Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The world around me clears slowly. Memories returning and certain parts of my world feel slightly opaque, like there´s something missing. Something really important. I touch my throbbing forehead with my right hand. There is an unfamiliar weight on my finger, something glinting as the hand passes my eye. WHAT. That is one great big green emerald, if ever I saw one. I jolt awake. Xaden. Where is he, I have to get to him. Then the remaining part of my memory catches up. He is gone, now a full-fledged venin. The tight rope we have been walking together finally broke during the battle and here I am. Alone. Where is here though?

Looking around me, on the flight field I see how the fog clears, quite literal fog this time, and through the first lights of dawn and the crisp autumn morning I see Aretia’s, to me newly considered, familiar silhouette. The temple, that first made me aware of these surroundings the very first time I awoke confused to see this place. It feels so long ago. I wish I could take it all back, every word ever spoken in anger to Xaden. Every little conflict we ever had look so small in hindsight.

“Tairn? Andarna?” I reach out mentally but get the calm sleeping feeling from them both which means at least all in well at their end. Or they have shut me out. Why would they, though?
Is that…Xaden?

In the distance I see a person approaching, the sun at his back makes it impossible to discern his features properly, but it must be him. I try to stand up, but my leg gives in under me. He rushes towards me, now running. “Xaden!” I cry out with desperate longing. My haven, my home. He is here.
“Not exactly,” comes a different, however familiar voice. Tears well up in my eyes, slowly rolling down my cheeks. Bodhi.

I hang my head. The cousin resemblance is quite pronounced in leathers. Bodhi’s strong arms are around me in a second. “Don’t look so disappointed, Vi,” he says, “Always a duke of Tyrrendor at your side.” Bodhi lifts me carefully, supporting me under my left arm, getting me off the ground. “What do you mean ‘duke?’”, I manage to grunt out as I try to touch the ground with my obviously fucked left leg. “Hey, careful!” he exclaims, worry lining his brows. So like Xaden’s, but for the scar. “That leg looks broken, I’ll carry you to our room.”

What. The. Actual. Fuck. I jolt away from him, hobbling on my one functioning leg. “Do not fucking touch me, Bodhi! I am not going a step with you until you explain what you are on about.” He looks at me with sunken features, a deceptively calm and obviously tightly controlled expression I can´t read. “Violet, don’t panic. Of course, I won’t touch you if you don’t want me to.” he gestures slowly, showing me the palms of his hands, in a gesture of adhering to my demands, “but you need to see to that leg now.”

He looks disappointed, that´s it. “I’ll go get Imogen, she’s obviously messed with your memories, or you wouldn’t be so…” he finishes just looking toward the steadily rising sun.

My mind keeps spinning. “Y-yeah, go get Imogen,” I agree, clutching around my middle, as to try to keep my heart from falling out. What is it I could not live with knowing, to the point I ‘ve asked Imogen to erase my memories? I sink down to sit on the ground again. Bodhi nods, eyes turned towards the ground, avoiding mine. “But first answer me,” I say clearer this time, “where is Xaden?” Bodhi’s eyes, so like Xaden’s, correction, so like Xaden’s eyes before… except for the gold flecks. But Bodhi’s eyes are a darker shade of brown. He looks so immensely sad as he sighs deeply and says “Vi, I really think you should talk to Imogen. This is at least the second time you have had her do this to you. I think your core memories will start to take damage from this mistreatment soon. And he would not want that,” then he adds, casting down his eyes again, “And neither would I.”

We are interrupted before I get a chance to respond. Imogen is running towards us, hair a pink flare behind her. “Bodhi!” she bellows at him, “don’t you fucking say one more word to her!” Bodhi turns on her, stepping in between us, right in Imogen’s path. “How very-fucking-dare you make demands of me right now? You could have turned her into a fucking vegetable; you could have erased what makes her…her!” His anger thickens his voice, until it cracks at the last word. He collects himself, dragging a hand through his jet-black hair. “Sorry, but this must be the last time. Do it right. I will go out on patrol with Cuir. Be back later.” And he leaves, with a sad half smile in my direction he says: “Try not to think too ill of me.” The smile did not reach his eyes. He stalks off, shrugging into the flight jacket he had apparently dropped halfway down the flight field when he saw me.

Inside I am screaming. “Imogen,” my voice is a question, containing nothing and everything at once. Do I want to know what I did not want to know anymore? What says I can handle it any better this time?

Imogen sinks down beside me. Her look is stern but not unsympathetic. “Violet, Bodhi is right to be angry with me, you might not think that now, but you will soon.” I nod slowly, incredulously as I let her speak uninterrupted. Whatever could I add anyway? She looks towards my hand, the ring. My ring. “Did you notice you’re married?” She nods her head in the direction of the ring with the green stone. “I noticed the ring, but what do you mean married, where is Xaden, is he my husband now? I have no memory of that at all,” I sound startled and small.

“No, you just sent your husband right off the flight field. For the second time, I might add,” she says with a stretching of her lips that could resemble a smile. I scream in frustration, outload this time. She rises in a huff, “I am going to get Rhiannon, I did not sign up for this shit. Has anyone told you your love life, aside from being messy, is always somehow fucking with the fate of the world?” I tug at her arm “No. I can’t bear to see this exact look on a third person’s face and not knowing what the hell has gone down around me,” I exclaim, and something in my voice makes Imogen sit down again. She sighs, “Alright, but I warn you, I won’t be doing you any more favours in the mind cleaning department, so consider this your last chance to deal with this particular situation differently.” I silently bob my head, to keep her talking.

“So, we do this my way, or rather, the Violet-way this time. What can you tell about the ring from looking at it?” I realise I have not really looked at it at all. “It is the green stone, an emerald, which was missing from the Tyrrish heirloom Xaden used to keep by our bed, before… And he must have had it made when we were in the islands, that’s when I noticed the stone was missing.” “Nearly. Seriously Violet, sometimes I think all the rest of us are invisible, the way you never seem to think anyone but Xaden capable of affecting your life.,” she sighs, appears to draw a new breath, and says, “Not Xaden, Bodhi. The islands is a correct guess, as I understood it from Old Violet.” “There is not a better word than “Old Violet” you could have chosen?” I grumble. Imogen smiles. “Not from now on there isn’t,” she quips back.

“Right,” I say, trying to keep an open mind, and remove the ring from my finger. It fits perfectly. The golden inside of the ring is engraved with runes and some writing. I squint to read it. “All my love, now and forever. BODHI DURRAN”. I growl out the last part. I throw the ring across the field. A sharp lightening slips from under my control and lights up the sky with a closely following crack. “Yeah,” says Imogen, in a nearly bored tone, “this reaction is spot on Old Violet’s as well. I’m going to try to give you a short, informative account, because I will not accept this boring repeat performance.”

She grabs me by the shoulders. “Listen. For now, fuck Old Violet. And fuck Xaden, who, much as I owe that bastard, has put you in this crap situation.” She looks almost furious. “You almost killed yourself, Violet. He almost killed you too. The only good thing he managed to do, since he turned full venin after the battle, was walk away. He managed to circumvent the archaic order that a female duchess will have to forego the title, leaving it free for the king to bestow on whomever, in convincing Bodhi to marrying you, and you to go along with it as well. Before he fucked off to do evil shit. Bodhi is the next in line, so there is some sort of rule that makes you both duke and duchess now. And you’ve married.”

I gasp and clutch at my heart. It feels like it just stopped beating. I feel my power crackling through the air and the hairs on my arms stand up. Focusing on the things I can handle, I rasp out: “Is everybody okay? Is Andarna and Tairn? I can’t really feel them much.” Imogen says in a calmer tone of voice: “They are quite all right. It’s a sometime-side effect of the mindboggling changes to your memory that they fall asleep for a while since your minds are connected. I forced you to get their permission before doing this, again. I do not have a death wish.” I see a shadow darkening her eyes. I take her hand. “I’m so sorry about Quinn.” She just looks towards the horizon. “Thanks. Since we’ve done this before, I must tell you to stop. I cannot talk about it again. Not yet.” I give her a small smile and squeeze her hand.

“How much time has passed since the…marriage?” Do I want this answer? “Six months,” says Imogen. Oh, my gods, this is too much. Instead, I say: “Right.” Deep breath. “Why did I want to return to… now?” Imogen squirms a bit, shifting her position. “Well, you didn’t really. It’s not an exact science, the memory removal, and you must have been influenced still more by the recent changes we made. You only wanted to forget a certain, very recent encounter.” She looks doubtful but finishes with: “With the venin formerly known as Xaden.” I try to take it all in. “That’s my line, I will not tell you about that. Fuck, Bodhi will kill me for erasing the wedding and…everything,” she mutters, mostly to herself.

Imogen then looks me square in the eye. “You are actually good together. In a different way than you and Xaden were. But good, less destructive. And you love Bodhi, you really do. I believe you were on the way to being happy, before an incident happened.” This is too much. I make the mistake of trying to stand up, then scream from the pain and remain planted on the floor. “I can’t love him, I love only Xaden, we are end game. Forever. No one else.” She looks so forlorn at my words. “Bodhi will fucking kill me; he will fucking kill me for this.” She pales. “I’m so sorry!.”

She is just destroyed. “Hey,” I take her hand again. “It will be okay. I will be okay.” Imogen looks at me, tears in her eyes. “This is the first time you’ve said that.” I look at her with a steady gaze and force my voice not to tremble. “For now, only you, I, my dragons and in all probability, Bodhi know of my recent memory loss. Let us keep it that way.” She looks relieved, I see her shoulders drop again. “Fine, for now. This is my fuck up, I should never have agreed to modify, but you were in such a state. Can we just get your leg fixed, and I will try and run interference until you have had time to find your footing, and we can determine exactly what memories you have had erased, and give your brain a chance to catch up? Hopefully, somethings will resurface with time as well, it’s not an airtight solution. I’ll talk with Bodhi.” I agree and soon after she helps me up the stairs of Riorson House.

Brennan doesn’t even flinch as he resets the bone in my leg for the umpteenth time. He seems distracted, and only a little prodding about what is on his mind, makes me sure that his mind is firmly occupied elsewhere. Imogen takes me a swift route to what is apparently supposed to be my room, stopping in front of a door in a part of the castle-like building I don’t really recognise. I have mostly moved around here with the expressed purpose of tagging along in Xaden’s footsteps – looking for him, looking after him, waiting for him. Everything reminds me of Xaden in Riorson House.

I consider the time, which to New Me doesn’t feel that long ago, when I was sent here on a mission with my squad and Bodhi was the one insisting that I had a room here. He meant Xaden’s rooms, right? Now I’m not so sure about anything. Could Imogen have imagined the supposed love, between me and Bodhi, or was this acting to keep the seat in the Senarium, to not have the marriage which undoubtedly has happened between us, questioned for it’s validity? There is only one person who can give me these answers, and he is the last person I want to see right now.

A sparkling crack opens in the channel where I feel the shimmering bond to Andarna’s power. “How are you?” I hear her tentative probing voice in my head. “Andarna! I am so glad to hear your voice,” I answer. “I am confused but fine. But I have apparently lost a bit more memories than was originally intended.” I don’t sound exactly cheerful, but by her expectant silence I gather I’ve been more than miserable the last time she heard me. “Maybe it’s for the best,” Andarna continues, “maybe you will feel better now. We all need you too, remember.” “Of course!” I exclaim, exasperated, “you are more important to me than anything.” Her huff shows me my previous actions have made her highly doubt that. “At least you won’t let the Dark One hurt you again, I hope.” I blanche. Hurt me, Xaden? “Right,” I say, to end the conversation. “You must be starving from having slept so heavy. Don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine,” I lie (or do I?). She gives another huff, “I know when I’m not wanted and wouldn’t dream of interfering.” My mind immediately goes to “that would be a first,” and apparently it does because Andarna responds more distantly “I heard that, human,” as she goes off to hunt some sheep in peace.

I turn the handle, having waved off Imogen, who has promised to tell Rhiannon that I’m just feeling a bit ill and need a rest. She mentioned the place is now referred to as Durran House, as the new duke is, right, a Durran, not a Riorson. I walk into the light and spacious room, which is quite unfamiliar to me, an armoire to the right, a four-poster bed in the left corner, in a sort of nook. I am not alone in here. Bodhi is lounging on a chair by the window nearest the bed. He fires off an intimate smile full of longing. And then the look is mixed with sadness. “I was wondering when you would come back here. How is your leg?” I cross my arms over my chest and try to adapt to the new situation in a slightly less explosive way. “It’s fine,” I answer tentatively. He rises from the chair in one swift motion, looking oddly at ease in my presence, but at the same time as he is trying really hard not to scare me or cross a line or something.

“Do you want to sit?” he gestures to the chair. “Or would you prefer to lie down?” he gestures to the bed. “Not that I mean anything by that,” he hastens to add, “other then, you might be tired.” His voice trails off. “Do you want me to leave?” his voice constricts and I suspect it feels odd for him that this would be an option for me. “I don’t know what I want,” I say. My insides are jelly. Does he expect me to sleep there, with him? Have I done that before?
“I got you some food,” he continues, his tall frame visibly unsure of where it should be at present. “It is probably cold now, though. It’s your favourite. Anyway, it’s on the mantlepiece.” “Thanks,” I manage to interject. Is he nervous babbling? Shouldn’t that be my part to play? “Yeah, he shrugs with a quick smile, broad shoulders not making it easy to hide in plain sight. He is visibly uncomfortable in this situation. Somehow, I find myself thinking it rather endearing. I chastise myself immediately. Xaden would kill anyone who dared approach me as a prospective new partner, let alone his cousin, how was it he described Bodhi in that letter to me, “always following us, two steps behind.” I don’t see Xaden accepting Bodhi stepping into his shoes when it comes to every aspect of his life. When it comes to me.

I walk towards the mantlepiece, that is, the food. I tip open the lid. Those are definitely pancakes, cold or not, they smell heavenly. “Where did you get these?” I stall for lack of a better subject, grab a pancake and take a bite. He grins, “I made them. I make them for you every morning. Nearly. Sometimes there isn’t time enough for…you don’t need to know this.” I try a small smile back to him. He makes me pancakes? “That’s…” I search for the right word, but tension seems to live in every word I choose from “…nice of you” I finish, lamely.

“This feels so strange, it’s like playing that I’m seeing you for the first time or something,” he says, flat out. “This is not how we are. We are relaxed, you…like me, you know.” He scratches the back of his head and his curls move, giving him a tousled appearance. “I won’t rush you, not at all, but I really need to know some things. We need some solid boundaries.” he looks up at me from under his locks, “I mean, do you remember anything? Our wedding? Our first kiss?” I feel panic building up inside me.

What have I done, to myself, to Xaden? To Bodhi? He is placing every part of this choice in my hands. My shaking, slightly vibrating with uncontrolled lightening-power-hands. Bodhi realizes my control is slipping and takes a couple of fast steps towards me, cupping my hands in his. The lightning dies down. Right! He has the ability to counter signets, mine included. “Is…this, okay?” he murmurs, looking at our hands. I feel calmer and weirdly, it’s like my body doesn’t object to his being closer to me. In fact, it feels better this way. I look up into his deep brown eyes and nod. “Actually, whatever this is, I think I’d like you to hold me. Just for a while.” He looks a bit confused, like he’s letting what I said sink in, but right away opens his arms and I step into his embrace. For just a moment, I close my eyes and let myself remember. I think of Xaden’s smell, but as I breath in, a different scent meets me. One of tea, warm, comforting and…mine. I jolt away from Bodhi’s chest, as If burnt by fire.

“I’m sorry, I can’t,” I spit out the words, already at the other side of the room. He stays put, as if frozen to the spot. “I notice you’re not wearing your ring. Should I gather you have no or very few memories of the latest months?” Somehow, the sadness in his words really hurt hearing. I feel an urge to soothe him any small way I can. “Bodhi,” he looks straight at me with a solemn but determined expression, “My last memories are from six months ago. Last I remember, I was in a deeply ride or die committed relationship with Xaden.”

His face completely shatters, and a range of emotions wreak havoc there, replacing each other in swift succession. “Obviously, I can tell that is not the reality the rest of the world adheres to”, I try to keep my tone light, “but I can also tell by the way my body reacts to you, that my reality is the one that’s not quite right.” I can hear his shallow, fast breaths in reaction to my words. “There isn’t a right way to do this, so here we go,” so it’s my time to babble, I guess. “Please sit down and we’ll talk.” I point to the bed. “I promise, no hidden agenda,” I add, determined to get him to return my attempt at a slight smile. He does, even though I can feel the effort from the other side of the room. We both make our ways to the bed, soon sitting on opposite sides.

” Let’s do one question each and see if we can get this sorted,” I try. He nods, eager to agree. “I’ll begin. This relationship we have, is it a real marriage? With love and all that would entail?” I have trouble looking at him for the response but force my eyes to meet his. Do I want him to say yes? Why am I so nervous about his reaction to this? Without even flinching, he looks deep into my eyes, as if to make them convey the deepest sincerity: “Yes. The marriage we have is based on mutual love, respect, and more love. I love you so much, Violet. I am heartbroken you don’t feel the same right now, but as long as there is hope, I will keep loving you. And probably longer still but sincerely hoping your memories will return.”

He swallows, and blink rapidly a few times. “My turn. “How do you want me to manage the present situation with regards to our relationship? Should we continue to act, for your part, as if we are in a relationship, or would you rather we end it, for the present at least?” I look at him, trying to gage his feelings through the tiny movements in his controlled facial expressions. “What would happen if we ended it, disregarding any personal feelings,” I ask, feigning a calm I do not possess at present. “Well, we’d risk having to relinquish control of Tyrrendor to the King, or possibly Halden. Aretia would in all likelihood be free to burn, again that is, and the daggers kept here divided to other parts of Navarre, the ward stone loose its power and, well, you can guess the rest…” he trails off, then adds with a wry smile: “But hey, don’t let that influence your decision in the least.” I sigh, “right, so no major repercussions then.” He looks at me in disbelief, “I’m kidding!” I blurt out, “Sorry, I thought this fun, raw banter was our thing.” He raises an eyebrow, “It kind of is, you know. At least you’ve said a number of times that you like that I make you laugh. And that I talk a lot. I think you thought it was a nice change from…ah, never mind. Give us your answer.”

I am a bit taken aback by the ease with which he broaches the subject of my, to him, previous relationship, but gather myself. “Yes, we continue to present a united front, in the form of a continued outwardly presented marriage.” He gives a curt nod at this, “noted” he says under his breath. Then he looks up at me and looks to have just let out a breath that had been held in a very, very long time. “Thank you for the confidence in me. I will not disappoint you.” then he seems to consider but adds “I can’t promise I won’t try to re-make you fall in love with me, though. Hope that isn’t a deal breaker.” I consider a moment. “That seems fair to me,” I hear myself say.

“My turn,” I continue swiftly towards a subject change. “Do you know what made me erase my memories? Again,” I add. He gives me a quizzical look. “If I did, would you want me to tell you? And what’s to stop you from running to Imogen and beg her to help damage your brain even further?” Aouch, the implication of what he said hit hard. “I didn’t damage…” I begin, “I am still me…, I’m the same!” He is silent a second, then says in a small voice that makes me want to eat my own words: “To everyone but me, you are you.” He sobers up in a moment, clearing his throat: “I don’t know, for the record, what possessed you to do this. I’m guessing it was another encounter with the ghost of Xaden. That’s what did it the last times.” He looks away, clearly bothered by the subject. “I just feel I’ve lost you piece by piece to this monster that’s more important to forget, than I am to remember.” he catches himself nearly reaching out to me, trying to retract his own words from the air, “Sorry, that was not the least bit productive. And not at all something that will show me in the best possible light, either. Forget I said that, please.” Even through the surge of anger and shame at his words, sympathy wins. I clear my throat: “Your turn.”

He gives me a glance filled with worry and unspoken words of emotion. “On that note, do you want me to find a place to crash for the time being? There is only one bed in this room, and I suspect you’d prefer some privacy, given the circumstances.” He shrugs, “I can just tell Garrick that your husband was being an ass. That should buy us a couple of days at least.” Trying to consider the bed-issue rationally takes some personal restraint. Finally, I say: “No, it’s better if we just sleep here, as not to raise any questions. There would be too many people interested in seeing this duke-duchess-situation fail, for comfort.” Bodhi looks at me, without showing any particular inclination on the subject, “fine, that’ll be…fine.”

Suddenly, I’m filled with an emotion of my own that apparently choses now to come out “FINE!” I say loudly. “Absolutely no trouble whatsoever.” I feel the need to laugh, it bubbles up inside me, and forces it’s way out my mouth, sounding an awful lot like a croak. “Wasn’t there any agreement made between us about being at least a bit sincere and honest with each other?” He shrugs, “I don’t remember making any such promise. Far to hard, considering the circumstances.” I point to his chest, “Well aren’t you simply GREAT at considering the ‘circumstances,’ given that you just told me you’ll do just about anything to make me fall in love with you?”
He raises his voice slightly, “Do you honestly think I relish the idea of feigning a relationship with the woman I love, and on top of that, sleeping in the same bed as her, without being able to touch her? Do you think I should enjoy the moment, while trying not to think about that she is laying in our bed, probably pining after my good-for-nothing cousin, who looks nearly exactly like me, but is ever so slightly better in every respect?” Unbelievable. I feel thunder amassing in my mind and must force myself to take control of my signet. That would add to the drama in the wrong way. Instead, I rise from the bed and stomp towards the door. Bodhi rests his head in his hands and by the time he looks up, I slam the door behind me.

I stalk along the corridor, taking the stairs down and ending up where Rhiannon sleeps, at least as far as I remember. I knock. Forcefully. She comes to the door, opening it carefully at first. “Hey, you!” she brings me into a lovely, uncomplicated, hug, but then continue with the dreaded words “Where have you been?” I don’t have the energy even to consider lying to me best friend, yet again. “I-had Imogen e-rase my memories, and now I don’t remember anything after the b-attle!,” I blurt out, tears streaking my cheeks. She looks taken aback but tries her best to cover it with calm caring. “Wow, that sounds like a lot. I was so worried about you when you didn’t return after that patrol went absolutely fucked yesterday…Where have you been? Did you see him again after we split up?” “STOP!” I yell at her, something has occurred, probably during the previous days, that at least Andarna, and maybe you, know of, which has to have been the reason I forced Imogen to erase my memories again. So please, don’t tell me anything about that.” She breathes in deeply, leaving a panicked, frozen expression behind. “When you say you don’t remember anything since the battle, which battle do you mean, Violet?” I say in a shaking voice, “the battle that turned Xaden into a full-fledged venin.” Rhi’s eyes tear up, “You don’t remember you and Bodhi?” “No, not really, but some things seem to have stuck,” I tell her, as she leads me by the shoulders to sit down at her desk. “Violet, that’s really bad,” she says, “how does he take it? I gather you’ve talked?”

“Yes, things have been said between us alright,” I grumble, “and I would need a bed for the night, please.” She points to her bed, “Of course, it’s yours! I have patrol tonight, won’t even need my bed, no worries!” All the worry, pent up anger, and emotions of the day finally hit me. I cry, I lean on Rhiannon, I cry some more. She puts me in her bed and holds me, until I fall into a dreamless sleep.
I wake up, alone in Rhiannon’s bed. I feel empty, numb and…hungry. Not as epic an emotion, but the one of the three that forces me to leave the bed. I lend a couple of things from Rhiannon and go to the communal bathroom to freshen up. When I get back to the room, a note is slipped in under the door with my name on it. “I’m sorry. Again. Seems to be a theme. Please come to our room. At least have some breakfast with me. -B.” I guess it’s better not to run from this.

I climb up the stairs, trying to find my way back. About what I guess is halfway there, I hear Tairn’s voice sleepily jumble in the back of my mind. “Tairn, are you awake?” His lack of response suggests the answer is “barely.” I then feel him jolt awake like the crack of a whip. “Silver one? I expect you to be well, as is befitting my human.” I gather my thoughts. All in all, I’m all right. The sleep has given me certain perspectives. “Yes Tairn, all’s well. A bit of a memory loss going on but otherwise still me.” Tairn’s voice booms, “This is the fault of the Dark One.” I stop him immediately “Don’t say anything! I don’t want to know why I felt the need to erase my own memories!” Tairn goes on, “But you didn’t decide to…” but I block him out. I can’t risk knowing something I can’t live knowing. It is something to do with Xaden, so much is clear, but… “No!” I tell my brain to give it a rest and trudge up the steps, every step feeling increasingly heavy.

Coming to the door, I decide on knocking this time. The door opens almost instantly. Bodhi leans against the doorframe. He looks like he’s had a rough night as well. Dark shadows circle his eyes, and he is only wearing sweatpants. Yet I can’t stop a gasp at the look of him. All dark, rippling ridges and muscles, but lean, not at all bulky. Not one hair on his torso, he looks like a statue in the morning sunlight. He flashes me a tired smile and does a silent bow, inviting me into the room. Our room. Apparently, there is a table and chairs, everything the foldable variety, and on the table is a spread indicating that he has either had a very early morning or night with no sleep, if he has managed to bake the bread as well.

“Good morning, Wife,” he teases me, as he closes the door behind me. To my chagrin he slips on a shirt. Then he pulls out one of the chairs with a: “please, take a seat.” I do as he asks, he sits down opposite me. “It might interest you, Wife, to know that I have a new approach to our…predicament.” I cross my arms in front of me, on the table and say, looking straight at him “Really? And what might that entail, Husband?” As I say the word, something within me skips. It felt nice to say, even though the meaning at present is somewhat jumbled. He grins, obviously fond of my playing his game. “Help yourself to some breakfast, you must be starving. Unless Rhiannon had hidden surprises.” I scowl at him. “For your information, I have not been much inclined to eat at all, due to excessive crying.” I say it in a sort of joking, haughty voice, but the effect on him is immediate. He drops all pretence. “How are you now? Can I do anything for you? Except refrain from being an absolute ass in future.” I am startled by his words and don’t know how to respond. I too drop all pretence. “I want to hear what you were going to say. Go on.”

He clears his throat. “I have decided that in stead of being, as I was yesterday, unfair to us both, I will show you why it is that you love me. Or at least, some of the things that might have made you like me. I don’t know. Maybe we can jog a memory or two. Are you up for it?” I look at him and say: “yes, I would like that very much.” And I mean it.

Chapter Text

Bodhi looks at me, almost as stunned as I my self am at my admission that I would like to be shown why I supposedly love him. This is preferable to more outbursts and comparisons to Xaden, at least. Since this is what I have agreed to, and I am for the foreseeable future stuck in this marriage situation with him, I must agree to make the best of it. At least until I’ve figured out enough to make up my own mind.

At present I can’t imagine ever being able to love anyone but Xaden. That is a fact. But there have been some parts of the past I am very distraught to learn: that Xaden has hurt me, and I’ve nearly hurt myself because of Xaden. Not to talk about the memory loss I’ve had inflicted on me. As to the how and why of those particular situations, I need to know more before deciding what I want to know, and what I need to keep concealed from myself. What could he have done, to make me choose not to remember? Because there have been incidents, actual situations, where he was involved, that much has been confirmed. And that makes me feel like shit.

There is also the fact that not one, but two people, whose judgement I depend on, have told me they saw love develop between me and Bodhi. Their views of me as happy, content and finding my place in a loving relationship with the man sitting in front of me, said man currently choosing a piece of bread, is not something I can rationally disregard. He angles the breadbasket towards me, and I take a slice in silence. Being hungry never helped anyone think clearly, so I grab a couple of pancakes as well, and reach for the jam. Bodhi passes the jar to me, and as I take it our fingers touch. A tiny static shock zaps me and I quickly take the jar, concentrating on my plate.

And then there is Bodhi and his determination to win me back, to something I don’t remember feeling. That feels strange and new, since I’ve never considered him other than as Xaden’s cousin before. For now it has to be him and me, though. At least outward.

I have been eating in silence, my head swimming with thoughts. I can feel Bodhi’s gaze before looking up from my plate. His expression is calm and warm. It’s like he just waited for me to finish my thoughts before speaking. “There is something I need to discuss with you”, he says, his eyes brightening. Then as a sidebar, adds under his breath, “this is usually the part of the day when we’ve gotten missives, letters and so on, and decide how to handle it together, before everyone else wants to interfere. The usual bad news usually go well with black tea.” He says the last part while dipping his own cup in my direction. I grab the teapot for myself, as to avoid him having to pass it to me and accidentally touch.

He smiles at my launch across the table, then continues: “So, our least favourite monarch’s son has informed me he is on his way here to stir up trouble, sorry that’s me paraphrasing.” He halts to see that I’m following and decides to be clearer “Halden will be arriving with some of the brass tonight and will stay a couple of days.” He stabs a piece of ham. “Was he invited? Expressly not. Does he care? Not one bit.” He gives me a knowing, crooked smile and adds: “I really do hope he was good in bed, Love, because I’m not warming to him on closer acquaintance.” He grins at me, seeing if I’ll respond, but then moderates his expression. I definitely made a flinch at the word “love”.

He continues eating, seemingly undeterred, pulls out a list and hands it to me. “These are some of Halden’s ‘demands’, that is unfortunately not my word, during his stay here. What even is a ginny-fowl?” He gestures with his hands, more than I’ve noticed before. Brows raised, he shrugs at me, “they are bringing some anyway, to cook I gather.” In a more serious tone he adds: “And it appears we’ll be under scrutiny, since he implies that ours is a sham marriage and that he intends to determine if the rule of Tyrrendor could be bestowed on somebody chosen by him.” He looks at me, incredulously, “I put this down to jealousy at my good fortunes, but it does come at a particularly bad time for you and me. What do you make of it, you who really know the man?” With this he finishes, pops a bit of bread info his mouth, as if to physically stop himself from talking, glancing expectantly at me.

I smile hesitantly to reward his efforts to insert normalcy to the situation between us. Give me a problem to solve, please. “Halden is entitled, is the short version. If he feels he is out of the loop that might have done it. Also we ended things…not great.” He nods in recognition, making me understand I’ve told him way more about Halden at some previous occasion. “For the record, I have no problem with talking about your exes. I enjoy learning about all of you. I know you’ve loved before me.” He suddenly looks a little tired. “It’s only your current love life I’m concerned with”, he adds, as if remembering.

Despite myself, I like that he volunteers information, that he wants to make decisions together and I can see myself enjoying this morning ritual. I can’t help myself thinking about Xaden’s secrets, his continued inability to let me in. “Have you met Halden?”, I ask tentatively, to inform myself before jumping into a potential hornet’s nest of potential jealousy. Bodhi smiles at me, “Why yes Darling,” (he obviously didn’t get the message on how his previous endearing term was received on my part), “Halden was present at our wedding. Got us a charming vase as a gift, too.” I cringe hard, scrunching my face with my hands, “What did he do? And what did you do? What did I do?”

I must look miserable, because Bodhi sets down his tea cup and reaches out automatically to remove my hands from my face. He reaches over the table. I pull my hand away from his immediately. If Xaden would have seen an other man touch me with this ease and intimacy, he would have stabbed him. But Bodhi is determined. He takes my hand in his. “We should probably practise simple hand-touching in private, before taking this show on the road.” He gives me a warm smile. “Of course”, I agree. It’s rational. This would be exactly the type of thing Halden would jump at. I try to relax my tense hand, covered by his larger hand a the table. He carefully enter-twine his fingers with mine. “Is this okay?” He asks, looking at me. I incline my head to indicate that it is. I look at our hands, his fingers are long and slender, compared to Xaden’s. Also, his relic isn’t as pronounced, I only just see it sticking up at his neck. It feels like every inch of my hand has caught fire. Just resting it there is impossible, I’m so tense.

Bodhi once more searches my eyes, waiting for my mind to catch up with the act of hand holding. He narrows his eyes slightly, “I feel I should tell you a bit about our wedding. Because that is why we are in this situation after all.” He smiles, friendly, concerned. “Is it okay to mention Xaden? I mean, if you are in the same place mentally as just after the battle, I don’t know if I should.” I inhale deeply, then say “I get that hearing this will make me sad, but the only way is through it.” I have a horrible feeling that I don’t quite know how to explain, that Xaden really can’t ever come back and I have a sinking feeling of acceptance. It might have something to do with the absence of our mental bond. I have no connection to either him och Sgaeyl that I can reach. “Go ahead, but with care”, I add, feeling less than confident.

Bodhi looks at me with sympathy, no jealousy, no anger, which I’ve learnt to expect. “You’ll tell me what you need and stop me if you need to.” His hand is still wrapped around my hand, and he gently strokes my fingers with his. “Xaden arranged the whole thing, Violet. Before you went to Deverelli, he arranged the papers for a marriage contract that he said would save Tyrrendor and asked me to blindly sign it, as well as the deed for me to take over the House as duke and, as I found out later, for you as duchess in connection to me.” He grits his teeth. “If you wander why I was so angry with him during that time, the holding me outside his plans and leaving me behind for when he would, inevitably, be unfit to rule, was why. And I have strong opinions about Xaden continuously making choices concerning you without consulting you.” I automatically open my mouth to protest, but he puts his hands up in a posture to signal surrendering, “I don’t expect you to agree at present, but I want to be honest with you.”

I blanche at the implication that I will ever agree. I respond in an incredulous outburst: “Really? You accepted marrying just anyone?” He takes both my hands in his and look into his eyes. “Yes, I did, if it could save the place and the people I loved. I wasn’t too happy about it, as you probably noticed, but I accepted it, since I had already accepted the fact that the woman I loved never would be marrying me or love me back anyway. And it would at least put me in a position to help you and be close to you in any way I could.”

I dread to pose the next question, but as I try to gather the courage, he continues instead: “It is simple, really. I’ve loved you since I first saw you. The only problem was, that it was my shadow wielding, revolution running, hunk of a cousin who met you first. And who fell in love with you and you him.” He sighs. “Who could blame either of you, I sure as fuck didn’t. The connection through your dragons, the mental bond that made you able to communicate without anyone else…” I yank my hands away from his and turn from him, still sitting in my chair. “Too much”, I gasp. His head drops. “I’m sorry. I am the one who’s forgetting, apparently. I’ll be more considerate” he promises.

I look down at my hands in my lap, as if they would show a sign of having just been touched by another man. “You told me about Cat.” I remember the time when he accidentally told me about that particular stinging secret of Xaden’s. “Did you do that on purpose, to try and make me jealous?” He scratches his head, looking a lot like a dog that was just found chewing on something it wasn’t supposed to, “Not my finest moment, but yes.” He pauses, then continues: “But I’ve also self sabotaged completely, like when you had to go against orders and see Xaden at Samara, and I helped you get away and gave you my flight jacket.”

“Oh.” I stop to think at the lack of control and shielding that made me break orders and fly for eight hours, only for Xaden to accuse me of being unfaithful to him, just because I was wearing Bodhi’s jacket. And the intense sex we then proceeded to have in the showers, in said jacket. I blush. “That jacket was never the same after that rain you hit,” Bodhi muses, “Couldn’t stop wearing it though, it smelt like you for weeks.” I have obviously kept some boundaries in my marriage to him, for which I am now most grateful.

“Did Xaden know you…” I brace myself for what I’m about to say “loved…love me? Then, I mean.” Bodhi looks at me with a solemn expression, his lips tightening. “Yes. He knew. He yelled at me for ever about giving you my jacket, for instance, saying I tried to get in with you any way I could.” He shifts in his chair, “I wasn’t of course, but it also meant he knew that a marriage to me would mean you had someone who loves you in your corner, when he couldn’t be. And for that, I could almost forgive him anything.” He looks sad again, as if thinking about the things he will never be able to forgive.

I change the subject. “What about the ring?” I say it in what I feel is a neutral tone. The ring is currently in my pocket. Imogen picked it up and gave it to me after I threw it away, that first horrific day. Yesterday. “Xaden gave me the stone that is, or at least was, in that ring you had before yesterday. “But you made the ring? Had it…” I swallow, “inscribed?” He looks at me with some small sort of hope restored. “Well yes, Xaden had it made in the islands and I had it inscribed right before the wedding. The inscription is all me and I meant every word.” He looks at me, full in the face, all sincerity. I look away, unsure how to handle his devotion to me. And the frankness with which he shows he isn’t ashamed of his feelings for me.

”I need to clarify this: I would have been more than willing to marry you, long before Xaden told me what was about to happen. In fact, I’m sorry to say I was elated when I found out I would be married to you, even though you at the time thought you would never love again after Xaden.” He looks open and honest, and just a bit sad at his own words. ”You did, you know, love again. And even if that’s all the time I ever get, I have no regrets. It will have been worth it all for me.“ He looks away, clears his throat and continues.

”Then after the battle, the instructions were all here. Xaden was gone, Tyrrendor nearly lost, you nearly dead with grief the first weeks. And so was I, for the record. I loved my cousin and I step into his shoes of ruling and leading armies most unwillingly. And differently. You and I delegate. That’s how we can enjoy having breakfast together and hopefully be a bit more proactive in our decision making.” He pauses, like he forgot himself and slipped into what for him must be considered a normal conversation with his wife.

Then he goes on. “The invitations were sent to every person of importance in the kingdom and outside, including Halden, to make the marriage legitimate in the eyes of the king. And even though we were just back from battle with great losses, Halden chose to come. And you kindly chose to both marry me, to save Tyrrendor from ruin and to warn me enough that I knew what to expect from Halden.” I cringe again. These will not be a fun couple of days.

Bodhi pauses, running his hand through his black curls. “I am not a jealous person to begin with” he says pointedly, (he is not Xaden - got it). “And even though I was in love with you at our wedding, we were not in an actual relationship at the time and you were actively mourning the loss of Xaden. If I was anything to you at the time, I hope I was your friend.” He pauses, then continues, a slight zing in his voice. “Despite all of this, Halden still managed to rattle my cage a bit, so to speak.” His lips tug into a pained half smile at the admission. I shrug apologetically, “He has a great talent when it comes to that.” Bodhi’s eyes twinkle at me joining in the conversation. “Anything in particular that I should know before tonight about Halden’s latest visit?” He takes the teapot from its place on the little candlelit heater and indicates my empty cup “bit more?” “Why not,” I say and lift my cup. I give him a moment to reflect on what I might need to know about how this self proclaimed not so jealous person was affected by Haldens grace and tact.

Instead I say: “To jump ahead a bit - we have to act like our relationship and marriage is real,” I conclude. Bodhi looks stricken for a moment, but manages to collect himself. “For my part our marriage is real as can be. I just hope you will come back to me at some point. But yes, for that to get a chance to happen you have to act the part.”

I try to sound confident as I stride on, blatantly ignoring the emotions I see flaring to life in his eyes. “I have the ring, I’ll wear it for a start”, he looks surprised but happy at that. Maybe Imogen has mentioned that I threw it away, at some point. “And I’ll sleep here, if you feel that’s something you can do as well.” His words from yesterday hang for a moment over the conversation. He inhales deeply, as if he has been waiting to adress this particular part of what has been said. “You are more than welcome to stay here with me. I deeply regret giving you the impression you wouldn’t be.” To be honest, it sounds literally like he’s practised saying this in the mirror. The regret seems genuine. “That’s all right.”, I respond. “You made some good points, actually. I didn’t consider the situation from your point of view.” He looks relieved, to say the least. “Thank you. But it was wrong of me to say what I did. And I’ll be perfectly fine with whatever you choose. But to tell the truth, I probably won’t sleep much at all with Halden in the House if we are not in the same room.”

Bodhi then blurts out, exasperated: “There is no great way to say this, and I guess it’s something you ought to know. The reason Halden got me feeling some sort of way, was that he was convinced we didn’t consummate the marriage on the wedding night and told me over breakfast that he had been searching for your room all night, to see if you needed…” he takes a short breath, “let’s paraphrase again and say ‘warming’.” He is fuming at the memory, I can tell, his eyes darkening slightly, but his voice is calm. No ice, no worrying of him attacking someone. Not Xaden. “He apparently had his guards try to break him into your old quarters, but the guards were found knocked out on the other side of the corridor. That is one hell of a warding.” I sigh deeply. “Well, sounds like Halden alright.”, I raise my eyebrows, “and if that was all it took to get a response out of you, I would get off my high horse, when it comes to painting yourself as immune to jealousy”, I finish. Bodhi gives me a smirk. “Touché. Well, I try to limit my responses to verbal outrage anyway.” So not Xaden.

I ask casually, taking a sip of my rather cold tea, “So, did we…consummate?” Bodhi doesn’t flinch as he answers me, “No Violet, you slept in Rhiannon’s room the first couple of months at least. I hope you know that I would never force myself on you for the sake of some clause in a marriage contract. You were in no state to even fake sleeping in the same bed. I was worried for your life. Nothing else mattered.” I jerk my head up at that. “No, you idiot, I didn’t mean to say you would have forced yourself on me. Do you think I’d be sitting here with you if I did?” He looks down at his hands. “I guess I’m not making such a great job at explaining myself to you”, he bursts out “it’s hard, because I don’t have all the answers either. One night you just needed me and I was there. And that night turned into more nights, and if anyone was using anyone for sex it was you.”

I rise from my chair and begin to move towards the door, furious. Tairn’s voice rumbles in my head “Is the Annoying One talking too much again? Should we give him to Andarna? That would put a stop to it.” I stop in my tracks. “Thank you for the offer, I’ll get back to you on that.” Bodhi stands up as well. “Please don’t leave again. I am an idiot, but an honest one. I truly think these things need to be said.” Great. I’m beginning to understand Tairn’s nickname on my…husband. I huff. “You have exactly one minute to explain what you meant by that.” Bodhi gestures for me to sit back down. I decline with a shake of my head. “We might have begun as a physical thing for you, but I never felt used. Let’s say, frankly, I’ve never been so happy to oblige, ever before.” He risks a quick smile. My pursed lips make him go on instead. “I was not as open with you about how I felt either, so you couldn’t be expected to know. And we are and were married. Xaden was out of the picture for a long time, you started to reflect and see things differently with hindsight. And we grieved, together. And you finally saw me. You chose me and life with me. ”

I sit down. Fuck, faking this marriage is going to be way harder than I anticipated. Can I even participate in this, considering what I now absolutely do know about Bodhi’s feelings? I think so. But I have to be gentle with us both. They might never come back, after all.

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Bodhi fixes up a bed for himself in the other end of the room. It does not look like an all too comfortable arrangement, but since it must look inconspicuous on the off-chance Halden or one of his private guard make an appearance, we try to make it look like a sort of sitting space where one can curl up to cosy up by the fire. So it’s mostly pillows on a narrow, foldable army bed. Bodhi carefully places his rather large frame on the bed and tries it out. “Not too bad”, he claims. The frame creaks in a foreboding manner. His broad shoulders and arms don’t really fit, unless he folds his arms across his chest. It looks to be a horrible night for him. After Halden’s visit we have to arrange something better. Me, I’ve offered twice to switch, he wouldn’t hear of it. I’m tempted to ask him, if he really thinks that true love will hit me like a ton of bricks, just because he insists on sleeping in what I have a sinking suspicion will be a pile of firewood on top of pillows, in the morning. But I don’t say that.

Instead I prepare. I fire questions at Bodhi every once in a while, adding the responses to the writing book he got for me, to help keep track of things I ought to know, or rather remember. The book is black with a gold clasp. On the front is an embossed mark, a tree. Right now it’s mostly filled with little details like which vase Halden got us for our wedding. The same wedding that Halden apparently wants to see annulled. A map of the Durran House, marking where I am to be living since the last half a year, because I’ve supposedly been running around here long enough to know all the spaces. Facts about the goings on on the continent I ought to know. Like that war with the venin has all but stopped, attacks few and far between, signalling that their food source is even scarcer than before. The army based in Tyrrendor has been granted leave for the first time in forever. The flyers are seeing to their families, the riders patrolling the border in groups and alternating staying at Durran House.

And random facts about Bodhi. He drinks tea without milk. A lot. He is a reader and a knowledge hoarder, like me. His favourite book is a novel about a man travelling to a star. He loved his mother. The tree on my book is the Durrans family symbol. We apparently hang out a lot with my friends as well as his, together. He can sing. To be continued.

“Vi?” Bodhi calls to me from his bed. “Do you feel up for an adventure to the kitchens? Got to get them time to prepare for the coming onslaught.” I look up from the book. “That sounds good”, I respond. He doesn’t move a muscle. “Bodhi”, I call back to him, his eyes now closed, still lying on the narrow bed. “Did you just fall asleep?” “No, just resting my eyes for a moment”, he claims. I’m not convinced. “Why don’t you move to the real bed and really sleep? You might like to be rested before the prince gets here.” I imagine he slept worse than I did. At least I had Rhi to comfort me last night, and this might be a good time to let her know I’ve got a better handle on things now than I did yesterday. And Imogen.

No answer. I get up and lean close to him. Dead asleep, technically the eyes are resting. I take a moment to really look at him, with no risk of him reading anything into it. He has a black shirt, unbuttoned at the top few buttons. Under it I see his tawny, brown skin and the relic that looks to be most pronounced on his sculpted upper torso. With his face relaxed in sleep, I see much less Xaden in him. In fact, he is very much his own person. Maybe he has lived so close to Xaden for so long, that he has picked up his mannerisms and expressions, because now I don’t see the same resemblance. Bodhi’s features are softer, his lips fuller and I take a moment to consider him from an outsider’s point of view: he is fucking gorgeous. One of his black, tousled curls look to have caught near one of the half open zippers on the throw pillow he rests his head on and I have to fight the urge to remove it from harm’s way. I wish for the rest of this day to be free from the reoccurring moments where we accidentally wound the other’s feelings, but I doubt it. Halden will see to that, if nothing else.

I wonder for a moment what it would be like to kiss those lips. What he tastes like and how we have kissed each other before. He seemed sad that I had forgotten our first kiss. When was that and where? Was it good? I bet it was or he wouldn’t think it a sad thing to be able to redo. I stop myself. Am I truly considering kissing him, for the first time again, at that?

He slowly opens his eyes, blinking his long, full lashes against the light. Bodhi looks at me in confusion, looking at him. “Sorry, did I nod off? I couldn’t get a wink of sleep last night”. He stretches out his hand to take mine, but hesitates. I don’t. “See? It’s not so hard at all”, I proclaim. He gives me a joyless smirk, “that’s what all men want to hear their wife say -about hand holding that is.” I can feel that the air is lighter between us now. “Were you watching me sleep?”, he wonders. I turn scarlet and also turn around, just to grab my book, I tell myself. “You were totally just checking me out”, he says smugly, placing his well toned arms below his head, big smile on his face. I glance at him. Big mistake. So what, he has…arms. So do a lot of people. I inhale and exhale, consider reciting the most important ports of Navarre, but opt out.

“What do I call you?” I blurt out. I can see his interest peaking at the question. “Just Bodhi?” His intense gaze makes him appear almost feral for a moment. “It…it’s for my book”, I add, looking away. “Sometimes you call me Bodhi”, he says in a deep, slow voice that makes me tingle, rising from the bed and taking a step towards me, “mostly you call me ‘love’”. I give a short, dry laugh. “I can’t call you ‘love’ in public.” “Yes, you do, darling”, he says with a grin. Especially in public. I think you like to use it to remind everyone I belong to you.” His tone of voice is just deliciously low now. He stops in front of me, leaving me my space. Then stretches out his right arm: “Shall we?”, nodding towards the door. I make a sound of agreement, words alluding me at present, and walk towards the door, on my own. He snickers deeply behind me, “I bet you thought that was a ‘safe subject’”. “Shut up!”, is all I say before walking towards the kitchens, Bodhi two steps after.

“Vi, what’s the rush?”, he practically chirps, walking leisurely behind me, steps twice the length of mine. By the time we hit the big staircase in the middle of the building, I’m panting. I stalk towards Rhiannon’s room and pass a couple of riders in the corridor, Bodhi stops to talk with them. I knock vigorously at Rhiannon’s door and she opens. “Vi! Everything… good? She angles her head out to look in the direction of the riders, Bodhi flashes her a great big smile and gives her a little wave. She waves back, with a confused look. “Basically, but I have to ask: does the pompous ass over there tell the truth, when he suggests that I refer to him as ‘love’ in public?”, Rhiannon flashes me a smile rivalling Bodhi’s. “Absolutely! I think it’s cute!” “Of course you do”, I grumble. She flat out laughs. “You do silly things when you are in love, honey.” I pout at that. “YOU get away with saying stuff like that, but is that really something you would expect to hear from me?” I say exasperated. She is really enjoying this, it’s hard not to notice that, from her laughing so hard. She wipes her eyes saying “Maybe it’s the new you too, have you tried it?”

She waves to Sawyer and Jesinia who are walking towards us through what has turned into quite a crowd. “If you say anything about anything, especially to Ridoc, I will unfortunately have to go feed myself to Andarna. So please, keep my secret.” Rhiannon scrunches her face up tight, then relaxes. “No”, she says flat out. “What! You can’t be serious!” I argue. “Calm down, I’ve already spoken to them, and Imogen, Garrick and Ridoc about the memory mishap. You might need us tonight, Bodhi told us all about Haldens upcoming arrival.”

Again, he said what, before talking to me? At this, almost as if he felt it was the right time to get away from me, Bodhi signs that he is running down to the kitchens to talk to the staff. Running away, more like. I shout his name, but he gestures to his ears, signing he can’t hear me over the noice of the talking riders. I raise my voice loader: “Love!” I basically scream into the perplexing silence, since it seems everyone decided to draw a breath at exactly the same moment. A collective outburst of laughter replaces the echo of my voice and Bodhi smiles broadly and makes his way to my side, slipping his arm around my shoulders. “Alright, everyone, show’s over!” he shouts gleefully at the loitering riders, who slowly start to find better places to be. Then he turns to me, like I’m the only one in the world. “You called?” I am fuming and mortified and at a loss for words. “Yes, and now you may go away again. Goodbye!” I wave happily in his face. He laughs and leaves me with a, still smug: “Alright darling, see you in a bit.”

Sawyer observes Bodhi walking away with a “That looks to be going very well!” At my still fuming expression he exclaims “what did I say?” to Jesinia, who just rolls her eyes with the addition of the sign for “Men!”. Jesinia signs: “What are we wearing tonight, some sort of dresses?” I nod, “It is supposed to be a formal affair tonight, courtesy of Halden’s ‘demands’, not paraphrasing”. I smile to myself, using Bodhi’s expression. Ridoc joins our little group, squeezing in between Jesinia and me, whisper-screaming “Hey! Did they kiss yet? Did I miss it?” And giving my shoulders a little hug. “Hi Ridoc”, I say in a less than amused tone. “No, ‘they’ haven’t. And it will not concern absolutely everybody if ‘they’ do”, I respond in a whisper. “When!” he responds. “Not ‘if’. Have faith Violet.” That breaks me. “Don’t pressure me like that!” I exclaim, breaking away from my friends and running out of the corridor.

I keep running until I reach the big banquet room where the festivities are being prepared by a handful of servants. The throne room. This can’t be real. Just seeing “his throne”, where Xaden and I… I can just hear his voice say “Look at you Violet…” Calling me “his woman”. But he is gone. He is really gone for good this time. I break down and cry, sitting on one of the benches at the side of the room, hugging my knees, covered in shadows, mourning him, mourning us and yet again saying goodbye. It was supposed to be forever, but he is gone. And I have no choice, at least not for tonight, but to play along in a different marriage that everyone except me expect to just work out great. I cry a bit for Bodhi as well. He doesn’t deserve this. He doesn’t deserve what I’ve done to myself and how it affects him. He is as robbed of his happiness, as I am of mine.

I hear that someone comes running into the room. Then I hear Bodhi’s raised voice: “I need the room, please. Now!” I hear feet scuttling. Then his arms are around me, covering me in darkness and warmth. He doesn’t say anything, just holds me as I cry. And I keep crying for what feels like forever. And then I’m just quietly still, like a limp rag. At some point, he must have sat down on the bench and taken me into his lap, because now he’s cradling me, humming deeply on a melody. I feel the tones reverberate in his chest. It’s as if the sound restores me. I turn my face up towards his and he looks at me in silence. “Don’t stop”, I croak, my voice rough. He caresses my cheek, maybe in the guise of wiping tears away, but I know they must all have dried by now.

We keep looking into each other’s eyes and he keeps humming his melody, and it strikes me, that this is one of the most intimate moments I’ve ever experienced with another person. It is so raw. So honest. And so ugly it becomes beautiful. “I can see now why I fell in love with you”, I whisper against his chest. He’s breath shudders, I know he heard me.

I clear my throat. It hurts. My chest and my jaw hurt too from constricting. Crying is definitely not compatible with my body and this sadness opens up a darkness too vast to exist in. I decide there and then: enough. I have to break the cycle before it breaks me. Before I am robbed of every chance at happiness, ruin it for Bodhi, ruin it for the people in Tyrrendor. I begin moving out of his hold on me. At first he grips me tighter, as if he thinks I’m falling, then he releases me and gently untangles us, reluctantly leaving the connection of our touch. My eyes feel swollen to a point where it hurts to blink. Bodhi offers me an arm to support me, “Let me get you to our room.” I take the offered arm. “Yes”, I agree, “but first I need you to help me set fire to this fucking throne.”

Chapter Text

“This might be the strangest timing for an impromptu bonfire I’ve experienced, and I was there when Varrish torched Third Squad”, Ridoc says, placing more kindling around the big, black oak throne. Our friends were quiet around me at first, careful, and rightly so. Now that moment has finally passed. I flash a grin in Ridoc’s direction. Bodhi went and got them, explained that I needed a throne burned and we set to work. “Shame on you Ridoc”, I say, my voice almost back to normal again, “don’t you know we have a prince coming. We have 14 squabs or something and they aren’t going to fry themselves.” I smile at him, as I throw the last of the splintered wood on top. Ridoc smiles and pats my back. Yeah, we’re good.

I continue: “Bodhi, go get your bed while you’re at it, this will be a more fitting end for it.” He smirks but stays close by me. Bodhi is understandably the most difficult to convince that I’m…not good, but getting there. I feel like I can breathe for the first time in a long while. But then again, this was not the first time he consoled me in the throne room. Or just the… room now, I guess. But it will have been the last. I asked him; I’ve never asked Bodhi to torch the throne before. I get the matches, and set fire to the kindling. The kindling burns. The throne, however, remains untouched, its rock hard surface not even affected.

“Andarna!” I growl through our bond, “ I need you to set this on fire!” Her response is immediate: “I thought you’d never ask”, then I turn to my friends. “You might want to get out of here. Andarna is on her way.” Rhiannon helps hurrying Sawyer and Ridoc along, like she understands the urgency, Jesinia right behind her. I hear an ominous swooshing sound and ask Andarna: “Dearest one, are you possibly on the way in through the front door?”, “Of course, did you expect me to come in through the servants’ entrance?”, she snaps. “No, but if you wouldn’t mind, there is an excellent balcony just outside the Banquet room.” “The Throne room?” she asks, “Yes, we’ll be trying a new name from now on”. The sound of claws on stone tells me she has found the balcony, and I open the huge glass doors. Bodhi is the only one left, watching me from a distance. He went out a short while with the others, then came back in. I see the royal escort having stopped just outside Durran House, Halden on a white horse that looks rather skittish at the sight of Andarna, perched on the rock facade.

“You might want to move”, she cautions me, but I just move slightly, I need to feel the heat. Then she blasts the fucking chair into oblivion. The scorching heat makes my forehead slick with sweat, both Bodhi and I shield our faces with our hands and try not to breathe. When Andarna finishes, the air is thick with soot and sulphur and the temperature is oven worthy. But the throne is gone.

I sigh in relief. “Thank you”, I reach up to stroke Andarna’s nose affectionately. She closes her eyes and huffs out an ashy cloud at me. “Now, we move on”, she says encouragingly, “I like that the Annoying One stayed.” “Me too”, I respond to her. “I’m not saying you should, but if you on your way back to the valley happen to see a Prince on a white horse, say hello from me, but don’t eat him. It’s bad for Tyrrendor as well as for your digestion.” She sniggers and flies off, efter first backing out in a laboured attempt not to damage too much of the structure. She does okay. Then she soars close to Halden, giving a screech as she passes, and circling back to join the other dragons.

The room around me is an utter mess of black. I walk towards Bodhi. “Are we changing for dinner or any more surprises for me?” I feel happier than in a long time. “Yes, that’s fine, no more things at present. Thanks though. I hope we can find someplace else to eat. I’ll find a water wielder tomorrow to help with the cleaning.” Bodhi takes my hand, “Don’t worry, just happy you feel better. I asked Rhi and the others to set up dinner in one of the smaller rooms downstairs. That should be fine.” I counter: “just fine?” He smiles, “Yeah, but then he got to see the fire show before dinner, so I say that’s a fair trade.”

We make our way up the stairs to our room. He shows me where I keep my good clothes, and while I quickly wash my hair, he manages to change his clothes into black formal wear, a jacket with buttons diagonally across one shoulder. I have exactly one dress that will fit the occasion, and that is the dress I wore to Reunification day. I step behind the screen Bodhi put up for me during the search for the bed and slip into the silky fabric. The slits at the side of my legs make me remember walking the parapet in this exact dress, to reach Xaden, during another one of his reckless and brooding episodes. His anger at me taking the same risk he took, without thought. His friends all lost their parents that same day, why was it only Xaden who had to nearly break? Anger rises in me, but I swat it away like a fly. I force myself to stop thinking about that day.

Instead, I braid my hair into a crown, put on some makeup and walk out from behind the screen. Bodhi looks at me in astonishment. “How is it possible that you just became a different person in the last minutes?” He whistles low. “Looking good, Durran!” That is my last name as well, right. “Thanks to the power of makeup ”, I say with a smile. I know that my face must be a right mess still, but I don’t feel puffy and warm on my eyes at least. Bodhi takes my hand in his, then kisses my knuckles with a swift, flitting movement. It feels like he first acted on instinct, but realised he was taking a liberty and tried to hurry out of the situation. He is suddenly still and serious, taking a step forward so he stands close by me, towering over me. “What is it?” I ask quizzically, trying to read his emotions and probably failing miserably. He sweeps a rogue hair from my eyes and says: “You are an extraordinary woman, Violet.” I blush and search for words. Nothing comes. Then he picks at some invisible lint on his jacket and says in a voice I find a little too convincing, “Let’s go annoy a prince”.

The huge dinner ordered by the heir apparent to the country, is being brought in to the smaller and less impressive council room that Rhi has managed to squeeze us into. It’s not tight because the room is on the smaller side, but because the place is now overflowing with riders. So many more must have made their way here because of the banquet. In a way, I’m happy Halden’s despotic tendencies at least resulted in what I hope will be a relaxing, not to say hard earned, night of joy for many.

Bodhi has stopped beside me, at the entrance to the hall. “Have we had any celebrations, or anything to celebrate for that matter, since the battle?” He knows what battle I refer to, the last one I remember. “Not really”, some minor things, but nothing like this. “Had I known you had this dress laying about, I would have insisted on a party”, he nudges my side. “I remember this one, you know. From Basgiath, Reunification Day…” he interrupts himself abruptly. “No, please go on. I can handle it”, I coax, placing a hand on his arm. His hand is in his pocket, and he nudges me with his elbow, in a gesture for me to take his arm. “Walk with me, love”, he insists. I react to the casual ‘love’ he slipped in but am strangely not opposed to it. In fact I feel a shiver in my body, reminding me of my signet, as I couple up with him.

“Xaden was always self destructive, more troubled than the rest of us marked kids. No wonder, his father landed him with a responsibility that would break any lesser man, let alone boy. Because of this, I wasn’t really surprised when he got out on the parapet to, I don’t know, rage, grieve, try not to hurt anyone else. We’d tried to stop him of course, but he was adamant.”

He looks at me, and his face softens “but then you came, wearing that incredible dress, for a moment you walked towards me, and I thought… I don’t know, something.” He glances to my side. “And then you asked where Xaden was, and without a second thought, you walked the fucking parapet in that gods damned dress.” He inhales deeply. “If you didn’t have my heart before, you sure sealed the deal right there.” I gawk at him. “But, why?” His eyes flash to mine in surprise. “I mean, I’m having a hard time seeing that as something positive from your point of view: I was going after Xaden. And I risked my life in the process - he himself was furious with me!” Bodhi sighs and fires off a resigned smile, “If I knew that, we probably wouldn’t be in this situation right now. Though I do know I admired your passion, your com-passion and I truly envied him your love. Because to me at least, that was when it became clear you two were never going to be this casual, albeit catastrophic when it came to the revolution, thing.” I glance up at him, all seriousness now. “And I couldn’t stand him not treating you the way you deserved.”

I jolt and back away a step from him. “But he has never…I mean, I don’t recall him ever treating me badly.” Bodhi sighs. “I didn’t say he did, and what you two had is none of my business, really. But from the outside at least, his secret keeping did cause you quite a lot of pain.” He puts two fingers to his mouth. “I should be less…frank. Let’s talk about this at a different time, when the fate of Tyrrendor and everybody in this room isn’t tied to you making moon eyes at me for an entire evening.“

He holds out his hand. “Forgive me, again?” I take his hand with mine. “No need for that” I grumble. Have I ever met anyone more prone to take responsibility for his own actions than Bodhi? It’s almost… “Annoying!” I hear Tairn’s voice boom through my head. “Thank you, for your very unsolicited opinion” I respond. “You are most welcome, Silver One”. Irony was not Tairn’s current setting.

Rhiannon rushes up to us as she sees us among all the people shuffling about, talking and laughing. She looks exhausted and rather pained. “The throne all good and burnt?” she asks, flustered, in my direction. I nod. “Great. I need you to save Brennan from his royal pain in the…” she stops abruptly and looks at someone behind me, “Look Violet, Bodhi, Halden is here!” Rhiannon says with a smile plastered on her face, that looks painful, “How great that you finally found one another.” And with that she dodges out, off to, presumably, lick her wounds.

I turn around. Halden presses up close against my body, not, as I see it, only because he’s pushed by the crowd. He looks down at me and smiles, white perfect teeth gleaming. “Vi, or should I say, your grace?” he snarks, sarcasm twisting the smile. I counter, “Well that would be the question, wouldn’t it, Halden. How have you been?” I take a step away from him, placing me instead pressed against Bodhi’s chest. Here I stay. Bodhi inclines his head towards Halden “Your royal highness”, all correctness, were it not for the tiniest hint of a smile in his voice, making the tone sound dangerously close to mocking. “I trust the travel went smoothly? By basket, or horse, was it?” Halden’s expression sours instantly. “By horse”, he grits out. “Would have been here sooner if there hadn’t been a fucking dragon blocking the way to the building.” “Your grace’s fucking dragon”, Bodhi corrects him, with a smile, inclining his head towards me. Halden mutters something that sounds a lot like “fucking riders” under his breath, but quickly finds his footing again, slipping on his trademark smirk, making more than one pair of female eyes around us twinkle. Yes ladies, I know he’s pretty to look at, but the inside is all brothels and entitlement, I think to myself.

Halden looks around the crowd, “Damned inconvenient room to choose for this assembly. How is one supposed to get a drink around here?” Bodhi silently catches the eye of one of the servers carrying a tray with sparkling wine, who begins moving in our direction. “We are redecorating the throne room”, I answer sweetly. Bodhi snorts behind me, going off a few steps to reach the glasses handed over one by one by the server. Halden suddenly steps closer to me again. “Violet, how come you didn’t come to greet me yourself?”, he purrs, “why send that tedious brother of yours?” “I was occupied with my husband”, I answer serenely. “Come now, you must miss me a little too”. “I assure you I don’t.” I try to school my features into neutrality.

His infantry ceremonial uniform jangles with, I’m sure, undeserved medals, as he raises a hand to caress my face. I snatch his hand in the air, before it touches me and say in clipped words: “No Halden. Need I remind you I’m a married woman? Don’t you remember the wedding? You gave us a rather ghastly vase.” He smirks and lowers his hand. “Yes, in fact, I do remember the wedding”, he whispers close to my ear, “you were the blushing bride in rider black, crying during the entire ceremony, right?” I involuntarily make a tiny gasp at his words, but it’s enough that he feels he’s won this round. Got it, don’t go into emotional subjects you don’t remember. The details will be your downfall.

“I’m not crying now”, I respond, looking straight at him. “No, fortunately”, he says with distaste. “But you do look a little puffy around the eyes now as well”. Damn it, I thought I’d made a better job with the makeup, but he might be bluffing. He continues, voice filled with mock concern, “Allergies, or did I interrupt a domestic? Troubles in paradise? I wouldn’t want to impose.” He smiles, and tries to look innocent. It fails spectacularly. “No Halden, you have the wrong end of the stick, as usual. I’m very happy with my husband, but thank you for your kind concern.” I’ve actually never wanted Bodhi more in my life than at this exact moment (that I can recall). I look panicked around for him. Where could he be? Halden worms his way to my side, looking out over the crowd while talking quietly into my ear: “I understand how hard it must be to play-pretend at being the wife of the unremarkable cousin of the man you were so besotted with. I’m very sympathetic to your predicament and only want to help. Let me save you from your poor choices, Violet.”

As I fight to find the right words, Bodhi sidles in between us, making Halden almost fall over with him reclaiming the space. “Careful, your highness!” Bodhi exclaims, happily, steadying Halden with a firm, very firm by the looks of it, hold to the nape of his neck. Halden steadies himself then brushes vigorously on his wrinkled jacket arm. Bodhi stretches out his other hand, clasping three glasses of sparkling wine like it’s a bunch of flowers. Halden reaches out for one of them, but Bodhi swiftly hands the glass to me with a “for you, my love”. His gaze looks slightly nervous, but when he sees that I don’t flinch, he relaxes. I give him a wink of encouragement. He then hands the next glass to the prince, keeping the remaining one for himself and raise his glass to me. We clink. Halden takes a deep swig of the beverage, nearly emptying the glass.

“The food I trust has been prepared according to instructions?” Bodhi keeps looking into my eyes and answers Halden without breaking eye contact with me. “Of course, thank you for your generous contribution, with the birds and the wine.” Bodhi sips his sparkling wine, still not letting go of my gaze. This might be stupid, but I don’t want this moment to end. Halden looks between us. “They are considered a delicacy in certain circles”, he prattles on, clearly disturbed by the lack of attention. “Are you really going to just stand there all night, looking at each other?” Halden’s temper, fouler than the birds he brought, just flared. Bodhi looks as though Halden just gave him a precious gift “For as long as I possibly can”, he smiles at me, “I’ll stay right here looking into the eyes of my beautiful wife. I am a lucky fellow, don’t you find?” he adds, and, fearing Halden won’t allow himself to be pushed much further, I unwillingly let to of Bodhi’s gaze an say: “And on that note, I hope it’s about time to sit down to eat. Why don’t we lead the way”, with that, I take the proffered arm of my husband’s, and let him lead me through the crowd towards the end of the long table.

Halden grumbles something from behind us, having a hard time keeping up in the thick crowd and I gently squeeze Bodhi’s arm. He places his other hand on my hand and angles his head down towards my face. I don’t flinch. He whispers to me: “You’re doing so well. Sorry I was away a bit long. Bird emergency, with a lot of kitchen staff being close to the gryphon flyers. To think he brought birds to serve flyers as food! Has he ever been outside the palace?” I laugh quietly. “Anyway, crises averted. How were things at your end? You looked panicked when I arrived.” He caresses my fingers.

“Halden being Halden”, I say, but then think better of it, this is Bodhi, not Xaden. Bodhi wants to know the good, the bad and the awkward and I don’t have to take responsibility for his actions as well as my own. “He actually wants me to end it with you and pick things up with him again.” I squirm as I say it. “He actually said that” Bodhi says in a matter of fact way. “And, regardless of everything, I feel I must point out, that it could be just as safe for Tyrrendor, and maybe better for the whole of our world as it stands, if you could have power as a consort of an uninterested future king.” I stop in my tracks. “No!” I gasp. “Are you insane?” Bodhi’s lips instantly turn upward. “Just thought you should consider your options. Imogen said you weren’t too keen on the idea of being chained to me for the good of Tyrrendor at first, either. Or not ‘first’. You know what I mean.” I squeeze his arm with all my might, making him miss a step and say through gritted teeth: “Tairn is right about you. You are annoying and you talk too much. But, no offence, I’d rather be attached through marriage to absolutely anyone but Halden.”

We’ve reached our places and stand in front of our chairs waiting for everyone to shuffle around to find their respective seat. Bodhi is looking intently at me from opposite me, across the table, a smile playing on his lips. “Ridoc?” he says from nowhere. “What?”, I whisper. Bodhi switches to sign and spells out: “would you marry him to help the kingdom?” I spell out “ass”. “Yes, great ass on Ridoc, counts as yes”, he signs back. And continues: “Sawyer, obviously, I would in a heartbeat.” “Rhiannon?” He raises his eyebrows. Okay, I’ll bite. Anything for a bit of distraction. “Of course, she’s my best friend”. I look for my friends, they are way lower down the table. Guess this end will be all nobles and stuffy militaries. Bodhi smiles and waves a finger at me, “that’s not what I asked”. I feel heat rising to my face, I quickly sign back “sure”. Looking around to see if anyone is watching us, I sign back, “keep it clean or I’m out”. “You are the one with the dirty mouth”, he signs back and smirks. I debate calling him something worse, then change my mind. “And I can’t play, because we’ve already established I would have literally married anyone for just a little bit of the realm.” I laugh at his self deprecation. “Garrick?”, gets a “yes”, which earns me a raised eyebrow expression and a “should I be worried?” which I don’t dignify with an answer. “Aaric?” makes me think twice, since that would not be totally outside of the realm of weird, real possibilities. “Your silence is a yes”, he reflects. “No!”, I sign. He makes a quizzical face and signs “may one’s husband ask why not poor Aaric?” I wrinkle my nose, “gives little brother energi, plus weird since I dated his brother”. He laughs to himself. Then goes for the big one: “Dain Aetos?”

At this exact moment Halden slides into the narrow space between chairs and wall and offers to pull out my chair for me. This is turning into the longest day of my life.

Chapter Text

I can’t wait for this dinner to be over. Halden has in fact managed to hold a civil conversation for a while, with the help of an older Tyrrish nobleman on Halden’s other side, who is also fond of hunting. And Navarre’s future king is anything but boring. Halden is charming, as long as the conversation revolves around him and his interests.

Bodhi has been claimed thoroughly (away from all silent conversation with me) by my brother, who is not aware of my situation as far as I know, and seems to be rather angry with Bodhi for shirking responsibilities all day. In what appears to be a longer tirade from my brother’s side regarding the dragons’ feeding habits, he keeps nodding but searches my eyes. He smiles and mouths “are you ok?” I respond in a nod, picking at the last of the vegetables on my plate. I didn’t feel like fowl. Just as if he’d felt my interest gravitate towards Bodhi, Halden leans over me. He drapes his arm over my chair in a possessive manner and asks, directed at Bodhi: “Let’s get this issue of the so called ‘marriage’ out of the way, shall we?”

Bodhi’s gaze sharpens on Halden and he says ”Let’s”. No smile now. “What grounds do you claim for questioning our marriage?” Bodhi reaches out his open hand to me over the table and I take it in a hard grasp. Halden slides his hand further along the back of my chair and says “you forget that I know our Violet. Intimately even.” He smirks at Bodhi” I can tell she isn’t in love with you”, he turns to look at me “are you?”

“Halden, you wouldn’t know love if it bit you in the ass.” I say in my sweetest voice. Bodhi flashes me a quick smile. ”And besides, I hardly think love constitutes grounds for marriage, if it did, it would be a sad day for nobility in Navarre. And I have no intention of talking about my feelings in regard to anyone, least of all with you.” I state bluntly. Halden looks at me with some disdain. “You were always great with words, but do you really expect me to believe a loveless marriage is not just a construction to keep control of the province?” Bodhi answers him, “I agree with Violet, you haven’t presented any reason for us to talk of love. Nor does your attitude make us inclined to discuss our feelings with you.” Halden looks pleased, “So you speak for her too, now? Violet’s lord and master?” I scoff. “Knock it off, Halden! Out with it, give us an actual ground for why this marriage should be annulled, or be done with it!”

He looks at me with green eyes and furrowed eyebrows as if I’m spoiling his fun, but the smirk is still in place. I’m reminded that his handsome face looses some of its lustre when that vindictive part of him takes over. “You never did consummate the marriage.” He poses it as a fact, brazenly and crosses his arms. “That is a legitimate ground for me to terminate it”, Halden adds.

Bodhi leans his face close to Halden’s, bending over the table and says in a dead serious voice only me and Halden can hear: “The fact that you even broach this subject in our House, in front of our people, makes me want to throw you right out on your royal ass, to become a light snack for our dragons. But in order to bury this question once and for all, and I’m sorry in advance Violet, since you know her so ‘intimately’ and presume I have not had that honour, let me prove to you that I have.”

My mouth goes dry and I’ve stopped breathing a while ago. Bodhi’s face, though, is a mask of stone. “My wife has a small birthmark located on her lower back. You would know that of course, having also had the privilege to be allowed to see her naked, albeit many, many years ago.” He doesn’t look at me, and I suppose that is best for the desired effect. “I bet you remember that little birthmark, despite all your presumed ‘conquests’ thereafter. Because it has been my life’s greatest pleasures to be invited to share her bed and I bet it was yours too.” He sits back down. I am just stunned.

Halden is going to react badly, I can feel the rage building. Both Xaden in the last year, despite his control, and Halden, have had one thing in common: I’ve always had to be able to read the room, and every little micro expression they make, because when they blow, they blow. And there is always collateral damage, in one form or another.

Before I have really decided on what to do, I stand up and all the men and women around me do the same. Then I hear myself say: “I would like to raise a glass to all the riders who are now with Malek, may they never be forgotten! Everybody in the hall is silent and raise their glasses. Then Bodhi says into the silence: “now, drinks and more merriment is to be found in the mess hall on the lower floor. Let’s break the table, not literally please, and move the party there, all right?” Riders laugh, chairs are pulled out and the utter chaos around us ensues once more. Leaving me, Bodhi and Halden alone in the hall, glowering at each other.

Halden takes his glass and throws it into the stone wall. Glass and red wine goes flying everywhere. He then basically throws himself in Bodhi’s direction, over the table. Bodhi doesn’t move a muscle, just looks at him like a tired parent whose toddler is having yet another tantrum at the baker’s. Halden sputters “Bravo, so you’ve finally fucked your own wife. How she ever let you near her is beyond me. Must be because she misses her real lover, that you remind her of. I met that shadow wielding freak and you are a poor substitute.” He spits out the words, close to Bodhi’s face. Bodhi doesn’t move a muscle, but I can see his eyes darkening. “And I have a hard time believing she would have traded him for you over the course of a couple of weeks, with all the principles that our Violet has.” He laughs cruelly and walks away, towards the table to find another’s glas and sloshes red wine into it from a decanter.

I turn to Halden, in contained fury. “Which one is it, Halden? Did we not sleep together on our wedding night, of which you have presented no proof, or have we never been intimate at all, which has been disproven? Anything else, of substance? You have only proved that you are a sore loser as well as know nothing about either of us. Also, why are you fighting this? We’ll just marry again!” Halden is staring daggers at me, but says nothing this time. Just chugs more wine.

Bodhi shakes his head slowly and looks at me with a curious expression, “As much as it pains me to say it, no, I don’t think we could marry again, since I presume we would be denied his father’s permission to the match the second time. That is the plan. Correct?” Halden just looks at him, dumbfounded. “And I expect this trip is supposed to serve as ‘proof’ to get the marriage annulled and give the job to someone working for the royals of Navarre.” Bodhi looks cooly at Halden. “But, you will have to report to your father that the marriage is in fact without fault and find yourself another bride.” Halden looks like he’s going to go unhinged. It’s obvious that Bodhi was right about every part of this.

Bodhi then says in a disinterested voice: “Why don’t you leave this room now?” Halden walks to the exit, oddly enough nodding to us on his way out. Presumably going downstairs to find some better pleasing company. As the door slams behind him, Bodhi and I both let out a shaking breath. We look at each other and Bodhi shakes his head in disbelief, raises both eyebrows and smiles.

“So that was Halden, second round.” Then he looks at me with a small smile: “How many other exes do you have left that you suspect we’ll have to mentally or physically fight?” I elbow him in the ribs. Only the one, I expect.

Bodhi hooks two fingers into the sidepockets of my dress and pulls me towards him. I let him. He holds me loosely in his arms, and it feels almost too nice. “I feel like celebrating alone. You?” “Yes, I don’t think I have the need for any more company tonight. Let’s go upstairs and look at a fire or something.” For a brief moment, I wonder exactly what he means by ‘celebrating’, but find that I trust both him and myself to figure it out.

Later as I sit on the makeshift bed by the fire, I say: “By the way, I didn’t know I had a birthmark on my lower back.” Bodhi looks up from his kneeling position in front of the fireplace: “No? It’s because you don’t have one.” He smiles at me. “I would never offer up any real information about you. But then, Halden would never admit to not remembering every little detail about you, since he, in the poor man’s defence, has one redeeming quality: that he feels you are the only, truly good woman in his life.” I smile, with my mouth wide open, flabbergasted, “You are such a sly fox!” He tilts his head to one side, “you’re quite the arguer yourself, Halden had a tough job figuring out your questions.”

I go on, “I enjoyed working with you, against him, today.” He smiles, “Good because it’ll begin again tomorrow at breakfast.” I look at him as he sits by the fire, the light casting a glowing warm sheen on his skin. He…is mine? I am his? It’s too strange to consider still. “I thought breakfast was our moment alone, or was that just something you said to draw me in?”, I ask with a coy smile. He makes a face as in pretend shock, then says “No, the breakfast thing is an everyday thing. Except for when we have angry princes that happen to also be your exes, in the House. If it had have been just Aaric having a fit, I now know we needn’t have bothered.”

He smiles and looks into the fire and says, “You enjoyed breakfast, then?” I answer without hesitation “Very much. I must say you make things very easy for me, given the strange circumstances.” He throws out his arms in an easy gesture: “I aim to please. Besides, I’ve been here before, and try to better myself, of course.” That peaks my interest. I hadn’t considered he might actually have had more or less the same conversations with me before. “What did you do wrong, in your opinion, the last time?” I ask him. He scratches the back of his head: “Do you really think it’s a good idea to talk about that?” I shrug, “that depends, and the best person to answer that question is you”.

He thinks for a moment, then says: “I was angry with you for what you did to yourself and I showed it. That made it take longer for you to trust me and harder for me to be able to help you.” He stops. “I’m ashamed of that now.” He squirms a bit. “You must consider, this was a while ago, and the first time around, the first month after the marriage, had been a gruesome experience for both of us. So when things had started to go better, even great, that made it that much worse to be back at square one.”

He lifts his eyes to mine. “And strange and horrible as this must be for you at times now, it’s nothing compared to before.” I agree, “I’s like I remember a lot of feelings, even if there isn’t a matching memory to base that feeling on, for me.”

I steel myself and then say: “I feel horrible, for having put you through this. I can’t believe you’ve stayed with me, actually. You must be angry now as well?” He considers it, and says: “Strangely, this time I don’t feel angry with you. I think it’s because we are, were, in such a great place during a longer time. I felt the constant love from you, I know what our relationship can look like, so I am not as unsure of things.”

He sobers up a bit, “I mean, I’d have to have surreal confidence issues to doubt you would chose to stay married to me in order to save Tyrrendor, when you would have accepted practically anyone you know for a chance at the kingdom”, he grins, referencing our signed talk before dinner. “Did you ever decide on Aetos?” I throw a pillow at him, where he still sits by the fire, long legs stretched out in front of him. Looking thoroughly relaxed, he catches it and says in a mocking, lecturing voice: “Gods Violet, mind the fire!”

He suddenly looks serious again. “Where did you go just now?“ I ask, carefully. “Just thought about Imogen, actually. I can confess I’m still angry with Imogen for not coming to me when you asked her to erase me from you this time, though. I aught to talk to her, she is probably just as pissed.” Then he sits quietly a while. I can’t believe he just tells me exactly what’s on his mind like that.

He stares into the fire a while, then says, turned to me: “Do you mind if I ask about the throne?” I look towards the ceiling. And we were having such a nice time. I suddenly feel the familiar sting of grief permeating my chest and I hear thunder amassing outside. Just at the thought of Xaden, I risk to loose my control.

When I look down, Bodhi is on his knees in front of me, with outstretched hands. “May I?” He indicates my hands, his voice smooth like velvet. I nod. The thunder disappears as quickly as it came. The balance that he brings to my signet and to me, seems to influence my feelings as well. Not like Cat, amplifying everything, messing with and distorting the feelings I have, but soothing me from within. Like my feelings are caressed by his signet, until the anger, rage, hurt, sadness purr like cats. I see them, I accept them, I don’t let them govern me.

I didn’t realise I’d closed my eyes until I open them. I have no idea how long time has passed. Bodhi is still on his knees in front of me, where I sit on the makeshift bed, holding both my hands in his. His head rests on my thigh and he appears to be asleep.

Chapter Text

The fire has burnt to coals. I sit and gaze a while at the man, also known as my husband, whose head is currently resting in my lap. On my left thigh, to be precise. He looks so peaceful and I permit myself to stroke the outermost part of his black locks, just to feel if they are as soft as they look. Really soft. I feel my body wanting more, much more, actually. And I try telling myself something new: don’t feel guilty about it. Just resting in that emotion I sit a while longer and take in his features, trying to refamiliarise myself with them.

We’ve got to get proper sleep this night, we have a breakfast meeting, so to speak. Do I wake him up and move myself to the bed? Should I sit here all night? My back strongly disagrees with that option, making me shift and I hear the tent bed creak.

I caress his cheek, stroking it with the backs of my fingers “Hey”, I say softly, but he doesn’t stir. “Bodhi” I say a bit louder. He jolts awake, confused look on his face as he’s taking in his surroundings. Realising where he just rested his head, I half expect him to go into apology mode, but he doesn’t. Instead he rises onto his knees, coming face to face to me in my sitting position. “Feeling better?” he asks, voice still gravelly from sleep. I sigh, “A world better. Thanks to you.” He chuckles, “Any time.” Then he says slowly, as if he’s reluctant to release the words, “I really want to kiss you.” I swallow. “I’ve wanted to all night, of course, but I don’t want to press the issue if you don’t want to as well. I just had a feeling you might. If you don’t, that’s fine”, he considers his choice of word. “I mean, great. I ruined the moment now I guess...” he proceeds to draw back from me. I grab the back of his neck, pressing my forehead against his. “You have to give me a chance to react, don’t rush off together with all your words.” He smiles, and closes his eyes for a second.

I seize the moment and kiss him. His lips are soft and warm. I can feel a surge of lust inside me, like a volcano about to blow. Heat surges through me and the slow burning ember in my core is replaced by passionate energy. The crackling sound and lightning flashing outside the windows make me search for my conduit. He just places my hand on his bare chest, by leading it inside his shirt, unbuttoned at the top. Then releases my lips only to whisper, “You don’t need a conduit, love, I’m right here. Put the power into me if you need to.” Then he answers the kiss with full force, gentle but with just a hint of recklessness, as he sucks on my lower lip, flicks his tongue in the most delicious way, eliciting a moan from me. The sound gives him courage and he leans in to deepen the kiss, into me, in a way that makes me loose my equilibrium and fall back against the pillows. He devours my mouth with his own and his tongue wanders skilfully inside my mouth, there is no exploration required. He knows exactly how to use his tongue to set me on fucking fire, showing me in every possible way that kissing me is a well honed skill of his. Then a crack from under us rushes me back into reality, ending the kiss abruptly. The puny bed has sighed its last sigh.

As we fall to the ground, he on top of me, breaking the fall by catching his weight on his arms, letting me tumble down on the heap of throw pillows and poorly constructed tent bed parts. A second everything is quiet. I pipe up a small voice to say: “Ridoc will never let me hear the end of this.” Then Bodhi breaks out laughing. It’s a beautiful sound, and makes me laugh too. He tries to get up, but is too tangled in cushions and blankets and stuff and weak from laughter, that he instead rolls over to the side and wipes at his eyes. “Well, that was… a great new first kiss.” That tips me over the edge, and I laugh some more, arms clutching around my midriff. “There is nothing for it now, darling” he says and gets to his feet, reaching out a hand for me. “We’re sharing the fucking bed.”

A little while later, I’ve managed to prepare properly for the night. Then as I’m trying to remove the dress the zipper won’t budge. Bodhi is already lying on the bed reading a book, wearing sleeping pants and a smile. “Could you come over here and help me with the zipper?” I call to him, my back turned to him. I can hear his smile widening as he answers in a drawling voice: “With absolute pleasure”. I sigh. “Just get over here, I’m stuck.” However hard I pull it doesn’t move either way. “I’m here”, he breaths in a low voice, close to my ear. “This is really stuck”, he concludes after I feel him shuffling the fabric around. “Yes, genius, I told you so!” I burst out in frustration. He angles his head around my shoulder whispering “Is that any way to speak to your lord and master”, mimicking Halden’s voice. A shiver goes up my spine at the sound of his voice so close to me, and I swat at him with my hands. He snickers behind me. “Just get me out of this thing!” He turns me around by the shoulders. “I can get you out, but that will mean breaking the zipper, or you can sit down on the bed, in the light, and I can try to save it for you. Your choice, Genius.” My lips tug involuntarily up at his words. He is really good at seeing the lighter side of every situation. But he isn’t a clown.

“To the bed then”, I decide. I sit down on the bed and he sits down behind me, starting to fiddle with the fabric stuck in the zipper. “What are you reading?” I ask, seeing his book on the nightstand. “It’s a book about the islands. From the old Tecarus-trove. Hoping to find something we’ve overlooked when it comes to changing the venin back to normal.” I am surprised he still believes it a possibility. “Would you…would you choose to change back Xaden to non-venin, given the choice? No more duke and House Durran.” Possibly no more Mrs Durran. He answers without hesitation “Of course I would.” He pauses, then goes on, “I would maybe selfishly wait a few more weeks if it were to be discovered today, given your memory situation, to give myself a fighting chance, but then I would.” He angles his head over my shoulder to look me in the eyes and says “Then I would plead my case and leave the choice up to you. I would never take that from you.” He returns to the zipper and says to my back “And then Xaden would kill me for suggesting there was even a chance you would pick me, because ‘you and him are end game’ or some shit like that…”, he slowly zips down the zipper nearly down to my ass, “and that’s the zipper done, voilà!”

I don’t know how to respond and instead fly the field. Keeping the dress up with my hands in the front, I slide off the bed, back to the safety behind the screen. I slip out of the dress and change into… Nothing in the drawers he indicated feels like Deverelli-silk. “Bodhi, where is my nightgown?”, “Not the foggiest. Do you need a shirt or something?”. I sigh, “No it’s okay. What did I sleep in before?”, I ask as I dig through the mix of clothing, deciding on a black top and training pants and slipping them on. “Sorry, what? I didn’t hear you”, I say as I exit from behind the screen. He looks pointedly at me in my training gear and says: “That’s because I didn’t say anything, because you wouldn’t like the answer”, he continues to leaf through his book far to leisurely to be innocent. “Tell me”, I demand. He puts the book down, sighs and with a mischievous smile says: “Well, you didn’t sleep in anything, or technically I guess you can say you slept in the nude…” looking at me, (fuming on the other side of the room) he adds, “Please don’t chuck any heavy objects or break the bed from under me. Shouldn’t a man be able to feel safe even in the marital bed?” I decide on another pillow, it finds its mark, right in his smiling face.

I then find myself at the roads end. Going to bed with this man. He seems to grasp the change in the mood. And flips open the covers on my side of the bed and puts a pillow in the middle, dividing the bed efficiently into two parts. Then turns out the lights in the orbs that light up the room. It must be late, but I can still hear some music and cheering downstairs, so probably around 2-3. I take a few steps towards the bed, then stop. He reaches out a hand for me and says in a low, serious voice, “Hey, Violet, it’s just me. This is purely a sleeping arrangement, nothing more. There are no expectations here. Just because we’ve shared one kiss, that doesn’t change anything, I get that.” I take his hand and keep holding it, as I slip down under the covers.

We both lie on our backs, wide awake, and look at the ceiling, holding hands. “You’re witty”, I say suddenly. “I never noticed that in the same way before”. He is quiet at first, then says: “We didn’t really hang out that much, just you and I. But thanks, I guess.” A bit self consciously he adds, “but I’m overdoing it a bit at the moment, with you. Yeah, I like a laugh, but it’s also my way to cope.” He’s nervous, I make him nervous. “You’re really funny too”, he says. I quip back: “Well, I at least really can’t remember the last day I laughed and cried as much as today.” He is silent. “Are you smiling?” I ask the darkness around me, “I meant to be funny, but in a dark, honest way.” He sounds smiling as he answers me: “Yes love, I’m smiling, don’t you worry about my feelings now”, he yawns. “because I feel fucking fantastic.”

Chapter Text

I wake up and struggle to remember where I am. “Good morning”. Right, back to reality as it is. Bodhi. Bodhi, who kissed me last night on the daybed until I forgot every reason not to. I squint through heavy eyelids at the world around me. He sits on his side of the bed, curled up with his book in his lap, still holding my hand in his. How he’s managed to turn the pages with just one hand, is beyond me. “Did you hold my hand all night?” I ask him. “So did you”, he says, raising an eyebrow and continues “Did you sleep well?”, as he brushes his fingers over my hand. I breathe out stretching my arms and in the process letting go of his hand. He smiles wryly at my getting out the hand-holding, “I did. How about you?” He regards me with a face that says I’m-not-buying it. “Back to all politeness this morning, are we? Just trying to keep up.” I clear my throat, feeling suddenly very undressed in his presence. “I think I’ll go get ready. See you at breakfast, in the counsel room, I’m guessing?”

“That’s right”, he says, and don’t leave me to fend for my own too long, they’ll already be down there.” I check the time, it’s a lot. “Why didn’t you wake me? This is closer to lunch!” I rush up, night clothing be damned. “Because I thought you needed the rest” he hurriedly picks out new clothes for himself, laying them on the bed, “and Halden would probably not have been any nicer had I gone down earlier and…”, he pauses, which really peaks my interest, “And?” I ask from the bathing chamber, throwing a glance out the door, only to see a flash of abs for miles as he changes his shirt.

Shutting the door quietly, I hear him chuckling, presumably at my stealth move. “And I refuse to leave you to wake up alone because of some meeting, that wouldn’t be right”, he adds with an edge I didn’t expect. An image of violets on my nightstand in a distant past flashes before my eyes. Does Bodhi know Xaden left me to wake up alone the morning after we first slept together? Alone apart from the violets he’d picked, that is. I finish up in the bathing chamber, pointedly not looking in Bodhi’s direction as I quickly scurry to my changing area. I’ve got to ask. “Do you know anything about any violets left in my room on any occasion?” His voice sounds more closed than I’d anticipated. And a little weary as he answers: “Why’d you ask?”, from inside the bathing chamber.

Now I’m just embarrassed. I go silent for a while. By the time we’re both dressed, more or less in silence, I continue, from behind the safety of my screen, while fixing my hair into a neater crown. “The first time Xaden and I… Well, I just wanted to know if you knew anything about a particular ‘day after’ situation.” He flat out laughs, “I think you can say that, Vi, I was practically there myself, all of us lugging out broken furniture of your room the day after half a forest burned down due to lightning strikes?” I blush, also am filled with a little bit of anger. They’d all known so much I wasn’t permitted to share in. Yet Xaden involved a couple of his guy friends when it came to fixing stuff in my room, letting them in on his new connection with me. “I don’t want to change the way you feel about any old memories, if that’s what you’re thinking. Anything particular on your mind?” I shrug it off, “nothing important.” But it is, though, a small voice inside tells me.

We walk down to the lower parts of the House, Bodhi occasionally stopping to talk to some of the passers by. In some cases bedraggled riders, who took the urge to have fun a little too seriously yesterday. I turn a corner and find myself face to face with Halden, wearing something I would describe as military, luxury leisure wear, certainly made by a tailor. The fabric looks exquisite and totally at odds with all the rider black. Around the corner I also see Ridoc, coming towards me. He stops behind me as he notices Halden. “Violet”, Halden greets me, looking rather pale, ignoring Ridoc. “Good morning Halden!” I exclaim, a little louder than I have to.

Then all of us unfortunately, happen to hear Bodhi arrange with a housekeeper, also in my opinion rather loudly, to ‘please have the furniture pieces collected from our room’. Ridoc bursts out laughing. “No, no, no…”I begin, trying to warn him off commenting, but too late, “Not your fourth furniture related accident!” He slaps his hand on my shoulder, to hold onto while he all but shouts with laughter. Halden cringes beside me at the noice. “What’s that now: an armoire, a desk, an armchair and now a…?” he looks at me expectantly “Daybed” I supply, in order to make him stop, while making a mental note to ask Bodhi about the armchair. “Ridoc, this is not the time…”, he cuts me off, “You are too good a friend!” he continues, “I don’t deserve you” I scowl at him, “Not right now you don’t.” He hugs me affectionately, still laughing, and then leaves me with: “I love to indirectly live through your escapades!” I just stand there, resigned, waiting for Bodhi to help clean up this mess with Halden, while Ridoc continues in the opposite direction, (where he manages to high five a seemingly puzzled Bodhi). “What furniture was he referring to?” Halden asks aloof, “We just accidentally broke a piece of furniture”, I say without emotion and prepare to leave the subject, but Bodhi chimes in, sliding an arm around my waist: “Come on darling, don’t feel bad. The day bed was apparently just not built to withstand nightly activities. Probably said so on its box.” And offers me to walk before him into the council room, giving Halden a smile on his way past. Halden looks as if he wants to have us shot. Preferably before breakfast.

Halden is sitting a long way away, up the table, obviously nursing a massive headache and the mother of all hangovers, watching the jiggling egg yolks on his plate go cold and occasionally drinking a glass of juice which makes him shudder at every sip. Obviously used to sweeter things. All the while I shovel down sausage, potatoes and go for the bread. Bodhi is sitting beside me and has also devoured what was on his plate and now sips his tea. He slides a hand to mine, already resting on the table and squeezes it gently. I look up at him. “We okay?” he mouths. “Yes!” I hiss, “stop asking me”. He takes another sip “No, I won’t.”

As not to let Halden in on our conversation, since it is leaning towards us disagreeing, I lean towards my dear, dear husband and stroke his chin. Still a little stubbly, apparently shaving was not a priority this morning. I say in a low voice practically dripping with honey: “You are being overbearing, Love. And it reads as anything but that close, loving relationship we are supposed to perform for at least another day.” My fingers continue to feel his raspy skin, my eyes straying for a moment to his mouth, thinking about that kiss. He flushes bright red at my touch. It’s my time to smirk. “You liked that?” I say, amplifying the girlish tone in my voice. He looks pained, “Yes, I bloody well like it, you minx”, he hisses back. I didn’t think I’d relish the feeling of owning control over a situation as much as this. Feelings be damned, this game I’m already winning. He’s not playing fair, why should I?

I laugh, an evil but honest laugh, behind closed teeth, clamped shut in a broad smile. “Did you pick the fucking violets for me?”, I continue sweetly, still caressing his stubbly chin with my indexfinger. “I don’t know what you are talking about”, he flat out lies to me, eyes darting to the side and his hand cramping tightly down the side of his leg. All telling me I’ve got him. I instead take his cramping hand in mine, stroking his knuckles. And I know it’s vicious.

“Don’t”, he exclaims through clenched teeth, I stop stroking him, just holding his hand. But he doesn’t let go. “Why, don’t you think the act of simple handholding should be a part of our couple’s repertory anymore?” I ask innocently, using his own words against him. He flashes me an indecent grin, “You stay in your glass castle all morning, just to brick me up in front of the prince?” At once, I let him go, “Well I didn’t know I was doing THAT exactly”, I whisper, agitated, in my normal voice. He looks at me straight in the eyes, his eyes twinkling, with a dangerous edge in them, “Oh, but I think you did”, he says in that low, full voice that makes my knees go weak. Accidentally overplayed my hand.

His lips draw to a slow, unadulterated smile and I fidget, instinctively trying to remove myself from the situation. He’s not even touching me, just looking at me, and I feel completely flushed: what even is the matter with me? I must retaliate. I whisper, trying to get the seductive power back, “Are you afraid to talk about little flowers?” He looks as hot and bothered by me as I am by him, but holds his ground, leaning an elbow on the table, angling his body towards me. “Yes, that’s it. I’m afraid of flowers. At least of one at the moment, playing roulette with her emotions, when the fate of the kingdom is in the balance”, he murmurs deeply, not letting go of my eyes, a smile once more playing at the edge of his lips. I answer him sweetly, “The one excelling at playing all the games, Love, is you”, and I lean back in my chair, beginning to unpin my braid.

As I let all my hair free, I look up at Bodhi, waiting for him to react, but…nothing changes in how he looks at me. I look at him again, a little expectant, but no change in his reaction. Or maybe he looks a bit amused. He smirks, then leans towards me. “You’ve tried that trick with me before, and some hair flicking is no way to win an argument with me, my dear.” I blush, which he sees, at least I suspect so, because he takes my hand in his. He holds it in a solid, dependable grip. “But at least it lets me know that this for some reason is really important for you to know right now, so I’ll tell you”. I sit back, stunned, but he continues at a fast pace, trying to get through it as quickly as possible: “I didn’t see anything positive coming from saying this, but, yes. Xaden asked me to pick some flowers for you, I picked the violets, he put them in your room, end of story.” And that is why Bodhi made a point of not leaving me to wake up alone this morning. He basically thought it was a shitty move to leave a person - me to be precise - alone after spending the night together. And considering what I now know about the flower situation, do I as well?

His voice is calm and low as he says under his breath, a glance in Halden’s direction: “I’m sorry, I should have told you when you first mentioned it. It’s hard to judge sometimes, since some things about the past are better left unsaid.” I squeeze his hand. “Apology accepted” I murmur back. I wouldn’t say we are “good” if asked again, but I must confess I feel safe to be able to express what I feel, at least. This suddenly feels an awful lot like a real relationship. I give myself a little smile, or maybe it was just the lying and the secret keeping that felt homey.

“Are you done with whatever lovey-dovey display you’re currently aiming at me”, Halden drawls, holding his head in his hand.

Bodhi straightens his posture, “Bit much of the good stuff yesterday, your royal highness?”, he says with a neutral expression. Halden just scoffs and says: “Fuck off”. Bodhi smiles, “Would be delighted to, but here we are”. He then freezes suddenly, making me understand he is being spoken to by his dragon, and turns to me and says in a loader voice : “I sort of promised your brother to come down to the field to talk to him and apparently Cuir, about a dragon-food related issue. Do you want to come with to see your’s? And what do we do with the prince?”

“I can hear you, asshole”, Halden snipes from his part of the table. “I never had the impression you couldn’t”, Bodhi answers in a glib tone. I sigh, “I’ll take him”, I tell Bodhi, then say to Halden, “as long as you don’t get in the way of the dragons and do as I say when it comes to safety issues”. He nods at me, apparently not displeased with the thought of some time alone with me. I don’t relish the thought, but to me he’s still just Halden.

Into my bonds I say with my warmest feelings, “Darlings, I’m coming out to see you soon, did you hear?” Andarna does a “weee” sound, for a moment making me miss the days she was just a little golden puppy, and Tairn scoffs loudly: “The Annoying One’s terms of endearment are hardly fitting for Tairneanach, descendent of the Dubhmadinn line”. As he admonishes me, I get the distinct feeling Tairn didn’t mind all that much.

Chapter Text

Halden leaves quickly, no doubt to find some tonic or other to help revive him, after arranging to meet me by the entrance a good while later.

Bodhi and I sit in silence. Then he says, right out into the air: “Cuir reckons that was a shit show”. I look at him, “Paraphrasing?” He looks back at me, obviously being too hard on himself, and a bit downcast: “Yes”. Then looks down at his hands that he’s clasped together in front of him on the table. “I’m not really made for this political, royal stuff”, he sighs heavily. “I’m just one more angry word away from bungling up one of the most important relationships Tyrrendor has to guarantee its independence.” He lays his head on the table, rather dramatically so that several glasses clink.

“Far be it from me to disagree with Cuir, but I think you handle yourself pretty well, given the circumstances”, I say, taking a leap of faith and putting a hand on his arm. It feels nice. He looks at me, head still on the table, a sparkling of curiosity lit behind the eyes. “Thinking about other riders, I don’t know a single one who wouldn’t already have risen to the challenge Halden presents in a highly aggressive way.”

He raises his head, incredulously, giving me a somewhat embarrassed smile. “You think that went…well?” Then laughs a rippling laugh that makes my heart clench, “Cuir says you’re unbalanced if you believe that.” The booming voice of Tairn fills my head “Cuir should mind his words! I have chosen you for your quick thinking and abilities of deduction, remind Cuir of that!” I respond to Tairn: “I will not be a message dove between dragons. Fight your own battles for me, and let me handle the humans.” Tairn grumbles but leaves me be. Hopefully, I think to myself, not on his way to ‘help’ by biting Cuir’s tail or something dragony.

I start to get up from the chair, “Halden will cool down, he looses it all the time. And you appear to be in control of your emotions; you’re not a pushover but you don’t rise to bait - something I have yet to learn, by the way, and Halden never will.” He gets to his feet as well and smiles down at me, full on grin, and says, “Hear that Cuir - she likes me a little bit right now, or she wouldn’t stand up for me against you!” I shake my head slowly, “Don’t you drag me into the discussion you have with your dragon.”

Tairn chimes in again, saying: “Cuir now agrees you are the more sensible in your pair. I did not bite his tail since it is a most ignoble thing to do and serves no purpose”. I smile through the bond, “Sounds great, since you two are going to be stuck with each other as well, for a while at least”, Tairn scoffs in answer. I then wait as Bodhi gets what looks like a real earful from Cuir. Bodhi signs to me simultaneously: “Seriously, Tairn calls me the Annoying One?” I smile, patiently waiting. When Cuir seems to have finished with him, I scrutinise him. He looks worried. “What else is eating at you, husband?” I cross my arms in a defensive position.

Bodhi watches me with a slightly doubtful smile. “Don’t know how I dare say this, but here we go: How about, why am I turning into Xaden, keeping ‘his’ secrets from you? Huge fuckup on his part, which I’ve now instead remade as my very own fuckup.” I can’t say I’m unaffected by the easy way in which he mentions Xaden. But I’m determined not to let the feeling distract me. Just see it and let it go.

“First of all, glad you still see lying to me as the stupid choice it definitely was”, I go on with a sharper edge. If he says something about “‘selective truths’ i think I might be the one to blow. Tairn’s voice shows up in my head. “It was a stupid decision, Cuir and I are in agreement” “Thank you! And thank Cuir from me!” In my head I imagine Tairn shuffling up to Cuir to talk about their humans odd behaviour. It makes me smile and long to look on my curmudgeon of a dragon.

Bodhi cringes and I again see him freeze up to let Cuir inform him of his opinions on the matter. Bodhi glowers at me, Cuir is apparently still talking (who knew he would have bonded such a chatty dragon?). I shrug, shake my head and point back at him, still stuck in silent conversation. He has himself to blame. But there is a smile on my face all the same.

After what I can only guess was, more or less, a scalding, is over, Bodhi whispers exasperated to me: “Really? Was that truly necessary, to bring them into this? Make them team up?” I smile a sweet smile, “I believe it’s you who’ve made this particular mess, not me. And yes, to see the look on your face it was in fact necessary.” Then add, amused: “Also, he can hear you”. Another dragon sized mouthful lands in my husband’s ear. And I laugh out loud.

When it’s over, I ask Bodhi, serious this time: “So do you want to hear me say you are not turning into Xaden and my theory of why you didn’t tell me about the violets in the first place?” He nods, “By all means, if the dragons stay out of it”, he glares towards his own forehead. “My guess is you were wanting to protect your cousin, spare my feelings and try to show that you are your own person, at the same time.” I smile wryly. “Also I think you probably promised him you wouldn’t say anything and probably are a little embarrassed that you liked me back then.”

He stops what he was about to say, mouth ajar, in confusion, “That is…uncomfortably close to what was going on in my mind, actually”, he finishes instead. “Apart from the supposed embarrassment. Darling, I’ve never been ashamed of loving you, however early it began.” I blush and look away, a bit uncomfortable to hear him say he loves me at all. “I just wasn’t openly talking about it, because it wasn’t exactly a desired thing from anyone and would have complicated things immensely.” He puts his hands behind his head and says in a low voice as he makes an awkward face: “I mean, I gather you remember Xaden’s ways to handle jealousy?” I nod, a bit embarrassed.

He adds sincerely, “I really am sorry for the flower related lie, though. “Enough!”, Tairn bellows in my ear. “We’ve accepted the apology, now let it go”, I beg him.

“Are you…good?” I ask him, an open expression on my face to signal that for my part, we’re really done with this. I’m not mad, he hasn’t ‘ruined everything’ and all the other thoughts I thought I saw passing on his shifting facial expressions between everything else. He answers me in mock annoyance: “You’re so overbearing”, when my eye roll reaches the ceiling he finally says with a relieved smile: “yeah, we’re good, love”. He takes my hand and we walk out of the Council Room together.

After a short stop at the gym with Rhi and Sawyer, whom I tell a lot about the prince-related things and none of the Bodhi-related things since yesterday, I wash up and get into flight gear. I’m alone in our rooms, Bodhi off on his own. I take a moment to look around the apartment like room that is our home here. Andarna adds: “We are snooping.” I stop a second. “Yes, I’m snooping, but you can’t really snoop in your own space, can you?” I counter, “Whatever you say, now look in the box!”. I don’t stop to question how she knows of any ‘box’ but leave it.

I methodically look through the book case, some titles I recognise as mine, some possibly mine that I don’t remember reading and things I consider probably Bodhi’s. Like that star-book, very much sky related. Then I look a little bit at the weapons rack, the weapons chest and the random weapons littered about the place, mixed with more books. Also glance into the armoire. No axes flying. He’s not extremely tidy, military style, as I’ve come to expect. Things seem a bit more scattered. Even I have limits on how much I snoop. I just want to get to know him a little bit better, I tell myself. Then I look at his bedside table and decide against it, despite Andarna’s cheering me on. I don’t want to know anything private he doesn’t want to share with me. Then I decide to rummage in my own nightstand instead. I open the tiny drawer at the top to find a little red paper box. I examine it and realise it’s not opened, the paper covering it has not been ripped. I set it down as I found it, to Andarna’s disappointed moan.

