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Chapter Text

ACT I: The Return

July 2022

This is it, Barbra. This is what you’ve always dreamed of. It’s taken years of hard work to claw your way into the industry but your moment has finally arrived. You’ve made the role of Fanny Brice your own, now it’s time to show the rest of the world how much of a star you really are.

Barbra stared into the mirror of her vanity, finishing her final pep talk before the show. It took ten long years but she finally made it: a lead role in an actual Broadway production. And not just any show either, but the long-anticipated revival of Funny Girl, the musical that sparked her passion for theater and the performing arts in the first place. She was stepping into the shoes of the great Barbra Streisand, a legend she had idolized her entire life. The whole thing was a dream come true, one she could only hope to achieve in her wildest fantasies. But she was here now, on opening night no less, ready to make her grand debut to the rest of the world.

Her hands trembled as she placed the finishing touches on her make-up, the pressure of living up to her own sky-high expectations weighing heavily on her mind. She had to be more than just perfect; she had to be utterly flawless. Too much had been sacrificed to get to this point.

The stencil fell out of her hands and onto the table, the quaking in her hands becoming too hard to control. She drew in a shaky breath, failing to calm herself as her mind drifted to that day all those years ago. Oh God, I can’t do this. I gave up everything for this and I’m going to fail.

She closed her eyes, all she could see was his face: the freckles, that goofy half-smile, those birthmarks she loved to trace her hand along, and his kind whiskey-colored eyes. Her stomach twisted into hard knots as the image lingered in her mind. He used to be the anchor that grounded her, comforted her when all her emotions threatened to tear her apart. And now…she couldn’t even think about him anymore without coming apart at the seams. 

“Girl, what’s going on with you?” The voice of her best friend Unique sliced through her thoughts like a sharp blade. She opened her eyes and saw the reflection of the tall black woman in the mirror, standing in the doorway of her dressing room in a long, sequined gold gown that shimmered in the light. A concerned look fell across her face as she rushed over to Barbra.

“Don’t tell me you’re getting stage fright, not tonight of all nights,” she said frantically. Unique spun her around, her hands tightly gripping the arms of the make-up chair. Her eyes were sympathetic yet fierce, and Barbra knew she was about to get an unsolicited pep talk that, quite honestly, she really needed right now.

“Is this about him again?” She dipped her head, eyes fixated on her hands which she had clasped together to stop the shaking. “I knew it.”

She felt a hand rest under her chin, slowly lifting it up until she was looking straight into the deep brown eyes of one of her closest friends in the entire city.

“Listen to me, Barb, you need to forget about him. Lock those thoughts somewhere deep inside you and throw away the key, got it?” She nodded slowly, even though the guilt continued to twist in her gut. Unique pulled her hand away, resting it on her hip.

“I always imagined he’d be here to see me when I finally landed my big role, cheering me on from the front row. He is – was my biggest fan since the day we met.”

Unique wagged her finger in front of Barbra’s face. “Uh-uh, girl, stop that at once. You are NOT thinking about that guy tonight, got me?”

She spun the chair around so Barbra was facing the mirror once again, jabbing her finger dramatically at her reflection.

“Look at the woman that sits before you. That’s Fanny Brice, the baddest bitch in the entire Lower East Side. She knew she had what it takes to make it on Broadway, even when the whole world told her she didn’t have the looks or the talent to be a star. Yet she proved them wrong, trusted her instincts and fought her way onto the Great White Way. Sounds familiar, doesn’t it?”

Barbra bobbed her head up and down quickly, watching Unique’s lips curl into a warm smile.

“Most actresses would kill to have as much talent in their pinky finger as you have in your entire body. You’re going to dazzle them up there, show them you were born to play this role. Don’t be letting no man get in the way of that.”

“But he’s not any man—” A finger pressed lightly on her lips, stopping her from saying another word.

“How many times do I have to tell you? He’s not the star of tonight’s show, you are. I know you regret what you did, but you can’t let that eat you up every single day. Especially not now, when everyone’s counting on you to bring down the house.” Unique stood up, her wavy brown hair cascading over her shoulders. “And if that’s not enough, then let some of Unique’s confidence light a fire under your soul.”

She adjusted her long hair, tossing it behind her back as she straightened her posture.

“You got this, girl. You’ve rehearsed this how many times?”

“A few dozen at least,” Barbra responded. Unique pointed her finger at her, her eyes sparkling with determination.

“Exactly, you know what you’re doing up there. And you’ve been belting most of these songs since you were five years old. Nobody has ever been more prepared, more ready to be Fanny Brice than you are. Remember that.”

She took a deep breath. Unique was right, she was uniquely (no pun intended) positioned to dominate that stage in a role she studied almost her entire life. This was her life now, her entire reason for getting up every morning. She didn’t need to let her past hold her back from the bright future that lay before her, even if the pain of what she did threatened to pull her under.

“Thanks, Unique. That’s just what I needed to hear.” She got up and walked over to her friend, embracing her tightly.

“Of course, Unique’s services are at your disposal whenever you need them.” She pulled away, giving Barbra a quick once-over before humming in approval.

“Now break a leg out there, girl. I’ll be watching.” Unique waved goodbye as she sauntered out of the room. Then the lights blinked backstage. It was five minutes until show time.

She sat back down, brushing her wig to get out any kinks. Then she finished up her make-up just as a stagehand entered her room.

“Barbra, you’re on,” he said before rushing away.

This was it; the moment that Barbra Schwartz stepped out from the shadows and into the spotlight. She breathed deeply, peace washing over her as she got up and exited her dressing room. As she glided down the hallway toward the stage, she knew she was ready. She was born to be a star, and soon the whole world would see it too.

The entire show was as exhilarating as she had envisioned. Being up there in front of hundreds of people, bringing all she had to her performance – she felt more alive than she had since she left for New York. She even made it through “My Man” without breaking down, although the tear she let slip down her cheek almost certainly enhanced the emotional impact of the scene.

Her heart was racing after her and the rest of the cast took their curtain call, enough adrenaline running through her system to light up all of Times Square. She felt like she was on top of the world, that she had overcome the final hurdle in her climb to the highest reaches of Broadway stardom. They’d gotten a standing ovation from the audience, and she had no doubt in her mind that the reviews that would be published in the morning’s edition of all the major newspapers would be nothing short of raving.

When she got back to her dressing room, Unique was standing there in front of the make-up table, beaming with a smile that almost matched her own.

“Girl, you were on fire!” She gushed, moving forward to grip both of Barbra’s hands in hers. “The critics are gonna eat that right up. You even brought a tear to Unique’s eye,” she teased as she blinked her eyes and pretended to brush away a tear. “I don’t think there was a dry eye in that entire theater by the end.”

Barbra laughed. “Oh my gosh, I can’t believe I actually did it!” she exclaimed excitedly.

“Neither can I, but mark my words. You’re gonna have stiff competition for that Tony once my show opens in September.” Unique reached her hand up, flicking her hair back as she flashed Barbra a confident grin.

“Looks like Unique’s gonna have to raise the bar even higher if she wants to even come close to matching what you did tonight. But she’s more than up to the challenge.” They smiled at each other, reveling in the friendly competition they had over who’d win a Tony first.

“Anyway, I’ll be seeing you at the after-party. Gotta find me a hot date first.” She winked at her before strutting out of the room.

Barbra sat down in front of her vanity, her stomach still bubbling from all the excitement. The after-party was her chance to meet some of the biggest names on Broadway. Directors and producers who would open the doors for the rest of her career. This was it, the beginning of her life as a Broadway star.

She couldn’t wait to see how the next few hours unfolded. She expected nothing but good to be coming her way. She’d earned it at this point after all the pain and heartache she’d gone through to get where she was. For once, it finally felt like the universe had stopped fighting her.

The euphoria still hadn’t worn off as she got busy removing her make-up in preparation for the after-party. She could just see herself on the stage at Radio City Music Hall, accepting the Tony she’d been working toward her entire life. She’d stand up there, thanking everyone who helped her get to where she was now, even him.

She paused, the moist towelette still firmly attached to her cheek. It fell to the table as her hand started trembling again. No, she couldn’t be thinking about him right now. Unique was right, she needed to forget about what she’d done. This was her night, and she couldn’t let anyone or anything ruin it.

Taking a moment to collect herself, she resumed the process of wiping her make-up off from the show and getting herself ready to leave. She was so involved that she failed to notice the tall, dark-haired man that entered her dressing room until he began to speak.

“Hey, Rach,” he greeted her tenderly, “long time no see.” Her entire body froze and she swore her heart stopped beating in her chest. It’d been years since someone called her that name.

Her eyes drifted up the mirror, landing on the face of the man she’d left behind all those years ago. The one she urged to let her go because he deserved better than her. In an instant she was no longer Barbra Schwartz, Broadway legend-to-be. Instead, she was Rachel Berry, the girl who walked out of a life she wasn’t cut out for.

A small smile crept across his face, which was as handsome as ever especially with the light stubble that followed the outline of his chiseled jaw. He was wearing a tuxedo, which hugged his body in all the right places, and his hair was styled in a fade that accentuated his face perfectly.

The color drained from her own face, and it felt like all the air had been sucked out of her lungs. She couldn’t breathe or speak. Even as she opened her mouth, not a single word slipped past her lips.

She watched as Finn lifted his hand up, whispering something she couldn’t hear as he motioned out to the hallway. A boy with short dark brown hair and freckles slowly walked into the room, his head down as he took Finn’s hand. He appeared no older than ten years old, although he looked tall for his age.

Her heart sank in her chest. That couldn’t be him, right? She did her best to hold everything in, because her greatest fear was playing out before her very eyes. This couldn’t be happening. Not now.

“Danny, this is your mom,” Finn told the boy as he gestured to her. “She’s the greatest star that Broadway has ever seen.” That sinking feeling returned, pulling her down like an anchor into the darkness she thought she’d escaped.

Danny finally lifted his head, his deep brown eyes a reflection of her own as they bore into her. Her resolve melted away as wet hot tears spilled down her cheeks, the dam finally breaking after almost a decade of shame and regret.

Her past had finally caught up to her. She didn’t know if she had the strength to face what she’d done to the two people who once mattered more to her than anything else in the world.  

Chapter Text

December 2011

She perched on the closed toilet seat, the timer ticking down to the moment she could finally look at the test. This was the fourth one she’d taken in the past few hours, and she was absolutely terrified. 

Sure, she wanted to be a mother one day, but she didn’t expect it so soon. Not when she was applying to NYADA, one of the most exclusive performing arts colleges in the entire country. From there it would be a straight shot to Broadway, and everything she’d been working toward since the day she could walk.

She wanted to be happy, because there’s only one person who could be the father, and she knew he’d be a great one too. 

Finn was everything to her. Nobody made her feel as special and loved as he did. He was also the kindest, sweetest, and goofiest person she’d ever met. She knew she wanted to spend the rest of her life with him, to have children and grow old together. 

But that was supposed to be the future, not right now.

Her stomach roiled, and not because of the nausea she’d been feeling the past week. The thought of the life she had planned for herself slipping away, it was almost too much to handle. 

There’s no way her and Finn could live in New York and raise a child at the same time, not when he still didn’t know what he wanted to do with his life. If she really was pregnant, then Broadway was off the table for the foreseeable future. Maybe even for good, although she couldn’t be sure of that.

A soft dinging sound pulled her from her thoughts. Time was up. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. She picked up the stick and held it in front of her. When she finally had the courage to peek, it was exactly what she’d feared. 

Positive.

They were having a baby.

A lump formed in her throat, and she titled her head back, eyes glistening. Her emotions were battling each other, a mix of terror and joy. 

A new life was growing inside of her, one made up of the best parts of her and Finn, and she had no doubt in her mind that she was keeping it. 

