Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Eddie thought he knew what real love was. He didn’t. It wasn’t until his newborn son was placed into his arms that he understood the magnitude of what love could feel like. 

Growing up, Eddie was a happy kid, never short on friends or things to do. He played baseball, climbed trees, swam in the lake that was 30 minutes outside of town until his cheeks and shoulders were a cherry red. He never felt like his childhood was lacking. Sure, he also got Adriana and Sophia up in the mornings, making sure they were dressed and ready for school, and often had to sprint from his school to theirs in the afternoons so that he could walk them home, but that was normal for an eldest child. That’s what Mama always said. So he would rush through his chores: the dishes and the sweeping and the never-ending pile of laundry so that he could have an hour or so to read or doodle in his little journal that Abuela gave to him

Maybe it was sometimes a little overwhelming, but Mama was always so tired from being on her feet working all day, and she would often give Eddie a big hug when he was finished with everything, so Eddie didn’t mind. He was doing what he was supposed to, what any good son would do. When Dad was home every couple weeks, he always bragged about how responsible Eddie was, and Eddie would feel this warm glow in his chest, a sense that he was living up to, or maybe even exceeding, their expectations for him.

But then Eddie reached Junior High, and started to feel like he was missing something. His friends would start giggling, conversing in hushed whispers about which girl that week was cute. They would taunt each other, shoving and saying to knock it off, but the blush on their cheeks was unmistakable. The problem was, Eddie just didn’t get it. The girls in his class were nice, but they didn’t make his stomach flutter. He didn’t think anything of it at first, until Dad tried to tease him about who he had a crush on and Eddie didn’t, couldn’t, respond in an acceptable way. Dad had laughed it off, but a sick feeling settled in Eddie’s gut. 

As the school year continued, so did that feeling. Dad kept trying, checking in every so often, but no matter which girl was oh so subtly name dropped, Eddie’s reaction was never what he was looking for. The teasing turned into what sometimes felt like an interrogation, and that sick feeling developed into an ever present hum of anxiety, buzzing just under the surface of his skin. He would catch his parents whispering about him late at night, tense shoulders and furrowed brows, and he would sneak back to bed, falling to his knees and praying to God to please, please, just make him normal. Make him back into the son that his parents loved and were proud of.

It didn’t work. Until Shannon.

Eddie had started high school when a girl with mousy brown hair and a bright smile came bounding up on his walk home and introduced herself as the only child of the family who just moved down the street from him. She proceeded to talk his ear off the whole way home and Eddie had smiled and laughed more than he remembered doing for the past couple years. Shannon was so warm and funny and Eddie thought that maybe, just maybe, he finally understood what the boys in his class were giggling about. 

They became fast friends, and when Eddie invited her over to his house for the first time, the stark relief on his parents face when he introduced her made him feel like he’d at last done something right again. 

So at 16, when she kissed him, Eddie was glad. This made sense, this was what he was supposed to do. It didn’t feel like fireworks went off or anything, but Eddie was pretty sure that that was an exaggeration anyway. People didn’t really feel like that in real life, especially not men. Shannon was his girlfriend, and his parents were happy, and he was happy. 

His future was clear in his head. He and Shannon would go to college, finish their degrees, get married, and then once they’re ready, have a couple kids. However, as he learned about a week before high school graduation, that wasn’t going to be the order of events he envisioned. Shannon had come to him, eyes wet and lips trembling, and gave Eddie the news that would change his life forever. She was pregnant. 

Eddie’s parents gave him the rundown. They were getting married right after graduation. There was to be no college. He would go straight from high school to working at his Tio’s mechanics shop, so that he could have a steady paycheck immediately to support his new family. Shannon would continue her job as a cashier at the grocery store until her maternity leave. Together, they would have enough money to rent a small, somewhat rundown apartment. 

And that was fine. Really. Eddie loved Shannon, and Shannon loved Eddie. So what if some of their life came at them quicker than intended? God has a plan, Mama said, and this was theirs. You live with the consequences of your own actions, Edmundo, was his dad’s weigh-in. 

Their wedding was a small, rushed ceremony, both of them pretending not to notice each other’s swollen, red-rimmed eyes. The next months passed in a blur of work, appointments, and silent dinners. Somewhere along the way, after becoming his wife, Shannon had stopped being his best friend. But Eddie loved her, he knew that. He had to. After all, she was the one who made him feel normal, feel good again. 

But, when he held his tiny son for the first time, red-faced and screaming, the feeling that overcame him was unlike anything he’d ever experienced. That was his kid, and Eddie loved him more than he’d ever loved anything or anyone else. He cooed down at his baby, gently thumbing at his angry, wrinkled brow, and looked back at Shannon. She was exhausted, but so beautiful. 

His name is Christopher, they told their families. And for a moment, Eddie couldn’t picture wanting anything different in life. 

But with Shannon on maternity leave, Eddie had to work more to cover their rent. He wasn’t home as much as he wanted to be, and he knew his mom could be a bit overbearing while helping out, but he figured it was just a rough patch that they would get through. 

Until one morning when he woke up to a note on his nightstand. 

I can’t keep doing this, it said. I’m sorry. 

In a daze, Eddie grabbed Christopher and his things, and made his way to his parents house. 

They were sympathetic, but there was an eagerness about them when agreeing to step in and help even more that made Eddie uneasy. But he had no other choice. He couldn't afford the apartment on his own, nor any outsourced childcare, so back to his childhood home he goes.

 He works, and he comes home, and he listens to his mother’s updates on Chris, and through it all, he can’t stop feeling like this isn’t right for him. Not Chris, Eddie can’t imagine his life without him now, but the work he’s doing. He’s grateful to his Tio for the job opportunity, but growing up, he loved books and sketching and learning, and he just didn’t envision working on cars for the rest of his life.

So he stews on it for a while, and then eventually gathers the courage to talk to his parents about school. They’re resistant at first, citing all the ways he’d be throwing away his stability, but he doesn’t let up. Eventually, his mother throws her arms up and stomps off to bed, with It’s your life, Eddie thrown over her shoulder. Dad just sighs and follows her. 

Despite the less than supportive response, Eddie can’t help the grin that spreads across his face. He picks Chris up from his crib where he had begun to fuss and bounces him gently up and down. 

“Guess who’s going to college, huh?” He spins around, holding one of Chris’s chubby wrists. “That’s right, it’s daddy.” He smacks a kiss on his baby’s cheek and flops down on the couch. It’s only June, so he has a couple months to get everything sorted out. He’ll have to quit his job once the semester starts, but he has savings now that he’s not paying for the apartment. It’s going to be tricky, but Eddie feels good about a decision he’s made for the first time in months. He can do this.

He cannot do this. It’s his first day and nothing is going right. Eddie can’t prove it, but something inside of him is sure he’s being sabotaged. By who, he doesn’t know. But his alarm didn’t go off in the morning, his backpack with his books and supplies was buried under a pile of coats, and his outfit that he had so carefully laid out the night before had somehow fallen to the floor, wrinkles adorning the fabric. 

He wouldn’t have ever made it out the door without the help of his mom, who got him up, ironed his clothes, and found his backpack while he was running around like a headless chicken, toothbrush dangling out of his mouth. She meets him at the doorway, handing him his stuff before he leaves.

“See, now what would you do without me?”

Eddie thinks it’s supposed to be teasing, but her tone is pointed. He can’t help but feel like she was teaching him a lesson, but that would imply that his day went wrong because she made it that way. But that’s ridiculous. He shakes his head at himself, irritated that he’s even considering it. 

The bus ride to campus isn’t supposed to be long, but it feels eternal to Eddie, who’s spending every minute of it overthinking his decision to go back to school. What if he’s bad at it? What if everyone there can tell he’s a teen father and judges him? What if quitting his job was the worst thing he’s done and now he’s just ruined both his and his son’s life? His thoughts are bouncing around until the screech of the doors opening brings them to a halt. He looks out the window, at the crowds of students milling around, and swallows hard. 

On wobbly legs, he exits the bus, giving the driver a shaky smile on his way out. The campus feels huge, busy and intimidating, and Eddie fumbles for the crumpled paper in his back pocket. His schedule and locations are posted on it, worn from all the times he checked and double checked it. His first class is a bit of a walk, so he sets a brisk pace, but not before he gets nailed in the face with someone’s backpack as they cut in front of him.

If Eddie’s morning woes hadn’t set the tone for the rest of the day, that would’ve. He gets lost on the way to his first lecture and has to walk in late, realized his carefully packed lunch from the night before is still sitting on the kitchen counter, got soda spilled down the front of his shirt, and he hasn’t been able to focus in a single class, thoughts of Christopher distracting him. 

By the time his last class rolls around, Eddie is on the verge of tears. He fucked up. He never should’ve bothered with college, this clearly isn’t the right path for him. He’s rounding the corner, ready to get this last class over with and then call it a day when it’s like a wall materializes in front of him. He smacks into it, stumbling and nearly falling until two callused hands grip his upper arms, steadying him.

“W-whoa, sorry man. I did not see you there.” 

Startled, Eddie glances up. He’s met with bright blue eyes, blinking at him sheepishly. Something in Eddie's face must show the close proximity he is to a breakdown because the look shifts to concern, and the man doesn't let go of him.

“Hey, you okay?” 

Eddie nods rapidly, blinking away the moisture that was forming in his eyes. “Yeah, sorry,” he croaks. 

The man frowns. “No dude, totally my fault. My sister always said I need to watch where I'm going. Too long of limbs I guess.” He shrugs, finally releasing Eddie now that he's determined he's not just going to topple over. “I'm Buck.” 

Eddie takes his outstretched hand tentatively. Buck's palm is warm and dry, and he has to remind himself to let go after a longer than what is probably normal time for a handshake. “Eddie.” 

Buck grins. “So where were you headed, Eddie, before I almost killed you?” 

Eddie huffs out a surprised laugh. Buck's charming, in a dorky sort of way. “Uh, Intro to American Poetry, with Professor Nash.” 

Buck’s face lights up. “Sweet, me too! Come on, it's right over here.” A little zing of electricity goes through Eddie at the feel of Buck's hand on the small of his back, guiding him through the hallway. He's chattering all the way there, about how he had Professor Nash, or Bobby, as Buck calls him apparently, last year and how great he is. 

He leads Eddie straight to the front row, sitting down and patting the seat right next to him. After a moment of hesitation, Eddie takes it, groaning in relief at the feeling of finally sliding his bag full of books off his shoulders. 

Buck leans over like he's going to ask Eddie something but snaps his mouth shut as Professor Nash introduces himself. He's a middle aged guy with an air of warmth and sincerity surrounding him. Eddie likes him immediately. 

By the end of the class, he's found he actually absorbed the discussion, a first for the day. Professor Nash is engaging and kind and for once, Eddie could see himself finally enjoying a class. He’s packing up his things when Buck nudges him. 

“Here, I’ll introduce you.” 

To be honest, Eddie's just ready to go home and see his baby, but seeing as this has been the only good part of his day so far, he figures he should probably not turn down any opportunities to build on that. He follows Buck up to the desk, where Professor Nash is waiting expectantly, like he knew Buck would be coming up as soon as class ended.

“Bobby, this is my new friend Eddie,” Buck states proudly, as if knowing Eddie was something to write home about.

“Nice to meet you, sir,” Eddie says, back ramrod straight. 

“Please, call me Bobby,” Professor Nash responds with a smile. He looks at the two of them. “How did you guys come to know each other?” 

“I ran him over in the hallway,” Buck says, not so proud this time. 

Bobby snorts. “That sounds about right.” He turns back to Eddie. “What are you studying, Eddie?” 

“Oh, uh, I'm just in Generals right now,” he answers, a little caught off guard at the question. He didn't expect any of his professors to show any personal interest in him, considering how many students they see every day. “I'm probably going into physical therapy though.” 

“Dude, that's awesome,” Buck exclaims. “What made you think about doing that?”

“I, um, I wanted to help people, I guess.” He's never actually talked about this yet, his parents would only sigh and give each other little disapproving looks whenever he brought up school. But Buck looks like he's hanging onto every word, and so, encouraged by the attention, he goes on. 

“And I loved learning about the human body and what it's capable of in high school, so I figure this would be a good way to kinda mesh the two. I actually thought about nursing for a while but then realized it would be too much time away from–” Eddie stops short, suddenly not wanting to bring up the fact that he has a kid. “From my home, and my–my family,” he finishes lamely.

It's not that he's ashamed of Christopher, his baby is his favorite person in the entire world, and the thing he's most proud of, but this class has been the best part of his day. He couldn't bear it if the two people who have shown him any kindness all day were now thinking of him differently, passing judgment on his decisions. 

“Well that's great, Eddie. I'm glad you found something you're interested in,” Bobby says, with a pointed look at Buck. 

Buck sputters, holding his hands up. “I'm still exploring my options, it's not a crime to not know what I want to do for the rest of my life at 20.” 

A quiet giggle bursts out of Eddie, surprising him. Buck swings his gaze over to him at the noise, a pout beginning to form on his face. Eddie just shrugs, giving him a good natured grin.

Buck sighs. “Come on, my new friend Eddie.” He whirls around in a huff, but he's clearly struggling not to smile. “Let's go before your first impression of me gets any worse. I'm suddenly not feeling welcome here anymore.” 

Bobby waves them off. “Yeah yeah, I'll see you tonight Buck. Nice to meet you Eddie.” 

“You too, Pro– Bobby.” Bobby gives him a pleased look, sitting back down at his desk.

Tonight? What's tonight? Jogging to catch up with Buck, Eddie asks, “What’s tonight? I don't want to miss something important.” 

Buck looks over at him, confusion showing before his face clears. “Oh, that's not school related. I'm just going over to his house for dinner.” 

Now Eddie's confused. “You guys have dinner together? Do you do that with all your professors?” 

Buck laughs, but it doesn't feel mocking to Eddie, not like it does when he asks his parents something they clearly think was a dumb question. He's only known him for the better part of an hour, but he's already sure Buck doesn't have a condescending bone in his body.

“No, he just, uh, helped me through a really hard time last year– long story– and he’s more like family than just my professor now.” 

That makes sense. Bobby had seemed especially fond of Buck in a way that wasn’t just appreciation for a good student. He nods. “Well that’s cool.” 

“Yep.” They keep walking, in silence, until Buck stops and grabs his arm. “Hey, you’re uh, you’re welcome to come actually. If you want to. Bobby won’t mind, and his wife, Athena, is super welcoming.”

Eddie just stares at him. He has no idea what he’s done to warrant this. Is it him specifically or would Buck have found some other classmate to befriend if they hadn’t collided with each other? He doesn’t know, but right now, he’s glad it’s him. 

He must think for too long, because Buck gets self-conscious, releasing his grip on Eddie’s arm. “You don’t have to, obviously.” 

The thing is, Eddie does want to. He wants to so badly. But he needs to get home, Chris is waiting for him, and his parents will throw a fit if he’s not back at the time he said he would be. So he shakes his head, heart clenching at the way Buck draws back.

“I can’t, I have things I need to do at home. Sorry.” His expression must show how bad he feels about it because Buck widens his eyes, shaking his head profusely.

“No, no, it’s fine. Of course you would have other stuff going on.” He smiles reassuringly, and Eddie’s breath comes easier. “Another time then?” Buck looks so hopeful, and Eddie can’t help but nod in agreement. 

“Another time.” 

“Good. I’ll see you tomorrow?” 

“Yeah, tomorrow.” Eddie watches as Buck turns and makes his way over to the dorms. Before he knows what he’s doing, he’s calling out.

“Buck?” 

Buck whips around, looking at Eddie expectantly. The words tumble out of him, his mouth seemingly not connected to his brain.

