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'Does Gabriel still dream?’ Jack Morrison thought as he propped his head on his hand.
It was still so surreal. Jack can’t believe it, doesn’t want to for fear that he’d wake up one day and find this all a dream too fresh, too vivid to forget. It was not a dream. He’d pinched himself far too many times and he knows he’d continue to do so in the future, so long as he finds Reyes at his side.
That night was no exception. Gabriel Reyes was curled up next to him, facing him and snoozing away their few precious hours of sleep. His lips were set in a line, loose but not enough for soft, pale lips to hang slack. His face was relaxed—a contrast to the usual scowl he wore when he was awake, even underneath a mask. One hand was lost somewhere under the sheets between them while the other rested close to Jack’s chest.
Jack loved to watch him sleep. It was a relief and a trance more than anything—as well as a reminder of what they could never come back to. They have aged and have scarred over the years but now Gabriel was different. He didn’t breathe. His chest wouldn’t rise and fall anymore nor would warm breaths meet Jack’s skin. Breathing was less a necessity and more a forced habit. Long ago Gabriel’s lids would flutter, take all of Jack’s attention for a few seconds then become still. His lips or nose or brow would twitch in the most endearing ways. Now, nothing moved on Gabriel’s pale face.
That was one more thing—Gabriel’s rich, dark skin color had gone, replaced with inhuman paper-grey. Sometimes Jack could easily imagine Gabriel as Caucasian, though he would still think Gabriel looked better in that rich, brown color. The scruffy bits of hair on his chin and cheeks that Jack loved to nuzzle against sometimes grew no more, leaving his face clean of facial hair.
Sometimes Jack felt like he’s watching someone else entirely. He’s watched Gabriel before too, when Overwatch had yet to endure infighting and its fall, when he and Gabriel had yet to exchange cutting words and burn bridges, and when Blackwatch was yet to grow into an uncontrollable band of belligerent but highly-skilled criminals.
Jack never doubted Gabriel’s eye for talent, but the man had once mistaken repentance with well-concealed bloodlust. Blackwatch operatives who would go out of line once or twice get reprimanded. They do it far too many times and they’re disbanded. Aside from that, Jack knows that Gabriel could instill fear into them to keep them from making too much trouble. They’d gone far with him and McCree handling the team.
Due to the nature of the covert operation’s missions, many of the good men who were primarily chosen for the team had already been KIA. In time, Reyes’ team had become one filled with ex-gang members, former assassins-for-hire, and even spies. McCree displayed exceptional moral conduct, an eye for trouble and, a more approachable attitude was promoted to be Reyes’ second-in-command. He had been the one who studied his teammates whenever Reyes was busy elsewhere and had been the one who let the Blackwatch commander know about misdemeanors within the group.
Gabriel himself wasn’t really one who stuck to the rules, especially not after he’d been given Blackwatch. Blackwatch was a covert operations team, after all, and what were covert operations teams if they didn’t finish the dirty jobs that Overwatch itself couldn’t take? They could steal, infiltrate, and kill. Other Blackwatch agents really didn’t have much to complain about then. And Gabriel Reyes was their leader. He decided which missions to take, planned how they went and was at the front of it all most of the time. Whenever he looked back on it, Jack scolded himself for not paying enough attention to notice that this was when Gabriel started to change.
It was when McCree left when things started to turn badly for Blackwatch. With him gone, Gabriel had to choose another to take his place. That was Gabriel’s one mistake. He’d chosen a long-time agent who rightfully earned his trust. He’d been wrong. Unbeknownst to Gabriel, this man had a plan to destroy Overwatch, and he would do that through Blackwatch. The insidious snake waited in the grass for years before he made his move, moving with the shadows and never once hissing lest he be caught.
Within months, Blackwatch had grown uncontrollable. Its agents were riled and with that, their mistakes were few but devastating. The infighting started within Blackwatch. Jack remembered the days he’d spent with a confused, annoyed Gabriel who let his frustrations with his team pour out into Jack’s ears. With them came out a darkness within Gabriel—one Jack had never really seen until it had grown and rooted itself onto the man.
For many times, he listened and gave suggestions, sat patiently as he could and tried to be helpful whenever he had answers for Gabriel. Sometimes, they helped, sometimes they didn’t. Sometimes what Gabriel really needed to wind down was less talk and more physical contact. Those meetings were what Jack enjoyed most, and, he knew, Gabriel did too.
