Chapter Text
Stan sat in the ‘conference room’ of the police station, which really just felt like an interrogation room.
He has watched a couple of crime shows, so he kind of has a general idea of what an interrogation room looks like. And this? Definitely matches.
Stan heard the sound of someone walking in. He looked up, watching as a police officer sat down in the seat in front of him. Part of him hoped that he wouldn’t be as dumb and incompetent as literally most of the adults he’s ever come across, but most other parts of him knew he would never get his wish.
“Let’s start with a couple of simple questions,” the officer said. “What’s your name?”
..Really? What does this have to do with Kyle?
Stan stared at the officer with a bored expression, then he sighed. “Stan Marsh.”
When he saw that the officer started writing something down in his notes, he pinched the bridge of his nose. Why is his name important enough to jot down?
Yeah, looks like this adult would be just like the rest…
Stan’s not even surprised anymore.
The officer looked back up at Stan, making direct eye contact. Stan felt a little weird at the eye contact, so they just decided to settle on looking at an area right next to the eyes.
He’s never really been good with eye contact, and he wishes everyone else felt the same way so he can stop being expected to hold eye contact.
“How would you describe your relationship with Kyle Broflovski, Stan?” The officer asked.
Stan blinked. Again with the questions that serve zero purpose?
Why would he expect any different..?
“He was…” Stan trailed off. No, that didn’t sound right. Was? He’s still alive. Just.. Gone. “Is my best friend.”
The officer jotted something down. Again. And just like the first time, he looked back up at Stan and spoke again. “When did you last see him?”
“Two days ago.”
Stan leaned forward and rested his arms on the table, muttering something in Spanish to himself as they looked down at the table.
The officer hardly even reacted. He just jotted notes down, then continued with the questioning.
“Alright. Was there anything weird happening on the day of his disappearance?” He asked. “Any suspicious vehicles or people in around your best friend’s house?”
Stan looked back up at the officer.
“Yeah, actually,” they said.
The officer raised an eyebrow, nodding to tell Stan to continue.
Stan sat up straight and let his arms drape to his sides.
“Well…”
-Yesterday…-
Stan and Tweek held hands, walking aimlessly as they looked for something to do. It was somehow quiet in South Park, but both of them knew it wouldn’t last.
“I think my parents are getting a little suspicious that I happen to be busy as soon as they want me to taste test new coffee..” Tweek muttered.
“Adults are dumb, especially your parents. It’ll be fine,” Stan reassured. “Besides, they treat our relationship like it’s the holy grail. So even if they do question you, you could just say you’re hanging out with me, and suddenly it’s fine because wow, their son is gay.”
“..I never understood that. How is our relationship any different?”
“Again, adults are dumb. And I’m nonbinary, so that’s like, super woke and progressive according to them.”
Stan shrugged. “Plus, a lot of them jump at the opportunity of showing how ‘inclusive’ they are, especially ones with businesses. It’s stupid.”
“Oh god, are we just a marketing tactic for them!?”
But then, just as they were about to cross the street, a black suv came speeding by, causing both Stan and Tweek to jolt backwards back onto the sidewalk.
“Jesus!” Tweek exclaimed.
“Seriously!?” Stan groaned, looking at the direction of the car.
Though, he noticed something. It didn’t have a license plate. But, instead, there was a weird symbol on the car below the logo for the car’s model. On top of that, the windows were tinted.
He looked at the direction it came.
Kyle’s house.
Stan narrowed their eyes, debating if he should go over there or not. But, the twitching from Tweek distracted his thoughts. They looked back over at Tweek and sighed.
“It’s fine, Tweek,” he said, “just an asshole driver. Let’s just keep walking.”
-Back to the Present-
The officer looked at Stan for a second, then he jotted something down in his notes. This time, it took a little longer. Once he was finished, he started speaking again.
“What was the make and model of the car?” He asked.
Stan stared blankly.
“I don’t know anything about cars,” he deadpanned.
“Take a guess,” the officer said.
Stan pinched the bridge of his nose yet again. As he did, he thought back to yesterday.
From what he could tell, the model logo on the back was a Honda logo.
“Um.. Some Honda SUV,” he muttered. “Look, all I know is that it was a black Honda with tinted windows. It didn’t have a license plate either.”
The officer nodded and continued writing.
“Are you and your boyfriend the only ones who saw the car?” He asked.
“Yeah, but don’t bother going to him. I don’t want you or whoever else is assigned to this shit to scare him even more. He’s still unnerved about the stupid car. If he hears he’s a reliable witness.. The pressure will crush him.” Stan stated, crossing his arms.
He knew he was being overprotective. Of course, Tweek could most likely handle it. Yes, he was paranoid, but he did have his moments of confidence. He just didn’t want Tweek dragged into it. Tweek doesn’t really know Kyle well, and before he and Stan started dating, out of everyone in the friend group, he was really only friends with Stan. So, not like he can provide much information.
In fact, the only thing Tweek can probably say about Kyle is ‘he’s super close with Stan’.
“..Alright. Your testimony is the only one we’ll use, then. You’re free to go.”
Stan pushed his seat back by pushing on the table, then he got up and left, nearly speedwalking out of the room.
When the door closed behind him, he glanced at Cartman and Kenny, who were sitting in the waiting room.
“How’d it go with you guys?” Stan asked.
“Well first he asked dumb questions, then asked when I last saw Kyle..” Kenny started.
“I flat out told the officer that was questioning me that I hated Kyle.” Cartman grinned, acting like he accomplished something. “He just looked at me weird.”
Stan and Kenny both stared blankly at Cartman.
“Dude! You can’t say that!” Stan exclaimed. “That’s how you become a suspect!”
“Well, to be fair, I don’t have a car. And you said, and I quote, ‘A car sped away from Kyle’s house when I was walking with Tweek, what the fuck!’,” Cartman defended.
“You can still be an accomplice!”
“Eh, you know you’ll back me up.”
Stan froze, then he facepalmed. Ok, technically, he’s right. But they kinda wished he wasn’t.
Kenny glanced at Cartman, then Stan. He shrugged and got up, standing beside Stan.
“Let’s just go,” he said. “I don’t want to be here any longer.”
“Don’t have to tell me twice,” Cartman said, standing up as well.
Stan was silent the entire time as they all started walking out of the police station, deep in thought. That whole questioning process sucked. Either it’s him only getting their knowledge from the crime shows they’ve watched, or the fact that he doesn’t believe any of that will help the case progress.
But, no matter the reason, one thing was clear: the adults don’t know shit, and if they continue to not know shit…
Stan may never see Kyle again.
Their stomach turned at the thought of that, then he sighed.
He really shouldn’t be relying on adults. He never has, anyway. So, why would it be any different now?
“Uhh Stan? You ok?” Kenny suddenly asked, breaking Stan out of his thoughts.
“Yeah, you’re being emo again.” Cartman said, his voice flat.
When Stan fully brought themself back to reality, he glanced at Cartman. He could’ve sworn there was a flash of concern on his face, but it was gone as soon as it came.
He glanced at Kenny, then looked forward again.
“Well, my best friend is missing, but other than that, I’m just peachy.” They said, putting his hands in his jacket pockets. “Let’s just focus on something else for now.”