But they were still teenagers and hadn’t even graduated from high school yet. How were they supposed to support a child on their own? And what was she supposed to do with her life now, because Broadway was at least temporarily out of the question?

Tears slipped down her cheeks. She didn’t know what to do, how to tell her dads. She picked up her phone, because there’s someone she had to talk to first before anyone else.

Less than twenty minutes later the door to her room opened and in walked her tall, handsome boyfriend, his brows knitted in worry.

“Rach, what’s the matter? I raced over here as fast as I could,” Finn said.

She quickly swiped under her eyes, hoping he didn’t notice her current state of duress. Her heart pounded in her chest as she prepared to break the news to him.

“Sit, please.” She nodded toward a spot right next to her on the bed.

He sat down, sliding an arm around her shoulders before pulling her close to him. In that moment her worries melted away, her whole world falling into place in the warmth and protection offered by Finn’s embrace.

“You sounded pretty upset on the phone, wanna talk about it?” he said, placing a delicate kiss on the top of her head.

She rested her head on his chest, the steady beat of his heart calming her own as she closed her eyes. All she wanted to do was sit here for as long as she could and forget about the fact that their lives were about to change forever. But she had to tell him, he had a right to know he was going to become a dad in a few short months.

“I’m pregnant,” she whispered softly. His heart stuttered then hammered in his chest.

“What?!?” He jerked away from her suddenly, and she had to catch herself before she fell over. “How’s that – how’s that possible? We, uh…we used protection and everything,” he said through ragged breaths.

“There’s always a small chance it doesn’t work.”

His eyes widened as the reality of their situation sank in. Time seemed to slow down as she watched his shoulders tense, his chest heaving as each breath came out shallower than the last.

“Oh God, so this is real? You’re really pregnant?” She nodded slowly, her chest squeezing tight as she witnessed Finn spiraling into a panic.

He shot up from her bed, twisting sharply so his back was to her. “How am I supposed to tell my mom and Burt?” He brushed his hand through his hair, moving a few steps away before stopping dead in his tracks.

“Crap, I knew I shouldn’t have used that old condom I found,” he muttered before turning back to face her. His mouth was pressed tight, his eyes flicking to hers briefly before darting away in a flash.

Her breath hitched, because this was news to her. “Wait, what are you talking about?”

“I, uh…I might’ve put on a condom I came across while rummaging through some of my dad’s old stuff. It was last month, when we were celebrating opening night of West Side Story. I sorta forgot to get more, so that’s all I had.”  

“Finn, how could you?” she chastised him. “Is that why you disappeared for so long while we were kissing in front of the fireplace?”

“Well…yeah. I couldn’t remember where I hid it, but I knew it was in my room somewhere. Turns out I stuck it in my, uh, my private collection of vintage magazines.” He rubbed the back of his neck and smiled at her sheepishly.

She couldn’t believe it. He’d been so reckless and now…now they were going to be parents. Her face crumpled, tears trailing down her cheeks as it hit her that she might be trapped in this town for the rest of her life. 

Finn rushed over, dropping onto the bed before clutching her tightly. She leaned into him, her fingers digging into the fabric of his shirt which was quickly becoming soaked by her tears.

“I’m so sorry, Rach. I thought it’d still be fine. I didn’t realize how old it was – guess I didn’t think it through.” His apology was genuine and sincere, and she knew deep down he was already beating himself up over this.

She gasped for air between sobs, struggling to get a grip on her emotions. “I – I know,” she managed to choke out.

He rubbed her back gently in soothing circles that brought a sense of ease to her aching heart.

“We’ll get through this together, okay? I’m going to be there with you every step of the way.”

“Do you really mean that?”

He nuzzled her hair with his chin, resting his warm cheek on her head as he responded. “Yeah, of course I do. Sure, I’m scared as hell right now ‘cause I don’t know the first thing about taking care of a baby. But I know everything will be alright. You wanna know why?”

As her sobs subsided, she eased off him, staring up into his soft cinnamon eyes. “I’ll bite. Why?”

He shot her a soft smile, which caused a warmth to bloom in her chest. “ ‘Cause I love you,” he said simply.  “And I know you’ll be the best mom in the whole wide world.”

Now she knew why she loved this man, because he always found a way to make her world brighter even in the darkest of moments.

Before she could blink, he leaned over and kissed her, her heart racing as all the tension in her body instantly released. He began to pull away but she grabbed his shirt, reeling him back in as she kissed him passionately, getting lost in his soft lips as they slid over hers. Any worries she had about the future evaporated, because she knew as long as they had each other everything would work out in the end.

The kiss broke, and she brushed her thumb along his cheek, tracing the curve of his smile.

“I love you too, Finn. This might not be how I pictured we’d become parents, but there’s no one else I’d rather face it with.”

A lopsided grin crept across his face, her heart tripping over itself at the sight.

“Same, babe, I’m in this until the end.” He pressed another kiss into her lips, sending waves of pleasure through her body that were hard to ignore. His unwavering commitment to her was turning her on, and she craved that sweet release that only he could provide.

“Let’s do it. Now,” she said. His eyes darkened with lust, a salacious smile appearing on his face.

“I was waiting for you to say that.” They both giggled into a passionate kiss, the world quieting around them. 

For a moment, there was no fear, no future to worry about—just the two of them, clinging to the promise that somehow, they’d make it through.

Present Day

Her vision blurred as tears filled her eyes. She feared this day would come. She knew it was a risk once she landed the role of Fanny Brice and her profile skyrocketed. If he hadn’t let her go like she wanted him to, then it would only be a matter of time until he tracked her down.

She just didn’t think this would be the day, not when all her dreams were finally starting to come true. She thought she had more time before she had to face them, but she could only run from her demons for so long.

Suddenly warm, strong arms wrapped themselves around her, cradling her as she continued crying. She knew it was him, she could smell his musky cologne as it filled her nostrils. A hand stroked her hair, the heat from his breath prickling the back of her neck.

“It’s okay, Rach, just let it out,” he said softly. Her heart clenched at the sound of his voice.

All she wanted to do was bury her head in the crook of his neck, feel the comfort and safety she always felt when she was with him, but she couldn’t. He wasn’t supposed to be here. He wasn’t supposed to find her. What she did was unforgivable, and he deserved so much better.

She drew in a shaky breath, dreading what she had to do next. “Go,” she said, her voice catching in her throat.

“What?” His arms fell away, brows drawing close as confusion clouded his face.

She pressed her palms to her eyes, forcing the tears back. “I said go.”

“No, Rach, I’m not leaving you, not after all this time.” Finn took one of her hands in his, squeezing gently. “I’m not letting you go that easily ever again.”  

Her heart thudded slow and deep, those chestnut eyes of his begging her to give in, to let him back into her life. It took all her strength to stop herself from breaking down again, even as her free hand quaked at her side.

As her eyes lingered on his face, her mind was flooded with memories of that day. The day she broke his heart and left everything behind. She’d spared herself the pain of knowing what happened next, because she knew it’d destroy her if she ever found out how much she’d hurt him.

“You have to go. Please, do this for me,” she pleaded with him. His eyes softened, sympathetic to her plight. He took a step forward, crouching down to her level as he lightly rested one of his large hands on her shoulder. She flinched at his touch but didn’t try to remove his hand.

“I know this is hard for you, it’s hard for me too, but I’m not going anywhere. Please, Rach, I wanna stay. I wanna be there for you the way I wasn’t back then.”

His words pierced her heart like an arrow, the sincerity and understanding behind them cracking the delicate façade she’d managed to put on. She wanted to give in so badly, she truly did, but it would be wrong of her to do this to him. To make him think things would go any better this time around.

“Finn, please, stop making this so hard for me. Just leave, it’s for the best.”

He shook his head, his grip on her shoulder tightening. “No, I’m not going anywhere without you.”

Damn him for being so stubborn. She was one second away from completely falling apart and he refused to listen. Why was he doing this to her? Forcing her to dredge up all the feelings she’d been struggling to let go of for the past ten years. It wasn’t fair, not to her or to him. Her shaking hands curled into fists as she wished he’d just do what she’d asked of him.

She sprang up from the chair, her frustration at his obstinance bubbling over. Did he not realize she wasn’t worth it? That there were better women out there who could give him and Danny all the love and care they were entitled to.

Her body moved before her mind could catch up. She shoved him, sending him stumbling backwards with a force that surprised them both. “Leave!” she screamed, her voice cracking under the weight of it all. “Leave me alone! I don’t want anything to do with you!”

He blinked hard, his mouth dropping open. “You don’t really mean that, right?”

“Do I sound like I’m joking? I want you and Danny to leave. Now.”

His jaw tightened, the conflict playing out in his eyes. She hated doing this to him, but it had to be done. He didn’t belong with her, not anymore, even if he still hadn’t realized that after all these years.

She watched his face fall, sadness in his eyes as he finally heeded her words.

“Fine, if that’s what you want,” he said quietly. He shuffled over to Danny, bending down so he was face to face with the boy. He gently grasped his son’s shoulder, gazing at him tenderly in a way that made her heart sink.

“We have to go, buddy. Your mom’s very tired right now and needs some rest. We’ll see her again soon, though, I promise.” He nodded as Finn stood up, turning his head to look at Rachel for a second before hunching over the table on the far side of the room.

“I wrote down my phone number and our address, in case you wanted to reach out to us,” he said after a beat. “We live in the city now, so we’re only a train ride or two away.”

He began to leave but paused in the doorway. “By the way, you were amazing up there. I thought you were incredible in high school but that,” he whistled proudly, “you blew the old Rachel right out of the park. I can’t wait to see you walk across that stage and accept your Tony. You know I’ll be cheering you on from wherever I am, ‘cause I never stopped believing in you.”

He gave her one of his trademark half-smiles, then stepped out of the room and out of her life, for the moment at least.

An overwhelming wave of despair crashed over her, because he didn’t seem the tiniest bit angry at her. How could he not hate her for what she did? Not just to him but to them, what was supposed to be her family. Not to mention everyone she considered friends.

None of it made any sense. He seemed like…like the Finn she remembered, as if no time had passed at all. He was as sweet and compassionate as always, and that made the pain in her chest multiple. Instead of welcoming him back into her life with open arms, she’d shut him out. It was for his own good, though, he just couldn’t see that yet.

Still, she felt like she was drowning, struggling to come up for air. Having him show up in her life again like this, it was too much for her to take right now. She sat there paralyzed, clutching her dress tightly as her soft cries of anguish filled the silence that had fallen over the room.   

Finn’s heart twisted, sharp as glass, as he held his son’s hand. They slowly walked down the backstage hallway toward the exit, his mind reeling from what just happened.

That was not the reunion he’d imagined, and it left him feeling hollow. He’d missed her so badly and thought that maybe she felt the same way too. That when he finally found her, she’d go running into his arms, telling him how much she loved him and still wanted to be with him after all these years. That she made a terrible mistake and didn’t reach out sooner ‘cause she didn’t know how to after all this time.

He sighed. Maybe he should’ve known that was too good to be true, that she’d push him away. Living with the pain and guilt of what she did for so long, it had to have taken a toll on her somehow. Even so, he was haunted by the look on her face when she first saw him. She was terrified, like she’d seen a ghost. It was a far cry from the bright smile she’d always wear whenever she saw him, and it broke his heart. He never wanted to make her feel that way.

Then she burst into tears, and he couldn’t stop himself from rushing over to comfort her. It hurt too much to see her like that, and for a second as he held her close it felt like no time had passed. Like he was back in high school, excited and scared to start a family with the girl he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.

And then he let it slip through his fingers – her, them, the whole life they’d dreamed of.

“Dad, does mom hate us?” Danny suddenly asked. “You’ve always said she still loves us, but you heard what she said. She doesn’t want anything to do with us. Did we do something wrong?”

