Archive of Our Own ^beta

Despite the more disturbing events of the day, there was a general sense of celebration once Higuchi was dead. Matsuda actually put on a party hat, Aizawa - finally returned to the fold - popped a bottle of champagne, even Light’s father - generally so solemn and unbending - managed a few smiles. Everybody actually seemed to be having a good time, for once.

All apart from L, who remained like a gargoyle amongst the innocent masses. Not partying, not drinking, not smiling even once. Just sitting there in his usual crouch, his eyes fixed on Light as if drawn like a magnet.

Light was in a celebratory mood himself, if not for the same reasons as the brainless fools around him, but he kindly found it within himself to spare a moment of scornful pity for poor L. He knew so very much, and truly did get so very close; had things gone just a little differently, L would be in the position of power and their little celebration would be far more complicated. But he had slipped at the last moment; Light was the one who had won the war, was the one on his final ascendency towards godhood.

And, even more unfortunately for L, was in the mood to have a little fun with that.

Light was patient all night, hard as it was with his glittering godhood basically in his hands. He waited until everybody else had slowly trickled away from the party; Matsuda the lightweight, Mogi and Aizawa, L’s contractors (soon for the chopping block, Light noted with an absent kind of glee), most especially Light’s own father. He waited and waited, biding his time like a shark lurking in the depths.

L was the last one left, lingering as if he could glimpse the shape of what Light wanted. Once they were all alone in the room he waited a heartbeat, drawing the moment out, then slowly and creakily rose to his feet. He started to make his way out too, slow and meandering and almost dreamlike. He would’ve seemed almost unaware of Light’s presence, if Light hadn’t known him better.

Light did know him better. He slammed his arm across the doorway at the last moment; so L’s chest was forced to bump right up against him, so L was at his mercy.

L looked up at Light slowly; despite his air of deliberate innocence, his eyes had the look of a man who knew exactly what was going on. “Hello, Light.”

“Good evening, L,” Light said cheerfully, smug in his victory, and leant in until he could see L’s dark eyes focus sharply on him. “A successful day.”

L’s lips pressed together, but he didn’t try to move away. “I suppose.”

“Higuchi is dead, the Death Note has been gained, Kira - our mortal foe - has been defeated at last,” Light said, not bothering to hide his amusement. It was too late for a lot of things now; he was by no means foolish enough to actually come out and state his true identity, but he felt confident enough to play with L more openly than he ever had before. “What would you call today, if not successful?”

L gave Light a perfectly neutral glance, smart enough to know that he was being baited. Smart enough, despite his famed and thornlike stubbornness, to know that he had no other option but to take it. “What do you want from me, Light?”

“For you to be happy.” Light took a stalking step forwards, and this time L actually responded; Light was able to start backing him across the room, finally looming over him physically like he had mentally all along. “I thought you would be. You’ve chased for so long, wanted so badly, submitted to so many indignities just to get Kira in your sights. Shouldn’t you be glad that it’s all over?”

L’s eyes flashed. “Is it?”

“Of course.” Ever smart, ever watchful, ever trying to be two steps ahead. But now he would never ever be ahead again. “Kira has lost.”

“Has he?”

“And I’ve won.” The knowledge of the breadth of his victory was impossibly sweet, far sweeter than the endless sugar L shoved in his deceptively smart mouth, and it made Light want to grind the point of it in. He grabbed ahold of L’s wrist before L could dodge him, yanked them so much closer together until L would actively have to fight to get himself loose. “So. We should celebrate.”

L, to his limited credit, didn’t even try to struggle. He merely stared at Light for a long moment, his deliberately neutral expression shifting into something grim. “What did you have in mind?”

“You suspected me openly for so very long. Even chained yourself to me, like I was some kind of dog.” Moves in the game they had both been playing, but Light still was not the kind of god who liked to be challenged. He tightened his grip on L’s wrist, until it must’ve been at least a little painful. “An apology might be a good place to start.”

“I’ve already offered you one.” L’s mouth tightened, but otherwise he offered no reaction; that would change. “I know you love your dishonesties, Light, but if you want retribution then you really should just say.”

