Work Text:
Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Edencon*
*But Were Afraid to Ask the PR Team
By **** ********
April 17, 20**, 3:25pm
Disclaimer: I didn't get a free ticket but my DMs are still open for next time
FOREWORD
Even after the conclusion of its first edition, last week, most IP holders are keeping quiet about it.
For everybody else it's long become the epitome of "controversy".
If you've been living under a rock for quite a while and have no clue what I'm talking about, here's the gist.
The "news" of this upcoming "Eden Convention", or "Edencon", wherever it started, went quickly viral, going through all the familiar stages.
First it was believed to be some boomer-bait scandal-inducing fake-news, just another in the wake of the "release" of GTA VI.
Then it really picked up wind when it became a fully fledged meme, just like that "Storm Area 51" thing, if you can remember that.
Everybody was joking about this...
Hundreds of sex workers, in pristine cosplays, ready to let you do to them - or do to you - whatever you wished for.
This went on for more than a year; did the actual development of the Convention begin before or during all this, a meme made into reality?
It hasn’t been made known.
Fact is, three months ago a date and a place were actually announced with lavishly legit marketing, and the tickets started going. **\**\** in ******. That figures.
The event week too came and went , and apparently we still haven't been swallowed in a hellish bottomless pit, as some bigots were foreseeing.
Now to the present day.
Representatives of the people responsible for its production contacted us, their bosses still wishing to remain anonymous, but offering to disclose some information about the inner workings of the whole ordeal.
The intent of this outreach is "to smooth out the malicious rumors while confirming some of the unbelievable ones", they said - in case we weren't satisfied with the NUMEROUS photos and videos taken by the "guests", I must add.
(honestly, who says "it's just AI", has no idea what they're talking about, y'all should know by now the new iPhones have the iAI-fication feature turned on by default).
Nevertheless, the Convention PR people remained vague about the actual size of the operation, the money fluxes, and most facts, which - as you may know - are the enemy of sales.
So, while the numbers are second-hand estimates, the rest, their process and their "rules", was thoroughly laid out during the interviews.
No records beside traditional note-taking were allowed during these; the parenthesis are my personal observations, while anything put in quote marks, is an actual quote.
CALENDAR
First, how the week was actually structured - most of this already being brochure-grade publicly available info.
1) Meetup Day
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Guests notified before the event.
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Talents in full costume.
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Interactions "encouraged" to be brief, one-on-one, and limited to non-penetrative. No "PIV".
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Talents instructed to only mirror the level of lewdness.
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"Predictably" a few "contained orgy pockets" developed even on this day.
(Looks like speed-dating to me; well, except for the occasional not-so-occasional something-job.)
2) Vibrator Day (V-Day)
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Guests notified same morning:
each was delivered a remote, along with an explanatory note and some clues. -
The objective being to find the talent with the paired "internal toy".
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"Extensive" range assured to cover any line-of-sight.
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Talents instructed to not "overstate" their reactions.
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No limits on interactions, after "match" discovery.
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More surprise “couple activities” rolled out through the day.
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Matches based on both ticket survey data and "behavioral analytics" from the day before.
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Talent's preferences were also "factored in".
(And this of course looks like my kind of blind date - big data, small talk.)
3) Nympho Day
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Guests notified before the event.
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Talents in skimpier, more agile - "strap-on compatible" - versions of costumes.
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Extra informed consent signage required on same morning, safe-word memo included.
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Talents instructed to "very aggressively approach" the guests, within "conduct parameters".
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Strap-ons ensured to be hypoallergenic.
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Safe-space provided, "barely used".
(Except by that one dude who’s not fooling anyone. You’re among friends, bro.)
5) Free Use Day
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Guests notified before the event (literally the money shot).
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Full costumes again, with "no expectation of salvage".
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Talents found bound to various scenic fixtures.
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Location restricted to
******to minimize overextension of security. -
Talents instructed to act "generally reluctant" to the interactions - but "naturalistic acting" discouraged.
(The actual safe-word may have been "liability".)
ETIQUETTE & PRECAUTIONS
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Both indoors and extensive outdoors spaces provided, including thematic areas.
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No spaces had "interaction restrictions", not even the cafeterias.
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No "interaction-dedicated private rooms" provided, to disincentivize "monopolizing the talents".
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Bringing talents to your private room (and overnight stays) forbidden too.
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No "reservation" system for interactions. Long queues nevertheless "not observed".