However, they were primarily agents and secondly lovers. Their meetings grew shorter and lesser with each new Overwatch assignment however and Jack lamented the days he couldn’t be there for Gabriel. They still struggled to meet but that had been bad decisions too because they’d be tired or piqued and it usually didn’t bode well for their talks.
And then he made a mistake of his own: he snapped at Gabriel. Jack looked away from the man sleeping before him as the memory returned, unable to watch him as he remembered their exchange. They argued as friends and lovers did, but Jack had been wound up that day. Ana Amari, their treasured friend and comrade, had been shot in the eye in the field by another sniper, one presumed kidnapped. She was KIA, another stroke to the casualty count.
It had been hard on him. He had been wallowing in grief and Gabriel’s rants had only made Jack want to shout at him to show some grief for who had once been his teammate and to maybe value his current ones a little more. And he did—oh, how he shouted. At first Gabriel was taken by surprise. Then he started to count the many names of the agents he’d lost as Blackwatch commander—they couldn’t even be counted on his fingers and toes.
Too many, thought Jack as he closed his eyes and leaned down to kiss Gabriel’s now smooth forehead. Too much weight to carry, too much to bear, yet Gabriel had done it. He pulled up and propped his head on his hand again as Gabriel’s pale arm rose and snaked around his waist. Jack let it wrap around him, even moved closer to the man and to a lower position so he could rest his forehead against Gabriel’s cold chest.
He knew Gabriel hadn’t awoken. Gabriel had once explained to him that he was not so much sleeping, but rather just resting. His consciousness was certainly and entirely elsewhere, but it was not the same as being asleep. Being asleep meant having a subconscious and Gabriel— Reaper did not have that.
He was vulnerable in his sleep because he wouldn’t be able to call forth his consciousness within seconds as he was wont to do asleep. Defenseless. Jack had joked that he might as well sleep in a coffin, like a vampire. Gabriel didn’t laugh at that. If anything, he seemed to consider it.
‘If I empty a crypt or a grave in the cemetery, maybe I could go in and out of the coffin with my wraith form,’ he even added after a thoughtful hum. It wasn’t funny but Gabriel had laughed when Jack scolded him for it. For the first time in a long time, Jack heard Gabriel’s laugh again. He pinched himself then.
He wanted to pinch himself again now as he too wrapped his arms around Gabriel’s muscled middle and rested his head on top of Gabriel’s other arm. Now the arm that circled his waist was tucked under Jack’s arm. Neither of his limbs were prone to ‘falling asleep’ so Jack took advantage of that whenever he could. He closed his eyes and buried his nose in his lover’s sternum.
Gabriel’s scent was different now, too. Less gunpowder, sweat and Gabriel. More gunpowder and something acidic. Sometimes there was an underlying stench of rot and death, but Jack ever only caught a whiff of those whenever Gabriel was feeling strong negative emotions.
The clock at the side table read 02:56. Jack sighed. He’d watched Gabriel far longer than he usually did tonight—this morning, rather. He’ll never get any sleep in if he kept going like this. In his defense, he’d awoken from a dream two hours prior and had only settled on watching Gabriel to find some peace of mind. Besides, it wasn’t like he’d ever get enough of watching Gabe rest—even if he was in this cold, corpse-like state. Gabriel is here. He’s—not exactly alive, but he’s not exactly dead either. Jack finds the technicality unimportant. He’s here.
Gabriel is here.
Jack didn’t know how long he’d finally found sleep when he felt cold hands suddenly gripping him. An arm encircled his head, palm resting on his temple and fingers digging into the right side of his face, one almost burrowing into his eye had it been a little higher. The other cold limb was looped tight around his upper back, almost crushing him with its inhuman strength. It also had his arm clipped underneath it securely, giving him no chance to pull away.
Jack tensed and squirmed in Gabriel’s clutch. When he looked up into Gabriel’s face he only saw Reaper— thick, black smoke billowing from underneath the collar of the shirt, from underneath where his head should be, from underneath his own eye where a black, solid, smoking finger was digging into skin. It covered Gabriel’s pale form entirely, making him look like the monster of a man he often presented himself as in front of the others. Despite this, Jack was trapped in an impossibly solid embrace.