Finn came to a stop, a dull ache spreading through his chest as he tried to figure out how he’d explain this to Danny. He was still sorting it all out himself, ‘cause yeah, that’s what she’d said. He knew deep down that wasn’t true, it couldn’t be. Not after everything she'd sent them. She was just in shock, which he didn’t blame her for. They were the last people she expected to walk through that door right after her big show.

He peered down at Danny, his eyes filled with a pain beyond his years. He couldn’t let him think for a second that she didn’t want them, that there was no hope that they could be a family one day like he always promised.

“Your mom’s very confused right now. She didn’t expect us to show up on her big night, not after she hadn’t seen us in so long. She just needs to, uh…she needs to work through some things first. That’s all.”

“Are you sure?”

He smiled for Danny’s sake, even if it felt like his heart was slowly being crushed. “Yeah, buddy, I’m sure. Now how about we go out and get some ice cream, huh?” Danny’s eyes lit up at the mention of ice cream.

“Really? But it’s past my bedtime.”

He ruffled his son’s hair, shooting him a crooked grin. “It’s my treat, and it’s not like we have any plans for tomorrow.” He took a few steps forward before turning back, beckoning to the boy. “C’mon, there’s bound to be a good ice cream place somewhere around here.”

His son gave him the same radiant, sunshine grin that made his chest ache ‘cause it was hers. He wished he could see her that happy again, if only for a moment.

He exhaled deeply as he watched Danny skip past him. He didn’t know how he could handle being apart from her for any longer, not after getting the chance to hold her again. He could still feel her trembling in his arms, smell her perfume on his shirt. It made it that much harder to believe she really wanted him gone. But he wanted to respect her boundaries and not push too hard, ‘cause it’d been long enough and he couldn’t afford to mess things up now.

If she needed time to recover from seeing them again after all these years, then so be it. He’d wait, because loving her was the only thing he’d ever been sure of. And he knew she still loved him, even if she didn’t show it right away. It was only a matter of time before that spark between them reignited once again.

She didn’t know how much time had passed. It felt like an eternity as she sat there in front of her dressing room mirror, crying until her eyes ran dry. She wallowed in a decade’s worth of emotions she had tried to outrun for too long. And to think, a few hours ago she’d been glowing under the bright spotlights of the stage, finally feeling like she’d made it out of the darkness that’d been plaguing her for years.  

Collecting herself for a moment, she reached over to her purse and fished her phone out. There was only one person she could think of calling right now.

“What’s shakin’, Babygirl?” Unique answered, the low hum of music droning in the background. “Everyone’s wondering where you are, you’re almost an hour late.”

Rachel tried her best to suppress a sob, but it managed to slip out which was enough to alert her best friend that something was amiss.

“Girl, what’s wrong? Did something happen?”

“He—he—” she stammered between the tears. “He—he came to see me.”  

“Who?” There was a short pause, the silence stretching on for a long beat as Rachel fought to keep herself together. “Wait, it wasn’t him, was it?”

“Y-yes, it was.”

“Nuh-uh, he did NOT just ruin your big night by showing up out of the blue!”

“P-please come, I n-need you.”

“I’m already halfway to the door.” She heard the sharp clacking of Unique’s heels through the phone as she sped across the ballroom where they were hosting the after-party. “Out of the way, people! Diva emergency in progress!”

Rachel suddenly heard a gasp, followed by a crash and the clattering of something metallic.

“BOY, you did NOT just ruin my dress! This costs more than you make in a month!” Unique yelled.

“I’m very sorry, ma’am,” a man’s voice replied.

“Yeah, you better be,” she shot back. “Fortunately for you I’m in a hurry or I’d have half a mind to make you pay the dry-cleaning bill.” There was a muffled response that she couldn’t hear, followed by Unique groaning.  

“What happened?” Rachel asked, momentarily stricken by worry for her friend.

“Some rude waiter spilled an entire tray of champagne all over my fabulous dress, can you believe that?” Her friend huffed loudly. “And this was custom-made too.”

There was a long pause before she continued. “Anyway, my problems don’t matter right now. You’re still at the theater, right?”

“Yeah, I’m still in my dressing room.”

“Okay, girl, I’ll be there in fifteen.” She hung up, leaving Rachel alone once again to her thoughts.

She glanced at her reflection. Mascara streaking down her cheeks, lipstick smudged around her mouth – Fanny Brice stripped down. For once, there was no character to hide behind, just all her mistakes laid bare for the world to see.

At least she had a better grip on her emotions now, even though her stomach was twisting itself into knots at the thought of seeing Finn again. She didn’t want to think about that, even though she knew she couldn’t hide from him any longer.

 All she wanted to do was drown out the guilt and sorrow that were chipping away at her heart and forget everything, even if only for a moment. Hopefully Unique would be able to help her with that once they got back to her place.

A warm mid-summer breeze blew down the empty street, tangling Rachel’s hair and pulling it across her face until she could barely see the sidewalk ahead of her. She didn’t bother brushing it away as Unique tugged her forward, her mind as wild and restless as the wind.

Soon they reached her apartment building, and her friend led her up the stairs. Her hands were shaking as they approached the door, fumbling the key she managed to pull out as it clattered to the ground.

“Here, let me do it,” Unique said. She bent over and picked up the key, quickly unlocking the door and pulling her in.

She breathed a sigh of relief as she entered the familiar space, especially because she didn’t have to deal with her roommate, Elliot, since he was out late at a gig his band was playing. She was still rattled from seeing her ex-fiancé and son after nearly a decade apart; one more emotional hit might’ve broken her.

It was bad enough she had to skip out on the Funny Girl after-party for obvious reasons, not being in any emotional state to schmooze with all these Broadway big wigs. Not after the entire world came crashing down on her. This was vital to furthering her career, so she’d have to find a way to make up for this soon.  

Unique placed their bags down on the counter before guiding Rachel over to the kitchen table. They both sat down, her confidante folding her hands together as she gazed at her worriedly. A moment of silence passed between them, her already fragile state teetering on the edge of total collapse.

“I’m sorry for ruining your night,” she finally said, hoping to break the quiet tension between them.

Unique flapped her hand dismissively. “Don’t you worry, I wasn’t getting any takers anyway. It takes a certain kind of man to handle—" she swept her arm across her body dramatically, “—all of this.”

She forced a tiny grin onto her face, because that’s the best she could muster at the moment.  

“Anyway, let me get this straight, they really showed up right after the show?” Unique asked.

“Yeah. It was not long after you left, actually.”

The other woman leaned back in her chair. “Damn, I wish I’d been there for you. Maybe it would’ve gone better.”

“I…no, it wouldn’t have,” she replied. “Nothing could’ve helped me deal with that.”

“Uh-huh, you might be right. I don’t think I could’ve helped lighten the blow of Mr. Tall, Dark, and Handsome waltzing right back into your life like that even if I tried.” She scoffed loudly. “The nerve of that man doing this to you right now. This was supposed to be your night.”

“Don’t – don’t be too harsh on him, okay? I had this coming after what I did to him…and Danny.”

Her friend reached out and took her hand. “Barb, I don’t want you punishing yourself any more than you already have, got it? You’ve tortured yourself enough as is.”

She nodded slowly as Unique gave her hand a light squeeze. “Now, Unique will not be satisfied until she gets all the details, so start spilling the tea.”

She hesitated, not wanting to relive what happened in that dressing room. Unique’s stare broke through her defenses, though, and the words poured out before she could stop them. So did the tears.

Her friend offered a handkerchief from her purse when she was finished, and she got right to work drying her face. “So, are you going to call him up or what?”

Rachel lowered her eyes, focusing on the piece of fabric in her hands. “I—I don’t think so.”

“Really? You’re just gonna leave him hanging like that? Damn, girl, I didn’t know you were that savage.” 

Her head shot up immediately, because Unique was way off base here. “I’m not trying to hurt him it’s just…I can’t talk to him right now. I have the show to worry about, and I need to make up for tonight. Not to mention Elliot needs help cleaning up because his parents are coming to visit and—”

“Excuses, that’s what those are. You just don’t have the courage to face him again.”

Her lips parted in surprise. “That’s – that’s not true!”

“Mmhmm, it is. Unique is not wrong about this.” She wagged her finger as she spoke. “You still love him, anyone can see that, even if you do your best to deny it.”

She flicked her eyes to the side, letting her friend’s words sit for a moment. Finn still meant something to her, that was true, and he probably always would. It might’ve even felt good to lose herself in his embrace again for just a moment. But he was her past, a part of her life she had no interest in returning to.

“I loved him, but I don’t know if I still feel that way,” she admitted.

“Look, girl, I’m just giving you the truth. That’s why you keep me around, right? Well, that and my fabulous personality, of course.” Her lips tugged back into one of those wide, toothy smiles that always made Rachel feel better.

“You’re not wrong about that, but I’m not sure you’re right about this.”

“Think what you want, Barb, I know I’m right on the money here. Anyway, you definitely need to call him up at the very least. That’s the least you owe him after disappearing on him like you did.”

Just the thought of hearing his voice again sent shivers down her spine. She couldn’t do it. She wanted to forget about him, about her son, about everything she’d been running from. A hollow feeling settled in her chest, the pain lingering quietly as it made its home there.

“I’ll have to think about it, but not right now. I think I’ve gone through enough tonight.”

“Amen, sister,” Unique responded.

She rose to her feet, her gaze landing on a framed photo on the bookshelf – her, Elliot, and Unique at a benefit concert in Central Park a few summers ago. They were laughing, having such a great time together. Smiling used to come so easy to her. She tried to summon that version of herself, but all she could see when she closed her eyes was him.

She traipsed over to the cabinet, needing something to silence the throbbing ache that still coiled around her heart. Opening it, she pulled out a fresh bottle of merlot and a wine glass. She popped the cork off, filling the glass close to the brim before taking a swig. 

“You gonna share some of that or just keep it all to yourself? ‘Cause mama could use a pick-me-up after the night she’s had.”

She pulled out another glass, pouring a generous serving before handing it to her closest ally. Then she sat down, the two conversing about anything but what had happened tonight as they sipped their wine. After a few refills Rachel felt her head get all fuzzy, but she kept drinking anyway until her vision started spinning.

“Okay, girl, I think that’s enough for you,” Unique said. She confiscated her glass, dumping it in the sink before standing in front of her with her hands on her hips. “It’s time for you to go to bed.”

“No, more wine please!” she slurred, unable to remember why she started drinking in the first place, but damn did she feel good.

“Up with you, c’mon.” The tall black woman dragged her out of her seat when she didn’t move, hauling her into her bedroom. She plopped down on the bed, quickly finding herself drawn to the covers as all the energy drained from her body.

Without even bothering to take her clothes off, she shuffled under the sheets, feeling like she hadn’t slept in days.

“’Night, Barb. I’ll be checking in on you first thing tomorrow.”

She tried to respond, but all that came out was a long groan. A quiet cackle reached her ears, but she soon felt herself being pulled under as her body demanded sleep. The last thing she saw was him — that half-smile frozen behind her eyelids — before the world went dark.

Chapter Text

Golden rays of sunlight filtered through the blinds, stretching lazily across Rachel’s face. She groaned, her hand flying up to blot out the unwelcome intrusion to her sleep. She didn’t want to get up, even if the sun was trying to coax her awake.

She felt absolutely terrible. A throbbing headache pounded against her skull, and she was about ready to vomit all over her fluffy pink pillow. This was one of the worst hangovers she’d ever had, although she normally never let herself get that drunk, but this time was an exception.

“Morning, Barb,” Elliot said, cutting through the peaceful silence. She flopped over, catching sight of him leaning against the doorway to her bedroom, arms folded in quiet judgment. “You wanna talk about what happened last night?”

She pulled her pillow over her head, the usual soft tremble of his voice now sounding like nails on a chalkboard.

“No,” she murmured, the sound coming out muffled. “Now go away.”

