Chapter Text
part i: wind and earth
They either stare like I've got conjoined heads or don't dare to look my way at all. There's no in between.
If people can see you more, they'll know you more. For better, or for worse. For me, it's for worse.
People don't generally stop for pointless conversation anyway. But, some might slow down in their steps to mutter their derision. Others, young girls, usually, sometimes stop to call me pretty. Maybe ask for a cute local spot to eat at. Ask if I ever get cold.
I always thought girls feel cold majority of the time.
I wait alone, standing, pacing, strolling, for someone to ask me how much. A few tell me I have ridiculous prices, and the others don't care and accept it willingly. I don't understand how my prices could be ridiculous. In my eyes, the body is a sacred thing. And intimacy is the beautiful result of connection. I can't sell myself short when someone asks me for something like that.
Well, it's beautiful in the way that faith encourages it, maybe. But it almost becomes meaningless when you put someone like me into context. A lot of people would even say disgusting.
I still get asked as I make my way home. I tell them no, I'm finished for the day. One asks me why I say I'm finished when people are free to fuck whenever they want. I insist and tell him I'm finished for the day again. He grumbles and gets lost.
~
I can never recall clearly how I got to this point once I left the clan.
Everyday, I walk the streets with blood on my hands. The blood that gets me my money, which I just... splash away. Sure, I feed myself, make sure I don't end up wearing tattered clothes, and whatever the hell else. But outside of my jobs, I have way too much time to kill, with money being my only way of keeping myself entertained, if that's what you can call betting on losers consistently.
It's not like I was set up to be able to do much else. The clan left me with nothing. I was born, and once I could walk on my own, it was pretty much a thing of fending for myself. I never knew what exactly my parents thought seeing me being able to walk around with no ounce of cursed energy. My brother, just as brainwashed as the others, on the other hand, always made it his mission to make his disdain as obvious as he could. If I had any cursed energy at all, utilising it would've been my whole life. But I didn't get that life, obviously, so all I got was being treated like the shit beneath people's shoes and an attempt to kill me off. I survived, and I don't see why they even bothered. I'd planned on getting out of their hair at some point anyway, and now I have, but they clearly had a flair for dramatics, I guess.
I don't even know where my feet are carrying me. I am hungry. I'm going to the konbini. It always smells like piss somewhere along the way there when it gets darker.
Today hasn't been the best. All things considered, actually, I don't think there has been, or will be a day where anything that happens will feel like "the best". The jobs I managed to get were so ordinary I would've rather gone to the park and count the individual blades of grass. And the weather's been shit all day. I let myself get pretty impacted by the weather, I've realised. It's stupid, but I can't help it when the ground beneath my feet is wet enough for a slip and slide if I step the wrong way.
Finally, the konbini. It's one of my refuges at this point. It's always the same old man at the counter, reading some sort of newspaper every time I come here. His glasses are always worn too low to even see through, at least from my view, so I don't understand why he even has them on. I doubt he cares about a fashion statement.
Once my cheapest and most appealing options are in my hands and paid for, I'm out. And off to... wherever the hell. I don't stay in one spot. Not for any mysterious reason, I just don't have anywhere to stay.
I guess I'll just walk until I give up and lay in shit.
~
I've gotten myself a snack on my way home.
I feel like a child for buying something like taiyaki. But who cares.
"Oi," This is the third time on my way home someone's tried to get my attention like a pre-historic human. "How much to touch up your pretty ass for a bit? I've got a room we can stay at nearby."
I turn to face him and tell him I'm finished for the day. He doesn't take it for an answer.
"How can you be finished? It's dark out," He lets out a rough laugh that sounds more like dry heaving. It's a sickening sound. "It's when the guys with the best dicks just want a little down time. I bet you're as soft as you look. Trust me, I can give it real good."
A guy with dick ego. Just my luck.
Of course, I just want to get home. I tell him I'm around the area so he can come find me somewhere tomorrow.
Wrong answer, apparently.
"The hell are you on about tomorrow? I'm asking now. You're one of the prettier ones anyway, the others always look like they're on something, got an empty look to 'em." I see him lick his lips. "I can just do you in the corner somewhere," He's stepping closer, and his hands are already going to his belt. "Or, I don't know, the more I look at you, I don't think I'd mind if you did whatever to me instead. I'll pay ya more, even."
I don't like this guy. I'm just trying to get home, he hasn't listened when all I've been doing is refusing, and I still haven't finished my taiyaki. More cash isn't too tempting at this point, either.
He gets irritated when I refuse him again.
"Tch, you have some nerve. How many times do I have to tell you what I'm here for? I'm not asking for much, just a few minutes. I'm not drunk or anything, and I'm even telling you I'll pay you more. Isn't that exactly what you want, you whore?"
My taiyaki is flung from my hand and he's grabbed me by the upper arm.
"Look, we'll both get a good time out of this. Give me what I want, and I promise I'll be nice."
"Why is it always guys like you that can't take a hint, huh? I told you, I'm done. You can go fuck someone else."
