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It’s been 7 years since Till joined the rebellion. Since he lost everything, since Mizi disappeared, since Ivan died.
Sometimes, Till lays awake in his bed motionless. He stares at the ceiling longingly, somewhat wistful as he turns to his side. His fingers dig into his palm, anger rising in him once again like every other night.
He clicks his tongue, “…stupid,” he mutters as he buries his head into his pillow.
Till’s throat is better now, scars linger and the pain comes every now and then, but nothing can truly stop his longing.
Till wants to share his regret, his memories, his pain, his everything. But the only person alive to do so ran away, choosing to live in fear and disgust.
He could never hate Mizi for that because he too felt that way once.
He was so angry, so… Miserable.
He wanted nothing but to disappear from the world and to have that smug bastard laughing in his grave.
That damn ghost that haunted him accompanied him for years, seeing his every failure and success.
Ivan. He misses him. Needs him.
Till needs him.
On long nights, Till cries himself to sleep at the thought of their undiscovered relationship, if he weren’t so blind, would their love blossomed just like Mizi and Sua’s?
And maybe that’s the difference between them, Mizi lost her love too early and Till lost his too late.
He wants it all back, to run back in Anakt Garden and play instruments in the fake grass, make flower crowns, and sing.
He wants to sing. He wants music.
There’s so much he wants back but will never have. Sure his voice got better, but will it ever carry the power he used to have?
Music was his passion, the only thing he genuinely loved, Alien Stage or not.
Till clutches his pillow harder, full on sobbing into it.
His chest aches, it hurts. It hurts so bad.
Then, his eyes grow tired and his body limp, and he sees the four of them, Sua, Mizi, Ivan and him.
They’re laughing altogether, with the biggest smiles on their faces.
This is what he wishes for. That’s what he wants, needs even.
He falls asleep with the mistaken belief that what he’s seeing is the future, when it’s really the past.
.
..
…
….
…..
When Till opens his eyes, he’s in an unfamiliar place.
It’s a house, but it’s really spacious and quiet, and insanely white! Holy shit!
Till groans as he covers his eyes, waiting for them to adjust. He looks around, hoping to find anything to jog his memory of why he’s here.
He doesn’t remember how he got here, last thing he remembers is sobbing in his bed.
But if he was in his bed… Then is this a dream?
Till sighs, “no use in trying to wake up then,” he says under his breath. Walking around the home, it’s very organized and modern.
It doesn’t look like any of the home decor back in reality, it’s all very… Human to him.
He hums, he likes it. There’s no absurdly large entrances or strange environment pockets, just human sized portions!
So it’s an all human household..
Maybe a futuristic rebellion base? When we get more money?
Till becomes excited at the idea of it, the possibility of having more space and resources means more people to their cause!
His eyes gleam, he begins to eagerly inspect the place, wanting to burn it in his memory.
Near some drawers under a tv, there were some framed photos, he didn’t mean to look at them at first, thinking that they’d all just be blurs anyways.
But.. They weren’t. In fact, they were really detailed and clear.
And the one he picked up had 7 people in it, 3 girls and 4 boys.
His breath hitched as he looked at their faces.
Till began to hyperventilate and scratch at his throat, not able to hear the sounds of footsteps approaching.
“T-that… This.. Can’t be,” Till gasped, hands shaking as he held the picture, eyes unfocusing.
A hand grabbed his shoulder gently, but he violently shook it off and glared at whoever grabbed him.
“Till..?”
Red. Black. White. Blood.
Those images flash through Till’s mind, he wasn’t ready. He knew that Ivan would appear in front of him again, but he didn’t expect it to be like this.
Ivan looks at him innocently, a bit confused as his eyes pinch together and his head tilts sideways just the tinniest bit.
“You’re not Till, but you look like him, are you his older brother? But wait, he’s an only child..?” Ivan starts to mutter to himself, and now Till’s confused.
Who’s ‘him’? He’s Till, the only Till that he knows of, and he’s certainly not anyone’s older brother (by blood at least)!
His fingers dig into his throat, catching on the scarred skin.
Ivan notices, “whoa! Don’t do that, come on,” he reaches out to grab Till’s hand but he’s gentle.
He’s handling him with care, love.
Till’s eyes start to water.
“Ivan..” He gasps, “why, are you here?” He asks, eyes determined.
“Hm? This is our house, silly. Why wouldn’t I be here?”
Our.
Without noticing, Ivan already had Till sitting on the blinding white couch, staring at him with love. His red pupils were wide, watching him.
“Our…?” Till repeated, a bit dazed.
Ivan chuckles, “well maybe not ours, but me and my Till’s.” And that leaves him with even more questions, what is this guy on about?!
His mouth gapes open, but before he could say a nothing Ivan looks at him up and down, then smirks.
“You’re not from this world,” and his eyes dare to crinkle at that, what does that even mean?
Till wishes he could just punch Ivan, and he probably will.
“You certainly look like my Till, but you have so many scars and you’re definitely more built, which honestly looks really good actually, wow-“ And there’s the hit.
“Ow!!! Okay, okay, I’m sorry!” He cries, rubbing his cheek, he fakes a sob and then goes silent.
Till decides to break their silence, “are you sure? I thought this was a dream,” he confesses, now utterly terrified on how he managed to get into a different reality.
