Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

«This is insane.» Klaus practically laughs out loud, when they all find themselves still inexplicably alive and kicking, instead of forever disappeared into nothingness.

Five himself can't explain how it’s ever possible, while several of the others are more or less generally agreeing with Klaus’ istintive relief, even if it’s a still uncertainly nervous one. As if they’re also instinctively searching for the next threat, before trying to truly - or even roughly - understand what the hell happened this time.

But priorities come first.

They’re still alive, or at least still existing, and they’re in a park rather than inside the Academy, or what remains of it (despite Luther's hopeless attempts to "renovate" it), and there’s no trace of Ben and Jennifer nor what they’ve been reduced into. The world seems to be placidly spinning on as if nothing at all happened, for once. As if it has decided that this is a day like any other to mock them all again.

And then the priority of trying to understand what happened - or rather what gone wrong, according to Luther and Diego, who seems to have joined forces in glaring at Five in a rather askance manner - is easily overridden by Allison and Lila, who instead join forces in asking what has become of their children and relatives.

Five momentarily finds himself considering all too closely the possibility that this time several of his brothers and sisters, plus possibly Lila, may be on the verge of actually try and strangle him with their bare hands. And that perhaps he wouldn't find it particularly incomprehensible, or somehow less than perfectly justified on some level. But in the end, Viktor and Klaus seem to decide to support him, at least in his determination to figure out what they have to do at this point.

To their collective relief, it isn't so difficult to finally find Diego and Lila's children, Claire, and Lila’s aunts&uncles, who in truth are the ones who find them. 

Apparently they emerged - still a little dazed but completely unharmed - from a now perfectly normal subway, and they managed to return to Lila and Diego's house, because several things, many things, are still exactly the same as they remember. Well, except for the subway and the amorphous mass of Ben+Jennifer trying to engulf everything, of course.

It has been Claire's (excellent) idea to get a car and go look where they've last seen them, sticking behind the wheel one of Lila's agitated uncles, who almost run over them as they exit the park. Then they’re rushing out of the car, exchanging still-shocked and already relieved hugs with Diego, Allison, Lila, and Klaus.

No less relieved but still trying to understand what happened, Luther and Viktor chat for a bit, casting expectant glances especially at Five. 

Luther asks if the Academy has never existed in this (new) reality, given that there’s now a sunny park crowded with happy people in its place, and Five rolls his eyes. 

Viktor wonders aloud if Ben and Jennifer haven't made it, his expression pained, and Five lowers his saddened gaze to the ground.

When he looks back up, Lila’s staring at him, the children crowded around her, her aunts&uncles surrounding her and trying to talk to Diego instead, since she seems barely able to listen to them.

Five swallows and looks away, casting a general glance at everything and nothing around them. He promises in a whisper barely loud enough to be heard that he would try to figure out what happened, just to then turn on himself and quickly walk away, before any of them could actually try to stop him. But no one tries to do it so much in the end, or gives up quickly enough with a hint of resignation.

All the while walking away, Five can still feel Lila's gaze on him, as if she weren't giving up at all, following him even just with her eyes, remaining with him regardless.

When he finally turns a corner, the hint of a sigh of relief caught in his throat. Because that feeling’s still there, anyway. 

The feeling that—whatever happened now, whatever time he has left to live and/or even just exist or have existed, whatever reality this is now, and whatever kind of apocalypse might still decide to loom on the horizon - he would never be able to shake off himself the feeling of Lila Pitts.

***

«This is insane.» Allison mutters, as if she failed in adjusting her first impression about what Lila’s just told her, before spitting it out.

Lila nods, agreeing completely. But it’s still somehow remarkable, hearing one of them say something like this to another one, considering everything they've been through. And perhaps it’s especially remarkable to finally hear some of them saying it so bluntly right in this weeks, when it seems like things have been sorted out, at least in terms of space-time chaos and alternate realities.

None of them has yet fully figured out what happened, not even Five. He’s limiting himself to just reporting summaries of what he has (or hasn't) found in this new reality, and only by scattered and short phone calls, usually calling only Allison or Viktor. Except when he takes the trouble to answer a few calls from Luther or Klaus, when they think they've found some potentially interesting clue.

None of them has any idea where he's gotten himself into, or what exactly he’s doing except trying to fish out more details, more similarities and dissimilarities from what they remember from their reality before this one. 

This one, in which apparently there’s never been a Ben and a Jennifer, nor their (inadvertent) attempt to destroy the world, nor cults of Keepers, nor (Sir) Reginald and Abigail and much less an Umbrella Academy, nor any trace of anyone ever being born to mothers who haven't been pregnant until a minute before and having extraordinary abilities related to Marigold. 

It’s all… almost too normal.

Deep down, Lila doesn’t mind this new normality, perhaps especially after the subway experience. But after weeks and weeks of this, she’s given up. 

She can’t stand Five’s absence, nor the attempts between her and Diego to put things right. And her own children have finally toned down her somewhat excessive displays of affection, born from the relief of having them back after years and years. Even her aunts and uncles have recalibrated themselves, fewer and fewer interrogating and criticizing her since they’ve noticed her stormy mood, her alternating between depressed sadness and fits of nervous intolerance, only when the children aren’t around of course.

And, eventually, Diego stopped trying to resolve things between them by bringing them back to the way they were or beyond that point, and he even stopped trying to address the question of what the hell happened in the subway, or even worse at the strawberry house, which Lila has never told him about. 

She had still kept an eye on him, feeling incredibly exhausted at the prospect of yet another argument or of yet another attempt to delude themselves that they can solve things by pretending nothing ever happened. Until he simply told her that okay, they have to find a solution that could work, because she’s clearly unhappy. Lila realized with surprise that he was not only clearly noticing, but that he was right. She realized that maybe that is the real and primary problem after all, for Diego too. 

And when he surprised her again, by simply asking her what she really wants, in so forcing her to think about it seriously for the first time in who knows how long, she still pursed her lips and was unable to respond, while feeling tears begin to stream down her face. Diego understood, however, perhaps especially because she couldn't (yet) tell him, couldn't allow herself to tell him, because how could she not hurt him (again) if he told him?

But that, painful as it was, have been a new beginning. A way to finally find common ground between the two of them again. And then to find something more akin to a potentially pragmatic strategy, at least for the moment.

Anyway, Allison's outburst seems more than appropriate, given that Lila has just briefly outlined to her that so-called strategy. She needs another opinion, in any case. One even more sincere, sensible and forthright, certainly more so than her and Diego's views on the matter could now be.

«I know…» she quietly says, lowering her gaze to the steaming cup she’s clutching a little convulsively, sounding resigned and tired, but much more serenely at peace with herself and with the world than she’s felt in… a long, long time, if not since forever.

Allison eyes her, a little regretful for her blunt comment, and still evaluating. Her tone softens for the most part, though remaining quite objective. Lila’s tremendously grateful. «That's not to say it couldn't work.»

Lila raises at her a half smile, and an eyebrow.

Allison nods, as if trying to convince herself, if only for the sake of being a little more supportive. «Or that you couldn't make it work, after all.»

Lila smiles a little wider, lowering her gaze and fully understanding what she means. Of course, they’ve made it work - or made it fail - much more than that, after all. «It's just... I thought I should try and be happy.»

Allison's eyes widen a little, but then she’s generously nodding and sighing. «Yeah… this really seems like an excellent starting point.» she emphasizes with full conviction.

Lila smiles even wider, but then lowers her gaze and frowns, sipping more tea. «I still don't know how I could ever explain this to the kids.»

Allison considers for a moment, then shrugs, taking another sip of wine. «You know what? I think they'll understand perfectly. Kids can be… kind of much better than adults, sometimes.»

Lila chuckles a little.

Chapter Text

«This is insane.» Five says first thing first, when Lila explains what she’s been thinking.

Lila looks at him, in the diner where she's finally managed to convince him to come meet her.

Well, it isn't exactly as if she's succeeded in doing that, since even though she's gotten his new phone number from Allison without difficulty, for days and days he didn’t answered her calls nor texts, and from a certain point on he has simply turned off his phone.

So she asked Klaus. And Klaus easily agreed to go and find his brother's hiding place without batting an eyelid, only to then claiming with him he’s going through a bad period and risking a relapse into alcohol and drugs, and that he need company on a particular day that will be a bad anniversary for him, finally managing to wring out of Five a meet at that diner.

Five didn’t even seem that surprised, when he saw her arriving in Klaus's place. He was about to immediately leave anyway, until Lila leveled him with a look that was simultaneously uncompromising and terribly nervous and needy, asking if they could - for heaven's sake - just talk. 

Five sat back down, staring at the table as if he'd just been sentenced to some sort of death penalty, resigned and surrendered as if after all he was certain this would turn out to be even worse than some apocalypse.

Despite this, for something like several minutes they simply remained silent, Lila unsure where to begin, Five avoiding her gaze and seeming somehow trapped between sordid desperation and dull rage, but above all seeming irreparably hurt.

«Well, you could at least say something.» Lila almost blurted out.

Five looked at her for a moment, his jaw tensing slightly, before looking away again. «You’re the one who made me come here. By deception, in fact, but okay…»

Lila stared at him, half disbelievingly. «You gave me a choice? I’ve lost count of the messages I sent you, to which you’ve never answered back. Not a single damn time.»

