-closed the cover. "What?"

"I'm explaining the problem, and then I'll propose a solution." Shion held out one hand, then the other.

Nezumi leaned back. He swept his arm across his body, then rested both elbows on the back of the couch, still holding the book with the other hand. "Go on."

"So, I want you to penetrate me, but you want me to penetrate you."

"I wouldn't really call that a problem." Nezumi reached towards Shion and curled his fingers towards him. "I think we handle it pretty well."

Shion stepped closer, but didn't climb onto the couch. "Sure, but I think it could be better."

"Damn." Nezumi brought his hand to his chest. "Tough crowd."

"Now, the solution..." Shion turned around. When he faced Nezumi again, he held a large dildo in both hands.

"...Yes?" Nezumi prompted.

Shion just smiled and waited.

Nezumi pointed at his hands. "You want me to fuck you with that while you're fucking me?"

Shion nodded, grinning, his mouth periodically disappearing behind the head of the dildo.

"Yeah, that's hot, actually." Nezumi felt around for a piece of paper to mark his place and set the book on the side table. "Come here."

Chapter Text

Shion opened his eyes to find Nezumi staring straight at him. He blinked his eyes closed tightly and held them shut for a moment, just in case he was imagining it. He focused on the feeling of his cheek on Nezumi's bicep, of Nezumi's knee on top of his own, of Nezumi's hand between his legs. He kept moving his hand, too. He had a habit of getting distracted in these moments. But when he let his eyes open again, Nezumi was still there, those gray irises taking up the whole of Shion's field of vision.

"Hi," Nezumi flirted.

"What are you doing?" Shion coughed a little. He was used to staring at Nezumi's eyelashes when they touched each other like this, facing each other, mostly under the covers. Seeing Nezumi's eyes this close, at this angle, put him off balance.

Nezumi smiled. He let their foreheads separate for a moment to kiss Shion on the lips. "I thought I'd try it."

Shion moved his hand up to Nezumi's chest, resting his palm in the center. His other hand stayed trapped beneath Nezumi's hip. "Are you making fun of me?"

"It did start like that." Nezumi curled his fingers in, and smiled wider when Shion gasped. "I won't lie. But now I kind of get the appeal."

"Stop it." Shion blushed and pushed Nezumi away, creating just a few inches of space between their shoulders. At the same time, he pressed his thighs closer together around Nezumi's hand.

"Seriously. Your eyelashes are pretty, too, you know?" Nezumi closed the distance and blinked his eyelashes against Shion's face. "Kind of an otherworldly beauty."

Shion drummed his hands on Nezumi's chest. He couldn't tell from Nezumi's tone if this was genuine - it always felt unbelievable when Nezumi complimented his looks - and he didn't want to guess wrong, so he waited to see what Nezumi would say next. Instead of speaking, Nezumi pressed into Shion's clit with the pad of his finger, letting Shion decide when to move again. Shion rolled his hips against Nezumi's hand, biting his cheek so hard it hurt.

Nezumi brought his mouth to Shion's ear. "I get why you like to watch. It's so fucking sexy to see your face."

"I can't tell if you're being serious," Shion admitted. He didn't know what his face looked like, but it felt embarrassing. Probably all red and sweaty. He was pretty sure his cheek was bleeding. There was that familiar taste of metal in his mouth, though sometimes he imagined that, too.

Nezumi dropped his head back onto the pillow and held Shion's gaze. He rubbed his dick against Shion's thigh. "Does this feel serious?"

"I guess it does." Shion lowered his hand again. Nezumi's eyes fluttered when Shion touched him again, but he kept them open in the end. He moaned and pressed his chest against Shion's, the motion freeing Shion's other hand to grab his ass. Every part of Shion was in contact with some part of Nezumi - his hands, his mouth, his chest, his eyes. His heart, of course. I love you, he either thought or said. He wasn't sure which. He didn't hear if Nezumi said it back, but with the way his eyes looked only at Shion, it felt like he was thinking it.

Chapter Text

"Hey!" Shion rushed towards Nezumi and tried to shove him onto the couch. Nezumi sidestepped him, and Shion faceplanted, dropping the rag and spray bottle he'd been holding.

"Well, hello to you too," Nezumi said lightly to Shion's back.

Shion stood back up, collecting his cleaning supplies on the way. "You're tracking dirt on the rug!"

Nezumi sat in the spot Shion just vacated and put his feet up on the armrest. He imitated a woman's voice, then a man's: "'How was your day, dear?' 'Oh, it was fine, and yours?'"

"Nezumi!" Shion threw the rag down on the coffee table and walked around the couch. He tugged Nezumi's boots off his feet roughly and threw them at the door. "I just cleaned the floor."

Nezumi used the woman's voice again. "'My day was fine, too. Thanks for asking. What would you like to eat for dinner?'"