Later on as I wait for Halden by the entrance, Imogen comes by. “Hey, me and Bodhi just had it out, so you know” she says, emotionless. “He seems to think you are doing pretty well, not too sad in a constant way or anything like that”, she interprets. “And no flash backs or strange…urges?” I don’t understand anything, “What does that even mean?” I raise my eyebrows at her, but she just nods her head and says “forget I said anything! But let me know if any memories come back” I promise I will. Imogen then explains she had wanted to give me (and also Angry Bodhi) some space, but then adds: “Heard about the throne by the way, wicked! Don’t get it, but you do New You!” I am much more confused than before.

Halden struts down the staircase and Imogen looks him up and down with blatant disgust and then leaves. I can’t blame her. He isn’t trustworthy at all and the marked ones especially have reason to keep a wide berth. Halden’s shining auburn waves are combed to perfection. Not a hair out of place. The clothes have been changed to what I can only guess is his personal tailors’ even more personal take on rider’s black, which really makes his green eyes pop. Even though he is clearly infantry. I hiss through my teeth, and then proceed to wait as Halden slowly, well aware of his own good looks, makes his way down the stairs. A couple of the female riders present in the hall stop what they are doing to look as he strides down to greet me with a flourished nod of his head, and drags his fingers through his hair.

“Halden”, I counter. “How about you make your way up the stairs again and change into something blue?” He looks at me with disappointment, “There is no rule I can’t wear black if I want to.” “There is actually, section 2 article 2 in the dragon rider’s codex: Impersonating a commissioned officer is a punishable offense.” He smirks. “But we are not at Basgiath anymore, Violet, and I am the crown prince, so I’d like to see anyone try anything”. Although an arrogant ass, the arrogant ass has a point. “I can’t guarantee the dragons come to the same conclusion, but stick to your promise and stay well away from them, I guess,” I say as we go towards the huge doors, exiting Durran House. I see him reconsider a second but then trudges on. We leave for the flight field.

A chilly breath of wind on my cheek makes me stop a moment to take a full breath. I should have gone outside yesterday. This was needed. My head cleared from cobwebs, I walk on. “You haven’t been outside in a while, I see”, Halden says a few steps ahead of me, having obviously turned around when he finally noticed I was missing. The tone in his voice indicates he wants peace between us, at least for the moment. I am not sure I do. The way he’s spoken about Bodhi did really rub me the wrong way. “No, I guess me and Bodhi didn’t have the time yesterday, we had a rather demanding visitor to prepare for”. He smirks, “I thought you dragon riders couldn’t go long without seeing your pets”. I can feel both the dragons I belong to grumble with indignation respectively outrage. I scoff, “They are not pets. They are great creatures of power who let humans live in their great presence, because we are convenient. Like tiny fish picking sea gnats off a shark. Be sure to show proper respect, it would be truly damaging to relations to Navarre at large if another princeling died in any connection with Tyrrendor”. He scoffs back.

The smirk is still firmly in place as he says in a haughty voice: “I have been around dragons all my life, you know.” He continues, “Last time was on our little get away trip to the islands.” I get a memory flash of the island trips. Halden’s contributions to trying out diplomacy, and Xaden. It was the last time Xaden and I really spent some time together in a relaxed setting. Come to think about it, maybe it was the only time. But he had still been a venin then and I was always tensely watching his every move.

Halden chooses this as the first time in his life to pick up on an emotion: “You don’t find you miss Riorson? Had you been married to him I wouldn’t have bothered coming all this way, Vi. He is formidable”. He really went there. “Yes Halden”, i snap, but not viciously, “I do sometimes miss Xaden, but that doesn’t make my marriage to Bodhi any less real”. He waves it away, “Never mind all that”, making me sure of his intentions now being more focused on ‘gaining me’, for some reason, than to have my marriage annulled.

We stop at the huge stones lining the flight field. This is as far as I feel safe taking Halden. I turn to look for dragons and can only see Cuir a good way back and Brennan conversing with Bodhi, in front of the green swordtail. Can’t believe Cuir took my side in an argument! I wonder what he thinks of me in relation to his rider, after everything that’s happened. I probably don’t want to know. Bodhi stands turned in our direction, in full leathers, his hands at his sides as he’s talking with my brother. Even from this distance, he looks good.

“We’ll be gone a while, will you find your way back?” I ask Halden as I turn, only to find that he has taken several steps towards me, and is now right in front of me. Before I can process the situation, he’s pressing himself against me, swiftly cupping my face with his hands. Everything around me feels strange, like time slows down, as I’m frozen a moment. Halden talks to me in a light tone I remember as the one he always used when he tried to explain himself. Like when I asked about the odd coincidences, clothing in the wrong place, when he had to take late night private classes and suddenly didn’t demand sex every night. I jolt to realise I haven’t heard a word he’s been saying.

“…but I always knew it would be you and me in the end, not you and these Rebels. I may have wronged you in the past, but I’m not the same man I was back then”, he gives me a winning smile and leans towards me, presumably to kiss me. I don’t wait to find out. I push him away and place my arms over my chest. “No!” I shout it to make him understand. “Not interested. What good you may remember from our time together, isn’t necessarily even a reflection of the truth. I couldn’t make you happy, and you certainly have proven to me my feelings meant nothing to you in the past. And those feelings are gone for good”, he tries to say something but I push on, “you blew it with me, Halden, use that knowledge to wise up. Or take night classes, I remember how much you like them.” He smirks, “It was just a meaningless…” he begins.

I gesticulate between us “This? Never going to happen, regardless of who I’m married to”. He takes a few steps towards me, “But you have had feelings for me and I’m sure I can make them come back.” He looks at me hotly, “I know what you like” and takes a step in my direction, the smirk on his face widening as though thinking about very specific things. I hold my ground “No, you don’t. I didn’t know the difference at the time, but I sure do now”. I can see anger surging through him at my comment. Then I add, not unkindly, “Whatever you think you feel for me will pass, and probably sooner then you think. But don’t insult me or my husband again. And get out of this flight field right away before any one of the present dragons decide to end this pointless conversation for you.”

I walk onto the flight field, I can feel Tairn and Andarna approaching from the air. Halden throws out his arms in frustration, saying “Do you want a crown? I can give you a crown! You can keep the dragons!” Andarna touches ground first, running towards us, her head menacingly low and neck curled. “Don’t eat the allies, not even this one”, I remind her in a singsong voice. Halden backs up a few steps and stays behind the rocks.

I walk slowly towards Andarna. As I do, I shout, my back still turned to him. “Go back to Calldyr, Halden! It’s just the same as before. You only want what you can’t have.” Tairn touches ground and I feel the earth shake at his landing. “The princeling is running away. He must remember me from his vast experience with our kind,” Tairn informs me. “Yes”, I say as I reach up to touch his scales, “I rather hoped he would.” And I don’t look back.

Chapter Text

As I sail through the sky at Tairn’s back, saddle securely in place, I see how Bodhi claps my brother on the shoulder and Brennan hurries off the flight field with a wave to me. Tairn circles down for the landing, Cuir and Andarna already having left the field. Bodhi walks slowly towards me and Tairn, where I soon stand beside his front leg, having just slided down his scales. As I unbuckle the front of the saddle to control that everything is in good shape, I notice a tiny tree burned into the leather. The same tree I now know represents the Durran family.

Bodhi stops a rather large distance away from Tairn, searching for my eyes, careful not to look into Tairn’s accidentally. “Permission to talk, your grace?” he says in a slightly pressed voice. I turn on him, anger shining in my eyes, Tairn raising his head. “You tell me right now, Bodhi! Did you make this saddle?”

He squirms, hands out in front of him, trying to calm the, oncoming, situation, “Technically, yes, but It was all Xaden who tried it out with Tairn and told me what modifications to make. I was just coming to tell you.” He glances around himself. “Thought I’d be a bit on top of things this time. Can see I was a bit late”. Tairn snaps his jaws in Bodhi’s direction and then flies off, apparently done being involved in his human counselling for the day.

I groan, face in my hands, “Was I together with Xaden or was I together with you?” I bite out the words. I’m so angry at his, their, deceit. “Can’t I even trust the things I actually remember?” I rage on. Bodhi reaches for my hand, but I step back. The thunder is a menacing rumble in the mountains surrounding us. My feelings are going haywire.

I walk a step towards him. “You did a lot together when it came to me it seems. The violets, the ring, the saddle…” He backs up a step. “Yes, I can see how it looks bad, when you put it together like that. I just happen to know my way around saddles, he asked me, I helped. I gather you noticed the tree.”

I ask him in a clipped voice, “Why did you put the tree there?”, he goes still, “I don’t know really, maybe because I subconsciously wanted something to prove I’d been a part of helping you”. My heart is touched by this. But then again, what do I know of anything? Especially when it comes to these beautiful, idiotic men in my life. “Just selflessly deciding to help, no matter that I would never know? Or just preparing to ruin it for Xaden and claim the glory at a later time? “I would never do that”, he says, a definite sharpness in his voice. I believe him. Of course I believe him.

“I’m sorry” I say in a small voice, close to tears. “It’s not you I’m angry with, I guess”. He takes a tentative step towards me. “I know. It was just helping you staying in your seat, not a declaration of love”, he trails off, “as such…” I sink down to my knees, and catch my breath before going on: “But it was for me. Making that saddle, that’s how I convinced myself Xaden loved me. Because he wouldn’t or couldn’t say…that. At that time.”

Bodhi sits down as well, takes a hold of my arms and makes me look in his eyes, where I find only sympathy and love, “See, I didn’t know that because you didn’t tell me before. I’m sorry that was so hard for him.” I am filled with such a mix of feeling; hollow at the love lost and ablaze with the love found, from his side at least there can be no doubt. I just don’t know what to do with them all.

“Hold me” I say to him, and before I’ve even said the words all the way through, he does. As I inhale the smell of tea and…him, face pressed to his neck, I don’t feel like crying. I have, though, a lingering feeling that there is one good man in my life, who I’ve overlooked, as much as if he had truly been one of Xaden’s shadows.

We sit like that a while longer. Then I ask, head still hidden in his neck, “We’ve had something like this conversation before, haven’t we?” “Yes”, he murmurs, but we made up the last time, so I wasn’t too worried”, I swat him with my hand, letting it stay open at his chest. He chuckles softly into my hair. “It ended rather well for me, last time we talked about the saddle, actually”. I raise my head in question. “This is where we had our first kiss, as a matter of fact.” He says, clearly bothered that he said as much, but not able to stop himself, “But technically my first kiss now, and at a much earlier, or you know, later so to speak, time…And to be clear, not my first kiss ever.” I look at him rambling, “Shut up and kiss me then”, I say.

His mouth is on mine in a second and he claims me completely, draining every thought from my head but him. My lips open to let him enter, his tongue meeting mine, filling me with warmth and with a desperation I think is him trying to convey how he feels about me, all in this kiss. Then the kiss turns tender, as if soothing me, and arousing me, daring me to take a step of my own. I lunge into the kiss, giving all my need right back to him, sucking his lower lip, clawing at his flight leathers to bring me that sweet release from the constant power pressuring, walking the edge of control.

He laughs against my lips, saying “you could expect me to have prepared better, couldn’t you?” as he grasps for the heavy zipper to open, ripping the buttons open. I don’t wait, just kiss him deeper, my tongue searching his, making us both just ripple with energy until… zap! A powerful lightning strike ripples through the sky and the strike is just meters away. Too close.

I hiss, still in his arms, “Sorry!” He looks a bit shocked but happy all the same, “Never apologise for trying to kill me when I’m happy, love.” He gives a little sigh, “Or, I don’t know, content yourself with my hand to expel your energy, if you must.” I could smack myself. There is so much I don’t know about his signet! “Gods, I didn’t think…” I begin, he interrupts me “no one is complaining with you wanting to touch me at all”, I flush bright red and turn my face away. “I can’t believe I lost control like that. I usually…don’t think I do anymore”.

He places his slender index finger under my chin and turns me carefully to face him. “Maybe everything just has to end with a bang with you, for right now”, he searches for my lips and places a tender kiss on them, as if not wanting the moment to be quite over and, I guess, risk this being another one-time thing.

I look at him in astonishment, “It didn’t strike the last time?” “No darling, but then the first kiss I remember for us was lovely and tender, not passion and fury” I blush at hearing this, he sees it and catches my eye again, “and this was just as unexpected, and wonderful”, he says taking my hand. And then, chancing a glance at me which leads to another kiss, just a quick, just as tender, sweet kiss.

His eyes are closed as he murmurs against me, “That’s more our real first kiss. So now, if your memory doesn’t come back, at least you’ll know what I’ll mean”, he says. I have a feeling this New Violet is ahead of the schedule, leaving Old Violet in the dust. And I don’t regret it one bit.

Chapter Text

The sound of approaching dragons make us scramble to get up in a hurry. I see Teine and a whole bunch of other dragons flying into the flight field and I just feel a bit overwhelmed. Mira. She’ll have all the questions. Bodhi helps me up, my poor knees, almost stuck after sitting on the ground in the same position, are creaking when I stand. We back to the edge of the field. “Do you want to leave, or should we stay? Either way we’ll see her tonight.” I feel tempted to go, but it’s better to just get it over with.

As we wait for the group of riders to get to our end of the field, I say to Bodhi: “There are just so many thing I keep forgetting to ask you, and just so you are prepared, I reserve the right to be pissed if information turns out to have been deemed necessary by me and you didn’t give it to me”. He snorts, apparently choosing to avoid making a dirty remark on ‘giving things’. Smart man. Instead he says, “Should call for an interesting autumn”. I give him a pretty smile, and say, “Only if you choose to make it interesting”.

Bodhi gives me a secretive look and says, “There is this one thing, I would like you to have before we go down to dinner tonight…” he interrupts himself and his eyes widen, “Oh Gods, what happened with Halden? I forgot all about him with all the distracting wife related fun things.

Is he still here or have you possibly decided to let him make you his queen and not told me? Or did he try and pat Andarna. Because either of those alternatives are what might just put me over the edge.”

I make a face. “I don’t really know where we left things, he and his entourage might not stay for another night, but then again who knows?” He leans over my shoulder, making my heart stutter a beat, and says: “Please put me out of my misery. I couldn’t tell his chances, your dratted brother kept moving his head in front of the show.” I chuckle at the image of my brother trying to keep Bodhi’s attention on dragon feeding politics while he constantly looks over his head.

I tell him: “You can sleep easy knowing I’ve been very, very clear with Halden that me and him is a thing in the past and is not going to happen in the future. If he didn’t get the message from Andarna that followed, I don’t know what will work. But he can be stubborn.” Which is one word for it.

His breath over my ear makes me squeeze a little closer. “Let’s place Mira next to him if he stays for dinner” then he raises his voice as Mira ruffles out her short hair after removing her goggles, “Hey Mira, you okay to sit next to Halden for dinner, since we are spent?” She smiles and says with a smile: “Sure Brother, but you owe me!” Then she comes over to me and gives me a big hug, with a: “Vi”, and gives me the old ones over. “I am fine, Mira” she looks sceptical and glances at Bodhi to gather more information as she asks him: “Has there been any…sightings?” I’ve got to tell her, before something comes up that I may not want to hear. “Mira” I say, “apparently I’ve removed memories and it became a bit much”, Bodhi’s dry laugh behind me says it all.

Mira puts her hands on my shoulders and says, “Violet, he is never coming back. It’s for the best. That’s war. You have life, so live it.” I’m stunned at first, but Bodhi interrupts her gently, “It’s different than before. She is much better. And no sightings. And…” he glances at me, ”we get along well, albeit under unfortunate circumstances, since Halden’s main objective for being in Tyrrendor is to make Violet his bride and get our marriage annulled.” Mira takes it all in. She nods to Bodhi and gives him a warm look, and actually hugs his shoulder with her hand. I begin to think how sweet it is that she seems to have taken to him in a way she hasn’t to any other boyfriend material that has darkened my door. Then she slaps my face, hard. “That’s for risking your own mind.”

Mira is still pissed as we move out towards the House. I feel she lightens up slightly when I tell her Brennan doesn’t know anything and hasn’t noticed, as far as I know. That’s why it’s great to be three siblings, always someone to shift the spot light to. Meanwhile Garrick is home as well, having been one of the last riders to enter the field. He and Bodhi talk in low voices behind us, I’m guessing Bodhi has told him what’s going on. I wonder how Garrick has taken all this. He was really close to Xaden as well, I hardly know how to act in front of him now that I’m suddenly with Bodhi. For now, I’ll leave it and just go along with whatever Garrick does.

Bodhi sends someone to hear if the prince, who is said to be sleeping, will be staying (yet) another night. And yes he will. At least tonight will be a more easy going affair, and we’ll be back in the Banquet Room, formerly known as the Throne dito. Now cleaned to a decent blackish sheen by ambitious water wielders, the last preparations are being done. Mira and I hug a long while and I continue with Bodhi up the stairs.

Once again in our room I don’t really know how to act. We’re alone, same as we were out on the field, but in here we are so polite and exposed. I fidget with things and move around, feeling like a caged animal. “Do you need a rest or are you changing and going down to the others? They usually hang out in the room next to the library”, he asks me, as he comes out of the bathing chamber with a towel around his waist. I can hardly look at him. Correction, I can’t look at him, as he speaks.

He is decent enough not to make the most of my awkwardness, discreetly changes and is suddenly sitting dressed in a shirt and trousers on our bed, waiting for me. “I can stay, if you want me to”, I say timidly. “What happened just now?” he asks with a friendly smile, searching my eyes. “If you need to be alone, I’ll make that happen for you, just tell me”. I’m dressed in a black dress, with no risk of zipper problems or the like, and come out from behind the screen. “I don’t know. I just feel I don’t know what we do together. How to act.” He smiles to me, “Come here, I’ll show you.”

I come over to the bed and sit beside him at the end, time to be truthful if I’m to handle this. “I can’t look at you, it feels too weird that you are you.” He looks down, hands loosely clasped in his lap and nods in understanding. “And then I’m embarrassed to look at your body because you are just too…perfect”. I just said that, out loud. He laughs a sharp laugh at this, with a: “Hardly!” I get the distinct feeling he really doesn’t agree. That he doesn’t believe me. Then he seems to regain his confidence, searching my eyes, a mischievous smile playing on his lips, “But if you feel that way, I can’t say I hate it”.

He then adds as if to himself, “And here I thought it was all me, making you uncomfortable by not being able to stop staring at you like some maniac and not wanting to let you out of my sight”. I smile, “I haven’t noticed that”. He looks at me “I don’t think I’ve thought about how much we, before, touched each other for reassurance. And now I’m just stuck not knowing what to do and ending up looking at you all the time instead. Must be exhausting for you!” He suddenly stops and says in a low voice, “But I won’t stop if it doesn’t bother you. Because you are so beautiful and to me you are everything”. I blush. So, we’ll look at each other uncomfortably, knowing we both want to, I guess.

He glances to my side, “Look in your bedside table, if you haven’t already,” he adds with a smile, “there is a gift you never got a chance to open before you went out on that patrol that… never mind, why don’t you open it!” His excitement for me is palpable, drawing me in. I open the little drawer, sending a thought to Andarna “Told you we should wait.” “What is it?”, she hurries me. I block her out. I open the little box and inside is a necklace with pearls the shade of my hair at its very ends, and what looks like a tiny, round dragon like fossil in the middle. The little dragon is also embedded in pearl. On its sharp tips making out the rounded spine, is a gleam of silver, like if every spike has been painted with liquid silver. I gasp “It’s lovely!” I can’t remember ever seeing something like it in the way of jewellery. I look up at him beside me with a smile and can see a sheen shadowing his eyes. “It’s for our six month anniversary. Full disclosure, no connection to Xaden, but the pearls happen to come from a necklace my mother used to have. She was important to me.” The gesture and his frankness overwhelms me. “Thank you, I think it’s wonderful.”

He turns it over in my hand. On the little dragon piece it says ‘above and beyond’. “That was a phrase we both, at the time, thought rang true when it came to us. Perfect for hopeless overachievers and dreamers”, a crooked smile follows the statement, “I think it’s still fitting. At every difficulty we’ve come to face, present you included, I feel that’s what we strive for: to go above and beyond to solve the problem.” I nod my head “It feels good, I can see that as a thing for us”. His smile broadens. “May I help you put it on?”. “Certainly”, I say, give him the necklace and turn around as I lift up my hair, now in a loose braid. “Imogen calls the different me’s Old Violet and New You.” He chuckles low, fiddling with the clasp. “How was your mother?” I ask him. “She was warm, kind but with a sharp intellect and not taking shit from anybody”, least of all Xaden and me. She treated us as brothers after Talia left, and you might even say before.”

“Wish I could have met her”, I say. “Yeah, me too”, he says. “You wonder what your parents are going to be like in different roles when you grow up, but I guess we are a generation without any answers in that respect”. I think about what he said and the sad, dark branches on the family trees around us, especially for the separatist kids. “True. Who here has a full set of family?”

He leans back on the bed and I do to, looking at him, while he’s looking at the ceiling. I say softly, “I don’t know if you ever talked to my mother other then as on the other of a barked command from General Sorrengail?” he shakes his head. I go on, “I’m guessing I’ve told you I have a complex relationship with my mother and her many different actions.” I frown. “I certainly have a difficult time imagining her consolidating the roles of ‘general and murderer of rebellion leaders’ and ‘mother in law’ in a way either of us would enjoy”.

He looks at me, not shying away from the sensitive subject matter. “No, I honestly can’t see that would have been an easy trip for either of us, meaning Lillith and myself. But I bet she still would have preferred me to Xaden, and he somehow managed to keep it somewhat together, from what I’ve understood.” I can’t help but smile at the careful phrasing.

“You see, I told you we had it in us to hang out like normal people, I just love talking to you.” I flash a grin and say, “And I bet Cuir enjoys a break from being on the other side of your constant conversation and flow of thoughts”. He laughs and looks affronted at the same time “You didn’t just say that, it’s pure evil!”

I laugh and begin scooting to the end of the bed. “Oh no, you don’t get to run away after saying that”, he says in a disbelieving voice and grabs my waist and all but throws me up on the huge square pillows that litter the bedspread. I shriek in surprise and he throws himself down beside me on the bed, resting his head on his hand, arm bent under him. From this angle, I see his slender yet muscled figure perfectly as a he leans on his arm, all relaxed, looking at me as if I’m a difficult challenge, but the laughter in his eyes is a clear tell.

“Is this how my own wife is going to treat me, after all the suffering I do and am just about to embark on yet again, at the hands on Halden?” I laugh nervously and expectantly, “Apparently”, I say, another look at his stern-ish face making me shake with laughter I’m trying to suppress. “I’ll make it up to you!”, I squeak. His answer is too fast, and in a dead serious tone of voice: “I’m listening.” And that makes me succumb to laughter. I loose all my strength, and it takes a while before I finally pull myself together, since I break again every time I look at him, somehow keeping a mask of seriousness and disbelief plastered on his face. “I’ll think of something and get back to you”, I promise, trying to catch my breath. He says, relaxing into an amused smile, “You do that, love”.

Then he gets out of the bed and offers me a hand, which I take, battling the pillows to be able to stand up. “Why all the pillows?”, I grumble. I can’t say I ever remember seeing as many pillows on one bed - let alone one I supposedly call my own. He sighs, as if to say ‘not this again’, “Because they are cosy and why not?”, I cross my arms, “They don’t serve a purpose”, he rolls his eyes at me, “Cosy is a function. And not all riders have to be practical hard asses in their bedroom. We live here, it’s not like it’s a temporary dorm!”

I glance at him, amused, “You have fought for, what are quite clearly, your pillows, before this, I gather?” He smiles at me and takes a few steps towards me, placing a hand on either side of my folded arms, “Yes, I have. So if you don’t mind, just get to know them a bit and you won’t look back. Or we can rehash this in a month or two.” My amused look still there, he adds, “Use them to throw at me, I know how much you enjoy that. Or as something to dampen falls from breaking beds, build bed barricades and the like.” He raises a teasing eyebrow. I snort at that and make my way towards the door. He tugs at my arm before I reach it and says, “Hey, thank you for taking this chance on me. It demands a lot of trust and I see that”. I step back to him. “Thank you for…being you with me”, I finish, my heart pounding as though it’s trying to grow a size. With that we walk out together.

Chapter Text

As we go down the stairs I’m filled with a sort of relief and anticipation. Everything is clear to me, at the end of these stairs. Everything is allowed within the role I partly, play with Bodhi, in front of Halden. The rules seem simpler - the limits are not really there. If I overstep towards my own feelings - it’s the role, get over it. Also, it leaves me free to explore the physical side of our relationship, without the thought of how my actions affect Bodhi’s feelings.

It would be great as a way to be reintroduced to the many sides to this memoryless existence, but for one significant detail: Halden.

I haven’t forgotten the impact the last meeting with Halden had on Bodhi. At least afterwards. Or Halden’s constant jibes at Bodhi’s implied inferiority to Xaden, that I might have underplayed when relaying the information about my latest conversation with Halden. I hope that with every stone laid into the foundation of our real relationship, the strength to withstand the comparisons and the insults increases for us both. And I can’t deny, there is something real here, for me as well. Naming it is the problem.

Just to make that silent point to myself, I take his hand and kiss his knuckles. Bodhi looks up at me with a face filled with curiosity. “What was that for?” I shrug, not wanting to give unnecessary fuel to the tiny fire that’s within me, “Because we are a team, a couple, and we are going into, what will in all certainty be, another battle. Focus on Cuir and focus on me if you have to”. He smiles and shakes his head. “Thank you for your concern for me. Just don’t think you are somehow responsible for my actions, is all I ask. That said, I kindly accept all the help and clever tricks you might have up your sleeve, for all of us to get out of the room in one piece”. I agree, and we move into the banquet room.

At the place where there was once a throne, is now a burnt space of nothing. The symbolics aren’t lost on me. I think about Xaden. Then I think about the burning of the throne, my friends adhering to my needs without question. Bodhi, not leaving my side for a moment. Andarna urging me to move on. Mira earlier today, telling me to live. And I let all the sadness wash over me, but I keep walking.

Brennan meets us at the entrance, flushed. “Violet! Halden has demanded there be no other people present than you. I’ve fixed up something for the others, last minute in the council room. And for some reason, he demands that you are to be seated next to him. Do you agree to it?”, he says with a desperate twang to his voice. “Has Halden expressed any opinions about my other dinner partner?”, I ask. “He said he wanted you out”, he says to Bodhi. “I got Halden to accept that you only sit far apart”. Bodhi turns to me, “You decide. You know him best and seem to be his only focus now”. I think about what Xaden would have done in his situation. ‘Not gonna happen’ as a phrase springs to mind. The thing is, I need Bodhi there, in more than one way.

I turn to Brennan, “I’ll sit next to the tantrum Prince only if I have my husband on my left side, as is correct according to court protocol”, I inform him. Brennan heaves a sigh, but goes off to convey the counter proposal. It might seem strange, but not when I feel I might need my conduit just to be in the room. And noone can seem to find it. Bodhi whispers to me, leaning in close to my ear: “Make the choices you find best, never mind seating arrangements when it comes to me, love. I’ll manage on my own. Relish it, in fact”.

I whisper back, “No, you must sit at my side. I might need you to help with dampening my power. It’s being unpredictable in these situations”. Bodhi takes in what I said, then says with a half smile, “So, you say you need me? I don’t hate that.”

I smile back, rather sardonically, “I do need you. Also this is him showing off his power and me laying down the law. This is simply a game. I do, however, look forward to Halden’s regretting pushing for court rules. Because I quite like rules”, I muse.

Brennan comes back, sweat on his furrowed brow, “Halden doesn’t agree”. I look at Bodhi, “Trust me on this”, then turn to Brennan, saying: “Sorry you have to be the go-between. But we are leaving. I’ll arrange for something to be sent up.” And then I turn to Bodhi, touching the little dragon around my neck. He just says in a stunned Brennan’s direction: “Apparently we are leaving”, and offers me his arm. I take it and we begin to move towards the exit. Brennan hastens to convey my response to Halden.

When we’ve come about half the length of the room, Halden stands up from his chair, and all but shouts “You’ve made your point!” And pulls out the seat on his left side for me, leaving space for Bodhi on my left side. “You are incredible”, Bodhi says, stopping and taking in my smugness. “You can’t keep the prince, though.” I look at him in confusion. “Even if you tame him he’ll always live a better life out in the wild.”

I look at him with wonder, “You seriously chose now to stop and make a little joke?”. He grins, “Always here to keep you centred. Or slightly off keel, I suppose. Anyway being very helpful, obviously”. There is something about the way he’s leaning towards me, that makes me think he just wanted to delay going back a few moments more. I can’t blame him, looking over at the miserable image of Halden still standing there, glaring at us. “Bodhi, it’s only going to be this dinner, then he must go. As much for my sanity as I think for yours”, he looks calm, saying “Don’t worry about me, darling. But it’s sweet you would”. Brennan leaves the room swiftly, giving me a look saying ‘I’m sorry, but don’t fuck it up’.

I take a step, putting myself in front of Bodhi, my back to Halden. I stand up on my tiptoes and kiss him on the lips. He just stands very still, and I feel him relax into the kiss. It’s as if all underlying worry washes away, while our lips are touching. I feel strength through our union and try to pour into the kiss the belief I have in him and his abilities. It’s over too quickly, and as I open my eyes, I see he has once again a curious expression, mingled with reserved happiness. Then I take his hand saying, “Now we get this over with” and we move towards the other side of the hall.

Halden looks down right bored as I walk up to him, greeted first from his side with a smirk and a “Vi”, to which I respond “Halden”, then sit down in the offered chair. Bodhi sits down on my other side, Halden only glares at him. “You notice my husband is present, or have you not?” I ask Halden with an expectant smile, since I know he is well aware court etiquette demands he salutes first, as the highest ranking person in the room. We haven’t been formal like this before, but if he wants to use the rules for his benefit, he’ll get it all. “Your grace”, Halden says quickly through clenched teeth, not looking directly at Bodhi. Bodhi responds with a friendly, “Your Majesty”.

Then Halden turns to me, his eyebrows knitted, an expression of what I suspect is meant to resemble remorse, all but painted on his face. “Violet, my sweetling, permit me to beg your forgiveness.” I look at him, bemused. “Halden, I am not ‘yours’ and certainly not a… I can’t even say the word, if I’m to keep my appetite.” I see Bodhi turn his face away, presumably to smile at the empty wall beside him. “I’ll forgive you, if you start behaving respectfully towards me and my husband”. Halden smirks, “my apology was only intended to cover the old wounds that apparently haven’t healed, from the time of our engagement.” I snort. “Then don’t bother. I couldn’t care less and it makes no difference now”.

I can feel Bodhi tensing beside me. I wouldn’t have told him earlier about that part, the engagement. I haven’t told anyone. I take his hand at my side. He moves our grasped hands to the top of the table, clearly visible to Halden. Then he proceeds to caress my fingers, sliding over the ring, symbolising our union. I look directly at Bodhi, ignoring Halden completely. In a way, it feels like I’m also talking to Xaden, though he would have had demanded an answer, like he did regarding my feelings for Halden. “It was stupid and I regret it. I was young and imagined myself in love, having no experience of what love could mean…” Bodhi interjects, “I don’t need an explanation”, I go on, “I don’t expect you do, but I wanted you to know all the same”, I squeeze his hand.

“And to answer the first question you ever posed to me regarding that particular relationship, a definite no, but I was too inexperienced to know.” Bodhi looks confused, then a smile turns on, like by magic as he understands my reference to his expressed “hope that Halden was at least good in bed’. He says, voice filled with compassion: “Selfish…decisions a recurring problem?”, I look at him with a coy smile of my own. “Very. I didn’t arrive…to any conclusion of which short…comings were the worst.” He smiles a broad smile and says with sympathetic laughter in his voice: “You poor thing! That’s enough to make me imagine Bodhi as a lover. And I suspect him to be Halden’s opposite in every respect.

Halden interrupts, “Has anyone ever told you, that you two are obnoxious together? Bodhi says in a serious voice, “Thank you! I’ve thought so myself but to hear it out loud and from so prominent a personage…” he puts a hand on his heart and slowly shakes his head, looking touched by the gesture. Halden looks back at Bodhi with disgust.

Then says in a loud voice to me: “You have always held my greatest respect, but you seem to affiliate yourself with the most undeserving people. And this one”, he glances sideways at Bodhi, “is certainly no price. You should have stuck with the old one if you wanted me to give up on you.” He smirks. “Riorson would’ve killed me if I’d as much as looked at you, with any intent. This one is…soft, just an other arrangement. You don’t love him nor do you owe Tyrrendor anything and can leave this so called marriage without repercussions of any kind, I’ll see to that. I know his type,” he says with a look of disdain at Bodhi, “He would never dare keep you locked in a loveless marriage, he’d give you a ‘choice’.” He then turns to Bodhi, whose eyes seem to have darkened. “Let’s see you laugh your way out of this one”.

Bodhi says slowly, looking at me over my shoulder, “He is right in one thing, of course. I would never force you to stay with me, ever”, his voice kind and truthful. “I am not, however, ‘soft’, for not being made to feel threatened or jealous by people so decidedly uninvolved in our life. But the only one whose opinion of me I do care about, is you. Also; our marriage is anything but loveless”, he gives me a little wink at the end.

I look up at him. In my heart I know it’s true. Memories or not. Knowing everything or not. I may never know how, but I think I love him. If not, he’s making it impossible not to, in this moment.

Halden takes a hold on my shoulder, “You are a rational woman, Violet, your value and clout would certainly increase, being my consort. And if you choose me, I will make you a queen”, he says and adjusts a wave in his sandy-brown hair. “Surely you will be willing to leave this poor substitute, if you got over his predecessor in the space of weeks.”

The table is silent. Bodhi looks in front of him, probably counting to ten. Or a thousand. I silently count the different temples to Dunne in Calldyr. The more Halden riles me up, the less I feel in control of my emotions at large. And the power connected to my signet practically flares. And here I was worrying about Bodhi. Bodhi looks out the high windowed doors that lead out to the balcony. The incoming storm is not a good omen when it comes to my control. He says quietly, “Love, don’t.”

Then the hall fills with a tension and I feel the surge of power build to a level that feels impossible to contain. The air is crackling, I see Halden’s surprised face light up, his beautifully styled wavy hair standing on end. Lightning strikes through the windows, breaking them and making the doors to the balcony fling open. I stand up, so does Bodhi beside me. I look down at Halden, still in his seat, a look of panic on his face. The vitriol spewing punk of a prince suddenly gone and left is a scared version of the boy I knew once. I laugh, and it’s not a nice laugh.

“You couldn’t handle me anymore, Halden.” I exclaim darkly. “The reason why it could never be us, is because I find you lacking at all important life skills.” The lightning strikes once again, this time outside, on the balcony. “You keep making the same mistakes with people. You thought I was weak, now look at me. You think he is soft? He might be the only thing standing between you and a death of your own making.” I explain in a sidebar “Normally, the indoor thunderstorm, isn’t a thing for me,” I pause, “at least anymore.

Halden looks close to running. And I feel like a dragon - if he runs, I’ll probably take him out. I press on, “Don’t think it’s because of you, that you stand here considering outrunning indoor lightning - it’s because of the love I have for this man, whom you have insulted in every possible way.” I look at Bodhi, beside me, flushed red with emotion at what I’m saying, but offering his hands to dampen my power, to me. But I’m not ready to let go yet. I growl to Halden: “You will apologise to my husband. Now.”

The surge in the air makes even my hair rise, and my head spins as I try to ground myself, in vain. My archives feel weak and I wonder if the ties broken to Sgaeyl and Xaden have damaged the image of my mind, that I use to ground.

Halden screams. And the world around us go white with light.

Chapter Text

At first I don’t see anything else, just Bodhi’s features, close to me. Then the smoke clears, moisture clings to my face and I have a hard time catching my breath. The fog is hot steam. Lightning must have hit again and Bodhi used his signet to snuff out the effect, just like I once saw him do with professor Carr’s fire. But lightning is quick, so the strike could have landed before evaporating.

Bodhi looks at me intently. Seeing me able to catch my breath, he breathes out loudly himself. Then proceeds to say: “You said we were a team. Then take the help I offer or next time you’ll kill someone”, I nod, a little taken aback by the clip in his voice. Fuck. This particular shit show is all mine.

“We’ve got to find Halden, did I hurt him?”, I look around the room. Bodhi points at the door, with a resigned smile, as it swings shut with a loud bang. He is apparently okay, I can hear Halden shouting in the hallway and then leather clad footsteps disappear. Not riders’ shoes.

I cringe as I look back at Bodhi. He says, “Yeah, that was not stellar”, but he sounds oddly content all the same. “I should go and see the prince has everything he needs for his immanent departure”, he says, to my surprise. “Shouldn’t I go?”, I question. Bodhi looks warmly at me, “No, I’ll go to him. Strangely, I think it’s what he’d prefer given the circumstances”. I look away, with just a bit of regret. “And I was worried about you not being able to manage, then let my own feelings get the better of me”, I grumble.

He stands closer to me, then pulls me into a hug. “Hey, this is not the end of the world. You were…quite clear with Halden, I think. And thank you for…sticking up for me. Unnecessary, but nice all the same”. He gives my cheek a sweep with his thumb. “I’ll go do some damage control and send him politely out on his ass”, I look at him, his arms still around me, as I’m trying to discern his state of mind. “You’ll be able to do that, after all he just said about you?”, he shoots me a quick smile, “I really do, now more than ever. As I said, there is only one person whose opinion of me I care about, and it’s not fucking Halden.”

I try to recall every word I said, in the middle of my fury, but it’s all muddled together now. Some things quite clear, though. “We’ll talk more later, love”, he says as if he sees me struggling to find my bearings, then lets go of me. “Now just go and find Rhi or Imogen and train or fly out on Tairn, do something else to expel all the energy. And get something to eat!” He smiles crookedly at me, “You get cranky when you don’t and it’s always my fault somehow”. I promise I will. Also this energy is not all about Halden, and I need to find a release.

I drag my feet as I go down towards the mess hall, which is blissfully empty, and grab a plate of food from the trolley. I consult my little map of Durran House in my notebook and bring my plate, as I traverse the castle-like building, food with me, balancing a glass of wine on top of the plate. Might as well. As I come closer to the library, I hear familiar voices.

Inside the room next to the library is a relaxed reading room. At least it’s relaxed now, since it has my friends scattered around (and in Ridoc’s case ‘draped over’) the sofa and leather armchairs. As I enter the room, a collective sound of cheerful greeting reaches me. My heart warms at hearing the combined voices of Rhi, Sawyer, Ridoc. Jesinia is there as well and signs her heartfelt hello’s.

I must look haggard, since I’ve basically been to a sauna without removing my clothes or…hair, I guess. Because everyone, except for Ridoc who is obviously too comfortable, scrambles to their feet to offer me a seat. Sawyer smacks Ridoc’s feet with a “Nice one!” to which Ridoc responds “What?”. As they keep bickering about Ridoc’s social skills v.s. Sawyer being a compulsive gentleman, I gratefully sink into the armchair closest to the door, offered by Rhi.

She perches on the armrest of my chair and gives me a good, long hug from behind. I sink into the familiar banter around me, as I finish my plate of food. Ridoc then focuses on me, narrowing his eyes. “You look like you’ve had one hell of a cancelled dinner. Spill please, should I put ‘congratulations and condolences’ in my next letter to Aaric?” Sawyer rolls his eyes. “Like you ever write anyone!”. Ridoc proceeds to tell us, how he in fact is ‘very sought after as a pen pall’. Rhi, however, shushes them, and looks expectantly at me. “You heard the silly man, spill!”. I draw a breath, “I may have almost torched the idiot prince, but Bodhi stopped me with his signet, on the third indoor Lightning’s strike”, everybody hisses or goes quiet, then Sawyer says: “You still do that?”. I look a bit embarrassed, “It’s, a somewhat new thing. Some mix between protective feelings or something. And anger. He just made me snap”.

I hasten do add, “Halden was being his worst self, trying to get me to marry him, and has said some things about Bodhi that I apparently didn’t enjoy hearing.” Jesinia signs, “What made you and your signet react, more exactly, if you feel like sharing?” I sign and say, “I don’t know exactly if this is something I ever saw myself mentioning to all of you in a group setting, but I think my mind needs to unload.” I take a deep breath.

The door opens and Bodhi steps inside. Everybody shouts “Out!”, “No!” and some other versions of the same (Ridoc). Bodhi laughs loudly, and I flush red. He places a hand on my shoulder, and says: “Just checking up on you. Do you want to be alone with these dicks for the time being?” I nod, “Unbelievably, I do”.

He looks happy, “I’m glad. I’ll run to Brennan and sign off on some things, making breakfast possible for tomorrow. Will I see you in a bit or”, he looks at the room full of expectant, annoyed gazes around us, “would I be welcome by later?”

The room is suddenly filled with bursts of a mix of ‘Yes’!:s and ‘No!’:s. I touch his hand, saying, “I’d love you to come by in a while”. “That settles it”, he says, a sour look and pointing at Ridoc, ”I’ll get you back for this”. Ridoc looks affronted and shocked. “What did I do, all of a sudden?”, Bodhi just points again at him in mock seriousness, “I don’t know, but on the off chance you didn’t, just save this feeling for the next time”. Everybody but Ridoc laughs as Bodhi leaves.

Ridoc looks at me and says ironically, “Violet, please keep your man in check”, then bites his tongue in regret, as everybody go silent and wait for my reaction. Sawyer smacks Ridoc’s feet again. “No, don’t, it’s okay.” I say, with a shy smile. “I know you are, well, used to me being with Bodhi. It’s still strange for me to have these feelings but no memories that explain them.” Rhi sighs compassionately, “No pressure from us”. I smile at her, and continue “You all know, there have been low points, and more are sure to come… But I haven’t really said that it has also been really nice, from the beginning between us. He makes it easy.” Rhi raises an eyebrow “So is it nice, or niiice?”, she says with raised eyebrows. Everybody giggles, as I tell them to ‘shut up’.

Jesinia signs to me, “You were answering my question.” I look embarrassed, they look supportive. I breathe in deeply. And hear Ridoc mumbling, “I swear to Zihnal, I will execute whoever enters, if they interrupt you one more time”. I smile at him. “Halden has been making a lot of, less than flattering, comparisons between Xaden and Bodhi. Making Bodhi out to be the copy, the place holder, the weaker party. And saying, more or less, that I should have no trouble becoming his, as in Halden’s, consort, since I so easily could forget about Xaden”. I let out a shaking breath. Rhi hugs my arm. Sawyer lets out a noise of disgust.

“It’s been hard”, I continue, “both to hear, and handle this delicately. As a friend alone, it would have been hard to know how to react, but even harder in this situation. Everything, when it comes to feelings, is more or less a guessing game, courtesy of Old Violet’s decisions. It’s like, the feelings are there, but I can’t remember why.” I take another breath, debating if to go on.

Somehow I choose to. “But I said I love him. Bodhi that is. And it’s true, though I can’t really explain how I got there”. Rhi asks with bated breath, “And what did Bodhi say, when you told him you love him?” I consider it, “Well, technically, I don’t know that he said anything, since I didn’t tell him, I told Halden. Between trying not too hard not to strike Halden with my lightning.” Sawyer smashes his hand on his face. Ridoc groans, so does Jesinia, which is not a good sign. Rhiannon just looks at me, “Well, don’t you think you should? You seem to over complicate things, if you ask me”. I groan as well, Rhi says, “What if he didn’t hear you?” I’m sure he did. Or am I?

Ridoc, of all people, says: “Good you told us. We want to help. After all, Bodhi is awesome and we like you together”. I look at him with gratitude. Sawyer says, “I bet you haven’t heard much positive about the two of you, since coming out of the mist this time.” I nod. “It’s nice to hear that you like him”.

Then I add, “I know this might be upsetting to all of us, but how many times have I told you, that I’ve made some memory alteration?” Everybody looks at Rhiannon; who shifts where she sits, uncomfortably. “You are sure you want to know?” I nod.

“At least three times. That I know of.” I frown, that’s one more than I hoped for. “Go on, when have I…had it done and why? I don’t want the details, just the basic need-to-know.” Rhi squirms, “Why don’t you ask Imogen?” I sigh. “Because she feels bad she accidentally had too much memory removed this time, so I don’t want to burden her with bringing it up. I will talk to her, though”, I add.

Rhi goes on. “There was once, when you were in a really bad way, about three months ago, that took a big chunk of your memory, exactly like this time. Made you not remember anything after the war, same as now. Then after that, there have been two ‘incidents’ that I was involved in partly personally, that you’ve told me that Imogen helped you remove. Basically so you could focus on getting better and not get dragged down again. And the incidents were meeting Xaden in the form of venin. And it was scary.” I nod slowly, taking it in. I need to know more, but not now. Only what to expect, if anything comes up. “Does Bodhi know this?” Rhi shakes her head, “I don’t know. Maybe from Imogen. Not from me.”

Sawyer says, “I get why you did it, even though I know next to nothing of the particulars”, I look at him, and say with glazed eyes, “You do?” Ridoc adds, “We all do, Vi, you were a wreck. We were afraid we’d loose you to grief. Imogen basically saved your life”. I hear Rhi snivel softly, as she says: “Trust me, you should not feel bad for wanting a bit of a restart, considering the situation. If you don’t mind, could we talk about Halden being an ass some more? I’m tearing up real bad”. She then hugs me. All of the others join in, hugging me, each other, patting each other on the backs and just relish being here together, alive. Not all of us whole, but here.

The mass hug breaks up and Ridoc goes off to get some liquor and glasses, wiping the side of his eye discreetly. The rest of us sit huddled together, Rhiannon now on my lap in the armchair, arm around my neck. Sawyer and Jesinia huddled tight together on the sofa. Rhiannon then notices my necklace, “He does have good taste, your man, this is super pretty!” I smile saying, “Thanks, I agree. It was a gift he got me, before, for our six month anniversary”, I say to her. “Who even celebrates months?”, Sawyer exclaims loudly, getting no support. Jesinia shoves a sharp elbow into his side. “We do, honey?”, then begins fervent signing. I turn to Rhiannon, “He is getting really fast at that. Good for Sawyer!”

Then there is an exaggerated knock on the door, after which enters Bodhi with Ridoc in tow. Bodhi clears his throat to say: “That’s the way to enter the room and Ridoc is a great man”, then turning to Ridoc, who goes, “Well done, now you are welcome to join us, your grace”. Ridoc puts a lot of glasses on the table and proceeds to pour an amber liquid. Bodhi takes a seat in the armchair opposite me and Rhiannon. Ridoc grumbles, but cuddles up in the couch, next to Sawyer who nudges him away towards the opposite end. “So, Bodhi”, Ridoc says, “NOW can you tell us, how things went with the prince?” Me and Rhi sigh in unison. Bodhi smiles, “Well since you waited so patiently”, (I snort), “I will”, Bodhi continues with a searching gaze towards me.

“Crises averted. It seemed nothing could deter Halden from trying to get in with my fair wife, but seeing said wife’s power in action, so close to his person.” He adds with a chuckle, “I might have mentioned to him, how his own coming prospects of marital bliss would have been lessened remarkably, had you had access to these powers during the brief time you shared”. I laugh. “I don’t think you appear as charming to him anymore.” Ridoc says, “What? I don’t understand the good stuff! I know that look”, he says pointing accusatory at me, “well enough to understand that there is ‘good stuff’ to be found in that mockery of a sentence! I demand an explanation or I’m revoking your invitation”, he says to Bodhi, snatching in the air after his drink.

I put Ridoc out of his misery. “Basically Bodhi told Halden, he should be glad to have been rid of me before I developed my signet and gained access to Tairn’s powers, since I would have torched his balls when I’d found him…well you all know this part.” “Balls deep in his red haired teacher”, Ridoc finishes. Then excuses himself with, “Don’t look at me like that, you all thought it! It’s a vivid image!” Sawyer adds, “Probably living in your head rent free”, Jesinia chuckles.

“Anything else?” I ask Bodhi. He muses, “Only that he said verbatim that we ‘deserve each other’, which I suppose is of great offence to you”. I smile and shake my head slowly, “I am so happy to see the back of him. When is he leaving?” I ask with some trepidation. “Packing as we speak. I sent some people down to help with the horses”. I say, in my sweetest voice “Thank you for taking care of it, love.” All of my friends break out in cheers and hooting.

Chapter Text

I feel such a relief, not being burdened by Halden’s judgement and negative presence anymore. And my friends’ unfaltering support of me, as well as of Bodhi in connection to me: that’s what I was needing more than anything. As we move across the House towards our bedroom, I feel giddy, with just happiness. And I know where the feelings are coming from, for a change. This was a really nice end to an evening.

“I really liked us hanging out all together. You are really fitting in well with my little group”, I say. He says, “It’s easily the greatest friends group there is, also, this is not exactly the first late night gathering we’re enjoying. But I’m glad you feel I fit in. So do I.”

I add, “I’m also grateful you just gave me the space to talk to Rhi and the gang on my own”, I say to him as we’re nearing our room, “I needed that”. He looks surprised, “Of course. We both need time alone with our friends, at least I know I do every now and then.” I look at him with a little smile, “Who do you tell it all?”. My question is posed with a little bit of nervousness. Who knows a lot more about Bodhi’s thoughts about me than I do? Who will tell him when it’s time to leave, if this memory game should turn out to be an endless game of missed opportunities?

He gives me an inscrutable look, “There is Garrick, of course. And Imogen, but I wouldn’t say we talk like that, although she really sees everything.” He looks a bit lost. “Truth be told, I just took my cue from Xaden and Liam for so long, I kind of missed my chance of building that many other close connections. A lot of the marked kids share a sort of bond, but your friend group is exceptional, and not too common around here, anymore. I miss having a whole section to hang out with, sometimes”, he sighs, “but since it’s only in truly bad times we get together, I’ll pass”.

I smile a melancholy smile in agreement. “Maybe we should invite a couple of people from Basgiath this weekend, if they can get leave.” He looks at me, struck by the normalcy of the question, by the looks of it. “Sure, I’d like that.”

I continue. “They are really into you and I, my friends. A lot. And Mira too”, he smiles broadly, “Well, I guess I’m just good husband material”, he says, clearly downplaying what I just said. “Brennan though, he seems to share Tairn’s view, from what I can tell”, I smile, he looks affronted. “Really, I am not that annoying! Go tell your dragons to stop being mean!” Tairn doesn’t miss a beat: “Tell the Annoying One to stop being annoying”. I frown. “That’s not gonna happen, I say aloud. Both of them respond with a sound of frustration.

“Tell me, what do they call you? What did they call Xaden?” “I don’t know if I can tell you.” I ask the dragons, Tairn grumbles, “He is becoming more annoying than usual with his questions” which I interpret as he couldn’t care less. Andarna chimes in with, “Why not? They’re not so original names to begin with”, and I can hear Tairn signing her up as another contestant in the competition of who most annoys him.

Bodhi stops in the corridor leading to our room, waiting for me to finish my dragon conversations. Back against the wall, arms relaxed at his sides, one foot on the wall. “They call me Silver One, or mostly Tairn does”. Bodhi says “That is a really good name!” I feel Tairn huff in agreement. I take a deep breath, “And Xaden used to be ‘the wingleader’ or the ‘shadow wielder’, but now he’s ‘the Dark One’, I finish in a sad voice.

“Wow. Now I wish I hadn’t asked”, he puts his foot on the ground and makes a move in my direction, saying with sympathy, “and you are okay with that?” I swallow hard. “No, I especially wasn’t in the beginning. But now I think it helps me keep perspective. It’s dragon-honest”. I feel the dragons hanging on my every word. Bodhi looks like he’s about to come towards me, but decides not to. “Means I shouldn’t complain”, she says with a half smile, “also, that would probably be annoying”, he finishes sardonically, and I can feel Tairn agree.

I change the subject, refusing to be forced to leave the careless, happy cloud I found myself floating on, just a moment ago. I have things to say. I say softly, “Bodhi, I for one, don’t find you a bit annoying.” His gaze shifts to mine, with lightning speed. I go on, “You really helped me today.” He looks happy and a bit surprised, “How so?”

I respond, not able to look straight at him, I wander slowly back and forth in the corridor, in front of him instead. “You know, you told me what you thought, in the throne room, and then instead of berating me, you just ‘took care of business’. As in sweeping out my old, ex-trash.”

I chance a look at him, he looks intently at me, taking in every word I say. Then says, “That’s just… how it works, nothing special. You should expect me to want to help lighten the load, anyway I can.“ I give him a quick smile. “For you to take care of my idiotic ex, is ‘above and beyond’-like territory”, I insist.

He stops my pacing, by grabbing my hand as I pass him, and looks at me, and I feel I’m going to melt. “I love that you referenced the necklace”, he smiles a quick smile, “but not that you feel that way. Please, feel free to lean on me, rather sooner next time, so our water wielders can be used for something better than cleaning up the charred Banquet Hall…Room, whatever!”

“But whatever mess you feel like doing, I will help you. Whilst pointing out, that I myself find, it’s Halden not having learnt the word ‘no’”, that’s to blame for what became of tonight”. He pulls me closer to him, where he is still leaning against the wall. I stand between his slightly parted legs.

Apparently, that cloud I was on may be heading into interesting weather, but I’ll have to risk it. “I noticed you flinch, when he talked of him and me being engaged at one time. I didn’t like me not telling you before, putting you in a vulnerable position with him”, I grit out. “If you can believe it, I haven’t thought about the engagement, because he hurt me so much, that I think I convinced myself I’d willed it out of existence.” He laughs, “Yes, I was surprised, but wasn’t it really your turn keeping something from me for a change?” I smile, but cast down my gaze.

He carefully turns my chin up, towards his face, now quite close to his. I try not to look away, this feels so intense. His voice is swirling in my head, like dark honey, “But you chose me, not him.” All I manage to say is: “Yes”.

He smiles languidly. “And some other things were said in there, that I don’t know if I should just lock up in a box to treasure…”, he smooths my hair, tugging playfully when he gets to the end of my long braid, “or ask if you really feel that way”. I swallow hard, my heart pounding worse than before a battle. If he wants to take a leap, he’ll have to risk a little too, I decide. “You’ll have to ask me”.

He suddenly looks a little bit afraid, but a coy smile replaces the expression in an instant. “As you wish”, he says darkly. “You said you ‘have love for me’. Do you?” I find courage at hearing my own words. “Yes”, i answer slowly, seeing shocked elation on his face, “I have love for you”, I finish with a smile. “I love you, in fact.”

He looks at me as if he didn’t hear me right. “It’s real? You…love me?” he says in disbelief. I smile so broad my face hurts, as I say, “All real, I am truly filled with all these feelings of love for you. I’ve been finding little traces of them, in everything you do and are, these past days. But I’ve been lacking memories to explain the feelings.”

“But you have shown me you. Why I love you. Your compassion and kindness with me, and somehow between laughing and crying with you, I just couldn’t imagine not loving you, being with you. It’s been coming on so gradually that I’ve had difficulty putting it together or naming it love.

“What made you see it as love, if I can ask you that?” I smile a bit resigned. “Halden’s unforgivable behaviour towards you made me react, feelings first. He did one good thing, he forced me to do, instead of think. In a way, he pushed me to examine my true feelings for you.

Bodhi smiles incredulously, “I guess I am sending Halden some very scrumptious birds in a gift basket by gryphon, first thing tomorrow.” I chuckle softly, “Sorry for confessing my love for you, to Halden. Also, my friends know.” He looks happily confused, “Did you tell everyone but me?” I grin, a bit confused myself. “They helped. Made me understand that it really doesn’t matter that I can explain why I feel the way I do. It’s like the smoke cleared tonight, and there you were.“

He says, “I love you too, so very, very much.” He pushes his forehead to mine and looks so relieved and happy.

Then I kiss him, before he can say anything else in response.

He bends his knees, to better meet my lips with his, still his back pressed against the wall. I kiss him with an insatiable hunger raging inside me. I need more. He kisses me back, with an intensity that stands in stark contrast with his previously relaxed stance, I can feel the muscles in his back tense, as his whole body moves to meet mine. Melting my need with his own, his tongue is claiming me. The power surge I feared before, is replaced by a crackling energy that sparks throughout my body, in a way I’m not complaining about. He feels it too, and whispers between kisses, “Fuck, love, do you need me?”, as the fizzing feeling surrounds us both. “Not right now”, I whisper back, not wanting this feeling to disappear. It’s making me tingle all over, like if my body and the power get to play together for once and we’re whole, free.

Instead I jump up onto his body, wrapping my legs around his middle. He gasps, but doesn’t stop kissing me, although now it’s all slow, drawn out movements from us both. His hands caressing my back, moving to my ass. Then as we come up for air, he puts me down on shaking legs and says softly, “Should we maybe…pause? Or take this inside? My place is literally just around the corner and I have tea.” I smile at him, taking his hand in mine, and I lead the way.

Chapter Text

As we enter, having both of us become decidedly less flushed after the short walk to our room, I sit down at the edge of the bed. Bodhi comes over and leans down over me, giving me a kiss full of sincerity and longing, then says, “Much as I hate myself for saying it. We should slow things down.” I look at him, with an expression of absolutely questioning his sanity. “Just for now, not too long, if I get a say”, he says with a wry smile. “You have to know some things.”

He gets up, begins rummaging in a cupboard I haven’t noticed, apparently stacked with tea supplies. “Seriously, after that kiss in the hallway, me confessing my love for you, now you’re expecting me to sit down to a late night tea party?”. He says, a bit taken aback, “More or less, yes”.

I groan in frustration and throw myself, back first, on the bed. “I’m almost considering running after Halden”, I tease. He sticks his head out of the cupboard, a grin on his face, saying, “Nice one. About time you start getting comfortable in here. I wouldn’t want it any other way”. Then he starts humming some melody, while waiting for the kettle, apparently having some handy, heating arrangement for tea emergencies.

“Sweetling,”, he says, imitating Halden’s drawling voice, “would you just clear some space on the nightstand for incoming tea things?” I scowl at him, making him snigger softly. I remove his book, putting it gently on the ground beneath, some random weapons, and even more random bits and bobs. He brings the tea pot, cups and a tin, over to the nightstand on his side. Bodhi pointedly takes some pillows, placing them against the head board, indicating where he wants me to sit. Then crosses his legs and sits in front of me, on the bed.

Saying, “Do you take milk in this incarnation of yourself, darling?” I look at him with a puzzled look. He explains, “You seem to have difficulty deciding. The first memory versions of you took milk, but lately, you haven’t. Like me.” I ponder the question, “No thanks. No milk.” Fascinating really. And him taking care of my many different versions, according to their own individual needs, makes me feel all the feels again.

“Hey”, I catch his attention as he’s pouring the tea, “thank you for always taking care of me”. “It’s just some tea”, he excuses himself again, but I grab his hand. “No, not this time. Don’t run away when I’m giving you the appreciation you deserve.” He looks like he’s going to make a run for it. “You make the efforts, then you’ll have to reap the benefits. It may be late in the game, but just take the credit. It’s due you.” He looks uncomfortable, and embarrassed but says, “Alright. Eh, no problem. Or rather, you are welcome. Satisfied?” I smile, “Much better.”

He blows on his tea. I just look at him, giving those warm feelings snaking around in my chest liberty to grow and explore the world. “What you said just now sounded important. How come you stopped the wonderful things about to happen, to basically force me to drink tea in the middle of the night? I thought you said you’d take me to your room and meant ‘take me to your room’?” I feel bold and am not tipping around the subject.

He makes a face, complicated to read. “You must consider this was rather…sudden.” I interject, “I’ve come to understand that I’ve caught up quicker than you expected me to, compared to the previous pattern. So basically, the progress of this relationship is a lot faster?”. He bursts out in a little tense laugh, “That’s putting it mildly.” Adding with urgency, “Which I adore! Just wanting you to be able to catch up mentally too. And we have some things to discuss.” I carefully sip my tea, and somehow feel an ominous cloud looming over my head.

Bodhi draws a deep breath and exhales, “This has been a whirlwind of emotions, and I just need you to know a few important things, before going any further. I thought I had more time to let you know, prepare you. l feel I’d be dishonest, taking advantage of you not having all the facts of your situation otherwise.” I give him a quizzical look, “Such as?” He clears his throat, “‘Xaden as a venin’-related things. You ready?” I nod.

“I gather you now know there have been encounters between you and him on a number of occasions.” I nod, “Times I’ve chosen to forget. Imogen told me, that this last time was supposed to be just like that, a short memory gone, only something went wrong and I forgot everything all the way back to the battle.”

He draws a quick breath, “I thought you…wanted to forget it all.” I shrug, “Imogen says I didn’t want to do that. And she is really sorry about it, so don’t make a big deal.” He doesn’t respond to this, but looks sad a moment. I pat his cheek, gently. “I’m sorry it’s complicated. At least we know I didn’t intend to forget us. Rhi says, she figures, that the short memory removals have been me trying to speed my own recovery, not accept becoming distraught by things outside my control”. He thinks a bit, then says, “Yes, it does feel better knowing actually. And maybe explains why you’ve been able to find your way back to me quicker this time.

“Have you been present at any of these ‘incidents’ with Xaden?”, I ask. “No, only Rhi and Imogen have, no one else that I know of. But Xaden, which really doesn’t feel fair to call him, is fixated on turning you. He tries to get to you in any way he can.”

He sighs again, and I get the distinct feeling he’d rather be anywhere but here right now. “You’re a Dream walker, remember?”, I nod slowly, “Yes, but that isn’t something that happens very often, and I am safe inside the wards”, I explain.

Bodhi looks uncomfortable. “No, see, it does, however, happen unconsciously now. Every night, and according to what you’ve told me and what I’ve seen, it’s always Xaden, the venin version, whose dreams you are stuck in. You can’t leave unless being woken up externally. And it’s not good.” I gasp. I had not considered the risk of my dream ability being high jacked in turn.

“And this is the hard part, where you’ll hate me.” He looks ashamed. Not a good sign. What has he done? “You and I have taken to holding hands every night, so that I have an easier time countering your dream signet, while we both sleep. So as to block Xaden from controlling your sleep and taking you into his dreams.” It slowly dawns on me where he is going with this. “You did that to me the other night, without my permission?” He hangs his head. “Yes. I’m so sorry I didn’t ask your permission. I couldn’t risk for you to get stuck in a dream like that.” Anger boils in me. What is the matter with these signet swinging idiots?

“So you chose to take that choice from me?”, I translate for him. “You recall that Dain Aetos did this to me too, which caused me never being able to trust him again? And Xaden did as well.” I stop myself, and don’t go into specifics on the inntinnsic situation, suddenly not being in a sharing mood.

His eyes are so huge with fear and regret, “Yes, I do, remember about Aetos of course, only…” I get up off the bed. “Only what? What great excuse do you have this time?” He says with a raspy voice, “I had promised you, before. That I wouldn’t let him get to you again. That I would use my signet to protect you every night.” I shout, “But you didn’t tell me last night!” He looks at me in utter desperation, also getting to his feet, “I didn’t dare say anything, because I wasn’t sure you could handle it yesterday. You had Andarna torch the throne, for fucks sake! And I wasn’t sure you were ready to hear you’re being stalked by another ex, all the while still grappling with Halden.”

I scream at him, “You should have told me anyway! I can’t believe you didn’t! Or worst case, just let me dream it and see for myself!” He sinks to his knees in front of me, fear shining in his eyes, and says in a, low voice, filled with contained emotion, “I couldn’t leave you to face it yourself, because it’s fucking scary and heartbreaking, for you to dream it and for me to see it take a little piece of you when you wake up. He was hacking away at your sanity, until we finally found a way to counter it.”

He continues, “The only thing I don’t understand, is how you didn’t end up in a fucked up nightmare when you slept at Rhiannon’s the first night.”

I feel cold as ice as I ask him: “How did this argument turn out for you, before?” He says, “I don’t know. This is the first time this has happened to me. But it feels a damn lot like it all ends for us, before it even really began.”

Chapter Text

I run down the stairs, trying to remember the way to…anywhere but here. My first instinct is to run to the library, the closest thing this place has to the archives. But I’m so fucking lost, literally and figuratively. Fortunately, the place is all but empty on these floors at night, and it’s so late. Best time for fucking life changing arguments until it feels like the worId shatters around me.

I turn and suddenly recognise mine and Xaden’s old room. I feel the door and it opens to me.

Everything is dark. I go inside. I struggle with concentrating on making a little ball of light, but finally manage one. It hovers up to stay near the ceiling. The room is a mess, nothing like the tidy, Xaden like order I remember. Suddenly I understand, no one but me has been able to enter, with the wards Xaden put in place. Just me and him and the people we pull inside. As Halden’s guards had to find out the hard way.

The room looks… ransacked. Someone’s hacked the furniture to bits. There are burnt marks in the shape of big hands on the wooden furniture. The bed is trashed as well, all the bed linen are hanging everywhere in tatters, the four poster bed is more like a two and a half poster. And there is broken glass on the floor, probably from the broken window. He’s obviously been here, not in the best of moods, if venin have moods.

I still curl up on the mattress on the floor and fall asleep from exhaustion and tears, having at least found a place to crash.

Suddenly I’m back in the battle. I’m on Tairn’s back, and everywhere there is mayhem. People screaming, dragons and venin and wyvern. And then I see Sgaeyl and Him. Just over the mountain top, a blue streak racing towards me. I scream, but no word comes from my lips.

Suddenly, I can see him close to me, just like if the distance walked to where I hover, unnaturally still in the air. Oh my Gods, under us I see a city burning. I hear Cuir scream in pain, and see Bodhi on the ground, retching on all fours. Is he, turning venin as well? I try to make Tairn move to help them, but he doesn’t hear me at all. The venin Xaden has a black hood, and red angry lines stretch over his once beautiful face.

“You’re back, Violence. You always come back to me.” He says in a voice that chills my blood. It’s not him, it’s all raspy and weird. If the dragon is Sgaeyl, she is like Jack’s dragon Baide, just gone, like in a trance.

Xaden removes the hood and I see the thick veins encroaching on his features, all but changing his very bone structure. He looks so odd. “You have to fight it!” I scream, through tears streaming down my face. He laughs cruelly, “Are you going to be a good girl and turn for me tonight?” I look at him in absolute horror. “Xaden! It’s me, it’s Violet, please!” His shadows, blacker and less see through than I remember they aught to be, shoot from his fingers like webs and wrap around my throat. I try to scream, but he just presses. I scramble for air. I try to scream. I am dying. And around me is the sound of everyone I love dying as well. If I don’t die, I will at least go insane.

And no one can come get me. No one can get into the room and wake me, it admits only me and Him, the wards keeping everyone out.

I try desperately to use my power, to force myself to wake up. If I hurt myself, I might wake. I try to reach down to break my own finger. Nothing works, everything
hurts as my throat constricts even more, and it feels so real.

Xaden says in his raspy voice, like nails on a chalkboard, “Are you ready to feed from the earth? Then we can be together. Again.” I try to cry out for help, but I’m muted by shadows blocking my mouth. “Where have you been, Violence? I’ve missed you. Come meet me, and bring the dragons. It’s no use fighting me. You know I will always find you, there is nowhere in existence you could hide from me.”

And then he snaps my arm with his shadows and I scream through the empty bonds, more shadows streaming down my neck like tangled cloth, the pain horrific.

Everything is white, searing pain until suddenly, I am shaken violently by the shoulders. I am awake.

The relief I feel knows no bounds, and as my eyesight returns through the throbbing headache, I see familiar faces. Bodhi and Rhiannon are leaning over me. Both look pale from shock. Rhi let’s go of me and sinks down with her back against the wall in the darkly lit corridor, Sawyer and Ridoc and maybe Jesinia at her side. I can see the first morning sun rays coming in through a high window. Rhi is shaking and I hear Sawyer shout, “Go get her food, she needs energy now!” And someone, possibly Ridoc, running off. She must be close to burnout. But why?

Then it dawns on me. She has used her signet to retrieve me from the room. Since they couldn’t get in, they found a way to get me out. I am huge compared to the usual objects I’ve seen Rhi retrieve, no wonder she is all but spent. Had she lost control I would have ended up inside the wall, so they must have had good reasons for choosing the last resort.

I try to use my voice, asking about her, but nothing comes out. Bodhi’s face is full of relief and concern as he looks down at me, my head in his lap. “Don’t speak, Violet. You’ve been screaming until no more sound came out, so there’s a good chance you can’t”. I try again, but he is right. Not a sound. He takes a shaking breath. And strokes my hair gently.

“Silver one!” I hear Tairn’s voice, “you must protect your mind. Did you see them?” An immense burst of sadness follows his question and I answer “Yes Tairn. It was not good, they are truly lost to us. I am so sorry.” He proceeds to fuss about my health and I almost cry as I feel the enormous bout of sorrow he himself is drowned in, even though I shield from his feelings as not to be influenced to a point of destruction.

“You must find a way to be rid of the dreams. If the Annoying One is not to help you anymore”, I gasp, “You knew about him countering my signet while we sleep?” Tairn chuffs joylessly, “there is little you know that I don’t. I have only slept a while when you were removing memories, thus not had my own memories removed.” Of course. “You didn’t tell me.” “You didn’t want to know, why else go through the altering? Should I share all the memories I retain from the past six months? It will be a boring time indeed.” I whimper, locked in a situation of my own making. Tairn goes on, “I can confirm the Annoying One speaks the truth in one respect. You, we, have demanded he keep your safety at night, since the Dark One is persistent.”

I look back at Bodhi’s face, hovering above me. He looks sad and restrained in his emotions. Still he tries to smile at me, when he sees I’ve returned from Dragon Land. I pull at my arms to sign, put flinch in pain. Bodhi cries out, “Watch out!” The arm is broken. I panic, how can that be? I’m inside the wards, for fuck’s sake. And I’m the dream walker, not Xaden. How can he gain access to my mind like that, finding me, a part of my signet I myself have yet to hone?

I can’t sign. I can’t speak. Bodhi smiles at me, stroking my forehead. “Brennan is coming. You’ll be mended soon.” I ache as I hear his voice, lacking all the cheer I’ve come to expect from him, in almost every situation. I instinctively try to speak again, but it’s at best a croak. “Shhh” he says, with a smile, which this time really reaches the eyes, “Now who’s the talkative one?” I relax at hearing him through it all.

I reach with my uninjured hand and stroke his face. I take his hand and place it on my heart. I keep it there, locked in a tight grip. “Should you fall asleep, he asks anxiously, do you want me to…?” I nod emphatically. Then I close my eyes for a while.

Chapter Text

When I awake, Brennan is hovering over me instead. I try to exclaim, since he just pinched me, but I have no voice. “That’s for not telling me about the memory loss. Now she is awake! All mended”.

I hear Mira’s voice, further away in the room, “And you should talk, faker of your own death.” Bodhi is beside me on his side of the bed, my other hand in his. As he sees me looking at him, he lets go of my hand. I reach for him again, but misses him as he rises. He can’t have slept, I gather, by the telling dark circles under his eyes.

“I’ve got to go to the library for a while, I’ll be back soon”, he says with a warm but quick look at me. Then leaves. Then leaves? I try to get up, but get pushed back in the bed by Mira, jumping onto the bed. “No!”, she exclaims. “Healing first, complicated love life after.” I try to talk, a sound comes out but I only manage half clipped words. “-Alk -o -im -ow.” Mira looks exasperatedly in Brennan’s direction. “Care to help?” He has his arms crossed, and says with some disdain, “He’ll be back soon. And maybe let the guy rest a moment between the fights.” I look at him, fuming, “-uck -u”. They laugh, I laugh silently.

When we collect ourselves somewhat, I say “Rhi?” Brennan says, “I just saw her. She is fine, just a bit worn out. Some rest and she’ll be good as new. Do you want me to get Sawyer and Ridoc?” I nod in acquiescence. Mira says, “Do you need anything?” I just wave a no, then go freshen up and change my clothes. It’s weirdly quiet. I make the bed, my arm back in working condition. Then throw the one million pillows on top of the bedspread, helped by Mira who goes, “Why even do you have these?” I shake my head and smile.

Afterwards, I place myself on top of the pile of cushions and close my eyes, after I’ve said to Mira, “-ust keep -e -wake”. She nods, and sits beside me, drawing her fingers through my drying hair, slowly massaging my scalp with her fingernails. After a good while, in which she nudges me awake twice, there is a knock on the door. At first, my heart stops, thinking it might be Bodhi, but then Ridoc, Sawyer, Jesinia and Brennan enter.

Ridoc jumps up next to me on the bed, my other side, scooting me to the middle. Sawyer and Jesinia go get the foldable chairs, making me understand it’s not the first time my people have met by my bedside. I wonder why, but can only imagine coming to abhorrent conclusions, so I stop the thought.

“Where’s Bodhi?” Sawyer asks. “Went to the library”, Mira answers in my stead. “She can’t talk all that much yet.” They all look worried, “Fine, we’ll just switch to signing”, Ridoc signs. “YOU don’t have to sign, though, blockhead”, Sawyer sighs. Jesinia laughs. “Do you see how I suffer?”, Ridoc complains turned to me. “How’s Rhi?” I sign. Sawyer answers, signing simultaneously, “She is fine, just exhausted.” I sign back, “I’m glad. Sorry about all this. Did Bodhi come get you tonight?”

Sawyer och Ridoc exchange an awkward look. Mira gets up, “I get the point! Leave you to your brain trust. Tell Bodhi ‘hi’ from me”, she adds, pointing at me, “You be nice to him! He’s my favourite.” Making Brennan go “Hey!”. Mira drags Brennan out of the room, muttering “You are just clueless…” to him.

Jesinia leans forward in her chair, signing, “Bodhi came by tonight and woke us up.
Almost broke the door down, saying you were stuck somehow and in need of help at your old room”. Sawyer continues a worried look on his face, “He was really distraught”, he adds. “We got the others and ran upstairs. When we got there you were in some sort of trance sleep, screaming bloody murder. And Bodhi was trying to counter the fucking ward to get to you, and was getting pretty banged up in the process of failing.”

Ridoc interrupts him, his voice a menacing low register. “What the hell were you thinking going into that room alone? What if evil-fucking-villain-venin-ex had decided to show up? We wouldn’t have been able to help!” I must look really upset, because he continues in a much softer voice “Hey, hey, don’t be sad”. Jesinia glowers at Ridoc, signing: “This would have been a conversation better in sign.” Sawyer sighs in his hands. “Help us understand, please.”

I don’t even think, just sign to them. “I have a second signet. I dream walk sometimes.” They go quiet. “You’re an inntinnsic”, Jesinia signs. I worry that they will all draw back from me, to protect their thoughts, but I don’t notice a reaction. “A kind of inntinnsic, I guess”, I sign, “Not much is known of dream walking. It used to mean I was a sort of observer in Xaden’s dreams sometimes, and at one point an other person’s, but it seems venin dream walk too. Xaden had dreams of his sage.”

Sawyer looks shocked, “Who knows about it?” I answer truthfully, “Xaden knew about it, Bodhi knows, no one else as far as I’m aware”. Ridoc jumps in, “But what happened now? You were stuck in a dream?” I sigh and sign, “Well, sort of, see, I don’t really know. Xaden has apparently been torturing me by forcing me to enter his nightmares every night, or so I’m guessing. Bodhi told me about it tonight.”

They all lean back, as in understanding. Ridoc with arms crossed. “Call me a romantic if you must, but I can’t help thinking this information from Bodhi must have had…not the best of timings?” I nod, a little smile on my face. Not the best.

Jesinia signs, bluntly: “You told him you loved him.” Both Sawyer and Ridoc look aghast at Jesinia’s words, Ridoc saying, “Jesinia! Where is your tact?” She shrugs. Ridoc goes on, “Love! Not loved, Gods, it’s like the only one not currently in a relationship in this room is the only person who knows anything about them.

I smile and sign, “Didn’t even pick up on it.” Then I go on, “Bodhi has apparently helped by countering my dream signet at night. And yesterday he did, without me knowing about it.” Ridoc inserts “…just after you broke the bed. I’ve gotcha.” I sign with annoyance, “No, the day bed has nothing to do with…you know, never you mind!”

Sawyer says, “Bodhi didn’t tell you he countered your signet?” “No”, I grit out. “That was the upsetting part”. Jesinia signs, “He did it to protect you”, my answer is swift, “Without my consent!” She counters, “Would you have been able to give or refuse one anyway?”, I rebut, “No, but that’s beside the point! He should have told me!”

She looks at me, a long warm look. “I can understand you’re upset, and you have every right to be.” I try to interject, but she puts up a finger in the air, asking me to wait. “I just believe it’s difficult to judge when it comes to timing, because we have to take into account, that you have been in a really bad way. Enough to choose to remove your own memories multiple times.” I nod in understanding. “That man that you love, he has stuck by you and has had many decisions to navigate for you to get you where you are today.”

Sawyer adds, “We, your friends, can attest to that. This, current you, is the best you’ve been feeling since the war. You are yourself again in a way you haven’t before. And Bodhi must be shit scared of fucking it up, all the time!” Ridoc nods in agreement. “I know I would.” “So I”, I say out aloud, my voice barely making it.

“I have to go train or fly or do something, I can’t just sit here and wait for him to return”, I sign, and stand up. “I guess that applies to us too”, Ridoc says. “I’ve got patrol tonight, so I am going back to bed. Should I be worried you’ll ‘come to call’ in my special dreams, Vi?” I scowl at him. “No, besides, I can get out if I happen to wander into someone’s dream. Just not, it appears, his.”

I follow them out and go look in on Rhi. I leave a little note, just saying ‘Went to Rhi’s, see you later. Love V’.

Chapter Text

I talk a lot with Rhi, mostly signing, not only because my voice hasn’t come back yet, best also because of the sensitive inntinnsic subject matter. She seems fine, as I take her through it all, although tired, and I tell her about the dream walking, as I did the others. I also thank her a lot for her quick thinking and the risk she was willing to take, to get me out of the room and subsequently also the nightmare.

Rhi says, “I was so scared for you, but I just forced myself to do it. I thought you were dying.” I frown, “If Xaden had chosen to snap my neck instead of my arm, I would have been dead. Thank you for getting me out.” I give her a long hug. “I’m sorry for all the trouble.” She gives me a blank stare. ”No problem, anything for you! Just so…” she yawns, ”…tired. “Bodhi was by earlier with questions as well and now I think I’ll clock out and lock the door for a while.”

I force myself to do some training, my only company a rather chatty Andarna, giving me all her opinions on my friends’ advice. She is turning into a right busy body.

By the time I’m going down the last corridor to our room, I pass the wall where Bodhi and I were engaged in some serious necking yesterday and heave a little sigh, before tapping lightly on the door and then entering. Still no sign of Bodhi, the little note still where I left it. It’s well after dinner time and I’m beginning to worry that he’s hiding out somewhere, maybe not in the best of moods. I decide to make my way to the library.

I look into the main room of the great library, its round structure filled with bookshelves in three consecutive balconies, one over the other, each with its own set of stairs from the round main floor. On the main floor are different reading stations, separated with edges with just space enough between for books. The reading area is mostly empty, but for a few scribes cramming the last pages before heading off to dinner.

One of the reading areas is…a fort of books. I walk past a scribe I don’t know, but who obviously knows who I am, who nods his head in greeting, then points to the fort. I smile in appreciation. The mountains of books are all on runes, I notice as I’m peaking around the corner of the covered desk with high walled sides, thinking I’ll give Bodhi a chance to see me before bursting into his study bubble. But he won’t see me. Because he’s sleeping, head in his book. He really has the ability to sleep anywhere.

I sit down beside him and wonder how long he’s been asleep. Should I wake him up? I decide on not deciding. I sit down at the desk next to him and suddenly jolt wide awake as I feel my own eyelids getting heavier. Nope, make a decision. I let my hand wander to his desk and tenderly caress his black locks, spread over the pages. He makes a soft noice as if slowly coming back to the world of the living after being out cold. He blinks to open his eyes and they find mine.

“Hey”, I say, an almost shy smile on my lips in stark contrast to my gravelly voice. I economise my words. “It’s evening, getting worried.” He doesn’t say anything. Only reaches for me, tugging me close to him, placing his hand on my neck and pulling me into a kiss. His lips are so soft and irresistible, I don’t even care who sees us.

The scribe who pointed me to him, slams his book shut demonstrably and walks towards the exits. I make an apologetic face, but it’s only a second until Bodhi’s lips crash into mine again, with more urgency this time. Then, as if I’m light as a feather, he lifts me up onto the desk, putting my ass down on top of the open book in front of him. We both break the connection between our lips and hiss in concern for the book. I pick it up, and leaf through it. It didn’t even get crinkled, so I put it on the massive pile of books on one side of the study desk. Bodhi removes it and puts it in the smaller pile on the other side of the desk instead. I look at him inquisitively, raising an eyebrow. He just whispers in my ear “Later”, and puts me back on the desk and stands facing me, hands on each side of my waist.

And then his lips are on mine again, and he kisses me as thoroughly, as I imagine he just went through the huge pile of books behind me, like he doesn’t want to miss a page. He sucks on my lower lip and groans when I do the same. l am even more turned on, as I feel him getting hard when I press myself towards his body, pulling him closer so that he stands between my open legs, where I still sit on the desk. The throbbing need between my legs is growing ever stronger with each kiss, feeling his lips moving synchronously with mine is like a drug. I can’t stop, even though we definitely should. We have to talk about a lot of things! And this is a public place. But then I forget all reasons not to, again.

He lifts me up, I’m still attached to his body in an embrace, and sets us down, with me in his lap, straddling him, in the chair. I suddenly wonder if the public (Ridoc) knowledge of broken furniture that was partly my fault, extends to the library furniture. Bet it does.

My eyes are closed, and his lips are still on mine, but I can feel his concentration stray for a moment, to check out the other potential evening students. He must have been convinced we are alone in the huge room, because I can hear the click of a lock, probably closed with lesser magic.

I feel boldened by the knowledge that we are alone, and dive into the kiss with all my might. I feel like a woman possessed, trying to extend the kiss to replace all my lacking words, to make all the hurt go away from the ones said in anger. It feels like he understands, because his answer is just as intense. His tongue writhes with mine in the most delicious way and I can’t help but press my sex against his hard cock, grinding him slowly up and down, on top of him in the chair. He lets out a low growl against my mouth.

Then he kisses my neck again, tasting me, sucking at the sensitive skin at the nape of my neck, and I feel him wanting me more acutely, as he meets my every move with his body. “I need you, love”, he whispers hoarsely, between kisses on my neck. I can’t get a word out. I nod and manage to whisper “yes”, making sure it’s clear from my actions I need him just as much, and making sure he doesn’t slow down. “If it’s too much, we can always stop, at anytime”, he says softly to me. “You just look at me or touch me, and I’ll know.” I show him I understand that he leaves me in full control, by taking a handful of his soft hair and pulling gently, making him follow my command and give me another kiss. He laughs lowly, “I hear you”. Thankfully, this chair has no armrests , so my movements are not restricted, all though my weight rests on him. I make a little squeak into his mouth as he suddenly stands up, lifting me with him, as I’m clutching him with my legs in a vice grip around his hips. “Don’t worry, I’ve got you”, he says in that lovely, deep voice of his, that makes me melt like chocolate in the sun.

“I want to taste you, love”, he says, putting me down on the bench in front of him, making sure with a sweep of his hand that no books are going to be harmed in the process. “Would you like that?” In my head I’m screaming my need, but what comes out is the tiniest whispered “yes”. And the sore throat is not to blame, I just suddenly feel nearly timid, with the way he turns me on. His dark, silky voice alone makes me all wet and ready for him. I have a hard time reconciling this lover with the sides of him that are fun and talkative. But not complaining, just have to even the playing field to regain the balance between us. As he gets to his knees in front of me, I grab his thick head of hair and tilt his head up to look at me, I whisper “shirt”. He rips off his shirt, gets up to my eye level again and gives me another passionate kiss, while I let my fascinated hands wander over every new ridge and muscle, learning about every angle of his body, skimming over every bit of his tawny skin, tracing his shimmering and swirling relics with my hands, making him shudder.

He kisses me senseless, then goes back on his knees in front of me, unbuttoning my pants in an experienced way, letting me know that this is a well honed practice for him, new as it may be to me. At al times, it feels as if he knows what I will need. Like when he keeps a hand on my side, to not loose our connection, as he disappears to go down on me. As if he’s done it so many times before, and maybe he has? He scoots my ass towards him on the bench, then pulls off my pants and underwear swiftly, I gasp from the cool air hitting me, and he smiles up at me, saying with that dangerous voice, “You are so beautiful, love” and then proceeds to caress me, moving his fingers around my entrance with increasing pressure, moving them up and in a circle over my clit, making me take short, expecting breaths until he finally plunges a finger into me, soon after, letting a second enter as well. I’m so wet I can feel a deep throbbing inside.

I stifle a moan and it was like he was just waiting for that sound before devouring me completely, his mouth now on me as well, still gently pumping his fingers in and out of me in a steady rhythm, finding an angle where my core starts to contract in the beginning of an orgasm. As I am near to coming, starting to rock back on his fingers, he switches to focusing only on my clit, engulfing it in kisses, sucking it lightly, letting his tongue flick over it in an impossibly hot way. In it, making the pressure build both inside me and out, on the bundle of nerve ends, all of me sparkling together. Without stopping, he takes my other hand in his, making me understand I can use his signet when I need it. I feel crackling energy building in my body, the release immanent and I concentrate it all on him.

I am so close to coming, I can hardly make a sound, I just say his name as I come, but I don’t know if the sound makes it out of my lips. As I climax, the power inside me erupts, and he doesn’t even flinch as I direct it into him. He continues rocking his fingers into me, and presses his mouth to my clit, as I come and come in glorious, undulating waves of pleasure. No conduit, no distracting worry, he takes care of every part of my pleasure and I feel elated, an unusual feeling of ‘safe’ together with arriving at my peak. I moan and he keeps licking me with long, slow strokes of his tongue until I feel I might just die right now, if I don’t get to feel him inside me at once.

I all but pull him to his feet and shove him into the chair behind him, making the chair tip slightly with the force. He laughs slowly, “Easy, I’m not going anywhere”. That only makes me more intent on my purpose. I walk the little distance towards him, removing my top as I do, having not put on my dragon scale armour today and not wanting any unnecessary fabric between us.

Then I straddle him and, start to explore the outside of his pants with my curious, wandering hands, while kissing him. Feeling his length through the hard fabric, makes me go feral and I try to unclasp his belt, in vain. He helps me unbuckle the belt, unbutton the, to me still unfamiliar, buttons and then adjusts in the chair to accommodate his cock. It’s a thing of beauty. I feel it up and down, explore and admire. He shudders at my touch, mouth slightly open. I wrap my fingers around him and slowly move my hand up and down, caressing him as he kisses me deeply, making me sure I can’t wait another moment to feel him inside me. “Ready?”, he whispers, and at my “Very”, he smiles and I guide his head to my entrance.

I let him stretch me out slowly, the fit the most perfect I have ever felt, and at the same time different from my expectations. I lead, and I make my body rise and take him deeply, letting him fill every space in me. He caresses my breasts softly, and then kisses and sucks at my nipples, making my body clench even more around his cock. I moan deeply. He breathes out heavily and angles himself to better help me move with him, hands at my sides, first slowly, as if every ridge and uneven part of our bodies interlock and reconnect, then expertly starting at a pace that increases the pressure perfectly on my inside, as we’re coming into a steady rhythm. I suddenly feel the start of another orgasm building from inside my core. As I increase the intensity of my movements, he grabs my hips, and thrusts into me in quicker movements, so I can feel the closure building in him as well.

As I feel myself clench around his cock, he fills me so completely. Bodhi increases his speed, hands on my hips as to match my breathing. Just as I feel I can’t take it anymore, he pushes me over the edge, making me soundlessly scream out my release. I’m clasping onto his naked back for support and letting the power of my lightning flow into him in an explosive wave of energy. It’s like no other first time together, I’ve ever experienced.

He masterfully navigates my limits, how much I can take, what angle is just right, and how to make me ache for him. He limits himself to a few, steady, long thrusts into me, until the worst of the waves inside me have ebbed out, and then takes his own pleasure after shorter, uneven thrusts, coming into me, finally also allowing himself to be taken over the edge. As he comes in me, I can feel a spark on my inside. Like electricity between us, as if his control over his own signet slipped a moment and the balance between us disappeared. That’s when it hits me why this made me feel so free: we’re an equality and I’m not a danger to be governed. There is an equilibrium, a balance between us, making it’s way into our lovemaking, only possible though his signet. It made me free to soar without limitation. He is my balance.

Afterwards, I am resting in such a deeply fulfilling feeling. I don’t want to move from his lap, just stay here and ignore the reality.
He strokes my back in a circular motion. And I suddenly worry I’ll fall asleep. “Do you want to go upstairs?”, he asks. No I just want to stay here, I want to say, but go for “Sure”.

We dress quickly and all the while, I can’t stop looking at him, or I guess, he me. The little pile of books, he brings with him. As we pass by the desk at the entrance, he conscientiously registers the books and we walk out. “

So, did you ever fuck in a library before?”, I sign as we walk up the stairs. “Oh, yes”, he answers easily. “That has been known to happen with us.” He smiles. “That’s what I get for snagging a hot, scribe-intended lightning wielder. Drawn to the books, yet risking to burn them all down. I like that there is a part for me to play there, keeping the dualities at bay. That and all the actual glory, being with you.”

I sign again, “Ridoc mentioned an armchair. Was this a repeat performance for you?”, keeping it light. That didn’t work. He stops, and touches my arm, “Nothing is ever a ‘repeat’ with you. Sometimes I recognise something in a situation, a turn of phrase, a locked position in an argument, an outcome. But i don’t control the situation, ever. And besides, every time I think I know something, I find myself back on my ass.”

I can see his face falling, remembering the fight we haven’t actually resolved. I stop and laboriously say in my raspy voice, “Interesting, but not implying you control anything, just asking for fun stories about inanimate objects.” He looks at me, “Sorry, still a bit prickly from before.” Of course he is. Of course there is still stuff to figure out.

I put a hand on his arm and say in a whisper, “We’ll do that tomorrow, when I hopefully have a voice. What I need is bed, wrapped safely in your signet. And biscuits or whatever you have hidden at home.” I can feel him relaxing more with every word I say, building up to a full blown smile as I say ’home’.

Chapter Text

The pillow barricade did not make a reappearance and I wake up in Bodhi’s arms. Although, sleep clothes are on, I don’t feel anywhere near as ‘free’ as Old Violet in that respect. But who knows what the future holds? Waking up next to him, wasn’t on my horizon just a few days ago.

Bodhi holds me loosely, his arm on my hip heavy, making me certain he’s still asleep. Our hands are still clutched together. No dreams. I turn to face him, not leaving his embrace. The movement makes him stir awake, saying softly from behind closed eyelids, “Violet?” I answer him softly, “Bodhi, were you expecting someone else?” He smiles, his eyes glinting behind long lashes, “No, just checking you’re here and this isn’t some dream. Didn’t want to open my eyes and discover you were gone.” No, he wouldn’t, I remember that from being on the other side of that gesture. I just tried my voice! It holds, all though still gravelly. “Good news”, I say, “voice is good. I can finally talk again!”

He groans, “No. Can’t we just keep staying silent? Preferably both of us.” He pulls the covers over his head. I dive after him. “What was that?”, I say with a small laugh in surprise at his reaction, muffled by the fabric around us. “I know there’s stuff to say, and of course I want to hear your thoughts.” He sighs from the dark surrounding us, “You’ll feel threatened if I let myself be angry with you about yesterday and then you’ll leave again.” That’s what this is about? Me leaving?

Oh, fuck, I feel to stupid. Of course ‘these separatist kids’ like Xaden and Bodhi all have one thing in common. The absolute abandonment conviction. And I’ve run out on him multiple times. Fortunately, Xaden’s version of that was the worst I’ve ever encountered, and we still found a way around it. Why shouldn’t we?

I pull his body close to mine in the dark, holding him tight for a moment. He hugs me back, but he’s mentally far away. I can almost hear him take more shallow breaths. I slowly pull the covers away from me and sit up. He does too, most reluctantly, his hair a tousled mess of black curls. I stretch out a hand and flatten an especially wayward lock and look into his eyes, stating clearly, “I won’t leave, I promise you”. He doesn’t look convinced. “Look”, I tell him. “Regardless of what we have to say, the important things don’t change. We’re bound to disagree sometimes.” He turns his eyes to the ceiling, making me see his worry swirl to the surface. “But, you see, you do have a habit of leaving me. Whether it’s running away in the middle of an argument or by removing your memories again, it’s still the same thing to me. You disappear.”

I still, pangs hitting me like I’d been shot by an arrow. “I’m sorry, my intention with leaving the room has only been to gain perspective, to let feelings cool down. I won’t ’leave’, as in not to come back.” He looks at me. “But how do I know?” The impossible question hangs in the air above us. “You have to trust me not to.” He looks at me quickly, sceptically even. I add, “Look at things logically. I can now with certainty say that my love for you has always come back, after every memory removal. And at that, Imogen has vowed she’ll never remove another memory from me, regardless of what happens. And I’ll find another way than to leave the room next time, if I need a break in an argument”, he looks to relax and gives my hand a squeeze. “I needed to hear that, I think, thanks”.

He leans back in the bed, hands behind his head, and says, “When I realised you’d sought me out in the library last night, I just thought ‘fuck it’, as long as we’re okay, that’s all that matters.” He looks at me with such tenderness, I almost kiss him, but stop myself, as not to interrupt him. “And what followed was… just fantastic.” He says with a disbelieving smile, “You’re amazing.” I blush, but force myself to look him in the eyes, through my slight embarrassment, “It was wonderful for me as well. I’d never guessed we’d be so…compatible”, I say with a smile. He flat out laughs, “You are on it with the compliments today, love. But yes, we complete each other in more ways than one”.

He sobers up, groans and sits straight, “The only thing I want is keep on laughing and making love with you, but, I think in skipping the making up-part, the problems won’t get a chance to be resolved.” I’m beginning to see where this is going, and prepare myself for some hard truths.

“Most importantly: how are you feeling after that dream?”, he asks, his face full of compassion. I think about it, really think about it, then venture on, “I feel okay, considering. It was really unnerving for the most part, but seeing Xaden like that… He isn’t Xaden anymore, that much is clear. I don’t feel there’s any point of talking about the dream in detail, that would upset me. I would tell you, if there was anything other than the expected. He wants to pressure me to channel from the earth, meet him and bring the dragons and he isn’t afraid to hurt me.” He gives me a sympathetic look, and I can see he expected me to say more, but doesn’t want to pressure me “It’s horrible what Xaden has become and unforgivable what he is doing to you. I’m so sorry we couldn’t help you get out of that dream earlier.” He looks regretful. I take his hand and hold it close to my chest. “Not your fault.” I say. He gives me a look that says ‘Yes it was’.

Then he lets his fingers just lightly stroke my cheek and gets out of bed to lean against the bookcase, clearly sorting through some thoughts. I get up too, only to sit down again on one of the chairs. I feel calm, and grateful for having talked to my friends about everything that went down around a sleeping me, yesterday. I wait for him to think, or talk to Cuir. Then he says, “Full disclosure, I will test your new ‘not running away’ approach, with being kinda honest and a little angry. I’ll say ‘fuck’ a lot. But I won’t scream and shout”, I interrupt him. “Got it. I’m not worried, give me the problems and we’ll solve the fuck out of them.”

He smiles, apprehensively. “I hate that I have to worry that you’ll fear I’ll explode or something. In time you’ll learn I don’t shout or break shit. And yes, I fucking blame Xaden for being either terse or volatile around you.” I decide not to go into a debate on the subject of Xaden’s temper, but say, “You were pretty angry at the flight field, there was definitely some shouting at Imogen there.” I add, at seeing his look of regret, “I just wanted to say, you don’t scare me. I trust you. That’s not the reason for my running, which I’ll leave in the past.”

I remind myself, transparency is the only way. “If you want full disclosure, I should offer the same. Hopefully, we’ll understand the situation better with more shared information.” He nods, “Let’s try that.”, he says, rather shortly. “I know from Rhi I’ve had memories removed at least three times. Rhi told me about one being three months after the battle, going back to the very beginning, then another short one, after another encounter with Xaden and then this last one, after yet another encounter.” “Fuck, that stings to hear”, he says under his breath, stares out the window, but his body is still mostly turned in my direction. “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me before you had her do it to you.” I draw a short breath, “I wholeheartedly agree and I have no idea why I didn’t.”

I glance at him, but he seems determined to look about the window some more. I continue, “I…Can I do anything for you? Do you want a hug?” I ask him, getting to my feet. He says, “I do, but I also have to move around a bit.” I say, “I’ll take it. Come here”, and he does. He bends down to reach me better, pulling me against his body, as I pull him against mine. I put my head against his chest and breathe in his smell. “I love you and I’m very much staying here, with you.” I can feel him breathing calmer. Thus far, not any inclination of running on my part.

Then he makes space between us, still holding on to my arms, and says in an exhausted voice, “What fucking possessed you to go into that room? The only room where no one could wake you.” I am so confused myself, but I have got to try and give him an answer, “I have no explanation. I went in search of the library but somehow ended up there instead. It’s strange because, it’s not even in the same part of the House. At the moment I felt it was a safe place, even though by the state of it, I can’t explain how I’d think that. I was exhausted and went to sleep there on the mattress. Of course, in hindsight, it’s insane that I went there at all.”

He huffs and lets go of my arms, to move around a bit. “A very difficult answer to be angry with, so you are spoiling it a bit for my build-up, but anyway.” He flashes me a crooked smile. “I agree that it was insane”, he pauses then adds, “Would you say you might have been unconsciously drawn there?”, I look at him with a quizzical expression, “Sorry, that was a theory I have, it wasn’t part of the ‘angry’ department of this conversation. Later!”

He then says in a calm voice, from back by the bookcase, “Now this is very much an ‘angry’ one:”, his gaze suddenly sharpens, “You could have died in there.” He looks incredulous at the very idea, “Or gone insane. I almost went mad hearing you scream your lungs out. And I was on the outside, not able to do fuck all to help.” Frustration makes his volume rise slightly. Then he is silent. I am silent.

“Feel free to say something. There is not going to be a question attached to every new talking point”, he says. “I just want to make sure you’re aware of the humongous risk you were taking with your own life. And also, selfishly, make a point of how your actions affect me. And others. But others are not part of this ‘angry’ conversation, so this is going to be mostly about me.” I walk to stand closer to him, then stretch my hand to reach his face, but he jumps away. “Please. Every time you touch me, I forget why I’m angry. It’ll not be to much ‘angry’ left, just have to let me stick it out.”

“I don’t know what to say, is the problem”, I say honestly. He seems to have guessed as much and does the same thing I’d done regarding the violets, helps. “Do you want to hear my analysis?” I respond empathically, “Yes, I do.”

He goes on, “I believe, you didn’t know how serious the problem with the dreams was, because you were so angry with me before, that you stopped fucking listening to me. I, on the other hand, should have just told you about the dreams earlier. But I’ve been afraid to mess things up and, trust me, the risks when it comes to your mental health, have been significant.”

I respond, “You are right, I was so upset I couldn’t take in the level of threat posed by the dream-walking, when you tried to tell me. I needed time to process and understand. And that feeling of betrayal I felt, wasn’t all about you either.” I pause and feel him hanging on my every word as I go on. “I know I asked you long ago, if you had a second signet, and you said you and Xaden didn’t have them. Correct?” He nods truthfully. “Well, he has one, he is inntinnsic, and reads people’s intentions. I found out the hard way, so you not telling me about using your signet on me, however good the intention was, made me snap.”

“Fuck, I can believe you hated that throwback, I’m so sorry. Are you actually saying he knows what everyone considers or wants to do?” I nod. He looks shocked. “I know the implications of this are way bigger, but I can’t help but think I understand his homicidal tendencies regarding you a little better. The things I’ve thought about doing with you… That he even let me live is astounding to me now.” I smile at him, thankful he’s bringing light into our discussion.

He starts to pace about the room, stopping and looking at me from a small distance. “There is only one more ‘angry’ thing I need to have said.” I look at him, steadily. “I was on my fucking knees and you still ran. Not cool. So now I’m asking you, what should I have done?”

I feel my cheeks heating with embarrassment. “Firstly, I should have stayed, if I’d known how that made you feel. Secondly, there was probably no perfect way to act. You were once more forced to make an impossible choice, between, on one hand, your promise to Old Me to protect me and on the other hand, navigating what information to share with a potentially fragile New Me. Still, knowing myself only as I am now, you should have risked it and told me. That doesn’t mean I don’t sympathise with your dilemma, but I needed perspective to come to that conclusion.” The hard edge to his look seems to have all but disappeared. ”You can just argue the house down, do you know that?”, he looks a bit amused, and clarifies, “I agree with everything you just said. But I’m not going to accept you taking away the blame for my choice not to inform you, it was fucking wrong, and I knew it and still did it, because I was scared of how you’d react. I am so sorry about that. I’m not going to try to shield you from information in future, and I’ll be really careful not to overstep when it comes to using my signet. I’ll not renew apologies since I don’t want to annoy Tairn more than I already did.”

I say, “Thank you for seeing it from my point of view”, then continue, “I regard things a bit differently now. If the dream itself didn’t make me see the situation in a new light, hearing from my friends how distraught you were and how you fought for me, did. I am so glad you got me out of there or I maybe wouldn’t be here.” He shakes his head with a grave expression. I continue, “I am so sorry you had to go through that. In the dream, you and Cuir were in a bad way in the battle and I couldn’t help you, and Xaden was hurting me with his shadows. The ‘not being able to help’ part was bad.”

He looks suddenly really angry, but not with me. With the situation and with Xaden. “I’ve never heard you scream like that. And Xaden was the one to break your arm?” I look sadly at him, shuddering at the memory. “Yes.”

He all but crashes into me, hauling me into his arms, in an intense hug. “I am so sorry YOU had to go through that, never fucking mind me.” He kisses my forehead. “We have to find a way to break this circle. As much as I might object to some of his broody behaviour as a human, I’ll always love him. But that Venin version of him, is no more than a shadow wearing his skin. He would hate himself for what he’s doing to you. And for you, just seeing him must be torture, I know it would be for me. And on top of it, he, who you’re used to trusting, is the one causing you pain.” I shudder to think of the dream, of what he did to me. ”What can I do for you?”, he asks. “Just, this, keep holding me, being open with me”, I say.

After a while standing wrapped together, I breathe slower, and say into his chest, “The worst wasn’t the pain, it was that I knew that I was trapped. I’d trapped myself in that room, I felt totally at his mercy.” He tugs me closer, his face buried in my neck and says in a low voice, “You are safe and I’ll help you stay safe any way you want me to”. We keep standing there, locked in the embrace a good while.

Bodhi looks up, suddenly, and says, “Now it’s later.” I look at him, questioning his sanity. “What do you mean?” He gingerly puts me down and then jumps over to the desk by the window, overladen with books he brought from the library. “This!” he says triumphantly.

The talk is over. Something else has already begun but I’m exhausted. I sigh, “Bodhi, love, I need some energy first. I’m beginning to understand why I consider it your fault if I’m hungry.” He looks apologetic, like he had forgotten that you have to eat. “Sorry, I just wanted to move on. Not push on. Thank you for answering me, for making up. I feel like a new man, but I can see that I now have to help you replenish energy, to become a new woman. I’ll go fix something up for us”, he says with a smile. “You good to make me some tea?” I nod, and he kisses me swiftly and then runs off, clearly relieved the day is taking a new direction.

A little later, I try to make sense of his tea equipment, fiddling with heating paraphernalia powered by lesser magics. Bodhi is probably on his way back with missives and breakfast. Hope he likes his tea lukewarm, because that’s all I’m managing. I consider using my signet to zap some heat into the teapot, but think better of it. Also Tairn bellows “no!”.

I’m distracted from my thoughts by Bodhi entering, juggeling an armful of plates, and glasses, all the while trying to close the door. I let go of my tea adventures to go help him. “Did you forget your magic?”, I chide him playfully, taking the plates off his hands. He huffs “‘tis a thankless labour putting food on this table”, laughing softly, then unloads his burden on the little table and then takes the remaining plates from my hands. I snag a pancake from a plate. It’s just what I needed.

He watches me enjoying the stolen pancake, then puts his hands on each side of my waist, pulling me towards him and kisses me softly. “I can’t believe you’re back in love with me” he then says, “You haven’t changed your mind?” I smile at him and kiss him back, reaching for his face, feeling his scratchy stubble. He hums contentedly. “I love you, it hasn’t changed since yesterday or this morning”. As the kiss goes on, Bodhi mumbles, “You wouldn’t fault a man for wanting to make sure, with this morning’s somewhat rocky beginnings?”, I kiss him again, “I’ll tell you often until you believe it. Especially after fights. Until you tire of hearing it”, “Never”, he says, then interrupt us, mumbling, “Love, cold pancakes aren’t as good”, and moves me firmly away from him. I close the gap between us again and finish off the kiss in a more deserving way. “You’re lovely”, he muses and puts me firmly in a chair, in front of an overflowing plate, “but you told me you need to eat”. I dig in, as he goes over to wonder over to the tea situation. I consider if the reason I called him ‘love’ all the time in public, before, maybe wasn’t all for me, but for him, reassuring him.

I can see him feel the pot with his hand. He says, “Oh no, was I dragging my feet that bad? It’s cold”. I look at him over my shoulder, mouth stuffed with pancakes saying, “Regrettably, it wasn’t too hot to begin with”. He walks over to me, and leans over my shoulder to whisper into my ear, “I can’t believe you can make lightning but not tea.” I’ll show you next time”, then kisses my cheek, just because he can, I suspect.