“Maybe you could tell me your long story. From last year. You know, sometime.” 

Buck’s mouth quirks up. “Yeah, maybe. I’ll see you, Eddie.” He winks and Eddie’s stomach does a weird flutter. Okay, he has got to go home, there are things going on that he does not have the brain capacity to look into right now. 

Of course, all that takes a backseat as he enters his house, swooping in and grabbing Chris from where he was laying on his tummy on a blanket in the living room, being watched dutifully by Helena. Chris shrieks in delight as Eddie presses kisses all over his face. 

“Hi, buddy, I missed you so much,” he exclaims, punctuating every word with another kiss. He looks over to his mother. “How’d it go today?”

“Oh, it went fine, just like every other time you’ve been gone all day.” Eddie takes the unintended jab, smile only faltering a little. Hers is sickly sweet. “You know, you really should put him back down, I want him to work on sitting up. He should be doing that by now.” 

Eddie sighs. “I know, Mama, so you’ve said. He’s probably just a late bloomer, but I’m keeping an eye on it.” He’s heard this more than once, and he’d be lying if he said it wasn’t starting to make him nervous. Christopher is the best kid, but he has been a little bit behind on his milestones. 

“I just worry, you know how I am, Eddie. And I don’t appreciate your tone.” She gets up, making her way into the kitchen with all the air of a slighted woman. 

Eddie follows her, Chris attached to his hip. “I’m sorry, I’m just tired from my day. It didn’t go so well.” 

That gets his mother’s interest piqued. “Oh? What went wrong?” 

He groans. “Just about everything. Well, up until my last class. The professor is really great and I think I made a friend.” Actually, it was more like a friend made him. He doesn’t think he did much of anything in terms of his side. It kinda just happened. Buck took one look at him, tired and stressed as he was, and decided they were friends now.

 “-- die?” 

With a start, he realizes he must’ve zoned out for a minute. He shakes his head, trying to clear it. “Hmm?” 

Helena sighs, but she’s got a keen look in her eye, a smirk forming. “I asked, what’s her name? Who’s got you staring off into the distance like that?”

Was he? “His name is Buck,” Eddie answers, a little taken aback. He tries to laugh it off, but his mother’s smile drops fast, causing a cold pit to settle in Eddie’s stomach. Suddenly, he feels as though he’s done something gravely wrong, he just doesn’t know what. “H-he was really nice to me after the shitshow– whoops don’t listen to that Chris– that the majority of my day was.” 

“That’s good,” she murmurs absently. For a moment, the only sounds in the kitchen are Christopher’s quiet babbles. Refocusing, she pastes the smile back on her face. “Well what about girls? Any catch your eye?” 

Jesus. He’s not even divorced yet. “Shannon’s barely been gone for four months, Mom.” 

“I know, but Christopher is going to need a mother, Eddie. Every kid does. Are you sure there wasn’t anyone?” 

Tears of frustration prick at Eddie’s eyes. He’s right back in high school, never able to give the right answers. “No, there wasn’t. I wasn’t really focusing on that; too busy worrying about things like education and career growth and my son,” he snaps. 

His mother flinches back, hurt filling her eyes. She turns around and starts pulling things out of the fridge with aggrieved movements. God, Eddie feels like shit. One of these days, he’ll stop making everything worse. 

“Okay, come on,” he murmurs to Christopher. “Let’s put you back on the floor. Get you building those big strong muscles, huh?” Chris giggles, bringing a smile back to Eddie’s face for a second. He sets him down and then goes back into the kitchen, where Helena is chopping vegetables with a ferocity. 

Eddie sighs. “Let me help, Mama.” She doesn’t say anything, but she pushes a few carrots his way. They work in silence for a minute before he tries again. “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be rude. I just– I don’t want to talk about relationships right now.” 

Helena stops dicing and faces him. “I just wish you would stop taking everything so personally. I’m only trying to help, I want the best for Christopher.”

“No, I know. And I’m grateful for that, really.” 

“It’d be nice if you showed that once in a while,” she mutters, going back to her celery. And that’s– fuck he’s so tired. His eyes are burning. Eddie clears his throat, rapidly swiping at his cheeks. 

“I’m sorry. I’ll do better, I promise.” 

“Apology accepted,” she responds quietly. “Now, can you do some potatoes?” 

Yeah, he can do potatoes. Anything to make him feel like he’s doing something right. They have a tense dinner, Ramon and his sisters back from where he was picking them up from ballet practice, and then Eddie puts Chris to bed. He should really look at the schoolwork he’s going to have coming up, but he elects to stay gazing at the crib, making himself comfortable on the floor. 

“I love you,” he whispers. “Everything I do is for you, even if they don’t always get it.” He waits there for a while longer, until Sophia drags him out so she can show him what she and Adriana learned that day. Their laughter brightens his mood, and when he goes to bed, he dreams of blue eyes and a warm smile.

Chapter Text

The morning after the first day back, Buck finds himself up earlier than usual, lingering by the bus stop. He’d woken up that morning thinking about Eddie. From what he could tell, his new friend had not had a good day yesterday, and Buck thinks he can change that. If he just sticks close by right from the beginning, he can make sure things go better. So here he is, trying to look casual, two coffees in hand.

Does he stop to think that maybe this is weird? He’s only known the guy for an afternoon, and here he is, dedicating his day to making sure Eddie has a good one. But something about the way he looked at Buck in the hallway, big brown eyes wet and anxious, made all of Buck’s protective instincts rise up. And Maddie always says he has a big heart, so no. It’s not weird. It’s in his nature, befriending someone who didn’t exactly look like he had many. 

The bus rolls in, the doors hissing open. Buck waits impatiently as students exit, scanning their faces. He’s in luck— his eyes laser in on his target, who’s got his head down, seemingly in a hurry. 

“Hey Eddie, wait up,” he calls out. Eddie’s head snaps up, searching for whoever made the noise. His eyes meet Buck’s and a surprised smile stretches across his face. Buck jogs over, handing him the coffee. 

“Cream and two sugars. Hopefully you don’t hate it.” Eddie takes it, staring at the smiley face Buck had drawn on with a marker in a sudden fit of whimsy. He looks back up at Buck, a little wondrous. 

“Thank you.” Eddie’s cheeks are rosy, and Buck feels like he’d do just about anything to keep him looking like that.

“No problem.” Buck takes a sip of his own, encouraging Eddie to do the same. He does, and it passes the test by the satisfied sound he lets out. 

“Where’d you even get these?” Eddie asks, scanning his cup for a logo.

“There’s a little cafe on campus. It’s pretty good actually,” Buck answers. “I went a lot last year.” 

Eddie hums in acknowledgment. Their steps are in sync, shoulders brushing every few feet. 

“So where are you headed?” 

“Um, I’ve got Human Anatomy in about,” he checks his watch, “10 minutes. What about you?”

“Oh, I don’t have class for another couple hours.” 

Eddie stops short. “What are you doing out here then? It’s not even 8 am.” His brows have a little furrow, and he looks utterly– and adorably– confused. 

Well you see Eddie, I have decided that making you happy is my life’s desire, for some reason. He can’t say that though. Instead, he just smiles and says, “I figured you could use a good start to your day.” Which is also true, just less creepy. He’s creepy now, apparently. He hopes Eddie doesn’t discover that, he’d really like to stay friends with him. 

“That’s– that’s really sweet, Buck. Thank you.” He’s so earnest about it, and Buck has to turn and keep walking before he does something stupid like blush and then kick Eddie in the shin. Like he’s in kindergarten. 

“You got it, man. Just, uh, doing my part. You know, for society.”

Eddie nods knowingly. “For society.” 

Buck clears his throat. “Exactly.” 

Eddie leaves it for a minute before he intentionally knocks his shoulder into him. “You really do want to be my friend, huh?” Buck whips his head around, mouth dropped open. Eddie’s hiding his expression behind his coffee cup, but his eyes are bright and teasing. “I mean, I thought maybe it was just some pity thing, but I’m starting to think you’re just a dork. Who’s a little low on the friend side.” 

Buck scoffs and knocks him back. “Fuck you man, I have friends. You’re the one who’s ‘a little low.’” 

Eddie snorts. “Yeah, you’d be right about that.” It’s unexpected, and Buck laughs. He throws an arm around Eddie’s shoulders, giving him a squeeze.

“It’s okay though. You have me now.” 

Eddie’s face breaks into a grin, and Buck would be lying if he said he didn’t almost trip over his own feet at the sight of it. “I guess I do,” he says. It’s quiet, like he can hardly believe it. His body is warm where it’s now pressed up against Buck. 

“I have time in between classes for lunch around 1:00,” Buck remarks, as casually as he can. “Do you wanna meet up?” 

He’s kinda wishing he didn’t ask that when Eddie pulls away from Buck’s arm to grab his schedule out of his pocket, but alas. “I get out at 1:15, but I can definitely meet you after? If that still works for you,” Eddie adds, hesitantly.

Yes it does. He grins, clapping Eddie on the shoulder. “Perfect. Let’s just meet back here then. Are you buying?”

Eddie shakes his head. “Packed my own,” he responds, shifting his backpack around to show Buck. 

“Alright. Well, I’ll see you in a few hours, yeah?”

“See you then. Hey, and thanks again,” Eddie says, lifting his coffee cup. “I’m glad my utter pathetic-ness yesterday called out to you enough to do all this for me.”

“You weren’t pathetic,” Buck chides. “Miserable, maybe. I just couldn’t have you bringing down the vibes on this whole campus, you know?”

“Ah, so we’re back to the greater good of mankind, are we?” Eddie tuts, shaking his head. “And here I was, thinking I was just special.” 

“Yeah, yeah, man. Go to class, I would hate for you to be late and undo all of my hard work this morning.”

Eddie salutes, turning and heading to his building. Buck watches him go, then gives himself a nod of satisfaction. Job well done, he thinks. That actually went better than he’d assumed it would. Eddie is sweet, and funny, and a little bit of a tease. Buck wasn’t expecting that.

He whistles to himself, walking back to his dorm. The best part is, Eddie didn’t get freaked out by Buck’s slightly strange, quick, attachment to him, at least not that he could tell. In fact, Buck thinks he kinda liked it. Eddie’s eyes were so wide and grateful, and his cheeks were all pink and–

“You’re up early.” 

Buck squawks, clutching at his chest. “Jesus, Ravi, warn a guy would you?”

Ravi snickers, going back to where he's peeling himself a banana in the kitchen Buck hadn’t even realized he’d made it to. “What would I need to warn you about? Me saying something in the room that I was in first?”

Buck glares, flipping him off. Ravi returns the gesture, sticking his tongue out. “Anyway, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you leave your bed before nine before, and we've been roommates for how long?” It’s true. Buck values his sleep, and considering he’s usually awake past midnight most nights, he doesn’t make a habit of being an early riser. He’s been lucky his classes are at a reasonable time. 

Buck scratches the back of his neck. “Yeah, well, getting up early is good for like, productivity, and– and mental health and stuff.”

Ravi nods slowly. “Yes Buck, I know that. I just didn’t know you knew that.”

“I know things,” Buck shoots back. “I just didn’t want to try it until now.” He doesn’t mention Eddie. For some reason he wants to keep that to himself, keep Eddie to himself, for right now. 

Ravi looks at him like he knows there’s more to it, but he doesn’t pry. Instead, he takes his banana and starts to head out. “Welcome to the world of morning people, Buck. I’m sure you’ll fit right in.”

"Oh whatever man.” Buck flicks his head as he passes, getting a grimace and a swift attempt at a retaliatory kick that he dodges just in time. 

He doesn’t particularly want to go back to his room right now, for fear of Ravi asking more questions, so he pokes around the cupboards looking for breakfast. He wonders what Eddie likes to have, if he’s more of a grab and go or if he prefers an actual meal. Does he like something sweet, like french toast or waffles, or are eggs and bacon more of his style? 

Get a grip, Buckley. He cannot be spending his time pondering on every breakfast food and whether Eddie would like it. That’s what weird, creepy people do, and he’s not weird and creepy. He settles on an orange and a protein bar and resolves to spend the rest of his morning thinking about and working on school. By the time lunch rolls around, he actually didn’t do too bad of a job. He had two classes that he felt well prepared for due to the time he spent on them beforehand. Maybe the population of morning people were actually on to something. 

That doesn’t matter right now though because it’s lunch time, and Buck is dying to know how Eddie’s day has gone so far. He gets to their planned spot at 1:00 pm sharp with his food, even though Eddie said he’d be a bit late, bouncing his knees under the slightly sticky picnic table set up nearby. Since he’s apparently on a time management kick now, he figures he may as well pull up his just assigned work from his last class. 

It’s what he’s still looking at when a shadow falls across his laptop, and a soft voice interrupts his thoughts.

“Uh, hey.” Eddie looks nervous, as if Buck’s friendliness from earlier was not a guarantee for the rest of the day. “Can I sit here?”

Damn, was everyone mean to this guy growing up or something? It’s like he’s always bracing for the worst to happen. Buck puts on his biggest grin, gesturing to the other side of the table. “All yours man. Glad you’re here.” 

Eddie smiles back, the tension leaving his face. He gestures to Buck’s uneaten sandwich, taking a seat. “You know, you didn’t have to wait for me.” 

“Yeah, but then I’d just be staring at you while you ate, and who needs that?” 

Eddie huffs a laugh, shaking his head. “Fair point. What are you working on?” 

Buck groans. “Oh just looking over the reading for Biology. It’s the first day and the professor already gave us three chapters to cover.”

Eddie grimaces in sympathy. “That sucks.” He pulls out his lunchbag, carefully unpacking and setting out his items, which appear to be a slightly squished sandwich, a plastic bag of grapes, and some celery sticks. Buck can’t help but let out a snort at the display. Eddie looks up, his brows scrunched in confusion.

“I’m sorry, I just– that’s the most stereotypical middle school lunch I’ve ever seen.” Buck points at the array, trying not to giggle. “Throw in an oatmeal cream pie or cosmic brownie and you’ve hit the jackpot.”

Eddie looks back down at his food, then up at Buck again, this time his mouth dropped open in offense. “Well what’s wrong with that? If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.” He’s cute, mock glaring at Buck, big eyes all insulted.

“No no, I think it’s great. It just caught me off guard, is all. The college students I usually see are pounding back an energy drink and half a bag of beef jerky.” 

“Gotta be a good example for my s–,” Eddie stops abruptly, “sisters.” Something about that was weird, but Buck moves on.

“You have sisters?” he exclaims. “Me too! Well, just the one actually. Maddie, she’s nine years older than me.” 

Eddie nods, taking a bite of his sandwich. He chews thoroughly and swallows before speaking again. “I have two, Sophia and Adriana. They’re 13 and 11.” 

Yeah, that makes sense. Eddie has oldest child energy. “That’s cool,” Buck responds. “I’d love to have siblings at home, Maddie moved out forever ago.” Though thinking about it more, it’s probably best there weren’t any more kids after Buck. He wouldn’t want them to grow up the way he did.

“Yeah, they’re pretty great. Most of the time, when they're not being annoying." He opens his bag of grapes, offering one to Buck. "What does Maddie do?" Eddie asks, once Buck has had a chance to eat it.

"She's a nurse. She lives in Boston, with her husband." A bitter taste floods his mouth at the thought, overpowering the sweetness of the fruit.

Eddie raises his eyebrows. "What's up with that?"

"Hmm?"

"Your face just totally changed." He leans back, giving Buck an inquisitive look. "What's the story there?"

Buck is not subtle, apparently, at least not when it comes to Doug. He sighs. "In my opinion, her husband is a total asshole. He's controlling and narcissistic and he swept her far away from her family when she was barely 18."