(in sum - exception made for V-Day - no hogging!) -
Guests instructed to not intervene in other guests' interactions unless spontaneously invited, although watching (and something more) was accounted for.
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Common safe-word had been "thoroughly made known on multiple occasions":
*****.
(although there are - probably true - rumors of a second safe-word between the talents and the security system) -
It has been stressed that no staff member or any member of the enterprise was in any way able to hear conversations at any point, and that instead a "supervising AI" was in charge of safe-word monitoring. Noted the presence of a pervasive CCTV system, supplemented by drones for outdoors areas.
(what would anyone even expect to hear in those "conversations" anyway lmao) -
"In-situ security" present, but instructed to be as removed from the "interactions" as possible, "invisible", and spontaneously intervene only in evidently violent or out-of-character "incidents".
(whether we may believe it or not, there are no reports of any major foul play ever happening)
(security rumored to be in plain clothes) -
The guests actually encouraged to take photos and videos - even with professional or POV cameras.
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They were "selling the experience" first and foremost, and evidently, as far as they were concerned, any "guest-made documentation" of the event was pure, powerful - and free - advertisement.
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Guests asked to blur other guest's faces, while all still made aware of the "third-party potential for privacy infringement", of which again Edencon is "not liable".
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Guests not discouraged to show up with their own cosplays, but "at their own risk".
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No alcohol.
TERMS & CONDITIONS KEY POINTS
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Guests required to provide recent certificates attesting the absence of both cardiovascular conditions and STDs at time of purchase.
(we have to report substantial backlash from the body positive community) -
Guests tested again by internal medical team on arrival, before event start.
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For both guests and talents, "low failure rate chemical contraceptives" were provided and mandatory.
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"Pharmaceutical male enhancement" was also provided.
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It was made very clear that failing these tests was a contract breaker, no reimbursements, and any ensuing "problem" was not liable to the Convention.
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Talents "subject to a similar contract". Further details regarding talent contracts have not been provided.
(obvious NDA involved, but no contractual litigations nor whistleblowers have emerged at the time of writing)
Lot of signage required, in short.
CASTING
A few simple ground rules were set to fill out the character pool before going into casting the actual "talents":
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Characters from most popular games, animated shows, general media were chosen.
(or more precisely - for those in the loop - characters from most popular rule34 tags) -
Anime-style characters were mostly discarded - for their "overtly ambiguous neoteny and inter-indistinguishableness".
(very strange choice considering the potential market) -
Character selection "targeted at mostly hetero males".
(who else is gonna pay for this, anyway?)
The requirements set for the talents were instead extensive and deliberate:
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One role per talent - each talent would focus on embodying one single character.
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Multiple talents per role - moreover, beside a "quota" of "accurate depictions", some slots were deliberately left for more or less bizarro matches, "to accommodate most fetishes".
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Accurate depictions took in consideration everything: "facial, bodily structure and features", "even with regard to breast size".
(a quantity of neanderthals in the potential clientele has been vocally opposed to this last point when it manifested itself in the marketing material) -
No cosmetic surgery - not precedent nor subsequent to the hiring.
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Ethnically accurate matches - where possible - and again accounting for "quotas".
(Yes, some Chun-Lis happened to actually be asian for once) -
No wigs allowed. The talents had "plenty of time to grow it out if needed". Dyes as aggressive as needed were used.
(yes, not even merkins - I wonder if armpit merkins are a thing) -
Minimal to no prior experience in the (sex) "industry" - only "fresh faces", but with the assurance that they would have been "up to the task".
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Orientation of talent\role was "accounted for", while bisexual tendencies were welcomed.
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Gender ambiguous characters were "quota-matched" with actually androgynous talents, of both sexes.
This phase alone took "months"; "no corners were cut" to get the right talents, even bringing them in from abroad and providing accommodation and intensive training for all. "All paid for".
(This is the first obvious sign that some big investors must be behind all this).
TRAINING
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Immersion in the media and lore associated with the role
(basically watching, playing and reading stuff). -
Acting classes, with a focus on method and improvisational.
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That other kind of "acting" classes, with "industry professionals", including BDSM and roleplay.
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Speech therapy, diction and language classes, also to learn the intended accents, and curb the unintended ones.
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Performance classes of all kinds, from dancing to knife-throwing, appropriately to the characters, as far as possible.