Then he proceeds to pour out the tea telling me ‘it’s okay cold for battles but not breakfast’, and I ask him how he and Cuir carry tea around without a saddle. He keeps giving me tips on how to work the kettle, ‘because it has to come to a boil or it’s not tea’. He then has me choose from blends of tea leaves on a shelf for myself, he himself prefers ‘a certain level of smokiness’, is ‘relieved at finding honey because it’ll be good for my throat’.

Basically, he is chatting away happily as I eat the eggs, bacon and pancakes he’s prepared for me. And it seems that slight frown he was sporting before, is all but gone. And I suddenly notice I’ve come to relax as well. I feel good. And I didn’t even have the urge to run away once.

Chapter Text

I look at my husband, bemused, and just smile to him over my cup of tea. Or rather, he makes me smile. The tea with the honey he put in specially for my throat. With the tea blend he had me chose, with little blue flower petals mixed in with the tea leaves, that I very much suspect have exactly no purpose what so ever, flavour wise.

Now Bodhi is going through missives and is in the middle of a tirade about the incoming gathering of the Assembly. And he’s just being so gloriously, uninhibitedly himself that I can’t help but keep smiling at him. He is funny and at the same time cares about Everything, somehow making every effort with me, and has simultaneously, with Brennan’s help, been manoeuvring quite complicated political schemes. But right now, I can’t focus on what Bodhi is saying. I can only listen to his voice.

I try to map out the different cadences that are part of his everyday voice, and compare it to the sultry tones of the voice of the Bodhi who made love to me yesterday. Not to be unfair, I also watch him closely and feel the love for this man. Possibly, without listening to a word he is currently saying. And that leads me back to thinking about the lovemaking yesterday.

“…because he just must assume that the war would cause that to happen.” He stops and looks at me, smiling broadly. “What?”, he asks, cluelessly, “did I loose you somewhere?” I shrug, “I was just thinking of you” I say vaguely. He gives me a searching look. I try again, “I’m just trying to ‘marry’ the different sides of my husband into one person.” He leans on his elbow, raising an eyebrow to me, the missive in his hand forgotten, “This sounds an incredible amount more interesting than where I was going with what Lewellen said.”

I smile, a little bit flushed, from thinking about yesterday’s library related adventures. I clear my voice, saying in a nonchalant tone, “I was thinking about your voice, especially yesterday when you…” I swallow, “…spoke in that low tone” I have his rapped attention now, to say the least. He looks ready to pounce at me over the table. I scramble to get out of my own ramblings, embarrassed not covering half of it, “You have an appealing voice, which you already know, surely. It was heightened yesterday. You just choose not to talk a lot during sex, in general? Or was yesterday special that way?”

He looks shocked, but obviously is just making a show of it, “Love! This is a working breakfast, why are you bringing my insurmountably seductive voice into the Lewellen discussion?” I laugh and look the other way. He goes on, slower than before, in what I notice is his slightly lower register, “One of us is trying to do our solemn duty to Tyrrendor.” He throws the missives over on the desk, not displaying any of the moral responsibilities he speaks of, apparently done with missives for now.

I nod, excusing myself with a shrug and laugh guiltily. “It was a new side to you. I loved making the acquaintance of the silent, sultry voiced lover who made me quiver like a leaf in autumn. But where do you keep him during the rest of the time?” He smiles a full Cheshire grin at me, and says in his darkest, smoothest voice, “Poetic! So you liked my voice when I made love to you, darling?”

I squeal with a laugh in full shame at how easily he makes me melt (and simultaneously want to throttle him), as I force out the words, “I’ll never believe you’re serious now! Don’t mock me or you’ll do yourself an incredible disservice!” He laughs an evil laugh at my reaction, clearly enjoying the impact his voice has on me, immensely. “I’m sorry”, he says, but doesn’t sound sorry in the least, “I shouldn’t tease you. But maybe I won’t be able to help myself. I am known to have an aptitude for self sabotage”, he says with a coy smile and raises a single eyebrow. I try to look at the ceiling, to get out of his focus, it feels like I’m on a stage. Without clothes. But I do the mistake to chance a glance at him.

Not surprisingly, he is enjoying my pain endlessly, “Didn’t know you found my voice intriguing at all, ‘annoying’ is all I’ve gotten so far. Should I maybe have your undivided attention about the Lewellen-situation, if I should talk… slower and… in my deeper register?” There is a distinct tingle in my gut as he talks like that, I can’t deny it. I nod slowly and say, smiling a smile I have absolutely no control over, “Well, probably, honestly. And Tairn and I don’t find your voice annoying, only sometimes the things it says.”

Now I’ve done it. He laughs so hard, but tries equally hard to quell it. “‘Tairn and I’, now is it?”, he says through his teeth. It doesn’t work that well, the laughter keeps taking over for him as well. I hide my face in my hands, leaning forward to keep from looking at him, because it only makes it worse. I’ve succumbed to laughter. I can’t look at him again. Probably ever.

Bodhi gets to his feet and walks intentionally slowly towards me, and I’m shaking with laughter. I hear him move, then see him standing beside me, all the while I’m still keeled over, desperately trying to stop laughing. He bends over me from behind and hugs me, as he does, I feel him shaking with silent laughter as well.

“I’m so sorry,” he says between laughs, “I really came over here intending something completely different”, pausing for attack of laughter, “but now I can’t breathe anymore.” I dry my tears, shaking just as bad, and say with difficulty, “Why- did- I ever say anything?”

He bends down to stay on his knees in front of me, his hands on my knees. Then looks at me almost solemnly, having managed some heroic self control, and says, “I’ll better never utter another word ever again.” I die again, the muscles in my stomach so constricted that I can’t sit upright, so I end up bent over once more, a shaking pile of what used to be Violet, on my chair. He kisses my hair, all the while laughing a trilling laugh I’ve come to long for every time he stops. I manage to expel the words “You can never look at me either”, and that does him in again for a while as well.

It’s a good while later, when we’ve finally managed to both stop the laughter completely, and compelled by having to do something, do the dishes. He looks at me, still smiling too broadly, and I give him a stern look and put up a straight index finger in the air as a warning not to say anything funny again. My stomach still hurts. He says, a bit defensive, “I’m not going to be silly, I just want to say something real. My mother was very fun loving and I believe she is the only explanation for my particular sense of humour. And she would have loved you.” I smile at him, calmly this time, “I like that thought. Wish I could have met her.” As he looks away from me, I swiftly change the subject. “I also can’t believe how relaxed I feel at the moment. I really needed, whatever this varied, emotional unload of a morning was. Things are clearer now, and maybe we needed the laugh to get back to…us.” He says, eyes returning to mine, “I feel the same way”, then in just a joyful way, he burst out, “And I love the way you totally just destroyed me! Not many people can do that. I consider the debt repaid.”

I look at him, quizzically, he explains, “You promised to make it up to me, when you implied Cuir might enjoy a break from being on the receiving end of my constant yammering. Something I neither confirm, nor deny, by the way.” I smile and lift my head in recognition. “I still stand by that statement actually.” He looks shocked and appalled. I look away, to keep my thread, and not give in to more laughter, I add in what I consider a rational, practical sort of voice, but with a raised eyebrow, “I thought it was implied it was a sexual favour. I couldn’t consider that repaid just by calling out your alluring voice.”

I can see him smile broadly but immediately look away from my eyes, just to keep from laughing again at the very mention of ‘the voice’. He clears his, clearly, to me very sexy, voice. He even manages to look at me. “Right, I’m not stupid or self sabotaging enough to somehow contradict that. Lucky me!” I smirk at him.

He seems boldened by not having been reclaimed by the paroxysms of laughter, as there is a new glint in his eye that intrigues me, “As to why I wasn’t so talkative in the library yesterday, you of all people should know, you’re supposed to be quiet in a library. That and my efforts were otherwise engaged.” He focuses on me with a dangerous edge to his smile that makes my heart skip a beat. “I can’t recall”, he drawls on, not so innocently, “exactly how much talk usually goes on in this room at night.” I can see the net. I’ll maybe just go let myself get entangled a little in it, see what happens.

I step up to stand right in front of him and look up at him, my own smirk in place, hopefully telling him, I’m not avoiding standing on top of this particular trap. “I have no way to help your poor memory, that I can think of. Maybe you’re not so quiet at all, come to think of it. We’ll have to find out somehow. Pity it’s a long time until it’s dark.” I say, shrug my shoulders and turn my back to him as if to leave. He snatches my hand and turns me back to face him, full grin on both his face and mine. He leans in, close enough that I feel the heat of his breath on my mouth. That really excites me. He says in his deepest, most suggestive voice, “You are not afraid of the light of day, surely?” I have trouble catching my breath, my head goes blank and apparently all the possible comebacks in the world are impossible to find right now. I just draw a short breath in response. That’s enough for him to know he’s caught me.

Bodhi slowly raises his hand to my face, I only stand still, like an animal frozen, but with expectation. He takes a firm hold of my chin to tilt my head towards his lips, then, too slowly, nears his lips to mine, until he stops, just above my mouth, taking all the time in the world. There is nearly no space at all between the sensitive skin of his lips and mine. My patience is wearing thin. I stand up on my heels as to make the kiss inevitably happen without delay, but he raises his upper body with me, the small distance between our lips still in place. I hear myself whimper, unfortunately, because I’ve clearly shown my immediate need for him, making his lips draw out in a self satisfied smile.

I try to reach him again, straining to make myself tall enough to reach those delicious lips. He says in so low a voice it’s almost a rumble, “Why don’t you try, using your voice, to get what you want. Works well for me.” I say, in what comes out like a whisper, “You are annoying me, Bodhi”, he smiles again, drawing even nearer to my lips “You have no idea how annoying you’ll find me if you don’t start telling me what you need”. Every word he says makes me want to rage at him and tear his clothes off at the same time. I clutch at his muscled arms, hard, with my hands spread open, but the girth of his arms makes it difficult getting a good grip. I look into his eyes, so close to mine and gleaming with desire. I decide to give him what he demands and whisper, “I want you to kiss me”. His lips are on mine as the last word leaves my mouth. The kiss is hungry and my need for his taste is insatiable. His tongue swirls into my mouth and I fucking loose it. I cannot get enough of this man.

The kiss intensifies and I can feel his pulse quicken. This isn’t enough. I need him inside of me now. I press myself against him, almost climbing him, as I kiss him with all my might, teeth dragging against his lower lip, my tongue playing with his and meeting in his mouth as I explore, try to see what movements best make his body react to me. He hums deeply and I feel his voice reverberate through his chest, as I let my hand wander down towards his pants.

He stops my hand and stays in the kiss, somehow finding his own voice again, panting, “What do you want, love?” He’s not serious. How am I deserving of this infuriating man? Instead I answer, in a short, hurried voice. “I want to feel your cock. Preferably taste it too, and then I want you to fuck me, in the bed this time. But one more demanding word out of you and I might just change my mind.” I think I actually growl at him. He takes my hand and places it on his growing, hard bulge, on the outside of his pants. “As you wish”, he says obligingly, clearly less in control as I carefully feel him up and down. Then says with clipped words, still melting me though, “Keep doing that and I won’t be able to oblige” Such a fucking gentleman. I drop to my knees in a smooth motion.

I unbuckle and unbutton the obstacles in my way, getting through his pants without delay this time. As I’ve finally gotten this far, I look up at him, to see that he’s into where this is going. He looks so beautiful, his tousled hair on end, and as into it as though the anticipation is killing him. Right where I want him, in other words. I lick the head of his cock and lets him suffer as I slowly drag my tongue al the way up and down his length. Then I take him into my mouth, having to stretch wide to fit him. I take him as far back as I can, his length making it impossible to engulf all of him. He grabs my shoulder as I do, and I hear him pant.

At the same time I let my hand help at the base, where my throat can’t take him, and let him slide in and out of my mouth, as I create a small vacuum in the back of my throat to increase the pressure on him from within. When I do, he grits out, “Oh Gods, Violet” and that makes me secure it’s time to move this along. I relax my pressure on him, and take him all the way, as far back as I am able to, in an excruciatingly slow motion, then out. His gaze is inscrutable as I stand up, to face him. As I stand, I say, eyes to him, “You’re perfect”. Bodhi picks me up and carries me over to the bed, and puts me down gently on my back. But ‘gently’ stops there.

Giving him head was such a turn on for me, feeling his pleasure rising in my mouth. I’m all wet and ready now, if I wasn’t before. He lays on top of me, taking his weight off me by leaning on his arm, then he kisses me and says, “Lift up your arms, love.” Remembering my words, he adds “Please.” I smile at him, and do as he asks. He helps me out of my top. I’m not wearing anything else on the upper part of my body. I shrug out of my pants, and he gets out of his as well, then we kiss again.

And then his hands are all over my body, grabbing my ass, caressing my breasts. Warm, insisting and it feels so wonderful in contrast to my naked body meeting the air around us. His hand slides slowly towards my pussy. As he reaches me, I moan, and so does he, feeling how wet I am for him. He slides a finger inside me, at the same time putting pressure on my clit. I breathe in sharply. “No”, I exclaim. He instantly withdraws, “Yes!”, I clarify intensely, “I want your cock inside me, no more waiting.” His face shift, a quickly passing crinkle on his forehead replaced by laugh lines by the edges on his eyes. “Nearly gave me a heart attack”, he mumbles in my ear, as he places himself on top of me once more and positions his cock by my entrance.

As he pushes slowly into me, I gasp, “Yes! More!”, considerately being extra clear about my ‘wants’ to compensate. As promised, he obliges my wish, driving into me with force, again and again. And I am so in the moment as he sets a menacing pace, fucking into me, making me feel ready to scream, I almost forget my signet. The rumble of thunder outside the window takes me by surprise. Him too, I wager, because he raises his upper body to a sitting position, placing my hand pointedly on the relic on his chest, holding it there. He keeps driving his cock into me, hard, mercilessly impaling me again and again on his length, at every impact stimulating my insides.

I can feel a huge wave raising from building in my core. I can feel he’s close as well, his movements becoming more erratic and faster at intervals. He leans down over me, supported on both sides of me on his forearms, closing the space between us again and kisses me swiftly. Our eyes locked, I follow his movements, meeting every thrust. A look between us and we know we’re finishing this together. As I close my eyes and let the wave of pleasure crash into me, I direct my bursting signet power into him. He takes it and not a spark flies, but as I feel his release, as he’s pumping his seed into me, it’s like an electric tension flows through our bodies, an electric impulse tingles, as we’re riding out the pleasure wave together, in perfect unison.

He slides off me, saying hoarsely, “Wow, love, that was…” then kisses me. “You loose your words?”, I tease him, sliding into the nook of his arm, my head on his shoulder and breast. I splay a hand over his chest, then start tracing his swirling relic with my finger. He laughs, short of breath. “No blood in my brain, the words can have a short rest.” I breathe in his smell and enjoy being so close to him, his naked body next to mine. “Do you mind if I say, that I am suddenly made aware I need to learn to express my wishes, and if this is the lesson plan, I feel really motivated to suck up to the teacher?” He laughs. “You’re wonderful, and really, I might have teased you now, but if we have sex in total silence or talking at full speed, I have no objections whatsoever. As long as I know what you want.”

Still, him stopping in the middle made me think. In my head, I can’t help but consider how I’ve come to rely on Xaden reading my needs and not having to communicate, or particularly verbalise, anything. Maybe I was missing something. Just the sound of Bodhi’s voice makes me quiver, and the contact we have during sex is exiting and liberating, but still feels safe. Not that I compare. That would be wrong.

The mind reading now feels, comparatively and in a way I will keep to myself, a bit lazy, even though me and Xaden also had some great sex. Interrupted, and infrequent, sex. My needs have not exactly been taken care of continuously in a long time, always something hindering that before; relationship problems, rules, different deployments, war and then he became venin.

I shrug off the thoughts and snuggle up even closer to Bodhi. As if he knows I need to feel closer to him, he draws me nearer. Then whispers in his deepest, velvety voice, “Anyway, as I was saying, Lewellen had some good points…” I whack him, hard.

Chapter Text

Some time later we’re out the door and soon about to walk in different directions, me in flight gear and Bodhi more casual blacks, going to prepare for the Assembly’s coming, with Brennan. On his own, since I’m helplessly out of the loop when it comes to, well, just about everything right now. And I feel the distinct need to do something physical, so I’ve decided to go with Rhi on patrol and we’re meeting up in the library. I’ll probably get the lowdown later.

Trouble is, seems neither I, nor Bodhi, really want to let the other go. So now, he ‘just remembered’ he has something to do in the library as well.

We stroll slowly down the great staircase, hand in hand, a step at the time, extremely silly, but I don’t care. Bodhi says suddenly, “On a serious note,” then waiting for my permission to exit the insufferable, wonderful, still sort of close to lovemaking, walking in silence. I nod with conviction, “Please, go ahead.” He gives me a quick smile, but stays serious. “Do you want to know about what I found out in the library yesterday?” I’m suddenly listening with rapt attention. ”What were you looking for? I saw it was rune related, so probably not trying to counter made venin?”

He looks at me in a way that makes me think he’s excited and wary at the same time. “No, a couple of different things. First, I was researching how to remove the ward on the room. It’s far too dangerous to just sit around.” I ponder, then say, “Come to think of it, I find it strange that it hasn’t been handled all ready. It seems a door that ought to have been shut, literally.” He smiles at my turn of phrase, “Right? But we have tried a couple of times, just, no success. Aught to have been done, if only to clear out the mess. For my part, I’d have a hard time ever being there again at all, so as far as I’m concerned we could just brick it up and leave it.” I circle my thumb in the palm of his hand, “Sounds… uncomfortable”, I say and look up at him through my lashes, clearly referencing his own, previous use of the phrase.

He stops suddenly on the stairs, leaning close to my ear, as he whispers in that low, deep rumble, “Love, your brother will see me hanged if I don’t give him some attention today. And he’d be right to, because the shirking of the responsibilities have been massive lately, all left to him. But if you continue to turn me on and bait me, I’ll be carrying you back up these stairs we’ve so painstakingly slowly, just nearly, made it down, and Rhi will wait for you in vain. Your choice.” He smiles a delightfully obliging smile, I smile one back and continue down the stairs, as I say in a sobered tone, “So tell me more of what you’d like to try, to get rid of the ward.”

He continues, smile still playing on his lips, “Trissa will be here for a two week rune class, as well as Assembly meetings. She’ll be bringing the students from Basgiath, so we’ll have that reunion we talked about earlier. They will arrive with the others of the Assembly soon. If we’ve not managed to break the wards down by then, I bet she can help.” I nod in agreement, “That’s a great idea.”

He looks content at me being positive to his thoughts, and continues gently, “What I worry about in the meantime, is that I think there is something, like a rune somewhere we haven’t thought about, that makes you drawn to the room and maybe explains how Xaden has been able to search you out before.” I am stunned. “What do you mean, like a rune somewhere in the House? Or on my body, like a relic?” He relaxes as he takes in my relatively small reaction, then opens his leather bag and takes out a book and starts to leaf through it, “It wouldn’t be on clothes, since you change them. Even though, you’ve not had any naked encounters with Xaden lately, I sincerely hope.”

I raise an eyebrow, being neither able to confirm, nor deny. He says, with an apologetic smile: “Sorry, just being thorough, if you can believe it”, at my raised eyebrow, he keeps flipping pages and says to the book more than to me, “and witness me just continuing past that awkward moment”, he then points to a passage in the book, ”look, according to this one, it could be just a small thing, making you psychically and inexplicably drawn to a place or even a person with the matching rune. And a mark on your skin could be hidden from view, in your hair, for example, or just on something else entirely”.

I touch my scalp, “He did actually say, long ago, as well as in the dream, that ‘there’s nowhere in existence I could go, where he wouldn’t find me’, or something like that.” Bodhi gives me a look of measured anger. I sigh in disbelief of how I once felt that reassuring and go on, “Do I have to shave my hair? I may not consider myself a vain person, but this braid has found a way to stick with me through parapet and beyond. A shame to see it leave.” He smiles, in a disbelieving way, touching the crown of my braid on top of my head with his fingertips, “No, I, or Mira or Rhiannon or whoever you feel comfortable with doing it, should be able to see any markings, just combing through your hair, meticulously no doubt.”

His fingers catching some of the more free flowing locks surrounding my face, he remarks, “No cutting necessary.” I breathe a sigh of relief. He smiles, and says “Could be angering Dunne just suggesting that, where this pretty hair is concerned.” I give him a relieved smile, saying “Good. Because I’m used to it.” Then I add, “But continue touching me like that and we’ll not come down these stairs, but rather at the top of them.” He lets his hand fall and walks down another step. And apparently, he’s not entirely immune to the charms of my hair, even though it’s not winning me any arguments in this relationship.

“I think I’ll ask Imogen, to help comb my hair, give us a chance to talk.” Bodhi looks abhorred, “She’ll absolutely hate that type of forced closeness.” He considers it again, feelings about her involvement in my memory removals apparently winning and says, an evil glint in his eye, “On second thought, I fully endorse it! I hope you’re not afraid to loose a few hairs in the process, though.” I remind him: “Be. Nice. To. Imogen.” He says, hands up in the air, “Fine! I’ll be ‘nice”, adding under his breath, “she’ll hate that too.” Which I choose to ignore.

He then takes a step back from me, leaving me space to react and says, a wrinkle appearing between his eyes, “The thing about the theory of the room, is that it dawned on me the risk that Xaden could gain entry to it from the outside, and get you to come there somehow, like a lure, and then none of us could reach you, should you need help. And that image scares the shit out of me, at least”. I must loose the colour on my face, that’s what Ridoc had meant, that Xaden could actually come by here. “It scares me too, when you put it like that.”

I’m struck with how little I know, and how much I’ve assumed, about the previous encounters with Xaden. I thought they’d only been on patrols. But maybe not. I need to see Imogen. “Do you know if any of the times I’ve met Xaden have been in there?”, I ask. “No clue, at least you haven’t told me. But looking at the state of that room won’t give you the answer, since it was where Xaden went, directly after the battle, for the ceremony in which I officially took over the title from him. And later that day, where I married you. And he wasn’t in his ‘happy place’, just barely managed to repeat some formal words and rage.”

I gasp. I can’t help thinking of Halden describing the bride, as in me, ‘crying in rider’s black’ during the ceremony. “Was Xaden there for the wedding?” I ask with bated breath. He looks sad at the memory, “No, but I think you chose the room to be able to be undisturbed by any of the distinguished guests, like Halden. And also, maybe, I’ve come to believe lately, hoped to the very end that Xaden would interrupt the ceremony, so you wanted to leave him free passage. Which he didn’t do, to everyone’s great surprise. Not that the little part of him that remains, has been able to give you any peace afterwards, though.”

I just see the scene in front of me and every part of me is permeated by sadness. It must have been the worst day of my life. And Bodhi’s. “This sounds awful.” Bodhi nods, gazing at the floor, “Yes, we weren’t happy, either of us, with how that particular day turned out”, he says with an emotion that’s difficult to read, and looks away.

I stop on the stairs and walk up a step, to stand close to him and be at eye level. I take his hand in mine, the one with my ring, which has been on my finger ever since I put it on to do my part in making a show for Halden, the green emerald shining. “We should do our own, new wedding with no dignitaries and all friends, in a place we chose together, sometime”, I say, and become very self conscious towards the end of that sentence, since I basically just asked him to remarry me, casually. I see him looking at me with a seriousness I was not expecting. “Would you be willing to do that? A new ceremony?” I nod, “Of course, it’s not like we’re not already married. So the step has already been taken officially. It would just be for us. We could have a party afterwards. What harm could it do?”

He smiles, but I see a flurry of emotions pass on his face, and he says, softly, eyes narrowing slightly as if he’s doubting what he’s about to say, “I asked you before, you know. When I gave you the box that contained the necklace you’re wearing, and you turned me down, so you tell me.” I am struck by his honesty. So that’s why the box had remained unopened and Andarna knew about it existing.

“Was that the last time we spoke before you met New Me on the flight field?” He looks a bit like it’s his turn to run away, as he answers, weighed down by the past, “It was. We argued, in fact, about you not choosing me and I, in my rejected state, questioned if you loved me.” He takes a break to look at me, rolling his eyes at himself, “So stupid and insecure! And you went out on patrol with Rhiannon. She came back, you didn’t and she wouldn’t say anything. Then I saw you on the flight field the next time.” He looks away. I clasp my hand to my mouth, this is just horrible.

I collect myself, then give him a kiss on the lips, we stand like that, regaining our balance together. “I can’t know what Past Me had to consider, but I don’t have reservations, being…yours. I’m sorry you had to loose me in the middle of an argument, regardless of what was said. I feel I don’t know anything about who I was then.” He looks out the window, “You were you, but the sorrow over loosing Xaden was palpable all the time, cutting away ‘the highs’ in life and plunging low in to the ‘lows’. Asking you to make a choice, was overstepping. Like you had to choose me over the memory of him as he was, which I’d never ask you to.” I consider what he says carefully. Having had the encounter with Xaden through dreams, Past Me could scarcely have had any hope of him ever coming back to who he was.

“Bodhi, sorry to ask, but how was I, in relation to you, then? Were we still us?” He takes a breath to find his footing then says, “Well, some parts of us were the same, some weren’t. Sorrow was like a veil around you. We did have a loving relationship, but laughing, like at the breakfast table this morning, or the fucking amazing things that happened after”, he shrugs his shoulders, “that just wouldn’t have happened with the wife I had a week ago. Not that we had it bad, far from it. You were more subdued. You gave me all the love you had left, and that was enough for me. We loved each other, but maybe with less…gusto.” I wrinkle my nose. “Yeah, I didn’t like that word either”, he says, moving on, “From your view point, you’ve never been further from the battle than three months, which is not a whole lot of time to heal.” He throws his hands out in frustration, but looks happy all the same. “I can’t believe I’m verbally defending Past You from Actual You. Next I’ll be convincing you not to re-marry me.”

What Bodhi tells me saddens me, but also confirms to me that I have indeed managed what probably was my intention with the memory removals: I’ve moved on.

I take a leap. “I would marry you again today if you wanted me to, if only to replace the memory of the first wedding ceremony. Not relishing a huge to-do, but not against the idea of a pretty dress.” His eyes are shining with emotion as he says: “You would choose to marry me? But you hardly know me!”, then he looks towards the ceiling saying in a frustrated whisper, “I told you I self sabotage.”

I look at him, with what I hope is kindness, not pity, because it feels like he is determined not to see his own worth. We’ll work on that, easily I think, since it’s basically staying with him and loving him. Two things I intend to continue to do anyway. I’ll not let him dissuade me, because of his own fear or feelings of inferiority. I lost my own inferiority complex, even though I was stuck with Cat, at her absolute worst, and with help from Xaden. And Bodhi, I recall, since he was the one keeping tabs on me for his cousin’s sake and I’ll wager, probably mostly mine as well.

I say to him, voice unwavering, “We have time, YOU take a while to land in this, but in case you don’t actually turn me down, this is happening, we’re having a do over wedding at some point.” I kiss him again. He looks so fucking stunned, that I add, “No running away, don’t overthink it.” Then I start to traipse down the stairs again, a swing in my step.

Did I just trip up the master of balance, because he’s looking kind of seasick.

Chapter Text

It took longer than I’d expected, but suddenly Bodhi comes running after me down the stairs. Stopping me, he swings me around, with a grip around my waist, and kisses me deeply, bending me backwards slightly, for us to lean against the stone bannister. I smile around his lips, happily receiving his somewhat surprising affections.

I hold my arms around his neck and he seems so filled with emotion. When he tilts me back up again, we still hold each other in a close embrace, our foreheads touching. He says softly, “I love you, and I find it incredibly thoughtful you wanting to change things, but the past is the past for me. It’s there.”

I must stiffen, and I am truly puzzled by the contrast between actions and words, because he removes himself from his attachment to me and takes a step away. As I look up at him, there’s just this big, beautiful grin on his face and he slides an arm around my waist. “We’ll definitely do that wedding, at whatever level you feel comfortable. And we’ll do it right. But not now, when we are just getting to know one another again. I don’t need you to proclaim anything to anyone but me, though I’m touched you would. I just want you and not have it end.” The word ‘again’ is left hanging in the air. But if he’s happy to go on with things the way they are, it must mean he truly believes that I choose to be with him.

As I sift through his words, I notice, it’s not a ‘no’, it’s a ‘not now’. He looks at me with some trepidation. I’ve never felt so un-jilted being on the receiving end of a ‘not now’, though. Probably since it’s clear, waiting is about his need for things to settle, not anything to do with me. Or at least, not Present Me. So I smile, a bit amused at his violent shifts of mood, assuring him I’m fine. “As I said, we’ll wait. We’re not in a hurry.”

I feel content at my own bravery, making a choice, regardless of how ready he is to believe it to be true. Rhi will be proud of me, and she might even squeak when she hears about redoing the wedding, in the way she only does when she gets to see her nephew. But she’ll have to wait for his head to catch up before I tell her. Just as I do.

We enter the library, hand in hand and as my friends clock us, they shout out happily, registering our closeness. And I guess, also very happy faces. I can’t describe the feeling I get, from knowing my friends are rooting for us. Can’t say I ever recall that level of enthusiasm from any of them, when it came to me and Xaden coupeling up.

A dozen or so of the scribe students, though, freeze up and some hush us loudly, looking rather angry. I notice a somewhat familiar, particularly sour faced scribe, pointing in our direction and talking to his friends, signing angrily.

“What the fuck did you do to piss off all the scribes?”, Ridoc says, raising his shoulders in a question to me and Bodhi, as we all walk out from the round library hall to our adopted, smaller and cosier reading room next door. Our eyes lock, then dart away from each other’s again. “Nothing”, we both say at the same time. Ridoc looks suspiciously between us. Jesinia walks by, slipping away from the other scribes, signing, “That’s not what I’ve heard”. Which makes us both look even more away from each other, in what I hope are opposite directions.

Bodhi clears his throat saying around a small laugh disguised as a cough, “I should really crack on, if I want to get done before tonight. Think I hear the ringing of your brother’s voice cursing me from here”, he adds in a lower voice, making a face of discomfort. “Have a safe patrol, darling, see you later.” He kisses me, and I blush, still thinking about our previous visit to the library. I call out after him, “By, love!” At which Rhi squeals and I look happy. Ridoc is sitting in his armchair, listlessly flipping the pages of some book eyes on me like lights, and obviously not reading. Instead he keeps looking at me, over the edge of said book, disgruntled, also obviously aware he’s missing out on ‘good stuff’.

As Bodhi becomes more distant, Ridoc says “Sooo. Is the duke, swaggering out of here like he literally owns the place, forgiven?”, “He is”, I say to the sound of everyone’s celebratory shouts (and a few hush’s from the room next door). I look at them all in order, Sawyer sits in the sofa again, Jesinia is clearly sneaking away on a break and stands at his side, hand on his shoulder. Rhi and I are standing in the opening to the hallway, our backs leaning on the door frame. “I want to thank you all for helping me, from the very beginning, to gain perspective and information I was really glad to have. That turned a fight into a conversation. Really helped us get on.” Refraining from giving any details, but I get the raised eyebrows from Ridoc. “I’m so happy we could help”, Rhi says, shooting off a glare in Ridoc’s direction.

“Thing is”, I add, “I’d love some more help if you’d be willing.” Everyone’s ear pricks and I go on. “Bodhi had some theories about runes or something on me, for how to explain why Xaden keeps being able to find me, in my dreams and maybe also elsewhere. And also why I can’t explain even to myself, why I went to that warded room that night.” At this Ridoc says, “Because it was weird, right?” I look at him intently, “Yes, and you were right, it’s dangerous. So we also have to find a way to get rid of that fucking ward.”

Sawyer takes the torch, and says, “This sounds like researching the first six again, let’s do it, right Squad?” He says turning to the others, who agree. Ridoc alone saying, “Sawyer, you can’t make Quest Squad happen again. It’s pathetic, actually. Just, either you were there or you weren’t, and those of us who were, get the patches. And have a special bond.”

Sawyer shouts at him on his way to get up, “I can’t hear you, so loud in here. It almost sounded like you were trying to find yet another excuse to harp on about a made up name for a group of people with no connection with each other what so ever.” Rhi cuts in, with, “Anyway, Vi and I are leaving, so have fun with researching together!” They protest, we leave, Jesinia sniggers.

Rhi takes my arm in hers and says, “So tell me. Things looked proper good between you. You seem so connected. And lovey-dovey, Love”, she teases me. I scrunch up my face in a smiling, embarrassed mess, saying in a small voice, “Well, I guess I’m really into dukes. What can I say.” She laughs heartily, “He is rather smitten too, walking you to the library, when he was going to the other side of Durran House. But is it feeling too fast, are you catching up?” I think about it. “It feels like every hour contains the same amount of new information and feelings as a normal week, but yeah, I think I am nearly caught up to some sort of normality.”

I think about Imogen, hoping that encounter won’t change what I just said. Rhi says, “That sounds better than could be expected!”, she exclaims, then adds, “What about your mood, overall? Totally get, there must be many ups and downs during a day, but still. You seem more at peace, if I dare say so.” I squeeze her hand, thankful to have such astute observers as my friends.

“Actually”, I tell her, apprehensively, watching her reaction, “I was thinking about what you said earlier, that my reason for doing the shorter memory swipes, might have been to help me recovering, to make head space to recover.” She nods in agreement, “Well, the thing is, that I kind of think I must have managed the worst stage. I have moved on. Or at least, I’m very much on my way to.” As I say it, still a doubtful part of me not wanting to release the words, I know it’s true.

“Because, thinking about my life here makes me only happy and excited. I don’t feel I’m supposed to be guilty or sad to compensate.” She looks at me with sympathy and love. “I’m here and I’ll help you move on. On is the only way.” I sigh, “The love I held for Xaden, is something I’ll have to cherish for the time it lasted, like a love lost or denied. But that doesn’t take away from the love I’ve found.” She looks so relieved and happy for me, I can see a shine in her eyes, as she stops, when we near the entrance to the flight field, and gives me a hug.

She then lets me go and says to me, with relief, “You have no idea how glad that makes me to hear. You deserve happiness and I just…like Ridoc said, we were worried about you surviving this, so this just makes it worth the agony.” I pat her arm. “I am sorry it took time, but I guess I’m back as, hopefully, a better friend now, too. Tell me all about your love life! And just give me a moment to adjust to new realities, and I’ll be able to chew down even hard truths this time”, I say with a bravado I’m not sure I really feel.

Rhi is silent a moment, then says, “Then can I say something friends aren’t supposed to say?” I look confused. “Sure! Have at me!” She looks a bit bothered but goes on with the same directness as I’ve always admired her for, unnecessarily flattening one of her short braids against the base of her neck. “By all means, remember the love you held for Xaden fondly, but as your very, dear friend, let me remind you about some parts of your relationship that you might also want to keep in that box of memories, lest you get too nostalgic.” Oh no.

She sits down on a rock by the entrance, and so do I. “I was worried for you in that relationship way before the venin-thing became known to me.” Point taken. I did not tell her until there was no other choice. “He had you lie for him. Massive, life threatening lies, multiple times. Xaden made you think you had to avoid me instead of leaning on me, and Ridoc and Sawyer. He made the space for the rest of us incredibly small and that limited your ability to question things, or particularly, him.” She pauses, to see if I’m going to protest. I think about it, but unfortunately, although I automatically look for so many explanations, I can’t say she is totally in the wrong.

“That’s not perfect boyfriend behaviour, bad circumstances or not.” I nod my head, sadly, thinking that was it. But she keeps going.

“He never made any effort to get to know us. Was barely civil, the few times we’ve spoken about anything not directly related to war or commands and…” I know that to be true as well, but how much more can I stomach hearing? “…he was controlling towards you and he made you cross so many lines for what’s okay in a relationship. In the beginning, he was threatening your life a couple of times and acted openly super jealous to the point of violence as well.” That’s the line. “No, he wasn’t aggressive, or what you’re insinuating! The other stuff was just because control was an issue as he became venin!” I argue back.

“You had his voice in your head all the time long before then!”, she insists, I slam back, “It was the same for him!”, she throws her arms up, “He was warding your room, unbeknownst to you, controlling who you could bring into your own bedroom, long before you were even a couple.” I shrug, “I was free to bring in anyone I wanted.” She gives me a hard look. “Oh really? You ever did that? And who’d you think dare approach you with the Slayer of the land’s former Crown Prince breathing down your neck?”

She gesticulates violently, eyes wide, “He used his friends, including your sweet husband, might I add, to spy on you, and rapport on you when he wasn’t around you himself. Which was at all other times!”, I scramble for word, trying to get out of this mess, “Also, out of concern for me, someone was trying to kill me.”

Her face falls and Rhi’s voice is all but a whisper, as she goes on, mercilessly, “His own darkness, dragged you down and you put his needs in front of your own, like how you almost never came with us on breaks to Chantara, or felt guilty if you did, or disappeared in the middle of parties”, that makes me angry, “That’s so unfair, Rhi! It was our dragons’ connection that made me not being able to go with you to Chantara. Also, he never forbade me to see you, I just wanted to be with him, it’s not his fault he was depressed.” She says, a pleading edge to her voice, “No, but he made you feel responsible for his mood! You were co-dependent.”

I am proper angry now. “I made my own fucking choices. If you want someone to blame, you’re looking at her!” She gives me a look saying ‘whatever you want to tell yourself’, then goes to attack again.

“He violated you, using his inntinnsic power on you, multiple times for his own selfish gains and didn’t even have the guts to tell you about it himself!” I counter, “He was really sorry when I found out.” I hear how lame that last one sounds. Rhi takes a deep breath. “You didn’t have anything I can think of in common except for sex and dragons. Are you sure it was love…and not control and passion? Could you see him giving his love to a child or even sharing your affections? I think that you need to question what you remember and what you choose to forget, if you are ever truly to move on.”

I am stunned. “You really didn’t like him at all? Why didn’t you tell me?” She looks angry, but frustrated, as though she is fighting on my side, not fighting with me. “I didn’t, because if I’d said anything, he’d found out somehow, and once again made you distance yourself from me. And then you wouldn’t have anyone not connected to him, who you could talk to. Or you would have felt betrayed by me, instead of seeing it as me, sticking up for your needs. Which I really, really am right now.” I am utterly silenced. What the fuck can I say to that.

She sobers up, takes a step towards me and says, “I say this out of concern for you, and only now that I know from several, first hand experiences, that whatever monster he is today, none of the good sides to Xaden are left. Only his obsession with you.” She swallows hard. “I also can’t risk going up in the air with you again, if Bodhi is right and you have some kind of homing beacon on you, and not have you know that there is no chance of reasoning with that vile being that has replaced the man you loved once.” I gasp, remembering the Xaden from my dream, I can see her fear for my sake.

“So no, I didn’t really care for him. He was not deserving of your affection, as a human, as far as I’m concerned. And I don’t accept you to become a shadow for him to wield again, Violet. At least as a venin, I feel I can help put a stop to that.” I can’t answer her, because I hate that I understand her. At the same time, as she’s totally misunderstood the whole of Xaden’s person, his positive parts severely overshadowed for her by, I must admit, more than a few, very unfortunate events.

I mumble to her, my teeth clenched shut, “Basically, I get it, I don’t agree, but I can see in hindsight how some things might not have appeared…great from outside. He was, however, a tender and loving man to me, when we were alone. And I did love him.” Rhi takes a breath, “Let’s leave it at that, shall we? He has been really nasty towards you as a venin, but I am glad to get this part out of the way. You come talk to me if you are prepared to challenge your beliefs.” I jolt back at her frank dismissal.

I see the dragons approaching and try to prepare myself to fly, preferably away from all these uncomfortable…opinions.

Chapter Text

Patrol along the border of Draithus proves to be uneventful, but my thoughts are far from peaceful. I’m livid thinking about what Rhi said, but I’m not sure I have a right to be, seeing as she proclaimed to have my best interests at heart.

Andarna has been flying beside me and Tairn, being eager to chat about the original situation when the box with the necklace was presented to me, since she apparently routed for Old Me to just accept an extra wedding in order to get to the gift. “The Annoying One is a good gift giver”, she adds, ”the dragon piece looks remarkably like an irid”. And I can agree that it does, now lying securely against my chest, under my flight jacket.

We are preparing to turn back, when Rhi signals through Feirge that she goes in for a landing along the steep edge that signals the beginning of the cliffs of Dralor. Tairn takes us down as well. I run up to Rhi as she dismounts. “Hey, what’s up?” I try to make my voice sound…not like it just did. Rhi looks really down, “I don’t like us fighting. I was going for supportive but tough, but then I just spiralled. Sorry. I do feel horrible about what happened to Xaden and I could have been more nuanced.”

I must look pretty dented as well, as I say, “You shouldn’t feel bad to speak your mind”. It doesn’t ring true. I trudge towards her, the short distance between us feels as though thick with brambles, but there’s nothing there. Our friendship is more important than my feelings at the moment. I take a breath and try again, and the words come easier. “I may not agree with you, but I can admit some things give me pause, seeing them in hindsight. But Xaden is in the past now, anyway. And rest assured, I have no death wish, nor do I ever intend to follow him to become a venin.”

She breathes in and says, “The first of the two times I had the un-pleasure of meeting him as a venin, you became so distraught from sadness that you more or less flung yourself off that cliff.” I gasp in shock, “I did? But why in Malek’s name would I do that?” She sobs, tears suddenly, openly streaming down her face. “I don’t know, maybe you knew Tairn would catch you, but that looked far from certain to me. Sadness, an immense misery lay about you. And he pressured you, saying all these horrible things, and then you ran. But Tairn caught you and carried you home. That’s the first time you demanded your mind was to be erased back all the way to the battle, this was three months ago.” I can hardly believe her, hardly believe I’d been that unhappy even.

“You burn deep for the ones you love”, as if she understand my thoughts, compassion on her face. “I didn’t want to upset you in front of the others, they don’t know the full extent of it, only me and Imogen do, since you convinced her to do the memory removal by telling her you couldn’t live on like that. Knowing he was out there and you couldn’t save him, all but killed you.” I wonder to myself what changed. “I don’t feel like that anymore, I am not going to die for him. Or any other person.” I consider my mother’s sacrifice and how that could just as well have been me. Or that time I saved Cat. When Xaden was so angry with me, as I was lying in the hospital bed.

I hear a sound and then a voice permeating my mental shields saying straight into my mind, a raspy voice, like it’s been frozen over. “I said I’ll keep you, and I’m here to claim you now. I’ll never let go of you, Violence. And you can never keep away from me long, the delay is pointless.” I pause a second, my mind catching up. Xaden. He must be close to be able to reach my mind. ”Rhi!” I absolutely scream, “get off the ground!”

“Silver One!” I hear Tairn’s voice cut through the raspy voice of the venin that used to be the love of my life, whose voice just sliced through my shield like a knife to paper. “We are coming!” I hear Andarna. Oh, no, they’ll be in danger. And I haven’t practiced control over my power enough since I resurfaced from the last memory removal. I don’t have my fucking conduit and find myself cursing Bodhi’s ability for making me forget how much I usually need it. And I also wish so bad he was here.

Rhi thinks fast and uses her power to retrieve daggers for us both from somewhere in our packs, and suddenly I’m very thankful to know she did not particularly care for Xaden as my former partner. Could I even kill him, as a soulless venin? I guess I’ll find out.

Xaden and Sgaeyl, the dragon a shell of its former self, the blue a subdued tone and deeply under his influence, since her movements lack the exactness I’ve come to expect, circle above us, I’m sure, to land. We have to get off the ground. Otherwise we are all alone. Rhi knows from Feirge, but I have to remember I need to tell her about what is going on in my mind. Or Tairn has to convey it.

Rhi looks resolute as she runs beside me towards our dragons. “He can use his mind power to talk to me, inside my head, even though our bond through the dragons is broken”, I pant. She looks shocked, but she says, running in long strides: “So now he is possibly a full blown inntinnsic, we count on that and everything else is a pleasant surprise. What the fuck does he want?” I respond, “Me. In my dream he pressured me to make me channel and he wants the dragons”, I pant. We can see our incoming dragons and we move as quickly as we can towards the edge of the cliff, where they can land and we can get a quick get away. But if he gets his hands on the earth before that, they, and we, are fucked.

Then my head is once more filled with Xaden’s venin, raspy voice again, slithering in like a cold snake and I can’t get it out. “Thought I’d come out to meet you, Violence. Just like last time. Will you come with me now? I can make the pain stop. You always choose me in the end.” I shout my response, through gritted teeth, so that Rhi can hear it as well, “You are not Xaden anymore, leave me alone or we will kill what’s left of you!”, giving her permission to do what’s necessary, as I sprint towards Tairn for a running mount. His saddle is on, but some of the straps are loose, so as I reach it and Tairn immediately takes off, I scramble to keep my seat.

In my head I hear amusement, as if he is delighted to hear my feeble threat. Then says in a singsong voice, with a gravelly, icy edge, making me think about the nightmare, “You are mine, Violence.” I scream at him, “I will never be yours again!” Xaden’s voice in my head whispers and the voice is clear as glass, piercing my shields as I slam them down, again and again “You can never replace us. You need me, your home. I am the only one who knows the true you, Violence. We can have that, and all the power to protect us.” My heart is breaking, for me, for the man I used to love. But we push on, tears streaming down my face.

Tairn and Feirge both take off before what’s left of Sgaeyl nears the ground, but Sgaeyl glides after us, making a sharp turn. I can see his red eyes and the anger on his distorted face as we fly out of their reach.

I see his shadows gather around them, still a way behind us. The shadows shoots out from him, like billowing smoke, black as night, to rob us of all light. The shadows edge closer, surrounding us, it’s like a black veil is being drawn across the light sky, plunging us in total, menacing darkness.

Tairn pressures himself to fly faster than the shadows snuffing out the light around us. Suddenly, we’re in the dark. I hope Rhi got further, because it feels like we were just swallowed. No sound permeates the blackness and I feel lightheaded. Tairn keeps pushing further, “Do you see anything, Tairn? To me it’s all black!” I shout down our bond, “The Dark One’s shadows are stronger than before. I see nothing but we do not die or stop for mere changes of sight conditions”, he bites back. But I can hear he’s working under pressure.

I reach out to Tairn again, “I want to try and scare them with the lightning, but what if I accidentally hit them?” I can feel sadness but also resolve stream through our bond, “They are not ours, no more then we are theirs to claim for their own. Aim true.” I reach for my power, wishing I’d had my conduit once more, making a mental note to ask Felix when he comes here. Because I’ll get home, I don’t intend on dying, and neither will Rhi. And I’m going to Bodhi, who needs me to come back, and whom I love.

“Warn Feirge to keep her distance”, I tell Tairn and can feel Andarna is already far from us, “we are not playing anymore.” And I reach for his power and from my hands stream a lightning bolt. As it cracks into being, I can see the red eyes of Xaden lit up with the gleam, as well as Sgaeyl’s scales. No hit. They are too close and I her the snap of a dragons jaw just above me.

“Dive!” I bellow at Tairn and he drags us deep down into the dark abyss. I don’t know up from down and feel suffocated by the blackness surrounding us, like if the shadows are trying to push down my throat. I’m going to faint. If I do, we don’t stand a chance to get through this.

Suddenly, I feel something against my chest. It’s warm and glows with a bright light, surrounding me and Tairn like a torch. “Andarna? Are you doing this? Is it an Irid thing?” I ask, but she answers, “No, it’s coming from the Annoying One’s present!” She is right, I claw at my flight jacket and there, from the little dragon, streams a bright, white and shining light. Too light to look directly into. “Is that them above us?” I ask Tairn. “Yes, those are the ones who were ours”, his voice an ominous thunder. The light fills me with renewed force and I reach again for my power and blast upward, where I can see the glint of scales, a reflection of our light.

My aim is off, for which I am sorrowfully grateful, but the lightning and the light surrounding us are effective, because it was close to them. I can breathe. In my mind I hear a sudden hiss of anger and then…nothing. No voice coming through the shield. The shadows are retracting and Tairn rushes forward like the wind, and leaves behind a black cloud of shadow that slowly retreats to its centre being. I don’t look back again.

I see Feirge and Andarna a long way off in the distance. We fly towards them and I don’t breathe calmly until the dragons sail in on the winds towards Aretia. As we fly over the temple of Amari, I say a quick ‘thank you’ to the goddess.

We land and the dragons take off. Rhi and I are lying on the ground for quite a while, exchanging information about what the other had just been through, and later make our way back and leave our reports.

“How are you feeling now?” Rhi asks, as we finally enter the main hallway. “I feel…oddly fine. Yes, it’s heartbreaking seeing them. Hearing the voice in my head. Yes I hate it. But I don’t see it as him, anymore then I would a shadow. And I will not let ghosts hinder me from living my life.” She gives my shoulder a hard grasp. Then we walk in silent thoughts, until she moans, “I’m off to get into a bath somewhere and I’ll see you later, maybe for dinner? Are you fine with me telling the others?”, I say, “That sounds good, will also do a bath. You tell them! I’m tired of secrets for today.” And then I walk up the stairs, my aching body screaming for hot water.

Bodhi isn’t back yet and I fill the bathtub in our bathing chamber dangerously close to the brim with steaming hot water. Also find a collection of nice smelling salts, oils etcetera, in a cupboard, that I dribble into the water. I hope he won’t mind me rummaging through his stuff. Or maybe they’re mine?

I undress, putting away my leathers, the jewellery and I let my whole body glide under the surface. It feels glorious, and just some water splashes out of the tub. I soak and let my hair fan out to float free in the water, amazed at how well I came through the ultimate test of seeing Xaden again. I am proud, even though it was a close call.

I feel so relaxed that I lean my head towards the edge of the tub. And I fall asleep.

Chapter Text

At first I dream of sinking through dark water, but then I emerge in the light. I have to blink a few times for my eyes to properly adjust. I am sitting at a writing desk in the middle of Brennans office, where the entire Senarium is gathered. Everyone is talking at the same time and I can’t make out any of the voices. No one seems to notice me. I look down at my tawny, brown hands, the simple gold band around my finger, making me think of Violet instead of…

What? Whose dream is this? Brennan wishes this was the size of his actual study.
As soon as I’ve recovered slightly, I separate myself as me, Violet, from the dreamer. I see him.

“Bodhi? He looks up from his writing desk. Then he gives me a sinful, crooked smile. “So this is either going to be a very good dream, or”, he almost growls out at me, “an entirely wicked one” And I loose all the thoughts that where just in my head.

He rises slowly from the desk, saying leisurely, with that dark voice, like swirling chocolate, “Here I thought I was about to be stressed, or naked, or unprepared. But then again, I guess I was spot on about the naked part.” I watch him walk slowly and purposefully towards me, the whole Senarium behind me still arguing fervently. I can make out king Tauri in the high seat.

Just as Bodhi reaches me, I stop him, a hand firm on his torso. I can’t say I’m unaffected by his intense presence here. He walked up to me so assuredly, no hesitation, no respectful deference to me, only a man alone in his own dream, coming to claim what’s his. So this is what he could also be like, when he’s sure of himself and of me, wanting him. He takes a shallow breath, looks puzzled, down at my hand, and I can see how he marvels at the feeling of me touching his chest. To him, the feeling on my touch seems to be all too solid and real to match the dream’s expectations.

“Bodhi, love, It’s actually me. I’m dream walking and I seem to have ended up in your dream. Sorry about that. Now who’s ‘signet swinging’?” I hear my voice, sounding so soft and embarrassed in contrast to his clarity. But then, I’m surprising him here, uninvited.

He looks at me in admiration. Then says, a twinkle in his eye, “Welcome to my dream, darling. This is, truly amazing. You are too.” He touches my face, and I can feel his caress like he was standing before me. “So how does this work, do I, the dreamer control the dream, or do you? Is anything possible?” I look at him stunned, but my lips draw to a playful smile, as he continues touching me, marvelling at the feeling. “I don’t know hardly anything about this signet. But I love how your mind going straight to experimentation.” He takes my hand in his, leaning towards me. “It’s not entirely selfless. As I said, this could potentially be the best dream we’ve ever had.” He kisses my fingers, one after the other. I guess his curiosity isn’t devoid of agenda.

“For example”, he says coyly, and moves to kissing my neck. “if I, the dreamer, should wish for your clothes to magically disappear, will they still stay on?” I nod, slowly, with a smile stretching from ear to ear, “I think so, unfortunately”. Then he pauses a moment. “What if I…” then suddenly he is all naked in front of me. He laughs in surprise, then takes it in stride, as I gasp with shock. He reaches for a rather large tome of a book lying on the desk behind him and places it strategically. It wasn’t the fastest reaction I’ve seen from him, but still. “So, that’s interesting”, he says, big smile on his face, no embarrassment visible in his voice. “Thought I’d spare your delicate sensibilities”, he says, gesturing to his book.

“Quite a big book you choose there”, I tease him, as I walk towards him, where he is now leaning against the desk. “One must be positive and I bet I could enhance that too in my dream. I don’t mind, I just want to see you satisfied and panting for more.” I step up to him, placing my hands against his naked chest, saying, clearly out of breath by excitement, “I wouldn’t change a thing about you, you are perfect to me. And very…satisfactory in every way.” I hear the book tumble to the floor and I sense his arousal. I reach down a hand to find the proof, slowly sliding my fingers over his long, hard cock.

Suddenly his eyes widen, and he says to himself, “Where the fuck am I sleeping?” Then he realises he’s still in my brother’s office and says “Oh, shit, Brennan is going to kill me!” Immediately, his expression changes to deep concern, “Are you asleep somewhere, by yourself?” I think about it, “Yes. And I’m actually sleeping in a bathtub, so I should probably go.”

Then everything goes dark as I’ve apparently left his dream and… I sputter out the water, having also just sunken beneath the surface. The water is rather cold now, so I gingerly step out of the bathtub and, disoriented, start searching for a towel. The door slams open with full force and Bodhi rushes in, clothed of course, and grabs a hold of my shoulders, panting and worried to say the least: “Violet, darling?”

Before I can answer, I hear my brother’s voice in the distance “Is it all right to come in?” “NO!”, we both shout in unison. Brennan responds in a huff, “Right, I guess I should just leave, then.” To which I respond, shouting, through the wall, “I’m fine! Thank you for checking on me!”

Then I grab a hold of Bodhi’s neck, hugging him tightly to me, “I thought I’d loose you”, he says into the side of my neck. My hand finds the back of his head and I dig my fingers into his thick hair, “I’m alright. I didn’t go into Xaden’s dreams, I found yours instead.” He grabs me tighter, his hands splayed open on my back, as if to feel all of me. His head on my shoulder is just a black mass of curls, like a cloud around me. I inhale his scent and it reassures me, I’m more than alright.

I suddenly remember I, in this actual reality, am the one who is very, very naked. And I may have chosen to be with this man, I may have just seen him in all his glory, but displaying my own body quite so freely in the reality, is rather a new thing.

I rise above it and tell him without delay, “Xaden found me and Rhi on patrol, but it went well, or rather… we are all right, every one of us”, he stiffens and searches my eyes. “You are feeling okay, though? Really?” I smile a small, but truthful smile to him, saying “Yes, surprisingly so. But I have more than a few questions for you.” He gives me a relieved smile back, “Same here.”

Then a wrinkle appears between his eyes, “Like, how the fuck does he find you out there, but not in your dreams this once? Was he just not asleep at the same time, because that could be it.” He takes a step out of my arms, not letting go of our eye contact, and obviously also aware of my highly unchosen nakedness at present, says, “I would like to look at you, I mean every part of your body, preferably now.” I frown with some confusion, saying, “Not that what just happened in your dream wasn’t, oh so hot, but I don’t know if now…” he stops me, waving his hands at me in dismissal. “Not in a sexual way, just to see if there is any mark visible. Would you be okay with that, or should I go get Imogen?” I raise my chin in sudden understanding, “You talk about searching me for runes.” Before I even have the chance to feel embarrassed, he says “And yes, oh so hot”, with a smile and a possible blush to his cheeks. “We-should-really-get-you-a-robe, if-I’m-to-keep-my-concentration-hot.” He raises his eyebrows meaningfully.

He grabs a big towel from a drawer and wraps me in it, saying “Sorry, you must be freezing…”, then he suddenly stops, as he takes my hand, and lifts it up towards his face, his voice menacingly low. “Where is your ring?”

If I didn’t know better, I’d say he was displaying a burgeoning jealousy of the kind I know from Xaden. But I see that the edge to his voice and his determination is only a sign of his focus having shifted abruptly. From me, to searching for the ring, and he says hastily, in explanation to his change in behaviour, “I think I’ve got him. So the ring, please?” I point to my bedside table. Then he kisses me on the cheek and carries me to the bed, wrapped up like a roll in my towel. “Bodhi, you’re being nonsensical, what are you doing?, I ask him bluntly. He stops to look me full in the face saying, “If I’m right about this, you’ll get all the fucking answers. Patience! And embrace the process.”

I decide to let him do his thing. He sits on the bed beside me and brings down one of the light balls floating in the ceiling for better light. Then says hurriedly, as he turns the ring over and looks at it from every single angle, “You see, when I asked Rhiannon, she said she couldn’t remember exactly what you wore the night you crashed at her place.” I cock my head, “She did mention you asked her some things.” He goes on looking at the ring, sceptically. “I don’t see anything out of the ordinary, except for the words I had put there myself”, then continues about his talk with Rhi, “Maybe she just wanted to protect your privacy, rightly so, since I didn’t particularly explain myself to her at the time, just burst in demanding answers.“

He continues turning the ring over in his hand, “But I bet, you probably didn’t get stuck in Xaden’s dream, the night you slept at Rhiannon’s, because you weren’t wearing your ring that night.” Now, I also, think he’s onto something.

“Imogen said you’d tossed away the ring when you woke up after the memory erase, at the flight field. I remember, because I’m a sentimental, over analytical, lovesick fool.” I smile at him, saying, “Then so am I, but you are right. I didn’t wear the ring the first night, at Rhi’s. And I did toss it, just a little.” I squeeze his hand, my own hand emerging from my towel roll.

He flashes me a quick smile, then hurriedly goes on, an edge to his voice, “But you have had the ring on your finger at every other time you’ve slept, since, correct? Exempting right now in the bath.” Before I can answer, he interrupts himself, “I swear this is not a controlling jealousy thing.”

I raise an eyebrow saying, “I’m already caught up with you. We’re soon going to search the ring better for runes because, I seem to be remembering seeing runes there, when I first saw the ring at the flight field.” He kisses me swiftly, “I love you, my logical scribe towel worm”.

He lowers the intensity a degree as we come into the particularly sensitive occasions, “Just to be thorough, once you fell asleep by the fire, when I woke up with my head in your lap, completely unintentionally of course”, he says with a shaking of the head in denial, but eyes shining with mirth. “Ring on?”

I nod, a bit offence taken at the worm reference, which made me self consciously pull down the part of the towel covering my neck. He draws it back up again, with a smile saying, “Don’t, you are so cute!”, clears his throat and continues, “Then you slept in the bed with me the rest of that night, ring presumably on?” I confirm with a nod, “But no matter, since my signet protected you.”

“Again, so sorry for not telling you the first night. And sorry to Tairn, but I have to say it again.” I interject, “Actually, Andarna likes you particularly, since you gave me such pretty jewellery.” He tilts his head and nods in approval, “Aw. She was always my favourite”, he adds a smile, “have to see if they make something her size.”

At this, Andarna gives off a feeling of unsettling expectation. Tairn grumbles, “The Annoying One is testing my patience. Speak directly to a dragon and suffer the consequences, but since it would inconvenience you and since he is appearing to be using his mind at present, I’ll give him some time to become less annoying until the next time we meet. Or I shall take it up with Cuir.” I tell him, shaking my head, “Don’t annoy Tairn. He says he’ll eat you.” Tairn huffs, “That was not what I said!” I counter, together with Andarna, “Not now!”

Bodhi looks at me, eyes gleaming with anticipation. “So my love, did you wear the ring on the night you had the nightmare in Xaden’s old room?” I look at him gleefully, “I certainly did.” He looks at me in amazement. Then says in deep disbelief, eyes wide, “Finally!” I can’t believe it. Can I really be free from this terror? Bodhi is jumping to his feet and walking around, telling me more in a quick succession of words, streaming out of him.

“You see, it all fits, that the two times you have lost all memories going back to the battle, you have not been having the dreams at first, because you’ve not been inclined to wear the ring.“

I smile at him, to reassure him, “The only thing I can add, about it, is I recall Imogen nearly giving up on me at the flight field, as I threw the ring away, because it wasn’t the first time that had been my initial reaction to learning about our marriage.”

As I see his surprise as he pieces together what I’m saying, I hasten to add, “My very first reaction was to throw it away, because I was shocked I was married. It had nothing to do with the person I was apparently married to. I would have thrown away the ring if it had been just about anyone else as well.” Bodhi looks at me saying, softly but without any accusatory tone in his voice, “Let’s be real, anyone but Xaden.”

Chapter Text

We sit on the bed together. Me, still wrapped in a white towel. Him, still wrapped up in the past.

Then he apparently changes course. He kisses my cheek, and lets his face stay close to mine, as he says in a sultry, slow voice, downright erotic, “You, my wonderful wife, now win the liberty to once more sleep however far away from me that your heart desires.” I laugh at him, saying in a teasing tone, “Really? Fancy a sleepover with Garrick so soon?” He laughs, but raises his eyebrows in unison, “Maybe I secretly do. He really is a big teddy bear of a man.” I laugh and almost forget I’m just wearing a towel. It is getting kind of loose around me. Like the conversation.

I press his hand, fixing up my towel, saying “Pretty neatly deduced about the ring, husband. What you’ll win is not scrutinising my naked body, looking for clues.” He looks at me with an exculpatory look, “I’ll have none of that, thank you! I was only going to do a thorough investigation in the name of science. Would not have enjoyed it, an obscene amount.” His eyes sparkle with pure wickedness as he says it.

He adds, not without conviction, “I never thought these words would pass my lips, but please, don’t ever wear that fucking wedding ring ever again.”

Bodhi throws himself back, on top of the bed, and groans with exasperation, “I really am the most skilled relationship saboteur there is. Can’t even insist on you, the woman I love, wearing your own wedding band, without me inadvertently putting you directly in harms way.” He covers his face with his hands.

I lay down beside him, peeling away his fingers, one by one. Then I kiss him. “You couldn’t have known.” He raises one eyebrow, saying, “I should have. I consider myself moderately clever. At least.” A pause follows, “feel free to agree, I made a pause especially”, he then adds. I look at him, smiling, “You don’t need me to tell you you’re clever”, I tell him. He ruffles my hair, and smiles wryly, “Maybe not. But it’s nice to know you didn’t actively disagree with that bold statement at least.”

He then, knits his eyebrows, looking at the ring in my open hand. “Ghastly, clunky piece of jewellery anyway. Not like you at all. Should have suspected it to be evil from the start, but no, it was all ‘honour of Tyrrendor’ at that moment. I’ll find you a better one. This time on my fucking own.” The last part came out kind of strong.

Then he looks at me, as if incidentally remembering himself and flinches. “I didn’t really mean that like it sounded. You are, of course, the one to wear it and choose. No intention of being a possessive ass or make this a cock fight with Xaden type of thing.” He swallows uncomfortably, somehow choosing to keep going, “Of course we’ll go find something together, that you like. No, that you love! But I get to buy it for you, fuck knows whose money that is anyway. Even though I respect you and all women. And I have ideas for the actual ring. If you want to hear them.” Then he looks at me, again. I’m just looking at him, with pity and a smile, he swats at his own hand. “I’m done trying to crawl out of the verbal mess I got into here, just put me out of my misery and change the subject. Also, I’m pretty sure Cuir just switched off our connection, and that’s not usually good.” He trails off.

I shake my head slowly, smiling to him, “Easy, you’re not tangled up. You get me the ring you want me to have. I’ll wear it. That’s how I want it, you have excellent taste according to Andarna and Rhi, and I will not have to pretend to know anything about jewellery.” He looks happy and supremely proud, “Really? I’ll get you something nice. Something you.”

I gather that he, although thrilled to have a piece of the mystery of the dreams solved, really has some lingering uncertainty about him. “Love”, I say, “just in case you were planning on thinking a lot about every little turn of events and maybe assume all the blame”, he looks at me like I just read his mind. “Don’t. That’s all.” He gives me a curious face, but doesn’t contradict me.

I take up the ring, looking at it closely. Really strange there are no markings where I saw them. “Do you think the runes could be sensitive to heightened emotion and only visible then? I was quite agitated at the time I saw the runes on the flight field.” He raises his head, academic interest getting the better of him, “That’s a thought. I’ve read about runes that disappear and reappear, but it’s mostly related to temperature.”

I nudge his leg, “I asked you about the inscriptions in the ring, and you said you had made them and meant every word of it, or something like that. I didn’t really see the runes as a separate thing.” He huffs, covering his face with a pillow, lying back on the bed. “I’m not listening anymore, it’s too obvious in hindsight!”

I suddenly realise, this raises even more questions. I lean back on the bed, removing his pillow of shame, asking, “When you told me, the first day, sitting right here on this bed, that you could go and sleep at Garrick’s for a few days. What in Zihnal’s name was that? What would you have done if I’d said ‘yes’, without knowing I might end up trapped in nightmares?”

He looks found out, but not particularly bothered by it. “Well, you weren’t going to say no to sleeping in the same room with me, with Halden here, really?” I swat him with the pillow. He goes, “Hey, you are disturbingly attached to those pillows, love.” Then he protects his face with his hands, saying, “Honestly, I banked on you doing absolutely everything it took to convince everyone of our marriage being real, to protect Tyrrendor. And I really wanted you to come into my bed of your own volition, at least to some extent, selfishly as it may be. Just, not only because you had to protect yourself. And at least, by that, I know you made some sort of choice. You know, I’m an old fashioned romantic.”

I gasp in outrage. “Definitely not, more like a scheming fox.” He fires off a sly smile, “You sleeping at Rhi’s the first night was a definite set back. And I was rather surprised you’d not had any dreams that night. Also indelicately hoped that a bad dream would have at least helped in driving you safely to my bed, knowing that Rhi would wake you up, if you were ever in any real distress. But that bothered me of course.”

I exclaim, “As well it should! She had patrol, so I slept alone most of the night. Some puppet master you are.” His jaw is dropped, somewhere on the floor. “Oh, bless Zihnal, that was a miscalculation.” He looks distraught. I mumble, “I’d say!”and whack his dumbfounded face with a pillow the size of Tairn’s claws.

He catches my arm and tucks me close to him, hugging me from behind and keeping me locked in a tight grip. He puts his head next to mine and whispers “It’s very daring indeed to enter into a, thus far one sided, pillow fight, wearing only a tiny little towel, don’t you think? I will get you back for this. Might be today that reality will reflect my dream and not the other way around”, he finishes with tugging lightly at the back of the towel, making it slightly open in front. “Fine! It’s a truce, I suppose”, I say, clamping the towel around me, totally having forgotten about wearing only said towel.

I sit up once more and keep his hand in mine, and draw a breath, “Speaking of dreams, I was the one violating your dream today, with my signet. I’m sorry I just barged in mentally like that.” He sits up with me and looks at me with a wry smile. “I don’t see it like that. Not at all. I’m honoured you chose to come to my dream. And I was really curious of what could have happened, had we been able to stick around. Maybe tonight.” He raises his eyebrows meaningfully.

“No, I really have to find some sort of control where it comes to this, at least… learning how to knock first.” He looks at me with kind, warm eyes. “Don’t make it weird for you. If I get to see you in the night as well as the day, I’ll be twice as happy. I felt chosen, don’t you see? You being drawn into my dream for a change, felt…empowering.” For a change from being drawn to Xaden’s dreams, I fill in, in my head. I give him a hesitant smile. There’s no winning this. But I know I have to find that control, for me as well as for everybody else’s privacy.

“I’ll tell you what would be weird, though”, he says, “if you were to enter that strange dream I sometimes get, where I have all these magical beings who all really live inside my head. That might be the one thing to break your love for me forever.” I laugh, “I’m sure it wouldn’t. But yes, that’s my point. I have to learn control.”

His face suddenly drains from colour, “What if I accidentally dream of having sex with somebody else? Oh, I’ll probably do that now, since I’ve thought about it! Probably Garrick, since we talked about me sleeping there”, he looks guilty and chocked one after the other, then grabbing his hair with both hands, as if to will his mind to shut up. “Trying really hard not to automatically think up the very worst people or situations I can accidentally dream of.” Then he says, more to himself, with some disdain, “That dream just writes itself as I speak, doesn’t it.”

Then he forcefully calms himself, closes his eyes for a second and says, a forced, winning smile on his face. “Maybe some minor control, a knocking if you will, wouldn’t be so bad for you to know, after all.” I nod in lamenting agreement and pat his hair gently. “Sorry, I’m a signet mess!” I then say with a crooked smile.

“You are not a mess, you are extraordinary.” He says, putting his hands around my face. “But I am. I try hard to cover up most of my crazy all day long, but at night, it really comes out to play.” I kiss him on the cheek, “I will begin practicing immediately. And for the record the only dream version of you I’ve met, was not crazy, he was downright dreamy.” I smile knowingly. “I’m flattered you prefer me…the way I am”, he says. He looks like he’s about to say something else, but stops himself. I raise an eyebrow, “What was that?” He looks anything but innocent. “Nothing. Just looking forward to hearing that little tap on my dream door.” I think, though I’m not saying, that I would probably recognise some of his magical head sharing friends, if I met them. His thoughts are often so openly shared with me anyway.

He looks at me. “It’s a fantastic ability you have, and shouldn’t just be joked around with. I mean, if I dream about seeing my mom again, you could meet her. Sort of. As I remember her, at least, I guess.” I think about it, it sounds plausible and impossible. “That would be really amazing.” I say, “I’ve never thought about the positive aspects like that. Only as a potential weapon.”

Then I continue, “And thinking of weapons, what kind of heavy magic have you inbued my lovely necklace with?”

He looks totally lost, and sits up straight. “I have no idea what you are talking about. I haven’t done anything to it. It’s just a, I grant you, very personally important, necklace.” I say sharply, “Well it did something, because it basically saved me from being suffocated by Xaden’s shadows today”.

Bodhi raises his arms, “You told me you were alright! This”, he gesticulates at me, “is not what alright means! ‘Alright’ is: ‘I just saw Xaden pass in the distance but Tairn outflew him, so there was no interaction and then I took a bath’”, he says in a raised voice, also higher, probably meant to mimic mine. I shrug apologetically, “I told you I’d encountered him the moment I saw you. And Rhi said she’d take a bath, so…” He laughs shortly, frustrated with me, I can tell, “If Rhi jumped off a cliff, would you?” I decide not to mention it appears I just might have done that, exactly, and by my own volition. Instead I say, “Well, I’ll tell you now if you’re quite done.” He sighs, and smiles a tight lipped smile, obviously more a physical means to stop talking, and says, “By all means. Go ahead.”

I draw a breath, “Xaden produced a darkness around us so thick even my lightning wasn’t enough to dispel the shadows much. I felt like I was suffocating. Nearly fainted, actually. And then it saved us, by glowing something fierce. Just white light surrounding me and Tairn, like a bubble. Come to think about it, a bit like that misty light that happened when you blocked my lightning from striking Halden.” I stop myself.

We both look at each other, he mumbles “Am I developing a second signet?” I look at him, a smile blooming on my face. “I believe you are, love. And it’s fucking mind blowingly beautiful.”

Chapter Text

Bodhi sits up, straight in the bed, still talking to Cuir. It’s been going on for a while, and I start to fiddle with the tea heating equipment. I’m still in my towel, which I’ve tied neatly around me, like a dress. I don’t feel at all uncomfortable like this. In fact, I notice him looking at me, from time to time. And that effect I like. Pretty far from the point of fully naked. Maybe on very special occasions.

I’ve managed a good boil this time, the kettle whistles merrily as I smell the different tea leaves mixed together and kept in colourful metal jars in the open cupboard. I find one high up that smells like him. Not fruity, not sweet, slightly burnt like all of us riders, smoky and with a low caramel note, like, chocolate and rich citrus. This tea and my man share some traits. I take the jar and careful tip on my toes to where he sits on the bed, not to disturb his and Cuir’s conversation. I find his eyes easily and tilt the open jar in his direction and stick it under his nose for him to smell. He looks up at me, from under his dark, curly locks and gives me a nod, a wink and a lingering smile, still deep in dragon conversation. As I walk towards the tea equipment, I can feel him watching me. I finish the tea, making a pot for both of us, and bringing it to the bedside tables.

Then I sit down by his side, tucking my legs in under me, in my makeshift towel dress, blowing on my tea. Way too hot still, so I set the cup down on his side table. When I do, I come to notice the book from Tecarus still on the floor and pick it up. Looks old enough to be interesting, not one I’ve read myself. I rifle through a couple of pages. Something about the Isles, particularly Follorinia moths, pops out at me. The Deverelli bug that lights up as it feeds from honeycomb, the bugs placed in glass orbs and used for lighting.

That’s how Tairn and I felt in the dark, like a rising star, shining our way out of the darkness. “Light wielder”, Tairn supplies. Of course he must be, makes all the sense. I look at Bodhi, he looks all but finished with Cuir, taking a deep swig of his tea. Then he makes a face. Yeah, that must have been too hot for comfort.

He turns to me, lays a hand on my knee. “Someone has mastered the teapot I noticed” he says as he lets his hand glide up towards my thigh. “Is this okay? You tell me if you prefer your space and your book”, he says, clearly aware I’m still only dressed in a towel. “I want you, not space. Get over here, but also tell me about your signet”, I say and reach for him as well. He smiles and puts an arm around me, sitting next to me and I lean on his shoulder.

“So.” He says. “Guess I am officially also the holder of two signets”, I look up at him, “Yes, you are now also Light Wielder, I’ve come to understand.” He looks at me in astonishment, “I’m a what?”, I touch his forehead “I won’t ask what you and Cuir had to talk about all that time, but to Tairn, you are now called Light Wielder, so I guess that is your new signet. Though I’ve never heard about that one before. Have you?” he shakes his head in confusion. “I…never thought I had one, because I wasn’t…chosen in that way. But now it seems I do, but why? What need is it I am supposed to fill?”

Tairn says in my mind, “He will take the kills we cannot.” I gasp. Bodhi gives me a searching gaze. I decide to tell him, the way I can, “Tairn reckons it’s to counter Xaden’s growing powers. He does have a point, it’s rather like a fairytale. Dark versus light, and all that.” My voice dies out and he is deep in thought for a moment. Now he has truly become the balance. I stroke his arm, with his relic, trailing down from his shoulder. “But how could it protect me when you weren’t even aware of me being in danger?” He touches the necklace that has returned to its place around my neck, turning the little dragon and pointing at the text, “I don’t really know, but me and Cuir reckon I somehow stored a part of my power in the necklace, imbued it if you will, and it released when it reacted to your distress. The same theory as you thought up, regarding the ring’s runes reacting to strong feelings.”

I stretch upwards, needing to be closer to him, placing a hand on his cheek, “Your power is like the star in your book, Bodhi. Your shine was so clear and brilliant, it’s insane to think you could do that unaware, from a distance. Think what you can do with training.” He says softly, “I have no idea if I could even do that imbuing thing again. But thank you.”

Bodhi slides me up into his lap, facing him. “I aught to know exactly why it came now. My need is to help you be able to live your fucking life. That’s why I’ve been granted the second signet.” His eyes suddenly darken. “I’ll cross bridges that might entail when I come to them.” Then, the light returns and says this with resolve. “Right now, I’m just going to explore this precious gift, and I’m truly thankful it gave me a way to help you today. I firmly believe it’s love related, because there is no logical explanation.” I blush at his words, which he sees and touches my cheek gently with his thumb.

I say to him, as open and honest as I can, without hurting his feelings. “Love. You don’t always seem to know how amazing you are. And you seldom get to hear it, I’ve noticed. Maybe this will be a redeeming light for you as well, giving the power you have inside you a less subtle outlet. Forcing people to see you. And how you glow.” He looks at me, a mixture of emotions trading places, saying softly, “Thank you.” I shrug, “No need, you should expect me to build you up. And I say it because I mean it.”

I am suddenly reminded of the self assured and assertive side of him I saw in his dream. Of course, I know he’s been excelling at having leader positions, like section leader, where many people have both valued him and admired him. And now he is Duke of Tyrrendor, with all that entails. But he has always been compared to Xaden, standing in his shadow. And this might just change everything for him. He is so deserving to be seen for his own brilliance.

I can see the cogs still moving in his head, as I tilt my head down to kiss him. The crooked smile on his lips as I release his him from the kiss, makes me instantly return for more. I kiss him passionately, my hands on his face, my hips pressing towards him as I feel everything, just his leather pants separating my delicate, naked intimate parts from him. I move my hand over his chest, his arms and his neck, and I feel like it’s been ages since I have had the opportunity to touch him.

I feel his hands grab a greedy hold of my naked ass, hear him murmur a deep, reverberated sound of pleasure at the feel of me, mouth still on mine. He takes a shaky breath as he kneads my buttocks. Then he smacks me, not so lightly either, on one ass cheek, making me gasp from the smarting pain and then moan low with delight. That was…new.

He whispers in my ear, in his dark, sensual voice, that would probably make me do almost anything he asked, “Told you I’d get you back for the pillows.” I stop kissing him, and bend back to scowl at him, although with a slight twinkle in my eye. I…thoroughly enjoyed that and I can feel a swelling in my nether regions indicating that my whole body agrees. I’m a little embarrassed at liking it. He looks, sure of himself, I don’t see any searching insecurity in his eyes. He stands by his bold move. “You’re blushing”, he says, slowly running a finger across my cheekbone. “Don’t overthink it, just feel it for a moment”, he says lowly. Then strokes a hand over my ass, just at the place he just spanked me. The caress feels so good, so gentle and soothes my skin in a wondrous way, like I’m feeling more here than anywhere else on my body ever could. I shiver and sigh in laying my upper body down on his chest as he keeps stroking me. “Did you enjoy that?”, he asks, still in his relaxed, dark tone. What even can I answer, when everything will sound so wrong. Even a ‘yes’ would be too many words and not enough at the moment. So I raise myself up to sitting again, he moans lowly with the motion and I can clearly feel why. His dick is so hard I can see the shape fighting the leather of his pants. Looks positively painful. I take his hand, and slowly lead him towards the end of the towel, and put his hand on my pussy, as I say “You guess if I enjoyed it”. He looks like he’s fighting a loosing battle with patience. He swivels his fingers around my entrance for a moment and then plunges in a finger in what I can only guess, is an entirely wet and ready, me. He gives me an evil grin, as he slowly chuckles to himself. “I’m guessing I’m doing that again. But not now. The anticipation is killing me.”

He removes my towel excruciatingly slow, tugging at the folded part just above the top of my breasts. And soon, my breasts are bare and so is the rest of my body, still sitting on top of him. Him fully clothed. His eyes are roaming all over me. “It’s been the sweetest torture of my day, having you waft about the place, wearing that tiny towel.” I smile at him, “I noticed you looking at me”, I finally found my own words.

They seem to unlock something in him, because there is no more waiting. He touches my breasts, gently letting his fingers brush all over their roundness. Kissing my nipples, biting them gently, making my core pound for him. As he lets his lips, teeth and tongue roam over me, I lean my head back in delight, and he licks my neck. That unleashes something in me as well, and I hear myself moan at his treatment.

He buries his face between my breasts, kissing, sucking and licking at my nipples, which have gone stiff as nails, meeting the somewhat chilly air. Between kisses on my neck he says, “When you got the tea”, pause for kissing, “from that high shelf”, another kiss, “in the cupboard”, I gasp, another kiss, “your towel rose up”, a long, sucking kiss with teeth in it, “your ass cheeks showed and I almost lost it.”

I grab at his clothed chest with some frustration, go on to kissing his neck, biting his earlobes. He throws off his shirt and I can feel a heat radiating from his chest. “Is your new signet… acting up?” I ask him. In the middle of his chest, where the swirling relic’s patterns converge, I can see a soft shine, as though there is light inside him bursting to be set free. He takes a deep breath, “Fortunately I’ve still got the other signet as well. Thank Amari. Or is this just me, reacting to seeing all of you, out of that towel, finally?” I smirk. “I might be wearing nothing for bed tonight, who knows”, I say, baiting him.

I want him so bad my need has become an ache. I rock purposefully towards him, making him hiss, and say “In case you actually like your pants, I would remove them.” He must really like his pants, because they are gone in a heartbeat. I take in the full picture of him, leaning his back on the head board my again sitting on top of him, his relic covering his upper body and left arm swirling like silver bands over his sculpted torso. He touches himself, looking at me, looking at him and I mirror the movement. Then, without words, only sounds of pleasure from us both, I guide his cock inside me, taking him deep in me, in one, agonisingly slow movement. He gasps, I moan, his hands have free leeway touching me all over, and he takes the opportunity seriously. I start out slow, but then pick up the pace significantly, riding him like it’s a race.

As I ride him, he reaches for my clit, making every time I slam my body down on his cock, also increase the friction on me. I feel an orgasm closing in and I loose my focus on the rhythm as I get closer, but he takes the reins by taking a firm grip over my hips, and thrusting into me. That puts me over the edge and I tumble into my orgasm, almost blacking out in the process. The pleasure fills my every breath and thought, and I think I must scream out my desire.

As I open my eyes I can feel he too is close and in the faster movements and thrusts, I just have time to think that he must have taken care of my signet, without me even thinking about it, because I don’t feel the energy’s need to she dispelled or thunder amassing, even though I just had a glorious, world shattering orgasm. He pants and I suddenly think about those little moments of lack of his control of his dampening my ability, that have seemed to coincide with him coming. I come as far as saying “Bodhi…”, and then he comes into me, pumping into me, heightening my own pleasure again.

As he does, there is a white, blindingly strong light erupting around us and the rumble from thunder. Then a lightning strikes, just outside our window and…it wasn’t one of mine. As the light dims, I open my eyes fully, from the slits I’d been peeking through before. Bodhi does the same, meeting my gaze, saying in a shocked voice, “What the fuck was that? It almost felt like I…” I interrupt him, “I think you did. That wasn’t my lightning. I think you slipped in your concentration of your countering signet and had somehow absorbed my power, using it as your own. That and your light wielding sort of took off as well.”

He lifts me, helping me more or less gracefully slide off him, to lie down at his side. “I, have some training to do. Suddenly very happy about the Assembly arriving tomorrow.” I see where he’s going, “Yes, I guess Felix will have to make two conduits now. Or training will have to begin and be intense, because I for one would rather hate to see a long time passing between this and our next intimate moment.” He smiles, “Really, already? I just gave you my all, love. Give me ten minutes.” I laugh, “Ten? Seriously doubt that. And I need sustenance again, let’s get ready to go eat something.” Then I kiss him and almost don’t make it ten.

Chapter Text

We lie in bed, under the same sheet, our faces close to one another, sharing the same air. Bodhi’s eyes are closed, he looks to be blissfully worn out, so to speak. I ask him in a whisper, “So, schemer, did you purposefully place the tea you like on the highest shelf to see my naked ass peek out under the towel today?” He smiles so deliciously filthy and opens his eyes to a slit, as he replies, “No, love, I might be a bit of a planner, but I’m not a mind reader. Didn’t know your preferred at-home-attire meant no underwear. No complaints. But now that I know, I’ll place the tea even higher.” I pinch his arm, he looks too content, “Schemer”, I say. “Planner”, he rebuts. “Might install a ladder if you’re really good.” I laugh and then stop myself, “Actually, I might find use for a stepping ladder. Why must all riders be so tall?” He muses in my ear, “You and Tairn show everyone, that being tall really is not a necessity for being a great rider.”

I feel the curiosity rise of this beautiful, lustful joy between us, so I ask, my voice a breath, “Have you ever spanked me before?” He replies so curiously short with a, “Yes”, and a smile that makes me compelled to ask more, still in a whisper but definitely more insistent, “Was it more than now?” the answer is just as enigmatic “Definitely.” And that makes my core spring awake with a jolt. “Did I like it?” He’s quiet for a while, in thought. Then he answers slowly, savouring every word, “You said, it was the best night of your life, the first time. Point of great personal pride of course. I’ll be at your disposal, should you find yourself curious. Just say the word.” He raises an eyebrow. I look at him, eyes full of disbelief and wonder. Oh my.

Later, we take turns to go wash up, and then are about to change for dinner. I go behind my screen to change, but it feels odd, which shouldn’t be necessary after the closeness we’ve just shared. As I get into some pants and decide between lacing on my dragon scale corset or not, Bodhi is shaving in the bathing chamber. I knock on the door, which he left slightly ajar.

“You can come in”, he answers directly. I stick my head in. “It’s okay, I don’t bite unless I’m really famished”, I squirm, wearing only pants and nothing on top feels strangely undressed. “It’s alright, I’ll stay here”, I say as I peek in, “just a quick question. What do I wear? Where are we eating, in the canteen? We’ve had exactly zero normal dinners together yet.”

A rather big mirror hangs in the bathing chamber, and there is a tall, narrow window, although the light now comes from one of the balls glowing by lesser magic. The vision of him standing shirtless, looking intently into the mirror holding the razor, slightly bent forwards and mid shave is…basically, I could just stand here and be content looking at him and skip dinner. It also feels deeply personal.

He sounds amused as he answers, meeting my gaze in the image of the mirror, “Yes, how will we manage without Halden’s kind demands? We have the canteen open for everyone, but sometimes we, I guess, prefer having dinner in a smallish hall, with a couple of friends. Why don’t we do the latter? And wear what you like. Maybe just add a top?”

I dodge out of the room, smiling at my own shyness, what is the difference, just when does one become entirely comfortable together? I decide to, bravely from outside the room, ask him, “Should I wear my corset?” And how are you so cool with just…existing together with me like this? Were you always this relaxed when we’re in private?” No sound, then suddenly the door opens. His shaving is visible not completed, since there is still some white, foamy soap left on one side of his chin. Bodhi smiles at me, squeezes past me while lightly gripping my upper arms and gets a chair. Then he walks back to the bathroom, chair in one hand, my hand in the other. “Come on, don’t be skittish and let me help you. It’s just me.” I trudge in after him, feeling like an intruder.

He folds out the chair with a firm shake, places it next to the mirror. I have my arms folded across my bare chest, not feeling particularly open to changing that stance. He gets a robe from a the drawer of towels, holds it out, turned against the wall without the mirror and says, “Please get into this for a moment. I want you to be comfortable around me and I won’t force that to happen. You step back, I will follow your lead.” I move to slide into the robe. “Too much full frontal nakedness today?”, he asks, insistent, but not concerned look on his face. I sigh, feeling inadequate to explain, trying anyway, “I… don’t know. I need to think.” He sits me down on the chair, leading me by my shoulders, soon as I’m wrapped up in my robe. It smells like me, it’s obviously mine. “Do you feel like running right now?” I consider it. “No, I just don’t know how to behave. How to be comfortable. I envy you l your suave homeyness with me.”

He laughs, making the laugh wrinkles at the corners of his eyes appear. “I’m not suave. I will tell Garrick you said that, though. Let’s take this one piece at a time.” As he talks, and keeps on shaving, he looks every now and then at me, directly, no mirror between. “No, you don’t usually wear your corset outside of patrol here. But feel free to wear it if you want to. If anything would be a safety risk for you in this place, we’d make it go away. Exempting that fucking room with the ward. It’s your home, strange as that may be. ” I nod, “Okay, I’ll grab a top of some sort.” He searches my eyes, “How about you go out to the room and change into that top while I stay in here, and then you come back in when you’ve had a moment to yourself and keep me company while I finish shaving? If you like.” I nod again, then I go out of the room, and get myself dressed, in peace. Why does the changing moment somehow accentuate the strange newness of my situation? I love him, I want to be near him, but changing clothes is…a challenge?

When I return to the bathing chamber I walk in, and sit on the chair, and look at him with his shaving things in motion. I can breathe easier. “Two steps forward, one step back”, I say with a disappointed sigh. He continues shaving and answers, taking a quick break, looking into my eyes, “More like a hundred steps forward, love. Give yourself some space to breathe, and if I don’t, tell me. It’s a lot to expect, to have a level of comfort around each other that took months to develop on my part. And I’ve done it twice. And no, I was not comfortable around you in the beginning. Oh, my gods, you should have seen me.” I smile shyly, “Tell me about that.” He gives a small embarrassed laugh, “Yeah, what a lovely subject. The awkwardness of me. While standing in front of a mirror.” He gets a towel, drying his face. He really has the most beautiful smile.

I hear a knock on the door, Bodhi raises his eyebrows in relief, “Saved by the proverbial bell! Would you open to see who it is while I grab a shirt?” Can hardly say no, even though I was really looking forward to changing the conversation on awkwardness to a different object. “Sure, of course”, I say and stand up. He puts a hand on the small of my back as I walk towards the door. His touch makes me question ever feeling awkward and I turn on my heel, facing him. “Hey, I don’t regret anything, just so that’s crystal clear.” He nods, “Didn’t think you did. I’m beginning to see some reoccurring themes.” I frown. He pinches my nose and gives me a half smile. Then says in matter of fact tone, “We aren’t in any rush. I follow your lead, no pressure. If I push you inadvertently, you tell me to shut up.”

I smile grimly, “What if I don’t come around? Lifelong awkwardness?” He shrugs, “Then you don’t. We’ll get an extra bathing chamber installed, a dressing room, a bed chamber, a castle. But for now, just don’t make yourself play a role or do anything you don’t feel like doing. Or tell me if you get stuck and I’ll help. Now, the door?” The banging on the door continues. I am yanked out of my thoughts, and continue towards the door, as he walks towards the armoire.

As I open the door my pulse races. Garrick is standing outside, looking bored “Have you guys stopped coming downstairs? I met Sawyer on my way here, he was talking hysterically about important research for quest squad, and I thought I’d come see what’s up.” Damn, I haven’t told the others about what we’ve found out about the ring. Sincerely hope they haven’t done too much research on runes yet.

Garrick looks into our room over my shoulder, seeing the floor littered with pillows he wrinkles his nose going, “I’m not coming in here, it will smell like sex.” And the awkwardness just keeps on giving. I just cross my arms and try to read if that tone was judgemental of me or just a friendly, albeit crude, joke.

Bodhi hurries up to my side, hair still a bit wet and extra curly, but fully dressed, saying jovially, “Garrick, my FRIEND, don’t be an ass. But, let’s leave this place, we were on our way to go down anyway.” Garrick shakes his head and smiles, “Bet you were”, making Bodhi whack him, kind of hard, around the ear. Garrick laughs, but it’s obvious that it’s not malicious, which makes me relax, somewhat.

“In fact”, Bodhi says, in Garrick’s direction, putting his arm around my shoulders, “why don’t I leave it to you, to answer Violet’s question, that I myself was spared due to someone knocking?” Garrick looks at me, with astonishment, “You asked this idiot a question he wouldn’t gladly answer in up to five thousand words or a fast quip? Good job. Let’s hear it, Vi.”

I try finding my bearings, Garrick doesn’t make it hard, walking leisurely on my other side. “Yeah, thanks for that, Bodhi”, I say, not prepared to use ‘love’ with Bodhi until I know exactly where Garrick stands in all this, not to cause offence. I also glare at Bodhi, who smiles amicable back at me, as I continue talking in Garrick’s direction, “I just asked Bodhi, my memory being as you’ve heard, somewhat altered”, Garrick makes a sympathetic and knowing face, “how he acted around me, the first months of us being a couple, particularly meaning if he was always this okay with just being with me.” I then recognise it must sound like I’ve totally forgotten about Xaden, and I just shut up, out of guilt. Bodhi, seeing me loosing my drive, supplies with: “Actually, darling, you forgot to mention the question included you describing me as ‘suave’, at present. Please confirm.” I roll my eyes, but smile at him, “Yes, the word suave was used, regretfully.”

Garrick heaves a sigh, fires off a big toothy wolf’s grin at Bodhi over my head, then laughs, a big booming sound I wasn’t really prepared for. “Suave, gods no! Awkward as fuck, yes. Followed you around like a sad puppy dog, the general chattering was fucking incessant, suffice to say. And since he wanted to ‘spare you the pure strength of his feelings’, oh yes, there have been nights, upon nights, upon nights, when he has been sleeping, figuratively speaking, at my humble abode, taking all his talking with him. I went to Imogen a couple of nights just to get away from him!” I laugh a little at the image of Garrick quitting his own room in the middle of the night, to get away from my talkative better half.

Bodhi doesn’t look embarrassed in the slightest, “Don’t blame me for what, quite clearly, were your very own romantic choices, and no, it wasn’t as much talking as all that.” Garrick does his voice slightly deeper and more intense, in a way not unlike Bodhi’s voice, saying “Violet winked at me, what does it mean? What if it wasn’t a wink, maybe she got a gnat in her eye? Does she need help getting it out? Why doesn’t Violet like me back? What if I remind her too much of Xaden? Should I dye my hair, Garrick?” Bodhi glares at him, saying “Thank you, that’s enough, message gotten.” Garrick looks tempted to go on, but gives me a knowing smile, saying under his breath, “‘I’ll tell you the rest some other time.”

I smile back at him, grateful to hear him mention Xaden and the all round weird situation between Xaden, Bodhi and me, with ease and without a sign of judgement. My worry about seeing Garrick appears to disappear as quickly as it came. “Have you seen Imogen today? Will she eat with us?” I ask. He looks quickly at Bodhi, saying in a slightly bothered voice, “I think she would, in case the ‘duke’ part of this equation doesn’t hold any grudges.”

Bodhi looks tempted to hold a little bit of a grudge but throws his arms out and huffs, “Fine! You two are not fun to have against only one of me, who would like to grudge just a bit more. But I’ll be nice to Imogen”, he says through closed teeth. Garrick sighs, “Fine, but you know she’ll hate that.” I snort. And I feel much more at home in the present company.

Walking down the stairs, Bodhi’s hand is once again on the small of my back. That strengthens me in a way I wasn’t prepared. And, Garrick or no Garrick, I need a moment with my man. “Garrick, could you go ask Imogen if she’ll come? We could wait here on the landing and then there’ll be no hard feelings if she declines, since you’ll be the one doing the asking.” He looks at me, like I’m insane to consider Imogen’s feelings in the matter, but grunts a ‘sure’ and weirs off towards a corridor.

Bodhi immediately turns to me, saying “What is it darling?”, like he knew I needed something from him. I look at him intently, “I think I got a bit frightened. The signets being mixed together, your new signet, my safety, Xaden’s attack, our…let’s say connections and escalating physical side of our relationship. It’s all a lot to take in. I freaked out a little bit. I love you, and I’m not running. But I freaked out at the closeness. I’ve not this experience from previous relationships, if you will. It’s like it’s fated, like we haven’t got a choice.”

He looks at me, an honest, open expression, his hands both against the stone bannister behind him, I suspect in an attempt not to accidentally touch me. Because I want to be touched and I know he wants to feel me, but that would be too easy.

“Violet, I have felt drawn to you since I first laid eyes on you. What do you expect me to say? I don’t feel I have a choice. But for me, that’s the way it’s been all along and I’ve never fought it. You are the only one for me, lame and used as that phrase may sound.” He takes a breath, “But you will always have a choice, as far as I’m concerned. I will fucking let this place burn to the ground if anyone tries to take your choice from you.” I am touched by what he says, and I hear my breath catching. “But oh, do I get that this is a totally different thing for you”, he says. “And I understand if you’re freaked out or even scared. But I’ll help if I can.” I so want to reach out to him, but hearing him is what I truly need. He sounds nearly casual, as he says, “Should we, maybe, cool down the sex aspect of our relationship, would that help your mind catch up?”

I think about it. (All the thousand of words he has…) And I decide I don’t like the proposal of sex reduction, that part of everything seems to be going swimmingly, as far as I’m concerned. “I did feel trapped and scared, a little. But I don’t care, I just want you.” I pause. “I’m not putting brakes on us. I trust us to explore and enjoy each other, sexually as well as in every other way. Also I think the sex thing helps us find each other.” He looks at me, seemingly well aware of not wanting to appear all too happy. “Then no brakes it is”, he says and smiles.

I take a step towards me, and he does as well. Then I say, “Kiss me?” And he really does. Gold star on the assignment. His lovely lips are softer than I remember from just hours ago and I feel I can go on forever.

And then I see Garrick and Imogen arriving on the steps.

Chapter Text

Imogen reluctantly steps down to us, where we are waiting on the landing, one more flight of stairs until the floor where many of my friends live and close to where the library is located. The geography is definitely getting easier to understand.

I haven’t more than met Imogen for a short chat, and it’s been some time. I find myself relieved to finally see her. So many things I’ve been meaning to ask her, but also, I’ve missed her no nonsense presence in my life. Her pink hair sticks out like a sore thumb in all the grey and white of the stone building, as she, sort of, greets me, arms crossed and with a definite scowl on her face, as she looks at Bodhi.

He, on the other hand, has the nicest of smiles plastered on his face, saying in a supple voice, “Imogen, how lovely to see you”, to which she replies with a terse, “Fuck you, Bodhi.” Garrick and I exchange a glance saying ‘yeah, this is going to be a great dinner’. Bodhi says with exaggerated civility, “No, you go first, I insist!” gesturing to the stairs. She doesn’t move.

Then Imogen, her face softening slightly, looking at me, says, “I know you had an other encounter with Xaden, Rhiannon told me. And I am just clarifying, there will be no more fucking mind work performed. I’m done on you.” And then she glares some more at Bodhi.

I look solemnly at her, “I won’t ever ask you to again. I still feel, all in all, fine. Also it went alright with seeing Xaden at patrol.” Bodhi snorts behind me, and blurts out with some exasperation, “Didn’t we just agree that ‘all right’ is not a suitable description of being almost suffocated by shadows?” At this both Imogen and Garrick react, Imogen loosing her scowl and Garrick taking a step towards me. I turn to frown at my dear husband, “Is there at all a difference for you between how we discuss things in private versus with other people? Because I feel there should be.”

He looks at me with a tired expression, like these are reoccurring themes with me as well, “These aren’t people. These are close friends, and allies, though you are not acclimatised to them yet in your present state”, at which he glares back at Imogen, who looks away.

Then he seems to consider the situation from my point of view and looks at me with sympathy as he says in a kinder voice, “We can’t keep huge secrets from our close friends, certainly not pertaining to dangerous encounters with Xaden, since they need to know of his powers growing if they should meet him on patrol themselves. And these ones” he gesticulates to Imogen and Garrick, “in particular loved him too, so I feel it’s extra important that they know.” Well I feel stupid.

I look at Imogen, who is still staring daggers at Bodhi, and say, voice laced with regret, in her and Garrick’s direction, “Yeah, sorry I didn’t consider that. Or, I’m still getting used to everything not having to be a huge secret, apparently it’s different now.” Imogen points an angry finger at Bodhi saying, “Don’t you fucking school her in front of us, she isn’t your pet to play house with.” Woah, that was…unexpected. I get a sudden inkling to why Bodhi and Imogen haven’t exactly been so forthcoming, regarding them supposedly having ‘made up’.

Bodhi swallows, apparently deciding not to be baited, and gives her a cool smile saying, “That is not what I was doing, and why would I play house with a pet, animals suck as actors.” Garrick snorts, Imogen stares at him and says in a menacing voice to Bodhi, “You just can’t help yourself, can you. You’re worse than him.” Bodhi answers, a dangerously low rumble to his voice, “I have to inform my wife about normal things, so she doesn’t have so much trouble navigating her own life, after what you’ve done to her.”

Imogen snarls, “You are a fucking hypocrite, doing every fucking thing you hated Xaden for doing to her for years. I’ll be damned if I see her reduced to your puppet.” Imogen looks like she is going to crash into him, Garrick seems to make the same assessment and places himself between them. I take the last steps down, placing me in front of the entrance and of them. Then turn to face them all, clapping my hands sharply together, the sound echoing in the stone hallway. “Hey idiots!” I shout to them both, “the ‘she’ you’re referring to is here. And I don’t understand what’s gotten into either of you at the moment. Bodhi, get the fuck down here and stop glaring at Imogen. Go spar if you can’t sort your shit out with words, and don’t bring me into this conversation.”

Then I turn to Imogen, “I am the one who has put you in this position and I asked you to erase my memory. You have probably saved my life in the process and for that I’m grateful. And what’s done is done. I am happy and in love with this, right now complete dick head, so I don’t hold any grudges and neither should he. But don’t ever fucking compare him to Xaden again, because I won’t stand for it.”

All three of them stand still as if frozen to the spot, mouths open like fish, seemingly stunned. Then suddenly Bodhi jolts back to reality and walks down the last steps to me, with a crooked smile on his lips. Even though he towers above me, he looks up at me from under his locks, making a show of his regret that’s down right impossible for me not to smile at. But I don’t. He says apologetically, “I’m sorry, that wasn’t what I had planned.” I look at him with the same tired expression he aimed at me earlier, “Well if you’d listened to me and let go of your pointless, and might I say misguided, grudge, you wouldn’t have to be”, I snap. He says quietly, “Fair point.”

He then turns towards Imogen on the stair, next to Garrick who looks calm, hand at her side slightly touching Garrick’s hand. Imogen looks to still be fuming, as Bodhi says, “I’m sorry, I’m still and, despite better judgement, mostly mad you didn’t talk to me before, felt betrayie. My comments, were uncalled for. I don’t know the specifics, but I do know you were only trying to help Violet.” It comes out a bit terse, but fine.

Imogen looks surly, but gives him a curt nod. Garrick gives her a nudge with his elbow, she turns around and swats at his arm, like a fly. Then she says, her features controlled and seemingly without emotion, facing Bodhi, “I can’t tell you all the shit that went down, Bodhi, because if I do, her gaze shifts to me, I’ll be betraying my promise to you, Violet.” I look at her, so confused. “I don’t remember any promises or anything, and fine you’re both angry because of something I’ve done, but…”, I look at Bodhi at my side and take his hand, “I can’t think for hunger. Could we just go sit down and eat something together?” I point to the direction of the dinner room. Bodhi smiles and says “Other way, love. Let’s go.” We walk on and I see the others follow, talking between themselves. But they are coming with.

Bodhi still holds my hand is his as we walk. “What the fuck was that?” I ask him. He answers me, “I can’t pretend I’m not angry with her. Won’t work, as you’ve experienced first hand. And yes, she will hit me where it hurts, because we’ve known each other for ages. It’s fine.” I look at him, and say slightly agitated as I squeeze his hand, “No, it’s not ‘fine’. You are your own person, and by all means, take responsibility for your own flaws, but the Xaden comparisons must stop. They leave no space for you. And are unfair.”

He looks at me with a questioning, raised eyebrow, “First of all, I’m devastated you know I have flaws now. Can’t we go back to me being suave?” I smile sardonically at him, and he goes on, “But before you set yourself an impossible task of defending my honour, for which I’m flattered. I’m used to the Xaden comparisons, I don’t let that define me. So don’t worry. I sometimes react at hearing his name now because it usually means trouble, but regarding my own person, it’s fine. He is not a bad man to be compared to, when he was himself. And that person, I really miss.” I look at him, and say firmly. “We’ll have to agree to disagree on the part about you not being defined by it. I think you do get affected, more than you let on.” Not going into the debate of Xaden’s many fine qualities, since it most certainly will only give him fuel to obsess over my, eventual, comparing of the two of them. Last thing I want.

He looks a bit guilty, saying, “So how much did Imogen get it spot on, me ‘schooling you’ in front of them? Not overly happy about how that sounded once it exited my lips. I meant nothing by it.” I look at him, saying, “Maybe it stung just a little.” I see his face fall, eyes heavy with regret, almost as if it’s physically exhausting to raise his gaze to meet mine. But he does it. I distinctly know I don’t want him to start apologising, I move our clasped hands up to my lips and kiss his fingers softly. Then the heaviness in his eyes are gone. “Hey. They just met me with you, Imogen has no idea of our dynamic or how connected I feel with you now.” He smiles warmly and looks like he wants to say something he feels deeply, but stops himself. Instead kissing my knuckles in the same way I’d just done on his.

Then he glances back at Garrick, still talking with Imogen, heads close together, but Garrick makes a gesture signalling it’s all okay now. “I think Garrick might be aware there has been some recent ‘connecting’, at least”, Bodhi says with a smirk. I raise my eyebrows, “Yes your dratted pillows are a sure tell.” At which he smiles, his white teeth a flawless contrast to his tawny brown skin.

Then I ask, “So, should I gather, you very seldom raise your voice, you don’t break shit when you’re angry, but…you hoard your grudges like a mad old dragon?” He looks embarrassed, which means that’s exactly the case, because he seldom seems to get embarrassed. “I’m spot on”, I say with a short, hard laugh.

He has a panicked look flash by, and I can see him decide to scramble his way out of the question, “Maybe I just have a too good memory. And go through everything that’s ever happened in my life multiple times, until I feel I’ve solved the problems better. So maybe, a little bit of grudges tend to hang on a while, only a few tiny ones being held at present.” He looks at me, pleading look in his eye, I smile and raise an eyebrow, “A little bit? A tiny few? Some of them have to do with me?”

He breathes out, saying ironically, “All of the huge grudges have to do with you, naturally. I’ll just keep them on a shelf in my memory until I need them and then I’ll really explode… No of course not!” I look at him in amusement. “None? Really?” His brows slightly frowned, his black, now not so wet, locks framing his face the mouth having a sensual tilt to it. “I don’t remember saying ‘none’. For someone who has just in depth questioned her level of feeling relaxed and comfortable moving around me, just being, you sure don’t seem to suffer from the same issues when it comes to asking me personal questions.” Then he smiles, a broad grin, rather making me swoon and want to kick him at the same time. I gasp and stare at him, eyes wide and mouth agape, though there is still laughter in my eyes. “What! Now you have a privacy to protect? I don’t believe you!”

We stop in front of a wooden door presumably leading into the dining room. “You know, I really have to alert the kitchens about this dinner situation that’s happening and also thought I’d add some more people to the mix. Be right back, love.” Then he kisses me, blinks at me with one eye and basically evaporates into thin air. What in the depths of Zihnal’s surprises was that about? I wait for Imogen and Garrick to reach me and then enter the room together with them, not utterly confused exactly, but definitely intrigued.

