Chapter Text
What’s New Pussycat by Tom Jones started blasting through the room, signaling the start of another day. Taehyung almost burst into tears, even though he had made that his alarm on purpose. It was definitely effective in getting him to wake up, but god it was a horrible way to start the day. He immediately sprung up to silence the wretched alarm. He fell back onto his bed with a sigh, staring blankly at the barren wall to his right. His eyes threatened to creep back closed, but he knew he couldn’t afford to sleep through class yet again.
Eventually, agonizingly, he slithered out of bed, mentally preparing to go through the motions of a standard, healthy human routine. His first week in the apartment, he hadn’t even been able to muster the energy to get out of bed to shower, but things were slowly getting better. Now, he could get washed up– teeth and body, thank you– before heading to class. Some days were worse than others– sometimes keeping himself fed and clean drained his energy before he could even leave for class, and he’d wind up back in bed for the remainder of the day.
Today seemed to be an okay day, though. Taehyung cleaned himself quickly and then grabbed a bag of chips for breakfast, too lazy and short on time to cook anything substantial. After double checking on his calendar what classes were today, Taehyung headed to Contracts. He could never remember what classes were which days, let alone what the fuck these law professors were teaching– a consequence of his continuous skipping.
He trudged out of the apartment and down the street towards campus— As he did every day— As he would do for his other 3 classes he was taking this semester— And as he would do for the next four years.
It was shockingly nice out today, the fall breeze crisp and leaves beginning to fade to autumnal hues. Even though Penn State was one of the last places he wished he was, he couldn’t deny the area was gorgeous. The last thing Taehyung wanted to do was sit in a dingy classroom learning fuck-all about law. He should be outside on the patio of a local coffee shop, sketching whatever crossed his mind, soaking up the subtle breeze and woodsy smells of outside.
He considered turning and headed back to his apartment, but just the thought sent a spike of panic through his chest. If he kept skipping class at the rate he was, his grades would suffer enough his parents would have to know about it, and Taehyung didn’t even want to consider what would happen if they found out he was wasting away every day instead of passionately pursuing his law degree. They’d probably think he was failing out of defiance, to spite them for making him transfer schools. And maybe they’d be right.
He sighed, and continued dragging himself to class, mentally preparing for two hours of torture.
……………………….
Taehyung could not pay attention. This was normal– his disinterest in Contacts always meant his mind was anywhere but the subject at hand– but today, his inattentive brain was making him feel antsy. He felt like he couldn’t hear a single word the professor was saying, it was like he was speaking a language only Taehyung couldn’t comprehend. He felt so fucking helpless, so incompetent. What the hell had been the point in coming today if he didn’t understand anything that was happening? He knew he should have turned around and gone to a stupid cafe instead, or maybe just not even gotten out of bed.
Fuck, fuck, fuck. He felt his chest constricting and his vision getting blurry. He drank some of his water shakily, trying to focus on his breathing and slow sips of the water. Anything but the professor or his racing, self-deprecating thoughts.
His restlessness stayed present during the rest of class, but thankfully didn't worse. He was thankfully able to make it through the class without making a scene and embarrassing himself– again.
Taehyung exited the classroom and could finally fucking breathe. He decided one class was enough for today and so he headed out of the building. As he walked past the courtyard, he spotted his two– and only two– friends. The last thing he wanted to do right now was socialize, but the two girls had already spotted him and were waving him over. He tried to plaster on a somewhat-pleasant expression as he approached them.
“Hi Tae Tae!” Lily– friend number one– said with a bright, perfect smile. She always looked so put-together and full of energy in a way Taehyung envied. Today, her blond hair was impeccably slicked into a ponytail and she was dressed like she was on the way to a student council meeting.
Taehyung gave Lily a nod and a dull smirk in return. Cami, friend number two, smiled in acknowledgement of his presence as she continued ranting about the wrongdoings of her Calc III professor.
“--Like I get it, math has homework. Every fucking class has homework,” she took a deep breath, “but required text book reading, in-class assignments, and tests?? He’s a fucking psychopath.”
