Work Text:
It was a cold morning. The type of morning you'd expect in the middle of winter. Misty and dead-silent. Not a soul in sight but them and the howling wind.
It was the type of morning Gem liked. A break from everything. A breath of fresh air after last night.
Last night... The siblings don't talk about stuff like that often. She knows it's not healthy, but talking about it never helped before. It wouldn’t help now. Instead, they walk to school in silence.
It's a full 20 minutes of walking.
Each morning and every afternoon.
20 minutes of silence.
They would go to school by car if they could. But it didn’t help wishing for things you can't have.
And besides, Gem likes the walk.
It's nice. After all the screaming is done, the silence will always be there to help you get back up.
"So, excited for biology?" Gem had almost forgotten her brother was also there, too engrossed in her own head.
"What's happening during biology?" She asked him.
"I think it's just a simple practical. We're dissecting a fish." Grian replied, grinning from ear to ear.
"Ewww, that sounds disgusting!" She said with a pinched expression.
Her brother laughed. “If you want to become a scientist, you might need to stop gagging anytime you see a dead animal.” He joked.
The two continued their easy banter until they arrived at school.
~
Gem entered the still relatively empty classroom. She often arrived before anybody else did, seeing as they usually left way earlier than needed, so she just sat down in her usual spot at the back of the class.
It was nicer because it felt like nobody was judging her as much. The walls never looked at her like people did, and although it was nice to be seen, sometimes it was nicer if nobody noticed.
If nobody took a good look at her emotionless face.
After a few minutes of waiting, the other students started filtering in. Ren and False took their spots in front of her, giving a quick greeting before continuing with whatever conversation they had going on.
Gem opened her notebook and started doodling, tiny drawings of waves and tentacles littering the margins of her page.
“Hello, everyone! Today we will be talking about-“ Gem tuned out the teacher's voice as soon as it began.
They were talking about sound waves, a topic she considered to be quite easy.
After an embarrassing amount of time spent staring out the window, Gem got started on the homework. She knew she won’t have the energy for it later, might as well get it done right now.
The problem on the page wasn’t difficult, something about calculating the frequency of a sound wave.
Gem scribbled down the formula before working her way to solving it, an easy task all things considered.
She flipped to a new, empty page and began another question, slowly working her way through the problems one by one.
Just one more and she’d be done.
Her pencil hovered over the final answer when the bell cut through the air—sharp and sudden compared to the calm classroom, which soon devolved into chaos as everyone started packing their stuff.
Gem blinked, a small flinch in her shoulders, then sighed.
“Almost,” she muttered, closing her notebook and slipping it into her bag as her classmates were practically running out the door.
It was a struggle getting to her next class, the halls blocked off by hundreds of students waiting impatiently for their teachers.
Gem had to worm her way through the thick crowds, attempting not to punch anyone in the process. She never understood who thought it was a good idea to stash this many children in one building.
Finally, she’d gotten to the biology classroom, spotting that Grian had already claimed their usual spot, once again in the back.
He smiled up at her as she marched over.
“Hi,” she greeted.
“Hi, you're a bit late.”
“Shush, I’m still on time.”
Then the teacher walked in, both siblings redirecting their attention towards her as she started talking.
“Hello, class. As you are all aware, we will be conducting a practical today. Now you will be allowed to pick your own duos, so keep that in mind while I give the instructions. So, today we will be dissecting a salmon head. To be exact, you will be taking a look at actual fish gills and comparing them to what you already know from your books-“
The teacher continued their instructions efficiently before sending them on their way, telling them to get into duos.
The siblings locked eyes as soon as she told them they could find their groups. The timing was almost comedic, how they just knew who they would group with without thinking. It was nice to be able to rely on someone like that. To have someone you trust always be there for you.
They walked over to one of the work tables, and a fish head already lay out in front of them. The eyes were glassy and wet, the scales slimy, and there was a puddle of fluid surrounding the thing.
“Eugh-“ Gem gagged. “That looks so gross-“
Grian poked the fish, a bit more fish oil spraying out from the place where it was cut off.
“Don’t touch it.” She screeched.
Her brother giggled at her reaction. “It’s really not that bad.”
“Well, I’m not touching that!”
“Fine, I’ll do it. But you’re making the drawing. You’re better at that anyway. Let’s get started.”
“If I don’t puke over the drawing.” She tries to joke, although she’s still visibly uneasy from the sight of the fish.
Grian got to work on the fish, parting the gills to see them more clearly. He showed it to Gem, who had to hold back from puking as she tried her best to draw the gills, although in way less detail.
She didn’t include how slimy it was, or the gross, meat-like red color, or the fact that there was fish oil spilling out, with small red particles in there for god knows what reason or-
Gem had to look away for a second.