"Your feet stink." Shion flicked the bottom of Nezumi's foot, grabbed the cloth, and started wiping down the kitchen table.

"You're so hot when you're mad," Nezumi called over the back of the couch.

Shion ignored him, glaring down at the already clean table.

Nezumi came up behind Shion and hugged him around the shoulders. "I'm sorry."

Shion wiggled free and continued polishing the same spot on the table.

"I'll clean it up," Nezumi promised. He touched Shion's upper arm.

Shion rolled his shoulders back, shrugging Nezumi's hand off. "You'd better."

"Let me make it up to you." Nezumi put one hand on Shion's waist and kissed his neck.

Shion stopped scrubbing the table. "I'm mad at you," he said. It sounded more like a reminder to himself than anything else.

"Mhm." Nezumi put his hand around Shion's throat and sucked the spot he'd been kissing.

"You're so annoying." Shion pressed his hands flat on the top of the table.

"Yeah."

Nezumi pushed Shion gently, and Shion let himself drop onto his elbows. Nezumi fell forward with him, resting his chest on Shion's back. With one hand, he lowered the back of Shion's pants to his thighs and grabbed his ass. Shion pressed into his hand. Nezumi circled Shion's hole with a finger, then reached around and wet his hand with precum off Shion's tip. He brought his hand back around and pressed a finger inside of Shion, who moaned and collapsed entirely onto the table. His hands scrambled and found the edges of the table. Shion desperately thrusted his hips in the air, searching for something to rub against. Nezumi continued the skin at the base of Shion's neck as he fingered him until Shion came.

"See? I can be considerate," Nezumi whispered in Shion's ear. Shion's cheek was squished, almost stuck to the table with sweat. Nezumi grabbed the cloth from Shion's hand and wiped around his head. "Since you came in your pants, we didn't even make a mess."

"You still have to clean the floor," Shion mumbled.

Chapter Text

Shion splashed cold water on his face. He'd left Nezumi naked on the bed. He'd told him not to move. To wait for him, just like that, his arms by his sides, palms up. It felt like he was observing Nezumi from above, hovering above him, silent. But he wasn't. He was in the bathroom. Looking into the mirror, at himself, his collar dripping. He stuck his head under the faucet, contorting his neck to fit in the basin. There was silence from the bedroom. Nezumi didn't call after him. He didn't scold him for taking so long. He didn't ask if Shion was okay. Shion could do whatever he wanted, and Nezumi couldn't say anything. Shion opened his mouth and breathed in, then choked, coughed, and jerked his head up, banging his head on the sink.

"Fuck," Shion said quietly. He opened the bathroom door and returned to the foot of the bed.

Except for his eyes, which followed Shion curiously, Nezumi hadn't moved at all. Even his fingers were in exactly the same position - the thumb of each hand overextended, the middle finger of the left hand bent towards his palm.

Shion stared at Nezumi, dragging his eyes slowly from his toes up, lingering on his chin. Shion's arms were slack at his sides. His shirt was dripping wet. His forehead had started to bruise. There was no reason for Nezumi to do what he said. No reason for him to take him seriously. But there he was, just lying there. Silently. Because Shion had told him to.

Shion brought his gaze back down, focusing this time on Nezumi's chest. Then, his hips. Nezumi's fingers twitched. He was trying so hard not to move. Shion scanned Nezumi's body again, this time touching a finger to the top of Nezumi's foot and pushing it up his leg to his hip, then to his shoulder, then down his arm. He pressed Nezumi's fingers down onto the bed one by one. Each time, there was just a moment of resistance, then surrender. Shion traced a line back up to Nezumi's shoulder, then pressed his thumb into Nezumi's lips. The question hadn't left Nezumi's eyes, but he didn't ask it. He just waited to see what Shion would do.

Chapter Text

Nezumi fucked himself with his fingers, his knees on top of Shion's fingers to keep him from trying to touch. Shion took ragged gasps of air and clutched the sheets. Nezumi kept most of his weight in his heels, the tops of his feet pressed into the mattress so that his knees just brushed the backs of Shion's hands. He was way past ready to take Shion, but Shion's speechless admiration of Nezumi fingering himself with both hands was too good. Shion leaked precum onto his own thigh. It dripped onto Nezumi's calf, and that was as good a cue as any. Nezumi widened his stance to free Shion's hands, then stood on his knees and moved one of his hands to Shion's cock. Shion's mouth fell open, his eyes rolling back.

"Breathe," Nezumi reminded him.

"I am." Shion attempted a glare, but his eyes didn't quite focus. It was too cute, how he was too turned on to speak or breathe or sass effectively. Nezumi kissed him on the cheek. He took his hand off of Shion and squeezed a little more lube onto his fingers. He ran one finger down each side of Shion's shaft, letting Shion rub against his hand a little, only for a second. He wrapped his hand around Shion, holding him at his base, and guided Shion's cock inside of him alongside his own fingers. Nezumi moaned, working through the pain. He hovered above Shion's lap, taking in only his tip. 