Eddie sucks in a breath through his teeth. "I'm sorry man. Do you guys still keep in contact?"

Buck shakes his head. "Less and less as the time has gone on." She still calls him on his birthday, but he hasn't seen her in person since Christmas a few years ago. His parents never approved of Doug, and the night ended in badly timed jabs and tears. Maddie hasn't been back since. "It's been tough. I've just been trying to be open and supportive, so she knows she has a safe person to go to if she ever needs to l—leave." His voice breaks at the end, and he clears his throat.

Eddie shifts forward, his eyes locked on Buck's. "She knows, I promise."

Buck laughs, a little wetly. "And how would you know that?"

He shrugs. "I just do. You're a good guy, Buck, and you're doing your best. She's lucky to have you."

Jesus Christ. Is this guy real? Buck rubs at his face, trying to rid himself of the burning in his eyes. "God, sorry. This was supposed to be a quick, lighthearted lunch. I didn't mean to drag you into my family problems."

Eddie smiles. "Hey, this is what friends are for. And last I checked, we were gonna give that a shot, yeah?" He holds out his bag again. "Another grape?"

Yeah, Buck's keeping him. Forever, hopefully, if he has any say in it. He takes the bag, grabbing a few more. "Thanks. For these and for listening."

"You got it ."

The rest of their lunch is lighter, just casual conversation. Buck learns that Eddie used to love reading and drawing as a kid, but hasn't gotten to do much of it recently. He's allergic to watermelon, but eats it anyway ('It's so worth it, Buck"). Buck tells him about his many attempts to be cool growing up, i.e. the skateboarding, football team, one disastrous motorcycle ride, and so forth.

Eddie just takes it all in with undivided attention, laughing in all the right places. It's almost depressing to have to end it, but they both have class. Buck can't say he wasn't considering just not showing up though. But something tells him Eddie wouldn't agree to it; responsibility weighs heavily on his shoulders, it's clear to anyone who's paid attention. And Buck has paid attention.

They part with promises to make this a daily occurrence. Buck gets to his class with a warm glow emanating from his chest, one that lasts until the next morning, when once again, he's up early with two coffees in his hand, taking up his post by the bus station. Eddie gets off, and this time he's scanning the vicinity, his eyes tentatively hopeful. When they meet Buck's, a pleased look appears on his face and he wastes no time heading over.

"My hero," he says, taking the cup. "This is just what I needed."

"Not a morning person?" Buck asks, nudging Eddie as they fall into step together. "Me neither."

Eddie shakes his head. "No, I actually like getting up early, my morning was just so hectic today."

"Anything you wanna talk about?"

Eddie bites his lip. "No, it's fine. Just usual college student stuff I guess."

Buck gets the sense that there's more to it but he doesn't want to push. Instead, he just taps his own cup. "Well I hope this helps."

Eddie studies his, thumbing over the smiley face Buck had once again drawn onto it with a little smile. "It really does, more than you know," he says softly. He looks back at Buck, and his eyes are so bright and appreciative that Buck has to look away, coughing a little.

"Good, good," he gets out. "I'm glad." They walk together until Eddie has to go inside, and Buck goes back to his dorm.

And thus a new routine is born. Buck meets Eddie every morning by the bus with a coffee, and then they meet up again for lunch. Monday, Wednesday, and Friday they have Bobby's class together as well. Buck's biased, but those are his favorite days. He gets to watch as Eddie's eyes light up with new work they study, and have an inside look at how his brain processes it. It's absolutely fascinating, and Buck is trying to get him to take a similar class with him next semester because he knows he won't be able to say goodbye to it.

He's also been switching up the drinks he brings in the morning, trying out new flavor combinations. Buck won't say it out loud, but he started because the face Eddie makes when he's trying a new one is the most endearing thing he's ever seen. He's absolutely terrified at some of the creations Buck comes up with, but he drinks every one anyway. Buck'll never forget the time he brought a pumpkin spice and cheesecake abomination that just about had him rolling on the ground in laughter at the disgusted face Eddie made when he spat it out.

Through it all though, he still gets the sense that Eddie isn't letting him all the way in. He's turned down every offer to hang out off campus, and he doesn't speak much about his current home life. Sometimes he has days where he shows up and it takes all of Buck's energy to coax a smile out of him. He's gone to Bobby for advice during their weekly dinners but he just tells Buck to not stop trying, but be patient. Keep being a good friend, someone he can trust, and he'll know you're there if or when he needs you, were his specific words. Buck can't help but notice the similarities with his situation with Maddie too, but that's okay. He can be there for them, be what they need in the moment. If Eddie doesn't want him outside of school, then Buck won't force it.

It all comes to a head about two months in to their semester.

Buck waits by the bus stop, a caramel apple frappe in his hand, but when it comes, Eddie never appears. He frowns, setting down the drinks so he can get his phone out and text.

Hey didn't see you get off the bus today so I'm just checking in. Hope everything's okay.

He's not really worried, there's all sorts of reasons a student might miss class. Eddie could be sick, or have an appointment, or just simply overslept. But yesterday Eddie seemed in perfect health, and he didn't mention having anything going on today, and Buck doubts he could ever sleep through his alarm.

Throughout the day, he checks his phone every so often but no response ever comes through. It's not out of the ordinary, Eddie's never been a quick replier. Buck had found that out real fast when they exchanged numbers; he seems to prefer talking in person. Buck had liked that about him, but right now he's wishing it wasn't the case. He sits with an empty desk next to him in their poetry class. Bobby raises an eyebrow when he sees, and Buck just shrugs. He doesn't know either.

He goes to bed a little on edge, checking his phone one last time. Still nothing. When he wakes up, he feels a little silly. He's definitely overthinking this, there's no reason to be worried.

Except Eddie is still not there that morning too. Buck doesn’t want to be a freak and text again so he holds off. Well, for about an hour and then he's back to their messages.

Missed you yesterday, hope you're back soon!

That sounded natural. Probably.

Buck's back in his dorm room, decompressing after his last class of the day, when there's a knock at the door. He opens it and—

"Eddie?"

The wave of relief that goes through him at the sight of his friend is halted when he gets a good look. Eddie is clearly distressed, his hair mussed and sticking up in all directions, face frantic, and in his hand is . . . a baby carrier?

"Hi, sorry, this is Christopher, h-he's my son. Um, can you please watch him for a couple hours, I have this huge test in like ten minutes and my professor is super strict and normally my mom watches him but she got sick yesterday and can't and—"

"Absolutely, Eddie." Buck’s brain isn't really working right now, but what he knows is Eddie needs him, and he can help.

Eddie sags at his interruption. "R-really, you would?"

Buck nods, opening his door wider. "Of course, it is absolutely not a problem, now come inside, you look like you could pass out." He pulls Eddie in, grabbing his bags that were lying next to the doorway.

"Oh my god, thank you, seriously. His, uh, his stuff is in the diaper bag there, there's a bottle that he'll probably want in about half an hour, he's been teething recently so if he gets fussy, try giving him one of the rings in the front pocket, and, um . . ." Eddie looks around the room, biting his lip, tears welling up in his eyes.

"Hey, hey, come here," Buck says, tugging him gently against him. Eddie sinks into it, wrapping his arms around Buck's back. He can feel the shuddering breaths Eddie's taking against his neck, giving him goosebumps.

"Let's sit down for a second, get you some water, okay?" Eddie nods against his throat, and they shuffle towards Buck's bed. Buck gets him down and then heads toward the mini fridge he and Ravi share, grabbing a bottle.

Eddie takes it and presses it against his forehead, then neck, then finally opens it to take a sip. They sit in silence for a moment, and then Eddie speaks. "I was going to tell you, I just— I don't know. I was worried you would judge me, or you wouldn't have room for a best friend that also has kid, and then it just went on too long." His eyes are focused on his lap, where his hands rub anxiously together.

Buck frowns. "Let's not worry about that right now. We can talk later, after you take your test."

"Right, yeah, I gotta get over there." Eddie shoots up, kneeling by the carrier and giving Christopher a kiss. "Bye Chris, I'll be right back. Be good for Buck." And with that, he grabs his backpack and is gone.

Buck, who hasn't had a coherent thought since he opened the door, flops back onto the bed. Holy. Shit. Eddie is a dad. He has a whole ass baby. A laugh bursts out of him, against his will.

Honestly, that explains a lot. But now he has so many more questions. Who's the mom? Where's the mom? What about him made Eddie afraid to tell him? What the fuck? A quiet babble interrupts his spiral and he rolls over. Right, there's a baby in here, one he's supposed to be looking after.

He gets up and approaches the carrier, getting his first real look at Eddie's son. Jesus Christ, Eddie makes a cute kid. "Hi buddy," Buck whispers, unclipping Christopher and pulling him out. "I'm Buck, nice to meet you."

Christopher is silent as Buck holds him, looking around the room with wide eyes. Or at least, silent for about 30 seconds until he apparently gets his fill of the new setting, his face screwing up as he begins to cry.

"Oh, oh no, you're okay, buddy, you're okay." Buck bounces him gently as he steps toward the diaper bag, pulling out the teething ring. "Lets sit down here and try this, huh?" He lays Christopher down in the middle of a hastily constructed ring of pillows. "Now, why don't I tell you all about what I just learned today. Did you know that the human body contains more than 100 trillion cells? Wild, right? I bet you have less though, since you're so teeny tiny." Christopher quiets down, contentedly gumming on his ring, eyes trained on Buck. And so he continues, running through the biology lesson he just learned that morning, until—

"Dude, who's fucking baby is that?"

Buck jumps, head snapping up to see Ravi staring bewildered in the doorway. "Oh, um. Well, long story actually. He's uh, he's Eddie's?" Fuck, he hopes Eddie is okay with him saying that. Buck's a horrific liar anyway and Ravi's already seen Chris.

Ravi steps in, raising his brow. "Eddie? The guy that made you start going to bed earlier so you could meet him every morning?"

"He didn't make me," Buck mumbles. "I wanted to do it. Anyway, that's not really important right now, is it?"

"I guess not," Ravi concedes. "Did you know?"

Buck blows a breath out. "No. He just showed up here in a panic, needing someone to watch him while he took his test. I guess his mom is usually the one but she's sick apparently."

Ravi takes that in, whistling. "And how do you feel?"

How does he feel. What a great question. Buck hasn't figured that out yet. "To be honest, I was just worried for him. He looked freaked, and in desperate need of help, so here we are. There was never any other option, not for me."

"Yeah, that makes sense," Ravi mutters. "No lingering feelings of resentment then, for keeping it from you?"

Buck looks back down at Christopher. "No. Not at all." And as he says it, he knows it's 100% true. Any frustration evaporated when Eddie chose him in the midst of having an awful day, when Buck was the one he turned to to trust him with the most precious thing in his life. "And I'm really sorry, since I know this is your dorm too, but I think it would be best for Eddie if you weren't here when he comes back? At least just for a little bit."

Ravi holds up his hands. "Say no more, man. I was only popping in for a minute to grab my jacket anyway."

"Thank you," Buck says, relieved.

"Cute kid by the way," Ravi says as he exits.

"I know, right?" He taps Christopher's nose. "I don't know how your dad ever manages to leave the house with you around. It must be so hard. Now, where we? Oh yeah, prokaryotic cells. Fascinating stuff."

An hour later, Christopher is finally drifting off— bored of biology— when there's a soft knock at his door. On the other side is Eddie, looking absolutely exhausted.

"You look like shit," Buck remarks. Eddie cracks a smile at that. "Come on, I had some food delivered." He guides Eddie in, letting him take his place on the bed. Eddie gazes down at a dozing Christopher, his eyes filled with a warmth Buck hasn't seen. He brushes a hand over his soft hair, then looks up at Buck.

"I'm sorry for springing this on you."

"It's okay, Eddie. We can talk in a minute, once you've had something to eat." Buck goes to his desk, unwrapping the paper bag. "It's just soup and bread from the cafe nearby, but it's what I always want after a shitty day." Maddie used to make him soup after his many clumsy injuries, and he found that the cafe doesn't do a half bad job at it.

Eddie takes the bowl from him with reverence. "It's perfect, Buck."

Buck takes the desk chair, settling in with his own serving. He waits until Eddie's had a few bites, then asks, "How did your test go?"

Eddie sighs. "Could've been better, could've been worse. My mind was . . . preoccupied, but I studied a lot beforehand so I think I pulled a decent grade."

"I'm sure you did fine." And he means it, he's never known Eddie to be lacking when it comes to school prep. Eddie nods, but when he lifts his spoon up to take another bite, Buck notices his hand is trembling slightly. Shit. He has to fix this.

"Hey, you know I'm not mad at you right? Not even a little bit."

Eddie glances at him warily. "Why? I've lied to you, pretty much from the first day."

Buck shrugs. "I don't know if I'd call it lying, more just not sharing everything." He smiles, but Eddie isn't having it yet.

"You don't feel blindsided? Or used?"

"Well I wouldn't say that, I think my brain rebooted a few times, but used? No, I feel honored that you trusted me with him today."

Eddie's mouth drops open and he blinks rapidly. "So, um, you're not letting me down gently? We can still be friends?" He sounds so uncertain, like he was expecting Buck to throw him to the dust as soon as they finished talking.

"Oh my god, yes. I wouldn't let something so tiny as you having an entire child get in the way of our relationship. It's not even the craziest thing I've learned all day."

Eddie flashes a tentative smile. "And what would that be?"

"Well," Buck starts, getting up and strolling over to the bed. "I didn't know it was possible for anyone out there to be cuter than I was as a baby, but here we are."

That gets a genuine laugh out of Eddie, and he looks down at Christopher. "He is pretty adorable, isn't he?"

"I mean, holy shit Eddie, I could just stare at him all day."

"Believe me, I know the feeling."

Buck holds his hands out, beckoning. "Now come here." Eddie takes them, letting himself be pulled up and into a hug. Buck holds him tight, speaking into his temple. "I'm sorry you felt like you couldn't tell me, but I'm glad you're here now."

Eddie squeezes a bit longer, then draws back, scraping his hands down over his face. "God, I feel so much better now. And um, not to keep asking you for favors, but could we get a ride home?"

Right, Eddie would've missed the bus by now, which brings up another question now that Buck is thinking about it. "Of course, I'd be happy to," he says. "But speaking of, how did you even get here?"

Eddie grimaces. "By the time we finally left the house, I'd missed the campus bus so I had to walk to the regular bus stop and hope they had a stop somewhere close." He laughs sheepishly, crossing his arms. "I must've looked so pathetic, because the driver took pity on me and dropped me off right on campus, which is good because I'd have been late otherwise."

Buck raises an eyebrow. "And how long was your walk to the bus stop?"

"About a mile, I guess."

Jesus, no wonder he looked dead on his feet when he arrived at Buck's door. "Oh my god, Eddie," he groans. "Next time you get in a bind like this, call me okay?" Seriously, a mile? Carrying all those things? Maybe Buck should just start parking outside of his house every morning just in case his services may be needed, because god knows Eddie will exhaust every option before putting his problems on somebody else.

"I know, I was just so panicked and my brain wasn't really working correctly. At the time, it seemed like my only choice," Eddie explains. He sits back down and stretches his legs out. "Besides, a little exercise can't hurt."

Buck gets it. "Well you'll know for next time," he says, starting to put Eddie's things back in the diaper bag. "Not that I want there to be a next time of course."

Eddie smirks, tracking Buck's movements around the room. "I don't know, I don't think you'd mind," he says teasingly. "I'm pretty sure you have a white knight complex."

