Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Chapter 1: Starting Today, You are a Host!

Loud chatter could be heard no matter where they turned, the two ‘commoner’ transfers went room to room just looking for a quiet place to study in the gigantic school. They sighed as they opened the door to yet another noisy library and went on their way once more and the two shaggy looking students made their way up the stairs.

One of the students was a brunette named Haruhi Fujioka. He was short, only 5’4”, and petite with large brown rimmed glasses that made his large round brown eyes look even bigger. His hair was shaggy, and only barely reached past his ears, and instead of the school uniform he wore a white shirt beneath a muav sweatshirt and jeans with white sneakers. His best friend, Naruto Namikaze, had spiky, sunny blond hair (That was slightly longer than Haruhi’s) and large blue eyes. Naruto was slightly shorter than his brunette friend (About 5’2”) and wore big glasses with dark blue-violet rims, a baggy orange and black jacket with a black shirt underneath, and black jeans with black converse.

“This school has 4 library rooms, you’d think one of them would be quiet.” The Haruhi quietly commented to the smaller blond that walked beside him, who nodded.

They stopped at a large window and looked outside watching the beauty of the birds as they flew by. ‘How are things in heaven, Mom?’ the brunette thought, his blonde friend thinking similarly. ‘I can’t believe it’s been 10 years now…’

‘I hope everything’s good where you are, Mom, Dad… 15 years is a long time…’

They continued walking. “You know, Naruto, I’m beginning to think that rich kids only come to school for the fun of it.”

The Naruto sighed. “Yeah,”

Finally, they stumbled upon a room that seemed to be empty or quiet: Music Room #3. “It’s an unused music room.”

“It’s probably the only place we’ll be able to study.”

They pulled the doors open and were showered with rose petals. The two scholarship students stared into the room, dumbfounded at the sight in front of them.

“Welcome,” Came a chorus of voices. There were 6 teens in the room, even though one looked like he should be in elementary.

A blond with violet eyes sat in a chair in the middle of the room with the other 5 surrounding him.

‘When we opened the door, we found the host club.’

“Only those with excellent social standing and those from filthy rich families are lucky enough to spend their time here, at the elite private school: Ouran Academy.” The blond explained. “The Ouran Host Club is where the school’s handsomest boys with too much time on their hands entertain young ladies who also have way too much time on their hands. Just think of it as Ouran Academy’s elegant playground for the super rich and beautiful.”

The two honor students froze, backs pressed against the door.

“H-host Club?” They asked as the panic set in.

“Oh, it’s a couple of boys.” Voiced the orange haired twins, who were currently hanging off each other

“Hikaru, Kaoru?” The dark haired one with glasses said. “I believe these young men are in the same class as you, aren’t they?”

The twins, Hikaru and Kaoru, turned to him. “Yeah, but they’re shy. They don’t act very sociably so we don’t know much about them.”

The taller boy gave a shrug and an eye smile, a light bulb going off in his head. “Well, that wasn’t very polite.” He chided, and the twins shrugged. “Welcome to the Ouran Host Club, Honor Students.”

Suddenly the tall blond appeared in their faces. “What?” He said in shock. “You must be Fujioka Haruhi and Namikaze Naruto. The exceptional honor students we’ve heard about.” He commented in slight awe as the two tried to escape the music room. They suddenly turned their heads to face them.

“H-how do you know our names?” They asked, slightly freaked out.

“You’re infamous. It’s not everyday that a commoner gains entrance into our academy, let alone two.” Glasses said, and their shoulders sagged. “You must have audacious nerves to work hard enough to fight your ways into this school as honor students, Fujioka-kun, Namikaze-kun.”

“W-well, uh… Thanks?” They stuttered simultaneously, still hunched over as if the words ‘commoner’ and ‘audacious’ stabbed them.

“You’re welcome.” The ring leader said, wrapping an arm around the two commoners. “You’re heros to all of the other poor people, Fujioka, Namikaze.” He babbled. “You’ve shown the world that even poor people can excel at an elite, private academy!” The shorter teens shrugged him away and slid away, but he followed. “It must be hard for the two of you to constantly be looked down upon by others.”

Haruhi cut in as they sped away from the blond again. “I think you’re taking this ‘poor’ thing too far.” He didn’t pay attention, though, and continued on.

“But that doesn’t matter, does it? Long live the poor?” He shouted, pulling the two closer to him. “We welcome you poor men to our world,” he made a slight pause. “Of beauty!” His voice raised and more roses came from nowhere, surrounding him as he sparkled.

The first years sighed again. They were doing that a lot today. “We’re out of here.” Came their deadpan reply to him as they made their way to the door. Before they could reach it, however, small hands grabbed their wrists and pulled them back.

“Hey!” The small, lolita boy exclaimed. “Come back here Naru-chan, Haru-chan! You must be like superheroes or something! That’s so cool!” innocent honey brown eyes looked up at them.

“We’re not heroes, we’re honor students.” Naruto’s said flatly. They just wanted to study, why was that so hard in this school? He paused for a moment. “And who are you calling ‘Naru-chan?!” He screamed in the short teens face, appalled by the nick name. It seems that no matter where he went that name would follow.

The blond slid in again. What were their names anyway? “I never would’ve imagined the two famous scholars would be so openly gay…” He muttered to himself.

“Huh?” Haruhi looked at him.

“Gay?” Naruto stared, unamused.

He, again, ignored them.

“So tell what kind of guys you’re into,” He gestured to the tall, muscled brunette. “Do you like the strong silent type?” he asked them. “The boy-lolita type?” his gesture moved to the short blonde teen carrying the stuffed bunny. “Maybe the mischievous type?” He moved to the twins, who were smirking. “Or the cool type.” Now he was pointing to the tall dark haired male with glasses.

“Uhh…” They slowly backed away from the blond. “I, uh, i-it’s really not like that!” They sputtered. “We were just looking for a quiet place to study, that’s all!” The blond ignored them once more and brought a hand to each of their cheeks, sliding it down to their chins, lifting their faces.

“Or maybe,” His voice dropped from cheerful to seductive. “You’re into a guy like me? What do you say?” He had a playful, seductive smirk on his face and the two first years’ panic worsened.

The two shot backwards, and in the process, knocked over a wooden pedestal holding an expensive white vase with blue accents, shattering it to pieces on the tile. They panicked looking at the many pieces of the vase.

“Aww,” The twins’ voices sounded from behind them.

“That renaissance vase was going to be featured in the school auction.” One said.

“Now you’ve done it,” The other continued. “The bidding for that was going to start at ¥8,000,000.”

The two froze. “E-eight million yen?!” Naruto stuttered out, suddenly finding it hard to breathe.

“How many thousand yen is that? How many thousands are in 8 million?” Haruhi counted on his fingers, then turned to face the host club.

“Uhhh, can we pay you back?” They asked warily, sounding dizzy.

“With what money?” The twins scoffed. “You can’t even afford school uniforms.” Naruto’s hands balled into fists, though no one seemed to notice. “What’s with those grubby outfits you’ve got on anyway.” His tan knuckled started turning white.

“Well, what do you think we should do, Tamaki?” The cool type said. ‘At least we know blondie’s name now…’

They looked to the blond who was now sitting in the chair again, he swung one leg over his knee as he spoke. “There’s a famous saying you may have heard, Fujioka-kun, Namikaze-kun. ‘When in Rome, do as the Romans do’. ”  He said, pointing at them, his eyes cast down. “Since you don’t have any money, you can pay with your bodies.” He looked up, opening his eyes. “That means starting today, you’re the Host Club’s dogs.” He smirked at them.

Naruto and Haruhi turned white. ‘I don’t know if I can handle this, Mom…’ Haruhi thought.

‘I think this club is going to be the death of me… Mom, Dad, I might get to see you soon.’ Naruto’s thoughts nearly mirroring his friend’s.

The Host Club members, noticing their dazed looks crowded them, trying to get their attention.

‘We’ve been captured by a bunch of boys that are calling themselves a “Host Club”...’

“Poke, poke.” The short, ‘boy-lolita’ said as he did just that.

They both fainted.

“Tamaki-kun, what’s your favorite song?” One of the surrounding girls asked.

“What song? The one that reminds me of you, of course.” The blond flirted.

“I baked you a cake today. Would you like to taste it?” Another asked, shyly.

Tamaki grasped her chin between his fingers, bringing his face close to her own. “If you’ll feed it to me.” He said into her ear, his warm breath tickling her face.

The girl’s cheeks warmed. “Oh wow, you’re so dreamy.” She said, closing her eyes and leaning into his touch.

Tamaki Suoh: High School 2nd - Year (Host Club King)

“Tamaki-sama, I heard,” A girl from beside him started. “You’re keeping a couple unpedigreed little kittens?” She turned to him, revealing her sharp purple eyes and auburn hair.

“I wouldn’t say kittens, more like,” He paused as he saw the two draw closer. “Speak of the devils.” He looked at them. “Thanks for doing the shopping little piglets.” He winked. “Did you get everything on our list?”

They sweat dropped.

Haruhi Fujioka: High School 1st - Year. (Host Club Dog #1)

Naruto Uzumaki: High School 1st - Year. (Host Club Dog #2)

“What?”

“Piglet?”

They set the bags down, and the ‘King’ of the club looked through them. “So, what’s this, then?” He asked picking up a glass jar filled with brown powder.

“Just what it looks like.” Haruhi deadpanned.

“It’s coffee.” Naruto nearly scoffed.

“I’ve never seen this brand before before.” He said, further investigating the container of coffee. ”Is this the kind that’s already ground?”

“What are you talking about?” Naruto asked.

“It’s instant coffee.” Haruhi explained.

“Instant?” A couple girls on a couch across from the two asked, tilting their bodies to the side.

“Wow, I’ve heard of this before.” Tamaki said in shock. “It’s commoner’s coffee. You just add hot water to it, right?”

More girls crowded them. “I didn’t know there was such a thing,” one said.

“So it’s true then, poor people even have enough free time to grind their own coffee beans,” Another said, and the surrounding girls nodded.

“Commoners are pretty smart,” Kyouya, as the two had learned, said, impressed.

“100 grams for ¥300?” One twin asked.

“That’s a lot less than we normally pay,” The other continued.

“Look, We’ll go back and get something else,” Haruhi said, clutching his books to his chest.

“Excuse us for not buying expensive coffee…” Naruto muttered.

“No, I’ll keep it.” Tamaki stopped them, and the girls looked at him in confusion.

“Huh?”

“I will drink this coffee!” He stood tall and proud holding the container like it was some kind of trophy or award. The girls around him, even some of the host club clapped at his ‘bravery’. “Alright Haruhi, come here and make some of this commoner’s coffee.

‘These damn rich people...’ ‘ The two club ‘dogs’ thought to themselves as they made the instant coffee.

“Oh Tamaki, you carry this joke to far,” The girl who made the kitten comment said, placing her teacup onto a saucer. “Your pallet won’t be able to stomach that crap, you don’t have to drink it just because they bought it.”

“Huh?” Haruhi muttered while Naruto balled his fists.

“Forgive me,” She said, hearing Haruhi. “I was talking to myself.” She smiled a fake smile at the two ‘lower-class’ students.

“Uhh…” Haruhi glanced at her, and Naruto tightened his fist, his knuckles once again turning white.

“Haruhi! Naruto!”

They took one last glance at the ‘princess’ as the Host Club called their customers.

“We’re coming,” came their bored response.

Haruhi added a bit of the brown coffee powder into the teacups that were sitting on the table and Naruto poured a bit of the hot water each. They placed the coffee on a tray and held it out to the upperclassman.

“Here.” Haruhi said flatly, both the first years mouths in a tight straight line.

Tamaki brought a hand to his chin. “Let the tasting begin.” He announced.

Four of the girls had cups, looking anxious to drink the ‘commoner’s drink’. “I’m a bit nervous to drink this,” One said.

“If I drink this my father will yell at me.” Another said looking into the cup warily.

Tamaki cupped her face and leaned close to her, the girl’s cheeks flushed. “What if I let you drank it from my mouth?” His seductive voice asked, and she tensed.

“Well then I would drink it.” She said, in her trance. Surrounding girls squealed and cheered for the blond ‘king’ of the club with hearts in their eyes.

‘This is ridiculous.’ The two thought boredly as they watched the scene unfold.

Hikaru laughed with some girls at their table as he told them a story. Kaoru sat beside him blushing in embarrassment. “So he had this nightmare that made him bolt up out of bed,” He explained and Kaoru jumped.

“Hikaru, don’t tell them that story!” He said desperately, his cheeks flushed pink. Tears welled in his eyes, and he brought a finger to his lips. “I asked you not to tell anyone that,” He turned his head away from his brother. “Why are you so mean to me?” A tear fell as he spoke.

Hikaru sat up straight. “I’m sorry, Kaoru,” The girls held each other as they watched with red cheeks. Hikaru brought his brother’s face close to his, light blushes dusting both of their cheeks. “I didn’t mean to upset you, but you were so adorable when it happened I had to tell them. I’m sorry.”

“I forgive you,” Kaoru whispered breathlessly as his brother held him close.

Hikaru & Kaoru Hitachiin: High School 1st - Years (The ‘Very Close’ Hitachiin Twins)

The girls turned a red that would put a tomato to shame and squealed loudly. “I’ve never seen brotherly love quite like that!”

Haruhi walked by, sweatdropping. ‘What are they so excited about? I just don’t get it’

Takeshi walked into the room, with a tired looking Honey-senpai on his back like a small child. “Sorry,” He yawned, rubbing his doe eyes. “We’re running late.”

“Hello, Honey!” One of his customers greeted. “Hey, Mori!” She greeted his taller cousin.

“We’ve been waiting here for you guys. Hi!” Another said.

Takeshi Morinozuka (Mori for short): High School 3rd Year

“I’m sorry,” Came the lolita type’s sleep-slurred response. “I was waiting for Takeshi to get out of his kendo meeting and I fell asleep.” Honey explained and Mori bowed to the ladies who waited for them. Honey rubbed his eyes again. “And I still seem to be sleepy.”

Mitsukuni Haninozuka (‘Honey’ for short): High School 3rd - Year

The girls froze, turning red before squealing. “So cute!”

Naruto watched the whole scene from a distance. “Is that boy really a 3rd year?” She muttered in disbelief.

“Honey-senpai may seem young and childish, but he’s a prodigy, and then Mori-senpai’s allure is his strong and silent disposition.”

“Uhh…”

“Naru-chan!” Honey squealed latching onto his arm, causing him to lose his balance and spin for a moment. “Hey, Haru-chan, you wanna go have some cake with me?” He looked up at the blond with round golden brown eyes.

Naruto’s head was spinning. “Thanks but I don’t really like cake.” He said dizzily, his body swaying with each word.

“Well, I’ll let you borrow my bunny, Usa-chan!” He grinned up at the taller blond, who gave him a, dizzy, deadpanned look.

“I’m not into bunnies,” He said, finally regaining his core balance.

“Are you saying you don’t like Usa-chan?” Honey held up the pink bunny with tears beading in his eyes.

Haruhi walked up to them and looked at the stuffed animal.

“I-it’s cute, huh?” the the two stuttered nervously, joining their conversation.

A blush appeared on Honey’s face and his eyes widened, a light bulb going off in his head as he looked at them. He pushed the bunny into the brunette’s arms and ran off smiling.

“Take good care of him, okay?” He said jumping onto a girl’s lap, giggling.

“You’ll notice that our club utilizes each man’s unique characteristics to cater to the desires of our guests.” Kyouya said to the two, who stood dumbfounded. “By the way, around here, Tamaki is number one, the king. His request rate is 70%.”

“What’s this world coming to?” The two first years asked rhetorically.

Kyouya Otori: High School 2nd - Year (Vice - President)

“By the way, with your 8 million-yen debt, you are this club’s dogs until you both graduate-- oh pardon me, ‘Errand-boys’.” They stared up at Kyouya, shocked. “You can try to run away if you want to, but my family employs an able, private police force of roughly 100.” He pushed up his glasses. “By the way, do either of you have a passport?”

“Huh?” They gaped at him.

Tamaki slid beside them with smug look on his face. “You’re going to have to work hard to pay off that debt, my little nerds. ” He teased, leaning between their heads and blew warm air in both of the boys’ ears. They gasped, bringing a hand to cover their ears and moved away from the taller blond, panting as their hearts accelerated from the shock.

“Please don’t do that again.” Haruhi said, trying to hide the nervousness in his voice, while Naruto shivered in disgust.

“You need makeovers, you two are never going to get any girls as disheveled as you both are.” He said with his hands in his pockets.

“Yeah, well I’m not trying to get any girls in the first place.” They said flatly.

“Are you kidding? That’s the most important thing.” The king of the club told them, pulling a red rose out of nowhere. He closed his eyes as he spoke again. “You have to learn to be a gentleman and please the ladies,” He posed with a seductive smile. “Like me.”

“I just don’t think it’s all that important.” Haruhi shrugged.

“Yeah, it doesn’t matter either way, does it?” Naruto asked, looking at his friend.

Tamaki stumbled, his eyes widening a bit.

“Why should we care about appearances and labels anyway?”

“All that should really matter is what’s on the inside, right?”

“To be honest, I don’t even know why this kind of club exists.” Their voices chorused, reminding Tamaki of a certain pair of twins as they mimicked each other’s shrug unintentionally.

“It’s such a cruel reality, isn’t it?” He said earning growls from his two kohai. “It’s not often that God creates a perfect person like moi , beautiful both inside and out.”

They gaped at him. “Say what?”

“I understand how you both must feel, since not everyone is as blessed as I am, but you must console yourselves. Otherwise, how could either of you go on living?” They stared at him as he continued his rant. “And think about this, why do you think they put works of art in museums? Because beauty should be shared with the world, and those born beautiful should promote beautiful things--”

Haruhi looked over at Naruto, and quietly whispered to him. “There’s a word used to describe people like him.” Naruto nodded and they both tried to think of the proper word.

“Hmm, what is it?”

“Let’s see…”

“Hmm, what was it again?”

“Here’s a tip, when setting down your glass use your pinky as a cushion. That way, when you set it down, it won’t make a loud clatter.” Tamaki continued in the background.

“Hmm…” Naruto muttered.

“A pain in the neck?” Haruhi suggested, but Naruto shook his head.

“No,” The blond sighed. “There’s something more precise to describe him…”

“But above all else, Naruto, Haruhi, you must remember,” He paused, leaning close to the two. “How effective a glance to the side can be.” His tone deepened as he gave each a side-glance, when suddenly their heads shot up.

“I got it!” They announced, punching their flattened hand like a judge’s gavel. “Obnoxious.” They said, and Tamaki turned white, and sat in the corner. They stared at him. “Um… Sorry Tamaki-senpai.”

The twins laughed at the blond king’s expense, each resting an arm on one of the newbies’ heads.

‘He is a pain in the neck though…’ They thought.

“Sorry senpai,” They rubbed the backs of their necks sheepishly.

“It really did strike a small chord with me though.” Haruhi said, causing the sulking blond to stand proud once more.

“Really? It did? Let me teach you more, my friend!” He extended a hand out to the two, sparkles flowing off of his skin.

“He got over that quick.” Naruto muttered.

“Boss…?” One of the twins started.

“Call me ‘King’.” He said desperately, but Kaoru continued.

“You can teach them all the basics of hosting,” He stopped.

“But they’re not going to get very far with the ladies if they don’t look the part, you know.” Hikaru added. “They’re not exactly Host Club material but,” They twins each took hold of one of the two rookie’s glasses.

“Maybe if we took off their glasses it’ll help.” The two said, looking at the shorter teens, their eyes widening.

“Hey! We need those, we ran out of contacts, okay?” The twins stared at the two, Kyouya, Honey, and Mori gravitating to the four 1st years.

Tamaki marched over to them with wide violet eyes, then suddenly got serious. He clicked his fingers. “Hikaru! Kaoru!” He called and they gave him a salute.

“Got it!” They each grabbed one of the boys and dragged them away.

The blond King pointed to Kyouya, who already had his phone ready. “Kyouya, phone my hair stylist.” He then directed his attention to Takeshi. “Mori-senpai, go to the eye doctor and get them some contact lenses.” He gave a curt nod, then ran off.

Honey popped up in front of him. “What about me, Tama-chan?” He asked grinning innocently.

“Honey-senpai,”

“Yes, Sir!”

“You… Go eat some cake.”

Honey sat at a small table with Usa-chan, wrapped in gloom. “It’s just us, Usa-chan. Everyone else said they were too busy…”

The twins threw the two teens into a curtained off changing room, and held boy’s uniforms out to them. “Here, change into these uniforms.”

Naruto and Haruhi gave them odd looks. “What?” The blond asked, tilting his head.

“Why?” Haruhi asked, loudly.

The twins took fighting stance before pouncing on them. “Don’t ask questions!” They yelled before chanting, as the smaller teens struggled. “Change. Change. Change.”

“Alright!” The two friends yelled. “We’ll change, but you two have to get out!” They said, shoving the twins out of the changing area.

The red-headed twins stumbled before regaining their balance, preventing them from hitting the ground. They shared a surprised look, light bulbs going off in their heads.

“Um, Senpai?” The two asked from behind the curtain, the rest of the host club now gathered around the make-shift changing room.

“Aren’t you two done changing yet?” Tamaki asked impatiently.

The slid the beige curtain open, revealing themselves. “Are you guys sure it’s okay for us to keep these uniforms?” They asked, looking at the club members.

Tears of joy streamed down Tamaki’s face, that was squeezed between his palms, as a slight blush appeared on his cheeks. “Cute…” He squealed. “You’re as pretty as two girls! Adorable!” He sobbed happily at the results.

“Haru-chan, Naru-chan, you look so cute!” Honey cheered.

“If we’d known that’s how you guys really look,” Hikaru started.

“We would’ve helped you out sooner.” Kaoru finished happily.

“Who knows? Maybe they’ll draw in some customers,” Kyouya commented.

“You know, that’s just what I was thinking.” Tamaki said, grinning at the two. “The errand-boys have graduated. Starting today, you are official members of host club!” He announced. “I will personally train you to be first-rate hosts. If the two of you can get 100 customers to request your services we will disolve you of your 8 million-yen debt!”

“Hosts?” They asked in disbelief, looking at each other nervously, beads of sweat pearling on their foreheads.

“So tell me Haruhi-kun, Naruto-kun, do you have any hobbies? What do you like to do?” A girl with short, light brown hair asked the new hosts.

“I’m curious, what kind of products do you use on your skin?” Another asked.

“Yeah, it’s so pretty!” A girl with long black hair, agreed.

They smiled nervously, at the girls. ‘I can’t do this anymore! I have no idea what I’m supposed to do!’ They were thinking as the girls giggled.

“So why did you join the host club, Haruhi-kun? Naruto-kun?” The four girls asked giggling again.

“Uhh,” ‘That’s right, we only need 100 customers to request us and their forget about our debt!’ Haruhi sent his blond friend a look that said ‘follow my lead’ before finally answering the question, while Tamaki secretly watched the two from a distance.

“I see… Your mother was sick and passed away 10 years ago… So who does the chores around the house?” One said, sympathizing with the brunette.

“Oh, I do them myself. I was taught by my mother, she was an amazing cook. When she went to the hospital she left me with a bunch of great recipes.” Haruhi turned away with a slight blush as she explained to half of them.

“You never even knew your parents, only being raised by your brothers and godfather,” One of their girls on Naruto’s side sighed, wiping a lone tear that welled in her eye.

“Yeah, but it wasn’t all bad. My godfather taught me all kinds of fighting styles. He’s a world renowned martial arts master, and besides me, his only other student was my father. He claims the only reason was because I look just like he did, but I think he saw how much passion I actually have for it.” Naruto smiled at the memories of training with Jiraiya.

“What about those marks on your cheeks? Are they tattoos?”

Naruto wasn’t surprised by the question. “No, contrary to popular belief they’re birthmarks,” He took the girl’s hand and brought it to his cheek. “If it were a tattoo or a scar you’d be able to feel the markings, but there’s none, see?” He gave his ‘signature Naruto grin’ and closed his eyes. The two girls he was entertaining blushed deeply.

“You’re so cute! Yet so… Oh I can’t even describe it. You’re tough looking and cute all in one!” they exclaimed, hugging each other. Naruto ruffled his hair as he rubbed the back of his head, a slight pink flush appearing on his cheeks.

“So, uh…” One of the girls started.

“Is it okay if tomorrow…” Another continued.

“We, uh…”

“Requested to sit with you again?” Their cheeks were red, as the two smiled at them.

“Of course,” Naruto said.

“We’d really appreciate that, ladies.” Haruhi, added with a smile.

“Why are they so popular?” Tamaki asked with a pout.

“He’s a natural.” Kyouya said.

“No training needed.” The twins added.

“Have you forgotten about me, Tamaki-sama?” The auburnette beside him asked.

“Of course not, my princess.” Tamaki said, sparkling. “I’m just a little concerned about our rookies.”

“Well that’s obvious, you sure have been keeping an eye on them quite a bit, especially the brunette.”

“Of course,” He explained. “I have to, I’m training them to be gentlemen, like me.” He snapped his fingers, gaining the two new host’s attention. “Haruhi! Naruto! Come here for a minute.” He gestured for the two to come over.

“Yes?” They asked, looking down at the king seated on the lounge.

“I’d like the two of you to meet someone,” He told them. He gestured to the young lady beside him. “This is my regular guest, Princess Ayanokoji.”

Their eyes widened. ‘It’s that brat from earlier…’ Naruto thought to himself, before putting on a fake smile, much like his friend.

“It’s very nice to meet you, miss.” They said grinning down at her.

Tamaki’s face turned red. He grabbed them, hugging them to his chest and spinning. “That was so cute! That air of bashfulness was good. Really good! Amazingly good!”

“T-tamaki-sama?” Ayanokoji sweatdropped at his antics.

“M-mori-senpai! Help us!” They cried reaching for the table where he and Honey were sitting.

A glint appeared in his eyes, before an angry look flashed on his face, and suddenly the two small boys were out of Tamaki’s grip and lifted into the air by Mori’s strong grip, pink dusting his cheeks. Rose petals surrounded the three, and a light bulb in his head lit up.

“M-mori-senpai,” Tamaki started. “You really didn’t have to go that far…” He said awkwardly, as he stared at the three. “Come on little ones, let Daddy give you a big hug!” He cooed at them. Ayanokoji glared at them.

“I’ve already got a dad I don’t need two.”

“I’ve got two older brothers and my weirdo godfather, I don’t need you too.”

“Hey, Naruto!” Haruhi called.

“Yeah?”

“Where are our bags?”

“What do you mean?” Naruto asked, incredulously. “They should be right there. ” They turned to the window behind them, and their eyes widened in shock.

“Are you serious ?!” They groaned.

“I didn’t think there’d be any bullying here…” Naruto sighed.

“Yeah…Guess they’re everywhere.”

In the fountain below the window their bags soaked in water along with some of their other belongings.

The two teens broke into a run, trying to get to the fountain as they passed the princess from earlier. They stopped when she started talking.

“Oh, it’s you two again.” She said. “How nice for you, having Tamaki-sama tidy you up.” She didn’t look at them. “While you’re at it, why don’t the two of you correct your poor upbringing.” Ayanokoji walked off leaving the two in the hall.

Naruto growled at her, and Haruhi put a hand on his shoulder. “Let’s just get our stuff, we’ll deal with her later.” The blond reluctantly gave up and they continued their way down to the fountain.