“Unique told me all about it.” Of course she did. It’s not like she could keep anything to herself. “I wish I’d been there, because I’m worried about you now.”

“Well don’t be, I’m fine.” That was a total lie, despite her best efforts she remembered everything and it still hurt. She’d stay in this bed the rest of her life if she could, just so she didn’t have to deal with Finn and Danny entering her world once again.

 A few seconds later the bed pressed down next to her, a hand resting on her side.

“Honey, you know you can talk to me, right? It’s not like I don’t know about your history with Finn.”

“Don’t say his name, please.”

“C’mon, Barbie, you can’t avoid what happened forever. Please, get up and lets talk.”

She never liked that nickname. Elliot was the only one she allowed to use it, only because he’d been there with her through the darkest time in her life. Without him there’s no way she would’ve survived in the city, gotten back up on her own two feet the way she did. For that she’ll be eternally grateful, and he could call her whatever he liked as far as she was concerned.

In any case, maybe he was right. She couldn’t keep running forever, not when her past mistakes had finally come home to roost.

She flipped her pillow over, letting it fall to her side as she rose into a sitting position. The pulse behind her eyes suddenly throbbed harder, perfectly in sync with her heartbeat, a painful reminder why she didn’t want to get up in the first place.

 Elliot gave her a reassuring smile, his azure eyes sparkling as he lightly patted her thigh.

“See, that wasn’t so hard?” he said reassuringly. 

“I guess not.” Her eyes flicked over to her alarm clock, a loud gasp slipping out. It was already past noon; she had her show in less than two hours. She jumped out of bed, jamming her feet into her slippers as she hastily tried to get herself ready.

Elliot leapt up from the bed, his eyes wide with worry. “What’s the rush for?”

“Don’t you know what time it is? I’m going to be late for my show, on the second day no less!” This was a disaster. Punctuality had always been one of her best attributes. She prided herself on always being at least fifteen minutes early to every rehearsal. Now if she didn’t bust her butt getting ready she’d be lucky if she was only fifteen minutes late to the second show.  

His eyes softened, a chuckle bursting out, probably because he found her panicked state amusing. “You didn’t think I’d take care of that? I called your producer, told him you weren’t feeling well and would have to miss the matinee performance. He wasn’t too happy, but didn’t put up much of a fight either. Not after last night.”

She let out a deep breath, her hands going slack after haphazardly trying to tie her robe. A wave of relief washed over her, and she was so happy that she grabbed Elliot’s face and gave him a big smooch on the lips to show her gratitude.

“Thank you, Elliot. Really, I appreciate it.” As she stepped back she bit her lip, ultimately failing to stop a giggle from bubbling out of her. He looked so stunned, his mouth twisted halfway open like he didn’t know what to say. 

He blinked at her a few times before speaking.“You sure you’re not drunk?” he joked, his lips curling into a soft smile. 

“I’m positive, you’re just such an amazing roommate. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“Oh, it’s no problem, babe. You know I’ll always take care of you.” He then quietly patted the spot next to him. “Now please, come over and talk to me.”

She shuffled over, dropping down beside him as she dreaded the coming conversation. She had no desire to discuss the sudden return of her ex and her son into her life, not when it was still so raw in her mind.

“Are you okay?”

“Do I look okay to you?” 

He laughed. “You look like hell, but I want to know how you feel. Unique told me you were pretty upset, ugly crying and all when she entered your dressing room.”

“Well, you try having the greatest night of your life ruined by the last two people in the world you wanted to see.”

“Don’t be that hard on them, I’m sure Finn didn’t mean to do that.”

“How would you know? You’ve never met him.”

“From the way you’ve talked about him, he seems like a nice guy. A nice guy who still cares a lot about you. So, why’d you toss him and your son out like that?”

She avoided his gaze, her hands quickly becoming the most fascinating things to her as she fidgeted with her fingers. That’s the last thing she wanted to discuss right now, a pit forming in her stomach just thinking about it.

“What’d they say about the show?” she asked in a low voice.

His eyes thinned to slits, seeing straight through her. “Barb, I know what you’re doing. Don’t think you can dodge my question so easily, you know me better than that.”

“Well, I do want to know what the critics had to say about the show, and you’re the one forcing me to bare my soul to you about my trainwreck of a night. So, sorry if I wanted to inject some positivity into the conversation first before having to justify my actions to you of all people.” He looked like he wanted to say something, judging by the way his mouth fell open for a second, but then it closed shut just as fast. “They’re good, right? The reviews?”

He sighed. “Oh, babe, they’re more than just ‘good’.”   

He pulled out his phone, tapping on the screen a few times before clearing his throat dramatically.

Then he launched into the reviews. And they were everything she’d dreamed of and more. There was almost universal agreement that she was the spotlight of the show — a “fresh new talent showing great promise,” as the Times put it, with a performance they called “radiant in its vulnerability.”

Another critic described her as “Fanny Brice incarnate,” praising how she blended classic Broadway bravado with a more modern emotional edge. Variety singled out her Act II rendition of “My Man,” noting that she delivered it “with a raw, trembling sincerity reminiscent of Streisand.” 

That one made her heart flutter. To think she would be seriously compared to the great Barbra Streisand – she knew she was doing something right.

Others called her “phenomenal,” “magnetic,” and “a rising star with a one-of-a-kind sound that is equal parts mesmerizing and uplifting.” One review even wrote, “It’s not just that she fills Fanny’s shoes — she reshapes them.” 

Oh, she leapt up from the bed and clapped when he read that one. They knew exactly what she’d been going for. She couldn’t be happier that all the little choices she made put such an indelible stamp on this iconic role.

Despite the glowing praise, Elliot did share a review that described her as “a compelling newcomer whose emotional choices occasionally outshine her technique — but whose presence is impossible to ignore.”

Well, what did that critic know about her technique? Sure, she didn’t go to some fancy performing arts college but she put every bit of her heart and soul into her performance. That counted more than anything. But even that piece ended by predicting that “with a few more shows under her belt, she could easily become one of Broadway’s most exciting young performers,” so at least she had that. 

In the end, the consensus was clear. She’d put on a Tony Award-winning performance that rivaled that of her idol. Funny Girl was now a must-see show, which certainly would make all the investors ecstatic. So much had been riding on this, and it was clear everyone’s hard work had paid off.

Her heart was racing by the time Elliot finished reading the last review. She knew in her gut the moment she walked off that stage to roaring applause that it would all be worth it, even though her night ended abruptly, cut short by his arrival. Her stomach twisted, and she felt like she was going to throw up. She didn’t know if it was from the hangover or the thought of Finn, but either way she didn’t want to ruin the beautiful antique rug that covered the floor next to her bed.

“I, uh, I need to freshen up in the bathroom, so if you’ll excuse me,” she said, jumping to her feet and rushing out before he had a chance to stop her.

“But we didn’t even talk!” He shouted from her room, her lips tugging into a tiny grin as she bolted into the bathroom and shut the door. 

Elliot stared at the closed door for a moment, rubbing his temples. He knew she was a diva, but this was especially frustrating. Doubly so because he and Unique had a bet going whether he could crack Barb and get her to contact her ex. Seeing as she wouldn’t even talk about it, it looked like he lost that one. 

He let out a long breath.

She was definitely deep in avoidance mode, and he didn’t even know how long it would last this time. After all, she’d been afraid of this moment coming for as long as he’d known her. Before, though, it seemed more like a distant possibility rather than something that could actually happen. But then she got cast as Fanny, all of a sudden she started freaking out about Finn finding her, and now he was back for real. It worried him, because of how sensitive and fragile she was. 

He had a bad feeling she would handle this all wrong, but she could be so stubborn a lot of the time (okay, most of the time if he was being perfectly honest.) Getting through to her was likely out of the question for the time being, unless Unique had some brilliant idea up her sleeve. He highly doubted that, but she had a way of surprising him sometimes. 

Speaking of Unique, he had something else to take care of. He pulled his phone out, took a deep breath, and sent her a text.

Elliot: she’s awake n she’s not talkin

Unique: so ur natural charm dsnt werk? and u said u knew wht u were doing

Elliot: you try dealin with a hungover barb. as if she wasn’t enough of a diva, she made me read her funny girl reviews

Unique: ha, i knew it. girl cant go 1 day without thinking abt her career. looks like u owe me 20 bucks, bby.

Elliot: ugh. fine

Unique: i told u she was all kinds of messed up, but u wldnt listen. this is on u.

Elliot: whatever, movin on. what’s the plan now?

Unique: im werking on it. stall her 4 now. 

Elliot: ok, i’ll figure something out. 

His phone landed on his lap, his mind racing to come up with ideas. This was great, now he had to find a way to keep his roommate distracted long enough for Unique to come to the rescue with whatever scheme she cooked up. So, what was he supposed to do? 

He got up and left Barb’s room, eyes searching for something to keep her occupied. They soon landed on the row of movies sitting on the shelf next to the TV. The perfect idea popped in his mind, and he got to work.

She exited the bathroom to the loud whirring of the blender, the noise practically filling the entire apartment. Tiptoeing into the kitchen, she glimpsed Elliot shutting off the machine, taking the jar off and pouring its contents into a glass. He looked up, a smile creeping across his face when he saw her.

“I see you’ve taken care of whatever business you needed to. I was just finishing up my special hangover smoothie, want some?” He picked up the glass and offered it to her. “I also got some Advil here, figured you’d need that too.” 

She didn’t know what to say, he really was the best roommate ever. She silently accepted the glass, popping a couple Advils into her mouth and downing it with the smoothie. 

“Thanks, Elliot, you’re the best.”

“Oh really, it’s no problem at all. Can’t let Broadway’s biggest rising star be stopped by a little hangover, now, can I?” His lips tugged into a soft smile.  “Anyway, since you’re clearly trying to get over what happened last night, I thought you could use a little…distraction.”

He swiftly crossed the room, scooping up a stack of blu-rays sitting on the coffee table in front of the TV. “I was thinking of a movie musical marathon, although I already took the liberty of taking Funny Girl out, seeing as you’re probably Fanny-ed out by now. Or you will be soon, at least.”

“Wow, that sounds like a great idea, Elliot! But, uh, you can put Funny Girl back in.” 

“Well, if you insist…” he walked over to the book case behind the loveseat, pulling out the aforementioned blu-ray that’d been tucked between some action flicks. “So, where do you wanna start? I was thinking maybe Chicago, you always said you’d make a great Roxie Hart. Or maybe Moulin Rouge? ‘Come What May’ never fails to bring you to tears, although maybe that’s not such a good idea right now.”

“Actually, I kind of want to watch Funny Girl.” 

His eyebrows shot up. “Really? Even though you’re playing Fanny every night? I mean, if you want to I’d be more than happy.”

“Yeah, it always manages to make me feel better. And I definitely need that right now.”

“Okay, I’ll get everything set up then,” Elliot replied. He got busy rummaging for remotes as Rachel walked into her room and closed the door.

She got changed as she was still wearing the clothes she’d walked home with Unique in, and they settled down to watch the movie. Elliot even made some popcorn, which unfortunately brought back memories of her and Finn laying in her bed for their biweekly movie nights back in high school. She took several deep breaths, banishing the thought from her mind as she tried her best to enjoy her favorite movie. Now was not the time to think about him, not when she was still trying to recover from the shock of seeing him and Danny.

They hadn’t even gotten a third of the way through before being interrupted by loud knocking at their door. 

“I’ll get it,” Elliot said, hitting pause before placing the bowl of popcorn down on the cushion next to him. He rose to his feet, and she watched him walk over and unlock the door. He pulled it open, revealing Unique, who’d traded her long flowing locks for a short bob that hugged her face tightly. 

“Where is she?” she asked urgently.

Elliot tilted his head in Rachel’s direction. “On the couch. We were just watching Funny Girl.”