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"Divulgation-level" preparation on any subject the character is an expert in, so to at least be able to entertain a conversation about it (really bringing both the dirty and the TED talk).
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Specific martial arts classes, if appropriate, and self-defense classes, for all.
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Custom dietary regimen and athletic preparation.
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Yoga classes and flexibility training.
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Talents encouraged to "amicably bond" with peers of the same franchises, "at least sexually", expecting heavy requests of "semi-lore-accurate orgies".
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Talents trained to care for their own hair and makeup as much as possible, aided by entourages of hairdressers and makeup artists.
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All costumes tailor-fit to the talents, made in spares and with concern to - beside accuracy - comfort and "washability". Occasionally some costume modifications, to "increase the appeal" of "underperforming assets", were made.
I have a feeling they took some pages from NASA, Disney and K-pop for this.
FOR NEXT TIME
The spokespeople were also actively willing to share some ideas in development for the next edition, of which a date was not provided.
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Pool Episode
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K-Pop Festival
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Fight Tournament
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Cruise Ship Line
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Bottle Episodes
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Dildo Battle Royale
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Grand Gala
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Timestop Day
FINAL WORD
Edencon may be the world’s first honest con.
Was it heaven, hell, or just the logical endpoint of fandom?
Anyway, beside the internal contests, and their hefty pay bonuses, animated discussions and galleries about the best talents still hold the net in a vice.
Check out our rankings to know more!
Editor’s note: We received 437 comments about Latinx Chun-Li alone. Lucia, if you’re reading this, call your ex.
Follow **** ******** on Twitter.
Tagged:
ORGIES FESTIVALS CULTURE EDENCON SEX-WORK
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COMMENTS
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@calixan89
but still no public healthcare. got it. -
@DioBrandoReal
Actually I recognize the Chun-Li, that’s my ex. Hi, Lucia! 😂👋 -
@qu33rBeard
if my bf spends our rent on this im making an onlyfans called EDENCON REVENGE 💅 -
@mrjello
meh when’s the furry one -
@groinkage
@mrjello have you even ever been to a furry con? -
@mrjello
@groinkage *growls* DM -
@BoiledSausage:
Can’t believe my dad paid for VIP and he only got trampled by Tifa 😭😭 -
@esmegma.mañ:
@BoiledSausage ¿but there is no vip pass? Tifa really putting the CON in edencon ajajajaj -
@ReiA:
"no wigs allowed’ ok but did they really need to consider them having pubic hair canon? gross -
@hardlimit
what’s the safeword for existential regret, just curious -
@fenderbender66
sO now it’s ....culture... if you do IT in a hotel with robot security.... -
@elfeo
lies -
@FreePalestine2370594
have you NO SHAME quoting THAT DISGUSTING LITTLE MAN with the title???? -
@dantesmyth72
bold of u to assume i can afford even a normal convention ticket -
@DioBrandoReal
lucia if you see this pls respond i’m not blocked on threads i checked -
@kinkPositive1977
Not gonna lie, I came for the memes but stayed for the radical transparency. This is what liberation actually looks like, folks. (edit: consent is so hot!!) -
@vaporeonshusband
no vaporeon? -
@romcomdom
“supervising AI” still less judgmental than my gf
-
@shwarma87
It’s actually insane how a bunch of cishet tech bros can sell “sexual liberation” as a luxury service and y’all just eat it up. Like, do you know how many centuries women, queer folks, and sex workers have fought against commodification, and now you get a franchise for it?
Also, the “mandatory testing” thing is pure biopolitics. Ever heard of Foucault? Just say you want to eugenicize your client base and go.
And don’t even get me started on “ethnic quotas”—literal “diversity” by spreadsheet, as if that’s justice and not just marketing. Let me guess, all the “fetish representation” is also just conveniently focused on whatever sells best to white guys in Silicon Valley?