“She was probably the one who did it, you know.” Naruto said, going through the last of his wet belongings.

“Yeah, but right now I have to worry about finding my wallet. Otherwise I won’t have money for food this week.” Haruhi said, still searching the pond for his wallet.

“Hey, commoners!” Tamaki called from beside the pond fountain.”You’ve got some nerve skipping out on club activities.” He said looking between the two. Then he paused. “Why are your bags all wet?” They froze.

“Uh, it’s no big deal.” Naruto started.

“We just dropped them.” Haruhi lied. “I just need to find my wallet…” Haruhi muttered.

Naruto watched Tamaki wade into the water, and upon hearing the splashes, saw Tamaki beside him, feeling through the water. A smirk appeared on Naruto’s face, but no one noticed.

“Y-you don’t have to do that, you know.” Haruhi stuttered. “You’ll get wet.”

“A little bit of water never hurt anyone,” Tamaki waved him off and continued to help. “Besides, people are always telling me I’m dripping with good looks.” The blond joked. Haruhi stared in awe, and Tamaki stood up, holding up his black wallet. “This what you’re looking for?” He winked at the brunette. “What’s the matter? You’re staring off into space.” Tamaki said bending to Haruhi’s height, and Naruto suppressed a giggle. “You haven’t fallen for me have you?” He teased waving the wallet in the brunette’s face and earned a snort from the blond, who looked away pretending he wasn’t watching.

Haruhi snatched his wallet, scoffing. “No way!”

“Still, how does something like this happen anyway?” He questioned them with a serious look.

“Well, uhh…” Naruto sputtered, not wanting to say what he thought happened, leaving the answer up to his friend.

“We accidently dropped them out the window at some point.”

Seeing through the obvious lie, the blond still dropped it.

“Oh really? That sounds terrible…” Ayanokoji said with false sympathy. Naruto held in a growl. “I can’t imagine what I’d do if my bag fell into the pond.” She said looking up from her tea.

‘Why would she request us if she obviously doesn’t like us?’ They thought, watching her.

“You even made Tamaki-sama search that dirty old pond with you, you do realise he’s a blue blood and not a commoner , don’t you?” She asked rhetorically. “The only reason he’s paying attention to the two of you is because he’s trying to turn you into gentlemen.” The two froze. “Don’t start thinking he cares about either of you, just because he happens to be doting on you right now.”

“Now I understand.” Naruto said out of the blue.”You’re jealous of us, right?” Ayanokoji froze in place, her eyes wide, and the color drained from her face. There was a quick flash of movement and the two rookies stood, the table getting knocked forward in the process.

The auburnette screamed as the tea set and vase of roses fell to the floor, smashing to pieces, Haruhi landing nearly on top of her. Naruto landed beside them, some ceramic sticking into his ankles. He groaned.

“Haruhi-kun, leave me alone!” Ayanokoji yelled when things stopped falling and the table rolled away. “Somebody, help he just attacked me!” Haruhi stared at her, completely dumbfounded, but understood what she was trying to do. “Someone, do something!”

Suddenly the twins were standing over the pair, who were now soaked, with empty kettles.

“What are you doing?” She demanded. Tamaki walked over helping her up, while the twins helped Naruto. “Tamaki-sama, Haruhi-kun assaulted me.”

“How disgraceful,” the blond said. Haruhi stared up at him. “You’re the one who threw Haruhi and Naruto’s bags in the pool, aren’t you?” He questioned her, his voice low.

“How can you say that!” She demanded. “Do you have any proof?”

Tamaki held her face in his palm. “You really are quite pretty,” He muttered. “But you are not fit to be our guest.” He said firmly. Mori and Kyouya stared at her emotionlessly, and the twins stuck their tongues out in disgust, while Tamaki glared at her. “I know this much, Haruhi and Naruto are not like that. They’re not those kind of men.

“T-tamaki-sama, you idiot!” She cried, running passed him. The host club stared after her, before turning to Naruto and Haruhi.

“I’m going to decide your punishments for causing this trouble,” Tamaki said. He pointed a finger at Haruhi. “Your quota is increased by 1000!” Haruhi’s face twitched.

‘1,000?!’ He thought in disbelief.

Haruhi paused when a hand appeared in front of his face, seeing that it was connected to Tamaki.

He grabbed it and the blond pulled him up. “I’m expecting a lot from you, Natural Rookie.” He said, winking at the brunette.

Kyouya held up two bags to them. “These are the only spare uniforms we have,” Kyouya said as they took them, peering inside. “Still better than a wet one, though, right?”

“Thanks a lot you guys,” Haruhi said.

“We’re gonna go change, now.” Naruto dragged the brunette back to the make-shift changing rooms.

“Haruhi? Naruto? I have some towels.” Tamaki said, opening the curtain to see the two hosts, who were now clearly females - especially the other blond- and froze. He dropped the curtain, and the light bulb inside his head finally lit up. “Haruhi...Naruto…”

“Yeah?” They said, exasperated.

“So… You’re both girls?”

“Biologically, yes.” They answered, sliding the curtain open to reveal the two girls in the female’s uniform. Tamaki screeched, scratching and ripping at his hair.

“Listen, we don’t really care about whether we’re recognized as boys are girls.” Haruhi said, toying with the bow on her dress.

“It’s more important for a person to be recognized for who they are, rather than what sex they are.” Naruto added.

“Well, isn’t this an interesting development.” Kyouya said. Knew it from the Start.

The twins looked at each other. “Oh yeah!” They said while Mori and Honey stood silently, not looking surprised.

Tamaki sputtered incoherently. How could he have thought otherwise?! He looked between them. Haruhi had a small cup size, so he supposed he just wasn’t paying attention, but Naruto… Where was she hiding those?! She was much bigger than Haruhi, yet the dress uniform fit her perfect. He glanced at Kyouya, but turned back to face the girls has Haruhi started talking again.

“Y-you know senpai, I thought you were pretty cool earlier!” She said bashfully. The blond male’s face turned red, and he used his hand in a poor attempt to cover it.

The twins laughed at him before Naruto’s voice got their attention. “ Thanks for your help earlier too, and for not dumping the water directly on me.” She said giving the two her signature grin. Small blushes appeared on their identical faces and they turned their heads away from her, hearing her giggles.

Kyouya turned his head to face behind him. “Now, I may be wrong, but I think we may be witnessing the beginnings of love here.”

“You know,” Naruto said turning to her friend. “Being a host and getting fussed over by a bunch of girls may not be so bad.” She said laughing. The twins and Tamaki blanched.

“But how will we pull it off?” Haruhi asked, they stopped to think for a moment.

“I got it! From now on, we can just start using ‘ore’.” They said before laughing at their joke with a light pink blush dusting over their cheeks.

Chapter Text

Chapter 2:The Job of a High School Host!

“Only those with excellent social standing and those from filthy rich families are lucky enough to spend their time here, at the elite private school: Ouran Academy.” The blond explained. “The Ouran Host Club is where the school’s handsomest boys with too much time on their hands entertain young ladies who also have way too much time on their hands. Just think of it as Ouran Academy’s elegant playground for the super rich and beautiful.”

The school bell sounded and Haruhi and Naruto looked up from their books before slamming them closed and stuffing them away, running to get to the host club.

“We’re never gonna hear the end of this if we’re late!” The blond with whisker marks said, picking up her pace. Haruhi nodded, agreeing with her shorter friend.

When they finally reached the club room they opened the doors to find that it had been turned into a tropical paradise of sorts. “What’s all this?” The brunette muttered to herself as the two made their way further into the room.

“Where are we?” Naruto asked, just as confused as her friend.

Sapphire blue and chocolate brown eyes finally fell on the other host club members, who were all dressed in tropical style outfits that showed off their figures. “Welcome.” They all said, smiling.

‘Can you see this from heaven, Mom?’ Haruhi thought with annoyance.

Naruto’s eye twitched. ‘Mom. Dad. I’ve been taken hostage by a bunch of morons!’

‘This is the club we were forced to join last week.’

“You guys finally made it,” The twins said. “You’re so late.” They were teasing them.

‘Great, as if I wasn’t already annoyed today… Now I have to deal with this.’ Naruto sighed.

“Now, I could be wrong, but my calendar says it’s still early April.” Haruhi said, her tone flat.

“Huddling under a kotatsu table fearing the cold would be nonsense! And besides, the heating system we have is,” Tamaki paused and struck a pose. “The best!”

The two girls scoffed at his idiocy.

“Do you have a problem with the way we run our club, Naruto? Haruhi?” Kyouya asked, not looking up from his clipboard. “Be careful what you say, the two of you owe us 8 million-yen, remember?” He sent them a smug look, and Naruto balled her hands into fists at her sides. An image of the vase shattering flashed in Haruhi’s mind.

Tamaki opened his fan. “Gentlemen don’t bundle up in bulky clothing,” He posed again. “It may be chilly early spring out there in the real world, but here at the club we want to surprise our chilly little kittens,” He sent a quick glance to Naruto and her whisker marks as he spoke. “With a warm tropical paradise.” He wrapped an arm around each of them. “Oh yes, we’ve turned this place into Nirvana, a Bali tropical island of everlasting summer!” He announced, sparkling.

“That’s funny, ‘cause I feel a massive chill right now.” Naruto deadpanned while Haruhi stayed quiet with a bored look.

“What heartlessness. Even with my lustrous skin, like ivory, and my outfit, like that of a Balinese king, all too fitting for me, I’m no more than a slave before my goddess,” Tamaki lifted a girl’s chin and leaned in close to her. “I kneel before you and swear my loyalty.”

“Tamaki…” She said dreamily, a blush on her face. “Oh wow...” She said dazed, hearts in her eyes.

“Oh yes! I almost forgot to mention to you ladies, next week the Ouran Host Club is sponsoring a party.” Tamaki told them and Naruto and Haruhi turned their heads to each other.

“We’re throwing a party?” Naruto asked her friend, who only shrugged, before looking back to the blond haired male.

“What kind of party is it going to be?” One girl at the twins’ table asked.

“Is it going to be formal?” The other asked blushing.

“Yes, in fact we’ve rented the school’s largest hall.” Hakaru explained.

“It’s the perfect place for dancing,” Kaoru added before his brother grabbed his chin and leaned close to him, he blushed lightly and stared into his twin’s eyes.

“But I really wanted to spend time alone with you, Kaoru,” Hikaru purred,

“Don’t be upset, Hikaru,” He consoled his twin. “I know exactly how you feel…” Suddenly the girls around them started squealing unintelligibly with red faces.

“The guests seem to be even more worked up than usual,” Naruto said.

“Showing some skin proves popular with the ladies,” Kyouya said from beside the pair.

“So are you the one who came up with this tropical paradise idea?” Haruhi asked, still observing Tamaki and the twins.

“I have no decision making authority, all of the club’s policies have been laid out by the club’s king, Tamaki,” He pushed up his glasses and grinned at the two. “However, I guess there’s no harm in admitting to casually a Bali photo book onto his desk.”

They sweat dropped. “So he’s the real brains behind this operation…” Naruto muttered.

“Ta-da!” Honey senpai exclaimed, showing off his flower necklace.”

“Oh, you’re so cute, Honey!” Some girls squealed with blushes.

He eye smiled at them. “Hi ladies! I love these Balinese flowers! We had them flown in.” Mori walked by carrying a pineapple. “Takeshi!”  Honey crawled up his cousin like a baby koala and slung a matching lei around his neck. He hugged the brunette, flowers of innocence blooming around his face. “There! We match!” He said happily. Mori didn’t react, but the girls swooned.

“Oh… You’re covered in camellias…” One said, with a hand pressed to her forehead.

“I’m still confused about those two…” Both girls, disguised as boys, muttered to themselves.

“Um, Haruhi, Naruto?” A girl asked them, they turned to face her giving her charming smiles. “Aren’t you guys going to wear tropical outfits like the other boys?” She asked hopefully.

“I’d like to see that.”The brunette next to her said with a blush.

The two hosts panicked. “Uh, well no… I” Haruhi sputtered. Naruto took over.

“We just don’t feel comfortable wearing anything but appropriate attire for each season.” She said calmly, smiling politely at their guests.

“But we have outfits ready for you both,” Tamaki said, gesturing to two mannequins. One wearing a matching female version to Tamaki’s and a male version like everyone else’s. “I think you’ll like it Haruhi, you and I are a pair.” He grinned.

“And what am I? Chopped liver?!” Naruto growled at him.

“No thanks,” Haruhi said boredly, turning her attention back to the three ladies at their table while he sulked.

“Wow, you two are really faithful to the different season, aren’t you?” One girl said.

“I think that’s great! I hope we’re lucky enough that the cherry blossoms are in full bloom for the party.” Another swooned.

“Oh Naruto, the two of us dancing among the cherry blossoms, it’s so dreamy…” the third sighed contently at her day dreams.

“You think so?” Naruto asked grinning. “I think it’s adorable when you dream like that,” She gave the girls a charming smile. “I’ll fight to protect those dreams,” The girls went wild.

“Wow, a real knightly type!” one giggled.

“He’s like a knight, defending his princess…” The second said in awe with a blush.

“Excuse me,” A new voice said, and the two female hosts turned to their new guest. “I hate to disturb but I think it’s time for the hosts to switch clients.” A girl with short brown hair and brown eyes said.

“Oh, our apologies.” Naruto said with a polite smile.

“You must be out next appointment, Miss…” She trailed off waiting for a name.

“My name’s Kanako. Kanako Kasugazaki.” She said bring a hand under each of their chins. “You two are even cute than the rumors say.” She said looking into their eyes. “I’ve decided. You two will be my new favorites!” She finished with a smile. Tamaki turned white behind them, though no one paid any attention to him.

Tamaki sat at a table in the corner eating instant ramen, sulking. “I can’t take this anymore.” He muttered around bites. Naruto stared at the cup and drooled, but Haruhi kept a firm grip on the blue-eyed blond, holding her in place.

“Hey boss! Why don’t you stop eating that commoners’ ramen,” Naruto snapped out of her daze and glared at Hikaru. “And come over here to help us with the party planning.” The older twin’s annoyed voice said.

“Does it really bother you that Princess Kasuga has taken a liking to Haruhi and Naruto?” Kaoru asked him.

“He shouldn’t be surprised. She’s had the illness for a while now, hasn’t she?” Kyouya said, not taking his eyes off his laptop.

“What illness?” The two girls asked, now directing their attention to the vice president.

“She’s got the Host-Hopping Disease.” Hikaru explained, sliding behind Kyouya so the two would be looking at him.

“Aka the Never-the-Same-Boy(s)-Twice Disease.” Kaoru added, standing beside his twin.

“Usually our customers choose a favourite host and see them regularly. However, Princess Kanako tends to change her favourites on a regular basis.” Kyouya said, typing away.

“That’s right,” Honey spoke, sliding between Naruto and Kyouya. “Before she chose you guys she was with Tama-chan.” He said smiling, looking at the screen of Kyouya’s laptop.

“Oh.” Naruto said, glaring at the king for his idiocy.

“So he’s just upset because we took her from him?” Haruhi asked flatly, disappointed.

“Shut up!” He yelling in their faces, now out of his depression corner. “I couldn’t care less! I’m running out of patience.” He pointed at the brunette girl. “Haruhi, it’s time you started dressing like a girl!” The two sweat dropped.

“You know boss,” Hikaru started.

“Naruto’s a girl too. Why do you keep ignoring her?” Kaoru questioned with a smirk.

“Even earlier you tried giving her a boy’s tropical outfit and offered Haruhi a female one that matched your own.” Hikaru was smirking now too. Tamaki froze but ignored them.

“I don’t understand how the two of you are so popular with the ladies when you yourselves are ladies!” He complained. “No one in the entire school knows the truth except for those of us here!”

“Yeah, they opted out of taking gym classes,” Hikaru said.

“And the attendance numbers are all mixed together so no one can tell.” Kaoru added, sliding behind Tamaki with his twin.

Tamaki dashed away and dragged back a chest labeled ‘King’s private property’. He opened it, digging through it for a bit and dug through it.

“That’s enough, Haruhi! Naruto! Now you listen to daddy,” Tamaki’s voice echoed inside the trunk. He pulled out two enlarged frames and rushed over to the two girls. “Daddy wants you to go back to the way you were!” Showing them their middle school pictures.

Haruhi’s hair went a few inches past her shoulders with evenly cut bangs. Naruto had much longer hair that was up in pigtails that went beyond the picture’s boundaries with some fringe framing her face. Both girls were wearing the same middle school outfit which had a blue top with a red ribbon, and both had small smiles on their faces.

Tick marks appears on their heads. “Don’t go blowing up our pictures without permission!” They shouted at him. The club surrounded the pictures, quietly observing for a moment before commenting.

“The more I look at these photos the more amazed I am.” Hikaru said. “How could these turn into those?!” He asked thinking back to the first time they saw the two girls enter the club room.

“The day before school started a kid from my neighborhood got some gum in my hair.” Haruhi said, causing 6 heads to turn to look at her. “It’s a real pain to get gum out of long hair so I just cut it all off.”

“A couple days before school started up again I was sparring with a friend of a friend in kenju- kendo. I left my hair down instead of putting it in pigtails and they thought that cutting off my hair would distract me but I didn’t really care that much.” Naruto explained her own story. “It was all uneven so I just had my godfather fix it to look like my dad’s did.” She shrugged.

“We don’t really care if we look like a couple of dudes.” Tamaki was further frustrated.

“Girls should never refer to themselves as dudes !” She shouted at them before sulking. “Mommy! Haruhi and Naruto are using those dirty boy words again!” He said with tears streaming down his cheeks.

“Who’s ‘Mommy’?” the four first years asked looking at him.

“Based on club position I assume it’s me.” Kyouya said with a sigh.

“Look, I don’t see what you’re crying about.” Naruto chided.

“If we work as hosts, it’ll be easier to pay off our debt, which would never happen if we were just ‘errand-boys’.” Haruhi scoffed.

“I’d hate to change the subject but do either of you have any experience in formal dancing? You’ll need it at the party.” Hikaru cut in and the girls looked at him.

“I do.” Everyone looked at Naruto shocked. They didn’t expect her to know that kind of thing. She sighed. “When I first started learning… martial arts from my godfather he had me learn to dance first. It made learning the moves easier. It’s one of my talents.”

“You know martial arts? And kendo? Would you spar with Takeshi and me?” Honey asked jumping up and down happily.

She gave a nervous laugh. “Maybe…”

Everyone looked over at Haruhi waiting for her answer. “No, but the party has nothing to do with my quota, right? I’m not really interested in going to events so if I could be excused…” She sputtered, and Tamaki got a glint in his eye.

“Definitely not. A gentleman must know how to dance. If you want to live the life of a host that badly, you’re going to have to show us how far you’re willing to go, Haruhi.” He said, posing. “I order you to master dancing the waltz in one week and demonstrate it for us at the party,” He spun before pointing at the brunette. “Or I’ll tell the entire school that you’re a girl and knock you back down to errand-boy!”

Haruhi sputtered. “B-but what about Naruto!” She asked incredulously.

“Naruto knows how to dance.” He said, not changing his mind. “However,” He pointed a finger at the blond girl. “You’ll be the one to teach her!” Her head dropped.

“Great, and here I thought I’d have more time to study…”

The next day the host club was in the music room, waiting for Naruto to come out of the dressing room.

“Why do I have to dress like this again?” She asked stubbornly.

“Because, Haruhi must get used to a dress on her partner!” Tamaki said firmly. “Are you dressed?” He asked her.

“Well yeah, but I don’t want you guys to see…” She muttered. Unfortunately Tamaki heard it. He snapped his fingers and The twins jumped into the changing room and grabbed her pulling her out.

She was wearing an orange party dress, and she had her hair done up like she used to with long pigtails going down just past her waist. She struggled out of the twins grip and the club stared at her awe.

“Don’t just drag me out! What the hell’s wrong with you!” She yelled at the twins who were frozen with pink cheeks. She had a generous bust and was showing more skin than they’ed ever seen from her. “Ugh, I hate high heels…” She groaned as she made her way over to Haruhi who smiled at her.

“I told you, you’re pretty in dresses, but you don’t listen.” The brunette teased.

She blushed. “I don’t care if I’m pretty or not, I’m a fighter. I don’t want to wear dresses and heels. It’s not my thing. Besides so do you.” She sighed. “Let’s just get this over with.”

The music switched on and Naruto lead the two in the waltz. The club members noticed that Haruhi was clumsy and stepped on Naruto’s toes a lot but she didn’t seem to notice too much, just corrected the issue and drilled the movements into the brunettes head. They also notice how surprisingly graceful the blond girl was. Being so brash and loud, they’d expected her not to know how to dance either.

The twins glared at the brunette. They wanted to dance with Naruto while she was dressed like that!

After a while of dancing, the twins noticed that Haruhi was catching on a bit and an idea popped into their heads. They smirked. “Hey Haruhi! Why don’t you try dancing with someone else,” Hikaru started.

“Maybe the boss could evaluate you for the day.” Kaoru said, and the blond king shot up.

“Of course! Allow me to dance with you, Haruhi!” He yelled running up to them. Naruto hid a smirk as she passed the taller girl to Tamaki who placed a hand on her hip and pulled the girl, dressed as a boy, away. The blond turned to see the two orange haired twins in front of her.

“Would you like to dance?” They asked, each offering her a hand.

“Uh, with which one of you? There’s only one of me…” Her cheeks turned pink.

‘Damn it! “Don’t use it in school” Stupid ero-sennin!’ She thought, knowing there was a way she could dance with the two of them at once

“Allow me,” A new voice said and the short girl looked up to see Kyouya holding his hand out to her and smiled.

“E-er… Sure…” She took his hand with a blush and he lead her in a waltz.

She had to admit it was nice to have someone else lead, and not crush her toes every other step. Naruto let herself relax and enjoy the dance. Kyouya was very proper, he smiled politely and his hand never wandered. ‘Unlike some of my old partners…’ She thought annoyed, but smiled back at him.

‘Damn him!’ The twins cursed the cool type as they watched the two dance .

They continued the lessons each day, and every time Naruto was forced into a dress. Not even once did the twins get a chance to dance with her, though. Kyouya, or Honey, or even Mori beat them to it because they couldn’t decide who would dance with her first.

“I heard you weren’t taking customers today because you two were practicing dancing,” Kanako said, her hand under her chin. “I’m glad I get to spend this time alone with both of you.” They were dumbfounded by her choice of words and what they implied. “Oh wow! This is a new tea set. Ginori, right?” She asked, observing the green cup with gold accents.”

Naruto and Haruhi sweatdropped. “Ginori?”

“You have a keen eye, mademoiselle. Infact, we just received them yesterday.” Kyouya said, suddenly standing by the table. “We decided it was about time for the club to improve it’s tea sets.” He explained.

“I see. What a pretty color, it’s lovely.” A chord stuck Tamaki who was listening from afar, as well as Naruto, though Haruhi was oblivious. “You must really like tea sets then.” She said smiling.

Kanako’s face went read. “N-no not really, I don’t…” She said putting it on the table. “My word, what are you talking about?” Haruhi smiled warily.

‘She does like it, but why is she hiding it…’

She notice her gently rubbing the cup, unknowingly and froze when a voice sounded from behind her.

“Hello, I brought the teacups you ordered,”

“Ah,” Kyouya responded, leaving his spot by the table. “Thank you very much. Each item you’ve chosen for us has been very popular with the ladies. I’m quite impressed.” He smiled at the other boy.

“Well that’s good to here.” He said and Kanako looked down. Haruhi and Naruto walked over to them.

“Do you sell tea sets?” Haruhi asked him.

He laughed sheepishly. “No, I’m just a regular student. I’m wearing a uniform, see?”

Kanako gave a fake laugh. “Oh Haruhi-kun, you’re so funny!” The four looked over to her. “I can’t blame you for not knowing. After all, he doesn’t really look like the heir to a first-class corporation.” She turned to face them, smiling.

“Heir?” Naruto asked.

“His family’s business, Suzushima Trading Co, centers around the importing of tablewares. Currently it has the top market share in the country.” Kyouya explained as the brunette boy caught Kanako’s eyes for a moment. She looked down at her lap, avoiding his gaze.

“Wow.” Haruhi commented.

“So when something exceptional comes in, we’ve asked him to send it our way. He has a keen eye for fine china, which is why we trust you with these things, Suzushima-kun”

“Oh no, my eye still has a long way to go…” He said bashfully with a small blush. “But thanks anyway.” No one could see Kanako’s sad expression.

“Aren’t you leaving soon, to study abroad in England? Next month wasn’t it?” Kyouya asked curiously.

“Yes I am,” He affirmed. “I should be going now, though.” He said turning to leave.

Kanako sat still, no long facing the direction Suzushima was standing, still holding onto the tea set.

“So, are you enjoying the host club?” Tamaki asked, approaching her.

“Are you close to that guy?” Naruto asked walking back to the table, carrying the box of tea sets.

She shook in her seat nervously and turned to the Natural type and, newly dubbed, Knightly type hosts. “Huh?! N-no! Of course not! We hardly know each other.” She panicked. “Where did you get that idea, Naruto-kun? Now if you’ll please excuse me, take care.” She covered her blush and quickly left the club room.

“Haru-chan! Naru-chan!” Honey yelled jumping on Naruto’s back. “Guess what! They do know each other! Suzushima-kun is Kasuga-chan’s fiancé!” He told them.

“Kyouya,” Tamaki interrupted. “How long have you know about this?” He asked accusingly.

He pushed up his glasses. “About the two of them being engaged?” He asked “As you know, I do conduct general research on our customers.” He opened a binder. “The two of them were childhood friends. Their engagement was arranged by their parents.” He said not looking up. “I didn’t think the information would benefit us so I disregarded it.” He looked at Tamaki.

“I see…”

“Toru Suzushima: Outstanding grades, fair social status, ordinary looks with reliability as a strong point. If I had to fault him for anything--”

The twins cut in. “He doesn’t have much presence.” Hikaru said.

“And he’s faint-hearted.” Kaoru added.

“In other words,” Kyouya snapped the book closed. “He’s boring.” His tone was flat but harsh.

The female hosts sweat dropped. ‘They really are merciless to other guys…’

“Suzushima is a good boy, right?” Honey asked from Mori’s shoulders.

“Yeah.” Mori said.

Tamaki stepped closer to them. “Alright everyone,” He said, getting their attention. “Let’s examine our strategy.” They all stared at him.

“Which one?” They all said flatly.

Tamaki sparkled as he spoke again. “Men, it is our responsibility, as members of the elite Ouran Host Club, to make every girl happy!”

“My little lambs, who have gathered here tonight, the Ouran Host Club bids you a fond welcome.” Tamaki said, bowing. He was dressed in a white suit with a light purple-pink vest and a purple tie, and wore his usual charming smile as he looked at the ladies in the room who were clapping. The other members of the host club bowed as well and stood straight as the lights were turned on.

“As always, ladies, the Host Club members are here for your entertainment,”Kyouya announced to the crowd, in his black suit matched with a blue vest and purple tie, the jacket reaching his past knees. “So we invite you to dance to your heart’s content. Based on her dancing skills, one lucky young lady will be chosen as tonight’s queen. The queen’s reward will be a passionate kiss on the cheek from our king.”

“Good luck to you,” The blond wink at them, extending his hand. “My darlings.”

The girls squealed with joy, some even fainting.

“Haruhi, show some enthusiasm.” Naruto and the twins chided, seeing Haruhi with an odd look and her shoulders hunched.