“Gabriel!” Jack called, alarmed. He tried pushing away with the one free arm he had, hand placed against Gabriel’s middle. There was no reply. He tried again. “Gabe!”
It got worse. The limbs that held him twisted around him tighter and the smoke became thicker, rose quicker. The more he squirmed, the tighter he was held. Jack felt like he was caught in the coils of an anaconda. It felt like being held in Reinhardt’s bear hug, only this one held no warmth, no friendship, not even love.
There was nothing Jack could do. The arm clipped between Gabriel’s side and elbow tried to scratch at the man’s back, grab his shirt, pull him away while Jack struggled to push away with all his might with the rest of him. A foul stench attacked his nose. Nails started to dig into his face, too. The hollow area underneath his eye was starting to ache.
“Gabriel, wake up,” Jack continued to say. An idea struck him. It was silly but he had to try all his options now. He tried saying Reyes’ name the way they say it in Spanish. “Gabriel!”
For a split second, the arms froze. Then they started twisting again, only this time, it’s like Reaper—no, Jack refused to acknowledge that—this time, Gabriel seemed to know exactly how Jack was positioned, how his head was in his grasp. The cold hand disappeared from Jack’s back and cupped his nape while the other repositioned itself around Jack’s face to proper hold onto his head.
Jack quickly took his chance to escape. He ducked his head and rolled away and downwards, away from cold smoking arms. He braced himself as he fell off the edge of the bed and quickly jumped back to his feet. He looked at Gabriel’s form with wide eyes.
His fingers clawed at the empty air before him. If it weren’t for the smoke, they seemed to be twisting in a way that looked like he was trying to snap off a neck. Jack’s blood ran cold at the thought but he quickly dismissed it. The rest of Gabriel’s body was tense. Thick smoke still rose, covering the entirety of him. Not even a glimpse of pale skin could be found. Jack had never seen this before. In the two months they’ve spent together reconciling, Gabriel had never had an attack like this. Even in his Reaper attire, Gabriel never exuded so much smoke, never had been covered entirely in it; even the stark grey of his elbows could be seen between gloves and shirtsleeve. However this was something else. It was starting to cloud the ceiling.
Jack stepped towards the mattress again. He was cautious when he came to touch Gabriel, placing his hands instead over cloth instead of skin. He could still feel muscle underneath, hard and cold. The arms that tried to attack him remained where they were, pulling and twisting emptiness.
Then, as quick as it came, the smoke stopped billowing, revealing pale, sweat-drenched skin. Gabriel’s entirety fell slack against the sheets.
“Gabe? Gabriel, are you all right?” Jack tried again. He shook the man, shook him harder, and much harder. Tried slapping him once, twice, thrice. Tried punching him on the face, in the gut. And nothing. So he used his words again. “Gabriel, if you can hear me, come back to me. Please.”
No answer. Gabriel was as still as a corpse.
Jack quickly took stock of the man, more out of stubborn, enduring habit than anything. Gabriel’s chest didn’t rise or fall. He exhaled or inhaled no air. He had no pulse, no heartbeat. His body was colder than ever. Jack moved to peel his eyelids back, knowing he’ll find only black sclera. When he did, he slowly pulled away, his chest growing heavier.
“Gabriel,” Jack called once more, his voice breaking, entire body stooping from the weight of worry and frustration and fear that was eating at him. Was this it? Has Gabriel Reyes passed on? No, it wasn’t possible. His skin was still the same papery-grey color. His sclera was unnaturally black when Jack had checked. Gabriel was as alive as he could possibly. His mind was just in that elsewhere Gabriel said it would be in. Jack had asked about it. Gabriel had been evasive about where elsewhere was. Jack figured he couldn’t explain then. How he wished he could at least have some idea about it now.
Clueless of what else he could do but wait, Jack lied back down next to Gabriel and held his body close. There was the risk of being caught in another death grip, in a chokehold, or for smoky arms finding his neck again and finishing the earlier task. Jack was unafraid of that. He was more afraid of what he’d do if Gabriel never woke up, if he disappeared in smoke.
“Reyes, I swear, if you don’t get your consciousness’s ass back here and don’t wake up, I’m going to kill you,” Jack murmured half-heartedly. He sighed heavily, held onto his lover’s cold body tighter. “Can’t lose you again after only just finding you. Can’t.”