He gave her a conflicted look, still resentful and hurt. «Okay. I’m here now. What is it, Lila?» he said finally, the apparent coolness of his words betraying broad glimpses of practically bitter surrender.

For a while she tried to say something, in vain. Dozens of possible irritated retorts aborted before being said; hundreds of words she could have said to him all the way back when they were at the strawberry house that she couldn’t yet utter; thousands of requests to at least look at her and try to understand those unspoken words anyway.

Something shifted in Five's gaze, and the wounded combativeness seemed to slip away almost completely and instantly, as he leaned slightly across the table toward her, now looking concerned and attentive above all. 

«Did something happen?»

She looked at him, feeling suddenly exhausted. «Yes, something indeed happened. Something like seven years in a damn subway.»

Five studied her expression for a moment, as if half-desperately searching for something in it, and at the same time like he was trying to keep himself guarded. Finally, he leaned back and sighed heavily. 

«I meant something I don't know... And which I should know.» he quickly specified with a slight grimace.

Lila got a hold on herself enough to look him straight in the eye, and she asked instead «Where the hell have you been all this time?»

Five hesitated and looked away, taking a sip of coffee. «Out and about, checking on things. It doesn't really matter. If I'd found anything relevant, I would have let all of you know about it.»

Lila simply looked at him again in disbelief. «It doesn't matter…?» she repeated in a whisper.

Five looked back at her as if he couldn't help it after all, no matter how much he tried. Still looking as if he were struggling with something. And losing again and again.

«Do you really think disappearing like this would... what, exactly? Leave me indifferent?» Lila murmured, almost challenging now, as if to see if he was really going to push himself that far.

But Five looked away and shook his head slightly, then tried to get up again to leave. «I can't do this, Lila. I'm sorry. I really can't...»

Lila grabbed his arm, and he stopped almost immediately, but he pressed his lips together and kept his gaze down. 

«Can't do what?» she pressed, her tone surprisingly patient and attentive even to her own ears.

Five looked at her in a deep, sincere and naked way. Something very similar to the way he looked at her sometimes in the subway, and especially at the Strawberry House, and afterward, but before disappearing for weeks and weeks. 

He hesitated again, and finally murmured «I can't pretend nothing happened. Nor... move on.»

«That's not what I'm asking you.» Lila replied, still staring at him semi-desperately.

«Then what are you asking me, Lila?» he almost begged, but with a slight note of accusation reappearing.

Lila swallowed, feeling unshed tears burning inside her. And then she was blurting out «Do you still love me?»

Five gasped, his eyes widening while he stiffened. And so practically did she, only then realizing exactly what she’d just said. And that he'd never said it to her, at least not in words. But she knew, after all, and he'd been right to say so, when he'd finally revealed that damned cipher to her: you know why.

But now Five simply stood there, staring at her for a few moments too long, and Lila felt herself sinking. She stood up to leave quickly, to flee in fact, muttering a half-curse.

«Lila...» she heard Five call, barely a whisper in a hoarse voice.

She rushed out of the diner, and a moment later a hand was grasping her wrist, gently but firmly. Lila spun around, and stood transfixed in place by Five's newly intense gaze, even more broken somehow, even more certain somehow.

«Yes.» he said, as if breathless either again or since the beginning, or as if he were using all his remaining breath for some vow that, after all, must have been implicit, obvious. «Yes, of course I still do.»

Lila stood there for a long moment, staring at him as if stunned, even though deep down she knew it. 

And he was noticing something on her wrist he was holding. He lowered his gaze, and Lila let him push her sleeve aside with his finger until he found the bracelet she still wore. 

Five inhaled loudly and sharply, as if he couldn't believe it, as if he'd never thought it possible.

Lila smiled wobbly and nodded, as he let go of her wrist but also let her take his hand. 

«Let's go back inside.» she said only.

Five followed her without replying, back to the table, where this time Lila pulled him to sit next to her, still holding his hand tightly, her gaze lowered to their hands, as if to better remind herself that they still existed after all. And that Five was truly there with her again, and not a recurring, unreachable ghost in the daydreams she'd had here and there over the past few weeks.

«Lila...» he murmured, though he didn't seem to know exactly what to say. 

She looked up at him, and Five asked softly «What do you want me to do? What exactly should I do?»

She was struck by how much lost he seemed in that moment, more so than he ever seemed in the subway, where after all they’re supposed to have been more literally lost than ever. But she understood that feeling perfectly. It’s the same one she'd carried inside her for weeks, before she and Diego were finally able to truly talk.

«We've thought of something. Diego and I.»

Five inhaled sharply at the sound of that name, and moved his hand as if to pull it away from hers, but Lila held it firmly. «He's fine with this, now.»

Five stared at her, simply stunned. «Are you… kidding?»

Lila frowned. «No, seriously. You can ask him if you want.»

Five kept staring at her, just a little more stunned than before.

Lila rolled her eyes. «He promised me you two aren’t goin to fight this time.»

Five shook his head and closed his eyes for a moment, as if trying to recuperate some train of rational thought, or some common sense in all of this. «I don't...» he searched for words again, and finally seemed to force himself to say «I'm not the open-couple type.»

Lila stared at him, confused. «O…kay? Me neither? Well, not in some cases, including this one.»

Five gave her his trademark expression in regard to some things she does or says; something between trying to be patient and nonetheless being irreparably at least a little amused. «Lila... I have no idea what you're talking about. If I ever actually had one, that is.»

She gave a hint of an amused smirk, and then nodded, looking down at their hands again and squeezing his. «Essentially, Diego and I have came to the brilliant conclusion that our break has officially become a separation under the same roof. And you and I can see each other.»

Five blinks rapidly and repeatedly. «This is insane.»

Lila looks rapidly back up at him, but he’s smiling, a little crookedly but steadily, as if he couldn't help it anyway. 

She smiles back, feeling her own eyes light up. «Madness is not so bad, once you get used to it.»

Five actually bursts into a small sort of laugh, and she feels like her heart would explode with joy at hearing it again, at seeing him laugh freely. She moves closer and rests her forehead against his shoulder, sighing quietly while feeling several weights lift off her as if nothing bad ever happened, even though she must have been dragging those weights for miles and miles after all. Feeling Five’s small laughter vibrate against her, until it fades away softly.

And then she feels his hand lightly brush her face, and she raises her head. Five’s looking at her that way again, like at the Strawberry House, or maybe even before that, and after that.

«Lila...» he calls softly, as if not to disturb what must still seem to him like a sort of comforting and all-too-gentle hallucination, leaning forward a little yet hesitating, his face just inches from hers. «Lila. Can I...»

«Yes.» she says «Or rather you should. And right now.»

And she presses her lips against his first, as fed up and a little exasperated as she is by all that hesitation and waiting and whatnot.

After a while, however, she pulls away to catch her breath, her head almost spinning from the intensity. She ignores a few critical glances from some of the other diner customers, and especially the ones from a waitress who almost certainly has already been annoyed by Five before, when she dared to pour him not enough coffee. 

And she instead says against his lips «Let's go somewhere else.»

Five doesn't really object to that, though he tries to say something about having only a hotel room at the moment. Lila figures they could make do with that, and indeed it’s perfectly enough.

Five kisses her again as soon as they get inside, and still pulls away when she starts pulling him toward the bed. «Lila... Are you sure about this?» he whispers.

She stares at him for a moment as if he were crazy, but then she cups his face in her hands and smiles, nodding with certainty. «Yes, Five. Damn sure. Now stop stumbling over useless doubts and...»

Five kisses her again, and somehow even manages to pick up almost her full weight, carrying her to the bed.

However, he makes love to her slowly, but so much thoroughly, and again it’s almost too intense, Lila gasping for breath for long moments while Five slows down and gives her time to catch it, even though here and there she has to do exactly the same thing to him after all, lightly biting his lips and smiling provocatively amused.

«This is insane.» Five insists on repeating several long, intense moments later, as they’re still trying to catch their breath back while lying essentially collapsed on the bed.

Lila snorts and pulls him closer so they could cuddle and try to get some post-sex napping. She initially thought she could easily spend hours on end doing anything but sleeping with him in a bed, but after just one or two rounds she feels so wonderfully sated that she doubts she can even move without at least dozing off first. On the other hand, Five seems to be in pretty much the same state.

He holds her gently, readjusting their position as if he remembers perfectly well which ones she prefers to sleep in. 

Lila smiles and yawns, giving him one last kiss before drifting off to sleep. It feels like weeks and weeks since she's been able to truly sleep, to rest and feel like she can finally relax like everything’s okay.

«And I still really think you'll like it...» she manages to mumble in reply, before falling asleep.

Five presses a smile to her hair.

Chapter Text

«This is insane.» Diego comments with a certain resignation, dropping the heavy bags he’s carrying onto the old, ruined floor of the only relatively decent room in what has once been the Umbrella Academy, casting a glance around with furrowed brows.

Luther turns to him and stops explaining things like which faucets work and which ones not to even try because otherwise the pipes may explode, where he could find not broken and already provided with decontaminated mattresses beds, how to climb the stairs only by keeping close to the wall and avoiding leaning on or even touching the banisters, and in any case not going higher than the first floor at most.