“Certain, see those pictures? Those are my friends and my husband, well you, but different I guess. You guys look really different,” Ivan points to more pictures on the stand, then on the wall, everywhere in the house really.
And Till does see the difference.
His hair was longer and he was lankier, close to how he looked in round 6 or the final. Wow, it’s been a long time.
Then he steals glances at the others, Sua had the same bob, but she looked more mature and elegant than cute.
Mizi’s hair was short as well, scruffy but she had the biggest smile.
Luka.. Was there. He looked more or less the same, but there wasn’t anything ominous or scary about him, he genuinely looked peaceful.
And next to him were two others, a girl and guy who he assumed were twins due to their similarities.
He didn’t know who they were but they were probably really important to him. Guess he also lost those he cared about too.
Looking at the pictures makes Till feel like he’s really unfortunate. To be born in a cruel world, to sing or die, and be forced to live with that.
His eyes water.
He wants what they have, the world sounds peaceful, they’re happy.
“You’re.. Married,” he says quietly, glancing over at Ivan’s left hand.
And Ivan smiles, his snagged tooth peaking through. “Mhm, that’s right.”
“Congratulations,” he whispered.
It was a sweet moment, but of course, Ivan was always Ivan, no matter what world he was in.
He was curious, always wanting to know what Till was doing, what he thought about or what he was drawing.
And this is no different.
“Are you and the me of your world together?” He asked so distantly, and still gaped slightly as they stared into each other’s eyes.
The sea of black and red consumed his vision again, Ivan’s eyes always looked empty and devoid of light.
He swallowed deeply, and looked away.
“…No, you… You died.” He rasped out, it was horrible to think about and worse to admit aloud.
Ivan remained silent, then before getting up he just said, “okay.” Then left to go to the other room.
Leaving Till in the living room alone.
He clicked his tongue.
This wasn’t how he wanted it to be. If he ever had the chance to explain himself, to share his thoughts, his experience, with anyone he would do it to Ivan. He wanted him to know more than anyone else.
He deserved to know.
He ran after him.
“Ivan!” He yelled, grabbing the man’s hand.
He snapped his head towards Till, eyes wide and red.
“I.. I…! Please, let me speak. Please, I want to tell you everything, even if you’re not my Ivan. Please, I want to tell you, and just you.” He spoke, voice loud and rough in a way that he hasn’t spoken like in a long, long time.
And he smiled.
“Okay, Till.” He whispered, taking his hand into his own. Caressing it gently, “you can tell me everything.”
And Till did.
He told him about the aliens, earth, what music meant to him, Ivan laughed and said that’s what his Till also told him once upon a time.
He told him about Alien Stage and what they did, how Mizi lost Sua, how he was treated, how his Ivan purposefully lost, and how the rebellion saved him.
The weight he had on his shoulders eased with every word he uttered.
By the end of it, he confessed.
“I know you.. Already have a Till of your own, but I want to tell you that I… Love you, and forever will.” Till’s voiced softened significantly, laced with a bit of regret.
He sighed, “I’ve been searching for Mizi for months, I also wanted to share me pain with her because only we can understand it.” He continued, “but she always evades me, believing that this is her punishment. Her atonement, for being human.”
Till talked until his voice grew raspy and strained, wanting to get every bit off his chest. When will he get another chance fo speak like this?
Who will listen and comfort him like Ivan? Who would love him like Ivan?
Who?
No one else.
By the end of it, Ivan held Till, though a bit awkwardly as Till had just a wee bit more muscle than he thought.
And during their comfortable silence, the door swung open.
“Hey Ivan, I’m back. I also brought Mizi and Sua-“ Till stops dead in his tracks, taking in the scene of his husband embracing another man, before launching his coffee cup at him.
“WHAT THE FUCK!!”
.
..
…
“Oh, so… You’re me? And I’m… You?” This world’s Till gestured with his fingers, still very confused.
Till smirked, “more or less,” he shrugged.
“Whoa, is this going to trigger like a universe wide paradox? You know? Like, are you two going to merge into one?” Mizi asked, looking genuinely concerned.
Till missed her voice.
“I don’t think so, don’t worry dear.” Sua comforted, rubbing her wife’s hands gently.
“Ahh… Till, won’t you comfort me like that? Look, I’m hurt, right on my nose!” Ivan whines, the other Till rolls his eyes and playfully pushes his husband’s face away.
He scoffs, “hah, as if, you totally deserved that.”
The girls laughed at the other two’s bickering, and Till just watched from the side.
He missed them.
He missed all of it.
As they began to become absorbed into their conversation, Till got up quietly and headed towards the door.
He didn’t know why, but he felt confident that he’d be brought home the moment he stepped outside.
But before turning the handle, he looked back once more.
Till saw their smiles, they were genuine and true. Just like how theirs were back in Anakt Garden, without a care in the world as they savoured their good moments before the rounds started.
Before their love became twisted.
He savoured their laughter, knowing that this would be the last time he’d ever see it up close and so intimately.
Sua’s face, Mizi’s happiness, Ivan’s voice…
All forgotten in his world, but not this one.
Till turned the handle and left.
To be human, is to love. And he loves unconditionally, and will do so for as long as he lives.
Love is not wretched or poison, it’s a pure feeling. So undeniably beautiful, it’s like watching a flower bloom or the sun rising from the east.
To love and be loved is precious, treasure this feeling.
Love, humanity’s most important gift given to us by God.