Lily placed a reassuring hand on Cami’s shoulder. “Just get through this week Cam. Come Saturday, all your problems shall be forgotten.” The two girls sighed and looked up wistfully into the heavens.
Taehyung furrowed his brow. “What’s Saturday?”
Both girls whipped their gaze to him in offense. “Only the biggest weekend of the year. It’s Halloween dummy, and basically all the frats are throwing, so we’re going party hopping.”
Taehyung hadn’t even realized it was already nearing November, he hardly knew what day of the week it was anymore. He also had no intention of celebrating the holiday this year. Last Halloween, he and his best friend Jimin had done a pub crawl through downtown Chicago with the rest of their circle. He doesn’t remember much, but he remembers being on the back of a random guy's motorcycle at one point, speeding through downtown watching the building lights blur by in a drunken haze. It had been one of his favorite memories from last year, but reminiscing on it now only made him feel a pang deep in his chest. He knew there was no way in hell Halloween here at Penn State would be able to beat that, especially not if it was spent at fucking Frat parties.
Lily and Cami were both 22 and seniors, so Taehyung really didn’t understand what appeal they saw in these parties when they could go to bars, or literally anywhere, besides those dingy houses. Maybe they were obligated to go, being part of a sorority and all. Taehyung figured that explanation made more sense than any unprompted desire to attend one of these tragic gatherings.
Lily’s face suddenly lit up, as if you could see the lightbulb going off above her beautiful blond head. “Tae you should come with us! I have an inn with a few of the Frats, I’m sure I could get you in. You’d just have to pretend you’re interested in joining.”
Taehyung’s face screwed up in disgust. “No way. You tell them I wanna join, they’ll probably hand me a communal piss jug and make me chug it.”
Lily frowned, rolling her eyes. “Tae, hazing is just a rumor. It’s not the fucking 70’s. The school has huge policies against it now.”
Taehyung was about to retort as Cami spoke up. “You should definitely come. We can even dress up together, it’ll be great.” Cami’s olive cheeks took on a slight blush.
Taehyung had to resist the urge to huff in irritation. It was very obvious Cami had a crush on him, and it was pointedly his fault things were this way between them. He was too drunk to recall, but apparently upon their first meeting in a dingy dive bar, they had made out. Taehyung always turned into a beast when he was drunk, so he wasn’t shocked he did something so idiodic and out of character. He was shocked that she kept pursuing him, finding his instagram and then insisting he hang out with her, and Taehyung, in turn, insisted Lily join as well.
He had tried to reject her a few times, saying he was too focused on school and didn’t have time for a girlfriend, but it’s like she saw this as a challenge. Every dismissal just made her efforts stronger, like she was convinced she could change his mind. And so, Taehyung had given up and decided to just let what happens happen. He couldn’t tell her he was gay– she was in a sorority, for god sake, who knew how she’d react– plus, he'd never told anyone, including Jimin.
Realizing you’re gay at the ripe age of 19 in the middle of watching fucking Spiderman was a harrowing experience. When he saw Andrew Garfield on screen, he felt an attraction he did not feel for Emma Stone. Sure, maybe Emma Stone just wasn’t his type– but he realized he was attracted to Andrew Garfield in a way he’d never been attracted to any woman ever, and it made him feel sick to his stomach. Taehyung remembers rushing out of the movie and locking himself in the theater bathroom for hours while he cried. That bathroom is where he settled on his decision to lock the gay away and never mention it to anyone— not Jimin, not Cami, and especially not his parents. He wasn’t about to lose the most important people in his life over something he could just ignore. He’d gone 19 years without realizing he was gay, surely a few more wouldn’t kill him.
Sometimes, Taehyung thought maybe he should just date Cami– it would be so much easier. She was conventionally attractive, with her dark wavy hair and sharp bone structure. They could date, he could go through the motions of sex, and then they’d eventually get married, have kids, and no one would have to know he was… different. He’d already lost basically everything that made him feel himself thanks to his parents, so what was one more thing?
Taehyung pretended to contemplate Cami’s party offer, though he knew there was no way in hell he was going. “I’ll think about it.”
Cami and Lily beamed back at him. “Good. As for costumes…are you comfortable with full body paint?.”