«Hey, come on! It isn’t in such bad shape.» Luther protests defensively, albeit with a rather uncertain grimace.

Diego gives him a pointed look, and finally sighs as if he’s giving up. «I wasn't referring to this… house.»

«You'll see, it's more welcoming than it might seem… Oh.» Luther stops smiling in an all proud way, and offers him first a glance of emphatic sorriness, then a plate with the dinner he’s just heated on a camp stove, along with a can of beer. «Let’s eat. You'll feel better after eating something.»

Diego eyes critically the meal of canned beans with tomato sauce, a couple of toast slices, some slightly overcooked rice, and what he hopes is at least chicken. «Yeah... Well, thanks for the hospitality.»

«No problem. Stay as long as you like. There's plenty of room here.» Luther said, all happy and smiling at having just gained a long-term guest.

Diego wrinkles his nose and takes another look around, noticing some similarities and differences with the version of the original mansion from his childhood memories, and then with the already ramshackle version of it from their previous reality. In this version, at least the wet laundry is now hunging on a proper clothesline, rather than on ropes tied to columns. Which doesn't improve the overall appearance of it at all, in any case.

«How'd you find it, anyway?»

«Woat?» Luther asks around a mouthful of their so called dinner.

«This damn…! This house. How'd you find it? It wasn't in its place anymore, now there's a park there, the one where we found ourselves in this reality, right?» Diego insists.

Luther swallows his mouthful and nods as if pleased with the question. «Oh, it hasn’t been so easy, but neither too hard. I asked around, and did some research. And then, here it was, in all its splendor. Just a few kilometers away from its original location.»

«Splendor…» Diego mutters, pushing the food around his plate a bit.

«Ah, maybe try eating all of it before it gets cold. Technically, we could reheat it, but the gas tank is almost empty.» Luther advises, acting as if he still isn’t noticing at all the flat gazes Diego gives him in significant reply to also that.

«Personally, I prefer them separate, but you can try mixing the rice with the beans. Anyway, back to the subject. Of course it has never been the Umbrella Academy, in this reality. Which is even better when you think about it. No bad memories and stuff like that, right? Although they weren’t all bad memories, were they?»

Diego watches Luther frowning for a moment, before easily keep talking, here and there around some mouthful.

«And obviously it has never been built by da... um… by Reginald. Nor by Abigail, of course. It actually originally belonged to the family of this rich industrialist, who in the 1930s begun to think of…»

Diego listens only vaguely to Luther's story. Then Luther passes him a second beer, rekindles the fire in the fireplace, and finally brings out some dessert he's apparently bought for the special occasion of having a guest, seeming delighted  by the chance to show off his knowledge of window decals, as if they were an extremely fascinating subject after all.

«Okay, but do you really have to live inside it while you try to fix it up?» Diego finally objects.

Luther looks at him in surprise for a moment, as if he honestly thinks Diego’s missing some crucial point. «Well, I checked it out, but a decent perimeter fence and some cameras and alarms would cost too much.»

Diego's expression shifts trough a series of grimaces. «Isn’t there already some sort of fence?»

«Ah, but it's clearly just for show. I mean, it took me less than ten minutes to find a way to get through it.»

Diego lowers his face into his hands, trying not to think too much about when he got stuck in the fence gap Luther is referring to. At least it happened mostly because of the bags he was carrying, and not so much because he’s still maybe a bit overweight.

«Isn't there some kind of apartment on rent nearby? So you could - I don’t know - keep an eye on it here and there.»

Luther makes an amused noise, as if he's joking. «I have to sleep and go out to work. What if someone breaks in and steals something?»

Diego raises his face to give him a more than meaningful look, which Luther again seems not to catch. 

«What the hell is worth to be stolen inside this damn place, for god’s sake?» Diego finally blurts out.

Luther seems taken aback, and offended, for a moment. «Well, Diego, where do I begin? There are gangs of teens who love to sneak into places like this to smoke, drink, and do who knows what else, maybe even vandalize something. And then people who search for potentially haunted houses to film inside, or those who make documentaries about abandoned historic buildings. And...»

That seems to rekindle Diego's interest. «And couldn't you, like, rent it out for filming?»

Luther looks at him with a kind of patience. «Diego, I live in here.»

Diego looks like he’s about to scream, but in the end he just gets up and goes to get another beer, then he sits back down heavily on the couch, which seems to unpleasantly sag a little more under his weight. At least he knows for sure that it has to be the couch's fault, not only because it’s essentially a poorly maintained second-hand thing, but also because he’s indeed trying to get back into shape, and the scale's latest readings have been slightly but warmly encouraging.

«I’m going to make a proposal.» he finally says.

Luther eyes him a little uncertainly. «What kind of proposal?»

Diego gives him a flat look. «The kind in which we find a truly livable place and split the rent?!»

Luther hesitates. «I don't know... I mean, I'm sure you'd be a great roommate, Diego, but...»

«We lived in the same house - which back then wasn't reduced in this state - through our entire childhood and adolescence!» Diego reminds him. «Besides, maybe Klaus would be up for it too. Which would reduce the rent for each of us.» he adds, taking another sip of beer.

Luther blinks, perplexed. «But doesn't he live in the same house with Allison and Claire?»

Diego shrugs. «I said maybe. This could be his chance to give Allison and Claire more space. And anyway, he's been living in a damn basement for years. You have to grow up sooner or later, right?»

Luther seems to be able to take the remark not too much on a personal level, as if it might actually apply to him too. «Hmm…» he says instead, with a pained grimace. «So in the end Lila kicked you out, or…?»

Diego almost chokes on his beer. «What? No. But this separation under the same roof thing has its limits. And anyway she needs her space too. And I certainly can't keep the kids in this place, when they're with me. Lila would kill me, her aunts&uncles would drive the car repeatedly over my dead body, and in the end she would obtain the full custody of the kids without her even having to ask some official Court for it.»

«Oh, hum, I see.» Luther shifts a little on the couch, still hesitant. «Maybe if we find a place not too far from here…» he begins to say cautiously, as if already missing the ruined mansion while still being inside it. He casts a long, melancholy glance around it.

Diego sighs in relief and nods with satisfaction, reaching out to pat him on the knee. 

«Now we're thinking right! We can even fix the gap in the fence, and break that damn padlock on the gate and replace it with one we’ll have the key of. And if it makes you feel better, we can take turns coming over to check that everything's okay.»

Luther looks reassured, and as if surprised and a little touched by the help. «Really?»

Diego nods again, though he also makes an exaggerated noise of patience.

«And what about some security cameras, maybe?»

«Yeah, sure, even the damned cameras, why not!»

«I could sleep here just to be safe, at least on the weekends, when there are drunk teens and stuff like that scampering all around.»

Diego rolls his eyes enormously, and finally holds out his hand, which Luther shakes, still a little hesitantly. «Deal.»

«Um, so…» Luther seems to be trying to be as tactful as possible on the matter. «Five’s going to live with Lila and the kids now?»

Diego frowns. «Nah… I think he’s looking for a new house or something. I told Lila to tell him to get one big enough for all of them right away, given he has the money for it. Granted, he’s not with the CIA anymore, since in this reality it’s as if he’s never worked for them. But that consulting thing he’s doing for government guys, billionaires paranoid about their personal safety, and stuff like that seems to be paying off a lot.»

«Sounds like… reasonable.» Luther says, still cautiously. «And what did Lila say?»

Diego rolls his eyes and opens another beer. «To mind my own business, gently.»

Luther frowns, as if he can't imagine Lila saying something like ‘gently’, or saying it in a gentle tone, if that's what his brother means. But by now Diego knows better.

By now, he knows of a Lila who seems really happy, especially sometimes in the evening when she comes home after a date with Five. And sometimes, coming home after work, he figures out when Five has been there even before the kids eventually mention it not because there’s anything which belongs to him around the house, but simply because Lila is so relaxed and content that he almost can’t recognize her. 

She’s so radiant in comparison to prior, that she even takes her aunts&uncles criticism as if it’s nothing, or almost nothing. And she also mentioned a babysitter for the kids so that she may eventually consider a part-time job or something like that, maybe when the twins would be just a little more grown up, or perhaps to ask Claire to babysit in exchange for a generous allowance, if Allison agrees.

One evening she came home all giggles and cheerfulness, stumbling a little as she tipsily took off her shoes, seeming ten years younger. Diego tried to quickly and unnoticeably brush away crumbs of food from the couch he’d camped on watching TV after the kids had fallen asleep, and to not appear so much slouched on it, while he had in fact taken full advantage of being the only one still awake in the house to enjoy his free time.

Lila noticed his presence and suddenly looked a little guilty, hastily blurting out something about how she'd just been out drinking with Allison when Diego asked her if it had been a good night. Then she immediately admitted that Klaus was there too. And… Five too. Diego rolled his eyes and said her to at least not making it look like she was doing something behind his back or the alike, emphasizing, in light of Lila's genuinely surprised expression, that he was just glad she'd had fun.