She pushed past him, strutting into the room like she owned the place. She made quick work closing the distance to Rachel. “It’s nice to see you up and about, but girl you look terrible. Might wanna do something about, well, all of that,” she said as she leaned over, her hands circling around Rachel’s face. “We’re heading out soon.” 

“We?” 

She straightened up, hand firmly planted on her hip. “Yes, girl. You, me, and that emo pop star wannabe you live with,” she quipped, her hand flicking between Rachel and herself before finally landing on Elliot. 

“Hey, that’s not fair!” he protested, his jaw dropping open. “I’m totally not emo anymore, not since Clarence broke up with me.”

Unique’s eyes narrowed, her mouth stretching into a thin smile.“Oh, that’s right, I should’ve remembered that poser.” 

She shook her head, lips pressing tight. “Boy, you really need to get better taste in men. I swear, you always go for the shadiest guys. Like, where are you picking them up from?” She flapped her hand at him. “The back alley of ‘Posers R Us’?”

He shifted his eyes upward with zero enthusiasm. “Haha, really funny. It’s not my fault I attract a certain type. Maybe you should help me out sometime, huh? Sniff out all the bad apples.”

“I should, but Unique don’t have that sorta time these days. She’s too busy getting ready for her Broadway debut.” 

“I bet,” he shot back, folding his arms with flair and turning his back to Unique. 

As entertaining as it was to watch her two best friends’ back-and-forth banter, she still had no clue what Unique’s plan for them was. Also, she was the one who’d just had her life turned upside down by the return of her ex-fiancé and son. Their problems came second to hers right now. 

“Okay, well, I’m perfectly fine with you two continuing this little conversation you’re having, but I also want to know what’s going on,” she interjected, hopefully putting an end to this for the time being.

“Fine, I don’t need to hear anymore from this man anyway,” Unique said, waving her hand dismissively at Elliot. “Not like I’m gonna get anything useful outta it.” 

She turned her attention to Rachel, a bright smile spreading across her face. “I got us a table at your favorite vegan restaurant.”

“Wait, you got reservations at The Greenroom Café?”

“Yes, Barb,” she replied, shooting her an unimpressed look. “What, you think I was born yesterday? I’m sure you need some food after chugging all that wine last night.” 

“It wasn’t that bad.” 

“Mmhmm, it was, girl. I was afraid I was gonna have to pick you up off the floor and carry you to your room all by myself.”

She dodged Unique’s glare, because maybe she did overdo it a bit. Her pounding headache had dulled to faint ache in her temples, and her stomach had stopped churning as much, but she still felt terrible. She needed it, though, just to numb the pain that still gripped her heart.

In any case, she heard a rumble in her belly, and the thought of eating suddenly became a lot more appealing. Anything to get her mind off Finn and her past, even if she preferred to be alone right now.

“Well, I should go get myself ready, then. You two play nice, please,” she said, her gaze shifting between them before she turned and marched into her room, the door shutting quietly behind her.

Elliot’s eyes lingered on Barb’s door for a few seconds before shifting over to Unique. He quickly closed the gap between them, softly whispering into her ear. “So, what’re we doing?” 

“We’re giving her time. It’s clear the girl isn’t ready to deal with any of this yet.”

Time? Maybe that was the right call, but who knew how much time she’d need to process something like this. At least they both agreed that she had to meet with Finn, even if it didn’t end well. With all the stuff she’d been holding back since she arrived in New York, no good could come from avoiding it any longer now that he was here.

“You sure that’s the best idea? The longer we wait the more likely she’ll just ignore him.”

She turned her head, leveling a stare at him that almost made him stumble backwards. “If we push her she’ll bolt, and then she’ll never talk to him. You want that?”

“I guess not.” She was right, Barb was too stubborn for her own good. Running away from her problems had become her specialty, and they couldn’t afford to screw this up if they wanted to help her. “Wait, didn’t you talk with her last night? I thought you had a way with her, diva-to-diva.”

“Yeah, but it’s not like we got anywhere. Her brain’s on lockdown right now, doesn’t wanna even think about talking to that man again.” 

“I guess that’s true, but what do we do if she doesn’t reach out on her own?”

The corners of her mouth tugged down. “Well, if she’s not going to do the right thing then we’ll just have to be extra persuasive. I already got a few ideas I’m working on, but we’ll see what the girl does. Maybe she’ll surprise us, but I highly doubt it.” 

She wheeled around, plopping herself down on the couch and crossing her legs. Her fingers tapped on her thigh in an uneven rhythm, and after a long beat she set her gaze on Elliot.

“Well, aren’t you coming, boy?” she snapped, her brows wrinkled in irritation. “Might as well continue the movie while we wait for Barb. God knows how long she’ll take.” 

“Oh, uh, sure. Guess there’s no harm in that.” He let out a small, nervous laugh as he walked over and sat down next to Unique. She could be really intense sometimes out of nowhere, but always seemed to settle down soon enough. 

He pressed play and they sat there, barely paying attention to the movie as they constantly commented on the cinematography or Barbra Streisand’s performance or a dozen other things. It was nice to get a break from Barb’s insanity for a little bit, but there was still this weight in his chest whenever he thought about her. He had a bad feeling that her string of bad mistakes was finally going to catch up to her, and the worst part was knowing he couldn’t stop the wreck, only brace for it. 

He really hated grocery shopping, especially in the city ‘cause he had to lug the bags several blocks and then all the way up to the apartment. At least Santana was here to look after Danny while he was out. He didn’t know what he’d do without her and Brittany. Back in Ohio he had both sets of grandparents to take care of his boy, but here? They were the only folks he could trust in this big, noisy city.

He approached the door to his apartment, then realized he couldn’t open it. Crap, his hands were too full. He moved his arms around the best he could and knocked on the door with his elbow. It didn’t take long for it to open, and he was greeted by the irritated face of the Latina who’d become one of his closest friends.

“Welcome home, Lurch. My ass was getting tired from sitting down on that lumpy couch of yours. Mierda, did you really have to grab the first one you spotted on the street? You’re lucky it isn’t full of cockroaches, ‘cause then you bet your ass I wouldn’t be watching Danny Boy for you.”

“And hello to you too, Santana,” he replied curtly as he shoved his way past her, arms full of groceries. He placed them down on the counter before spinning around to face her.

“How’s he doing?”

“Y’know, quiet as always. He must’ve gotten that from you, ‘cause you know how much of a chatterbox that ex of yours is.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“So, has she called yet? Or is Gone Girl still giving you the silent treatment?”

He inhaled deeply, ‘cause he was kinda going nuts waiting for her to reach out to him. It’d been a few days and she still hadn’t called him. “Nope, haven’t heard a word from her yet. Not even a text.”

“Esa puta de mierda, she has no clue what you’ve been through, does she?”

“I mean, it’s not like we had a lot of time to chat before she threw me and Danny out of her dressing room.”

Santana crossed her arms, her back stiffening. “I swear, you’re going too easy on her. If I were you, I’d be busting down her door right about now, giving her a piece of my mind.”

“Well, good thing I’m not you then.” He turned back to the bags on the counter and began unpacking them, starting with all the cold stuff. 

She huffed loudly, like she was ready to go at him any second. “You should just send me after her. Then you wouldn’t have to sit around here like a sad puppy dog waiting for its owner to return.”

He placed some milk on the shelf, then shut the refrigerator. “I’m not gonna do that, she just needs some space.”

“She’s had almost ten years of space! How much more does she need?”

He hesitated, ‘cause she did have a point. But all he could see was Rachel’s face right after he greeted her in the dressing room, and that’s the only answer he needed. He twisted around, staring Santana straight in the eyes. 

“Look, I’m not going to barge in on her again, alright? You shoulda seen the look on her face when she saw me standing there after her show. I’ve never seen her so scared before, and it was all ‘cause of me. I can’t do that to her, not again.”

She groaned, making her displeasure with him painfully clear. “Fine, your pansy ass can mope around this apartment all day long expecting a call you’re not gonna get. I’ve run into plenty of women like her in my line of work and believe me, she’s not gonna reach out on her own without a good ass kicking.”

“Well, I’ll let you know if I need your services. Until then, hands off.”

Santana threw her arms up. “Whatever you say, Stretch. Just know Auntie Snixx is ready and raring to go all Lima Heights on Rachel’s ass once she gets the chance.”

He laughed, quickly getting back to putting the groceries away. 

“Yeah, I know. You keep saying that.”

“Well, it’s true.” She whipped around and sauntered to the coffee table, collecting her things and throwing them in her bag. “Anyway, I gotta split soon. New client needs to meet with me ASAP, so go get that boy for me, will you? I may be a cold-hearted bitch most of the time but I got a soft spot for that kid of yours. Don’t let anyone else know, got it?”

“What, afraid they’ll stop fearing you if they knew you were a big softie inside?” He flashed her one of those fake smiles, which she clearly wasn’t amused by, judging from the irritated look on her face.

“Not funny, Hudson. Now shoo,” she said, waving him away so he could go get his son. 

As he turned to walk down the hall to Danny’s room, he paused in front of a stack of mail sitting on a side table. He’d forgotten all about it, and he wouldn’t have paid it any mind if it wasn’t for the envelope sitting on top with his name on it. It was that same handwriting he’d gotten used to, and he immediately knew what it was. She must’ve sent it before that night, still not realizing they hadn’t lived in Ohio for years. Thankfully, his mom or Burt still forwarded it to him whenever they came in, even if things were easier now than they’d been before.

It made him think back to those early days, when he was still trying to pick up the pieces of his life that’d been shattered so completely after she disappeared.

His mom handed him the envelope; the latest one that had arrived. He held it between his hands, his eyes tracing his name which was written elegantly on the front.

“Another one?” he said.

“Yup, it has the same return address and everything.”

“So, it’s from…it’s from her?” 

“Has to be.”

He nodded slowly, still not knowing how to feel about this.

They started arriving a few months after she left, money orders put in his name for a few hundred bucks. It didn’t take him long to figure out they were from her, only one person he knew had that distinctive flowery handwriting style. Well, apart from Kurt, but he sure as hell was not secretly sending him cash from New York City.

Yeah, it wasn’t hard to figure out that’s where she was. Not only were the envelopes postmarked in New York, but he was able to trace the P.O. on the return address to a post office in Brooklyn. He should’ve known that’s where she’d run off to. Clearly she was still trying to make it on Broadway, ‘cause that’s all she had left now. Her dreams. The ones she’d been willing to let go of for them, not that he wanted her to.

He knew she still loved them, this was just hard proof of that. Why else would she send some of her hard-earned money to him? Maybe this was a way for her to feel less guilty about abandoning them, trying to support them however she could from hundreds of miles away. It didn’t make up for her not being here, though. Nothing could do that.

He sighed. “Thanks, Mom. I’ll cash this the next time I’m at the bank.”

She walked past him, pausing for a second to gently squeeze his bicep, shooting him a warm smile before continuing on her way.

He appreciated the extra cash and made sure it all went toward things Danny needed, like diapers and baby food. But he still had that empty feeling in his chest, one that hadn’t gone away since the day she left. A piece of him was missing, whisked off to NYC and up to God knows what these days. Without it he’d…he’d never feel whole again, he was sure of it.

At least he knew where to find her, no matter how long it took him.

His mind returned to the present, and it took him a sec to remember what he was doing. His legs started moving, and he soon found himself in front of Danny’s room. He quietly opened the door, spotting the boy at his desk scribbling on a piece of paper with a colored pencil.

“Whatcha doing, buddy?”

“Just drawing,” Danny replied softly, not even turning his head to look at him. He seemed really into it, which didn’t come as a surprise. He loved drawing, leaving Finn with quite the collection over the years, since he didn’t really wanna throw all his son’s hard work away. 

“What, no iPad today?”

“I wanted to use a real pencil. Feels better.” He put down the colored pencil he was using and picked up another one, the tipping bobbing up and down as he continued drawing. “Auntie Tana also says it’ll rot my brain.”

