Chapter Text
“Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you, Crown Academy’s Class of 2014!”
The crowd roared as graduation caps flew in the air. The golden afternoon light spilled across the field, adding a glint to everyone’s eyes. People were laughing, crying, making promises to one another that they knew would never be kept. But somewhere in the crowd were two boys-turned-men who had known each other for what felt like eternity, leaping into each other’s arms.
Yeonjun laughed into Soobin’s ears as he hugged his best friend, “We did it, Soobin!”
“I can’t believe it hyung. Four years gone, just like that.” Soobin was hugging Yeonjun so tight he genuinely thought the older would lose breath, but in that moment he couldn’t seem to care. It appeared Yeonjun didn’t either.
As they finally parted, their eyes lingered for a moment, not wanting to look anywhere else. The world seemed to pause between them, from time to time. And now, looking at each other felt like witnessing their youth suspend between endings and beginnings they were to experience.
Soobin sighed, not daring to look away. “Hyung, promise me one thing. No matter what happens, no matter where we are, or even who we are in the future, we’ll never lose each other.” He held out his pinky, giggling at how dramatic he sounded.
But Yeonjun didn’t laugh, he simply smiled as his pinky wrapped around Soobin’s. Somehow he knew that Soobin meant what he was saying. He always did.
“I promise, Soobin. We’ll always be there for each other.”
“Always?”
“Forever.”
🌲
The boys had been running around like feral animals around Yeonjun’s little shack of a house for the past 5 hours, and as expected, only Soobin and Yeonjun were ready to leave.
Soobin cleared his throat. “Hey hyung, um, thanks for lending the house. My parents have been really busy with the business-“
“You don’t need to thank me, Soobin-ah. It’s all good.”
Yeonjun smiled, not because he was happy, or even content, but because all the thoughts and feelings that engulfed him around Soobin were… incomplete. Unclear. So fucking vague. No one could say why, but that’s all Yeonjun and Soobin had been lately - vague.
It had been three weeks since the two had graduated. Three weeks, and by the way they were acting now, you’d assume they had never even liked each other in the first place. And if you asked either of them why that was case, you simply wouldn’t get an answer. In fact they would tel you that the distance brewing between them started ages go, something they seemed to ignore until now.
The world could be ending and the only thing Soobin and Yeonjun would think of was each other. But they wouldn’t run into each other’s arms, nor would they break into a fight, nor would they even smile, just to merely acknowledge that the other was alive. All they could do is stare at each other. With no feeling in their chest, no emotion in their eyes, no words waiting to escape their mouths. All they could do was keep deciphering their vagueness.
So Yeonjun smiled, not because he was happy. But because at this moment in his life, it was all he could dare to show Soobin.
And Soobin felt it too. When his eyes opened to the morning light, when he drove on empty roads, when he was in bed unable to sleep, all he could think about was the last time he and Yeonjun were one. When they would tease each other endlessly, competing with each other for the thrill of having an equal. When they laughed sitting side-by-side watching their absolutely pathetic friend group for hours, and their fingertips would momentarily brush each others faces, sending sparks throughout their bodies. The world could be ending, but if Yeonjun would just look Soobin in the eyes, it would all feel okay.
Lately, Soobin tried to picture the look of those eyes, but that too, was starting to become vague. Over time Soobin stopped trying to picture it, and once in a while the thought of Yeonjun would hit him like lightning, only for him to realize that he no longer remembers what loving Yeonjun even felt like to him.
“Hyung I-”
“Soobin, I’m tired. I’m going to take a nap in the car. Lemme know when they’re ready, yeah?”
Soobin nodded, thinking of a world in which he could remember that feeling.
Enter Kang Taehyun and Huening Kai Kamal, the treacherous twins and the Most Successfully Not Eligible Bachelors of the group, lugging bags four times their size into the trunk.
“All right, we’re all packed!” Kai grinned.
Soobin, on the other hand, was not amused.
“What is this.”
The two idiots in Hawaiian shirts gaped back at him. “Uhhh…”
“Drugs!”
“Paintings we made of Yeonjun hyung naked- oh no yeah drugs!”
Kai tried to hide his little giggles as he and Taehyun exchanged their classic handshake.
Soobin shrugged, “Oh really? Drugs? That’s great because I’d love to try right now-”
“No you can’t open it hyung!” Taehyun grabbed the bag Soobin reached out for.
