Chapter Text
I’m kind of a big deal on YouTube. The first video we did went viral in like a week. All these news stations were calling for an interview, schools wanted me to do assemblies. Oh, and a million sponsorships, for companies I don’t even like, but they pay so whatever. I was definitely right about YouTube fame cause I tried hanging out with the guy who played McLovin, and he just ignored every text. I was also right that it doesn’t fucking last. I thought I’d be like the next big thing, go on Ellen or something. People moved on quickly when they realized all my videos were about the same guy killing himself. Like that’s what you subscribed for so that’s what you get.
All my subscribers moving on sucks because I kinda needed that money. With a GPA of 1.8 not many colleges want to accept you. I was still getting a few thousand viewers, so I did a meet and greet in the mall. It fucking sucked. I turn up, it’s a sea of ten-year-olds. Just kids, no parents. I had to tell about 30 kids that painting the ceiling red wasn’t what they thought it meant. I felt like the authors that come to our school every other month that nobody bothers to go and get a book from. At least I wasn’t looking down any of the girl’s shirts. A few hours after all my shitty fans left, I walked home carrying 15 stick figure drawings of me. Gonna use them to roll blunts for Hunter. He can’t figure out how to do it himself, so the moron pays me.
I checked my YouTube when I got home. 67 views in the last 2 hours. A few months ago, I thought I couldn’t get much higher. I wasn’t wrong but I hoped that the viewers would stay. They’re all watching these two guys who make videos about fat kids and this Asian guy who’s name sounds a bit too much like a slur. I’m too hot for YouTube anyway. All the sponsors left as well, I think when I showed Crispins limp dick in my video they said that wasn’t advertiser friendly. Well, the comments were great on the video at least. Key word “were”. All my comments are making fun of me now. “How do you say broke in Spanish?” Mi no hablo, bitch. I can take it on the chin but it’s really dropping my views. That and losing my camerawoman was a massive blow to the brand. Yeah…I haven’t seen Jecka in a while. She actually did well in school, so she went to a universities in Blacksburg and she’s not coming back. I got really depressed after she left, not because I like her or anything that Claire’s bitch can go fuck herself. The videos just took twice as long to make now. Her leaving did hurt a bit, my plan was to drink until the pain is over but what's worse, the pain or the hangover. I decided the hangover was worse and I still had enough money saved up for drugs, Baby Bjour pays more than you think. Instead, I got MDMA from the white trash in Laurel. It’s supposed to make you happy, and it did at first. You get used to it though.
“Can we get much higher,” Emily said to me.
“I doubt it, you have any more?” I asked.
“Nah sorry, you want to like…”
“What?”
“You know like…”
“Spit it out you sound like Crispin right now.”
“I’m really lonely Nicole.”
“Aren’t we all.”
“Is she not coming back.”
“No.”
Emily put her arm around my shoulders. I didn’t push her off. Without Jecka she’s all I have. Her arms were covered in scars and barcodes as usual but there were no new ones.
“You’ve stopped cutting. I thought you were cool.”
“No, I haven’t done it since 2 months after graduation.” That’s when Jecka left. She stopped cutting when Jecka left. I wanted to ask about it, but Emily is unstable and she was playing with a knife in her other hand.
“What I was trying to say was…I really like you. Like really like you. I had a dream about you last night. You were lying in my bed, and we were you know cuddling. And Jecka, she was hanging on the other side of the room, her blank lifeless eyes watched us make love.” This bitch is crazy. Everything was telling me to run. She kept talking about her dark fantasies. More graphic that what any of the boys at school have said to me. “Nicole, I want you; I need you; we should be together…forever.” She pulled out a fucking gun. A 6-chamber revolver with 2 bullets. I punched her and got the fuck out. I ran and ran and ran back home. In the distance a shot rang out. Good riddance. I didn’t want to get roped into her twisted fictions and sick addictions. The shot rung in my ear for a few seconds but soon I was just sitting on the street corner with my thoughts. God she’s dramatic. I mean I know she was insane but not that insane. I think it was kinda my fault but if she took her meds she wouldn’t have blown her head off. When I got home, I realized I left all my shit back with Emily and there’s no way in hell I go back there. I’m still broke, I’m still jobless and now I have lost my only friend. It couldn’t get worse from here.
“Nicole, you have 2 days to pack your shit before I kick your ass out,” this bitch won’t leave me alone.
“Mom you’ve let my brother freeload off of you for 10 years and I’m the one getting kicked out.”
“He doesn’t go through my medicine cabinet.”
“What the fuck I’ve literally never done that before!”
“Stop taking my pills Nicole.”
“Ok fine just let me go to my room.”
“You’re still getting kicked out.”
“Oh my God you’re such a bitch!”
“My word is final.”
Fucking whore. Well, what do I do now? I still have one option but no way it works. She wouldn’t have forgiven me, but I guess it’s worth a shot. Emily’s car doesn’t have an owner anymore and Blacksburg is only 4 hours away sooo... The ’98 Saturn still sat in her driveway. The wing mirrors were bent, and the paint was scratched but at least it was the 2 door. It smelled of dried-up soda and urine. In the glovebox were some CDs. Emily’s music taste was a bit too emo for me, but I found 3 Kanye CDs in there as well. The College Dropout, Late Registration and Graduation. I knew she liked Kanye, but I still wasn’t expecting it. “We Don’t Care” was blasting through the speakers and I drove away from Burke hoping I never have to come back and hoping Jecka was as gorgeous as I remembered.