Chapter Text

Garrick’s big frame is soon looming over me in the corridor outside the dining room. He is shaking his head in Bodhi’s direction, who we see dodging into the hallway that I suspect leads to the kitchens. I’ve never been, thus far. Bodhi or the kitchen staff has provided me with sustenance, and I’m not complaining.

Garrick barks out, “What’s eating him? He’s usually not that easily rattled”, a quizzical look in his eyes. He glances at me, his hazel eyes scanning me for clues. Basically we search each other. He clears his throat, “You guys seemed pretty well settled when I came by, but I notice you are not wearing the Tyrrish wedding ring. How come?” Gods, everyone here really have too little to do, since the war has stagnated. And he is so direct.

I turn to look with mild annoyance at Garrick, and Imogen, who joined the conversation mid sentence. “I’ll tell you when Bodhi returns. We’ve got some weird and surprising news related to that ring and another thing that might be an explanation to my dear husband being a bit on his toes. We are good, but there’s relationship navigation taking place at all times, since we’re learning an out each other as we go.”

Imogen says to me, sullen but not angry, “Hey, I’m glad you have found a way forward. It’s just a bit strange to see you like this.” I look at her sharply. “What do you mean, ‘like this’?” She looks at me square in the face, without flinching, “You defended Bodhi in a kind of ‘or else’ way just now. You commanded him to come down the stairs, you took turns deciding over the other. It’s not even been a week! Have you had memories return?”

I just shake my head, “No memories, but I have had feelings return, not to say…bodily reactions, to him since I first met him”, Garrick snorts loudly saying, “I’ll say.” I glare at him, “Oh, grow up, Garrick!” I add, making him shift slightly, still sniggering though.

I look intently at Imogen, “A lot of things will probably be made more clear soon, but after your little display just now, I’ve decided I want Bodhi here before talking about it. Also, might be good to know, the only reason I have for sticking up for him, is that I love him. Easy as that. I want him happy and feeling his best, and that can’t happen with constant comparisons that serve no purpose. We both miss Xaden, but I have to move on this time. It is the only way. But you bet it’s a sore subject.” They both look at me, Garrick with searching hazel eyes, clearing his throat again. “That is good to know.”

Then he adds, “You know Bodhi has been in love with you since you went out on the parapet in your ball gown?” he says, as if testning me a little. “I know”, I respond, adding, “if you want to know something specific, go ahead and ask.” Garrick looks at me with a sort of respect I’ve only seen him show in battle or combat situations, then says “I was with him then, when he… He fell hard for you and also had to see you fall hard yourself, for Xaden. He has been a step behind his own life, in a way, but now that’s changed. And I just want things to go well for him. And you!”

I just can’t help it, I stretch my arms out to Garrick and give him a tight hug. I don’t think I have ever touched him like that before. In fact, I’ve tried actively not to touch any men outside of sparring, after Xaden and I became a couple and the Dain memory thieving didn’t help. Garrick hugs me back a long, hard hug. I feel so small, hugging his compact, muscles body, and I can’t really understand Bodhi’s description of Garrick as a teddy bear. Imogen looks on, not joining. Who would have guessed.

I open the dark wooden door to the room. It’s a small, but comfortable dining room,
A huge, round, wooden table big enough for ten to twelve people, takes up the centre of the room. Armchairs in a dark red sort of wood, line the room and Garrick and Imogen start placing chairs around the table in a familiar way. I feel a bit forlorn at first. “Can…can I set the table or something?” I ask them. Imogen is visibly affected by seeing me lost, not knowing where anything is kept, but helps me patiently to find the different things.

Finally, I ask, “Am I crazy, or should we maybe just drink lots and lots of wine, instead of talk about all the fucking things that seem so important now, but really aren’t?” They both stop in their steps and look at me, Garrick laughs a booming laugh and walks with long steps towards a cabinet and chooses from an array of wine bottles, picking out a roundish bottle in the middle of the shelf, saying, “Imogen, you heard her grace, you get the glasses. Let’s get fucking hammered.”

I get the distinct feeling, that they don’t normally take liberties like picking wine out of that particular cabinet, at random. Also, that Garrick and I have the same view of wine possibly improving everyone’s mood and loosening some tension, is promising.

Imogen sighs in Garrick’s direction, getting some wine glasses and slamming them down on the table, one after the other. As she does, she says, “How about, wine now, and some fucking answers on how I’m supposed to navigate this shit with you?” I sit down at the table with a bit of a flourish, saying, “Deal. Some of it when Bodhi returns, or we’ll have to redo the whole thing.” She goes on, her voice a hard edge to it, but it feels well meaning all the same, “So you want him to know that you met with Xaden on the roof of the building and had a memory swipe, before the one that…went awry?”

I feel as though the room is closing in on me. There is another encounter? “I know from Rhi about three times total, that I’ve had a memory wipe, two of which were supposed to be short removals. Was there one more?” She looks at me with disapproval, “There was one more, but Rhi wouldn’t know about it, since I was there, not her. And you didn’t answer my question.”

I answer quickly, trying hard to not sound perturbed, which I am, “Of course you can say it in front of Bodhi.” The time for hiding important things must truly be over for us. Especially things to do with Xaden. Imogen looks moderately surprised at that. I’m gathering, she has been the secret keeper of many of my memories, and that my wanting to share them is new. Perhaps I considered Bodhi to be jealous before, or it was just really sensitive in a different way?

Garrick sits down and pours three glasses, clearly relishing savouring the wine, of, what I’m guessing, better quality. He hands the glasses to me and Imogen, then raises his glass in the direction of us both, before taking a sip, swirling the deep red wine in his glass. It’s sweeter and heavier than I expected, but delicious. “How about, just taking a moment to say, we are both”, nudging Imogen who swats his elbow, “so happy you are so much more like your old self.” I give him a little smile. He continues, “Regardless how it has happened”, he chancing a quick glance at Imogen, “And also, the dick head, as you so eloquently named him, looks to be walking on clouds, so I’d say that’s great.”

He looks smugly at his glass, again tipping it in my direction before tasting it again. “And having a happy, somewhat relaxed version of Bodhi, will do us all a world of good. We love him too, you see, even though one of the present company won’t admit to it right now”, at which Imogen glowers at him.

Imogen supplies, “Like an idiotic little brother, on his good days.” She takes a deep swig from her glass filled with the deep red liquid. Garrick raises his eyebrows and smiles jovially, the six inch scar on his face from Athebyne suddenly very visible. “Hear that? She loves him immensely!” Imogen gruffly gives a small laugh. “I will say this, he has never once given up hope about you, even though he’s been infatuated with you longer than he’ll probably admit.” I raise my eyebrows, “He’s actually strangely transparent with me on almost every subject, so I know he’s loved me a long time.” I blush a little bit, speaking this frankly about our relationship is a bit strange.

Garrick adds, “You are unbelievable smooth when you’re working together as a couple, I must say. I heard about some of the Halden stuff, and that’s impressive without having had a lot of time to prepare.” I smile, “There are some lovely times I would gladly have erased.” He snorts, I ask Imogen, “Sorry, too soon?” She smiles crookedly at me.

I change the subject, “Imogen, I know you hate talking about this kind of stuff, so I’ll spare you. For the record, thank you for looking out for my perceived needs before, but totally unnecessary. I feel safe and am happy fighting in my own eventual relationship dramas.” We clink our glasses and have another sip. I continue, “Since there will be yet another onslaught of people arriving from Basgiath and for the Assembly, I’m just glad we could happen to get together before the House is stormed”, I say. “I’m guessing I’ll be glad to have some people knowing our current status, who I trust to have both mine and Bodhi’s best interests at heart.” Garrick refills the glasses and says, “Here, here!”, going in for another drink of wine.

By the time Bodhi arrives, bringing cloche covered plates of food, Ridoc, Rhiannon, Sawyer and Jesinia in toll, two bottles are empty. Garrick is also currently botanising in the cabinet, searching for the next bottle. Bodhi sits down at my side and gives me a warm smile and says in a low voice. “Everything good? Am I forgiven for scampering off? Have to get you fed and maybe run away a little myself sometimes.” I reply, and notice a small slur to my voice, to my own great surprise, “Yes, I mean no, you shouldn’t worry. We are with our best friends who love us to bits. And you are dreamy.” He sniggers, “How much wine did you have to drink, love?” I gaze at him, shaking my head slowly, “Just a normal amount. Garrick has chosen some excellent wines.” I tip my glass in his direction, where he is trying his best to open the new bottle’s cork, that seems to be a bit stuck. I hear Bodhi’s lovely laugh, as he looks closer at the empty bottles on the table. “You laugh so wonderfully”, I inform him, still smiling broadly. At that, he laughs even more, proving my point.

Imogen supports her head on her hand, leaning with the elbow on the table and says, “It was your wife’s idea to…have some wine. To improve…something. I don’t remember exactly.” Garrick is sniggering quietly, still over by the cabinet and I close one of my eyes as I focus on him. Bodhi shouts in Garrick’s direction, “I wouldn’t dream of spoiling your fun, but just so you know, the wine in that cabinet is fortified. It should be about double the strength of normal wine. You don’t feel the difference in taste, anyone of you bad mannered riders?” We look at each other, everyone shaking their heads.

Bodhi claps his hands, and says in an overly explaining way, “That’s why you are all so incredibly silly and lovely.” At this, all of us having had said fortified wine, laugh loudly. Garrick says, “Well that might explain the raisiny taste”, as he sinks down on his haunches, covering his face in his hands, the normally pale rider looking rather red faced from laughing. Bodhi supplies, “Yeah, so Garrick, the connoisseur, is responsible for the choice of beverage, I assume?” Imogen sports an oafish expression, looking rather confused as she laughs softly, like she didn’t get the joke and I bury my laughing face behind Bodhi’s shoulder, my body shaking with laughter.

Bodhi says, an amused look on his face, “Great conflict resolution, darling. Let’s try that at the next Senarium.” He takes the bottle Garrick was in the process of opening and puts it back in the cabinet. Instead opening a different cupboard, full of other bottles with a more usual shape to the glass ware, opens it and pours up to everyone else at the table, all of them looking at us like we’ve gone insane.

Ridoc takes a glass and downs it in one go, Rhi looking at him with a cocked eyebrow, going “Really? You know you never manage to ‘catch up’.” To which Ridoc responds, “No, but I might over take them”, and cheers in her direction. Rhi mutters, “Ridoc! You had so much work you wanted to share, didn’t you? So do that before getting absolutely smashed, please!” Ridoc looks totally lost, then says, “Oh, quest squad research!”, turning to me and Bodhi, who says, “I asked them to wait and tell us when we were in the same room, but looking at the state of you, I needn’t have bothered”, he laughs softly as he says it, patting my cheek.

I breathe out and try not to laugh, then straighten up and clear my throat, I’m not quite that drunk. Keep it short, and you’ll manage, I tell myself. “What… did you find out, Ridoc?” I say and it sounds okay. Bodhi doesn’t help, by smiling broadly at my side, clearly thinking my current inebriation ‘adorable’ or something. “You are a terrific drunk, you know that?”, he whispers to me. I hush him, through laughter.

Ridoc answers, “Well basically, we have been studying runes all day and think you could have one on your body. Better let yourself be searched!” He says it seriously, switching to more of a joke as he adds: “I volunteer, since I know what we are looking for, but I suspect you could also choose Jesinia.” At this, Jesinia laughs and signs she is available for the task. Sawyer pipes up “Hey, why not me? I’m just as capable”, by which he earns a succession of fast signing from his better half. Ridoc gesticulates to them saying selfimportantly, “That. That’s why, smart ass.”

Bodhi is all amusement, as he says, “Sorry to disappoint so many hopeful aspirants to ‘help’ my beautiful wife. That won’t be necessary.” Ridoc looks like his jaw just dislodged. Bodhi continues, “We came to understand that it’s the wedding ring that has been causing the dreams at last. There are runes on it, though they’re not visible all the time. Maybe it’s also acting as a beacon, but that’s less sure.”

Sawyer looks stricken, “And exactly how long have you known this little tidbit of information? Why didn’t you tell us at once?” I squirm, “Since earlier today. We were…busy.”

Sawyer goes on, accusatory, “Doing what exactly?” I shrug as the wine happens to have drowned all my words. I look at Bodhi for help, he immediately supplies, his hand resting on my shoulder. “We had to be really sure, and therefore had a lot of controls to do to secure the fact. Before we dared say anything at all. I guess it’s not until tomorrow we really get the theory confirmed.”

I swallow, that, I had totally forgotten. We won’t know the ring is the only reason for the control of my dream signet, until I’ve actually slept without Bodhi’s protection. Something I don’t long for. I whisper to Bodhi, my mouth close to his ear, and probably way too loud, “Thank you for saving me, love”, he smiles at me, saying “Any time, love. Happy to help.”

Chapter Text

I am still a bit affected by the wine, but it’s gotten less palpable with food. Also, I stopped taking sips of my wine, even though Bodhi switched glasses with me, replacing my strong fortified wine with a lighter, red wine. The taste is elegant, much more to my liking. He also, considerately, got us all some well needed water, something we didn’t exactly prioritise in the moment.

The bluish tinted light from the magical lighting has been replaced by the warm yellow light of fire and candles, since the room has sconces where candle lanterns have been lit. Also, the candlesticks and candelabras on the table are giving off an impressive shine, casting our faces in soft shadows and giving everyone an orange glow.

I find myself stuck sometimes, just watching Bodhi, as he talks, laughs and makes people laugh in return. The light playing on his features renders every single line of his face and the angle of his chin even more beautiful. And the hue of his skin in the relative darkness is just gorgeous. Suddenly, he watches me back, and says, a small smile on his lips, “What is it?” almost mouthing the words. But I just shake my head in response and mouth back, “Nothing.” I don’t want to disturb the fragile moment.

But then I reconsider. I do want him to know he is making my legs weak. I lean in close to his ear and whisper, “It’s you. You’re lovely. You spread your light so generously, making everyone feel their best. Just…above and beyond. And you are so beautiful, that I have a hard time concentrating on the conversation.” He blushes deeply, the shift only noticeable since I’ve been watching him so intently. Then surprises me with his answer, “You don’t mean that.” He says it, looking down at the glass in front of him, he still smiles but there is sadness there.

No, that’s just not good enough. “Yes, Bodhi…love, I mean what I say. Why wouldn’t you believe me?” He gives me a wry smile, looking pointedly at the red swirling wine in his glass, which he raises in my direction.

“Don’t shy away from compliments. You are truly amazing at bringing people together”, I add, “How come I never knew this before, I mean, when we first met at Basgiath?” He looks in front of him, the same doubtful glint in his eye, “Maybe you were busy looking elsewhere. And, sweet as you are, you are an unreliable witness, while still drunk as a skunk, darling.” He laughs softly, “The most beautiful, overly indulged skunk I’ve ever laid eyes on.” I smile at him, squinting,

“You’re the one to talk. That wine was really nice, and I’ve seen you have a glass or two. Light and airy, just like you.” He laughs out loud, pearly white teeth glinting in the dark. “I’m just…mellow. It’s nothing in comparison.” I snort, derisively and turn to Sawyer on my other side. But Bodhi kisses my neck as I do, and a shiver runs down my spine.

Conversation has been loud, fun and light, even Imogen has participated. I noticed a short nod between her and Bodhi, which I interpret as at least an indication of a truce. Then it hits me, they’ve known each other forever.

Could they have romantic history as well? A small dark corner of my heart begins stirring to life at the thought. It’s the familiar sting of jealousy, and extremely unprovoked as well. I shake it off, and consider it interesting that my feelings for Bodhi now have come to elicit such a reaction in me. But I have never claimed to be immune to jealous feelings. Maybe some blame for it, aught to be shared by the wine, though.

Between Sawyer and Jesinia, the vibe is definitely flirty, the way a couple sometimes feel it a little bit extra. Not that I’ve had much experience with that myself, since most of mine and Xaden’s relationship was spent trying to get together, alone, in war or in hiding. And not at table with friends. This feels like an opportunity I’ve been robbed of. And here I am, having it, but not with Xaden. I consider what the night would have been like, if Xaden had been here in Bodhi’s stead, but there is no way the night had turned out this way then. It just, wasn’t how he did things. And I’m reminded of Rhiannon’s frank assessment, and choose to redirect my thoughts.

Jesinia’s head is sometimes leaning against Sawyer’s shoulder. It’s so pleasant seeing them together, I won’t deny it. Now, when most of us have all but finished our meal, the conversation has become a pleasant buzz.

And Ridoc, who has indeed done as he promised and become the most drunk in the group, is now, mouth ajar, hanging on Bodhi’s every word in his recounting of the last time the Assembly was in Aretia. “… so yes, I’m moderately interested in the number of sheep we might need to move from place A to place B in case of an attack, since that will be our smallest problem if we have venin draining the land, including the sheep that grace there, dry.” Ridoc slams his hand on the table, saying, “Lewellen sh…should really get himself a dragon, see how he’d like talking to the dragon about changing their diet. My point is…they’d eat him.” That level of drunkenness achieved, Rhi hits Ridoc on the arm and starts lecturing him intensely.

I use the break in conversation to quickly say to Bodhi, “Love”, the conversation in the room is now so busy, that no one is particularly listening in on anyone else, “You should tell them about your signet.” He looks at me, doubtfully, “I don’t know that it’s the right timing”, he says apologetically.

Trying to weasel his way out of it, more likely. I lay a hand on his cheek, and smile “Didn’t you say we shouldn’t keep secrets that are important to share between friends?” He looks a bit uncomfortable. He tries again, saying, “This is not the same, since I can probably not even control its effects. People might have expectations I can’t deliver on.”

I understand him, and applaud him being honest with me, but that doesn’t make it right. I look at him with a stern face. “You expect me to trust them to handle sensitive information concerning me. Better show me you walk the walk, your grace.” I point at him with a straight index finger, making my point come across.

He looks ill at peace, but sighs, smiling embarrassed at me, saying, “Fine, fine, don’t get your knickers in a twist, I’ll do it. If only to get out of having to trade arguments with you, when you just called me ‘beautiful’.” He shakes my pointing finger with his hand, like he is shaking hands with a small gnome. I smile at him satisfactorily, and gestures that I’m waiting for him.

He clinks his glass with a silver fork, and everyone goes silent. Except for Ridoc who keeps talking until Rhi elbows him square in the ribs, hard. “Violet thinks I should tell you something. It appears I’m developing a new signet.” Everyone, except Imogen, starts congratulating and asking different things, at the same time. I hush them loudly. Ridoc shouts over the others, his voice uncontrollably loud, “What can you do? No! I wanna guess! You’re an ice wielder too! Because you try to steal my role as funny man at every turn, why not my patented chill?”

Bodhi grins, “No one can rival you as funny man, Ridoc, and your ice is safe from me. It seems to be some sort of light. That is the signet I’m getting to know.” I sigh, loudly, making everyone switch their attention to me. “He is underestimating himself. And being modest. I’ve seen this power come into play twice. Once he wielded it through my necklace, without knowing. And it’s a hugely cool, white, smoky light.” Ridoc makes a rude gesture, “This is worse! You’re gonna have a ‘cool’ signet?” Bodhi stops him in mock seriousness, “Hey, my old signet was always cool, just less extravert.” Ridoc doesn’t look convinced.

Imogen says from the corner of her mouth, “So it’s to be a balance against Xaden in his venin form? You now thinking it’s super important we all know his shadows are more powerful, but not yourself volunteering the information about your new signet…it’s just hard to understand.” I look at her with poorly hidden annoyance.

I get a sense of Bodhi not welcoming me stepping into this hornet’s nest, so I stay quiet. Bodhi looks at us all, one after the other at the table, saying “I honestly can’t know why it came to me now.” Imogen huffs, dramatically in my opinion. Bodhi continues undeterred, “If I can protect anyone with my signet, if I can help my wife get to live her own life”, he gives Imogen a heavy look, “I’ll be thankful for it.” He then turns to everyone, I will need help learning about it, though. And if any of you with more experience of the more external type of signets, have any advice for me, I’d be glad for it.” Both Sawyer and Ridoc nod their heads vigorously. “Of course” Sawyer says.

Imogen says, an icy tone in her voice, “Is it because of the more frequent meetings between Xaden and Violet, that you believe the threat level to you has increased? Making the signet appear, I mean.” The masked curiosity is thinly veiled disdain. I turn to Bodhi saying to him, in a normal volume, making sure everyone listening hears it, so they know I’m not hiding anything, “Imogen informed me earlier that I’ve met Xaden another time, before the latest time I chose to forget.”

Imogen looks at me, saying “Yes, I did. I find it at least good knowing you have a stability in your relationship withstanding that kiss you gave him on the roof.” Garrick growls “That’s enough, Imogen!” beside her, but the damage is already done. “What do you mean by that?” I ask, and find my voice comes out as rather shaky. Imogen looks like there is a fire in her eyes. She felt betrayed or left out of the information about the signet not being shared with her- that much is clear.

Bodhi stands up, and says in a voice that’s menacingly cold, “Please answer the person whose memories you sniped, making her dependent on your information.” Imogen looks annoyed at Bodhi’s display, but continues in my direction. “You went as in a trance up to the roof of this building, via your old room, which I couldn’t enter. There you climbed up on the roof and Xaden came to meet you. And then he kissed you on the cheek, and vice versa. You saw me, then he bolted. And you begged me to remove the memory, and I did.”

My hand is stuck in a gesture of permanent disbelief, clasped over my mouth. Bodhi says from his standing position, “Good. Now come on”, and exits the room. Imogen gets to her feet, fight face on, and so does everyone else. As we all follow Bodhi through the winding corridors.

Chapter Text

I wish I could take it all back. Bodhi marches on and I have to almost run to keep up with him, making him slow his pace slightly as he sees me struggling.

I feel horrible, as though my life has just been kidnapped. I kissed Xaden, as a venin, on the cheek though, nothing worse, and he me. Just wish it could be taken back and not have happened. Still, I don’t remember that it has. In time, I guess it would have been up to about a month ago, but it could also be much closer. It sounds so strange to me that I doubt it’s true, since the venin Xaden has not made anything indicating he has a piece big enough of his former self left to elicit a response such as a kiss from me. When would that have fit in, between attempts to capture or kill me? Maybe the kissing was part of the trancelike state Imogen described seeing me in, as I entered the warded room. I also thought I read something on Imogen’s face, like maybe, she was leaving something out. And that doesn’t bode well. But the situation being what it is, I can’t do anything but accept the consequences. I chose to remove my memory, here we are.

“I am so sorry”, I begin telling Bodhi, but he interrupts me, voice calm. “Please don’t. How could I blame you in any way? It would be cruel and pointless and I’m trying not to be.” I feel relief flow over me like a wave.

“Thank you. I had no idea there had been any kissing on any cheeks. In fact, I have a hard time believing it”, I say pointedly, “Had I known, it would have been the first thing I told you.” Bodhi’s eyes darts to me for a second then returns facing the direction we’re travelling in. “Well, you didn’t tell me about the encounter you’d discovered until you knew Imogen was going to blab. That did piss me off.”

That shuts me up for a second. “I thought I’d have time to tell you later, and then when you came back from the kitchens I didn’t think about it.” He glances at me again, “You can’t have it both ways. I’m supposed to trust what you’re saying but ignore what you’re omitting?” Fuck, I hate the hazy mist that my thoughts are clouded in, I can’t argue like I’m used to, the words elude me, slipping like fish through a net. But I have to speak my peace.

I heave a deep breath, and speak as articulated my muddled brain can manage, “I didn’t tell you, because Imogen made a big number of ‘would I really be content with her sharing all information in front of you, including another encounter I’d had with Xaden’, and I said I don’t intend to hide any of that stuff from you. Ask her and Garrick if you don’t believe me.” I can hear the hint of desperation in my voice. He says, rather gruffly, “Of course I believe you.”

I take his hand but he somehow slips out of my grip. I can’t tell if it was intentional or not. The others are in tow, but have trailed behind, as he took off at a swift pace. I stop and say, my voice sounding a bit weaker than I’d intended, “Then just hold my fucking hand.”

He stops, looking at me properly and then pulls me into a hug, saying into my hair, “Of course I will, I was just stuck in my own head. Sorry.” It feels better, as though the touch between us almost released something in me that I didn’t know I was carrying. Some mixture of emotions, worry, sadness, doubt…fear.

As the others are closing in on us, he takes my hand, kisses my knuckles and we keep walking, close and slower. “I didn’t think of how you must feel. I might be a little jealous, I’ll admit my head ran away with me. It’s a powerful feeling I guess.” He scratches the back of his head. “And I’m angry, but not with you. None of this your fault, if anything, you are the one who’s been taken advantage of.” He squeezes my hand, “How are you?”

I look at him, feelings darting inside me in every direction. “How should I know? I guess I fear that you’ll be angry and I won’t be able to say anything that helps explain my supposed action, but also surprise and disbelief at what I’m said to have done, thinking about what can have been choice and what can have been forced on me, pretty much. Not much fun thoughts.” He gives me a commiserating nod, “I did that, by reacting and taking off towards the fucking warded room, I just, can’t wait to see if we can fix this with the ring. And I need some volunteers.”

He breaths in sharply, then gives me a half smile, which I return, “Don’t be afraid of me or fear me reacting badly. I promise you, regardless of what you supposedly have done, even if I do get jealous, remember I won’t scream or shout, I won’t be aggressive in any way.” I sniff, saying “But it’s worse not knowing what you’ll do, when and if all of your collected grudges against me inevitably explodes in a huge fight.” He looks at me, in astonishment. “That’s not how it works. It’s at worst a snide remark on a, for me, sensitive subject. And I wouldn’t set you up to fail or keep a score. I believe in resolving conflict and leaving the fucking thing.”

I lash out, “Well I didn’t know that! And I assume the worst. You were just now angry with me for not telling you shit directly, that I had every intention of telling you. It’s like you not telling me about the saddle until I noticed the mark. And I regretted giving you the blame for that.” He stops and looks me in the eye, making a sign to the people following us to give us a moment, since we are almost at the warded room.

He then puts his arms on my upper arms, keeping contact with me physically, and looking me in the eyes, “Let’s just ignore that we have a gaggle of friends following us and resolve this particular conflict, because it’s evident how to do it.” I raise a sceptical eyebrow. That doesn’t deter him, “I get that there wasn’t much time to inform me of what Imogen had told you, now that I think about it, almost impossible given the wine situation. It was just unfortunate. However, I would have preferred you to tell me at once, not have Imogen use it against me.”

I feel instantly calmer and my words seem more inclined to link together, as I say, “I agree and I would have told you if I’d thought she would say anything like that. What is the matter with you and Imogen anyway? I see you navigate all other relationships perfectly, but then she comes up and you… loose it.” He gesticulates towards the group of people, “I didn’t exactly blow up with them, did I?” I consider it, no not a Xaden-up-in-flames situation. Some social discomfort at worst. “No… I suppose. But you reacted a strong way for being you.” I feel the green coloured tendrils of jealousy sneak in under my skin. “Have you been…together?”

He says in a somewhat dismissive way, “Not exactly that being the problem here.” What the fuck does that mean! The green tendrils gripping my mind scream in my head, but nothing comes out of my mouth, thankfully. He continues, clearly subdued, “She blames me, rightly so, for Quinn’s death.” I start, forgetting my previous thoughts. “But why?” He gives me a pained look, “That’s the price of being a leader, I was her section leader. And Quinn didn’t come home.”

He sniffs, and a hard look has his face set and I see the Section Leader version of my husband for a moment. “Imogen reckons I sent Quinn to her death, myself being in a different place the entire battle, just leaving Quinn to fend for herself. And I did.” I can see pure angst flash across his face, as he sinks deep in thoughts of the battle. This is bad, and I am so inadequate to help him, knowing nearly nothing about what happened to him during the battle.

I’ve been so focused on my own, personal experience of the aftermath that I’ve not considered how everyone else are carrying their invisible scars. “I wasn’t in that part of the battle, but what I remember seeing of you and Cuir at the end, is not something I like to think about. Nor could anyone ever say you were not doing absolutely everything within reason to vanquish our enemies,” he nods in sad agreement. “That’s not the point, though”, he adds.

I continue, “If you had made a different choice, that wouldn’t have guaranteed that Quinn lived. War is tragic and our losses were unbearable, but blaming you for not being everywhere at once isn’t right. She could just as well blame me.” He gives me a curt nod, saying, “I hear you. But the officer ultimately has the responsibility.” His neck is strained in a way I haven’t noticed before and his lips are pursed tight. I just blurt out. “Fuck that.” This isn’t the time and place for this.

He appears to want out of this as well, saying with a small smile. “Gods, who would have guessed I’d be longing for returning to the totally unwarranted, and respective, I guess, jealousy issues?” I smile at him, still taken by what he’s told me about the war.

“Permission to stop this insecure fucking conversation and try to get rid of the ward?” I don’t know how to answer, so I do what I feel. I step close to him and kiss him on the cheek and say “This is the only fucking cheek I remember kissing lately, and the only one I feel the need to be kissing.” He smiles and kisses me back, also on the cheek, saying, ”Likewise.”

Then he shouts to our friends, loitering in the hallway further down, his hand sliding down behind my back “We’re done talking, thanks for waiting.” They all walk slowly up to us, Rhi hangs an arm around my shoulder, saying “Don’t forget you are the best, the very best.” I squeeze her arm, feeling cared for in so many ways. Just them all staying, waiting, means more than I can bear to think about. Sawyer and Jesinia sneak in next to me and Bodhi. And Sawyer says, signing simultaneously, “Hey, we were just saying between us, that what you guys are doing takes some courage. We have had a different way getting to know each other and forming a relationship, literally communicating in different languages.” Jesinia smiles encouraging, then she signs, “It’s just so worth it, if the will and the love is there.” I nod thankfully at them both, Bodhi says, “Thanks guys. Hopefully tearing down this obstacle might make things a bit easier in future.” Rhiannon places her hands on her hips and shouts, “How do we break the ward?” The answer is a collective roar.

Two hours later we’ve tried everything. People have worn the ring and tried entering, with no effect. Except for back pain and bruised ribs from being thrown into the opposing wall. Seeing people flying is tough, even with friends positioned, ready to catch them, and a couple of borrowed mats from the sparring gym to land on. I keep thinking of Bodhi desperately trying to get in here to help me out before, when Ridoc described him as having gotten ‘pretty banged up’ and I’m beginning to understand what he meant better.

Turns out, Ridoc and Sawyers ‘quest squad’ research generated some ideas, but nothing seems to present a solution. Bodhi grumbles more and more in between tries about just barring it off. Otherwise he is walking around spouting off ideas left and right. I sit down, back against the wall to think and Imogen comes up to stand beside me, also leaning against the wall. “What?” I ask her rather roughly. “Don’t bite my head off, I’m only here to explain something.”

I look up at her, saying “Go ahead”, admittedly a tad unenthusiastically. She knits her brows and says at a deliberately low volume, as I see Bodhi has stopped, watching us intently, “I didn’t mean for that to become difficult for you, I just wanted him to feel some fucking regret.” I chuckle low, “What you actually did, was piss me off immensely, if you should care to know.” She snorts. Then she says in her own patented zero fucks to give voice, “I noticed on Bodhi’s reaction, mid sentence, that he was jealous so I tried to change the retelling. You’re welcome.” I look at her with a frown. “What do you mean, you lied?” This is just too much. She looks at me and says through clenched teeth, “It was a real fucking, passionate kiss.” She looks at me with zero reaction. I look back at her just blank. “So now you know it all, even the worst bits. And it’s up to you. Tell him or don’t. No one will hear it from me.”

Chapter Text

We have to give in. For the night at least and Bodhi and I have left a somewhat bruised group, hobbling off in different directions. Everyone seemed to decide as a group to focus on the ward, going forward and the night was all in all, mostly fun, though with a frustrating finish, since not one bit of the ward’s effect was broken down or dulled in the least.

Bodhi walks beside me, tired and a bit tense, but I know it’s his head being busy with thinking about the ward. Also, my tired head is soon premiering sleeping without his signet’s protection. The first night without me wearing the ring and without Bodhi using his signet to protect me, will happen this night. But I’m tense for an entirely different reason. No time like the present.

“I…”, I begin, very strong beginning, but nothing else comes after. He is immediately pushed out of his reverie and looks curious. I try again. “I…” He stops, a brazen smile suddenly appearing on his face. “I?” He says, his eyes playful. Fuck, it’s so enticing just to not say anything right now, when he looks that excited, but every second I wait will absolutely bite me.

“I…”, I try again, he stops on the stairs, and trails a hand down my arm. It’s a delightfully tickling sensation making me shiver. I step out of his reach. He steps closer to me. I shout in frustration. “Don’t be so wonderful all the time.” He laughs in confusion, “Well how do you want me to be, and, thanks, I guess?”

I turn my back to him. “Imogen…” I try a new beginning, it has the desired effect. He says, his voice soft and inquisitive, “What did she say?” I put my hands up to cover my face, “You’ll hate me now and I feel ashamed.” His hands are on top of mine in a second, he just holds them there, not removing mine. “Does it help to know that I absolutely won’t hate you whatever you say? And that my head has probably already played out all possible scenarios, since I noticed her seeking you out earlier?” Why am I even surprised. This approach is him, having had a moment to prepare. I fucking love this man.

I begin again. And I manage this time. “Imogen says she wanted to lessen the blow, and it was in fact a proper kiss on the lips she witnessed.” He takes it in. “I guessed as much”, he says, and I don’t detect any change in his demeanour. “It doesn’t change anything to me. I still don’t blame you, or Imogen really, for trying to protect you. I guess they are all used to be guarded around you. But Imogen should know better. She knows me.” I try not to think on the sting of jealousy at the mention of their past shared history that I know nothing about. But he is the only one with a real reason to feel any sort of way right now, so I leave it be.

Still I feel so bad for having somehow caused this, having chosen Xaden, even as a venin, over him. “I hear you, but I feel fucking horrible. I’ve betrayed you and if I had anything to regret, I would.” He gives me a half smile and he takes my hand in his. “No need for all that! I don’t hold you responsible. The only thing I’m interested in is making sure you’re not forced into a similar situation again. And I find it intriguing and rather unnerving that Xaden as a venin seems to either have a more soft spoken version than the one you’ve told me about before, or maybe it’s the same one, only somehow managing to enthral you.” Wow, he really believes I might have, of my own volition, chosen to kiss Xaden. And he seems to accept that reality too. Easily, even.

He stops me on the last steps before the landing leading to the corridor, catching me against the bannister, one hand on each side of my body, forcing me to meet his eyes. “Love, look into my eyes. Do I look angry?” His warm, brown eyes don’t contain a stain of anger. It’s just him. “No. And I wasn’t aware I avoided looking at you, sorry”, I croak out, “I am so angry with this situation and I can’t get rid of the guilt.” He looks astonished. “I don’t like the idea of you feeling guilty, so I am going to be super clear. I know you loved Xaden first. Me… you got saddled with. And came to love. I will always share part of you with him. If that’s the price for a share of your love, you bet I’m paying it.”

This hurts to hear. And somehow, it doesn’t ring true. “I wasn’t ‘saddled’ with you.” He smiles, “Yeah, you kind of were.” I go on, “Well, now I have chosen you as much as you chose me. I don’t want you to have to settle for a piece of me. I’m… just yours. You are mine”, I say, voice rising in frustration, Can’t that be it? Can’t I just get to move on?” He startles, actually jerks back from me. “I don’t ask that of you”, he responds, his voice clear enough to cut glass. “You don’t have to”, I say, suddenly feeling very strongly I’m right to push the issue. “I want you. I have you. Xaden isn’t an option, but even if he was…”, Bodhi stops me, and starts to walk up the last steps. “Don’t”, he says, a hard edge of finality in his voice.

I run up to him placing myself in front of him, directly in his path. “No. You want to hear this”, I say with conviction. “Now who’s the runner?” At his own words being used against him, he stops, but his eyes dart towards the ceiling and he’s, more or less wearing, a defensive smile that I don’t believe. “Love”, I say, making him look down on me. “I chose you. Even if Xaden was here in this room, I would choose you. Every time. You don’t get to let things slide if they hurt you, with me. I love you. Only you.” He looks struck, like I’ve actually hit him. “First time I’ve said this, I gather?” He just nods, looking like he has lost the connection with all his words. I worry Cuir might think I’ve killed him. I hear Tairn’s voice boom through my head, “Certainly not. Cuir is as much involved as I am.” Old busybodies the both of them.

He’s still just standing in the same spot, blank and loosing his colour. I think I broke my husband. He’s just planted. I take his hand pulling him into walking down the last corridor and he follows in silence. He’s active not saying a fucking word. Bodhi. Who owns all the words. To say it’s out of character doesn’t even cover it. Did he hear me? “Bodhi? Love? You’re beginning to scare me”, I say.

He just gives me a small smile and I can’t read him. “You heard me? You believe me?” He makes a face, “Well, I heard you. And yes, it’s the first time.” I note the missing answer, “But you don’t believe me?” His voice goes uncharacteristically high, and he sort of laughs as he painstakingly delivers the words, “Yeah, no. I don’t. But I want to believe you. Maybe one day.”

Fuck, he is so… “Annoying!” I hear Tairn’s voice boom through. “No”, I answer Tairn, “he just can’t believe me, because he’s seen proof of the exact opposite too many times, from me. I’ve only ever chosen Xaden.” As I answer Tairn, I get it. Well, I’ll make him fucking believe it.

As we enter our room, I sit down on the edge of the four poster, kicking off my shoes. Fine, he needs to feel it, I’ll fucking make him feel it. “If anyone should come by, trying to sneak a kiss from me, you can trust me I’ll tell them to fuck off.” I tell him, admittedly a great deal sarcastically so. It makes him smile, for real.

That does me in, I go on, “What makes you believe I could ever trade away the man who, according to word on the street, is responsible for the best night of my life?” Then I remove my short jacket. Throwing it on the floor. “You’re making a mess”, he says, but the smile on his face says something completely different as he walks towards me.

I stop him. Wagging my finger at him. “This” I gesture up and down my body, “is for my husband and me to enjoy. Who are you?” He looks confused a second, then says, “Well, I guess that would be me, so…” I stop him again, scooting higher up on the bed. Sliding out of my pants. “Not good enough. I’m waiting for my husband, thank you.” He laughs at me, a low chuckle. Saying with a smile and glinting eyes. “Fine, I’ll play your little game, you minx.” He steps to the very edge of the bed, “Question is, are you ready for it?”

Then he slides his shirt off, pulling it over his head in one smooth movement, by grabbing the shirt’s back. I gasp and almost loose my assigned role in this game at the sight of him. He laughs a bit self conscious at my reaction. “Are you sure you are my husband, because he knows he looks good, to say the least”, I rasp out, finding my footing. I slide off my top, now only wearing undergarments. I can see him enjoying the sight of me. And something clicks on in his gaze. He’s all in as well.

He unbuckles his belt, ripping it out of the holders and leaving it on the floor. Then he says a dangerous edge to his voice, “I’m your husband, I’m really sure, love. So little faith.” I feel a shiver going down my spine, just at hearing his voice, him being that sure of himself. Just like he was in his dream, when I came to visit.

His voice is like an aphrodisiac, I feel my body responding to his presence, all senses suddenly alert. “I’m not entirely convinced”, I say coyly, with an expression of ‘sorry, not sorry’. Then he pounces, throwing himself after me, on the bed, I give off an unexpectedly girlish shriek, and bolt away to the other side of the bed. He laughs through his teeth and says, “Darling wife, why so skittish?” His grin is positively carnal.

I get out of bed, and turn my back to Bodhi, looking at him over my shoulder and letting my remaining top underthings fall to the floor, just my panties left now. The nervousness I felt this morning, has been obliterated. I feel bold and am enticed by doing this hard work on that low self esteem he seems plagued with. My goal is to get him feeling down right entitled to me.

He slides to the edge of the bed, placing his feet on the ground, trapping me with his legs from behind. He has apparently gotten out of his pants while my back has been mostly turned, because I feel his naked skin against my legs. And I feel electric.

I say with a breathy voice I have a hard time recognising as my own, “I’m not feeling skittish right now. If you really are my husband, answer me this, who do I belong to?” He all but growls against my throat, his voice like dark honey “You belong to me, and I to you.” I swallow hard. “So you don’t feel…confused about that anymore?” He takes my hand, puts it on his rock hard erection and asks, voice smooth and dark,’”Does this feel confused to you, wife?”

I give in, quite done with the game, message clearly gotten, show’s over, the doubting gone and now I just want to feel him for real. I try to turn to face him, but he holds me fixed between his legs, a firm grip on each of my shoulders. The scent of him fills my nostrils, the tea, the male note I can’t really define but that’s purely him.

Then I feel his breath on my throat. His chin is still smooth, no stubble rasping me, as he kisses the side of my throat up and down, like he has all the time in the world to spend like this. “You’ve had your fun, now I’ll have mine.” As he says that, I just now this is going to be more fun than I’d anticipated. “Whatever you want. I trust you, you lead, I’ll follow” I add, “tonight”. That makes him chuckle softly. “Of course”, he responds.

He puts his lips against my ear and whisper in the filthiest voice I have heard before, and biting my earlobe softly after each word, “I…will…devour…you…wife.”

Chapter Text

Bodhi has me locked against his body, my back still leaning against him, by the edge of the bed. I feel the warmth radiating from his naked skin, as he kisses every inch of my neck, trailing kisses down towards my shoulders. The suspense is killing me, and I shiver, the feeling travelling from the top of my head to the tips of my toes. He notices, like he always seems to do, and graces my skin with his fingers, over my collarbones, where my necklace with the little pearl and silver dragon rests.

Then his fingers move down, still from behind me, towards my breasts, and pinches my nipples delicately, one after the other. “Turn towards me, darling”, he says in his low, beautiful voice. I obey his soft command, standing up and turning to face him. I thought I’d be at risk of breaking into laughter, but it appears we’re both too wrapped up in our desire for each other and into this titillating game. He looks at my body like he’s trying to commit every inch of me to his memory. Watching me like he worships me, and saying softly, “You are magnificent, If you didn’t make me so fucking hard already, this part’d be another hour. Any second thoughts about me steering the ship for a while? On…unknown waters?” I answer fast, determined to get the question out of the way. “No second thoughts. Steer away.” His brown eyes glow with desire and playfulness.

He really takes his time. Bodhi kisses me, demanding entry to my mouth with his tongue and I think about how this insistence will feel when administered on other parts of my body. Because the kiss alone makes my heart race. Just as I’m unable to stop myself from demanding more of him, he wanders down my chest, kissing his way, until he reaches my nipples. It’s all so slow, its almost unbearable. The waiting is the sweetest torture. He then with intensified focus licks and sucks on my nipples, biting them gently and finally blowing on them, making them stiff and me feeling all ready to have him inside me. Preferably now. As he looks up at me from kissing me between my breasts, I can see in his slight smile, that he is very much aware of my suffering at the slowness in the tempo he has set for us. “Frustration suits you, love”, he teases me. Yeah, he is more than aware.

Bodhi’s hands do not leave the side of my waist, where I stand in front of where he sits at the edge of the bed. He is in no rush. I on the other hand, shiver from the anticipation. He stands, kisses me deeply again, his lips working me into eliciting a sort of purring sound, demanding more. As I try to take over to fasten the tempo, he stops dead. His eyes widening slightly, he smiles wryly at me. Is this going to be one long teasing? Then I’m in trouble, because I’m already out of patience.

He says to me, softly, low, “You shivered before. Are you cold?” I nod, too filled with want to find the right words. The pain on my ass cheek comes in menacingly fast, leaving a lingering hotness in its wake. I gasp in shock. “Fuck!” I exclaim. Then another swat in the same place, and one quickly following that. “First you don’t respond and then that foul language”, he teases me, a smile playing all the while in the corners of his mouth. And with his raised eyebrows and in his eyes a question, ‘more?’. His hand is there in the same way it had, the first time. Soothing, gently stroking the sore spot. Making my skin absolutely tingle as a feeling of euphoria spreads in my chest.

My face must be beet red, and I can’t find anything to say. But if I don’t, he’ll stop. And I’m not risking that. “I’m sorry for my bad choice of words and previous lack thereof”, I grit out. He swats the other ass cheek, and smiles like a cat playing with a mouse. “So, it’s sarcasm now, darling?” I once more feel the mingled sensation of feelings, but one feeling, I am totally devoid of, finally: the shame I felt before, since hearing of the Xaden-incident. This is play, fun and I want to feel him claim me completely.

I brace for it, and there it comes. Another swat, a bit lower this time, letting the most stinging part rest. “No answer and you don’t even thank me once for taking the time to help you”, that’s more than I can take, I debate giving up out of share frustration and annoyance. I can’t thank him for this, it’s demeaning it’s… and it hits me. It’s releasing control completely. He is totally testing my boundaries.

“Thank you”, I say in what is a misty but sincere voice. His hand once more soothes me. Then he says, his voice as a light in the dark. “Do you want to lay ass up on my lap? Then I can really give you what you deserve.” I feel a thrill just thinking about it. “I do”, I respond, waiting for the swat, it comes directly. “If you want me to”, I add and the soothing caress isn’t slow to follow. He catches my eye and I can clearly see, he is so turned on by this, and the same must be reflected in my own appearance, because I feel hot all over.

“You would be most welcome to”, he says with a warm, inviting voice, as if he just asked me in for tea. Dirty, depraved tea, more like. I climb up to lie across his lap. He adjusts to accommodate his hard cock, this treatment of me apparently taking precedence over what I can see and feel is an urgent need for him as well. He angles my ass up towards him, gently guiding me how to support myself on my knees. My arms, he tucks neatly at my sides. Laying so bare in front of him, my control temporarily relinquished, feels strangely easy.

Then he rests his right hand on my ass, saying “I can feel your skin heating just a little. I can make it really smart, become as beautifully reddened as your blushing cheeks. Or I could just give you another taste of it. What would you like, love? And tell me what you want”, he put emphasis on the word ‘you’. I look back at him, stretching out my hands in front of me. Have I come this far, I’m not turning back. “I want it all.” He raises his eyebrows, a bit of the man behind the role peaking out at me, going ‘really?’ Then adjusts my arms, laying them folded at my sides again.

And I say, “You judge what I can take.” He smiles, impressed I believe, and asks, “And if it’s too much?” I think a moment, “It won’t be, but then I’d tell you to stop and you will.” He nods, “I will. At any time.” And then his hand stops its swirling, soothing motion. And I almost stop breathing for a while. Then he rips down my panties, the motion making me cry out in surprise. Bodhi laughs softly at that, saying “Oh, sorry, were you planning on keeping those on?” Then his hand comes down hard on my naked ass, I gasp, but more from the pleasure than the pain. It’s so intimate, and the pain certainly more intense as his hand lands on my bare skin. He studies my face intently, and seemingly having gotten the desired response, hits my other ass cheek with his fully opened hand, definitely leaving a hand shaped mark on my behind. He smooths away the pain, the stinging now definitely increased by the removing of the thin layer of fabric.

“Relax, darling, I’ll take care of you”, he teases me. “Yeah right”, I mumble and the swats rain down on me in quick succession, alternating on both ass cheeks, I cry out from the surprise and immediate pain. “Too much?” He asks me softly, trying to gage my pain level. “I live in constant pain, do your worst”, I force the words out of my mouth, really having intended to be as quiet as possible. The afterglow of the pain is so sweet. I feel the heat spreading over my entire ass and he smooths it out with his hand, moving across the area again and again.

“And you were almost a good girl just now, but talking back so soon?” He says it so deceivingly soft I almost mistake its meaning. Then he spanks me, quick as a whip, on both ass cheeks again. Hard. I automatically reach with my hand to shield myself but he catches it and once again folds my arm back on my side. He tuts, as if I’ve disappointed him, and I feel it deeply, determined not to do it again.

As I shift, to alleviate some of the smarting pain, he takes a grip around my midriff, holding me firm. “Don’t squirm, it’ll just make this more difficult for the both of us and it’ll just take longer disciplining you.” Fuck, those words should not land as they do in me, I’m just shocked at hearing my normally soft spoken husband utter such…filth.

And I’m determined to make him know I’ll bend for him. I don’t make a sound at receiving the next two hits. Just feel the stinging pain spread. He pats my behind gently, stroking his fingers over the reddened areas. It feels fantastic, like he’s awakening new ways for the skin to feel that I’ve never before discovered. “It was amazing how you just took that.” He bends low and kisses me, where he just struck me. “How do you think you’ll feel if I stick a finger in your pussy, my love?”

I gasp in anticipation, trying to play my cards right, “I’ll be soaking wet”, I respond, out of breath, desperate to give him an answer, even an inane one. He swats my ass again, stinging quite a lot, so not the right answer. “I’ll feel wet to you, love?” I try again. The soothing touch confirms the answer. I can hear him smile on his voice, when he says “Good girl”, and despite of myself I feel a rush of pure pleasure at his words alone.

I’m just beginning to think the smug idiot maybe has had enough fun, when he carefully trails a finger from the beginning at my clitoris to my entrance and then back again. He lets a finger glide into me and groans together with me, feeling how wet his treatment of me has made me. I’ve never experienced anything like it. I feel everything, my senses are on high alert. At least, not as far as I remember. His every touch on me now has every nerve end sparking.

Bodhi removes me from his lap, and carefully flips me, making me lay back on the pillows and says to me “I am going to taste you now”, as he positions himself for the task. I fucking loose it, moaning, when he puts his mouth on me, at the same time pumping in and out of me with two fingers. As promised, he devours me completely, sucking and licking, flipping his tongue across my folds and eating me like he’s never going to get enough of me. Then he sucks lightly on my clitoris. Making small movements enough to make me writhe under him. I quickly recognise the feeling of the sensation building towards my climax, and I say his name out loud, also leading the power from my signet into him. My skin is tingling, the feeling the beginning of waves ebb and flow. Then he stops.

I almost scream out in frustration, limiting myself to lamenting, “No! Why’d you stop?” He flips me over, and all my strength has left my body, so I’m not struggling in the least. Also dead curious on where this is going. He lays down beside me, locking my legs apart and continues stroking my pussy, keeping me on the edge. “I am not a mind reader.” Point fucking taken. “How would I know you wanted to come, since you haven’t asked me to?” I am filled with such raw emotion. He really got into this ‘I am yours’ business.

I grit out between closed teeth, “Of course I want to come.” He is walking a tight fucking rope. He smiles a crooked, entirely vicious, smile. “That’s not ‘asking’, love”. Then removes his hand from me, and instead follows a hard smack on my ass. Fuck, that hurts. I wince and inadvertently make a hiss in pain. “I didn’t think you’d push me right now, you being so deliciously raw and all…” he says, as he’s trailing a finger over the spot he just marked. And I feel every little bit of my skin spring to attention at his light touch. “…but if you prefer it, I’ll go get my belt.” No, I can’t take much more in the name of pleasure, and I can see in his calm eyes glinting at me, that he knows that’s way past my limit. It’s a sordid battle of wills.

“I…” I begin, and he raises an eyebrow as per our previous talk on the stairs. As encouragement I guess, he begins stroking my pussy again, I feel a deep pounding from inside me. “You?” I gasp in pleasure, thinking to myself that if he keeps doing what he’s doing, I might come anyway. I close my eyes but don’t make a sound. “I wouldn’t do that if I were you”, he warns me softly. “Just be a good girl and ask. It’s not so hard, is it?” His fucking smirk says it all. It’s fucking hard, and he bloody well knows it. He stops moving his fingers, but stays on me, as if giving me a chance to choose before he takes action. Just him stopping is punishment enough at this point.

I can feel electric energy bubbling underneath my skin. “Please make me come”, I say in a voice I hardly recognise to be my own. He smiles at me, moving me closer to the edge again, “It will be my absolute pleasure”, he answers, all fucking politeness and wordiness. Then he makes my world explode, as he pushes his fingers into me, against exactly the right spot and at the same time strokes me over the edge to my climax. I scream out his name as I come.

The lightning I fear to see the effect from when I open my eyes, is nowhere to be seen, but my human conduit looks a bit taken aback with the force I’ve just pushed into him. He instantly finds his composure, though.

I am still clenching around his fingers as I tell him, “No more waiting, please fuck me now.” He doesn’t make me wait. He whispers into my ear from behind me, “How can I deny such a pretty request. But I want to see my handiwork on your beautiful ass when I come into you”, I turn my head to kiss him and say, “That’s what I want too, love. And please make me come again”, and I raise my ass, supporting myself on my knees. He guides my hands to the bedpost for support. “I will”, he says confidently and smiles around the words, whispered into my ear. “Hold on, love”, then I feel his hands on my hips, placing himself behind me. After first stretching me out with a devastatingly slow thrust, he’s soon slamming into me again and again as he holds on to my hips. And it’s so good to finally feel him that I almost see stars.

Just the air touching my reddened ass, makes me feel stimulated and when he strokes my clit, while fucking me hard, slamming into my reddened skin, nearing his own completion, I come again, the tingling sensation like a thunderstorm building under my skin, staying like a permanent cloud around me. He comes into me soon after, light erupting in waves around us as he momentarily looses control. Apparently he has found some way to control his new signet more than last time he lost control with me. No sparks from me though, as if the control I had already relinquished to him during this session, made my power ‘his problem’. He pants, “Violet, fuck, that was intense.” And we lay down, panting together in a heap on the bed.

Afterwards, I lie on his chest, listening to his heartbeat while he holds me and I can’t recall ever having felt so close to anyone or so completely changed. He is still, almost absentmindedly, stroking my ass gently and it’s a wonderful sensation. He asks, “You trust me with all of you, still, after knowing some of my less than savoury proclivities?” I laugh softly, very excited with the prospect of there possibly being even more new things to discover. And say, “Possibly even more. Though you may have to dab my ass with some camomile concoction tomorrow, if I’m expected to sit in meetings with the Assembly.”

He answers gleefully, “Of course I will. And you most certainly are sitting in the Assembly meetings! And I’ll have the incomparable pleasure of knowing you’ll be thinking of me every time you shift in your seat.” I laugh, and swat at his arm holding me, “Cursing you, more like.” He laughs in turn. “I love you so much. You are such a fearless, amazing woman. How I ever came to be so lucky, I’ll never understand.” I smile at him, all but spent beside him, just managing to say, “Likewise.” He looks amused, “Did you learn nothing from the anatomy lesson before?” I roll my eyes. And I fall asleep, happy, not a single thought in my head except for Bodhi.

Chapter Text

I wake up in Bodhi’s arms. I have not dreamt, nor have I dream walked myself into anyone’s dream. I was all but spent when I fell asleep, full of new impressions. I can feel the ghost of a remaining sting on the skin of my ass, only as I touch the skin. I’m reminded of the sensation from yesterday, fuck, he was right. I’ll be feeling and thinking about him all day. And I have a feeling I’m quite red still, since the skin feels hot to my fingers.

Bodhi is still asleep, clearly uneasily so, because he takes shallow breaths and I can see him straining his neck as if trying to get away from something. Fuck, can he be the one stuck in a dangerous nightmare? I decide to wake him up. I pat his arm gently and the arm shoots up to his face, as if he is trying to protect himself. I almost loose my balance by his sudden movement. I say his name instead, “Bodhi.” No response. He makes a sound as if in pain. What the fuck do I do? I shake his shoulders and yell sharply, “Bodhi!” No response what so ever. In desperation I grab the teacup with cold tea from yesterday that I didn’t have time to finish and splash the contents in his face. That does it, he wakes up, sputtering, drenched in tea, sitting up and looking wildly around himself in shock, his black curls shining with the liquid.

I take his hand, “Sorry, that was not how I wanted to wake you.” He looks at me, trembling a bit. Breathing calmer and drying his face on a piece of the already tea drenched sheet. He sits down at the edge of the bed, trying to regain his equilibrium, hands on his head. “I’m okay”, he says with a wave in my direction, “Just give me a moment.”

I don’t. But instead sweep the other sheet into a sort of dress and come to sit beside him. “Can I touch you?” I ask. “Yes”, he says curtly. I stroke his back, in long smooth movements. This must be fucking war related. If it was Xaden related he’d have told me already.

We just sit like that a long while. Then he says “It was just a regular nightmare. Nothing to worry about. It happens sometimes, not often anymore.” I search his eyes. “May I ask what it concerns?” He looks pained. “My father.” Oh. I’ve never even heard him mention him before. “Do you want to talk about it?” He laughs breathy, “No, not ever.” He looks away, groans, then says anyway, “My father is a coward, a drunk and a brute, who abused my mother and sometimes me. He sold out Tyrrendor to Navarre when the revolution started and almost killed my mother when he discovered she’d been a part of it.” I start, “You’re saying ‘is’, is he alive?” Bodhi nods. Apparently saying a single word about this man is torture. I suppose he must be stripped of his title, since Bodhi was Xaden’s second in line.

Bodhi’s hands are back around his head, I put my arm around his shoulders. “And I was thinking as we fell asleep that I should let you nod off first so that I didn’t accidentally pull you into a dream where he figures.” I insert, “I don’t think it works like that, but go on.” He says, “Maybe I sort of foreboded the dream into existing by trying to will it not to come.” I look nonplussed, he didn’t mention a reoccurring nightmare as we were talking about dreams before. I debate not mentioning it, but also, maybe it can help pull him out of this hole. “And you didn’t tell me because?” He looks to the ceiling, hands falling to his sides, “Because I’m an idiot who thought I’d gotten rid of the dreams. And as you can probably see, I don’t enjoy talking about my father a whole lot. I’m in fact very good at pretending he doesn’t exist.”

I take his hand, turn so my body is angled towards him. “Hey! Look at me.” He does, bent forward, arms resting on his legs, and just looks so sad and tired. I stroke the wet curls out of his eyes. “You are not an idiot. You are at least moderately clever, we’ve established”, he snorts and a quick smiles flashes by. “And I get why you didn’t tell me. But since my signet is a bit untrained, it’s better I’m prepared, I think.” He nods his agreement. “I really want to ask you something, just so I’m prepared in case I end up in your nightmares, is that okay?” He says, “Sure, and I should have told you from the start anyway. I just don’t want you to think he defines me. Or explains me, or something like that.” I tell him, “Then I’ll try not to.” He nods again and says very unenthusiasticly, “Fair enough. Fire away.”

“Just generally, what situations are we talking about in the nightmares?” He looks to search for words, then says, in a metallic voice, eyes darting to a corner of the room, “Some he is beating my mother and I can’t do anything.” I clasp his hand tight at hearing it, wanting to maintain a physical connection. “And some, like the one I had now, he’s just going after me, mostly verbally.” He stops himself, then goes on, more like himself again, “And, you’ll absolutely love this, but since you might very well have the doubtful pleasure of experiencing it through me you had better know” he sighs, eyes stuck on some speck of dust in a corner of the room, and I brace for receiving what he’s about to say, ”My father is very fond of comparing me to Xaden and finding me lacking, so there’s that fun part to unpack as well.”

I squeeze his hand, saying, “Then we’ll leave it unpacked. I won’t force you. And I won’t judge you by what’s happened to you and is not your fault.” He looks away again, breathing out, I continue, “If I happen to find myself in such a dream I’ll get myself and you out of there, one way or another.” I can feel him relaxing somewhat with every word. I ask him, “Do you want me to make you some tea?” He looks up into his wet hair. “Tea, really?” But then he fires off a small smile, “Yeah love, I’d love some. Think I’ll just hit the bath first. I need a moment alone.” I nod, trying hard not to let the pity I feel for him show on my face. He kisses me swiftly and leaves.

I’m left trying to navigate tea blends, all of which seem to have been inexplicably moved to the highest shelf. It’s difficult not applying the new found knowledge about him to every past conversation. But I really try, out of respect for his wishes. But I’m more than convinced that the underdog position he seems to have accepted in regard to Xaden, not being acceptable in the slightest. I’ll just plan on helping him if he’ll let me. Also, I find it good to know that not only is he ‘not Xaden’, he is also definitely ‘not his father’.

A little while later I knock on the door to the bathing chamber, saying, “Do you want the tea delivered bath-side? Otherwise, I’ll leave it out here and run down to the kitchens to cook something up”. He says from inside, “You can come in”. I bring our cups and set it on a stool beside the bath. He sits in the bath, the water smelling of some sort of flower, maybe lavender. His legs drawn up under him, slightly hunched over, his broad arms stretched along the edges of the bathtub. The relic given to him by Cuir at Threshing stands out on his arched back, shimmering green in the likeness of the dragon himself. Bodhi makes an impressive figure in the seemingly small bathtub, but this is him suffering.

It would have been easier on him just letting me leave, but either he really wanted that tea or he wanted to share his vulnerability with me. Andarna decides to enter my thoughts, and weighs in with, “It’s obviously the tea. It appears to be very important to him.” I frown, “And I’m not?” She most certainly shrugs if I’m to guess, saying “He has tea every time he is sad and according to you, everywhere, all the time. Your affections he enjoys more seldom and mostly when happy.” I slam my shields down in her direction. She may not be a juvenile any more, but Gods, is she not aware of human codes sometimes. I can just feel Tairn rolling his eyes at her coming to him with a ‘what did I do’ type question.

I don’t want to intrude on Bodhi’s thoughts. Or rather, I really do, but don’t permit myself to. Instead I quickly fix my own appearance in the mirror, planning to swing by one of the public washrooms later on. As I grab my towel, his hand flies out and grabs me. He looks up at me, actually looking a bit better, not as lost in thought as before. “Do you maybe…want to get in with me?” He looks a bit embarrassed at the suggestion, saying more assertively, “To be clear, I don’t mean to try to have you join me here and then propose to have sex in this teeny tiny, bathtub.” Then he pretends to take out a pretend paper and pen and writes in the air “Must buy bigger bathtub.”

Every word he says makes me less and less worried for him, and I stop, amused, cross my arms and smile, saying “Oh no? No hidden agenda?” Then I’m just waiting for his words to run out. “To be fair, we did make quite a go out of it last night and I don’t want to appear to be any more of a sexual maniac than you probably already consider me.” I don’t stop him, just laugh and shake my head. “I have thought it through, you will fit in the bath with me, but I doubt much else could be said or done in regard to its puny size. Without cumbersome problems and possible health risks.”

Is he done, I ask by silently raising my eyebrows? No, he isn’t, “Also, having sex in water sucks, the natural friction is just gone. I’m just looking for some company. Preferable you.” I laugh, “So, I can rest assured you don’t prefer I go get Garrick to keep you company?” Bodhi looks confused, “Garrick would never fit in this small tub with me”, then smiles and says, “No, I just needed to run my mouth a bit to get rid of old cobwebs. Will you get in?” I drop my makeshift dress of sheets and say, “Well, you’d better make some room then.” And proceed to step into the bath.

Apparently, the special attention paid by my dear husband to my behind yesterday must be very visible, because as I turn my back to Bodhi, he hisses. Though, it could also be said, that his administrations yesterday has had some effect or other on my general feeling about being undressed in front of him. I don’t feel any shame.

A lot of water goes shooting out over the edge of the tub as I enter. I lean my head back against his chest, acclimating to the hot water. I would have had even hotter, but then, isn’t that always the case.

As I slide down in the water, he will have had the opportunity to take a good look at his handiwork. And as my head lies on his chest, he looks down on me, a concerned smile on his face. “So, how is your poor ass faring today, anyway? I’m sorry, did I overdo it?” I assume it’s redder than I thought. “No, it’s not so bad”, I answer. “I mean, I can feel it sting a little bit, but no worse than that.”

He smiles embarrassed, “Just so you know, I would not have gotten a belt and used it on you without an expressed permission, preferably also before even suggesting it in the moment. I was just trying to tease you.” I look at him, “I know, and I got that in the moment as well. I said I trusted you with my limits and I did. And…” I flush bright red, saying, “It was really hot when you said it.” I smile around my words, then add, “Fuck, I wanted to kill you a little bit too.” He laughs in understanding, nodding, “I can believe that! I thought you’d round on me a couple of times when I pushed your limits.” He touches my face, “but you didn’t.” I curl one of his black locks around my finger, saying, “Just kissing me a little won’t break the bathtub.” He places a soft kiss on my lips. “I love you”, I murmur softly. “I love you too”, he answers.

“So”, he says, “I’m really curious, what’s the verdict? You appeared to enjoy yesterday’s shenanigans, and you were the perfect participant. But did it do anything for you, personally? Would you consider doing it again?” I look up at his face, find myself eagerly nodding. “It did…something. That I have a hard time describing. Something with the loss of control that I enjoyed on a very deep level I didn’t know about before.” He nods, listening intently. “And there is something with the place where pain meets pleasure that just elevated my body’s abilities to feel.” He nods again. “That about sums it up. Being in the other side, it’s more about the thrill of having the responsibility for another’s pleasure and pushing the other towards their limit. I also, clearly, derived a lot of pleasure from seeing you squirm under my control.” He smiles unapologetically as he looks at me.

I feel my face heat. He continues, more matter of fact, “But that doesn’t mean that I don’t also love just playing with you as equals or totally following your lead as well.” I laugh at him, “Oh, you are so flexible, are you? As long as it’s fucking me, it’s all the same to you? No, you were in your element yesterday and I know it.” I say it with a smirk. His face falls. “Not true at all. I enjoy all kinds of things. And I would rather have none of you than fear you pressured yourself into doing some stupid stuff for me, that you didn’t even like or just tolerated.” I smile at him, “I did ‘like’. And I can see myself liking more. So don’t climb the barricade when there’s no need. And of course I know you like many things. Yesterday just felt…extra. Like some part of my perception of who you are was missing and fell into place for me.”

He goes really silent, looking into the distance, or rather the tiled, white wall. “Just say it”, I blurt out after a while. He can’t look at me, gazing into the wall, “Do you…not feel that I am strange for being turned on by smacking your bottom red, and maybe that it has to do with my father being abusive towards me? You don’t fear I’ll become like that, taking pleasure in making you miserable or hurting you without cause, or become like…wanting to control your every move?”

He almost said Xaden, I’m sure of it. I answer him empathically, sitting up in the tub, to be face to face with him, “No! And also no, I don’t think or worry you’d turn into either of…that. I think I know and understand enough about you now, to guess what you get out of this game we played. Which has nothing to do with our normal dynamic. And it’s not rooted in violence for you, I see that, it’s strangely enough, care and playful pleasure. That’s the reason why Lewellen is going to think there is something seriously wrong with my chair at the Assembly meeting, later today.” He laughs, which makes me happy.

“Thank you”, he says in a clipped voice and tugs me back in front of him, then places the tip of his chin on top of my head, hugging me all around. I think he’s more sad now, hiding his face on the top of my head, than he lets on, but at least he let me be with him.

Even if he doesn’t share all of the pain, he shares a lot. And he doesn’t shut me out.

Chapter Text

A little while later, we’ve dried off, dressed and I offered, but Bodhi insisted, saying “I really don’t mind”, jumping off to make breakfast. Have I poisoned him before in challenges? Because he seems immoderately afraid of me cooking.

Over a second cup of tea, some sort of omelette with bell peppers just polished off, I rise and come to stand, leaning against the cupboard, as I say, “I want to share something with you. It’s from my relationship with Xaden.”

Bodhi’s pointedly not looking up from some missive with more opinions from Lewellen and says, voice dripping with irony, “Yes, why not take a dip in the memories of old exes, when you just dried off after soaking naked in a bath, current husband basically wrapped around you.” I’m just about to jump him for that, when he looks up at me, seeing my changed mood, saying, “Kidding, of course, go ahead”, giving me his undivided attention. I worry I might come across as a bit dull, not participating in his banter but then, I know what I’m about to say will alter his mood as well.

“Xaden…sort of threatened me with a knife once. In a way I have trouble knowing where to place. Foreplay or off the rails?” The thought had swirled to the top of my mind during our last conversation. I’d been spending breakfast between happy small talk, thinking a lot about how my previous relationship always balancing on the cusp of real violence, with sparring, war, whereas the current one does quite the opposite. The irony is not lost on me.

I can see Bodhi’s arms and shoulders stiffen, protectively I guess. Then he says, bordering on angry, but also incredulous, as if he hopes he misheard me and is definitely team ‘off the fucking rails’, “What the fuck are you saying? When? What happened?” He is looking intently at me. I can almost feel him trying to read every facial expression I make. Apparently the apprehension he picks up from me, makes him reconsider his rather direct approach.

He continues softer, gesturing to me with his hands, “I mean, since you brought it up, I assume you want to tell me something more about it. Sorry, go on.” I have a hard time knowing how to pick up my lost thread, because everything I want to say turns into a very weird defensive speech, and this time, I’m done explaining away Xaden’s actions, taking responsibility for him.

Bodhi might have guessed as much, because he prods carefully, “Was it… something he said before you were a couple, when he considered you dangerous for the revolution as the ‘general’s daughter’? As did I, by the way. You had us all scared out of our wits.” This at least I can answer.

“No, it wasn’t then. Though he did threaten to kill me multiple times then, and I’m clear on me being afraid then.” Bodhi huffs, “Real cool to threaten you anyway, like he’d ever have to make that a verbal reality. Just the share power difference alone against an unbounded, untrained first year the size of a…” he shuts himself up, with difficulty. “Those instances were all before we were a couple”, I clarify. “Nonetheless”, he grumbles.

Bodhi continues to ask, “But no threats after you became…physically involved?” My squirm says it all. He sighs and says softly, “Sometimes, when I think of you as my friend first and wife second, I just want to shake you and ask you how you ever came to get together with him in the first place. And hug you lots. Sorry if that’s overstepping. And I’m sure you have your very private reasons.” Rhiannon’s comment about ‘sex and dragons’ being our main common denominators spring to mind. A little part of me agrees with him. But, on the other hand, so did Xaden, who was adamant we were not suited together until he wasn’t and decided to ‘keep me anyway’.

Instead I say, “I have had friends reacting. Rhi and Dain know about some of those early death threats and did not like it, even as our relationship progressed, I now know. But, you know. Life at Basgiath, right?” He nods, mouth pursed, his brows knitted “Yeah, sure, life for you at Basgiath. But not all the time for the rest of us. Not even for all marked ones.”

I frown at him, “I distinctly remember you swagger off the flight field, having just left a fully furnished Tairn complete with weapons for the revolution”, he smiles wryly at the memory, knowing where I’m going with this, “saying something like how you’d just been jumped in the showers in an assassination attempt. And how you defeated them all naked.” He looks pleased with himself, “So that part stuck! I knew it wasn’t going to be an image planted in vain.” I flip him off. “Really playing the long game, were you, schemer?” He smirks, “Planner. And maybe. Got you imagining me naked, though, didn’t I?” He brushes away some imaginary dust from his shirt. So fucking pleased with himself.

I just can’t stop myself from smiling at him. “Really long game, love. You were firmly placed in the ‘cousin’ zone back then.” He shrugs, “Can’t blame a guy for presenting an alternative.” My eyes must have glazed over, because I see him reacting with concern. “Where did you go right now? Tairn?” I am woken from my temporary relapse, “No, I just thought, Xaden would have. Blamed you for presuming you could ever be an alternative for me. Quite wrongly.” He looks at me with a mix of emotions.

With that, something loosens inside me. I’m not bound by any oath of secrecy to Xaden. This is part of my life too. I swallow. “Anyway, the incident with the knife took place during my second year. I was really pissed at Xaden about all the secret keeping and him telling me exactly nothing about anything. So I made a reference to me not even being able to know if a battle axe would fall out from the armoire and he took off with the comparison, I guess. Really making it his own, by summoning a big knife from the actual armoire, which he then proceeded to hold under my chin and dared me to be afraid that he’d use it to hurt me. Which I knew he wouldn’t. And I wasn’t afraid. But it was…intense.”

Bodhi is so still. “The armoire metaphor is about the only clear thing there is in that story.” he finally says. I burst out, “Thank you! Most people wouldn’t get the armoire comparison!” He continues, obviously intent on keeping calm and collected, a calculating look on his face, quite seriously trying to understand, “But, why would Xaden put a knife literally at your throat in the middle of what I understand to be a regular discussion or at most an argument?” I shrug, “Just to prove a point that he wouldn’t ever hurt me, for me to accept the secrets as part of his package.” Bodhi nods, but looks kind of shaken, then says slowly, “But what kind of point is that to make, with your girlfriend? Isn’t it sort of implied you don’t want to hurt or kill the one you love?” I take a deep breath, “First off, he hadn’t told me he loved me by then. That came later, but I’m sure he did. And the rest… I have no idea why he felt the need to prove that point.”

He purses his lips. “And where, pray tell, did this little altercation play out?” I feel my stomach drop, this doesn’t feel good saying out loud, “On the bed, he was holding me down on the bed in his bedroom.” Bodhi looks at me, concern for me, anger at Xaden, eyebrows going through the roof, “Of course it did. Fuck, that’s…that’s not okay, darling.” It’s the ‘darling’ that does it. I agree with him. It’s not.

I try to sort through my thoughts, “The thing is, it was unexpected, and we were alone.” He nods slowly, as I continue, “And in Xaden’s defence” I chance a look at him, but he doesn’t react, only shifts his jaw slightly, clearly straining not to interrupt me, “he didn’t feel he was threatening me exactly, with the knife, because he knew he would never use it on me. And he knew I knew that, if you follow me.”

I shrug, “And that’s why it didn’t scare me. But in hindsight, it feels odd.” He says, nearly matter of factly, “Yes, from my outsider’s point of view it does actually sound more than odd, it sounds bad. In fact, I would have told you to break it off with him, if you had talked to me, regardless of any personal feelings or who either of you were. I have more opinions on that, which I’ll keep to myself, thus possibly preserving the house peace.”

I make a face, determined to squeeze some more thoughts out of him. “Let me guess your very original opinions: Xaden should have not threatened me at all, over all treated me better and he was troubled.” He looks at me, relaxes his shoulders, has the nerve to look a bit out out, then says, raising the corner of his mouth, “Yeah, pretty much, but with more swearing and more focus on how you are deserving to be treated like a princess.”

I laugh, he raises a finger, as if picking through his own personal library of thoughts, “There was also going to be a rather large section on consent and a huge section on objects where a person should be able to feel particularly safe, the bed being one of them, the person you chose to spend time naked with, another.” He flips through some imaginary books, “Not to forget, safe words and separating play from reality.” I shake my head, letting him entertain me.

He switches to a new, larger imaginary book, flipping a few pages and studying it intently, “And, of course, the philosophical approach: if trust is demanded, is it really trust? And is it possible to pretend-threaten the life of a loved one, if you’ve actually threatened that person for real, multiple times before?” I look at him, amazed, a bit overwhelmed, “You have really gone over this a couple of times in your head, haven’t you?”

He gets to his feet, walking over to me, a half smile on his face. “You bet. And then I’ll suddenly remember, how I have not seen my beautiful wife seated on a chair for more than two minutes together this morning, because I’m the evil person who just spanked her butt all night, so no, I’ll keep my stones in my pocket while I’m in the glass house, thank you.” I smile at him. “Good to know you really know how to keep your opinions to yourself.”

He puts his hands on either side of my hips, looks directly into my eyes, his brown eyes now completely serious, “I have many flaws, but I hope none of them are of understanding you. You know that holding a knife to your throat, was him crossing a line. That’s why you told me.” I just stand there, looking into his eyes as the last pieces fall into place. “Yes”, is all I manage to say.

Bodhi puts my hand in both of his hands, raising it between us, saying, in a strained voice, “Had I known that he did these things then…I’d liked to have helped.” I nod, “I know”, I say, “but I wouldn’t have taken or thought I’d needed any help. Ask Dain or Rhi.” He nods slowly.

Then he begins, and I know it was coming, “You came to think about this incident after I’ve…” I can see him thinking back on everything he’s said and done in the last twelve hours or so. I cock my head, “No, don’t go there. Don’t let what I’ve told you change your perception of me or let it cast any gloom on our, very much consensual, fun. It would be like comparing a war to a play about a war and calling them the same.” He nods, “Yes, you are absolutely right. I just, never, ever want you to feel any such doubts with me. Ever.” I smile, “Hey, I won’t. Don’t change a thing. You and Xaden are entirely different people.”

Bodhi snorts, then says, “Well the fuck aware.”

Chapter Text

Why did he just say ‘Well the fuck aware’? I have to look away. Of all the phrases out there… did he have to pick the most Xaden thing, ever?

Bodhi waits until I look back at him, standing right beside me. He looks rather humbled. “That was a catastrophic choice of words. I didn’t hear it until I said it.” I shake it off. “No harm done” I say, trying to put it behind me. Failing miserably. “Hey”, Bodhi stops me from moving away, by putting a hand on my arm. “I’m his cousin, we’ve grown up more or less like brothers, at least after his mother was out of the picture. Of course there will be times when we look alike or act alike, but you are quite right. We are very different people. And have been raised for quite different lives.”

I give him a crooked little smile. “I know that. It’s just that phrase, makes me so sad he isn’t here, or anywhere really, anymore”, I shake my head. Bodhi strokes my hair out of my face. “I know. So am I”, he says softly. I put the braid up like a crown today, unsure of what the day would bring, but knowing I’ll be flying.

Then out of nowhere, I just burst out laughing, it just comes out, from bubbling up inside me. Bodhi looks at me like I just lost it, I explain, “I just thought, very improperly I guess, that I don’t think Xaden imagined you would be spanking my ass raw when he arranged this benevolent marriage. Or I guess he’d rather adopted Garrick and had me married to him and you disposed of.” Bodhi laughs softly, but more awkwardly so, “Yeah, no, I don’t think he could have imagined that, exactly, but to be honest…” I can see him colour slightly, “I’ve been fantasising quite liberally about doing all kinds of depraved things with you, I mean at Basgiath, and I wasn’t privy to the information that Xaden could read intentions.” He shrugs his shoulders apologetically.

I look at him in disbelief. He continues, “Well, a man can daydream, can’t he?” Yeah, he’s definitely spiralling into this. “What even defines an intention anyway? I mean, I can really” his eyes widen in shock at the word, ”see why he freaked out about you lending, and more or less destroying, my flight jacket.” I start at his words. “First of all, that jacket was stiff to begin with. And secondly…” I kiss him, and instinctively going in for a second kiss, “I think it is a fucking miracle you’re alive at all, if yesterday was only the half of it.”

He looks so happy and confused, as if he’s mentally occupied trying to go back to every encounter he’s ever had with me and Xaden, to understand what really went on in his head, putting us together. Then he breathes out dramatically. “I’ll never be able to wrap my head around that. I’ll just be thankful that somehow, you are married to me and you’re willing to be mine, love.”

I look at him, my ears perking up, “You ready to believe I choose you, and only you?” He smiles uncomfortably saying, in a higher voice, through teeth clenched in a grin, “What will be the consequences if I don’t?” Clearly not. “No consequences. I’m just reminding you of the fact until you believe it.”

Bodhi dodges out from my scrutinising gaze, and walks over to the armoire (the actual armoire), and picks out his flight gear. He turns to me, while beginning to gear up, bending his toned arms into the stiff leather jacket, “On a very different topic, and speaking of our very lovely marriage, my love…” I smile but shake my head at him. I’m not letting this go for long. He will have to accept that I have chosen him, only him.

He gets into his combat lace boots, “How about going with me to the jewellers today, because there is hopefully a ring waiting for us. Got the letter this morning”, he waves towards the missives on the table.

“Want to fly out to Lewellen, the place not the person, that old goat will be here tonight though, and take a look? We can be back in time to prepare for the incoming chaos.” His eyes are shining. “Yes, that sounds perfect.” I answer, “Then I’ll be able to test out the theory of the old ring being a sort of tracker as well. No incidents would indicate that, since I won’t be wearing it. Ever again.” He laughs, grabbing my flight things as well, throwing them on the bed, “So romantic and most of all practical, love”. I add in my defence, “I’m not that knowledgeable when it comes to jewellery anyway, it’s not like I’ve really had any before…well, all of this”, I gesticulate towards my necklace. I meet his eyes, “…which I, and Andarna, absolutely adore.”

Bodhi crooks an eyebrow, “Surprised me. I’d assumed that buying you glitter and bling would have been my good friend and total ally pal Halden’s approach to romancing you.” I hit him on the arm, while getting into my own, supple leather jacket. “No! And are you implying I was only with Halden for the glitter?” I sit down on the soft bed and start getting into my boots, and stop him with a hand on his thigh, and he pauses, closing his mouth, looking down at me, where I sit, trying to lace the boots up.

I grunt, “You’d better not begin the next sentence with ‘why else would you…’ or you’ll be in trouble”. He chuckles lowly, “Oh? Will I?” I give him a little nudge away from me, creating the space I need to actually get the lacing done. “To be fair, I think Halden’s royal power and smarmy smile had something to do with the attraction as well”, he adds, himself sporting a rather smarmy smile, no doubt inspired by Halden, and I can see him enjoying himself immensely. The pillows are too far off, or I would have tried for a third hit. Instead I shoot him a murderous glare.

“You are so…” , I begin as I bend down to reach the boots, he takes a few steps closer to me, quiet as a cat, saying softly close to my ear, suddenly seated beside me on the bed, an annoyingly handsome smile dancing on his face, “Annoying? Incorrigible? Adorable?” I scowl at him, sitting back up on the bed to begin lacing up the other boot, grumbling, “Well you were spot on with the first one.”

My shoe lace snaps as I tug it and I make a frustrated guttural sound, all but melting on the spot. Bodhi shoots off towards the cluttered desk, rummages around, small objects and daggers flying everywhere, and grabs a pair of new boot laces from the desk drawer, waving them triumphantly at me, as he makes his way back to me with a pleased smile. Then he places himself in front of me on his knees and begins helping me remove the broken lace.

I am suddenly struck with how much he just does for me, without being asked. Smiling and just…willing, not expecting anything in return. I stroke his clean shaven face, with my knuckles, as he looks up at me, I say softly, “I take it back. You are so adorable.” He looks down at my boots, continuing the lacing, but smiling broadly, “Stop, you’re making me blush. I’ll just tease you some more about your poor taste in men and that’ll remind you I’m one of them.”

He does blush, “Well, blushing doesn’t help your case. Now you’re even more adorable”, I say with a smile. He blushes even more, “Oh my Gods, let this fricking boot be done soon so you can go back to being annoyed with me.” I look at him, amused. “You can’t help yourself, can you? You refuse to take a compliment if you haven’t done something you yourself deem ‘good enough’, or as a joke. And the rest you just brush away. But I bet it’s practically impossible for you to just walk off and leave before you’ve finished with my boot, because you’re incurable helpful.”

He smiles at me. “Maybe you’re right”, raising his eyebrows at me, “Give me your other boot as well, if this one snapped, it’s better to just change the other one right away.” I willingly exchange one foot for the other, saying smiling, “That’s something only someone truly adorable would say.” He sighs, still smiling though, “I’ll pay you to stop.” I lean close to his face, where he sits in front of me, “You couldn’t offer me anything I’d exchange for getting to torture you some more. You’re too adorable to let go that easy”, he laughs, adorably. “Just…why…”

I whisper close to his ear, “Cat got your tongue?” He smiles, silently shaking his head at what I guess are my ‘antics’. “You’re being so silly right now.” I smile broader, “You’re the silly one. Don’t be afraid, you can do it. You are an adorable man, Durran. Reason: for taking care of me and fixing up my laces. And because I just find you to be adorable in general. Ergo, you must be, from my point of view, very, very adorable. Admit it.” He laughs, not even able to look at me, “I…can’t say that. It’s absurd!” He finishes the second boot in record time and shoots up. I get to my feet as well. He says, eyes fixed high above my head “I’m not looking at you right now, not until you’ve stopped…whatever this witchcraft is supposed to be.”

I go to stand in front of him, hands on my hips, determined. “Then do as I tell you and this will be over in a second. Consider this confidence training, if you will.” He sighs, but laughs at the same time. “Fine! Where do you want me?” I point at the bed. “Sit there and close your eyes”, he does.

I come up really close to his ear, now all of him in my reach, and I whisper, “Thank you for helping me with the laces. That was a nice thing to do. I think you are the best husband I could ever have wished for. You’re kind and considerate, thinking a lot about other people, including me. Therefore, I, your wife, find you to be among other things, adorable. And I’ve just told you that you are adorable, so you should recognise that yourself. I know you really take it to heart, when I find you annoying. Now, do the exact same thing with the fact that I find you adorable. It won’t harm you in any way. Do you understand me? A simple ‘I understand’ will suffice.” He laughs softly, eyes still closed. Then says, “I understand”. I tell him, “Good. Now you can open your eyes.”

He does, blinking against the sunlight and gives me a sort of bashful look from underneath his locks, “You content now, insane person formally known as wife?” I think on it, then I give him a big smacking kiss. “Yes! Let’s go and let you pick me up some jewellery.”

As we make our way towards the flight field, we’ve picked up Garrick and Mira on our way out, on their way off on patrol. Garrick gives Mira a recounting of the other night, telling her about the wine mix up, to which she responds, “Please! I take wine from that cabinet all the time! It’s not that strong, you and your friends are just wusses.” I laugh at her bravado, “Really?”, I ask her doubtfully, I don’t recall your stamina to have been all that worth bragging about, in the past at least.” Garrick leans over my shoulder “Oh yes, please tell all. How was Mira’s drinking habits?” She looks at me, contemplating murdering me on the spot to make me keep quiet. I don’t. Being a little sister comes with some responsibilities.

“I remember you returning home when you were on leave, just throwing up all over my clothes in the middle of the night. That was not exactly exuding good drinking behaviour.” She counters, “Well, that would teach you not to let your clothes lie all over the floor!” Bodhi chimes in, “You’d think so, but she is not really as tidy as all that.” Mira looks smugly at me, high fiving Bodhi behind her back. I turn on him instead and he looks so innocent, “Oh no, if there is anyone who keeps their stuff scattered all over, it’s you!” I point sharply at Bodhi, over on Mira’s other side.

He makes a show of being falsely accused, then says, “No, yeah, you’re totally right. If I can’t see it, it doesn’t exist. So I have to keep my stuff where it exists. I suck at hide and seek.” Mira looks at him, shaking her head, smiling, saying “You are so weird sometimes.” He smiles at her, “You must be confusing me with someone else. Are you perhaps thinking of Drake and his little kitty?” She takes a few threatening steps in his direction, Bodhi backs away, and falls back to walk beside Garrick, all the while raising his hands, saying, “Apparently not at all.”

I long for Bodhi’s touch as soon as I’m out of his reach. So I cross Miras path, and linger a bit, placing me next to him, taking his hand, “Hey you!” he says happily as I do, adding, “Just can’t get enough of me, can you?” Wow, how that statement is true. “I just…wanted to be near you.” Mira’s eyes roll so far back in her head, I fear she’ll never see again.

Bodhi stops in his tracks and freezes up, talking to Cuir. Then says to me, serious and quizzical “Cuir wants me to bring you to him. I have no idea why. Maybe stick very close?” I hear Tairn’s voice in my head, “I am on my way. You are mine and Cuir will die should he be inclined to forget that.” Cheery situation, meeting my dragon in law, no pressure. I ask Bodhi, “Have I met with Cuir before?” he says, a bit strained, “No, not as such.” Oh my gods, he is hiding something bad and talking about it will alert Cuir to my questions. Better stay silent.

Mira and Garrick have cluelessly trailed off to fly out on their patrol, dragons already about to take off. Mira jumps up on Teine in a smooth series of steps that I envy deeply.

As they leave, I see Cuir flying in, a green mass of glinting scales, teeth clearly showing, as he swoops down for the landing, in the dust left from where Teine and Chradh just left the field. He doesn’t look exactly menacing, but, that huge scar all over his front, left from the war, sure doesn’t make him look like a puppy dog either.

I swallow hard, and keep my eyes firmly on the ground as we approach him together.

Chapter Text

I let go of Bodhi’s hand as I walk the last few steps down on the flight field. Not wanting do demonstrate anything Cuir could interpret as a weakness, my eyes locked firmly on the ground. Bodhi sticks close to me, though, making me sure he isn’t in the know exactly, when it comes to the intentions of the dragon he belongs to.

Cuir makes an impressive figure. The greens in the dagger tail’s scales are more varied up close, going in a smooth gradient from more light silver green on the dragons chest to a deep forrest green on his feet. Where those, not as big as Tairn’s, but still pretty damn lethal, claws are, now placed right in front of me. Cuir huffs smoke and, judging by the shadow covering all of me, his head is right above me now.

“Silver one!” I can hear Tairn worry more for me than I myself do. Does he know something that…I should be especially worried about? But Bodhi wouldn’t willingly offer me up to Cuir, if he had reason to believe he would harm me. That’s just not possible, he’d rather die. Cuir gives off a blood curdling roar, somewhere above me, and I admit it’s not exactly comforting. But I don’t move a muscle. I tell Tairn, “These are some theatrics to test me, right?” Tairn just says, “I will feast on Cuir’s entrails, should he harm one hair on your head.”

Bodhi says to me, a bit stiffly, “Cuir says he wants to smell you.” I hear Tairn growl at this, “He will pay for this in the blood of his ancestors!” Great. Dragon politics I guess. What can be so bad with smelling me, really? Except for possibly some notes I have on Cuir’s bedside manner. Bodhi steps in front of me, and I can feel by the sulphur smelling breath that Cuir’s massive head is now right in front of him, and also me, at my level.

Bodhi screams to his dragon, “Alright you old worm! Take it easy!” Then says to me, “He wants me to tell you precisely what he said, apparently he thinks I fibbed”, he turns to Cuir, “Which I will, but Tairn and Andarna will rip you apart if you if you don’t chill first!” Then he says to me, “I’m sorry, he is really excited. Not usually with war stuff, just, this.”

I grit out between my teeth, “Let’s not waste time, dear husband. What did the lovely Cuir, hearing every one of your thoughts, I’ll remind you, say, verbatim? I insist on hearing every word”. “He clears his throat, “Don’t stall”, I add in clipped words. Bodhi sounds a bit bothered, “He wants to smell you because he says we weren’t mated before and he wants to see if we are now.” I blurt out, “But humans don’t have mates”, Bodhi supplies, “Apparently, Cuir has his own thoughts on that. He is a great thinker and strategist”, he says fondly, and I think he keeps a hand on the dragons craning neck.

I smile to myself. I imagine the constant conversation between Bodhi and Cuir at a regular basis. Theorising about things, scheming, or rather, planning. Sharing opinions on causes of action on everything from interactions in meetings, battles…to potential mates, apparently.

I see Tairn approaching, Andarna right behind him. “Why would it be a problem if he smells me?” Tairn says, a bit terse, “What if you smell like the Dark One to Cuir? What logical action will he take to protect his rider?” I think about it. If I refuse, the dragon might take matters into his own claws, and make his decision on the denial alone. Bodhi wouldn’t put me in danger like that. He just wouldn’t. I can’t ask him, because then Cuir will know. And why did Bodhi try and not tell me at first, what it was Cuir wanted to ascertain? Fuck, Bodhi thinks we are mates as well, whatever that means for humans, and knows I would feel trapped by that. That’s the logical conclusion.

“Tell Cuir he’s welcome to smell me, but he can’t eat me”, I tell Bodhi. “Fuck, he wouldn’t do that. He’s not malicious. And he knows what you mean to me, more than anyone.” At this I hear a growl from Cuir’s throat, a low gurgling. He must be just, just above me again now. I grit my teeth, seeing Tairn and Andarna land just next to us. “Silver One?” Tairn comes through calmer now, obviously going off my cue, whether by fear of my closeness to Cuir or some other reason of his own, is harder to tell.

Bodhi says, “Cuir tells me to step away from you. He’ll smell you now and confirms he does not plan to eat you.” I scream to him, “What the fuck do you mean ‘plan’?” Bodhi smiles crookedly and steps away from me, “I trust him. You trust me on that?” I grumble. “I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t.” As he backs away from me, he says, “Look into my eyes”, and I carefully raise my gaze. “Cuir’s nose is hovering just over your head…”, I interrupt him, “Less information, please!”, he smiles. “He’s really content with you letting him do this, anyway. Keep looking at me, don’t look up.”

Tairn, very much unasked, sends me an image of what’s going on, sharing his sight with me. What I see almost freaks me out. Above me, Cuir has curled his neck, bending so low that his snout almost touches my hair. Suddenly I’m back in my own eyes again. Bodhi. I concentrate on him. His tawny, beautiful skin, same flight jacket he gave me when I needed it, long ago. His curved lips, that always seem to have a smile to spare and stuff to say, his brown eyes that glitter with mischief all the time around me.

I feel Cuir drawing in my scent through huge nostrils, so close that I can feel my hair rise as he does. I look at Bodhi, not letting myself be enticed to look up. Cuir sniffs, in massive intakes of air then withdraws. Bodhi walks up to me again, saying “Nicely done”, proud smile on his face. Cuir draws back and as he backs away I glance up at him, even though no dragon rivals Tairn for size, I feel small as a fly next to Cuir.

As Cuir backs further away, both Tairn and Andarna snap after him. He takes it in stride, snapping back, but then shows his neck to Tairn. Their direct conflict resolution is enviable sometimes. Bodhi smashes into me, kissing me passionately, tipping me backwards kind of fast, which makes me do a little scream in shock and delight. “I’ve got you”, he murmurs against my lips. “And I believe you.” I straighten myself, smiling a little, “About what?” He smiles, about you having chosen me and that you want only me. For some reason.” I smile broadly, “You do?”

He gesticulates towards the dragons. “You would hardly accept having Cuir drooling in your hair if you thought there was a chance he would smell a bond to anyone else on you”, meaning Xaden. “You are convinced, I’m the only one for you, then how couldn’t I be?” That bastard! I turn on him, hands on my hips, “So, you just guessed everything would work out great, since I was willing to go along with meeting the dragon YOU are bonded to?!”

I put a hard finger in his chest. “I only went along with it because I thought you must have been convinced I would be your ‘mate’, so stupid now that I say it!” He blasts me with a white grin and says, volume falling the longer he gets in the sentence, “Well, I guess we trusted each other for no good reason and it worked out to the best? Sweet Amari, that sounded corny even to me.”

He catches my arm, pulling me close, although holding me loosely in his arms, with a, “Come back here.” At least something truly great came out of this ordeal. He is mine and now, I’m truly his. I kiss him softly, saying, “Restart. The best of news. You deserve to have a person love you back, wholeheartedly. That person being me.”

He laughs. “To be completely honest, a little bit of me still agrees with Halden, wondering what could have ever persuaded you to let me into your bed. Because to me, you are nothing short of a goddess. But I perform well under pressure, so yay, I guess.” I smile at him, “I’ll help change that perspective, if you let me. My bed would be exceptionally boring without you in it.” He smiles into my hair. I just feel it.

Well that was a lot of self reflection in the same go. Bodhi slowly turns me around, in his embrace, to face the dragons, leaning his head on my shoulder, his hair tickling my neck. “Sorry about Cuir. Can’t take him anywhere. He’s usually quite mellow, this was intense for him.” I look at Bodhi over my shoulder, did he say anything about my scent?” He squirms. “That you can say, of course”, he looks at me, eyes twinkling, “Then no.” I feel my heart drop. Did I actually want him to tell me we would be just as locked in our relationship as I’d felt locked with Xaden, due to Tairn and Sgaeyl’s mating?

He seems to pick up on my subdued demeanour, as he hastens to clarify, “I mean, no, I don’t have permission from Cuir to talk about it. And no, I don’t know anything more than I’ve already told you.” I get the faintest whiff of a ‘selected truth’ coming from him. What has he already told me about this, really? Also, is he covering up a truth that he fears would make me feel hurt or is it simply trapped? Regardless, I’m not pushing him, dragon knowledge is sacred.

“Tairn?” I chance. He isn’t inclined to tattle, “Don’t even think about demanding I betray the trust of another dragon, on something as trivial as a made up game for humans.” I respond, “I take it you do not adhere to the ideal of human mating?” He is quietly humming his answer, “I do not. Nor would I wish a mating upon any race so fragile.” I feel the bottomless despair he all but sometimes shields me from.

“I’m so sorry about you and Sgaeyl.” I feel his sadness permeate my every pore and feel a wetness on my face. “I would wish for her to be at peace. She is but a shadow now, her powers all but drained by the Dark One. That is not an existence worthy of one so mighty.” I don’t know how to comfort the wonderful dragon I’m linked to. I just pour all of my love for him down our bond. This is not over yet. I can feel it.

Chapter Text

I walk up to Tairn, stroking Andarna’s nose affectionately as I pass her. “Do you want me to smell the Light Wielder too? That could even the score for you, see how Cuir likes that”, she offers with a bite to her voice. “Thank you, but I think I’ll manage on my own.” She seems almost disappointed, as if she’d gladly taken a whiff of my husband. I smile at her, “You seem very attached to Bodhi, Andarna”, she flips her tail and takes off into the sky, maybe a shade darker than usual playing on her purple and varied colours. She really must have liked that necklace.

Tairn shifts his leg to accommodate my climb, I really must fit in more training in this new routine. As I swing up in my saddle I shift slightly. Tairn says gleefully, “Perhaps you’d prefer me to talk to Cuir about the impact of the Light Wielder’s nightly activities on my rider?” I glare at him, saying “Don’t you dare!” He chuffs, “We’ll see how you feel about that after a couple of hours in the saddle.” He does actually have a point there. I strap on my goggles and Tairn soars upwards.

As we’re airborne, I tell Tairn, feeling the slightly chilly autumn wind on my face, “How am I supposed to act with Cuir? I can’t even talk to him or look at him. Still he’s part of my life, intricately, through Bodhi.” Tairn makes a sharp turn, turning from the coastline and veering slightly north, west bound. “Your father wasn’t a rider. How did he fare with Aimsir?” I shrug, “He mostly just left her and my mom to decide.” Tairn booms, “That will not be an option!” I sigh, “I have no intention of doing that, I just wandered if you had any tips on how to get on. I mean, if it were you, how would you like to be met by your human in law?”

Tairn makes a loud huff. “With deference and less annoying chatter, if the question pertains to your mate. But you are not such. Eyes down and stay far away, would be my suggestion.” I sigh, Tairn applies himself, really meets me half way, “Cuir of course would presumably enjoy the sound of constant talk, having chosen the Light Wielder for his rider. All dragons enjoy a rider who is performing at their best. The memory removals has made that questionable at times for Cuir.” I can see it as confirmed then, Cuir wasn’t overjoyed with the restarts. Way to begin a lovely in-law relationship.

By the time we close in on the stonewalls surrounding the city of Lewellen, after having flown past a numbers of Talladium mines, I have had a lot of time to talk with my dragons. And I’m so tired from all my muscles working that I’m about to suggest we’ll walk home. And yes, I can feel it a little. Every time I do, can’t help but think about last night.

As I finally slide down from Tairn’s leg, on a field just outside the city walls, I’m not sad to be out of the saddle. I can’t see Bodhi and Cuir, apparently they had to land on the way here, for some reason, but Tairn just flew past them, saying they’d be flying soon again. Or rather, “The Light Wielder is annoying Cuir.”

I go to lean against a big boulder, stretching my poor muscles, and practicing not sitting down on a hard saddle for a while. I take a moment to eat some dried fruit I had stored in my saddlebag, and it takes quite a while before they arrive on the horizon. Then I suddenly see Bodhi come strolling towards me, Cuir already taking flight. He has a big bag with him I haven’t noticed before, and stays just out of reach from the dragons, as well he should, waiting until I’ve made my goodbyes.

I fall into step with him and we start walking towards a huge curved entrance in the wall, towards the city itself. The wall is huge, broad enough to land a dragon on, and there is a gap to pass through, but out here we’re quite alone. I hear sounds from the city not far away. “Sorry, about the delay, had to do something. Don’t ask. So, how did flying work out for you today?” he asks nonchalantly.

Right, I guess I’ll find out soon enough. I answer his impertinent question, “It was…interesting. Can you believe it, I came to think quite a lot about our adventures last night during the flight. Several times, actually. Is that what you wanted to hear?”

Bodhi looks affronted, “May a husband not show concern for the well being of his wife?” Big grin. “You”, I say pointedly, “are not the least bit concerned about anything but teasing me. You just want to know if I thought of you, with every little pinch I felt.” He gives me an almost hungry look, quite at odds with his otherwise joyous demeanour. Then stops me, just as we are about to round the wall and enter the city gates, and more or less traps me in a kiss, against the wall, one leg pressed up in between my legs.

He whispers darkly into my ear, “So did you, think of me at all, the villain asked with bated breath?” I gasp, his leg rubbing against parts of me that I’d quite forgotten about during the ride here. “You are not a villain. But maybe I thought about you a little.” He looks at me. “Are you playing coy with me?”, I smile up at him. “Maybe.” He kisses me, letting his hand glide up towards my ass, over the smooth leather of my pant. I press myself against him. “I love you in leather”, he says lowly, I smirk, “Sound choice, since I wear it a lot”. He kisses my neck and says in a rumble, “I aim to be easily pleased at all times.”

“I have no qualms to admit I thought about you a lot, during the flight”, he whispers, between kisses, “so much of my brain was occupied with the thinking of you and of our glorious night together, that Cuir nearly landed on some gods forsaken rock, threatening to leave me there if I didn’t shape up.” I smile around his lips. “Fuck, I want you”, he murmurs. I clear my throat , “Much as I hate to break up the party. How will it look to the lovely people of Lewellen, to have their duke and duchess, caught ‘doing it’ against the city wall?” He sighs, but doesn’t stop kissing me, “Not good. And earl Lewellen already has it in for me, so it would not improve my case with him.” I quirk an eyebrow in question. He adds, “He’s not a fan of your man.” Another kiss. I sigh, “And we don’t have much time on the ground”, more kisses, “before we have to be airborne again.” He kisses me again, saying, “And we specifically came for the ring, not to shock the lovely Lewellians.”

Bodhi breaks up our embrace with a groan, placing himself beside me, leaning against the wall, panting a bit. “I think I need a honeymoon with you. Somewhere we don’t have to ride dragons or be in meetings or talk to people, for a little while. A month or two should do.” I laugh, “More like a week or two, but I like the sound of that. Anywhere in particular you want to go?” He shakes his head, looking exhausted, “As long as there is you, me, a bed and possibly some facilities and food, sign me up, love. But the islands, maybe?” I think about my brief encounters with the islands. Not a lot of holiday spots that didn’t come with a unique set of trouble. Can’t stop thinking about what lovely wedding gifts we might get from Zihnal.

I am rather excited to see this new city, so I peel myself off the wall with a sigh, “Let’s go!” He’s up in a second, an arm easily draped across my shoulders. In the city of Lewellen, the streets are narrow, stone houses rise up towards the sky. Most houses have little shops on the lower floors, the signs waving merrily in the ever flowing wind stirring the air. It’s hotter than in Aretia and dustier and more crowded. The city seems very much alive, many people passing us with colourful clothes, talking and shuffling by, the noice level is definitely higher than what I’m accustomed to. And even more so, as Bodhi takes my hand and pulls me into a bustling street. I can see the sign before he points it out. It’s basically shaped as a cut gem and is located right at the entrance of a small oval square.

Bodhi opens the door at which a little bell chimes, and holds the door for me. The shop is small and quaint, smelling slightly of spices. At the front of the shop sits a little man, just short of reaching my shoulder probably, but now flown up on a high chair behind the workspace and counter. Many bluish orbs light the room. The little man looks up at us, smiling slightly behind bushy grey eyebrows and a pare of spectacles that magnify his eyes to teacups, saying “Welcome, your graces, I’ll be with you in a second”. Bodhi nods, saying “Of course, take your time”, smiling at the old man.

I wander, looking in the shop’s many glass covered boxes full with rings, earrings, necklaces and gems, probably mined not far from here. Suddenly I stop. “Bodhi?”, I say, and he’s immediately by me, smile on his face. “I found the ring, didn’t I?”, I say, pointing at a ring in one of the many velvet covered boxes. He grips my overarm slightly, saying in amazement, “You really did. That’s it. Do you like it? Or not?” I answer without a moments delay, “It’s perfect. I love it.” It really is. In my head I can hear Andarna cheering.

The ring is, as it turns out, when the goldsmith himself shows it to us, made of white gold, a shade darker than the silver pieces on my necklace and more durable, in the shape of a dragons tail meeting a dragons talon, in which’s grip is a single diamond, cut in a round shape. It’s elegant, slim and light and with the diamond, it feels eternal. As I try it on for size, although a solid sized rock, the weight is not dragging down my hand as the old one did. Apparently, he got the size right as well, because no refitting is necessary.

As the goldsmith disappears in the back, Bodhi says to me, softly, “I thought about the inscription. I wanted this to symbolise a fresh start for us, so I put something new in there. Or rather, a variation. “All our love, now and forever”. Hope it’s okay, or I’ll scratch out the ‘our’, using the chip I’ll break off my shoulder.” I smile, wistfully, thinking about how alone and nervous he must have been, the last time he decided on what words to put in the ring he was supposed to give me as a wedding band. Then, knowing full well I didn’t love him and only grieved his cousin. It breaks my heart.

He interrupts my reverie, “You’re killing me here, love! I don’t wait well and you’re looking all kinds of blue.” I put a hand on the side of his face. “You did so good, it’s exactly right. Like you said, it feels like me. Thank you for all your effort in this. I’ll wear it with pride and a lot of personal happiness about the design and significance of the words. I was just thinking it’s fantastic that we’ve come so far.”

He kisses me, saying, eyes a bit misty, “Sorry, totally worth the wait, so great to hear.” I move to leave, him already having sorted out the payment, but he says, “Just have one more thing to do here.” The goldsmith comes back with several round pearls, the size of cherries, each fastened at the bottom in a silver buckle with an intricate rose pattern. Bodhi then takes a rather huge piece of leather with holes from which hang thinner leather straps with the same type of buckles Tairn has on his saddle, from the bag he was carrying. He places it on the counter and starts adjusting the placements.

The leather itself, looks like the kind my saddle is made out of and I can see a Durran tree stamped on it, among more intricate designs around the edges. He discusses with the goldsmith about the placement of the pearls and finally fastens the buckles each in a leather slot. “I’ll fix it more securely when we are home again, didn’t bring any tools from the workshop. Do you think Andarna will like it?”