"Nezumi. Nezumi," Shion begged.

Nezumi moved his fingers inside himself against Shion, and the sensation shifted from mixed to fantastic. Nezumi looked down, and his hair fell over his face. Shion pulled it back, wiping sweat off Nezumi's face at the same time. Nezumi lowered himself, taking in more of Shion's dick as he removed his fingers and brought both hands to Shion's shoulders. He clasped his hands behind Shion's neck and used Shion's torso as leverage to lift himself almost completely off of Shion. He pressed his forearms into Shion's shoulders, dropping his hips lower as slowly as he possibly could. Shion's hands held Nezumi's waist gently, not pushing or pulling, just there. Nezumi felt Shion pulse inside of him. He closed his eyes and focused on that feeling, moving with aching precision until Shion's fingers on Nezumi's dick startled him into slamming down all at once. Nezumi pushed on Shion's pecs and fucked himself hard, now struggling for air almost as much as Shion was.

Shion stroked Nezumi's cock and talked unceasingly, barely pausing to suck in air, about how beautiful Nezumi was and how good it felt inside him and how much he loved him and how he couldn't take much more. Nezumi kissed Shion on the mouth, and let him keep talking unintelligibly around Nezumi's tongue. Shion's nails dug into Nezumi's hip as he came inside, the light touch becoming a tight grip. Nezumi felt himself tighten around Shion, felt the cum dripping out even as Nezumi held the same position. Shion moaned into Nezumi's mouth, finally unable to even try to form words. Nezumi brought his own hand down to join Shion's and jacked himself off. He came on Shion's stomach, Shion still half-hard inside him, and even then Nezumi didn't get off of Shion's lap.

"I love it when you cum inside me," Nezumi whispered, his lips still on Shion's.

Chapter Text

Nezumi spit his toothpaste into the sink. Out of the corner of his eye, he caught Shion examining his own face. He made eye contact through the mirror. "Admiring yourself?" he teased.

Shion pinched his chin and narrowed his eyes, not at Nezumi but at his own skin. "I think I'm getting a pimple."

"You look as beautiful as ever to me." Nezumi blew his reflection a kiss.

Shion rolled his eyes. "Whatever."

Nezumi turned to him, his hands resting on the counter behind his hips. He raised an eyebrow. Shion couldn't take a compliment.

"You're blocking the mirror," Shion complained.

Nezumi laughed. He swung himself around, anchoring a hand on Shion's waist, and came to a stop behind him. He rested his chin on Shion's shoulder and kissed him on the cheek. Shion blushed.

"See? So cute." Nezumi kissed him again.

Shion reached for his toothbrush and squeezed toothpaste onto it.

"Actually," Nezumi continued, his eyes wandering away from Shion's cheeks to the reflection of the wall behind them, "I've always thought it was kind of sexy."

"What?" Shion stuck the toothbrush into his mouth and started scrubbing.

"The way you stare at yourself." Nezumi paused to kiss Shion's throat. He closed his eyes, eyelashes brushing Shion's neck before they blinked open again. "Like sometimes you're just as captivated by yourself as I am."

Shion's brushing slowed. He eyed Nezumi skeptically.

Nezumi brought his fingers to the scar on Shion's neck. Shion followed Nezumi's hand with his gaze.

"Oh, like this?" Shion smiled around the toothbrush. He lifted his shirt halfway and pressed his nail into the red line on his stomach.

"Yeah," Nezumi breathed. Nezumi pressed his groin against the back of Shion's thigh.

Shion used his other hand to lift the shirt above his chest, letting the toothbrush hang from his lips, and watched Nezumi watch him.

Chapter Text

"Are you done yet?" Shion called through the bathroom door.

"I'm drying my hair," Nezumi replied. He folded the towel over his head and wrung his hair out.

"Let me in." Shion's voice was louder, now. He was pressed up against the door.

Nezumi bent over at the waist and shook his hair out. If he opened the door, Shion would want to dry Nezumi's hair for him. Then, he'd want to brush it. Condition it. Braid it. They'd never get to the sex unless Nezumi tied it up. "The more you talk, the longer I take."

The door shook, and Nezumi heard Shion slide down to the floor. He sighed loudly enough to carry through the wall. Nezumi rolled his eyes and pulled the door open abruptly. Shion fell back, hitting Nezumi's shins hard.

"Ow." Shion rubbed the back of his head.

Nezumi pulled the towel off of his shoulders and whipped Shion with it. "That's my line."

Shion pushed himself up and reached for Nezumi's hand, dragging him towards the bed.

"Alright, alright." Nezumi laughed, putting up no resistance. "How do you want me?"

"On your back." Shion dropped Nezumi's hand and pushed him with both palms.