That sounded exactly like something she’d say, and honestly? Finn appreciated it. Somebody had to lay down the law around here. God knows he struggled with it, especially when Danny hit him with those eyes. He’d catch a flash of Rach in them—just for a second—and then all his resolve went straight out the window. 

“Well, she’s not wrong about that,” he said.

Then he slowly walked over, peering over his son’s shoulder at the picture he was working on. His heart skipped a beat, ‘cause that looked a lot like Rachel in full Fanny Brice get-up. Well, maybe if she was a cartoon character that’d been through the wringer a few times, but still.

“That…that looks like your mom.” 

Danny looked up, a bright smile on his face. A warmth radiated through Finn’s chest, ‘cause the boy looked pretty proud of his work. 

“I couldn’t stop seeing her in my head, up there on the stage. She was amazing.” He dipped his head, placing what looked like the finishing touches on his work of art. 

“I know she was, that’s one of the reasons why I fell in love with her in the first place. Nobody has a voice quite like your mom’s. It’s one-of-a-kind.”

Danny’s hand stopped moving as he twisted around, staring up at Finn with those innocent brown eyes of his.

“Why’d she leave us?” 

Crap, why’d he have to ask that? He always had a way of catching him off guard with sudden questions like these, almost always about Rachel. He hated having to dance around the truth, since it was too painful to talk about most of the time. 

“Oh…uh, it’s very complicated.” 

His son frowned, not satisfied with his answer. “Did she not love us?”

Why did he have to ask that? He’d already told him the same thing a million times, yet he always seemed to doubt it. 

“No, she loved us very much, maybe too much for her own good.”

“Then why? You never seem to wanna talk about it.” 

He lowered his eyes, trying to search for the right words, which had never really been his strong suit. “Oh, well it’s just…not something I really wanna think about that often. That’s all.”

The light in Danny’s eyes dimmed for a second, like he’d said the wrong thing or something. God, it could be hard to talk to him sometimes, especially when he started to pry into hard topics like this. 

He placed his hand on the boy’s shoulder. “I’ll tell you all about it one day, buddy, I promise. Just not right now. You wouldn’t understand.”

Danny’s head sank, his brows drawn together. “I’m not stupid, you know. Mrs. Peterson said I was one of the brightest kids in my class.”

“I know, she told me all about it every chance she got. You get that from your mom, y’know? She was always the smart one.”

His son’s head jerked up suddenly, his eyes sparkling with newfound intensity. “I think you’re smart, Dad.”

“Aww, thanks little man. I appreciate it, even if it’s not entirely true.” He held his hand up, Danny giving him a little fist bump that warmed his heart.  

“Anyway, how about you go say goodbye to Auntie Tana? She’s gotta go ‘cause she has an appointment to get to.”

“Sure.” He got up from his chair, but before leaving he wrapped his arms around Finn’s waist, shooting him a sweet little smile before rushing out of the room. For a moment his heartache lessened, ‘cause Danny was the best thing that’d ever happened to him. Well, other than meeting Rachel, of course. 

He was such a great kid, even if he kept to himself a lotta the time and didn’t have many friends. That worried him, but they’d also been in the city for only a year. They were both still trying to adjust to things, although he’d hoped Danny would be settled in by now. Hopefully with the start of the new school year things would start to turn around, but he couldn’t be too certain of that.

He picked up the sheet of paper still lying on the desk, his hand tracing the image of Rachel his son had drawn. His mind drifted back to that night, the first time he’d heard her sing live in such a long time. From the first note he was captivated, goosebumps running up his arms as her voice wrapped around him like a warm hug.

He’d missed hearing it so much, even if he still had recordings of her performances from glee club. They just didn’t compare to the real thing, especially since she sounded even better than back then. More refined and soulful, but still distinctively her. It moved him, not ‘cause of what she was singing about, no. ‘Cause it felt like, for a moment, he’d finally returned home. A home he’d been trying to find again for so long.

A dark splotch appeared on the corner of the page, and it didn’t take him long to realize it was a tear. He brushed his knuckle along his cheek, catching another one that’d managed to slip out. Damn, he promised himself to hold it together for Danny and here he was crying at a silly picture he’d drawn.

Things were so…so hard ever since he’d held her in his arms again. Every day he thought about her, imagined her lying there next to him in bed when he woke up. Or making breakfast for the three of them, a big smile on her face as he made some stupid joke that only she found funny. He’d walk up behind her, wrap his arms around her waist, and kiss her ‘cause he loved her so damn much.

Crap. He really wanted her back so badly, to be what they were before it all went to hell. To be the family they were supposed to be, that they’d dreamed of ever since they found out she was pregnant. Yet that felt further away than it had been before he stepped foot in that room. That familiar ache rippled through his chest, and he had to take a few deep breaths before he fell off the deep end.

He folded the drawing and tucked it into his pocket. This one was definitely a keeper if it made him feel all this. He had a thought about what he might want to do with it, but for now he decided he’d put it away until that moment arrived. In the meantime, he’d just focus on taking care of Danny and trying not to think about Rachel, as hard as it was. 

Rachel enjoyed the lunch out with her friends, and was glad they decided to ease off talking about her terrible, good-for-nothing night. It allowed her to spend the next few days quietly reflecting, thinking about what she should do about this whole situation. 

That’s when she made her decision. As much as it hurt to do this to them, she just couldn’t reach out to him. She had to focus on the show and forget about Finn and Danny. Distractions would only hold her back. She needed to put all her time and energy into being Fanny Brice every night for the hundreds of people that came to see her in her element.

So, the days flew by as she settled into a familiar routine. Resting her voice as much as she could to keep it in tip-top shape for the stage (which conveniently also meant not having to talk to her friends about them, not that they were trying.) Avoiding all mentions of that night or anything about her past. Staying away from the back of her closet where she’d hidden that paper with his contact information he’d left for her (out of sight and out of mind, she reminded herself). And doing an obscene amount of baking to keep her hands busy. Elliot threatened to send in an audition tape for The Great British Bake Off even though she wasn’t even British, but she managed to talk him into donating everything to a local food kitchen instead.

It took a grand total of one week for Unique and Elliot to start badgering her again about contacting him, which she just ignored or deflected the best she could. Noncommittal answers, “maybe’s,” and “I’ll think about it some more’s”. After a few days they stopped once again. She figured Unique was getting busy with rehearsals for her own show which had its opening night rapidly approaching, and Elliot’s band was starting to break out so they were booked solid through the end of August.

She was happy for Unique. Dreamgirls was making its grand return to Broadway after a thirty-five-year absence, and her best friend was working extra hard because she had to fill the shoes of the great Jennifer Holliday, one of her idols. Not everyone could pull off Effie White successfully, but she knew Unique was putting her own spin on the role the same way she had with Fanny. She couldn’t wait to see the final result, if only because she had to know how stiff the competition for that Tony really would be.  

And Elliot deserved the attention his band was starting to garner. He had a beautiful voice, and Terminal Bliss was lucky to have him as their lead singer. Even if rock music had faded from the mainstream, there still seemed to be an underground following that provided fertile ground for them. And if worse came to worse, they could lean into the cover band side of things. All-in-all, it was only a matter of time until they really began to break out, and she’d be in the front row of their first major concert cheering him on when that happened. 

Meanwhile, things were only getting harder for her. Her dreams became as restless as she was during the day. Finn was the star of them, holding her as they danced around to a melody she almost recognized, but couldn’t quite place her finger on. Like a song the two of them had sung together a long time ago, but warped and off-key. Even so, everything felt so perfect, so right, until she heard the ghostly wail of a baby fill the space around them.

The sound filled her with panic and she knew she had to leave. She’d try running away from him, only to find she couldn’t move. Then he’d appear in front of her, spewing all these mean and hateful things about her. How she broke his heart and left him and Danny to fend for themselves. That she was a terrible person for abandoning her family and would be alone for the rest of her life. That her own son hated her and wanted nothing to do with her.

Then she’d be hit with an intense wave of sorrow, so strong that she collapsed on the ground in tears. She would try to speak but no words would come out, her heart feeling like it was being crushed and ground into a fine powder. That’s when she’d wake up in a cold sweat, breathing heavy and ragged, unable to fall back asleep.

Her growing exhaustion began impacting her performance on stage as well. She was missing cues, making little mistakes that her castmates started noticing. As if she didn’t have enough to deal with as is. She had to go from two to five lattes a day, and even tried experimenting with energy drinks for a bit. Turned out Rachel Berry and absurd amounts of caffeine were a bad combination, and after the third straight day it took her until 4am to actually fall asleep, she vowed to never drink a Red Bull again.

She even broke down crying one night singing “My Man,” when she’d been able to get through it fine up until then. Her whole world was collapsing in on itself, and it didn’t escape the notice of those around her.

It was a Thursday, at some cute little French café down in Chelsea. Another one of her weekly lunch dates with her mom, which she usually looked forward to but not this time. It’d been almost three weeks since Funny Girl opened, and at this point she was roaming around like an over-caffeinated zombie trying to stay awake.

“Something’s been off with you lately,” Shelby said, taking a sip of her iced tea. “I can’t quite place my finger on it, though.”

She took a bite of her croissant, quickly swallowing it so she could respond. Her mom couldn’t be onto her, right? “Oh…uh, everything’s alright, Mom. I swear.”

“Mmhmm, sure it is.” She paused for a few seconds, head cocked to the side like she was deep in thought. “You know, you’ve been looking more tired lately. Are you getting enough sleep?”

Was it that obvious? She’d been putting extra make-up on to hide the bags under her eyes, and thought she’d done a pretty good job. 

“Yes, I am,” she replied, even though she hadn’t had a good night’s sleep in a few weeks, ever since opening night. 

“Don’t let this show of yours wear you down. You gotta keep taking care of yourself or else it’ll show on stage.”

“I know, it’s just very tiring and I…I’ve had a lot on my mind lately.”

Her mom paused, her glass hovering a few inches from her mouth. “Really? Care to share what’s bothering you?”

She dipped her head, taking a quick sip of her latte as she avoided eye contact. This was not where she wanted this conversation to go.  “Uh…not really.”

“C’mon, honey, you can tell me anything.”  

“I’d rather not. Not about this.” 

Shelby placed her glass down, her expression tightening with worry. “What’s wrong, Barbra? Did something happen to your dads? Or one of your friends?”

“No, it’s not that.”

“Then what? I want to know, that’s the only way I can help you.”

She wanted to keep fighting, to change the topic like she would with Unique and Elliot. But then she remembered what her mom went through, giving her up and regretting it all those years. Wishing she’d been in her life sooner but being stopped by that contract she signed with her dads. Maybe she’d understand her the way the others didn’t, know why she couldn’t see Finn or Danny again.

“It’s about Finn. He –he finally found me, at the premiere of Funny Girl no less, and he brought Danny with him.”

Shelby blinked hard, her brows shooting up as her admission settled in. A hand flew up to her mouth for a moment before resting on her chest.  

“Oh my God, are you…are you alright?” she asked worriedly. 

“If I’m being honest, no. Having to deal with this on top of the show…it’s been a lot, and I don’t think I’m handling it that well.” 

Her mom shifted backwards in her seat, her eyes wandering for a second before settling back on Rachel. “Wait, so you didn’t have food poisoning? I knew that sounded off the moment you told me that’s why you had to skip the after-party, but I didn’t want to make a big deal of it.”

She had been at the party because Rachel snagged her an invitation, hoping she could meet with some Broadway luminaries and put her name out there. Being a NYADA professor, Shelby already had connections and her position would certainly hold some weight with the people she wanted to impress. It’s a shame her own absence had been noticed, and her mom wasn’t able to make much headway with the star of the show missing.

“Sorry about that, I wasn’t ready to talk about it with you.”