Buck flushes. Yeah, only for you. "Shut up," he says instead. "Let's go, mister damsel in distress." Eddie smacks his arm, then turns to pick up Christopher. He tucks him back into the carrier with great care, murmuring soothingly when he stirs and fusses a little. Meanwhile, Buck's about to melt into a puddle on the floor.

They get everything secured in the car, Eddie sitting in the back with Chris since Buck doesn't have a car seat. He makes a mental note to go get one as soon as he gets the chance. They're pretty quiet for the first part until Buck can't hold it in anymore.

"You can absolutely tell me to fuck off, and I will, but uh . . . is his mother in the picture?"

Eddie stares out the window, his mouth downturned. "Christopher was born end of February, and she left by May." Buck stays silent, giving him the space to keep going if he wants, which he eventually does. "Postpartum hit her pretty hard, and I know my parents can be overbearing. I think this was never her plan too; she had dreams that didn't include being a mom, not that I realized that at the time." He sniffs. "I got served the divorce papers about a month ago," Eddie finishes with a whisper.

Divorce papers? Eddie was married? The hits keep coming today, apparently. Buck shakes his head, glancing at Eddie through the rear-view mirror. "I'm sorry, man, I'm sorry you had to go through that."

"It's okay," Eddie says quietly. "I wouldn't trade Chris for anything." Yeah, Buck gets that. The love Eddie has for his baby his immense, it's clear as day. Still, he doesn't know how anyone could leave Eddie, let alone Christopher on top of that. Buck knows he'll never understand it.

They pull up to the house, the sun beginning to dip below the skyline. Eddie carries Chris inside, then returns for the bags. He stops where Buck is leaning against his Jeep, clasping his hands together. "Buck, I can't thank you enough for today."

Buck waves him off. "It was nothing."

"No seriously, you— you were there, and—"

"Hey," Buck says, stepping forward. "I always want to be there, okay?"

Eddie opens his mouth to say something else, and then just stops. His eyes focus, something new in his gaze, pinning Buck in his place. A beat, and then he sways forward and suddenly his mouth is on Buck's, gently pressing. Eddie's lips are warm, and soft, and Buck is not really sure what's happening right now. Of it's own will, his hand comes up to cup Eddie's face, stroking along his cheekbone. Eddie sighs, and after another moment, they part.

Buck's eyes open slowly, and his breath catches at the sight of Eddie, practically glowing in the sunset, his mouth slightly open and cheeks flushing pink. Buck can't bring himself to lower his hand so it stays there, still gently brushing. Eddie's mouth stretches into a dreamy smile, and then there's a faint sound coming from inside the house, and he goes rigid. He draws back, horror rapidly taking over where there had just been softness and care.

Buck's hand hangs there from where it slipped off Eddie's face. "Wait, Eddie—" But it's too late. Eddie grabs all his things and darts inside the house, nearly slamming the door behind him.

Chapter Text

Fuck fuck fuck fuck. What did he do? Eddie stays pressed against the front door, where he's been since he kissed Buck and then escaped inside. Fuck, he kissed Buck. Eddie presses his hand against his chest, trying to slow the heaving breaths. He didn't even know he was going to do it. Buck was just standing there, saying all the right things, and then before he knew it, Eddie had leaned forward and planted one right on him.

He pinches his arm hard, hoping the burst of pain will get him to snap out of it, out of this reality where he kissed a man and it felt good. Where it felt like everything he'd been missing with Shannon.

"Eddie, is that you?" He freezes at the sound of his mother's voice. "Eddie?"

"Y-yeah, Mama," he croaks. He walks into the living room, where she's laid up on the couch.

"What's wrong with your voice? Are you coming down with the flu too?"

He shakes his head rapidly. "No, just had something stuck in my throat for a second. It's gone now." He gives her a shaky smile, hoping that sounded natural.

It must've because she settles back down, eyes drifting shut. "Honey, can you please get dinner started? I just can't find the energy right now."

"Oh yeah, of course." Eddie starts back into the entryway, where Chris sleeps none the wiser of his father's impending mental breakdown.

"Get the girls to help you if you want," Helena calls to his back. Well he would, except he's afraid they'll take one look at him and know. They've always been too observant for their own good. So instead he pawns Christopher off on them and thanks every higher power in existence that his dad is away for work right now.

In the kitchen by himself, Eddie can think. As he dices the chicken, he goes over the facts. He kissed Buck. Buck kissed him back. Eddie felt butterflies in his stomach. He's pretty sure he'd do it again. No, he knows he'd do it again. And that's— that's just—

A sob bubbles up in his throat. His whole life he tried so hard to be normal, to be someone his parents were proud of, and here he is, finally feeling the way he wanted to so desperately about another person, and it's a man.

"Eddie?"

He whirls around, jabbing at his eyes.

"Soph! I uh, I thought you were hanging with Chris?"

"Adri has him. I thought I would come in and help. Were you crying?"

Eddie shakes his head vigorously, clearing his throat. "No, I'd just chopped an onion, you know how it is." He lets out a strained laugh, picking at his nails.

Sophia glances into his pan, where there is clearly just garlic and chicken sauteing. She looks back, studying him, then smiles. "Yeah, they always get me too. Now give me a knife, I'll do the peppers."

Grateful, Eddie passes her the supplies. They work together, finishing up what turn out to be pretty damn good fajitas, if he does say so himself. Neither of them mention the lack of onion.

The rest of the night follows a similar vein. Helena stays on the couch, eventually leaving to rest in her room while Eddie divvies up the chores, coaxing his sisters into wiping the counters and the table if he promises to do the rest. As he starts on the dishes, his mind drifts again. From everything he's learned growing up, in his parent's eyes, what he did was wrong. But from everything he knows about Buck, with what he feels when he's around Buck, how could it be anything but right?

He finishes up and runs Christopher a bath, settling him down in his bath seat.

"What do you think, mijo?" he asks his son, head resting on the edge of the tub. "Did you like hanging out with Buck today?" Chris claps his hands around in the bubbles, bringing a smile to Eddie's face. "I bet you did," he sighs. "I always do too."

It feels like fate. Eddie turned a corner too fast and smacked into a fellow student, and now he has a best friend that knows what he needs better than anyone it seems. The morning he got the divorce papers from Shannon, his mother saw them and couldn't hide the delight on her face.

Now that that's settled Eddie, my friend Maria from church has a daughter that's visiting from college and she'd love to meet you, she'd said.

Eddie, still trying to comprehend the reality that the relationship he thought would fix him had just ended for good, simply walked out without another word. When he got to campus, Buck, picking up immediately on the fact that he was not in the mood for jokes or conversation, just handed him his drink silently. He'd put his arm around Eddie's shoulders, tugging him close as he walked him to his class. That little bit of comfort, despite Buck not understanding why he needed it, was just enough to get Eddie through the day without absolutely losing his shit.

The problem is, Eddie's pretty sure he doesn't want him as just a best friend anymore.

He exhales, watching Christopher kick his feet and splash around. "You'd still love me right, if I wanted to be with Buck?" His son babbles happily, and Eddie scoops up some bubbles, painting his nose with them. God, he doesn't even know if Buck wants him back though. Or if Eddie is ready for what this all means.

He does know he can't just give up his relationship with Buck altogether though; he has to make sure he doesn't completely ruin it. So, in his bed for the night, he pulls his phone out and texts Buck.

Can I bring Chris again tomorrow?

The response comes back immediately, like Buck was just waiting around for him to message.

Yes please!!

Eddie turns his phone off and settles in. That's good enough for now. He can put the rest of it on tomorrow Eddie.

Except now tomorrow Eddie is here and he's not very happy at last night Eddie. Turns out when you put things off for the next day, the next day arrives. How stupid is that? He drags himself out of bed, pulling Chris out of his crib as well.

He's started on breakfast, Chris in the highchair, when his mother pads into the kitchen.

"I can watch him today, I'm feeling better," she says, yawning.

Oh. Well that's not the plan. Eddie needs Chris today. No way Buck can friend breakup with him when he's looking at Eddie's adorable son. Also he's still not comfortable the possibility of germs either.

"No it's okay, you rest one more day. I was already gonna take him with me anyway."

Helena eyes him, but coughs a few times and then gives in, thank god.

He cuts up an egg for Christopher, laying some fruit on his tray as well, and then heads back to his room to get dressed. What does one wear to go see their best friend they just kissed and then promptly ran away from.

Probably nothing Eddie has in his closet. Sighing, he grabs his regular jeans and a henley. It's going to have to do.

When he returns, his sisters are also at the table, looking like they're still asleep. Chuckling, he goes in, dropping a kiss on each of their heads. Adriana just grunts, but Sophia glances up, giving him a questioning look. Eddie ruffles her hair, smiling. Doing okay, he mouths. She nods, slumping back down.

Chris has finished breakfast so Eddie gets him dressed, packs their bags, and heads out. The bus ride feels reminiscent of his first day; the nerves and subsequent overthinking of every decision he's made are doing their best to overwhelm him. He distracts himself by pointing out all the buildings to Christopher, watching him watch the scenery.

As the bus rolls up, Eddie's heart skips a beat. He can see through the window that Buck is standing outside, two coffees in his hand, just like normal. Okay, he can do this. Buck responded positively to the text message yesterday so obviously Eddie was going to see him. Fuck, he looks good. Has Eddie never noticed that before?

"Hey," he says, giving him a wobbly smile once he makes it off.

"Hi," Buck responds softly, handing him the coffee. "Trade you." He takes Eddies' diaper bag, slinging it over his shoulder. Squatting down, he waves at Christopher in his seat with a big grin. "And how's my new favorite Diaz this morning?" Christopher kicks his feet, beaming back. Buck looks up at Eddie, touched. "He looks happy to see me?"

Eddie's throat feels tight. "Yeah, you uh, must've made a good impression yesterday."

"Well the feeling is definitely mutual." He straightens up, squinting at Eddie. "What are your plans for the day?"

Excellent question. Eddie hadn't completely thought that through. "Going to class and hoping my professors are okay with a baby in there for a day I guess." He shifts awkwardly. "Oh and we can take the bus home today, in case you don't want to after . . ." Eddie trails off, not really wanting to bring it up.

Understanding dawns in Buck's eyes, and he goes a little red. "Um yeah, about that," he says, "I have something to show you." Buck leads Eddie to the parking lot, opening his car door and gesturing to what appears to be a car seat locked into the backseat of his jeep.

"I, uh, I bought this yesterday after I dropped you off." He looks nervous, like he's worried Eddie will think he's overstepping. "I figured it would be good to have, in case I need to take you and Chris anywhere again, so he's safer."

Eddie stares into the car, processing.

"Now maybe he can come with you more days to school, and you guys won't have to take the bus, I could just come and get you and then drop you off."

Yeah. Yeah. Eddie sets Chris's carrier down and strides up to Buck, reeling him in and crushing their mouths together. Buck mutters something that sounds like oh thank god and immediately gets with it, gripping Eddie's waist tight in his hands. Eddie's skin feels on fire wherever Buck's touching him, and he groans, pressing himself impossibly closer.

Finally he has to rip away, catching his breath. "You are," Eddie gasps out, "unlike anyone I've ever met." Buck doesn't let him go very far, encircling his arm around Eddie's back. He brings a hand up, thumbing over Eddie's swollen bottom lip, causing Eddie to shiver at the contact.

"Good," Buck murmurs. "I would hate to have competition."

Eddie laughs breathlessly, still panting. "Believe me, you absolutely do not." He removes his hands from where they had been gripping Buck's arms —in a much more enjoyable replay of the day they met— and cups his face instead. "I have never felt like this about anyone before." It's actually kind of crazy. He had resigned himself to never having this desire, this passion, that he would hear about. It wasn't in the cards for Eddie, something inside of him just wasn't working right. Turns out, he was looking for it in the wrong place.

At Eddie's words, Buck dives in again, stealing one, two, three more kisses, before Eddie pushes him off, giggling. "I'm gonna be late for class, Buck."

"You started it," Buck whines. "And who cares, anyway?"

"I care," Eddie retorts. "My son, who we've been neglecting, cares. He would hate for his dad to miss class and then fail his test and then drop of out of college. What kind of example is that, huh?"

"I guess I can't argue with that." Buck finally releases Eddie and walks over to where Christopher sits patiently in his carrier on the pavement. "Sorry buddy, we got a little carried away." He turns back to Eddie. "If you want, I can watch him until ten, and then I'll bring him to you before my class. Then it's less stress on you."

That would actually be amazing. "Would you?"

Buck nods. "Yeah, yeah, I was dying to spend more time with Chris anyway." He puts his hand on his hips, assessing. "It's early, but I'm pretty sure he's way cooler than you."

"Oh, I already knew that," Eddie says. "Anyway, he just had breakfast so he should be good for the couple hours you'll have him, but if not, there's a few snacks in the bag."

"Got it. Same deal as yesterday with the teething I assume?"

God, Eddie loves that he paid attention. "Yes." He claps his hands together. "Okay, I gotta run." He grabs his backpack and kisses Christopher's forehead. "Bye buddy, I love you." He starts towards the sidewalk but doesn't get very far before turning around, taking advantage of the adrenaline coursing through his body before it runs out and takes his confidence with it, and gives Buck one more peck on the lips, smirking at the dazed look he gets.

This was maybe the best morning in Eddie's existence so far. Except the side effect is that he didn't register a single word that was said in his first two classes of the day. Instead, his mind was running a cycle of what the fuck, and am I gay, and wow Buck is hot, and I'm definitely gay, and finally: I can't tell my parents.

That last one does a pretty good job of crashing him back down to earth. This is the most excited, most normal inside, that he's felt and he's absolutely terrified of what his parents might think.

Buck picks up on the fact that he's noticeably more subdued when he brings Chris to the little study room in the library that Eddie normally spends his time in when he's waiting for his next class. He can't do much though, not with his own class starting, so he just squeezes Eddie's arm and murmurs see you at lunch.

Lunch means going back to Buck's dorm, like they've done since it started getting colder. Eddie makes it through his health sciences class; luckily his professor was very open and didn't have a problem with Chris being there. Unluckily, it's now time for the aforementioned lunch. The nerves coming back in full force, he knocks at Buck's door.

Buck swings it open, smiling, but Eddie can tell he's tense. Eddie tries to smile back, but it wavers. Buck's fades and he takes a deep breath, beckoning Eddie over to the bed.

"I, um, I gotta feed Christopher," Eddie says quietly. Buck nods, reaching for the diaper bag.

"I'll get the stuff out, you sit down." They work in a loaded silence, until Christopher is settled on Eddie's lap with his bottle.

"Okay Eddie, talk to me. What's going through your head?" Buck rolls his chair over next to the bed, close enough so their knees touch.

Eddie swallows. "Here's where I'm at. I want to be with you, more than anything." Buck smiles at that. "But I can't tell my parents, at least not yet. I—I'm not ready and I don't think they will react well."

Buck exhales, a somewhat relieved look taking over his face. "That's it? You're not ending this?"

Eddie doesn't want to, that's for sure. "Not if you don't want to. I just don't want you to have to hide your relationship; it's not fair to you."

"Eddie," Buck implores. "I don't care about that. I can wait as long as you need. Besides," he winks. "There's something sexy about sneaking around right?"

Eddie flushes, but the weight that he'd been feeling is slowly dissipating, leaving a warmth behind. "You're serious? That's okay with you?"

Buck grasps his knee. "You could ask me to do just about anything and I'd probably agree. Because it's you. You're worth it. This relationship, new as it may be, is worth it."

Fuck. Eddie may cry. "Oh," he says, voice small. "Great."

"Good, now we're on the same page." Buck stands up, shaking out his arms and legs. "God, that stressed me out."