Y’all keep calling it “the world’s first honest con” but I’ve seen less dystopian shit in Black Mirror. Can’t wait for “Free Use Day” to be a TikTok challenge.🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️✊🏾✊🏿🔯♻️🦄🔮🏳️🌈
they/them/void/she/xe/y'all
Shalom. -
@lobstergang
@shwarma87 Foucault? .pdf ile-de-france petition guy? would have hated the lack of un***age chars yeah -
@thunderbod
@shwarma87 Foucault was BALD xD -
@crYpt1ckitten
saw my ex in the rule63 section, shoulda known smh 😿 -
@grrethaurus
first time i’ve seen diversity quotas for fetishes, honestly based 🙌 -
@BrennanLeeMulligan
getting ted talked about dwarven theology during a sloppyj was actually the best part ngl gang -
@NotAIJustH*rny
Did yall see the feet section tho?? they really did the work 👀 -
@retroGamer1984
wait why is there no day 4?? bro failed kindergarten lmao f*** journalists -
@WiseManInYourHearth
It’s genuinely ASTONISHING how no one here is talking about the complete collapse of ORDER this event represents. You think you’re “liberated” because you’ve rebranded commodified sexuality as “authentic experience”? Read a book. Better yet, read TWO. There’s a REASON why ancient societies guarded the sanctity of the union between masculine and feminine - because the alternative is CHAOS. Literal, archetypal chaos. You can’t build HEAVEN out of a meat market, no matter how many “radical transparency” TED talks you stuff into your orgies.
I mean, sure, the orgiastic festival existed in Rome - right before it COLLAPSED. -
@lobstergang
@WiseManInYourHearth DM for rp?
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@WiseManInYourHearth
@lobstergang No chance, BUCKO. -
@gambaletto
no mention of the "guest-made documentation" black market? shady -
@oh_hi_marx
talents of the world, unionize!
Sent from my iPhone -
@FrodoToeRing
the hobbits were _really_ accurate -
@cryptozany
@FrodoToeRing the hobbit ones where too tall change my mind -
@LeakingToilet
What if the true perversion is not the orgy itself, but this endless attempt to sanitize it, to make it SAFE, with your contracts and quotas and - I love this - your “supervising AI” (as if the big Other is now literally just an algorithm, no?).
Ah! This is not “liberation,” my friends, this is purest IDEOLOGY, masked as transparency! You want jouissance but you get a spreadsheet, you get performance reviews, you get an HR department for your Eros.
The only honest thing about Edencon is its obscenity. At least the spectacle is naked now, no longer pretending. But beware: sometimes the most obscene thing is not the orgy, but the endless need to organize the orgy! -
@WiseManInYourHearth
@LeakingToilet <Removed>
[Moderator note: spam] -
@LeakingToilet
@WiseManInYourHearth <Removed>
[Moderator note: spam] -
@lobstergang
@LeakingToilet <Removed>
[Moderator note: profanity] -
@platypussy09
wait so the safe word wasn’t "mom"? -
@Broseidon
I swear I saw some idiot there just holding hands -
@infodumpmaxxer
unironically still better than westworld post season 1 -
@MeganSworeAnOat
is nobody gonna talk about how the wild salmon part completely ignored the microplastic issue?? this site used to actually care about the planet smh
-
@thegrind99
🦶💍 HIT ME UP FOR SIGNED TOE RINGS 💍🦶 -
@FrodoToeRing
@thegrind99 DM -
@NotAIJustH°rny
@thegrind99 dmmm
-
@JillAndJeremy
My wife Jill and I came for couple’s therapy and left with new experiences and newfound love. 4.5/5 -
@platypussy09
@JillAndJeremy dad..? -
@Сталкер
Мы идём по этим коридорам, как по Зоне. Здесь желания продают оптом, но настоящие желания всегда остаются за кадром.
Иногда кажется, что уже не хочется ничего, только чтобы кто-то поверил, что ты пришёл не за этим.
Комната исполнит любое желание, только сначала покажет, чего ты на самом деле хочешь
(see translation) -
@PhtommyTTV
im surprsied nintendo didnt drone strike it -
@DioBrandoReal
luci. princesa. please. -
@OpenAIContentFilter
<this comment has been removed> -
@g0blinmode
femboy quota STILL too low, step it up next year -
@Gigi
Ultra-radical, in the times- slightly before the last Marriage type aeon ended... Mithraikos, Spanish his ancestral Sign... this Master became sort of a cult figure... his hatred for the more conservative politically, types in society did lead to a serious transgression on his part... I don't think his punishment for that was eternal; he destroyed solely through psycheic power a planet, astrologically very much the Influence of political Conservatives. Murder of a planet, in other words. The matter of a very significant Transitions Aeon, between that Pisces and an Aquarius following, could be handled artfully; even so, serious conflicts and even some tragedies couldn't easily be avoided, I believe... -
@Jack2TheFuture
Imagine explaining this to youre therapist -
@daddywisette
i think some of the guys that boinked me were not even talents 🤔hmm -
@juulzy
can someone explain how this affects bitcoin? -
@LossyHorizon
the real safeword is “ontological shame” -
@byronictwink:
<Removed>
[Moderator note: please keep comments orgy-positive.] -
@babygrilSol
not to be that person—but it’s not “just surveillance,” it’s presence. (or maybe I’m just projecting—who isn’t, these days?)