Shion had barely touched him, but Nezumi fell back dramatically onto the bed, his arms extended up over his head and his legs splayed out. Shion grabbed both of Nezumi's calves and pulled him towards the edge of the bed. He reached up on the bed and patted around until he found a pillow. He lifted Nezumi's hips and wrapped his arms around Nezumi's thighs, bringing his face between Nezumi's legs. He kissed him, circling his tongue around Nezumi's asshole. Nezumi bent his knees, pulling Shion into him. Shion flicked his tongue, pressing in a little deeper with each breath. Nezumi brought one hand to his own mouth and bit it right above the wrist. He squeezed Shion's head between his thighs.

"Fuck, Shion," Nezumi moaned. "You have to stop. I'm gonna cum."

Shion paused. He kissed Nezumi's inner thigh and smiled up at him. "Don't you want to?"

Nezumi used one of his elbows to sit up halfway. He felt dizzy. The light filtering through the curtains from the street was too bright. "Not like this. I want you to fuck me."

"I am." Shion touched his lips to Nezumi's other thigh.

"Let me spell it out for you. I want your dick in my ass." Nezumi pointed at himself, then at Shion, then at himself again, speaking slowly and loudly.

"Yes. Later." Shion gripped Nezumi's hips and pressed his tongue back inside him.

Chapter Text

Nezumi crossed and uncrossed his ankles on Shion's lap. He'd dozed off on the couch, his legs extended over Shion's legs as Shion read. He'd woken up with one hand lifting his shirt half up, his palm resting against his own skin. He pulled his shirt down and watched Shion read.

Shion looked over at him and held the book up. "Nezumi, have you read this?"

Nezumi squinted at the cover: Attachment by John Bowlby. "Yeah. Stupid."

"You didn't like it?" Shion stuck his thumb in the book and half-closed it, checking the blurb on the back.

"It's just Freud all over again." Nezumi waved his hand dismissively above his head. "It's been done."

Shion furrowed his brow. "I think it's interesting."

"That's because you have mommy issues," Nezumi retorted. He swung his legs off the couch and sat up.

Shion sighed and put the book aside. "So, what do you think about the feminist argument that monogamy is inherently oppressive?"

Nezumi raised his eyebrows. "Does Bowlby say that?"

"No. I'm changing the subject." Shion turned to face Nezumi and crossed his legs on top of the cushion.

"Why do you ask?" Nezumi leaned in towards Shion and lifted his chin with a finger. "You want to fuck someone else?"

"No." Shion shook his head. "But if you wanted to, I wouldn't want to stop you. I don't own you."

Nezumi dropped Shion's chin and sat back on his heels. "Sounds like you want to fuck someone else."

"No," Shion repeated.

"I mean, I get it." Nezumi shrugged, like it didn't matter to him at all. "You've never even kissed a girl. It makes sense that you'd be curious. I'm actually surprised you've never brought it up before. Maybe you'll find out you're straight, after all."

Shion rolled his eyes. "I doubt that."

"Listen, if you really want to have sex with a woman --"

Shion interrupted, "That's not what I'm talking about."

"-- we could just do it together." Nezumi winked at Shion and leaned back in, almost touching his nose. "Ever heard of a threesome? Ménage à trois? It doesn't have to be political commentary. Sometimes sex is just fun."

Shion scooted back, his back now against the armrest and his knees up as a barrier between his body and Nezumi's. "You're not listening to me."

"I feel like you're not listening to yourself." Nezumi put his hands on top of Shion's knees. "There's nothing wrong with it. I'm saying it's fine."

"Not everything's about sex, Nezumi!" Shion stood suddenly, sweeping his legs out from under Nezumi.

Nezumi caught himself and lay down on his side, head propped up on the armrest. "I don't know why you're mad at me. You brought it up."

"I'm just trying to start a conversation," Shion huffed. He picked his book back up and went to sit at the kitchen table.

Nezumi hung his arms over the back of the couch, following Shion without getting up. "And I'm just trying to find out who you want to have sex with."

"Fuck off, Nezumi." Shion slammed his hands on the table. It shook. Nezumi flinched. Shion slid his hands forward and pressed his elbows into the tabletop. "I wish I wanted to have sex with a woman." Shion dropped his head into his hands. "I wish I could have loved her the way she wanted me to."

"Oh. Shit." Nezumi climbed over the couch and hugged Shion around the shoulders. "Shit."

Chapter Text

"Ow." Nezumi squeezed his shoulder up to his chin, pushing Shion's face away from his neck. The spot Shion had just bitten stung a little.

Shion kept his lips as close to Nezumi as he'd let him get. "Sorry, I got excited."

Nezumi laughed and pulled Shion down into a kiss. "You know," Nezumi said, breaking the kiss but keeping his lips against Shion's, "biting can be hot, but not the way you do it."