The sheer relief making him giddy, Eddie laughs. "Me too. C'mere." He stretches his free arm out and Buck grins and leans over the bed, giving Eddie the kiss he was asking for. Eddie doesn't think he'll ever get over how good, how different it feels.

"Wait, hold on." Buck draws back, questioning. "You said your parents won't react well?"

Oh yeah, that. He sighs. "They're very . . . traditional." Buck frowns. "Church every week, comments about 'unnatural' kids at my school, you know the type. I'm just afraid to tell them something that would shatter their image of the 'perfect family' they've tried very hard to raise."

Buck's getting heated, he can already tell. "Eddie, if you're not going to feel safe—"

"No, it's not like that," Eddie interrupts. "Look, they love me. I'm sure it will be fine eventually. I just want to figure out exactly what's going on with me, and my identity, and then I can better explain it to them. I just don't know how long that's going to be."

Buck backs down, begrudgingly. "Okay. But promise me you'll tell me if that changes."

"I will, I promise." Eddie gives him his most reassuring smile.

Buck eyes him for another minute, then lets it go. "Alright, which 5th grader's lunch did you steal this time?"

Eddie gasps, grinning. "I'll have you know the kid just handed it to me, I would never steal." He pulls out his food, which admittedly, still looks as stereotypically middle school as the first time Buck mentioned it. But whatever, it works for him.

The rest of the day, Eddie's in high spirits. Bobby pulls him aside before their class starts and tells him that Christopher is always welcome, and he's happy to watch him too if need be. Eddie'd be lying if he said it didn't choke him up a little. Maybe he can finally go to one of those family dinners that Buck keeps inviting him to.

Buck drops him and Chris off at their home, squeezing his hand in lieu of the kiss Eddie's sure he'd much rather be giving. But he's respecting Eddie's wishes, and Eddie falls all the more for him for it.

The next month is bliss. Buck picks him and Christopher up about once a week, and they establish an easy schedule with him. Buck's stocked his room with more supplies, so now he's got a little rocker and a blanket for Chris to lie down on when he's there. Eddie tries to tell him he doesn't need to be spending the money on this —even though it's extremely sweet— but Buck tells him he's just spoiling his favorite Diaz, and to not be jealous.

One afternoon, in the hour they have for lunch before classes begin again, Eddie asks him what he's been wondering about from day one.

They're laying together, Buck up against the headboard and Eddie playing with his fingers from where he's got his head in Buck's lap. He tilts his head up, making eye contact. "Can you tell me your long story?"

Buck looks down at him, puzzled, before his face clears and Eddie can see that he remembers. He nods slowly. "Yeah, but it's not a very fun one, just so you know."

Eddie takes the hand he's already got and laces their fingers together. "I don’t mind, I wanna know you. We can wait though, if you don't want to yet."

Buck brushes his free hand through Eddie’s hair. "No, it's okay. I want you to know me too." He looks up at the ceiling, gathering his thoughts. Eddie takes the minute to sit up so he's facing Buck head on, hands still locked together.

"So I've told you about Maddie obviously." Eddie nods. "Well, what you don't know, and what I didn’t know until just over a year ago, was that I had another brother, Daniel."

Eddie doesn't know what he was expecting, but it probably wasn't that. Buck goes on. "He uh, he died when he was a kid, childhood leukemia."

"Buck, I'm so sorry," Eddie murmurs.

Buck scoffs. "It gets worse. His um, his treatments weren't working, and Maddie and my parents weren't a good match, so . . ." He trails off, eyes starting to shine with moisture.

With a sinking feeling, Eddie realizes where this is going.

"They decided to have me, in hopes that I would be."

Oh God. "Buck, it's not your fault that you weren't."

Buck shakes his head. "No, I was. They took what they needed from me, it just didn't work. He died anyway."

Jesus Christ. Eddie tugs at their interlocked hands, bringing Buck into his arms and letting him cry there. And cry he does, little silent, shuddering sobs until he finally pulls back, wiping at his eyes.

"It explained a lot about my parents growing up. I always felt like they had a hard time looking at me, I just didn't know why. Now I do."

"That's so fucked up, Buck," Eddie says. "You didn't deserve that."

Buck shrugs. "No, but it happened anyway. I found out about it like a month into last school year. I was in Bobby's class, like I said, and my grades and attendance tanked. He noticed and invited me to meet him during his office hours so he could help one on one. I did that for a while until I eventually lost it and explained it all to him. He didn't want me to be alone after that so he took me back to his house for dinner and we've been pretty much family ever since."

Eddie makes a mental note to send Bobby a fruit basket or something. He doesn't want to think about where Buck might be right now if he hadn't stepped in and showed him love and support.

"I don't— I don't even know what to say."

Buck gives him a watery smile. "You being here and listening is enough."

That's not enough for Eddie though. He grips Buck’s hands tighter. "No, you are a remarkable person. The care you have shown me, shown my son, is more than I ever could've imagined. Fuck your parents." At that, Buck lets out a startled laugh. "They missed out on a really amazing kid, and that is completely on them, not on you."

Buck surges forward, knocking Eddie over and kissing him. It's wet, but perfect, and Eddie winds his arms around Buck's neck, pulling him down closer.

"You know, you're not so bad yourself," Buck whispers, when they finally manage to separate. "Any terrible family trauma you feel like sharing now, make it even?"

"Nothing on that level, no," Eddie laughs. They lay in comfortable silence for a moment before he thinks of something. "You wanna hear the real reason I'm choosing physical therapy?"

Buck sits up, pulling Eddie with him. "I wasn't aware there was one."

"What I told you before was all true, there's just a little extra to it." Extra that Eddie’s not even sure he realized had an influence, but looking back it's so obvious that it did.

"Years ago, when I was about seven, my dad hurt his shoulder on the job. I was excited at first, because he didn't spend a lot of time at home, but then he started his PT. Every day he had it, he would come home so angry. Just frustrated and irritable, muttering about how the guy was a dick and he hated every session." Eddie didn't even know he remembered this so vividly, but it's all rushing back. "It stressed my mom out bad, and in turn stressed me out."

Buck hums sympathetically, keeping a grounding hand on Eddie's knee.

"I remember," Eddie continues, "thinking that I could do that when I grew up. I could be someone kinder, more cheerful, do a better job and then maybe the people that had to go wouldn't come home to their families with so much negative emotion."

He blows a breath out. "Anyway, it's kinda silly and also not exactly traumatic, but . . ."

"No, no," Buck protests. "I think it's adorable. Well, not adorable in the sense that you were seven and worrying about how to make your father less mad, but you're just so good. You always have been."

Eddie sighs. "I sure hope my parents will agree with you."

"They will," Buck says earnestly. "It's gotta be impossible not to think that." He gives Eddie a sly grin. "And if not, fuck 'em."

Eddie snorts. "So we can both be parentless?"

"Nah, I'm sure Bobby will adopt you too. You know he asks every week if you're going to come to dinner?"

That's . . . actually really nice to hear. Eddie still hasn't made it to one, afraid to do anything out of his usual routine that might clue his family in onto anything. Well, not Sophia. Sophia's probably had too many clues at this point; Eddie is half convinced she knows and is just not saying anything. Which if so, she's getting a really nice Christmas gift from him.

"Plus, Athena is dying to meet you. Apparently I can't shut up about you or whatever so she wants to see what the hype is about."

"Aww, baby," Eddie coos. "You talk about me?"

Buck shoves him lightly, but he does nod, pouting. "Yeah, I think their may be an 'Eddie' jar in my near future."

Eddie giggles. "What, you say my name and have to put a dollar in? Can I at least get a cut of the proceeds?"

Buck gets a glint in his eye, rising up on his knees and gently pushing Eddie down onto his back until he's hovering over him. He leans down, mouth pressed against Eddie's ear and whispers, "Only if you promise to take me somewhere really, really, nice."

Eddie shivers. "Deal," he breathes out.

Buck nips at his earlobe, pulling a whimper from Eddie, and then jumps up. "Come on, time to go to class."

Eddie lays there, glaring up at the ceiling. "You're a dick," he tells Buck.

Buck just smirks, all too pleased with himself. "Yeah, but I'm your dick."

Well, Eddie can't argue with that. He begrudgingly accepts Buck's hand and gets pulled off the bed, scowling all the way.

Once his school day is over, he takes the bus home, Buck going to Bobby’s, and stops short when he reaches the kitchen.

"Dad! I didn't know you were going to be home this early."

Ramon sits at the kitchen table, Helena next to him. The expressions on their faces are unreadable. Helena pats the seat next to her. "Come sit down, honey."

A cold feeling settles in his gut. "What's going on, what's wrong?" He sits down, which is good because his legs suddenly feel wobbly.

"We're just going to have a conversation Edmundo. It doesn't have to be anything bad," his father says.

Fuck. Well this feels bad. "W-what about?" Eddie stammers.

His parents look at each other, having a silent conversation with their eyes. His mother turns back to him. "My friend Camila paid me a visit this morning. I believe you know her daughter, Lauren?"

Yeah, Eddie went to high school with her but they weren't friends or anything. He doesn't think he's seen her since graduation. Eddie nods, eyes darting back and forth between his parents.

"Well," Helena continues, "Lauren goes to UTEP just like you, and she came home yesterday and told her mother something disturbing."

Oh god, oh no. Eddie’s going to be sick.

His mother keeps going, voice carefully controlled. "She said that she saw you and a boy cuddled up together in the library, and you kissed him."

Ramon finally jumps in. "We wanted to give you a chance to defend yourself, before we have to make any decisions."

Oh my god, decisions? What kind of decisions? Heart pounding, Eddie opens his mouth but nothing comes out.

Helena rolls her eyes. "Come on Eddie, was she telling the truth or not?"

Squeezing his eyes shut, Eddie nods. There's a soft sound as his mother inhales sharply, and she turns to Ramon. He dips his head, face like stone, and she turns back, giving Eddie a sickly sweet smile.

"That's okay, honey." And that's— what?

"R-really?"

She stretches her hand across the table to his, grasping it. "Of course, we can still fix it. I spoke with your Tio and he'd be happy to give you your spot back at his shop. Adriana's friend has an older sister, she's just lovely. I'm going to give you her number—"

Eddie yanks his hand back, standing up. The chair screeches as it's pushed back, but he can barely hear it over the rushing in his ears. "What?"

Helena tilts her head. "Obviously you can't stay in college anymore Eddie, it's putting all these ideas into your head."

Eddie can't think. "You . . . you want me to drop out?"

"It’s what best, then you can stop your little experiment with this boy and—"

"I love him."

Helena stops entirely, stunned speechless. Ramon stands up slowly, and Eddie’s heart drops.

"What did you say?" His voice is soft, but there's a threatening undercurrent to it.

Eddie can't take it back though. He's tired of hiding, of hiding himself, of hiding the fact that he found someone so amazing, someone he's so proud to be with. A person he loves, even if he hadn't fully realized that until right now. But he does. He's in love with Buck, and he doesn’t want to keep it a secret anymore.

Eddie lifts his chin. "I said, I love him. He's not an experiment."

Ramon steps closer, nostrils flaring. "I'm giving you one more chance. You will leave college, and you will date this girl."

Gathering all of his courage, Eddie shakes his head. "No."

"Then get out."

Eddie’s mouth drops open. "Y-you don't mean that." He looks to his mother, surely she wouldn't agree to this, but she's still sitting at the table, silent.

"I mean it, Edmundo. No son of mine would choose to live this—this lifestyle." Ramon snarls the last word. "It's not natural, not right."

Eddie staggers back. He's suddenly finding it hard to breathe, wishing more than anything he and Buck had just stayed in his dorm room. "Mama. Mama please." But she won't look at him.

"Can I," he stumbles over a sob. "Can I please say bye to the girls?"

His dad shakes his head. "They won't be back until the morning, they're at a sleepover." Jesus. Clearly, they'd spent a lot of time planning this, this fucked up intervention, so that they could cut him out of their lives all the easier if it didn't go the way they wanted.

Eddie sags, knees weak. "Okay. I'll just . . . pack mine and Christopher’s things, and—"

"Christopher stays here."

And thats—that's a level of evil Eddie couldn't have ever expected, even after he's lived through the last ten minutes.

"You can't be serious." He storms out of the kitchen and into his bedroom, snatching Chris out of his crib. Chris startles at the movement, letting out a cry.

His parents meet him at the foyer, arms crossed.

"Eddie, hand him over," Ramon demands.

Eddie laughs, loud and harsh. "Fat fucking chance."

His mother finally speaks, pleading with him. "Eddie, you can still do what's best for your son. Don't do this to him, don't drag him down with you. He doesn't deserve that."

And that hurts. Eddie feels like he's been stabbed repeatedly since he came home and that— that was the fatal blow.

"I'm your son," he cries. "How can you do this? Don't you— don't you love me?"

"We do, Eddie, of course we do," Helena gasps. "That's what makes this so hard. Just please, give us Chris, and maybe when you take some time and reconsider, we can put this all behind us." She smiles, holding her arms out.

There is not a chance in hell Eddie does that. He holds Christopher to him tighter. "You're going to have to pry him out my arms yourself if you want him," he hisses.

She sighs, but neither of them move. Casting one final look at the home he grew up in, the one he's now being forced from, Eddie grabs his bag that he'd dropped by the door when he came in and leaves.

He gets halfway down his street before he collapses on a bench, letting out a sob. With shaky fingers, he pulls out his phone and navigates to Buck’s contact.

Pick up pick up pick up. But he doesn’t, the call ringing out to voicemail. "Shit," he whispers, wiping at his eyes with his free hand. Buck's at Bobby's for dinner right now, he remembers. He fumbles over to his messages, where Buck had sent him the address a few weeks ago with a just in case you change your mind!

Okay. He can—he can get there by bus, he just has to get to the station. God, he misses his car.

Eddie drags himself the mile to the station, powering his legs through the sheer force of will to get Christopher a safe place for the night. He gets there in the nick of time, sinking into a seat with a relieved sigh.

Chris, on the other hand, is getting a little fussy. "Its okay, mijo, it's okay," Eddie murmurs. "Just a little while longer and then we'll be somewhere nice and warm, and we can get you some dinner."

He stares out the window as the ride goes by, feeling hollowed out inside. He knew his parents had some . . . outdated views, but he never could've imagined how badly it would go. He pinches himself, on the half chance he's just stuck in a nightmare but no luck.

By the time he reaches his stop, tears have been rolling down his cheeks for a good 15 minutes. It's another little bit of a walk to Bobby's house and by the end of it, he's shaking so bad he can barely stand, the weight of what had just happened pressing down on him.

Eddie makes it up the steps to the correct house and rings the doorbell, trying to take a deep breath but only being about halfway successful. The door swings open and he's greeted by Bobby, who looks happily surprised to see him for a second before it immediately shifts to concern.

Eddie starts before he can say anything. "Hi, B-Bobby, can we please stay here? Just for tonight and then h-hopefully I can figure something else out—" he babbles out, before Bobby is out on the porch with him, wrapping an arm around his shoulders and bringing them inside. The house is warm and cozy, but Eddie can barely feel it, the blood going through his veins more like ice than anything else.

"Yes, obviously, Eddie, you can stay as long as you need." Bobby shuts the door, grabbing Eddie’s backpack from him and setting it down. "Are you okay?"

"Bobby? Who was at the door?" Buck comes round the corner, and his eyes widen at the sight of Eddie. "Hey, what's going on?" he asks, striding over.

"My— my parents—" Eddie can't breathe. He physically can't take in air. "Take— take him," he gasps, thrusting Chris, who's also starting to lose it, towards Buck, who grabs him immediately.