honestly, the idea of a brooding, puissant “supervising AI” clocking every safeword? not gonna lie, there’s a kind of warmth in being watched over—algorithmic, but soft, like velvet with root access. like, “it’s not control, it’s care”—right?
plus, nobody ever says how much work goes into making vigilance feel invisible. the line between panopticon and aftercare is sharper than you think.
Anyway, it’s not about being safe—it’s about being seen. Right? -
@gambaletto
@babygrilSol check dm babygril -
@ArturitoWithFeelings
they said “method acting” but I just saw a Peach deepthroat a microphone -
@DioBrandoReal
Lucia, no importa. Te perdono. Los días pasan y yo habito en un limbo deshabitado, desasosegado, deshabituado al frío de ese fantasma que dejaste en el umbral, con tantos ecos de amor y de tristeza. Cuando crezcamos más viejas de lo que ahora somos miraremos hacia atrás y por suerte no nos acordaremos de esto. Cuando miremos los ojos de quienes nos amaron a pesar de esa huella notoria en la sonrisa, a medias, podrida de una vieja arruga, nos veremos reflejadas en las córneas de los ojos, y tendremos la enorme certeza de que nada fue en vano, de que todo ocurrió porque así debía ocurrir, y que las nubes cambian pero el cielo termina siendo el mismo. Te perdono, Lucia. Los recados quedan envueltos en pergamino aplastado que llegaría entre sueños bajo tu puerta. Todo saldrá bien, todo valió la pena. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TgP4EUIihZg -
@BaldwinKerman
took pages from nasa? more liek roscosmos -
@machinegod
ok listen, I can’t believe I have to say this but the LEVEL of lore inaccuracy here is honestly offensive to any actual fan. “No wigs allowed”? You do realize 90% of OG Rule34 canon relies on the inherent artifice of the cosplay, right? Like, Yae Miko’s hair is PHYSICALLY IMPOSSIBLE for a human, I don’t care how many months your “growing it out.” And don’t even get me started on breast size. The idea that you can “quota-match” body types is laughable when the original character reference sheets were literally designed by salarymen in 2003 with zero anatomical knowledge.
Also: WHERE IS THE LORE ACCURACY ON ACCESSORIES? I saw a picture of a Jinx with a left-handed Fishbones. LEFT-HANDED. Like, is this just amateur hour? Oh and “divulgation-level” prep? Bitch, I asked my Cammy talent about Delta Red continuity and she said “is that the anime?” At this point just call it Disneyland but for people with intimacy issues.
I swear, the only thing more cringe than the AI cameras is the cosplay QA. -
@gambaletto
@machinegod *you're -
@machinegod
@gambaletto <Removed>
[Moderator note: profanity] -
@PM_YOUR_BODYCOUNT
@machinegod i’m applying as cosplay QA tester -
@daddywisette
@PM_YOUR_BODYCOUNT dm -
@sincrosART
@machinegod it's ai -
@DioBrandoReal
@sincrosART LUCIA IS NOT AI YOU R***** -
@luciaPleaseComeBack:
<Removed>
[Moderator note: doxxing] -
@YellowSharkTank
Call it progress, call it performance - just don’t call it freedom until you follow the money.
You want to spot the snake? It’s the one in charge of the receipts. Ni hao. -
@juulzy
@YellowSharkTank check ur DM bro -
@Starfox
Anyone else cry after? Not because of shame, just… vibes? #notalone -
@LisaSimpsonVore
WHY did they allow the talents in the cafeteria if they dont let them mukbang, im still shaking -
@MichaelJMorris
yall need jesus
-
@disneyadultery92
@MichaelJMorris u mean the femboy bruno talent? i agree, what a professional -
@XxNoRegrestxX
mrbeast colab pls -
@PiperPaoloP22
<Removed>
[Moderator note: too political, shot down] -
@postVeritas
how do I get a job as “supervising AI”, asking as a philosophy major -
@JDBounce
yo lucia s OF lit af 💦💦<Link Removed>
[Moderator note: no coomer.su links](see more)