“Well sorry, but this is the only dance party I’ve ever been to. I’ve only ever gone to the festivals held in my neighborhood park.”

“I don’t know if you can really consider that a party or not…” Kyouya said, writing in his book as usual, next to Mori and Honey. “Since you’re already here you might as well get yourself something to eat.” Both Naruto and Haruhi looked up - the blond’s attention taken by the mention of food. “We’ve got quite a spread.”

Haruhi blushed. “L-like with fancy tuna?” She averted her eyes, and Naruto didn’t really care what was there so much as there’s food.

Kyouya broke his mechanical pencil and he, along with the other male host club members, turned white. They all sputtered at her in disbelief. Her face was red and the twins hugged her in attempt to comfort her.

“You poor thing,” They chanted, hugging her. Naruto just snorted.

“Get some fancy tuna here, stat!” Tamaki yelled, and Kyouya called in the order.

‘These damn rich people…’ She thought in annoyance and embarrassment.

Each of the hosts were currently dancing with one of the guests, except Haruhi who was leaning against a column. Two girls peaked around it to look at her, but quickly hid behind it when Kanako walked up to the brunette.

“Hello Haruhi,” She said smiling. “I’ve been  looking all over for you, do you think maybe I could have the next dance?” She asked politely, and Haruhi smiled.

“Yeah,” She held her hand out. “Of course you can.” Some girls cried behind them.

Kasuga took Haruhi’s hand, and the brunette lead her to the floor.

“Kasuga-chan is here!” Honey said.

“Alright men,” Tamaki said “Commence with our operation.”

“Roger.” Mori, and Honey said speeding towards Haruhi and Kasuga.

They were about to dance when the brunette was promptly grabbed and pulled away. She stood dumbfounded. “A kidnapping?”

Mori set Haruhi down in the club room and she turned to the twins. “You didn’t have to be so forceful!” They didn’t pay attention to her obvious anger, though, and handed her a package. Naruto just stood to the side and watched with a smug grin.

“Never mind that, go get changed.” Hikaru said roughly.

“Yeah!” Honey cheered as he pushed her into one of the two curtained off ‘rooms’.

Kaoru looked at Naruto’s smug expression and smirked, handing her a similar package. “You too.”

Her expression turned angry. “What do you mean ‘You too.’?! I wasn’t involved with anything but her makeup!” The twins grinned at each other.

“We decided that you’re going to be a girl for the rest of the night,” They said at the same time.

“After all,” Kaoru said into her ear. Her breath hitched.

“We never got our dance.” Hikaru said on her other side

They pushed her into the other curtained off room. “Have fun!” They gave a thumbs up as she stumbled inside.

“Having an ‘accident’ happen at the end of the night would be quite thrilling, and remember Haruhi, you only have 20 minutes before the party reaches it’s climax. Suzushima is already waiting in a classroom for you across the hall.” Haruhi slid the curtain open revealing the pink dress with a flowery bow she had a wig that matched her hair color on that was the same style as her middle school years. Naruto opened her own curtain at the same time, glaring at the twins. She had on the same orange gown she wore for Haruhi’s dancing lessons with the grasped bodice, her own wig was a slightly lighter blond than normal and styled with pigtails.

The twins were left to Haruhi’s makeup as Naruto gave into the twins demands, knowing it’d probably end up worse if she didn’t, and put some eyeliner on over a golden eyeshadow.

“Remember, ask him how he feels!” Honey said to Haruhi as the twins applied her makeup.

“Uh, we know this is the boss’s strategy but it’s kind of unsettling.” The twins commented.

Tamaki burst through the doors. “Gentlemen! Here you all are what are you doing?” He said. “The guests are waiting… for…” He trailed off as he caught sight of the two, though he seemed more interested in the brunette, his face dusted with light pink.

Haruhi stood up and turned to him, her eyes widened with the makeup, and her lips slightly parted. Tamaki was dazed as he took in her beauty.

“I told you, you look pretty in a dress,” Naruto quietly sassed her friend, who only looked at the blond male. The twins slid next to him.

“So what do you think?” The twins asked, grinning, as Haruhi walked liked a puppet towards the door.

“Haru-chan you look so cute!” Honey commented. “Naru-chan, looks pretty with makeup!”

The twins looked at the blond, grinning like Cheshire Cat and and she crossed her arms, turning her face away from them.

“My face feels heavy, and it’s hard to walk in these shoes.” She grumbled

“Good luck, Haruhi!” The twins cheered as she walked into the hall.

“Sh-she looks so cute…” Tamaki muttered into nothingness as they turned back into the club room, to Naruto. “Why are you all dressed up too?” He asked his face still red as he took the sight of her in. He hadn’t really paid attention to her during Haruhi’s lessons, so he didn’t see how revealing the dress really was. “Daddy won’t allow it! Look at how much skin you’re showing! And your-your…” He pointed to her cleavage.

Naruto closed her eyes, a tick mark appearing on her head “One dance each, you guys got that!” She growled. “And if you try to pull this stunt again, you’re gonna see a side of me you never wanted to see.”  A red aura that looked like a fox with nine tails surrounded her, before she put on a sweet smile. “So you better not get used to this.”

Suzushima waited by the window for the one who wrote him the confession letter to show up. He turned when the door opened to see a brunette girl with long brown hair wearing a pink dress with flowers.

“You’re the one who wrote this letter?” He held up the note. “You very different from what I imagined.”

‘Letter?’ He handed it to her and she sweat dropped as she read it. ‘ “Love-love”? “Tee-hee”? Who wrote this letter?’ She thought before three suspicious characters popped into her mind - who happened to be, ‘maybe unintentionally?’ , showing interest in her blond friend. ‘They don’t really see like the types to go for tomboys or girls who like karate, I’d expect either Honey-senpai or Mori-senpai to be more into than those three…’

“Have we met somewhere before?” He asked and Haruhi froze.

“No! We’ve never spoken before.” She assured, making her voice slightly higher in pitch.

“I’m sorry.” He said suddenly much to her surprise.

“Hmm?”

“I appreciate what you’ve said, but I cannot respond to your letter.” He said, looking down. “I already have another girl who is dear to me.”

“I’m sorry,” Haruhi said. “I didn’t know you had a girlfriend.”

“Unfortunately, she’s not my girlfriend.” The brunette boy said sadly. “Or should I say, she’s through with me.” He turned away from the brunette. “In all honesty, she’d be better suited having a more dazzling, more self-confident man.”

“Where exactly are you taking me, Tamaki?” Kanako asked, following the tall blonde’s guiding hand.

“You know,” They stopped in front of a large window. “You’re probably not the sort of person who’s cut out for manipulating others.” He said.

She paused and looked up at him. “I’m not sure what you mean…”

“No matter how many hosts you hop around to, in order to gain his attention, you always seem happier when you look at the teacups.” He said gently, giving her a small smile.

Kanako flashed back to when she was a kid. She and Suzushima had been close friends in their childhood, and she could remember looking at tea sets with him.

“Look at these Kanako!” He’d said, placing his small hands on the glass case. “How pretty!” He smiled at the cups. “A Wedgwood… A Foley… A Worcester…” He’d recited. They both smiled and admired the tableware inside the case, marveling at the beauty of each piece. “Over here is a Ginori and Meissen.” He marveled, then stopped to look at his brunette friend. “Kanako,” She looked up at him. “You’re going to be my wife,” He said. “So I’ll tell you all about them, okay?” He eye smiled and she returned it.

“Yeah!”

“It doesn’t matter, no matter what I do he doesn’t notice me in the least.” She said looking at the ground. “He even decided to study abroad without me knowing…” She sighed sadly.

“That’s why I’d like to change, as well. Looking at the world,” He told the small brunette. “I want to become an even better man.” His eyes didn’t move from the window. “I know it’s selfish of me to ask, but what if you were to wait for me?” He asked quietly.

“I guess it is selfish of you,” She said, like an arrow to his heart. “It’s crazy to think she’ll understand how you feel, if you don’t tell her.” She explained. He looked at her with wide eyes and a small blush on his cheeks. “You clearly have feelings for her, so why do you need to put it off? I think that people begin to change from the moment they decide they want to.” She told him.

Suddenly the door opened, and he extended a hand towards it as if saying ‘wait.’ Haruhi turned to see Kasuga at the door, staring at the two with wide eyes.

“Kanako…” He muttered and she clenched at her heart, looking down.

“Sorry, I seem to be interrupting something. I’ll just…” She trailed off, tears falling from her eyes, before turning to run. Suzushima took off after her.

“Kanako!”

Haruhi stepped out the door and watched the chase,Tamaki walked out next to her.

“Didn’t we just complicate things?” She asked, not looking at him.

“Well, he did go running after her.” She smiled some, glancing at the blond.

‘It’s our responsibility, as members of the elite Ouran Host Club, to make every girl happy, huh?’ She thought, smiling at her senpai.

Kanako sped away from Suzushima, tears still falling slightly, but he was able to catch up and grabbed her wrist. As they stopped running, multiple large spotlights fell on them.

“Ladies and Gentlemen,” Tamaki said from a balcony overlooking the scene. “It is now time for the final dance of this evening’s festivities.” He said as guests gathered in the windows to watch the exchange. “The Host Club’s last waltz falls upon this couple.” The attention was drawn to the host club. Haruhi and Naruto were back in their suits, all traces of makeup gone, the twins were looking smug as they each ate a banana, while Kyouya, Mori, and Honey all smiled at the couple.

Suzushima released her wrist and closed his eyes, gathering his bearings. He extended his hand out to her bowing. “Princess Kasuga,” He started with blush. “May I have this dance?” He opened his eyes and looked at her.

Kanako stared with wide eyes and a blush. She smiled warmly at him and took his hand. “Yes.” She said and the music started.

The couple danced as the wind knocked the petals of the cherry blossoms off the trees, the host club smiling at them and the rest of the guests giggling and sighing at how romantic it all was.

“I love you, Kanako.” Suzushima said, blushing as they danced. “I’ve always loved you, and… I want you to be my wife.” She smiled up at him, happily shocked by his words. Tears of joy welled in her eyes.

‘Tonight,’ She thought. ‘Marks the end of my host-hopping.’

Tamaki sighed contently extending his arms to the sides, nearly smacking Naruto and Haruhi in the head. “May this awkward couple be blessed!”

Hikaru slid next to the king, holding his banana peel. “Tonight’s dance queen…” He started.

Kaoru slid next to him, holding his own remnants of the banana. “Is hereby declared to be Princess Kanako Kasugazaki!” He finished. The crowed clapped happily for her as the couple looked out at everyone. She smiled slightly.

“Now then,” Hikaru started, his banana peel gone. “The blessed kiss on the cheek from the king…”

Tamaki made a seductive pose and began to speak before he was cut off by Kaoru-who’s banana peel was also gone. “Has been switched to Haruhi Fujioka and Naruto Namikaze!” He announced.

“Huh?!” The two girls froze and Tamaki looked scandalized.

“After all, Kyouya-senpai said having a little ‘accident’ happen at the end of the night would make it more thrilling!” The twins said swinging their arms around Naruto, who hunched her shoulders. Looking at them, she noticed the glint in their eyes.

‘What are they up to…’

Suzushima put a hand on Kanako’s shoulder. “It’s just on the cheek, right?” He asked, giving he a small smile. “Go ahead, accept it. It’ll commemorate your graduation from host-hopping.”

“Of all things you put me through…” Haruhi grumbled shooting a glare at her laughing friend.

“We’ll cut your debt by one-third.” Kyouya said, not missing a beat.

She looked away sharply.

“Well it is just a peck on the cheek…” Naruto said starting towards the stairs, followed by Haruhi

The girls made their way down the stairs to Kanako, who stepped forward.

Tamaki sulked watching the scene, as Honey cut in with a quick thought. “Hey, you don’t think this is Haru-chan and Naru-chan’s first kiss do you?”

Tamaki face faulted and the twins froze in place, sharing a glance. “What?” The king asked, scandalized.

The two girls stood on either side of Kanako, each holding the opposite side of her chin as they leaned down to her cheeks. Suddenly Tamaki jumped up towards them.

“Wait, Haruhi! Naruto!” He yelled extending an arm in an attempt to stop the kiss. He ended up landing on one of the twin’s banana peels and slipped, pushing Haruhi’s back and forcing her into Naruto who ended up lip-locked with her friend.

Tamaki’s eyes widened and the new couple stared at them as they jumped away, putting a hand to their lips. The blond male fell to the ground in a sulking heep and the two girls averted eye contact with pink dusting their cheeks.

The guests watched with hearts in their eyes, except two who were crying, and the host club members smiled. Kyouya’s being more of a smirk and the twin’s being more of a nervous ‘oops-it-wasn’t me’ smile.

‘I never would’ve thought I’d lose my first kiss to another girl, let alone my best friend.’ Haruhi thought blushing, Tamaki reaching out to them with tears in his eyes, while Naruto fumed silently.

‘Every. Damn. Time. It’s always an accident! Some getting pushed into me, or me getting pushed into someone else! God damnit! Stupid Sasuke! Stupid Tamaki! Why me?! Can’t I ever get an intentional kiss?’ She thought angrily, wanting to stomp her feet and scream, but she held it in for the sake of her calm ‘knightly’ image.

They looked at each other. ‘It was still an amazing night, so I guess it’s just as well.’ They thought smiling at each other, letting out a small laugh.

Chapter Text

Chapter 3: Beware the Physical Exam!

“Only those with excellent social standing and those from filthy rich families are lucky enough to spend their time here, at the elite private school: Ouran Academy.” The blond explained. “The Ouran Host Club is where the school’s handsomest boys with too much time on their hands entertain young ladies who also have way too much time on their hands. Just think of it as Ouran Academy’s elegant playground for the super rich and beautiful.”

Cherry blossoms fell from the trees as the host club stood beneath them in the school’s courtyard wearing traditional kimono.

“Welcome, Ladies!” They said in unison, smiling charmingly at their guests.

Different tea cups and kettles covered the self proclaimed King of the Host Club’s table.

“Which cup would my princess like her tea in?” Tamaki asked one of his guests in a low voice. “The Foley? The Worcester? Or perhaps the Suzie Cooper Gardenia?”

The women looked at the cups in awe. “How beautiful…” One said. “These are English antiques, right? Which one do you like Tamaki- kun? ”

The blonde host took her hand. “Which one? Well none of these compare to my princess.”

President, Suou Tamaki

High School 2nd Year, Host Club King

The girl blushed. “Oh, Tamaki-kun…”

The twins’ table was littered with tea and fruit tarts.

“Have you ever been to Covent Garden?” Kaoru asked.

“Our only antiques come from Portobello.” The guest sighed.

“It’s quite interesting,” Hikaru started. “Most of the victorian pieces around here are from there.”

Kaoru suddenly knocked a cup of tea over. “Ah!” He cried out in pain as the hot liquid burnt his skin.

“Kaoru!” Hikaru said in concern, placing his lips on his twin’s burnt finger. The girls surrounding the table blushed as they watched the scene unfold.

Hitachiin Hikaru

High School 1st Year

“Honestly Kaoru… You have to be more careful.” He chided. “You just need to keep your eyes on me.”

“Hikaru…”

HItachiin Kaoru

High School 1st Year

The girls around them gushed.

“Ah… I can’t take it! It’s too fantastic!” One said with a content sigh, turning away from the twins.

“You have to watch! This is a rare moment, don’t let it go to waste!” The other scolded.

Kyouya suddenly appeared next to them.

“You’re absolutely right, miss…” He agreed.

Vice President, Ootori Kyouya

High School 2nd Year

“As these cherry blossoms, beauty is fleeting.” He continued, holding one of the pink flowers gently in his fingers. “There isn’t another day when you’ll be able to see them like this again. And so I created this book, containing photo collections that capture the beauty of the passing days.”

“Incidentally,” the black haired host continued. “I’ve prepared similar books for all the other hosts as well. In the event that you’re interested in purchasing them all together, there is a special set price.” He finished with a smug yet charming smile.

The girls shot up from their seats with their hands up.

“I’ll take them!”

The twins stared boredly at their senior. “Now we know how the club makes money…”

“But I have to wonder…” Hikaru started.

“...When did he take pictures of us?” Kaoru finished.

In a traditional Japanese zen setting with bamboo and traditional wagashi sweets a group of girls surrounded Haruhi, Naruto, Mori, and Honey.

Fujioka Haruhi (Actually a girl)

High School 1st Year

Namikaze Naruto (Also a girl)

High School 1st Year

The two first years sweat dropped as they watched Honey mix the matcha too quickly.

They looked at each other with the same question in mind.

‘Should we say something to him…?’

Haninozuka Mitsukuni

Aka ‘Honey’, High School 3rd Year

Finally Mori interrupted him.

“Mitsukuni.”

Morinozuka Takashi

Aka ‘Mori’, High School 3rd Year

He bend down to Honey’s ear.

“You’ve lost too much.”

The girls, including Naruto and Haruhi, looked at him in shock.

‘He told him!’

Honey looked at his mostly empty bowl of matcha with large brown eyes. His cheeks reddened and he looked like he was going to cry.

One of the guests grabbed the bowl.

“Honey-Kun, I’ll take it! It looks so delicious!” She yelled with red cheeks before drinking the small amount of matcha.

“Yes,” The other guest agreed. “That’s exactly the amount I wanted to have! You’re amazing Honey-kun! How ever did you know?”

“Really?” Honey grinned.

The female hosts sighed with a deadpan look, their backs turned to the scene.

The two girls dressed as boys looked to the sakura trees and sky with a sigh before the taller blond host interrupted them.

“Haruhi? Are you enjoying yourself?” The king asked with a hand on his hip and his back facing them.

“Tamaki-senpai…” Haruhi started but the violet eyed blond interrupted again.

“The flower viewing isn’t all that back, huh?” He turned to face the brunette. “But then, in our case, we’re more busy being admired than doing any admiring.”

The two first years sweat dropped at their king’s antics.

“Senpai, you’re blooming in more ways than one, huh?” Naruto snickered.

Tamaki turned around fully, pointing at the blond girl.

“Well said! Yes, today I am in the full glory of my beauty.” He turned to Haruhi and winked. “I wonder if you’ll fall for me, too.”

Haruhi twitched. ‘This guy must live his life completely detached from the severity of the world.’

Naruto stifled a laugh as she watched them, before being grabbed by the twins.

“Naruto, Haruhi, have you decided on your elective courses for this term?” They asked in unison.

“How about conversational French?” Kaoru suggested.

“Good question.” Haruhi said.

“I don’t know…” Naruto responded.

“If you’re going to, we should take it together.” Hikaru suggested. “After all,”

The twins turned to Tamaki, one with an arm around Haruhi and the other with an arm around Naruto.“We’re in the same class.”

Tamaki curled up in a ball by a tree sulking.

“Say, Mommy?” He muttered.

“What is it, Daddy?” Kyouya asked, writing on his clipboard.

“I have a new theory…” He started. “I mean, it’s just my hypothesis but it seems that by being in the same class, Hikaru and Kaoru are able to spend more time with Haruhi and Naruto than I get to here at the club. This gives them a chance to get close to them and if that happens...”

Kyouya cut him off. “Tamaki...You just now realize that?” Lightning struck the blond host.

Kyouya stepped in front of a board with diagrams on it. “According to my research, in a single day the twins spend roughly nine hours of class time with Haruhi and Naruto. Meanwhile your contact with them is limited to a couple hours of club activities. In other words, your involvement in their lives amounts to no more than a mere 3%.”

Tamaki’s eyes teared up. “I don’t want to hear it! I don’t want to hear it!”

He grabbed Haruhi by the shoulders and leaned in close to her face, looking her in the eyes. “Haruhi, you mustn’t hang around with those disreputable twins any further!”

“Disreputable, you say?” Hikaru asked.

“You’re the last one who should be calling us that!” Kaoru added.

“And what about Naruto?” They added simultaneously, grabbing the blond by her arms and bringing her into view.

“Hey! Don’t bring me into this!” She struggled in their grip.

Tamaki released the brunette and stepped back.

“Yes, that’s it.” He said. “Sure enough, we can’t go on hiding the fact that you’re girls from everyone!” He cried crocodile tears. “What Daddy wants is for you to go back to being the girl students you used to be, surrounded by your girlfriends and living wholesome lives as students.”

“Who are you calling ‘Daddy’?” Naruto asked, but was ignored as Tamaki grabbed Haruhi again, shaking her.

“Go back! Go back now! Go back right now!”

The twins spoke up. “You don’t have to rush things, you know. They’ll be found out soon enough anyway.” Hikaru said.

“Remember, day after tomorrow we have physical exams.” Kaoru added.

“Physical…” Haruhi started.

“...Exams?” Naruto finished.

The host club members stared at the two girls.

“That’s right, I forgot all about it…” Kyouya said.

“Then it will get out for sure that we’re girls.” Naruto and Haruhi said in sync, much like the twins.

The twins, Honey, Mori, and Tamaki turned white. “EEEH!”

Beware the Physical Exam!

Haruhi stood in a dress outside the school, admiring the view. She was wearing the yellow girl’s uniform and had a braid in her short brown hair.

“Haruhi~!” Tamaki called. She turned to face him with red cheeks. “Been waiting long? What’s wrong? You look gloomy.” He said sparkling with charm.

In the background students looked in shock at the revelation that the brunette host is a girl.

“I can’t help it…” She said. “Everyone keeps staring at me for some reason.” She brought her hand to her face. “I’m so embarrassed.”

Tamaki cupped her cheek with one hand and lifted her face so her eyes would meet his and wrapped his free arm around her waist.

“They’re looking at you because you’re cute, Haruhi.” He said seductively. “It’s alright. Whatever happens, I will protect you.”

Haruhi gripped his suit and leaned her head on his chest. “Oh Senpai, that makes me feel better…Thank you.” She said softly, blushing.

Tamaki opened his eyes with a dark blush covering his cheeks, imagining spinning the brunette around while she proclaims her love to him.

“He must be having a great day dream.” Honey commented.

“He’s kind of creeping me out.” Hikaru said.

“Don’t be so cynical, Hikaru. Everything is going according to plan.” Tamaki said, snapping out his day dream. “I could see how this would turn out from the start, without being jealous of the likes of you.” He turned around, still sparkling. “Indeed! This story has always been a school love comedy! Haruhi and I are clearly necessary components of the love comedy”

“Then what are we?” The twins and Naruto asked.

“You are the supporting cast.” Tamaki said, drawing a line on the floor with a stick. “So please make sure you don’t step across this line.”

The three trouble makers stared at the line in disgust. “You’ve got to be kidding.”

“On the other hand…” Hikaru started.

“Don’t you understand, sir?” Kaoru finished.

“If it get’s out that Haru-chan and Naru-chan are girls, they won’t be able to stay in the host club.” Honey explained.

Tamaki turned white as he finally caught on.

“But if they were to wear girl’s clothes, they’d look even more cute, huh?” He continued.

“They did dress like regular girls when they were in middle school, they must’ve been popular with the boys, right?” Hikaru added.

“Yeah,” Kyouya agreed. “According to me investigative report, someone would confess their love for one of them at least once a month.”

“Oh, then his highness wouldn’t be able to get near either of them, huh?” Kaoru said.

“Well, we’re still in the same class as them so we’d be okay.”

“No!” Tamaki yelled.

Just as he was about to say more, the two crossdressed girls entered the club room.

“Sorry we’re late!” Naruto said flashing her trademark grin. As soon as their bodies were in the room Tamaki grabbed Haruhi...again.

“Don’t you worry, Haruhi! We’re going to make sure that we protect the secret that you’re a girl during tomorrow’s physical exams! So please promise you’ll stay our own exclusive princess!”

Haruhi blinked in confusion. “Okay?”

Next to them Naruto was fuming. “And what am I? Chopped liver? So it’s okay if they find out that I’m a girl but not for Haruhi? You biased pr-!!” The twins covered her mouth before she could finish.

“It’s true, we’d be a little annoyed if we had to watch a bunch of guys flirt with them.” Hikaru remarked.

“Then that settles it.” Kaoru said.

“Operation:Conceal Haruhi and Naruto’s Gender also named ‘Operation: I swear Haruhi-chan and Naruto-chan are boys’ is underway!”

“All right, squad members! Let’s reconfirm what our Formation A positioning is for tomorrow’s physical exams!” Tamaki said, standing in front of a white board with their plan written on it.

“Yes sir!” The twins chorused.

Naruto and Haruhi stared for a moment before simultaneously hitting their fits to their hands.

“If we’re found out…” The brunette began.

“We won’t be able to continue as hosts and pay off our debt…” Naruto continued.

“Right?” They finished in unison.

“Let’s see… we have a balance of 5,333,332 yen…” Haruhi calculated.

“Hm… I guess we’ll have to find another way.” Naruto shrugged. Tamaki and the twins sweat dropped.

“Commander, the subjects don’t have any initiative for this!” The twins said.

“What uncooperative heroines…” Tamaki sighed.

“Is that how much you hate hosting? Hate this club?” He accused pointing to the girls.

“Well if we’re being honest…” Haruhi started.

“Yes. Yes we do.”

Tamaki turned white again and gasped, crying and sulking in a corner of the club room.

Naruto and Haruhi rubbed their necks sheepishly.

“Hey, if it gets out that we’re girls then there’s really nothing we can do.” They said, laughing.

“They don’t seem to care one way or another.” Hikaru said.

“Well, before we do anything else, we have to find a way to motivate them.” Kaoru said.

“Fancy tuna and ramen.” Mori said monotonously.

The two girls stopped laughing and gasped, their eyes wide.

“That’s right,” Tamaki said. “During the last chapter’s dance party you didn’t get a chance to eat any, did you, Haruhi?” The blond turned to reveal his creepy, scheming look.

“Did you hear that?” Hikaru whispered loudly to his twin. “She’s never eaten fancy tuna before.”

“What a bleak upbringing she’s had.” Kaoru responded.

“And Naruto, she only ever wants that tasteless commoner ramen.” Hikaru taunted.

“How sad, if they stayed in the host club they’d ge to eat all kinds of yummy things whenever they want! Even artisanal ramen and fancy tuna…” Honey added.

“What are you talking about?” Naruto said anxiously.

“Just because we may be poor doesn’t me we’re so gluttonous that we’d go on fooling everyone about our gender just so we can eat expensive food.” Haruhi added, sweating and laughing nervously.  

They suddenly stopped and turned away from the male club members.

“Will I really get to try it?” They asked, sweat dropping.

The twins, Tamaki and Honey all beamed at the two.

The next morning

“ We will now begin conducting physical examinations. All students go to the clinics in your respective school buildings.” A voice said over the intercom.

“So what’s the deal with this ‘Formation A’ thing?” Naruto asked the twins as the four made their way to the clinic.

“What do they do during physical exams at Ouran?” Haruhi asked.

“It’s no different than physical exams you’d get at any other school.” Hikaru answered.

“It’s not right to have any class-based differences in something like this, right?”

“Yeah. I guess you’re right, huh?” Naruto resigned.

Haruhi pushed the doors open to the clinic to see lines of male and female nurses and doctors.

“Welcome, students!”

The two girls paled.

“What is all this?” Haruhi asked.

“Like we said, a physical exam.” Hikaru said as he entered the clinic.

“Just like always.” Kaoru said.

“Like always?” Naruto scoffed.

The girls sweat dropped as a nurse bowed to the twins and asked them to have their heights measured.

Two nurses walked to the crossdressing girls.

“Mr.Fujioka? Mr.Namikaze? The nurses asked.

“I’m your nurse for today’s exam.” They said before pulling away their patients.