“Are you okay?” Her brother asked, concerned.
“No, I’m fantastic.” She said sarcastically before noticing Grian’s still worried look. Why did he always look at her like that? Ever since that moment- No, even before that.
“Just trying not to throw up, to be honest. I still need to survive the rest of the day.” She gave him a reassuring smile.
She finished her drawing quickly, showing it to Grian, who gave her a thumbs-up. After that, she started doodling on a different page, while Grian continued poking the fish to Gem’s utter horror.
The squishing noises next to her wasn’t the nicest music to draw to.
“Shit.” Grian screeched.
Gem looked up to see him staring at the ground, the fish having disappeared from its spot, leaving only its weird oil in its place.
“Grian, I swear to god, if you dropped that fish, I’m gonna kill you.” She pointed her pen at him to further the threat.
He stared back with a guilty expression. “So uhm- It kind of just slipped off?”
“I’m not helping you clean that,” Gem replied deadpan.
Grian sighed before walking away to grab some paper towels, leaving Gem to doodle in relative peace.
A few minutes after Grian had cleaned up, the bell rang.
The siblings split ways as they both headed to their different classes.
Joel soon went to sit next to her, Skizz and Impulse arriving after him and sitting in front of them, talking about something only they understood. Nothing new there.
Skizz and Impulse were basically inseparable, the best of friends, so to speak.
She was kind of jealous. She used to be that close with Pearl, but now that she’s a grade higher than she is, they haven’t had as much time to hang out. And to add to that, Grian practically kidnaps her daily to hang out with the new friend group.
“What’re you looking so sad for?” Joel asked.
“Just tired, I guess.”
“That makes sense. Wait, you know how we had that idea for that thing that we can’t talk about, right?” he started excitedly.
“Yeah.” Joel had been talking about the idea for a month now. A secret club that only a select few would be a part of. Fight club.
Now, of course, they weren’t actually going to fight each other. Joel had probably just watched too many movies, but that didn’t stop Gem from being a little bit excited about it as well.
“Okay, so I asked the two seniors we had discussed, Cub and Etho, and they’re both in! Did you ask Pearl already?”
“Uhm, not yet. It’s hard to get a hold of her when she’s constantly hanging out with her own friend group.”
Gem wouldn’t admit it, but she was kind of jealous. She and Pearl were supposed to be a duo. Inseparable. But now that Gem had skipped a grade, Pearl was only hanging out with all these new people.
“I can see if I can find her during our lunch period?”
“Yeah, that’d be lovely!”
~
The food court was absolutely packed with students. It was going to be hard to find Pearl in here. Nevertheless, Gem bid goodbye to Grian and went to find her old friend.
After scouring around for a bit, she finally spotted the group she’d been looking for. Around the table sat Pearl, a boy with scruffy cyan hair, a girl with long pink hair, two boys with blonde hair, and one boy with dark skin and short black hair.
After a deep breath, Gem approached them.
“Hey. Pearl.”
“Oh, hi there!” Pearl turned around to face her with a bright smile, contrasting Gem’s slightly uneasy one.
“Hey, Pearl, I was wondering if I-“
“Oh, wait, you haven’t met everyone yet, have you? So, these lovely people are my new friends.” Gem had to force herself not to show the hurt in her face. “This here is Scott. Over there we have Jimmy and Martyn, and those two are Lizzie and Bigb!”
She pointed at every member of the group one by one.
“Guys, this is Gem. She’s been my friend for ages.”
Everybody greeted her politely before continuing with their own conversations.
“So, what’d you want to talk about?” Pearl asked.
“I was wondering if I could pull you aside for a second. One of my friends had an epic idea I’m sure you’d love.”
“Yeah, sure. Where are we goin’?”
Gem led Pearl a few meters away from her table before giving her the pitch. “Okay, so we want to start a fight club. Nothing dangerous, I swear. It’s just us practicing self-defense and having fun, to be honest. Joel, the friend I was talking about, has already asked a few seniors to join. It’s great!”
“Ooooh, that sounds lovely! I’d love to join. Wait, why didn’t you just tell me over there?”
“Well, because it’s a secret.” Gem stage whispered. “It’s the one rule of fight club. We don’t talk about fight club.”
“Oh, yeah, definitely. I mean, what fight club? I don’t know any fight clubs. What even is a fight club? It sounds absolutely bonkers.” Pearl winked at her.
“I should probably get back to my friends if I still want to have some lunch, though. I’ll send you the details.”
“That sounds good!” And then Pearl walked back to her friends, quickly adopting whatever conversation they had moved to in her absence.