Shion pulled away, his eyes curving down. He sat on Nezumi's stomach, most of his weight on his own knees. "What do you mean?"

"It feels like you're gonna rip a chunk out of my throat." Nezumi pinched at the skin on his neck and pulled.

"I wouldn't do that." Shion wrung his hands miserably, avoiding eye contact.

"Yeah, I mean, I hope not." Nezumi took one of Shion's hands and pulled him back down. He nipped at Shion's bottom lip, and Shion moaned. "See? Sexy."

"Let me try again." Shion kissed Nezumi on the cheek, then his chin. Nezumi turned his head to the side, exposing his neck. "Can I take your shirt off?"

Nezumi put his arms over his head, and Shion took off both of their shirts. He tossed them off the side of the bed. Shion touched his knuckles to Nezumi's clavicle, then lowered his lips to meet them. He kissed it softly, then sucked at the skin.

"How's this?"

Nezumi opened his eyes. He hadn't realized he'd closed them. "Good," he said mildly.

Shion touched his teeth to Nezumi's skin, but softly, carefully. He glanced up, insecurity flashing on his face. Nezumi smiled at him and placed his hands on Shion's hips, pressing down. Shion let his teeth dig a little deeper.

"Ah," Nezumi exhaled.

Shion paused. "Okay?"

"Yeah." Nezumi rubbed Shion's back lightly, encouragingly. After a still moment, Nezumi spoke again. "Shion?"

"I'm scared I won't be able to stop." Shion pushed his forehead into Nezumi's collarbone.

Nezumi laughed again. He kept one hand on Shion's back and moved the other to the back of his head, scratching him behind the ears.

"I wouldn't tear your throat out," Shion clarified. He rocked his head from side to side against Nezumi's chest.

"That's reassuring," Nezumi responded sarcastically, still smiling.

Another second passed, the air tense. Then, Shion bit Nezumi hard.

"Fuck!" Nezumi gasped. He pressed Shion's head down as Shion bit him again.

Chapter Text

The knot dug into the back of Shion's head. He shrugged his shoulders up, nudging the scarf into a slightly more comfortable position without taking his hands off of Nezumi. He pinched Nezumi's nipples and admired his chest. Not being able to speak forced him to be creative. He couldn't tell Nezumi how beautiful he looked, but he could try to make him feel it. Shion traced circles around Nezumi's nipples. He leaned in, wanting to kiss and suck, but the gag stopped him before his lips could make contact. He rubbed his cheek against Nezumi, frustrated. He bit down on the gag, and Nezumi laughed at him. Shion tried to retort. The gag stopped him again. Nezumi laughed harder at his muffled response. Shion twisted one of Nezumi's nipples between his thumb and forefinger.

"Fucking ow," Nezumi complained. He flicked Shion's hand away. "Don't be an asshole. This was your idea."

Shion coughed a little. He rested his face on Nezumi's chest and found Nezumi's hips with his hand. He pinched the skin there, too. Nezumi pressed up against Shion. Shion slotted his thigh between Nezumi's legs and pressed. Nezumi grabbed at the blanket below them, pulling Shion further forward and increasing the pressure. Nezumi lifted his legs and wrapped them around Shion's back. Shion resisted a little, fitting his hand between his leg and Nezumi's groin before submitting. Nezumi held Shion tightly, his feet crossed at the ankle, and pushed Shion's fingers into himself.

Chapter Text

"What did you think? As good as the first one?" Nezumi looked over at Shion as he switched the television off.

Shion's eyes were closed, his head at an awkward angle against the couch cushion. He was drooling a little.

"Oh, of course. You're asleep." Nezumi tried to get out from under Shion's legs without waking him, but Shion's eyes opened wide as soon as Nezumi moved.

"Where are you going?" Shion yawned.

Nezumi shoved Shion the rest of the way off his lap, not bothering to be gentle now that Shion had woken up. He stood and brushed crumbs off his pants. "Gotta take a leak."

"Can I come?" Shion sat up straight, his eyes bright, pupils almost eclipsing his irises.

Nezumi cleared his throat. "I have to pee," he clarified.

"Yeah." Shion nodded.

"Oh. You can go first." Nezumi gestured toward the bathroom door.

"No, I don't need to pee." Shion laughed.

"What the fuck? What's in this?" Nezumi picked up the can Shion had just emptied. The alcohol content wasn't even that high. He tossed in the general direction of the recycling bin and started walking away.

Shion climbed across the couch to the seat Nezumi had just gotten up from, standing on his knees and pushing himself up  "Let me aim."

"What?" Nezumi looked back over his shoulder. "What? No."

"Why not?" Shion whined. "It's not like it's something I haven't seen before."

Nezumi shook his head. "Way too fucking weird."

Shion slumped forward, hunching his shoulders. "I'm just curious."

