Chapter Text
"I remember you and me
lost and young and dumb and free
and unaware of years to come"
August 31, 1971
Regulus Black knew many things about himself even at just 10 years old. One of these things is that he is selfish.
“S’il vous plaît, ne partez pas.”
Sirius looks up from his trunk with surprise on his face. His brother had come into his room and had been silently watching him packing for the last hour. “Que veux-tu dire?”
“Je sais que tu veux partir, mais je ne peux pas rester ici sans toi. Tu ne peux pas attendre un an et on partira ensemble ?” Regulus’ eyes water at the confession he’d been holding in since Sirius had gotten his letter all those months ago.
Sirius led him to the bed and took Regulus’ hands in his own as they sat down. “J'aimerais t'emmener avec moi, mais je ne peux pas. Je ne peux pas rester ici non plus. Je t'écrirai tous les jours, ce sera comme si j'étais là tout le temps. Tu te souviens comme tu glissais des mots sous ma porte quand maman la fermait à clé? Chaque fois que tu reçois une lettre de moi, fais comme si c'était comme ça. Comme si j'étais au bout du couloir en train de me préparer pour aller me coucher.”
Regulus still isn’t convinced and keeps looking down at their clasped hands silently.
Sirius nudges his shoulder and jokes, “Je t'enverrai tellement de lettres que je parie qu'elles rempliront toute ta chambre d'ici Halloween et que tu ne pourras même pas accéder à ton placard.”
This earns a small smile and scoff from Regulus and he looks up.
“Sirius, j'ai peur. Et si je faisais quelque chose de mal et que je les mettais en colère?”
Sirius frowns and says sadly “Ce ne serait rien de nouveau pour vous et vous aurez Kreacher si vous avez besoin de lui.”
“Mais je ne veux pas de Kreacher, je te veux toi !” Regulus bursts out. Tears start spilling from his eyes as he runs from Sirius’ bedroom and into his own. He goes to his closet, shutting the door and sinking to the floor in a tight ball.
Sirius enters the room and knocks on the closet door, “Reggie, puis-je entrer?”
“S'en aller” Regulus forces out through sobs. He hears a faint thud as Sirius leans his head on the door for a moment. “Je serai dans ma chambre si tu veux parler plus tard, d’accord?” Regulus doesn’t say anything and listens as Sirius leaves the room. Sirius knows not to push too hard with Regulus and when to give him space. Regulus is grateful for him understanding what he needs without having to be told.
Regulus has always found comfort in small, dark spaces. That's one way he and Sirius are different. Regulus lives in the shadows while Sirius thrives in the light. Their mother had quickly learned these things and often locked Sirius in the hall closet or his room as punishment. It didn’t work for him the way it did for Sirius so he avoided that particular vein of discipline.
He knows that Sirius has to leave. He’s happy that he gets to leave this house even for just a couple months. It doesn’t make it easier. He needs his big brother. The one who protects him from as many punishments as he can, the one who cleans him up when he can’t, the one who sneaks him food when he is forced to sit at the table without a plate. The one he shares everything with. He doesn’t know how he’ll survive almost four months without seeing him.
. ★ ─── =ᗢ= ─── ★ .
Kreacher calls him for dinner and he enters the dining room last with his sharply tailored dinner attire on. He takes his seat to the left of Sirius and is relieved to see there are plates set out for both of them.
As usual the meal was silent except for sparse questions from Walburga and Orion with simple answers from their sons. As Regulus was finishing his last bite his mother spoke “Regulus you are dismissed, me and your father need to have a word with your brother before he leaves tomorrow.”
“Oui, maman”
“In English”
“Yes, mother”
He stands to leave but as he starts up the stairs he gets a grim feeling about the conversation about to happen back in the dining room. He stays just outside the door and listens.
“You are the hair to the most noble and ancient house of Black and when you get on that train tomorrow you will act like it. You need to leave these foolish ploys for attention here and stand to your birthright. If we get reports of poor behavior from you I won’t hesitate to keep Regulus home next year.”
This hit a nerve in Sirius. He stood up and slammed his hands on the table shouting “You can't do that!”
“I can and I will if I don’t get a positive report” Walburga sends a strong stinging jinx at Sirius’ arm causing it to buckle and him to collapse on the table. Regulus gasps involuntarily alerting their parents to his presence, all of them turning sharply toward the sound. Sirius’ face pales.
Orion stalks over and grips Regulus’ arm harshly and drags him to the parlor, Walburga, with a screaming Sirius, right behind them. He tosses Regulus in the room, his back hitting a table and knocking over the vase perched on top of it. It shatters on the floor making Regulus flinch. He looks up just in time to see Walburga locking the closet with Sirius banging on the door trying to get out.
She stalks forward screaming at him, “Eavesdropping, clumsy, and weak! We raised you to be better than this, get off the floor!” He scrambles to his feet trying to stand up straight without trembling.