Shelby waved it off with a quick flick of her wrist. “Don’t worry about it, honey. At least you’re discussing it with me now. That’s all that matters.” She lingered a moment, silence filling the space between them. “I just wish you’d told me sooner, though. Maybe I could’ve helped.”

“Like my friends tried to? Yeah, good luck with that. They have no clue what I’m going through, what I’ve had to deal with.”

Her mom drifted closer, squinting her eyes like she knew something was up. “There’s more to this, I can sense it.”

Sometimes she wondered how Shelby did that, found a way to pry more information out of her. Maybe that’s a skill she should add to her repertoire one day. It might come in handy, although right now she didn’t really want to tell her anything else. 

She studied the cup in her hands, her shoulders sagging as a weary breath escaped her lips. Might as well tell her everything, since it was still weighing so heavily on her mind (and her heart). “Well, Finn left his contact information for me but I haven’t tried calling him yet. It’s just…it’s too hard to do right now, even though my friends keep bugging me about it. Well, they did for a bit, then they just stopped.”

“They might be right.”

She couldn’t believe it. Her mom was agreeing with them? She didn’t need yet another person pressuring her to reach out to Finn. Two was enough.

“Don’t tell me you’re on their side too?” she spat out, harsher than intended. 

“I’m not saying that at all, honey. I’m just worried you’ll regret it later. This could be your chance to make peace with the decisions you’ve made.”

Peace? She hadn’t known real peace in almost a decade, back when she was with Finn. When she still thought she loved him the way he loved her. 

“I don’t know if I’m ready yet.”

“C’mon, what’s the worst that could happen?”

Her mind flashed to her nightmares, the utter contempt for her she saw in Finn’s eyes. He had to resent her on some level for what she did, but she never wanted to hear those words come out of his mouth. Because if she did, she didn’t think she’d ever be able to recover. 

“Maybe he’ll tell me he hates me for what I did. That he’ll never forgive me for doing what was best for them by leaving. That’s something I’m…I’m not prepared to face. At all. I can’t survive hearing that. Not from him.” 

“Do you really believe that, though? You think he came all this way to punish you for what you did? I don’t know, doesn’t sound like the guy you’ve described to me many times.”

Maybe she was right. Even if her own mind tortured her every night with this exact scenario, Finn didn’t seem particularly angry with her. Then again, it’s not like she spent much time with him, and the whole scene was a blur in her mind.

“Well, part of me does, but you’re probably right. It doesn’t make much sense, not after he hugged me while I was crying.”

Shelby jerked back, her jaw slackening in surprise.  “He hugged you?” 

“Yeah, but it was too much so I pushed him away. Told him and Danny to leave.”

“Barb…” Just from her tone she knew her mom was disappointed with her, because it sounded bad. But she needed to explain herself anyway. 

“I know, I know, okay? But I had to do it.They’d be better off without me.” It looked like Shelby wanted to say something, but she cut her off before a word could come out. She didn’t want to hear what she had to say, not now.

“Look, I was hoping you’d understand. After all, you had to go through the pain of giving me up to my dads, and then not being able to see me all those years.”

Her mom stared at her sympathetically, and she knew she understood exactly what she was going through. “I do, honey. I know how much it hurts, how hard it can be to live for years filled with regret. I still think about what would’ve happened if I’d kept you, but I don’t think it would’ve ended that well for either of us.”

“It would’ve been nice to have a mom while I was growing up, you know. I love my dads, but it’s not the same.”

Shelby’s hand slipped around hers, the warmth providing a modicum of comfort she rarely felt these days.

“I’m sorry, baby, at least I’m here now. But you’re right, I know where you’re coming from.” 

She exhaled heavily, the pain still clear in her eyes. “There’s so many times I thought about finding a way to get around that contract I signed, but then when I thought about seeing you again I couldn’t go through with it. It was too hard, facing that guilt I’d held on to for so long. Not knowing how you’d react to me suddenly entering your life after all that time, especially when you were still just a kid.” 

“So you get it, then, why I can’t see him again? Either of them?”

“I do, but I still think you should try. After all, I finally decided to seek you out once I was able to, and not a day has gone by that I’ve regretted doing it.”

She doubted that, because she didn’t even know how her mom could stand her most of the time. Few people could, that’s why she didn’t have many friends.

“Really? Even though I’m such an emotional wreck most of the time.” 

“Honey, you’ve gone through a lot, but you’re a strong person. And incredibly talented, too. I’m honestly in awe of how far you’ve come since I first met you.”

“I appreciate that, I really do, but I still don’t think I can do it.”

“Well, maybe think about it, at least?”

That’s the last thing she wanted to do, because every time she tried she either wanted to throw up or burst into tears.

“I’m not certain that would help, but I can try I suppose.” 

Shelby loosened her grip, pulling her hand free as she checked her watch. A small gasp escaped her lips.

“Shoot, it’s getting late. I can’t be late for my class.” She frantically flung her purse over her shoulder and stood up, pulling out her pocketbook and throwing a few bills on the table. “Look, can you make me a promise?”

“I guess,” she responded, not sure what she was getting herself into.

“Promise me you’ll give Finn a call. Maybe not today or even tomorrow, but soon. This isn’t even for his sake, but yours. You need some sort of closure if you want to move forward from your past, no matter what it is. Trust me on this.”

The way her mom gazed at her longingly, her eyes filled with quiet yet determined expectation, she couldn’t say no. She didn’t want to let her down, not when she understood her in a way few others did. 

“Ugh…fine. I–I promise to call him,” the words slipped out of her mouth. For a moment it felt like the right thing to do, judging by the smile that crossed Shelby’s face. Maybe she could do it after all.

“Okay, honey, I’ll see you later then,” she said, gripping the strap of her purse tightly as she turned around and walked off.  

As her eyes followed her mom out of the restaurant, she realized what she’d just done. A sickening lurch rolled through her stomach as she imagined hearing his soft, gentle voice again. No, this was impossible. Why did she agree to do this?

Everyone expected her to just talk to him, like there wasn’t a massive canyon filled with a decade’s worth of guilt and shame keeping them apart. And now she promised her mom she would do it too. 

All this pressure was too much, especially because she was so tired now and had the show to worry about almost every night. She didn’t know how much more she could handle before she cracked, and frankly, she didn’t want to find out. 

The soft murmur of dinnertime conversations filled Rachel’s ears as she took a sip of her water, admiring the hand drawn portraits of Broadway legends past and present that lined the maroon walls of the restaurant. For caricatures they were quite artfully done, and she couldn’t stop herself from imagining one of her hanging up there with all the others one day, hopefully sooner rather than later. 

She couldn’t believe Unique was able to get a table at Sardi’s, it was usually booked solid for weeks in advance. Her friend must’ve placed the reservations awhile ago, although she wouldn’t put it past her to persuade someone to cough up some seats for them. She could be resourceful like that when needed. 

It was nice to spend a night out with her friends on a Monday, the only evening she had free the entire week. Better than falling asleep on the couch in the middle of Desperate Housewives and having Elliot belt out the battle cry from the end of “Defying Gravity” to jolt her awake (she still hadn’t forgiven him for that, by the way). She just wondered what the special occasion was, since nothing exciting had happened in any of their lives in the past week. 

“So, is there a reason why you two took me out to Sardi’s? I mean, I really appreciate the gesture, especially with how rough the past few weeks have been. Still, we could’ve gone to any other restaurant if we just wanted to spend the night together.”

Elliot and Unique looked at each other, as if deciding who should speak first, and it immediately raised a red flag. She wouldn’t put it past them to be plotting something, although what that could be, she was honestly too exhausted to even think of right now. It also didn’t seem fair to presume anything, for all she knew they just wanted to treat her now that her life had become increasingly chaotic and unbearable.

“Well, for one, you’re gonna be joining all those fine men and women up there soon enough,” Unique said, motioning over to the wall and the pictures she’d been looking at a few moments ago. “Me too. You just wait and see.” 

“We also never got a proper chance to celebrate the opening of your show all together,” Elliot continued, “so we thought we could do that now. We know it’s a bit late but, heck, better late than never.” 

“It’s been over three weeks, though, we couldn’t have done this someplace else?” she responded.

Unique’s eyes shot up toward the ceiling, and she let out an audible groan. Uh-oh, maybe she shouldn’t have said that. “Girl, do you know how hard it was to get a table here?” she spat out. “You should appreciate all the effort I went through for you. I wouldn’t do it for just anyone, y’know.”

“I’m sorry, I do, really. This is very lovely, and I have to admit, it is nice to feel like a real Broadway star.”

“That’s because you are,” Elliot said, a smile plastered on his face. “We thought you deserved to be treated like one too.”

They knew her too well. She had to admit, there’s no one else she’d rather be friends with than these two. Few people could put up with her dramatics or her diva fits, and the only others that could she’d left behind when she left Lima and never looked back. Not that she had any desire to dwell on such painful memories. After all, tonight was supposed to be a celebration for her, not a wake for the girl she used to be. 

They chatted a bit more before she busied herself with her menu, trying to figure out what to get. It’s not like they had a lot of vegan options, so she didn’t have a wide range of choices to pick from, which was disappointing. Still, she was in Sardi’s with her best friends so she wasn’t going to complain. 

That’s when she spotted her. She was hard to miss, her wavy ginger hair glowing in the soft light of the chandeliers, which danced off the sequins that lined her navy blue dress. It was Bernadette Peters, one of the Broadway stars she’d looked up to ever since she was a little girl, and she was heading straight for her. 

She couldn’t breathe. Oh God, what was she supposed to do? The woman stared her down like a hawk, and she just sat there frozen like a statue, her hands clamming up in her lap. Her heart beat faster with each step Bernadette took toward her, and for a second she thought she’d have a heart attack.

Then she halted right as she reached their table. Rachel eyed her nervously, her stomach fluttering restlessly as words suddenly escaped her. She knew meeting her idols would be one of the perks of her rising stardom, but she hadn’t prepared herself properly to meet one of them this soon.

“I hope you kids are having a lovely time tonight,” Bernadette said, catching everyone’s attention. 

Unique jumped in her seat, her hand shooting to her heart. “My God, woman, you need to announce your presence first. Almost scared me half to death.” 

Elliot tilted toward her in his chair. “You really gonna talk to Bernadette Peters like that?” he whispered, and Rachel could only agree. That was no way to talk to someone as legendary as her.

“Yeah, boy, if she’s trying to send me to an early grave,” Unique shot back in a hushed voice.

The Broadway legend laughed softly, clearly not fazed by her friend’s tone. “I’m sorry, dear, I didn’t mean to startle you.” 

“It’s fine, really. And where are my manners,” she got out of her seat, offering her hand to the older woman. “I’m Unique Adams, star of the Dreamgirls revival in the iconic role of Effie White.” She then gestured toward Elliot, who shot Bernadette a small, courteous smile.

“And that’s my friend, Elliot, but he’s not really that important. Don’t pay him any mind.”

“Hey! I am very important,” he protested.

“Are you? Well, when that little band of yours starts getting Billboard Top 10 hits, give me a call, mmm-kay?” She mimed a phone against her ear, glaring at him judgmentally. “Until then, I stand by what I said.” 

That’s when Rachel decided to take the initiative, standing abruptly and shooting her hand out. 

“Oh my gosh, Ms. Peters! It’s an honor to meet you,” she gushed as the older lady took her hand, giving it a gentle shake.

“And it’s a pleasure to finally meet you, Ms. Schwartz.”

Oh my God, she knows who I am! She couldn’t believe this was happening. 

“I saw your show, and I wanted to tell you personally that you were spectacular. Really, you blew me away with your take on Fanny Brice. And your voice? Up there with some of the greats. And believe me, I should know.”

Her pulse was racing, and she thought for a second she might faint. This was too good to be true. “Wow, uh, thank you! Thank you so much! You don’t know how much it means to me to hear such high praise coming from you.” 