"It's hard to piss with a hard-on, you know." Nezumi turned back to Shion, his hands on his hips. "You should keep that in mind for whatever fantasy you're cultivating in that creative little head of yours."

Shion wrinkled his forehead. "What? Oh. Oh, no. I didn't mean it that way. Wait, did you want me to mean it that way? I'm not against it. I just hadn't thought about it. Actually, it sounds kind of -- "

"Shion," Nezumi interrupted.

"Yes?"

Nezumi gritted his teeth. Shion looked at him, waiting, leaning halfway off the couch. "If I let you aim, will you shut the fuck up?"

Shion mimed zipping his lips, smiling widely.

Nezumi turned on his heel, and Shion scrambled to his feet to follow him, only tripping a little bit.

Chapter Text

Nezumi touched his fingertips to the waistband of Shion's panties. He took in the contrast between black fabric and pale skin, between pale skin and red scar, keeping his hand still at Shion's hips. Moving slowly, Nezumi followed his hand with his eyes, touching everywhere and only where the fabric covered, never letting himself make contact with Shion's skin.

Shion breathed heavily above Nezumi's head, rolling the strap over Nezumi's right shoulder between his thumb and forefinger in an ambiguous way - either absent or extremely focused. Shion's breath quickened each time Nezumi approached the hole in the front of his panties. Nezumi traced the borders of the lace, bringing his nail to the very edge of each curve. He felt Shion's muscles strain to keep his hips on the bed as he followed a loose string to Shion's pubic hair. His hand hovered there. He looked up at Shion, smiling. Shion chewed on his own finger, carefully looking away from Nezumi. His eyes rested, unfocused, on the opposite wall. He tugged harder at Nezumi's bra strap, and it pinched a little, but Nezumi let him have that. Nezumi pulled lightly on Shion's pubes to get his attention.

Shion looked down. "Nezumi...," he struggled to pronounce around his knuckles.

"Mhm?" Nezumi focused on the places where lace overlapped with hair.

Shion blew air out of his mouth. It moved Nezumi's bangs a little. He turned his head to the side. "Never mind."

Nezumi's smile widened. He raised one hand up to Shion's mouth, replacing Shion's fingers with his, and let the other move down through lace and hair to Shion's dick. Shion lowered both hands to his sides, gathering the sheets as he bit down on Nezumi's fingers. As he pressed his fingers to Shion's base, he pressed his own hips harder into the mattress, his own cock pressing almost painfully against his panties. He bent his knee, pressing Shion's leg out a bit to give himself more space. Nezumi rubbed his hips against the bed as he stroked Shion, softly, slowly.

Chapter Text

Shion's back shone with sweat, pale except for the red scar that snaked around Shion's entire body and the red marks Nezumi's thumbs left on his hips. Shion breathed heavily, his arms and knees shaking with the effort of staying up, relying not in small part on Nezumi's support to stay up.

"Nezumi - please - harder," Shion panted.

Nezumi rubbed a circle on Shion's ass with his thumb. "Shion, if I fuck you any harder, I'll split you in half."

"Yes - break me - ," Shion pushed his hips back violently.

Nezumi slammed into him, then coughed drily. He'd knocked the wind out of himself. "Actually, I might break first."

Shion paused. He looked over his shoulder. His face was even sweatier than his back, his cheeks desperately flushed the way they always got when he was getting fucked from the back, but his expression was horrified. "No."

"Relax." Nezumi pushed Shion's chin back forward. He moved his fingers along Shion's chin to the back of his head, then gripped a clump of Shion's hair. He pulled it hard.

"Yes," Shion yelled, his voice strained with the angle of his throat. "Yes, Nezumi, yes."

Nezumi curled his fingers in Shion's hair. It was soft, still a little wet from his shower. Nezumi resisted the urge to press his nose against the nape of Shion's neck, to feel his hair against his cheeks and smell his shampoo.

"Yes," Shion repeated, over and over. He nearly collapsed a few times, leaning towards the side of his hips Nezumi had stopped holding up, but he recovered. He screamed with every thrust, so loudly that Nezumi had no warning before he actually came. Nezumi dropped Shion's head and pulled out. He came on Shion's back, then dropped down and pulled Shion - now collapsed flat on the mattress - into a his lap. He kissed his head all over.

Chapter Text

“Okay, I’m all set.” Shion pushed the used needle into the sharps bin. “Want me to do yours?”

Nezumi eyed him with distaste. “Ugh, no.”

“I’d be happy to help.” Shion closed the lid of the sharps container and set it on the side table. He tried to hand Nezumi his vial and syringe.

Nezumi didn’t take it. “Wipe that grin off your face. I can’t believe you enjoy this shit.”

"I'm not enjoying it." Shion tried to neutralize his face. “It's just something I've gotten used to."

"You're a terrible liar." Nezumi rolled his eyes. He hugged one knee into his chest and kept suspicious eyes on Shion's hand.