…………………………….
The rest of the week was incredibly busy, filled with textbooks and courtroom lingo that made Taehyung’s head spin. He’d actually made it to and through the rest of his classes that week. It was too bad class was only part of the torture of college. He now sat at his expensive desk in his expensive apartment reading his expensive textbook (all provided by his parents, of course) so he could get his degree and work a job that made him borderline suicidal for the rest of his life, all just to placate his parents. His unpleasant racing thoughts were once again making concentration on his studying near impossible. The miniscule words of his gargantuan textbook swam together on the page. Taehyung gripped his hair and pulled hard, a choked sob of frustration building in his throat.
If he was still in Chicago with Jimin, he wouldn’t be feeling this way. If he could just build up the courage to say fuck all to his parents, he could drop out right now and buy a plane ticket back to the Art Institute.
Taehyung could feel unshed tears building behind his eyes and a burning in his chest, threatening to cut off his breath. He was on the cusp of his third mental breakdown this week when he received a call from Cami. He took a moment to take a shaky deep breath, a pathetic attempt to calm himself, before answering.
“Have you gotten the stuff for your costume?”
He stuttered. He had not. In fact, he hadn’t thought about the party a single time since their original talk.
Cami sighed, and he could feel her eyes roll through the phone. “Open your door. I’m outside.”
Taehyung got up from his desk, stepping over crumpled papers, dirty clothes, and books littering the floor, making his way to the front door of his studio apartment. Cami scowled when the door opened, immediately letting herself in. She was carrying about 10 giant bags, and Taehyung was apprehensive to see their contents.
She looked around his apartment scrunching her nose. “Honey you need to clean, it’s a total mess in here.”
She wasn’t wrong. Even though the apartment itself was lovely– thanks to his parents' money– Taehyung had basically soiled it with his 2-month-long depressive spiral, and now his dirty dishes and clothes were littering the apartment. He never had the energy to clean, just like he no longer had the energy for painting or being social.
The mess basically served as the decor for his apartment. When he’d been forced to move here, he’d decided not to decorate— not to make himself feel at home. It was a purposeful direct contrast from his and Jimin’s dorm room last year— AKA home— which was filled with trinkets and pictures and his own paintings.
Cami threw the bags to the ground, spinning to look at him. “I knew you weren’t gonna get a costume to try to get out of going, so I took it upon myself to get one for you,” she started rummaging through the bags while rambling. “Lily was supposed to dress up with us, but she wanted to do a couples costume with Jack from Sigma Pi–”
“Cami–”
“-- even though they’re not a couple. Can it even be a couple’s costume if you’re not a couple--”
“Camilla–”
“—I mean, technically our costume would be a couples costume too, then–”
Taehyung walked up to her, grabbing her wrists that were frantically searching through the costume bag. “Cami.” She finally looked up from her rummaging, her brows drawing together. “Thank you so much for doing all this, really, but I’m not going.”
Cami groaned. “Tae please, please don’t be a sour-puss for once. Lily already asked some of the Frats if you could come, it’s already too late to back out. Please come,” she paused, inching closer to Taehyung, looking up at him with her glistening inky eyes. “For me?”
He gulped, eyes darting anywhere but Cami’s pleading ones. “Isn’t it tonight? Will we even be ready in time?” He knew he was bullshitting, it was only 6pm.
Cami grinned. “We will be if we start getting ready and pregaming immediately.” She went back to searching through her bags, a small noise of delight leaving her mouth when she found what she was looking for. She shoved it at Taehyung; a bottle of cheap, off-brand vodka. “Get to drinking, pretty boy, you’re much more agreeable when you’re drunk,” she paused for a second, “don’t get too drunk though. You’re going to have to pretend you’re actually interested in joining these frats so they don’t kick you out. Better pull out your best bro-method-acting.”
Taehyung contemplated refusing. He had no desire to do that. In fact, the thought of having to speak to a bunch of random braindead guys all night made him feel sick. But he knew she was right about the fact that when he had alcohol in his system, he was ready for anything— just like the night he’d met his two friends and agreed to kiss Cami even though he was gay as days.