Jack couldn’t sleep. He waited for what felt like hours. The sun didn’t seem to have any plans on showing up. The clock seemed to move far too slowly for Jack’s liking. The smoke at the ceiling had dispersed without a trace along with the stench it carried. All that time, Gabriel never awoke and Jack kept on waiting.
Time passed. Jack continued to hold Gabriel. When the digital number on the clock displayed 5:04, Jack felt a Gabriel’s eyelashes flutter against his collarbone. He sat up with a jolt. “Gabriel!”
“Morrison…” Gabriel mumbled slowly as he sat up as well. He clutched at his head with a pained frown. “What— Did I…” He trailed off. A look of realization crossed his features, then horror. He looked at Jack, bright red irises over black sclera staring. Jack sighed with relief. He’d never been so relieved gazing into unnatural red orbs. Gabriel was here. He’s still here.
“I did something to you,” Gabriel said. His voice was quiet but regretful. He slowly raised a hand to Jack’s face. A thumb brushed against the skin underneath Jack’s eye. Then, with a broken voice, he asked, “I attacked you, didn’t I?”
Jack nodded once, but he kept his eyes boring into Gabriel’s, who looked away and started to pull away. Before he could, Jack caught his hand and placed it back on his face. He reached for its other pale counterpart and gently placed it against his other cheek, but not before kissing calloused fingertips. Now Gabriel was fully facing him, though he was still avoiding eye contact.
“Talk to me,” Jack requested softly. “Tell me what you saw.”
“No.” Gabriel shook his head to the side once before he raised it to meet Jack’s blue gaze. “Tell me what I did.”
There was a silent moment between them where Jack briefly wondered if he should tell Gabriel everything. He decided they’ve hidden enough from each other. They won’t do it again, lest history find them writing its pages once more.
So Jack told Gabriel everything—the thick smoke, the crushing grip, the twisting hands, the stench, the waiting, Jack’s fears and the actions that followed that showed his lack of them. All that time Gabriel was silent, frowning, obviously blaming himself. Even after Jack had told him everything, Gabriel didn’t speak, only swung his feet off the end of the bed, faced the wall and hung his head. Silence filled the space between them.
In the quiet, Jack found himself already forgiving Gabriel for it, not that he’d ever blame the man. Gabriel still had some issues with containing his strange ability and Jack couldn’t accuse him because of that. Moreover, it couldn’t have been intentional. Can’t punish someone for not having control over something.
Then, very quietly, “I could have killed you.” It brought Jack back to their present. Gabriel’s eyes were still downcast. His form was rigid though he was sitting slouched. Evidently, he was blaming himself, punishing himself.
Jack shook his head and moved closer to Gabriel. “You didn’t,” he countered gently. “I’m still here.”
“If you hadn’t gotten out, I would’ve,” Gabriel snapped suddenly, loudly. Frustration was clearly pulling him taut. He paused, then bowed so he could hold his head in his hands. “I’d have woken up with your corpse in my arms… knowing I did it.”
A pang coursed through Jack’s chest when he heard his lover’s voice break. It hurt to see him like this. “Gabe, you didn’t,” Jack repeated, his voice quieter but firmer. He brought his to the floor and shifted closer to Gabriel, pulling him into an embrace. “You didn’t. I’m here.”
After a few moments, Gabriel moved. His arms snaked around Jack and he reciprocated the embrace. They held him tight, but now, despite their coolness, they were careful, loving, apologetic. Jack didn’t squirm or push away from them. Gabriel is in control now. He’s here.
“I’m sorry.” Gabriel’s lips moved against his collarbone. Jack felt a little ticklish where Gabriel’s eyelashes grazed the spot below his ear. For some reason, only Gabriel could bring that out. He didn’t squirm though. He’s grown past that age.
“We’ll talk about it later,” Jack replied as they let go. “Let’s go back to bed.”
Gabriel gave a nod. They moved back into place under the sheets. When they were nestled and facing each other again, they held gazes. Red into blue, Blue into red. Apology into understanding, forgiveness into promise. Love.
They didn’t sleep, couldn’t. When the sun rose and the birds sang, they rose as well, shared a kiss and then went on with their morning routines. It didn’t matter much that they were a little awkward, that Gabriel still seemed apologetic and ashamed of what he’d almost done. Jack had wanted nothing more but to pinch himself, if anything, because Gabriel is here and Jack’s still here. They hadn’t lost each other. This was not a dream.
Gabriel is here.