Lila finally recovered from her stunned expression, thanked him with a smile and bid him good night, going upstairs without even saying anything critical about the mess on the couch, without him even having to promise he'd clean everything up. He’d then suddenly realized that since Lila seems happy again, their exchanges - though drastically changed, or perhaps precisely because of it - had also significantly improved.

«You’re taking all of this… pretty well.» Luther ends up saying, eyeing him uncertainly and doubtfully.

Diego shrugs and simply says «Okay, now let’s focus on finding a decent place to live in that we could also afford to pay a rent for.»

«Well, I’m making better money now.» Luther says, looking rather proud.

Diego gives him a significant but approving look. «Yeah, and it’s certainly a more dignified job than the one you had before.»

Luther grimaces uncertainly. «I wouldn’t exactly call it that. No one really knows what it’s like to take care of zoo animals until they find themselves at it.»

Diego rolls his eyes. «Yeah, whatever. As for the funny stories, think of Klaus whom to tell them instead.»

Luther looks at him with genuine puzzlement. «Funny stories?»

Chapter Text

«This is insane.» Luther gasps, essentially shocked, abruptly stepping back from the closed door.

All he has been trying to do was find a bathroom in that luxurious mansion owned by a successful movie producer, where Allison has managed to sneak them all in for a party celebrating the excellent box office results of a movie she also star in.

Allison also warned all of them - or perhaps especially Klaus, Luther, and Diego - to try not to make her look bad. Klaus promised hand on his heart that he would be impeccable, Diego muttered something in vague protest, and Luther remained momentarily offended. Allison looked again at all three of them with an assessing and already resined look, reformulating that, in the worst-case scenario, she would simply pretend not to know them. 

Luther has been soon too much distracted by the glitz and glamour of the elegant party to still feel so offended, only to then feel perhaps practically intimidated.

He also thought, however, that Allison has misplaced her target. Because while she was distracted by playing her part as an actress at a sophisticated party - keeping a no less polished Claire at her side, able to play her part except when exchanging a few hushed comments with her mother - Luther noticed how Lila and Five were mingling with the crowd, passing themselves off - from what he's overheard - as someone named Nancy and Jerome. And, he suspected, making up some story about themselves as if they were basically playing at being undercover or something.

Luther tried not to feel too stiff about it all, though, and for a while it helped that Klaus and Diego stayed with him. But eventually they disappeared somewhere else in the room, Klaus laughing exaggeratedly with a few groups of wealthy and old people as if they've said something extremely funny, and Diego trying to pretend he was more elegant and refined than his average, perhaps even sounding out the possibility of someone looking for handsome stuntmen. 

In fact, Diego had even tried to arguer, on their way there, that Luther could—or should—try to curry favor with someone and leave his contact information around, in case they were looking for at least one good-looking extra for the movies.

«Good-looking?» Luther had repeated, feeling rather touched by the compliment.

«Yeah, well, try to show off your best side. And a little muscles, maybe.» Diego had said again, while trying to adjust the elegant suit that Allison insisted on renting at her expense, clearly just to have some control on what the two of them would wear at the party.

«Hmm, I don't think it'll be easy.» Luther had noted, looking down at his own suit. «These aren't stripper costumes.»

Diego had given him a critical look, before assuring the taxi driver, who was distracted by the traffic anyway, that Luther was absolutely joking, that he was a real joker and he thought he was being funny.

Be that as it may, Luther didn't think he fared so badly, given that even by himself he managed to exchange a few words with some guests who seemed equally not overly familiar with all the glitz. He even managed to gain the sympathy of three or four guys and girls who seemed to find his tales of DIY renovations of old mansions and of how it is working at the zoo interesting, even if they probably assumed he'd learned those things on the sets of movies he'd starred in.

Luther strategically chose to excuse himself to go in search of a restroom (as he made sure to say instead of 'bathroom' or other less elegant epithets), when one of them asked him if he'd ever auditioned for a certain director he'd never heard of. In any case, he suspected he'd had a bit too much to drink, and a trip to the restroom is a good idea.

Too bad that this mansion is even bigger than the (former) Umbrella Academy, and after getting lost several times on the ground floor, he had finally opted to try upstairs, after a waiter who had found him so lost that he was risking ending up in the kitchens pointed him in that direction, after he had used the excuse that he had found the bathrooms on the ground floor all occupied, even though the truth was that he had never actually found them.

Just as his bladder was starting to protest, Luther indeed found without much difficulty a door with an elegant and decorative sign saying "toilette" plastered above it. He was about to enter, satisfied and relieved, when he thought he heard a noise from inside. 

He took his hand off the handle, realizing it must simply be occupied, and trying to decide whether to wait for it to be free or try his luck along the corridors, hoping to find another bathroom, or another attendant to ask for directions. They couldn't have seriously underestimated the number of bathrooms in comparison to the number of guests, right? Especially considering the opulence of it all.

And just then he heard a sound even more clearly coming from inside the bathroom. Except this time it was definitely a moan, long and filled with a certain kind of appreciative ecstasy. But worst of all, the voice is familiar, and indeed so much so to his ears. To be precise, it was the voice of a certain Lila, even though she might have spent the entire evening introducing herself as Nancy.

Luther was so shocked that he didn’t actually managed to step back immediately. He therefore heard another voice whisper something quickly in the lowest possible tone, something sounding like an amused and breathless warning. In quick succession, a faint giggle from Lila followed, and then a surprised but decidedly enthusiastic groan, this time directly in Five’s voice (or Jerome, if you prefer).

«This is insane.» Luther gasps, essentially shocked, abruptly stepping back from the closed door.

He’s then practically fretting away so much that it feels like a distraught, stumbling escape on the impeccable moquette. He rushed back downstairs so quickly that he almost forgets his urgent need, even accepting another glass of something to drink offered by a waitress, who looks at him a little perplexed by his agitated appearance. He thanks her, and remembers to ask for directions to the absolutely more nearby bathroom.

This time he finds it successfully, and it’s even free, so Luther is able to hurry up and then quickly return to the main room, where he scans the crowd, searching for the first extremely familiar face at hand, which turns out to be Klaus. 

Luther rushes to him with such urgency that he almost spills the wine.

«Oh, hey Luther.» Klaus somehow manages to moderate his abrupt incursion into the chattering circle, and his risking bumping into a bejeweled old lady buoyed by alcohol and perhaps by Klaus's chatter. «Ladies and gentlemen, may I introduce Luther, my charming big brother.»

«Yes, um... very pleased to meet you.» Luther says hastily, flashing a quick and forced smile generally around, before whispering to Klaus a little too loudly «Can we have a word? In private?»

Klaus eyes him for a moment, then turns back to his entertained guests, all amiable smiles and a few elegant flourishes of his hands, apologizing and saying something else jokingly adorable about his charming big brother, who apparently has some urgent, important business to discuss, and that he would be back as soon as possible to enjoy the company of such elegant and refined people.

Although Luther is rather exasperated by the whole scene, Klaus actually manages to quickly and effectively disentangle them from the giggling circle of rich guests, gaining a space where they can talk without anyone hearing, if they keep their voices reasonably low.

«Okay, what's up?» Klaus offers, calmly taking a sip of non-alcoholic champagne, as if he suspects Luther's problem might only have to do with a question about whether it’s inappropriate to serve himself a fifth plate of food from the lavish buffet.

«I think Five and Lila are having sex in one of the bathrooms upstairs.» Luther blurts out.

Klaus coughs into his non-alcoholic champagne and blinks at him. «Oh. Good for them, I guess.» he finally says, raising his glass as if in a toast of blessing.

Luther stares at him, and then urgently hisses «What if they get caught? Allison wouldn't be...» Luther swallows nervously, seeming unpleasantly and terribly aware that he’s using a complete euphemism «…not happy at all.»

Klaus too seems to perfectly understand the import of his euphemism, and particularly struck by it himself.

In a moment their gazes are sliding at different speeds of fear around the room. 

Almost immediately they find Allison's gaze. She’s already staring at them from afar, her eyelids narrowed suspiciously from over a glass of champagne she’s sipping with disturbingly slow pondering.

Klaus quickly shifts his gaze to Claire, standing next to her mother, who’s giving him one of her warning and rather apologetic looks, as if she’s already preparing herself for the moment when Allison would decide that he (and Luther) have fully deserved whatever she’ll decide to unleash on them.

Klaus swallows and downs the rest of his champagne in one gulp, undoubtedly just an old reflex, given that it isn’t even remotely alcoholic. «Well, my friend...»

«And brother.» Luther points out, as if hoping to gain further sympathy when Allison is glaring at them.

«And brother.» Klaus agrees, somehow managing to regain some of his affable nonchalance, patting him on the chest. «I suspect I'm understanding why those two started using aliases since the beginning of the evening.»

Luther gives him a wild look. «You mean they were planning to have sex in a bathroom all along?? I thought it was just some kind of prank or something!» he accuses generically, as if somehow more offended by the possibility of having being left out of some plan.

Klaus blinks briefly. «I have no idea. But still, live and let live etcetera etcetera, right?»

Luther looks at him confused. «You mean Allison won't kill us, after all…?»

«Hum. What I'm saying is that, first of all, we're not the ones doing deliciously dirty things in some bathroom at a gala.»

Luther makes an exaggerated face. «I'd like to see that!»