If the happy, greedy, “Mine!” I get from Andarna is anything to go on, she is content with his efforts. I nod vigorously, “She will love it. Andarna might very well like to take you for her mate instead. And you are making me look horrible in front on Cuir, having embellished both of the dragons I belong to.” I put my head on his shoulder, “Thank you. You’re truly amazing, husband.” He starts saying “I’m not…” but stops himself, instead saying “Thank you, wife.”

Chapter Text

Bodhi stands a good distance away from Andarna and Tairn. Cuir is lying a bit further from his rider, seemingly asleep, if it weren’t for the open slit where a golden eye peeks out at us. All of us outside the city wall of Lewellen.

“He is really nice to be doing this”, I tell Andarna, as she looks at me and says defiantly “And why shouldn’t he?” I straighten my back slightly “and he’s mine, you can’t flame him if you don’t like the colour.” She looks affronted, if that is an expression a dragon can have, “I would never! I’m not hatched yesterday.” Tairn looks as though he doesn’t exactly agree with that statement, and enters the conversation, booming, “If anyone should be interested in what I have to say on the matter…” Andarna and I both shout “No!”, which doesn’t deter him in the least, “…I would say that adorning a dragon bonded to one’s mate is not done.” I counter with, “Humans don’t mate!” while Andarna growls, “I am having that band, and I’ll thank you to take a look in the mirror before passing judgement, Saddle Wearer!”

Oh no, she didn’t just go there. I back away as Tairn rounds on Andarna and they both block me out. Their jaws snap at the other. The only snippets I can gage are “mule” and “princess”, which neither of them make me eager to involve myself in, so I put my own shields up.

I just place the rather huge leather bracelet adorned with pearls and silver buckles, on the ground and back away to stand beside Bodhi. He is stuck looking at my dragons arguing and says, eyes rather wide, “This, I gather is not the outcome I had hoped for, exactly.” I shrug, “I have no doubt they will sort it out. And it will end with Andarna having a bracelet and Tairn a saddle.” I look at him. He looks at the vicious spat taking place in front of him, shaking his head slowly, smiling. I ask him, tentatively, “What’s eating you, love?”

He looks at me, “Do you really want to know? Because, I can tell you right now, it’ll be like standing in a waterfall of my free falling thoughts. Maybe you’d prefer the strong silent version of me.” I smile, “I want it all”, then blush as I remember telling him exactly that, in another situation. He remembers too, saying with a raised eyebrow and a sly smile, “You do, do you? Remember I can stop at anytime if it’s too much to handle.” I swat at his folded arm, “I want to stand in your word-waterfall”, then I quickly follow that with, “Don’t!” as he opens and closes his mouth, before going any further with the ‘waterfall’ reference.

He says, turning back to the dragon discussion in front of him, “Al right, here we go. I just think sometimes, how I make my own life so much more interesting and complicated by the choices I make. Regular guy, buys his girl a ring, gives it to her. Me, makes over complicated, unknown Tyrrish heirloom into ring with absolutely no control of that process, left to trusted cousin, but former paramour of said girl, going venin. Said girl, not at the moment remotely close to being ‘mine’, all the same, inscribe my feelings into the ring, making her hate me a little bit. More than once, as it turns out.”

I smile at him compassionately, “Only for a moment. Each time. Now I love you”, he looks at me, his smile and gaze a short reprieve, “I love you too, darling.” Then he straightens himself, and looks back at the dragons, “But it is neither here nor there when it comes to my rant.” I kiss him, “Go on ranting, might get Tairn to turn on you instead, but go on.” He smiles, sighs, then goes on, “Then same ring gives said girl lethal nightmares from said cousin.” He takes a deep breath, I pat his arm.

He continues, “Then, make a better ring, sans runes, I checked, from trusted goldsmith on the other side of the province, the travel there possibly making us late to important gathering for which Lewellen already thinks I’m ‘ill prepared’ and “uniquely unqualified’. Placing me in a pickle.” He draws a breath, earl Lewellen’s opinion is obviously important to him.

“Also, decide to stop on the way, despite Cuir’s plea not to, to make some ‘quick leatherwork’ to give said girl’s dragon, thus giving myself the rare gift of not only being nervous about the receiving of the ring of said girl, but also, possibly being even more anxious about the gift to said girl’s said dragon. Rant done.” I look at him, “It was kind of like a waterfall, fascinating”, I say. He waves it away, like it was a wonderful compliment I’d just bestowed on him, saying, “Stop! That was nothing. You should hear how loud it’s on the inside sometimes.”

I look at the dragons, now standing further apart and Andarna investigating how to put on the bracelet on her front leg. “I’ll make them wrap this up, if I can.” I say to Bodhi. “Just, before that. What is the situation between earl Lewellen and you, anyway? He seemed, mostly, like a decent man to me, the few times I’ve met him, and Xaden always liked and trusted him. Why wouldn’t he believe in you?” Bodhi turns to me, “I’m tired of hearing my own voice, if you can believe me. Why don’t you tell me?” I frown, “There is so much I don’t know about you still, but I’ll try.” A look of gratitude flashes across his features. It’s the hard stuff, everything is so entwined for him.

“I gathered you, Xaden and Liam grew up together in Aretia, in your respective families until first Talia left”, fuck he looks pained, “I shouldn’t have started so far back, sorry!” I say, but he takes my hand, “No, don’t stop. You should know this about me. Please go on. It’s easier hearing than saying anyway”, he says and looks away. Then back at me, “I should add, that me and my mom were quite often at Riorson House, even before Talia left, things being as they were with my father and because of my mother’s work for the revolution.” I continue, holding his hand tight, standing close, “Then, I’m sorry to have to talk about this, I’ve assumed your mother was killed during the apostasy, in Calldyr.” He nods, looking at his feet.

“And you were there. But not your father. I remember that from reading the list of executions, and I talked to Liam about his experiences, long ago.” He looks up, eyes brimming with tears. “You have an incredible memory. I keep forgetting you really got to know Liam well.” He sniffs. “And you’re right, my father scampered off, having left all the information he’d gleaned about the revolution, to Navarre. And I haven’t seen him since.” I look at him astonished, “But then, were you raised and trained from, what were you, 15, with Xaden and Liam in Tirvainne, by duke Lindell? And, as I understand it, with support from earl Lewellen?”

He sighs, “I bounced around a bit, no one wanting to connect themselves too much with the son of a traitor, but still having to show some respect for my mother’s work and sacrifice, I was always safe. But I kept close to Xaden and Liam as much as possible, I guess you could say. I’ll always consider them both more to have been my brothers.” I stroke his chin, “Xaden wrote me letters, where he said he considered you his brother.” He smiles, and nods, “I know, you’ve told me before. That really helped me mourn him, knowing he felt the same way.” He adds, “Thanks for sharing that with me, again.”

I clear my throat, “Back to earl Lewellen. He didn’t trust you because you were the son of a traitor? Possibly treating you differently, not preparing or working with you as he did with Xaden, assuming he’d be the one to reclaim the throne. Am I close?” He laughs, “Not close, you are spot on!” He twirls a loose strand of my hair, having run loose from my coronet braid. “It doesn’t help that I’m fond of compromising, planning and, I think my worst offence, I am not Xaden. And yes, it is a boring theme in my life, but as I’ve said, I don’t let it bother me.” We’ll see about that theme, is all I think.

Bodhi looks at me, smiling, “If you’d like to assume more of a responsibility where it comes to our work roles, I would be very happy to share the scheming. Planning, I mean.” I smile back at him, “I have thought about that myself. I need to take an active part in the responsibility of Tyrrendor.” He places his hands on my shoulders, “You will. Preferably most of it, if I was to decide. You haven’t been well enough to focus on learning about Tyrrish culture development and post war rebuilding, as well as everything else, before now I think.” I nod my head, sounds probably right. “I want to learn. I need to contribute, not only as a rider. For Tyrrendor. And for you, share the load”. He beams at me. “Please put me out of a job.”

I swipe away a remaining tear on his cheek. “And no” he exclaims, but smiling, “You didn’t see me cry, if anyone asks. I would never hear the end of it. And it’s not good for my inevitable comparison to the man who never cried in his life.” I smile sadly at him, “Your secret’s safe with me. And what would be wrong with crying?” He breathes out in a huff. “It would have sent off a better image of my appearing to have the ‘strength to lead’ if we’d been caught doing what we didn’t do against that wall, rather than cry against it.”

I hug him, saying, “I don’t think you care too much of what people think of you, except for me, if I recall correctly. You can cry with me, if you like.” He draws in my scent, I’m sure of it, then says, “I have, in the beginning for us, cried lots with you. But now I don’t feel like it. I want to smile and laugh. Maybe cry from laughter. But I’m a bit done with crying for now, if I can help it.” Then he eases the embrace and looks at me, searching my eyes, “And it seems to me, you are done crying too, if you don’t mind me saying.” I nod vehemently. “I am… done crying over the past. I have been for a while.” He fires off a crooked smile. “Then good for us.” Then kisses me. I break off the kiss too quickly. “We should leave, as to not be as unprepared as earl Lewellen expects.” Making him let out a hard breath so that his black curls dance. “Just when it was getting fun again. But you are right, of course.”

Before he leaves me to go towards Cuir, as I look at a very satisfied Andarna having managed to buckle herself into her present, he caresses my leather clad ass, whispering in his deep voice, “Have a pleasant flight, darling.” I feel a tingle in my body at his touch. When I turn around he’s gone. As I am once more placed safely in the saddle and preparing for the hours home, I make a rude gesture in my husband’s general direction and can see him tilt his head back in laughter.

As Tairn takes off, I look down at my hand with the sparkling diamond, shining in the bright sunlight, and feel a rush of happiness flow through me. That lovely man. And Andarna chimes in. “You may tell the Light Wielder, I approve of his efforts.” I smile to myself. As do I.

Chapter Text

The winds are rather warm and in our backs most of the way, as we are soaring through a sky bright of autumn afternoon’s warm light. Tairn flies in the front, of course, the others aren’t too far behind. When I see the rolling clouds I don’t react at first. Then I see Them.

The light is reflected in Sgaeyl dull eyes as I see them lifting out of the clouds, the clouds turning blacker and covering more of the sky as we speak. My heart sinks, it feels like the world closes in on me. “Tell Cuir!” I shout, Tairn answers right back, “Already done”. Fuck. I haven’t told Bodhi…”Tell them Xaden can read all thoughts!” I didn’t tell him that, did I? That shadow, ever growing, could devour us.

Tairn dives, then swerves right. But I can see the shadows explode out as he does, eating the space between Sgaeyl and Tairn. He growls at her, she doesn’t respond, the shadows surrounding me, I summon Tairn’s power and let the lightning blaze around me, aiming directly at Sgaeyl’s matt bluish tint, this time.

The strike hits right behind them, and as it lights up their faces, I see Xaden’s red eyes glint, like slits. I’m trapped, the way out of the shadows shut and Tairn is left going in every direction, searching for a way out the shadows suffocating block on the air. But the shadows don’t push in on me this time, and I know Bodhi is out there, probably fighting with all his might, or I would be crushed. I assume his regular signet won’t work on the shadows, since Xaden doesn’t channel from a dragon anymore, but I can’t see a trace of light.

In my head I hear Xaden’s voice, demanding and raspy as if unused, but trying hard to seduce me into responding, which I won’t. “Violence…I know you will choose to come with me so stop struggling. You can’t trust yourself around me, we belong together, always. You think my cousin can stop me from taking you? You reek of him. I decided long ago that you are mine. Take your strength from the earth and I’ll save his pathetic existence.”

This seems a more newly fed version of the venin, he is more like his old self and less of a monster than before. Still, his face is twisted, the scar over his eye seems deepened, like if he has remade it and let it heal badly. The red lines in his face are hard and he looks sallow. And I get the feeling something else is steering through him, it’s not much of him looking out of those red eyes.

Then suddenly Xaden’s voice screams, almost growls, inside my head, the slight enticing tone completely gone, replaced by darkest anger as he snarls, “You are not mates! I gave her to you and I’ll take her away!” That answer was not aimed at me. I take the chance of Xaden’s momentary distraction and aim for the wall of shadow, trying to break a way out, as he continues, “She is mine to deliver! Violence won’t accept to live on without me, she will kill herself, and this time she won’t fail. With me, she’ll remain. One way or another.” At this, Tairn growls, hovering restricted inside the shadow dome, his wingtips almost touching the edges.

Xaden’s voice is lower again, like he is speaking close to my ear. “Where is your ring, Violence? I know you must miss me at night. Miss how I fuck you, miss how I make you come, miss how I know what you want at all times, what you need. I can read your every feeling. Do you remember how I had you screaming on my throne?” I will not engage with this wraith. I bite down, feel my power surge.

The blast from my lightning does indeed make a way in the shadows, but it quickly dissipates, the shadows once more thick. I feel my necklace heat up and glow, it pulsates, like Bodhi’s light did once before. I chance another lightning, it cracks directly from my hand and would have hit its mark, but Xaden snuffs it out with another billowing cloud of shadows, streaming from his outstretched hands. I’m fucking powerless. They are so close, I can see every inch of his face clearly, even under the hood.

I take the little pearl dragon between my fingers, as Tairn bellows, “Silver One!” and I look up to see the shadows encroaching on us even more and Xaden slowly moving, on his feet, across Sgaeyl’s hovering back, preparing to overtake me, black hood pushed forward, now covering most of his features. Like if he’s ashamed to be seen. Fighting hand to hand, I don’t stand a chance and Xaden more than knows it. I grip my satchel, rummaging through it for my dagger, then stop.

His hood flies back as a blinding light erupts from the necklace. My eyes meet Xaden’s red ones, filled with hate. Then suddenly, the light from the necklace jumps briefly towards him, as if powered by the lightning that is my own. Xaden says in a voice more like his own, but as if stunned, “Violet?” and looks at me with such despair and regret. Then I see his eyes shift back and the moment is gone. He instead lets a shadow whip sharply out of his hand, the tip just catching my cheekbone, probably drawing blood.

Xaden smiles savagely at me, and is about to drop down to Tairn’s back. But then Tairn suddenly dives, making my stomach drop. If it hadn’t been for the saddle strapping me in, I’d be left in the air. I feel the little dragon heat more, just like it did last time, and I’m blinded by a surge of light, whipping out like a blade, slicing through the shadows, creating a path. “Tairn!” I shout, and he already shoots towards the hole, the message must have been relayed from Cuir. Tairn beats his wings hard and after loosing all the air in my lungs as we pass where shadows are again amassing, I can at last draw breath. We made it out.

Andarna stops what I assume was blasting the shadow wall with her fire and darts after us as we exit.

As Tairn turns back around, after adding a certain distance, I see Bodhi standing on Cuir, a shining light emanating from his raised hand like a white, bright shield. The shadows are falling in on themselves, as if eaten by the light, and when it’s all but cleared, the silhouette of Sgaeyl and the rider controlling her are visible a long way off, fleeing the scene.

Then I see something that makes my heart sink. Bodhi falls, his body slumping down on Cuir, finally lying draped across the green dragon’s neck at an unnatural angle. “Fuck, is he burning out?” I scream at Tairn. “Cuir says he used the power unwisely, yes, the Light Wielder is burning out.” I can’t think, “We have to help him! Get him to water!” I recall my own near burn out at the hands of Varrish and Carr.

There is a small creek running from the Beatha River and we can’t be a long way from the Medaro Pass. Tairn confirms, “Cuir is landing at the creek you mean, I will follow him.” Andarna jumps in, almost reminding me of her youngling days, her voice so small in my head, “I want to help the Light Wielder! Tell me what to do!” I’m filled with such love for her, my eyes brim with tears, and I say, “Then fly to Aretia, get the dragons to inform Brennan and Rhi or anyone we trust, that Bodhi is…” I loose my words. I don’t know that there is a Bodhi left in the world to bring home, really. I just assume he’ll be okay.

I stop myself, I can’t think like that, I clear my throat, “Say that they should ready the healers for when we arrive, and make Brennan or Lewellen stand in for us at the Assembly meeting tonight.” Andarna swerves and leaves us, in the direction of Aretia. Bodhi will be so upset with himself if he misses that meeting. I focus on that. He will be alright and he’ll have a long tirade ready for me to laugh at, about how this is the height of his self sabotage or how he yet again manages to disappoints the ungrateful fucking people not appreciating him. Fuck, that subject didn’t calm me. Tairn says, easing some of my worry, “Cuir is focused on his rider, but I have gleaned he is still alive.”

I search through my saddlebags, looking for food, with some pretty dreary results, but there are some things. I can’t believe I never even spared him a second thought, that time he helped me, conveying messages from Cuir about getting me something to eat, when it was me almost burning out at Basgiath.

I see the glint of water below us, all but hidden in a clearing, even though most leaves have fallen from the trees surrounding the area, and one of the banks part of the rock. As Tairn lands, I’m already running towards Bodhi, my saddlebag in hand. The respect I’ve felt towards approaching Cuir all but gone, as I trudge through the flowing water to get to my husband’s limp body.

Cuir’s claws hold him gently upright, in the flowing water, leaning against a flat rock surface, protruding at an angle from the rock side of one of the banks. Bodhi’s skin is flushed red, and I lay a hand on Cuir’s claw, silently asking him to leave it to me to care for his rider. The dragon halts for a moment then I feel his great form move behind me. “Bodhi, love? Wake the fuck up!” I scream in his red hot face, between sobs.

My voice cracks, “You have to wake up, you have no idea how you’re annoying me right now!” He doesn’t move. I try to remove his jacket but the stiff leather is hard to shift. I tug at the sides of the jacket, managing to move his comparatively huge body higher on the stone and make his jacket easier to open. He still doesn’t make a sound. I more or less bend him out of the jacket and as I do, a bottle clanks out on the rock. That’d be his tea. I lob it up on the bank of the river together with the drenched saddle bag and his jacket and a book he must have kept in it, all of it landing with a wet flop on land.

“Love?”, I say again, softer this time. Putting my head to his chest I hear him breathing, fast breaths but still. And the thumping of his heart, also at breakneck speed. I take off my neckcloth, drenching it in water and pressing it against his forehead, making the water run over his hair and neck. I do it over and over. Then his body starts shaking uncontrollably, “Bodhi!” I scream again at him. Suddenly his eyes fly open, and for a moment I fear that they will have a tinge of red in them, but no. It’s him. All him.

I kiss his red burnt hands, then hurry to douse the cloth again, then wring it over his head, making water stream over his red tinged face. He coughs, then sits up before I can stop him. “No, easy love, don’t…don’t do that. You were out, you are really close to burn out.” I force him back down on the rock surface, his legs still bathed in the running water. He groans but does as I tell him. Then says hoarsely, the words cut through from his shaking, “Fuck, I don’t feel good.” I all but throw myself on him, but stop myself, instead saying, “What do you need?” He looks at me, turning his head to me on the side of the rock. Though shaking, his whole body twitching, he manages to say, “I feel like I have… the mother of all hangovers.”

Just hearing him speak again, let alone something as dumb as that, makes me burst out laughing, still crying though. “I told you I was done crying and then you go and do this”, I tease him. He looks at me, in pained amusement. “Don’t make me laugh, it hurts”, he grits out. I take the cloth, carefully stroking it across his heated face, as I do he closes his eyes. The shaking is less pronounced, and he breathes easier. Instead I’m the one shaking from cold.

I put my jacket under his head and keep cooling him down with water until the shaking subsides. He appears to have passed out again, but by his calmer breathing I guess he’s sleeping. Just anywhere seems a good spot to catch some z’s, according to this man. I rouse him, softly shaking him. Nothing. “Bodhi! Please wake up!” I scream, a bit harsher than intended. Then he jolts awake, and I feel a huge relief run through my body. He looks so much more like himself.

“Love, you need to eat something. And we need to get out of this cold fucking river before we both freeze to bits.” He nods faintly, getting to his feet, leaning heavily on me. I all but crash down myself from his weight, but manage to get us both to the bank of the river, not able to move another inch. Certainly not get up on this riverbank. I hear a crack from up ahead and then rain starts to fall heavy, on top of everything. I cry out in frustration but then shut up as I feel something solid in front of me. It’s a claw. Cuir’s claw. Tairn doesn’t say anything, which makes me suspect this is as unprecedented and unpredictable to him as it is to me. I use the claw to pull myself up the steep edge of the rock.

Then attend to getting Bodhi on dry land as well. When I finally manage, having dragged him and more or less also a half drenched version of me, to safety, I notice the rain has stopped. As I turn up to look to why, I’m met by Cuir’s golden gaze and then am quickly shielded under his wing, making a safe and rain free space for us under it. The wing stretches out, giving us plenty of room to stand, even with Cuir himself lying down. I emerge from the wing to collect our things, saying to Tairn as I turn back walking straight towards Cuir, “Tell Cuir thank you. And that I can’t leave him alone.” Tairn says, “Of course he knows that. But I will convey your message all the same.”

Then I dive into the folded wing, our makeshift tent, to tend to my husband. My very much alive husband.

Chapter Text

I head back out to get some branches from a couple of ever green trees around us, to have something to sit and lie on without freezing to death.

Bodhi is still weak and flushed, like he’s suffering from a fever. And he’s clutching his head, so I assume that hurts too. But as I again duck inside the shelter of Cuir’s wing, Bodhi raises himself, at least his upper body, supported on his arms behind him. I crouch down beside him, and I can see Cuir shutting the opening, angling his wing to completely shelter us inside his hard wings. It’s quite dark in here, so I make a blue ball of light, letting it float towards the highest part of the wing dome.

“Are we”, I glance up towards the inside of the wing. Me, I mean me, “safe here?” I ask Bodhi. He smiles at me, with some effort, “Yes, we are. Your dragons don’t do this? It’s cosy, outside but sheltered. And Cuir won’t disturb us. We are quite alone.” He raises his eyebrows meaningfully, to get his dirty point across, the movement apparently too painful, resulting in him caving back on the ground, coughing. I smile at him, tutting, “Pitiful. Sad excuse of a play, if you ask me.” He laughs a dry laugh, “I thought it was inspired. All though, this will not be the place for our honeymoon. I should have been more firm in my wish when it came to specifications of nourishment and bathing chambers.”

He laughs again, “What Cuir said was actually funnier, more along the lines of”, he uses a booming voice I guess is supposed to be Cuir, “Impossible Humans! Fornicating under my wing is too private for you, while we are all in your heads, at all times knowing exactly…’ and so on, you can figure out the rest”, he finishes quietly. “I guess there’s more than one reason for us keeping the voices inside our heads.” I make a face, I say only a bit disgusted, “That’s what shields are for.” He looks at me in unspoiled innocence, “What? Do you shield from your dragon’s when making love?” I say in a menacing tone, “If you aren’t kidding now, we have a serious discussion to look forward to. Possibly even involving the death of all future intercourse.” He feigns shock, but by his wrinkled forehead, it’s evident that it hurts a lot to play with me, “Gasp! You wouldn’t! All right fine, of course I shield, and Cuir blocks me out anyway, when he inevitably tires of me on a daily basis. As you’ve so astutely guessed.” I let out a breath I’ve been holding for far too long, as I put out more branches. I’m so happy he seems to be recovering.

Just as I thought that, his face goes white. “We’ve got to go back! The assembly…” I interrupt him, placing my leather jacket as a pillow for his head, and help him move to the bed of branches I’ve put together, pushing him back down, “No! You almost died, I think that counts as a lawful excuse even in Lewellen’s book.” He looks at me with amazement, “But the Assembly…” I look at him, tired from all the physical work and flying of the day. “I sent Andarna to convey the message to Brennan, for him and Lewellen to sort it out.” That relaxes him somewhat. I continue, adamant on putting the thought of moving an inch out of his head, “You can’t even make a dirty joke, no less stand. How do you propose to fly? Should I perhaps truss you up and tie you to Cuir, if he’d allow me so close to his person?” Exempting this. Sorry Cuir. Bodhi swallows. “Who says it was a joke? But I get your point. And no, this is not a lawful excuse.” I raise my eyebrows staring into his eyes, “Then I’ll write you a fucking note.” That makes him smile, which I can see is painful enough, since he squeezes his eyes shut.

“Bodhi, love, you can’t drift off again. Drink and eat something.” As I say it, I’m questioning what can actually be considered edible enough in my bag. He suddenly tries to heave himself up, and touches his upper body all over, as if looking for his keys. I ask him, a bit standoffish, “What are you looking for? Tea or book or jacket? They’re all safe.” He relaxes back down again. “You’re in a funny mode when you’re taking care of me. I feel sort of safe and punished at the same time.” I smile down at him, “Well, you’re not an easy patient. Don’t move. Save your strength, that’s all.” He sits back up, just halfway. Looking at me under wet locks of hair, the general redness in his face faded to a sort of darker tan, but cheeks still flushed and eyes playful, as he says, “Maybe if you kiss me I could try to be better. No promises, though.”

He’s really balancing in the line between annoying and adorable. Better to think of that, anything but think about me almost loosing him just now. I lean in to kiss him, but stop right in front of his lips, and say hotly, “You will be good?” He breathes, “I will try.” I say again, “You will do as I tell you and stop trying to solve all the problems in the world for a little while?” He breathes, “Yes, probably”. I let my lips grace his, ever so lightly, afraid I’ll hurt him. He shudders. Then I push him down on the makeshift pillow again.

He lies there for a while, while I’m rummaging around in the packs, looking for edible things not quite qualified as food. I chuck it all his way, and he tries to half sit up again, managing to drink some of the cold tea, and eat some dried fruit and nuts that I found in my pack.

Then I sit down beside him, crossing my legs, on top of his jacket, trying to remove my shoes and my muddy trousers. The book, the one about the isles, I also leave out to dry. It’s not hot under the wing, but not chilly either.

He looks at my every movement. “You’re not having anything from this spread?” He indicates the so called food. “Nope, not hungry”, I lie. “At least take some tea”, he coaxes. “Fine, I’ll do that!” I snatch the bottle from his outstretched hand and hear myself sounding really angry, which surprises me.

I drink some tea, it’s not bad. I can practically hear him analysing the situation. “Stop, alright!” I tell him. I can’t do this right now. I’m irrationally angry with you and I need you alive and feeling good so I can almost kill you for how worried you had me just now.” He is silent. Then says, softly, “I’m here, thanks to you and Cuir, and I have no plan on leaving you. You had me pretty scared too, you know.” He reaches a hand for me, but I can’t touch him right now, for fear I’ll break.

He lowers the hand, saying instead, voice steady, “How much of the Xaden stuff did you actually hear, darling?” I send my boots flying before I remember it’s Cuir’s wing I might hit, and cringe. The boots roll to a halt by my bag, no worries. Then I begin the painful process of peeling off wet leather pants. “I’ll take that as a lot”, I hear Bodhi add. Lastly I take off my top, leaving me only in panties and my dragon scale corset. Then I turn to him. “I’ll help you out of your wet clothes. Then I’ll answer.”

He obeys, helping me peel off his own wet shirt, all but plastered to his chiselled upper body, also of a reddish tint. I don’t let myself enjoy the sight of him, my mind is too easily distracted and I’m just about to help unbuckle his pants for him as he pulls me down to his chest. “No, that’s it. I can’t do this with you treating me like a ghost.” I let my hands rest on his hard, smooth chest for a moment, but then make to get to my feet or at least sit up. But he holds me tight. I breathe in his scent, saying in a softer way, “I am not speechless, this once, from seeing your bare chest, and you freak out? How insecure are you?” He smiles and holds me even tighter, “I am all the insecure. But that’s neither here nor there at the moment.”

I frown, but let myself enjoy the feeling of his warm, muscled body holding me. I ask, suddenly a lot less terse, “What’s your plan, you’re going to hug me until I give up and talk to you?” He answers rather roughly, tucking me in closer to his chest, “No, I need to feel you breathing and your heart beating and you need the same from me, because we are neither of us dead. Lean into it and just, feel all that anger anyway. Let me have it, if you will, but let me hold you.”

I relax into his embrace, feel my taut muscles give in at his touch. I say, “You almost died today. Why the fuck didn’t you stop using your signet in time?”, I hear the anguish in my voice. Then his voice fills my ears, from atop my head, “His shadows would have crushed you. And I tried pushing through, to no avail, and then I tried something new.” I breathe hard, “I’m so angry with you for pushing yourself like that, but what, dear, dear husband, did you try?”

He releases me slightly, “It was something I read is this book, trying to imbue him with light, replacing the venin in him with something else. A bit like when the follorinia moths light up while feeding on the honeycomb. They are poisonous, but then do this incredible thing.” I don’t understand anything. “This isn’t the time for philosophical…” he relaxes slightly, “It didn’t have any effect on him anyway. It was a vain attempt, but I sort of tried to imbue Xaden with my power, to force the venin out, like drawing poison from a wound, but backwards, and I guess with no result.” I start and sit up to face him. This time he lets me. “It did though. At least I think it did.” He sits up as well, looks rather green in the face and lies back down. “What do you mean?”

I think how to explain it, “First Xaden was a lot of venin, although, this time more himself and more talkative, personal even, then the other times I recall. Maybe a little more of him in there, but as if someone else was driving the cart, if you know what I mean.” He nods, “But then, I had a reaction from the necklace pair with a spark from my lightning, and somehow, he suddenly lost everything, looking at me like he knew who I was, and as if he regretted what he’d said and done, and just said my name. And then it was gone.” I touch my cheek, where the ship of shadow struck me. He looks at me with big, serious eyes taking it all in, then stretches to touch my face, saying concerned, “It’s nothing visible more than a red line, no blood.”

Bodhi tries to get up again, I just place a hand on his bare chest, shaking my head. He says, voice a bit clipped, “That means, there’s a chance we can save him.” I look down at the state of him. “Not alone we can’t. It will be like when I tried to imbue a wardstone and…” he takes my hand. “I’m sorry about your mom, darling.” I nod in thanks. “Anyway, we need powerful riders and a siphon. We need Sloane.”

He looks at me with awe, “You are truly, at least moderately clever as well. That’s a great idea. See, I debated telling you of my thoughts earlier but didn’t want to say anything to get your hopes up if there wasn’t a chance anyway.” I look him straight in the eye, “You didn’t want to risk succeeding in turning him back?” He frowns, and says softly, “No, love. I said I’ll never take that choice from you and I never will.” I look at him. “I’ve already chosen. It’s you, dummy.”

He smiles sadly, like the last day never was at all, “But you never had to consider you’d ever actually, really have that choice, did you?” I sigh. “No, maybe not. But it doesn’t change anything for me. But it appears it does for you.” He shrugs, which looks to be painful, “It’s not…”, I stop him. “I know it’s not something you choose to do. But my love, there is no need for your worry. I won’t ever leave you. You’re stuck with me.”

He looks at me, I sense he’s rather less convinced of me leaving anyway, than before. And I’d rather he’s honest about his doubts. But Gods, am I not able to think of a possible ‘choice’ with anything but dread. And I’m convinced of what I’ll do, even if they would both be standing right in front of me.

Right?

Chapter Text

I clear my throat, eager to put this ordeal behind us, and there’s not much else to do than talk, waiting for the rain to stop and for Bodhi to regain his strength, to at least be able to make the flight home. “You are content with air drying, wet leather pants wrapped around your legs?” I ask him incredulously. “When I feel a bit more myself again, I’ll get out of them, don’t you worry”, he says with a wink, then adds, rather fascinated at the sensation, “I think they must have merged with my body at this point, anyway”.

I think back to the encounter with Xaden. We really do have some more cobwebs to sweep out. “Hey, should we, maybe, to clear the air, each say a question or something about what happened? I feel better when there are no big secrets between us free for anyone to use against us.” He lifts his head from my jacket pillow, “You want to do that?” He sounds genuinely surprised, like he had assumed I’d considered whatever I heard as good as buried. But he isn’t slow to adapt. “Well, I for one was pretty surprised to suddenly have Xaden rummaging through my mind. He had a good rifle through everything there, unfortunately for him.” He gives me a wry smile.

I make a face, “Yeah, it wasn’t fun. I had neglected to tell you, I think, that Xaden read my thoughts last time we met. Did you get the message through Cuir?” I shrink a bit under his gaze. But there is no blame there, “Yes, it was…interesting. I must confess, I don’t envy your old bond as much as I did before, after having had this taste of it.” I knit my eyebrows, myself not having been overly happy with the little slice of mind power being shared either, “There were good parts, when we could also choose to shield the other out. It’s an edge in battles. And in a lot of secret, angry arguments. And there is the sex talk in public.” Bodhi looks up at me, eyes wide, “Okay I change my mind! Now I envy it again.”

I look back at him. “But I’ll admit the ability to speak mind to mind made us lazy, not talking about what one wants, isn’t all good. You forget how to communicate your needs.” He mumbles, deeply ironically, “You don’t say? You, having trouble expressing your needs? Never!” I glare at him, then dare to lean my back against Cuir’s side, and say “Up”, as I shift to place his head in my lap. “How’s your head?” He smiles, lamenting, “I haven’t had any complaints.” Which earns him the mother of all eye rolls.

He sniggers, “Sorry, had to get you back for telling me of your secret sex talk with my cousin. To answer your question, my head just hurts. So boring.” I grin at him. “You and I do the sex joking all the time, it’s just, everybody knows. And you know why there is no reason for envy of the mind to mind connection? Having to talk openly, means that everybody knows us. And my friends love you. Xaden, they tolerated, barely, as I’ve come to understand. Since you yourself did set up the comparison already. Especially Ridoc, adores you an insane amount. I can tell he almost wishes you had married him instead of me.” Bodhi clutches his heart, “Why the ‘almost’?”

He then says, suddenly serious, but with a softness compassion behind each word, his brown eyes looking up at me. “So, since you say you want to ‘clear the air’. Speaking of this inconvenient power display of Xaden’s. Excuse the bluntness but, what do you know about that thing Xaden said, alluding to you having tried to kill yourself?” He adds, at seeing the colour drain from my face. “I don’t mean to pressure you or berate you in any way for not telling me. It’s just, I would like to know now, if you would let me.”

I take a deep breath and play a little absentmindedly with his hair, running my fingers through his locks. “I would have told you, only… I couldn’t find the words. And I don’t know too much about it. Only what Rhi told me, that it was something in that first encounter with Xaden that made me run and fling myself off the edge of the cliffs of Dralor. And she couldn’t tell if it was intentional or not. It could as well have been me trying desperately to get off the ground, not to be sucked dry.” His eyes bores into mine, “And what do you think?” I think about it a while. “I think, I might have not cared one way or another.” I can see the sadness reflected in his face, but I continue, “Tairn caught me, but it was apparently close. And I begged Imogen to help me remove the memory.”

Bodhi stills, “Fuck. I’m so sorry. You can’t have taken this too lightly when you first heard it? Gods, I just wish I could go back in time to help you. And I need to mention this to Imogen in my proper apology to her. If I may. I assume she knows.” I nod, “That’s fine. And I assume Imogen knows a lot. And you’re right, it was tough to hear. But it made me understand the need I couldn’t see before, why I took such drastic measures as changing my memories. I’ve come to regard them as life-or-death choices. And today, I don’t feel like that at all.”

He caresses my cheek. “I wish you’d told me, but only selfishly so. Because you appear to have found a way to handle it that worked well. I really appreciate you telling me now. And, I hear what you’re saying regarding your feelings today. In addition, it helps me put to rest some old fears regarding potentially new memory removals.” I hold his gaze as I look down on him, really thankful for his reaction, or rather, lack thereof.

He adds, “But now, if you ever feel that that kind of despair again, I’d beg of you to talk with me. I will help you and I don’t want to brag, but I will make it my life’s goal to solve all your problems.” I tilt my head down to level my eyes with his. “I will, if it ever should come to that, at any time. And likewise.” As our eyes meet, I get a thrill in my entire body, thinking of us together, in a future.

I take the opportunity to change the subject. “And I believe that makes it my turn, speaking of things that didn’t remain unsaid”, I can see him school his features and apply himself to the change in conversation I’ve demanded, as I continue. “I heard some stuff about mates. Xaden was pretty pissed, as a matter of fact. Explain please.” He looks annoyed, of all things, with me, “Nothing good will come of this. You’ll just interpret it somehow as me trapping you.”

I cock my head, “You’ve pretty much spilled the beans, husband, and yet I’m still here, you might as well tell all.” He makes a pained expression, pressing his eyes shut, “No, in fact I think I have to sleep for a bit. Very intense pain suddenly.” I press my finger hard in his chest. “As you were”, I say. He huffs, smiles a bit lopsided, in excuse, then says, in a way I suspect is meant to downplay any perceived importance of the concept, “Yes, I think, emphasising that word, that we could be what dragons refer to as, mates. Destined for each other, or what have you. Now though, not before. Or rather, before and then, again. You follow?”

I shake my head incredulously. “I don’t follow, those were ramblings, love. At best. And also, I don’t even think there are mates for humans. You are hardly the only man I’ve felt drawn to.” He looks shocked, (of course), saying, “You really know how to make a person feel special, darling”, which doesn’t deter me in the slightest. “It’s no secret I’ve felt drawn to Xaden in a very powerful way, if you want me to be crass. If you were my mate, why wouldn’t that have been you?”

He shifts to lying on his side, resting his head on his hand. It’s a pretty sight, him being shirtless and all, even though it’s probably a position assumed to gain some distance from me, as he says, “First of all aoch, and secondly, maybe you weren’t really drawn to Xaden, maybe you were drawn to me, through our shared traits and family. But he just got in the way with his not at all attractive features, except where they totally coincide with mine, his bad ass shadows, huger than life ego and matching abs, mind to mind conversation abilities, dragon connection… I just fall in love with him when I say this, AND I’m his cousin, so go figure.” I smile at him, shaking my head, not convinced in the least by that bit.

He continues, “Seriously, we believe it’s the shared blood between me and Xaden and the bond between Sgaeyl and Tairn that made it confusing.” I look at him, myself confused, “Who are ‘we’?” Bodhi gestures up towards Cuir. “We!”

He smiles, albeit a bit nervously so, but still marching on. “Cuir, and I, believe you were my mate, then when you chose another route, so to speak, the signals sort of got crossed. But not on my part. Then we believe that something in you changed back, after the memory removals, and the latent possibility of a mate-type situation came up again as a viable option. Like nature adapting.” I look at him, bewildered. “And what would you say indicate that?”

“It’s the little things, like you picking out the ring I’ve had made for you, out of a hundred others.” I smirk, “The design was very ‘me’. Dragony as well. And that might just as well be proof I love myself.” He gives me a questioning eyebrow, and doesn’t even give any sign of it hurting physically this time. “Well you aught to love yourself. You are magnificent. But sure, it’s coincidental-ish.”

“Then there’s the signet thing. Yours has been much more volatile, since coming back from memory work this time, you’d have to agree. Almost torching Halden, and when we’ve… been intimate, I can attest to that the force you’ve blasted my way has increased in both frequency and strength.” I look at him in astonishment. “That last time…” I say, fanning my face. He nods, eyes widened, “Yeah, that alone! Now I’m actually grateful to be wearing these pants. Leaves little to no room for other types of expressions of happiness.”

He clears his throat, assuming a serious facial expression again. “You also changed certain things about your preferences, albeit slowly, but I guess more, with every small jump back in memory.” He puts out a hand to stop me jumping to conclusions, “Again, only little things, as far as I can tell. Like how you probably didn’t really drink that much tea at all before being married to me, but, I guess, since it was always there, you started having some. First with milk and then you stopped wanting milk, and changed your preference to be just like me, who doesn’t let any funky dairy spoil nice tea leaves.” I narrow my eyes. “I agree the signet thing leaves some space for interpretation, but the tea…circumstantial at best.”

He waves a hand, to indicate there’s more. “The most spectacular thing to experience with you, through the memory changes, has been the increased speed of which you’ve found your love for me, again and again.” I still. I have no arguments here. “That has been incredibly powerful and unprecedented from my viewpoint as well”, I say. And I can see it means a lot to him that I said it.

His eyes narrowing like a cat’s, Bodhi then says, “Cuir says it’s okay to tell you about the smelling situation. It’s dragony and therefor, let’s say icky, knowledge that you can’t unhear, so you’re welcome in advance.” I look at him expectantly, he continues, cringing slightly, “Apparently, your smell has changed. Cuir had…opinions on your smell in the beginning of our marriage. Basically that you smelled ‘wrong’.” I look at him with a crooked eyebrow, feeling slightly attacked. Bodhi continues, in a warm and curious tone, “But then, he said your smell had changed. And that mine had to. This was just about the time my second signet came into being, when Halden was delighting us with his presence. That’s why Cuir wanted me to move away from you, when he, in his magnanimous dragon way, smelled you. He wanted to get your smell, without it being contaminated by my scent, that to him is the same.” It’s my turn to say slowly, “Interesting. But yes, also icky.”

Bodhi adds, “And how about my wacky new signet, first of all, deeply connected to your needs, secondly, being able to be wielded autonomous from you, more or less, wearing a necklace I’ve given to you? Has no logical explanation.” I must agree it appears very strange. “Well, when you put it all together like that…” I say. “And adding that Tairn mistakingly has called us mates, but then again, he did once, long ago, with Xaden too, but it’s at least worth a thought”, I add.

Bodhi drifts off a bit and has a look of something close to bliss, but he shrugs it off. “But how does it affect us?”, I ask. He says, shrugging, “I have no idea, what so ever. Maybe it’s just a way to meet, maybe more to do with magic development?” I frown, it seems too easy. He adds, voice trailing off, “Maybe it’s just something you can forget about now and not feel trapped by, because there is no way to blame it on one’s spouse anyway, who has absolutely nothing to do with it in the first place?” He gives me a stiff smile.

I look at him, a devious smile on my own lips, “Oh no? You don’t want me to blame you for it or you want me to feel trapped by it? Which is it?” He looks ready to run out in the still pouring rain, rather than stay under my gaze. “Eh…neither?” he asks. I crook my finger at him, beckoning him closer. “Come back here, runner.” He looks at me amused, “No way. You’ll take advantage of my present state of vulnerability somehow, I can feel it.” I say, “Well you’ll have to risk that, by meeting me halfway.”

He, carefully and with considerable groaning, makes it into a sitting position. Eyes clamped shut, though. I stand and walk over to him and before he can open his eyes, I kiss him. A proper kiss this time, gentle but insistent and showing him, I’m not trapped or afraid or blaming him. He softly kisses me back and seems genuinely taken unawares at first. “Does that feel trapped to you, mate?”, I whisper, before he opens his eyes, he smiles around my lips, “Not particularly”, he whispers back.

I sit, cross legged in front of him. The evergreen branches tickling my legs, but it isn’t uncomfortable. I’ve begun to dry and my eyelids are feeling heavier. We should try to get home or we’ll be here all night. Bodhi shuts his eyes again and I guess his head must still be throbbing.

Then he surprises me as he opens his eyes and smiles mischievously, “I have just one question left. And you’ll absolutely love this one.” I look at him, seriously doubting that, based solely on the amusement bubbling from him. “Go ahead”, I say, “You can’t shock me.” He crooks an eyebrow, daring me to reconsider my words, “You had the throne of Tyrrendor torched, because you had sex on it once?” I glare at him, “This is not up for discussion, nope.”

He chuckles, “Any other Tyrrish heirlooms I should be worried about? Is the roof safe? I know how you loved to hang out there, for some reason. Is the staircase going to be sticking around? The showers, should we take them out while we’re at it? How about the desk in Brennan’s room?”

I cover my face in my hands to escape him as I break into laughter at the absurdity of him and myself. He catches me, taking me into his arms, as he says, himself laughing lowly, “The library, you can’t burn. I insist on keeping it as a shrine dedicated to our lovemaking. Just have to find somewhere to put the scribes…” I laugh loudly, getting to my feet, saying, “You are so dumb. I think you’ll be able to go home soon, any more of this and you’ll be safer in the air, far away from me.“

Chapter Text

The rain has stopped and the last rays of the setting sun have just disappeared behind the trees, leaving us in a chilly bluish twilight. At least, my clothes are less soaked. I don’t want to think about Bodhi’s pants. It’s not easy, but Bodhi manages to stand, leaning on me a little. It’s like he was drained of all the energy in his body after the attack. Two signets doesn’t equal double the power, apparently.

Cuir’s huff as he unfolds his wing, stretching it wide, makes me jump. I’ve all but forgotten that the safety I’ve felt the last hours has been based solely on Bodhi’s presence. Bodhi walks slowly, and to his rider credit, doesn’t flinch as I help him to hoist himself up on Cuir’s front leg. Tairn lies close to Cuir, daring the dragon to so much as look at me the wrong way, his eyes menacing slits. I don’t waste any time making my way to him, as I see that Bodhi will make the rest of the climb up on Cuir’s back on his own.

As he’s finally in place, after a laborious climb, he gives me a little wave. I blow him a kiss, suddenly wondering if we’ve been too hasty in stressing our departure. What if we get attacked again? He won’t make it. Or at least, I’ll have to make a stand on my own. And force him to leave. I consider the situation, we can’t risk it.

There is no ring on me that could explain how Xaden finds me. I’ve checked myself as best I’ve could after a rune, and I suspect that my schemer of a husband made use of the bath we shared to look through my hair for runes, as stealthy as possible. There was a certain focus I noticed on suddenly “combing my hair”. Also, he has had ample time to react to anything out of the ordinary on my body. After all, we’ve been naked together more times than I remember. Had there been a rune, it would have been found. His attentions on my naked body have been nothing but thorough. I flush a bit.

“Tairn?” He huffs, “Don’t even tell me you want to search me for runes! As if placing such a thing would have been possible without my knowledge!” I consider it. “But you were sleeping at the time of the memory removals. Deeply, as I recall.” Tairn pauses, which doesn’t happen often. At all. Then he says, rumbling, “If anything was on my person, I would feel it. I am aware of the smallest splinter or stone between my scales. I can feel the changes on the wind. My awareness far supersedes what you can imagine, Silver One”. Still, I let my gaze roam over my dragon. “I do not appreciate being ogled like a prized mule”, he adds. I flinch, “Sorry. How about the saddle?” Tairn’s silence gives me confidence. I haven’t strapped in yet, but I begin to climb out of it, meticulously searching every inch, every leather flap and strap for markings.

My search goes on for quite a while. Bodhi is apparently, long since ready to get going and shouts at me from Cuir’s back, sounding really over waiting, “What are you doing, love?”, but I can see his smile glimmer in the dusk. I shout back, “Looking for a rune on the saddle”. He offers, “Smart! I would help you, but I also don’t want Tairn to eat me. And, if you don’t find anything, my death would have have been for nothing, and you know how I always aspire to be helpful.” Tairn grumbles, “Make the Light Wielder shut his mouth. His words are falling out unattended.” I shout, “Love, leave Tairn alone, it’s past his bedtime. Has Cuir blocked you? Because you sound kind of bored.” A moment of silence follows. “Yeah, he’s totally blocked me. The strong, silent rider you see before you, comes with a world of internal whining in my present state.” I shake my head and laugh softly.

No runes. I look to find the Durran family crest on the saddle’s front. Bodhi’s hidden mark, with no other purpose than to show he had some little part to play in helping me out. What if…? A blue light ball comes floating my way. “Thank you!” I shout to Bodhi. Looking closely at the little tree, it’s possible that its branches look a bit mangled. Could be a finely carved rune, thin as the edge of a knife, incising the figure. I grab a knife and proceed to remove the supposed rune and the patch of leather with the tree in its entirety. As I raise it to my eyes, and feel it, folding the leather in different directions, it’s clear. There is definitely a rune here. “I think I’ve found it! It was carved in the tree!” I shout. “You are brilliant, love”, comes his immediate response from my husband.

I reach out to Tairn, as I throw the piece of hard leather as far as I possibly can. He torches it before it hits the ground. A weight has been lifted that I didn’t know I was carrying. I feel so free all of a sudden. Of course he would have hidden it in plain sight, on a place that would have meant something to both Bodhi and me. Xaden’s lethal focus on us scares me. A plan is beginning to form in my mind.

Soon, we are up in the air, once more returning home, closing in on Aretia. I can see horses and carriages gathered around the House, signalling that many of the dignitaries and students are here. Also the dragon activity in front of the flight field is significant. Dragons bonded to cadets from Basgiath litter the flight field like colourful, giant, glimmering gems. They seem to be having their own reunion.

I would lie if I said I didn’t miss having a way to communicate with my partner in the air, as we both fly in for the landing. I almost wish we could have had the dragon connection, that the bond between Tairn and Sgaeyl afforded me. “Don’t finish that thought”, Tairn decides for me. Right. Not interested in deepening his own connection with Cuir, I gather. Andarna circles us as we arrive to the airspace above and I feel relieved to have us all in the same place again.

As soon as my shaking legs hit the ground, Bodhi approaches me, walking stiffly, but he looks to have regained more strength. He swiftly takes me into an embrace, giving me a kiss. Then says smiling incredulously, “You just cracked that rune being on the saddle, on the actual dragon’s back. My incredible wife.” My hand is clasped on the back of his neck, as I say, as much to him as to myself, “Yeah, it was not bad timing. And we made it through, I’m so relieved to be home!”. I kiss him and even through the past tired, wet and uncomfortable hours, it has been worth it. We know so much more. We have a shot at real freedom and true peace for more than just us.

Imogen and a healer runs to meet us, with Mira in tow. Bodhi looks at me, wondering, “I guess this committee is thanks to my wife’s foresight as well?”, I nod, “I might have pulled a few strings”, I say, quite content with my two dragon situation. Before Bodhi is basically taken down by the healer, he waves me along, all the while trying his best to calm the healer. Only snippets of the conversation reaches me, “Really, there is no need…I feel fine! Just ravenous…could eat a smaller gryphon…” He’ll be alright. But maybe he needs some fussing after all.

I’m met first by Imogen, who passes Bodhi saying, “He seems fine, why the drama?” walking towards Garrick. As Mira reaches me, she hugs me, which takes me aback. “What the fuck happened up there, Vi? We saw lightning and a storm building on the horizon. Then I meet Brennan running to get healers, since Andarna had conveyed a message that it was urgent, but then you don’t show for hours. You both look to be fine though.”

Garrick, Imogen and Bodhi run off to a bigger group or riders I don’t know, now right in the middle of the flight field. Mira snaps her fingers in front of my face, “Hey! What the utter fuck happened? Are you hurt?” I lock eyes with her, “No, I’m good. It was Xaden and Sgaeyl, they ambushed us on our way back from Lewellen. Bodhi has a second signet, a light. It saved us. But he nearly burnt out. That and heavy rain was the delay.”

Mira rounds on me. “Why did I just hear of this now? “Bodhi’s second signet”? And since when do you hide behind any man to keep safe?” I feel the force of what she said hit me like a whip. “I don’t hide. I tried to blast Sgaeyl out of the fucking sky, but Xaden snuffed out my lightning like it was fire without air. And I don’t know that the power is just locked to Bodhi anyway, he shared it with me.” I look down at my necklace, knowing it to be true. Somehow, his new signet, is also partly my new signet, when we are working together. Mira lets out a huff and starts walking. “Shared signets is a romantic fairy tale. And you could have mentioned the signet, as we were walking here together, but you were busy making me almost hurl.” I look at her with a sister look saying ‘bite me’.

I catch Bodhi’s eye across the field, he is standing in that leader stance of his, broad arms folded in front of him, expression taut, all lethal. He makes a gesture making me understand he’ll be a while and to not wait for him. Maybe better to keep some shred of sisterly compassion, not to run after him right now. Especially looking like that, I’d not be able to keep my hands off him, at all. And that kind of display would hardly gain me any extra points with Mira at the moment, and I could use a few.

I catch up with Mira, who took one look at our interaction and began moving towards Durran House at greater speed. Mira starts shooting off some more hard stuff, “You promise me that you won’t do any mind work. Now.” I sigh, “I’ve already told you I won’t.” She looks at me, mouth a tight line. “You promise me.” I look at her in earnest, she is afraid I’ll go back to feeling depressed, it’s written all over her face. “I promise you. I’m here, and regardless, I’m not running. In fact, I feel…good.” That makes Mira heave a deep, rattling sigh, and she slings her arm over my shoulders, saying, “I’ll hold you to that, Vi.”

As we enter Durran House, the reunion after party is in full swing. Riders and the occasional flyer drift about, sitting on the central staircase, chatting in groups. As my eyes dart about the room looking for familiar faces, all noice seems to diminish. “What are they looking at?”, I whisper to Mira, who puts her hands on her hips, taking in the faces of the room with the eyes of a hawk. “You, of course. You’re the Duchess of Tyrrendor, remember. This is your House, most people here consider you their leader.”

I see several people I recognise, all doing small signs of salutations as we walk in, which I return. Drake stands leaning against the bannister, and Mira completely ignores him and passes him. I don’t, stopping and exchanging a few words before Mira drags me up the stairs. The kitty has become a cat, sitting on his shoulder like it’s a trained owl. Really cute as well. “What’s the matter with you?”, I snap at Mira as we continue up the stairs. “We have no time for social calls”, she snarls back, but I detect her eyes darting back to look at him over her shoulder and as I do the same, Drake’s eyes swiftly shifts their direction from us.

On the first landing, I’m nearly knocked to the ground by the form of Dain, charging into me, shouting, “Vi! I’m sorry, I was just…” I take a moment to gather myself. Am I okay with him even touching me? I have no idea. I don’t know if the rift between us could have been obliterated and fully healed in the space of the time I don’t remember. When did we even meet last? He too appears to choose a safe question, “How are you?” I find myself taking a step back from him, which he respects, putting his hands demonstrably in his front pockets, looking at me expectantly. I answer, a bit unprepared, but genuinely in a good mood, albeit tired to the point of nodding off on my feet. “I’m well, or, I’m good or something. Circumstances aside, I’m great.” I begin to laugh at my own comment, almost up to par with my husband’s worst stumbles. And just seeing Dain alive, well, just makes me happy.

He looks a bit concerned for my mental health, and asks Mira, “Is she drunk or something?” Mira laughs shrilly, “Yes, that would be one way to describe it.” I frown at her, “No, just kind of confused and in a great mood, I guess, as a rule. I’ve had some…memory troubles. How are things with you? When did we meet last?” Dain takes a step towards me, face lined with worry, hands still firmly in his pockets, though. His short trimmed beard makes a sharp contrast on his chin, the scar hardly visible. “I’m fine, stepping in as teacher at Basgiath has had its advantages and…certain drawbacks, as you might recall yourself. But I’m not here in the capacity as teacher, thank Amari.” He looks a bit unsure as he carefully approaches the other subject, “We haven’t met since the wedding.” Fuck. My wedding. “Your grace, I guess”, he adds, a slight smile on his face, mingled with more concern.

Just as I’m about to say something, I see Aaric and Sloane emerge from a gaggle of other cadets and make their way to me. Sloane actually gives me a brief hug saying “Good to see you”, with a smile looking so much like Liam I’m almost overwhelmed. I anticipate them, with blurting out in a positive tone, “I’m okay, so don’t ask me, it’s great to see you too.” Then Aaric gives me a pat on the back, saying, “I knew you were going to be. Never worried.” I raise my eyebrows at him and he gives me a slight shake of the head. So no, his signet is not common knowledge. I smile, “Thanks for the confidence.” I add in Dain’s direction, “And concern. I have, let’s say, turned a hell of a page, but am enjoying myself. Finally.” A whole lot of pages have been turned, but who’s counting anyway.

I turn towards the entrance as if I know he’s coming. A second later, Bodhi enters the building and the chatter once more goes silent. He meets my gaze, brazen smile on his face, blinks one eye at me, then starts talking and laughing with about every rider and flyer he can find. Even though there are no such bonds between us, I try to send a message to him mentally; that I want him.

Chapter Text

I watch my husband’s talking skills really pay off, from afar. Every rider he talks to seems to be in a good mood before he leaves them. It’s mesmerising. Bodhi still appears to be in no rush, more or less lounging his way up the stairs, flitting from one group of riders to the next, in no apparent hurry to get to me. So I turn back to Dain and the others. Dain was apparently watching me, because his eyes dart away as I turn back to the group.

Aaric says sardonically, “So, I heard you’ve had a new proposal since we last met.” I flinch, he goes on, under sly, half closed eyelids, “Halden’s apparently devastated. But seems to think the most significant hurdle being that you are in fact already married. And he’s desperate to get ‘back in your good graces’, since he asked me to put in a good word for him, something I’m sadly not able to do. Ever. What did you do to him anyway?” I groan, ”Halden should mind his own business and learn to accept a simple ‘no’!”

Aaric laughs, “I think you scared the shit out of him whatever it was”, Aaric adds. I say, somewhat regretful, “Well, he was an ass and I finally snapped. And I almost turned your brother to charcoal. Thanks to Bodhi, I didn’t manage to.” I say the last part apologetically. “But, in hindsight, Halden coming here, helped me sort some things out, through no effort on his side. So tell him we’re fine, but to give up and behave next time or we won’t be”, I finish with a predatory smile. Aaric says, “Well, Halden will love to have been considered helpful.”

I look down again after Bodhi, now finding him standing a bit closer, leaning against the rail, talking to some riders. He suddenly looks directly at me and then saunters up the rest of the stairs. I get butterflies in my stomach even as he nears me and I move away a little from the others to meet him. “Well you were in no hurry whatsoever”, I say accusatory as he finally reaches the top of the stairs. He stops a step before the landing, and waves me to him with a finger. I walk right into his embrace, and he smiles at me, for once being somewhat closer to my eye level. He lets his hands rest on my hips, saying mischievously, “Couldn’t miss the opportunity to linger just a little when I saw you watching me so intently.” I give him a dirty look, but then lean in and say right by his ear, “I want you close. I have no idea where I stand with anyone.”

He kisses me on the cheek with a gentle smile, like an apology. “I love that you tell me what you want. Then I won’t leave your side. Just had to give some orders and then thought it polite to exchange some greetings. Also possibly thought you’d value some space from me by now.” I whisper to him, “Well you thought wrong. It appears I always want you.” I feel suddenly aware of us not being exactly alone. He sweeps some of my loose strands of hair behind my ear, saying with warmth, “Remember, everyone is in our home, not the other way around, love.”

Then, he whispers, pulling me tight to his body, possibly a little bit demonstrably so, “And you’ll have to get used to absolutely everyone watching us like we’re incredibly tasty. Are you sure Dain is not your ex? It seems he wants to be.“ I frown at him. “If you’re going to be obnoxious, you can just go back down the stairs.” His eyes are gleaming, “No, I really won’t, love. Promised my wife. You’re stuck with me. Literally”, he says, twining his fingers with mine while firing off a devastating smile. I shake my head, then kiss him softly, suddenly wishing we were alone again. Preferably horizontal. But instead, we go to join the others.

Dain more or less gawks at us, saying to himself or the people around us, “I’m sorry but this…you…are so weird to see together.” Then he finds himself subjected to Mira’s glare and adds. “It will take some getting used to, that’s all I mean.” I feel my face heat, against my own will. I keep forgetting that everyone probably at best expected some cold acceptance between us, as least from my side. And me unable to let go of Xaden, my one true love.

Bodhi looks at Dain saying sharply, “I don’t mean any harm, but it has taken, let’s say, considerable effort for us to get to where we are and conforming to everyone’s specific comfort level, to not step on anyone’s toes, just won’t be possible. You all understand.” Everyone around us lets their agreement be heard, which makes me feel much more relaxed. This is not Basgiath. The rules aren’t made to trip us up, or hinder us. We make the rules. And I won’t be made to feel ashamed.

Dain searches my eyes, and there is a question, maybe judgement, there, I take a deep breath, try to not shrink from his gaze and find it surprisingly easy, “It’s not that complicated, actually. I’ve moved on and I happen to love my husband.” I can feel Bodhi beaming at me. Dain looks at us, incredulous, “All I want is for you to be happy, Violet.” I cross my arms, “Who says I’m not?” Sloane groans behind Dain, “You are so thick sometimes”, standing next to a, not that surprised, Aaric. And then Sloane leaves. Dain looks like he was just shot by an arrow, and is forced back a step. “I’ve got to…” I nod, and say with friendliness and just a little bit amusement to see the focus shifted to another coupling, “Yeah, I believe you’d better.”

Aaric and Mira step closer to us. I ask Aaric, worry instead thick in my voice, “How is Sloane doing?” He looks collected, not at all bothered by all the feelings shooting this and that way around him. “She is doing great, really getting on better with her signet, thanks to a lot of help from Dain. And…they are complicated. But that’s only my humble opinion, you should ask her yourself.” I nod, and say, “I will. As soon as the dust settles”, last part added under my breath. Mira slaps Aaric on his back, “Your brother though, what a dick.” Aaric shrugs, saying gloomily, “You don’t have to tell me that.”

Bodhi jumps in, presumably to save Aaric, saying, “Mira…” She points her finger at Bodhi, “Bodhi, I swear to Malek, if you plan on calling me ‘darling’ again…” He puts his hands up, recoiling slightly, “Nope, I learnt my lesson the first time. And don’t tell Violet that, let me have something positive from the memory removals.” I turn on him as well, saying amused, “Oh, so not that original a term of endearment for you, it would seem. Do you just hand them out to anyone?” He makes a face of discomfort, “No, darling, of course not!” I crook an eyebrow.

Aaric laughs, blatantly enjoying himself at Bodhi’s expense. Bodhi looks to him for help, Aaric just crosses his arms, saying gleefully “Not with a ten-foot pole, your grace.” Turning back to me, Bodhi says, pleading with me, “One time! I said it as a joke. I don’t have a death wish.” He glares at Mira, in a way I thought was reserved for me. She sticks her tongue out to him. Whatever catnip Bodhi has given to my bad ass sister, I want some.

Rhi comes by at that moment, giving me a hug from behind, which doesn’t even make me raise an eyebrow. I must feel safer here than I’ve considered. “At least I can attest to that you’ve never called me anything particularly endearing, have you sweetheart?”, she says to Bodhi, who points to her saying, “Didn’t know that was an option, but thank you Rhiannon!”, then adding, glaring at Aaric, ”What a good friend you are”. Rhi shrugs. “Heard you had a near burnout so I thought you could use some coddling”. Aaric looks at Bodhi and me, quizzically.

I take Bodhi’s hand, searching his eyes, and thinking we’ll tell them about what happened. But he freezes up as he looks behind me, expression suddenly serious and calculating. Earl Lewellen’s form is advancing on the steps, his salt and pepper coloured hair and beard a contrast to all the youngish riders usually darkening these particular halls. As he reaches us, he bobs his head in a curt nod in our direction, saying with pursed lips, “Your graces”, would it be possible to exchange some thoughts?” Never mind it being the middle of the night and us looking wretched. No pleasantries here.

My legs are already shaking from tiredness after the flight, and I all but forgot about that for a brief moment. I look at Bodhi, only to find him studying me. He then turns to Lewellen. “My lord Lewellen, you are very welcome here”, he greets him, “we most certainly can talk. We can sit down in the office, let me just find Brennan.” Earl Lewellen doesn’t miss a beat, “Lieutenant Colonel Sorrengail won’t be needed for this, after all he was present at the Assembly meeting.” Point is taken. Bodhi looks in my direction, saying, “Do you wish to join us now or would you rather stay or get upstairs? I can return later with some late dinner.” I am really appreciative of the gesture, but I can’t leave him at the first chance I might actually contribute in some capacity, excepting Halden’s visit. “Yes, I’ll join. But let’s sit down right now.” Mira and Aaric drift off in another direction, while Bodhi leads me and Lewellen into a study on the second level. The room is clean and feels empty, compared to what I’m used to when it comes to Bodhi’s working areas, or honestly; his usual messes.

Bodhi offers me the armchair and I sink down in it, gratefully so, my hands resting on the desktop. He then rearranges two more chairs, for him and Lewellen, circling the desk. Lewellen looks pointedly at my hand, possibly noting that I’m no longer wearing the Tyrrish wedding ring with the emerald. But he doesn’t say anything. Bodhi starts the conversation, “Let me explain why we weren’t able to make it to the meeting…”, but Lewellen sighs, and says, “I’m sure you had a very good reason.” Then he turns to me and says, “Violet, I must say I’m rather surprised to see you. Although a happy surprise, no doubt. Your absence at the Assembly meetings has been noted.” He adds with a small smile. “Do you plan to take part in any future talks in the Assembly?” I nod my head, saying, “I do, and would have done so even tonight, had we not run into trouble on the way here”. The trouble also known as Xaden. He nods silently, a look in Bodhi’s direction and a downward tilt to his lips enough to express to me his opinions on my husband’s particular reliability in this field.

“Please, do tell. What is the subject you wish to discuss”, Bodhi asks, quite frankly. Lewellen looks at him, with a bland expression, letting a finger run across the writing desk, as if to make a point that he isn’t fooled to believe this would be the actual office of my husband’s. “Since the last month’s meeting, I’ve heard several voices mention a discontent growing. And it was renewed, added to by your absence, I’m afraid. I am not convinced Lieutenant Colonel Sorrengail will be able to convey the seriousness of the situation, due to his family ties.”

Bodhi and I both look at him concerned. “What are these voices saying?” I ask, and Lewellen answers, “Mainly that the parties responsible for representing the province don’t deliver.” Bodhi raises an eyebrow, “Meaning us. What aspects are those, on which we, supposedly don’t ‘deliver’?” Lewellen doesn’t even bat an eye, “There is the matter of the Prince coming to Aretia, demanding the duchess for his bride, because your union is in question.” I ask, “And why is that a concern? Halden went back convinced we were a married couple. One he wants to break up still, but that’s his entitlement talking and to be expected. I just had it confirmed from his brother.” Bodhi adds, “Halden has no reason to believe that Violet has any interest in him. She was…very clear.” He gives me a little smile.

Lewellen actually has the decency to squirm. “The general opinion was that Riorson would be our leader. Now it’s a Durran in the leadership, and with you having been as good as the intended for Xaden Riorson” he inclines his head to me, “being presented as his consort, you’ll easily believe, many people have trouble embracing the duchess as the spouse of our current Duke. They fear either Riorson or the crown prince will steal you away, just like we lost Thalia after her contract ended. When your ten years are up, will you leave? Or even before?” My mouth is open in chock. Of course they do. I have just convinced myself, nearly Bodhi, of me staying. Now I have to convince a people? I consider it and find it’s a solvable problem.

Had I not known Bodhi has the ability to keep his feelings in tight check, I would have worried. Despite the message itself, I respect Lewellen, having given us a rather harsh and personal message without flinching. He even nearly spells out what to do. I clear my throat, “Correct me if I’m wrong, but it’s Durran House now and not one, but two Durran’s in power.” He swipes out with his hand in my direction, giving me right.

Bodhi picks it up, “I will remind you, also, that my mother was very much a Riorson.” Lewellen sighs, “I don’t need reminding, it’s the people of Tyrrendor, not to mention the ruling families, that do, boy.” Bodhi gets to his feet, looking as tired as he probably feels, pinching the bridge of his nose a second before looking up. “Boy?” he spits the word out, in disbelief. “Do you want to rephrase that?”

Lewellen has a look of a student having failed under Devera’s glare, but quickly finds himself. “Of course, my apologies, your grace.” Lewellen stands as well, as do I, and I move to Bodhi’s side and say, “For my part, I can assure you, no one is stealing me away, or they’ll have Tairn and Andarna to answer to. I have been…unwell by the significant changes to my situation, hindering me, and us partly today as it were, to perform our duties. But those problems might have a solution. And I have every intention of remaining as Duchess of Tyrrendor for as long as they’ll have me, with my husband at my side. I believe I might also have a way to prove to the province that this is my intention.”

Bodhi gives me an intrigued look, then says to Lewellen, “Well my lord, you heard the duchess. And I am her humble servant. Shall we call it a night?” He adds, “I will keep you informed, as any plans are set in motion.” Lewellen looks pleased, with me. With Bodhi, he looks annoyed. But makes his goodbyes and leaves. All very civil.

I walk up to Bodhi, putting my arms around his neck. He leans back against the desk, his tall legs stretching out, hands on my hips. “Wow, you were right”, I say, “He really doesn’t like you, ‘boy’. Too soon?” I nip his ear with my teeth. He groans, “You can call me whatever you like as long as you do that to me”, he answers with a smile. Then adds, “But Lewellen can’t!” I smile, “Good, because I don’t share.” He laughs, and I know I’ve got him back.

Chapter Text

We slowly make our way back to our room, leaning on each other. His arm is swung over my shoulders as he’s leading the way, but Bodhi’s balance would be questionable at best if I wasn’t his crutch. I’m so tired I feel a tingling sensation throughout my entire body.

We’re both filthy, still smelling of earth, pine and rainwater. As we enter our room, I heave a deep sigh as my head finally catches up with all my needs. “We have to eat. I totally forgot, I was so tired.” He looks like he’s about to just fall to the ground where he stands as he realises the same. Apparently he’s momentarily forgotten his hunger too. He must be ravenous after the meagre provisions I pushed on him since his near burnout. “I’m going down to get something.” I tell him.

“No, I can…” he offers, but I interrupt him. “Love, I will and I want to fix you up something. It won’t be great, but it will do. And I can see your headache from here, it’s in your every facial expression. Go to bed. But first, go cut yourself out of your pants and go clean up in peace.” He fires off a tired smile, and dips his head. “Fine, do your worst. I don’t have the energy to fight you for it, darling. Thank you.” And more or less supporting himself on the wall that lovely, impossibly spent man disappears into our room.

I go down to the kitchens, all the stairs are such a long walk, on tired legs. But I manage to do a lot of thinking. Bodhi won’t like the wedding idea I’ve had, but I’ll make it up to him. And I have to catch both Trissa, Dain and Sloane tomorrow. And Felix, who hopefully is here somewhere. Most riders have gone to bed at this ungodly hour, but the remaining stragglers seem to have their reasons, and more than one new couple might at least temporarily form tonight. “Good for Ridoc”, I think as I pass him, seriously busy putting the moves on a red haired rider, his hands buried in her dancing locks. About time he got some. He was really becoming a bit of a nuisance for the rest of us.

As I enter the kitchens, I think I’m alone. I start acquainting myself with the different cupboards and pantries, deciding on making a couple of omelettes and fixing up some cold cuts. I almost drop the basket of eggs as I step out of the pantry to see Dain sitting on a high chair by the marble work table in the middle of the kitchen. He looks so lost, I almost wonder if Imogen has had a go with his memories as well. He gives off a slightly dishevelled appearance, very unlike him.

“Dain, you scared me half to death!” I exclaim. Dain just looks at me, “I don’t get it, Violet.” he says, thumbing a clay cup in front of him. “Are you drunk?”, I ask, hardly believing what I’m saying. He looks at me, looking to have a hard time focusing properly. “Not a lot”, he decides. I snatch the cup from him, sniff it. Gods, that’s strong stuff. I pour it out the drain and refill it with water. Then I set to work on my omelettes, making sure to make extra batter for a third one. “What don’t you get, Dain?” I ask him. He hands me a whisk from a wooden box on the table. “You love him, and you say it, act it, just like that. Regardless of what I or anyone thinks.” I consider, “Exactly right. It isn’t easy sometimes, the not caring about other people’s opinions. Because I do, but then I think about how he makes me feel and I stop. Also he helps me balance it all. We are strong together and I always find I dare to stand for us.”

He scoffs, taking a sip of his water, “I could never do that for you, I suppose.” I whisk the eggs vigorously, “You and I, the oldest history in the book and it wasn’t a fun enough story, as you yourself are very much aware. We’re good as friends, though.” He nods in resigned, agreement. I continue, “But you really put your foot in it today.” He nods, pursing his lips. “I just don’t get it. What does he have to offer? You didn’t use to notice him, and suddenly you’re joined at the hip.”

I look at him, raising an eyebrow, “He offers me a lot. Bodhi is a wonderful person. And why I didn’t know that before, I’ve thought a lot about. I think I let Xaden take all the oxygen in a way, there was no room for anything else to live. Maybe I would have gotten to know him, if things had been less tangled. I am ashamed it took me so long to see Bodhi, actually.” I add, “Give him a chance and you two might really like each other. Just remember, he isn’t Xaden, and I’ll not accept for you or anyone else to compare them.” Dain looks less sullen, more curious. “Fine. I’ll give him a shot. He seems a decent fellow, and compared to Xaden… “ I stop him with a look. “Sorry. That’s hard to act on, apparently. And I know you anr I aren’t meant to be. That wasn’t… I was thinking of someone else.” He looks at me expecting a reaction that doesn’t come.

I pour the first omelette into the pan, putting grated cheese, ham, onion and herbs on top. “Sloane is great, especially now that she doesn’t hate me. Please don’t make her return to that, by being insensitive, please. I have a big favour to ask her, and you by the way.” He smiles joylessly, “I’m sure she’ll help, she has such a lot of heart, it’s overwhelming sometimes.” Then he changes his posture, straightening and blurting out. “But I am her teacher. I can’t… the rules say…” I flip the omelette. It sticks in the pan, so the flip isn’t perfect.

I put it on a plate and place it in front of Dain. “Eat, professor. Food is good for brain.” He gives me a doubtful look, but I continue, “Aaric said you’ve helped Sloane come into her own, and by the reaction today she is certainly not unfazed when it comes to your feelings.” I raise my voice, “Dain, fuck the rules. Say you had a pre-existing relationship and ask for an exception.” He snorts, “That would be lying. Thanks for this, though.” He finds a fork and digs in on the omelette.

I make another two, one slightly better that I plan to hand to Bodhi, thus proving I can cook certain things, and go on to carve up some cheese and ham, also sausages and investigate something that looks like pickled vegetables. I tell Dain, “First of all, while you are at Durran House, you’re not a professor. Secondly, so what if you don’t tell the exact truth? Malek won’t strike you down for rearranging the order a bit. Besides you might as well have had a relationship before. Who can check? You love her, right? Talk to her about it!”

I finish unloading the two remaining omelettes on the plates I’ve prepped. I take two high stemmed glasses and leave them hanging between my fingers and stick the wine bottle I scavenged under my arm. “I’ve got a duke to feed. Dain, go for it, and get over yourself, you’re only standing in your own way”, I say brusquely. He smiles at me. “I can see you really are happy now. You seem more yourself than I’ve seen you for an age.” I smile back then turn to leave.

Turning around and I see Sloane standing hidden in the doorway. How long she has been there is unclear, but by the little silent wave she gives me, accompanied by a tight lipped smile, I guess she might have heard quite a lot. “Good luck”, I mouth as I pass her. She looks at me, nodding, grateful I didn’t tell Dain about her presence. As I walk up the stairs towards my husband, I feel so very lucky not to ever have been unsure about how Bodhi’s felt about me. From the very first moment, I’ve known. He’s told me straight, risking his own heart time and time again. But now I’ll ask for his faith in me even more.

I finally walk inside our room with the plates and everything, pushing the door open with my hip. Bodhi lounges on the bed in a dark green bathrobe, slightly open at the top, revealing his naked chest underneath. His fingers are ominously splayed over his forehead, indicating that the headache is still present and his eyes are closed. As I enter, he removes his hand, saying, “I wasn’t asleep”, and sits up straighter on the bed. I unload everything on the table. Then come over to him, “Liar.” He gives me a guilty smile and shrugs. I reach my hand to feel his forehead, “You don’t feel hot anymore. Headache?” As I put my hand on him, he almost flinches. “Sorry”, I say. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.” He takes my hand, “You didn’t, darling. It’s just…been a while since I’ve been touched like that.” I sit down on the bed and kiss him softly, understanding what he doesn’t have to say. The simple touch is one of intimacy and love. Apparently this is new territory for us.

Bodhi smells of lavender soap, and that does it. I am going into that bathroom and I’m not coming out until every whiff of earth and soggy water is gone from my hair. “You should eat while it’s hot, I couldn’t find any of those snazzy silver covers you used. But I found Dain in the kitchen, to my surprise.” Bodhi looks at me through half opened eyes, “Was he useful in keeping our food hot? Too tired to follow.” I turn, on my way towards the bath, “He was mostly a bit drunk and confused about us. And in love with Sloane but also self restricting, not doing anything about it, by mindlessly following all the rules. Hopefully doing something about it now, though, since I met Sloane just outside.” He gasps loudly, “The drama!”.

I add, “It made me think, being in their beginning. I’m so lucky to have found you, however weird it began for us. And I feel spoiled, because I’ve never had to doubt your love for me. I’m just sorry I couldn’t offer you the same safety, when it came to my feelings for you.” I smile at him, and he gives me a quizzical look. Then I disappear into the bathing chamber.

I’ve been alone quite some time, soaking in the bath, washing my hair throughly, when Bodhi knocks faintly at the door. “I haven’t drowned, just about to climb out”, I shout through the door. He opens the door a crack, saying, ”You left your bathrobe out here. It’s the official dress code. Do you want me to leave it here for you?” I turn to look in his direction, “Or you could just come in here and help me into it”, I suggest. He comes in, holding the robe open for me, meeting my gaze in the mirror as my bare body is wrapped up in the white, fluffy material.

He then holds out an arm as I step out of the bath and scoops me up in his arms and carries me out and sits down on the bed, me still tucked up in his arms. I laugh softly at this unprecedented display, “What was that about?” He looks at me with a softness I didn’t expect. “I need to tell you, properly, that I don’t doubt for a second that you love me now, never mind how it began. I feel it, and I see it in your eyes and in everything you do for me and say when it comes to me. How fiercely you fight for me and the way you trust me. I don’t doubt that and I feel that my heart is safe with you. Just so that’s clear.” I stroke his hair, still slightly moist, saying tenderly, my throat a bit constricted, “That’s good to know, in fact, it makes me very happy to hear.”

A little while, and one or two kisses, later, I sit alone at the table, where I’ve wolfed down my food, and had a small glass of wine. I look over at Bodhi, who didn’t make it off the bed a second time, but is lounging back on the cushions, hands folded above his head, less headachy, more leisurely so. As our eyes meet, he asks me, with a somewhat nervous smile, “So, should we maybe talk about another wedding?”

Chapter Text

I’m stumped. A thousand thoughts flow through my mind in a matter of seconds. Why did he have to ask if I was up for a new wedding ceremony now? I had a very different idea, but it sounds so stupid in the light of it all and maybe it isn’t even possible. Do I tell him regardless, thus possibly destroying his trust in me, when he’s all vulnerable? Whatever I say to Bodhi, I can’t take it back or risk for him to take what I’m saying the very wrongest of ways.

I’ve turned him down once, on redoing a wedding ceremony. Not to talk about the original wedding, that I apparently suffered through, crying and clad in black, and then the two times since, when I’ve removed my memories entirely and ended up crying over the wedding having happened in the first place. How much more can one man take? Fuck it. I trust him and I trust me.

I’ve been silent too long. He doesn’t look panicked though, just pensive. “Love, I…”, I begin, and I can definitely see him panicking now, eyes flaring wide with regret, fuck. I have to be transparent. I leave the table and go to him, where he’s still half sitting, half lying back on the bed, legs pulled up under him. As I walk, I talk, not to give him any more time to spin this into something worse on his own.

“I do. I want to marry you again, don’t overthink this or worry unnecessarily about that absolute fact, please. This is not me building up to a rejection, this is me wanting to try my hand at scheming, related to a wedding ceremony.” He is clearly a little taken aback by my reaction, but says, hesitating just a little, “Worrying a little, but go ahead”, when he hears himself he rephrases, and says more decisively, “No really! I mean it, I’m equally intrigued.”

I sigh out in relief, and sit down at the edge of the bed, beside him, leaning against his folded legs. “I am not going to hurt you, or, at least, that is not my intention.” His time to sigh, albeit with an exhausted smile, “Darling, as much as I appreciate you wanting to phrase things with care for me, I can’t stress this enough. You are not married to a person known for his patience when it comes to sensitive, personal matters. Get to the point. Please.” I jump to it. “I had this idea at the meeting with Lewellen. It concerns Xaden, and de-venin-fying him, in connection to a wedding ceremony.” He cuts in, “No way that’s what we’re calling it if we succeed. Sorry, on you go”, I give him an infuriated look, “You’re not helping by interrupting.” He flings his arms out, “I’m sorry, you are clearly bothered by the subject, which doesn’t exactly inspire calm in me!”

“Anyway”, I try again, forcing my voice to appear casual. “I thought, that we could make it known that we will have a new wedding ceremony, under the cover of wanting to show Tyrrendor that our union is strong. Which aught to make Lewellen, and the other doubters of that fact, happy. And then he can fucking see, I’m not that easily swayed.” He gives me a little smile. “And then we have the ceremony in the warded room as a way to lure Xaden to interrupt it, trapping him in there with an alteration of the rooms wards”, I look at Bodhi to see if he follows.

He doesn’t look disappointed, but rather interested in the idea, as he asks, slightly amused, “You know when I said you couldn’t keep Halden as a pet? That didn’t feel like a generally good thing to you, not to collect, in this case, rather dangerous, exes under our roof?” I look at him sheepishly, “No? You should have been more specific.” He laughs, “I love that you have plans. Let me get this straight, you suggest trapping Xaden to be able to keep him there for us to try changing him back, under relatively safe forms? Best scenario, making him not-venin again. Worst scenario… not possible thinking about.”

I nod, saying darkly, “I’ve thought about the worst case scenario. We have to do something to help Xaden, if there is only an infinitely small chance, we have to try to fix him. He would do it for either of us. And I can’t think about the alternative, because going on living like this, always looking over my shoulder, isn’t fair to him or us either.” I say with conviction, “We have to be sure to succeed.” He nods, silently, looking really sad. “You are right, he would have done the same for us, and no, the alternative…just isn’t an alternative. Do you really think we can do this?” I think for a moment. “I do.”

I squeeze his hand, saying with what I hope is exactly that: hope. “We’ll be also bettering the odds of success immensely, by enlisting the help of Sloane and everyone we know and trust. And we get Trissa to help changing the ward. We then try to combine your signet and learn to wield it together to repeat the effect I saw. Because I’m more sure, every time I think about it. Xaden is still locked in there, behind the venin.”

He clears his throat, apparently not staying unnecessarily on the subject of my thinking a lot about seeing Xaden as he was, “You have also with the rune on the saddle, hopefully, eliminated Xaden’s way of finding you, making it more difficult for us to find him in turn.” I contribute, “That’s why I thought trying a capture attempt close to a wedding would be an idea, since you told me that everyone, including me, was really surprised Xaden didn’t ruin the first ceremony. The more personal the gathering, the more likely we could draw him out.” Bodhi looks pensive, “It seems a good plan to get him contained, we don’t want to meet him in the open, definitely can’t risk it, with being unprepared again. The air is worse for a fight, since he is on Sgaeyl, but we aught to have an idea for her during this as well. Though she certainly won’t fit indoors anyway.” I hear a growl down my bond, “Leave Sgaeyl’s faith to me. I shall be prepared.” I look up at Bodhi as Tairn quiets, “Tairn says he will take care of Sgaeyl”.

He nods, saying, “Fuck, as Xaden comes here, all our thoughts will be known to him. I’d just recovered from the last time.” I pat his arm. “Just distract him with recitation of some dreary shit you’ve read. Or read him your favourite book from your mind. That’s my plan.” Bodhi looks a little more satisfied, “He’ll love my recitation of ‘Star’. Also, he always said he would read it, since it’s my favourite book, and never did, so it’ll be fitting he’ll have to listen to it now, if he comes poking around in my thoughts unbidden.”

I say with my teeth clenched, “On another point, I am very much aware this plan would mean, we risk it being very much a repeat disaster, on the personal plane. My creative thinking probably destroying yet another wedding ceremony for you.” I cringe, but go on, “Which is why I’d planned to discuss the question after sleep, tomorrow”, I look at him with some regret. He smiles sardonically, saying “I can’t say this was exactly the direction I thought this very much nightly conversation was taking, but no matter. Certain things overlap, that’s all. In fact, I thought I was being rash, as I said anything about a wedding. Because as long as Xaden is out there searching for you, there is always a risk any ceremony would summon him. Not to think about you always having to relate to the constant threat of him possibly turning up at any given time.”

I take his hand, “Thank you for understanding. By the way, I feel hopeful Xaden has some resistance, maybe not seen in so many other venin, due to the fact that he sometimes has appeared to be more his old self.” I squirm, “For example, it would be the only explanation to me, as Imogen said, having kissed him and him turning up outside the warded room, on the roof to meet me.” Bodhi nods, in support. “Again, I don’t blame you for that. We’ll never know the details. And I agree with your conclusion, that he must have a side more like his old self.” I look at him intently, just to ascertain that he really doesn’t appear latently angry, me not having exactly tip toed through hard subjects, but I see in his eyes I was right trusting him with all the facts.

I conclude with, “So hopefully us sacrificing, a very personal and love related event, could draw Xaden out, make him act rash and possibly being able to catch him unawares. In the end preferably bringing us all some fucking peace.” He presses my hand with his own, his brown eyes calm and full of love, “We need peace of mind more than any ceremonies. I want a future for you where you don’t have to constantly look over your shoulder.” I look into his eyes, reacting at his phrasing, “I want a future with you, regardless of the outcome of this experiment.” He looks away at that.

I continue, “I also thought I could try using the old ring to force Xaden into a dream, to make him aware of the ceremony. A wedding invitation, if you will.” He smirks and inserts, “How considerate of you to think to invite him personally. But it sounds dangerous as fuck. Could you take me with you, in a dream? Would my signets work inside your signet?” I knit my eyebrows, “I thought about it, but I won’t risk it. But instead, I make it a really fast trip and you sit beside me as I sleep and wake me up at any sign of distress. Because I’ve understood, it was evident to all of you that I wanted out last time.” He raises his eyebrows, “The intense screaming was a dead tell.”

Then he looks at me in wonder, “You’ve really thought this through. And yes, very scheming. And possibly saving Xaden’s life.” I nod, “Yes. I’ve given it some thought.” I finish, “I know this will take some work, and convincing. But we’ll make it worth it.” He nods, “Yes, love, we will.”

Bodhi breathes out, then says, eyebrows rising in question, “That’s it?” I nod with some relief, “That’s all of it.” He frowns at me, smiling at the same time. “A simple ‘Yes, love, I’ll marry you again, but we’ll use the ceremony itself for scheming’ would have sufficed.” I laugh only slightly condescending, “It would not have satisfied you and you know it.”

He lunges for me, with a sly look in his eyes, grabbing me around the waist and pulling me up next to him, so that we are both lying on the bed. As we regard each other in our robes, grinning, he says, “Maybe not. But that’s just because I can’t get enough of hearing what’s on your clever mind”, all the while he’s trailing his fingertips over the side of my face. It’s nice and I feel my eyelids getting heavier.

I begin searching for the end or beginning of the bedspread to make my way under the covers. “We should really go to sleep. This is beginning to categorise in the field of ‘morning’ not ‘night’.” Bodhi gets out of bed, groaning a bit as he does, and swipes away pillows and bedspread, and almost me with it, saying, “I thought you’d never say sleep. Come on, get in.” And I dive in under the covers, shrugging out of my bathrobe.

Suddenly, I find myself lying in bed, completely naked, beside Bodhi. How this even came about is beyond my understanding, but here I am wearing the very nothing he’d told me was my usual non-attire to bed with him, before the memory change. As I consider it, I don’t understand how it could have felt so very odd before, just being naked in bed with him. I lie with my face turned against my bedside table.

His hand touches my bare shoulder gently, and I gasp, just a little, at the surprise of the cold sensation. I hear him hiss, “Sorry!” I turn to face him, my arms tucking in the bed linen, covering my breasts, admittedly not wholeheartedly relaxed yet. “Love”, he says softly. “Do you want me to go get you some sleep clothes? It’s perfectly fine if you do.” As I’m looking at him, I decide. “Definitely not. But you could hold me, just make sure you warm your hands first.” He exhales deeply, saying, “As you wish. Come here”. And the next thing, I’m sleeping in his arms.

Chapter Text

Maybe we should have chosen a bigger room. The round table in the smaller dining room where we, according to Bodhi, have had many dinners with our closest, is filled with…most of them. The armchairs are all in use, Ridoc snagged one of the center one’s for himself placing himself as a king, feet across the armrests, until things became too crowded around him and he had to conform.

Next to him is Dain, a look of worry lacing his brow, naturally. On his right is Sloane, looking a bit tense, but by the long glances between her and Dain, and his hand lying next hers in the table, the backs of their hands touching, I guess things worked out well last night. Making mental note to burn the kitchens.

Sloane is flanked by Aaric, who sits straight backed, expectantly eying me, next to him, Rhi sits, equally alert, as if awaiting a task. As my gaze flits past her, she gives me an encouraging wink, making me take heart. Then we have Sawyer, in silent conversation with Jesinia, who taps his side, as she sees me looking over at them, to give me their attention.

Imogen gives me a curt nod, having done so much and received so little thanks, I’m nearly surprised she accepted to come. I incline my head to her, which is returned with a crooked smile that I interpret as ‘It depends on where this is going’. Garrick’s broad shoulders tower slightly over the others, he looks resigned, hands clasped on the table in front of him. Next to him my siblings. Both of them look rather grim as well. I suspect they all have an idea of what I’m about to ask them, but maybe with a different outcome than what we’re hoping for.

Bodhi gave me the last chair, himself remaining half standing, sometimes perched on my armrest. He just came back, after his talk with Trissa, who has already set to work on the ward’s altering already. Apparently she didn’t see it as that much of a hassle, though asking Mira to join her after our meeting, to work on hiding the visibility of the rune that’s supposed to act as a trap.

“Darling, I think it’s time”, Bodhi says at my side, looking so supportive and I drink in all of him before going on. It’s hard, it’s personal and here we go. I clear my throat, that’s enough to make the table go quiet. “I need your help. You are here because you are trusted and powerful. Those of you who live here know, Xaden has been coming after me relentlessly since turning full venin. And yes, he’s out to kill or turn me. You might also some of you know, that Bodhi has a second signet, a light. The reason we were…delayed yesterday”, I swallow hard, a look to Bodhi and a wink from him gives me the power to go on, “Was that we were attacked by Xaden, and we almost didn’t make it back. Xaden’s shadows have increased in strength and he has the power to read minds”, I look at Rhi, “We now know he can read not only my mind, but anyone’s.” Rhi nods, her face set. “Any questions about Xaden’s prior attacks, take it with Rhiannon, she knows as much as I do, maybe more.”

I glance at Imogen, who stiffens, “To be able to cope with loosing Xaden and his attacks on me, in different ways, I enlisted the help of Imogen. She has multiple times removed my memories, giving me the opportunity to heal scars that couldn’t have closed on their own. And she has all of our”, I look pointedly at Bodhi, who touches his heart, looking at Imogen, “greatest gratitude for this.” Imogen looks calm, sad but her jaw clenches but releases into a smile. I feel I can hardly go on, and look down a moment on my hands. It’s too painful.

Bodhi takes my hand in his, and addresses the table, “Violet has an idea. Trissa, and hopefully also Mira after this meeting”, Mira nods her immediate approval, “is helping us to change the warding on that particularly warded room up there, to act as a trap. We are breaking the circle with Xaden.”

A murmur of voices sounds across the table, and Bodhi goes on, “We believe with your help, we might be able to release him from being venin, channelling the power from all of you, with hopefully the help of Sloane, via my signet and hopefully my signet also via Violet. That way, fixing him.” I look at Sloane, who looks frozen in place, head down and now clasping Dain’s hand hard. Dain looks only on her.

Bodhi goes on, “We have, or Violet has seen proof, that we might stand a chance to help him.” Dain murmurs something in Sloane’s ear, and she inclines her head.

Everyone’s focus is drawn to Ridoc, who suddenly says, a sharpness in his voice that I last heard as he spoke to me on the isles, when he’d just found out about Xaden being a venin. “Then what?” Bodhi looks unfazed, “What do you mean? Hopefully the blast of the light, with added power, will result in Xaden becoming as he once were, not a venin anymore.” Ridoc looks at him like he’s lost his mind. “Are you handing over the title to him? Does that deal include your wife?”

Bodhi shifts, clearly avoiding looking at me. “All I want is for Violet to be rid of this torture. As for the title, it will be up to him if he wants to reclaim it. I wouldn’t oppose relinquishing it, if Xaden has a higher claim.” Ridoc laughs softly, “You, are a great politician. Anyone ever tell you that?” Bodhi smiles joylessly. Ridoc is not done, though. “And what happens to you and Violet?” Bodhi answers, “I hardly think that’s something that concerns all of you.” I stand still in shock. What the fuck is he saying? Some doubts about not being chosen by me in comparison to Xaden is one thing, but this sounds downright sacrificial.

I take Bodhi’s hand, and he lets me, with a sad smile that makes me want to smack his face. “Ridoc, what will happen is I’ll remain with Bodhi, my husband, regardless of if we continue as duke and duchess” I look at my idiot husband, “together”, then look back at Ridoc, “or if we’ll just continue as dragon riders”, my head once more snaps to Bodhi, “together.”

Bodhi looks at the ceiling, being suddenly really interested in the elaborately painted patterns there. I point me thumb in Bodhi’s direction, “My husband is unfortunately a bit too stuck in the past at the moment, to understand what I’m saying. But if any of you can help me get through to him, please be my guest.” No one says anything. This was a level of ‘personal’ I was unprepared for.

I draw a breath, looking at Jesinia, “How about we discuss some fine combing of the library and possibly reaching out to Basgiath about books on light signets and the signets of mates? I’ll give you the details on what we’re looking for, but basically, an important necklace Bodhi gave me”, I touch the little pearl dragon on the collier around ny neck, “seems to have given me the ability to sometimes use his light signet, when faced with great danger.” Bodhi sits on the armrest, still holding my hand, but facing the other direction. I see more than one at the table react at the word ‘mate’, but I don’t care. Jesinia signs, “Absolutely. I will enlist the quest squad’s for workers”, at which Sawyer says, “It’s just ‘quest squad’, sweetheart. But I’m in, of course”.

I then turn to Rhi and Brennan. “We need a pompous, royal wedding, set in a small warded chamber within a few weeks, to act as a decoy and at the same time, a peace offering to the Assembly. Can you help with organising?” They nod, Brennan solemnly, Rhi looks frightfully happy at the prospect. Making me sure who will be responsible for boring practicalities and invitations of stuffy royals and who will take a break from the role of fearless leader in battles to place the same dedication towards the task of getting me a suitable re-wedding dress.

I then I say, “I have another favour to ask. Dain. We have to practice shielding our thoughts enough that we can all shield from Xaden’s mind reading, at least until the trap has sprung on him. Can I count on you to test us out with your signet?” He looks surprised and a bit put in the spot. “Of…of course.” I smile, “Maybe, I could express my need of you, Aaric and Sloane to remain longer, to be granted leave, writing to Devera today?” Dain gives me an appreciative smile, apparently also finding it good timing to not return to his professor role for a few more weeks.

“Any more questions, not you Ridoc, you take them with Rhiannon.” Dain raises his voice, “No.” Everyone stops the shuffling of chairs. “Sloane hasn’t answered yet.” Oh no, I all but forgot about that in the middle of it all. Aaric gives me a look saying ‘nice one’, which I ignore. Instead I say, “I’m so sorry Sloane, I didn’t intend for that slight on my part. Do you want to think about it?” Sloane stands up, “No. I don’t want to do it”, she says and my heart sinks. “If I fail, if we fail, you will kill him, right? That’s what none of you are saying.”

All is quiet. I begin, “No, not at all, that’s…” but Bodhi cuts in, his voice menacingly low. “Yes. I will. And Xaden would have wanted me to sooner, and he’d have taken my life, were the roles reversed.” I gasp and feel a shudder at seeing this side to him. “What are you saying?” He looks at me, his eyes full of emotion, “Only the truth. That’s also why we can’t fail. That is the risk, and all of you should know it. And don’t for a minute think I’ll hesitate when the moment comes.” He then turns only to me, “And you can hate me for it forever, but I will see you free of him. He’s tried to kill you so many times, his existence as a venin at least, is forfeit.” Then he turns and leaves the room.

Sloane stands in front of me as I look up, Dain is two steps behind her. “I’ll do it”, she says. Whatever made her change her mind? Then she leaves after Bodhi. The rest of them file out, after having talked a little about the particulars, organised meetings in the library, what missives to send. Rhi comes up to me and hugs me, whispering in my ear, “He’s not wrong. You can’t live life afraid. What if you want kids some day? And Xaden should have wanted you to live your life.” But she doesn’t understand. My focus is that we will save Xaden. I don’t accept any other reality.

Chapter Text

Aaric stops in front of me, as I’m about to exit the dining room and go look for Bodhi. “A word?” I wave goodbye to the others, thanking all of them again and again. Then I shut the door so that we are alone. Aaric gives me a smile, “That was a lot of stuff to take in. Mates, hu?” I shrug, ”Nothing gets past you. It’s most likely a fairytale, but at this point we’re looking at anything to understand the signet mashup.”

Aaric glances at me, “Any other things that point towards you two being ‘mates’?” I wet my lips, “I guess you could say that, but nothing conclusive.” He nods, smiling slightly. “I’m happy for you. Unfortunately, your ‘mate’ is about to do something rather rash, but as it is, I wanted you to tell me what to do about it.”

I look at him under furrowed brows, “How rash?” Aaric looks back at me, “Depends on your perspective. From what I’m picking up from you, very stupid.” I sigh, “Aaric, if your signet has given you insight, I’d have you tell me now.”

Aaric shrugs. “Not my problem what you’ll ’have me do’, duchess. You’ll answer some questions of mine first.” I’m outraged, “Cam you little shit, you just pulled rank on me?” He burst out with a flat laugh, “No, I pulled signet on you, and trust me, it’s for your own good not to know too much.” I am fuming, but say through gritted teeth, “Please, ask away, your majesty.”

Aaric looks at me, with a good humoured expression, “How do you feel about Bodhi? Were you telling the truth yesterday on the stairs, when you said you loved him, or was it something you said to piss off Dain or protect Tyrrendor or something equally inane?” I answer angrily, “You know, your nasty brother wanted to know the same. Didn’t sit well with him in the end.” Aaric is unperturbed, “And the answer is?” I sigh, but decide I need his information more than protecting the last scraps of my own integrity.

I am digging deep to let him hear the truth of my words. “The truth is I love Bodhi, and it’s intense. I’ve never felt anything like it. Of course it’s hardly a secret to you, I’ve loved before, but with Bodhi, it feels like it hurts me a little when we are apart. That there is a bond, not explained by dragons, or necessity or anything outside of us, that’s tethered us together. And still I haven’t felt more free in my entire life. I love him, being with him, his heart, everything about him.”

I look at Aaric, finding myself smiling, and give a little laugh in disbelief. “Look at me, I’m honestly grossing myself out.” Aaric has a sly smile of his own, “I believe you. How about the marriage. You weren’t too happy to enter into that. Would you rather be free of the marriage, I mean, if there were no consequences involved with Tyrrendor’s independence tied to your union?” I give him a quizzical look, “What will he do?” Aaric says, shaking his head slowly, “Never mind. Answer the question.”

I sigh again and walk over to lean on the table. “I don’t care how it began. I love him, of course I want to stay married to him, no matter what. Bodhi is my husband and why would he…” I stop. Looking at Aaric saying, “Nooo. He wouldn’t.”

Aaric nods, “Yeees, apparently he will write to King Tauri, asking for your marriage to be annulled, presumably so that you are free to choose Xaden, should we succeed to turn him back. But your husband is clever, so the message’s delivering will be tied only to the success of turning back Xaden. I, however, still have ways to intercept that missive before it reaches my father. It’s up to you if I do intercept it or not.” I growl out in frustration, “Do. It.”

Aaric smiles a secretive smile, and then says, “Like pulling teeth with you. That wasn’t so bad, was it?” I purse my lips. “Ask your brother how bad it can become, pushing me.” Then we leave, Aaric clasping a hand on my shoulder, “Yikes, you’ve got it bad. I’m not even a little envious.” Then we leave the room, together, but soon part, I with several more ‘thanks’.

Then, I’m off to find my idiot husband, determined not to tell him that I’ve found out that he apparently has so little faith in my choosing him over Xaden, that he’s probably busy packing his bags already. I find him in our room. I knock on the doorframe to alert him on my entering. “Love?”, I say out loud, not seeing him at first, sitting by his messy desk, covered with papers and books and with random weapons being used as paper weights. He looks up at me, and I can see on his intensely focused eyes that his cutthroat performance downstairs, came at a price.

“I am not regretting what I said”, he begins, face set, obviously steeling himself for my reaction. I nod, “Obviously. But I think you forgot to hiss ‘mine’, like a demented dragon and haul me off to your cave, though. Would have been a more dramatic end.” At once I feel the unwanted interest from both my dragons. “No! It was just a metaphor! Not the time!” I tell them and slam my shields in place. Bodhi counters, a tad put out by my dragon comparison I gather, “I had said my piece, and thought I’d leave, so that the rest of you could regain some semblance of that plucky spirit you inspired earlier.”

Then I walk over to the grumpy husband dragon, standing next to him, leaning a hip on the overloaded desk. As I’m looking down on him in his chair I say, “You didn’t scare me and I heard you. And your flamboyant exit had an impact of Sloane at least, she agrees to help. But it won’t come to you killing Xaden. We will make sure of it. And if you want to feel sorry for yourself, know this. Xaden has trained me to be able to kill him. He tasked me with that. So get in line, if that would ever be the case. Which it won’t, because you know it would destroy the person doing it, be it you or me, pal.” That makes him look up from his desk. “Pal, is it?” I laugh, “Seriously, that’s what got you to react?” He looks reflective, “Yes, I admit I’m relieved Sloane will join us. She just needed to hear the truth, I’ll wager. The other things you said have been received and found to be ludicrous and therefore are discarded. Because you won’t be able to kill him. Leaving me to do it. Whom you will then proceed to hate with a vengeance for all time.” He inhales shakily.

I sit down on my haunches beside him, catching his lowered gaze. “It won’t happen. We will conquer this, and there will be no killing for any of us. You believe me capable of everything, why would that stop now? And I won’t hate you, regardless of what you do, so get those words out of your mouth.” He looks at me, jaw fixed, making his features appear more angular. Then he bursts out, with frustration, “What am I doing? All I want is you. I’m even fine to leave, to never come back. But with you.”

That was the opening, and I’m slipping through the lowered shields. I curl up on his lap, where he sits leaning back on the chair. He pushes the chair from the desk to accommodate me better, and I say, in a nearly mocking voice, “Yes indeed, what are you doing? Looks an awful lot like preparing for the worst without even considering the best scenarios.” He looks at me, rather guiltily. “Maybe I did do exactly that.”

I kiss him, and I bite his pouty lip, then say, “I’d repeat that I choose you, always, but I imagine it makes little difference in your present mood. Also, I know a great way to distract you.” He shrugs, as if he only heard half of what I said, “Doesn’t hurt to hear”, then fires off a deadly smile. “I love you, incredible woman. I can’t believe how fast you can get me to go from demented dragon or what ever to… whatever name you’ve got for me now.”

My ears perk up. “The only name I’ll call you now is ‘love’, Love. And if you really are serious about me having changed your mood… I think I’d like for you to play with me a little”, I say my face heating. “You ‘think’? I feel distracted already”, he whips back. “No, I ‘know’ I want you to play with me. A lot”, I clarify, a smile unfolding on my lips. He looks at me, at first I get the feeling he’s going to favour moping some more, but suddenly a feral gleam lights in his eyes. “I’ll play with you”, he drawls, “You want to leave control to me for a while?” I feel heat collecting at my centre. “Yes”, I pant.

“How do you feel about being blind folded at some point?” I breathe in, “Intrigued”, he smiles, looking at me like he can’t believe me to be real. “How about if I told you I’d like to slap your ass with a leather paddle?” I’m literally panting, “I’d like to stop talking and get to the good parts.” He laughs, raising an eyebrow, “I’ll take that as a yes. And here I thought you enjoyed waiting so very much.” I try to kiss him, but he dodges me. “There’ll be plenty of that soon. And what if you want me to stop or tune something down?”

“Then I’ll say stop. Or pause. Or I’ll grip your delicate parts. But I don’t think I’ll need that”, he whispers darkly, “And why is that?” I think, then answer, “Because you want to take care of me.” Bodhi smiles and it’s definitely amused, “I will, my way.”

He then stands up, carrying me over to the bed, with ease, “I think I’ll just haul you over to my cave now.” I don’t miss a beat, “You ‘think’?” He laughs behind closed teeth, “Cheeky. That’s one. Let’s see if you’ll regret that come morning.” And the heat inside me turns to molten lava. I need him to touch me, to make this ache between my legs still. But I’m convinced that won’t be in my immediate future. He enjoys too much for me to wait.

He lays me down on the bed, very gently, his eyes piercing mine as he hovers above me. Then he whispers, close to my ear, “Stay exactly like this, keep your eyes on the ceiling. I’ll be back.” And leaves me like that, a frustrated mess. I let my eyes dart fast around the room to see where he’s gone. Then his voice comes from somewhere over by the cupboard, “That’s two. Eyes up.”

Fast, my eyes dart back towards the ceiling again. I shift slightly, just to ease the want between my legs that’s becoming downright uncomfortable. But that didn’t escape him. “That’s three. It’s almost like you want to misbehave.” He says it flippantly, definitely amused, which vexes me greatly. That’s until he adds, “Patience darling, save all that want for me. It’s mine now.” Now I’m internally enraged. I hear some sounds of him rummaging in a drawer. And I can’t help myself, as I ask, quietly, almost hoping he won’t hear, with laughter in my voice, “Not finding what you’re looking for, among all your things?”

Then he walks up leisurely to me, standing at the bottom of the bed, now only wearing his long, black pants, having shed his shirt, his chest a rippling, hard dream in front of me. As he looks at me, with glee, he says with raised eyebrows. “You just got yourself to twenty. Any more jokes?” I gasp, shaking my head. As he keeps looking at me, I say, “No, I’m done.”