“Retribution.” Light tasted the word, and found that he liked the sourness of it. L probably expected him to back down, to resume the dance between them, but he was no longer in the mood to be quite so kind. “Yes, retribution might be good. You acknowledging quite how wrong you’ve been, and how unfortunate that was. You crawling on your hands and knees, debasing yourself for my entertainment. It’s only what I’m owed, after all.”

“I truly think that you believe that,” L said, not sounding particularly shocked at the revelation. “In truth you just want to be worshipped as a god, don’t you? The great and fearsome hunter, so close to Kira that the two of you are basically indistinguishable.”

L quite obviously knew the truth, had put together enough of the unclear pieces to guess at the immaculate whole. Light paused at that for a moment, despite himself, then forced through with his most superior sneer yet. L could not shake him now, not this far past the end of their game. “You’re pushing your luck.”

“I’m only telling the truth.” L raised his eyes, looked at Light head on. The look on his face contained nothing of submission at all; it was resolute, strong, utterly refusing to be humbled like a good worshipper should. I don’t care if you consider yourself a god, that look said, I am an atheist, I have come to burn your temple down.

“A certain view of the truth,” Light snarled. He had fully meant to remain cool, to remain calm, to remain confident in his victory. And he had still won beyond any doubt, that fact was clear; but there was a certain pleasure, in tightening his grip on L’s wrist until it was unambiguously violent. “An unwise one to offer, when you’ve already lost.”

“Kira was the one who lost,” L reminded him, actually summoning a smile even as his fingers briefly spasmed at the pain. “Unless you’re saying that everybody else has lost just because you’ve won? Which would be, mm, very suggestive. So suggestive that I might even have to leave here right now, see about getting a warrant for your arrest so we can discuss it further.”

“A nice thought, but we both know the others would never allow it.” Light used his painful grip to drag L closer, until their bodies were pressed together and every breath was shared. “Oh, you are so very worthy of retribution. More than retribution, even, a kind of destruction that has never been seen before. I’m a reasonable man, L, but perhaps you’ve pushed me too far; perhaps the only thing I want from you now, is to see you stripped down to the bone like you deserve.”

“Yes, that was what we were discussing before you became diverted by thoughts of your own godhood,” L said; looking at Light like the temple burning was still firmly ensconced in the schedule. “But given that you can’t actually strip me down to the bone, not without confirming yourself as somebody you’re so very insistent that you’re not, perhaps you should consider some more tangible options. I have many holes that you could use, for instance, or many limbs that you could direct. I could indeed worship you on hands and knees, although there are many other ways you could contort me for your pleasure. You could make me bleed, make me break, even try to make me cry. You could rip me apart in so many ways, and lie to yourself that you can put me back together exactly as you want.”

Light stared, from so very close up. He’d won, there was no true threat anymore. He’d won, he’d won, he’d won. And yet, somehow it seemed like L was always capable of cutting him open and crawling underneath the skin.

“All of said options sound somewhat appropriate, don’t you think?” L raised his chin, defiant; it had the effect of bringing their faces somehow even closer together, until Light could practically feel the press of those acid lips against his. “Appropriate for what you’ve become now. Appropriate for what you’ve always been in one way or another, and are now no longer sane enough to hide. I wonder, Light-”

Light couldn’t let this go on, refused to allow the lines of victory to blur any further. He snapped all at once, the dark ugliness - no, justice - that ever bubbled within him coming to the boil and spilling up over the top. He yanked L fully against him, and pressed their lips together in as violent a kiss as he could manage; hungry, consumptive, leaving them both bruised as blood burst over their tongues in the sweetest copper flood.

“That was, admittedly, one of the less likely paths for you to choose,” L mused when he finally succeeded in yanking his head back. His expression was briefly dazed, and then his tongue darted out to taste the blood coating his lips. The daze turned back into focus, a complete and insulting lack of awe. “Although still entirely appropriate for your godhood, I suppose. I find myself curious as to what you consider yourself a god of. Justice? Vengeance? Death?”

