Work Text:
--
Ian stared at the wall. Mickey is out. The words repeated in his head. They had been repeating over and over again since he had heard them come out of Debbie's mouth three days ago. She had said them as if they didn't matter as if telling him Mickey had been let out of jail was just like telling him some random guy who he'd never really met had gotten out, and maybe it should have been nothing. He left Mickey, and it's not like it was because he was locked up, he left him before that, and he had no right to care. He knew that. He also knew that maybe to his sister, it seemed like he didn't. He hadn't openly shown any sign of mourning the most substantial relationship of his life.
He had decided the moment that he watched Mickey getting locked up that he would not, could not let anybody see any amount of pain he was holding toward, his break up. In fact, he went out of his way to prove he was fine and nobody noticed because the only time his family paid attention to him was to ask about his meds. That's the only conversation he had with anybody in his family, it pissed him off really but he didn't show that either. He went out and got him a boyfriend and a new job, the job didn't last long, but the boyfriend was still there.
He sighed and sat up but shortly after laid back down. No energy to even get up. Was that a bad sign? Probably. Did Ian really give a shit? Not likely. Mickey was out….fuck.
--
"What's going on with him?" Lip asks, looking over at his brother who is literally sitting on the couch at Caleb's, staring at the blank TV. Caleb shrugs as if he doesn't care. but looks back over at Ian and sighs.
"He wants something I can't give him. He's been like this for weeks now. Staring at empty walls and shit. Maybe being at home would help?" Caleb asks.
"You're shipping him off? Wow, that's great Caleb...Can't handle the crazy?" Lip says offended for his brother.
"Not what I said. This isn't about his illness. I mean sure, maybe it's intensifying it, but this is about Mickey." Caleb says and Lip's head snaps up and looks at him.
"What?"
"He knows that Mickey is out, and he's been like this ever since okay? I'm not some asshole that is abandoning his boyfriend because he has an illness. I just think, surrounding him with family and his home would be good for him. He's freaking out." Caleb says.
--
It's weeks later and Ian is still in his bed, at his old house, he is staring at the ceiling waiting for the house to empty out. He just wants them to leave him alone. It's about time for the daily check-in and he wants it to be fucking over. Fiona comes in and whispers his name and hands him some meds, he stares at them but takes them from her anyway, then he lays back down. They can all fuck off, this isn't his disorder, this is just his life. His life that he, himself trashed. He took every beautiful think they existed inside of him and walked away from it.
He hears the whispers like he always does before Lip comes in and sits down on the chair. Lip tells him stories. If he didn't feel like such hell he would appreciate that. His brother just talking as if Ian was listening and Ian wants to listen. He wants to turn off the buzzing in his head and listen, but the only thing playing in his head right now is the past. Visions of Mickey chasing him through the Kash and Grab, yelling about Mandy. Finally after a while Lip gets up and leaves. Debbie would be next. He knows the routine, he even knows when they’re there, but he can't make a move.
Debbie talks softly, but not as soft as Fiona. And Debbie does something he is sure that Fiona has told her not to. She talks about Mickey. It's the first time she's done it like she's trying to prove to herself or Fiona, maybe all of them that this is what he needs, that he needs Mickey. Which is true. She tells him about the night that she and Mickey drugged Sammi, and how guilty she feels that she was a part of something that took Mickey away. He looks over at her because he hears her, but it only lasts a second before he's back in his head. Retracing his first time with Mickey.
Carl just sits, he doesn't speak. Ian knows this because he doesn't hear the distant chattering like with his other siblings. Even though his head is still swarming with memories of Mickey, he hears Carl distantly finally speak. “I'll get him back for you Ian.” He says. Liam comes in and just places a kiss on his forehead. And they all leave.
--
He hears Caleb come in, but he's in his head. Now it's like he's watching a show like he isn't actually there when Terry walks in and forces Mickey to fuck Svetlana. He's watching a movie of the shitshow. Maybe that's how he sees it. Sees the look on Mickey's face, the look on his own. He's a coward. He should have held Mickey then. Told him what he had to do was fine, but he left. He always leaves. He knows that he screams out for Mickey because he actually sees Caleb jump back like he's been burned. He should care right now but he doesn't. He can't. He needs Mickey. He knows. But he still can't move. Not yet.
--
Fiona looks up when Caleb reaches the bottom of the stairs. He looks defeated but sure of whatever it is he's about to say.