Bodhi lays down next to me, leaning in over me, saying with a smile, “I’m certain that’s not the least bit true. And I’ve not even begun with you. Be my guest, test me some more. I’ll enjoy it endlessly.” I shake my head, not able to stop myself from grinning. He looks pleased. “Why don’t you flip over on your stomach, so I can show you what you are dealing with. It seems only fair.” It being in my best interest to please him right now, since I don’t want anymore anticipation, I obediently turn over, hands tucked under me. He looks surprised and says, “You remember where your hands go, that’s good.” The rule follower in me takes note of the fact that he doesn’t deduct anything for good behaviour. But his scarce praise gives me shivers just thinking about.

He then takes out a smooth leather paddle made from black leather and holds it in front of me. It has a Durran tree on it. “I made this for you. I hoped it could come of use.” I feel a thrill at the thought that he has planned this, and reach out a hand to touch it, “What! When did you make it?” I ask, without thinking about the game we are playing. His voice is a low rumble. “That’s twenty one, of course. So little gratitude.” I feel a strange mix of shame, amusement and anger at the same time, it ripples through my body. “Thank you”, I manage through gritted teeth.

“That’s better” is his only answer. But it feels oddly satisfying to hear. Then he takes the paddle in hand and touches it lightly to my ass, and I feel it only barely through my leather pants. Then he says “One…” and smacks me with the paddle, and I don’t have trouble feeling that. At all. It really fucking smarts, the pain more sharp and the edge more fine than I’d expected. I cry out at the impact and he says, “If that’s your reaction to one, I should reconsider adding a sound barrier.”

Chapter Text

He looks at me with a coy smile on his lips and a burning fire in his eyes, “That’s ‘one’. And you are so much wiser already.” I expected him to caress me where the leather bit my skin, but he doesn’t and I intensely feel the longing for his hands on me. The simple smacks of the last time have been nothing like this treatment. “You are wearing an awful lot of clothes to really get to know this paddle”, he declares. I think. A question seems wrong. Telling him what to do, out of question. And that paddle looks like it could more than smart, if applied to naked skin. Curiosity won’t kill this cat. “I could get out of these clothes. For you”, I add, trying not to sound hesitant. No harm in sucking up to this teacher.

He smiles, “Please, be my guest.” He holds his hand out for me to understand that I should probably get to my feet. Bodhi half lies on the bed, studying me intently. I can see that his cock is already straining against the side of his leg. And as I get up, I ask, “Can I touch you?”, he gives me an amused smile. “Can you? Probably. But you may not. This is about you.” Fuck, he is so annoying. He lies almost unnaturally still, upper body with the relic snaking over his arm up on the torso. He is supported on his hands, behind him, making me wish I could run my hands up and down his body. But I…may not.

I look him dead in the eye, as I begin to undress, slowly. At least now, I will make him suffer. I only loose our eye contact when tugging off my top, otherwise making a point of having that connection with him. And he doesn’t disappoint, he looks at me like he’s famished and I’m something very delicious. When I’m only wearing knickers, he stops me, making a movement with his finger for me to twirl. As I do, I can feel his gaze on me as if it’s a physical thing.

He gets up to stand in front of me, then takes a black silk scarf, from behind his back, dangling it in front of me. “You did remove your clothes so beautifully for me. But let me help you get a grip on those wandering eyes. It’ll make things less distracting for you.” I turn around, expectantly, and he starts putting the scarf over my eyes and tying it tight. As he does, he bends down and breaths into my ear, “Is this too tight for you, darling?” I whisper back, “No, it’s perfect.” And I add, “Thank you.” Which earns me a swift caress on the cheek. Without relying on my sight, his touch is explosive and unexpected and I can’t help but think about how being touched somewhere else on my body will feel.

I notice I experience the world differently. The little bit of light that penetrates the silk, only lets me discern shadows from light, nothing else. His whisper becomes the only thing that exists in my entire world. And I hear every breath. I feel my own heart beat. Bodhi has a hand on my shoulder as he moves around me. I hear the soft rustle of clothes as he removes mine from the floor, and a moment later I feel him trailing his hand up my arm, finishing at my neck, where he proceeds with removing my necklace carefully. As soon as he’s put it away, the touch on my shoulder is back, like a lifeline connecting me to him.

He takes my right hand and places it on his chest, which makes me know exactly where he is. I feel him lean closer, and suddenly, I feel his hot breath over my lips, and I make a move to kiss him. He chuckles softly. “You want me to kiss you?”, I will strangle him, not this denial again, “Yes. And I want you to touch me everywhere. Please don’t make me wait anymore.” Loud and clear. His response, still with his lips so close to mine, is, “I’m sorry to disappoint, but I will make you earn it. It’s up to you how long that takes.” I whisper, “Then tell me what to do.” I can feel his mouth draw out in a smile, just within my reach but forbidden to me.

“Twenty left, darling. I want you to count them out for me. And I will reward you, if you’re good.” I pant, eager to get this started. Or over with. Or I don’t know and I’m dying from anticipation. The scent of him alone, is like a drug to me, the only part of him I get to enjoy right now. “Then do it. Please”, I all but snarl. His laugh is like a gentle touch, all around me. Then he says lowly, “I’ll lead you to the wall, you’ll place both hands on that wall and then we’ll do some counting.” I nod, then hurriedly say, “Yes”, since he doesn’t move before I do. Bodhi leads me to the wall opposite and places my hands in front of me, at shoulder height but a little further apart.

Then he says, “That’s perfect. And then your legs, should be spread apart a little. So you’ll learn about not taking your own pleasure by building the friction there. And why is that?” I swallow, spreading my legs slightly. “Because my pleasure is yours?” He whispers hotly in my ear, “Exactly, only less of a question next time. You know this already.” I feel my face flush. I really don’t know how to work not knowing the rules to this game, him being able to change them whenever it suits him. And I simultaneously feel a great need to perform well at the task. Make him praise me. I’m used to being top of the class.

He stands behind me, leaning over my neck, and as I turn my head back to meet him, he hovers again with his mouth over mine, saying, “You are so amazing.” But this time he kisses me, hard, intense and with one hand holding my chin in place, him completely steering the kiss, me just taking what he offers. It’s intoxicating, and I crave more of him as soon as he pulls back. The kiss was surprisingly hot and bothered, almost rushed, compared to what I thought was a very collected Bodhi behind his role. Almost like he couldn’t stand not touching me and broke his own rules. Apparently not able to play unaffected this long either.

Then he positions himself to my side, still behind me, saying, in his most beautiful, chocolatey voice, into my ear, “This will hurt. And you will take five here, then we’ll see how you take the rest. Because you might finish this over my knee. And you know that I’ll stop, whatever we’re doing, on your cue. And drop the prestige”, I whisper, “I know. I love you. Now let me have it.” He smirks, I just fucking know it. “You’re telling me what to do now, do you?” And then he lets the paddle come down on my ass and for a moment I see stars. His voice is in my ear a moment later. “So, how about your counting?” I hiss, “Two”, my teeth clenched shut. “Too much fabric still for you to taste the bite of my handiwork?” I can’t wrap my head around what he means, until I feel his hands on my hips, pulling lightly at my panties. Just his touch makes me moan. “I’ll just help you remove these as well”, he says ever so graciously, as he slowly, lets my panties fall to the ground. Gingerly removing them, as I step to the side guided by his touch.

Then he, finally, caresses my ass, softly letting his fingers glide over my tingling skin. “Those panties were soaked. You do seem to enjoy this, even though you haven’t even thanked me once for taking care of you.” I pant for him, separating my legs and pushing my ass out, “Thank you”, I say rushed, “please don’t make me wait.” He lets his hand slowly glide from my ass, to between my legs, and I don’t move a muscle, to make sure he doesn’t suddenly change his mind. He slides a finger into me, swirling it around my clit and then dipping it back in. “Do you feel how wet you are already?” I moan, then remember to answer, “Yes”.

He then takes a step back. “A shame I’m not even close to finished with you yet. How wonderfully you stick out your ass for me, on your own accord.” Then he places the paddle on my ass, just moving it around a bit so I know it’s there. “I’ll give you two more now, one on each cheek. Try not to move.” I take a deep breath, holding the air in my lungs. Then the sharp pain explodes, and I hiss, but stand as still as I’m able. Then I say, “Three. Four. Thank you”, in close succession. And I feel heat spread over my ass, like velvet, my skin throbbing after the rough contact.

His hand is suddenly between my legs again, and I spread wider not to hinder him in any way. He lets his fingers find my clit and circle it, making the motions more intense, making me moan. The sensation after the sharp pain is just amazing. He places himself behind me, and I can feel his hard cock as he presses himself against me. Since I can’t see, every other sense feels heightened. I turn my head back, as if to look for him, and he immediately kisses me. His mouth can’t lie. It’s so hot and full of need that I feel tempted to just let go of the wall and embrace him. And I could, but I won’t. I turn back my head to the wall. “You weren’t done, love. I’m sorry for distracting you.”

He laughs softly, and I feel his frustration as he removes his hand from my entrance. “You are such a good girl.” I feel a rush of want, pride and something I have no idea what to call, at his words. Then I once more feel the leather paddle, now lightly tapping me, mocking me. And then the blinding pain again. I stand still, but the straining of my muscles makes my legs tremble. “Five”, I whimper. He whispers in my ear, “That’s very good, look at you doing everything I ask of you. Now you have earned a reward. Keep your hands on the wall.”

He moves around me, placing himself between the wall and me. A hand at my side at all times, I feel his movements, even though I still see the outline of him only as a shadow. Then the shadow drops, as he sinks to his knees in front of me. He kisses my sex, pulling me towards him, his hand on my ass, and at the same time as he really puts his mouth on me, devouring me entirely, he pushes two fingers upwards, inside of my warmth.

He keeps licking me, sucking me and pumping into me and I feel the pressure building. It’s like I was already so aroused that I was on a plateau of pleasure but now I sense that there is a mountain peak. And he’s taking me there, his tongue not letting the pressure easy for a second, relentlessly driving me upward. I hear myself taking shallow breaths and I don’t recognise the pleading sounds I’m making.

My breathing turns ragged, and I have to force myself not to jolt away from his mouth on me. I have to ask him, I realise. As if he knows what I’m thinking, he stops, making me first wild with fury, then he murmurs, “Take it, you’ve earned it” and his mouth is back on me, his fingers driving into me and I feel the release in my head as his words mingle with my body’s reaction. He’s sending me into a sweet oblivion and I feel a rush as if I’m actually free falling. I grasp his hair with one hand, sending my overflowing signet power into him, as I let myself unravel completely. The waves just keep coming and he rides them out with me.

As the very last pulses of my orgasm ebb out, I suddenly become aware that I’ve let go of the wall. I release Bodhi’s head and hair and return my hand to the stone covered surface. He gets to his feet, leading both my hands to his shoulders instead, silently having risen, and then is suddenly saying into my ear. “You did so good. It was wrong of me to ask that of you, to hold your hands there. Truth be told, I forgot about your signet. I’m sorry.” I chance a smile, saying, now basically hanging on him, with all my weight, unsure if my legs work. “I won’t tell anyone. And that was fantastic. You are fantastic. Absolutely fantastic.” That makes him chuckle, “With so many glorious words to choose from, I have no complaints about being called fantastic thrice in a sentence.” And somehow we both know the spell to be broken. The game has served its purpose, and we are left as ourselves.

He carefully unties the scarf from my eyes, and I blink as I see the light again. The first thing I see is his smile. Then he leads me to the bed, saying in a soft, comforting tone of voice, “Please just lay down with me for a while, darling. I just want to be here, with my wife.”

I look at him, a bit quizzical. ”But what about your pleasure?” He smiles languidly, “You don’t think I derived any pleasure from what just happened? Then you are delusional. Making you come like that, playing games with you… That’s definitely pleasure for me. Come here.” Then he pulls me to him, so that we are lying facing each other, I lay my head on his arm. He keeps trailing his fingertips all over my naked body, soothing my skin with his touch, laying to rest all my alerted senses. And I revel in the feeling of finally touching him. Running my fingers over his arms. Just feeling he’s mine.

I touch his cheek, making him still and he looks curious as he watches me. I ask him, “Don’t you at least want me to reciprocate a little? Or maybe we can put a pin in it until tonight?” He looks at me amazed, but a little pinch appearing between his eyebrows tells me this is something he finds absurd. “As much as that sounds…fantastic. I’m perfectly content, taking care of you was all I wanted at this time.”

Then he breathes in and can tell he has more to say on the subject and is debating leaving it. Then decides not to. “I can’t believe I’m saying this, but here we go. Whatever may happen between us tonight, can have nothing to do with events that just took place here and now. You and I do not have to tally the score between us. I sometimes will want to please you, only you. It’s not something that costs me, nor will it cost you to receive it. I never want you to feel that giving you pleasure, without me actively gaining something for myself, means that you somehow ‘owe me’ at a later stage. You are not a chore, you are my everything.”

I look at him warmly, stroking his cheek, “I get what you are saying. It’s, just not how I’m used to thinking about it.” I must look a bit pensive, because he asks, “Please don’t tell me this is a remnant from some old…let’s say ‘practices’?” I blush. “Not exactly. But it’s coming from me, anyway. I guess it just feels easier to share equally.” He cocks his head. “Why? Because it’s ‘fair’ that way?” I shrug, “I haven’t thought about it like that, but, yeah, maybe.” He looks horrified, “Life isn’t fair, then neither is taking turns. Not to totally obliterate your argument, but women can possibly have orgasms in circles around a man’s usual one-shot-event.”

I laugh at his graphic description. “That’s true! Then I guess it’s you who owe me some!” He grins, “Well, I aim to please, you’re up for another go then?”, raising an eyebrow. I laugh, “No! I’m quite satisfied, as a matter of fact.” He sobers up, saying in a more serious voice, “I won’t be impossible, I concede your view is a nice sentiment.” I scoff at this meagre allowance for my argument. “But”, he underscores the fact with raising his index finger, “I don’t accept that you go around feeling you are ever in my debt. Or, Gods forbid, imagine that I feel entitled to anything from you in return. Not now, not later tonight, not ever.”

I consider it. “Fine. I get that it sounded a bit…”, he watches me intently, as I try to scramble out of the sentence. The word I’m looking for is ‘forced’. But I prefer to leave the sentence hanging, incomplete, in the air.

Because I get lost in thought, thinking about the throne of Tyrrendor and Xaden’s rather dramatically performed ‘momentary point’, when he more or less placed half a room between us to be able withstanding and not make it a dual action. Followed by, of course, asking me to come to bed early that night. It was equally as wanted in the moment, but did I feel pressure from his expectation about what would happen later? Was it in a way, just postponing the point?

And as I am apparently gone into my own world in the middle of a conversation, Bodhi doesn’t press me for an answer. He just wraps another arm around me. And I breathe him in.

I can’t help thinking, after my conversation with Aaric, that some part of my husband is probably saying goodbye to me in these moments. So convinced he’s the placeholder everyone paints him as. I will prove him wrong. But the fate aspect also lets another thought in, that maybe nothing I say or do can make him really believe that I’ll choose him before it possibly happens. It’s an eerie thought that doesn’t sit well with me. I will change it, if I can.

Chapter Text

It’s sunny but crispy outside when me and Bodhi find ourselves on our way down to the flight field, to meet up with Felix on the outskirts of Aretia. Where we and the dragons will have a safe place to practice our communal signet mess. Both Ridoc and Sawyer have joined us, helping as best they can, especially supporting Bodhi, when it comes to the wielding techniques and force deployment of a more external signet then his first one.

Hearing Sawyer patiently explain to Bodhi about his work in making metal bend to his will, makes my whole body bubble with joy. Not so long ago, the main question was if Sawyer would ever be able to ride a dragon again, and here he is more or less teaching, from his perspective, our former squad leader. Also, seeing the trust form in the relationship between Bodhi and Sawyer, is fascinating, because it’s not been obvious to me before that they are a very well suited friend match. Sawyer is cool and has a very academic approach to his signet, that Bodhi gets. And their conversation is on an intellectual level immediately. Theories and mindsets flowing here and there. Basically, all the ways I did not approach or find control with my signet.

I drop back to walk with Ridoc, who asks me, “Too much high brow signeteering, that you decide to come slumming it with me?” I nod, “I can’t exactly say my signets have ever felt controlled. And the ways I’ve tapped into my power did not have what you would call an intellectual way in.” Ridoc looks at me questioning, his relaxed arms hanging at his sides, mine folded rather tightly across my chest. “Come on, what do you mean? You look a bit uptight, Vi.” I glance over at Sawyer and Bodhi, keeping a little distance between us. “You will mock me ferociously if I tell you”, I say, peeking again at the others. “Who, me?”, Ridoc says, “I am here because I want to help, right?” I glare at him.

“Fine. I’ll try your camaraderie. I have had rather erratic signet power since I came back memory wise, that’s one thing.” Ridoc sighs, “So you won’t be able to have the place of teacher’s pet today. With Golden Boy Bodhi here, I would just worry anyway. Guy’s a machine.” I slap his arm. “It’s not just that I feel I should have practiced more. For my own sake as well as for everyone around me.” I sigh, “But, the thing is… It’s also because of how I managed to produce my signet in the first place.” He looks at me in, to me a strangely misplaced, understanding. “It’s okay. It’s the same with me. Signet connected to deep emotions and bodily functions for you too?” I am flabbergasted. “What are you saying?”

Ridoc shrugs, “It’s not hard to figure out, thunder and lightning about every time you have guy troubles or possibly the opposite. And you are not alone. I approach my power the way I would a lovely lady; there is the wooing, the stolen glances, the hand touching, the kiss that makes time freeze up, then the more intense desire forming like crystals and the sexual energy that are like snowy peaks, the orgasmic explosion of an avalanche… All of it finally to be harnessed into a signet I can control.” He looks at me, I stare at him I awe. “You have that as well? And also, after that description of your wooing skills, damn. Did we miss out on something?”

He gives me a quick, un-embarrassed smile, “Thank you for finally acknowledging that fact! I have told you for years. But seriously, we have a lot of feelings, you and I, that these intellectual approaching types don’t have to consider. Might be why they like our company so much. But also means we have to work extra to achieve control.” I sigh, “Don’t I know it. Also, the first time I had any success to will forward lightning, Xaden helped me sending me mental images of us having sex. And no, it’s not a metaphor. And tell anyone and I’ll kill you.” Ridoc laughs, “Your sexcapades are some of the most amazing seasonings to my life. As you well know, and I wouldn’t risk to stop that source for anything. But exactly. First time I had a freezing experience, it was very much tied to an intimate moment, thank Zihnal I happened to be on my own. I was so scared, and held control too tight afterwards, so that it took long for me to really dare explore my signet. I was basically afraid to freeze my dick off or even worse, harm a sexual partner.” He shudders. “But now, all the ladies love me and my chill. And I love them back.”

Then he points at me, seriously, “You aught to try the approach of having a physical connection with your man as you wield. It comes off very personal to me, the entangled signets you’ve described.” I put my arm around Ridoc’s back as we walk, saying, “Thanks for making me feel less weird.” He puts his arm around me as well, “I will always help you anyway I can. You can count on it. Us deep feeling types have to stick together.” I put my head on his shoulder, hugging him extra for that.

“Speaking of sexcapades, how did things go with the redhead I passed you necking with on the stairs the other night?” I then ask, clearing my throat. “You mean Mrs Gamlyn? No right, I am not in the habit of marrying, or even double marrying, the people I happen to shag or meet randomly, so we’ll see about that. She’s around for another couple of days before returning to Basgiath, so who knows? If it wasn’t a life threatening event to be, maybe I would have brought her as my plus one to your rewedding? Duchess wedding… If that wouldn’t have gotten me to a second round, nothing could.” I laugh, “Maybe bring her to the dinner the day before?” He looks at me a bit surprised, finally saying, “I’ll consider it. I have a problem I’ll have to solve first.”

As we approach the field, I see Felix is already in place. Before we arrive at the scene, I pull Bodhi away from Sawyer, begging a moment with my husband. Sawyer bobs his head and runs over to Ridoc, and I stop, Bodhi stopping too. Bodhi’s hands find my hips and I put my arms around his neck. “Reservations about the lessons, love?” He asks. I answer, “Not exactly, but I felt I wanted to fuel up on some of you before beginning.” He smiles, hugging me tight, “You and Ridoc had a heart to heart?” I inhale his scent, pressing my face to his chest. “We had, a bit. Also, if you don’t mind, I’ll stay physically connected with you during the wielding. Ridoc and I talked about it possibly being a good approach for those of us who have our feelings on the outside. Meaning him and me.”

He positions me so his back is turned towards the others, then kisses me, his hands just happening to wander down to my ass. “How connected are we talking? I can adjust.” I laugh, just feeling a very little from our previous encounter, but still at his touch, I’m filled with a rush of want. I am insatiable when it comes to him. “A held hand or a hold on my shoulder should do it. But know that I’ll be thinking of this.” Then I kiss him again, standing on the tips of my toes to reach, as I do he lifts me off my feet. I caress his face and tell him, “I needed that, thank you.” He closes his eyes for a second, “I did as well. Let’s stay connected.” Then he swings an arm over my shoulder and we join the others.

Felix’s imposing figure towers over my two friends. As I take in the picture, I am reminded by the trust and respect I feel for Felix Gerault, and how he’s not given up on me when many wanted to, pushing me to be better. Also, him believing me possessing a lot of power, not only via Tairn and Andarna, but also because I, according to him, wielded Xaden. I wonder how he feels about that now. Felix stands tall, arms crossed in front of him. As we come close, he smiles and grasps my arm in a tight grip with both his hands. Making me smile back. “Good to see you Violet. Or I guess it’s ‘your graces’ now”, he lifts his gaze to Bodhi. “Let me just say to you both how sorry I am about what happened with Riorson.” I find myself thinking, he might regret helping us, if he knew the full plan ahead of us. But I nod a quick thank you and Felix continues, swiftly.

Then he looks accusatory at Bodhi, but speaks to me, “I have offered to help you with training before now, when I’ve met the duke with the Assembly.” Bodhi slips in, “Do say Bodhi, and let’s be done with this grace stuff. It just sets me on edge.” Felix gives me a secretive look, “All right then.” Felix draws a breath. “Bodhi”, he says pointedly, “has painted a rather grim picture of your mood, also saying you refused training.” I search before mentioned husband’s eyes, he looks rather guilty, “What can I say, you were really opposed to the idea, saying you were done being a weapon. And thanks for that by the way, Felix. Way to start off our burgeoning student-teacher friendship.”

Felix looks dead serious, saying, “I forgot this one’s ‘funny’.” Which makes Ridoc pipe up, “So am I, by the way. If you feel Bodhi fucked it up right from the start, I’m told I’m an excellent protege, if you’re looking.” Sawyer sighs loudly, “Not this again. Who would have ever told you that? Stop making shit up!” Felix looks as though he’d rather stand quietly with crossed arms until we’ve all aged at least twenty years and might, just might, be worthy of his time.

Then Felix sighs, addressing Bodhi, “You wrote of some interesting things, of the new signet of course, thus far unknown of and rather unnervingly resembling shadow wielding.” Bodhi clears his throat, and says, a bit subdued, “Well yes, can’t say I’ve ever thought it more ironic that the person who could have helped me the most learning about this signet, is the one who the signet most probably is set to counteract.” He looks rather grim at that. I hadn’t heard these thoughts from him before, and I take his hand and give it a little squeeze. I notice Felix watchful eyes register that as well, nothing gets past Felix.

Bodhi says, “You should know it’s become more complicated since we last had contact. In fact, the hope, vain as it may be, is that my new signet will obliterate whatever grip the venin part has on Xaden. Possibly curing him. There is good reason to believe it.” Felix looks sceptically at both of us. And crosses his arms again. “Hm.” is his final assessment.

He then disappears to his pack, to return with two conduits. “I’m rather attached to my life and thought I’d present you two with these gifts.” Bodhi takes his, looking intrigued at the glass orb with the metal strips across it, apparently really excited about getting to try one out. Or maybe he just feels a kinship with another clever contraption that knows how to harness my signet power. “Thank you”, I say to Felix, “but I hope these won’t be necessary.” Felix gives me a look of disdain, “Humour me. At least in the beginning.” I agree.

Felix continues, “Then you’ve written and told me that Violet has been saved by the light, erupting through a necklace. Is it this one?” He asks, squinting as he edges closer, to see it better around my neck. “May I?” He then asks, “Be my guest”, I supply.

He prods it a bit, turning over the little dragon, reading the text and then giving Bodhi an appraising look, and adding with a sound of real approbation, “Hm.” Then he turns to me, “Could you tell me about the particulars about the extension of the signet?” I search my memory, “Let’s see, it’s happened twice now, and the first time I believe that Bodhi wielded the light without knowing, it worked without me controlling it or him knowing about me even being in trouble. The second time, I felt as if I wielded the light, but via the necklace and through my own lightning signet, if it makes sense.” Felix shakes his head, “It doesn’t make sense.” But, he looks to Ridoc, “Funny man! See if you can earn your way back to my good graces by running to the library, and see if they have a book called ‘Star’, it’s fiction.” Bodhi says confused, “No need. That happens to be my favourite book.” He points to his forehead, “I know it by heart.” Felix looks intrigued. Ridoc pleads, “Please don’t answer with another hum.” At Felix look of scorn he adds quietly, “And I guess I’m back with no graces.”

Felix then asks, “Anything else I should know?” He eyes us intently. Bodhi says, “Yes, there is also the fact that I might have been able to wield Violet’s lightning. It’s only happened once and is…inconclusive.” I supply, “I am quite certain you did. I had just pushed my signet power into you, and then lightning struck, at the same time as the light blasted the room.” Felix looks confused, “This time was indoors?” Ridoc and Sawyer quickly find somewhere else to be, after a poignant glare from me.

Bodhi says, with a cool I envy, but clearly also choosing his words, “Yes. It was in connection to an event of a highly personal nature. In our bedroom, in fact.” Felix looks at me. Then he looks at Bodhi. Then he bursts out laughing. The large man formally explodes with laughter, bending over and clutching his knees, struggling to breathe. After a long while, during which I go from stunned and bright red, to committing the fatal mistake of looking at my husband, who is grinning like a fool, putting a hand on Felix’s shoulders and asking “Are you well?” Then I too burst out laughing.

After another little while, also during which I’ve shoo’d away Ridoc twice, Felix has reclaimed control over himself, and so have we. Sort of. Felix looks rather red, his dark skin having assumed a deepened colouring and he holds a hand in front of his mouth, but I can occasionally see his silver white beard bobbing in silent laughter. He says, “You kids keep me young.” I just shrug and shake my head, unable to face him, fearing I’ll succumb to more laughter. Felix looks into the air, saying nonchalantly, “So, I expect you’re right, Violet. The days of conduits appear to be over. Possibly keep one in the bed chamber, if you happen to…over deposit power into your human companion.” Stay safe, I translate it into in my head. He adds, with a smile that makes him appear so much younger, shaking his head to me, “You sure know how to pick them.”

Then he looks in the general direction of Bodhi, “And you, promise me to not aspire to any such climactic events that could cause you to loose your senses here, during training.” Bodhi fights to keep his composure, as he grits out a fast, “I promise”. Then clamping his mouth shut. Felix gives us both a hard clap on the back and says, “Right. Very glad we got this over with. Now we’ll begin training.

Chapter Text

I stand on my mark, trying once again to get the lightning to act the way I want it to. I concentrate and let it flow freely from my hand in a straightish burst forward. I’ve finally begun feeling more in control again. The lightning strikes are conveniently sized for practice. I hold it and let it flow. “Bodhi, now”, Felix directs. At once I see the swirling, cloudy mist exude from his outstretched hand, and as it meets my lightning, they are drawn together, slithering around each other and creating a sort of thunder cloud, amassing in front of us. Behind us I can hear Sawyer go “Yes, best one yet!” Felix’s voice is carefully egging us on, “Hold it. Careful not to over do it. Now you try both stepping closer to each other, duke stay, duchess move. Now you’ll find you’re almost back to back. Keep steady.”

Bodhi is doing really well, almost over achievingly so, in the way of how quickly he’s excelling on his part in this. I’m only a little jealous, he is definitely Felix’s favourite. I think about how Lewellen called him ‘boy’ and magnanimously let him have Felix’s praise, for today. “Now”, Felix’s voice instructs us, “reach out your other hand and find each other. Don’t loose focus.” We stand back to back. From my right hand flows the lightning, from his left hand flows the misty white smoke. As our free hands find each other, we clasp them together and I can feel Bodhi’s back presses to mine. The power surge is immediately through the roof, and I have to ground myself thoroughly, straining to control Tairn’s power from within. This has ended with a bang a couple of times, and I intend to make this one count.

I close my eyes for a second to find my concentration. The storm cloud billows, doubled in size and the mass increases, making it opaque. “Now!” cries Felix, “Don’t sleep on the job, Violet.” I flash my eyes open and let the stream of energy from Tairn flow at a higher speed, but controlled. I can see the mist begin to spin, like a tornado, the lightning flashing through making it look lethal. This is it, we are combining our signets for real. In the swirl, It’s impossible to distinguish one from the other.

“And let that energy pull back in, let go of each other!” I let go of Bodhi’s hand and let my signet’s slowly drain back. Bodhi basically snaps his fingers to have his first signet kick out the second one. Neat, I must say. Felix claps his hands, “Not to bad for two star crossed lovers.” I wipe my forehead with my sleeve, “What do you mean, ‘star crossed?”, I ask. Bodhi is also looking rather done in, as he drags his fingers through his hair, looking at Felix with an exhausted smile on his face, “I can’t believe you’ve read that.”

Felix looks at him as if he’s contemplating denying it, but then says, voice thick with sarcasm, “Because I couldn’t possibly have been a lovesick young fool myself, once.” Bodhi laughs, “Well, I walked into that one. Sorry Felix, or course you’re very…” I put a hand on his arm, “No, love. Let me save you from yourself.” Felix frowns and starts collecting his things, including the conduits, “You should listen to your Star.” Then he turns to us, “We’re done here. Tomorrow again, at ten. Practice imbuing that necklace, so we have something to work with, and I’ll know if you didn’t”, he looks at Bodhi, “And your mother would be proud to see you stepping into your own.” Then he leaves.

Bodhi stands completely still, mouth open, just gawking at the man walking away from us. Ridoc and Sawyer, having hung back but apparently heard the conversation, join us. Ridoc looks in awe at the back of Felix, saying, “That’s a man who knows how to make a good exit.”

It’s almost dusk, Bodhi went to talk runes and wards with Trissa and Mira, leaving me to change and then we’ll get something quick to eat and head off to the library. I have pants on, but no top yet, as I just happen to stop by the bookcase on my way to the cupboard. I find it immediately, running my hand across the many coloured, leather bound book spines, it’s as if a small static chock runs through my finger. “So there you are, ‘Star’”, I tell the inconspicuous looking, dark blue book. A little golden star is embossed on the front cover, no title. I open the book, Gods, it almost smells like Bodhi. That’s the thing, though, it’s the note I haven’t gotten in everything that’s hidden in the scent of him. Books.

The little book is worn but not fragile. On the inside it says in a slanted handwriting, “Go find your star!” I so hope this has a happy ending. I just intend to read a few pages, but find myself sinking down, knees drawn up under me, leaning against the bookshelf, drawn in by the book.

The story is about a man in love with a star, everyone telling him he should stop his futile attempts to reach it, then him trying to reach the skies in any way he can and failing miserably every time. But then finally catching the star as it decides to fall one night, having also loved the man too much to stay parted. And him finding the star to be a shining person.

With the star’s light combined with their love, a power can protect them against an encroaching darkness, and heal the worst wounds, and they set about helping people and saving their world. And, I notice contented for Bodhi, but also forced to see Felix in a different light, it gets quite raunchy at times, describing the star and the man’s love for each other. But the star is caught by an evil power and they are separated. And then I really worry, because there are only a few pages left.

Bodhi walks in, I only glance up at him quickly, as he looks around the room for me. Seeing me with The Book, he quietly dodges into the bathing chamber, bringing his clothes with him to wash up and change. Good man. The final pages leave me in absolute agony. There is no resolution, just the hope that the man will never stop searching for the star, but without her he has no power to save her. And she has only her shining light, to light his way, but worthless without him. I close the book and just sit contemplating the likeness of our situation. If I’d hoped to find a solution, it was in vain.

I look up to see Bodhi all dressed and looking refreshed, leafing through something, leaned over the desk. When he feels my gaze on him, he looks up and says, “How’d you like it? And yes, there is a wrong answer.” I smile. “I liked it a lot. It’s beautiful and beguiling…”, I then say a bit stunted, “And rather dirty at times.” He laughs, “Now you know the full extent of my thankfulness for taking me out of that situation with Felix earlier.” I laugh as well, “Yeah, that’s a big bell that can’t be unrung.”

I continue, “But the ending. Don’t you find it terrifying not knowing? Is there a sequel?” He shrugs, with an apologetic smile, “Yeah, it’s horrible, isn’t it? No sequel, long dead author. You will now suffer for weeks. Which I find strangely satisfying knowing, since it means we can be emotionally destroyed together over the same book, and I’ve been where you are.” I look at him, annoyed, “That just makes you a masochist.” He smiles, making his way towards me, looking up in the ceiling, like he’s cursing the gods, saying, “Don’t I know it!”

He halts, and turns to hold up the towel that I left on the bed, saying, “Do you want this to cover yourself?” I had almost forgotten I had nothing on my upper body. I’d just sat down to read and the time and space disappeared. “Sure”, I say, berating myself for my own strange nudity clauses and cover myself, wrapping the towel around me, standing up. “Thank you. How’d you know? After all, earlier, you basically told me to strip, now you’re handing me modesty towels. He smiles, “I try to learn. Tell me if I’m wrong, but as it stands now, I’m more than sure you don’t mind at all to be naked in front of me. But you are uncomfortable being undressed.” My mouth falls open. “Yes, what you just said. Right now anyway.” He raises his eyebrows, “I don’t mind adapting, as I’ve told you before, just want you to be comfortable.”

I go behind the screen and start getting into the rest of my clothes. As I do, I ask Bodhi, a bit apprehensive, “Did you change in the bathing chamber because you thought I’d be uncomfortable seeing you naked?” He laughs cruelly, “No, but I’m glad my efforts didn’t go unnoticed. I just didn’t want to distract you from finishing the world’s greatest book, with showing off my naked body. I know you don’t mind watching me change, at all.”

I walk towards him, where he’s waiting for me by the door, leaning against the doorframe. “You are insufferable sometimes, do you know that?” He grins, “I know you like to tease me and say that I am. But that you really think I’m adorable, if I remember correctly.” I step up on my toes and kiss him, “Yes, you are. And I love you.” He looks at me with such a warm gaze that I feel tempted to skip dinner and reading. But alas. Studying to be done on stupid signets. He hugs me, surprisingly hard, saying into my hair, “I love you too. And if you are to be my Star, I’ll remind you that there is also a lot of hope in the ending of that book and she keeps shining.”

As we walk down the stairs for the umpteenth time, he suddenly says, “I’ll tell you who’s easily distracted… I all but forgot to inform you, your clever sister and the amazing Trissa have managed to set our trap!” I feel release trickle down, as if a physical weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I burst out, “That’s a relief! How does it work now?”

Bodhi takes in my excitement, and makes a face, “I’m sorry, I should have led with this of course. Anyone can enter, only Xaden will become trapped, should he choose to enter the room. And yes, Trissa scowled in answer when I asked if it really will be able to withstand him. And Mira has overlayed runes, so it should to an extent dampen his, or anyone’s, power used inside the room. We’ll have to be careful about that ourselves.”

Further down I see Dain talking with Rhi outside the hallway leading to the library. I look at Bodhi expectantly, “But the ward, where I’m concerned, did it show any sign of being tampered with, drawing me there like a lure?” At this he bites his lip, “No darling, nothing like that.” As he sees my disappointment he adds, “Maybe it’s nothing to worry about. It was just a theory that you were drawn there, after all.”

I stop dead, and so does he, my voice almost a whisper, “But what if it’s on Xaden then? What if I’m drawn to him, against my will? And you will convince yourself I go to him, willingly choosing him. Because you won’t believe me when I tell you again and again that I want only you.” I bite my lip to keep from crying as the gravity of this hits me. He looks stricken. “Fuck, I’ve messed this up for you with my own issues.”

Then he takes my hand, leading me into a corridor and turning into the empty office he pretended was his, lighting it up inside. “Sorry for the relocation, I just didn’t think either of us would enjoy company right now. Looks like I’ve got some well earned grovelling to do, and I do my best work without audience participation.” He twists his lips into a crooked smile. “Will you sit? This might take a while”, I flash him a tired smile, “I am not surprised, go ahead dazzle me with your words”. He tilts his head, “I will do my very best.”

He offers me a chair, and sits down in the one facing me. He takes my hands in his, leaning forward, saying, “Here we go. Forgive me, for taking it back, the trust in you choosing me over him. It just tripped me up, when there suddenly was a real possibility for Xaden to return. It’s not that I don’t believe you, I just don’t understand why you’d choose me over him. He’s fucking Xaden, who you’ve walked through fire for, might I add.” I let go of his hand, demonstrably and raise my voice, “This. This doubt in yourself, is you being proper stupid. Give me a fire, I’ll traverse it with a swing in my step for you. Throw in a mountain, as well, where would you like it moved?”

He looks away, smiling, then turns back to me, a look of concern back on. “Fuck, you’re funny when you hate my guts. And you’re probably right. I just, don’t want you to feel trapped by me or this arrangement in any way, when you choose. I want you to have that choice, him or me. I’d fucking hate myself if you stayed with me for any other reason than wanting me. And I trust you, when you say you want to choose me, I just…”

I look at him, and I will him to see my absolutely not-that-well-hidden, furious frustration with him. “You just want me to actually choose for myself, no amount of talking about it before it happens will change that for you. I see that now.” I raise my eyebrows in disbelief, “I’m fucking angry about it, but I get it. It’s also a bit chivalrous, but bordering on self sacrificial. And possibly self centered.” He raises his eyebrows, mirroring me but in a more hopeful way, “I choose to hear mostly ‘chivalrous’”.

I go on, eying him, annoyed to the point of almost laughing at the situation. “You, my love, have severe issues with your self confidence. Unnecessarily so, because it’s completely unwarranted. But I also need you to see: this”, I swing my hands about, “is why it’s going to be a moratorium on anyone comparing you to your cousin. It affects you”, he looks ready to argue, and I silence him with a look. “And, why you over him? I don’t know, maybe because I love you, you absolute moron, and having had some time to consider, I would probably not have stayed in a relationship with Xaden all my life anyway, I hope. Because it was hugely poisoned from the start and I have reconsidered a lot of things about that relationship, given perspective. Mostly because you have showed me such attention and love, and the relative peace of our situation, that I’ve had the possibility to think straight and consider what I actually want.”

He looks like he’s the one about to break, and says softly, “I will never, ever leave you to him, if there is even a chance of you being drawn to him against your will.” I cut in, “But maybe you won’t know.” He takes my hands in his again, placing his lips on them. “I will know.” And somehow, deep inside, I know I believe him.

Chapter Text

Jesinia comes towards me with another stack of books. We finally made it to the library, or more accurately, the room adjacent to the library. Bodhi sits with his head in a book, leaning against the leather sofa’s corner, long legs stretched out in front of him. He’s polished off a few books already, sadly nothing relevant. He’s a fast reader, which I’d guessed, and now I know how much I like that fact. And it’s a lot.

Jesinia, in her wisdom, assigned me and Bodhi to different teams, even though we’re crammed up together, all of us in the same room. Ridoc and Garrick have been put on Rhi’s team, working on venin in connection with light, they’ve found absolutely nothing.

Sawyer has the responsibility to find out about light signets with me and Imogen, we have too much material, and too few even possibly helpful results.

And then there is Bodhi, with the oddest pairing of Dain, try to find out about mates and possible connections to signets mixing. They have found fairytales about fated mates in abundance, often with tragic endings and someone’s inevitable demise. One, more fact based, that Dain read, had to do with mates being known to have possessed a special bond that apparently has been compared to static energy. Nothing that rings a bell, basically, outside of my signet. Dain and Bodhi don’t really acknowledge each other, which is not at all awkward. Bodhi making some attempts at conversation, Dain answering in as few words as possible.

Jesinia looked a bit flustered when she divided the assignments and the first round of books. When she turned away from the others, only visible to me, she signed, “They both asked to study mates, what could I say?” To which I signed back, “Not to worry. I’m glad Dain’s here helping”, even though, it could either be interpreted as a way for him seeking to find some understanding for my situation, or a way to make us both aware of the craziness of even thinking about being mates. Which would be understandable.

Aaric and Sloane are stuck in rune class, where Mira has also been asked to join by Trissa, and will probably join later on. Brennan does Brennan things. I feel a bit bad for the Basgiath cadets, having us encroaching on what are their usual places to hang out when they are here. But since we stuffed our group into one room, they can at least have the rest of the library.

Dain is on the other side of the couch from Bodhi, and their team is still by far the quietest. Sawyer points at something in his book and I jump up from my chair to see. “Look at this passage, it’s on shadow wielding. Having seen a little today of what you are working with, I agree that the principle aught to be the same. How about if he”, indicating Bodhi, but not disturbing him, “could do streaming non-shadows, like the ones that Xaden used to keep trailing around him at all times? Could that be useful or was it just there to seem creepy?” Then he’s reminded of who he’s talking to and says, “Sorry Violet.”

I wave a hand in dismissal. “Don’t be. The shadows were hot and creepy, but could also be very useful, like extra hands.” Sawyer looks at me in disbelief, “What did you just say?” I blush, and add in a small voice, “I just thought about totally normal things, like when Xaden used his shadows to kill a bunch of unbonded cadets in my room. No offence.” Sawyer looks at me amazed, “None taken, I became bonded without resorting to murder, in the end. But, then I guess we should get the test subject in question to find out.”

Bodhi gets up from the couch and comes over to us. “Didn’t mean to eavesdrop, small room and all”, he leans in Dain’s direction, “I thought we’d have the juiciest subject, Dain. My current book is this far from just a lot of boring rubbish, what do you think?” Dain gives him a nod that’s meant to say he agrees. Very nice.

Then Sawyer shows Bodhi the passages in the book and they go off to the corridor, not to risk harming the library books with experimental signet training.

They are away for a while, then Sawyer comes to get me. Bodhi stands in the corridor and white mist is swirling in lazy, smokelike tendrils at his feet and as he steps away, it follows him. He puts out a hand in front of him, and the smoke follows his arm, and shoots slowly out like a spear. “Look at this! I can’t believe it’.” I smile, happy to see him enjoying himself with his signet. And he, who I’ve suspected hardly wanted to try it out before, because of the expectations, and possibly repercussions. “Yeah, definitely hot”, I say to Sawyer, also earning a grin from my husband.

“Supercool”, Sawyer says. “Felix is going to flip, assuming that’s something he does.” Sawyer goes back in to see if he can find out more, as Bodhi continues playing with his signet, sending out a smoke tendril my direction. “The tricky part is going between solid touch and cloudy steam. Could you turn here, love? See if this could be a way to imbue the necklace?” I walk up to him, standing close. “Go ahead, but sincerely hope you wouldn’t ask me before you’d figured out how not to accidentally hit me. I see that you’re setting your sight on a gold star from Felix”, I say and he smiles, letting a smoke tendril caress my cheek. Then he takes a delicate hold of the pearl dragon and it starts to glow. “You’re doing it! I feel it’s heat as well”, I exclaim.

“Would you try taking my hand, like at training?”, he asks, face tight with concentration. I take his hand, entwining my fingers with his. I can feel the necklace pulsate and Bodhi is so focused, I stop breathing as not to move with the necklace. Then he stops, sweat pearling on his brow, and takes a step away from me, leaning his back against the wall, panting. The white smoke has disappeared from around him in an instant. I don’t know if I imagine it, but the pendant feels heavier. “You alright? I ask him, Bodhi’s fists are clenched tight and he exhales deeply. “Just, giving it my all.” I smirk, “I would be flattered, and believe you strained yourself just for me, but I think I’ll have to share you with Felix from now on.” He laughs, between breaths, “You might be right. He’s pretty awesome.”

I ask him, casually, as I stand next to him, also leaning against the wall, “So, how well did Felix know your mom?” Bodhi looks at me, from under heavy eyelids, “You picked up on the oddness of him mentioning her as well, I gather.” I shrug, “No, I thought he must have known her, but noticed a lot on your reaction.” He lets his shoulders drop, the tension from pushing himself releasing. “I had no idea that he knew her, particularly. Only from Assembly. And he hung out here a lot, at the House, and as I’ve told you, so did we. But I agree it sounded a bit veiled. It was decent of him to say what he did, whatever their connection was.” He dips his chin, is lost in the past for a while. I take a step towards him, putting a hand on his cheek, making him look at me.

“I saw the dedication in the book. Guessing that was her?” He nods, smiling sadly. “Yep. I can’t help but think there might be a very different, but possibly similar, dedication in a book in Felix’s bookcase. It’s really not that common a book to have read.” I raise my eyebrows. “Are you going to ask him about her?” Bodhi shrugs, “No. I prefer to not know. That way I can stay thinking she had a more fulfilling life, than what my nightmare of a father offered her. And that her joy probably lives on in the memory of more people than me. Also I don’t have to wonder about how it came, that Felix wasn’t killed as part of the revolution, when she was.” He looks away and I lean my head against his shoulder, not really knowing what to say.

Dain comes out from the library, clearing his throat unnaturally loud, looking at us like he is determined to act normal, but has no idea what normal looks like. He says, straightening his back, “I was just going off to find you before I decide on how to…initiate practicing with the shielding. And my signet.” He swallows, “In fact, I wanted a moment alone with Vi before beginning”, he says in Bodhi’s direction, which pisses me off. Bodhi raises his eyebrow in question and winks at me, preparing to leave. But I decide, if Dain sees fit to include Bodhi, then he’ll get exactly that. “Dain, it’s okay. Bodhi, please stay, he’ll hear about it anyway.” Bodhi looks a little bit too satisfied with my decision, stretching his neck both directions to block us seeing him grinning, I bet. Dain scowls at him, from what I’m interpreting as him assuming I’ve kept Bodhi here because I feel I must. I ignore them both.

Dain clears his throat again, clearly uncomfortable. “Fine. Basically, I have to put my hands on your face and search your memories, if you want me to test your shields. It feels potentially…not great, given the past.” I nod in agreement, “The situation is admittedly delicate, but I’ve pointedly asked you to help us. And that includes testing me. I’ve not been able to keep Xaden’s thoughts out at all. I need your help, and if this is what it means, I’ll do it.” Dain looks pained, but nods, “I just can’t go back to the way things were between us. You finally treat me like a person again, and I don’t want to spoil that by using my signet on you.”

I say, voice unwavering, “It won’t. I promise you. This is me asking you to touch my face and read my memories like nobodies business. Hoping you won’t manage, but still. Am I clear enough?” Dain looks at me, a strict, but somewhat relived expression on his face. “Of course, loud and clear. Thank you. Maybe you trusting me like this, even after all that’s happened between us, might have other…desired effects for me.” He then glances at Bodhi, saying hurriedly, “I’m not talking about me and Violet. That’s ancient, and, as you’re might know, not that comprehensive, history.”

Bodhi looks at Dain, with what I interpret as schooled features, after the half-mention of the events that led to Liam’s death and him stealing my memories. But I can see the expression soon changes into a softer, even friendly one. “I know that. And I’m not…” he glances at me, “at least in my own humble opinion, what you’d call a majorly jealous person. I know you two have history, and that doesn’t bother me. More importantly, you’re really old friends.” He squirms slightly, “ But, on a different note, I’d however lie if I said I didn’t worry you’ll accidentally see things in my memories that I’d rather avoid sharing with you, or anyone, for that matter. That makes me a bit apprehensive about you entering into my memories. Not that I don’t find you trustworthy, you have certainly proved that you are, time and time again.”

Dain nods, and looks like his mood just improved a lot with more information. “Good to know. I think I might have had a different idea of you, possibly not a very fair one.” He glances at me, making a face. Bodhi responds in kind, “Good to know. Is there anyway you can avoid taking certain routes as you traipse through our memories?” Dain looks rather grim, “Not really. Though if it helps, I can only see recent memories.” Bodhi looks very relieved and I can imagine it gave him a lot of pause not being sure about that.

Dain points to me, “You can try taking a leaf out of Violet’s book and start to push images you want me to see, outward. If I break through your shields, that is.” He crosses his arms, sighing, “And, of course, he turns to me as well, “I’ll let go of you the moment I feel the shield break. I don’t relish seeing what you don’t want me to see either, I want that known.” we both nod confirming we hear him. “And you can both rest assured, I won’t tell anyone what I might see.”

Bodhi raises his eyebrows meaningfully, and shakes his head, not quite believing what he’s accepting. “Cross your heart?”, Dain smiles, and I suddenly feel that my old friend is back in the room, as he says, “And will make sure I don’t say anything, because I don’t intend to die.”

Chapter Text

Dain’s familiar hands softly hold both sides of my face. It’s totally unlike the last time he did this, unwillingly from his side, under the command of Varrish, but most importantly, that time it was done against my expressed will. I try to feed those thoughts and memories to the back of my mind. I build my shields up, strengthening them mentally to withstand an attack.

Bodhi suggested we go to the bare boned office he keeps, (for appearances, I’ve gathered) to train with Dain. Apparently, neither of us three, are keen on letting any more people in on this part of training, then is strictly necessary. I’m struggling hard to keep as clean a mind as possible, but it’s nearly the opposite happening. I opt for, at least, pushing back details of any recent memories regarding sex, or memories of my emotions towards Bodhi. That’s not a fun one to imagine discussing with Dain.

Instead I push forward ordinary memories, that make me happy, but aren’t harmful in any way, like light conversations with Ridoc, breakfast with Bodhi, that time when we got really drunk that dinner, flying on Tairn, Andarna obsessing about her pearls. I’ve practiced imagining the memories in a loop, one after the other, right before we began. And hope it’s enough, before Dain can disconnect from me, if my shields fall.

And it appears they do. I can’t for my life understand why it’s suddenly so hard to keep them in place. Of course, Dain has an almost unparalleled strength from the power Cath channels to him, so he can really be forceful in his attempts to break my shields. And I don’t know when he’s read my mind, or which one of the memories, I just have to trust him to let go of me, as soon as he manages to get through the shield. And he informs me what he’s seen, so I know what he knows. For trust through transparency. We agreed beforehand.

Dain let’s go of my face again, leaning back in the same chair Bodhi sat in just a few hours before, muttering, “I’ve just seen you have breakfast again. No harm done, but you have to figure out if there is anything you can change, or this won’t help.” I groan in frustration, leaning back in the chair opposite Dain. Bodhi sits, leaning on the desk just behind me, laying a supportive hand on my shoulder as I hide my face in my own hands for a while. “Why does this keep happening? Did I come back wrong from the memory wipe somehow?” I hear Tairn’s voice in my head, “You are not wrong, Silver One! The shield is connected to your grounding. Find a better anchor, but do not blame yourself. You are strong and will withstand every adaptation you choose to make.” I think about his words, but can’t make sense of any change I could do to help my shields.

Dain stiffens, Bodhi clears his throat, squeezing my shoulder, in a question to me of how much I want to involve Dain. I find it’s a lot. He might just find out anything anyway, given the nature of this training. I look up at Bodhi, saying, “I’m getting some thoughts from Tairn saying I need to adapt, whatever that could imply. Do you want to have a go in between, while I try figuring it out?” Bodhi glances at Dain, saying, “Sure.” Not sounding the least bit ‘sure’.

I get up from the chair, changing places with Bodhi. Dain looks to be suffering something terrible, as he closes the distance between them, by leaning over towards him. Bodhi stops him, saying, way louder than intended, making Dain flinch, “Wait!” Dain looks annoyed at him, “Yes?” Bodhi scrambles for purchase, “You are sure you don’t accidentally reach into old memories? If I project something, you’ll see only that?” Dain looks grimly back at him, “Yes, as I’ve told you. Unless you actively push the old memories at me, I won’t see them.”

Dain raises his hands towards Bodhi’s face again. As he does, Bodhi again dodges back, saying in an almost philosophical way, “Do you really need to touch my face, exactly?” Dain looks a bit bothered at the same prospect, “Trust me, it’s not a situation I’ve chosen for myself, nor do I long for it when it comes to you particularly, but yes. I need to touch your face for my signet to be the strongest.” Bodhi gets out of the chair, saying, “Sorry”, then moves the chair away from the desk, making space for me to stand closer to him, on the side of the chair, and beckoning me to him. I look at Bodhi, saying, “How can I help?”

He looks at me, pleading almost, “You stand there and hold my hand, darling. At the re-wedding, we can keep staying connected, so it doesn’t make a difference if we try it out now, in training.” He then turns to Dain, explaining, “We’ve found that touching each other makes things stronger, when it comes to combining the signets. If there is a chance it works the same with shielding, I’d like to try it from the beginning.” Dain looks a bit like he wants to leave the room, but just raises his eyebrows meaningfully, “As long as you limit the touching itself to handholding, I don’t see it as a problem.”

Then he distinctly raises his hands again, just keeping them in front of Bodhi, who looks almost…frightened. He stands up, fast. Remaining standing in front of the chair, looking like he has no idea why he just did that. I take his hand, “Love, what’s happening?” He looks at me, surprised, like he’s not at all stood up from his own volition. “I, just don’t enjoy having my face touched.” I blink at him. “You don’t? But I do that all the time. I wish you’d told me, that you don’t like it.” He exhales, “Sorry Dain, I know you’re truly helping, this has nothing to do with you, only me.” Then he looks back at me, “Your touch is the only exception, Violet.”

As I glance over at Dain, I realise he doesn’t look annoyed or bothered, but rather sympathetic towards Bodhi. Dain says, “It’s fine, if you’d prefer to not have me try this. No problem and no questions asked.” I give Dain a thankful smile for his kindness. Bodhi looks to steel himself, then sits back down. “Fuck it, just do it anyway.” He grips my hand tight, with both his hands. Dain doesn’t wait, he puts his hands on either side of Bodhi’s face, without delay. I notice Bodhi flinching at the touch, but both keep going. This is so strange to me. I’ve touched his face all the time, even from when Halden came to visit, when I rather thought the touch was a major turn on for him. Have I misinterpreted him?

Dain goes on palming Bodhi’s face for a very long while, much longer than I lasted. Bodhi has closed eyes, and the grip on my hand is like a vice. Then Dain lets go of him, standing up abruptly with a face of evident regret and concern. “Sorry. I got out as fast as I could!” Bodhi gets to his feet as well. “What happened?” I ask Bodhi, walking towards him, to where he’s gone to stand next to a bookcase filled with many uniform, brown, leather bands. Bodhi says lowly, face taut, “It was a memory from the nightmare I had. About my father. Accidentally now semi-public knowledge.” He rolls his eyes. I take a firm hold of his arm, whispering to him, “Do you want to call it a night?” He turns to look at me, saying, “No. It’s training we need if the plan is to work.”

Dain says, apparently having just sat back down on his chair, like nothing’s happened, “I have an asshole father too. He has made his choices, I make my own now.” Bodhi looks like he’s measuring Dain’s sincerity, mentally. Then he seems to decide to give Dain a chance, as he says distinctly, “How much did you see?” Dain looks to pause for a moment, but then says, in a steady voice free from judgement, “I saw your memory of his grip on your chin. Him slapping your face. And saying a bunch of nasty stuff. Guessing that’s your dad.” Bodhi wets his lips, then twists his face into a joyless smile. “That’s not anyone’s ‘dad’. But yes, you’ve just seen my father. I had rather you’d not.” Bodhi looks down, then meets my gaze, pained in a way I’ve never experienced with him. “I’ll not keep anything from you, if it’s known to him.” Then turns towards Dain, saying, “Dain, could you tell me what you heard him say, please?”

Dain swallows, bothered but still keeping a cool and gathered approach. “I heard him say you’d never amount to anything. Something about you being a disappointment, a mistake. Not as strong as your cousin, not as smart either. That’s about it.” Bodhi looks disdainfully at Dain, biting out “You surely manage to experience a whole lot, in a short amount of time. You really should do some speed training on that ‘letting go’ part.”

Dain blinks, “I see how you could see it that way. I just felt compelled to see you were alright, considering how small you were.” Bodhi flashes him a sad smile, “Well, I can’t fault you for that, since that’s what I’m experiencing when I have the dreams. I always stand there, watching, unable to move.” I gasp at his words. He continues, not looking at me, to Dain, “I was alright, more or less. But thank you for your concern.”

I just stand there, gawking at the two men. The one on my side, whose arm I still clutch like it’s a life line, and the one showing him a world of support. And I’m suddenly so grateful for Dain. Dain says, matter of factly, “I happen to hate my father. I guess, based on what I saw, I hate yours as well now.” Bodhi confirms sarcastically, “Feel free to add mine to the list. He’ll not disappoint.” Then indicates Dain with a nod, saying, “I forgot we are two traitor sons trying to repent someone else’s crimes with our own actions.” He gives Dain a wry smile. Then he looks at me, adding a wink just for me. “Hey, don’t worry about me. You gave me strength for my shield, it will be enough time to trap Xaden before he’s any wiser, if I can repeat it. Are you ready to try again, yourself?”

I nod, saying. “Yes, that’s a good idea, since I didn’t try holding on to you before. But first, come here.” I say the last part softly, blatantly ignoring that Dain is in the room. Bodhi needs me, and I want to reassure him of his true worth. He leans his head down to me, letting our foreheads touch. I stand up on my toes, then kiss him, making sure time stops spinning for a little while. He relaxes his taut muscles, I feel it on his arm. Then I whisper in his ear, “You’re mine and Cuir’s. No one else’s.”

The next time I try to keep my shields up, they hold a lot longer against Dain’s signet, as I feel Bodhi’s hand in mine. By Dain’s choice not to say anything about what memory he accidentally partook of, that finally ended the shield’s endurance, I understand I didn’t manage to feed him one of my ‘safe’ loop memories. But I don’t care. I am so obliged to him for the class act with which he handled the situation with Bodhi, that I don’t feel any shame or worry for my part. We’ve come past something really important.

That’s when Dain turns to Bodhi and punches him hard in the face.

Chapter Text

“You sick, fucking sadist!” The punch lands on Bodhi’s cheekbone. I can hear and almost feel the thud as the fist connects with my husband. I see Bodhi just managing to turn his head and follow the motion to soften the impact from a full on hit, because that came out of nowhere. And it was a close distance. Too close for Dain to get a full swing, but definitely close enough to guarantee a solid hit.

I began moving to get up from my chair, (and out of the line of fire, as everyone was really close), when Dain’s fist crashed into Bodhi and by the time Dain draws back his arm again, I step on his foot. Hard.

He yells out in pain. Bodhi flexes his jaw, but looks oddly collected, like he’d anticipated an outburst of some kind from Dain. He hisses though, clenches one eye shut for a second, touching his cheekbone and apparently content to feel everything in its expected place, moves slightly back to lean against the desk, arms crossed over his chest. It’s a cocky move, no doubt about it.

I rush up to Bodhi, immediately reaching up to touch his face. He doesn’t flinch. As I do, he gives a side eye to Dain on the other side of the desk, who’s now clutching his boot and holding on to the desk. Bodhi says grumbling, but not low enough that Dain shouldn’t be able to hear it, “I have an inkling of what our memory lending friend over there saw. I wonder only if it was me hitting your ass with my hand or a paddle.” Blood rushes to my face. I just fucking know it’s true. And I’m aware that those particular memories was not something I was presenting to Dain, at least as far as I know. Which means he was poking around in my recent memories.

Dain shouts through what seems to be quite a lot of pain, “Why did I see you hitting her at all, you fucking asshole? Like there’s a difference!” I take a step towards Dain, my eyes boring into him. “There is a fucking difference, Dain! What you saw was a hugely private game between two very consenting adults, that was not to be shared with you. Get over it.”

I see out of the corner of my eye how Bodhi flashes a decadent smile at my defence of our activities. Not helping his case with Dain, who’s not taking his eyes off him, and makes a move to rush towards the other side of the desk, exclaiming, “You don’t fucking hit women, you disgusting freak!” Bodhi looks to be in no rush, but delicately moves a few steps to the other side of the desk, keeping the desk between them. I’m not sure what he’s planning exactly, but something in how leisurely he’s making his movements appear, tells me he’s not going to make this an easy trip for Dain. Bodhi frankly enjoys it and it’s a cat playing with a mouse, that springs to mind. An enraged mouse.

Bodhi says, the tone an almost joyful one, as he walks dragging a finger slowly across the desk, “Yes you can, actually, and vice versa, as long as the person consents to it and you make it nice for them. Which I always aspire to do.” Dain becomes furious, apparently even more riled up by Bodhi’s rather unabashed response. He makes a lunge for Bodhi over the desk, but is not even close. “You fucking coward. I heard her fucking screaming.” Bodhi laughs, “So definitely paddle, wouldn’t you say, darling? I’m sorry to be crude, but if you’d chosen to poke about more than you apparently did this time, you’d also seen that particular session ended rather well for my wife. There was definitely screaming. Of my name.” I shake my head at Bodhi, saying, “Really necessary?”

The former comment made Dain rush towards one side of the desk, in a move so obvious it was only deflected by a couple of swift steps by Bodhi. I move away from the desk entirely. I’ve said everything I intend to say on the subject, and the remaining energy in the room is a cockfight I have no intention of getting in the middle of. I guess they’ll dance around here until someone is ready to give up. But, unsettling for Dain, Bodhi looks to be considering this a teaching moment.

“You’re sick,” Dain spits out the words in Bodhi’s direction. Bodhi cocks his head, “I’d take that, if it means me having my woman panting in pleasure, over having her screaming at me because I didn’t listen to what she was saying, any day. No one has, as far as I’ve heard, asked for your heroics here.” Dain fumes, breathing heavily, and stepping gingerly on his foot as he keeps walking around the desk, purposefully. “How can you let him treat you like this, Violet?”, he says outraged.

Oh, no, does that mean I’m part of this again? Neat. I clear my throat, “Come off it, Dain. He’s only ever treated me with respect and love. I’m telling you, you saw a snippet from a game, that’s obviously not your cup of tea, but it doesn’t have to be either. Listen to what I’m saying and just do what you promised, and let this go.” Dain stops circling the table, and for the first time actually looks at me. He says, face twisted with disbelief and disgust, “You like him hitting you? Being rough with you?”

I consider it, “Bodhi has never been ‘rough’ with me. But I feel confident I’d like that too.”
At this, Bodhi raises an eyebrow, making a mental note, I bet. “Because I like it all, it’s just…fun! We’re playing, no one really gets hurt.” Dain’s eyes are so wide, they look like they’re about to pop out of their sockets, he says in a much calmer voice, but with a hurt timbre to it, “I’m your fucking…oldest friend and I can’t stand by and watch you ruin yourself like this.” I spare him a glance, and continue, “You are not my ex, not my father, brother or anything other than my long time friend. Besides, were you any of those other things, I’d still say the same: this is private, I don’t need your permission or anyone saving me from anything. I’ve never met a person more considerate of my feelings and my consent than my husband. I trust him fully. You just saw something that freaked you out because it’s not the norm. Lay it to rest and tend to your foot.” Dain looks slightly off keel, as he shifts his weight.

Bodhi interprets this situation as defused, apparently. Coming over to stand beside me, keeping a tender distance, just in case of being rushed. “For my part”, he says to Dain and the triggering edge to his voice is now nowhere to be found, “I can only say I’m sorry you had to see that. And also, I’ll hold you to your promise not to let slip anything you’ve learnt in this room.” Dain nods, quickly, looking at his feet, or foot. Bodhi continues, “And I won’t either. Sick as I may be, I believe it would reflect worse on you, not having kept to the deal we made about leaving our memories in peace. You see, you violated consent, again. And that happens to be holy to me, at least.”

He looks swiftly at me, recalling the signet protecting where he didn’t exactly live up to that and tell me of the dreams. “I’m not perfect, far from it”, he says, apologetically, smiling at me. “And I respect that your concern for Violet’s safety and care comes from a place of love. And different perspectives are vital. So, for my part at least, next time I see you, we can continue to learn more about each other”, he adds, giving off a small smile, “consensually. And know, I’d rather be your friend than your enemy.”

He then turns to me, kisses me softly on the cheek, saying to me only, “I thought you’d want to speak in private with your friend. I’d better find Ridoc and get some of his chill on my face, so you’ll not have to re-marry me all punched up.” I nod, “I’ll catch you later. What are you telling Ridoc?” He smiles, “I’ll think of something”, then laughs softly and demonstrably turns his back to us both and leaves.

As soon as the door closes, Dain hobbles, not that testosterone driven anymore, to the nearest chair, saying voice cut with agony, “I think you broke my fucking toe.” I walk up to the desk, my arms crossed like an angry teacher. “Dain. You’re not doing it again. The ruin-it-for-everyone-thing.” He looks up at me, stubbornly, about to disagree. “Concentrate your efforts on Sloane, or she will believe you’re still hung up on me. Bodhi and I are not doing anything wrong. I’m in no danger, except from the threat we are all of us trying to handle at the moment.”

Dain looks at me, really trying to discern any difference on my face, “I’m really sorry. Believe me, I wasn’t trying to look through your memories, really. But it’s more difficult to cut out than you might believe. And I only reacted to protect you.” He looks rather deplorable at the moment, sitting holding on to his poor foot. “I know”, I say, “but I want you in my life. How can that be, if you go around punching my husband, whom I have told you, now many times, I happen to love?”

His brow frowning, he says, ”With Xaden, I tried to convince you that it wasn’t a healthy relationship, and you didn’t listen. Now you’re expecting me to believe that this forced marriage of convenience, to the cousin of your violent ex, who gets off on beating you, regardless of how you care to put it, is the love of your life? Your ‘mate’ even? Do you know how crazy that sounds?”

I nod slowly, saying in a sing-song voice, “I know it’s come about rather…unconventional. But you seem to have it all figured out. Great!” I smile, sunnily. Which makes Dain chuckle. I continue, all seriousness now, “I have done a lot of thinking after Xaden, and you and Rhi were right. Xaden and I weren’t a good match in many respects. And I couldn’t hear that at that time. But then believe me when I say, Bodhi and I really are a great fit in so many ways.”

Dain mutters, “You are fucking impossible the two of you, that’s what you are.” I think on it, “Halden called us obnoxious, but your’s is good too.” Dain smiles and says slowly, “I…might have overreacted slightly. Do you think he’ll forgive me?” I smile to him, “Probably already has. But try talking to him, leaving the fisticuffs at home, maybe? Ironically, I can really see you getting along, if you allow him to be who he is. And the same goes for me.”

He breathes in deeply, “Will you tell Sloane about what happened?” I look at his pleading face. “No, not unless you mention anything at all about our memories.” He breathes out heavily, “I promise you.” I answer, getting ready to leave, “Perfect. Also, you did make me very happy by not comparing him to Xaden, even though you were…incensed and crossed a line of sorts. Thank you for that, anyway.” Dain smiles tiredly. “No problem. They aren’t even close to the same person. Is Brennan up at all, to set a toe, discretely, do you think?”

We walk back out towards the staircase, and Dain is pointed to Brennan’s office on the floor above. He stops before going up, as I intend to go back down to the gang probably wrapping up for the night, by the library. “I happened to see a memory of you climbing out the window of your old room and kissing Xaden. Have a hard time understanding how Bodhi would be okay with that.”

“Who says I am?” Comes Bodhi’s voice from behind Dain, on the landing above, the reddish, dark hue on his cheekbone hard to miss. I crook my finger at him, beckoning him over, as I tell Dain, “We both know about it, aren’t thrilled, and basically Bodhi doesn’t think it’s my fault, since we know nothing about how it happened. And also, this version of me don’t even remember doing it.”

Then Bodhi comes to join us, Dain makes room for him, saying stiffly, “I…didn’t think through the whole situation before reacting…no hard feelings?” Bodhi looks like he considers harbouring a little grudge, but saves it for a later date. “Fresh start”, he concludes, giving Dain a small nod, which is returned. No one is eager to touch each other at the moment.

Dain walks off towards Brennan, with another nod. We continue upstairs. When we’re out of earshot I ask Bodhi, “How do you feel, really?” He makes a face, “It won’t be pretty in the morning, but I’m okay considering. How did friend talk go?” I smile, “It went fine. He wont talk about anything and is worried we’d tell Sloane something, which we won’t. To Dain, we are ‘impossible’, which I like. And, he might not understand or approve of what he saw, but he will probably not punch you again, since I pointed out how it’s difficult to keep that up, while being my friend.” He grins, pain making him wince, and I automatically stop him to feel the swelling. He just stills and closes his eyes, letting my cool fingers stay on his skin.

Then he says, eyes still closed, “And if anyone asks, a door did this, and I’m sorry to report, Ridoc jumped to wild conclusions.” He opens his eyes, and gives me an exculpatory look, shrugging, “Ridoc counts it as furniture, I’m afraid, even though I was adamant a door really is a property fixture. And there isn’t even a broken door, just a broken me.”

I hit his arm, “No more hitting me, please!”, he laments, points to his sad, busted face, “I evoke the law of Door, I should be treated gently, like a delicate flower, at least until tomorrow.” I’m about to kiss him, and stop myself as I once again raise my hands to his face. “I’m sorry, you have to be straight with me. Do you want me to stop touching your face or change something in how I approach you?”

He looks at me with his big brown eyes, saying softly, “No, don’t change a thing. I might react with surprise sometimes, but I want to be rid of it. And I will be, someday. I’m already much improved, by you, you just don’t remember the difference in me.”

Then I kiss him gently, caressing his stubbly cheek.

Chapter Text

As I prepare to go to bed, my trusted sleep wear on again, I don’t feel my best. The hope of snuggling up with adoring husband, was brutally crushed as Brennan knocked on our door, a while ago. And he didn’t leave, insisting we might need his abilities, because we’ve got a set wedding date. An actual deadline, and it’s only days away. How in the world we’ll be able to get ready, figure out and train our signets enough until then, is beyond my understanding.

In a way it feels like I’m going to war. But I’m just going to bed. With Bodhi acting as my watcher, possible staying awake all night or however long it takes for me to find Xaden in my dream to…give him the invitation, strictly speaking…and pulling me out. Banking on that Xaden doesn’t break through my shields and read my mind. Or break my neck.

And my brother will be sitting watch on Bodhi, making sure he doesn’t fall asleep. And if we all nod off, I’m toast. Tairn’s voice breaks through, “You are not going to resemble a burnt piece of bread, we are always with you and you will not be left alone. I’ve woken you before in hours of need.”

I look at myself in the mirror, answering him, “I know Tairn, Andarna. I’m just nervous. Just falling asleep on command with people watching me is horrible.” Andarna yawns loudly, “I can help you with telling you about my hunt yesterday. That always appears to make you tired.” I smile, she is not wrong there, those stories can really drone on. “Thank you, dearests. I feel safer knowing you keep watch over me.” The bonds are overflowing with warm, reassuring feelings.

I’ve brushed my teeth for what feels like half an hour, before finally accepting to go back out into the bedroom. As I do, additionally wrapped up in my bathrobe and with the eerie Tyrrish heirloom once more returned to my finger, Brennan is nowhere to be seen. “Where is Brennan?”, I ask sceptically, eying a half naked Bodhi, clad only in sleeping pants, who sits at the overflowing desk. Bodhi says casually, while getting up from the chair and tearing himself away from the text he was reading, “I thought you’d manage to fall asleep better with just me here. I got Brennan to leave by promising him a dragon outreach should he be needed. Hope you don’t mind.”

I exhale, “Not at all. In fact, the opposite of minding. Unminding.” I shrug out of my robe, letting it lie on the floor and throw myself, back first on the bed with a relieved huff. Bodhi smiles at my pleased expression, and dutifully picks up my bathrobe, putting it next to my side of the bed. Then he climbs over me, into bed next to me, and I immediately long for his closeness again. “Are you…quite sure my brother won’t be turning up?” I say, as I snuggle up to his naked chest, finding a good spot to rest my head.

“Yes”, he says apprehensively, “but we have a silent audience of at least three dragons listening in intently at whatever happens in this bed tonight. And we want them to, because we’ve asked them especially.” He’s right. They might as well be in the very room. Great. I let my splayed hand stay, just caressing him slowly, where it happens to be, in the middle of his chest. He smiles at me, apparently deeming the action too distracting. And instead takes my hand in his, removing his arm and shoulder from me, to be replaced with a pillow. Himself turning to lie on his side, facing me.

“How do you best fall asleep? And no, don’t even think about what you’re going to suggest”, he adds when he sees the glint in my eye. I defend myself, “I can’t help it! You’re all…here.” He grins, “You do have a way with words. So eloquent, so loquacious.” I chuckle, “Fine, I’ll stop, under protest and to be continued. Let’s see. You could read to me. Or, sing, possibly. And hold me”, I sneak in. He raises his eyebrows, “I don’t trust you near me at the moment. There is ‘agenda’ written all over you. And I’m not shocking Tairn.” I snigger and Tairn full on belts out a booming laugh, in my head. “You can’t shock Tairn. He’s been around over a hundred years.” Tairn supplies, “You can however vex me. Don’t.”

I bite my tongue. “I won’t even move this time. I’ll be perfectly well behaved.” I bat my eyes, innocently. He crooks an eyebrow, “Now you’re just baiting me. Stop it. Cuir says it’s your fault if you never go to sleep.” I look affronted, “Well Tairn says it’s yours.” I hear the pinnacle of sighs from inside my head, followed by, “I said no such thing and neither did Cuir.” I point at Bodhi, in shock. “You made it up! Tairn told on you.” He shrugs, “Well, so did you.” I smile. Then he points back at me, shaking his head, “I knew I was right! I just guessed. You totally lied to me.” I duck my head under the sheet.

He exclaims, “Come back here, impossible woman.” Then hauls me up to lie with my head on his chest again. “You get one last chance. Lie still, behave. I’ve got sad songs of love or merry songs of war. Take your pick.” I decide on all of them, then have no problem letting my mind wander as Bodhi sings, song after song for me. Not only is his dark baritone voice so beautiful, I feel every dark note reverberate in his chest. And the songs are so different from what I’m used to. Real stories that unfold. And a good story is impossibly engaging. It makes me feel that Lewellen had some great points. I need to educate myself on more Tyrrish culture, feel and be a part of this world. Because the songs are long and colourfully written, with a feeling of every one in Tyrrendor possibly knowing every single one of them. But it does not make me fall asleep. It makes me think.

As Bodhi sings the last verse in a ballad that apparently was written and sung in secret after the rebellion, he chances a glance at me. “Interesting, beautiful and lovely of you to do for me. But doesn’t make me sleep. In fact, makes me want to travel around Tyrrendor and learn all about the songs. Who wrote them, the people… And study! How can I in part represent a province large enough to be a kingdom of its own, without knowing hardly anything about it?” He laughs softly, “I was banking on you falling asleep somewhere near the first three ones, but here you are, all awake and ready to learn and travel, apparently.” I shrug apologetically. “I can’t say I’m exactly longing for sleep to claim me tonight.”

He jumps up out of bed, slipping into a shirt on his way to the bookcase. “Why the change of dress code?” I wonder from the bed. He glances smilingly in my direction, detaching his gaze from the rows of books, “You weren’t as innocent in your appreciation of Tyrrish culture as you might think.” I laugh in surprise, “What! I hardly touched you!”

His smirk says it all. Bodhi points a finger at me in warning, “Don’t make me change places with Brennan tonight. I will trade with your brother if you have no intention of falling asleep beside me. Or I’ll mend the daybed, rest in pieces.” I laugh, although I’m fighting with feelings of outrage at the suggestions, as I turn it around. “Don’t make those idle threats with me, Durran, I know you have no intention of staying anywhere else tonight.” He continues browsing the books, but his smile confirms it. I sigh, “I’m just…restless.” Bodhi corrects me, “You’re worried. And with good reason.”

He picks out a book and makes his way back to the bed. As he lifts the covers, he scowls at me, and I move to my side of the bed, languidly so. “I have a book so boring, it will make you fall asleep just saying the title. It contains no love, no thrill, no interesting culture, just the boring kind. Welcome to the wonderful world of ‘Knitting and weaving in Tyrrendor’.” I sigh and shake my head. “Yes, it’s boring. But I got it from Xaden a trillion years ago and will just make me think of…ancient times.”

Bodhi makes a face, looking at the book as if trying hard to see it in a different light, “Sorry. No, I mean, really…interesting book, possibly. Maybe never gave it enough of a chance. It’s not like I abhor all yarn or something. Cuir sometimes eats sheep…” I shake my head, sitting up and crossing my legs, “Don’t bother. That book meant exactly nothing to me. And I still suck at making runes and never really got the handicraft part down either.”

I grumble in frustration, “I think I’ll actually ask Andarna to tell me in detail about her latest sheep hunt. She offered before.” I snap my eyes to his, all seriousness now, “But I would like you to hold me. I’ll not move and I’ll stay turned away from you. How in Hedeon’s name you are going to stay awake, is beyond me, though.” He opens his arms and the covers, “Lets try that. I’ve got Cuir in my head, remember? He’ll keep me awake. Trust me, he has his ways.” And before Andarna has even begun telling me about the texture of the hide of different sheep, I’m asleep.

The first thing I see, is fire. At first, it feels like the whole world is filled with only smoke and fire, but then I realise, it’s just burning logs in a fireplace. Apparently I’m sprawled across the stone floor in front of it. I make a quick assessment. I’m not hurt, I’m wearing my leather gear, and I’m back in Xaden’s old room, at Durran…at the House. Is this his or my dream? Everything is as it was before, no broken furniture, no crashed window. And in the bed…Xaden is sleeping.

Fuck. I feel a twinge of guilt for Bodhi as I approach him. Because I am so, so filled with a feeling of hope and longing. Not fear, dread, or even anger. Because the Xaden lying in…our…bed, is not like the venin I’ve met. He’s just him. No red veins, no deepened scar. I take a breath and he opens his eyes, looking straight at me. Gold flecks sparkle in his onyx eyes. I’d almost forgotten how that’s the way his eyes used to look. I’m pretty sure that means this is my dream, and I’ve lured him here. That should also mean I’m in control.

His hand suddenly whips out as he lunges for my throat. I give up an involuntary shout and jump away, a rune covered dagger materialising in my hand. “Violet”, he snarls. He gets out of bed as well, wearing training pants oddly like the ones currently worn by the man I left in silent conversation with Cuir, holding me in our bed. This is too complicated. I do what Bodhi did in his dream, but reverse it.

Xaden looks down at his own body in as much confusion as I’ve ever seen him emote, now in complete leather flight gear, biting out, “You…dressed me?” He shoots me a disbelieving look that makes him appear human in every way. And his voice is different. I don’t waste any time. “I did”, I clear my throat, as he stalks towards me in a menacing way, like one of king Courtlyn’s panthers. Every bit of him still venin, despite his alluring appearance.

I have to be quick, I have no idea how well my shields work in this dream reality. Xaden’s eyes are fixed on me, and he proceeds towards me like I’m a bird he might scare with any sudden movement, saying, “And now you’ve come to me, Violence. Just like I said you would. Because you know, you’ll never be able to stay away.” I snap out of my thoughts, moving towards the opposite direction. The bed is still between us, even though I have no real way to escape, except for waking up.

I forge ahead with my task. “I’ve come to tell you, it’s over. I’ve moved on. You are not mine, I am certainly not yours. In fact, in two days time, at midday, we’re redoing the wedding ceremony. The way it aught to have started for us. And you need to let me go.” He closes his eyes slowly, then looks up at me again, and his eyes are suddenly red, “You must be here looking for my blessing then. Or another kiss? Do you think another ceremony will change anything? I will never let you go, love.”

I’m suddenly filled with rage, at his entitlement, at his decisions regarding me that I have absolutely no say in and I scream at him, “You don’t have the privilege of calling me ‘love’ anymore!” That makes his eyes widen slightly. I go on in a less loud way, “I wish you well, I wish things could have been different, but they aren’t. I don’t love you anymore and I never will!” I can see him react at this, eyes narrowing with something akin to rage, but trying intensely to control it. I gasp as he throws himself over me, making me fall back on the bed from the momentum. His hands are around my throat, shadows disarm me. I try to think it away, but nothing happens. My thoughts just dart around, in panic. I’m stuck under his massive, muscled body and my breathing is restricted, every breath hurts.

He places his mouth right by the shell of my ear and whispers hotly, every hard consonant making a hard bang in my ear, “You won’t have a wedding to your so called mate, because you won’t get out of here. If you expect me to stop, you shouldn’t have asked me to begin. You have only yourself to blame.” I grit out, between shallow breaths, and I feel tears streaming down the sides of my face. “This isn’t you. I will live my life. Without you.” Then I try again to get out of the dream, crushing my nails into my own skin, to make the hurt wake me up. Nothing. No escape. I can see Xaden’s angry, red eyes so close to mine. One hand still around my throat. If he kills me here, will I die? Or will my mind just be stuck here, away from my body?

Then I feel it. The tiniest little spark, as if my lightning signet is playing up inside me, within my chest. I close my eyes and search for that static shock to reappear. Everything goes black around me, but there it is. Hope.

Chapter Text

I open my eyes, and immediately gasp for air. Sweet, wonderful air. I can’t get enough of it. Then my eyes focus. Bodhi is bent over me, more or less hanging limp over my chest. As I heave breath after breath he’s lifting his eyes to my face and looking at me with true disbelief. He looks destroyed, and it’s not because of the now purple mark on his cheekbone. How long was I out, if the red mark left from Dain’s punch is a bruise? In my head I hear a noice I understand as Andarna wailing a high note filled with anguish and from Tairn comes a wave of sadness. The pain in my lungs is intense. “I’m…alive”, I croak, as if trying to assure myself about that fact. My voice is thick and everything hurts.

I feel the bonds of my dragons’ overflowing with strong feelings. Tairn says in a voice that’s strangely constricted, “The Light Wielder sent you the light. You found your way back. You did well and you will live because of it. Most clever one.” Andarna’s voice is still shrill, “He could have been quicker! You were almost to far gone.”

Bodhi’s hands caress my face, in a rather rough way, as if it’s mostly a way to reassure himself about me being alive. I reach up and touch his face, his cheeks wet from tears and he looks like he’s still a long way away. “You stopped breathing”, he grits out. I take a deep, rattling breath. My insides hurts, not just my throat. “I’ve done compressions on your chest, you’ll be feeling that. But I didn’t hear a crack, so I think your breastbone and ribs are…”, his voice trails off. I let my hands grip him hard around his cheeks, beaten face be damned, I need him to feel me, as I’m telling him in the steadiest voice I can muster, “I am alive. You saved me. We had it all wrong, it’s you who is the star. I was stuck in the dream, blacking out, and I felt a spark. And then I followed it back to you.”

He kisses my forehead. His voice almost a whisper as he says, “You were gone for a little while. Really gone”, he takes a shaky breath and looks at me, sitting back up. “I tried to block your signet, it didn’t fucking work. And I tried to remove the fucking ring, but you were cramping so bad and jolting about, I couldn’t get it off your finger. And then you stopped breathing and I couldn’t feel your pulse”, he falls silent.

I sit up in the bed as well, as I do I groan. Damn, I really feel those chest compressions. He looks worried, I try to appear unruffled. Not succeeding perfectly. “Can you see anything on my throat?” He winces, not a good sign. “Yeah, It appears Xaden gave you a necklace too.” As I swallow, I feel the contusions on the inside of my throat as well. “Perfect for the wedding”, I grumble. Bodhi says, “So, we’ll both be a little banged up. At least we’ll be matching the flowers. I’ve requested violets.” We both burst out laughing, and it hurts so bad.

We hug, we kiss, we hurt together a good while. I try to tell Bodhi about every little detail of what happened at my end, the only fun part being his reaction of, “You actually dressed him? Man, you’re easily distracted by the male body.” To which I responded I thought it was “Proper”, which in hindsight was a pretty poor explanation. Also eliciting a tirade from Bodhi, making me wonder how much easier my life would have been without my apparent predilection for dragon riding dukes, cousins and abs in this particular combination.

The scribe in me wastes no time trying to decipher what the difference was this time. Xaden could hurt me, stop the flow of air and attack me physically. But it was my dream, how else could I change his clothes? I take the ring with the green emerald off my finger, chucking it across the room, for the third time. “I can’t touch that again”, I tell Bodhi, teeth clenched. He nods and gets the ring, and walks towards the door, turning and saying with a deadpan expression, as if he’s drained by all the emotions of the last hour, “I’ll dispose of this.” He holds the ring like it’s something disgusting. “Also, I promised to swing by Brennan, middle of the night or not.”

He stops himself as he’s halfway through the door, suddenly looking like he had a harrowing thought. I look up from the tea things I’ve begun working. “What, love?” Bodhi makes a face, “Fuck, is it just me, or do you think everyone will think we’ve done this”, he indicates his busted cheek and points indelicately at my neck, “to each other?” He shakes his head, “We’d better get some convincing makeup for the wedding. And hope Dain doesn’t run his mouth in a way that someone could…misinterpret.”

I see what’s running through his head. Someone who knew his father could peg him to be just as violent. I’m determined not to let him succumb to those thoughts, so I shrug and say, “We’re dragon riders, in active service. Pretty sure the wedding crashing, shadow wielding, venin ex will upstage us anyway. And everyone important will know about what really happened. At least what happened to me. And I’m sure ‘the door’ will spread like an all too convincing story through Ridoc.” Bodhi flashes me a tired smile. And by the time he’s back I’m already sleeping, the tea that I never managed to taste, cooling slowly on my nightstand.

We sleep in the morning after and we both need it. I feel stiff and bruised, but fine considering yesterday’s ordeal. And I feel alive. Bodhi is sleeping next to me, curled up around me. But as soon as I begin stretching my tense muscles, and testing out my joints, he stirs awake. Then he’s suddenly kissing my neck, and moving up to my ears and I make sure to block out my dragons, should either of them have felt the need to keep the line open during the night for safety. I just move my ass slightly towards him, and I can tell that he’s hard. I keep moving around a bit more, making him groan. Then he whispers in my ear, “Are you at all up for this or do you feel to bruised up?”

I turn to look at him over my shoulder and just laugh out loud. The blueish tint has turned dark purple and black on his cheekbone. “You’re the one to talk, looks like he got you real good”, I say smiling pityingly, running my fingers over his bruise. “I’m sorry you got hit because of me.” He touches his own cheek a bit firmer, winces, but proclaims, “Not that hard a hit, I can hardly feel it. Also, could have been worse, could have been the eye”, with a smile that looks to hurt.

“Let me look at you instead”, he says with a fiendish grin and moves to sit, leaning against the bed board. I climb un top of him, making my hips move over him as I do, the friction alone making me very glad to be alive. His hands run over my bruised neck, and as he does he says very dark and suddenly, “Seeing this makes me very much inclined to kill what’s left of him”, I shrug, “I don’t feel it much, except that the inside of my throat feels twisted. I’m sure it looks worse. And I’ll remind you, we have a plan.” A plan that I hopefully didn’t accidentally reveal yesterday. But I don’t think I did, because I was so busy thinking only about present relationships, what to say and how to get out of there in one piece. Which I did, more or less dented. And I’m lucky to be alive. So instead of wallowing, I grind myself against him, making him concentrate on more important stuff. At least at present.

Bodhi looks, rather apprehensively, at my top, “May I?” I lift my arms in answer. As he pulls the top over my head, he exclaims, “Fuuuck Violet.” I look at him perplexed, “I only feel some minor discomfort, how bad can it be?” He presses his lips together in a thin line, saying “I am so sorry. Remember, I thought you were dying. Not to say, I think you were actually dead for a few seconds. But I might have been…overzealous in my attempts to get you back, I’m so sorry.”

Then he promptly lifts me off his body, placing me at his side like I’m breakable. “Hey!” I protest, “Don’t decide for me what I can and can’t take!” I correct myself, “I mean, outside of when that’s what we’re doing. Then it’s great.” He looks at me, clearly taken aback by my bruises, and silently offers me a hand and pulls me out of bed, which hurts quite a bit, surprisingly. He then proceeds to lead me by the shoulders, suspiciously gently, into the bathing chamber.

Pointing at my image in the mirror, and hiding his face in his hands. I’m…a little startled by the vision that meets me in the mirror. The top part of my chest is one big, not to say giant, black bruise, larger over my left breast, or rather above my heart. That didn’t beat. Around my neck is an actual handprint in about the same lovely hue. “It’s going to be a modest dress, then.” I joke, but it falls flat. “Darling, I’m so sorry”, Bodhi says, looking at me through his fingers. Then he gets me a towel to wrap myself in, which I do, absentmindedly. Then says, face set like it’s carved in stone, “I’m getting Brennan, now.”

I look at his worried brow, and then make up my mind. I use my lesser magic to slam the door shut, blocking him as he’s striding towards the exit. Saying, “No, you stay and you listen to me. Don’t be afraid of this. I’m not fragile!” His voice all but breaks, “You almost fucking…”, he takes a breath, pinching the bridge of his nose. Then he looks at me, arms crossed in front of him. “Listening now. Of course, I know you’re not fragile. And I won’t treat you as such. But, you are, however, also the most important person in my life, and I… you had me fucking shit scared. I need you to make allowances for that.”

I cross my arms as well. “I hear you. But, you do not need to get Brennan. I don’t need anything mended, and I don’t need him admiring my bruises and worrying unnecessarily. If you want to help, go get Rhi, so we can figure out how to work with covering this for the wedding in two days. Or fix some breakfast we can grab with us to the signet training.” He turns to go, clearly relishing to have a designated course of action, even though he’s clearly still in his head. “Stop”, I say, and he stops in his tracks. “First come back here.” He does, brow still furrowed and oddly quiet. I hate it.

I untangle his arms, and place his right hand above my heart. “Pulse strong enough for you to forget about yesterday?” He looks at me solemnly, “Normal you-pulse.” So no, on the forgetting. I look up into his eyes, working hard to be stronger than I feel, but knowing I’m right. “This mark” I point to my chest, “I wear with fucking pride. You saved my life, and here’s the proof of that. And you sent a light to guide my way home, exactly as the star book and like what Dain read yesterday, of mates having an electric connection.” His eyes are shining, but he lets me go on without interrupting. “These bruises, are not proof of my fragility, but of how I’m unbreakable and it’s proof you and I are strong enough to conquer death. Above and beyond.” He looks with me, awe in his eyes.

Then we crash into the tiled wall, as he slams into me, kissing me as if there’s no tomorrow, or rather, no day after tomorrow, more accurately. As we hit the wall, we both flinch at the impact, our respective wounds acting up. I pipe up, “A for effort, but some lighter touches wouldn’t go amiss either”, at which he laughs, “Fuck, I’m sorry! I wanted to prove a point, but I overdid it massively. I’ll use my words instead: that was a very moving and powerful thing you just said!” I laugh softly, “Good you agree.”

Then we kiss, softly this time, not intending on proving even a little point. I lean against the wall and then shift to jump up on the washstand, opening my legs for him to stand between. He kisses me again, trailing his hands all over me, albeit with great care, and I am suddenly sure I feel the flutter of the spark between us again, like there’s a butterfly struggling to get free from inside my chest. I come up for air, “Can you feel it? The zing?” He looks up, searching inward, “There is definitely something. Like a buzz. Like a bee.”

I touch his chest, “You’re glowing!” I jump down from the washstand and run out to get my necklace and proceed to put it on. Bodhi stays put, and prods the light under his skin, “I wonder if it did this as I was doing the compressions on your chest. I wasn’t really aware of my surroundings.” I smile sadly for him, “I bet it did.” I jump up to once more sit on the washstand. “Now try and imbue this again.”

Bodhi concentrates and places two fingers on the dragon piece. The necklace reverberates and a shine stronger than any I’ve seen before comes from both Bodhi’s chest and the little pearl dragon. We both have to close our eyes because of the brightness. Then I feel Bodhi’s lips, carefully touch mine, and as we kiss it’s almost a physical hum between our bodies. Bodhi now holds his palm in front of the necklace, while kissing me and I can feel the necklace heat up and grow heavy.

Behind my eyelids, I can feel the light dim, and I chance a glance. Bodhi does too, and we blink together, our eyes reacquainting themselves with the light, still glowing pretty strong. I place my arms around his waist. “You’re not even sweating this time”, strangely, he doesn’t even look a bit tired. He smiles, and asks quizzically, “Do you think one of us has to half or possibly full on die, temporarily, for that to happen so strongly?”

My mouth falls open in amazement as I look at his face, “Your bruise, it’s just…gone!” He looks at my neck, slightly pulling down the towel I still have wrapped around my upper body, whispering, “All in the name of science…” and as I smile, he unwraps me fully, saying in stunned disbelief, “Not a fucking trace. Every mark is completely gone.”

Chapter Text

We’re rushing towards the kitchens, and I’m determined to get some food before meeting up with Felix. Bodhi suddenly decides to stroll off on his own to fix us up something to eat on the run, and waves me off when I offer to help, dismissing me with, “Go away, you’ll miss me more. See if Sawyer and Ridoc are joining us instead”, which I do. In a bit of a confused huff, but still.

In the mess hall I find them, sitting with Rhi and Dain. “Morning! I say chirpy, ready to get this awkwardness over with. As I’m standing with a hand on the back of Ridoc’s chair, the question surfaces if Bodhi didn’t just gift himself with the long end of the stick in sending me ahead. “Goood morning!” Ridoc says, far too happy for comfort, and I shake my head at him, as he goes on, of course, “Did entering and exiting fare any better for that door missing husband of yours, since yesterday? Did he manage to find the knob this time? Was it opened a crack when he had his accident? Was it too hot for him to handle? Did he go totally unhinged? Does this ring any bells?” I ignore him, to instead look at Rhi with a slight smile and raised eyebrows in an expression that aims to convey ‘kill me now’ energy, “How long has Ridoc been waiting for me?”

Sawyer shakes his head in embarrassment. Rhi says brightly, “He’s been spouting door related jokes for at least an hour.” Ridoc looks full of anticipation, grin firmly in place as I say, “How do I phrase this in a way you might understand? Please knock it off, or the only pounding we’ll be discussing won’t be the fun kind.” Ridoc laughs, tossing his head back gracefully, “I admire how you framed that. How didn’t I think of ‘pounding’? Violet, Violet, Violet.” Long enough pause that everyone just start to talk about other things, then loudly continuing, “You have made me the happiest man, by sending your blue beaten husband to me for chilling down yesterday. And to show my gratitude, I’ll spare you the door related bit I have left, about the importance of fertility suppressants and door materials compared to reactions of pleasure of the male genitalia.” I eye him disgruntled, “You’d better.”

I snort at his theatricalities. “For those of you who don’t speak Ridoc today”, I look at them all in order, stopping at Dain, the latter looking rather nervous, “Bodhi had an accidental encounter with a door, he had a bruise, but it’s gone now”. Yes it’s a lie, but it will be better for everyone this way. Particularly Dain, I’ll wager. Dain, who’s been quiet during the first part of the conversation, presumably waiting to see where this is going, says, “What do you mean the bruise is ‘gone’?” Then he squirms, “I mean, bruises don’t normally disappear over night”

I look at Dain particularly, saying, “Well, it looked, and I believe felt, quite uncomfortable yesterday”, at which Dain has a flash of ‘serves him right’ pass over his face, swiftly replaced with a ‘that’s too bad’ expression. “In fact, all of our injuries disappeared entirely this morning, due to some strange healing magic connected with Bodhi’s light signet. Very vague and amazing.”

Rhi says harshly, as she examines me, “And what other injuries were there?” I continue, turning more deliberately to the others, heaving a sigh. This won’t be fun to say. “I delivered the most important and dangerous wedding invitation yesterday, and Xaden wasn’t thrilled to receive it. The dream encounter with him left me almost strangled to death, and as a result, black and blue all over.” They all rise to their feet and there is a scramble of chairs and mixed cries of outrage and several “What the fuck’s”.

Sawyer carefully puts an arm across my shoulders saying, “Well survived. You’re sure you are okay now?”, I nod in response. Dain keeps his distance, but crosses his arms in distress. Rhi keeps her cool, however looks worried, Ridoc takes my hand saying, “Had I known that…” At which I shake them all off, going, “No treating me differently, I’m perfectly fine now. But I am only that, thanks to Bodhi doing chest compressions when needed and me finding my way out of the dream, through a light, or spark rather, that came from him. Again, very strange.” Dain draws in a sharp breath, making me answer, “Exactly, like a mate thing you read about.” Dain takes a step towards me, saying glumly, “I reacted to the chest compressions, not the mate thing, to clarify.” I nod. Right. Maybe he too merits some slack cut, given the circumstances.

“Any way, we’re good, confused as hell, and going off towards signet training with Felix in…about now” Almost as I finish, I look towards the door. Bodhi steps through. That is really getting eerie. Looking at Ridoc, Bodhi says, in a melodic way, “Still just a property fixture”, to which Ridoc answers with an outraged, “Have you no sense of propriety?” Which earns him a crooked eyebrow from Bodhi, who takes in the gathered friend mass around me and says softly, “Sorry, I can see you told them about our nightly adventures.” At which Ridoc opens, closes and opens his mouth again, looking at Bodhi in frustrated anger. He smirks back, double entendre not a mistake.

I shrug out of the attention, saying, “Enough! Go do something useful, or join us to training, but no more moping! I’m still here and our wedding related trap is set. You are all invited to the event in question.” There are some lighter protestations, mixed with cheers.

Rhi moves Ridoc out of the way and gives me a warm hug. Then she says, “On a fun note, there are dresses for you to try. Combat compatible dresses. Should I swing by you later?” I look at Bodhi, currently in a stare off with Ridoc. “The already-husband over there, doesn’t need to know everything. How about we meet up at the warded room and go to yours from there? I haven’t seen the room in it’s new form yet.” Bodhi leans in over Rhi’s shoulder and says secretively, “Tell her about tomorrow night.”

Rhi looks at me, then the rest of the gang. “We thought a big dinner before the wedding might be fun. And appropriate, considering the celebration aspect after the wedding and the situation in general is…a bit unclear.” Bodhi was obviously in the know, smiling conspiratorially from Rhi’s other side. My first reaction is of surprise and happiness, but as Rhi continues talking of how we’ll manage to keep the dignitaries to the edges of the table, I think a bit further.

Right after the wedding, things might change completely, if everything goes according to plan. I don’t see Xaden making any toast in our honour, exactly. If, and that’s a big if, it all works out. Also, if Xaden, presumably, wants the title back, we’re the ones packing our bags. And considering Bodhi’s perspective, even though it’s ludicrous to me at present, at least he alone is leaving. Or the event is turned into a funeral. For any one of us, really. Better stop borrowing tomorrow’s trouble and just…party tomorrow away, I guess. This is too stressful, I might actually loose my nerve. Maybe Xaden won’t show up at all.

“Shall we?”, Bodhi asks rather stiffly, nodding towards the door, seeing me spiralling I’m guessing, but outwardly indicating the time and handing me a wrapped something I hope is edible, and a flask. But it’s evident on the crease on his forehead, he’s also affected.

As we walk towards the exit, he seems all…numb. That’s anxiety on his face, I’m sure of it. I can almost hear his thoughts churning around, in the same downward direction mine were taking. We start off on the path towards the open space where we had our signet training, with Ridoc and Sawyer who are chatting away, in front of us. We walk in silence, eating what turned out to be really nice sandwiches, so good I forgive him for sticking me with the door related jabs from Ridoc earlier. Or did he offer to make them because he needed to be alone? It’s still quiet, our future could all change so fast, my head spins. Two days.

Sawyer says after a while, walking in front of me and Bodhi, side by side with Ridoc, “So, I expect you’ll have done the assignment Felix gave you, imbuing the necklace?” I smack my elbow into Bodhi’s side, maybe enjoying the freedom of my renewed vigorousness a little too much, as I say, in a voice I hope reads as cocky, “He has done his homework, of course, twice even. We were in the middle of my dear husband imbuing the necklace as the healing light show started this morning, so he’ll be happy to relay that to Felix as well.” I smirk at Bodhi, determined to snap him out of what are, quite clearly, horrid thoughts.

He looks duly affronted, but then his gaze turns calculating, good. I go on, “I gather my dear husband is aiming for Felix to name him equal to an actual gold star itself today.” Bodhi assumes a goodnatured expression that makes me scowl at him for good measure, which turns out to be deserved, since he says teasingly, “Are you fearful that my incredible shine will dampen yours, in the eyes of Felix, love?”

“Of course not!” I laugh, “Go ahead and be the star student, I’ll watch you bask in your own light from the sides. I’m not competing with that academic ego of yours.” Bodhi deigns to look at me, with a mock superior smile I’ve never seen before, acting like he hardly felt a thing as my elbow bored into his ribs, and says as he turns to be closer to me, “Can I help it if my light is impossible to dim? Just because I want to show respect for the time and energy a teacher gives us, it doesn’t equal to me sucking up, I’ll have you know.”

At this, Ridoc looses it. “How can you even consider doing double the job as anything other than plain ‘sucking up’? It’s the very definition!” Bodhi looks down his nose at Ridoc, then takes a swig from his bottle of tea in what I expect he considers a dignified way, saying in a mockingly haughty voice, “This is way more important for the future. It’s also possible to have respect and appreciation for knowledge without…” at which Ridoc, joined by Sawyer, groan out their interruptions. I snigger beside Bodhi, hiding my smile in my own swig at my bottle of tea, endlessly enjoying myself.

Sawyer has to break my respite by saying, “I’ve thought I’ve had a bit of a shared experience with the people you’ve been seeing, Vi, because of me also sharing my life with a scribe. But suddenly, I’m left wondering if you’ve been outscribed and are in fact the comparatively cool one.” I gasp and look at Sawyer, my eyes narrowing, “I’m shocked. I will tell Jesinia you said that.” Sawyer says, laughing nervously, his freckles all but disappearing as his face takes on a slightly red hue, “First of all, no you won’t, because you are my dear, dear friend and that was a joke not intended for even the coolest of scribes. And secondly, you’re the one married to a complete teacher’s pet! Own it.” I continue drinking my tea, evilly considering Sawyer’s fate.

Bodhi says, totally aloof now, “Sawyer, Ridoc, Wife. I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve such praise, nor such censure, but please, don’t be afraid to tell Felix of how you feel I’ve excelled in every, possibly way. That seems to be the gist of it. That and some blatant jealousy from the equally bad overachiever beside me.” I shake my head, smiling from ear to ear. “You’re absolutely...” Bodhi grins sweetly at me, making me loose my words. “Absolutely? Well, as long as you’re thinking about me, I guess.” A thrill goes through my body at his words. I shake it off, so not the time.

Aiming for my friends I shout, “Please tell me this is not how you see me.” Ridoc and Sawyer stay meaningfully quiet. A long time. Then they start to laugh. Ridoc says, “I’m sorry, we love you, and appreciate how you carried all of us through mountains of physics. But no, that is exactly how you are!” I gasp in pure outrage and try to swat at them, but I’m carrying the bottle and they jump away, proceeding to walk slightly faster, out of my reach.

Bodhi says, in what is not even close to a comforting way, as it’s dripping with condescension, while patting my arm that he somehow snaked his way to holding. “There, there. I’ll be sure to tell Felix you helped some.” I say, smirking, “I did more than help. Try making out with yourself next time you feel like showing off.” At that, something feral lights in his eyes, and he whisks me off the narrow path we’re walking on and dips me down towards the ground, which makes me squeal in surprise.

Then he says, close to my giggling face, voice low and sincere, “Truthfully, I couldn’t have done any of that without you, and you know it. But thanks for getting me out of my head.” He then proceeds with kissing me. As I feel his lips on mine, all my excitable energy is transformed to a hazy mist and I suddenly have no idea why it’s necessary to do any training at all. All I want is for him to keep kissing me. He moves with me and I open my lips, letting his tongue wander into my mouth, as he’s kissing me slowly as if he’s determined not to miss a single moment together like this. Agonisingly slow, like we have all the time in the world. We don’t.

I hear the clearing of a throat and Felix’s approaching footsteps, on the path behind us. We freeze up. Apparently the teasing was true enough when it comes to none of us relishing appearing anywhere near unfocused in front of a teacher. Bodhi laughs low, his hold on me soft, as he helps me back to standing on my own two feet. He keeps a hand on my lower back, turning around to great Felix. “Morning. To which Felix responds, with a deadpan expression that still holds the hint of a smile in his eyes, “How goes…practice?” He looks at Bodhi’s chest, which emits a dimmed glow. I answer, being first to reach my words, “In fact, there have been some interesting developments.” We then take turns telling him about it, and every time we accidentally interrupt the other, from eagerness, I hear Ridoc and Sawyer snigger.

Fine, I think to myself at seeing Felix listen intently and come with suggestions, if this is what it’s like to be with another bookworm, then it’s worth the ridicule of stupid friends. Because we are truly overachievers, who love learning. And I’m sincerely hoping that this will be our edge in the interesting days to come. As long as we don’t loose hope.

Chapter Text

After another bout of tries, we’ve succeeded not only combining our signets like before, but also, Bodhi has a lot more skill with controlling the mists streaming from his hands. Not much else goes our way, however, and I’m almost glad none of the dragons joined us to see this for themselves. “We are aware of the failings, and will help should it be needed”, comes Tairn’s swift answer.

Felix turns to me, as we’re watching Bodhi’s attempt to summon the healing, stronger light again, to no avail. Also, I have failed again when it comes to making the necklace spark or stream light, so many times now. It’s just sitting there. And us holding hands didn’t help either, and just made us feel rather like idiots.

I meet Felix’s eyes, as he appears to study me intently. As I do he says, a crease on his brow, “We need to talk about your grounding. How is it, that you have, in some ways, less control of your lightning signet now, compared to during the war?” I startle, that’s harsh, but true. “I don’t know, more then…I’ve changed a lot and so have my circumstances. And then there is Bodhi’s signet and the necklace tied up in it all.”

Felix looks pensive. “The way you’re grounding, is connected to your upbringing and work at Basgiath’s archives, if I’m correct?” I confirm, surprised that Felix has retained this detail in his memory. “I have a door for each dragon’s power, I have a closed, dead one, for Sgaeyl, and another closed door like it, for Xaden.” Felix hums disapprovingly, “Do we have the inimitable professor Carr to thank for the rigid idea that your place of grounding shouldn’t change, as you do?”, he asks crassly.