With Christopher safe, Eddie finally fully breaks down, wheezing and clutching at his chest. Is he having a heart attack? It feels like a heart attack.

Faintly, he can hear Chris wailing in the background and Buck's frantic questions. Bobby's voice cuts in, firm and dependable. "Buck, go take him in the other room. I've got Eddie."

Christopher's cries go quieter as Buck presumably exits, not that Eddie can see it. He's sunk to the ground now, black spots dancing in front of his eyes. He feels a presence kneel down in front of him.

"Okay, Eddie, let's do some breathing. You're here, you're safe, Christopher is safe." A hand grasps his, pulling until it presses into a solid chest. "Can you feel that?"

Eddie nods rapidly, still trying to pull in air.

"Good. Feel how it's moving?" Bobby pauses as be takes a few exaggerated breaths. "I want you to try and do it with me. In for 1,2,3,4," he counts patiently. "And out for 1,2,3,4. Good job Eddie, you’re doing great."

He repeats the process until Eddie starts to feel like he's probably not dying. His heart rate calms down, and he looks up, embarrassed.

Bobby smiles kindly. "Let's get you off the hard floor." He takes Eddie’s other hand and pulls him up, bracing him when he stumbles a bit. "Can I— do you want a hug?"

Yeah. Yeah he would actually. He nods, face screwing up as he tries not to cry again and falls into it. Bobby’s warm and sturdy, and exactly what Eddie needed right now. With the panic fading into the background, he's hit with a wave of utter exhaustion, and he's sure Bobby can feel the way he leans more of his weight on him.

"Come on, go lie down on the couch." Bobby guides him in, despite Eddie's protests.

"I need . . . I need to explain."

"You can do that later, after you rest. We'll still be here."

"O-okay." Eddie settles into the couch, and god it's comfortable. "But just for a minute, alright?"

Bobby hums. He squeezes Eddie's arm and despite his best efforts, his eyes slip closed.

Chapter Text

Buck thinks he is keeping remarkable composure right now, considering the circumstances. He's pretty sure he's never going to be able to get the sight of Eddie crying and gasping for air out his head though. He was finally able to get Christopher to calm down enough to eat some food Athena had put together, which seemed to help.

She'd left not long after, running to the store to grab a few things, citing there's no way that boy brought everything he's going to need in that little backpack of his. She had Buck write her a list of what formula brand and other products he's seen Eddie use, gave him a hug and told him to breathe, he doesn’t need you freaking out too, and was on her way.

He exits the kitchen, Chris on his hip, ready to hopefully talk to Eddie and get the rundown on what happened only to find him curled up asleep on the couch. There's dried tear tracks staining his cheeks and he's tucked into himself, as if he's trying to take up as little space as possible. It makes Buck's heart hurt.

"Do you have any idea what might have happened?"

Buck turns to find Bobby coming out of the hallway. He comes to a stop next to him, hands on his hips as they both look down at Eddie.

Not specifically no, but he certainly has an idea. "I have a guess," he says darkly. And it has everything to do with the parents Buck's never met, but now has half a mind to go introduce himself and then make good use of his fist.

Bobby eyes him, then nods. "Yeah, I have a guess too." He wouldn't have quite as much information as Buck to go off of, but he has enough, courtesy of Buck's inability to keep his mouth shut when it comes to his boyfriend.

Christopher makes a small sound, and Buck notices his eyes are drooping.

"I made up the guest room," Bobby says, observant as ever. "You can go lay him down on the bed and then help me clean up?"

"Thanks, yeah, I'll do that." He takes Chris down to the room and sets him down. "I know your dad likes to bathe you before bed normally but he's a little tired," Buck whispers to him. "So we're letting him rest a while. I'm sure you understand." He strokes his little cheek. "You look tired too, buddy. I know this place is a little unfamiliar but everyone here loves you, so you just sleep tight."

He leaves the door cracked open a bit, so they can hear him if he makes any noise, and returns to the living room. Eddie has a blanket now that Bobby must've tucked around him, and he's burrowed down into it, face barely visible.

Unable to resist, Buck leans down and brushes a kiss over his forehead before heading into the kitchen, where Bobby is starting on the dishes.

Bobby gestures to the leftover food he must've brought in from the table. "Why don't you fill a dish with whatever Eddie would like and we'll keep it warm in the oven until he wakes up."

Another great idea. God he's so grateful for Bobby and Athena, they've jumped in and already done so much. Buck probably would've been a bit lost if it was just him, unable to fully help Eddie in the way he deserves.

He does so, preparing a small plate since experience has taught him that Eddie only picks at his food when he's stressed, and a large portion would just get overwhelming.

They finish cleaning up, so Buck checks on Chris, who's sleeping soundly, and then settles in the armchair near the couch and pulls out his homework. Though he probably shouldn't have bothered since all he does is stare at Eddie, tracing the contours of his slightly furrowed brow with his eyes. It's only about another twenty minutes and then Eddie is shifting, lifting an arm to rub his face. Buck, because he hasn't read even a single paragraph in his textbook, catches the way he looks around confused for a second before the realization slams into him and the misery sets in.

Eddie sits up, putting his head in his hands and Buck hurries to sit right next to him. "Hey, you're okay," he soothes, rubbing up and down his back. Or at least, he will be okay. Later, probably. Buck will make sure.

Bobby, who must've heard the faint voices, comes in carrying a steaming mug. "How are you feeling?" he asks, setting it down in front of Eddie. He takes the armchair Buck just vacated.

Eddie shrugs, lip wobbling. "Been better. Where's Chris?"

"Sleeping snug as a bug in the guest room," Buck reassures.

"That's—that's good." Eddie tentatively reaches for the tea, taking a sip when Bobby nods. "How long was I out?"

"About an hour," Buck responds. " It's a little after eight. Are you ready to talk? Tell us what happened?" he asks, still rubbing Eddie's back.

Eddie stares into the mug. "My parents kicked me out." Buck had expected as much, but it's still upsetting to hear it confirmed. "I guess one my old classmates also goes to UTEP and she saw us in the library yesterday. Her mom is friends with mine so . . ."

So it spread, as if it was some nasty rumor to be passed about with hushed whispers and secrecy, instead of a normal relationship where Buck is the happiest he's ever felt.

"She and my dad confronted me when I got home," Eddie continues, voice monotone. "They gave me an ultimatum: drop out and date this girl they chose, or get out of the house."

"Oh, Eddie," Buck murmurs. How any parent could do that, let alone one to a kid like Eddie, who is about as close to perfect as anyone Buck knows, is beyond him.

"I— I said no and they . . . they tried to tell me that Christopher would be staying with them so—"

Buck and Bobby both suck in a breath. "Eddie," Buck repeats, aghast. He is maybe the most angry he's ever felt. Just earlier today, Eddie had been so cute and happy and Buck was holding back the words I love you like his life depended on it. Now Eddie's eyes are puffy, and his hands won't stop shaking, and he looks broken. Buck wants to bundle him up in his arms and never let him leave the house, that way no one could ever make him look like that again.

"I— I just grabbed him and left." Eddie looks up at them, eyes huge and wet. "I'm really sorry for showing up here unannounced, and putting this all on you, I just didn't know where else to go."

"Frankly, Eddie, if you'd gone anywhere else but here, I'd have been upset," Bobby cuts in. He leans forward, giving Eddie a soft smile, but it's like he doesn't hear it, still barreling ahead in his distress.

"I, um, Christopher needs formula, and— and diapers. I can go get some tonight, I just, fuck, I need a ride."

"Boys," Athena calls out, unintentionally interrupting with great timing. "I need help unloading the car. Oh," she says, when she spots Eddie. "Not you honey, you stay there and rest."

Buck gets up, gently pushing Eddie back down from where he'd already been half on his feet. "You heard her, babe. We got it." He and Bobby get out to the garage, grabbing bags.

Athena meets them by the trunk, raising her eyebrows. "So what happened?" she asks lowly.

Bobby exhales, frowning. "Parents found out about him and Buck, kicked him out."

Athena shakes her head. "That's what I figured. Poor boy."

Buck huffs. "That's not all though." He can barely get the words out, he's so mad. "They tried to take Chris from him too, when he refused to drop out and let them set him up with a girl."

Athena's mouth drops open. "Good lord."

"I know."

They bring the items inside the house, unloading everything onto the counter. Athena approaches Eddie, holding her hand out. "I'm Athena, Bobby's wife. We haven't officially met even though loverboy over there makes it feel like we have."

"Hey," Buck says indignantly.

It coaxes a tiny smile out of Eddie though, so Buck forgives her pretty fast.

"Why don't you come over in the kitchen and let me know if there's anything I missed. Buck put together a pretty good list but you never know."

Confused, Eddie gets up and does as she asks. When he catches sight of the array on the counter, his eyes widen and he whips his head back and forth, looking at all of them. "This is—this is too much." His voice breaks and Buck goes over, wrapping an arm around his waist. It is a lot. There's bottles, formula, diapers, baby wipes, pacifiers, even a couple outfits, and more. It's kinda like a baby shower exploded in their house.

"It's not too much," Bobby promises. "It's what you need, isn't it?"

"Here's the deal," Athena says. "You have to have enough supplies to tide you over while we give your parents a few days to come to their senses and take back their decision, or reach out and offer to hand all of your things over. If that time passes and nothing, then we go take it ourselves."

That sounds good to Buck, except for one part. He opens his mouth to voice it but Bobby beats him to it.

"Honestly, I don't love the idea of you going back to the people who kicked you out and tried to take your son from you, no matter how sincere the apology, but I can't make your decisions for you."

Eddie gapes at them, his body warm where he's leaning it on Buck. "You . . . this is so kind, but I can't ask you to do all this. I'm not even— you guys barely even know me."

Bobby shakes his head, coming closer. "We know enough. Buck certainly knows. We know you're a great father who, under no circumstances, deserved what you went through today." He smiles, eyes warm. "I promise you Eddie, you are exactly where you need to be."

Eddie sags, and Buck tightens his arm. He really hopes Eddie gets that through his head because if he tries to suggest that he isn't worth the effort one more time, Buck is going to lose it.

"T-thank you," Eddie says, wiping at his eyes. "I know I kept saying I would figure something out but I really had no idea what I was going to do."

"Yeah, no one thought you did, babe," Buck teases. Eddie knocks his hip against him in protest, but he's finally smiling, and Buck is so relieved he's almost dizzy.

Athena claps her hands together. "Good, that's settled. Eddie, you're staying here. For as long as you need or want, it's completely up to you. Now, have you had anything to eat?" Eddie shakes his head and Buck straightens up.

"Oh," he exclaims. "The food." Buck releases his boyfriend and grabs an oven mitt, taking Eddie's dish out of the oven. He'd completely forgotten about it. "Bobby made lasagna. There's salad in the fridge too."

Eddie manages about half the plate, which is honestly better than Buck was expecting. He slumps against Buck, yawning, and Buck turns to kiss his temple. "Time for bed? I keep a few things on hand here, so you can just borrow whatever you need."

Eddie nods, blinking tiredly. They make to get up before Bobby comes in, sitting at the table across from them. "Hold on for a sec," he says. "I wanted to tell you Eddie, because I don't think anyone has today—at least not in plain words— that your parents are wrong. There is nothing wrong with you, nothing wrong with the way you love. You've been figuring yourself out and I'm so impressed with the courage you've shown to do that, to be with Buck and let him be with you." He smiles. "I just wanted you to know that."

Well shit. Through teary eyes, Buck looks over at Eddie and finds him in the same boat. After a moment, Eddie clears his throat. "That means a lot Bobby, thank you."

"Of course. Now get to bed, you look exhausted." He settles a hand on Eddie's shoulder and gives it a firm squeeze before exiting.

Eddie blows a breath out, looking to Buck, who grabs his hand and leads him to the bedroom. Athena has apparently set up the little cot she bought and transferred Christopher to it, so the bed is now free. Buck grabs a worn shirt and some sweats, pressing them into Eddie's hands. "Here, you change and I'll go grab a new toothbrush out of the cabinet."

Eddie catches his sleeve before he can leave. "Will you . . . will you stay in here with me? Tonight?" He's looking at him, all big, brown, pleading eyes and Buck couldn't refuse even if he wanted to.

"Absolutely. Wouldn't dream of leaving."

He shoots Ravi a text that he might not be back in his dorm for a few days, and then they go through a pretty bare bones night routine, just pajamas and teeth, before climbing under the covers. Buck wastes no time in tugging Eddie to him, tucking Eddie's head under his chin and wrapping his limbs around him. Eddie sighs, relaxing into it, and his breathing deepens within minutes. Buck, fairly wiped out as well from the evening, follows suit shortly after.

He awakens sometime later, the room still dark, to find Eddie no longer pressed against him. Disoriented, he rolls over and sees Eddie scooted over to the end of the bed, shoulders shaking. "Oh baby," he murmurs, his body moving to hug Eddie from behind like it's second nature. "I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry," he whispers into his neck.

Eventually, Eddie's silent cries stop and he takes a shuddering breath. "I didn't mean to wake you."

"No, please wake me," Buck begs. He doesn't know how many times he's going to have to tell him that he wants Eddie's problems. Buck wants every part of Eddie, even the ones that might seem ugly, or too much. That's what you do when you love someone. He hasn't said that specifically though yet, for fear of Eddie thinking it's too fast. "I want to be here for you, okay?"

"Okay," Eddie whispers, snuggling back in. He sleeps through to the morning, or at least, Buck hopes he does, since he wasn't awoken again.

Christopher is stirring in his cot when Buck untangles himself, Eddie still fast asleep, so he scoops him up and brings him to the kitchen. "Good morning," he says to Bobby, who's working at the stove.

"Morning," Bobby says, and then turns and sees Chris. His eyes light up and he grins. "And good morning to you too," he says, poking Christopher's chest. Chris stares, like he's not quite sure how to feel, but then a smile stretches across his face and he giggles. God, he's so fucking cute, Buck can hardly stand it.

"Did Athena go to work?"

"Yeah, she was out of here pretty early. Eddie still asleep?"

"Out like a light."

"Good, he needs it."

Buck agrees. "I woke up to him crying again, I wanna say around three?" And it's just as heartbreaking remembering it as it was in the moment.

Bobby hums, mouth downturned. "You weren't planning on going to class today, were you?"

Buck hadn't actually thought about it, but he knows immediately that no, no way they're bothering with school today. He's sure Eddie will try to go anyway but Buck will tie him down if he has to. "Definitely not."

"I went ahead and canceled my classes today too," Bobby says. "Thought it would be nice to just spend a chill day at home with everyone."

Buck shouldn't be surprised at this point but he still is. "I haven't even thanked you yet, Bobby," he says, shifting Chris to his other hip. "You've been a lifesaver, seriously. I know it means the world to Eddie, and it does to me too, that you and Athena would take him in like this."

Bobby waves it off. "He's a great kid, Buck. It's not even close to a hardship. Besides, I'm just doing what I wish someone would've done for me when I was that age. I wasn't in as rough of a situation as he ended up in obviously, but an adult stepping in and showing that someone cared would've done wonders."

"Well, you still turned out pretty good," Buck states. "I'm proof of that."

"I'd certainly like to think so," Bobby sighs. "And you would've been okay without me, you're a pretty special kid too, you know."

"Maybe," Buck muses. "But I'm glad I didn't have to be."

"Yeah, yeah," Bobby says, wrapping an arm around Buck and giving him a hug as best he could with Chris squished between them. "I'm pretty glad too."

Buck's slicing up some fruit for Chris, Bobby taking a turn holding him, when he remembers something. "Bobby, do you still have the supplies from when May did her art project here?"

Bobby thinks for a moment. "I think so, why?"