“What is it?” She asks.
“If you're gonna leave him just say it. Too crazy for you?” Carl bites because he really doesn't like this guy.
“Who knows how to find Mickey?” Caleb says and everyone turns to him.
“Excuse me?” Lip says startled.
“Look, I care about Ian, I care enough to know what he needs. If there's any chance that Mickey still loves him enough to talk to him because the only words he has said to me were just now when he was screaming for his ex. Right now, he needs to say whatever he needs to, but to Mickey. So who's gonna show me where he lives?” Caleb says.
“You realize that it could be the end for you and Ian? And that Mickey might just kick your ass. He does that. Has a jealousy thing when it comes to Ian.”
“I get it. Let's go.”
--
Mickey is absolutely pissed off by the constant knocking. He knows there's a Gallagher on the other side of it. He expects one of them, he even thinks that maybe Ian has grown some balls and shown up himself. That might amuse him but no, he swings the door open to find all of them except for his ex, and in his place is someone else. He knows who he is. Mandy has described him, and he steps forward, directing his scowl at the fuck. How dare he come here! “The fuck you want?!? And what the fuck is he doing here?” He growls out:
“It's…Ian.” Fiona says softly.
“Well, no shit! Thought you were just here to bake me cookies and welcome me home.” He crosses his arms over his chest.
“Mickey shut up. He needs you. You dick. He hasn't moved in days, except to take the damn meds, that obviously isn't doing shit.” Lip says angrily.
“He doesn't need a nurse remember? He broke up with me remember? And that fuck is his boyfriend! Why are you here anyway? They drag you here? Getting involved in Gallagher shit is what got me locked up, be careful.”
“They didn't drag me here. I asked them to bring me.” He says hand Mickey tilts his head.
“You're a dumb one aren't Ya? Come to my house? What makes you think I won't kill you right where you stand, for even touching what's mine?”
“Because you love him. Because and believe me it pains me to actually say this because he loves you. Because I respect Ian and the only thing he's said to me since he's known you were out, is your damn name. He needs you. And if you love him or even give a damn you'll talk to him. Let him say whatever it is that’s swimming in that head of his.” Caleb says.
--
Ian is finally alone the thoughts swimming in his head. That day in the churches wedding hall, after he showed up, and before he decided to walk away from Mickey. When he was pushing Mickey up against the stall angrily. Showing him how much he needed him, the moans filling his ears. He doesn't actually realize it at first, that his hand is traveling down his body. His mind goes to another time. A time when they were together, completely. When Ian was likely a little manic but it doesn't take away how sexy that day was.
How hot it was when Mickey let him take control over, completely. Ian moans out as he touches himself. Moaning or Mickeys name. He is completely lost, remembering Mickey begging for him, wanting him, loving him. “Such a good boy, Mickey, all hot and ready for me.” He moans out, moving faster, panting. Calling out for Mickey.
Mickey doesn't let the others come up with him, they all hear it from the living room and Mickey shakes his head. That doesn't sound like someone in pain. He's moaning. And Mickey walks up the stairs getting closer to it. He hears his name. Ians screaming for him in pleasure, telling him what a good boy he's been. Fuck. Ian doesn't look up when Mickey enters the room, he's going at it hard and fast. The need radiating off of him.
“And they said you were practically catatonic, don't look so bad to me,” Mickey says and Ian's eyes shoot up, his hand stills eyes wide.
“M…mick?” He stammers out pulling the blanket up fast.
“No use in hiding it now. Whole house heard you moaning out my name, Including your boyfriend. Poor fuck.”
“W..what are…you…?,” He stammers out, his face beet red.
“Your family and your boyfriend show up at my house. Ian needs you, Mickey, he's just laying there, not speaking, only saying your name Mickey. Please, Mickey…you faking it so they'd leave you alone?” He asks and Ian shakes his head.
“N..no. I just. Memories and more memories.”
“So you remembered all the fucked up shit. And then you got to the good shit and decided to rub one out?” Mickey asks.
“No. I don't know. it's been a while. Excuse me.” Ian says ashamed.
“You have a boyfriend.” Mickey snaps.
“Yeah so?”
“You didn't think you could just…fuck him?” Mickey says through gritted teeth.
“Didn't want to,” Ian says honestly.
“Man. That's fucked. You're a shitty boyfriend. Moaning out your ex-boyfriend's name.”