I scrape my foot in the hard, sandy ground before me, “Not really. It was mostly Xaden teaching me to ground. He pulled me out of lessons all the time when we were learning.” Felix stops me with a gesture, “Of course he’d deem himself equal to that task.” Then sighs. “Try this. Focus on the energy coming from your dragons, leave the old connections behind, but instead of seeing yourself in the archives and imagining doors, try seeing something different. Don’t decide a set place, just imagine your active and wanted connections before you.” I close my eyes and try to do as he says.

I can’t even remember what I’m trying to do, I’m so stressed out with the task. And as I’m trying, I just automatically find myself back in the archives, which now just makes me angry. I open my eyes, and shout at him in frustration, “You don’t think this might be a giant waste of time? We only have one more day to train! If I accidentally loose the grounding method I have, what use am I?”

I hear a rumbling noice, and then lightning strikes out of the sky, close enough that I hear the crackle in the air. Felix doesn’t move a muscle, but I can see Bodhi looking at me, worried, walking towards us but not interrupting. Ridoc and Sawyer have sprung to their feet and are backing away.

Felix says to me, seemingly undeterred, “Because you’re so very useful at the moment. That strike looks to me to be confirmation, that regrounding is an important part not to skip. Unless you’re willing to risk burning up your home, friends, family and husband-groom or whatever you’d call him, at the wedding in question. In which case I’ll change my RSVP to ‘no, with best wishes’ right now.”

I let my gaze sink to the ground, fuck. I’m ruining everything. Felix levels a strict look at me, “I’ll be leaving you for a while, to see if you fare any better at prioritising together with the conduit incarnate. You have one hour. If there is no development by then, I’ll take my leave.” With that, Felix waves for the stunned Sawyer and Ridoc to join him, and they walk away, leaving us alone in the open landscape.

Bodhi gives me some space, taking his time approaching me, which is wise, since there are now lightning bolts striking left and right of me. He has his hand lifted in the air, but I have no idea as to why. I am so angry with myself, with Felix for being fucking right, with Xaden for presuming he could teach me, with my fucking lack of control. I scream as loud as I can, then feel angry tears stream down my cheeks.

I sit down on the cold, rocky ground, resting my face in my hands, trying to force my brain to work out where to find my grounding, interrupted all the time by lightning scorching the ground around me, leaving black marks on the sand and rock covered surface. I think about all the rooms in Durran House. The library maybe? Our bedroom? It all seems wrong.

I feel Bodhi’s arms around me, and through my sobs I just scream at him in panic, “Get out of here! It’s fucking dangerous, I’m not in control!” But he doesn’t leave. Instead he sits down on his knees behind me, hugging me tightly to his body, shielding me. And as the lightning strikes hit the ground around us, making the air heat up and light shock my vision again and again, he uses his first signet to snuff out the strikes as they appear. I had all but forgotten about his other signet, so focused on the new one.

Then he says in a low, calm voice to me, his clean shaven cheek smooth against my face, “Darling, I’ve got the outer expressions in hand. You find your ground. You’ll figure it out.” But I worry, that I might not be able to stop and he’ll watch me burn out. Or I’ll accidentally hit him. Because the strikes around us aren’t listening to my command, and they are too many for him to counter each one.

Tairn’s familiar booming voice fills my head, and Andarna’s shimmering one joins him. I can’t concentrate on listening to what they are saying, but I close my eyes and let their voices fill me. I suddenly begin visualising their voices entwined with the sense of them and their respective power. Like floating notes in the darkness, they appear to me, like ribbons of music. Andarna’s shifting colours, Tairn’s black energy and it’s only us, united, together, alone. My heartbeats, and their voices filling a black void. No archive, no anything. Just darkness, and I feel suddenly free, like I’m flying detached from the need of a body.

The calm spreads through me like warmth. I realise that from outside of me, I hear less and less thunder and I concentrate on the void around instead. I need to be able to reach this feeling or space as easily as I’ve come to rely on my archives, if this blackness is now to serve as my new ground. I need to understand where I am, to find my way back. As I concentrate on the void, I see lights appearing in the abyss. Of course. It’s not an abyss, it’s the night sky.

I open my eyes, carefully. Bodhi is still holding me, but loosely so, sitting behind with bent legs, framing me. “Are…are you doing anything with your signet?” I ask carefully. He lifts his head, that was resting on my shoulder, “No. I haven’t needed to for a while now.” I search for my dragons, “You did it!” Andarna says cheerfully, “As we knew you would”, Tairn states. Bodhi kisses my cheek, saying, “That was impressive, love. Has anybody ever told you, that you are a natural at this grounding business? It took me weeks to figure it out the first time, and I’ve had the luxury of never adapting it. Yet, I guess.” I decide not to tell him that, no, he is not even the first Tyrrish duke to do so.

Instead I let out in a shaky breath, and as I close my eyes again, I’m in my dark sky, no distractions, no old divided feelings and memories. No shut doors. Just me and my dragons. I open my eyes and aim, drawing lightning from the sky and Tairn’s power thunders through me. With a crack, the lightning hits the rock formation I was aiming at. Bodhi whispers, a little apprehensive this time, “You meant to do that, right?”

I laugh, which also sounds shaky, “Yes. Thank you, human conduit. Wonderful, reckless you.” He kisses my cheek again. “I knew you could do it, nothing reckless about it. What is your new grounding like?” I look at him over my shoulder, drawing my knees up to under my chin. “It’s…sky. Night sky with stars. And there is no physical me, no archive, no doors, no…old wounds.” He laughs making me go “Hey! That’s not nice. So what’s your spectacular version of grounding, then?” He squeezes me tight. “It’s the night sky too, love. Hence the laugh.”

By the time Felix appears on the path towards us, Ridoc and Sawyer in tow, I navigate easily between my dragons’ energies. And the new grounding feels stable, which I prove by a series of accurate hits, with lightning from my hands and from the sky. As Felix approaches me, I walk to meet him, smile on my face, which he responds to with, I guess a smirk, albeit hidden in his white beard. “You’re not rid of me yet.” I say, he nods in approval. “So it would seem. It appears I have a wedding to attend, so I guess I’ll be around for a few days anyway.” He comes closer to me, and surprises me with enveloping me in a hug. It’s…at best considered awkward, but I appreciate it all the same. “Let’s try the necklace again, and then I’ll let you rest until tomorrow.”

I move away from Felix and close my eyes. But then I’m at a loss. Which dragon do I channel from? This signet doesn’t exist in me, it’s from Cuir, probably via Bodhi, if I’m to guess at all. I just concentrate on the night surrounding me, focus on a bright star, and hold the little dragon piece in my hand. I feel a small ticking, as if something inside it is alive. And then a warmth. I open my eyes, keeping part of my mind fixed on the starry sky. And a light shoots out of the necklace, enveloping me in a bright, white shine. There isn’t the combination with a crackle or a zap, like I saw the day Xaden reverted back for a second, but I recognise this as much needed hope.

I try it again, but I can’t hold it as long. I’m finished, ravenous and…I feel a trickle of sweat along my back, and as I wipe my forehead it’s clearly the same result. It’s like I’ve been to a steam bath. As I let go of the light, that slowly leaves the necklace, I’m panting, resting my hands above my knees. Felix says in a rather kind voice, “Good work! Now go eat and rest, tomorrow at ten.” Then he leaves.

Bodhi runs up to me, takes me in his arms and spins me around a few turns, saying, “You’re never giving up, are you?” I laugh, as he sets me down. “What? I’m done now, aren’t I?” He smiles broadly, “You just had to win Felix’s old man heart. Brutally take him from me. Our love was holy. He was this close to calling me ‘son’ in a manly, age gap friendly way.” I pat his cheek, saying “You ruthlessly abandoned me to Ridoc’s door related jokes this morning. You owe me.” He looks towards Ridoc, him and Sawyer having edged closer.

Bodhi says in a regretful voice, “Ridoc, my friend, I missed your door related jokes?” Ridoc’s eyes light up, not literally, and he says, a dirty look in my direction, “I’ll tell you all of them! Violet didn’t even have the decency to listen to half. No respect for my art.” Bodhi looks at me with a pouty mouth, and holding Ridoc over the shoulders proceeds to walk with him on the way back home, with a: “Come on buddy, tell me everything…” Sawyer and I walk behind them, and I use him a little as a crutch, my legs almost giving out on me, from how tired I am.

As we are close to the House, Sawyer turns to me saying in a light hearted tone, “So have you at all decided on telling Jesinia about my scribe joke?” I look at him with an evil smile, then break it off, “No I won’t make life difficult for you. Just remember, scribes are cool!” He bumps my fist, and I meet his hand embarrassingly bad, at which he says doubtfully, “So cool… By the way, you don’t happen to know who the red headed beauty was, that Ridoc apparently bedded, to then go and promptly forget her name? He’s asking around and it’s getting awkward.”

So that’s what he has to sort out before inviting her as a plus one. “I’m literally the worst to ask. Try Bodhi!” Sawyer mutters, “Don’t think so. Even if he knew, the most likely answer would be something akin to ‘he wouldn’t know because he only has eyes for you’, making me look bad in front of my girl. No thank you.” I laugh, “Well, it’s to be expected. He’s a moderately clever man.”

Chapter Text

During the few hours we’ve been away, a transformation has taken place. Things are happening everywhere in Durran House and everything is deep in preparation for the re-wedding. From the hundreds of mage lights now filling the ceiling of the entrance hall, to flower arrangements with a clear leaning in the direction of violets, at every turn. I gasp at the magnitude of it all, as I try to fathom all of this being done for us, for me. I notice Bodhi sneaking a peek at me, looking duly pleased with himself. Violets aren’t just any flower.

Rhi waves to me, where she is talking to Brennan, further up the stairs, and I sign to her that I need some time before meeting up. Also ‘wow’ at the surroundings. She beams. And gestures for us to avoid Brennan, whose back is turned, or we’ll be stuck forever.

A messenger ran up to Bodhi on the stairs with a letter from Lewellen. It was almost without suggestions and improvements on the guest list, seating arrangements and the chosen site for a ceremony, which he feels is too small and ‘serves no real purpose’. But Bodhi seemed happy, since it appears to be in a nicer tone than usual.

As we finally enter our room, I basically throw myself into a bath, then I get into some black, comfortable clothes. What does one wear to trying out dresses, really? I’m almost ready to go, so I sit down by the window to try to brush out all the tangles in my hair. Bodhi slams the armoire shut and just stares at me. I smile and say, “What happened to you?” He says, “You, happened. Whatever the near future brings, I’m so happy we’re at a point where you want to be married to me. For real, this time. That, and then you are just sitting there, combing your hair like you stepped right out of a fairytale.” I laugh, ”If the princess had so many crows nests in her hair that she considered cutting it off. But thank you.”

He is by my side in an instant. “Can I help you? I’ll be gentle.” He looks sincere, but so obliging I regard him sceptically, then hand him the comb. He stands behind me and helps me with getting the worst knots under control. After another while passes, I ask him, “How’s it going back there?” He answers with a hum, “It’s mesmerising, your hair. Hauntingly beautiful. How do plan to wear it for the wedding, up or down?”

I turn, surprised, “Do you have an opinion? I seem to remember you not being so easily swayed by my hair before.” He says with a crooked smile, “Don’t remind me of what I said when Halden was here. I was an insecure ass.” I laugh softly, “Hey, that’s my husband you’re talking about.” He says, after a little pause, “I want you to choose how to wear your hair. I’ll love it either way. But, depending on how much of a schemer you plan to be, to lure in Xaden, I suppose I’d say wear it loose. Then, on the other hand, bad for combat.”

I groan, “The duality of this situation and not knowing is just the worst.” He puts down the comb, and comes over to face me, as he leans to the wall opposite, also by the windowsill. “Yeah, I know. I felt it bad this morning. But, I have decided not to let that steal any more of my time with you.” I caress his cheek, it’s still mostly smooth. “I’ll decide on the hair when I see the dress”, I say, and try not to think that there’s might be an actual packed bag for him in our closet.

He smiles, leaning into my touch. “Tonight, I want you all to myself. Wear something nice. You won’t need practical shoes.” I raise an eyebrow, “You know I have like, the parapet dress and nothing else, right?” His smile broadens, “Either if those options sound great to me.” I raise my eyebrows, “I don’t know if that sentence makes me want to cringe in shame for your smarminess, or jump your bones for how smooth it sounded.” He steps close to me, and says, his mouth hovering over my lips, “Save that choice for tonight. It’ll help keep me on my toes.” Then kisses me. I lean in towards him but feel him retreat.

He steps away from me, with a smirk, walking towards the door, “Don’t you give me any ideas and end up leaving Rhiannon waiting! And I have the glorious pleasure of Brennan and his guest arrangements to attend to. Hopefully a meeting including some sustenance. Prepare for some friendly and unfriendly faces tomorrow.” I look at him in outrage at his dodging out, but I collect myself, “Wait for me!” and hurry towards the door.

As I exit the room, he pinches my ass when I’m passing him, as he holds the door for me, saying, “Sorry. I can’t let go of the door thing. It’s associated with doing something thoroughly wicked now.” I snipe, “Ridoc was right, you’re clearly off the handle.” He sniggers, “Yeah, I got the full door joke experience too. Ridoc’s tenacity at word play is unparalleled. Though, I helped him with the obvious ‘knocker’. He didn’t have that one.” I groan, stopping in the corridor, just wailing, “Don’t encourage him!” Bodhi chuckles, “I’m sorry, it’s not that I want to open that door again.” I scowl at him, “Gods, doors are really in every metaphor”, he says, not that innocently, “but at least Dain’s level of protectiveness of you, appears to be safely locked away from the general public, you have to admit.” I sigh. “I just have a hard time seeing when I’ll be able to see you holding a door open for me, without thinking about whatever Ridoc pictures we did.” He snorts from laughter.

As we near the warded room, I’m suspecting I’ll agree with Lewellen in his criticism of us not choosing the banquet room or somewhere else, for the ceremony. It’s on the smaller side, after all, the idea of the first ceremony having been to shut people out. But then, we need to shut people out, now as well. And get out safely.

Bodhi almost runs the last steps to arrive before me, proceeding to open the door for me in a very lavish way, smiling way too big as I enter, scowling at him. Rhi and Brennan are directing a lot of people I haven’t met before, in where seatings are to go and so on. Bodhi greets about every person by name, and I feel rather envious of his memory at this point. If we are still left as duke and duchess after the wedding, I vow to learn some social magic from him. As we enter, one by one, everyone leaves except for Rhi and Brennan.

Brennan gives me a quick glance, “Good work with the invitation to the venin, Vi, must have been terrible. As soon as this is over, we should look into that healing signet power you produced.” It makes me almost euphoric hearing my brother talk about the time after the wedding as predictable. I reward him with a hug, “Yes Brennan, we really aught to. Right now it seems impossible to reproduce, but we’ll keep on trying.” Brennan looks at me and Bodhi, “Feels right seeing you here together. Will it do?” I nod to Brennan, thankful for my brother’s warm, no nonsense approach. “It’s perfect.”

The room has the best view in the House that I’ve seen this far. So many windows, looking out over the temple, the library and many other important architectural structures of Aretia. It’s also plainly beautiful to see the sunlight enter through the high windows. The room has been emptied and polished, giving it a very different expression then the last time I was here, going to sleep in the rubble. In the middle of the room is an arch, which I bet will be covered in flowers. Otherwise, the room is quite bare, but he stone covered ceiling and walls making our voices echo. Compared to the rest of the House, which is a mix between home and fortress, this is all fortress. After all, the plan is for it to become a cell, if we don’t succeed immediately with our task of turning Xaden back.

Brennan beckons us to stand under the bow, and Rhi also moves to his side. Brennan then shows us where the priestess of Dunne will stand, then says, “Matthias and I decided on only the people in on the plan, and currently doing shield training with Dain, allowed inside the room. The rest will be on the outside, looking in, forming a file on either side. And they won’t be all that many. Dignitaries from within Tyrrendor, some few representing other allies and the country.” We both nod, standing under the bow. I’m feeling rather strange, at the reverence showed us.

“It can’t be worse than the last wedding, right?” I say cheerfully, taking Bodhi’s hands in mine. He gives me a wry smile, “Tempting fate today, darling? On the other hand, the disaster of the first wedding should be impossible to recreate, since you didn’t love me then. And you were broken with sorrow. At least this disaster, safe to say, will be of a new variety.“ Brennan gives us a glum look. “Please stay on topic.” Bodhi jumps to attention, saying “Yes, of course”, and I suddenly remember, he isn’t ’just Brennan’ to Bodhi, my brother is a strategist he respects. Brennan gives me a stern look, but has a smile in his eyes, as he adds, “That goes for you too, sis”. I shrug, in a bout of not so sisterly adoration.

Brennan then proceeds to walk through the ceremony itself and how to evacuate everyone, if Xaden should turn up. And the schedule of supervision from our dragons and other further out stationed riders, that are to circle during the event. The threat of more venin also taken into consideration.

When I’ve taken in the different steps, and feel thoroughly bored and equally anxious, Rhi comes up to me. I tune out, as Brennan starts going through seating arrangements and guests, which I’ve gladly left to the politicians with intact memories.

Rhi tugs at the long, black sleeve of my tunic. There is a definite smile in her eyes. “Hey, let’s go get you into something completely different.” I look at her, her almost giddiness at the prospect of getting to just do something unnecessary and fun, spreading to me. I interrupt my brother, with a “One moment”, then stand on my toes, and I whisper to Bodhi, “See you before dinner, in our room. And if you happen to see Ridoc, tell him he forgot to ask you why you let the door hit you on your way out. That was a spectacular missed opportunity.” Then I kiss him quickly and hear him snigger as I leave. And it’s the best sound. I knew he was more entertained by the door wordplay than he let on.

In Rhi’s room, is a stand with dresses. I have no business expecting to get swept off my feet by a dress, since I know the wedding attire is meant to be mostly practical. But I must say, I’m having a blast trying them on. Rhi has not been kidding around. “So”, she says, helping me into a white, short number that has see through panels at the sides, the length maximising mobility, but maybe not ensuring modesty during eventual combat, “are you nervous yet?” I smile, looking at myself in the mirror. The sides must be deverelli silk. “No nerves for the event itself, except for the unknown and possible wedding crasher. Already being married saves you from all that, I suppose. But, do not recommend marrying for political reasons, in general”, I say brightly. “This one is gorgeous, but the shortness isn’t wedding enough. And we need more show if we are to convince the nobility of my commitment to Tyrrendor.”

Rhi starts unbuttoning it, soon presenting me with a new dress that has holders for knives all along the side, is long and white in a shiny material that feels like it melds with my skin. It also has two slits, making movement great, and a plunging neckline, that I like. Definitely hair up. “This is it”, I say to Rhi, as I try out different stances in it, the fabric moving with me, not tangling or restricting. “Yes!” Rhi exclaims, “this will make you shine!” She laughs, “Not meant literally, just perfect! I had three goals when dress hunting; to make you happy, to make Bodhi cry and to make Catriona green with envy. And this accomplishes all of that!”

I laugh with her, then do a double take. “Cat is coming?” Rhi looks a bit taken aback. “I assume so. Bodhi didn’t tell you?” I shake my head, “We haven’t talked about guests at all, really.” Rhi wrinkles her forehead, “I guess you have other things on your mind with this daunting plan in motion. But don’t forget your feelings too. Cat, Syrena, and Drake as well, I expect, would be invited, to represent Poromiel. All though Drake is already here, of course. I saw him talking with Mira the other day.”

I sigh, “It’s not that there is any real, lingering problem between me and Cat anymore, I guess, but…” my voice trails off. Rhi cuts in, her voice hard, “It isn’t a necessity for you to like someone who has treated you terribly, even though you can work together in war times. I certainly can’t stand her.” I shrug, “But Xaden isn’t here anymore. That should be a good enough reason to let things go. Besides, I’ll shortly be double married, so any grabs for the title is out of the question.” Rhi answers kindly, but still with a clip in her voice, as she laces me out of the dress. “I don’t care. The important thing for me is, she was mean to my friend. If you need any backup against her, get me. You’d be doing me a favour letting me join in taking her down. Just a notch or two.”

Suddenly, I find I’m filled with a feeling of doom. What if Bodhi, talking about everything, didn’t mention this part of the guest list for a reason? “Hey, careful of the fabric!”, Rhiannon says, “It’ll wrinkle if you crush it up in your hand like that. Apparently, I need to get involved in the guest arrangement, so I have a chance to prepare. Before my emotions choose to act for me. I loosen my grip on the fabric, with an apologetic smile to Rhi. But I don’t let go of the questions forming in my mind.

Chapter Text

I went to eat a bite with Rhi after the dresses were decided on. Plural, since I’ve chosen to also take the short dress with the panels, as a possible candidate for dinner tonight. Finally back in our room, I go to put away my comb. I thought it would be on the desk after Bodhi brushed my hair, and thought I’d just make sure it doesn’t disappear into his mess. But the comb seems to have evaporated. I just happen to look at a paper lying in a pile on the desk. It looks like the guest list for the wedding and I can’t choose not to read. Why wouldn’t I read it?

Bodhi enters the room in long strides, by his general windblown appearance I’m guessing he was just outside. “Were you flying?” I ask, not taking my eyes off the list. He joins me at the desk, running a cool hand around my waist, saying with a sly smile, “No, and never you mind where I was.” Then he clocks what I’m reading and adds, “Any one we should uninvite, to create some fun, diplomatic rifts?

I turn around to give him a quick peck on his cold cheek. A moment later I cringe, as I’m reading some of the names on the list and grumble, “Great, so fun that Cat’s coming.” He raises his eyebrows, saying with a deadpan face, “Yeah, delightful.” I continue exaggeratedly joyful, “And dear Halden! At least I have one of my exes not on the list.” I didn’t plan on delivering that information so flippantly, and add quickly, “Infantry, eons ago”, glancing at Bodhi over my shoulder. He smiles as if finding me entertaining, “I know, you’ve told me. Sounded hot!” Then he moves over to the armoire, putting away his jacket and boots. And my boots, that were apparently kicked off near the bed. Then shuts the door quickly.

I glance at him, suddenly intrigued, but also feeling an ember of the green fire that lit up, just talking about Cat earlier with Rhi. It’s probably better just to face it head on. “How about your exes? You have been very secretive. Not told me a single thing, in fact.” He squirms, looking suddenly very busy, “Well, you have a more murderous touch when it comes to jealousy, love. So I tend to stay out of that subject, when it’s not expressly something you demand to know.”

I frown, “Now I definitely demand.” He still appears to look for a convenient escape route, so I go over to the floundering husband, take his hand in mine and pull him over towards the bed. “Do you think I‘m marrying you without knowing anything about your romantic history, seeing how you seem so eager to avoid the topic?” He blasts me with a disarming smile, “Yes. Technically, you already did.” I brush the bravado away, with, “Semantics. Spill.”

He sits down on the bed, and heaves a deep, in my opinion over the top, sigh and I stay, still standing, crossing my arms, “What aren’t you telling me”, then I add with a toothy grin, “Love?” He smiles nervously back, but his brow is knitted, as he says calmly, “I’ll tell you whatever you want to know, if you sit down and stop acting…” he chances a glance at me, and suddenly goes up in pitch, “…so perfectly normal.” What do I need to know? I don’t have a clue, fucking questions again, is it? I take a breath.

“Have I asked you this before?”, I try him, cocking my head and sitting down opposite him on the side of the bed. He makes a face, “In a way. We’ve talked about some things when they’ve…come up.” I grin at him, shaking my head slowly, “So smooth, aren’t you? But not so forthcoming.”

He shows me the palms of his hands and dips his shoulders in pretend surrender, “I’ll assure you I’m not trying to hide anything, just not say anything you’d like unsaid later. Full disclosure available. I’ll start at the beginning. Please still love me afterwards.” I raise my eyebrows in surprise at this complete turnaround.

He creases his forehead, as if trying hard to remember, “I had, very inexperienced, tries at sex with a girl whose family housed me when I was sixteen, and so was she. Haven’t seen her since.” I feel my lips tug up at his candour, “A start of convenience? I see a theme.” He looks amused, “I guess I didn’t look too far, no. She was there, I was there. Her father kicked me out so fast when he found out, as could be expected.” I feel a pinch of sadness for him loosing another safe place. But it passes fairly quickly as he goes on.

Bodhi looks unperturbed by the situation, and says in an easy manner, “Other than her, I’ve slept with, some would say, a lot of pretty random people from taverns.” He purses his lips, “None of whom I think I would know if I met them. As I was thrown around the different towns and cities of the Tyrrish families that took me in, there wasn’t any lasting things to speak of.” I react at the ease with which he tells me this, really getting the sense that he must have been drifting a lot. Searching for comfort, no doubt. Not that he’d see it that way, possibly.

I ask him, “But you were in Aretia too?” With Xaden, I don’t say. He nods, making a face, “Yeah, not much action for me in Aretia, in the middle of rebuilding and always running after Xaden, Liam and Garrick who made pickings slim for me just by existing.” I give him a not that sympathetic smile, “I don’t believe that. Did you feel like you were the young cousin of the heir apparent?” He shrugs, smiling as if to say ‘that’s life’, saying “I’ve been told I was an excellent wingman, which isn’t as fun as it sounds.” I huff, “Do you need me to fetch a small violin to set the proper tone for your story of woe?” He playfully pinches my arm, “You aught to give me the appropriate level of sympathy! You asked for this, and if I’d had it my way we’d kept it in the past.” I smile in a strained way, going for supportive, “I’ll be ever so nice from now on.” Let’s just get this over with. The full disclosure really is full with him. And I can’t say I don’t admire him for it.

He looks doubtful at best, but goes on, “And when I got to Basgiath, I slept with a couple of people my year. No one you’d know and nothing serious. In fact, you are my one serious.” He says the last part looking into my eyes, very sincerely. “Do you want the names?’ I think a moment, feeling my face heat, then answer faster than I’d intended, “No, definitely no.” He looks curiously at me.

Then anticipates my next question saying, “And, since I know you’ll wonder otherwise, I haven’t slept with Imogen.” Some little part of me gives a sigh of relief. I’m…apparently not a sharing person, even in the past. And I own that it’s not fair to anyone. He goes on to say, in a way I’ve come to recognise as ‘collected’, “We used to have a relationship that I think in a way resembled yours with Dain, but it hasn’t done so in many years, thankfully.” He then finds himself, “I mean, I might have gravitated to the idea of her and me at some point, but it was mostly from curiosity. I was never hung up on her.” Like Dain is with you, I read between the lines. Bodhi swallows, then says, “The fullest of disclosures, I’ve kissed Imogen. And this was way before I met you, and that’s when I became aware of her and Garrick’s mutual…thing for each other that none of us can pretend to know about. And with that, that unbegun chapter was closed.”

I can’t help but feel a prick of jealousy. I knew I felt there was a ‘something’ between them. But I can’t very well be angry about it, expecting him to be okay with my sometimes strained friendship with Dain and not offer the same trust back. Not to talk about Xaden. Also, this must have occurred when I was with Xaden. Instead I try to mimic the same collectedness he offers me and ask, not through entirely clenched teeth, “Now why didn’t you tell me exactly this when I asked?”

He looks perplexed. “You asked if we’d been together. We haven’t, neither in the sense of a couple, nor as in had sex.” I frown, and roll my eyes, “Nobody is that literal. You were being purposefully vague.” He lifts an eyebrow, “Maybe I was. I don’t want to be the cause of altering your friendship. A friendship I don’t need factoring into.” I sigh, “Well that’s not true. Also, it puts me at a disadvantage not knowing things like that. And you understand.” He nods, looking up in the air. “Alright, I’ll consider that in future. I was also all kinds of jealous myself during that rather unconventional fight with you. So I might have acted a little… fuck, now I want to say ‘unhinged’, but Ridoc’s door puns just keep messing with my head!”

I take a breath. It’s really fine, the Imogen thing. “So”, I ask, almost regretting it as I do. He looks at me openly, daring me to go on, “What’s the total tally?” He doesn’t say anything, just signs me the number. It’s too even not to be rounded, I’m convinced, down. It’s a lot to take in. My eyebrows hit the roof. “That’s…a lot of people”, I convince my mouth to say. He doesn’t look embarrassed, but not proud either, just shrugs, “I suppose you could say that. Had to learn something before meeting you, didn’t I?” He chances a halfsmile at me. I can’t even know how to respond, and expect I emote, at best, a schooled neutral. “Hey, I’m still me”, he says, pleadingly. Also shaking his head, as if trying to will me to stop thinking about everything and everyone I imagine him…Fuck, how did he even find the time?

He lays his hand open in front of me on the bed, for me to take if I want to, but just waits me out. I look at him with fresh eyes. “I hadn’t thought you’d…” I stop myself, “Be so well rounded?” he supplies, making a face, then laughing uncomfortably at my still stunned expression. “That’s nothing, compared to…” he stops himself, “some people.” I’m pretty sure he wasn’t going to say Garrick.

In fact, as I think about it, I feel that I’m the comparative winner in the game of sexual history, since I’ve, right or not, always found safe and pleasant ways to learn and explore my sexuality. With people I’ve trusted, and even loved. I have a feeling Bodhi can’t boast the same. And I don’t feel threatened by any old ‘prowess’. But he surely does, by mine. So I just say, turning my head to face him, “Yes, that was more…comprehensive than I’d anticipated. To be clear, nothing you’ve told me alters my feelings about or for you, in any way.”

Bodhi swiftly moves on from the subject. “You are the only person I’ve ever loved. And if you care to know, I haven’t slept with anyone since I met you.” I look at him in disbelief, my emotion now changed to almost feeling sorry for him. Just almost. “No one, really?” Bodhi shrugs, “No one. I just thought of you, and I could have, but I was too wrapped up with revolution stuff anyway to really care.” He gives me a nod, “I spent all that energy pining after you and the rest being jealous of Xaden for being with you.” I give him a truly sympathetic smile, “Sorry, I did not expect that.” The corner’s of his lips draw upwards in response, “Don’t be. Saved me a lot of potential drama in hindsight. And I think the part of me that decided to place the Durran tree on your saddle, still kept hoping you’d magically see me, and I needed to be prepared. Or it’s a fucking mate thing, what do I know.”

I take his open hand, which makes him smile crookedly, saying, cautiously, “Thank you for the continued vote of confidence.” I give him a small smile. “Of course. Feels good to have this over with, actually. Any other ex, or”, I add pointedly, “otherwise connected, people on the guest list?” He clears his throat, then looks at me with an honesty I find pretty endearing, “Since you might want to know, Cat tried to get into my pants, as a backup shot at the throne and, or, I expect, payback at Xaden. Her designs on Xaden at the moment having been ruined by you, namely.”

My mind is suddenly filled with a hatred that feels so intense, it could just as well have been a huge emotion spilling over from Tairn. At least I don’t hear any thunder, but I believe my eyes flare like lightning, by the look on Bodhi’s face. “Not me, Silver One. Control your own emotions”, comes the answer from Tairn.

My mind is saying the same thing over and over. ‘Mine’.

Chapter Text

I lock eyes with Bodhi, and clearly he feels the shift in me. I ask, lips forming the words very precise, “What happened with Cat, exactly? When was that?” He lifts the corner of his mouth, saying without delay, just a hint of reservation in his voice, “A while after the fliers first came to Aretia. She came to my room, dressed only in…”, I fall in with his words, “…a see through deverelli silk robe?”

He nods. Clearly navigating the waters carefully now, I worry that openness may not necessarily be as freely given. “She kissed me, by basically jumping me unawares, after which I just closed the door in her face.” Yeah, I’m fuming now, right or not. He continues, a bit less put together after seeing my reaction, “Cat is magnificent at playing the long game, by the way. But no dice. I don’t dislike people often, but I thoroughly abhor Cat.”

I find the pulse dunking away in my ears slowly subsiding. What in Amari’s name was I thinking? I was with Xaden then. I had no claim on Bodhi, not even as a wayward thought. I take a deep breath. “Sorry, I…Well, I can’t say I’m ever going to be Cat’s biggest fan either. She was pretty awful to me, and, let’s just say it makes the only relationship we’ll ever aspire to have, a rather shallow and polite one. Where we sometimes save the other’s life.” I finish with a smallish smile, rather proud of myself for not blowing up over something that is totally irrelevant and irrational. Not to say unfair, in regard to my own circumstance at the time.

But Bodhi, to my surprise, looks suddenly infuriated and shakes his head incredulously, “Who do you think you’re talking to here? You’re downplaying how she treated you?” I’m taken aback, that was unexpected. “You don’t think I know, she more or less tortured you in these very halls? Xaden had me rapport on you, especially where it came to the thing with Cat. I was so fucking angry with him, for not involving himself in that situation of his own making, earlier. Talk about f… Or just throw her out!”

I look at him in astonishment, and his reaction makes my blood boil, or just simmer at least, “You’ve invited her here. What’s the difference?” He throws his arms out in frustration, “Her coming here is just political, Brennan invited her, I sure as Malek didn’t! But I know you can handle seeing her at short amounts of time, and so can I. It’s entirely different being in the same squad, the same school, under the same roof, all the time, expected to work together, to build trust for each other…” I nod, and reach up a hand to stop him, “I get what you’re saying. There is a difference. And of course I’m fine to see her from time to time. And except for a few choice, very embarrassing, situations, I was okay back then too.” I almost convince myself.

Bodhi scoffs, which angers me instantly again, saying, “No you weren’t. She was chipping away at your self esteem, every day, I saw it. She is pure evil with brains and power to match it. And Xaden didn’t tell you what to expect from her, or at least I can’t imagine he did a very good job of it, based on your lack of grip on the situation. Neither regarding their past involvement, nor her abilities, so you weren’t prepared to meet all of that horribleness. And it made you very vulnerable and…dependent on him, in my opinion.” Such. A. Dick.

I get off the bed to move around, and can see him tense up, so I just deflate the situation by saying, angrily, “Just moving, not running”, which just about manages to calm me down as well. A little piece of my heart just wants to wrap myself around him when he looks like that, the crease on his brow suddenly showing. Worry I’ll leave him in anger.

I start to think back on the past situation in Aretia with Cat, as I’m moving about, not liking most of it, on anyone’s end. So I bite out, “Your ‘spying’ didn’t exactly make anything better for me, by the way. More than make me feel fucking watched. I don’t remember you gallantly coming to my aid and telling me about Cat being an emotional, hazardous hate storm, either.” I can see him biting down a spontaneous comment to that. Then he takes a breath and says, visibly holding emotion back, “I’m sorry, alright? Not a proud moment. Xaden was…quite clear that we were not permitted to talk to you about Cat. He said he’d ‘handle her’ or some shit like that, and I believed him, which I shouldn’t have.”

Bodhi looks regretful, “I honestly thought I could help you, by telling him exactly how bad things were for you. After all, he has been the leader I’ve been sworn to follow my entire life, up until recently.” I look at him and can see his anguish and frustration. There are aspects of the way Xaden has used his leadership that Bodhi isn’t telling me. Yet. But I’m glad he knows the brunt of my history with Cat, especially if it means I don’t have to talk about it with him. Yet.

As I stand by the screen, I sigh, and then look at him once more. He’s just sitting there, on the bed, watching me intently. As our eyes meet again he says, “Believe me, I kept my distance from you for quite some time after Xaden let me have it, when he figured out that I’d let slip to you, that there had even been a ‘Cat’ to begin with. He wasn’t fond of that.” He flexes his jaw, which almost makes me wander if Xaden hit him or something. I nod, in an effort of trying to give him something, not just me standing here.

He prods, “Do you want me to inform Cat there has been a change of plans, that she is not to come? Because I will. In fact, it would make my day. And she’ll live. She’ll probably be the only thing left standing if the venin drain the entire continent.” I chuckle, “Sorry, an evil part of me just imagined the look on her face. But no, of course not. We’ve, believe it or not, made some sort of truce. And I do trust her, to an extent.” He nods in agreement. I add in a menacing tone, “But. If she so much as brings a deverelli silk anything, I can’t be held accountable for my actions.” He smirks. “Same.” Then stops himself looking up at me from beneath his locks, “You totally understood how I meant that, right darling?” I laugh, “Yes, love. Bad choice of sentence in which to cut back on words, though.”

He jumps up from the bed and steps closer. I feel all the jumbled feelings drain from me. And I’m stepping into his arms, relishing feeling his, now warm, arms around me. He breathes down in my hair, as he says softly, “Are we okay? Sorry if this qualifies as overbearing.” I take a breath feeling him all around me, saying, “We are more than okay. This is necessary sharing, fun as it may be at times.” He exhales deeply. “Just, if you happen to feel the tiniest way that you need reassurance or to ask me anything regarding any of this, just grab me.”

He seems unable to stop there and continues, “Of course, me being insecure for the both of us, craving your closeness all the time, to know I exist, it won’t exactly mean I’ll have to go out of my way if you need the smallest amount of comforting. The next days will be hectic, and I don’t want to worry that you have the least of doubts about any old stuff. It’s all you. Nobody else exists for me.” I turn my head up to face him. “I have no doubts about you. None. Cat, on the other hand…” He smiles. “Good to hear. And I’ll be opening the bedroom door with extra force for safety, the next couple of days.” I smile, and I feel my face relax.

I ask him, putting a hand over my own face for reasons unknown, “Doesn’t it bother you, that I can’t even mask my jealousy when it comes to Cat or, to a minuscule part, even Imogen, when I have absolutely no right to feel that way?” He flashes me a grin, “Wait, should I suffer for feeling you claiming me in hindsight? No. Should I feel it’s unfair? Nope. I was just as jealous during that same time, even though I knew you were in love with another. Your jealousy now, though totally unwarranted I might add for the protocol, flatters me. Makes me feel crazy wanted.” I frown, saying, “Whilst it’s the complete opposite for me. You not being overly jealous makes me feel free. But I don’t mind that you are not made of stone. I get the Xaden aspects hit harder.”

He huffs, “Yeah, my own jealousy when it comes to one certain person took me by surprise a little bit. Not so hard to understand your point of view, though. I’ve guessed you just associate jealousy with being controlled.”

Fuck that’s so accurate, I manage to think. It took a long time to feel secure in a couple with Xaden, could it have been a way to tie me to him, to control me? Because he sure as Malek held on to the fact that he loved me a long time, contributing to my insecurities. And he chose to withhold information about Cat that finally hurt me, enough that we both risked death. I brush the thought aside. And shake my head.

Bodhi smiles, “You were the one living it, I can only say what it looked like from the outside. I’m sorry if I overstepped. Just tried to place myself in your shoes.” I shrug, “It doesn’t matter any more. And I’m thankful for your understanding. It’s like I hear a voice in my head screaming ‘Mine!’, sometimes, that I then have to handle appropriately.” He grabs his chest, over his heart, “That might have been the hottest thing I’ve ever heard.” I smile and kiss him softly.

A while and two cups of tea later, we’re definitely on track again. Even though the talk in itself wasn’t the most enjoyable ever, I feel I understand him better now, and probably vice versa. The awkwardness was replaced by a warm understanding at first, then a giddy feeling that made me feel like we’d just met as new partners again. And now I’m slipping into my white, short dress with see through panels on both sides and deciding that panties will spoil the fun of the dress. What Rhi thought when she suggested it for the ceremony, I’ll never guess.

I let my hair hang loose over my shoulders and put on my necklace, and some heels that are far too high for long walks. But he basically said I’d be able to go comfortably wherever we’re going. I guess he’ll have to carry me if it turns out the walk was misrepresented.

As I step out from the screen Bodhi is…nowhere to be seen. I try a quick ‘hello?’, but noone is here. Then I look at the bed. There’s a big, red envelope lying there. I can feel Andarna’s interest prickle in the back of my mind. I open it, it says in Bodhi’s slanted handwriting: “Darling! Gone to prepare stuff. You won’t be home tonight. Bring if you need anything special, otherwise just take packed bag from armoire. And jacket. Bet you saw bag before I shut the door earlier. Clumsy me, but also curious you! Put on enclosed. Preferably after taking bag and jacket from closet. Then wait for knock (not door related joke) Love B”

I smile, hearing his voice in the note. Inside the armoire there is a smallish leather bag. I rifle through it on the bed, it seems he’s managed to pack it with everything I need. My dragon scale corset is there, so are my boots, toiletries, sleep wear, extra clothes… I slip in some extra underwear, considering I’m not wearing any at present. Then I dig at the bottom of the envelope. It contains the slim, silk scarf, which I bind over my eyes, after having slipped into my jacket, then sitting on the bed to wait.

After a while there is a rap on the door. Rhi enters, saying in a singsong voice, “Hey Violet, are you ready to go?” I can’t help but laugh at the surreal situation. “It appears I’m ready to go…somewhere. Should I reconsider the shoes?” She’s silent, so I wait. Then she exclaims, “Oh sorry, I shook my head. No, they’ll be fine, as long as you can manage the steps. And I’ll help you find the handrail.”

A while later, Rhiannon is leading me towards the top of the House, I guess we’re quite close to the hallway on the fifth floor leading to the defensive turret overlooking Aretia. But this doesn’t seem to be exactly it. Instead, Rhi takes me up a different staircase that seems to go inward, towards the very mountainside the House is built in. Then we take a seemingly endless spiral staircase up what I can only guess is a tower, and then I’m really cursing the shoe decision, I’ll have to tell Bodhi more about how these things work.

At the top of the stairs we stop. It’s suddenly darker around me, I can tell from behind the blindfold. It smells like a cave, but there is also a breeze making the air stir, and there is a touch of something dragony. Rhi stops and says in a voice that’s touched by some emotion, “This is me. I’m supposed to leave you here, not that I really want to go.” I all but take the blindfold off, but she continues, with a sigh, “But I guess I’d better, since there’s no extra seat.” I can hear she’s smiling.

She places my hands, palms down against rock, my back apparently now facing a rough rock surface that seems hewn from the mountain side. Rhi says, “You’re not alone, for long. Stay here and don’t fall down the stairs, please. I really mean it when I say don’t move. Good luck!” Then she leaves and I can hear her steps echo down the stairs. Part of me wants to shout after her to come back. But I listen instead, I’m glad I’m wearing my jacket, because it’s quite chilly here, in the wind. So this is where Bodhi was before, and why he wasn’t flying.

Suddenly I feel him. I can’t say I hear him, but I get a sensation that he’s close, like I do sometimes when Bodhi is just entering a room. As if all my senses stand to alert attention. Even though I can’t see anything at all, and there isn’t a sound, I instinctively turn my head to the left. And I don’t move a muscle, as I’m waiting for him to make his presence known. This anticipation will be the death of me.

Chapter Text

In the cool darkness, I can sense Bodhi approaching me. My eyes are closed under the blindfold and I strain my ears, to pick up every sound. My hands are still, along my sides, keeping a connection with the raw rock wall behind me. Bodhi says in a low voice, almost like a breath, “Hi love.” His voice comes joined with a slight echo, from some way away, and I can hear he’s smiling around the words. I hear his swift steps, then feel his fingers caress my cheek. I lean into his touch and then his lips carefully find mine, in a kiss that makes my senses go into overdrive.

He says fiercely, “Had I known those were the shoes you had in mind, I would have carried you up the fucking stairs.” I laugh, and I can hear the want in me as I do. It just demands an outlet, one way or another. I wish Bodhi had in fact carried me up. The shoes are killing me. But I can’t complain about the height difference being somewhat equalised between us. Not really though, but my lips reach him so much easier from up here.

I lean towards him, demanding more and he obliges, his lips pressed against mine, sucking on my lower lip, then switching to my upper lip and finally opening his mouth for me to let our tongues finally meet as he kisses me hungrily. And I feel insatiable for his taste. His breath on my mouth out rivals every other need. Air? Seems optional at best. I just need this man. The sweet warmth of his mouth in contrast to the chilly air is so intoxicating and my fingers writhe in his hair, just making sure he won’t interrupt this. Kiss, doesn’t really cover it. He doesn’t stop and my hands wander all over his body. It appears we finally do have all the time in the world, and no distracting questions lie between us. For now at least.

He holds a hand on the back of my head and moves us inward, along the rough rock surface and the chill is much lessened and the darkness more compact. Also the sound is subdued compared to what I guess was more properly outside. Then he takes both my hands in a grip with one of his, and holds them above my head, while he keeps on kissing me. And I feel like I’m under a spell, just moving my body to fit with his, locking with him as much as I can.

I’m so turned on, I feel the want pooling inside me. Every aspect of the real world around me is unknown, since I’m robbed of my sight and I have only a general idea of where we are. Yet I feel like I have everything I need right here, in him. I take a breath and say, and my voice comes out as a whimper, “More, I want you so much, love.”

Bodhi runs his free hand along my body, from my hands high up, all the way down to my thigh. He forces his mouth away from my lips again, with what seems to be some great force of will, and says in his deep, velvety voice, “I want you too”, then more or less growls, “Fuck, Violet. What even is this dress? Are you trying to kill me?” Yes, I’m thinking, yes I am. I want him to break and give me all that I need. And he’s not exactly playing hard to get at the moment. I smile and I pant for him between kisses, “I wanted it to say ‘I want you to fucking ravish me, please’.”

He groans at my words, grits out, “Message received.” Then kisses my neck, and bites me gently in the same spot. His hand investigating the almost impossibly sheer panels of the sides of my dress. I feel a pause, after his hands were skimming across my hips, then his hand travels to the edge of my dress. Not that far, really, as it’s rather short. Then he slowly lifts the hem just enough for his hand to wander from the inside of my thigh to my naked sex. “Fuck, love”, he moans as he uncovers the fact that I’m not wearing underwear, then runs a finger along my slit and the sound of his groan is coarse in my ear, meeting my own moan of pleasure at his touch. Another pause, then he hotly whispers, “You have absolutely no respect for my plans. I love it.”

I say roughly, but there is a pleading edge to my voice, “You have to give it to me, hard, right now. No fucking time to loose.” He laughs in a slow, wicked way, and he can’t mask his own need for me. It’s there, like the base note in an accord. He adjusts his grip on my incapacitated hands, and muses, almost matter of factly, “Any other demands?” I smile, “No, after that, I’m all yours.” He kisses me hard, my head now leaning against the side of his broad arm, as not to risk my head hitting the rock, I suppose. Then he pushes two fingers deep into me, and I rock against him. He pumps me slowly, and I writhe under his treatment, but he pulls back too soon, making me moan with frustration. His grip still on my hands but keeping us apart. How much clearer can I be? But then I hear his belt clank as it hits the stone floor.

His mouth is on mine again, just as urgent and he lets go his grip on my hands. I can feel movement on the back of my head, as he says into my ear, “Love, I’ll remove this now”, indicating the scarf robbing me of my sight. “I only intended for the way up here to be exciting.” I stop his hand, “Don’t you dare. I’m plenty excited. I want to experience all of you inside me like this, I feel everything even more. I don’t want any distractions.” He sniggers, “Like my face? Or a gorgeous view? Because I don’t know what offends me more given the situation…” I grab hold of his hair, hissing, “Shut up and kiss me again. And then you’ll fuck me. Hard. Just like this.”

He obliges, muttering, “Impossible, ravishing woman.” Then I run one arm across his back, and the other one down towards his cock. His pants are still on, just unbuttoned at the top and I let my fingers run along his hard length. He shivers as I touch him. I stroke him, hard but gentle tugs, and he groans into my mouth. Then he lifts me, one hand on the back of my head, making me understand that the rock ceiling around us is probably lower in places.

His other hand is gripping my ass, and I wrap my legs around his hips and lets him steer us towards…somewhere. Where there’s more movement in the air. He leads my hands towards a…part of the rock I guess, and says in a fast breath, ”Hold on to this, darling.” Then carefully bends me over against the rock until my upper body is pressed firmly to the cold stone, separated only by the fabric of my dress. It’ll be ripped apart, but I don’t care at the moment. I hiss from the cold. His warm hand sliding over my back, guiding me, he shows me he wants me to move. And I feel fabric replacing the stone, as my body touches the hard surface again. I gather he must have tossed a jacket across the rock, for me to lean on. I have no idea of where we are, just that we are in a mostly outside environment now, possibly a, hopefully well hidden, balcony in the actual mountain that constitutes the deeper parts of the House. Fuck if I care, I only want him.

He keeps a hand on my lower back, pressing me firmly into the now jacket covered stone, as he moves around me, placing himself behind me. I quiver with anticipation, as Bodhi then lets my dress rise above my waist, I feel the fabric slowly glide up and up over my ass until I can feel the chilly air on my skin. He grips my hips with both hands and lets me feel his erection against me. I’m so slick. I hear him groan, and without waiting, he guides his cock to my entrance, pushing carefully into me, giving me time to stretch for his size. I feel myself adjust to receive all of him. Fuck this feels so good.

I moan, gritting out, “Love, give me everything. Don’t hold back. I want to feel you tomorrow.” And that’s enough for him to almost unleash himself completely on me. He pounds into me again and again, hard as the rock beneath, hitting the sensitive spots inside me over and over. I scream his name, I think, because I’m so lost in my own pleasure. His hard thrusts into me, making the friction build towards my breaking point, but also bruising me up inside so deliciously as he hits my inner wall. I’m thankful for the jacket underneath me, because this is every way as rough as I want it, and the surface is as well, even through the lined leather.

His hands are digging into my waist in hard grips on each side, as he slams into me, and all I can feel and think of is him, and this relentlessly building elation in my body. Then one of his hands leaves my hip and his fingers press to my clit, rubbing me in swift circles. I pant and almost scream from these sensations he elicits in me, until my legs are shaking in my high heels and almost feel I can’t take it anymore. I’m really close. He keeps touching me, and I sense a shift in his own movements too, making me sure he’s just as close to his release. I fight against my own orgasm as long as I can, grabbing onto the hard rock which is stretching out like a bannister on both sides of me. I try to make the gravelly surface bite the palms of my hands, to distract myself, to be able to hold out, to finish with him. He groans, and I know he’s coming now, and I move one of my hands to his hand on my hip, just grasping him and making sure my signet has an open outlet in him.

His touch over my clit pushes me over the edge, and as he thrusts into me, hard and fast through his own climax, the ecstatic feeling of my own orgasm is all around me, rippling through me in the darkness. I moan with the pleasure and the flashes of lightning that I feel amassing in my mind, are silently taken care of by Bodhi’s signet. I can concentrate on my body, since the relief of Bodhi keeping that balance for me, is immediate. And I wonder if he glows, or if he has managed to counter his own signet as well.

I meet his slow, final thrusts with my body, almost riding out the last of his release, hearing his low moan, my body clenching hard around his cock. Then finally, we both relax and he bends forwards over my back, kissing my neck, his breath hot, sighing exhausted and blissfully spent.

He says, between shallow breaths, “You, are unbelievable. And so fucking hot. Everything to your liking? Because that was…a bit wild.” I smile, all though I know he can’t see it. “This was exactly what I craved. You, are everything, so, so amazing.”

Then there’s his hand in my hair as he slides off the blindfold, stroking my cheek as he does and carefully tilting my head upward. He’s still inside me, but neither of us move anymore. I can feel the last pulses from my orgasm ebb out, as my eyes are suddenly able to focus and adjust to the light.

I’m looking straight out over Aretia’s buildings from high above, holding onto the edge made from rock, on the balcony carved out on the mountain side. The sunset is magnificent and the sun is already a red marble at the very edge of the horizon. He says, close to my ear, “I think it only right to get to share at least some of the view with you before the sunset’s complete. After all that was my original plan. Before you made a better one.” Then he kisses my neck and holds me, until the sun has set.

I am utterly done in, taking in the beauty of our surroundings while resting my head on the jacket covered stone bannister in front of me, still breathing heavily, my skin suddenly registering the cold breeze. Bodhi moves from me, and I ask him without looking away from the last shard of the sun disappearing behind the horizon, “This is so perfect. I can’t believe I almost missed the sun set because of my…demands. Where are we, exactly?”, I ask him, also beginning to wander what I’ll do, now that I’ve got the evidence of his pleasure between my legs.

Bodhi supersedes even my expectations, by handing me a small towel wet with hot water, to clean myself. As I look at him incredulously, he says gravelly, “You are… that was… fuck, I can’t think. You asked me something.” Pause, and back with a clearer voice. “We are at the source. There is a thermal pool with water streaming through the mountain from the valley above.” I look around the balcony and adjoining cave, that looks to have another passage inward the mountain. The big pool, taking up most of the space in a cavelike alcove, has steps down into it, looks hewn from the mountain itself. There are tiny lights floating on the water’s surface, and above it on a raised platform, is a table set for two. I’m getting why Rhi didn’t want to leave. It’s perfect. He’s non stop.

Bodhi is standing a little way off, turned away from me, towards the inside of the cave, as he’s waiting for me to join him. And, apparently, take in the entire scene he’s set. I come to stand next to him, taking his hand in mine. “You’ve…really outdone yourself, love. I hope my ‘eagerness’ didn’t spoil anything.” He laughs confused, “How could you even say that? I know I asked you to keep me on my toes earlier, but wow. Nothing spoiled. Just shorter sunset, for you that is.” He smiles, kissing the top of my head. Then he hums, rather satisfied, “I on the other hand, have had a rather glorious view the whole time, the sunset at best a backdrop. Cannot remember ever having enjoyed a sunset this thoroughly, come to think of it.” I raise my eyebrows at him, as he smiles not-that-apologetically. “Next time I’ll plan better, leaving time for the unexpected”, he says roguishly, and I love him for talking about a future that includes us both.

“Bath or dinner first?”, he asks me. “Food’s more likely to go cold”, I correct myself, “colder”. He smiles conspiratorially, “Food will be hot anyway. I got Mira to hand me a nifty heating rune, in return for not asking her about Drake hanging around outside her room and his cat running out of her door as she opened.” I chuckle, “That’s not her best hidden secret.” He laughs, “It was obvious it’s still thought of as a secret, by your dear sister. If nothing else, by the way she presented me with the rune stone by throwing it, quite accurately might I add.” He scratches the back of his head. I kiss him, easily from my convenient shoe height, though my knees are still shaking. “I love that you and my siblings get along”, he makes a face, “This situation was not what I’d call ‘getting along’, but I generally agree we do”. I feel the back of his head, there’s no bump at least. “This is just sibling love, nothing to cry about,” I decide. “Bath would be nice, if you aren’t leaning towards the other direction. I did say I’m all yours from now on.”

He leads me by the hand towards the water’s edge. Then starts unbuttoning my dress at the back, while saying, “Oh, right? How long does that enticing offer stand?” I shrug out of my dress. As I step out of it, careful not to destroy it, even more, with my shoes, he picks it up off the rock floor, hanging the dress over the back of one of the chairs. Swiftly undressing and doing the same with his own clothes. I say, on my way to step out of my shoes, “Is it too dumb to answer ‘I’m already all yours, forever’?” By his unabashed smile, I already have my answer. “It’s barring on completely foolish, but it doesn’t matter. I’m enthralled by you. So I have to do what you want anyway.” Then he scoops me up, shoes still on, and carries me down into the water, saying politely, “But I suspect I won’t see these shoes on after you’ve gotten out of this pool, so if you’ll agree to acquiesce to my ever so small request…” then he growls low into my ear, “you’ll keep these shoes on for me to enjoy a little bit longer.”

The steaming water is soon surrounding every part of me, except my still very much shoe clad feet, leaning up against the edge, as I in turn lean back against Bodhi’s chest. The little candles floating around us are mirrored in the water, and almost surpasses the starry night sky that has replaced the sunset outside of the opening of the cave onto the balcony. And the water is the right temperature. Not scalding, but properly heated from the inside of the mountain. “Could anyone have heard or seen us here?”, I wonder. He clears his throat, “If I pretend I had the time and foresight to make a sound shield, will you love me more?” I turn to look at him, saying, “Doubtful. But I already love you plenty, so it’s hard to say.” He flicks my nose, “Cheeky.”

Then says, “There is a good chance no one heard anything. After all, not the season of open windows, all current preparations mostly taking place inside the House. And there can be a good number of other ‘Bodhi’s’ having their names screamed from this very cliff, this very night, so even if someone heard anything suspicious, we’ll just deny it.”

I grab his arm, squeezing it, “You are so funny, aren’t you? Put me out of my misery. Sound shield or not?” He says holding me closer, leaning his chin into my shoulder, “Yes, rather funny, I’d have to agree. But since you asked so nicely, yes there is a more or less permanent sound shield in place here. But it’s more like a muffler. Or the boom from the water in the mountains would disturb our sleep.” I relax, “Good, I wouldn’t like to start thinking about what water or mountain related jokes Ridoc would make me suffer through. I don’t include you in the suffering part, you are just as bad. Just better equipped at hiding it.” He chuckles, “Yes, I can’t pretend I dislike Ridoc’s puns. But I liked your’s the best, though.”

I smile. “My friends are right. You are such a suck up.” He whispers into my ear, “Just for you.” Then adds matter of factly, “And every other person in a teaching position I’ve ever encountered. Do you understand how hard you have to work to become section leader of flame if you have these pretty patterns, at Basgiath?”, he indicates his rebellion relic. I trail the relic’s swirling lines with my finger, making him shiver. Then I answer honestly, “No, and I wouldn’t presume to.”

Then, shoes be damned and still, incidentally on and now submerged, I turn around to face him, wrapped in his arms. I cross my arms over his chest, heaving myself up onto him, to look into his eyes. “You are wonderful, you know, relics and all.” He looks like he wants to look away and deny the compliment profusely, but he just stays looking into my eyes.

Chapter Text

I wake up in the inner chamber of the mountain, comfortably warm from the thermal heat, even though I can see the open sky from the stone balcony. And Bodhi’s holding me. I sneak out of his embrace gently, he doesn’t stir, to sit up in the sort of bed he’s fashioned for us in the inner mountain chamber. I’m just so curious as to where we are. Home, but not. I turn to look over at him, black curls spread out over the pillow, his face looks so relaxed. He must be deep asleep. It was late yesterday, we didn’t want it to end. And we didn’t want today to begin.

If cosy indeed is a function, these surroundings are. The hollowed out tiny room has rock walls, but the bed space is just…Bodhi’ed. Pillows, blankets, fluffy duvets. I look out over the elevated space where the remainders of our dinner from yesterday are left, under the silver covers on the little table, candles burned down to stumps in the candleholders, glasses forgotten and never finished. Behind it, I can see the valley stretching out around Aretia. A slight drizzle and grey skies, and in the distance, I see what could be a group of horses and the glint or armour. There is also a drift of gryphons on the horizon, or actually, rather close. And two dragons patrolling far in the east. Right. This is going to be an interesting day.

Bodhi stirs awake beside me, pulling me back down towards him again. “No, definitely not morning yet. Still just dawn. Shoot the damn larks with your crossbow and come back to bed. I know I packed it”, he proclaims. I allow myself to be tucked in beside him, “You are not a morning person, are you?” He grunts something in response. I whisper, definitely not at my finest, “It might be later than you think. Felix will be angry if we’re not on time. Or worse, he might be disappointed.” Bodhi’s eyes flare open, and he leans up over me to properly look at the view outside, squinting at the light. “That’s…just mean. It can’t be more than eight.” I snigger at the teacher’s pet beside me. He then smiles, shaking his head at me. And sitting up. “Fine, I admit you got me. But that still means we’ve got to get going soon. Unfortunately.”

He tugs at a lock of my long hair, “There’s not time for me to do any more of the wicked things I still, crazy as it sounds, feel like doing to you right now. Shouldn’t the want go away when needs are properly sated?” I smile expectantly, with my arm slung over a pillow, “Are they ever? And what would those wicked things have entailed?” He pulls me closer. Huge mistake. He whispers in my ear, “You. Like. Not. Knowing.”

He then kisses me, staying far longer with his lips on mine than I think he intended. He sighs, pulling away from me, in a most unsettling manoeuvre, so I trap him with my legs. He says pleadingly, “Didn’t you ask me to fuck you so you could feel it tomorrow, ergo today, for exactly the reason that we’ll now have zero alone time at our disposal?” I laugh, saying, “I suppose I did. Not that I thought that much ahead.” He lets a finger trail over my arm, teasingly, “And, out of curiosity, would you say I did, my best at least, to fulfil that brief? On the balcony, then in the pool, even though I still have reservations about water and friction. In the process ruining one very short dress, a pair of high heeled shoes and my dignity, since you’d rather be blindfolded than look at me, apparently.”

I smile remembering our night, letting my fingers run over his stubbly chin, then fix my eyes on the rock ceiling while I think. To get his question right, I count on my fingers as I say, in the methodical way a scribe would have gone about it, “Let’s see, so much to unpack in that sentence. Yes, love, you certainly did your part in the very best way possible. I’m very happy with your contribution. Yes, I feel what we did yesterday even today, yes on the locations, yes on the friction factor but I’ll remind you, that was mostly your own doing that it happened in the bath at all. Yes, the dress is destroyed, no, I think the shoes will be fine whence they’ve dried. And only partly, didn’t I want to look at anything, including your beautiful face, because you made things too exciting for me and should be proud thereof. And, what’s your point? I’ll have a lifetime to look at you.” I say it all in a satisfied and joking manner, but, I pick up a…something from him. Bodhi shrugs, “No point, just checking in. And, I don’t want to worry I’ll wear you out, so to speak.” I laugh, “Don’t worry about me. Yes, I feel…delightfully raw, but I am not worn out in the least. Also, resent being compared to an old glove.” He laughs, touching my face tenderly, “Oh no, you are not old at all.”

I scoff in outrage at the remaining implication, grumbling, “You know what, sometimes I think about your most despicable lie to me.” He looks suddenly unsure if I’m joking or not, I continue, “When we slept in the same bed the first time, from my point of view,” he nods hanging on my every word, “you said you were overdoing it with the jokes, because you were nervous.”

I smile warmly at him. “It appears you were either truthful, meaning you’re still nervous around me, or you are the biggest liar in Navarre. So, would you care to retract that statement?” He smiles back, and I’m relieved. “You like my jokes, so I’ll go for retract.” I say, “I’ll never be bored with you in my life, will I?” He chuckles softly, but now I feel a definite tension from him, as if a looming shadow stole his joy. What did I say? Was it phrased like a choice for me, not ending with him? Or a comparison? I grab his hand, sitting up straight and say as kind as I can without sounding like I’m feeling sorry for him, “No. We’ve just spent a marvellous night together, and you’re…what, searching for fault? Love, tell me what just happened.”

He looks at me, and just lets me in. “It was nothing in particular. I just don’t feel…enough, sometimes. Just that, and there is going to be a fucking emotional ride ahead of us. I wish we could stop time. Or, I wish I could have had more time to know you like this, for you to know me, through and through. A part of me can’t help envying Xaden for having had so much time with you. With me, you’ve barely anything to fall back on, we haven’t had all our ‘firsts’ yet. And everything I do, or not do, becomes important.” I sit up, and kiss him. Then say, still holding his hand, “You are more than enough. You’re a whole festival of enough. And I’m so lucky to have you, and I intend to continue having you.”

He smiles in response, but it doesn’t really reach his eyes. I say, “Thank you for speaking plainly with me. I believe we’ll just have to go on, don’t be afraid you’ll fuck up, it might just as well be me doing that part.” He sighs, “Wouldn’t that be amazing if you could? Just to take the edge off for me.” I take his face in both of my hands, “You know what”, I say firmly, “we need to get going. And we need breakfast before training begins. I may have teased you about Felix’s favor just now, but I’ll freely admit I don’t particularly relish facing him on an empty stomach.” Bodhi smirks, back with me again, “Then breakfast it is.”

As it turns out, we both appear to feel the need to quickly get going, as the weight of the day ahead of us hits. One more day. We’re fast when getting ready, into training gear. My tangled hair being the issue detaining us some, all though I found my comb packed in the bag, of course. We stop on the way down to the kitchens, for Bodhi to drop our bags in our room and I wait for him on the lower part of the stairs.

The place is alive with riders changing for patrol duty and I look up as the great steel reinforced double doors of the entrance are flung open to reveal a group of fliers, looking every which way, in their brown flight gear, carrying a lot of bags. They look to have hit the rain.

I see Syrena, and lock eyes with Cat and I give them a smile and a nod from my place on the stair. It’s returned, by Syrena. I feel my jealousy surge to the surface as bubbles in a pot of boiling water, as I get closer. Fuck. That is Cat’s ability fuelling my emotions. Why haven’t I asked Bodhi about his countering signet, in regard to the flyers’ magic? Signets are one thing, but will he be immune to Cat? Doesn’t matter now, he is not here anyway.

I do not have my dagger with the rune countering her ability, that Xaden gave me, just about five others. Bodhi didn’t know about it and must have just grabbed some daggers at random when packing my things. Useless daggers, in this case.

I consider running back to get the counter runed dagger from our room, but I won’t give Cat the satisfaction. After all, we’ve come a long way, both of us. We are adults. War time comrades in arms, even. Friends? Yeah, no. Definitely not.

I check my shields, not that it helps, and dig my nails into my fisted hand. Then I paste a smile on my face and walk the remaining steps down to meet her, saying, “How was your flight?” Cat gives me a disdainful look from slightly wet flight gear, saying in her haughtiest tone, “Did you honestly just ask me how the death fearing flight and equally perilous walk, via the Medaro pass, ‘was’?” She looks at me with outrage, “And all for what? A pretend wedding?”

The anger I feel at what passes for normal conversation with her, is heightened to a level where I feel it almost physically. I school my features, “Well, consider it an occasion to get together if you will. You are very welcome to Aretia. Do you need help with your bags and rooms?” She scoffs, as if me welcoming her here is ludicrous at best. So, a little entitlement or bitterness has resurfaced for her as well, now that all is said and done.

I see Syrena in the background, talking to some of the House staff. I have yet to learn their exact names and functions, a weakness I’m not overjoyed to possibly expose to Cat, so I’m relieved as Syrena waves, saying, “We’ve got it covered. Good to see you Violet! Drake will help us find everything, I’m sure. Thanks for taking him in, by the way. I don’t think he’ll ever want to leave, the way you seem to spoil him here.” I smile knowingly, thinking that he and the…kitty seem very content, but I say, and I mean it, “We’re always happy to have him.”

Less happy to have Actual Cat, who groans, peeling off her wet jacket, letting her jet black braid swing out around her. Her red, wind kissed cheeks and equally red, pouty lips making her look like a truly fierce queen. I feel suddenly small and inconsequential in comparison. And the feeling just keeps growing uncontrollably. Fucking lethal ability she has!

To get out of my head, even if I can’t get her out, I ask, “I’m on my way to the kitchen, to get some breakfast before training. Will you join me, all of you?”, I add hopefully in direction of the other fliers. Syrena says, “I think we’ll just catch up with Drake and set up camp first. Too wet outside.” Then the sensible fliers leave, while I’m stuck with the incensed Cat.

Cat looks around in the hall, like she is one step away from complaining about the flower arrangements, just to make small talk, but instead ends up looking me up and down, saying, “I thought you were supposed to play the duchess here. Why don’t you dress the part?” I look automatically down at my training outfit, suddenly very aware of the pointy ends of the daggers I am wearing maybe being a little useful anyway. “These aren’t my finest clothes, no. I’m doing some signet training in the rain I suppose. It will have to be…hopefully explained tomorrow.”

Cat walks slowly with me towards the kitchen, saying in a snippy way, but with a small interest peaked, “Alright. If you need any help, I suppose you’ll ask. And the duke, the current one, is he in fact going to partake in this charade? Where is he anyway? I’ve always thought Bodhi to be the more sensible and clever of the two, on these sort of things.” I clench my fist, trying hard to disregard the comparison to Xaden. If she catches me reacting, she’ll keep it up. Instead of selective truths, I try selective hearing. “Yes, I agree Bodhi is smart. He’ll be joining me soon. Thank you for your offer to help.”

She pushes on, clearly annoyed with my attempts at staying polite, “So you don’t sleep in the same room then, since you obviously don’t come down together. Why are you doing this wedding thing, again? It will most certainly only flame the general opinion that your actual marriage wasn’t valid in the first place.” I try for a laugh, it comes out like a dry cough, “Cat, stop it. No really. Stop it. Our union is strong. And you’re wrong, we do in fact share a bedroom. Don’t visit it. Ask Halden if you have any doubts about the first ceremony.” In my mind I worry she and Halden would actually really get on like wildfire. A really wild fire, controlled by Cat, fanned by Halden.

I halt as we’ve reached the kitchen, thinking what to do with her, looking out over the mixed groups of riders and one or two from the kitchen staff, bustling about. I make my way towards the marble counter, thinking what kitchen utensils I dare use, without accidentally turning it into a weapon. I manage to grit out, “In answer to your question about the wedding. We thought we’d contribute with a more joyful event, now we’re not all grieving and we’ll use the time when the war is at a standstill. To show the stability of our vows and continued commitment to each other and Tyrrendor, if you will.”

She raises her eyebrows, questioning my every word. “Right. I’ve lived my whole life with the true schemers and plotters among actual courtiers. Trust me when I say, you are not exactly fitting in with them, Sorrengail. But I guess you’re doing what lies within your abilities as acting duchess at Riorson House.” I bite out, with a contrite expression, “It’s Durran, on both accounts.” She answers with a feline smile, that makes me wish I had held my tongue. “Oh, a sensitive subject, I expect.”

She suddenly looks sympathetic. “There is no reason to pretend with me. I actually admire you for setting your sights on the new duke, when the old one was found to be…unavailable. And I know it must have cost you emotionally to switch from Xaden to his younger cousin, all in a matter of weeks.”

I blanche. She actually feels a very odd and wrong kinship with me. I explain my very different perspective, “I loved Xaden, I’ve mourned him. And I’ve continued my life. And, even though it was a match of convenience for Tyrrendor at first, I love Bodhi.“ She flat out laughs, a high, shrill, loud sound, making one or two riders turn in our direction, saying, thankfully not at all loud, “Do you really expect me to believe that? No, this is your power hunger justifying your actions. To keep the title in a sham marriage that won’t last anyway.”

Cat’s smile is wicked. “You are not equipped for the games of court. You’re too sensitive. You seem to forget, this is just politics, I don’t care what ‘love’ you convince yourself of. But I care who rules the province. Those of us who know of these things, are more straight forward on these matters. Less pretence of love, more honesty that it’s just sex within a convenient box called marriage. I personally know that to be true of both dukes, actually.” She smiles, waiting for me to bite the bait.

I think about how loosing Trager must have damaged her ability to feel, at the core. But the green tendrils wrapping around my poor heart like vines, still want to reach out and crush her. I try to make them draw back. She studies me, taking in my appearance again, making me regret not having put on makeup before training, somehow it could have covered my flushed appearance. Cat is just playing with me, I know it, still I can’t snap out of this. I grip the bench hard. The door is behind me. I could make a run for it, but I want to know everything she’s after with me, even though it hurts as fuck.

She continues leisurely, “So how do you feel the younger cousin measures to the original? You believe he loves you back, no doubt. Easiest lie, when someone is gullible enough. He must have been elated to finally have a chance to fuck you. Bodhi wants everything Xaden has. Xaden told me, Bodhi was always picking at whatever carcass he’d tossed aside. I believe you must feel you’ve traded down on the food chain.” That fucking does it. I’m just about to lunge for Cat’s throat, as I feel strong arms wrap around mine, locking my arms to my sides.

I flash of pink in my peripheral, and Imogen’s bored voice says, whilst straining to keep me from throwing myself on top of Cat, who wisely steps away a few feet, putting the table between us, “You would be wise to reconsider the comparisons between the former and the current duke, or Andarna will be picking Kiralair’s feathers out of her teeth for weeks to come. Our duchess doesn’t approve.” I feel a rush of gratitude towards Imogen, but my rage is still intense and I reach for my daggers to fling at Cat, trying to get out of Imogen’s grip. The kitchen is emptying of people, moving quickly to the doors.

Cat huffs, ignoring Imogen completely, “You are not fit to be in a ruling position if it still only takes a small amount of my power to make you loose all semblance of control.” Imogen pushes a rune dagger into my hand, “Take this, now. I don’t feel like carrying you out of here, if that’s what you’re expecting.” I laugh, and suddenly feel my emotions shifting. I could have kissed Imogen myself, I’m so relieved.

Then she turns to Cat, and says in a menacing tone I wouldn’t like to be at the receiving end of, “Violet hasn’t lost control, there would be more blood and lightning present. Does your sister know about you playing feelings chance games in Tyrrendor? Not very useful or diplomatic, if you ask me. And I suppose those would be your only remaining purposes, to be kept around.”

Cat looks ready to attack her, and I force my own feelings to calm. The dagger is seemingly helping me, as the relief continues to stream through me. I ground as best I can in my night sky. It helps. The throbbing red, hot anger simmers down to a more convenient temperature. “Cat”, I say in a hard and cold voice, “Quit using your power in my home or I’ll throw you out.” And tell your sister on you, I think, but I don’t say it. But I can see her cringe at my words, not much, but still. “You don’t have the right to do any such thing!”, Cat counters, trying to regain her self control.

“She does, actually.” Bodhi’s hard voice behind us makes my heart race. Please Zihnal, don’t let him have seen me at my worst. Again.

Chapter Text

I turn around and find Bodhi leaning against the doorframe, an unusually hard expression on his face as he’s looking at Cat. He looks so good in rider black, I just smile crookedly at him for a moment. His eyes meet mine and his are suddenly filled with a carnal hunger. That’s really not suitable for diplomatically challenging situations in kitchens. Cat looks stunned on, as he more or less rips me out of Imogen’s hold and collide with me, making my back hit the wall as he proceeds to kiss me passionately, keeping me trapped against the wall. I see Cat’s appalled expression glint past as I’m swept away.

Imogen looks over Bodhi’s shoulder at me, probably to ascertain that I’m a willing participant, since this was more than a little sudden and out of place. And without a doubt finding my lips blissfully glued to his, in a very active sense. I open my eyes, catching Imogen’s quick gaze, on her end containing abject disgust mixed with amusement, as she says “Yeah, you’ve got it from here, or whatever. I’m out. Good luck with trying to use enlarging those feelings to your advantage, Catriona!” As she leaves she mumbles, “I can’t believe I’m the only sane one…” I see Cat strut towards the furthest exit.

I hear people leave the kitchens and the door slams shut. I glance up, we’re alone in the room. I push Bodhi back a little, and he tugs me off the wall, not giving me much room to breathe as he kisses me again. “You…are affected by Cat’s power, love.” I say between his continued kisses. He seems to be considering it, not holding up for long, “No, I don’t think so.” And goes to kiss me again.

I stop him firmly, smiling, “Yes, you are. I was just there myself. I can’t kiss you like this, I would be taking advantage. Got me out of my rage, though.” He looks thoroughly confused. I press the marked dagger into his palm and take a few steps back. After a while, of confused looks on his end, I see reality dawn on him. He smiles. “Aha, maybe she affected me just a little bit. Sneaky and not very good to prove whatever nasty point she was going for, I’ll wager”, he says shrugging. At least the effect on him will disappear quicker, with her proximity decreasing.

He places his back against the wall at my side with some restraint, “We should really cover ourselves in these runed daggers, I’ve got some in my desk somewhere but I never remember what this particular rune looks like. Good you had yours, or I imagine it could have become really awkward.” So he didn’t hear. I’m relieved, but that leaves me to tell him, I guess. Later. I frown, “I didn’t have it. Imogen saved me from flinging myself at Cat in utter and pure rage, and she gave me the knife. Be glad you didn’t have to hear Cat’s tirade about us.” Imogen is the best. How did I ever feel the slightest tendency to anything else?

I catch him looking at me expectantly, for an account of what happened, but I’m still too riled up to have it in me to offer one. Bodhi makes a little “Hm”, which reminds me of Felix so much I remember the time. I use my new found common sense and begin scrounging around for bread and other breakfast compatible things. Bodhi darts off to get the rune daggers, after I’ve explained which of mine is the right one.

Then he joins me, picking things from the larder, putting jars of jam and butter on the broad wooden table on the other side of the marble high counter. A couple or riders carefully open the door and the kitchen staff seem to have returned. Bodhi waves reassuringly to gesture them to come in. “Sorry! There was a small debacle with a feeling enhancing ability that made me… come in, anyway, it’s over now.” He smiles, and I once more marvel at his inability to, at least show, shame, even in the oddest of situations.

“So”, I ask as I’m sitting down at the large wooden table, “It’s clear that you are able to be affected by Catriona’s, and I assume, the other fliers’ abilities. It’s signets from riders that your countering signet deflects?” Bodhi comes over to the table with a steaming teapot in hand. The kitchen is once more, or less, busy with people, but we have our space and are left well alone at our end of the table. No wonder. He sits down and pours the tea for us. “Yes, sadly not able to counter fliers’ magic, or venin, as you are aware. I think my signet developed mainly from a need of me being able to shield and safe keep both Tyrrendor, its riders and people, as well as our secrets, from Navarre. In other words, keep us safe from other riders. After all, venin or fliers didn’t kill my mother and every other rebel.”

I swallow my piece of toast hard, shooting my hand across the table to catch his. “I see. I’m sorry. But, of course, it makes sense.” He gives my hand a little squeeze, then hands me a cup of piping hot tea. Not his kind, by the scent of it. He takes a sip from his own cup, that likely burnt him, as he makes a face, “You didn’t know already that my signet doesn’t work against Cat?” The decisive tone in his voice surprises me. I shake my head, “How could I?” He leans in over the table, his piece of bread hanging loose from his hand, as if he momentarily forgot about holding it. I’m thinking he’ll say something regarding removed memories, but no, “Don’t you think I would have countered Cat’s ability, as she was coming after you mentally on the mat, otherwise? That time when Xaden carried you out of the sparring gym.”

Ah. I know the time. Right before Xaden took me to the throne. It was a very public spectacle, to be sure. I look at him and find his features to be rather taut, “I…didn’t know enough about your ability then to think of that. Apparently, I still don’t. Xaden, finally I guess, handled the situation. Though I wished it could have been accomplished at a lower cost for my dignity.”

Bodhi was there, of course he must have been, I almost remember hearing him talking to Xaden during the fight, as I think back on it. There is a fire in his eyes as he says, “Xaden ‘handled it’, did he? With you as collateral, if you ask me. Which you haven’t, so why don’t I hold my tongue.” He chews rather forcefully down his slice of bread. I lean closer to him over the edge of the table. “I want to know what you thought. It’s fine to tell me”, I raise an eyebrow mimicking his voice and words to me earlier regarding his ‘conquests’, “I’m still just me.” That makes him crack a smile, saying, “That’s how I sound? What a prat.” I smile, “Not at all. Now tell me what you thought and remember to be kind to me when you do. I know I wasn’t exactly at my best, under Cat’s influence.”

He gives me a crooked smile, “You were fantastically lethal and feral. And, as it happens, I’ve never wished to switch places with Xaden more than at that time.” He sighs, “But that’s obviously not what bothered me. It was rather Xaden’s influence than Cat’s.” He looks at me, trying to read me. “Better him than me, I guess”, I clap back, making him go on, “I urged Xaden to do something, to stop Cat tormenting you with her powers on the mat. That was right before it all spiralled, and he knew full well that Cat was using her mind control on you, but flat out declined to act. Saying you wouldn’t ‘want him to’. Even though, he’d given you next to no information to be able to make a choice in the matter. Basically set you up to fail. Just let her say all those horrible things, in front of your peers. And finally, carrying you out of there, in front of…everyone. No doubt to use the emotional vice you were in, for his own… benefit.”

He takes a bite of his bread. I wouldn’t have liked to have been that slice, exactly. He’s visually affected only by a crease in his brow otherwise, and gives me a wry smile, “I’m sorry, that came out…jealous. At least I stopped myself from calling Xaden’s deeds ‘nefarious’. I told you I have my own fair share of senseless jealousy to atone for.” I think on it, Xaden, possibly having used the spin on my feelings. And I find what Bodhi told me to be it to be disturbingly plausible.

Not very coherently put together, but this is thin ice and Bodhi definitely took me for a spin. I look him over, he’s having second thoughts about what he told me. “I…don’t disagree. In hindsight, I’d wished he’d acted sooner. It took a lot to come back from that utter embarrassment. I would have welcomed someone putting a stop to it.” I don’t go into the sex stuff. I’ll take that at another time and place. His shoulders drop, saying, “Thanks for that. Felt good to talk about it.” The rest of the breakfast is spent preparing for signet related things, and then we’re off.

As we walk towards the training grounds again, in the slight drizzle, Bodhi asks me, with an inviting smile, at odds with the question, “So, are you ready to tell me what made you almost alter the Poromiel succession this time?” I groan, “So much utterly preposterous, made up crap!” Apparently, there was a lot of rage in me left to amplify. “But”, I raise a finger, “Cat’s lies are always close enough to the truth that you almost think it could be true, even if you’re convinced it isn’t. Which is even more horrible!” He stops me, smiling but with knitted brows, “Nothing you can say will shock me. Promise. And I’ll give you my humble opinion, to take the edge off the barbs, if you’ll let me.” I look into his dark brown eyes, and feel the safety of our connection spread out as a shield around us.

“Fine”, I agree reluctantly, “Let’s do me first, shall we? I’m not duchess material, tell myself I’m in love with you but really just want the throne.” Bodhi interjects, “She apparently doesn’t know then, that you’ve rejected the throne of Navarre and dear Halden, as well as torched the one that used to belong to Tyrrendor. Apparently, kings and dukes aplenty seem to disagree with her on the material you’re made of.” I glance quickly at him, saying “Thank you! That actually helped.” I’m so thankful at his inserting some levity into this. Doubt he’ll be able to keep it up, though.

“Then she doesn’t buy, or get, why we’re redoing the wedding. And she’s so convincing, that I don’t know either anymore.” He bumps my shoulder almost making me stumble, which clearly wasn’t the intention, “Sorry. Making a point. It’s none of her business why we are redoing it. Me, officially, I wanted to redo the disaster that was the first one and have a point from which to look forward with you, that now may or may not be corrupted by the unofficial reason. That being, to set a deadline and trap for this Xaden business.”

He doesn’t say anything about a choice. But deadline is close enough. He needs to know if he has to move on as well, I guess. He adds, giving me a sideways glance, “It’s also a way to show everyone who doubts, that you really do love me and that you, for some reason, choose to be with me.” I add, “Now you’re just fishing for compliments.” He smiles, “Always. But mostly I want to cry in public, in front of Lewellen, seeing you in what I’m hoping will be an even more immodest dress than that little white number we practically destroyed. And I’ll enjoy it even more when it’s on my floor. Since you seem to lack the ability to hang up your own clothes, I’d say that’s a likely scenario either way.”

My anger dissipates. And a laugh bubbles up in me. I feel a warmth inside me that spreads inside me like a light. Apparently, I was wrong, he could keep this one light as well. I quip back, “That’s a bold statement for someone who just muddled together all my daggers.” He makes a face of outrage. “I…may have done that, thereby causing this morning’s disastrous scene. But you can’t use that against me, when you didn’t even notice me pilfering your things for days when packing that bag.” I stick my tongue out at him. He smiles in victory.

I go on more subdued, “Then you got your fair share from Cat as well”, he looks at me, decidedly unbothered, “Oh did I now? What did she have on me?” I blush slightly and use the light, misty rain as an excuse for me to cover my face with my scarf for a moment. As I look up, Bodhi is watching me intently, “That bad?” I shrug, “I don’t know… she compared you to Xaden, unsurprisingly, saying you were lower in the hierarchy.” Bodhi doesn’t miss a beat, “But I am. I’m guessing there was more.”

I continue, excruciatingly slow, “She also said, in regards to your feelings for me, that you just, have a thing for what Xaden has.” I’m mortified, saying it. He takes my hand, saying in a clear and calm voice, making sure I hear him, “I gather you took that to mean I don’t really love you, or just want you because Xaden had you first, or something equally disturbing?” I shrug. “Something like that.” He knits his brow, shaking his head, “That’s not what this is, and you know it. I love you for who you are, everything you are. Absolutely nothing when it comes to my feelings for you, is because of any connection to Xaden. Please say you believe me.” I swallow. “Of course I believe you. Gods. But I don’t mind hearing it from you, though.” He strokes my rain wet face with his thumb, kissing me softly, before we walk on. I hardly noticed we stopped at all.

We walk along in silence a while. Then Bodhi says, quite annoyed, “Naturally, my supposed jealousy towards Xaden should somehow extends to every aspect of his life. Seriously, even Cat knows me better than that. Xaden definitely did, too. This actually pissed me off royally. I’ve always been clear, to myself, to everyone, about my role. He was the heir, I was going to be the rider. I’ve never questioned that. In fact, I was reluctant to even shoulder the mantle. I’ve not been envious of his role, Gods, I was glad it wasn’t me! But, when you came to the riders’ quadrant, and when Xaden started a, relationship, with you, that’s the first jealousy I’ve ever felt towards him. I’ve loved him like a brother, but yes, I’ve been all kinds of jealous when it comes to you. No one else. Nothing else. And I hate that she made you sound like a thing. That’s the end of my rant on the subject.“

I shrug, “I’m just saying what she told me. In other words, the gist of it was, that I’m just interesting to you as Xaden’s leftovers, not a…love interest.” He interrupts again, “You are my only love interest, she couldn’t be more wrong. You are my person. And I am yours …and Cuir’s person. I added the last part for him. Don’t like it if he feels left out.”

I clear my throat, “Well, she cited that you had also, figuratively speaking, exhibited that kind of behaviour before.” He crooks an eyebrow, “Those were not even close to Cat’s words. But anyway. You want to know if I’ve fucked someone that had also fucked Xaden.” I gasp, “Don’t make it sound like that! It’s the crudest thing I’ve heard!” He winks, “I doubt that.” Then seems to think hard, saying, “Nothing that I can recall springs to mind. But I might have…” I interrupt him, “Yes, yes. You’ve jumped into bed with half the country so it’s hard to keep track, I assume. I wouldn’t choose now to boast about that.” He carefully inserts, “That…wasn’t my intention. Forget the number.” I shake my head, “If only. I’ll hold it over your head forever.” He smiles, “As long as that means you’ll be with me forever, go ahead.”

“Cat also insinuated a great deal about how she had ‘personal experience’ when it came to both you and Xaden. I gathered that was the kiss.” He shrugs, “That’s the only experience I have, as anything else than sniping at Cat in the capacity of my cousin’s extremely deterring bride to be, across a table, training, social events when she was betrothed to Xaden… that sort of thing.“

I distinctly know I have no interest in hearing anything more. Just imagining them sparring makes my vision go green again. “Mhm, yes, good”, I respond quickly, making him smile a little. Then he whispers, “I can’t believe this exhilarating feeling! So this is what it’s like, to be the object of real, ungrounded, irrational jealousy. I feel so special!”

I stare daggers at him, which shuts him up, but he still has a silly smile on his face as we arrive to the grounds where Felix is waiting, next to Sloane and Dain. The tension in the setting makes me wish I could have stayed playing more mind games with Cat.

Chapter Text

Felix says, clearly not in the mood for young riders in group with obvious history, “No rush to decide on how you want to proceed with training in this new setting, but not pertaining to me in the least. I’ll be over here.” Then looks into the air, hands behind his back and appears to excuse himself from the awkward greetings that are exchanged by the rest of us, taking more than a couple of steps away to give our little group some space. I would gladly have joined him.

Sloane glances at me, apprehension written all over her face. Her tense posture doesn’t exactly exude confidence in this plan. Dain stands slightly behind her, as Sloane says stiffly, “I’m here. What is it you want me to do, exactly?” I approach her carefully, as frank as I can be, saying, “I wish I knew myself. But we hope, that you could help by providing energy in first hand to Bodhi or possibly in the case he…isn’t available, in second hand to me. If the signet still works, in the case that Bodhi is out. We don’t know that it will.” Bodhi squeezes my shoulder, adding, “We’re hopefully doing the signet wielding outside the chamber itself, that way making sure Xaden’s powers are severely diminished by the power suppressing runes inside.”

Dain steps forward, saying with some force, “At least there is a plan, not just reacting, this time. And we’re not alone, neither of us in this.” I’m surprised when it’s Dain who seems to be the most positive of the party. That’s excluding my husband, naturally, who has a right down jovial expression, probably annoying Dain immensely. Bodhi, now standing between me and Dain, says, “That’s just what I was thinking!” And claps Dain on his shoulder and Dain…lets him, looks puzzled but not annoyed, which is a surprising development. Bodhi then says, “How did the shield training go with the rest of the”, he looks at me, “What do we call them? The co-conspirators? The inner circle? The best of quest?” I smile, “I like to call them ‘the small council’, but that’s only in my mind.” Bodhi looks at me approvingly, “How very Duchess of you!”

Dain’s brow furrows, but it doesn’t come off as angled towards Bodhi, and he looks determined when saying, “It’s gone as well as can be expected. I’ve challenged their abilities at shielding, all of them have managed to resist a fair bit better than I’d anticipated. No one as adept as Violet and you though.” And I was trained by the best AND Xaden still sliced through my shields like they were nothing. Or did he, fully get through to me?

I stop to think, touching Bodhi’s arm. “Bodhi, when we encountered Xaden together, did he speak directly into your mind?” He looks pensive, “Yes, I’m certain. He wasn’t too thrilled about that ‘mate’ thing and said as much…and some other stuff he couldn’t possibly have known before. I heard things about a throne, so I assumed he was in your mind rifling as well, but now that you’re asking I’m curious.” I smirk, “I don’t think he said anything he didn’t already know, or get from you, to me. The throne…and those things, are old news to him. I think my shields must have held in regard to cutting him off from my thoughts. I was just not able to stop Xaden inserting his own voice directly into my scull.” Bodhi looks at me, amazed, “Then your shields are working even better than they need to, to keep Xaden from reading the plan of capture. Understanding that you’d like to put a stop to the venin brain chatter, though, regardless. He is a bit single minded, though I can’t blame him.” He graces my cheek with a slender finger.

Bodhi then looks at Dain with pursed lips, “Then we can safely say, that it’s just my shields that are shit. I did the same amount of resisting as Violet only while holding on to her, before she changed her grounding. And I apparently let Xaden tiptoe through my memories before that.” The corner of Dain’s mouth turns slightly upwards, as he says, in what can only be described as a tone of half consolatory, half schadenfreude, “Both of your shields were relatively strong, though.”

Sloane suddenly inserts, “The shields shouldn’t have to last too long though, just until the two of you can get out. All of us should probably stand outside the room, not to risk any one’s shield slipping, if the room dampens our powers, anyway.” I look at Sloane, she really thinks differently and this is why the shared secrets height be our edge, “That is a very good point. Every second could count, better we are alone in there.”

Bodhi looks at me, saying, “All right, cancelling priestess of Dunne. Moving a few chairs to make room for conspirators outside the room. Possibly angering your brother. What else?” Sloane narrows her eyes at Bodhi. I do too. “I’m sorry, love. You appear to be the weakest link”, I say. Bodhi looks at me, and says sarcastically, “So, it’s hoping he won’t slice through my shields, that could make or break it. Lovely. I do my best work under severe pressure.”

Dain, somehow, jumps to Bodhi’s aid, probably just wanting to avoid either having to do more shield training with my husband or to risk being rejected by him in front of Sloane, thus deeming him as not trustworthy. “Hopefully his shield will do, until the venin in question enters the room at least.” Bodhi takes my hand, and asks grimly, “Do you want a stand in husband to pretend marry tomorrow? I vote for Aaric and his little brother energy. Because that’s how much I’d rather avoid more shield training.”

I smirk, “You’d better not rob me of at least one wedding to remember. Do your training, I’ll hold your hand.” He looks at Dain. “That should be a wonderful thing to hear, but now it just makes me feel like I’m five and can’t be trusted to cross the road alone. I’ll try on my own, thanks. If you can stomach a do over.” The last part said rather sharply. Dain shrugs, “Suit yourself.” I can see them having a stare down, but I don’t mind it.

Sloane looks from me, to Dain, to Bodhi. “You…are okay with letting Dain…do that?” I glance at her, “Yes. We might have had our differences when it comes to signets, but, we both trust him to keep whatever he learns to himself.” I risk a stern look at Dain and Bodhi, who both quickly find something else to look at than each other. Bodhi swipes away some dust from his flight jacket.

Dain mutters in explanation to Sloane’s question, “The…co-conspirators aren’t exactly happy with me at the moment, if you catch my drift. They worry I’ve seen to much.” Bodhi exhales consolatory, offering Dain a half smile, “You really are a great asset and I appreciate you doing all this. Can’t be the most fun signet to be stuck with at all times.” Dain chuffs, and says, “No. I make sure to have a very short memory.” Bodhi laughs politely.

Sloane seems to have relaxed somewhat as we’re talking. I imagine this proof of good will and trust might go a long way to answering some difficult questions for her, in regard to Dain’s power as well as his worth. She has a lot of thoughts to sort through, that’s for sure. But by the way she looks at Dain, she certainly feels deeply for him.

Felix seems to have waited for that change in atmosphere, and we begin training.

Dain is indeed bonded to a powerful dragon as well. As Cath’s power flows in him, I can see how well he has worked with building up Sloane’s trust in her own signet abilities. And him. She uses his energy like it’s her own and can transfer it to me without flinching. A grip on my shoulder looks to be the best method. The necklace shines after a few tries on my own.

Felix directs us with a deadpan expression, “Right, now try to make that mist…form. Try to combine your lightning wielding with the light. Ground, and make that light signet take the form of a beam, not a cloud. Or you are at best a contributing only as a lethal ambiance, placing us all in a shiny thundercloud.” I nod curtly at Felix. A step up from being just a glorified light show, but I will heed his warning. Bodhi stands beside me, hands in his pockets, but ready to counter any signet flares going awry. There hasn’t been need for him to act, but we talked it through before hand.

I nod to Sloane and Dain, who stand beside me, and begin to reach for Tairn’s power, that’s second nature at this point. I close my eyes and find that stroke of flying music in my night sky, a black band swirling, and I fly with it. Then I find the light signet, by attaching my focused inner gaze to a bright star. I open my eyes, stretch out my hand, and can finally feel the energy that has seemed to bloom from the necklace itself, extend through me, through my hand. It’s much more condensed and less like mist, more like a crackling beam of light. This, is what I was hoping for. I recognise the sense of the minuscule version of this, that appeared right before Xaden said my name. As himself.

It takes all my borrowed energy to hold it, and before long I’m near drained. I reach for Sloane, and she takes a grip on my shoulder. As she does, the signet gains new power and flares bright again. And a while later, I see on both Dain’s and my own posture that we’re nearing the end. Felix shouts at me, “Release it! You don’t know how hard it will be to unlock. The closer to burnout, the bigger the risks. Be smart.” I prepare to let go of the signets, but they seem all tangled, like turning off a tap with soapy hands, just can’t get a proper grip.

Bodhi steps close to me, saying with an unmistakable worry lacing his dark voice, “Let it go, love. Save some glory for me.” He doesn’t do anything with his signet to shut off the flow of mine. I can’t rely on Bodhi…being there to counter my power at all turns, and he knows it too. I have to be able to master shutting it off, without my human conduit. I finally manage to let go, feeling the power slowly draw back, my chest hurting as I do.

Dain is looking pleased but rather paler than usual, sinking to his knees on the rocky ground and panting. Sloane goes to check on him, but punches the air with her fist in celebration as she does, her blond hair swaying behind her. She hugs Dain, bending down over him and…I turn my gaze away as not to disturb them.

My knees are shaking, as I turn to Bodhi and Felix, exclaiming, “That’s what we were aiming for. We stand a chance!” Then I burst into tears from the relief.

A little later, I sit to the side, on the ground beside Dain, both of us hunched forward with water skins in our hands. Bodhi and Sloane are trying out the same technique, with Felix deigning to step in as power source temporarily, since both Dain and I are wiped. Dain looks at me silently. Then says, “How are you feeling, Vi? If you don’t mind me saying it, it must be an emotional journey for you, this.” I nod, “Yes, it’s been a ride, alright. And it will get worse before it gets…different. Half the time I’m not even sure what we’re doing. Are we risking it all for a chance at some…what, peace? Closure? Or just the most heartbreaking farewell?”

Dain says, inclining his head in Bodhi’s direction, “You have to do it to move on. I feel sorry for him, as in your husband. That’s not an envious position against Xaden, the mystery, dark lord of shadows. I’ve been there, after all, before you say anything about me comparing.” I smirk and bump his shoulder, affectionately, “You can compare a little to me, if you come to the right conclusions. I promise I won’t tell that mean duchess.” Dain smiles, “Oh no, I won’t be making any assessments. I learnt my lesson, just trying to make you choose one of your dragons.”

I hear Andarna’s voice growl in my head, “He should be lucky I wasn’t fully grown then.” Tairn says, “Do not feel it is an option to keep both of them. They are not compatible as a unit.” I answer them jokingly, “They are cousins, who neither of them like to share. I think it’s safe to say that’s off the table.” Andarna, unfortunately, goes on with the idea, “But there could be advantages with having two…” I block her out with a bang. Tairn sighs in ‘dragon’ and says, “The Light Wielder is growing on me. Like an old wart under a scale, but still. I do not mind his talkative nature as much as I did.”

I smile, “This is high praise indeed coming from you, curmudgeon.” He huffs. “What made you change your mind?” “I very rarely find him amusing. But you seem to laugh a great deal with him. And that I enjoy. His temper is generally pleasant and I will say, his smell is improved. He is, as you say, moderately clever, which will serve you well in a companion, and a sufficient rider.” I ask, “Only sufficient?” Tairn answers, “Not everyone is on as swift a pair of wings as you.“ Oh, right. His dragon isn’t the best. Mine are.

Dain leans forward on his knees, stretching his back, “Regardless of his, according to you great, let’s say ‘peculiarities’,” he says, as I’m back from my internal interlude, “Bodhi doesn’t seem to be a bad man. The way he cares for you, treats you like an equal. Being decent to people around him and you. It’s at odds with what I saw in those…memories that shall not be spoken of.” I smile, “Yes, he has many sides. And they are all out in the open, if you know what to look for. He is hardly keeping one side hidden and presenting a front. He just… lets himself be him.” Dain says, “Hmm. Envious talent.”

I nod, “I agree. Worse yet, he gets on with everyone. Almost. On that theme, I just had a brush with Cat and her delightful power. Take these extra daggers, they have runes protecting you from getting your feelings expanded for all to see, should she choose to target you. Give one to Sloane.” I dig them out of my flight jacket, he takes them gratefully. “Thanks, that was considerate.” I turn to look at him, “Bodhi got them for you both, I’m just delivering them.” Dain looks a little less pleased, but gives me a tight lipped smile. I tell him sternly, “Regardless of whatever memory of his you ‘happen to see’ by accident this time. If you have questions, ask him or ask me, in private. I promise you I’ll answer. But hit him again, and all bets are off.”

Dain looks at me in earnest, “You sound like an old dragon. And no, I will keep my word. And I will not touch him, except for the way it’s necessary.” I complete his sentence, not leaving any gaps in the promise, “…for your signet to have effect.” Dain smiles an all too happy smile, “So that hit actually did take pretty good, didn’t it? I almost feel robbed not having at least gotten to see him once with a black eye the day after.” I kick Dain’s bent leg out from under him, from the side, making him stumble forward to regain his balance. He regains his composure saying, “I probably deserved that.”

Chapter Text

The House is packed with people. I make my way swiftly up the stairs, Rhi at my side, determined to have no unprepared encounters with anyone until I’m properly made up as every way the duchess and bride to be. I spot Earl Lewellen on a lower landing, making a nod in greeting and speeding up my steps up the stairs, my joints aching. Rhi has had the foresight to bring a plate of food for me, thank Amari.

I had no qualms leaving Bodhi in Dain’s company, for a repeat on the shield training, knowing at least one of them won’t be at any risk of accidentally flying off the handle and the other having promised me he won’t do it again. I just pity Dain, for possibly finding out about last night’s tryst. I pity Bodhi more, for having to go through it all again, and I can only guess how tired he will be afterwards. I’m as good as spent. But the thought of throwing myself into the social mystery that is everywhere, with the place now packed with riders, some flyers, professors, dignitaries, is not enticing either. Especially navigating it on my own. But Rhi is at my side now, and I won’t let her go.

Rhi swings open the door to our room with a wry smile, saying, “I hope you’re not too tired to give us some of your time as well. No stuffy or annoying participants allowed.” I look at her in astonishment, “What do you mean, I’m expected to…” she bounds on, “And I’ve thrown out Ridoc and Sawyer twice, so I guess they’ll be joining us any minute begging for an invite.”

I look at her quizzically, then light up as I glance around the room to find Jesinia sitting in the chair that’s usually by the window, now in the middle of the room, nursing a glass with lilac coloured liquid cupped in her hands. Mira is half lying on the bed, leaning back on her extended arms, a broad smile on her face and Imogen sits bent forward in one of the foldable chairs. “What…are you all doing here?” I ask a smile finding its way to my otherwise exhausted features.

Rhi smiles secretively, her eyes glittering, handing me a cup of lavender lemonade, obviously heavily spiked. “There isn’t a reason for you to partake in anything official until the dinner tonight. I’ve checked with Brennan. And I’ve promised him you’ll be sober by then”, she says with a not that trustworthy expression. “Drink up!”

Imogen says drawling, picking her nails with a small runed dagger, “We’re not organised in the slightest, but we are, I’m told, the hen do you didn’t know you needed.” With a thwack, Mira sends a dagger flying past my ear, hitting a target practice board in a crudely drawn imitation of Halden, on the inside of the door. He’s not wearing anything but his smarmy smile and a crown. I laugh, “Who did the drawing?” Jesinia proudly raises her hand. I sign and talk simultaneously, “You were way too generous with him.” Then I take a big swig of my cup that makes me feel I need to eat. Now. So I take a seat at the table by Imogen.

As I eat, they talk. Imogen was in the middle of handing out daggers with runes to counter Cat’s power, to all of them, retelling our delightful conversation with Cat in the kitchen. Turning to me saying, “The look on her face as Bodhi lunged for you, was priceless.” I laugh, but as I do I feel bad. “You know what, I’m going to talk to Cat. She can’t be feeling that hot. I can’t stop thinking this is all her going back to some old, boring role before the war and before she lost Trager. She probably just gave up and is looking for some clarity or comfort, just like the rest of us.” They all fall silent. “Fine”, Mira bites out. “We won’t talk about her. Feels unsisterly anyway. But I draw the line at inviting her here.”

I stand up, saying, “I’m inviting her here.” Having finished my plate, I just put it away, and hold out my hand for Rhi to refill my cup, which she does, without being asked, with a crooked smile. Then I take out another cup, normally used for tea, from the cupboard, “If I’m doing this, I’m doing it right. Anyone know where the fliers ended up staying?” Mira grunts, “Spoilsport. The rooms next to mine. Go figure, they wanted to be ‘right beside Drake’.” She adds sourly, “Like he’s in mortal danger here, or something.”

Rhi grabs my arm, and hisses, “Are you absolutely sure, you want her here?” I look around the place. It’s cosy, but messy. Pillows cluttering the bedspread, the desk is intense to look at, our bags from yesterday left in a heap. Bodhi must have hung away my clothes that spilled out and which I had to lay on top of the bag. My almost dry shoes lie leaning in different directions beside them. I shrug, “This is my life, she can take it or leave it.”

Before I move out, my ever so small vanity gets the better of me, however. “I’m just going to freshen up first. Get into something…not training or leather. You understand.” They all nod and talk empathically at the same time, Imogen sayings “Totally should”, Mira saying, “Some colour on your lips maybe?” Jesinia hushing them, “Just a wash will do marvels”. Yeah, this smelly rider needs a brush up. I go into the bathroom, then lean out of the door saying, “How much of that drink is there? Invite Sloane for me?” Then I douse myself with water and scrub up.

As I’m walking down Mira’s, and apparently now most of the fliers’, corridor, I’m almost having second thoughts. I opted for the parapet dress, thinking it will do, even if I don’t have time to change before dinner. And, in case Cat want’s a real fight, I’m ready. My daggers and the corset are safely stacked under my pretty exterior. All of the others ran off to change and will probably join up in a little while. I’ll just get this over with. I rap on the door, boldened by the lemonady goodness coursing through my veins.

I hear someone shuffle about. “Cat?” I shout through the door. She opens the door a small gap, her face devoid of any makeup, her hair scrounged up in a messy knot, saying indignantly, “What do you want?” I hold out a teacup for her. It’s white with a flower set into the glaze. I don’t like it, so it doesn’t matter if she breaks it. “I want to offer you another option then fighting with me. Let’s call it the friendly hand I wasn’t able to find last time we were in a similar situation.”

She narrows her eyes at me, making her long, black lashes bush up. How much eyelashes can one person have? She says angrily, “You’re trying to poison me, but you’re drunk so you’re not subtle about it, is that it? Or have you some fun scheme with your little friends, making me the punching bag?”

I sigh, and say in a bored voice, “Lighten up Cat, everyone is not out to get you. Take the drink. You’ll like it. We’re doing something hen-doey in my room. I want you to come. And Syrena. Let’s forget about this morning.” I point at her, feeling all the way the old dragon Dain said I’d resembled earlier, “Don’t come after Bodhi. I mean it.” Then I relax my face, “But other than that, just come with us. You might enjoy yourself more than staying here until tonight.” Cat says grumpily, “I was actually at a rather enticing chapter of my book, so I don’t mind staying in. Even though the room you’ve given me shows how little respect you have for me, quite well.”

She aims to close the door, but I dig my fingers into it and lock eyes with her as I say, maybe a bit more than insisting, bordering on obstinate, “Bring the book! Bring Syrena too. Do you want me to wait for you here or do you know where we are?” She smirks, “Fine. I’ll change and come over there. I do remember where it is.”

I bite my tongue at that tidbit of information, but she says tersely, “No need for that black look in your eye. I’ve hardly touched him.” I guess that’s as much of an apology that’s ever going to be exchanged between us. “Whatever, I don’t really care any…” as she shuts the door in my face, I see a glimpse of the greyish robe she was wearing and realise she must have been in bed, possibly sulking. And it feels fucking right to be here.