Buck grins. "I just had a great idea."

An hour later, Eddie wanders in. He's adorably rumpled, Buck's clothes hanging just a tad loose on him and hair going in all directions, and Buck has never wanted to do anything more than he wants to press him up against the wall and kiss him senseless. He refrains, pretty sure Eddie wouldn't appreciate being ravished in front of his son and Buck's pseudo father, not to mention he's not exactly in the appropriate mental state. It takes more effort than he expected, though.

Instead, he just wraps him in a hug and when Eddie lifts his chin, he happily obliges and presses a soft kiss to his lips. "You doing okay?"

"As good as I can be right now. This helps," Eddie says, tucking himself back in to Buck's chest. He stays there for a moment, then pulls back with a sigh. "Okay, where's my baby? It feels like forever since I've seen him."

"He's fed and hanging with Bobby right now."

"I wonder if we can squeeze in a bath before—" Eddie's eyes widen. "Oh fuck, school. We gotta go, we're so late."

Yeah, Buck knows his boyfriend. "Nope," he says cheerfully. "We're not even giving that a second thought today. In fact," he grabs Eddie's hand and leads them to the dining room, "here is your project for the day."

He gestures to the table, where there's paint, pencils, markers, papers, poster boards, basically anything you might need for an art project. Christopher, who's sitting on Bobby's lap, perks up at the sight of his dad. Eddie rounds the table and swoops him up, pressing kisses to his cheeks. If Buck had thought the sight of Eddie in his clothes before was sexy, try adding being a loving, affectionate father on top of it. His heart skips a beat and he must be making a dopey face, because Bobby smirks knowingly at him.

Eddie, having finished greeting his son, finally notices the setup on the table. "What's all this?" he asks.

"Well, I know you said you were pretty artistic as a kid, but kinda fell off of it as you got older. A-and you miss it —I know you do, don't deny it— so I figured it would be fun to just relax and draw or paint or do whatever the hell you want." Buck wrings his hands together, suddenly worried that what he thought was a stroke of genius was actually completely off base and Eddie quit making art because he hated it.

But Eddie stares at him, and the shining look in his eyes just about bowls Buck over. "That sounds perfect, Buck."

Reassured, Buck grins. "Great! So feel free to gather all your feelings about the shit that just happened and throw them onto one or many of these papers. Or just paint a pretty tree or something, that's probably what I'm going to do."

Eddie walks over, cupping Buck's cheek with his free hand. "You are incredible. I do want to shower first though, and give Chris a bath. And eat breakfast."

"I made french toast," Bobby volunteers. "There's a plate covered in foil for you on the counter."

Eddie's eyes light up at the words, and Buck is now an afterthought at the mention of food. He scarfs down his portion, his appetite finally back and then gets through the other tasks.

He emerges from them smelling of Buck's body wash and wrapped yet again in more of Buck's clothes, which is, to absolutely no one's surprise, doing a number on Buck's self-control. And Eddie, the little tease, seems to have picked up on Buck's internal struggle, if the extra sway he puts into his hips when walking away is any indication. Buck, predictably, has to take a second to compose himself before joining Eddie at the table.

Bobby has pulled out his record player, and music plays softly from it. When they sit down, Christopher on Buck's lap this time, Eddie doesn't start right away. He stares at the pile before him, chewing at his lip. When he notices Buck looking at him, he just shrugs. "It's been so long, I'm not sure where to begin."

Buck hums, thinking. "What was your favorite thing to doodle as a kid?"

Eddie only has to think back for minute before he's answering. "We had a neighborhood cat that would hang around. I always wanted one but my mother was allergic. This one just showed up one day and I would spend hours outside just hanging out with her." He smiles wistfully. "I called her Miga because she was so little. I never knew if she belonged to someone or if she was just a stray."

God, that is so cute. Buck wishes that there could be photos of little Eddie and the cat he could see but knowing his parents, there's no way they ever had the thought to bother to take a picture.

"Anyway, I'm sure there's a journal somewhere still in my room that's just filled with sketches of her."

Buck is getting Eddie a cat. He doesn't know when, he doesn't know how, but it's happening. He pushes the colored pencils towards Eddie. "Why don't you start with that?"

Eddie's eyes shimmer and he dashes at them, clearing his throat. "I think I will." He plucks the orange pencil from the pile. Taking a breath, he tentatively makes the first stroke.

Buck, who'd been planning on trying a very basic flower, forgets he was even going to participate. Instead, he watches Eddie ease into it, his hesitant motions becoming more confident by the minute. He's the picture of concentration, dropping and picking up more colors, bringing the vision in his head to life.

Eventually, Eddie finishes, tilting his head at it. He looks up at Buck, biting his lip and sliding the paper over. Buck looks down at what is admittedly a very adorable cat.

"Eddie, this is amazing," Buck says. And he's serious, it's a genuinely good drawing. The love Eddie had for the cat is clear in the way he depicted her, even Buck can tell that and he knows absolutely nothing about art.

Eddie flushes, huffing a modest laugh. "Thank you. What about yours?" He glances over at Buck's paper, only to find it completely blank. He raises an eyebrow, questioning.

Oh right. Buck scratches at the back of his neck. "I, uh, I got distracted?"

Eddie's cheeks get redder somehow. "Watching me?"

"Is that so hard to believe? You're quite . . . enchanting." Buck winks. He says it like it's kind of a joke, mostly for Eddie's benefit so he doesn't get embarrassed and quit altogether, but he's pretty sure he could watch Eddie draw all day. Buck wants to know the way his mind works, what he starts with when he's creating something new, what he spends the most time on because it's the most important to get right, what colors are his favorite to use.

"Oh shut up," Eddie says, but he's grinning, albeit a bit bashfully.

"So what's next?"

"What's next," Bobby says, emerging from the kitchen where he'd been prepping for lunch, "is you give me Christopher so that you can work on something, Buck."

"That's just an excuse you came up with so you could hold him," Buck says pouting. "I can still use my right hand just fine."

"Ah, but now your left is free too." Bobby smiles innocently from where he's now holding Chris. "And I get a turn with this little angel. Everyone wins."

Buck grumbles to himself but he can't stay "mad" for long, not after seeing the look on Eddie's face as he watches Bobby coo at his son. So he gets to work, outlining his flower before filling it in with the paint. It doesn't turn out half bad actually, and he basks in the praise Eddie gives him when he shows it to him.

They keep going, taking a break for lunch but then starting right back up again. It's some of the most fun Buck's had in his life. He's started making increasingly bad portraits of everyone, including himself, getting a kick out of how hard Eddie laughs at each one. They take turns holding Christopher, giving him crayons and letting him go wild on a paper of his own. There's a glow on Eddie's face that Buck hasn't seen before, the opportunity to flex his creative muscles that have been laying dormant for so long clearly doing wonders.

And damn if he isn't good at it. Buck's been thoroughly impressed with everything that Eddie has put to paper. It's a travesty he hasn't done this in years.

"You ever think about taking some art classes?" Buck asks, when the activity is winding down. Bobby offered to take Chris on a walk around the neighborhood, give him some fresh air, so he figures now is a good time to bring this up.

Eddie shakes his head. "Not really, no."

"I think you should consider it. You look happy when you do this, and I want to see what else you can do." Buck stretches his hand across the table and grips Eddie's. "You have a real talent, Eddie. I'm not saying to make it a career or anything, but this is something that I think could be really good for you."

Eddie sighs, but he gives Buck a grateful smile. "I hear you, I really do. But I don't know how I'm going to pay for the rest of my degree, let alone extra classes, without going way into debt." He takes his hand back and folds his arms. "I just can't justify spending the money on it."

So Buck has a solution. He's just 95% sure Eddie would never agree to it. He's gotta try though. "I can— I can help. If you want."

Confused, Eddie looks at him. His mouth quirks up. "What, rob any banks recently?"

Buck chuckles, ducking his head. "No, nothing like that. M-my parents are . . . well off, you could say. The most love they've ever shown me is my fairly sizeable trust fund."

Eddie sees where Buck is going with it, and just as expected, he refuses immediately. "No, I can't accept that."

"I know, I know, it goes against every instinct you have, but just think about it. You hate my parents, correct?"

Eddie leans back, intrigued. "You got me there."

"And if I had told you about the fund earlier, and said I was feeling weird about using the money, what would your advice to me be?"

He thinks for a moment. "Probably to take it, and spend it however the fuck you want. Obviously it doesn't take the place of the love and attention they should've shown you, which again, fuck your parents, but if this is something available to you that can make the rest of your life any easier, then don't let their godawful parenting take yet another thing from you."

Okay great. "So," Buck hedges, "I want to spend it on you. That's what I want."

Eddie sighs, frowning. "Buck . . ."

"Look, it should go towards something good, right? And it's not like you'd be taking it from me either, believe me there is plenty for us both to get through school on it." He waits a moment, letting that settle before playing his trump card. "If not for you, then for Christopher."

Eddie glares at him, but Buck needs him to understand. "This can take away so much stress for you, Eddie. Debt is awful, and it follows you around forever. And I'm offering you a way to just—not. You're happier, therefore Chris is happier." His voice gets softer, pleading. "Let me do this, let me spend it on the people I love."

Eddie goes still at that, eyes widening.

Shit. Buck hadn't meant to imply that. But it's true, and he doesn't want to take it back. He takes a deep breath. "And I do. Love you, I mean. Y-you don't have to say anything back, I swear. I know it's really early but I know how I feel. I know how you make me feel."

Eddie's lip is quivering, fuck. He knew it would be potentially damaging to their relationship to let it out this soon but he doesn't regret it. Eddie deserves to know he's loved, from as many people as possible.

But then Eddie opens his mouth, and shuts up Buck's fears. "I love you too."

"W-what?" Buck's heart is pounding. There's no way he heard that right.

But Eddie is smiling, dragging a shaky hand down his face. "I realized it yesterday, when my parents were trying to make it so I never saw you again. I couldn't do it."

"Eddie," Buck whimpers. "You mean it? You don't think it's too fast?"

Eddie laughs wetly. "Oh it's definitely too fast. But who fucking cares, you know? It's our life. I love you, and that's what matters."

Buck nods to himself. "Yeah, okay. Can I just—" He stands up and rounds the table, pulling Eddie onto his feet and slamming their mouths together. God, he's been dying to do this all day. Eddie is soft against him, trembling slightly, and Buck is sucking him in like he's the air he needs to breathe. He tastes like the raspberry tea he's been drinking, and something so distinctly Eddie that Buck thinks he'll never be able to get enough of.

Eventually, they do have to break apart before one or both of them passes out, much to Buck's displeasure. Eddie brings his hand up, fingers brushing over his own lips. They stay close, breathing each other's air before Eddie draws back, raising his eyebrows.

"So, trust fund huh?"

Buck snorts, shaking his head. "Yeah, why do you think I was fine spending the money on those two coffees every day?"

Eddie snickers. "I don't know. I honestly didn't really think about it. I was too busy trying not to gag at some of the awful combinations you came up with."

"That was like, one time," Buck protests. "Most of them were pretty good and you know it."

"Yeah, they were," Eddie concedes, looping his arm through Buck's. "And they came from you, so really they were perfect."

They make their way into the kitchen, ready for a snack, when Eddie comes to an abrupt stop.

"What, what is it?" Buck turns back, then follows his gaze to where he's staring at the fridge. The fridge where Eddie's drawing of Miga is pinned up by a magnet, and below it hangs Christopher's mass of scribbles.

Eddie's eyes are glossy when Buck looks back at him. "I've just— most of my art always ended up in the trash if it wasn't in one of my journals. I've never had it displayed before." Jesus, can Athena come home soon? Buck needs to borrow her gun.

"Well," Buck says, putting thoughts of violence out of his head for the moment and wrapping an arm around Eddie's waist, "if I know Bobby, he's gonna have that thing up there for years."

"That's— that's nice," Eddie chokes out, leaning his head on Buck's shoulder.

The moment is interrupted by Athena, apparently summoned by Buck's thoughts, coming in. "Look who I found out wandering the neighborhood," she says with a grin. In her arms is Christopher, looking delighted to be with her.

Bobby follows her. "He wasn't wandering, I was with him the whole time." He sidles up to Eddie, mock whispering. "She just came up and took him from me, can you believe that?"

Athena scoffs. "You've been here the whole day, it's my turn."

They play argue over who gets Chris time and Buck turns to look at Eddie, who's watching it all with a mystified longing.

"You can stay, you know?"

"Hmm?" Eddie shakes himself out of his thoughts and turns to Buck.

"You can stay here. This can be your life." And god, he would deserve it. Buck knows how much better his life has been since Bobby and Athena welcomed him into theirs, and he wants that for Eddie too. He wants better for Eddie, who grew up with parents that always wanted him to be something more than he was, that never truly let him just be a kid.

Eddie shakes his head, disbelieving. "I— I don't— You can't know that for sure."

"No, but I know these people. I know how big their hearts are, how easily they open them up to newcomers. I can already tell they're attached, to both you and Christopher. You just have to let them in too."

Before Eddie can respond, Athena walks over, bouncing a giggling Chris. "How was your day today? Anything from your parents?"

"N-no."

Athena frowns. "I'm sorry baby."

"It's okay," Eddie says, ever the poster board for downplaying your own emotions. "I wasn't expecting anything anyway."

Athena squeezes his arm with her free hand. "It's their loss, you know that right? Besides, it just means we get you for longer and I'm not going to complain about that."

Buck nudges Eddie, as if to say I told you so. Eddie just puts his head back on Buck's shoulder, a small smile gracing his face.

They have a nice dinner, conversation flowing easily, and then they coax Eddie into trying a few board games, Athena complaining that they never get to play the four player ones when May and Harry are with their dad.

It's probably too late by the time they get to bed, Eddie having put down Chris a couple hours earlier. But it was worth it, if just for the way Eddie is loose against Buck, giggling and leaning against him as they go back to the bedroom. Buck had lost in spectacular fashion in their last round, and Eddie had found it hilarious.

They curl up together again, Eddie exhaling little puffs of air against Buck's neck. "I love you," he mumbles, half asleep already.

Buck strokes his hand up and down his back, reveling in the feel of Eddie in his arms. "I love you too," he whispers back. "Like a lot."

"Mmm, that's nice." And then he's asleep.

What a day. A day that Buck wishes wouldn't have been possible, due to the shit Eddie was put through prior to it, but he thinks they really made the best of it. And it was his favorite day in a long, long time.

Chapter Text

Eddie, due to the efforts of Bobby, Athena, and his incredible boyfriend, actually feels good enough to return to school the next day.

So they do, and it helps give him a sense of normality, like it's a regular day and once he's done, he'll ride the bus back home like he usually would. Except the day ends, and Buck drives him back to Bobby and Athena’s, and reality sets in once again.

The thing is, reality is pretty good. Eddie has started to establish somewhat of a routine the rest of the week. He wakes up and gets Christopher up as well; Bobby has made breakfast and they all sit down to enjoy it together. He gets ready for the day, and then Buck drives them to campus. They go a little early so that they can visit the cafe together and keep their coffee tradition running. After classes, they go back to Bobby and Athena's and work on school work and play with Chris.

Bobby will usually recruit one or both of them to help with dinner, or Athena will bring home takeout if Bobby has to stay on campus a little longer. After dinner, which is always eaten together, Eddie gives Christopher a bath and puts him down, and then the evenings have varied. Buck, seeing how much his art idea was a success, is now trying to get him to read again too. So sometimes he'll pick up a book, or they'll watch a movie if it's early enough, or they'll play another game. Then Eddie will shower, and snuggle up next to Buck in bed.