As they walked they each noticed Honey and Mori dressed in doctors’ uniforms and girls around them asking about it. They sweat dropped, and the cousin shushed the two girls.

“Could they be any more obvious?” The blond girl asked, thinking about how much it reminded her of a certain ‘little brother’ of hers back home.

Kyouya walked up to them. “They’re here to deal with things in case something happens.” He explained.

“But what’s the point of the disguises?” Haruhi asked.

“To create the mood.” Kyouya responded easily. “It makes it seem more mission-like and builds things up, doesn’t it?”

Their attention was turned to a plump girl on a scale talking to a doctor.

“Miss Shiramine, you’ve lost two whole kg since last year.” The doctor told her. The surrounding nurses cheered for her.

“Oh? I was sure I’d gained weight!” Shiramine said happily.

“Not at all,” The doctor said. “I would say you’re even healthier.”

“I have to ask, what is it with all the excessive reception here?” Haruhi said as she watched the interaction.

“That’s out of the board superintendent’s consideration.” Kyouya responded. “This may be a school, but it’s also a business. Therefore the mood of the students is the highest priority. After all, most of the students that attend the academy have their own private doctors to begin with.”

The girls slumped over in defeat.

‘Damn these rich people’

Suddenly a suspicious looking man bumped into the tall black haired host.

“I’m terribly sorry,” He apologized.

“No problem…” Kyouya said as he studied the man before him before he hobbled away.

“Huh…”

“Hitachiin-sama, if you’ll step this way now we’ll measure your chest. You can use the area behind this curtain to undress.” A nurse said as girls surrounded the area with blushing faces.

“Doesn’t matter to me.” Hikaru said, removing his shirt shamelessly in front of the girls.

“We’re not shy, who needs a curtain.” Kaoru said, following suit.

The two sparkled as they revealed their bare chests and girls cheered for them, while Naruto and Haruhi watched with a sweat drop. Haruhi could swear she saw a slight blush on Naruto’s cheeks but it was gone in an instant so she couldn’t tell.

“See Haruhi? Naruto? These physical exam events are incredibly popular.” Kyouya said with a smile.

The two girls slumped over again. ‘What’s wrong with the girls at this school…?’

“I won’t allow it.” Hikaru said, facing his twin. “Even if they are doctors, I won’t let them touch your body.”

Kaoru chuckled. “What are you talking about? When we’re at home, you always say we’re playing doctor and exhaustively amuse yourself with my body.”

The girls screamed again.

Suddenly Honey and Mori dragged Naruto and Haruhi away.

“Come on Naru-chan, Haru-chan! This way!” Honey said as they ran and shoved the two into a curtain.

As Haruhi was about to fall, Tamaki caught the brunette and pulled her to his chest, allowing the blond girl to fall to the floor.

“I’ve been waiting for you, my princess.” The blond whispered into the brunette crossdresser’s ear.

She stepped back to look at him and fell to her knees in surprise.

“Tamaki-senpai?”

Tamaki crouched down to her level with his fists covering his face. “That look of surprise is so cute.”

She pouted as she looked up at him.

“Fujioka-sama, It’s time to measure your chest. Once you’ve gotten ready, please step this way.” As the nurse finished girls could be heard squealing in the background.

“The inevitable moment has arrived.” Tamaki said. “Haruhi, you wait here.”

Haruhi’s brown eyes widened. “What are you going to do?”

The blonde boy brought his index finger to her lips. “It’s alright. I’ll protect you.”

Haruhi stared with wide eyes as the blond continued. “I’m going to protect you.”

“Fujioka-sama? Are you ready yet?” The nurse called, as the girls stared at the curtain anxiously waiting for the brunette to come out.

“Yes.” A voice that did not belong to the brunette said as it’s owner stepped out from behind the curtain.

As the curtain swung open a tall brunette with piercing violet blue eyes became visible. “I’m Fujioka Haruhi.”

No one was fooled by the disguise.

“Tamaki-sama?” a girl asked.

“Is this Haruhi-kun cosplay?” asked another.

“What’s going on? Is he trying to be funny?” Another asked.

Meanwhile behind the curtain Haruhi was laying on the floor in disappointment. In the corner, also behind the curtain, Naruto sat curled up in a ball. “They forgot about me.”

Back outside the curtain the twins were red faced and teary eyed from laughing.

“I can’t believe he actually went through with it!” Hikaru cackled.

“They saw through it! I told you they’d see through it!” Kaoru laughed.

Tamaki blushed from embarrassment as he glared at the orange haired twins, ripping off the brown wig and throwing it to the ground with tears in his eyes while the girls around him giggled.

“You guys! You said there was no way they’d see through it!” He yelled grabbing them.

“Just a little payback for calling us the supporting cast!” Hikaru said, still laughing through Tamaki’s grip on his neck.

Tamaki peered through the curtain to see Haruhi hunched over, her back towards him. “I’m sorry.” He said. “They… figured it out.” He laughed nervously.

She turned with a piercing glare and he yelped in fear. She sighed with a sweat drop.

‘He does live in his own carefree world after all, huh?’ She thought while watching Naruto laughing at Tamaki’s girlish scream.

“Okay Haruhi, Naruto, I’ve set up a special ‘boy’s’ clinic in a separate room where I have a doctor sworn to secrecy standing by.” Kyouya said as he entered the curtained off area.

“All of the doctors assembled here today come from Kyouya-senpai’s family hospital.” Hikaru said with a deadpan look.

The twins shrugged. “Kyouya-senpai, you could’ve said something sooner.” Kaoru added.

“It’s the same as what you did,” He said to the twins. “This is just my own payback, for having been called the supporting cast.”

Tamaki was white outside of the curtain, tears still streaming down his face.

“Tamaki-sama is there something wrong?” A girl asked as he slowly disintegrated.

“Haruhi is angry…”

Special Boys’ Clinic

The two girls knocked on the tall white door.

“Come in.” A woman’s voice called from the other side.

Haruhi opened the door to see a brunette doctor sitting at a desk. “Fujioka-san? Namikaze-san? I am aware of your situation. Please take off your cloths over there.” She pointed to two curtains.

“Okay.” They said walking towards the curtains, closing the door behind them.

Outside the room, Mori, Honey and Kyouya were distracted by commotion down the hall.

“It’s the truth!” A girl said surrounded by classmates with a nurse at her side. “One of the doctors grabbed my shoulder, and tried to pull something funny on me! I was so terrified!”

The girls around her immediately started gossiping.

“Wow! How scary!”

“I wonder if he was a pervert. It’s early spring, so we have to watch out.”

“I had a feeling this might happen.” Kyouya said bringing a hand to his chin.

“What do you mean?” Honey asked.

“That man I saw earlier. He was wearing a white coat, but he was clearly not one of our hospital’s doctors, so I though it was a little strange.” He explained.

“Then you should’ve said something sooner.” The twins chided.

“Well, the security guards will catch him soon enough.” Kyouya said.

“So then,” A security guard asked the girl. “Did you see which way the pervert doctor went?”

“Yes. He ran off toward the Special Boys’ Clinic.” She answered causing the 5 teens to turn white.

Tamaki appeared out of nowhere to join them in yelling “Naruto and Haruhi!” [or just Haruhi in Tamaki’s case]

Back in the Special Boys’ Clinic, Naruto was in her changing area undoing her tie and taking off the white button down shirt revealing her pale orange undershirt when a noise caused her to turn around. When she turned she saw a strange man in a white coat peeking out of the curtain in of her changing room.

“Um…” She started.

The man turned to face her with a panicked look on his face.

“It’s not what you think! Please don’t scream!” The man whisper yelled, placing his hand over her mouth.

A distant scream of “Naruto! Haruhi!” Could be heard but she didn’t pay attention to it. She acted quickly, getting out of the man’s grip and easily taking him down, pinning him to the ground, holding his arms behind his back.

Just as she was about to question the man’s actions, Tamaki shot into the room ready to kick the man who was already on the floor. He stopped and looked at her like she’d grown a second head.

“What?”

“You took him down already…” He said with sweat drop.

“Yeah, and?” Naruto asked with a tick mark on her forehead.

“It’s just that you’re so small…”

Suddenly he was down too, holding his stomach and groaning in pain.

She turned to face the sound of laughter to see the twins behind her laughing at their club president.

“How’d you do that?” They asked with sly grins on their faces.

Naruto smirked. “Want me to teach you?” She looked slyly at their annoying ‘King’.

Their widening grins were enough of a response. The twins helped Naruto up and Kyouya, who’d just entered the changing room, grabbed the man and passed him to Mori who easily held the struggling man in place while Honey stood beside him.

Kaoru wrapped his shirt around the small blond girl, hiding her undergarments from view while he and the rest of the male members of the host club glared at the man. Haruhi entered the changing area and hugged Naruto, before the two watched the host club deal with the suspicious man in the blonde’s changing room.

“Please don’t hurt me! Spare my life!” The man bowed to the group, glancing at the blond girl in fear every few seconds before staring at the floor. “I run a small internal medicine clinic in the next town over.”

Suddenly it’s his life story

“My name is Yabu.”

“Yabu he says. ‘Yabu’.” Hikaru said with a snort.

“That’s crazy. What a terrible name for a doctor.” Kaoru added.

The twins looked at each other. “Unless you’re a quack.”

“Yes. The truth is I wanted to see my daughter who left home with my wife last month and ended up coming to school here.”

“Um, not to pry or anything but…” Haruhi started.

“Why’d your wife and daughter leave you?” Naruto finished.

He explained how they were fed up with him accepting IOUs because they weren’t making enough money.

“So you see, not only am I terribly inept at management, I can’t say no to anyone, and so they refuse to put up with living in debt all the time.”

Everyone, save the self proclaimed king of the host club, looked at him with boredom and disbelief.

“If nothing else, I wanted to see my daughter one more time. And so, pelted by rain and wandering the streets, I finally arrived at this school, where, for some reason, I was mistaken for a doctor giving physical exams.”

“That’s because you’re wearing a white coat.” Hikaru supplied.

“Anyone would mistake you.” Kaoru added.

“And after all that… When I tried to ask about my daughter the girl started screaming, and before I knew it I had all kinds of people chasing after me!” He said crying into his arm.

Tamaki kneeled down with tears in his eyes. “So tragic!” He cried out.

“By chance,” Kyouya started. “Is the school you’re looking for Orin Public High School?”

The man’s tears dried. “That’s right.”

“The you have the wrong school.” Kyouya said. “This is Ouran Academy. This is not your daughter’s school.”

The man turned white at the revelation.

“You don’t even know the location of the school your daughter goes to?” Hikaru asked, being unhelpful.

“I wouldn’t be surprised if it wasn’t just the debt, but by things like this which they go fed up with you over.” Kaoru added being less than unhelpful.

“Kyo-chan, I’m impressed you knew he had the wrong school!” Honey gushed.

“Well, there’s no way a girl supported by such a small clinic as his could have gotten into Ouran here, right?” Kyouya responded.

The two girls glared at the tall megane boy with a ‘hmph’.

“Kyouya, provide this man a map to the public school in the next town over.” Tamaki said, still looking at the pitiful man.

Haruhi’s eyes widened at the blond’s generoucity and the dark haired boy smiled. “All right.”

With that the man was on his way and the host club could see him bowing from the window in the room.

“Are you sure about this?” Hikaru asked.

“After all, even if they do see each other, I’m sure his daughter will still have given up on him.” Kaoru added.

“That’s something he’ll have to find out for himself.” Tamaki said.

“Um, excuse me but…” Haruhi interrupted.

“Could you please leave?” Naruto asked.

The hosts stepped back in surprise.

“Haruhi, are you still angry with me?” The nervous blond male asked. “You’re not thinking about quitting the host club are you?”

Haruhi laughed at the taller blond and Naruto snickered at the worried looks from the hosts.

“Don’t be stupid, we still have to finish the physical exam.” Naruto said with a wink.

“As male students, of course.” Haruhi added before they both paused and looked at each other.

“And it’s not because you bribed us with food either!” The said in unison. “It’s to pay back our debt.” The finished with innocent smiles.

Tamaki blushed at the sight. “Haruhi you’re so cute!” He yelled hugging her.

The brunette screamed and struggled in the blond’s grip.

The twins looked away from the two with pink dusting their cheeks.

“The truth is, for someone who just wants to have some fancy tuna, there’s something great about you pretending to be someone you’re not!” Tamaki cheered.

“Please don’t do that! Don’t touch me there!” The brunette yelped and Naruto snickered at her expense.

“Red card! Red card!” The twins chanted.

“This man is the real pervert!” The orange heads and Naruto laughed.

“Whatever! Just get out of here!” Haruhi yelled.

Chapter Text

Chapter 4: Attack of the Lady Manager!

“Only those with excellent social standing and those from filthy rich families are lucky enough to spend their time here, at the elite private school: Ouran Academy.” The blond explained. “The Ouran Host Club is where the school’s handsomest boys with too much time on their hands entertain young ladies who also have way too much time on their hands. Just think of it as Ouran Academy’s elegant playground for the super rich and beautiful.”

A girl sat alone in her darkened room in France surrounded by merchandise and playing dating sims on her tv.

“I love you and you’re all I can think about, my darling. Let’s spend the rest of our lives together, just the two of us.” The sim said.

“Yes, Miyabe-kun. I’m so happy.” The girl whispered to the television screen.

A knock at her door interrupted her.

“Miss? The master has returned home.” A maid informed. When she got no response she spoke again. “Miss?” She asked more frantically.

When the door finally opened, her father was there. “Renge, you really do love playing those games, huh?”

“Is that so wrong?” She asked, not taking her eyes off the screen.

“No, no, your father wants you to live your life free and at ease, Renge, however you want to live it.” He said. “If there’s anything you want to do, I’ll let you do it, I promise.”

“Sure” She said, still focused on the game.

France

“How was your business in Japan?” Renge asked her father.

“It should turn out well.” He answered. “Oh, right, last week I had dinner in the home of one of my clients. Here is a photograph from it.” He said, handing his daughter the picture.

She took it and gasped at what she saw, her hand shaking from her tightened grip on the image.

“They had a boy in high school, too.”

“He’s…” Renge started. “The one.” She shot up from her seat shoving the picture in her father’s face. “I’m going to marry him!”

“Wha-” She cut her father off.

“Please keep that promise you made to me earlier, Father!” She said running around the mansion, quickly changing her clothes, packing her bags, and hopping on her family’s private jet before the man could say anything more.

“Renge!” He shouted out the window as he watched it leave.

Attack of the Lady Manager!

“Tamaki-kun, Tamaki-kun, why is it you’re so beautiful?” A guest swooned.

“Because I want to catch your eye, if only for one second longer.” He answered easily.

“Why is it that your voice is so soft and mellow?” Another guest asked.

“So that my feeling might reach your heart.” He answered without missing a beat.

“Why is it you look at me with such moist eyes?” Yet another asked.

“Because your fresh, young smile makes the spring in my heart overflow.” He said smoothly with watery eyes.

“Tamaki-kun~” The girls swooned.

“I think it’s adorable that you’re wearing matching kimonos!” A girl complemented the orange haired twins.

“Our mother designed everything the hosts are wearing today.” Hikaru commented. “If you see something you like we can take an order for you.” He smiled.

“It was our grandmother that dressed us, though.” Kaoru added.

Hikaru took Kaoru’s chin. “And of course, it is my task to undress you, Kaoru.” The older twin whispered with a husky voice.

“Hikaru, you’re embarrassing me in front of the others…” Kaoru whined in a soft voice with tears in his eyes. The guests squealed in delight.

‘They’re up to their nonsense again…’ Naruto and Haruhi thought as they watched the two with a sweat drop.

“Haruhi-kun!”

“Naruto-kun!”

“You look so cute in your kimonos!” A pair of girls gushed.

“Like a couple of girls!”

Naruto was wearing a floral patterned orange kimono with sunflowers and Haruhi had a pink floral kimono with cherry blossoms. Both girls’ kimonos passed their fingers giving them a child-like innocence and a ribbon was tied in their short hair matching their kimonos.

“Thanks” The pair said in surprise before kyouya interrupted them.

“Haruhi, Naruto, you’ve been requested.” He called from beside them, writing on parchment with a long brush. “It seems like your clients have pretty well stabilized lately, haven’t they? Keep it up.” He said. “We’re not planning on charging interest on the original debt you incurred, so just keep working hard and pay it off.” He gave them a creepy yet innocent smile. “The rental fee for those kimonos is nothing to sneeze at, after all.”

The two backed away in fear. ‘Who is this guy? The crooked magistrate?’

“Kyouya-sama~” A girl swooned.

“You’re just too much in that kimono!”

“Are there any new photo collections of the host club coming out?”

Kyouya smiled apologetically. “Unfortunately, nothing is scheduled at present.”

The twins peered from behind the glasses wearing host.

“The club makes much of its money…” Hikaru started.

“From the sale of promotional items, right?” Kaoru finished.

Kyouya turned to face them. “The promotional items themselves are poor. Those picture books are just amateur hidden camera shots.” He explained pushing up his glasses. “In order to draw even more from the club’s expenses out of the school budget, we have to start coming up with some higher-quality products.”

‘It’s only because of him this club can operate without going bankrupt.’ The kimono-clad girls though as they watched the older teen punch number in a calculator.

“Haru-chan. Naru-chan” A sad voice called out. “I lost one of my sandals.” Honey said before crying.

The two walked over to the shorter boy.

“You were just wearing them a moment ago, weren’t you?” Naruto asked, bending down slightly.

“Mitsukuni.” Mori said grabbing the smaller teen’s ankle and sliding the sandal back onto the boy’s foot.

“Takashi?” The boy asked, teary brown eyes looking down at the taller teen.

“It was lying over there.” Mori said before the smaller boy threw himself into his arms

“Fantastic…” The surrounding girls gushed.

“These tears seem to be spreading…” Haruhi muttered suspiciously.

“But how is it that everyone can get so weepy so suddenly?” Naruto asked in agreement.

Naruto backed up and into one of the twins, causing something to fall out of his sleeve. She picked it up. “What’s this?” She glared at them.

“For your information, it’s common for a host to use eye drops.” Kaoru supplied.

“No woman can resist a man on the brink of tears.” Hikaru added.

“That’s cheating.” The blond girl deadpanned.

“Oh, don’t be so rigid.” Hikaru said wrapping an arm around her neck and poking her cheek.

“Here, Naruto. This is for you.” Kaoru said, offering the blonde a wagashi sweet. She blushed.

“I can have this?” She asked skeptically but not rudely.

“Aren’t you the cutest!” The twins chorused, grinning widely.

Some girls came up to the trio with red faces.

“Naruto-kun, you like confections?” One asked.

“No,I’m not really one for sweets…” She responded. “But it might be a nice memorial offering for my parents.

The girls awed with teary eyes.

“Here Haruhi! Take some for your mother as well.” Tamaki said, piling the sweets into the brunette’s hands.

“Let me guess, the tears are fake.” She said bluntly, glaring at the taller blond.

“How could you say that!” Tamaki said defensively. “My tears are always genuine. Being able to cry without using eye drops is the mark of a true host.” he said letting a tear fall down his cheek. “Well, are you impressed? Have you fallen for me anew?” The blond asked.

“Not really.” The brunette deadpanned.

“My romantic overtures just  don’t seem to reach you, huh, Haruhi? Perhaps I should alter my character somewhat.”

Their attention was drawn away from each other by a girl watching from behind a doorway.

“Looks like the Host Club has a brand new guest.” The twins said.

“What are you waiting for?” Kaoru asked seductively. “Come on in. What are you waiting for?” He offered her a red rose.

“It isn’t any fun, watching from afar.” Hikaru added, also offering a red rose.

“Come on.” They tempted.

“Hey, I’m always telling you to be more courteous to our first-time guests, aren’t I?” Tamaki interrupted with a red rose of his own.

“Here, don’t be afraid, my princess.” He said offering her his hand in an attempt to lift her chin. “We welcome you to the Ouran Host Club.” He saw her lips move in an attempt to speak, “Yes?”

Suddenly her hand shoved his face away.

“No! Don’t touch me, you phony!” She cried out.

Naruto and the twins gasped, while the other members of the Host Club stared in shock.

Tamaki stumbled back, holding his face. “I’m a phony?” He asked, staring at the girl with wide eyes.

“Yes!” She yelled pointing at him. “You’re a phony! I can’t believe you’re the prince figure in this club! The prince character doesn’t go around spreading his love so readily! How can you be so stupid? It’s almost like you’re a dim-witted narcissist!” She yelled as the others watched in shock. “Incompetent! Mediocre! The pits!” Each word was an arrow to his ego.

The blonde slow-motion fell to the ground when she finally stopped.

“He’s created a new technique!” Hikaru said in disbelief.

“One-man slow motion!” Kaoru added.

“By chance, are you…” Kyouya was interrupted by the girl.

“Kyouya-sama!” She called out, stepping on Tamaki as she ran to the aforementioned boy. “I’ve wanted to meet you. My own prince.” She said as she hugged him.

“Fiancé?” Hikaru asked skeptically.

“Kyouya-senpai?” Kaoru scoffed.

“Yes.” The girl said. “My name is Hoshakuji Renge, and I will be transferring into first year class A tomorrow.” She told the Host Club.

Tamaki sat curled up by the wall pouting in anger.

“Look, he’s mad.” Hikaru commented.

“Because Mommy was hiding something from Daddy.” Kaoru said.

“Whatever. Are you going to make this married-couple thing stick?” Kyouya asked in a bored tone.

“It is indeed love at first sight!” Renge gushed. “The way you were adoring those flowers by yourself in the back courtyard even when no one else was looking. The way you kindly reached out to that injured little kitty.”

“Who are talking about?” The twins asked.

“Could you have the wrong person?” Haruhi asked innocently.

“No! You can’t fool these eyes!” The lighter brunette interrupted rudely.

The twins ran around behind Kyouya clutching their heads in confusion while the other hosts stared as Renge continued to describe not-Kyouya.

“He’s someone who is kind to everyone, yet doesn’t seek to have anyone take notice of him. He loves solitude but is actually lonesome. The one who looks like the start of the currently popular love-simulation game ‘Uki-doki Memorial’!” She ranted.

“Ichijou Miyabi-kun,” She pointed to Kyouya. “That’s you!”

“Uki?” Naruto questioned.

“Doki?” Honey followed.

“Otaku!” Tamaki cried in horror.

“She’s an otaku!” Hikaru yelled in fear.

“...?...” - Mori

“I’ve never seen one before!” Kaoru cried.

“I see now,” Kyouya concluded. “You’re infatuated with a character. You’re projecting the character infatuation onto me, going so far as to delude yourself that we’re engaged. This Miyabi-kun character probably wears glasses too, right?”

The hosts surrounded the megane boy.

“Deluded, you say? Then that story about her being your fiancé…” Tamaki asked.

“I don’t remember ever acknowledging that.” Kyouya said. “For one thing, I’ve never met her before today.” The other club members gasped in shock, and Tamaki looked relieved.

“According to my information, Kyouya-sama, I understand that you administer everything about this club.” Renge said.

“That’s right, Kyo-chan is our director.” Honey remarked.

“Director?” The long haired girl asked. “That’s perfect! I’ve always dreamed of being the drawing card for someone’s business.” She said, clasping her hands together with sparkles in her eyes.

“We don’t need one.” The twins deadpanned. “We’re a host club, after all.”

Renge ignored them. “I’ve made up my mind! I’m going to be this host club’s manager!”

“Hey, Kyouya…” Tamaki began.

“She’s the daughter of a client that’s important to the Ootori family. I ask that you be sure not to be impolite.” Kyouya said.

Tamaki sighed with discontent and rested his head on the backs of his hands that were gripping the couch.

“Everyone, it’s going to be a pleasure.” Renge said.

“For whatever reason, it’s the birth of a lady manager”

The next day…

“I though about it all last night, and having a lady manager might not be all that bad.” Tamaki said as they gathered the next day.

“Why do you say that?” The twins asked with a bored tone.

“Don’t you see?” He asked. “She transferred into the same class as Haruhi. If the two become friends as girls, Haruhi might become more girlish. The uniquely girlish air of tenderness about her could stimulate Haruhi’s own sense of femininity.” Tamaki said with a content sigh as he imagined it in his head.

“What about Naruto, Boss?” Hikaru asked.

“Yeah, she’s Haruhi’s friend too, and she’s a girl.” Kaoru added.

“Good grief…” The pair of girls muttered.

“This is a grand-scale project in order to stir Haruhi up to become more girly!” The blonde said, once again ignoring the presence and gender of the whisker marked blond girl. “Only having two disreputable twins as close classmates and a tomboy for a best friend is not good for Haruhi.”

“Hey! I’m right here you know! So what if I’m not super girly! I wasn’t raised to care about trivial things like hair and makeup!” Naruto ranted loudly, still being ignored by the president of the club.

“That’s telling us, alright.” The twins retorted.

“People! Your Host Club drawing card baked some cookies!” Renge smiled.

“How ladylike!” Tamaki praised. “I’m so moved!”

“I didn’t bake them for you, you phony prince.” Her words cut through him like an arrow and he went back to his seat by the wall sulking.

“They’re a little burnt, but I know what you’re going to say, Kyouya-sama.” She said, offering the darked haired teen the cookies while she swooned.

The voice from her game rang in her head. “Anything you make is going to be delicious, of course.”

“You weren’t kidding, these cookies are burnt.” Honey said as he munched on the homemade sweet.

“Mitsukuni, stop. They’re bad for you.” Mori said panicked. The words turned Renge into Medusa as she chased after the pair.

“Waaahh!” Honey cried. “She’s scaring me!”

Naruto, Haruhi and the twins watched the three run around the club room sweat dropping. The two girls looked at each other before each picking up one of the burnt cookies and taking a bite, catching the attention of the twins.

“They’re really not that bad.” Naruto said.

“Yeah they’ve got a good flavor to them.” Haruhi added.

A sly grin appeared on the twins’ faces.

As Naruto went to take another bite, Hikaru lifted her chin and leaned in close to her face. “Let me see.” He said before biting the cookie that was trapped by her teeth.

“Oh, Naruto, you’ve got crumbs on your face.” Kaoru muttered before leaning in and licking her whisker marked cheek.

“Before anyone realized it, they’ve become a congenial classmate trio.” Kyouya narrated.

The twins grinned down at the blonde. “You could’ve just told me and I would’ve gotten them off myself.” She said rubbing her cheek. “And if you wanted one they’re right here.” She held up the little tin of cookies.

“That’s not how you’re supposed to react!” Tamaki yelled, grabbing the smaller blond’s shoulders. “This is where you’re supposed to rebuff them and casually brush them to the side!”

“Oh, so now I exist in your world? This is sexual harassment you know.”

“Sexual harassment? If I’m harassing you then they’re twice as guilty! Someone call the police!”

“Okay, okay, sir, we’re sorry.” They twins said, if only to make their president shut up.

“Renge-chan! Renge-chan!” Honey called. “Want some milk?” He held a pink mug of milk to the manager.

“Too tepid.” She said.

Honey tilted his head in confusion. “Huh?”

“It’s all to tepid!” She shouted angrily. “Except for Kyouya, all of your characters are too lackluster! All of you hosts are lacking a ‘dark’ side! Girls are vulnerable to handsome young men going through trauma. If you keep carrying on in this ridiculous manner, it’s only a matter of time before everyone grows tired of it! Are you trying to ruin Kyouya-sama’s precious business?”

She ranted.