On my way back, I see Ridoc and Sawyer, clearly loitering by the stairs, their sweeping gazes showing that they are actively looking for any sign of us. Ridoc runs up to me, when he spots me, shouting, “Hey! Wait up Vi!” I shush him. When I stop, he says, “What the fuck! Rhi threw us out, do you stand for that? Social injustice at its gravest, you being punished for having a well rounded friend group!” I smile, not loving hearing the use of the term ‘well rounded’ again, but saying, “Shut up or everyone else here will want a piece of ‘the duchess’, and I’m not even here!”

Sawyer joins us, not running unnecessarily up the steps. “I hate to say it but, where the fuck are we supposed to go? We’re your friends too.” I look around, hoping nobody sees me, “Take Aaric, Garrick, possibly Dain and definitely Bodhi and do something yourselves?” Ridoc looks around, holding my back, and says exasperated, and not a little bit whiny, “No, we’re not organisers. We follow the organisers and provide cheery commentary. Besides, Aaric is out on patrol.”

I relent, in order to get out of there, “Fine! Come with, but bring wine or something. And cups. Possibly Aaric, If he’s back from patrol, and Garrick. And Bodhi, obviously.” Sawyer protests, “Wait, isn’t the whole point that it’s only supposed to be…” Ridoc silences him with a dark look.

I give them a serious look of my own, pointing at them one by one, “And tell Dain, ONLY if you can ascertain that Sloane is coming first.“ Ridoc moans, “Do we have to? Guy is not chill. And he knows all my shit now.” Sawyer and I say at the say time: “Did you ask him about…” and as I finish with “the rider?”, Sawyer finishes with “the red head?”

Ridoc shakes his head, very annoyed with us, “No! I sent some random memory of me coming up with door jokes his way and just hoped for the best. Do you think he saw my mystery woman?” Sawyer looks less than amused. “I refuse to partake in this subject again. The only ‘mystery’ is how you forget someone’s name in the first place.”

I snap my fingers in front of them “No time. Listen to me. No Brennan.” Sawyer eyebrows rise, “Why not your brother?” Ridoc slaps him on the back of his head, “Don’t question her, we’re in! Also it’s obvious.” I leer at him, “Is it?” He leers back at me, “You don’t want us to joke about your extensive, but also educational, sexlife in front of your brother. And you don’t want Bodhi to ‘behave’. Which he does at all times when your brother is present. I see things, don’t think that I don’t.” I shake my head and walk up the stairs. He’s absolutely right, though.

I sneak up the rest of the stairs and knock lightly on the door before letting myself in. Bodhi stands in front of the armoire, half dressed. No shirt, the V-shape of his muscles on the lower part of his abdomen prominent in the dim light in the room. Looking absolutely delicious. My Gods, that drink was strong.

He starts as if to say something, but I push him aside, saying loudly, “Love, get a shirt on fast like your life depends on it, please!” Half sloshed ladies, and a couple of others, incoming to this very room in…no time! And I happen to be one of them.”

He says, smiling broadly, nodding the back of his head towards the bed, “Yeah, I gathered. Jesinia is over there.”

Chapter Text

I see Jesinia in a beautiful emerald green dress with long sleeves, slowly choking to death from laughter, sitting on the edge of our bed, pressing a throw pillow to very red face. It’s either caused by my rather unabashed comments to my husband, to get his fucking clothes on, thinking I was alone with him.

Or possibly also not helped by the fact that Jesinia hasn’t had the privilege of the riders’, of seeing multitudes of shirtless men about, not seldom grappling with each other in a sparring ring. The only half naked man, that I know of, her ever having seen is Sawyer. And now Bodhi.

The look on Jesinia’s face makes me cackle with laughter and I flop onto the bed next to her, laughing, fighting to sign, “I’m sorry! I didn’t have time to talk to him.” Bodhi straightens his collar, now fully dressed, saying, “Hey! I’m right here. You make it sound like just seeing me shirtless accidentally is a punishment. Clearly, you are just not a sharer, but come on!” I laugh even more, gritting out, “But you are?” He breaks, and chuckles darkly, “You know I’m not, darling. Except apparently unwittingly, when it comes to myself.”

He sniggers softly at us, both mine and Jesinia’s shoulders still shaking, while doing up the last of his buttons, and goes on to say, “You invite your girlfriends to our humble abode without even putting the bags away from last nights debauchery? Or telling me about it so I could do it?”, this, as he proceeds to throw our bags into the armoire, continuing in a lower voice, turned towards the armoir, “Or possibly dress in peace.”

I tell him, gasping for breath, “It’s a lot more than ‘girlfriends’ coming over. I think I convinced Cat, and possibly Dain. And everyone else basically.” He looks mildly amused at this, and says, “Of course you did. I suppose that means I’ll be staying as well? Hen do or don’t, I’m not missing this. But, I’m having alcohol with my alcohol.” I point at the pitcher Rhi left. He fills his favourite tea cup, taking a seat by the table after topping up our glasses.

I sign to Jesinia, who has regained her normal colour, with an ironic smile, “He seems to be a little cranky. Probably since he’s just come off extra shield work with Dain.” Bodhi smiles, a bit of the exhaustion visible in his face, and obviously having seen the exchange between us, signing and saying, “Not cranky in the least. Capital offence claiming that I am.” I take a drink out of my mug. Jesinia signs, “I’m with you, Bodhi. Seeing as the duchess is two drinks in, she is not what I’d consider the most reliable right now.” I gasp in mock outrage at my friend’s sudden betrayal.

Bodhi glances towards the door, taking a swig from his cup, then saying, “Speaking of getting hammered. I see Halden has made an appearance as well. A bit of a precarious pose but I’d say he pulls it off.” Jesinia snorts, pressing another pillow to her face. I laugh, saying, “Not my doing!”

Halden’s image suddenly disappears as the door swings open. In thunders a raucous group, consisting of Rhi, Imogen, Garrick, Sawyer and Ridoc. All of them with cups or glasses. All clad in formal wear, Rhi’s dark gold dress complementing her dark skin tone beautifully.

Sawyer looks puzzled at Jesinia, all but dying again from embarrassment on the heap of pillows, and looks at me and Bodhi, saying chuckling, “What did you do to my girl?” Sawyer sits down next to Jesinia, wrapping an arm around her, asking teasingly, “How drunk are you?” I sign, with a daring smile, to Jesinia, “You are not getting away with pretending you’re that drunk. You’re going to be a famous artist someday. Halden would commission you to paint a hundred of those, if he ever saw it.” Jesinia gesticulates wildly trying to stop me saying anything more about who made the piece of art in question.

Rhi says, not having seen the silent conversation, with a loud voice, “Courtesy of our scribe artist, Jesinia, having immortalised the crown prince, we have entertainment.” Jesinia gets a look from Sawyer that I’ve never seen before, like he’s shocked and seeing her in a new, very different light. The image is rather…graphic, I suppose. How Jesinia feels about the attention is both difficult and not to guess, with her burying herself beneath a heap of pillows.

Imogen nods her pink head of hair and deadpans, “There are knives literally everywhere here, on the desk, stuck in the bookcase, under the bed. I blame the general messiness here on you, Bodhi, Violet normally has her shit together.” I nod vigorously, then stand and walk over to Bodhi to sit on his lap, and show my, I guess support, of my messy rider husband. Which he accommodates, putting an arm around my waist, my legs hanging off the side of him.

Bodhi exclaims, “Totally unnecessary jab at me, Imogen. Unfortunately also true.” Imogen ignores Bodhi and continues, “I was in charge of activities and here you go. Find knives, they are marked with colours, hit the Prince, only the first knife’s colour counts as your points. Try to block the others from getting their knives on the Prince. Extra points for cock and face. Watch the door for incoming traffic. Later, there’s also a card game that has knives in it. And we’re going to the sparring gym. To do ‘drunk gauntlet chimney’.” She turns to me, “See? Because you are fond of knives. That’s the theme I chose in your honor.” I thank her with a bow of my head, laughing incredulously at all my friends.

Garrick takes the chair opposite us and throws a knife in the painted Halden’s shoulder. Loud noises follow, also scuffling to find more knives. There are way more of them than there should be. Imogen has hidden tons of daggers everywhere.

Ridoc says sardonically, crawling on the floor, picking up hidden knives like wildflowers on a meadow, “That poor door! Hasn’t it been through enough?” Earning him a collective sigh. Rhi says, from rummaging through the cluttered desktop, “Ridoc, one more door related word from you and you’re out on your ass. I’m not even kidding this time. Everyone will help me literary shut it in your face.” Ridoc turns to Sawyer for support. Sawyer nods vehemently, from searching the back of the bed, adding, “Enough. Spare me from having to help Rhi carry you out. Which I will, if necessary.. and block the…it…from the inside. I’m not even saying the word anymore, it’ll risk encouraging you.”

Ridoc turns to Bodhi, “Help me out! You live for my door jokes.” Bodhi makes a sad expression in Ridoc’s direction, saying, “Sorry, you had a good run. I’ll miss it a little. But since I’m married, my hands are tied. It’s, naturally, my wife’s friends as a collective, who decide who may darken my door or not. And the thresholds apparently too high for you.” Ridoc scowls at Bodhi, saying, “How come he gets away with it?” I chuckle soundlessly, but grumble, “How indeed.” Bodhi flicks my nose, saying accusatory into my ear, “You laughed, I felt it.”

Then, the all round attention shifts back to Ridoc, defending himself, and everyone stops the search. I turn my head to look at Bodhi, asking him discreetly, “How did shield training go?” He smiles broadly, “Do you mean how Dain and I got on, or do my shields still suck compared to yours?” I answer back, “Both, naturally.” He muses, “Then you’ll be happy to hear I did really well at keeping Dain out, and the moment I knew the shield broke, I slammed into his power with my own countering signet. He was a bit groggy, but no memories were read, I think. Can’t guarantee he didn’t loose one or two of his own in the process.” He looks rather pleased with himself, but appears to moderate his expression in front of me. I answer, “Sounds painful, but not unmerited. Now, why didn’t you do that in the first place? I ask, feeling like that might have prevented some unnecessary misunderstandings.

He looks at me as if debating if he should say something or not, “I thought I’d give him the benefit of the doubt the first time. But since, I’ve changed my view when it comes to the memories he accidentally saw. I believe he really has trouble getting out once he’s pushed through to a memory, as he claimed. The power he channels from Cath is rather envious and must take some effort to cut off. I of course, can’t relate to that struggle, being able to counter, but I bet you can.” I look at him, searching his face. I’m really amazed at how he tries to understand everyone and everything, to see their motivations and isn’t afraid to change his own views.

I stroke his cheekbone with my knuckles, thinking about the hit he received, “And Dain wasn’t nasty to you in any way.” Bodhi shakes his head. “On the contrary. He was decent, though a bit discombobulated, when I chucked his mind out with blocking his power. I’d say, he was also considerate when it comes to my…not liking the face touching bit, which I appreciated.” I automatically let my hand fall from his face. He puts it back, open, on his cheek. “I love you touching my face. Don’t feel you can’t.” I can hear Garrick grunt from across the table, “You should really get a room”, to which Bodhi responds loftily, “I did. You are all here.”

There is a knock on the door and in comes Mira, striding in first, followed by her unlikely entourage of flyers, Syrena, tightly followed by Cat, and then Drake. Syrena stops to look at the image of Halden and chuckles. Drake looks content with coming in last and gives me a wink under his black hair, his hair slightly hanging into his eyes. I stand to help get them get drinks, which feels very important to remedy without delay, as Mira looks a bit antsy, her black floor length dress also showing a lot of leg, that leg tapping in irritation. Definitely antsy.

I concentrate on the newcomers, handing out tea cups, and glasses. Cat, now a different person than the one who greeted me at the door, is clad in a billowing red dress with low cut. She takes back her refilled cup, after her sister has had one of her own, with a stiff smile. I raise my glass saying, “To bygones and all that.”

She clinks and drinks deeply, sparing a glance to look around the room, saying, “Seeing how you choose to live like this, yourself, I don’t feel as bad about my room anymore.” I snort, and say with some derision, “That’s…nice”, and she actually smiles quickly at me, red lips relaxing, then drops the smile. “I heard all about your little plan from your sister. It sounds insane and naive, at best. But we’ll help you.” I gape at her, looking in amazement at my sister, with raised eyebrows.

“What?”, Mira says. “I made a judgement call. This might get bad and we need all the allies we can get. And you are all so friendly now.” The last part she said wit a meaningful smile. Fucking sisters. I nod in agreement, saying to the fliers. “Glad to have you with us. Sorry about the secrets, we…I’m hoping Mira told you it’s because Xaden in his venin form can read minds.” Syrena makes a face and ogles Mira in disbelief. Who seems unperturbed and stubbornly holds her tongue. Syrena finally says, “No, but I guess we know now. That’s horrifying.”

Then all else fades away as Tairn cuts through the noice, and bellows into my mind, “Two dragons and their riders are under attack by venin, right outside the wards. Get to the roof, I will collect you there!” I glance around the room, at all my friends and family, clad in their finest. They are all in conversation with their bonded too. Brennan bursts through the door, “Get into gear, now!” There are at least three wyvern! Molvic went back to call for aid, without Aaric.”

This is not the plan. I freeze for a moment. We all scramble in different directions. At least the people of Aretia are safe, since no wyvern can make their way across the wards. What in Dunne’s name was Aaric even doing on ‘patrol’ here, in Aretia? I must have been too distracted or I’d have asked Sawyer and Ridoc about it earlier. Unless it’s part of a class exercise, it’s highly unlikely Aaric would be out there at all. This has to do with his signet of precognition. I just know it.

As everyone vacates our room, swearing and tripping over their formal wear, Bodhi and I hurriedly strip and get into flight gear. Bodhi throws me my flight jacket saying, “What was he doing out there? He’s not in the rolls yet.” I shimmy out of the dress, finally stepping out of it in my underthings. Bodhi stops a second, I start getting into my leather pants, “Focus, Durran.” He’s done so fast, shrugging into his stiff leather jacket with the patches on.

As I lace up my boots I tell him, “I have no idea, but I guess I haven’t told you before that Aaric is a precog. It’s a huge secret.” Bodhi stops at the door, “Really? That’s interesting. A fun time to be had for all involved if he somehow makes it to the throne one day.” I rise from my sitting position on the edge of the bed, saying “Let’s make sure he does get that chance. Tairn is flying me off the roof.” We kiss quickly, he says, “See you later. I think I saw a trove of yellow daggers in the armoir. If I don’t make it, you can have them.” I take a hold of his jacket lapels, tugging him to me. “I’ll take them anyway.” He smirks, “Stay safe. I love you.” I kiss him again, reaching up, then say, “You too. And I love you.” Then I charge up the stairs towards the defensive turret.

A moment later I’m standing on the slanting roof, grateful for the grip of my boots, waiting for Tairn. I see him and he angles his wings in a manoeuvre to be able to pick me up without his enormous wingspan touching the cliff above Durran House. I make myself ready for the uncomfortable way he’ll collect me from here and brace, as I stretch out my arms.

The impact and the swooshing sensation, as Tairn’s claws carefully grip ny arms and sends us plummeting into the valley below, makes my heart race. He rises and in an all too familiar toss, gets me onto his back, “Fasten yourself, Silver One”, comes Tairn’s command. Andarna swishes past us as he slows, diving into our path, she says, “This prince better be worth leaving without my pearls. I feel under dressed.” I swallow. Because I might as well feel naked myself. I’m not wearing my necklace.

I convey to Tairn, “Make sure Bodhi knows…” Tairn’s voice interrupts me. “Already done. Cuir thinks that was unremarkable as a choice.” I silently agree with Cuir. Why didn’t I think of the necklace as I changed my clothes? I left it in the bathing chamber as I got dressed and never picked it up, thinking I wouldn’t leave the room until later. And of course, the conduit lies in a drawer, forgotten in our room. But I won’t be needing that, now I have my new grounding.

As we begin making headway, I see Cuir and Bodhi following us, and behind them many of the other dragons and gryphons are leaving the ground. I guess the gryphons do add a sense of ‘hen’ to the occasion, otherwise this is goodbye to the hen do forever. No hen do overs. And we hardly got started. Maybe I should just be grateful to be spared a possibly quite humiliating evening. I regain my focus.

I think of Aaric. What can he have done? I take it to Tairn, “What did Molvic say? Only to get help or do we know anything?” The wind tugs in my hair, it’s braided and my silver ends must make it look like a sword, standing out behind me, at the speed we are travelling.

Tairn rumbles, “Molvic only came into range, demanding help, then returned for his rider.” Damn. “Who is the other rider?”, I ask. Tairn is silent a while, then says ominously, “No one seems to know.” Fuck. I just feel it in my bones. Something’s wrong and the House has been flooded with new faces these weeks, there is no way I could even account for them all, and if someone is the worst to do it, it’s the duchess with multiple wiped memories. Could a venin have joined the House, without anyone being the wiser?

Tairn hears my next thought, sending it to Aotrom and the other dragons within reach directly. After a little time has passed he’s answering me, lamenting the consequences of confirming my fears, “The red haired so called ‘rider’ Ridoc has encountered, is not known to any of us. You are most certainly right, she must be a venin and has thus infiltrated Durran House.”

Chapter Text

We’re outside the wards and the untamed magic makes my skin prickle. We’ve been flying a while now, and Aotrom has informed Tairn, and Tairn me, all about the encounter between Ridoc and the red haired venin. Ridoc must feel like shit, I don’t envy him the position he’s been put in.

She was apparently trying to squeeze him, literally, for information. But he didn’t break in the slightest, just quip and probably exhaust her with innuendos until things transpired that I have no intention of reliving through Tairn’s vivid retelling and I stop him brusquely.

Aotrom was not amused by Tairn questioning his rider’s honour and trustworthiness, the smaller brown swordtail daring to snap after Tairn as we’ve come into formation. Tairn bristles, but I tell him, “I happen to need that rider alive, Tairn. Don’t encourage him. You wouldn’t like it if someone accused me of revealing secrets to the enemy.” Tairn thunders, “You wouldn’t be so foolish to let yourself become an object to use.” I think about it. Isn’t that exactly what I’ve been, for Xaden one or two times? I shove the thought aside. Not helpful in the slightest.

I’m guessing Aaric must have had some precognitive sight, telling him about the false rider among us. Why he would choose to hunt her down himself, is beyond me. Probably also to do with a vision.

She must have left the House on foot or by horse. Ridoc has been asking everyone about her for days, and not found her. So it’s probable she’s either been keeping outside the House or been moving slowly to the edge of the wards. What information was she to bring? What could she know about our plans? We have to assume she could know about our signet training, though I’ve never seen a soul close by.

If she would have been able to read minds, or use her limited power inside the wards, befriending Ridoc wouldn’t have been necessary. I’m so, so thankful she didn’t drain his energy; thinking of the pains Xaden suffered, not draining me as we were intimate. But then again, his ability to alter his course at all, once we’d began anything remotely sexual, had never been something to brag about. Rather the opposite. Always making me choose all or nothing, informing me he wouldn’t be able to stop himself. I…don’t miss that.

Then I see them, as we come over the edge of a rolling hillside. Aaric is just below us, on Molvic’s back, thank Amari. But, he looks to be almost lying across the dragon’s neck, nowhere close to the pummel. Around them circle three wyvern, as if guarding them or at least blocking Molvic’s passage.

Command must have been reassigned between Rhi and Bodhi, as it’s Rhi who conveys orders to the group through Feirge, telling me and Tairn to break off the formation. I can see Bodhi and Tairn doing the same, following me side by side with Andarna. They probably think the same thing I do. This could be a trap. A way to lure us out here and have the ambush take place outside of the wards.

We’re circling high above, waiting for Aotrom and the other dragon’s (the gryphon’s still not having caught up) to draw the wyvern’s attention elsewhere, before I can safely let my lightning rain down on them. Xaden and Sgaeyl are fortunately no where to be seen. The wyvern are quite difficult to shift, and I see blue fire and fast turns as the dragons attack orderly at the grey beasts, wearing them down. Rhi at her best, directing the show. Tairn says, “Feirge and Aotrom will focus on Molvic’s rider getting to safety. We will take the wyvern. I relish our assignment. The Light Wielder will likely try to duplicate your lightning, should he manage to, without your…irreplaceable assistance.” Subtle, Tairn, really subtle.

No lightning has been reproduced by Bodhi, since that one time in our bedroom in a…quite different setting. “That’s up to him, I guess”, I tell Tairn, whose amusement is shining through his words. I add, “But now would be a good time to find that…inner ecstasy.” Tairn then says, “I told Cuir as much. He is quite amused.” I ask Tairn, carefully, taking a leaf out of Xaden’s book, not thinking Bodhi would mind, “Would you think it beneath you to deliver a message to Cuir’s rider? Share the memory, you know which one, I know you do.” Tairn grumbles, “It is not something I do gladly, since it’s generally frowned upon, but I will. It may be a tide turner.”

With a bond between me and my significant other, I wouldn’t have had to have made Tairn the message dove. But beggars can’t be choosers, and I’m…choosing to ask for help. After all, our dragons aren’t tattletales and know everything anyway. I do feel grateful at Tairn’s sometimes bored tact when it comes to sexual subjects. “Tairn? Did you do it?” Tairn says, “Yes, I did. Cuir is now even more convinced you are mates and rambles about stars, so we’ll know if the Light Wielder has been given the sight later, I assume. But Cuir is wrong. You both smell of something…old. That’s all.”

I wrinkle my nose, saying with some offence taken, “We don’t smell old!” Tairn chuffs, “Old is not an insult, as you refer to me as old all the time I expect you to agree. You are too young to know what old is. It means you have a bond, yes, but not only you. Humans always want pairings, or you are afraid you’ll scuffle.”

I’m just about to question Tairn further, when the wyverns below us disperse somewhat, leaving a hole in their wall. With the gryphons now also arrived, Molvic and Aaric still hanging on his neck, Molvic manages to squeeze through the crack. “Tell the others to get out of there!” I scream down the bond to Tairn. “Already done!”, he answers and dives. As he does, I feel the lavender lemonade make a quick reappearance in my mouth, but I swallow it down. Never again.

As we dive, so does Bodhi and Cuir. The dragons and gryphons all out of the way, I go to my grounding, calling on Tairn’s power and let the lightning stream in a bolt right from my hand, down. I hit the first wyvern, and it smashes into the ground with the sound of a stone cracking. If anyone is left on the ground, my friends will handle them.

Then the second wyvern is turning and rising to meet us. Its rider has curly, red hair and that makes me extra keen to kill her myself, for coming after Ridoc in our home. Tairn reads my thoughts, answering, “I have claimed that one. The last I leave for Cuir.” I see Bodhi pass me, and he looks my way a second as the dragons near each other, giving me a wink. Then they are gone, diving straight down, Cuir’s claws extended, ready to rip the wyvern below to shreds. I wish I could extend my lightning to him. The light signet isn’t tried enough against wyvern for me to know how long he’ll last on his own, before risking a burnout. And I don’t like him having to possibly land himself in a hand-to-hand situation with a venin. “Focus!” Tairn bellows, as he makes a turn to the right, which I only follow by being strapped into the saddle.

We turn to face the wyvern again, at a greater distance. She seems to have claimed me as much as I’ve claimed her. “Could you ask Cat and Kiralair to come here? I want to see if the venin can be influenced to reveal what she knows.” Tairn says, “Done.” A moment later I hear the murmur of soft feathered wings just beside me, and we hover, as we wait for the incoming wyvern and its rider to approach, suddenly having slowed their rampage towards us.

“You called, your grace”, Cat’s voice pierces the air. “Yes”, I ignore her waspishness, “Save it for the venin, blast her with everything you’ve got and make her talk.” Cat smirks, “My pleasure.” I see the shift in the venin’s beautiful face as we come closer. Her red eyes are complementing her flaming hair beautifully. No veins extending that I can see, so her blood can’t be fully corrupted. But Ridoc and I are going to have words about the importance of eye contact later. Below me, I see flashes of light, but I don’t allow myself to look for Bodhi. He’ll be okay. I shouldn’t even worry.

I shout to the venin in front of me, making her beast hover in front of us, “Our hospitality not to your liking then, that you have to leave so soon, even before the wedding? My friend will be disappointed.” She laughs maniacally, showing two rows of pearly white teeth in a grin, “There will be no new wedding. My sage has told us so. Only a long expected reunion. You’re his. He will claim you.” I say, “He’s free to try, but he won’t. What have you told him?” I can see Cats eyes focus on her like a lightning rod. The venin screams, her voice breaking from the deep awe she feels for Xaden, “You won’t be able to stop my sage! He has powers you can’t fathom!”

I look at Cat, with a pretended bored expression, “Is she talking about the thing he can do with his fingers, or is it just the same old shadows and mind reading she’s intending, do you think?” Cat actually laughs. The venin however looks furious, “My sage only has one love, and she is the one who happens to be a straying harlot! He will have no other, he will never give you up! I have seen your new paramour and his white light. You need to touch to be at full power and my sage knows this now. He will use it to destroy you all!” All right, she doesn’t seem to have gotten that we’re trying to turn him back. She’s served her purpose.

Suddenly, I wonder if it’s right killing her, if we possibly could turn them all back, or at least the ones not too far gone. But we don’t know that, do we. I decide to give her a chance. “Go tell your master that he can burn with Malek for all I care. Remind him he chose to tether me to another and tell him I relish the bonds he made me wear. Also”, I add spitefully, “the finger thing isn’t even that unique. It’s more a matter of the fingers’ reach in question.”

Then I blast her wyvern with a lightning, just sharp enough to make it crash to the ground, and as Cat’s about to fly after her, and we see her run from the wyvern wreckage, I stop her, holding my hand up. “No. She’ll be our herald, a little taunting really can make you do the most stupid mistakes, don’t you find?” She nods knowingly at me. “You really are as scheming as your current husband, aren’t you?” I smile genuinely at her, “Currant and counting on forever. Thank you!” She snorts, and then flies off in the direction of Aretia. My best frenemy, leaving into the sunset.

Below me, I see the carcass that remains of the other wyvern, and Bodhi, all but finished himself, I expect, as he’s holding onto Cuir with both arms. He, who usually does manoeuvres on the dragon’s back I’d never dream of attempting, is clasped to Cuir’s pummel. So, apparently, the light works, like the shadows did for Xaden. But either Cuir’s power isn’t as huge as Sgaeyl’s, or Bodhi lacks the training Xaden had the opportunity to gain before going into real battle with wyvern.

As we fly side by side back to Aretia, I ask Tairn about Bodhi, he just responds that Cuir is not worried for his rider, he’s just totally finished. Giving his all, as usual, I think to myself warmly. He chose to test his limits with the new signet. Above and beyond.

Andarna, having had an overview of the situation, provides insight. “The Light Wielder didn’t do the combined lightning, even though I’m sure he saw your memory. I can’t understand why it didn’t work. He seemed happy enough.” I thank her, before she says anything I’ll regret hearing.

This means, when Xaden hopefully is caught in our trap, it may all be down to me. No pressure.

Chapter Text

Aaric is sleeping in the healer rooms. According to every healer on the premises, he is in physically good health. He should wake up, only, not for a few days, in all likelihood. His head has gotten pretty banged up. Sloane sits beside his bed, and Dain is wherever Sloane is.

A whole group of our people sit outside the room. The healers threw us all out, allowing only Bodhi entry as well, and he’s been in there for a while now, talking to the healers. The matron like healer going by Nora, looked near to talking Bodhi into sitting down for a second, but no luck, as far as I could tell while being ushered out with the rest. Vanquishing the wyvern using only his relatively untrained light signet, took a lot out of Bodhi, understandably, and he looked rather beat going in there.

I debated telling Halden, who supposedly is here somewhere, about Aaric, but Tairn says Molvic forbids it. The dragon is, according to Tairn, worrying Halden might do something rash, like trying to take his unconscious brother back to the capital. And we wouldn’t risk that, regardless. Not only is Halden entitled and lacking limits in the worst possible way. He is also thoroughly in the dark when it comes to what it means to be bonded to a dragon, and that’s a steep learning curve for the arrogant.

Another, in the grand scheme of things minuscule, detail hits me. There probably won’t be anyone to intercept a message from Bodhi to the king, annulling our marriage, as Aaric foresaw Bodhi will ask for. I ask Tairn, “Do I tell Bodhi I know, and persuade him not too, assuming I can change the fate?” Tairn says glumly, “Fate is a tricky thing. You telling him might be what gives him the idea in the first place. Even if you have managed to change his belief about your departure.” I consider it. “Or I hope Aaric has made something happen before being knocked out. Or just let it happen. I’ll sit with that for a while.” Tairn says, “Whether you make the choice based on logic or instinct alone, fate is fickle or set.” So helpful.

Ridoc sits outside the healers, being the only one of us who hasn’t been in to see Aaric. He has his head in his hands, sitting on a wooden bench, flanked by Rhiannon. He’s very much looking like he has assumed full responsibility for everything that’s transpired. Rhi is patting his back, comforting him. I place myself in front of Ridoc, sinking to my knees in order to catch his eye. He looks so tormented. I say softly, “Ridoc, no shadow falls over you. You didn’t give her anything and the only things of value she learnt must have been outside Durran House any way. None of this is your fault, so don’t assume the blame.”

Ridoc looks at me, and says in a strangely philosophical way, “Venin are these evil fucking snakes. They pull down their hoods and have all the obvious traits, sound like they’ve all gone to some venin training school for how to speak ‘villain’ and then we kill the shit out of them. She had none of that. She was…fun. How could I not see her eyes being red?”

Rhi gives me a warning look, telling me to be gentle with our friend. He’s always the one keeping our spirits up. Now, his own are down at basement level. I promise her in a look, there will be no chastisement, only support from me. She gives me a quick nod. I smile wryly at Ridoc, “Maybe she had other more discerning features you noticed in the moment?” He scowls at me, then looks away. I go on, “You know we let her go. If fate is kind, maybe we can get a chance to help her, if the Xaden experiment pans out.” He looks crestfallen, and has nothing to say.

I go on, tirelessly, “Might I remind you, Xaden kept his venin side hidden for months from everyone, including you.” He glares at me, mumbling, “Don’t remind me of yet more mistakes.” I sigh, “The red in their eyes comes and goes in the beginning. Who says she didn’t draw magic from the earth between meeting you and today?” Ridoc meets my gaze. “Do you think so?” I swallow, “Definitely”, I lie. Ridoc offers a joyless smile, and says sarcastically, “You don’t say.” Clearly not convinced.

I take his hand. “It doesn’t matter. You couldn’t have known. It was dark, the middle of the night when I passed you by on the stairs. And I bet she didn’t stick around until morning?” He shrugs, saying grouchily, “That’s right. She left before dawn.” I add, “I didn’t ask you that to try to pump you for information. Only help you understand that anyone could have been taken in.” He looks seriously angry, with himself, “You mean ‘fooled’. And I was. And first of all, I don’t want to be like ‘anyone’, I want to be smarter. So allow me to wallow, please.” Rhi hugs his shoulders, “Wallow away. We’re not leaving you, though.”

I tell him, unperturbed, “I only met her after Cat had scrambled her feelings to magnanimity, but…”, I chance a look debating if it’s wise to continue, “she seemed nice enough.” He looks at me, in disbelief, “Are you serious right now?” I shrug, “Yeah, why not? Called me a harlot, but you know I’ve been called worse. Also, nice hair and really pretty, except for the…” Ridoc looks at me, questioning my sanity, supplying with, “red eyes? Please stop supporting me. You’re definitely doing it wrong.” I wrinkle my brow in confusion saying, “I was going to say her nose. Because that was unfortunate.”

I can see him freeze up for a moment, then a real grin spreads from ear to ear. “You’re insane. The duchess is insane.” I sit beside him on the other side on the bench. “You’re now part of the illustrious few, we who have fucked a venin and lived to tell the tale. If that’s not something to tell the grandkids, I don’t know what is.” Rhi sniggers at me in disbelief at my crudeness. Ridoc’s lingering smile shows me I opted for the right way.

Bodhi steps out from the healers’ rooms and joins us. We all rise to question him about Aaric. He motions for us to stay calm, “No change. Aaric’s well, Molvic apparently confirms he’s sleeping and he aught to wake up soon. But he’s taken a bang to the head, so they are not rushing him, giving time for the swelling to go down. But he’ll be fine.” Ridoc lets go of a long breath. I see that Bodhi is still depleted after the encounter. He has dark circles under his eyes and is swaying slightly. I squeeze Bodhi’s arm, “You look like you could do with lying down yourself.”

I look at Rhi, “What do we do with the dinner?”, I say, trying to prepare to change into social butterfly mentally. Not succeeding in the least. Rhi looks dubiously around us, “First of all, it’s all ready in full swing and Brennan said in passing when he came down to check on us, that everything is going swimmingly.” Bodhi looks surprised, and I can see the ‘Lewellen is going to kill me’ look slowly draining from his face. Rhi must as well, because she offers an explanation, “They believe you are on some sort of epic stag night. So say something super manly tomorrow at breakfast, and everyone will be content.”

Bodhi raises his chin, and groans in relief from getting out of dressing up and going into official mode, “The only ‘stag’ I feel capable of at the moment is staggering to bed. Perfect.” He turns to me, saying, “Your brother is amazing, love.” Then claps Ridoc on the shoulder, with, “How about we get some grub in the mess hall, while I’m pondering jokes on the theme ‘red hair’ and ‘venin’ as payback for all the property fixtures I’ve been hearing about lately?” Ridoc chuckles low in response as we file out.

In the mess hall, the long tables appear almost empty with only the riders and fliers who were out together, present. Most everyone else in the building is at the real festivities. Bodhi goes to rustle up some things in the kitchens, Rhi joining him, also making sure Dain and Sloane get sent something. They come back to the tables with a lot of excellent food on trays, that were intercepted before being sent upstairs. Roast beef, vegetables of every kind… even the fliers look content. Ridoc is sitting at my side and has been joined by Sawyer and Jesinia, who were away on their own after we came back. Presumably to catch up and for Sawyer to take the load off his leg for a while.

Bodhi stands behind us, and clears his throat pointedly, with a smile at Ridoc, making him scooch to make room for Bodhi beside me, at the end of the table. As he sits, he says, “I hope you don’t mind, darling, I felt at least one part of formalities had to be honoured. This is, after all, some sort of wedding dinner and I want to spend it with you, Already Wife.” I smile at him, “I…the opposite of mind. I insist, in fact.” Then I entwine my fingers with his, my dragony ring glittering brightly.

Mira bangs the back of a knife on a pewter mug from the other side of the table, trying to get the noisy conversation around to simmer down. She then gets to her feet and proceeds to unfold a piece of paper. Bodhi whispers as he exhales, “No, no, no, Mira, no.” I all but die from embarrassment and consider sinking down under the table, but Bodhi pulls me close in the same instant, saying through his teeth, a big, beautiful smile on his face, “Unfortunately, I have had the distinct displeasure of hearing Mira do something of this sort in connection to our previous wedding. I envy you not remembering. She tried to ‘lighten the mood’. Horrible, no, that doesn’t even cover it. Don’t you dare leave me now, darling.”

I frown at him, “She adores you. Go make her stop. She won’t listen to me.” He shakes his head incredulously at me, “No, you can’t make me. Your sister, that would be your job. But anyway, it’s too late. Just lean into it, I guess.” He closes one eye and makes a face, as if preparing for impact. I cringe. My sister is a bad ass rider. She can’t be that bad at giving a little toast.

Mira slowly looks through her notes and then begins talking with the same volume and emotional gravitas as if she was to bark out a series of orders for patrol, “I’d propose a toast to the Bride and Groom, but there seems to be only ash covered, smelly riders here. Anyway, Bodhi. Love to have you in the small family that we are. You are the brother I wish I’d had.” Sawyer questions her, “But what about Brennan?” Mira deadpans, “What about him?”, to scattered laughter.

Then she says, eyes on me, “Violet. You know I say I’d hate to be an only child. And I seriously would, because, what would I do with all my time, if I didn’t run after you, wondering how you’ve nearly managed to end yourself every day. You two are…quirky or something, in a way that fits well together. Which other couple will make an elaborate wedding a second time, while simultaneously planning to destroy it and possibly themselves in the process?” Ridoc looks like he’s in heaven, looking at my sister with the greatest awe at her total lack of self perception. “To the happy couple, long may they live!”

Bodhi and I both smile stiffly at my sister. After raising our mugs and drinking greedily. Damn you Mira, how have I ever hurt you? Ridoc whispers to us, an evil smile playing in the corners of his mouth. “That was…succinct. Now I wish I’d done something as well. Maybe that poem including every piece of furniture Violet has buried, will be coming to use after all.” Bodhi says sharply, pointing his index finger at him with a menacing expression, “No, Ridoc, it won’t. I will give you three more door jokes. Be a smart lad and take the offer.”

Ridoc smirks, clasping Bodhi’s hand under the table saying “Done. And you support laugh in front of Rhiannon. Violet, you don’t owe me anything. We are good, thank you.” Bodhi angles his head, not exactly knowing what that was about, then says, “Done, once.” Then Ridoc makes his way towards Rhiannon, but I can see he’s not teasing her at all, his hand on her shoulder shows me he’s thanking her for her support.

We become blissfully alone for a moment at our end of the table. Bodhi leans against my shoulder, lamenting, “Can you believe this dinner thing was my idea? Now I’m so tired, I just have no resistance or social stamina left.” I grasp his hair pulling him into a hard kiss. He follows my grip, kissing me back, his eyes closed and his lips so soft.

There is some hooting further down the table, but I don’t care. Then I release him, and he looks rather confused but smiling all the same. I put a hand on his cheek, saying in a low voice just for him to hear, “I just love you so much. I can’t imagine life will be exactly the same this time tomorrow, wherever we are, but Mira’s fucking speech will haunt me forever. Such a beautiful gift to share with us.”

He says softly, through his own laughter, “This might be the weirdest thing to react to in all that…glorious mess of a speech, but I hate that she called us ‘quirky’. I hate it an insurmountable lot.” I nod vigorously, “Me too, with a vengeance. I’d preferred it if she’d compared you to Xaden and called me a harlot, like Ridoc’s little friend.”

He bursts out laughing, “What? She called you a what? Was she a thousand years old?” I fight out the words, not letting my own laughter claim me completely, “Ridoc reckons the venin speak ‘villain’, I think it’s accurate. Apparently, her sage had been waiting for me while I’d been harloting with you.”

He smiles, then says, “Speaking of. What do you say we adjourn for the night? You might have to carry me up five flights of stairs, but I think it’s tradition and important we honour that.” I stand up and wave down the table, “Good night everyone, and Mira thank you for the memorable speech!” Then we run out of there, to the sound of mild protestations.

Chapter Text

We had fun almost all the way up the stairs. Then it stopped abruptly, as we got into our room, and apparently also our heads, and started preparing for tomorrow. It’s starting to sink in. We’re out of time.

It could be any evening, really. But it’s not. There’s a tense atmosphere and it influences every look, every way we interact. My wedding gown in its textile cover, hangs on the edge of the screen. There are violets in a vase, ready to be braided into my hair. Bodhi has also prepared his clothes and as I look over his shoulder when he’s bent over, rummaging in the armoire, he starts, looking fairly alarmed.

I ask, and can hardly deny I am a bit suspicious of him, “Is that your emergency bag? Or what are you hiding over there?” He gives me a side eye over his shoulder, “It’s our emergency bag, emphasis on our, yes. What if we need to leave in a hurry? I just put my book in there. Do you have anything you want to add?”

I walk towards the bookshelf, muttering, “I just thought…” and take out my busted copy of fables of the barren and Brennan’s handbook to Basgiath, dad’s journals, the broken mirror, the dragon Liam gave me. The rest can be replaced. As I hand them to Bodhi, he says nonchalantly over his shoulder, “Not the knitting book, then?” I glare at him, crossing my arms, “You know it’s called weaving.”

He mumbles, head in the armoire, “Doesn’t make it any less silly.” I scoff, “You don’t even think that, are you just trying to get a rise out of me? If it’s making a point, it’s not a very subtle one.” He snorts, murmuring, “Sorry. I don’t even know why I said that or what I wanted. I’m just…” he shakes his head, looking further into the armoire as if it holds some answers to his questions.

I put my hands on his shoulders, giving them a little squeeze. “What if…” he begins and I automatically hush him. He turns his head still hunched over, looking at me a bit peeved, eyebrows dancing in every which direction. I glare back at him, pursing my lips, “I get you’re irked by me shushing you right now. I just… I can’t take another ‘What if?’ today. Can’t we decide not to do that?”

He gets to his feet and stands in front of me, gracing my cheek with his knuckles and says with a tired sigh, “You mean can’t I just stop it. Yes, I get it. And I can. No more ‘What ifs’!” He stops himself. “Wh…How about synonyms in case I really have to tell you something important? Is that allowed?” I smirk, but narrow my eyes at him. “I suppose it depends entirely on the frequency of those ‘not-what-if’s’.”

He bypassed me and walks to the bed, where he stretches out his legs and leans his back against the headboard, saying in what I believe is supposed to pass as an easy going tone, “So what”, he begins, I glower at him, “wait for it, are your plans for tomorrow morning, darling? So little faith.” A try at a smile. I have just unwittingly started some sort of word game with him. That’s preferable, I suppose.

I sigh, feeling nervous just thinking about tomorrow. ”I don’t know, I asked Imogen to come with me to the gym before breakfast to…take my mind off things. Checking in on Aaric. And then I guess, official greetings for breakfast. Getting ready. Marriage. Possible death trap by crazy ex venin husband’s cousin. You, any deviating plans?” He aught to have laughed, not that it was hilarious, but because he just happens to think I am. But he doesn’t even crack a smile, just looks a bit lost. “I don’t know. I might hit up Garrick, I guess.” His voice trails off.

I sit down beside him on the bed, my back also leaning against the headboard. I say resolutely, “I am sorry. This feels all wrong. Fuck. Just talking about nothing is harder than trying to sleep before a battle.” He lashes out in the air in front of him with his hands, “Thank you! It’s unbelievably stiff from my side, at least. I’m just trying to talk about anything that doesn’t sting, hurt and worry. Leaving nothing for subject matter. I don’t want our last night together to become one long, low energy snipe match. I’d rather we were frank and would fight if needed.” My heart all but stops.

He turns to me, going through what he just said, eyes wide. “I don’t mean ‘last night’ as in ever. I mean, last night like this, this us.” I grasp his hands and kiss his knuckles. “Good, because it’s not our last night.” I hear my throat constrict. He squeezes my hands back, saying with the same restraint, “I feel like I’m loosing you moment by moment as we get closer. And because of it, I actually feel like fighting, I won’t deny it. I want you to rip into me, anything other than this waiting.” He looks to mean it, too. His dark locks framing his face look almost wild, like he’s been running his hands through them so many times his hair has started to rebel. And his stare is so intense I can almost feel the desperation in it, not helped by a faint glow from inside his chest.

I have to look away, I can’t bear it. I let my eyes drift, and suddenly I’m seeing the room from Cat’s perspective. He wants to fight, fine. I ask him, “How come we haven’t stayed in the family rooms at the second floor? We’ve hardly ever spent any time there.” He draws a breath, trying to meet my play at possible normalcy, “First it was too hard, because it’s the Riorson family’s domain to me. Then, this was where I went last time, when we were all here together, so I’d already moved my stuff here and just stayed, I guess.”

I look at him in disbelief, “But you are the duke, are you not, and still choose to climb this many stairs instead of just changing things to your liking on the second floor?” His eyes narrow, “I see what you are doing, and you aren’t that subtle either. Non the less, am I to understand you’d rather we moved down?”

I might appear a bit found out, but I ignore it. “Yes”, I manage to say it with a lighter tone of voice, “If we are still here this time tomorrow, we’re moving down. People hang around us all the time, they sit on our bed and on foldable chairs. And exactly nobody is buying your front of an office. It just distances you from Lewellen and the others, having it in the first place. Own your mess, it shows how engaged you are in everything.” He looks at me, almost amused, “You’re really exhausting yourself unnecessarily. I’ve thought about it as well and you’re right of course. Another reason I’ve opted to stay here is…I didn’t want to overwhelm you in the beginning. Or make you believe I would be playing the role of my cousin with you.” Of course he has more reasons.

I tilt my head to the side, “What’s bothering you most about tomorrow?” Bodhi answers without delay, like it was already his top of mind, eyes glazed, “I have a horrible feeling I’m not strong enough in my signet yet to be able to turn him.” I nod slowly. “It could be enough with us both. We just have to stay connected. And Sloane and Dain will help. And all of them.” He nods, then says, “And if Xaden channels from the earth, I can’t counter it. That’s bothering me.” I say honestly, “He probably will. Tairn says Sgaeyl is only there like a shell. A flying, lethal shell.”

I put my hands on either side of Bodhi’s face, saying desperately, looking into his deep brown eyes, “Promise me you won’t push yourself to burnout.” He groans, and looks away. “I can’t do that. We know nothing of the situation waiting.” I feel my heart sink. “I’m not trading a venin ex for a venin husband. Be mindful of your limits. And never stop hearing me. We lean on each other and will stay connected, physically all the time, if possible.” I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to clear my head. When I open them again, he’s put his hands over his eyes, beside me, saying quietly, “I’m really fucking scared we’re going to cock it all up.” I feel like he’s almost begging me to say it’ll be alright. But I can’t give him that.

I climb over his long legs, and come to sit on top of him. I remove his hands from his face. He looks at me like I’m not entirely there, almost through me. I kiss him lightly on the lips. “Afraid of me now?” I wonder, his eyes glittering, and he answers hurriedly, “Definitely, when you’re looking at me like that. You?” I kiss him again, this time on his neck. His eyes are definitely moving to somewhere behind me. “Also very fucking scared…What in Amari’s name are you looking at?”

He murmurs into my hair, “I’m not the one staring. He is.” I look at him like he’s gone mad. Bodhi smirks, pointing at the door, “I take issue with some of the decorative choices you’ve made to our humble abode of late.” Then he lifts me out of his lap, stalks to the door and removes the knives from the painted Halden’s body, placing them on a shelf next to it. Then he takes the time to carefully roll up the picture Jesinia painstakingly must have spent a while on perfecting, and puts it on top of the piles on the desk.

As he comes back to stand at the edge of the bed, he says, “I just had to do that. Let’s not dwell on it.” He follows it with a real smile, the look in his eye telling me very much to dwell on it. I ask him, from the bed, “You found kissing me holds your attention less than having a drawing of Halden pretend stare at you? Is Halden proving to be a better distraction than I am? Do you want me to go get him?” He huffs, his hands at his sides in a cocky pose, and says in his low, enticing voice, ”Oh please. There is no way I’m answering questions posed like that. And if you’re aiming to get a reaction out of me, you’ve got another thing coming. Literary. Come over here and I’ll give you something else to think about.” Fiendish smile.

I feel chills in my entire body at his words. He’s not his usual teasing persona, more eerily calm now. In mental preparation mode. I make my way over to Bodhi, stopping in front of him and raising myself to the tips of my toes to kiss him. He meets me halfway, slightly bending his knees. Then the kiss becomes more and more urgent. He suddenly lifts me, placing my legs around his hips, his hands gripping my ass. He swings me around, pressing my back up against the wooden door, which creaks suspiciously.

He presses his leg up between my legs, making my desire awaken for real. He murmurs in his dark, velvety voice right beside my ear, “This door has been the object of much talk. If it breaks, we’ve already heard it all, darling. And you may get your requested move sooner.” I bite his lip, then hiss, “It wasn’t a request.” He chuckles darkly in my ear. Then says lowly, “Your demand, then.” As he does, he squeezes my buttocks hard, the weight of my body mostly held up by his leg and I feel his groin pressing into me. He kisses me passionately, the movement making the back of my head slam against the door. Bodhi hisses “Sorry”, but the words are muffled as I kiss him back, deeply and with equal force, my legs tightly wrapped around him.

This is all want. All I can handle tonight. I feel myself filling with a hurried need for my husband. I don’t want to wait, my body is raging on the inside and I feel my pulse moving low at my core. He is also affected by my changing, rapid movements. I allow my hands to roam all over his body as if searching him and as I reach down a hand to feel him, his cock is straining against the leather pants. It’s obvious he is as inpatient for me as I am for him. “Take me”, I pant, “I need to feel you inside me.” It’s like he’s lost his words, but the fire in his eyes tells me he is all in, and in every way as turned on as I am.

He puts me down, and my legs feel weak as they touch the stone floor. He yanks down my pants to my ankles, helping me with balancing on one leg at the time to become free of them, and then pulls my top off, with me lifting my arms dutifully. Bodhi unlaces the corset swiftly behind my back, while still kissing me hungrily. As he then has me all bare before him, he merges with me into another kiss, while he strokes me in gloriously paced circles, groaning as he feels how wet I am.

He whispers close to my ear, “This, you all hot and bothered for me, is all I want to be thinking about tonight. You could never be a distraction, because you are always my centre. And you are absolutely marvellous like this. I should ask Jesinia to paint you instead.” He flashes me a grin and I bite his neck as punishment.

He removes his own shirt, by pulling it off in a swift movement, grasping it with one hand on the fabric’s back. That’s apparently all he had time for, as he then crashes into my lips again, this time, catching the back of my head in his waiting hand, as we thunder into the dark, oak door.

He unbuckles belt and buttons, as I lick the shell of his ear, biting his earlobe, my legs still wrapped around him. He then lifts me to a better angle, and slowly pushes up, inside me, while holding a firm grip around my jaw, gritting out, “I want you to look at me as I enter you, love.” I do, and the raw desire I find there destroys me and rebuilds me at the same time. He just keeps going, slowly filling me up inside. I whimper, “This feels so good.” He moans low. Then he lets go of my face, and pins my hips against the door and fucks into me with hard, decided thrusts, making me shiver and the door rattle ominously.

I slide out of position, trying to angle myself better so that he hits the sweet spots inside of me every time. He notices, and pauses, retrieving two of the smaller daggers he left on a shelf within reach. He then says in his low, delicious voice, “Just a heads up, getting you some handles now, love.” Then, while still inside me, he slams the daggers into the door, above me, with full force. The move makes the door shake violently both times, which isn’t unpleasant, making me gasp, and the action leaves the dagger’s handles for me to use. I grab them, and try again to find a balance and angle myself perfectly. It really does the trick, which I feel as he once again slams into me, and continues to make the thrusts deep, drawing almost all the way out in between. He then thrusts into me at a faster pace, and it’s raw and untamed and all us.

I feel closer and closer to my climax, and by his shallow breaths I can feel he’s close to. I close my eyes, feeling my body convulsing around him, my grip on the daggers making my knuckles white. He grips my chin again, saying darkly, “Look at me when you come, darling.” I automatically close my eyes again, worrying I’ll loose the momentum, but he just says viciously, between heavy breaths. “Look at me”, demanding I obey, “I’m yours, you’re mine. I want to see you loose yourself.”

And at his words, I’m pushed over the edge, tumbling into my orgasm. The lightning crashing inside me is taken care of by Bodhi, keeping the balance for us both, as I’m free falling into my pleasure. I whimper behind closed eyes, “I can’t do it”. As soon as the highest peak of ecstasy is over, my eyes flare open and his forehead presses against mine. I can tell by the shine in his eyes, that the amount of power he just received from me, must have been quite a bolt. He shakes it off, his own movements becoming faster as he too lets go, pounding into me with his own release, holding onto my hips. Also closing his eyes, I notice.

As our movements slow and the thunder inside me flows back, I smooth some wayward locks from his forehead with one hand. I smirk, “Daggers are so useful.” He laughs softly, still catching his breath. Holding me, he says, “You know what? I don’t think I wanted to fight at all. I just needed this. Remind me next time if I freak out.” I caress his cheek. “I felt the same way. Explosive. Or keen to set you off if I could. But unfortunately, you are not easy to rattle.” He muses, “I rattle around quite a bit. But not at the small stuff.” He kisses me softly, I lean on his shoulder, whispering “I love you”, just as he says the same.

Bodhi then sets me down in front of him, and I stumble to the bed where I crash face down in a heap. He lies down beside me, chuckling at my display, and caresses my naked body with feather light strokes of his fingers.

He has a calm smile on his face and as I turn to face him, I can see his light under his skin. It flares brightly, like it did that time we…lost our injuries. “Love, you’re glowing again” I whisper excitedly, trying not to spook him, accidentally making it go away. “Yeah”, he says content although it comes out a bit constricted, “I tried to replay the same feeling I have when I’m inside you and the world around us disappears. It looks like it’s having the desired effect. Could you…” he begins, but I’m already reaching for the necklace.

I clasp it around my neck, not knowing if it’s exactly necessary I wear it, lying back down on my back beside him. He holds himself up supported on one arm, and leans over me, and I draw in his scent like a mad old dragon. I can feel the necklace taking in the light, which he passes into it just holding a hand in front of it, or me.

I see the light’s trail reflected in his eyes, just like lightning, and he whispers, “Marvellous. Just like you.”

Chapter Text

I’m up early the morning after. We get ready and there are nerves present for both me and Bodhi, but we are loving with each other. Many lingering kisses. Lots of resolve and furrowing of brows, when we’re not looking at each other.

The door hangs a little crooked on its hinges, I’m going to pretend it was like that. The daggers in the door are fucking stuck. I hang our robes on them. Looks intentional.

I get into my leather gear, complete with dragon scale corset, the necklace and all the daggers I can carry. I want to be ready at a moments notice if Tairn or Andarna sees anything in the skies, and will only change into my wedding dress at the very last moment.

And I’m skittish. I expect to meet a shadow wielding presence around every corner, I’m so tense as I walk down to the gym. It’s not only the very rational fear of his powers. More and more, the fear is based on the success on the mission.

I run the last steps to tap Imogen on the shoulder as I see her. She almost hits me, telling me she’s ready as well. Garrick, who was walking beside her, continues up the stairs, on his way to meet with Bodhi. I’m certain they’re planning on sparring.

I feel so much better after having seen Imogen. Talking to her about this sort of practical stuff is easy, she sees life clearly and understands my needs and the temporary sacrifices and risks it might entail. In case everything goes south, I can count on her.

I once again make my way across the House to make my next appointment, Aaric. Imogen and I are joined by Rhi, Jesinia, Ridoc and Sawyer. As we all bound into the healers’ rooms, we…are instantly turned around and ushered out by the healers. I can see Bodhi and Garrick already by Aaric’s bed, talking to another healer who is leaning over the prince.

Ridoc looks almost relieved we weren’t admitted, as we sit down on the wooden benches in the corridor outside to wait for an update and then go to breakfast together. Bodhi and Garrick slink out of the door, trying not to disturb the healers work anymore than strictly necessary. At first, from a bit of a distance, I interpret Bodhi’s body language as weighed down and anxious.

But as he comes closer, Bodhi grins at me, giving me a wink and taking my hand to pull me up from the bench. He cuts a strikingly handsome figure walking these halls, in rider black. Have to appreciate that extra today. I don’t trust him to show his true emotions with me, though. And he shouldn’t trust me to either.

“Why hello, Wife and Friends of Wife”, he says mostly happy, maybe with a little sentimental touch to it. I bounce to my feet, keeping his hand in mine, “Hello Husband. Feeling formal today or have you suddenly forgotten who I am to you? Imogen, has he annoyed you disproportionally lately?” Imogen drawls, smiling, “Not more than usual. And don’t drag me into your couple things.” Bodhi smirks, saying “Maybe I have forgotten. You’d better remind me.” I smack a big kiss on his lips. Now he’s definitely happy. Today I’m not holding back one second to accommodate anyone’s sensibilities.

He keeps his arm swung over my shoulders, and I press my shoulder into him. “Can’t believe they wouldn’t let us in”, I say testily, glancing back at the healers’ entrance. “How was he?”, Ridoc interrupts anxiously. Garrick looks at Bodhi, as if deciding how to phrase things. Or what to say and what to hide, I have to consider. Garrick says, “Well, he sleeps but is according to the healers, fine, really. Just exhausted.”

Bodhi adds, “He has been awake a while today. We came towards the very end. He was a bit fuzzy regarding what happened, but could confirm he went after the red haired venin before being able to call for aid, when he suspected what she was. Hey, did anyone ever get her name? I hate not having a name.” A lot of shaking of heads. I look at Bodhi, asking him, “Glad to hear Aaric had some improvement. Maybe he’ll wake properly later today?” Garrick shakes his head, “The healers aren’t too happy with the swelling of his head yet, so they gave him something to knock him out until tomorrow. But he really seemed fine. No memory troubles at all.”

I squint at Bodhi, “And that’s all he had to say?” Bodhi looks innocently at me, smile frozen in place, “Basically. Have I told you how pretty you look today?” I scowl at them both, and shake my head, “Fine, have fun with your secrets”, I spit out, but smiling prettily at him. He tilts his head meaningfully, and smiles crookedly back at me, “How was training with Imogen? You don’t look to have had too hard of a workout.” Imogen jumps in saying, “I’m going easy on her. It’s her wedding day after all.” We decide to leave it a draw, secret wise.

As we enter the banquet hall, there is already a lot of people here. Everyone, except for Halden, stand up as me and Bodhi enter the room. The hard protocols won’t be bothered with, for something as informal as breakfast, other than us going around to greet absolutely everyone. I leave the introductory parts to Bodhi, and Brennan, who easily helps make our way across the room, socially. We end up next to each other at the end of the table, in the space previously occupied by the Tyrrish throne. Bodhi pours me tea and we proceed to talk to the people on our respective other sides. He, without a doubt, has the better opportunity at enjoying himself with these seating arrangements. Brennan and I will have words.

“Love?”, I say to catch Bodhi’s attention, after a while. He finishes the sentence to Syrena on his other side and turns to me, “I’m all yours.” It’s probably silly, but him just saying that makes me thrill. “It wasn’t anything important”, I blush as I think about having interrupted his conversation for nothing. He cups my cheek, “I want to hear what wasn’t important.” I smile a bit embarrassed, “It’s just, don’t you think we should have a couple of chairs made, for us, to replace the…throne I happened to…dispose of.” He chuckles, “Yeah I’d say you disposed of that poor throne all the way to Malek himself. And that’s a great idea. Maybe include our very own dragons in the design. Cuir would like that. But now he is adamant on me telling you he’s not vain, like some dragons. His words.”

I think of both Tairn and Andarna as rather pleased with themselves in every which way, and Andarna especially is really happy about the suggestions, going on about it in detail, “…and it’s only fitting I would be the one on top of the throne’s backrest. Because I’m the smallest.” Bodhi adds, wearing a mask of innocence, “I’ve come to understand you’d need the thrones to be quite…sturdy in their build. To be able to withstand the trials of time and… various physical activities, of course.” I pinch his leg under the table, making him jump. Then smile back at him sweetly. As my table partner begs for my attention, I turn back to Halden.

Halden’s green eyes fall on me, as he complains, “Vi, I’d have thought you’d show more of an interest in speaking to me than the…duke…who you after all see every day. I did travel rather far, you know.” I sigh, “Right. I just told him I’d like to commission thrones to be made. Any experience of such things, Halden?” Halden actually lights up excitedly, “Well, I happen to know an expert throne maker, but of course that would be of no interest to you. Since he is in the capital, not even a rebel, as far as I know.” I try to relax my face, not judging his needy demanding attitude based on our joined history. Halden didn’t protest the two thrones, our need for them in the first place or our marriage, after all, “I would be glad to get his details. Thank you.” Halden looks rather surprised. Look at us exchanging pleasantries like nobody’s business.

My attention is then grabbed by Earl Lewellen having some sort of exchange with Bodhi, more or less berating him for not putting the Tyrrish interests first, and giving various examples for his ‘mismanagement’. Bodhi looks to take it in stride, but suddenly, unsolicited help comes from the most unlikely place. Felix cuts in between Lewellen’s retellings of the missed council meeting and Bodhi supposedly prioritising a stag night over official dinner yesterday. Felix’s expression is hard, as he says, “The young duke is a dragon rider, and he can hardly defend himself against any of the unimportant accusations you lay at his door”, my eyes dart automatically to Ridoc, who smiles broadly, liking Felix a bit extra for having provided him with new material, as well as jumped in to defend Bodhi in his official role.

Lewellen looks perturbed, his grey hairs catching the light from the morning sun, saying, “Even dragon riders are accountable for their own actions.” Felix laughs, “I’m sorry, but that is spoken like a true unbonded. A dragon rider in active service, serving their people is the most inspirational leadership I’ve ever heard of for a…Province. The respect we owe our dragons, isn’t something that gives way to other responsibilities. And the two may at times be hard to combine. You wouldn’t have faired any better with the former duke, I can tell you that.” Lewellen snorts with derision, searching for support in Trissa at his other side, finding none.

Trissa says, her voice tough enough to cut leather, “This is hardly a suitable conversation. Certainly not at breakfast and in hearing distance of the duke in question, in anticipation of a happy event meant to unite Tyrrendor behind a strong duke and duchess.” She looks at Bodhi, who is following the exchange with a detached interest. He says, “Oh no, don’t stop on my account. This has been a long time coming.” I debate setting them right about not going into comparisons between certain dukes, but I decide against it. There is something in Felix’s eye that makes me choose to sit tight.

Felix takes the floor again, saying, “If you want to hear my opinion, I’d say that his grace here present, has the makings of a truly great Duke of Tyrrendor”, seeing that Halden is occupied with some rather heavy flirting with Cat on his other side, he adds gravely, “And maybe more with time.” Earl Lewellen emits a callous laugh, saying, “I’m sure I haven’t seen proof of anything like that in the many years I’ve seen his grace hanging around Xaden Riorson and his friends.” My blood boils, knowing what I know about Bodhi’s very different situation and upbringing.

Felix sighs, then turns to Bodhi directly, “In my experience, from these last days hard work, your claim to power might very well rival Riorson’s, if well cured and cared for. Also, you can be taught, are eager to learn, have a great respect for knowledge and a curious mind. Not to mention, from what I’ve seen, your friends and allies don’t follow either of you”, he says looking at me as well, “out of fear or because they’ve been taught to respect you. You make them know they are seen and their needs are important to you, regardless of their station or connections. This is what can unite a people. Fear always divides in the end and showing humility instead of entitlement always wins.” Felix leans back in his chair. Lewellen is quiet and turns to talk to Trissa, who blankly stares at him in disbelief, and looks the other way.

I find Bodhi’s hand under the table and give it a good squeeze. I peek up at him, and can see he’s duly touched by the assessment from Felix. He lets go of my hand, to sign “Thank you.” Felix just lifts his glass back in a silent salute. Bodhi takes my hand back, laying our clasped hands on the table, the ring he had made for me in full view of everyone.

I whisper to him, “Gold star.” He looks at me and laughs that joyous laugh I just can’t go without hearing for long. The one I hope for every time he laughs, actually. The one I could never live without.

However much I try to be present in every moment, this day just rushes past me. The more anxious I get for the ceremony, the faster it all spins. Suddenly, breakfast was over and we were all on our way to our room, and Bodhi was whisked off to change somewhere else, by Garrick, Sawyer and Ridoc. I noticed Ridoc giving a suspicious swing to our door, complaining that it stuck slightly. We feigned total surprise. When he asked about the daggers, Bodhi said it was a ‘convenient solution’, which satisfied Ridoc little.

”Violet?” Rhi says, and I jolt upright. “Did you fall asleep?”, she asks. I deny it saying, “Not at all. Just keep drifting away in thought.” She grumbles, “No wonder. Also, I can’t believe you make this hairdo every day, it looks so hard!” She is just here to help with dress and flowers. Not hair.

My fingers braid the crown like I’ve done so many times before. Rhi’s changed into her pantsuit, the one with the crossing fabric in front, making her look like she did at Reunification day, when Liam was still with us. And the night Bodhi first knew he was in love with me. And that I was in a real relationship of some permanence with Xaden.

As we’ve finished with the flowers, the only thing left is the dress. As she helps me button it up in the back, Rhi says, ”So, I won’t ask how you’re feeling but…” I interrupt her, ”Resolved. And scared to face him.” She looks at me with a raised eyebrow, “Which one?” I laugh, “Not the one currently absolutely torturing the people in his general vicinity, with making them listen to him speed talk. His way to find a calm state of mind can have some side effects for those around him.” She sniggers, “He sure can talk. But you like it, don’t you?” I grin at her in the mirror, “Actually, I adore it. He’s the most open person I’ve ever met and I really get to know all of him.” She snorts, “Well you certainly can need some balancing out in that department, Miss Secret keeper.” I look at her apologetically, but don’t disagree.

Before long, we are moving towards Xaden’s old quarters. My dress doesn’t restrict my movement, and I keep feeling my neck to be sure my necklace is in place. Also my daggers. I’ve opted for light boots with a good grip. Will they be destroyed if I’m forced to run through mud? Yes. Would I manage parapets with them? Also yes.

My doubts are having more doubts. But with every step, I feel stronger. It’s just like any other battle and I’m prepared, there is a plan. Rhi and I get to the stairs. We’re joined with Sawyer, Jesinia, and Ridoc, all in doublets except for Jesinia, who’s in a light pink dress. They start gushing over how I look, but I can’t hear a word they’re saying. I’m looking further down the stairs, to the landing below.

A lot of people are gathering, standing along either wall of the rooms in file, leading to the warded room. I walk down the last flight of stairs and Bodhi’s waiting for me there, on the landing. We will walk in together, as equals. Garrick and Imogen stand beside him, also in their formal wear, but I only have eyes for the man yet to turn around in a black doublet. Garrick is straightening something around Bodhi’s neck, and as Garrick sees me, a smile spreads across his face and he says something to Bodhi making him turn around.

As he does, I feel a rush of blood to my face. I begin automatically move down the stairs. That is one gorgeous man. He looks at me frozen for a second, then smiles shaking his head, like he can’t believe I’m here or something, and runs up to meet me on the stairs, not letting go of me with his eyes. “Hi”, I say around a smile, even though I don’t think he can hear me from up here and find myself strangely out of breath. I know I didn’t lace my corset tight at all. I just feel flushed with the attention of so much people and seeing Bodhi like this, looking like a fucking prince. It’s a bit overwhelming. I didn’t mentally prepare for this part of it, only the fighting and heart wrenching stuff that comes later.

As Bodhi reaches me, he stops a step before me, evening out our height difference. Then kisses me softly on the lips and says, still smiling, “You look incredible. I knew you would, because you always do, but still I wasn’t prepared for all of this. We have to do this again sometime.” I snigger, feeling all giddy beside him. “Who even are you? The first thing I said to myself was, ‘he looks like a fucking prince’.” He smirks, “Well you should know.” I say through my teeth, “You don’t think you’re safe from me pinching you in front of all these people, do you?”

Bodhi offers me an arm, angling his elbow to me. I accept it, saying, “I was coming down to you, anyway.” He shrugs, “You know who you’re pretend marrying by now. I’m not a patient person. And I’m not giving up one moment I could have spent with you. Especially in this dress.”

Then it’s like a veil is lifted, I opted out from the real thing since it seems incredibly stupid in combat. I suddenly see everyone around us, smiling, talking, waving as we pass them by. Our friends follow in our tracks and I catch Rhiannon’s eye, giving her a wink as thanks for the excellent help to become this…bride and lure at the same time.

As we come towards the open door leading into the warded room, I see Sloane and Dain, standing right by the entrance. They both look tense, but Dain gives me a big smile as I look at him and even Sloane looks to have been taken out of her grim thoughts, that I see as passing shadows in her eyes. Next to them are Brennan, looking dapper with the blue sash draped across his doublet, in charge of handling the people and general chaos we are more or less expecting. Mira, is clad in a tactical pantsuit that with a lot of good will and mostly judging by material, gets away as formal wear. And as my bone hard sister’s eyes meet mine, I can see she is fighting tears.

Our friends, including the fliers, file out around us, claiming the space closest by the entrance to the room. There is also a priestess of Dunne present, whom I haven’t met before, that I can recall.

Brennan leans in, saying, “There has been no sightings of Sgaeyl as of yet, so until further notice, we can’t assume he’s coming. Stand close to the window, to make sure he can see you from outside, if he indeed decides to come.” I check in with Tairn and Andarna, who are patrolling high above, ready to make sure Sgaeyl doesn’t join the fray. “No sightings, Silver One, or we would have let you know.” Andarna chimes in, “If I fly by your window I’ll be able to see you soon!”

I look at Bodhi, and my heart is pounding hard in my chest. “This is it”, I say, hearing my voice shake a little. He looks warmly at me, “We’re apparently doing this.” We hold our hands clasped tightly together and take the few steps to go inside the room. Bodhi leading me slightly in front of him through the doorway. Then everything happens so fast.

I walk through the door, but Bodhi is pushed back by the ward, the impact of the unseen wall making him go flying, ending up sprawled in a heap on the stone floor. That can’t have been pleasant. He gets to his feet muttering about faulty wards, and I take a few steps to help him up, but find I am also thrown back, but into the room. I can’t leave.

Brennan and Mira try to enter and are equally pushed back by the invisible force. Bodhi screams, “Trissa!” into the group of people crowding the area, and rushes up to the door to look for runes, saying hurriedly to me, “We’ll get you out, love. Someone must have altered the wards, that’s the only explanation.” I’m beginning to panic.

That’s when I notice shadows slither over the floor by my feet, and I see everything in Bodhi’s widening eyes even before I turn around. Xaden stands before me in the middle of the room. Shadows are streaming in sleek, black bands from his open hands. He seems to have dressed up for the occasion but his eyes are as red as ever. The veins on his face are made even more prominent, as he raises one side of his perfect mouth in a devastating grin, saying in a whisper of a voice, “Hello, Violence.”

Chapter Text

I am frozen, gawking in shock at seeing Xaden. I don’t dare to look at Bodhi or my friends, and that’s just as well. I haven’t seen Xaden in so long, outside of dreams. Now he’s here in front of me, and I take in every detail. It’s like I’m conditioned not to fear him, whatever the apparent danger. A venin, but nonetheless, him.

Is the Xaden standing before me going to be the ‘villain’ speaking fiend, or the scorned lover? And if it is the villain. Then I must end him. Or meet my own end. He has certainly tried killing me enough times for me to know, there is no way one of us is walking out of here, if we don’t succeed in turning him back. He is so near me, I am just a few steps away from touching him. Xaden is eerily quiet, watching my every move and a grin unfolds on his face that makes me sick. Because it’s not him looking out from those eyes.

I have no time to loose. I go searching for my grounding, find myself floating in the night sky and try to focus on a star and find the light power. Knowing there will be no extra hands to help me succeed, no Sloane, no Dain. No Bodhi? I’m distracted, not knowing if Xaden will jump me, the moment I zone out. No light appears, nothing happens. I must not have tried hard enough.

I try to produce lightning, I hear the rumble of thunder far away, but nothing else. Xaden cocks his head in a predatory way, and looks out on the sunny sky, and says, almost matter of factly, and not a little bit condescending, “You might as well give up, Violence, you’ve never been able to kill me before. Save your energy.” So the rather more rider like version of him then. I have a chance.

His long jacket coat, sways after him, as he starts pacing around me, with a hood that’s hanging unused on his back. The eyes notwithstanding, he looks like he could very well be a fitting groom to complement me in my wedding dress. But, then there are also the distended, red veins snaking around his eyes, that are clearly visible in the sunlight streaming in from the windows. I send a dagger flying straight towards him, and he fucking catches it, tutting and wagging his finger at me, “Don’t make this difficult, Violence.”

I need to keep him talking, to make a way for my grounding and my signets to work in tandem. I look at Bodhi, he looks at me with a steady gaze, willing me to succeed. He also talks with Rhiannon, without letting go of my eyes. I see Rhi leaving the doorway, crestfallen. So no extraction possible, I guess. No wonder, I can’t stop moving.

“What is it you want?” I shout, to stall. Xaden hisses at me is a shallow voice that doesn’t read as his own, “You. I want you. Come with me and the others will be spared. Be glad I saved you from this charade.”

Trissa and Mira are outside, searching the doorway for runes and trying to unravel the wards. Mira shouts, “This is not our work. There’s…stuff everywhere! It won’t be just untangling it on a whim.” Bodhi says something to her and nods in response, his focus is on me alone. And the venin formally known as Xaden. Bodhi saw me try to wield and fail, and I can see he’s putting his clever mind to use. He shouts, “Wield through me”, making me understand he thinks the necklace can do the job with power directly from him. But if he mentions it, Xaden will know to break the necklace. And then I’m alone. I check that my shields are in place.

“I can’t and I won’t come with you”, I snap at Xaden, keeping my distance, moving so that the flower clad arch in the middle of the room becomes an obstacle between us. He’s walking slowly and purposefully, like he’s in no rush. For every stride he takes, I have to take several of my own to stay paced. And Xaden isn’t objectively speaking the one running out of time, because I’m right where he wants me. And I’ll tire before he does.

Xaden says, eyes never leaving me, an aggressive possessiveness permeating his every word. “You keep saying that, but we both know you only need to see me, to feel me, and you will change your mind again. As easily as you convinced yourself to stay with him. I never thought you’d be so fickle.” He spits out the last word like it tasted bad. I scream at him, “I’m not fickle! You left, you made me marry Bodhi, now you hate me for loving him?” In my mind I worry how much of this Bodhi can hear from outside the room. It could get really messy.

Xaden takes a long stride in my direction, to try and catch me, just as I pass the larger opening in the arch, and lashes out, letting shadows stream towards me, and I dodge back. The shadows keep following me, they try to grip my hands, but I can see on his face that he pushed for them to attack, but they didn’t. The dampening rune on the room remains intact, then. The shadows are like harmless whiffs of smoke, not solid enough to touch. My turn to smile.

I wave my hand in the air, through the shadow, making it dissolve into nothing, saying, “How is your shadow touch coming along there? Not liking some of the dampening runes? No shame, it can happen to anyone.” I glance at Bodhi, who gives me a pained smile, and gesticulates for me to come closer.

Xaden growls at me in rage, “You are coming with me regardless. I’ll carry you out myself. It won’t be as fun for you when I do.” As he lunges for me, I jump away, rolling on the floor and managing staying on the other side of the heavy rose arch.

“Violet!” Andarna exclaims, in panic. “I’m still here, there’s nothing you can do at the moment. Make sure we don’t get a visit from Sgaeyl! We can’t have contact, or I might let my shields slip and he’ll know of our plan!” I tell her and hear a roar in response from Tairn.

I try to approach Bodhi, but Xaden is blocking my path. What worse is, I can feel the scent of Xaden drift to me, rainwater and leather, as he moves in the room to circle me. And it still smells like home. Whatever, brain, work! I consider Xaden cooly, assessing him like I would any other threat. His eyes are shining, and when his lips lock in a snarl, I realise to my horror I more and more recognise the man I used to love in there. And part of me feels numb at seeing the ferociously, protective man, that I was certain would be the only recipient of my love. And know I might have to kill him.

I hear Bodhi shouting orders to people outside the ward, but the sound is a bit muffled. We were supposed to stay together, connected. That was the fucking plan. The wards of the room must have been altered. I come closer to him and as I do, he shouts, “They’ve made some changes now. Try to pull me in!”

To my surprise, Garrick holds his hand out in his stead, pushing Bodhi out of the way. “No! Aaric said not to. Take me instead.” I don’t question him, since Aaric’s ability has saved me more than once. “I can’t!”, I say desperately, my voice breaking, as I’m trying and failing to push my hand through. It’s like making it go through solid glass.

Bodhi shouts and I can see the dread on his face, “Watch out!” I duck to the side, slamming my knee into the iron arch, making my joint pop. I gasp in pain, but Xaden catches air. “Does being venin make you stupid?” I taunt him, trying hard not to show my pain. The more enraged I get him, the less control he seems to have over his movements. He becomes more predictable, less like a panther.

Bodhi made light stream from his hand that was so bright that I saw everyone around him cower. But the light shone only as if trapped within the doorframe, like a picture on the wall, on my end. The light was streaming free only on their side of the impenetrable, invisible wall between us. Ridoc also tries to come through with his ice, but the ice becomes like a frozen surface in the air between us and Bodhi stops him, saying in a panicked voice, that doesn’t crack, “Don’t, Ridoc, I need to see her.”

Xaden saw it and laughed, in a high, eerie way I think the real him would rather die than even consider he could emit. Why hasn’t he spoken into my mind yet? He probably can’t do that, with the dampener rune. I can use that. “You are very quiet today. Not able to read my mind this time either, and now not even filling it with your voice. Must be a bummer.” He snarls, jumping after me, and I hobble out of the way, using the heavy metal frame for protection as he thunders into it. I throw a knife that embeds itself in his shoulder. He rips it out, blood gushing, and walks in determined steps towards me.

I say calmly, moving and keeping the arch between us, “So when was it you altered the ward? When your red haired friend attacked us?” His voice is calmer, and his movements slower, and he must see he’s tiring me out, even though he’s bleeding. He looks darkly amused at my tries at conversation, “That’s right. I know everything there is to know about Riorson House, did you think you could keep me out? You are mine, Violence. Stop fighting it. You are just prolonging the inevitable.”

“Well, I won’t leave. So I guess we’ll stay here”, I say, with more bravado than I feel. He sees it too, because he stands still, and says slowly, as if tasting every word, “I will kill anyone who comes between me and what’s mine. And the power I lack can always be replenished.”

My heart all but stops. He bends slowly towards the ground, hands outstretched, I hear a cacophony of voices screaming in warning. My dragons, my friends, Bodhi. Bodhi, also screaming to the others to leave, not knowing how much around will be at risk to be drained. And he’s suddenly all alone out there, holding a hand on each side of the door frame, as if to keep himself on his feet. But I see a fierce determination in his eyes. He’s trying to find his centre.

This is it. I try again to reach my own grounding. I think of Bodhi holding me during training, when I first found it. Him laughing, as he found out I too had favoured the night sky. The thought makes me all warm inside. I try to reach the feelings I’ve had when our signets have combined and when we healed ourselves. I look at the necklace. Nothing happens.

Bodhi is shouting something, I snap out of my tries. Then, I swivel around for a moment, trying to find Xaden. I feel cold steel instead. There is a huge knife at my throat. I look at Bodhi, he screams, “No! Fight it!”, and can see he is glowing from inside his chest. He doesn’t seem to do it knowingly, and suddenly I feel the same burst of energy I did as our signets combined during training and after I almost died. From the necklace streams a crackling, thunderous band of white light.

The knife clinks to the ground, and I move out of Xadens grip on me. Kicking the knife to the other side of the room. As I stand in front of Xaden, he is trying to shield his eyes from the light and he suddenly screams loud, as in agony. Sinking to his knees, his back bending backwards at a horrible angle. Suddenly, I wonder if this will kill him. It’s unbearable, but I have to keep going.

I walk even closer to him, letting the light from the necklace blaze ever nearer and it becomes brighter as I do. I sit down beside Xaden, where he’s crumpled in a shaking heap, and hold him in my arms, letting the light push into him. Suddenly he stops convulsing and we both sit wrapped around each other on the ground, with me holding him in a tight embrace.

I hear his breathing normalise, my ear is just above his heart, and the beating is strong and calmer. My own heart is thundering, but the light doesn’t flow anymore. As I’m close to him like this, I draw in a breath of his scent. It’s the same as it always was and that ruins me.

And I don’t even dare to hope, as I unwrap my arms and slowly pull back from Xaden. He suddenly lashes out and grips me hard, the movement so fast I give a shriek. Then he lets me go, and turns his head up to face me, saying “Violet!” I put one hand on each side of Xaden’s face, and look at him from every angle, as I feel tears on my face. I say in disbelief, no veins to be seen, “Your eyes… Bodhi!” I shout to be heard on the other side of the ward, “We did it!”

I see Bodhi, also sitting on the floor, looking to have spent all the energy he had. “Incredible!” he shouts back. He’s so near, but so far away from me. “We did it”, I say again, my voice a croak. Xaden looks at me, with shock shining in huge onyx eyes, with the gold flecks that I’ve not seen for so long. He says in his own, perfectly normal voice, “What…you cured me? My extraordinary woman. I knew you’d find a way. You never give up. Or do as I tell you.”

I burst out crying, from relief, elation…and absolute dread at the part that comes next. I look at Bodhi, he leans his head against the doorframe and I can see his eyes swimming with emotion. Fuck. I need to get to him.

I easily make it to my feet, my leg doesn’t bother me at all. Xaden stands as well and grips my wrist firmly, pulling me towards his body, enveloping me in a tight embrace. It feels so natural and good that I don’t even react until he’s tilting his head down to meet my lips. “Stop!” I exclaim, breaking out of his arms. “You…can’t do that again. I need to think.”

He knits his eyebrows, looking so much like Bodhi that I flinch. He says disbelieving, “I love you, Violet. We’re end game. It was always going to be us, I will get over what’s happened and it will be just like before. Don’t worry.” I shake my head stepping away from him, “That’s my husband over there, remember?” The hurt in my voice is palpable. He gave me away, like I was a thing. And I have not forgotten that, regardless of how happy I am that he is back.

He blinks once, his face sets and I can see the muscles ticking in his jaw, then he says, in a hard voice, “I’m well the fuck aware that I left Bodhi as my temporary stand in.” He glares at Bodhi, and looks like he could kill him for the transgressions he apparently has done. “The wedding was supposed to be a wedding in name only. I told him not to touch you, or I’d kill him for it. I bet he didn’t tell you that, Violence. He’s your so called husband because I made it happen and I trusted him. I fucking arranged it to protect you. And Tyrrendor. And now I’m back, to claim what’s mine.” I shake my head, “No, that’s not…”

Bodhi stands as well and I go over to the door opening, careful not to try to broach the invisible limit. I hold out my hand as if to touch him, saying desperately, “That is not what’s happening. Get me out of here.” I’m shaking and I hear my voice wobble. “Get them working on removing the wards.” Bodhi looks at me, stone faced. “I’m not fucking leaving you with him. We’re not sure what we did is permanent. And we need to have a conversation right now.” He looks at Xaden, saying, “All of us. Preferably keep the death threats under wraps for now. There’ll be plenty of time for that later.”

Xaden crosses his sizeable arms and leans his head back, standing right beside me, encroaching on both our spaces, saying in what I always thought of as the wing leader voice, “I’m me. I would never hurt Violet, little cousin. Run along.” Bodhi doesn’t raise his voice. He does however rise to the occasion, as he snorts with derision, saying, “I can see you’ve not lost any of your entitled, angsty, bullshit attitude, being stuck in venin land. The rest of us have moved on from this kind of self devotion.” Xaden glares at him, but says nothing.

Then Bodhi turns to me and his voice is calm and soft, “Darling, you did so amazingly well. This was exactly our aim. I will get you out, but I refuse to leave you. Cuir is talking to Marbh. Brennan will be able to assign roles and get Mira back to unlock this mess. Does your leg need mending?” I can’t get a word out. I wish he’d be angry with me, instead of this loving. I hear the pressure he’s under to keep focus away from making me choose between them right now. And I just need to feel him. That would make it all so much easier.

Because, there is a part of me that knows one thing with absolute certainty. If Bodhi wasn’t here, I would already be back in Xaden’s arms. Fuck.

Chapter Text

“Violet? Talk to me, do you need mending? Your leg got pretty bashed up”, Bodhi glances angrily at Xaden as he says it, also adding through his teeth, eyes narrowed, “And Xaden, you aught to have a knife wound?” Bodhi’s sitting in front of me on the floor, on the other side of the warded doorway. I snap out of my thoughts, we’re so close, but separated. I can’t even look at Xaden, standing hovering above me, “I…no, the light took care of my damage.” Xaden asks without hesitation, “We were healed?”

I turn my head up to see him lightly touching his shoulder where my blade caught him. The move is so indisputably ‘Xaden’ that I almost feel tears well up again. I’ve missed him so much. I answer, looking at Xaden, “I was healed by the light. I suppose you were too. We…can do that sometimes. Together.” My gaze falls on Bodhi again, and an intense longing for his touch fills by body. I can see how he follows my every expression. Himself looking very guarded, but trying hard to be here for me when I need him, the only way he can. As in talk and not panic in this socially awkward nightmare about to unfold, as I’m still locked in the room. Bodhi interrupts me urgently, “Don’t tell him too much yet. You are still stuck with him, literally speaking only, of course.” He flashes me a grim smile.

Xaden takes a threatening step closer to stand right by the warded door, and says testily, “Stop babying her or limiting what she can or can’t say to me. Violet isn’t afraid of me, she’s never been.” I’m glad he doesn’t look at me, because I don’t seem to feel very relaxed in his presence right now at all. I’m at least…apprehensive. Bodhi sees it though, and he does not look happy, as he says, glaring up at Xaden from his sitting position on the floor, “Let Violet the fuck out, then we can talk.”

Xaden snarls, “I think it’s in your best interest for me not to get my hands on you at this time. Or, do you want me to have it out with you, cousin? I can unlock this room right now.” He looms over me, leaning in with an arm splayed over the doorframe, making his physical threat all the more palpable.

Bodhi gets to his feet, looking Xaden square in the eye. Not much height difference between them, still Xaden gives the impression of being huge. It’s the lovely, immanent threat he exudes that does it, they are both sizeable opponents, and so alike, except in all the ways that matter. Bodhi says, face taut, but voice calm, “Why don’t you unward the room then? Let Violet go. I’m not afraid of you.”

Xaden says, harshly, “I won’t, because I don’t trust you, traitor. Also, I prefer you having a certain distance to my woman at the moment while she settles in. And I don’t trust myself to stop when I’ve started with you. I honestly don’t care about you at all, my only priority is Violet.” A strangely warm feeling, in connection to the familiar protectiveness from Xaden, rolls through me at his words, but I fight it with rational thought. This man…has not provided me with any safety since I first laid eyes on him. My old feelings for him, are groundless. But nonetheless present. I certainly don’t need protection from Bodhi.

Xaden says frighteningly calm, articulating every syllable, while looking down his nose at Bodhi, “My house, my title, my throne, my woman… anything else you’d like to steal?” Bodhi smiles suddenly, turning his face down to look at me and I just know he’s thinking about the ex throne. “Not particularly. I’m quite satisfied with what I’ve got. We’ll break the wards with or without your help. I just know Violet will love to be kept as a bird in a cage some more. Really romantic, Xaden, keeping her against her will.” He smiles at me, giving me a wink. I feel a deep thankfulness to Bodhi, keeping me sane through his words and taking some of the ominous nature out of the situation.

Shadows swirl in front of Xaden and he blocks the whole doorway with black, impenetrable shadow. I am suddenly petrified, remembering how those same shadows stopped me from breathing, and strangled me almost to death. It’s an unconscious thought, and though my reaction is visceral it should read as fear to Xaden, if he’s looking. And as Xaden takes a step towards me, with a quizzical look in his eyes, I scramble to get to my feet and back away from him. To his credit he stops, searching my face, himself seeming totally confused by my reaction and at me keeping my distance. “What are you doing, love? I’m me again.” he says without a waver.

Bodhi shouts, fear lacing his voice, “Xaden! Let’s discuss this. We can make a deal on how to handle this, just don’t... Violet, tell me you’re fine.” What the fuck does he mean ‘make a deal’. I might just end up killing them both. I grit out to Xaden, “Make the shadows stop, now!” The shadows fall away and I feel like I’ve finally found some solid ground, at least in this I know what I want. I stalk towards Xaden, who stands brooding by the flower clad arch. “You!”, I snap and point at him, “Any more shadows and I’ll fucking start throwing lightning around. I need to see him”, I point to Bodhi. Xaden starts, looking taken by surprise, even taking a step back. My throat almost closes up, as I see the worry I meet in Bodhi’s eyes, so I have to take a deep breath before continuing.

“And while I’m at it, if anyone is doing deals, it’s me. Fuck you for suggesting you speak for me.” Bodhi raises his hands in honest defeat, saying hurriedly, “I’m sorry, I panicked.” I’m fucking angry at the fucking lying. I have to clear that up. Xaden smirks, obviously feeling rather happy at me dealing out some all around bashings. He shouldn’t.

“Here’s how this is going to work.” I tell them, hoping no one picks up on the shaking in my entire body, “We have some talking to do and I’m not waiting to do it. Tell Brennan to hold everyone back, while we do. A barrier between you two might be the only way to do this without…” I can’t say, ‘anyone getting hurt’. I also can’t guarantee I’m getting out of here easily, or Xaden would have just unlocked the wards. Might as well use being locked up to my advantage. They both look equally pissed with what I’ve decided, but that doesn’t bother me.

I walk towards the door opening, and I focus on Bodhi, who suddenly looks like an animal caught in a trap. “You want me to have a free choice, correct?“, he nods, beginning to speak, but I interrupt him. “I can’t have that if you’re not truthful.” He looks at Xaden, then back at me. And swallows, eyes wide, “What do you need to know? You know I’ll tell you.” I take a raspy breath, “Did Xaden tell the truth, about you supposedly having promised to keep things…above the covers and keep to a faux marriage with me?” Behind me Xaden laughs a hard, joyless laugh, “Yeah, tell her, cousin, or I will.” Bodhi looks like he wants to try to take a chance at breaking through the ward, to get to me instead.

But he says, pained, his brown eyes shining with worry at my reaction, “It’s true. I knew I couldn’t keep any such promise, and I didn’t care. I would have said yes to anything if it meant a chance to be with you. I was, and I am, so in love with you and I couldn’t have not tried to see if you could feel the same, given a chance.” Oh gods. He had been so convincing. I know in my heart though, that had I known Xaden wanted for this to be a temporary, sham marriage, I would have adhered to that to the best of my abilities. But then again, the pull I’ve felt towards Bodhi, I can’t imagine the torture of not having had that in my life. Bodhi studies my face, and goes on. “I honestly couldn’t fathom this happening, Xaden returning to himself, ever.” Xaden shakes his head, saying, in a menacing, low voice that makes me shiver, “You traitorous, lying, scheming, fucking…”

I shush Xaden, which makes him scowl at me, arms folded across his chest and pacing the width of the room. They both really hate when I do that, apparently. I say curtly, “None of that.” He stops to glare at me, and I feel his gaze on my neck like it’s burning me.

I look back at Bodhi, and I hear the hurt seep through my own voice, “You’ve been lying through your teeth to me, from day one. Why. Why didn’t you tell me about this? Did you think that I wouldn’t have fallen in love with you then? And why didn’t you tell me at least before today?” Bodhi steps as close to the door opening as he humanly can, saying in a hard voice, “It wasn’t fair from the beginning of Xaden to ask this of either of us. To limit how we get to choose to live and love, while still pushing us together! I told you the truth of my promise to him when we got married, before the memory changes, but you still fell for me somehow, maybe against your will. Maybe a mate thing.” Xaden interrupts from the other side of the room, shouting, “You’re not fucking mates, it doesn’t exist, get on with it!”

Bodhi ignores him, focusing on me, “I didn’t tell you again, because I watched how it tore you apart when I did the first time. You were driven half mad from shame and grief! And then, I didn’t tell you before today, because…if we hadn’t succeeded, and if Xaden had stayed away, you might have had a chance to still live your life with me free of that ever looming blame he, unjustly, places on you.”

I sniff, and am silent for a little while. I get why he did it, but still can’t fathom the lying. Bodhi runs his fingers through his black locks, asking me anxiously, “Please, say something.” I’m forcing myself to answer, saying in a small voice, “That’s a good answer. I’m angry with you, but not that answer. I need to process this, but I’m not running.” He nods, and says in a voice that’s almost a whisper from relief, “I accept that. Thank you for telling me, you know, that you’re not…” Yes. I know. I can see in his pleading eyes, he prepared for this to potentially be my line. But it’s not.

He shrugs, then looks at Xaden, and comes back with a voice that’s sharp enough to cut glass, “You had no right to demand it in the first place. You fucking knew the risk you took, binding us together, knowing full well of my feelings for Violet. As I’ve come to understand, you knew my every intention.” Xaden scoffs at this, and looks at me like I’ve betrayed him. Which I sort of have.

Bodhi goes on, and Xaden walks slowly towards the doorway like a sinister growing shadow as Bodhi speaks to him, “Make no mistake, she fell for me each time, even after she had her memory erased to cope with the sadness of loosing you and the damage you did to her as a venin. And it has been the same outcome, regardless of what she’s known of your orders on how we should be allowed to feel, live or love. But the guilt was planted by you, in her knowing that first time. You exercising control over her like that was also, in my opinion, greatly to blame for how immensely sad Violet felt. And I was there, and you were off doing evil venin shit. And that makes you culpable in my book. You’ve had your chance and you wrecked it sublimely.”

Bodhi looks at me, his voice is still sharp, “And you aren’t a traitor. Certain orders have to be ignored, and these are only expressions of spite and jealousy, and could very well have come from the grave. Even when those orders are issued by Xaden fucking Riorson.”

Xaden reaches the edge of the doorway and looks like he hasn’t heard a word against him, blankly staring at Bodhi with contempt. Bodhi says to me, and his eyes are softer, “I am so very sorry I had to keep this from you. I could say, I should have told you, but I won’t. I couldn’t risk that you would have stayed hoping and miserable all your life, feeling you were to blame for something beyond your control.”

Xaden turns to me, his onyx eyes vivid with the beautiful gold flecks, a sense of triumph around him, and there is a clip to his voice, “There you have it. He’s lied to you from the start, made you think you’re in love on false premises. He’s used your grief to get close to you. Using my trust in him to tie you to him emotionally. Bodhi is a nobody who’s weaselled his way into your arms when he knew you would be low, taking advantage of your sorrow and his own connection to me.”

I look gravely at Xaden. Because he’s partly right when it comes to the premises. But I have to be really clear. I’m not leaving room for misinterpretation, even though it might seem cruel in the moment. I tell Xaden, my voice strong, “Make no mistake. I am in love with Bodhi.” Xaden invades my space, glaring down at me with abject horror on his face, gritting out, “You don’t really mean that.” I turn my face up towards Xaden’s, taking a deep breath, “As matters stands, it doesn’t matter if he’s lied. Or how it came about. I still love him.” I vaguely notice from the corner of my eye how Bodhi gasps in relief at my words and quickly turns around, moving in the corridor.

Xaden’s shadows dance like fire around him, but he doesn’t use them against me. I try to explain the unexplainable, “We have both mourned you, and I’ve moved on.” He puts up a hand in front of my face, and says with thinly veiled aggression, “Don’t say anything else, or I can’t vouch for my fucking actions.” I say carefully, “Fine. I won’t.” I won’t need to tell him I don’t love him anymore. And I won’t need to repeat I love Bodhi.

I glance at Bodhi, and he’s back to standing by the door again, looking at me with so much love and really emoting he’s longing for this to be over, please, but trusting me. Then his expression changes to become more weary, as he glances at Xaden and takes in the anger that has made its way into his volatile movements around the room, him looking more aggressive and appearing nothing like the controlled leader.

I don’t envy Bodhi’s position beyond the ward. While I move on to the harder subjects, Bodhi will be stuck, wearily watching as I’m dancing around in a flaming fire and he is bound to have a couple of opinions. But convincing Xaden to accept my decision, is exactly what I have to do for us all to get out of here in one piece. A part of me is starting to doubt it’s likelihood.

Chapter Text

Xaden is marching aggressively around the room. And I’m still stuck in here with him. Actually seeing Xaden suffer, I feel incredibly guilty for having moved on. Then I decide, and will myself to stop. The marriage to Bodhi was not something neither involved party chose, at least not the way it happened. Xaden chose it for us.

When I think of that, the guilt is replaced with anger at Xaden. I walk up to him, Bodhi hissing as I pass him, “What are you doing?” But I stride past him, until I’m standing right in front of Xaden, saying testily, “This is the life you pushed on me - now you fault me for living it? Or, sorry, enjoying it? Had I known that you wanted me to live in misery and pain, while tethered to another, never permitting me to move on… Fuck, what would that have done to me?”

He must see and hear how exasperated I am, but shrugs, saying crassly, “You obviously managed to get me back from being venin. I never doubted you’d try until you succeeded, that’s all.” I don’t buy that for a second, and I put my index finger hard into his chest, “But you might not have come back, ever. And you know, I wouldn’t have let myself live, just existed on as a shrine for you, following your rules of conduct.”

Xaden exhales, and takes a step out of my reach, like this wasn’t exactly the way I was supposed to interpret this, saying sharply, “Don’t push me, Vi. I never wanted you to be miserable. I just wanted you not to give up on me.” I cross my arms, “I’m sure, but living like that would have ended me. It very nearly did.” He looks away, saying through clenched teeth, “I just want you to be with me. Not move on with another. How is that so outrageous to you?” The pain of hearing him rationalise his actions, cuts deep. No apology, no remorse. Only justifying his egotistical claims on me, regardless of the repercussions.

I stare him down, and hope he goes digging in my intentions right now. Then he’d see my respect for him dwindling. Xaden begins to walk away from me, but I stop him, by laying a hand on his arm. “You need to hear this part. I’ve…not been well. Really depressed, actually. You remember…” I can hardly say it, “everything you’ve done to me, as a venin, right?”

Xaden turns to face me, grabbing my shoulders and looking freaked out, and says loud enough to make me flinch, “Are you seriously holding me accountable for things you know I would never have done, had I been myself? That’s rough, love.” I bristle, peeling his hands off me. “Please, neither of you call me ‘love’ or ‘darling’ or anything else. It’s distracting.” Bodhi looks apprehensive, stalking to and fro in front of the doorway, but nods.

I then continue to Xaden, trying to change the perspective, but still feeling like hitting someone, “I understand you may not have consciously decided to do the evil fucking things you’ve done to me, but they have certainly had an impact I can’t ignore. You should at least acknowledge that.” Xaden sighs heavily, like I’m annoying him, as he comes to stand close to me, looking extremely broody. “It was killing me, hurting you, and in that form I couldn’t resist it, but it was never me. You have to believe me! I’ve never consciously hurt you, Violence. I was trapped in my own mind.”

I can see Bodhi shaking his head bitterly at what he’s saying. I look back at my husband, shaking my head, silently telling him to sit this one out. Then I say to Xaden, “I believe you. But that doesn’t change that you’ve in fact hurt me. I’ll never fully be able to trust you again. That’s the reality.”

He stalks away from me, turning and screaming at me from the distance of the room, “I wasn’t my-fucking-self! And I wouldn’t have become venin in the first place if it wasn’t for me always protecting you!” I dodge backwards, both from the volume of his voice, echoing between the stone clad walls, and at his words, that hurt even worse than my ears.

Bodhi apparently can’t contain himself, and says, vindictively but annoyingly calm, “Stop your screaming, can’t you see not everyone around you enjoy it? And it’s the second time you say you haven’t hurt ‘Violence’, but that’s not really true, is it.” Xaden stalks to the door’s opening, looking bored, as best he can, saying, “Keep the fuck out of this, place holder!” As Bodhi says in a supremely calm voice, “You’ve scared or threatened her before today. Several times. Does it make you feel powerful?” Xaden shakes his head, his voice dripping with venom, “Such a brave little traitor, now you know I can’t crush you. You’re no better than your fucking traitor of a father.”

Bodhi lazily gets one of the chairs behind him, sitting down leisurely in front of the doorway. No, sprawling, more like. I look longingly at the chair, from inside the totally bare room. He sees it and gets up, pushing the chair carefully over the threshold, mumbling, “You’ve not warded it against inanimate objects? What if someone brought a crossbow?” Then he gets a new chair for himself. Pointing at Xaden, with an indelicate smile, “He doesn’t need one. He can use his high horse to sit on.” Xaden just glowers at him. I don’t intervene, since I don’t want more loose objects potentially flying around in here, than strictly necessary, when I can’t get out. Trying hard not to think about that. I sit down in the chair, angling it so I don’t have my back against Xaden. He is coming across as volatile. Or I’m not used to his way of ‘discussing’ anymore. If I ever was.

Xaden stalks away to the window, then comes to stand beside my chair. I feel small, so I stand up in front of him. He inhales loudly, saying rather smoothly, “I know you love me. Deny it if you want to, but then you’re lying to yourself. I won’t be convinced of anything else.” I look away, this is becoming horrible pretty fast. His eyes sweep past Bodhi, and he tilts his head, looking at me, “You kissed me. Even as a venin, you came to me of your own free will. I dare you to deny it. Our love is stronger than whatever convenience and wish for comfort has caused the infatuation for my stand in. It will pass.” He nods towards Bodhi. I take a shaky breath. “I don’t remember the kiss, but I’m sure I probably did kiss you. And I won’t deny that I still feel deeply for you.” I can see Xaden breathe out, and I hurry to say, “But I wouldn’t call it love.”

He freezes in place, and I feel a chill creep up on me. “You’ve conditioned me to crave you, by making me dependent on you, letting you govern my choices or have them judged by your standards.” Xaden says in a raised voice, pointing at Bodhi, “This is your fucking doing. Did you get off on filling her head with fucking lies about me? Was that how you ‘comforted her’, as you convinced her to mourn me and let me go? You fucking hypocrite!”

I clear my throat. “You hardly know me as I am now, and you barge in demanding I upend my life and come with you. I don’t believe you love me. What’s left is a fixation, not love.” He gasps, “You didn’t just fucking say that.” I force myself to go on, “I’m so sorry, but I believe it’s true. You’ve been controlling me, with all the secrets, the demands, pushing people away, always keeping me unsure of where I have you, not able to fully let me in, me not able to trust you. The truth is, you never trusted me either. What would be left for us to build on now? I can’t be with someone who has hurt me, physically and mentally, like you have. You have to let me go. It’s the only reasonable thing to do.”

He draws in a sharp breath, “But I haven’t…” and takes my hand in both of his. Then he says quietly, “I’m not letting you go. I’ve fought for you before. And you loved me again. I’ve told you, i intend to keep you, whether I deserve you or not.” I see him feeling the unfamiliar wedding ring on my finger. I, in turn, feel tears streaming freely down my cheeks now, while his face looks all blank. He won’t let me go. I couldn’t convince Xaden.

I say, shakily, snatching back my hand from his grip, “Then there will be nothing left of me. There is a line between stay and go, and we’ve danced over it so many times. I redraw the line, then I back up, and redraw it again. The road before me is just striped with crossed lines between us!” “Good analogy”, Bodhi supplies, from his place in the chair. Xaden growls at him, “You fucking stay out of this!”

Bodhi rises from the chair, and takes a step forward towards Xaden, fury in his voice, “Last analogy I heard being spoken of between the two of you, you chose to interpret as a good time to place a knife at Violet’s throat…are you insane? She asks you to let her go.” Xaden shouts, “Shut up, these are things you have no idea about! You’re just trying to trick her to jilt me for some made up reason, so you can pretend to storm in and save her to a life of mediocracy.”

Bodhi tilts his head, like a fox, standing right by the edge of the ward, one hand on each side of the doorframe, “I know enough. The scars linger. You were volatile with her, much as you are now, with all your threats to keep her against her will. I have had three different Violets show me how affected she was by how you’ve treated her. If you have any love left for either of us, you leave us well alone and take your angsty shit elsewhere. You know you don’t deserve Violet, then you shouldn’t keep her.”

Xaden turns to me, saying harshly, “When you die, I die. That’s the way it was supposed to be…” I look him straight in the eye, a fire waking up inside me, “When we were all tethered together by the dragons’ mating bond! That doesn’t exist anymore, because of you having all but finished the dragon you were bonded to. Is Sgaeyl even alive?” Xaden stalks away to the window.

Tairn answers me. “She is. But she is not the same.” I send him all my love, “No! Tairn, I’m so sorry! I really hoped she would come back when Xaden did.” Tairn says sadly, “That was far from certain. There still is hope, Silver One. But I do not know how things will stand between her and the Dark One then.” That’s interesting. Xaden might be a rider without a dragon, if Sgaeyl returns to her old self and breaks the bond between them.

I look at Bodhi, opting to let Xaden cool down, my eyes narrowing, I purse my lips, as I’m saying to Bodhi, “I know about the annulment of the marriage. Our marriage.” All colour drains from Bodhi’s face, “How…” he says, and I continue, “Mhm. From Aaric. Really angry about that stunt. Making the decision without talking to me… Not happy about it.” I shake my head. He squirms, but straightens his back, saying solemnly, “I did it for you to be able to make a free, unbiased decision. Actually, it’s good you found out about it, so you’ve had time to reflect. It’s your life and if you choose to stay with me, I don’t want to think you feel you have to, because of some vow you didn’t even seek or remember making, nor to have the weight of Tyrrendor’s autonomy to consider.”

Xaden flat out rages at Bodhi, striding towards him, “Are you out of your mind? You might as well just have given Tyrrendor to king fucking Tauri!” Bodhi looks at him calmly, “No, since you still have a legitimate claim, the title’s safe. But not for me. This also proving I’ve never been after your fucking title.”

Xaden drawls, “Just my woman, then.” Bodhi raises his eyebrows and shoulders, fighting an involuntary smile, “Well, I guess you could say I didn’t exactly sit that opportunity out, when it presented itself. Gifted by you, as a matter of fact.” That apparently does it, Xaden rushes towards the limit of the ward, and bounces back as if he’s run into a brick wall, leaving him in a heap on the floor. I fly out of my chair, fighting to get out of the way, cursing him and my idiot husband under my breath.

I force my breathing to calm, then say, “Before anyone does anything else, I asked Aaric to intercept the message. And I don’t know if he did, because of the red haired venin wounding him enough that he’s now asleep.” Bodhi’s jaw drops, and he says, a dumbstruck smile growing on his face. He finds his ability to speak and goes on to say in wonder, “You… possibly destroyed your best chance to get rid of me. And outschemed me.” Then continues as if talking to himself, smiling from ear to ear, “I find I like it. It’s almost like a proper proposal. I graciously accept.” I smile back at him, and shake my head, signing so Xaden doesn’t see it, “I love you, idiot.”

Then I start, as Bodhi cries out sharply in pain. The dagger Xaden as a venin used on me, is now sticking out from my husband’s chest. Xaden must have thrown it at him, as I was turned to face Bodhi and as he was distracted by me. Bodhi looks at the hilt embedded in his chest in disbelief, and slides to the ground. I scream down the bond to my dragons to get him help, to get Brennan. My necklace is light and depleted and inside the warded room, there is nothing my signets can do.

Xaden makes a series of rapid hand movements in front of the door. And the ward is broken.