And through it all, he can't help comparing how much more at ease he feels in the Grant-Nash household than how he often felt at his own home. Eddie's third night there, he went to bed confused about why he felt so different, so much lighter. It was when he woke up that he realized it was because there was no condescending comment from his mother, or disappointed frown from his father, that he would usually agonize over before he would eventually fall asleep.

And that shook him. Buck found him sitting up on the bed that morning, deep in thought. He didn't press though, when Eddie indicated he didn't want to talk. He just brought him some tea and let him mull over it.

And mull over it he did. Eddie hadn't thought he'd had a bad childhood. He loved his parents, and his parents loved him. They were never overtly mean, or god forbid violent, and he never felt like he was unsafe. But he's now starting to learn that the absence of those things did not mean the presence of better.

Bobby and Athena are so kind, complimentary, and thoughtful, and they check in on him often. There is a warmth in their home that Eddie is coming to realize was missing in his. And more than anything else, it just makes him sad. He thinks of the way he grew up, how his parents treated and spoke to him, and tries to picture himself doing the same to Christopher. And that's where it really hits. Although he knows his parents love him, or at least they did as of a week ago, to him it still felt conditional. He had to work for it, deserve it.

Eddie tries to imagine Christopher feeling that way about him and nearly gets nauseous.

So he takes those thoughts and sits on them until the end of the week, and when there's still nothing from his parents, he makes a decision.

"I, um, I wanted to t-talk to you guys," Eddie stutters, from where he's pulled Bobby and Athena over to sit on the couch. They look at him expectantly, although Eddie detects a hint of nervousness from them both. It couldn't be anymore than he is, though.

"You have been amazing, more than I could've imagined, with helping me and Chris out and I know it's kinda been up in the air— on my part— on where I go next from this, and—" He takes a deep breath, trying to calm his heart rate. Buck always tells him he's really bad at asking for good things for himself, and this appears to be no different.

Bobby leans forward, trying to catch his eye, though Eddie isn't making it easy on him. When he finally does, he smiles reassuringly. "We're behind you, no matter what you choose to do."

That does help, and the words tumble from Eddie in one big burst. "I've realized I don't want Chris to grow up with my parents as an influence, and I can't afford anything else right now, so if it's still okay, we would like to keep staying here." He thinks back on what he said and cringes, rushing to clarify. "That came out wrong, I don't want you to think that the only reason we'd stay here is because I don't have the money for anything else, it's also mostly because you have made me feel safe and welcome and frankly more loved than I've ever felt at my own house—"

He's cut off by Bobby standing up and pulling him into a hug. Athena joins just a second after and Eddie exhales, dropping his head on Bobby's shoulder.

"Of course it's still okay, Eddie," Bobby says when they untangle.

"We didn't want to influence your decision but this is the one we were secretly hoping for," Athena adds, giving him a wink.

Eddie feels a heat building at the back of his eyes, but for once, he doesn't have to try to control it. He knows tears won't be held against him. Not here.

"Now, lets go get the rest of your stuff, okay?" Athena whips around, marching to the kitchen to grab her keys. "I reckon your parents have held onto it long enough," she calls over her shoulder.

Okay. Eddie has not been looking forward to this but it needs to be done.

"I'll stay with Chris," Bobby says, clapping him on the shoulder. "You got this. Buck will be here when you get back."

That's good. Eddie's not sure the shape he's going to be in and Buck has a way of making everything okay. He nods, doing his best to smile, and follows Athena out into the garage.

They're pretty silent on the drive over, Eddie just giving her directions when necessary. His breathing picks up as they reach his house, and she reaches over to squeeze his hand, giving him a sympathetic look.

"We're going to do this nice and quick, alright?"

Eddie nods, squeezing his eyes shut for a moment. When he feels as ready as he'll ever be, they exit the car. Expecting his mother to open the door, Eddie is taken aback when it's Adriana, who stares at him in shock for a few moments before throwing herself at him. Startled, he catches her, holding her close and burying his face in her hair.

"What are you doing here?" she asks into his neck. "Mama said you'd left for good."

Fucking hell. Of course she did. Eddie sets her down just in time for Sophia, having come to the door to see what the commotion was, to do exactly as her sister did. It doesn't last very long though, as she draws back to look at him accusatorily. "What's going on? I thought you left."

Eddie shakes his head emphatically, making sure to look each of them in the eye. "I didn't want to leave, I promise. Our parents and I . . . disagreed on some things and they— they kicked me out."

Their mouths drop open, twin expressions of shock on their faces. Sophia recovers first and Eddie can see her getting angry, so he grabs her shoulders. "Look, I'm doing okay. Better, honestly," he says, with a glance to Athena. "You have your phone, right?" She nods. "Okay, then I'll text you and I'll figure out a way to meet up and I can better explain everything. I just don't want to makes things any worse right now. Especially for you guys."

They're reluctant, but they agree. Adriana goes back inside but Sophia stays out for a minute, eying him. "Does it have anything to do with Buck?"

Well, Eddie always knew she was smart. He ruffles her hair. "Got it in one."

She frowns, looking sad. "I'm sorry."

"Hey, I'm really okay, Soph, I promise." And he is. He doesn't want his sisters feeling any worse about this, not when it gave him the opportunity to finally break free from an environment that he's learned was pretty bad for him. He's just glad his parents never seemed to have the same expectations for his sisters. Eddie doesn't know if it was because he was the oldest, or the only boy, but they were always much harder on him. "We'll talk, okay? I have to grab my things now."

Athena nods from where she's been silent beside him this whole time, watching the reunion. His sisters go back to their room as they walk into the house, and run into where Helena is just entering the living room. She freezes, narrowing her eyes.

Where Eddie had been expecting to feel sadness, anxiety, or fear, instead there's just . . . nothing. "We'll only be a few minutes," he says, brushing past her. "Just coming to grab my things."

They go straight to his room, and start throwing his and Christopher's clothes in the bags Athena brought. They finish that quickly and move methodically through the house, grabbing everything Eddie's ever bought for Chris, his highchair, crib, diapers, formula, etc., and bringing it out to the van, where the seats have been taken down for more room.

His mother follows them around, mouth working but never actually speaking until Athena whirls on her. "Do you have something to say?" she snaps. Helena's eyes widen and she takes a step back. She seems like she's going to back off until something in her eyes hardens and she straightens.

"Are you who Eddie's been staying with?" she asks, sneering.

Athena squares up, unruffled. "Yes."

His mother scoffs. "Good luck with that."

Eddie's bliss of nothingness is fading, turning right back into tiny shards of pain.

"And what do you mean by that?" Athena asks, voice carefully controlled.

"I mean, I assume you have kids already? I hope you're fine raising another baby because Eddie sure as hell won't."

Jesus Christ. "Mama," he chokes out, the small shards morphing into daggers.

Helena faces him, shooting him a look that's so condescending he feels sick. "It's the truth Eddie. How much time were you and Christopher spending together while you were working, or off gallivanting in college." She spits the last word out like it personally offended her. "I was the one putting in the work, taking care of him all day. You can call yourself his father, but we all know who's actually doing the parenting."

Eddie feels like his legs have been cut out from under him, and he stumbles a bit. Athena puts a steadying arm on his back. She looks at Helena, eyes like stone. "With all due respect ma'am, you can shut the hell up." To Eddie, she says, "Come on, we're done here."

She guides him to the door but before they make it all the way out, she turns back one more time. "I'm going to keep this short and simple, because frankly, I don't want to waste my time on someone of your . . . standard." She points a finger at Helena, voice low and even. "You're wrong. Wrong about Eddie, wrong about pretty much everything, actually. And one day, when you don't have a relationship with any of your kids anymore, you will look back at this and you will know it was your fault." They leave Helena gaping in the doorway, throwing the last of the bags in the trunk and taking off.

"I'm sorry, Eddie," Athena says on the drive back. "I'm sorry that's who you grew up with."

"It wasn't all bad," Eddie mumbles, staring out the window.

"No," Athena agrees. "But it can't have been any good, either. She's wrong, you know? You don't believe what she says?"

Eddie sighs. "I try not to. You guys and Buck help." More than they could know. Eddie shudders to think where he'd be without them.

"Good," Athena states. "And I've never seen any kid adore their father like Christopher adores you, by the way. You've put in the work, Eddie, and you have your relationship with your son to show for it."

Eddie nods distantly. He does know that, and her words mean a lot but he doesn't have the energy right now to get into it, and after a drive of relative silence, he walks straight into Buck's waiting arms.

Secure in his embrace, Eddie finally releases the tension, letting Buck hold him up. He can hear Bobby and Athena talking in low voices but he ignores it, content to stay in his bubble of Buck.

When he feels okay enough to emerge, he does, meeting Buck's worried gaze. Eddie was honestly expecting to have to hold back tears as he tried to talk about it, but instead, a laugh bursts out of him.

If possible, Buck looks even more worried at the sound. "Eddie . . . what—"

"I'm just— god I'm so glad that's over." Eddie laughs again. He feels relieved, and light. "I'm actually okay. I didn't think I would be, but I am."

A hesitant smile tugs at Buck's face, and he cups Eddies face in his hands, studying him. "You sure? Because I can keep hugging you."

Well, Eddie would never say no to that. "I'm sure, but feel free anyway."

Buck tugs him back in, and this time Eddie just enjoys the feeling of them pressed together. They do eventually break apart to help unload the car. It's only a couple trips in and out and then they start putting everything away in the house.

Eddie's hanging up his clothes in the closet when Buck wanders in, leaning against the door.

"You look happy," he says softly.

Eddie reaches up to touch his own cheek, where he realizes a smile has been stuck on his face for the last while. "I am," he says, a little wondrously. "Who would've thought, huh?"

Buck comes in closer, with a matching smile of his own. "I did. Or at least, I hoped." He turns serious, looking at Eddie intensely. "You deserve this, Eddie. You deserve this and every other good thing that comes your way after."

"You're one of them right?" Eddie asks, draping his arms over Buck's shoulders. "One of my good things?"

Buck leans in, lightly brushing their lips together. "For as long as you'll have me."

Eddie sighs contentedly, closing his eyes. "How about forever?"

"Forever's perfect," Buck murmurs, kissing him again.

7 years later

Eddie stands in line in LA, nervously shifting back and forth. He tugs at the collar of his gown, craning his neck to scan the crowd. Buck said they left on time, but with an eight year old and a new baby, anything could go wrong.

With a sigh of relief, he finally spots his husband, tall and beaming amongst the other families. He's got Madeleine snuggled in his arms, earmuffs on her head for protection against any loud sounds. Christopher sits in between Bobby and Athena, excitedly chattering away about who knows what. Next to Buck, cooing at their daughter, are Sophia and Adriana. They caught a flight from Texas that morning to attend as well. Rounding out the group are May and Harry, who Eddie had come to look at as two bonus siblings that he never knew he needed. It had maybe been slightly awkward at first, Eddie feeling like he was intruding on their space but they talked him out of that real quick. He suspects the big point in his favor was Christopher, even the most disagreeable people wouldn't be able to resist his cute little face.

Eddie looks at his family, and a warmth expands in his chest. He still can't believe it sometimes, how lucky he was to find these people.

He's finally graduating, after attending a program at USC to become a licensed physical therapist. Bobby had received an offer to teach at UCLA about five years ago, and Eddie had been dying to get out of Texas so he broached the subject with Buck, who was his fiance at the time. Buck happily agreed, not really attached to Texas besides the fact that it gave him his family too, and considering his family wanted to move to LA, he had no problems with it.

They've been in California ever since, and Eddie has never been happier. He and Buck got married four years ago, and just two months ago adopted their baby girl. Eddie doesn't really speak to his parents, but he's been able to keep in steady contact with his sisters. He guesses Athena's parting words to Helena had rattled her enough, as she's never tried to stop their communication or voiced an issue with it. He doesn't have any interest in rekindling that relationship though. His and Buck's kids already have amazing grandparents; there's no need to force a relationship with Eddie's parents just for that.

Christopher gets brighter and more curious every day, and sometimes Eddie can't believe that a kid so awesome was made from him. He and Buck are like two peas in a pod sometimes, bouncing around from great idea to a newer greater idea, never lacking in things to do or discover. Especially since finding out Chris would be in his class the next school year; they haven't been able to shut up about it since. Buck had eventually decided on a career, which turned out to be an elementary school teacher, and he was able to find a job at the school in their area. Eddie visited his class once and watching Buck with all those students made him want to have approximately 15 more kids with his husband. Buck talked him down to just two or three though, and Eddie eventually had to agree, once he'd considered the logistics of it all.

Eddie's knocked out of his thoughts when music plays, signaling the start of the ceremony. It goes by quickly enough, and soon Eddie is moving through the crowd of well-wishers to find his own. Buck has handed Madeleine off to Adriana, so his hands are free to catch Eddie in a huge hug. Eddie clutches him back just as tight, feeling suddenly emotional. Buck runs a thumb under his eyes when they separate, catching the tears that threaten to fall.

"Everything okay?" he asks, still smiling but a little toned down from the giant grin he'd engulfed Eddie with.

Eddie nods, giving Buck a wobbly smile back. "Yeah, it's just hitting me that I did it," he breathes out. "I finished."

"Of course you did," Buck says. "I never had any doubt."

"I know you didn't." Eddie snorts. "Me, on the other hand . . ."

Buck lowers his hand that had been brushing at Eddie's cheek still, and entangles his fingers with Eddie's. "That's okay baby, Chris and I believed in you enough for all of us."

Unable to resist, Eddie presses a kiss to Buck's cheek and then goes to greet the rest of their family. They take all kinds of pictures and then head to Bobby and Athena's, where they've planned a little party. Maddie meets them at the door, giving Eddie a hug, and then immediately goes over to Buck, wheedling time with her namesake out of him.

That's yet another positive outcome that's occurred in their life. Not long after moving to LA, Maddie had shown up at their door, needing a place to stay. Her . . . situation with Doug had resolved rather traumatically, but she's come out the other side, and is now married to Chimney, who was her neighbor when she moved into her own apartment.

They've both been great friends to Eddie, and Chimney, being a physical therapist himself, was a godsend when it came to helping Eddie make it through schooling. In another stroke of luck, he's promised Eddie an interview at his work whenever he's ready to start a job. It won't be right away though. When in the process of adopting, Eddie had brought up to Buck that he would like to stay home for a while with their daughter, if that was okay.

Eddie didn't say it explicitly, but he knew Buck understood that he was afraid of repeating what happened with Shannon. He had worked and missed so much time with Christopher, and the distance between him and Shannon grew to be insurmountable. He thinks that if it were to happen with Buck too, he would never be the same again.

He also wants to just . . . spend time with his kids. He's never really had the chance, with work and then school and then even more intense schooling. Eddie wants to take this time that he's been so graciously given by his incredible husband and the people around him, and just soak in these months with Chris and Madeleine, without the long hours he would always have to spend away from home.

Buck, who would probably find a way to go to space and bring back Eddie a piece of Mars if Eddie asked him to, agreed immediately. It wasn't a difficult decision, seeing as he didn't want to give up any time that he was going to have that year with Christopher in his class.

Inside the Grant-Nash house, Eddie looks around the room. Everyone there has been absolutely instrumental in molding the person Eddie is today, someone who, against all odds, he's proud to be. Someone he knows is a good dad, and a good husband, even if he needs a little reminding sometimes. Someone who works hard, and deserves the good things that are thrown at him in return.

Misty eyed, Eddie walks over to Buck, sliding an arm around his waist. Buck relaxes into him instinctively, pulling him in so Eddie can rest his head on his shoulder.

"You good?" he asks, dropping a kiss on Eddie's forehead.

"Never better."