“Well, you’ve earned it my dear.” Bernadette then closed the space between them, tilting her head so she was only inches from Rachel.

“Could we talk for a moment in private?” she said softly, practically a whisper. 

“Sure, Ms. Peters. Whatever you want.” 

A tiny jolt ran through her chest

“Excellent.” She took her arm and led her toward the back of the restaurant, out of earshot of her friends. 

She leaned close, gently tugging at her arm. “I’ve heard you’re in a bit of a pickle right now.”

“Who–who told you that?”

“Oh, it doesn’t matter. But when I was informed there was a rising young Broadway starlet in trouble who needed some professional advice, I couldn’t resist.”

“Oh, uh, I really appreciate you taking the time to come talk to me, then.” 

“It’s no problem, dear, really,” Bernadette replied. She studied her face briefly, almost like she was trying to figure her out. Rachel fought the urge to look away, even though being examined like this gave her goosebumps. 

“So you’re currently having some personal problems, am I right? Ones that are following you onto the stage every night.”

“Uh, yeah. H-how’d you know?”

“Don’t worry about that. What matters is that you’re not taking care of yourself the way you should.”

Huh? She took excellent care of herself, at least when it came to ensuring she was stage-ready every night. 

“I can assure you I have a rigorous workout routine that I stick to every day to make sure I’m in tip-top shape for my nightly performances. And I make sure to give my voice plenty of rest, and avoid dairy products completely due to my veganism. Not to mention–”

“No, no. That’s not what I’m talking about. Your heart is just as important as your body when it comes to Broadway. That’s where all your passion, your soul, your joie de vivre comes from, yes?”

“I mean, I suppose you’re right.”

“Oh, dearie, I know I am. And as far as I’m aware, you’ve been ignoring it the past few weeks.”

“I’m not sure where you’re going or how you know anything about what I’m going through.”

“You don’t think I’ve seen this before? A young ingenue finally gets her big break, only to have her entire career derailed because she thought she could act her way through all the pain in her life.”

Her shoulders stiffened, the words hitting too close to home. 

“Are you saying that’s going to be me?”

“Yes, dear, if you don’t start facing the truth.You can lie to yourself, but the stage never lies. If there’s someone you’re trying to hide from, someone you care deeply about, it’s going to show. And that’s something people will pick up on, one way or another.”

“W-what is that supposed to mean?” She didn’t know what was going on. Was she getting relationship advice from Bernadette Peters of all people? Was this about…Finn?  It couldn’t be, right?

“It means listen to your heart, because it has a way of making you listen no matter what. Whoever it is you’re trying to run from, they’ve finally caught up to you, and until you find the courage to speak to them again, things will only get worse for you. Trust me, I’ve been there.”

Her throat tightened, almost too quickly, like her body was betraying her. She didn’t know how she knew all this or why she thought it was her place to tell her what to do. 

“Uh, okay, well I’ll be sure to keep that in mind.”

“I hope you do, because you really are a gifted singer and performer. I would hate to see you join the long list of rising stars who burned out too soon.” 

She rubbed Rachel’s shoulder, the gentle touch twisting something deep inside her while her ominous warning sent a shiver down her spine. 

“You can’t build your future on a cracked foundation, unless you want the whole thing to collapse in a dramatic final act. You need to mend what’s broken, make it whole again, if you want to achieve the heights of success I’m sure you’re reaching for.”

Why was she being so vague and metaphorical? Is this how she always was? She had to admit, it did have a certain theatricality to it that felt very fitting. Still, she understood what she was saying, even if she didn’t entirely buy it. 

“Anyway, I have a gala to attend, so if you could excuse me.” Her hand lingered on Rachel’s shoulder for a few moments before falling away. 

She took a few steps before turning back sharply. “And I hope you heed my advice, because I do want to see where your career goes from here. You have a lot of potential, dear, and it would be a shame if you squandered all of that because you couldn’t face your past.” 

She offered a small, knowing smile before slipping out the door, leaving Rachel standing there with a gnawing sense of unease deep in her gut. 

Her feet moved slowly as she made her way back to their table and sat down, uncharacteristically quiet after her strange conversation with Bernadette Peters. She didn’t know how she knew so much about her life or why she seemed to be telling her to reconnect with Finn. It was all rather cryptic and bizarre, and she couldn’t shake the thought that there was something more to this than she knew. 

“You alright, Barb?” Elliot asked, snapping her out of her daze. 

Unique put down the napkin she’d been fiddling with, giving Rachel her undivided attention. “Yeah, girl, did your little chat with Bernadette go well?” 

“It was, uh…it was quite interesting.” 

When she looked into the eyes of her friends, saw how eagerly they were awaiting her response, it all clicked. Sardi’s, Bernadette Peters, her advice telling her to more or less talk to Finn. They were behind this. 

Her eyes narrowed, her heart beating faster in her chest.  “This was a set-up, wasn’t it?” she asked her two friends.

Elliot and Unique exchanged nervous glances, and her suspicions were all but confirmed. Then again, it’s not like they were being very subtle about it. 

Elliot lifted his hands up in defeat. “Guilty as charged,” he admitted. 

“I’m surprised you didn’t pick up on it sooner,” Unique chimed in. “Girl, you think we just happened to hit this joint the same night Bernadette’s here? That’s one big coincidence.”

Her breathing became shallower, because this was hard to believe. They really got Ms. Peters to come here just to lecture her about her own life? Who did they think they were?

“How do you even know Bernadette Peters? Were you just pretending to meet her for the first time so I wouldn’t suspect anything?”

“Oh, no, that was real,” Unique said. “I don’t know her personally, but I pulled a few strings just for you.”

Rachel slumped back in her seat, folding her arms. “Well, this has to be good,” she said sharply. 

“You really want me to explain it?” Unique exhaled loudly, her eyes darting around the table. “Let’s just say my producer knows a guy who knows another guy, who knows one of her former managers who’s still tight with her. Wasn’t easy, but he made it happen.” 

“So you did this all for me?” 

“Yes, ‘cause you clearly need some help,” she replied. 

Help? They had a funny way of helping her, trying to woo her by taking her out to Sardi’s then getting Bernadette Peters to push the same advice on her that they’d been giving. She was a fool for thinking they both weren’t up to something. Now she knew why they’d been so quiet the past few weeks. 

Elliot’s eyes softened, clearly sympathetic to her own plight even if he was misguided. “You can’t keep avoiding them. It’s not healthy.”

Unique nodded her head in agreement. “Mmhmm, the boy’s right. You’re coming apart at the seams, Barb. And not in, like, a dramatic theatrical kinda way. More like a slow, sad trainwreck that everyone can see coming except you.” 

She dropped her arms from her chest, her back straightening  “So, what is this then? Why’d you bring me here?” 

“To stage an intervention, ‘cause you desperately need one,” Unique stated plainly, as if it was an obvious fact. 

An intervention? For what? Because she refused to let her past define her anymore? She still cared about Finn and Danny, that was true, but she could handle her own life. She didn’t need anyone else telling her what to do or cornering her like this. 

Something inside her snapped at that moment, sending a wave of heat rushing to her cheeks. She couldn’t believe her friends would do this to her, after everything they’d been through. 

“H-how could you trick me like this? And just when I thought you two finally accepted the fact that I wasn’t ready to see him again.” 

“Barb, we’re only trying to help,” Elliot tried assuring her, his hand drifting over to hers. She slapped it away, ignoring the hurt look that flashed across his face.

“Help? HELP?! Is that what you call ambushing me in the middle of Sardi’s? Bringing in–bringing in Bernadette Peters to guilt me into doing what YOU think is best for me?!”

“We’re worried about you girl, you’re spiraling and–” Her hand flew up, cutting Unique off. She wasn’t interested in hearing anything she had to say right now. 

“I’m spiraling because everyone around me thinks they know what’s best for me! You don’t trust me to control my own life. If you wanted to help me, you’d support the decision that I’ve made for myself, instead of pushing me to do something I’m not ready for!”

Elliot took his turn trying to speak to her. “We want to, honey, we just think you should reconsider–” 

She banged her hand on the table in frustration, the empty plates and utensils clattering loudly. Her chest tightened in a vise-like grip, her breaths becoming increasingly uneven and ragged. 

“No, I’m NOT talking to him! I’m so sick of you two and now my mom telling me what I should do. You just keep pushing and pushing until I finally break.”

“You think we want that to happen?” Unique clicked her tongue, slowly shaking her head. “But, girl, your life is already falling apart–”

She had it. What did THEY know about what she was going through? How hard it was to be the lead in a Broadway musical on top of dealing with the deep wound that’d been reopened by Finn’s re-entry into her life? What sort of hell every day had become, constantly feeling like she was barely holding herself together. They had no clue and they never would.

A rush of heat flooded her chest, her hands balling up into fists at her sides. She shot up from her chair as it scraped hard across the floor, glaring at her two friends like they’d suddenly turned into her sworn enemies.

“Then LET IT FALL APART!” she screamed, her voice cracking from the force. Eyes suddenly flew in their direction, not that she cared right now. “Just let it! At least it’s MY LIFE! If I make a huge, catastrophic career-ending mess out of it, then I’m allowed to!”

Her best friends stared at her, eyes wide in shock. She meant what she said, every last word of it. 

“I just…I don’t know why you won’t listen to me when I say I’m not ready to deal with this right now. Why won’t you believe me when I tell you I can’t do this? Is that not enough for the two of you?”

“‘Cause you’re hurting, Barb, and we just can’t sit back and watch you suffer like this. We care about you too much,” Elliot said quietly. 

“If you cared, then you would’ve used tonight to actually help me! Not try to–to coerce me or fix me or whatever it is you’re trying to do.” 

Unique glanced upward in exasperation, looking like she had some stuff to get off her chest too. “Look, you still love him, despite what you did. Despite this act you keep putting on. You wanna blame us for trying to get you to see that? Fine. But don’t pretend like we’re in the wrong here. You’re the one who refuses to do the bare minimum for the man you left behind.” 

She jabbed her finger at Rachel, her voice rising slightly. “A man who’s been taking care of your kid all these years by himself. Who apparently moved hundreds of miles just to be closer to you. He still clearly loves you a whole lot too, and all you’re doing is hurting him even more by ignoring him.”

Some of the fire coursing through her veins cooled, guilt slowly seeping back in, because she didn’t want to hurt Finn. Not again. But he gave her his info without any expectations, there was surely no harm in not following up on it.

“I’m not hurting–”

“Yes you are, girl, even if you don’t wanna admit it. So until you stop putting yourself first all the time and start thinking about how your actions are harming the people around you, I have nothing more to say to you.” 

The words stung, because she wasn’t entirely wrong, even if she wanted her to be. 

“Unique!” Elliot shouted, swatting her arm. She peered down at his hand, her fierce gaze unrelenting as it trailed up his arm, finally meeting his eyes. “You don’t mean that, do you?”

“I’m tired of playing nice, Barb needs to hear the truth. Then she can do whatever she wants with it. If that means I gotta give her the silent treatment for a few days, so be it.”

Her temper flared again, even though she felt a weight in her chest that got heavier with each passing moment. 

“Fine! It’s not like I have anything more to say to you, either! I’m leaving,” she declared, her voice cracking. 

She clutched her purse and spun around dramatically, storming out of the restaurant with tears already spilling out. It didn’t matter that everyone was gawking at her, that her hands were trembling as she ran toward the nearest subway station. The overwhelming guilt rapidly engulfing her made that all moot. 

She’d just yelled at the two people who’d been with her this entire time, who loved her despite all her flaws (and there were many). And now Unique wouldn’t even talk to her anymore, all because of Finn. 

The worst part was that, somewhere deep down, she knew they were right. But it still felt too hard, it would be easier to just stay the course and protect her already wounded heart. Any more drama would send her over the edge, one she didn’t think she’d be able to recover from.