“And why is that?”
Kai whispered, “What if someone sees?”
“Alright show me one person in this entire neighborhood who isn’t high, getting high,-” Kai opens his mouth, Soobin raises a hand and continues, “about to get high, or passed out drunk.”
“I found one!” Taehyun pointed to the house across from Yeonjun’s, “That guy’s dry humping… a tree?”
The three of them looked at the scene, with the exact same look of disgust on their faces.
“I don’t think that one counts Tyun.”, Kai muttered.
“Yeah I figured”
Soobin sighed. “Guys, just drop the act. Why do you have this fuckton of luggage, that's taking up half of the space in my car?”
“None of your business hyung!”, Taehyun whined.
“Fuck yes it’s my business. Did you guys plan the trip?”
“Trip to where?” Taehyun always came in handy to prove a point.
“Do either of you even have a driver’s license?”
And apparently Kai was no less. “Like a real one? Ha, yeah. Soobin hyung, literally everyone knows those don’t exist.”
“And did either of you happen to bring any money at all whatsoever?”
“Oh would you look at that! My wallet was just in my pocket! What a silly little coincidence.” Somehow they both said that word for word at the exact same time.
“If you both plan on returning from this trip in one piece, you better spit it out.”
”Okay fine. The bags are filled with, drumroll please… costumes of every Marvel duo. Ever.” No one drum rolled.
Hyuka held Soobin’s shoulder and gazed into the distance. “Hyung, just imagine. The pickup lines we could pull off on Busan girls if we were superheroes.”
Taehyun cleared his throat, “You’re like my Iron Man suit—I wanna climb inside you and press all the right buttons.”
Soobin gagged. “Are you threatening me right now?”
Kai’s eyes lit up, “Wait wait I got it… Call me Thor, the way my hammer is-”
Before he could finish, Soobin slapped him.
“Okay I’m sick of this shit. You guys can bring these costumes on one condition.”
Kai’s eyes widened as he rubbed his cheek, “Hyung if you make me enter the McDonalds Play section while I’m high again I’m warning you right now I’ll file a case against you for causing a minor severe trauma.”
Soobin scoffed, “Good fucking idea actually. But, I’ll go easy on you guys. These fuck ass costumes come with us as long as we find a way to ruin Yeonjun hyung’s life with them.”
The three cheered, loud enough to wake up the oldest who was napping in the car.
“Oh for fuck’s sake-”
“WE’RE GOING TO FUCKING BUSAN!!!”
🌲
It had been 50 minutes since the four waiting in the car arrived at Beomgyu’s house and they had not left for Fucking Busan yet.
The treacherous twins were unsurprisingly asleep in the backseat, Soobin typing away some nonsense on his laptop in the passenger, Beomgyu nowhere to be found, and Yeonjun glaring at the steering wheel in front of him, which has been idle to the point where it looked like it was begging to be used.
A thick, humid silence lingered in the air, which only Yeonjun seemed to notice. The moment wasn’t short of noise- the stutters of the car, the chatter of Soobin’s keyboard, the tapping of Yeonjun’s foot- but it was still silent. The kind of silence that Yeonjun felt would need to be broken if it continued any longer.
“HYUNG WHAT THE FUCK!?”, Kai screeched, jumping into a position where his legs were now on his seat, and his wailing arms were now fully covering Taehyun’s face.
Yeonjun figured he was the one to break that silence, and nothing did the job better than a loud-ass honk from Soobin’s brand new car.
“It’s been an hour already where the fuck is Beomgyu.”
Taehyun shoved Kai’s body off of him, finally catching a breath. “How are we supposed to know!? You’re his cousin. Besides, you can’t tell what’s going on at all with Beomgyu these days, he’s been kinda off.”
Yeonjun groaned. He couldn’t help but start to feel that baby-sitting three hormonal teenagers (especially one who’s related to him) while trying to ignore whatever the fuck was going down with Soobin wasn’t what a summer getaway is supposed to look like.
“Off? Like what… he’s been having a bad few days?”
Kai interrupted, “It’s not like that, I mean he’s pretty normal for the most part, but now and then, he’s less Beomgyu, you know? Like, okay, when was the last time you heard him singing a Ke$ha song obnoxiously loud for 5 hours straight? Or the last time he taunted Soobin about that stupid League argument?”