«Really?» Klaus quips.

«Not literally!»

«Okay, um, Luther, could you at least try to calm down and not… scream?» Klaus gestures slightly toward a passing waiter for another glass of champagne and gives it to Luther, who accepts it in his free hand even though he haven’t even started the one he already has.

«With any luck…» Klaus seems to reconsider his own words, especially perhaps when combined with the Hargreeves and their average chronicler. «Well, hopefully… I mean, eventually those two won’t get caught, and even if they do, maybe they’ll manage to get away with it, possibly without involving Allison or even the two of us, and I would die rather than… hum, I swear on my grave that…»

«Never mind, what do you mean?» Luther urges, rolling his eyes.

«I was getting at it.» Klaus objects. «In short: this conversation never happened.»

Luther’s brows moved through various attempts at intuitions. «From which point on, exactly?»

Klaus stares at him for a moment, then seems to remember better who he’s talking to and smiles amiably, looking around the room, and definitely not in Allison's (and Claire's) direction, though in his humble opinion they’re absolutely shining that evening (and blazing glares toward them in Allison's case, but those are details).

«From this point on, this is the conversation I'll admit ever happened. So, why don't you try to relax and distract yourself? Look around... so many people, and so much... um, shameless and opulent display of wealthiness that in many cases is probably much better not knowing how, and at whose expense, it has been accumulated...»

«I'm not sure Allison would like this kind of comments any more…» Luther mutters.

«Hmm, no, actually, probably not. But look, there's Diego down there, and he seems to be doing great. Why don't you try to take a leaf out of his book?»

Luther however mutters «If he knew those two are...»

«Oh come on, what you don't know can't hurt you, right? And Diego certainly doesn't need to know the details when he already knows the bigger picture, right?» Klaus rebukes smoothly. «Besides, he seems much more interested in showing off his muscles and his best side to that pretty mademoiselle he's been talking to for a while now.»

Luther blinks for a moment, and then conspiratorially whispers «You think she's a producer?»

Klaus looks at him, confused. «Pardon?»

«Earlier Diego was talking about looking for work opportunities...»

Klaus gives him another look. «Interesting. As a gigolo?»

«What? No! As a stuntman.»

«Hmm.» Klaus shrugs «I guess that could be a distraction, too.»

«Working?» Luther seems perplexed again by what he seems to be assuming is some kind of Klaus’ strange life philosophy, among many others of his.

«That too. Maybe. Anyway, don't you see anyone who inspires you?»

«Do you still mean for work, or…?»

«My gosh, Luther. No offense. Anyway, give me your opinion. I'm terribly torn between that pretty brunette near the buffet, and that gorgeous guy standing over there by that late art nouveau lamp. Or both, perhaps?» Klaus ponders, taking the opportunity to cast a charming and knowing look at the brunette, who smiles back in a decidedly promising way, before continuing her conversation with another guest.

«Oh, you know about late Art Nouveau?» Luther enthuses.

Klaus reluctantly tear his eyes away from the brunette to return a patient gaze to his brother. «Mhm, something. And... you?»

Luther begins happily explaining what he’s discovered on the subject by studying some books on renovating old mansions, and Klaus pretends he’s really listening, while he’s more precisely evaluating the pretty boy by the lamp’s reaction to his discreet wink. A reaction which seems to be a decidedly intrigued one. 

By the time Luther moves from Art Nouveau to how to repair the roofs of distinguished hovels, Klaus is contemplating how his exchange of interested glances has already become a successful ménage à trois with the boy by the lamp and the brunette who’s still pretending to chat with her friend.

***

«This is insane.» Lila ratifies, as soon as she regains enough breath and awareness to string together and articulate a few words in a reasonably sensible order.

As for the rest, she’s still immersed in a soft, electric cloud of post-bliss that she suspects might easily rank in the top five of her life or so.

Speaking of numbers, and especially of fives...

He’s no less busy in doing the same, and he doesn't seem to be able to articulate much yet, but also like he’s at least understanding what she says. He chuckles quietly against her shoulder, drawing her a little closer in their cuddling on the polished bathroom floor.

Lila gives a light punch to any part of him within reach. «Fuck, Five! This was supposed to be a quickie.»

«Mhm. Sorry.» he has the additional audacity to murmur, in an absolutely blissful and unrepentant tone, kissing her shoulder softly.

Lila shivers just from that, still too wrapped up in the wonderfully pleasurable cocoon of post-orgasm.

«It's not a quickie at all, if you can't even get back on your feet afterwards, and stay up on them. And I'm wearing heels, for Christ's sake!» she protests again. Leaving aside the fact that they both know perfectly well that it hasn't exactly been Five's "fault," nor even his idea - or rather, an inspired improvisation of the moment.

He even seems to be making an effort not to chuckle, but she still feels his grin against her skin, along a decidedly amused snort.

Lila sighs, pretending to be patiently surrendered and yet critical, but it ends up sounding tremendously sated and satisfied. Five seems to catch both nuances perfectly, and draws a quiet line of kisses up to the corner of her lips, implicitly asking for a proper kiss. She turns her head and kisses him, which seems to smoothly send them both back into their blissful cocoon for a few more long moments.

Lila finally pulls away and bits his lips just a little too hard, demanding his attention again. «Just say something.»

«Mhm.» Five tries to clear his throat and loosen his tongue. «I'm afraid you've left me speechless... or lacking coherent thought, actually.»

Lila blinks. «Okay, that is indeed weirdly and terribly complimentary.»

Five smiles against her neck, which he’s caressing with his lips, somehow managing to impress upon that alone a sort of total dedication.

«Still weird, then?» he asks, a subtle but decidedly knowing and affectionate edge to his tone.

Lila snorts and punches him again - much lighter than before and mostly encouraging - on the arm he’s wrapped around her waist, while she begins to try to persuade her own body to cooperate in freeing herself from the embrace, and even in trying to get up from the floor.

«Okay, let's go. You're clearly delirious now. I must have broken your brain, after all.»

Five chuckles, but also manages to get to his feet, then helping Lila in the same mission.

They try to stubbornly ignore how their legs irreparably feels like noodles, as they help each other to fix clothes and hair as best they can. Five keeps trying not to smile too blissfully nor to smirk in complicit satisfaction, his gaze isn't even worth trying to fix, and he’s essentially trying to mask every hint of another fit of chuckling with coughs.

«Will you stop? You're no help at all.»

Lila lost count of the little punches and slaps she threw at him, until she realizes they’re counterproductive because they tend to amuse him even more. And Five is very cooperative anyway, considering how he helps her rearranging her clothes and hair and everything else, with a careful and gentle attention that’s practically irritating from the way it comes spontaneously.

When it becomes clear they’ve reached the maximum presentability they can achieve, Lila takes a breath, grabs his hand, and turns the key to reopen the door. «Okay, we can do it.»

«Sure.» Five nods, managing to sound both reassuringly complicit and gently ironic, looking at her in exactly the same way.

«Or maybe you don’t, but I do.» Lila concludes, rolling her eyes and pulling him along with her until they return to the main room. 

At least by the time they reach it her legs seem to be resigning themselves enough to cooperate, even if only for a clear pact of momentary effort and nothing more, because that would be asking too much out of them.

«The heels have been a terrible idea.» Lila mutters to herself, realizing despite herself that yes, the "quickie" do win out over the heels, since pairing them was perhaps the only truly terrible idea. 

But she’s also coming to the conclusion that it may simply be too much to hope for something like this with Five that wouldn't become too intense and involving, the kind that requires at least a long recovery time in bed, rather than having to walk through a ballroom in damn heels.

«You look great, love.» Five says delicately - and still certainly ironically.

«Don't say things that would only make me step on you with heels, darling.» Lila retorts out of the corner of her mouth, flashing generic and dazzling smiles around, also to makeshiftingly disguise the kind of smiles that rather evokes Five from her.

She spots Luther and Klaus shortly thereafter, as if they have indeed noticed them first and were somehow waiting for them. She’s suspicious of the way Luther is critically and reproachfully staring at them, and of how Klaus seems on the verge of knowingly and shamelessly complimenting them. She isn't exactly in the mood for this, not when she’s nowhere near where she want and desperately need to be, namely in bed with Five, properly working off her top-five post-orgasm. But it’s nothing that can't be fixed.

«What's with you two?» she begins bluntly, as soon as they reach them.

«Hey there. Nancy and Jerome, right?» Klaus says, smiling at Five in a way that’s already making him flash admonishing glances. «Luther and I were talking about art nouveau. Weren't we, Luther?»

Lila blinks, for a moment genuinely impressed - and a little envious - at how Klaus can so easily imbue even the name of a French style of (among other things) architecture with a nuance that clearly alludes to something far more sensual.

Five intensify his glare by several knuckles, while Lila shrugs and says «Fascinating.»

Luther, still glaring critically at them as if trying to deliver some sort of silent lecture, crosses his arms over his chest - successfully enough despite the two drinks he’s holding for some inexplicable reason - and mutters «Yeah, we were just talking about that.»

Five gives him an unimpressedly patient look, but Klaus decides to remark in a seemingly casual tone «There’s a lamp of that style over there. Near that incredibly sexy guy. I was wondering if there might be some art nouveau in the bathrooms too, maybe?»