“As your manager, starting today I’m changing all of your character backgrounds. Starting with you!” She pointed to Honey, who was currently latched onto Mori.

“If all you are is cute inside and out, then you’re the same as a baby. As such, you’re now the ‘Cute-face who’s actually a thug’.” Honey screamed.

“Morinozuka-senpai,” She switched victims. “You’re the ‘Childhood-friend flunky’.”

“The twins will be basketball players ‘shut up in their own world’.”

“Haruhi-kun, you’re the honor student faced with ‘intense bullying’.”

“Naruto-kun, you’re the honor student nerd who’s also a ‘gang member’.”

“And Tamaki-san, you are the school’s idol, esteemed for your looks, but, actually, you have an inferiority complex.” She said, brown eyes baring into the blond male’s soul. “The lonely prince.”

She turned to her beloved megane. “Kyouya-sama, you’re perfect.” She told him, hands clasped together with a light blush on her cheeks. “You just stay your kind, affectionate self.”

“I’m honored.” The taller boy said, bringing a hand to his chest.

The lights went out leaving a spotlight on Tamaki who was standing behind the two. “The ‘lonely prince’. Indeed, that is perfect for me.” He said dramatically, sparking under the spotlight.

“Yeah right,” Haruhi scoffed.

“That’s probably the one she got most wrong.” Naruto added.

The twins pulled the club vice president aside.

“Kyouya-senpai,” Hikaru started.

“Do something.” Kaoru finished

“But his highness seems to be up for it.” The older teen said, pointing to the aforementioned blond.

The blond posed with his head pressed against his bent harm that was against the wall while his free hand lay against his chest. “How do I look, Renge? Do these poses work for a lonely prince?” He asked with a fake sad tone.

The auburnette walked over to the tall blond. “My, that’s pretty good, Tamaki-san.” She said with sparkling eyes. “I’m sure it would be even more effective if it were raining.”

Haruhi, Naruto, and the twins sweat dropped at their club president and new manager.

“Well, let’s just see how it goes, why don’t we?” Kyouya suggested with a small smile. “Something interesting will come from it, I bet.”

Girls screamed and cheered as the older of the twins dribbled the ball across the court before shooting. The ball went right through the net. Beads of sweat dripped down the teen’s ivory skin and he sparkled under the lights in the stadium. He jogged to the other side of the court with a smile and a laugh before something drew his attention away from his adoring fans.

His brother was laying in the fetal position on the floor of the court holding his knee. Other members of the team ordered for a stretcher and surrounded the younger twin.

“Kaoru… Kaoru! Kaoru!” Hikaru yelled as he kneeled beside his brother.

“You’ve got to get back in the game, Hikaru-kun!” His coach said, pushing him away from his twin.

“Shut up!” He snapped, shoving his hand away.

“Hikaru…” Kaoru mumbled from the stretcher catching his brother’s attention. “Hikaru, take it easy. You can’t go trying to feel my pain.” The younger twin reached up to cup the older’s cheek. “Understand? You’re not the one who’s hurt.”

Hikaru teared up and clutched his brother’s hand. “I can’t! It hurts! It hurts, Kaoru!” he cried.

“You pain is my pain. It doesn’t matter if anyone else understands.” A female voice narrated. “As long as we’re both there for each other, we can go on living.”

The scene changed to heavy rain outside and a lonesome blond standing with a sollom look, his eyes covered by his dripping wet hair.

“I envy you two.” The blond said with a small smile. “Being able to support each other like that.”

The twins looked up at the blond. “Suou-senpai…. But Suou-senpai, you’re the academy’s idol.”

“An idol, am I?” The blond looked at his feet for a moment before releasing a sigh and running his fingers though his hair. “If people are going to celebrate me over a superficial title like that, then I’m sure I’d be better off alone.”

“One injured heart intersects with another.” The narrator said. “They pass each other, and wound each other. What are the hearts of these young men made of?”

The scene moved to someone running through the rain. The brunette stopped at a tree to catch her breath when a voice spoke from behind her.

“You can’t run away any longer.” Honey said in a deep voice.

Haruhi turned to face the shorter blond and her back slid down the tree as she sunk to the ground. Beside him was his tall brunette cousin and a sunny haired blond. The shorter two both had dark looks as they stared the taller brunette crossdresser down.

“You’re going to learn what happens when you go against me.”

“Don’t, Mitsukuni.” Mori said pleadingly [Read:monotonously] “Everytime you hurt others, you’re the one who ends up being hurt.”

“Don’t try to give me advice, Takashi. You want me to put you over my knee again?”

“Will it be the light of salvation that ultimately awaits them? Or something else?”

“I hate it when people try to rise above their own station in life.” Honey said before his eyes softened and tears welled up before he jumped into Haruhi’s arms, crying. “Haru-chan, I’m sorry! I really can’t do this!” Haruhi’s eyes widened in surprise as the boy squeezed her and Naruto stifled a laugh at her taller friend.

“Cut!” An angry voice called, and suddenly the clouds disappeared revealing a sunny day and machines producing the rain the four hosts were standing in.

“You, there!” She yelled, glaring down at the shorter boy. “Stick to the script!”

“But I…” Honey tried.

“Cameraman, stop rolling!” She pointed her copy of the script at him.

“Yes, boss!”

“Make the rain more heartrending!” She ordered the FX team.

“How’d we go from changing our characters to shooting a movie about them?” Hikaru asked rhetorically.

Naruto and Haruhi walked by them drying their hair with towels.

“And why is there an entire film crew here to shoot it?” Naruto asked.

“Apparently, she flew them here from Hollywood.” Kyouya answered the blond. “Don’t you recognize the director? He directed the vampire movie ‘Millennial Snow’ that was the number one box office hit in America last year.”

They girls sweat dropped.

‘Damn these rich people…’

“And another thing,” Hikaru interrupted. “How come this script has Kaoru being the pitcher?” He asked in annoyance.

“Yeah.” Kaoru agreed.

“Pitcher?” Haruhi asked.

“If you don’t know, never mind.” The two deadpanned while Naruto cackled.

“Pitcher?” She asked again, to herself, tilting her head to the side.

“Haruhi!” The blond club president called out as he ran to the brunette who was seated by her blond best friend. He blushed, adjusting his tie. “How was my performance?”

Haruhi stood from her seat, giving him a towel. “It was awesome, in one sense of the word, I;m surprised you were able to get into your character like that. You were really believable.” She complemented with surprise evident in her tone.

“I’ve discovered a new, darker side of myself. It’s not that bad to go down this road for a little while.” The blond said as he dried his hair.

“Are you sure?” She asked “Senpai, I think you’re fine just the way you are.” Haruhi looked up at the blond male with big, innocent eyes.

Naruto snorted at the implication her friend made as she flipped through a weapons magazine.

Tamaki blushed at the girl’s words from underneath the towel. “Really?” He asked, averting his eyes. “If you say so.” he said poking his fingers together.

‘If this guy gets a “darker” side, he’ll just be that much more trouble.’ The brunette thought to herself.

“Haruhi-kun! You’re on!” Renge called, breaking her from her thoughts.

“Okay!” She called back.

“Over here!” She waved the crossdressed brunette over, where she stood with two tall angry looking men. “I’ve just asked these two gentlemen to make a special appearance.”

Haruhi broke into a nervous sweat at the sight of the two.

“Appearance?” One asked, looking down at the Club Manager.

“What are you talking about?” The other asked.

Renge ignored them. “We’re going to need some villains for the climax, after all.” Haruhi and the two confused teens gasped. “At last, time for the final confrontation had arrived. There was a greater evil at the academy. The club members unite to battle some true bad-guy characters. ‘Sons of the Japanese Mafia’, the brothers Akutaro and Akujiro! While these two may be from a wealthy family, they are sons of members of the Japanese Mafia-They truly are ideal parts for you.”

“What’s with this girl?” The tall teen asked.

“Whatever my dad may be, it’s got nothing to do with me!” The other cried.

“Wait a minute, Renge!” Haruhi called, but the girl ignored her.

“Okay just stand here.” She directed, pulling one of the teens away. He shrugged her off.

“You think you can push us around however you want? Come off it!” He yelled angrily, pushing Renge into some filming equipment.

“Look out!” Haruhi called as she tried to stop the girl from hurting herself on the equipment. She was too slow and averted her eyes as the girl continued to fall, only to be stopped by a body.

Renge opened her eyes when the pain never came to find Naruto behind her, having absorbed the hit. Naruto sank to the ground in pain when the girl backed away.

“Are you okay Naruto-kun?” She asked, crouching down to the blond girl as the other brunette rushed over.

“Those guys were right you know.” Both girls said to the obsessive manager.

“If you judge people by stereotypes, you won’t ever see what’s really important.” Naruto said with a groan of pain.

“I’m not sure I understand what you mean,” Renge whimpered.

“What happened, Haruhi?!” Tamaki rushed around the corner expecting to see Haruhi injured. He paused. “Naruto? How’d you get over here?” He asked in confusion, tilting his head like a puppy.

“Yeah, Naruto. How did you get over here? We were sitting pretty far away…” Haruhi asked hiding a grin, noticing the way the blond froze.

“Oh, uh, I started walking over when I heard yelling and when I got here she was going to get hurt so I ran to help.” She said smoothly “I always have been a faster runner than you.” She said with a wink.

“So,” The blond male said with a glint in his eye before grabbing one of the angry teens by the collar and pinning him to the wall. “Which one of you started this?”

“Wait, Suou! She’s the one giving us a hard time!” The other defended.

“It’s true, Senpai.” Haruhi supplied, seeing the blond’s eyes widen. “These boys aren’t at fault.” Tamaki dropped the teen, who slid down the wall before running away with the other.

Tamaki walked over to the three girls, where the twins were now helping the shorter blond host to her feet.

“Does it hurt?” Kaoru asked, seeing the tears in her eyes.

“Yeah,” The blond sighed, rubbing her eyes. “It’s my contact lens.”

“Your contact?” The twins asked in confusion.

The blond nodded. “Yeah, it slipped out.”

The slightly older teens laughed. “I see,” They said with a hand on their foreheads.

“You know,” The taller blond said, moving to stand beside Haruhi. “Once you can cry without eye drops, you’re a full-fledged host.” The shorter blond and her crossdressed brunette friend smiled softly at their club president, both looking at him with a bit more respect.

“Gentlemen! Did you catch that? Please tell me you got that, Cameraman!” Renge turned to the camera crew behind her.

“Yes, boss!” The cameraman said, giving the girl a thumbs up.

“Other than Naruto’s contact falling out, that was the ideal last scene!” She gushed, clutching her script. “All it needs now is for Kyouya-sama to provide some moving narration!”

The sound of shattering glass entered everyone’s ears as Kyouya smashed the camera lens with a rock.

“Huh?”

“No! My camera!” The cameraman cried.

“Kyouya-sama?” Renge asked.

“I’m sorry, but I cannot allow there to be any record of a club member engaging in violence.” The glasses wearing teen said emotionlessly. He glared at the girl. “I’m extremely displeased at the way you’re acting like such a pest.”

Renge froze. “Why?” She muttered, tears falling down her cheeks.

“Kyouya-sama, you’re supposed to tell me not to worry about it, and then gently pat me on the head!” She cried. “Why would someone as kind and affectionate as you…?”

“That’s not who Kyouya is.” Tamaki said with a soft smile.

Renge turned around and fell to her knees as she continued to sob.

“Does it really matter?” Naruto asked, crouching down to meet the girl’s eyes. “Even if Kyouya-senpai is a little different from what you expected, Renge-chan, I think that watching people, and slowly, little by little, getting to know them can be fun, too.” She said gently, giving the girl a bright, innocent smile.

Renge’s eyes softened and her cheeks flushed.

“Hey Renge-chan, long time no see.” The voice of her dating sim said. “You look down, smile for me. Today is a good day. After all, Renge-chan, you learned something that’s very important for you to go on living a happy life. You really have leveled up.”

Several days later…

“Hey there, come on in!” Tamaki said to the guests waiting at the club room door.

“I bought that video!” A girl with long ash brown hair said with a blush.

“I did too.” Some girls said.

All the hosts, except Kyouya looked at them in surprise.

“You did?” The blond king asked.

“That scene in the rain was the greatest!” A girl squealed.

“The lonesome prince!” Another cried.

“The deep relationship between Hikaru-sama and Kaoru-sama was just too much!” a third gushed.

“I wanna see Honey-kun acting like a thug again!” More girls began squealing about the film.

“Kyouya…” Tamaki said accusingly.

“I broke the lens, but the footage that was already shot still remained.” Kyouya said with his back turned to the group, still writing on his clipboard. “Of course, that one violence scene was cut out. Sales have been pretty fair. That first-rate Hollywood staff did as good a job as you’d expect.”

Tamaki and the twins sweat dropped.

“So it this what you meant by ‘Interesting’?” The twins deadpanned.

“It’s best to have as much as we can in the club budget, right?” Kyouya asked.

Naruto and Haruhi sweat dropped.

‘At what point did he start calculating all of this?’

“Good day, everyone!” A familiar cheery voice said.

The hosts turned to see Renge.

“Renge? I thought you went back to France.” Tamaki said.

“I realized something.” She said. “Your kindness earlier when you risked your life to protect me, and your deep love for giving those, at times, stern admonitions.” She grabbed Naruto’s hands. “That was what you meant by watching people and falling in love with them, right, Naruto-kun?” Her face was flushed and she had a tear in her eye as she spoke.

Naruto sweat dropped. “Yeah?” She said awkwardly, wishing she was somewhere else.

“Come! Let’s go to my house and play some games together.” She said, dragging the blond away while the twins watched.

“What about Haruhi?” Naruto asked, trying to get away, but she was ignored as the girl dragged her out of the club room.

“I’ll follow them…” The brunette girl sighed as she left to rescue her friend.

“Kyouya-senpai,” Hikaru said.

“Are you sure this is okay?” Kaoru asked.

“Why wouldn’t it be? She’s not wrong in what she’s saying.

“No it’s not okay!” Tamaki yelled.

“But I thought you wanted them to have a female friend? Yeah but they’re [Haruhi and Renge] not both being girls!”

“Come on, Naruto-kun! Haruhi-kun! Let’s go!”

Chapter Text

Chapter 5:The Twins Fight!

“Only those with excellent social standing and those from filthy rich families are lucky enough to spend their time here, at the elite private school: Ouran Academy.” The blond explained. “The Ouran Host Club is where the school’s handsomest boys with too much time on their hands entertain young ladies who also have way too much time on their hands. Just think of it as Ouran Academy’s elegant playground for the super rich and beautiful.”

Snow fell on the school yard, the bell ringing loudly through the property. On a bench sat two identical orange haired boys, gloved hands interlocked with each other, staring at the kids playing in the snow.

“Do you remember when we first started playing that game?”

A small girl, bundled up in a thick jacket with mittens and a hat, walked up to the twins. “Hey? You wanna make a snowman with me?” She asked with a small smile, trying to befriend the aloof boys.

“Which one of us are you talking to?” The older of the pair asked.

“Both of you, of course!” She said cheerily.

“There’s nobody named ‘both of you’ here.” The younger retorted.

“Okay, then I’m talking to Hikaru-chan and Kaoru-chan.” The girl smiled.

“Oh really? Then which one of us is Hikaru, and which one is Kaoru? Can you tell?” They asked sadistically.

The girl backed up, unable to answer the question.

“Let’s play the ‘Which one is Hikaru’ game!” The twins cheered putting on green hats to hide the parts in their hair, winking at their guests.

The girls giggled.

“Now then, can you tell which one of us is Hikaru?” They asked, grinning.

“Oh this is hard.” One guest whined playfully, cheeks pink at the closeness of the brothers.

“They look too much alike.” Another commented with a blush.

“There’s never been a girl who could really tell us apart before.” The twins said

“What a ridiculous game.” Naruto and Haruhi said as they passed the two and their guests.

“Something you don’t like about it?” They asked, offended.

“It’s not just that,” Haruhi said. “I just don’t understand how you two are so popular.”

“That’s not very nice.” The twins pouted.

“Apparently, Haruhi doesn’t understand…” Hikaru started.

“The merits of having twins in the Host Club.” Kaoru finished.

“Listen here,” Hikaru began explaining. “Having a couple of good looking guys with homosexual tendencies earns the club high points. It also helps if the two struggle between their attraction and their friendship.”

“And in our case,” Kaoru continued. “Because we’re twins our relationship is taboo and therefore more intriguing.”

“Besides,” Hikaru took Naruto’s chin and leaned in close to her face. “Who hasn’t fantasised about twins? Having two loves is better than one, don’t you think?”

Kaoru took her chin and faced her towards him. “It’s a young woman’s romantic fantasy.”

Naruto’s face turned red in embarrassment as she shrugged the twins off and turned away from them. “Would you two cut it out?” She snapped as the girls around them squealed.

The twins looked at Haruhi with a ‘hmph’ having been proven right.

Suddenly the president was marching towards them with an angry look plastered on his face. “Hikaru! Kaoru!” He yelled. “I gave you control of the club’s homepage on the condition that you would take it seriously!” He glared.

“We take our job very seriously, boss.” Hikaru dismissed.

“In fact, last night we worked on it until dawn.” Kaoru added.

“And this is the screen you made?!” He asked incredulously, flipping the laptop he’d been carrying around to show the picture of Naruto and Haruhi presumably naked with a back drop of red roses around Haruhi and yellow roses around Naruto.

The two girls blanched at the image.

“You look great, Haru-chan and Naru-chan!” Honey said with big eyes.

Girls crowded around Tamaki and the laptop to see the picture of the two newest hosts.

“When?” The blond male asked the twins.

“Huh?” They each raised a brow looking at the older teen.

“When did you take naked pictures of Haruhi?” He shouted in their faces.

“Yes, that’s the pose.” A sly Hikaru said as he snapped photos of the brunette, who was currently nude with only a sheet covering her.

“That’s a nice expression.” Kaoru grinned, also taking pictures.

“Once we’re done here,” The older started

“We’ll let you have all the fancy tuna you want.” The younger finished.

“Is that what you did?” Tamaki asked, white with tears streaming down his face.

The twins shrugged. “You’re intensely delusional.” They deadpanned.

“It’s obvious that the photo’s been altered.” Kaoru explained.

Tamaki turned around. “You mean, photoshopped?”

“We did a pretty good job, didn’t we?” Hikaru asked rhetorically.

“Magnificent skill, if I do say so myself.” Kaoru added smugly.

“You idiots!” The blond shouted. “What a wasted use of your skills! Have some shame!” His anger suddenly dissipated.

He looked back at the brunette for a moment “But if you’re going to do it anyway, can you photoshop her into this idol photo collection?” He asked shoving the magazine in the twins’ faces.

“Don’t be ridiculous, boss. Why don’t you just-” Hikaru said.

“Ask her if she’d wear an outfit like one of those.” Kaoru finished.

“I never thought to ask her…” He slid away from the twins and towards the crossdressed brunette.

“What do you think about this?” He asked, holding up a light pink dress with thick purple ruffled straps that seemed to sparkle in the blond male’s hands. Haruhi turned white while the girls around them started talking as they continued to surround Tamaki’s computer.

“Why do you have that dress?” Honey asked with big innocent eyes.

“They look so handsome…” A girl gushed with dark red cheeks that matched the other girls with her.

“Yeah they do, but I have to agree with Tamaki-sama. I’d love to see what the two of them looked like if they dressed as girls.” Another said with a smile and a deep blush.

“Haruhi-kun and Naruto-kun are so cute, I’m sure girls’ clothes would look good on them!” A girl agreed.

The two crossdressed hosts had the color drained from their faces as they listened to the guests talk. Haruhi sighed before turning to face the blond who was still holding the dress and glaring daggers at him.

The older blond backed away with tears once again falling down his face. Naruto walked over to join her brunette friend and both girls glared at the twins.

“Now cut it out!” Haruhi snapped.

“Yeah, don’t go making weird pictures of us without our permission, you got that?” Naruto threatened with a red fox-like aura surrounding her.

Beads of sweat appeared on the twins’ heads but the blond’s anger was otherwise unacknowledged by the two brothers.

“Just what do you take us for?” They asked, still glaring at the much taller teens.

The twins smirked. “Isn’t that obvious?” They asked. “You’re our toys.”

The Twins Fight!

“As we were saying, in order to entertain oneself in this otherwise boring boring life,” Hikaru continued.

“One must find himself stimulating toys.” The younger finished.

“We’re not your toys.” The crossdressing girls snapped, sweat dropping.

“Toys,” a dark, unfamiliar voice said.

The four turned to see someone dressed in a black cloak peering through a dark door.

“Toys, toys. If you like toys, then by all means, come to my club, The Black Magic Club. We’ve opened a marketplace of the world’s black magic curios. We’re also holding mass around the clock.” He explained through the small opening of the door.

Tamaki whimpered in fear as he watched the exchange.

“Black Magic Club President, Nekozawa Umehito”

“If you visit right now, I’ll even throw in a free curse doll. You can have Belzenef as your free gift.” He held up the evil looking cat hand-puppet, moving its arms with his fingers.

“Why is he talking through a crack in the door?” Naruto and Haruhi muttered to themselves and the twins.

“Wait a second,”The twins said, their eyes narrowed in suspicion. “Has that door always been there?”

Kyouya walked up to the group, ignoring the twins. “Nekozawa-senpai doesn’t like brightly-lit places.”

“You must not have anything to do with that man.” Tamaki said, creeping up to the two girls-although Naruto would bet that he wasn’t talking to her.

Haruhi shot back in surprise, shaking a bit.

“If you do,” At this point the taller blond was focused only on the brunette girl. “You’ll definitely become cursed.”

“Do you have any basis for that claim?” Naruto deadpanned, she’d gotten over her naivety over the years, or most of it at least, and didn’t believe Nekozawa-or Tamaki for that matter- for a moment. Besides, she couldn’t sense any actual darkness inside the older teen so she felt no need to worry.

“Yes,” Tamaki turned his fearful gaze to the smaller blond and explained. “It was during final exams at the end of the last school year…” He shivered. “It’s terrifying just talking about it."

Tamaki was walking down the halls with a charming smile on his face, waving at girls as he passed by them.

“Good morning Tamaki-kun~”

“Good morning.” He smiled at her before stepping on Belzenef the cursed doll. He looked down at the puppet shaking, the color drained from his face.

“That was the day I accidentally stepped on the cursed doll, Belzenef.”

In a corner, just behind the blond, Nekozawa was shaking with sadness.

“The test I took afterward had been enumerated in incomprehensible letters, as though it’d been cursed!” The blond explained. “I looked to the others around me, but I knew none of them! I had shifted into an alternate dimension!” The blond finished, shaking and twitching.

Honey had tears of fear in his eyes. “How scary!”

“Did that really happen?” Haruhi asked, fear evident in her voice.

Naruto, Kyouya, and Mori stared at the blond with a deadpan expression.

“That only happened because you were so scared you accidentally walking into the beginning Greek class and took their exam.” Kyouya dismissed.

“No, it was a curse!” The blond yelled in the dark haired teen’s face. “What’s more, three days later, in the morning, for some reason my legs had become heavy as lead!”

Kyouya didn’t look up from his writing. “That’s because, the day before, you had the marathon, right?”

Nekozawa creeped closer to the two second years. “You shouldn’t underestimate the dark powers of Belzenef the Cursed Doll. All you have to do is write the name of someone you hate on his back and that person is certain to come face to face with misfortune.”

Naruto and the twins watched with a smirk.

“This guy really is dark, in more ways than one.” Hikaru commented.

“He said he hates bright lights, right?” Naruto asked rhetorically, drawing the twins’ eyes toward her. “I wonder what he’ll think of this.” She held up a torch and flickered the light with the button a couple times.

The twins smirked at the mischievous girl as she shined the bright light on the president of the Black Magic Club. Tamaki and Nekozawa screamed and the cloak wearing teen booked it, running from the club room.

“You murderers!” He yelled, his voice going up an octave or two, slamming the door behind him.

The three looked at each other with a disappointed shrug before Tamaki ran over to them with big, fearful violet-blue eyes.

“Hikaru, Kaoru, Naruto, how could you? You don’t know the true terror of black magic!” Tamaki scolded as the three walked away; Naruto to Haruhi and the twins to chairs by a window.

“I’m bored.” The older twin complained.

“Isn’t there anything fun we could do?” The younger asked.

Tamaki stared at them in disbelief.

“My dignity as president is being ignored.” The blond said disappointed, curled in the corner.

Haruhi sweat dropped at the blonde's antics.

“Hey Haruhi, Naruto! We have a favour to ask you.” The twins called.

“What is it?” The two deadpanned.

“The next time we get a day off…” Hikaru started.

“Can we come over to your houses to hang out?” Kaoru finished.

From his corner, Tamaki listened to the four speak.

“Why would you want to do that?” Haruhi stared at the two in confusion.

“We’re curious. We want to see where you live.” The twins said with a smirk.

“No way.” The two said immediately.

“Aww pretty please?” The twins whined.

“No way. You’ll just make fun of us.” They didn’t budge.

“No matter how much we beg you?”

“No way.”

“I’ve also long been thinking that I should pay my respects to Haruhi’s family.” The king said dramatically.

“No way in hell, Senpai.” She shot him down immediately.

“Then let’s do it this way,” The twins said putting the green hats back on. “If the two of you can’t pick out which one of us is Hikaru, then the penalty will be the two of us coming to your houses later tonight.” They explained before moving around to confuse the two.

“Okay, so which one of us is Hikaru?” They asked, grinning widely as they knew they would win.

The girls glanced at each other for a minute before finally replying at the same time. “You’re Kaoru,” They pointed to the one on their left. “And you’re Hikaru.” They deadpanned moving to point to the one on their right.

“Uh oh! You got it wrong!” They chimed.

Naruto and Haruhi smiled softly at them.

“No, we know we’re right.” The brunette said.

“You two may look alike, but you’re very different.” The blond girl added.

The twins blinked at them in surprise, flashing back to the first time they played the game, before looking at each other.

Meanwhile customers flocked towards the crossdressed girls.

“How did you do that, Naruto-kun? Haruhi-kun?” A girl with short, ash brown hair asked. “Whenever they wear those hats to cover which way they part their hair it’s practically impossible to try and figure out which one is Hikaru and which one is Kaoru.” The girl said in awe of the two.

“How can you tell them apart?” The girl beside her asked in awe of the two.

The twins watched the girls carefully, listening closely to their answers.

“Well it’s kinda hard to explain…” Haruhi said, considering the question.

“The sound of their voices is part of it!” Naruto smiled. “Kaoru has a much softer voice yet it’s deeper in tone, making him sound a bit older than he is. While Hikaru’s voice is a little higher and louder, kinda like mine.” The blond explained. “Actually, personality wise, the two of them kind of remind me of me and my friend from middle school.”

No one noticed the light blush cover the twins cheeks as she spoke.

“If I had to say…” Haruhi started. “Hikaru’s speech and actions make him come across as a bit more mischievous than Kaoru.” She said, not intending to offend the twins.

Naruto quickly covered her mouth and looked away, effectively hiding her laughter.

The younger twin snorted. “I’m sorry, Hikaru.” He said giggling.

The older twin glared. “Well, I don’t see what’s so funny. I’m honest, I speak my mind, and I don’t hold back. It’s sneaky people like Kaoru who are the troublemakers.”

Kaoru stopped laughing. “Don’t go spinning this on me.” He said darkly. “I’m the one who’s always going along, playing your selfish games, right?”