Nothing Light did to gain a sense of superiority truly worked, every time he thought he’d gained an unassailable advantage L was there to attempt to drag him back to earth. Light found himself growling, borderline animalistic. “You know nothing.”

L looked at him placidly, with a smile that burned like poison. “Mm, don’t I?”

Light didn’t have to stand for this, Light didn’t have to play the game when they were past the point of no return. He yanked L back into their violent kiss, this time hard enough that their teeth clacked together and left a starburst of pain behind.

If Light paused, for even a moment, L would start attempting to crawl beneath his skin again. He couldn’t allow that, and so he didn’t. As they kissed he reached down to tear at L’s clothes, not bothering to hold back at all. He was soon rewarded by the rip of fabric, the softness of surprisingly tender skin underneath his seeking fingernails. L attempted to fight back, of course, working hard to strip Light in exactly the same way; but Light knew that was alright, it only got him all the closer to his goal.

He immediately took advantage of L’s distraction, as the man got his belt open and his trousers sliding down his thighs. Light planted his hands on L’s shoulders, and used his leverage to force L painfully down to his knees before him; finally a supplicant, kneeling in front of what had always been his god. “This is the only preparation you’re getting, so I suggest you be thorough. For your own sake.”

L’s eyes widened for a moment, he had wrongfooted the bastard at last!, but he was in a poor enough position that he simply couldn’t resist. Light tightened one hand on his shoulder, and brought up the other to bury in his ridiculous bird’s nest of hair; and then he was yanking the man forwards, right onto his already hard cock.

L spluttered for air for a moment, his hands flailing in the air as he attempted to catch his balance, but Light was hardly in the mood to be kind; he always had liked L best when he was off balance, losing badly. From the very beginning he set a cruel pace, fucking L’s clever mouth like it deserved. It wasn’t long before he was pushing far past the point of comfort, over the back of L’s tongue and starting to fuck down his not so clever - not now - throat.

A pity that L couldn’t even lose with dignity, a pity that he couldn’t just die. For a moment he allowed himself to be utterly overwhelmed, utterly dominated, but only while he was catching his breath. Soon he started to move in opposition, started to properly bob his head on Light’s cock instead of doing the decent thing and just allowing his mouth to be fucked. To be fair to L, and Light was resentfully reluctant to ever be so, he was born to be a cocksucker; he seemed to know the exact way to move to drive Light almost out of his mind.

L was not the one doing the driving here, though. Light graciously allowed the sucking to continue for a few moments more, and then decided that he was more than well enough prepared. He used his cruel grip on L’s hair to yank the man’s mouth off him, a hard pull that surely must’ve hurt. L attempted to recover quickly, to slide to his feet and rejoin the fight at full strength, but Light luckily still had the advantage; as ever, his superiority assured. The brawl was brief and violent but he came out on top, taking a few elbows to the face - causing yet more blood to flow free - until he could manhandle L into a position bent over the back of the nearest settee. Painfully pinned, like the bug he was.

There was no point in waiting around, as much as Light wanted to savour and gloat. He could savour and gloat from a far more pleasurable position. He knocked Light’s legs apart, deliberately crude and violent, and with no further warning took ahold of his cock and slid it all the way inside L’s body.

There had been nowhere near enough lubrication, let alone preparation. It must’ve been incredibly painful, and incredibly degrading, and that was exactly what Light had intended. He paused for a moment, to savour the pained arch of L’s back and the way air hissed out between his teeth, and then surged right back into a brutal pace. Pushing L down until he was fully pinned, kicking his legs apart until the strain must’ve been a fresh point of agony, fucking and fucking until he felt like a god upon his throne in truth.

L took this for long enough that Light became assured of victory again, gasping breaths sliding sharply out from in between his teeth, and only then made a move to fight back. He twisted one of his arms back, in an odd enough position that surely he was risking dislocating the joint, and dug his fingers into Light’s thigh hard enough that he drew blood; and then he was bucking back against Light’s thrusts, fighting back with enough force that he almost actually succeeded in knocking Light off.