"Here, I’ll at least measure it out for you.” Shion punctured the top of the vial, drawing the dose into the syringe. He flicked it a couple of times to get the air bubbles out, then withdrew the needle.

“You’re smiling again,” Nezumi complained.

“Sorry.” Shion held the needle out to Nezumi.

Nezumi stared at it, then leaned in to kiss Shion on the lip, his knee landing in Shion's lap.

Shion dodged, careful to keep the syringe steady. “Stop. We’ll contaminate it.”

Nezumi groaned.

“We can make out after,” Shion suggested, picking up an alcohol swab with his other hand.

“Fine. You do it.”

“Really?” Shion tried and failed to contain the excitement in his voice.

“I already regret this.” Nezumi looked up at the ceiling.

Shion swapped the needle on the syringe and wiped Nezumi’s skin with disinfectant. He fanned Nezumi’s bare thigh with his hand, the air passing over Nezumi to Shion’s knee.

“Ready?”

“Fucking no, but do it.” Nezumi planted his feet on the floor, tensing his muscles. He took a deep breath. Shion stabbed his thigh and lowered the plunger. Nezumi squeezed his eyes shut.

After taking the needle out, Shion pressed gauze to Nezumi’s thigh with one hand and discarded the syringe with the other. He kept pressure on Nezumi’s injection site as he leaned in to complete the kiss he’d interrupted earlier. He put his other hand on top of Nezumi's and softly unhooked his fingers from the sheets. Nezumi flipped his hand and pressed his palm against Shion's, lifting his other arm to Shion's shoulder. He wrapped his elbow around Shion's back and pulled him onto his lap. Shion put all his weight into his chest and fell forward, bringing Nezumi down with him, never taking his lips off of Nezumi's or his hand off of Nezumi's thigh.

Chapter Text

“Oh yeah, that one’s hot!” Nezumi called from the bed. “Tell your doctor to give you more of those.”

“I think she’s more interested in preserving large motor function than in what you find attractive,” Shion replied drily. He completed the exercise, pushing himself back up to standing, then started another cycle.

“You’ll get a better stretch if you stick your ass out more,” Nezumi suggested. He stuck one of his forearms under his neck, brushing his hair away from the back of his head and spreading it out on the pillow.

Shion lifted one of his legs off the ground and held it up. “This is a strength-building activity.”

“Boring.” Nezumi turned his attention back to the book he held over his face and flipped to the next page.

Shion dropped onto his knees and shot Nezumi an annoyed look. “No one’s making you watch.”

“Look away? From the most beautiful body to have ever graced not just this humble abode, but this planet? Nay, this universe! His Majesty expects too much of this humble servant. Even the most disciplined attendant could not resist such a tantalizing display.” Nezumi stretched his arm off the bed and gestured liberally.

Shion rolled his eyes. He shifted onto his butt and stuck his legs out in front of himself. “If you have time to make fun of me, maybe you should do some of your exercises.”

“Who says I'm making fun of you?” Nezumi smiled. “And I'm all set, thanks.”

“Let me see you make a fist, then.”

Nezumi's smile disappeared. He turned to face the wall, taking the book with him.

“You know what I think is attractive?” Shion continued. “Grip strength.”

“Whatever. I could kick your ass any day,” Nezumi retorted, speaking to the wall.

“I don’t disagree. Besides, a full range of motion in your upper extremities isn’t needed for that.” Shion got up from the floor and joined Nezumi on the bed, sitting with a knee bent towards Nezumi’s back and the other hanging off the side. “You don’t have to be in this much pain all the time, you know.”

Nezumi exhaled. “I’m fine.”

“Nezumi…” Shion reached his hand out towards Nezumi’s upper back, and Nezumi pushed himself up and away from Shion.

“What’s wrong with you? I say you look hot, and you turn it into a pity party.” He climbed over Shion to get off the bed. “Yeah, my shoulder hurts. My back hurts. Nothing helps. You don’t have to fucking rub it in.”

Shion clasped his hands together and stared down at them. “I’m sorry.”

“Fuck.” Nezumi sighed. He sat back down on the mattress. “Forget I said anything. Go back to doing your sexy poses. I’ll leave you alone.”

“I don’t want you to leave me alone.” Shion touched Nezumi’s knee tentatively. “Can we try massage again?”

Chapter Text

Nezumi and Shion lay half-asleep in their bed, kissing lazily. Shion held Nezumi close, his palm spread on his back. Nezumi's hand slipped past Shion's waistband, and Shion tensed up. Nezumi withdrew his hand, pulled back from their kiss, and opened his eyes. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." Even in the dark, Nezumi's eyes pierced straight through Shion's. Shion closed his eyes and kissed Nezumi again.

Nezumi indulged him for a moment, pressing his tongue past Shion's teeth. Then, he put his thumb between their lips and his fingers below Shion's chin. "Why did you get all stiff?"