“I may be the one to suggest them, but you’re the one who gets into them, Kaoru.” Hikaru retorted. “If you don’t like them, why don’t you just stop?”

“You’re too stupid to see it for yourself, Hikaru. It was your idea to call them our toys, but you were so quick to make a pass at Naruto.” Kaoru said. “Admit it, Hikaru, you really are in love with Naruto, aren’t you?”

“Hey! Don’t bring me into this!” Naruto yelled, red faced. She was ignored.

Hikaru blushed bright red and gasped. “Hey, you’ve got it all wrong, Kaoru! You really are an idiot!” He scoffed.

“Yeah!” The blond king agreed. “There are somethings in this world that must never be said!”

“Hey!” The blond girl turned her glare from the twins to the club president who shrieked and backed away.

“For one thing, why would I fall for that little tanuki?” He scoffed.

“Hey! I’m not the Tanuki! I’m a fox you jerk! Save that remark for Gaara!” Naruto yelled again. “You’ll pay for that!”

“And if anyone is in love with Naruto here, it’s you, Kaoru!” Hikaru smirked.

Kaoru blushed lightly. “What are you talking about?”

“Oh just the way you always want to include her in our games, or how you whispered about her looking more like a fox than a cat when we saw her whisker marks.”

“Hey! You agreed with me!”

“Oi!” Naruto yelled in their faces, tic marks on her head.

The twins backed away from the blond in surprise.

“Awesome! This is just perfect!” A voice whisper-squealed from her dark hiding place.

A powerful motor started running with a loud bang. The ground shook Renge and emerged from the floor. “A beautiful, yet poignant three-sided relationship around Naruto-kun!” She squealed as everyone watched her enter the room through the floor.

“What’s more is that two of the figures are twins! Just the thought of it could make me eat three bowls of rice!” She said, spinning around a hand clutched to her chest and the other in the air, with a blush on her face, her yellow puffy dress swinging with her movements.

“You stay out of this, Otaku.” The twins deadpanned.

“How mean! What a mean thing to say to your manager!” She cried.

“Renge, I thought you liked Naruto too.” Tamaki said.

“Oh, I do!” She said with stars in her eyes. “But I have no problem with Naruto-kun having a homosexual relationship on the side.” The blond king sweat dropped.

“I’m confused.” Haruhi said. “I though you’d gone back to France, Renge.”

“Well, it’s too soon to start host clubs in France, and it wouldn’t go over.” The brunette crossdresser sweat dropped as well.

“Enough!” Hikaru shouted, gaining the two’s attention. “You’re the one always getting into my bed! You’re such a pest!”

“I only do that ‘cause you look lonely!” Kaoru responded. “I wouldn’t choose to sleep in your bed, you idiot!”

Girls were squealing as they watched the two argue.

“Who are you calling an idiot? You’re doing worse in a number of classes!”

“Look who’s talking! Maybe you should study linguistics more!”

“You grind your teeth too loud!”

“Who is it that tosses in his sleep and falls out of bed?”

“Sex pixie!”

“Sicko!”

“Your mama wears too much makeup!” They yelled at the same time. “We’re through!”

The rest of the host club watched with a sweat drop, save Kyouya, while Naruto watched suspiciously.

The school bell rang and Naruto and Haruhi were seated at their desks. As they were getting out their books, Hikaru walked in sporting flamingo pink hair.

“Good morning, Naruto, Haruhi.” He said with a wave.

Their classmates stared at the three Host Club members.

“Hikaru…” Haruhi stared.

“What did you do to your hair?” Naruto asked. ‘He almost looks like Sakura… Not the right shade of pink though.’

“Why’s it pink?” Haruhi asked after her blond friend.

“Pink looks good on me. Isn’t it cute?” He smiled. “Starting today, the pink twin is me. I couldn’t bear to be mistaken for Kaoru forever.”

He leaned into Naruto’s face, which turned bright red.

“Don’t you like it?” He asked, his hot breath tickling her ear. She flinched and covered her sensitive ear with her hand and looked up at the taller teen with a red face and a quiet, nearly inaudible, squeak.

Before the blond could comment about the older boy’s actions, Kaoru walked up to the three and Haruhi and Naruto stared up at his bright blue hair.

“Good morning, Naruto, Haruhi.” He greeted, much like his twin.

“So Kaoru, you went with blue?” Naruto asked, tilting her head. The blue haired teen blushed and inched closer to the blond.

Hikaru walked to the desk between the two girls while the blue haired boy explained, putting an arm around the blond, hugging her to his body causing the pink haired teen to growl quietly as he watched before turning back to face the front of the classroom.

“Last night I had the rare chance to gracefully sleep by myself, but I had a bad dream. I dreamt that my stylist had dyed my hair pink.”

Tic marks appeared on the older twin’s head as he listened.

“It was so garish and ridiculous looking I woke up screaming.” As he finished he moved to sit down beside the blond only for his twin to kick the chair away, causing him to land on the floor.

Naruto and Kaoru sweat dropped and Hikaru grinned to himself. Before standing up, the blue haired boy pushed his older brother’s chair over to pay him back.

Both boys stood up with shadows over their eyes, glaring at each other before beginning a war over Naruto’s head. The two threw whatever they could find at the other, the random objects flying right over the crossdressed blond.

Somehow Usa-chan, Honey’s stuffed bunny ended up being thrown and when the small third year went after it, he too ended up being thrown by the twins.

Naruto sighed at their antics and Haruhi drooped her head in exasperation.

When the lunch bell finally rang, the twins made their way to the dining hall with Naruto and Haruhi before separating to get their lunch.

“I’ll have the A lunch.” They said to the lunch attendents at the same time before glaring at each other.

“On second thought, the B pasta and the D salad.” The lunch attendants and surrounding students sweat dropped at the two.

“I mean the F cappellini with the barbarie duck. No, set that aside, and make it a foie gras poêlé in périgueux sauce!” They growled at each other.

Finally the two had enough.

“Stop copying me!” They said at the same time. “I just told you not to copy me, didn’t I?”

Naruto and Haruhi stood to the side and watched; Naruto with a blank stare and Haruhi with an amused yet annoyed one.

“Amazing.” The brunette commented. “They’re even fighting in perfect harmony.”

“I thought it was getting noisy in here.” A Tamaki’s voice rang through the cafe with the rest of the Host Club behind him, immediately starting more commotion among their peers.

“Are you two still fighting? You’re embarrassing the Host Club.” He chided

“Okay, break!” Honey interrupted the twins. “You’re both to blame for this fight.” He pulled out a cake with an innocent smile. “Hika-chan and Kao-chan, go halfsies on this cake and make up! Okay?”

He stopped and looked at the cake.

“Oh, but I want to eat some, too, so I guess we’ll have to go thirdsies.” The twins stared down at their senpai in irritation.

“We can’t split the strawberry, so what do we do? Maybe I should just take it. After all, I love strawberries, so that’s okay, right?” He asked, mostly to himself.

He looked up at the twins. “Oh, but then, Hika-chan and Kao-chan, do you like strawberries, too?”

Takashi picked up the boy and carried him away, sensing the twins’ increasing irritation with the short blond. “You’re just making the situation worse, so stop.”

Tamaki suddenly noticed Haruhi standing next to him. “Oh, Haruhi!” He said with a blush. “I didn’t expect to run into you in the dining hall!” He said with a smile and a dark blush, oddly looking like a puppy.

Naruto could practically see the older blonde’s tail wagging as he looked down at the brunette.

“Naruto and I were concerned about those two, so we followed them here without really thinking about it. We normally just eat box lunches in our classroom.”

Tamaki froze. “A… Box… Lunch?” He stuttered out, slipping into a fantasy.

The image of Haruhi in a long sleeved white shirt and frilly pink apron popped into the blonde’s head.

“Dear, here’s your box lunch.” Dream-Haruhi said with a blush, offering the bento to the blond. “But the heart shape may be embarrassing.”

“Even if your box lunch did have an embarrassing heart, I would not hesitate to eat it!” Tamaki declared with a dark blush.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Kyouya said standing up with his tray, mildly irritated. “But I do know your delusions are always incoherent.” he finished walking away from the blond second year.

“Naruto, Haruhi, here are your spots.” Hikaru said, gesturing to two chairs at an empty table.

“Oh, okay.” They girls responding each taking a seat, with the pink haired boy in the middle.

“So what did you two bring in your box lunches?” He asked.

“Yesterday’s left overs and a rolled omelet.” Haruhi responded.

“I don’t know, whatever my brother decided to make this morning. He wouldn’t let me take ramen...” Naruto whined untying the orange and blue furoshiki cloth and opening the black box. Inside was rice topped with pickled plum, two pieces of rolled omelet, a few pieces of karaage chicken, some cherry tomatoes and broccoli, and some fried prawns.

“One of you wanna switch with me? I ordered something different from Kaoru and ended up with a bunch of things I don’t really like.” He said switching his meal tray with Naruto’s bento, not waiting for her to answer.

“Um okay, I guess.” The blond responded turning her gaze to the meal tray in front of her. ‘This is awfully lavish. I’ve never really eaten this sort of thing before.’ She thought, grabbing a bite with a fork. She chewed slowly as she enjoyed the taste of the food, a light blush covering her cheeks. Hikaru turned his face away, hiding his own blush.

The other hosts, excluding the blue haired twin, stared at her starry eyed look with amusement. Tamaki brought his tray over to the brunette. “Here, why don’t you have my lunch and I’ll take your box lunch.” He suggested showing her his tray of food.

“No thanks, I’m good.” She deadpanned, not looking at it so as to not be tempted by the magnificent looking, and smelling, food.

Meanwhile Kaoru placed his tray on Naruto’s other side and sat down in the empty chair. “Naruto, is that any good? You want some of mine too?” He asked with a smile.

Naruto squeaked yet again when the younger twin lifted her from her chair and placed her on his lap, breathing hotly in her ear.

“Eeek…” She attempted to hide yet another squeal as one of the twins yet again played with her sensitive ears, tickling them with their breath.

With a smirk, the blue haired teen licked the shell of her ear. “Kya!” She yelled loudly, much like the fangirls at the host club, as the older teen’s tongue yet again touched her skin.

Students in the dining hall stared at the three, girls squealing about how it was ‘too much’ for the twins to not only be fighting, but fighting over the youngest host in the host club.

He brought the spoon to her lips, but before she could take the bite off the spoon, Hikaru put his mouth over the spoon, taking it for her. “Butt out.” He told his twin around the spoon in his mouth. “Go away.”

Kaoru released his grip on the spoon, leaving it to hang in his older brother’s mouth, and grabbed a plate of food off of his tray throwing it at his twin. The plate ended up hitting Tamaki, who’d been pulled into the line of fire by the pink haired host who’d grabbed him by his tie to use him as a shield.

The plate slid down the shocked blonde’s face before the two, once again started throwing things over the blond girl’s head.

Chairs, vases and food flew across the room and once again, Honey got caught up in their fight, followed closely by Mori, who was trying to save the shorter blond male, both of whom ended up being thrown over the head of the youngest blond host. Even Tamaki was thrown, still covered in food, over the threes’ heads.

Haruhi grabbed her bento and walked away from the table. “I think I’m going to have my lunch in the classroom after all.” She said leaving Naruto and the Host Club to deal with the twins.

Tamaki sighed in exasperation as Kyouya punched numbers into a calculator while Naruto, Haruhi, Honey and Mori waited for the dark haired teen to talk.

“Looking at the numbers, if this situation continues I’m afraid we’re going to have to stop offering our brotherly-love package. We’re down two loving brothers.” He turned to the crossdressed brunette.

“Haruhi, this isn’t something you should feel responsible for. Even though it was your tactless comment that caused this fight.” He said, eye smiling at the first year.

Haruhi sweatdropped. ‘Clearly he blames me for this.’

“It’s weird for Hika-chan and Kao-chan to be fighting like this, it’s never happened before.” Honey said sadly, holding his beloved Usa-chan.

“Hm.” Takashi agreed with a nod.

“They’ve never fought before?” Haruhi asked.

“I’ve known them since pre-school.” Honey explained, playing with Usa-chan’s arms. “We weren’t in the same year, so I never talked to them, but it seemed like they always played together.”

Tamaki looked into space, his head resting on his hand. “You’re right.” He agreed. “I’ve only known them since middle school, but they really stood aloof.”

He flashed back to when he was in middle school with the twins, the two of them standing alone on the other side of the room with a bored expression.

“It seemed like, except for themselves, they kept everyone at a distance. Believe it or not they were even more warped back then.” He reminisced with a smile. “When you stop and think about it, maybe this fight is a good thing for them,” The blond brought his arms up in emphasis of his point, turning to the rest of the hosts.

“Maybe it means the twins are expanding their horizons a bit.” He crossed his arms. “We should just leave them alone and let them work it out.”

Haruhi looked out the window at the setting sun. ‘Maybe it is a turn for the better…’ She thought to herself. ‘But then, if this is their first fight, then maybe they need someone to call it quits that much more. They probably don’t know how to make up with each other, either.’

Back in the club room the twins were still throwing things at one another. Tamaki, Haruhi, Mori, and Kyouya watched the exchange with concern and exhaustion, the older blond male twitching in annoyance, while Naruto looked indifferent.

Honey was sat on a mountain created by the junk they’d been throwing at each other, waving down at the other hosts, Usa-chan in his arms.

The twins panted, trying to catch their breath from hours of endless throwing.

“After going this long, haven’t you gotten over it yet?” Tamaki asked, shaking with irritation. “You two are putting us out.”

“We’re putting you out?” Hikaru asked in disbelief. “You’ve got to be kidding me, I’m the one who’s put out!” His anger seemed to increase. “I’m the one who’s got the same face as Kaoru.”

He turned to his younger twin. “I’m sick and tired of being mistaken for you! The truth is, I hate your guts!” He yelled to the blue haired teen across the room.”

Kaoru glared at his twin. “You took the words right out of my mouth. Look at this,” He said darkly, reaching into the pocket of his blue-purple jacket. “I bought Belzenef the Cursed Doll from Nekozawa-senpai.”

Tamaki shrieked in fear, tears streaming down his face as he backed away from the blue haired teen.

“I’m writing your name on this thing’s back, Hikaru.” Kaoru said, holding up a black marker.

The older twin growled, but said nothing.

“From now on, you’re going to meet with lots of misfortune and sorrow!” He said as he began  writing on the back of the wooden curse doll.

Tamaki was crying, Mori and Kyouya looked indifferent, and Haruhi had her bangs shadowing her eyes. She ran over to the fighting twins, punching them both on the tops of their heads.

“Enough, already!” She yelled, finally fed up with the two.

Tamaki looked at her in shock, not expecting such violence from the pacifistic brunette.

“You’re both to blame for this fight, but you’re even more to blame for bothering everyone around you with it!”

She glared down at the twins, who were holding their heads in pain.

“Now apologize! If you don’t make up right now, then I’ll never let you come over as long as I live!” The twins stared up at her with wide eyes before their lips curled into identical smirks.

Haruhi blinked at them confused at their sudden change in behavior.

“Then if we do make up, Haruhi, we can come over to your place, right?” They asked, circling her before draping an arm over one anothers’ shoulder.

Haruhi looked down at the wooden doll and turned it over to see the word “Loser” written on it’s back.

The brunette’s eyes widened in realization before she gasped loudly and dramatically, while the other hosts paled as they too realized that they’d been duped.

The twins tangled their limbs together in an embrace.

“I’m so sorry, Kaoru. Even though I was just following our script, I’m not fit to be your brother to say such awful things to you.” Hikaru said, holding his younger twin tightly to his body.

“Not at all.” Kaoru said, holding his twin’s face between his hands. “I’m the one who was terribly worried about what I would do if I’d accidently hurt you, Hikaru.”

“Kaoru, I’ll never let you go!”

“Hikaru!”

The hosts were pale as they watched the exchange, Haruhi dropping the curse doll in disbelief.

“You’ve gotta be kidding!” Honey yelled, waving his arms above his head. “You mean you guys were faking it this whole time?”

“Well, we were bored.” They responded.

‘They totally got me… Wait!’ Haruhi thought, her head quickly turning to look at her blond best friend who was red faced from trying to hold in her laughter, wiping tears from her eyes.

She stomped over to her crossdressed friend, glaring into her blue eyes.

“You knew!” She accused, pointing at the whisker marked blond.

The five hosts turned their heads to look at Naruto, who only laughed harder.

“Yep~” She said in a sing song voice. “I knew this would be the best prank I’d be a part of this year!” She walked over to the twins, high-fiving them both standing in front of them allowing them to rest their arms on her head.

“I knew something was up from the beginning, and decided I wanted in because it sounded like fun. All I had to do was let them pretend to fus over me and agree to let them come over!”

“When did you even ask them?” Haruhi asked, lowering her head in defeat.

“Yesterday before we left to go home.” Naruto said with a grin.

As Naruto packed her bag to leave she saw the supposedly ‘fighting’ twins leaving the classroom. She looked around for her brunette friend, and when she didn’t see her around, she acted quickly, running to catch up to the pair.

“I know what you two are doing. What I want to know is why and if I can be a part of it.” She said bluntly, blocking them from leaving.

The twins stopped for a moment before speaking, looking around the hallway to see if anyone was watching.

“What gave us away?” They asked in genuine confusion. They thought they were being pretty convincing.

“Part of it was the two of you insulting your own mother earlier.” She deadpanned. “Because personally, I don’t think either of you are that dumb. Unless you are...”

“But the way you looked at each other before you started fighting also made me suspicious. Though, to be honest, I didn’t even know for sure until you asked me what gave you away.” She teased with a wink, sticking out her tongue in victory. “So why are you doing it?”

The twins looked at each other, the tricksters having been tricked. “Mostly boredom, but also to get you and Haruhi to let us come over.” They said before smirking at the short blond.

Naruto was unaffected and gave them her own smirk in response. “Awe, so you are gentlemen enough that you’ll at least get permission before coming over~” She teased, not noticing their blush. “Fine, I’ll let you come over if you let me be a part of it. I don’t really care whether or not the two of you come over, regardless.”

‘it’ll be your funeral anyway… Pervy sage may not care too much, maybe… But those two will definitely not be happy with a bunch of guys coming over’ She thought, still smirking outwardly as she thought about her family of fighters against the host club. ‘Honey-senpai and Mori-senpai are the only ones who have a chance

The pair looked at each other in silent deliberation before they smirked at her once again. “Okay, all you have to do is go along with whatever we decide to do tomorrow.”

Her eyes narrowed in suspicion. “This doesn’t have anything to do with the “You’re in love with Naruto” comments earlier does it?”

“Well~” They purred. “Since you brought up…”

The blond groaned, cursing to herself-even if she knew they were probably already going to do it before she said anything. “Fine, I’ll go along with whatever you decide to do.” She said in defeat.

She really didn’t like the idea of fake flirting but if she’d get to be a part of what was potentially the best prank of the year… She’d deal, besides after they come over once they’ll never want to again. She hid her evil grin from the twins.

Naruto giggled at the memory.

“The cursed doll was her idea too.” Kaoru said with a grin.

“She pulled us aside at lunch before we sat down and mentioned how scared you were~” Hikaru teased, the blond glared at him as the brunette’s glare on her hardened.

“They only want to come over, I didn’t think it’d matter too much.” Naruto straightened out. “Besides, they’re our friends. What’s the big deal?”

Haruhi’s glare softened. “I guess you’re right.”

Tamaki lifted his head off the ground and glared at the three trouble makers. “Twins with too much free time and foxes with too much time on her hands… are the devil.” He said, exasperated, as the three stuck their tongues out at him, the twins pulling down the bottom lid of one of their eyes and glared.

Music room 3: The Host Club is now open for business

“Thank goodness the two of you made up!” a girl cheered with a blush.

“Okay, it’s time to play the ‘Which One is Hikaru’ game!” The twins said, hugging each other close.

“I know,” The ash-brown haired girl who’d commented to the female hosts two days before said with a hand raised. “The one with the pink hair is Hikaru-kun.”

“We have a winner!” The twins cheered each with an arm still wrapped around each other.

“You may have made up, but your hair will stay that way for a while, huh?” A girl said, still swooning over the pair. “Still, it’s much easier to tell you apart this way.”

Naruto overheard them as she walked by, holding her book against her flattened chest.

The blond laughed sarcastically at the comment. “No it isn’t.” She said, not stopping or looking at the twins or their customers.

“Hmm?” They looked at the blond curiously.

She stopped and turned around and looked at the twins. “Today the pink one is Kaoru and the blue one is Hikaru.” She said, giving the twins a small smile. “You switched colors for the day, huh?”

She didn’t wait for a response before she turned and continued walking away from the twins and their customers.

The twins stared after the blond expressionlessly, once again flashing back to that day in the snow.

They linked their hands as they watched the blond easily start a conversation with Haruhi.

As they stared, Kaoru looked away from Naruto and turned his gaze to his older brother, whose gaze was still centered unwaveringly on the whisker marked blond .

The pink haired teen closed his eyes, when he opened them his amber orbs were back on the blond who was laughing happily at whatever her brunette friend said.

“Have you noticed, Hikaru? Up until now, there were only two worlds, us and everyone else. But for the first time, someone has crossed into our world.”

Chapter Text

Chapter 6:The Grade School Host is the Naughty Type

“Only those with excellent social standing and those from filthy rich families are lucky enough to spend their time here, at the elite private school: Ouran Academy.” The blond explained. “The Ouran Host Club is where the school’s handsomest boys with too much time on their hands entertain young ladies who also have way too much time on their hands. Just think of it as Ouran Academy’s elegant playground for the super rich and beautiful.”

A small green sleeved hand gripped on to the handle of the door and turned it, only to be interrupted before the boy could push the door open.

“Everyone else has already assembled. Hurry up and come to the classroom.” An older male said to the elementary boy.

“Sorry, but I’m going to quit the Classical Music Club.” The boy said, not turning to look at the older man.

“Huh?” The man asked in confusion. “Why so suddenly? Your teacher thinks you have a talent for playing the piano. I won’t say anything about this, so keep at it.” He said placing his hands on the boy’s shoulders. “You’ll be popular with the girls in the future if you can play the piano.”

“But that’s gonna take too long!” He cried out in frustration, turning to face his teacher. “I don’t have any time!”

“The top floor of the south school building,”

The boy walked up the seemingly endless red carpeted stairs as he reached the final floor.

“At the end of the north hallway.”

The elementary student finally reached tall pink doors matching the walls of the school building. He looked up to the sign above the door. ‘MUSIC ROOM 3’

‘The unused music room.’ He thought as he read the sign. ‘This is it.The is the fabled…’

He nodded to himself as he grabbed the gold door handle and turned it, only opening the door enough to peek inside the unused music room. The first thing he saw when he looked inside was a bright white light with rose petals being blown towards him, before the eight hosts came into view. He fell to the floor in shock.

The hosts were all dressed in Arabian style clothing, surrounding the blond king.

“Welcome.” They all said at the sound of the door opening.

“Oh. It’s just a kid.” Hikaru commented in amusement.

“And a boy no less.” Kaoru added.

“What’s wrong, little lost boy?” The blond male asked. Deep into the role of an arabian king.

The boy stumbled over his words. “You’re this place’s king?” He asked, standing up.

Tamaki froze for a moment before smiling with a content sigh.

The boy stared. “Am I wrong?”

“Here, little lost boy.” He said, not answering the brunette boy’s question. The boy walked closer to the group of hosts. “What was it you just called me?” The club president asked.

“The king.” Was all that needed to be said to send the dramatic blond on a tangent.

“Oh!” He cried bringing a hand to his chest and the other against his forehead dramatically “‘King’! Yes, indeed, I am the king of this Host Club!” He spun around with stars in his eyes. Happy, since he’s not used to being called that.

“I’m Takaoji Shiro, Elementary 5th Year, Class A!” He said with determination. “I hereby petition the host club king to take me on as his apprentice!” He said, pointing at the blond.

The hosts stared at the scene in shock and confusion.

Tamaki brought his hands to his now-blushing cheeks as his eyes sparkled.

The Grade School Host is the Naughty Type!

“My, Tamaki-kun, you have an apprentice?” One of the aforementioned teen’s guests asked.

“Yes.” He said airily. “He’s still in grade school, but I like the fire in his eyes.”

“Can such a small boy serve as a host?” A girl with long black hair and red cheeks asked, scooting closer to the club president.

He took her chin with his fingers. “Love has nothing to do with age.” He responded quickly. “Take us, for instance: whenever I look at you my heart starts pounding, suddenly I feel no different than a love sick little boy.” He whispered leaning in close to her face.

“Oh, Tamaki-kun~” The girl swooned.

Shiro watched expressionlessly.

“Don’t you think it’s a bit strange that he’s letting the kid watch at such a close distance?” Naruto asked with a sweat drop.

Kyouya smiled. “He usually insists that he becomes proportionally more beautiful the closer people see him.” Naruto snorted and the megane teen went back to his clip board. “Let’s just leave him be.”

“You naughty girl who showed me the forbidden fruit, you’re like a mermaid princess bringing light to my sea of loneliness.” The blond said staring deep into the girl’s eyes, holding her hands in his.

“I’m a mermaid princess?” The girl asked shyly, still blushing.

“You’re more like the carp we have in our pond at home.” Shiro said, pointing at the dark haired girl who was swooning over his blond teacher. “I’d never give false compliments like that .”

“Carp?” The girl cried out with tears in her eyes.

“Oh, no, he’s just a child, you know.” Tamaki said frantically, trying to calm his guest down. “I mean, children are so frank.”

“Frank?” She cried out again, even more insulted.

“Still, they may be frank, but I wouldn’t say you look like a carp. And even supposing that you did look like a carp, you’d be the most beautiful carp of all.” He said in an attempt to win her back.

“So I’m a carp after all?” She continued to cry.

Tamaki started sweating. “No. I didn’t mean…”

The girl got up and ran, he cheeks still pink from embarrassment. “Tamaki-kun, you idiot!”

“Wait, my mermaid princess!” He called after her.

“Man, what a crybaby.” Shiro remarked as he watched her run before sitting back down with a smirk.

Tamaki growled at his young apprentice.

“So how’s it going, Boss?” Hikaru said, holding in a laugh. “That’s an adorable little apprentice you have there.”

“Hikaru…” The twins stopped laughing and Hikaru looked over at his brother with pink dusting his cheeks. “Do you wish you had a little brother like Shiro?” Kaoru asked, not making eye contact with his twin, who wrapped him in an embrace.

“Silly, I could search the whole world and not find a better brother than you, Kaoru.”

“Oh, Hikaru.” Kaoru swooned.

“Look! They’re doing it!” A girl squealed with a red face.

“Forbidden brotherly-love!” Another gushed.

“You’re homos!” Shiro stepped back with a hand on his chest, clutching his uniform. “And what’s worse, you’re twins, that makes this totally insectuous!” He said in shock.

Tamaki stood behind him. “I think what you mean to say is ‘Incestuous’.” The blond said seriously before Honey jumped on the elementary kid’s back.

“Hey Shiro-chan!” He yelled as the brunette lost balance and stepped forward a bit at the weight on his back. “You want to have some cake with me?” He asked with little pink flowers circling his face. “We have three kinds: chocolate, strawberry, and lime!”

Shiro shook the blond off and looked him in the eyes. “Back off! What grade are you in? Why are you wearing a high school uniform?”

Honey stared at the boy with wide eyes that were brimmed with tears. Truthfully a high school 3rd year.

A shadow loomed over the two. “What’s wrong, Mitsukuni?” A deep voice asked.