Gem headed back to her own table, a bittersweet smile on her face. How could it be that after barely talking for weeks, Pearl still considered her one of her closest friends?
She settled down between Impulse and Grian, the latter giving her a food tray he’d promised to grab for her whilst she went out in search of Pearl. Usually, the lunch lady wouldn’t give anybody two trays, but she knew the siblings by now. She often offered bigger portions to them, knowing they didn’t always have enough food at home.
She slowly started to eat her food, listening idly to the conversations around the table. Impulse, Mumbo, and, oddly enough, Skizz were talking about some sort of invention they’d heard about while Scar was ranting to Grian and Joel about how amazing his cat, Jellie, was.
“Hey, are you okay?” her brother asked, unsurprisingly having picked up on her lackluster demeanor.
“Yeah, I’m fine. Had a nice conversation with Pearl.”
“That’s good.” He said, a knowing look in his eyes.
He was her closest confidante, the person who knew her best and the person she’d rant to the most by far. She had expressed her jealousy of Pearl’s new friends numerous times; of course, he knew how she felt.
The siblings fell back into their usual easy banter until the bell rang, sending them both off to their own lessons. Gem quickly found Joel and Scar, with whom she had art with this period.
“Did Pearl agree?” Joel questioned immediately.
“Yup, she sure did.”
“Oh, I’m so excited. Wait, can you send me her number so I can add her to the group chat? We still need to pick a good moment to get together.”
“Yeah, we do. Wouldn’t Wednesdays work?”
“I think so, but I gotta check with the rest.”
“Yeah, that sounds good. I’ll send you Pearl’s number as soon as I get the chance.”
With that, they arrived in the art room, quickly claiming a table for the three of them, Bdubs soon joining. Gem went to grab her painting from the drying rack.
It was a painting of a shipwreck at the bottom of the sea. She hadn’t finished it yet, so there were still a lot of areas of the ship that needed painting. She was going to finish the painting by littering a coral reef all across the rocks and ship. It was supposed to symbolize feeling lost, feeling like you’ll never get back up, yet still having that glimmer of hope. For Gem, that glimmer was Grian and all their other friends. She can get through this. She has to, for them.
“Holy cow. You’re painting is looking so good!” Bdubs had moved behind her, admiring her work.
“Yeah, it’s not finished, of course, but you gotta trust the process.”
“Yes, definitely. I should kinda start on my own painting.”
“Ooh, what’re you making?” Gem asked curiously.
Bdubs left for a second to grab his painting, turning it around to find a vast ocean of leaves covering the canvas. A forest stretching for miles, never seeming to stop, having a sort of mystical feel while still being rooted in reality.
“That looks fantastic! Wait, wasn’t Scar also making trees?” Gem questioned.
“Yes, funny enough. But I think he set his on fire?” Bdubs looked uncertain as he said it, but turning around to glance at Scar’s work did prove him right as the most impressive hyper-realistic flames covered his artwork.
“Oh gosh. You’re not wrong. That is actually epic.”
“Yeah. Scar’s crazy. We should be working, actually. Let’s paint.”
And with that, they both sat down in the two empty spots opposite, where Scar was working on his tree and Joel on some sort of Japanese-inspired landscape.
Gem always liked painting. It was a great way to empty her head, and she always ended up with something pretty to show for it. But lately, painting wasn’t making her as happy as it used to. Every brushstroke went by too slowly. Every minute went by too fast. And there she sat, with a half-finished piece she didn’t feel like finishing.
If not for the fact that this would be graded, she doesn’t think she would ever finish it. And it was such a beautiful idea as well. Why couldn’t she just get over herself? Instead, she dreaded every moment where she got the peace to think. Every moment where she didn’t have someone to talk to. Every moment where she was alone by herself.
It was for this reason she was so glad she had Grian. He was there for every step. Without him, she wouldn’t even be here…
It was about a month ago. She just couldn’t take it. Schoolwork was piling up, and her motivation was at an all-time low. But life didn’t just stop. It never did. It just kept coming at her. More work, more stuff.
She was always the smart one. Always the one their parents thought would make it big. That’s the reason she skipped a grade. Because they wanted her to. She made it look so easy, but really, all those perfect grades were just the result of endless sleepless nights. Nights where she was working her ass off to make their parents happy.
Only now did she realize they didn’t deserve it.
The teachers saw how good she was doing. Of course they did. Why did they have to notice? Couldn’t she just be the star student in that year?
As soon as the teachers brought it up to her parents, it was too late.
It was supposed to be her choice, but how could she refuse when her parents kept talking about their ‘perfect daughter who was so smart she even skipped a grade’.