Maybe this night could be a good thing. Maybe things could turn back to normal for him, and he could make a few more friends once the vodka lowered his inhibitions.
He went to the kitchen, pouring him and Cami generous shots, passing one of the cups to her. She beamed at him, raising her glass in cheers. “Tonight’s gonna change your life, Tae.”
………………………………..
Taehyung felt himself spinning slightly as the three of them left their second frat house of the night. The girls’ promise of party hopping had rung true, and shockingly, Taehyung had been having an amazing time. Cami had dressed them as Fred and Daphne– very basic and very much a couples costume– and Lily was dressed as, shocking to no one, a playboy bunny. When Taehyung had called her out for having the most predictable blond sorority girl costume, she had fired back, explaining the costume was actually a nod to some movie about a sorority– Taehyung couldn’t really remember, he only knew Lily had been incessant in making sure he appreciated her costume choice.
“It’s thoughtful and creative, Taehyung. You can’t judge when you didn’t even pick out your own costume.”
He really couldn’t argue with that.
The first two parties had been filled with the three of them doing an absurd amount of shots and dancing to the incredibly shitty music the DJ– AKA one extremely plastered random frat guy– was playing. Lily disappeared to find the guy she dressed up with, but she returned not even five minutes later, drunk on rage alone. Apparently he had not, in fact, dressed up at all. Lily’s unreasonable rage made Taehyung giggle, and I guess that was enough to lighten the mood. They each took another shock, cheersing to “Fuck Jack from Sigma Pi.”
Taehyung was shocked that most of the other guys there didn’t even acknowledge his presence at the party. Nobody had harassed him about joining their cult or pants-ed him or made him drink piss. He’d even spoken to a few of the brothers in pleasant conversation– about what, he could not remember.
They approached their third destination of the night, Nu Gamma Pi, Cami supplied like Taehyung gave a fuck. He almost scoffed out loud. The intimidatingly large house looked straight out of a coming of age movie— people smoking on a couch in the front yard, some spray painting the siding. There was a group just standing on the roof doing god knows what.
Cami and Lily pushed him inside. Like the last two parties, there was an overwhelming amount of people here. A layer of humidity coated the air throughout the house, cementing to their bodies upon entry. They tried to squeeze their way through the sweaty crowd in search of the alcohol. Lily and Cami ran off squealing at some point to greet some sorority sisters— how they found them in this sea of people, he had no idea. And so, Taehyung made his way to the kitchen alone. He needed a drink in his hand asap.
The counter was lined with all kinds of cheap liquor and uncomfortably warm beer. Taehyung opted for shots. As he poured, someone spoke behind him.
“And who are you?”
Taehyung whipped around to look at the guy. He was tall and broad, but not absurdly so. He had cropped hair with bleached tips, and his whole look was so quintessential frat guy it made Taehyung giggle slightly. “Oh– um, I– I’m Taehyung,” He offered a very bright, very drunk smile, “I’m trying to join a frat. That’s why I’m here. Yes.” That was the right thing to say… right?
The guy returned his smile warmly. “I’m Namjoon. I’m the president,” he looked behind him searching for something, “do you wanna come play beer pong with us? I can answer any questions about Greek Life you have.”
Taehyung highly doubted the guy could answer any questions. He seemed plastered, if the slurred speech and slight stumbling gave anything away, but Taehyung agreed to follow.
This is how he found himself watching the worst game of beer pong he’d ever seen in his life. Namjoon was playing a shorter guy with long black hair and losing– bad. After having to drink his fifth beer, Namjoon started yelling. “Yoongi, dude, you’re literally embarrassing me in front of a potential pledge.”
The shorter one rolled his eyes. “He needs to see who’s really in charge.”
Taehyung dissolved into flushed laughter at this. Namjoon rolled his eyes. “Fuck off”
Namjoon seemed like he was just generally horrible at beer pong, but he was even worse when trying to make conversation with Taehyung. Still, he was able to interrogate Taehyung about all the basics: Major? Job? Hometown? Pets? Siblings? It was a very bland conversation, but Taehyung felt lighter than he had in a while. Maybe it was the alcohol.