The short blond backed away from the brunette and climbed up his cousin like a monkey as the elementary student continued to yell at him.

“Hey! No fair! You can’t go having older friends like that!”

Honey wrapped his arms around Mori’s neck, crying into his shoulder while hanging from the taller teen’s back. Truthfully in the same class.

The brunette backed away from the pair and ended up bumping into Naruto and Haruhi, who were each carrying tray of tea. The girls let out a quiet sigh of relief when nothing fell.

“Are you alright?” Naruto asked bending down slightly to reach the boy’s height.

“What’s wrong?” Haruhi asked, her movements mimicking her blond friend’s.

Shiro turned to face the two with a quiet “Huh?”

“Ah, you’re surprised at how everyone here is so unusual?” The taller brunette asked.

“It took us a while to adjust to all the craziness,” Naruto continued.

“I’m sure you’ll get used to it.” They finished with matching smiles.

The boy studied them for a moment. ‘These two seem more like girls…’

They stared down at him. “Is something wrong?”

“Are you crossdressers?” He asked bluntly.

Tamaki and the twins, who’d been in hearing range the entire time, paled and froze at the boy’s question. They turned to face the three. “Oh no.” They said at the same time before rushing over to fix the problem.

Tamaki ran over and covered the elementary student’s eyes with his hand. “Okay that will do, why don’t you carry that tea for me?” He requested nervously.

“Wow Naruto, you’re looking extra manly today.” Kaoru said, waving his hand.

“Do what the boss says and let Shiro take care of that tea set, it’s part of his training. You’re too macho for tea sets.” Hikaru commented, mimicking his brother.

The three older males laughed nervously.

Committee to assert that Haruhi and Naruto are definitely boys.

The two girls sweat dropped with an annoyed sigh.

Shiro removed the blond male’s hand from his face and looked back up at the two girls.

‘This kid is surprisingly sharp…’ Tamaki thought

The twins glared down at the brunette elementary schooler. ‘He may be a kid but he’s got quite an eye.’

“Now, it’s heavy, so be careful.” Haruhi said holding her tray of tea out to shiro, who took it, before letting it fall to the ground.

The five hosts gasped and shiro looked down at the mess.

“It’s not my fault I dropped it.” He said. “It’s your fault for trying to make me do it.”

The teen hosts glared at the sly elementary student.

“Say what?” Haruhi deadpanned as Kyouya slid close to the group.

“Haruhi, that’s another 100,000 yen.” He said flatly, not looking at the girl.

“Huh?!” The girls gasped nervously.

“Hey! You should make the crossdressers handle doing the chores!” Shiro complained loudly to the other hosts. “Instead, hurry up and teach me how to make a woman happy.”

“What kind of attitude is that?” Tamaki asked in annoyance. “And I am not going to let you disrespect Haruhi!”

A small “And Naruto” could be heard but was ignored.

Tamaki stood and pointed a finger in the kid’s face. “Place him in isolation!”

“You got it, boss!” The twins chorused before a metal cage came down from the ceiling, trapping the brunette child.

“What is this?” He asked placing his hands on the bars of the cage. “Why’d you put me in a cage?”

Haruhi and Naruto slid in front of the cage.

“Yeah, and where’d it come from?” Naruto asked.

“This is supposed to be a music room, right?” Haruhi added.

“Come on! Let me out!” Shiro yelled, climbing the bars of the cage. “This is no way to treat your loyal apprentice!”

“You stay in there until you learn your lesson.” Tamaki said taking a sip of tea. “I took you as my apprentice because I thought you were serious about becoming a host, but I guess I was wrong.” He said dramatically

“I am serious. Seriously serious.” The boy said in a much softer tone.

Tamaki took another sip of tea.

“I want to become a host!” He dropped to his knees inside the cage. “I’m running out of time! Show me how!” He said, placing his head against the bars, his eyes clenched shut.

Naruto and Haruhi stared at the boy, having picked up the mess of tea sets on the ground.

“You’re a host because you like girls. You like seeing girls with happy faces, so that’s why you’re a host, right?” Tamaki looked up from his tea.

“Please, show me how to do it! You’re a genius at it, aren’t you, King?” He looked up at the blond.

Genius? Tamaki blushed and stood up from his chair, staring wide eyed at the boy in the cage.

“Well, you may be sassy, but your will become a host does at least seem to be genuine.” The blond king crossed his arms. “Moreover, you’re a lot like me in some ways.” He started sparkling.

“You poor kid.” Naruto and Haruhi deadpanned.

Said child stood up with a happy smile. “So you’ll help become the kind of host that can make any woman happy?”

“A host that cannot make a woman happy is not a host at all.” Tamaki said. “Very well. If that’s how badly you want it, think about how best to use the material you’ve already got to work with.”

“Material?” The caged brunette asked.

“At Ouran Host Club, our fundamental policy is to use our own personal characteristics to meet the needs of our guests.” Kyouya said from the other side of the cage. “Starting with the ‘Princely Type’, Tamaki,”

Tamaki posed holding a pair of white roses, his eyes closed.

“The Wild Type,”

Mori posed holding a dark blue rose, his back turned away from the group, looking over his shoulder.

“The Boy-Lolita Type,”

Honey posed with a pink rose being held by his light pink rabbit, Usa-chan.

“The Little-Devil Type,”

Hikaru and Kaoru posed holding a blue and orange rose respectively, their arms linked together.

“And the Cool Type.” Kyouya lifted a lavender colored rose. “We pride ourself on our many variations. And with the addition of our honor students, the Natural Rookie, Haruhi,”

“Natural Type?” She asked, pointing to herself, somehow now holding a red rose.

“And the knightly type, Naruto,”

The whisker marked blond grinned widely, posing with a yellow rose, giggling to herself.

“We have just about the perfect assortment. I’m not sure we’re going to find a new type beyond this.” Kyouya finished.

The boy blushed as the older teens discussed it.

“His age would suggest the boy-lolita type,” Hikaru said.

“But that would overlap with Honey-senpai.” Kaoru finished.

Said boy looked at them with tears streaming down his face. “Am I in the way now?”

“Tepid! Quite Tepid!” A voice said before a loud motor started and Renge emerged from the floor.

‘Like I said, this is supposed to be a music room, right?’ Haruhi thought with a sweat drop.

“Gentlemen of the Host Club, to think that you’d be so lackluster in your character analysis, I am a bit dumbfounded.” The auburnette said with a disappointed shrug.

“Alright, Renge,” Tamaki said looking up at the yellow clad girl. “How would you work with the material he’s got? He can’t be the boy-lolita type because Honey has that covered.” He challenged.

“This is why I say you’re lackluster! Listen up!” She yelled. “While it’s true there are some girls who feel their hearts beat faster that’s hard to explain over boys of a younger age group, or who have baby faces, who we call shota fans, it is still a fairly broad category, whose preferences can be further split into even more delicate classifications.”

“While Haninozuka-senpai may represent the little boy type, of this boy-lolita category, in his case, the direction he should take is the Naughty-Boy Type without a doubt!” Renge finished.

THE NAUGHTY TYPE…

The cage was lifted from the boy and Renge blew a whistle. “The essential of the Naughty Type include always wearing shorts. Okay!” She checked, seeing the boy’s green shorts. She blew the whistle again “Playing up your naughtiness with skinned knees and cheeks,”

The twins places several bandages on the boy and drew a scar on his cheek.

She blew the whistle again. “Run like a spoiled child!” She ordered. “Make it reckless! When you get there, trip and make it big!”

The boy tripped on a rope and landed face first on the floor.

“Are you okay, little boy?” Renge asked, raising the pitch of her voice, playing the part of a customer.

She blew the whistle again. “Okay, then you say your line immediately.”

“It’s nothing.” He said wiping his cheek with his sleeve. “No big deal.” He lowered his voice to sound tougher.

Renge contained a squeal, holding her cheeks in her hands. “Perfect! It’s perfect!”

“Outstanding!” Tamaki said, clapping with flushed cheeks. “That was perfect coaching, Renge.”

‘Idiots. These people are idiots!’ Shiro thought to himself, swaying as he stood back up.

“Never mind!” Everyone looked at the brunette boy. “There’s no way I’ll make her happy with this.”

“Her?” Naruto asked quietly to herself.

The boy ran.

“Hey, Shiro!” Tamaki called after him. “We still have your applied technique lesson coming up.” The door slammed.

“Younger boys are just not good for anything, huh?” Renge said, going back down into the floor. “After I took the trouble of coaching him, he won’t keep going.” She huffed.

“What a selfish kid, not taking a liking to the lessons he was getting.” Tamaki said flatly.

“There aren’t many people who’d enjoy that kind of lesson.” Haruhi said.

But never mind that, weren’t you listening to what he said?” Naruto asked.

“I don’t have any time! Show me how!”

“He said he didn’t have any time, what could that mean?” Haruhi pondered.

“What’s more, he said something about a ‘her’.” Naruto added.

Tamaki looked back to the door.

“How did we let them talk us into this?” Haruhi and Naruto whispered in mild annoyance.

“We snuck in easily enough.” Honey said with a shrug

Honey in Elementary-School Disguise

Honey was wearing the green boy’s elementary uniform that matched the one Shiro had been wearing.

The shortest of the three peeked through the doorway. “I look like I’m in grade school dressed like this, so I’ll be okay, Haru-chan, Naru-chan.”

“Yeah, you do.” Naruto said.

“I can understand you wearing an elementary school uniform to sneak into an elementary school and you totally fit in, but…” Haruhi started, peeking through the doorway from the opposite side, next to Naruto.

Haruhi and Naruto in Middle School Disguise

The pair were wearing matching girl’s middle school uniforms. It consisted of a brown long sleeved top with cuffed sleeves and a collar, the top had white accents and a darker brown bow in the front and a short brown skirt to match.

Naruto had her hair up in her middle school style of long pigtails that reached past her hips, while Haruhi had simple bangs and hair going just past her shoulders.

“What I don’t understand is why they made us dress up in these middle school uniforms.” Naruto gestured to the two of them.

They flashed back to how they got stuck in their current situation.

“Alright, the mission is underway.” Tamaki said with a glint in his eye that was similar to all the other hosts’, save for Honey, Naruto and Haruhi.

“Mission?” Naruto asked, tilting her head trying to hold back a grin.

“What mission?” Haruhi and Honey asked, staring up at the tallest blond host.

“Judging from the situation, I’ve decided that our special infiltration team,” Tamaki laughed to himself quickly before his sly eyes turned to the trio. “Will be you three.” He grinned at them.

“But what mission?” The three of them asked, in mild fear.

“Why did we even bother with disguises?” Naruto asked with a sigh.

“Yeah, we stick out like a sore thumb.” Haruhi agreed, staring at the group of elementary students who were staring at the three, sweat dropping.

The door behind them opened slightly.

“There’s a reason, a damn good reason.” Tamaki said, he and the twins peeking out the crack in the door in a similar way to the trio of infiltrators.

“Haru-chan, Naru-chan, that way!” Honey said pulling the pair of disguised girls.

“How cute.” The twins swooned.

“Oh, look at her… In that mini skirt, she almost looks like a doll.” Tamaki squealed, his face beat red.

“So, in other words, the three of you just wanted to see them dressed up like that.” Kyouya said flatly.

The blond second year sweat dropped, having been found out.

Honey opened the purple door with a small bump-like sound. “This is it, Shiro-chan’s classroom. When I was in elementary school, this was my classroom too.” He giggled, running around the room.

Naruto and Haruhi stepped in the room after him, looking around.

“There’s nobody here.” They said.

Tamaki and the rest of the host club walked in after them.

“Oh? There’s no one here, is there?” Tamaki asked.

The twins walked in. “This sure takes me back.” They chorused flatly.

“I wonder if my graffiti is still here.” Kaoru thought out loud.

“The school changes out the all the desks each year.” Kyouya said following the pair.

Tamaki and Mori were silent as they walked in.

Naruto and Haruhi growled, shaking in anger with tic marks on their heads

“Let’s go to the cafeteria after this.” Hikaru suggested.

“And the gymnasium, too.” Kaoru added.

“Good idea, Kaoru.” Tamaki said with a laugh.

Haruhi and Naruto turned the the group of males

“If you’re going to come in such large numbers then there’s no reason to disguise ourselves and sneak in.” Haruhi whispered

“Who cares?” Hikaru asked.

“There’s nobody here.” Kaoru said.

The sound of footsteps distracted the two girls, along with the other hosts. They all gasped before ducking behind the small desks.

“If the teacher finds us,” Kaoru started in a whisper.

“We’ll have a hard time explaining why we snuck in.” Hikaru finished.

Naruto and Haruhi brought their pointer finger to their lips and shushed the pair.

“Be quiet!” Haruhi whispered.

“Hmm?” The Host Club stared at the two.

“Zip your lips!” Naruto said, moving her hand across her mouth as if she were zipping her lips shut, Haruhi following the motion with her friend, the two of them staring at the male members of the Host Club seriously.

Hikaru, Kaoru, and Tamaki blushed beat red as they, too, mimicked the motion, steam practically rising from their faces.

‘How terribly cute she is.’ They thought at the same time, staring intensely at the girls.

Haruhi and Naruto peeked out the door. “Looks like he’s gone.” They said.

“But now we’ve snuck in like this, how are we going to find out more about Shiro-kun?” Naruto asked, looking up at the taller boys.

“Here’s something interesting.” Kyouya commented from the other side of the room, standing beside Honey.

The group walked over to them.

“What is it?” Haruhi asked.

Kyouya pointed to a picture of Shiro playing a piano next to a young girl, he wore a bright smile and a light blush on his cheeks.

“Shiro-kun?” Haruhi asked quietly to herself.

“The Classical Music Club, huh?” Kyouya remarked quietly.

“He looks like he’s enjoying himself.” Naruto commented with a small smile.

Haruhi nodded. “It’s nice to see him with a smile on his face. I had no idea he could look so sweet.”

“Yeah…” Tamaki agreed.

Elementary Music Room

The group looked through the window of the music room.

“There he is. That’s Shiro-chan.” Honey pointed to the boy, who was sitting alone on the windowsill opposite them.

“Excuse me, Takaoji-kun.” A girl said, walking up to him. She was smiling and had a light blush on her cheeks. “Did you practice the new piano piece?”

Shiro looked down sadly. “No, not that much.”

“Well then, I’ll show you. Come play it with me.”

“No, that’s okay.” He didn’t look up. “There’s only one grand piano, you should use it, Kamishiro.”

She smiled brightly at him. “Okay, I will.” She said with eyes closed. “But if you want to play, too, just say so.” She walked over to the piano and began playing the piece while Shiro listened.

The elementary boy closed his eyes and smiled as she played.

Haruhi watched with big brown eyes and Tamaki’s earlier look softened. Naruto looked at the two and nudged the twins, who smirked at the pair.

A girl walked out of the room.

“Pardon me, miss.” Tamaki said, he brought out a white rose and offered it to the girl. “I couldn’t find a rose more beautiful than you, but please, take this.”

The girl blushed.

“Incidentally, I wonder if you would tell me about that girl playing the piano.” He said, looking through the window once more.

“That’s Kamishiro Hina-chan.” The girl answered with a smile.

“Hina-chan, is it?”

“You better not go falling in love with Hina-chan.” The girl warned.

“Why?” Tamaki asked quietly.

“Didn’t you know? Hina-chan is going to be moving away real soon. Her father has to move away to Germany for his job before the end of next week.” She explained before a loud voice interrupted the moment.

“What are you doing?!” Shiro yelled at the group. “What are you doing here?!”

Tamaki was unphased by the boys yelling and slung him over his shoulder.

“Hey! What are you doing?!” He cried out. Tamaki turned and started walking down the hall with the boy.

Kamishiro Hina stepped out of the classroom and looked at the boy slung over the blond teen’s shoulder. Shiro blushed when he saw her and continued to yell.

“Put me down! Put me down!”

“Stop thrashing around.” Tamaki said flatly to the boy.

“Guys, we’re leaving.” He continued to walk, the rest of the Host Club following wordlessly, ignoring the elementary student’s yelling.

Back in the club room, Tamaki threw the boy on the dark pink couch.

“What do you think you’re doing, you idiot king?!”

“You’re the idiot.” Tamaki shot back, his hair covering his eyes.

“Teach you how to make women happy, you say? Don’t make me laugh! However much you ask, how are we to answer that? It’s not some unspecified number of girls you want to make happy, it’s just one girl, Kamishiro Hina, isn’t it?”

Shiro gasped, staring up at the teen.

“Only you can find the right way to do that, right?” Tamaki continued.

“Listen to me, as hosts, it’s our job to make the girls happy. But the truth is, when it comes to a single girl that you like, it’s not as a host that you must face her, but as a man. It’s not a full-fledged host that you want to become, it’s a full-fledged man, isn’t it?”

“It doesn’t matter anymore. I’ve run out of time.” Shiro said sadly, he clutched his shorts and lowered his head. “I just wanted to at least watch her play as much as I could before she left. That’s all.”

Tamaki walked over to a cream colored sheet. “That set piece was a duet arrangement of a Mozart sonata, right?” He moved the sheet revealing a black grand piano.

“Wait a minute, has there always been a grand piano in this room?” Haruhi asked suspiciously.

The twins smirked at her, each holding a cup of tea.

“This is supposed to be a music room, after all.” Kaoru said.

“Yes, even though it may not be in use.” Hikaru added.

“It is a music room, after all.” Kyouya said.

“Music room.” Mori said.

“It was there before, it was just where you couldn’t see it.” Honey explained.

Naruto was trying to hold in her giggles as the host club mocked her brunette friend.

Tamaki sat on the bench before he began to play.

Shiro stood as he watched the older male play. “Awesome.” He looked down.

“Takaoji-kun, you’re always listening to me play the piano, huh?” Kamishiro’s voice rang in Shiro’s head. “Do you like the piano? If so, then let’s learn it together.”

‘It really wasn’t the piano that I liked.’ He thought.

“For the next week, you’re early mornings, lunch recesses, and after school periods will be spent in concentrated piano lessons.” Tamaki said. “Get yourself ready.”

“Why?” Shiro asked.

“You did become my apprentice, right?” Tamaki asked. “Besides, that girl looked like she wanted nothing more than to play the piano with you.”

The Host Club watched Tamaki finish playing with smiles on their faces.

Music Room 3

Kamishiro Hina looked up to the sign above the door reading ‘Music Room 3’, then down to the paper she was holding. ‘Invitation’ It said.

She grabbed the handle and opened one of the large pink doors. Rose petals flew at her and she could see the hosts dressed in white suits, bowing the the elementary school girl, gesturing her towards the piano.

“Welcome, princess.” They chorused.

“Today’s main program will be Takaoji Shiro’s piano recital.” Tamaki said, bringing her eyes to the young boy sitting at one of the pianos.

He pulled out the second chair at the other piano. “If you please, Princess.”

The girl blushed and smiled slightly.

“Let’s play together.” Shiro said with flushed cheeks.

“Yeah.” Kamishiro responded, her smile widening.

The two played in perfect sync while the Host club watched, smiling at the sight of the two kids.

“We did a good thing.” Tamaki said to the group.

“Wholehearted love.” Haruhi commented, she looked up at the blond male. “Is that another way he takes after you, Tamaki-senpai?” She asked with a smile.

He looked down at her with a smirk. “Yeah, positively so.” She laughed.

The pair didn’t notice Naruto smiling at the two, or the twins smirking at them.

10 Days Later

“So, you’re exchanging emails with Hina-chan in Germany everyday?” Naruto asked.

“More or less.” Shiro said, girls giggling at him. “But she’s a lot more jealous than you’d expect. So, let’s keep the fact that I’m getting along so well with you pretty ladies a secret, okay?”

The girls squealed.

“Oh! How cute!”

“Pretty ladies, he says.”

“I wish he was my little brother!”

“Naughty boys are the best!” One of the girls directly next to him said.

“I could just kiss you.” The other said, before the two of them did just that.

Shiro smirked with a blush on his cheeks.

Tamaki growled. “Why does he have to take my guests, too?!”

Shiro looked back at the blond male. “It’s easy to be popular with the women. You had your guests taken from you so easily, are you sure you can call yourself the Host Club King?”

Tamaki exploded, the twins holding him down to prevent him from maiming the elementary school student.

“I thought he’d make it through without exploding this time!” Kaoru laughed.

“We should’ve known he was going to blow up sooner or later!” Hikaru added.

Haruhi stared with a sweat drop. “He really is just like Tamaki-senpai.”

“I’m sure that he must’ve been like that when he was a child, too.” Naruto agreed with a laugh.

The blond male turned to the blond female and pointed at her, still angry. “I was not! I absolutely was not, Naruto! I was just a precocious, innocent little boy!”

Shiro grinned, and put up the victory sign smugly as Tamaki continued to rant to the smaller blond, giggling evilly.

Chapter Text

Chapter 7:Jungle Pool SOS!

“Only those with excellent social standing and those from filthy rich families are lucky enough to spend their time here, at the elite private school: Ouran Academy.” The blond explained. “The Ouran Host Club is where the school’s handsomest boys with too much time on their hands entertain young ladies who also have way too much time on their hands. Just think of it as Ouran Academy’s elegant playground for the super rich and beautiful.”

~~~~~

Waves crashed on the sand as the tide came in and exotic birds could be heard from the shore line. Tall palm trees lined the beach and the sun shone brightly on the water with not one cloud in the sky.

‘Am I dreaming?’ Haruhi thought as she looked around.

‘This is Japan. There aren’t supposed to be any tropics here.’ Naruto thought at the same time.

Tamaki popped next to Haruhi, his eyes closed. “Behold, Haruhi.” He started to sparkle. “Bask in the beauty of tropical birds.” He pointed to the colorful birds in the trees above them. “Pretty, aren’t they? I wonder what kind of birds they are.”

“Where’s the exit, again?” Haruhi asked flatly.

“Spending time taking it it easy like this is important for us to refine our ‘round-the-clock beauty.” Tamaki stuck a straw in his iced tea.

“Personally, I think this is pointless and a waste of time, so can I go home now?” Naruto asked in frustration. “I want to study and I have to do the laundry today.”

“Where is this place, anyway?” Haruhi asked, looking down at her lounging senpai, sitting beneath an umbrella.

~~~~~~

A little earlier… 15:38 (3:38 PM)

Ouran Academy, South Building, Front

Haruhi and Naruto were walking calmly out the front entrance before a certain pair of twins grabbed them.

“Abduction…” Kaoru started.

“Complete!” Hikaru finished.

A limo pulled up and the window rolled down to reveal Tamaki in sunglasses and a lei. “All right, take them with you.”

“Roger!” The twins responded.

The window rolled up and the twins dragged the girls away.

“Hold on,” Naruto struggled in Kaoru’s grip.

“Where are we going?” Haruhi cried, slightly scared.

~~~~

“This is a theme park that the Ootori Group runs, ‘Tropical Aqua Garden’.” Kyouya explained.

“But Kyouya-senpai, didn’t you say that your family ran a hospital, or did some kind of medical therapy work?” Haruhi asked.

“Well, it’s a diversified enterprise that does a lot of things, but you could say this is related to therapy.” Kyouya answered. “There are many who suffer from feeling cooped up, who would like to spend time in the south tropics, but for economic reasons or lack of time, are unable to go. This is a convalescent theme park to help treat those people.”

The megane teen sparkled and adjusted his glasses. “The Ootori group is always thinking of the happiness of others.”

‘This sounds relentlessly shady.’ Haruhi sweatdropped.

“The park doesn’t officially open until next month, but the Host Club was given a special advance invitation.” He finished.

Tamaki ran his fingers through his hair as he basked in the warmth of the sun. “This feels so relaxing.” He sighed contently. “We don’t have to worry about keeping all of our guests entertained for once. It’s truly a handsome young warrior’s holiday, I guess you could call it.”