Grian had tried to get her to decline, but he knew all too well what it was like to disappoint their parents. Gem knows he still blames himself for not stopping her. For not being there for her. For not helping before everything became too much.
It was never his fault.
It was not his fault when he found Gem there in the bathroom. It wasn’t his fault when he had to call 911 because his sister was bleeding out. It wasn’t his fault when he sat there in that waiting room for hours, hoping he had come in time.
No, if anyone was to blame, it was Ge-
Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing
The school bell rang, marking an end to the period and an end to Gem’s slow spiral. She wordlessly stood up, putting her painting away- she had barely made any progress- and walking off to her last class without saying goodbye to her friends.
~
“Hey, are you okay?” Grian whispered to her as their lesson started, a worried look once again painting his face.
“Yeah, ‘m fine.”
“Are you sure? If there’s anything you know, you can tell me.”
“Yeah, I know. Just been thinkin’.”
“Hey, it’s okay, I’m here.” He gave her a slight hug, trying not to get noticed while still bringing comfort to his sister.
“I’m sorry.” Gem whispered, so silently she wasn’t sure if her brother heard it, but she could’ve sworn she heard him reply, ‘I’m sorry too’.
Gem did her best to pay attention for the rest of the lesson. It was about the unit circle. A subject she, frankly, did not understand.
Her brother seemed to share her opinion. “Ugh, why does this have to be so hard!” He complained out loud.
“You’re exaggerating. It’s really quite simple if you just memorize the circle.” Mumbo had turned around, a serious look on his face. Despite that, neither sibling could take him seriously, both bursting out in laughter.
“Sorry, it’s just that you always say ‘it’s really quite simple’ and then it never is!” Gem said between giggles.
“Yeah, you really have no concept of simple, do you. You’re some sort of math genius anyway!”
“I’m not!” Mumbo screeched indignantly.
“Mumbo, respectfully, you really are, bud.” Impulse, who was sitting next to the black-haired boy, pointed out.
“I’m being targeted.” Mumbo scoffed.
Grian giggled at this again, not noticing the math teacher appearing behind him.
“What are we laughing about?” She asked.
Grian squawked, “Uhm, nothing, miss.”
“Doesn’t matter. Please get back to work you for. I can’t have you disrupting the class.” She said with an unimaginable amount of authority.
They all got back to work in silence, not daring to speak up again until the bell rang.
Finally, the day was over. They could go back home.
Time to find out if that was a good thing. It often wasn’t.
She waited for Grian to pack his stuff before heading off, both saying goodbye to Mumbo and Impulse on their way out.
“So, had a good day?” Grian asked as they started on their walk home.
“Eh, the usual.”
“Really? I seem to remember you finally talking to Pearl again after ages.” Grian provided with a grin.
Gem sighed, “Yeah, it was nice, I guess. I don’t know. It was strange. She was acting like no time had passed at all.”
“Maybe she also doesn’t want anything to change your friendship?” Grian offered.
“Maybe, but she has so many new amazing friends, and I have you guys, of course, but everyone just feels more like your friends. You’ve known them for longer.”
“That doesn’t mean you aren’t just as much a part of the group.”
“Yeah, I guess.” She fell silent. The only thing to hear was the cars driving by and the soft rhythm of their feet against the pavement.
“Are you sure there’s nothing on your mind?” Grian looked her in the eyes, or better yet, he was looking straight through her.
“I’ve lost motivation for my painting.” She admitted.
“The one you were excitedly telling me about two weeks ago?” Grian asked.
“Yeah.”
“That’s okay.” He looked sad, but Gem knew he was just sad for her. Why couldn’t she just be sad herself? Why did her brother have to do everything for her? “You don’t need to have motivation for everything.”
“I still have to finish it. It’s for a grade.” She said somberly.
“Well then, you finish it. Maybe you’ll end up with a cool painting at the end.”
“Yeah, I guess.”
They fell silent again.
It really was nice. Such a calm part of their day. It made her feel at ease, right here, next to her brother.
She used to dread these walks. They had to walk all this way every morning and every afternoon. She had better shit to do. She could be studying, or drawing, or hanging out with her friends, or a thousand other things, but instead she had to take the longest mode of transportation imaginable.
Now, though, it was nice. A moment to wind down, listen to the wind, worry about nothing but getting home.
Home.
She wished it could be as quiet there as it was right now.
She wished the screaming would just stop. That their parents could stop fighting and drinking and just-
For now, she just had to walk.
When she gets home, she’ll just have to do homework, eat dinner, and go to bed.
In the morning, she’ll just have to wake up, get dressed, have breakfast, and go to school.
And the cycle continues.
Day after day.
Until she can get out of this mess.
She’ll just be living one day at a time.