Namjoon kept losing, and eventually Taehyung’s drink ran out, so he made his way to the kitchen.
After fighting through a hoard of drunk girls thrashing their bodies to the beat of a Pitbull song, he finally made it to the kitchen, immediately downing one shot and then another. He was reaching a state of drunk where he could barely feel the burn of the alcohol sliding down his throat, which was concerning, but that also meant he was reaching a state of drunk where he felt good, which was such a rare occurrence nowadays he couldn’t help but savor it. Suddenly, a voice spoke close, too close, to his ear.
“No chaser? Are you a psychopath?”
Taehyung turned and almost stopped breathing. The guy who stood next to him was buff, his arms and chest almost straining his short sleeve shirt. He had an intricate tattoo covering his right arm, but his left one was completely bare. Taehyung quickly looked at his face to avoid looking at his model-esque body, but he found no solace. He was handsome. No, handsome didn’t do him justice. Taehyung had genuinely never seen someone who looked like him, with his dark, slightly shaggy hair, his big doe-like eyes, his fucking lip piercing. The man had a smirk on his face that was quickly replaced with confusion.
“You good?”
Fuck, the guy had spoken to him. What had he said? Taehyung couldn’t remember, couldn’t fucking focus with him standing so close. He needed to speak, holy fuck, he was acting like a creep.
“Yeah–yes, I’m fine just– I need a drink.” He did. Those two shots did not give him the confidence he’d wanted, they’d just made him more of a gay freak than he already was.
The guy’s eyes widened, but he grinned, his lip ring pulling to the side slightly. “Here, let me get the good shit. I’ll take a shot with you.” He reached under the sink, grabbing a bottle and filling two cups. Taehyung took the shot, and it was much smoother than the free poison they offered the guests.
“So are you a potential pledge? I don’t remember reaching out to you?”
Taehyung giggled a little, slightly embarrassed that in his drunken state he couldn’t act nonchalant around the gorgeous man. He’d contemplate offing himself in the morning, most likely. “Yeah I was brought by my friend Lily. I’m definitely interested in joining a frat,” he said, sarcasm filling his voice.
The other guy's expression shifted, but Taehyung was too drunk to try to decipher the what or why of it all.
“Right,” he paused, fiddling with his lip ring with his tongue, and god Taehyung wondered what it would feel like pressed against– “So what’re you doing here at Penn?” the man asked.
Taehyung blinked, his booze-filled horny brain trying to catch up with the conversation. He shook his head. “No. nope. Don’t wanna talk about that. Ask me something fun instead.”
The guy looked confused, but changed the topic. “You dye your hair?”
Taehyung beamed at the basic question, much more than he would have if he was sober or if someone who wasn’t this captivating asked the same thing. “Yes! How did you know?” He had just bleached it the other day, which led him to realize how stupid his question was– obviously his hair looked beyond unnatural, with his spotty dye job and slightly visible dark roots.
The other man smirked, leaning in a little closer. “Just a hunch.”
Taehyung giggled, then realized he had giggled, and tried to school his expression so as to not embarrass himself. He was about to retort, maybe even bat his lashes and flirt a little, when suddenly, a girl flung herself at the guys back.
“Baby~ how much more socializing do we need to do? I’m ready to go to your room.”
Taehyung immediately stiffened, discomfort startling him out of his foolishness. What the hell was he thinking? The last fucking thing he should be doing is flirting with a random frat guy. Fuck, his drunken decisions were going to get him killed some day.
The man smiled at her like he forgot Taehyung was there, making the alcohol in his stomach go sour. The other flicked his gaze back to him awkwardly.
“I gotta– I gotta go, but we’ll be in touch, yeah?,” he started to get dragged away by, who Taehyung assumed was his girlfriend, but the beautiful man spun around. “Oh, I didn’t catch your name.”
Taehyung frowned, wanting nothing more than to just turn away from the guy forever. But alas, he was a weak man. “Kim Taehyung.”
The man smiled, “I’m Jeon Jungkook. It was lovely to meet you, Taehyung.” And with that, his girlfriend pulled him into the crowd and out of sight.