He knows what is coming next, knows he can’t stop it. But his mother was right, he is weak, so he begs, “S'il te plaît, maman, je ferai mieux, ça n'arrivera plus, s'il te plaît, ne nous fais pas de mal, s'il te plaît‒”
A slap cuts him off and tears well in his eyes for the second time that day. “I told you to speak English, you idiotic child. I don’t know why we waste our time on you, you’re nothing but a spare! Imperio.”
Regulus immediately stops trembling, a wave of calm washes over him and he almost forgets what he’s doing in the parlor. Almost. He comes back into his body at his mother's hiss of incendio. A ring of fire surrounds him just far enough away to not directly burn him. His panic rises as the heat and smoke increase. He’s rooted to the spot by his mother's spell, sweating through his already stuffy diner attire and struggling to breathe through the smoke and his panic.
He collapses into the fire screaming as the imperio is lifted. What felt like years but was probably only seconds, the fire is gone and he’s left whimpering on the floor.
“Pathetic” his father supplies from the door, “Kreacher” *crack* “Get this cleaned up and deliver Regulus to his room.”
“What about young master Sirius sir?”
Orion considers for a second before speaking “Leave him. Finish any packing he has yet to do. I’ll allow him an hour tomorrow to look presentable before we leave.”
“Very well sir” Kreacher responds with a bow.
As Kreacher turns to repair the vase, Regulus drags himself to the closet Sirius is in. “Sirius,” he whispers weakly.
“Reggie, je suis là, ça va?” Sirius’ panicked voice comes from behind the door.
“Je ne peux pas faire ça sans toi Sirius, s'il te plaît” He’s crying again.
“Tu dois le faire, Reggie, tu dois être fort, on le doit tous les deux. Je vais m'assurer que tu puisses venir avec moi l'année prochaine. On sera leurs fils parfaits, même si ce n'est que pour cette année. Fais profil bas, reste dans ta chambre, fais attention à toi. Je reviendrai te chercher. Promis.” Sirius is rambling through his sobs and Kreacher tries to get Regulus to stand up.
“Young master Regulus is having to go to his room. Kreacher will heal him but he is needing to stand up.” Kreacher tries again, propping Regulus up against the door.
“Regulus, va avec Kreacher, il t'aidera. Tu dois partir avant le retour de papa et maman.” Sirius urges, “Kreacher keep him safe while I’m gone please” begging now, desperation in his voice.
“Kreacher will do his best young master Sirius. Young master Regulus, we must go now.”
“Regulus I know you hate it but you can’t speak French anymore, don’t even write to me in French. It’s just another thing that they’ll punish you for.” Sirius shouts as a last warning as Regulus leaves the room.
Regulus can only let out a pained whimper as Kreacher helps him from the room and up the stairs. They go to his room and Kreacher strips him of his shirt. The burns don’t look bad and Kreacher announces that they won’t scar. Regulus doesn’t care, he just wants the pain to stop. Kreacher heals Regulus as much as he can without his parents noticing. He applies a numbing salve and wraps his torso in tight bandages. Regulus climbs into bed and attempts fitful rest.
. ★ ─── =ᗢ= ─── ★ .
Regulus is awoken by the sound of footsteps shuffling down the hall towards Sirius’ room. He jumps out of bed, pain shooting down his ribs, and runs to his door to check on his brother but finds it locked.
“Kreacher” *crack* “Pourquoi ma porte est-elle verrouillée? Je ne peux pas voir Sirius partir?” sadness in his voice.
“Young master Regulus is being able to accompany them to the train station but is not being allowed to see young master Sirius before then. Young master Regulus is also needing to remember to speak in English.”
“Oui, yes, thank you Kreacher” Regulus responds, relieved but also disappointed.
He showers, the cold water soothing his burns, dresses quickly and makes his way downstairs. His parents are talking in the entryway waiting for their sons. Sirius appears a moment later looking exhausted. He most likely didn’t sleep at all, that usually happens during those punishments. Regulus feels a bit of guilt that he was able to sleep while his brother was panicking just down the stairs.
He stands next to Regulus without looking at him, back straight facing their parents. Orion takes Regulus’ arm and Walburga Sirius’ with much looser grips than the night before. The family apparates to Kings Cross and crosses onto the platform.
Regulus is bombarded with noise and it takes everything in him not to cover his ears. That would be weak and the Black’s can not be seen as weak. They make their way to one of the train doors, passing tearful parents saying goodbye to their children.
“Remember what we discussed last night Sirius. Be a proud Black” Walburga speaks firmly, her head held high.
“Yes, maman” Sirius replies with a heavy voice.
“Your trunks are already on the train. Do not disappoint us” is the last thing she says before she turns, apparating back to Grimmauld Place, Orion and Regulus following shortly after. Regulus never got to say goodbye.