“Honestly I don’t know what you’re all worried about, I actually like Beomgyu a lot more this way”, Soobin mumbled, still petty from The League Incident.
Soobin didn’t look up from his laptop as he said this, continuing to type, and Yeonjun couldn’t help but wonder what was making Soobin act so… unavailable – literally days after their graduation. He had so many questions to ask: Since when are you this busy? What could you be doing that’s more important than your last trip with your best friends? Why aren’t you like you were before? Do you hate me? Do I hate you?
But as his life kept trying to remind him, Yeonjun had higher priorities than to think about Soobin all the time.
“... and those fucking phone calls. Beomgyu keeps getting calls and leaving the room to talk to God knows who for hours. It’s really messing with our gaming YouTube channel. It’s kinda just me now, and the Beomgyu fans are starting to feel starved.”
As Kai finished his rant, that humid silence lingered again, but everyone’s minds were on their friend, thinking what could’ve changed him.
Everyone but Taehyun. He was wondering how long Kai and Beomgyu had a gaming channel and why he wasn’t included.
Hearing Kai’s genuine disappointment bothered Yeonjun, partially because Beomgyu acting so unlike himself was rare, but also because Yeonjun didn’t even notice that the kid had changed. Sure he had been busy lately, but suddenly, he felt so removed from the people he considered his home.
Yeonjun looked up at Soobin, it was second nature. When they were all younger, these little disputes and changes that bothered everyone used to be Yeonjun and Soobin’s job to solve, being the caring hyungs they are. Soobin was yet to return his gaze, and Yeonjun wondered how they were supposed to solve small issues like this when they couldn't even decipher what was happening between them. Soobin finally looked up at Yeonjun, feeling the familiarity of this situation just like Yeonjun did.
They could practically read each other’s eyes like a magazine. Currently, they were trying to pin the responsibility of figuring out Beomgyu’s problem on each other. Yeonjun’s eyes questioned:
So, what do we do about Beomgyu?
And Soobin’s deflected.
Not sure, but should we even meddle? Maybe we wait for him to come to us.
Nah, that kid probably doesn’t understand what’s happening in own head. We gotta go talk to him.
Fuck no, the last thing I need is dealing with Beomgyu, that too a pissed off Beomgyu. Good luck hyung.
And for a split second, it was suddenly like old times. Yeonjun and Soobin existing in this space where it was just them, as one. Sure, it was just playful banter, they were throwing responsibilities at each other just like they did as kids, but it meant so much to Yeonjun.
Yeonjun could smile right now. In this moment, Beomgyu’s situation was the least of his worries. All he wanted to do was grin at the sight of him and Soobin finally being, him and Soobin.
But alas, reality.
Soobin blinked a few times, looking back down at his laptop, and just like that, the space between him and Yeonjun was broken. He cleared his throat, “Um, hyung, I have some important work to catch up on. You wanna go check on Beomgyu?”
Yeonjun said nothing, just nodded and left the car, slamming the door a little harder that he intended to. He didn’t understand why consoling Beomgyu couldn't have been done by the both of them, why it had to be Soobin or Yeonjun. But Yeonjun realized that his attempts to salvage whatever was left of him and Soobin were unrealistic, he couldn’t try to change someone so… unwilling.
As he approached Beomgyu’s front door, he tried to shove down the fact that the Soobin Yeonjun once knew would never be like this. He started to think it was better for him to forget that Soobin altogether.
Yeonjun first raised his hand to knock, but opened the door and let himself in instead. If he wanted things in their friend group to go back to normal the least he could do was be less formal about it. As he entered, there was no one in the living room in front of him, and he assumed that Beomgyu’s parents had both gone to work.
“Beomgyu? You in here?”
As Yeonjun headed to Beomgyu’s room upstairs, he noticed all the family pictures hung above the banister. Beomgyu always had a comfortable life, living in a neighborhood much better than Yeonjun’s, but not quite as rich as Soobin’s. Yeonjun’s father and Beomgyu’s mother were siblings, but when Yeonjun was eight they had a fight, no one else knows what about. Beomgyu’s family moved, close enough so that Yeonjun & Beomgyu still went to the same school, but far enough to disassociate from Yeonjun’s family. As they grew up, Beomgyu would have a loving, comfortable childhood opposed to Yeonjun’s– filled with neglect and guilt.