The pathetic child, the fool with delusions of grandeur. Light could not be thrown off, Light was finally god of this new world. He redoubled his efforts, redoubled the glorious violence and committed his whole self to victory. He would dominate L, he would consume L, he would destroy L until there was nothing left but blood and bones and guts and… Nothing, nothing but swirling ash where his greatest foe - his worst enemy - had once dared to be.

It was perhaps no surprise that it descended into a knockdown fight, something that bore more resemblance to a brawl than to sex. Light kept fucking forcefully into L, kept pinning him and stretching him and fucking him until he could feel a dampness - the tang of copper once again - that had nothing to do with spit. L, in response, fought back with just as much verve; scratching at Light, bucking against Light, fighting and fighting until they were both stained with blood. For the first time in either of their lives, Light suspected, neither of them held back; there was no point in pretence, no point in a sportsmanlike game, no point in holding back at all… There was only the savage truth at the heart of both of them, and it was bloody.

L was the one to come first, to lose first. Of course he was, no matter how much fight he put up he would always be hopelessly outmatched. His fingers dug into Light’s thigh one last time, deep enough that Light swore he could feel them bruising the muscle, and then he made a noise like he was dying - soon, soon - and clenched tight around Light all at once. A beautiful loss of control… Strike that, just a beautiful loss.

Light was finally free, finally unleashed after so very long lurking in the shadows. He paused for a long moment to savour the sensation of flying, his hips churning as he worked himself deeper and deeper inside L; so long had he spent pretending, so long had he spent calculating, so long had he held back around this man in particular… It was glorious to let go, at last. He pumped his hips a few more times, then growled low in his throat as all the thoughts finally - for perhaps the first time in his life - flew out of his head and left him entirely bare.

In the aftermath they were both left panting, as hard as if they’d had an actual physical fight. They were slumped over the back of the settee together, L’s fingers still dug into the muscle of Light’s thigh as Light’s weight crushed L’s body down. It was almost peaceful, strangely enough. It was more than peaceful, it was a reassertion of the triumph that Light had done so very much to win. Nobody could take that away from him; not even L, not now.

Even with that fact, though, L was somehow the first of the two of them to actually recover. He pushed himself up as far as he could, with Light still braced over his back and buried inside him, and turned his head just a little to attempt to look Light in the eye. “Was that retribution enough for you?”

Light considered, and in the aftermath found himself mercifully restored to calm sanity once more. Let L attempt to burrow under his skin, he would never be able to successfully remain there for long. He drew back just a little, appreciated the sight of L’s painfully turned profile and even dared enough to press a cruel hand against the man’s still heaving lower back. “Almost, perhaps.”

L looked less humbled than Light would’ve perhaps wished, but nor could he look fully defiant; it was hard to be so, with a cock still buried so very deep within you. “I wonder…”

“What?” Light asked, playing at kind benevolence. Striving for it, as L dared to curve his lips in something somehow - even after everything - resembling a smug smile. “What?”

“Oh, nothing,” L said innocently, and immediately went on to prove himself the least innocent man alive. “I just wonder if it’ll ever be enough for you. If you’ll savor your victory as much as you thought, or if you’ll always be searching for brand new ways to damn yourself. If so called justice will really please you, or become just another thing never good enough. If you’ll ever be happy, if you’re even capable of such a thing. I suppose we might even be able to put it to the test, right now. Are you happy, Light? Can you pretend, even now?”

Light stared for a moment, struck utterly speechless.

Light yanked out of L viciously, not even sparing the man - the worm - a word of warning. Shoved him against the back of the settee, hard enough to unbalance him, and then used that unbalance to spin him around. Until Light could grab his throat, until Light could pin him again - but even greater, more - like the bug he truly deserved to be.

“Light,” L said, choked but somehow still cursedly defiant. His dark eyes glowing, smug even at the moment of his greatest defeat. “Have I touched a nerve?”

“You know nothing,” Light repeated, his voice a snarl, and used his violent grip to drag L into another savage kiss.