Five coughs as if he’s choked on his own spit, his eyes widening for a moment like a deer suddenly struck by the headlights of a car on a nighttime road after a tragically blind curve, and glares at his brother. «Klaus.»

He slightly raises his hands in a defensive-neutral pose, though he doesn’t seem to feel particularly threatened. «Hey, I was just asking.»

Lila rolls her eyes. «Well, we're leaving, anyway. Has anyone seen where Diego's gone lost?»

«Uh, over there. Next to that beauty wrapped up in taffeta.» Klaus points out smoothly.

Lila turns and catch sight of him, notices the woman he’s laughing and chatting with, and for a moment tilts her head and studies the scene with a vaguely curious expression. «Hmm. At a rough estimate, 33% he has already convinced her, 33% she’s is still unsure, and 33% he definitely needs to work harder.»

«Almost agreed. I would have said more like 25% of...» Klaus begins, as if pleased to finally find someone to have a decent conversation of that kind with.

But Lila is determined to get to the point where she can kick off her heels and collapse on a bed with Five, so she quickly kisses the back of his hand. «I'll be right back. I'm going to negotiate with Diego who will pick up the kids from the aunts&uncles’ house tomorrow, and then we can leave.»

Before Five could reply with more than a beam and a nod, Lila’s marching away.

«Oh, this promises to be fun.» Klaus observes, as if preparing for an entertaining scene.

Five rolls his eyes. «Klaus, please.»

«Anyway, you two could at least - like - warn us in advance.» Luther mutters resentfully.

Both Klaus and Five stare at him for a moment. 

Then Five grimaces, uncertainly yet rather admonishingly. «Excuse me?»

«Um.» Klaus quickly interjects, effortlessly snatching the untouched glass of champagne from Luther’s hand and passing it to Five, who accepts it with a patient, more or less exasperated but familiar compliance. «I’m sure when Luther will think about it more carefully, he’ll realize that isn’t what he meant at all. Or at least I think so. And I hope a little, because that would be a bit too much even for me, maybe.»

Luther frowns then energetically nods with a grimace. «No. Indeed. It absolutely wasn’t what I meant.»

Five sighs and shakes his head, taking a sip of champagne. «I’m having the feeling it’s better for everyone if I don’t even ask what you’re talking about exactly.»

«Very, very intuitive.» Klaus agrees. 

Then Klaus looks Five up and down for a moment, as if taking in his somewhat restored state after having been decidedly disheveled, and the general air of peaceful relaxation that’s in itself remarkable to see on that brother of his in particular, but perhaps not when he’s following Lila with his gaze. 

«If I may just say one last thing, it’s a sight for sore eyes to see you for once banged by something more pleasant than an apocalypse.»

Five coughs into his glass and shoots him another piercingly admonishing look, though more patiently tempered, perhaps by simple accustomed resignation, after all. «Thanks, Klaus.»

«No problem. Now, would you at least be so kind as to give me a proper opinion? I'll discreetly point you three people, two of whom I'm already convinced of, but the third perhaps...»

«No.» Five says, calmly but confidently. 

«I haven't even told you which ones yet.» Klaus protests vaguely. «Or do you mean a general no to three people at onc..?»

«No meaning no opinion.» Five specifies, rolling his eyes.

Klaus huffs loudly, looking disappointed. «Okay, I get it. Luther, about which architectural decoration would you like to share your knowledge with us now?»

Meanwhile, Lila is naturally and successfully catching up - despite the heels and the only momentary respite with her legs - with Diego and the charming woman who's talking to.

And she begins with an affable «Hey, very sorry to interrupt. Ex-wife, I vouch for him, excellent choice, but I need a thirty-second debriefing on our children's management for tomorrow.»

Taken by surprise, Diego practically has fidgets on the spot, while the woman simply stare at her wide-eyed and mouth agape, as if she were some kind of shocking apparition.

She shrugs. «Lila, pleased to meet you. I'll be gone in a moment, promise. Diego, forget it, already decided, I'll pick them up tomorrow.»

Lila’s already leaving, but remembers something at the last moment, and gives the woman a brief and casual wink, adding «Among other things, excellent father, guaranteed.»

She returns to the other three before she can see more of what she's left behind. Although, judging by the sliver of a certain look she’s glimpsed in the woman's eyes, she's probably just gained something like another 20% in Diego's favor.

She easily grabs Five's hand, takes the glass from him, drains the remaining champagne in a single gulp and places it back in Luther's hand. «Well, it's getting late and all. Nice evening, have fun guys. Say bye to the others.»

«I don't know if Allison will appreciate you guys skipping out.» Luther comments with a grimace, making as if to look for the named person again, only to seem to think better of it and avoid to do so.

«Allison will get over it...» Five sighs distractedly.

But Lila has had enough, so she stares at Luther for a moment - and briefly at Klaus, who by the way doesn't seem to have any problem with their impending departure, judging by the way he’s smiling benevolently, as if he were partially back to being an encouraging founder of a sexual-contemplative cult - and finally says «Okay, the plain truth?»

All the other three seem suddenly gripped by a kind of anticipation (amused on Five's part, apprehensive on Luther's, intrigued on Klaus's).

Lila doesn't give them time to elaborate it more than that.

«Someone here is incapable of having a quickie without making it too intense and needing to lie down for something like a few hours, so, it was a nice evening, goodnight and see you.»

She then successfully manages to drag a still incredulous and rather blushing Five along, leaving behind a shocked Luther and a celebratory applausing Klaus, to wave from a distance to Allison and Claire who don't seem at all surprised to see them slip away, to briefly notice with a satisfied smirk that Diego and the woman are now talking in a less plastically flirtatious and more intimate manner, before shoving Five into a taxi.

Not long after, Lila is finally able to crawl into bed cuddling with Five, wearing comfortable clothes to sleep in and without the damn heels.

«Happy, now?» he murmurs with a smile against her forehead.

Lila snorts and sighs blissfully, settling more tightly against him. «Extremely.»

«This is insane...» she whispers instead the next morning, when Five’s still waking up, after she have been watching him sleep for a while, relaxedly and calmly smiling in his sleep as if at peace with the whole world.

He looks at her with a gentle but still quiet attentiveness, brushing her hair behind her shoulder. «What is, exactly…?» he whispers back.

Lila contemplates him in silence for a moment longer, feeling a seemingly endless smile creeps across her lips and illuminate her eyes, like a strawberry flower blooming unhurriedly but with totally free, irresistible spontaneity.

«How much I you-know-why you…»

Five frowns for a moment, but he’s still smiling in that way, as if he loves also the times when she confuses him. And finally he understands perfectly, and remains stunned for a moment, before leaning in to kiss her.

And yes, Lila decides. That’s almost certainly the best answer.

Chapter Text

«This is insane.» Ben might say, Five sometimes thinks.

But that same sentence can sound two quite different ways, depending on which Ben say it, even though referring to the exact same thing.

Their original Ben would probably say it chuckling or at least smiling, with an impalpable but clearly there sort of intelligent and empathetic kindness. The Ben they've last met would rather, almost certainly spit it out as a biting - if not practically disdainful - judgment. But after all, this last Ben was also the one who faced a literally end-of-the-world annihilation just to stay with someone for… love?

The very word still strikes Five as strange, as something ultimately impossible, perhaps especially for him. 

Unless it’s a version of love that unfolds into a kind of decadent romanticism against the backdrop of an apocalypse. Or into something foolishly lost and hopeless in a space-time subway, diluted over years of survival and - after all - much more, only to then blossom with an underlying bitterness that irresolvably clashed with the sweetness of strawberries, and with a cypher desperately kept locked away in a hidden drawer, just to finally explode in a series of contradictory, excruciating denials that seem like an avalanche of disaster irremediably heading toward utter nothingness.

Probably, once facing this picture, one of the Ben would painfully smile in understanding, and the other one would look away as if it were simply a mindless absurdity he can't yet understand. At least until he understood. Until he found - even in a tragically short time and with a (self-)destructive catharsis in the mix - someone who suddenly made him understand perfectly.

Or at least, that's how it is for Five. 

Because every time he even tries to think about it, it seems simply ridiculous, and always and again somehow impossible, again perhaps especially for him. Something he couldn't even imagine. But every time he sees Lila again, it’s also blatantly clear. Like a slap of unreality that makes you open your eyes, that makes you realize that it may even be real after all. That, after all, this time you may even be able to keep it, this reality. And that it may even let you stay.

Not that Lila literally slaps him, though she would be perfectly capable of that of course, but not because of this. About this, however, she seems to understand. Without him saying or doing anything, and before he even realizes it himself, she seems to identify and interpret those still-enchanted, incredulous tendencies in his gaze. 

And there are dozens and dozens of ways in which she gets him past that recurring state of stupor. Ranging from saying something impertinently ironic or sarcastic until he smiles and eventually rolls his eyes with a patiently amused snort, to kissing him and pulling him against her, to caressing his face and hair and speaking softly to him. As if, after all, she knows all she has to do is remind him beyond any doubt that she’s truly there, that she’s with him, and that she wants to be.

It takes him a while, however, to realize that she wouldn't ask for anything else, after all. Nothing more than what they already have. 