Shion grimaced. Nezumi saw him turning possible answers over in his brain, trying to find something in that gray area between the truth he didn't want to reveal and a lie he'd promised never to tell.

"Let me see," Nezumi said, putting him out of his misery.

Shion flipped onto his stomach without another word, his expression dark, braced.

Nezumi lowered Shion's boxers, then gently covered him back up. "Shion, what the fuck?"

Shion buried his face in a blanket and spoke, muffled, through layers of fabric. "It's the new saddle."

Nezumi brought his hand to his mouth and fell backwards, convulsing almost silently.

"I knew you'd make fun of me." Shion rolled onto his side and pulled his knees into his chest.

Nezumi pulled a blanket over his head, still shaking, letting out little gasps but no words.

"Wait - " Shion pulled the blanket off of Nezumi's head. "Are you - Nezumi, are you crying?"

"I can't help it," Nezumi sobbed, huge tears rolling out of his eyes and onto the sheets. He hugged the blanket to his chest and looked away from Shion. His bottom lip trembled. "I'm just so jealous!"

Shion stared at Nezumi. His eyes darted from Nezumi's face to his hands, then back up, searching for meaning.

Nezumi wiped his wet cheek with his forefinger, then flicked his wrist to the side, fanning his fingers out. He paused for dramatic effect, taking a shuddering breath before he spoke. "You've never ridden me hard enough to leave bruises!"

Shion opened his mouth to respond, then closed it. His eyes narrowed.

Nezumi grinned. He held the end of the blanket he still had in his lap and wrapped it around Shion's shoulders. He swept his arm across his body and bowed as well as he could in his seated position. "And scene."

Shion raised his hands as if to clap, then changed course and, before Nezumi could react, picked up a pillow to smack Nezumi on the side of his head.

Nezumi used the momentum of the fall to pounce on Shion. He kissed him all over his face. "We need to get you some of those padded shorts."

"Noo," Shion whined.

Nezumi tutted. "I can't allow anything to damage that fantastic ass of yours. Plus, they'd go so well with your cute little gloves. My sexy cyclist."

Shion groaned, and Nezumi kept kissing his cheeks, his forehead, his nose - everywhere except his mouth.

Chapter Text

"Shit." Nezumi stumbled back, and Shion caught his arm. "What the fuck is that?"

Shion tapped the ground in front of them with his foot. "Feels like your boot."

Nezumi swore again. "Guess I'm the idiot that put it there, then."

"You're not an idiot." Shion nudged Nezumi forward.

Nezumi put his weight in his heels. "Alright, alright. I get it. Can I take this off now?" He reached his hand up to the knotted fabric at the back of his head.

Shion touched his wrist before he reached the blindfold. "You don't usually give up so easily."

Nezumi paused. Shion's touch was light, barely there, yet it immobilized him.

"Go on." Shion pressed his knee into Nezumi's thigh, and Nezumi took another step forward, stopping to kick his boot aside. Shion followed just behind, his palm on Nezumi's elbow. Slowly, they made their way to the couch.

Shion untied the blindfold and let it drop into Nezumi's lap. "So?" he prompted.

"I still think you're being dramatic." Nezumi crossed one leg over the other and slouched into the couch cushions. "It's not like you're blind."

"But I will be," Shion said simply.

"Oh, you're clairvoyant?" Nezumi responded sarcastically. He played with the blindfold with one hand, the other hanging over the back of the couch. He didn't look at Shion. "You should have mentioned that earlier. We'd be billionaires by now."

Shion kept his eyes on the side of Nezumi's face. "No, but I know what degenerative means."

Nezumi frowned.

"Nezumi," Shion said quietly. He placed a hand on Nezumi's knee and leaned in. "I'm just being realistic."

"I'll stop leaving my shit on the floor. It didn't have to be a whole performance." Nezumi finally looked at Shion.

Shion shrugged. "I thought it would be funny."

"You think going blind is funny?" Nezumi shook his head.

"I'm going blind either way. Shouldn't I try to have some fun with it?" Shion joked.

"Fuck, Shion." Nezumi uncrossed his legs and pressed his elbows into his knees. He dropped his forehead into the heels of his hand, on top of the blindfold he still held.

Shion withdrew his hand and set it between them on the couch. "I didn't think it would upset you so much."

"No, I actually love when you bring up how I fucked up your entire life." Nezumi scoffed.

"You saved my life." Shion scooted right up next to Nezumi.

Nezumi was still.

"I'm sorry. Let me show you something else." Shion said. Nezumi didn't say no. Shion took each end of the blindfold in one hand. Nezumi didn't move, letting him retie it behind his head. Shion lifted Nezumi's head and kissed him on the lips. "Loss of one sense can heighten other sensations," Shion whispered as he pulled the knot tight and let his hands drop to Nezumi's waist.