“Don’t I know it. Always was though right?”
“Not always. You were pretty good once.” Mickey says sitting down. “So, besides what I just walked in on, what is going on with you?”
“You.”
“Me?” Mickey questions.
“You got out, and I can't get you out of my head. What I did when I was manic, when I was depressed, and especially when I was numb, all of it. It's like a movie. Showing me what a shit show I was even before I got sick.” Ian says sadly.
“The fuck you talking about? We were happy you asshole.” Mickey says he's now on the edge of the bed.
“Yeah, we were. I was, but I was sick and fucking around on you because I couldn't control my shit. I was a mess, am a mess.”
“I liked your stupid ass anyway,” Mickey says. “Then you broke my heart. So thanks for that.”
“I'm so sorry,” Ian says. It's the first time he's actually said it.
“What for? Truth. Are you just sorry because I'm pissed?”
“No. I'm sorry for all of it. I'm sorry I ran from you when I should of let you beat the shit out of me. I'm sorry that I dragged you into my world, pushed you to come out, only to cheat on you. I'm sorry I ran away. I'm sorry I didn't say it back when you finally said you loved me. I'm sorry I can't let you go and they dragged you back into my shit. I'm sorry that I promised to wait for you and didn't. I'm sorry you just walked in on me like that.” Ian says and Mickey starts to get up. And Ian grabs him.
“And I'm so fucking sorry, that I want to bend you over this bed right now and make you beg for me like you used to. I'm sorry for this.” He says pulling Mickey down on top of him and kissing him deeply.
“Gallagher…,” Mickey warns.
“So sorry…” Ian says biting Mickey's bottom lip.
“You have a boyfriend,” Mickey says.
Ian throws his phone at Mickey. “Not anymore” and Mickey looks down and sees Caleb's nice breakup text wishing Ian the best.
“Doesn't change shit, Gallagher.”
“No, it doesn't. You still hate me, and I still love you.” Ian says sadly. And even though he doesn't mean to he pulls Mickey back down and kisses him roughly, needy.
“You did not just do that,” Mickey says.
“I did,” Ian answers, not letting Mickey up. He wraps his legs around Mickey's body and flips him over. There's a fire in his eyes hat Mickey hadn't seen in a long time. And he wants to yell for Ian to stop because he's sure if he says it harsh enough, Ian will retreat back into himself, defeated but he doesn't. He growls out.
“Not that easy fire-crotch.” He says instead.
Ian pulls Mickey's shirt off and Mickey lets him. Ian starts sucking on every patch of skin he can get his teeth on.
“Need you….” Ian says. “I'll do anything…”
“Anything? You'll let me fuck you…” Mickey tests him.
“Whatever you want Mickey,” Ian says honestly.
“Fuck it,” Mickey says and kisses Ian hard. “Fuck me hard.”
“W..what?” Ian says in shock.
“You want me, screaming for you, begging for you? You want to shove your dick in my ass, while I pant and scream out your name so this whole house can hear what a bitch I am for you? You want that??”
“Fuck yes. Fuck.” Ian says.
“You gonna leave me again?” Mickey asks in a moment of weakness.
“No.”
“If you ever leave me again, I will. I won't come back, I won't …ever be yours again Ian.” He says and Ian nods running his hand over the tattoo still on Mickey's chest.
Ian and Mickey make out moaning each other's names until Mickey looks into his eyes again. “This happening right now doesn't make what you did okay. It isn't a fix all, you got that?” Mickey says and Ian nods because he knows.
“Now get in me, I'll yell at you later,” Mickey says and Ian doesn't have to be told again as he removes the rest of Mickey's clothes and works his ex-boyfriend open. He moans at every movement because this is what he needed the whole time. Mickey with him right here like this and he's gonna fix this. He has to. Because he can't ever give this up again.
“I love you.” Ian breathes out as he enters Mickey slowly.
“Come the fuck on. Harder, please…fuck.” Mickey moans out.
“Anything for you,” Ian says moving harder and faster inside of him. “Fuck, not gonna last long. So good for me…so good.” Ian moans out.
Mickey moves with him, clenching around him, as Ian spills into the condom, and Mickey cums onto the bed, hard and moans out.
--
“Can I hold you?” Ian asks, afraid.
“Shut up and come here,” Mickey says pulling ians arm around him. “I love you too, you asshole.” He says finally.