Probably, one Ben would sigh and try to hint rather fraternally that it’s time for him to smarten up about these things, while the other would be caustically inclined to make a more unpleasantly cynical comment.

Be that as it may, one particular evening, after a delightfully passionate session in bed, Lila quietly and amusedly mutters «We should stop seeing each other like this.»

Her tone is certainly playful, but Five frowns anyway and shifts to get a better look at her face. 

«What do you mean…?»

She seems to spot something in his expression, as she caresses his face. Some hidden fear inadvertently awakened. She leans close and nuzzles his face.

«Hey, I was just kidding, silly old boy.»

But Five has his epiphany anyway (better late than never - both Bens might say, albeit in markedly different tones), and he gently kisses her lips. Just before he begins to think about how to propose something else. Something besides - or rather beyond - rolling in a bed, dating on evening, and here and there spending a few hours together with the children in a house that belonged to her and Diego in the near past, and where he therefore refuses to stay for the night.

Lila looks at him for a while, caressing him quietly, as if by now she perfectly knows some incalculable rhythm of his thoughts.

«What's going through that head of yours now?» she finally murmurs.

Five smiles and kisses her hand. «Absurd plans.»

Lila raises her eyebrows and leans back slightly to get a better look at him, smiling in that slightly lopsided way that seems one of her most relaxed and spontaneous, but nonetheless intrigued smile. «Mhm, okay. Which kind of plans?»

Five hesitates, and perhaps both Bens would comment something like to try and grow a pair, again probably in a different tone.

But Lila seems like she’s understanding, because she raises a hand to touch his face and bring his gaze back to hers. And she simply murmurs «I think it depends on… what you want.»

Five looks at her in surprise, as if the answer must be obvious by now. «You, Lila…»

She gives a small, amused but kind snort, and she still seems tremendously grateful for the confirmation she didn't even know she needed. «I'm going exclusively with a package deal including three children, a bunch of aunts&uncles, an ex-husband who’s being fairly cooperative in this new version of his, and here or there a few...»

«Lila…» he gently interrupts, smiling and kissing the bracelet around her wrist. «I know.»

She swallows, and her expression changes again and rapidly, shifting from a remnant of hopeful uncertainty to a profound certainty that still leaves her heart feeling bare. 

Fives holds her a little tighter, and she nods and kisses his lips.

«Okay. I just wanted to check you remember everything correctly.» she whispers, then smiling brightly and playfully at him. «You know how it is, at your age…»

Five rolls his eyes with an amused snort, not even really trying to really look patiently superior. Then he rolls them onto the mattress to kiss her for a bit longer, smiling against her happy chuckles.

For days and days afterwards, however, his mind fills up with doubts, mostly about what strategies may be best. 

He’s already doing more than surprisingly well with the children, to the point that even Allison and Diego seem positively impressed, and Luther perhaps a little envious, while Klaus is more benevolently willing to offer advices (unsolicited, but listened to nonetheless, just in case). 

His attempts to engage with Diego only as strictly as necessary still seems like a minefield, overcome only by the sort of cold war Lila's aunts&uncles seem to be waging against him. 

Five finds himself spending something like an hour sitting on Allison's couch, lost in thoughts. He’s passed by at Allison’s insistence, to ensure that no, still no sign of impending apocalypses or catharsis, neither of Marigold, Durango, or anything else. 

She’s gone somewhere else in the house to do something with Claire, after having sigh in relief for the no news good news report. And he’s still there, with this absurd impression that both Bens are sitting next to him, now exchanging glances like they’re agreeing on that he's somehow managed to corner himself all by himself. 

He’s pulled away from that by Klaus plopping down beside him, casually remarking «I'll tell you, you look like you saw a ghost. Or more than one.»

Five gives him a rather unwillingly impressed look, for a moment without a ready comment. 

And Klaus seems only too aware of it, because he reaches out to pat him on the knee. «As someone told me a long time ago… First of all, remember that they're not real.»

Five snorts, remembering that after all he was the one to try and tell Klaus that, time and again, when they were still kids and he occasionally opted to go and try to calm Klaus screaming in the crypts where (Sir) Reginald kept him closed on some nights, when Allison was fed up with doing it herself and needed to sleep. 

Sometimes, since he’d managed to slip into the crypt, he ended up dragging Klaus out and sneaking him to sleep in Allison's bedroom, staying there himself until the unhealthily early hour of the morning in time to bring him back into the crypt, trying not to let (Sir) Reginald notice it.

«Never mind, Klaus.» he ends up sighing. «It's just a stupid problem I still have to figure out how to solve.»

But it’s Klaus who sighs then, nodding sympathetically. «I don't know how to tell you this, little brother. But sometimes in life you first experience things and then you understand.»

Five frowns, perhaps even just because the two Bens in his imagination are surprisingly - and reluctantly - agreeing with Klaus, nodding before realizing they’re both doing it, and therefore exchanging a puzzled look at that.

«Trial and error…» Five murmurs to himself, staring at the floor in awe.

«Something like that, yeah.» Klaus yawns «How about some freshly made kombucha?»

This time the two Bens grimace and roll their eyes, and Five smirks. «I’ll pass. But thanks, Klaus.»

«No problem.» he says smoothly, patting him on the knee again and ignoring Five’s slight recoiling to the gesture, then getting up to go pour himself some kombucha.

Diego proves to be quite cooperative, all things considered, when Five attempts to cautiously approach him to at least summarily redefine the recovery of some relationship between them, or what remained of it. 

Of course Diego also finds a way to say absolutely excessive things. 

Like trying to find out if Five’s thinking of having more children together with Lila. (Five assures him he isn't, and Diego breathes a huge sigh of relief without even trying to hide it a bit.)

Or like trying to make sure Five’s willing to fully participate in sharing the care of the children but still giving priority to him and Lila. (Five ends up reassuring him about that too, managing not to get too nervous on the subject.)

And, finally, like hazarding calculations of suitable size for a house that could accommodate Five, Lila, and the children at least up to a certain age. (Five pretends he doesn't need advice at all, but finds himself listening and mentally taking note of Diego's calculations to review it later by himself.) 

Lila's aunts&uncles prove to be so much more difficult, that Five thinks several times perhaps the best approach is to ignore each other as peacefully as possible. But Lila - and maybe even Diego - must have begun a relentless and secret campaign of supporting him with them, because they end up warily accepting the possibility of a future and very gradual dissolution of at least part of the cold war. Five begins to think instead of something like agreements negotiated point by point with extreme patience.

The two Bens in his mind seem to have almost become friends by then, enjoying watching his efforts. Still, one more benignly encouraging, the other more cuttingly cynical. Somehow, they’re both helpful.

Klaus still simply drops near him here and there for a moment, saying something random, offering kombucha and unsolicited advice, as if he somehow senses when the two Ben are around and don't seem very pleased with Five’s achievements.

When Five makes the mistake of mentioning the two Ben from his imagination to Lila, she laughs for a long time, comparing them to some kind of little angel and devil perched on his shoulders, then to bedsores. And finally she hugs and kisses him, giggling and murmuring that he isn't doing too badly, looking at him as if he were mysteriously perfect in not being perfect at all.

And suddenly Five begins to suspect that the two imaginary Ben - who now got along quite well, while watching him still falter in this new, incredibly promising reality - may be a sign that he’s making peace with himself at the end.

Except that, no, it doesn't feel at all like an end. 

It feels, for the first time ever, like a new beginning in the positive sense of the word.

Chapter Text

Viktor doesn't say anything like «This is insane.»

Instead, he gives a slightly amused and affectionate look to the entire set up in general, and ultimately to Five in particular, as he enters the Academy which Luther has further “renovated” (with considerable help from Diego, and from some professional people Diego finally convinced him to consult).

Five watches from a distance Viktor re-entering those rooms and corridors, as if monitoring his reaction to returning to that place, even though he himself is currently a melting pot of overly strong emotions. And certainly not because he has set foot again inside what remains of the overly large and rigid house, where once a handful of children ran around, regimented in a small group of superheroes, trying nevertheless to snatch within those walls moments that could even vaguely resemble a real childhood.

When Viktor finally manages to extricate himself from Luther, who’s welcoming him with hugs and offers of food and drinks from the small buffet, looking like he’s about to burst into tears from the emotion at any moment, it’s only to be intercepted by Diego. Who conspiratorially asks him in a low voice if he brought what is needed, looking like a secret agent on a mission even while carrying one of his children in his arms, and while wearing an already wrinkled suit, almost certainly cheaply rented.

«I’m confused.» Viktor quips with a small smile, waving a little at the child squirming in his father’s arms. «Is this still some kind of DIY wedding-like ceremony, or has it (already) become a desperate, life-or-death mission in the time it took me to get here from Canada?»

Diego rolls his eyes and snorts, before giving him a little too hard pat on the shoulder. «Don’t play idiot, Vik. Or if you really have to, you can join Klaus over there. I mean the ring, of course.»

Viktor simply gives him another playful expression. «What ring?»

«Oh my…!» Diego lifts his eyes to the ceiling, muttering a few curses in Spanish. «Whatever it is, then. I don’t even want to know. I hope not another damn bracelet, at least.»