Fortunately, Yeonjun and Beomgyu had become too close by then, and no rift between their parents could break the bond they had. Yeonjun acted like he still didn’t notice the disdain on his father’s face whenever he mentioned Beomgyu’s name, or the tendency of Beomgyu’s mother to leave her house whenever she realized Yeonjun was there, but none of that mattered. As he reached the top of the stairs, Yeonjun noticed the last picture, him and Beomgyu when they were toddlers, playing with toy cars. He chuckled at the thought that they’d come so far, from toy cars to a road trip with each other.
“Gyu are you there?”
As Yeonjun got closer to Beomgyu’s room, he could hear murmurs of his voice. It must’ve been another phone call like the one Kai was talking about.
“Yeah of course I understand… no there won’t be any delays.”
Yeonjun could almost laugh at Beomgyu’s tone, it was so unlike him. The younger was an ideal son, A+ student, athletic and insanely talented in music, but he was a menace nonetheless. To hear the said menace sound so… accommodative told Yeonjun immediately that something was off.
By now, Yeonjun was waiting at the frame of the door to Beomygyu’s room, just a few inches from bumping his head against the top. Beomgyu finally turned to face Yeonjun, still on the phone, and reacted to his hyung with an excited smile, then immediately turning serious to his caller, “Yes, yes of course. No… nothing’s funny. I just uhm, have a cough.”. Yeonjun chuckled at the menace’s predicament and returned his greeting with an awkward wave.
“Hyung!”, Beomgyu finally ended the call and approached Yeonjun for a hug.
“Don’t you ‘Hyung!’ me. You’re an hour late. We could’ve been a quarter of the way to Busan by now.”
Beomgyu’s face dropped, looking genuinely apologetic. “I know, I’ve been crazy busy these days. Wait here, I just have to grab my stuff and we’ll be leaving in 5.” As he wrapped up sorting his luggage, Yeonjun decided that the younger’s explanation wasn’t answerable enough.
“Crazy busy? Dude school just ended three weeks ago, there’s nothing you could possibly be that busy with.”
Beomgyu shrugged, barely intimidated by Yeonjun’s questioning, “You know, just business. Hobbies.”
Yeonjun didn’t know what the fuck that meant but he decided to drop it. First Soobin’s endless working, now Beomgyu’s newfound “hobby” of being constantly unavailable, maybe he was the one out of the loop.
“Alright, we’re all packed!”
“That’s it? You’re bringing one backpack?”
“I mean yeah… it’s just a 3-week glamping trip in Busan, how much could I possibly need?” As the words slipped out of his mouth, Beomgyu realized how underprepared he was.
Yeonjun didn’t have to speak, the See? was written all over his face.
“But I mean, I’ll manage! It can’t be a big problem.”
“Yeah you’ll manage alright. By stealing my clothes.”
Beomgyu flashed Yeonjun a nasty grin. “And that’s why I love you hyung.”
As Yeonjun grabbed Beomgyu by the ear and pulled him down the stairs, the two found themselves tussling just like how they did as kids. Beomgyu hadn’t seemed to stray from the menace he was, and Yeonjun no longer felt so detached from his home. Beomgyu settled in the car, occupying the middle seat as his punishment, the optimal spot to be harassed for four hours straight by Taehyun and Kai. The five were finally together again.
Yeonjun placed a CD of their classic mixtape into the car, easing the chaos of the bickering in the backseat.
“You guys ready?”
The response was obnoxious cheering from the back, and Yeonjun pressed the gas pedal with the notion that maybe everything wasn’t so different after all.
Everything but one person. Soobin finally put his godforsaken laptop away, but was lost in his own world nonetheless. Yeonjun tried not to notice it, but he did, it was in their nature, that same vagueness.
He would never know it, but minutes later as they were driving in the peak heat of Seoul summer, Soobin noticed it too. How much Yeonjun cared about the five of them. How he had finally looked into his eyes today, and Soobin remembered what home felt like. He lost a sense of reality, looking into those eyes, now glowing due to the sun. It was all he needed, to know that no matter how vague they were, Yeonjun was beside him, like he would always be.
It wasn’t perfect, but it was enough. Soobin now felt himself falling asleep, to the sight of Yeonjun’s sun kissed face. He eased into his slumber with one last thought;
We’ll be okay.