The bastard struggles for air and stumbles back once my fist connects to his throat. Of course, he storms right back over, and I'm quite sure he won't hesitate to fight over this. Why would he?
I just wanted to munch on my snack and get home in one piece. Turns out I can't even have that much.
~
I almost jump out of my skin when I hear some guy's ugly scream pierce the night.
It's joined by what sounds like the struggles of some woman.
I don't know what the hell happens in the shadows of this city at night, and I don't ever try to find out. It's not my business if I don't make it mine.
I don't usually play savior either, but I doubt whoever the woman is probably isn't faring too well.
I'm between speedwalking and running. My legs can't decide which to do, apparently, so I'm alternating, but I'm getting closer.
The two voices seem to mix together.
I get to an alley where it sounds the loudest, and I see an abandoned, barely eaten taiyaki, packet opened halfway around it. What a waste.
I'm seeing something wiggle about in the depth of the shadows. That might just be her.
I suppose I can spare a little more blood for my hands tonight.
~
One moment I'm trying to wrestle this guy off me, and the next he's nowhere to be seen.
Where'd he go?
My brain takes a moment to catch up, and I finally look around the alley, wondering how he'd suddenly vanished from in front of me.
Which is when I catch sight of his head being smashed into the wall opposite me, closer to the mouth of the alley.
The guy responsible is an absolute hunk — that one move was enough to incapacitate the bastard, by the looks of it.
But, he looks in my direction next and starts moving towards me.
Am I next? Why would I be next?
I hold my breath as he approaches, and I almost suffocate once he stops in front of me. I'll give him the benefit of the doubt if he doesn't realise how close he is, but I definitely don't like this.
"Did he get a hit on you?"
At first, I can only blink in the way a baby would when they don't understand what they're seeing.
"No... well, nothing that was too hard." The worrisome part of me pipes up for no good reason and has me thinking he'll just start beating on me instead now that he got the other guy out of the way.
"Tch. Morons around here have nothing better to do." He looks sort of disgusted, by the truth of his words, the fact he touched the guy, or both, I'm not sure. Or maybe by me. It's not impossible. "Why was he even bothering you?"
"Uh..." I can't just outright say I'm a hooker, but I don't think there's any subtle way of saying it. "People pay me for sex. I don't really stay out too late so I refused him, but he didn't exactly get the message."
"Huh. I see."
I'm tempted to try and do something to this guy so I can get a read on his thoughts. His face is annoyingly straight, and he refuses to look away. I don't either, but it's getting to a point where it starts to feel like I'm consciously having to make eye contact. My eyes go a little funny when that happens.
"Was that your taiyaki back there on the ground?" Why on earth would he notice that of all things?
But... my taiyaki. I hadn't even eaten it halfway. Maybe I can still eat the inside.
I just nod silently.
*
We end up at a bench. It must be at the park that's about a two minute walk from my apartment building. The mystery hunk sits in silence on one end of the bench, staring out into nothing as he munches on something. I'm on the other side, scraping at the inside of the taiyaki (slightly touched by wet asphalt) with my teeth. I'm pretty sure I saw him give me an odd look at some point.
The walk here was accompanied with a deafening silence. I'm not sure when a mutual decision was made to walk together, but it happened.
Now that I think about it, I actually just followed him, and he either doesn't mind or decided not to shoo me away, for some reason.
A quiet sigh leaves his lips. He looks like he wants to say something, but he doesn't say it immediately.
"Do you have a place to stay?" I hear after a minute or so.
"I do." I'm pretty sure he isn't asking from a place of concern. I'm not sure why I bother, but I return the question. "Do you?"
He huffs, but it holds no humour.
"No."
My head turns to him. So, it turns out I got an assist from a guy living on the streets. A great addition to my life experiences.
"You're... out on the streets, then?"
A frown faintly creases his face. It makes him look good.
He just sighs through his nose. "I chose to leave my family for... reasons. It wasn't going to do me any good if I stayed."
I don't even know his name and he's sharing something like this with me already. Maybe it's the late hour.
"This is... probably going to sound out of the blue, given what just happened." He starts suddenly. "But with this sort of weather, I don't want to stick it out here and freeze my ass off. That's all I've been doing, and it hasn't been easy." I'd figure.
He pauses like he's deliberating the words that are inevitably going to come out of his mouth. "It's a big ask, but if you have the room..." He rubs a hand over his face like it'll pain him to finish his sentence. "... I was wondering if you could have me stay with you. For the night, and I'll get out of your hair in the morning."
He meets my gaze. It's hard to tell what he's thinking, with the straight face. I take the chance to stare while I think his request over.
In a way, I feel like I owe it to him to accept. But I know I don't, really.
Even still, it's not like my apartment building is just a step away. It's a short walk, but at a moment like this, I wish I was inside already. If I walk with him, he'd have no problem fending someone off if I asked nicely. And he doesn't seem the type to pull anything weird. In the off chance he did... I'll keep something by my bed, maybe.
"Yeah, I guess that sounds fine." Comes out of me quicker than he probably expected, given the slight surprise I'm seeing on his face.
"Thanks. It's bigger help than you think."