Viktor gives him a couple of decidedly more commensurate pats on the shoulder. «It is a ring.»

Diego snorts. «Well, thanks Vik, really funny. Now if you don't mind, I'll go make sure Lila's relatives still don't know anything about all of this, just in case.»

«Sounds like a good idea.» Viktor concedes, nodding and proceeding into the room.

He glimpses Allison through an open door, waving at him and rolling her eyes, before walking into another room holding what looks like a fairly successfully freshly made bouquet of flowers. Claire and Gracie follow her holding more decorations, looking busy but otherwise like they’re having fun.

He smiles and go to sit at the little table off to the side where Five is sitting by, sipping coffee.

«Hey, Viktor.»

«Are you sure? About the coffee, I mean.»

Five gives a mildly amused smirk and shrugs. «I’ve drunken worse than this one.»

«I mean for the nerves.»

Five eyes him again with a sort of patience, nonetheless quite appreciating the joke.

«It's not a real wedding.» he finally offers, averting his gaze to look nowhere in particular, but failing to hide the deep, perfectly content smile.

Viktor is quite taken aback by the expression, seeing it for the first time on this brother of his face, and a so openly incapable of being hidden one. He beams to himself, sipping the beer he's finally accepted from Luther. «There's a first time for everyone, I guess.»

Five gives him a slightly furrowed and raised eyebrow, though he’s clearly sensing Viktor is about to make another playful jab. «A first time for what?»

Viktor looks at him, and in the end he doesn't say something like ‘For being happy.’ 

Especially because he isn't entirely sure it couldn't be the icing on the cake for what Five and his general cynicism can handle, or at least his cynicism from the past.

Five smirks anyway, as if he's pretty much figured out what Viktor's meaningful expression is hinting at. Then his eyes shift, and he smiles in yet another way, like he’s allowing himself to be luminously lost in daydreaming. 

Viktor follows his gaze, in time to see Lila marching with determination toward them.

She isn't wearing a proper white dress, but rather a dress that’s both casually elegant and quite practical, and a little makeup, a few scattered pieces of jewelry, but nothing else on her wrists except for a certain bracelet handmade from scraps of metal tangled into an elegantly delicate decoration. She’s also sporting an incomplete hairstyle, and a rather stormy expression.

Viktor almost reflexively recoils as she reaches them and stands before Five, as if subconsciously fearing that some kind of exchange is about to erupt that only the two of them can truly understand and sustain. 

Lila takes a breath, while Five looks up at her with a spellbound smile, even as he studies her expression, as if gauging her emotional state and trying to understand what exactly could have provoked it.

Before Lila can say anything, Klaus bursts in from another room, Coco in tow, flailing his hands midair «Oh my God, not even the basics, seriously? It's bad luck to see the bride before the wedding!»

Five smiles at Lila in an unabashedly conspiratorial way, and closes his eyes. «Better?»

Lila gives a light kick against his shoe, and practically shouts to the room «It's not a damn wedding!»

Further away in the room, Luther jumps so much out of offense that he inadvertently drops something from the buffet, which shatters on the floor. Diego sighs and picks up his son so he wouldn't risk cutting himself on the glass on the floor, telling his brother to pick it up, and to use a vacuum cleaner for that.

Klaus stops at a safety distance of several paces away from Lila, while Coco calmly proceeds till against her legs. Lila  takes a plush toy from under her dress and hands it to her, gently stroking her head.

«Okay, but it’s a... ceremony.» Klaus waves his arms in the air a bit, more bizarre than elegant. «And... can I at least finish your hairstyle?»

«Later.» Lila nods, glancing sideways only then. «Hi, Viktor.»

«Lila.» he returns.

«What brings you here?» she inquires, clearly joking but distracted, already looking back at Five, who’s still looking at her, as if they’re meanwhile having another private conversation by glances.

«Someone told me there would be some kind of wedding-ish thing.» Viktor smirks, taking another sip of beer. «But I might have been misinformed.»

«Probably.» Lila absentmindedly nods, before bending down and picking up her daughter. «But since you're here, would you mind spending a moment with Coco?»

«No problem.» Viktor takes the little girl onto his lap. She vaguely says him hello, otherwise very busy with her stuffed toy. 

Viktor feels Five's gaze shifting toward them, as if to make sure he’s handling Coco with the right amount of gentle delicacy, and he beams to himself.

«Thanx.» Lila says, giving her daughter a kiss and assuring her mommy would be back soon, then reaching out to grab Five's hand, who fluidly let himself be pulled to his feet and behind her without resistance. «I need a drink.»

Above Klaus’ theatrically resigned sighing about seeing his incomplete coiffure work running away aboard Lila’s head, Viktor overhears just a few quickly exchanges between the two not-yet-and-not-exactly-weds who are in the process of running away from their own just-a-ceremony-sort-of-thing before it even begins.

«I'm sure Luther could help you. He's set up a whole buffet, apparently.» Five quips, ironic and amused.

«There's broken glass on the floor.» Lila grumbles critically under her breath while they pass near the buffet. 

She vaguely waves a hand in Diego’s direction, who doesn’t even seem so surprised to see them sneaking away, but who at the same time seems to at least catch on what she means with her gesture: something about it being a brief escape, certainly not the size of seven years in a space-time subway.

«Anyway, I need a break from all this foolishness.» Lila insists, slipping her arm around his and continuing down the street, searching for a nearby café she's probably already found on her phone earlier.

«It's nice to hear you call our non-wedding thing that way.» Five quips.

Lila makes an amused noise. «I've already had a wedding, and I think that'll be enough for the rest of my life. Anyway, you still have time to change your mind.»

Five slows down and stops, taking her hand so that Lila can effortlessly spin around to face him, her gaze suddenly locked into his with a hint of nervousness she’s trying to shake off from herself.

«I won't. Never. And you should already know it…?» Five murmurs, serious but calm, beaming.

Lila studies his expression for a moment longer, and then smiles brightly and relentlessly, raising her hands and cupping his face. «I know.» she assures him, nodding then kissing him.

Five gently takes her in his arms, kissing her back until she giggles against his lips, the sound light and bright, wonderful and perfect. As if she were a damned lighthouse, capable of illuminating the entire road and beyond.

Lila bits her lip lightly, recognizing the way he’s now looking at her. She seems to force herself to step back, taking  his hand and pulling him along. «Stop looking at me like that. We're just going to get a drink, and the wedding night comes after the wedding.»

«Which wedding?» Five quips, and Lila huffs and laughs, punching him lightly in the arm.

«I was thinking...» he proposes as they walk, hesitating a moment. But Lila’s already looking at him with curious anticipation. «Would it be nice to take a trip somewhere for our non-honeymoon?»

Lila starts to smile and tries to hide it for a little longer, just to pretend she isn't so impressed yet. «Hmm. Like where?»

Five smiles and pretends to be thinking about it casually on the spot. «Italy? Or Paris, maybe?»

Lila's smile begins to reveal itself more treacherously, but she nods and keeps pretending not to be particularly impressed. «I don't know. After all I’ve already been there.»

«Tourism or missions?»

Lila smirks. «The latter, obviously.»

«What about Berlin?»

She nudges him, feigning a tone of melodramatic protest. «If only you still had your thing, we could easily go to all these places and more in a few blinks.»

Five smiles softly and holds a bit tighter on their clasped hands, which she’s making swinging carelessly between them. «Just pick out the one... If you want.» he tenderly murmurs.

Lila smiles even wider and more sweetly. «With or without the kids?»

Five shrugs. «Italy and Paris are okay even with kids in tow. Berlin could still be okay, but it depends on which side of Berlin you want to visit.»

«I've already been in Berlin. And I sincerely hope you're not talking about East or West Berlin. It's old news, even for you.» Lila snorts, even if she’s perfectly understood what he means.

Five smirks, amused. «I mean the touristic or the subcultures side of it.»

«I know.» Lila pretends to be patient, rolling her eyes. «You're aware that Paris with kids in tow would necessarily imply Disneyland Paris, right?»

Five grimaces but sighs in resignation. «Can do. After all, I’ve always dreamed of taking a picture with someone wearing a giant costume of a rat wearing shorts.»

Lila laughs and slightly punches his shoulder in protest at the same time. «At least two of the kids are still too young for the rat-based subway menu story.» she warns for good measure.

Five raises an eyebrow and gives her a skeptically amused look. «Funny, I thought you were the one who was teaching them how to build traps for fun the other day.»

«That's completely different.» Lila nods with conviction. And after a moment she says «Italy, without the kids. For starters.»

Five smiles deeply, kissing the bracelet on her wrist. «Good idea, love...»

A little later, as a bartender is casting a couple of glances halfway between puzzled and amused at Lila's surely incomplete hairdo, she shrugs and calmly says «We're getting married.»

The bartender hesitates, clearly wondering if she’s joking, then seems convinced by the way Five is trying not to laugh while covering his eyes with one hand and whispering an amused «Jesus...»

«Oh. Congrats. It's on the house, then.»

As soon as the bartender walks away, Lila takes a large swig of her drink and shoots a knowing, satisfied look at Five, wiggling her eyebrows, as if she's said that specifically and exclusively for the sake of getting a free drink.

Five shakes his head and finally laughs openly.