~~~~~

Jungle Pool SOS!

~~~~~

“Naru-chan! Haru-chan!” Honey called with a pink bunny tube around his waist. “Wanna share some coconut juice with me? Or maybe some mango cake?”

“Sure, umm, the coconut juice sounds good.” Naruto laughed nervously as the shorter blonde spun her around, giggling.

“I will too.” Haruhi said in the same dazed tone.

The sound of a bird distracted Naruto from Honey. She looked over and saw Mori watching the same bird that’d made the chirping sound. He turned when he felt a pair of eyes staring at his back, his dark grey eyes meeting with her bright blue ones.

The twins slid over to the blond, the older of the pair eating a banana.

“Naruto, let’s go down the water slide!” Kaoru suggested.

“Hang on,” Hikaru interrupted anything the blond was going to say, and glanced over at Haruhi too. “What’s with the pull overs?”

Naruto pulled on the collar of the red pullover she was wearing, Haruhi doing the same with her yellow one. “This?” They asked, flashing back to what had happened.

The twins dragged the two girls to a tall totem pole structure, with signs saying women and men, and into the women’s side. They handed the girls to two maids.

“Here, do what you’ve got to do.” They told them

The twin maids smiled.

“Very well. Come, Namikaze-sama” One said, her look becoming oddly similar to the twin hosts.

“Okay, Fujioka-sama, this way.” The other said, her look mimicking her twins.

The short haired girls back up and into the twins in an attempt to escape. “Just a minute.” They stuttered out, before each was grabbed by one of the mades and dragged into the changing rooms.

“Just a minute! Just a minute!” They yelled more as their clothes were removed.

“We have some swimsuits available for the two of you in this room.” One of the maids explained.

“We brought all of this years latest, that our mom designed.” Kaoru shouted from outside the room.

“You can choose whichever one you want.” Hikaru added.

“Okay Namikaze-sama, Fujioka-sama, pick one!” The maids chorused, grabbing onto each other.

“No thanks, I don’t need a swimsuit.” The two deadpanned.

“Well, then, we’ll select one for the two of you.” One of the maids suggested.

Tamaki slid between the twins, outside the changing room.

“No, not that one. I don’t want a bikini.” Haruhi argued.

“But you’d look so cute in this one…” The maid whined.

Tamaki began sweating as he listened in on what was happening.

“Oh, look, this one would be cute.” Maid helping Haruhi held up a red bathing suit that covered absolutely nothing.

“That’s nothing but strings, isn’t it?” Hearing those words caused Tamaki’s head to explode, and he fainted.

“Do you have anything in orange?” Naruto asked, nervously.

“Ah, how about this one?” The made held up the bikini.

“That’s surprisingly nice, though a it’d be better with more orange…”

Haruhi ended up in a pink one piece that had a pinkish white skirt on the bottom and straps, with hot pink accents along with a matching swim cap. Naruto ended up going with a blue bikini with yellow-green stripes and orange strings to tie it.

When the pair stepped out of the changing rooms, Tamaki walked up to them and looked the two up and down, blushing when he got to the brunette. He looked away from them and held up two pullovers, each with a pair of shorts.

“Senpai?” Haruhi questioned.

“Just hurry up and put these on.” He said, his face beat red. “Girls should only show that much skin after they’re married.”

“So you’re not going swimming, then?” Hikaru asked around his bite of banana, tossing the peel away somewhere.

“By any chance, can you two not swim?” Kaoru asked.

“I think I can swim just as well as the next guy, but I’m just not very interested in this place, and I’d rather go home than goof around here swimming.” Haruhi said with a sigh. “What’s so great about this overblown facility anyways? A vinyl pool should be all you need to play in the water anyway.”

“What’s a vinyl pool?” The twins asked, facing each other.

“Let’s see, they’re about this big,” she gestured with hands. “And you pump them full of air.”

“Dummy,” Hikaru commented.

“That’s called an air boat.” Kaoru said.

“There’s no way something that small could be a pool.” Hikaru remarked.

“Yeah.” Kaoru agreed.

“Guys, it is a pool. Little kids play in them a lot, you know?”

Tamaki jumped in and grabbed the twins. “Haruhi thinks it’s a pool, so let it be a pool.” He whispered not so quietly. “Don’t go embarrassing Haruhi. She only has pitiful commoner’s knowledge.”

“Huh? But a boat is a boat.” The twins said, confused about their orders.

“Never mind that, we’ve got a question for you…”Hikaru said to the blond male.

“Why did you make them wear those pullovers?” Kaoru asked.

Tamaki gulped loudly.

“Ordinarily you’d think,”

An image of Tamaki having a tantrum popped into the twins’ minds. “I want to see Haruhi in a swimsuit!”

“Would be the first thing you’d say.”

“This is unexpected.”

“I can’t imagine it’s this, but do you think he doesn’t want any punks besides himself to see Haruhi’s skin or something like that?”

Tamaki was sweating as he’d been found out.

Naruto giggled, gaining the three boy’s attention.

“Well, I don’t know or care about why he forced me into one as when but I definitely plan on doing something is this swimsuit since I have nothing better to do here and I was forced to pick one.” Naruto huffed, pulling off the red pullover and slipping out of the black shorts to reveal the swimsuit.

The twins blushed as they looked at all the curves of her body and clearly visible bust, but something in particular caught their attention. A black swirly looking tattoo on her left deltoid and a number of scars on her fit body.

“Hey Naruto…” Hikaru started, walking over to her.

“What’s all this?” Kaoru asked. “Where’d you get all these scars?”

“Especially this one.” Hikaru pointed to the large scar over her heart.

Naruto froze. ‘Shit! Don’t tell it wore off!’

“And this tattoo.”

“This tattoo is a symbol of… authority of sorts, where I used to live, and I was lucky enough to be granted it. As for the scars, I had a pretty rough childhood, and I’m a fighter… That’s all I’m willing to say about it. Normally I cover them up but I guess my… concealer… rubbed away.” She explained as vaguely as possible. She wasn’t ready to reveal everything yet, at least this way she wasn’t lying to them.

Tamaki had tears in his eyes and the twins’ eyes softened.

“My poor daughter!” Tamaki cried, throwing himself at the short blond girl. “I have failed as a father! Unable to protect her from harm!”

Naruto struggled for a moment before flipping the taller teen on his back and standing behind the twins, going on the tips of her toes to peek over their shoulders.

“Haru-chan!” Honey cried running up to the brunette. “Let’s go play! There’s a current pool over there!” He tugged on her arm.

“No, I’m not swimming today.” She paused. “Wait, you know how to swim, do you still need that float?”

He smiled innocently at her and shook his head. “Just looks cuter this way!” He said before running off.

“I get it.” Haruhi said with a small smile. “Because of the bunny design.”

“He’s so innocent.” The twins said in unison.

“Tepid! Quite tepid!”

A powerful motor turned on and Renge rose from the floor of the water park in a black bikini, a parasol, and a blue tattoo going down her stomach.

“Is that rig set up everywhere?” Naruto and Haruhi sweatdropped

“That outfit’s pretty impressive.” Hikaru said.

“What’s that pattern on you belly?” Kaoru asked.

“Don’t you know? I’m cosplaying.” Renge answered with a shrug.

“As who?” Hikaru asked.

“‘La-La’.” She sang.

“La-la? The manga magazine?”

“A dream, risen from the abyss; those blue eyes, lighting up young men’s faces; that tone of voice… See? I am Kisaragi Quon!”

“We can’t tell.” Haruhi said.

“I had no idea who you were supposed to be.” Tamaki agreed.

The twins looked at each other.

“Sir are you sure it’s okay for a girl to be dressed up…”

“Like that?” Kaoru finished his brother’s sentence.

“That might be okay.” The blond king answered.

“Why?” The twins pushed.

“Maybe because it’s cosplay?"

No one had noticed that Naruto was once again wearing the pullover, her chest appearing flat.

“In any case, your understanding of Haninozuka-senpai is lukewarm.” She pointed to the aforementioned teen.

“Takashi!” He called, jumping into the water.

Mori looked at the shorter teen with a soft smile.

“How do you mean?” Tamaki asked the cosplay-clad girl.

“Think about what he said to you earlier.” Renge said, her back turned to the group of 5.

“Just looks cuter this way!”

“I do not see that as being sweet and innocent.”

Kyouya adjusted his glasses. “I agree.” He stood. “Try putting the word ‘I’ at the beginning of the sentence.”

The 5 thought for a moment.

“Just looks cuter this way!”

“Don’t I?”

The hosts looked back at the boy. “He planned that?!”

“That’s Haninozuka-senpai for you.” Renge said. “He felt threatened as the little boy type in the last chapter, so he’s taking steps to fortify himself.” She sunk back into the ground. “I should give him more credit. He’s quite deep.”

The five hosts hunched over, disappointed in themselves for not seeing it before.

“Hey! Look at this everybody!”

They turned to see Honey sitting on Mori’s back as he swam against the current in the pool.

“Look! See? No matter how hard we’re swimming, we never move forward from the same place!” The boy lolita smiled innocently.

“So, what’s the deal?” Tamaki asked Haruhi.

“Is that guy really that deep?” Haruhi asked.

Hikaru started pumping a water gun and shot Tamaki in the face. “Ha~ Gotcha!” He grinned

“Come on, Boss, let’s go. Let’s have a water gun fight.” Kaoru suggested.

The pair turned to their partner in crime, who was no longer wearing the pullover, as the taller blond wiped his face with a towel. “You in?” They said smirking at the smaller blond.

Naruto mirrored it. “You know I am.” They tossed her a water gun.

“It’ll be the three of us against you. If you get hit in the face, you lose.”

“Hmph, who’d want to go along with a childish game like that?” The blond said in annoyance.

The three trouble makers smirked at each other. Naruto made a discrete gesture towards Haruhi and the twins nodded before wrapping their arms around the girl.

“Haruhi, I think it’s time that you and I got married~” Hikaru said.

“We’ll have our honeymoon in Atami!” Kaoru added.

The blond grabbed a water gun and began furiously pumping it to create pressure. The three pranksters hi-fived each other.

“You really think anyone is about to let Haruhi marry you guys?!” He muttered while pumping the gun before turning to glare at them. The four sweatdropped at the older blond.

“Daddy will not allow it!” He yelled, shooting water at the twins, who smirked.

They were going to pull Naruto into the line of fire, but the blond was gone.

Haruhi sat down sipping ice water, with a sigh as she watched them battle. Mori walked up to her, tilting his head and tapping it to get water out of his ears, leaving Honey to swim against the current pool on his own.

“Taking a break?” She asked the tall brunette teen. “Want something to drink?”

“Yeah, thanks.”

The twins ducked behind a tree, avoiding the next beam of water shot at them by the older blond, before shooting at him themselves. He dodged.

“I’ll get you guys!” He yelled. “Surefire sideways-leaping beam!” He shot water at them as he leapt sideways. The twins held up wooden ‘shields’.

“That’s cheating!” He cried, slipping on the banana peel Hikaru had discarded earlier, and into Naruto’s trap.

With the older blond clear in her sights she shot him clear in the face with the water pushing him forward and into the totem statue. The twins and Naruto sweatdropped as they watched the blond tumble into the wooden pole.

The eyes on the totem began lighting up red pair by pair. Everyone observed the scene in curiosity and suspicion before large wave suddenly appeared in the current pool, washing the smallest blond away.

“Honey-senpai!” Naruto and Haruhi cried out running after him.

“Mitsukuni!” Mori yelled, also running towards his cousin. He tripped on the banana peel and slid across the ground.

“Mori-senpai?” Haruhi asked with a sweat drop.

Tamaki stood up with a finger pointed towards the sky. “Guys, we’re going after Honey-senpai!” He declared. “That pool looks like the quickest way! Charge!”

The Host Club, minus Kyouya, ran with the blond.

“Oh, that way is…” Kyouya tried to warn them.

The group turned around when they saw alligators in the water. “There are alligators swimming there!” They ran in the opposite direction.

“Okay! That pool is out!” Tamaki declared. “Let’s take this route!” He pointed to another direction.

More alligators blocked their way.

“They’re here too!” The twins said in fear.

“And here!” Haruhi cried from a different area.

“Why are there alligators here?” Naruto asked, the only one who wasn’t out of breath from running besides Kyouya.

“There can’t be.” Tamaki said panting.

“Those pools are the tropical animal area.” Kyouya explained.

“I guess it’s dangerous to let the alligators run loose.” He muttered to himself. “Although, it’s the current pool’s switch location that’s the problem here. I’ll have to speak to the designers.”

He looked back up at the rest of the Host Club, smiling at them. “I have to thank you. I’ve gotten some good data here.” He said cheerily.

“You what?!” They cried.

Guinea Pigs?

~~~~~

“This is Tropical Aqua Garden’s area map. This is our current location. To get to this point, where I predict Honey-senpai got carried away to, we will need to go through the jungle area in the southern block.” Kyouya explained to the group. “That’s a range of about 800 meters.”

“There seem to be a lot of indeterminate areas in this jungle along the way.” Naruto commented.

“Those are zones that are still under development.” Kyouya explained.

“There could be things even more dangerous…” Hikaru started, turning to his twin.

“Than alligators.” Kaoru finished.

The male blond put on a look of determination and kneeled to the ground, balling his hands into fists . “Alright, this is a survival mission! We have to safely penetrate this jungle area, and rescue Honey-senpai!”

The others in the group watched him with a bored expression, annoyed at their leader’s antics.

~~~~~~

Jungle Pool SOS!

~~~~~~

The sound of the exotic birds singing filled the air around the host club as they trekked through the jungle area of the building.

“This has all but become a real jungle in here.” Tamaki commented, his eyes hard with determination.

“I’ve been hearing a lot of strange animal calls.” Haruhi added.

“These animal voices…” Hikaru started.

“Couldn’t be the real thing, right?” Kaoru finished with a scared tone.

Naruto rolled her eyes. A few jungle animals were nothing compared to some of the foes she’d faced before.

“I’m not too sure,” Kyouya confessed. “In all of the work we do, we tend to be authenticity-oriented.”

The two girls, one still covered by the pull-over and the other exposed in the bikini, looked up at the tallest of the group.

‘As usual, Mori-senpai is poker-faced, and I can’t tell what he’s thinking, but even though he may look calm, it’s times like these―.’ Their thoughts were interrupted by said male slipping on a banana peel.

Startled, the group looked behind them to find Mori on the ground with a banana peel on his face.

“Mori-senpai…” Hikaru started in concern.

“Is acting about as clumsy as you, sir.” Kaoru finished, making Naruto giggle.

“What?!” The blond king looked at the twins in annoyance as Mori sat up, crossing his legs.

‘Sure enough, he’s pretty concerned.’ The blond and brunette girls thought as the sun-like light dimmed and the rumbling sound of thunder in the distance his their ears.

Kyouya looked at his watch. “Whoops, it must be time for the squall.”

The twins and Naruto looked at each other in question as drops of water began to fall onto the foliage around them before turning into a downpour.

The group made their way to a wood and straw gazebo to escape the heavy rain.

“Mori-senpai is awfully close to Honey-senpai, isn’t he?” Naruto asked looking up at the tall brunette.

“Are they childhood friends or something?” Haruhi asked.

“Those two…” Hikaru said.

“Are cousins.” Kaoru added.

“Huh? They’re relatives?” The girls asked looking at the twins.

“The Morinozukas have been serving the Haninozuka family for generations.”Kyouya said.

An image of Mori bowing to Honey each in very traditional outfits popped into Haruhi’s mind.

“Although, two generations ago they became relatives by marriage, and the families’ master-servant relationship has long since faded.” Hikaru said.

“Even so, Mori-senpai has always accompanied Honey-senpai.” Kaoru added.

“It must really get his blood going. The blood of the vassals of yore, which flow through Mori-senpai.” Tamaki said softly.

“What a great story! I’m so touched!” The twins cried into their tissues.

“That’s what you call a great story?” Haruhi deadpanned.

Naruto and Haruhi focussed their attention on Mori. ‘I’m not sure I understand all this about his blood getting going, but he does think an awful lot of Honey-senpai, huh?’

The blond walked over, placing a tan hand on Mori’s slightly paler arm.  “Hey, Mori-senpai, it’ll be alright.” She said softly, looking up into his eyes. She gave him a soft smile. “I’m sure Honey-senpai is safe.” She gave a meaningful look before walking over to the other teens.

“He’s a lot tougher than you might think, and if he gets hungry there are a lot of bananas on the trees.” Haruhi added in attempt to comfort the brunette male.

Naruto, the twins, and Tamaki sweat dropped at the brunette’s attempt at comforting the older teen.

“Bananas?” The three first years questioned.

“How is he going to respond to that?” The blond male asked.

Mori placed a hand on Haruhi’s head and smiled back at her. “Yeah.”

Tamaki watched the exchange, seeing sparkles float around the two teens. “Don’t tell me Mori-senpai is out for my spot as Haruhi’s daddy too!” He screamed in terror.

The twins and Naruto stared at him.

“Nobody wants that spot but you, boss” Hikaru deadpanned.

“It’s kinda creepy when you think about it.” Kaoru added.

Tamaki turned to face them in outrage and Naruto giggled at the ridiculousness of their club president before her sharp ears tuned in to the sound of a phone ringing. The blond turned to face Kyouya, who’d answer the phone while the twins continued to tease the violet eyed blond male.

“Hello? It’s me… Well we’ve had an incident that’s caused some trouble.”

~~~~~~

Jungle Pool SOS!

~~~~~~

As soon as the rain stopped Mori was back to searching for Honey.

“Mori-senpai!” Naruto called, going after him.

Haruhi followed closely behind the blond. “It’s not that way, Honey-senpai is in the other direction!”

Mori paused for a moment. “No, he’s this way.” Natural Instinct

“Wait!” The brunette female called again.

“It’s too dangerous to go alone, I’m coming with you!” Naruto called to him before running after him again.

“I’m going too!” Haruhi yelled following the teens.

Naruto wanted to tell her no, but knew Haruhi would only fight her on it. Nothing would change her mind at this point.

“Ah!” Haruhi screamed over and over as she encountered bugs, pits of water and Naruto’s least favorite: snakes.

“Haruhi.” Mori said, gaining the smaller brunette’s attention. He walked over to the first year and lifted her up, taking her by surprise.

‘That’s the first time he’s ever called me by my name.’ Haruhi thought, resting a hand on Mori’s chest. She blushed lightly. A Little Bit Pleased.

Naruto just smiled at the two and the group continued walking.

“Yeah, okay, at once, please.” Kyouya said into the phone before hanging up.

Back with the rest of the host club the twins continued to make fun of their club president while Kyouya attempted to explain the situation to them.

“My family’s private police force is going to send in a search team.” He said over their teasing and yelling. “They’re better equipped to find him than we are, so let’s just go back to the gate and wait.”

His words went unheard by the the frustrated blond and mischivous red-heads.

Kyouya paused for a moment. “Hey where are Mori, Haruhi, and Naruto?” That earned the distracted trio’s attention.

“Huh?”

Tropical Aqua Garden General Administration Headquarters

Ootori Family Private Police

“Emergency Mobilization order!” A male voice called over the intercom. “Kyouya-sama’s friend has gone missing near the current pool! Search target is a small young man! Repeat, search target is a small young man! Also, eliminate any suspicious figures without mercy! Eliminate any suspicious figures without mercy!”

Troops of police from the search and rescue team marched out, armed and dangerous.

Back with Mori, Haruhi, and Naruto…

The trio continued walking, Haruhi still in Mori’s arms and Naruto walking silently beside them hyper-alert to the unfamiliar surroundings they were searching in.

‘Just like any other mission.’ The blond thought to herself, her eyes and ears tuned into the slightest sounds and movements.

Naruto quickly picked up the sound of distant marching and she stopped shortly before Mori did. She scanned the area quickly turning before the officers dropped down from ropes, surrounding the group. She quickly got into fighting position.

“Target confirmed.” An officer said, eyes trained on the brunette girl, Small young man? , and the tall brunette carrying her. Suspicious figure? Meanwhile Naruto had vanished into the trees, carefully watching her potential opponents.

It didn’t take long for the blond to figure out this was search and rescue, that they clearly didn’t know that their target was supposed to be a small brown eyed blonde and not the brown eyed brunette that was actually a girl. She quickly decided she’d only interfere if they actually attempted to hurt anyone.

Two officers nodded to each other.

“The target has been captured by a suspicious man.” One of the intensely armored men said.

“Now taking the subject into custody.” Another said.

Back with Kyouya, Tamaki and the twins…

“You know, now that I think about it, I didn’t tell them there were any other visitors…”  Kyouya mumbled to himself. Completely inadequate explanation. “Oh well.”

Back with Mori and Haruhi…

“You there,” An officer addressed Mori. “Let the boy go or we will resort to using force!”

The surrounding officers raised their guns and aimed them at the pair.

“Hold on!” Haruhi yelled before an officer grabbed her arm and began pulling her out of Mori’s arms.

The older teen acted quickly and punched the officer away from the small boyish-looking girl.

“The suspect is resisting. Prepare to fire warning shots!” Another officer shouted and in response the surrounding officers cocked their weapons.

“Haruhi! Mori-senpai”

“Takashi, Haru-chan! Move!”

Two voiced called out from opposite directions.

Honey came swinging down to the pair from a vine, one way, and Naruto jumped from her hiding spot the other way, both ready to fight off the officers.

Honey swung down quickly, using his momentum to kick one of the officers in the head, smashing the armor and knocking him down.

“What do you think you’re doing, pipsqueak?!” One of the men called, aiming his gun at the short third year with two others following suite.

Naruto acted quickly, focusing her chakra into her fist and punching him down.

Honey took the second using both hands to bring the man into the ground.

Naruto flipped another over her shoulder and gave the fifth a swift kick to the groin to bring him to the ground.

Haruhi and Mori watched the two fighting off the officers, Haruhi with slight fear and Mori expressionless.

The two blonds stood up with the last one down and stared at the mess of unconscious bodies before them.

“You shouldn’t be so reckless...” Naruto teased, grinning like a fox.

“Picking on my friends is a no-no!” Honey said. No-no

One of the unconscious men twitched.

“Haruhi!” Yet another voice called.

The group of what was now four looked to see Tamaki, Kyouya and the twins running toward them.

“Haruhi, Are you alright?”

“Hey, it’s Tama-chan” Honey said cheerfully.

“Oh wow…” Hikaru started.

“Are you okay senpai?”

“HARUHI!” The tallest blond yelled, running toward the brunette girl and holding on to her. “I was so worried about you.” He said, his voice turning deep and sultry compared to his usual high pitched whining.

The twins poked two of the unconscious officers faces.

“I’m not sure what happened here, but at least they’re still alive.” Hikaru muttered.

“Well, Honey-senpai was the one who did this, right?” Kaoru asked.

“Actually, Naru-chan helped me! She was really cool!” Honey cheered, hugging the younger blond.

Naruto blushed, not looking at either of the twins. “I didn’t really do that much…”

“That’s not true,” Haruhi chimed in, barely hiding her smirk. “You took out half of them without breaking a sweat. You were really holding back too.”

“Honey-senpai must’ve been too.” The twins chimed.

“What do you mean by that?” Haruhi tilted her head to the side pinching Tamaki’s hand in an effort to make him let go.

“Huh?” Kaoru gasped.

“You don’t know?” Hikaru asked. “The Haninozuka’s have been famous for their martial arts for centuries. They’ve instructed the police, SDF, and overseas military forced as well.”

Naruto glanced at Honey and Mori before turning to face Kyouya who’d begun talking.

“Honey-senpai has been called the most fearsome dreadnaught in Haninozuka family history, and by the time he was in middle school, he became the national champion in both karate and judo.” The raven haired teen added.

Honey turned and smiled at Haruhi, giggling to himself innocently. Karate & Judo Champion

“Mori-senpai also became the national champion in kendo, when he was in middle school.” Tamaki added.

Mori looked down at the younger brunette. National Kendo Champion

The twins turned their attention back to Honey.

“Honey-senpai, what are you doing here?” Kaoru asked.

“You know what? I reached the end of the current pool, so I went looking for everyone.” Honey explained.

“We humbly apologize.” A voice sounded from behind the tiny blond.

“Hmm?” The group turned to face the voice.

The now conscious officers were bowed down to the tiny third year.

“I am a 2nd-generation student of the Ishizuka Dojo!”

“I am student of the Todoroki Dojo!”

“I’m from the Otake Dojo! We’re in your debt!”

“Oh, is that right?” Honey looked down at them.

“Yes sir! We are so sorry! We were completely unaware that we were looking for Haninozuka Mitsukuni-sama, and have committed a terrible offence! Although accidental, my dojo will take pride in the day that I was able to engage you, Mitsukuni-sama, personally, for generations to come.”   Deep

Haruhi sweat dropped, swooning. ‘He is deep. This goes way beyond deep.’

Honey patted Mori on the head. “Takeshi, you did very well protecting Haru-chan.” He cooed. “You didn’t get lonely without me around, right?”

Mori glanced at the two female hosts. “I wouldn’t say that.” Honey giggled in response.

~~~~~~

“We should go to the beach next, to clear the mood.” Hikaru suggested as the group walked back to the lounging area, the sky a bright orange color as the sun began to set.

“I’ve never actually been to a real beach before.” Naruto commented. “I’ve been to lakes and stuff and I’ve seen the ocean countless times, but I’ve never been to an actual beach before. It could be fun.” The blond giggled.

“The beach would be nice.” Kaoru agreed with light pink cheeks that matched his twin’s.

“You idiots, Haruhi wouldn’t be interested in that.” Tamaki chided.

“I might not mind going to the beach.” Haruhi cut in, causing the twins and Tamaki to face her in surprise while Naruto smiled. “This obviously artificial location may not be any fun, but the beach would be nice. It’s pretty there.”

Tamaki’s cheeks darkened slightly. “Yeah, all right, you got it! Next we go to the beach!” He announced.

“We’re all going to the beach, Tama-chan?” Honey asked with a smile. “That will be fun, huh?”

“Yeah.” Mori agreed with a smile.

Naruto and Haruhi smiled at each other then at the rest of the group, who all smiled back.

Chapter Text

Chapter 8: The Sun, the Sea, and the Host Club!

"Only those with excellent social standing and those from filthy rich families are lucky enough to spend their time here, at the elite private school: Ouran Academy." The blond explained. "The Ouran Host Club is where the school's handsomest boys with too much time on their hands entertain young ladies who also have way too much time on their hands. Just think of it as Ouran Academy's elegant playground for the super rich and beautiful."

Blue and Brown eyes met twin amber with a bored expression.

"The beach?" the female hosts deadpanned.

"Yes, the beach!" The twins grinned at the pair.

"But why?" Naruto tilted her head while Haruhi stared at the twins blankly.

"You said so before didn't you?" Hikaru said.

"That you wouldn't mind going to a real beach." Kaoru continued.

"And Naruto's never been!" They chimed at once.

"Did I say that?' the brunette asked.

The twins narrowed their eyes at her. "Yes you did," they deadpanned back at the bored brunette, earning a stifled laugh out of the blue eyed blond.

"So, we've prepared swimsuits for the two of you." Kaoru said as they stepped away from each other revealing several mannequins wearing swimsuits with two front and center.

"Aren't these cute?" Hikaru asked gesturing to a pale pink two piece that had a ruffled top and an orange bikini with black ties and edges.

"Those? I thought that these would look good on Haru-chan and Naru-chan." Honey interrupted with two mannequins of his own. One wearing a blue swimsuit reminiscent of a school girl outfit and the other wearing a yellow one piece with no straps and ruffle-y sleeves.

The twins stepped in front of the small blond, shaking their index fingers in his face.

"You don't get it, huh, Honey-senpai?"

"Huh?"

Each twin grabbed one of the honor students and pulled them to their feet by the arm.

"As shown by her behavior at the pool, Naruto has a more athletic and muscular but lean build and is very busty." Kaoru said, making Naruto turn red and the brunette beside her snort. "She also showed that she's very comfortable with her body and chose a two piece herself!"

"She also showed no discomfort being so unclothed in front of so many boys so whether we picked a two-piece or one-piece, it wouldn't make a difference." Hikaru added before both twins smirked.

"Especially if it was orange. Right, Naruto?" She only pouted and looked away, missing the pink on the twins cheeks that only got darker looking at her expression.

Hikaru cleared his throat.

"On the other hand, this uniform barely hides the fact that she's flat as a cutting board," Hikaru said, now gesturing to Haruhi and her male-student uniform.

"A one-piece suit like that would only upset Haruhi more by drawing attention to her poor figure." Kaoru added, making Naruto giggle at her friend's expense.

"On that point, we carefully selected this two-piece swimsuit. The ruffles help hide the fact that she's so flat chested!" They grinned before they were wacked out of the way by the self proclaimed Host Club King.

"How dare you guys sexually harass my little girl!" The violet eyed blond yelled.

"You're ignoring Naruto again, boss." They teased.

"That's enough of that!" He glared at the twins, who hid behind the table Naruto and Haruhi were studying at.

"Then, we aren't going to the beach?" The twins asked, while Haruhi stared at Tamaki wide eyed at his display.

"Who said we're not going?" The tallest blond asked, looking away from the now smirking twins.

"Really?" The twins grinned. "So you want to go after all?"

"Can Usa-chan come too?" Honey asked with an innocent smile, still holding on to the two mannequins.

"I have no objections." The glasses-wearing raven haired teen said, not looking up from his clipboard.

Mori just grunted, observing the array of swimsuits.

"Eh? We're really going?" The female hosts asked. Haruhi with horror and Naruto with excitement laced with worry.

Tamaki smirked at them. "Why not? Let's go to the beach!"

~~~

The Sun, the Sea and the Host Club!

~~~

"So…" The twins started, looking at their surroundings. "Why in Okinawa?"

Without missing a beat, the blond responded. "Kyoya's folks have a private beach here."

"It's a beautiful place, huh?" Honey said in awe.

"But why couldn't we have gone…" The twins started at once.

"To the Caribbean?" Hikaru asked.

"Or Fiji?" Kaoru added.

"Do you think commonors like Haruhi and Naruto have passports?" Kyoya asked.

"Ah…"

"You do realise that we can hear what you're saying, right?" Haruhi hissed.

"Besides, I do have a passport…" Naruto said then glared at the megane teen. "I don't know how much you actually know about me but I used to travel all the time."

No one responded to that, but the matching smirks the twins wore were telling enough that she'd said too much.

Crystal blue water crashed onto the soft white sand and seagulls flocked over head sounding loudly.

Tamaki sat on a large rock, cuddling a long haired brunette as the watched the sea.

"Tamaki-kun, being alone with you, looking out at the sea, is like a dream." She swooned, leaning on the blonde male's shoulder.

"It's no dream." He turned to face her and leaned in close. "But if I could have my way, I'd wish I could be in your dreams tonight."

"Tamaki-kun…" She swooned again.

With a flash of blue and pink the beach ball flew away from their game of beach volleyball.

Kaoru ran after the ball, growling at his twin. "Take it easy, Hikaru!"

"Sorry! I'll get it." Hikaru followed his younger twin.

The scene quickly went from the teens chasing after the ball, to the older twin chasing after the younger.

"Wait up, Kaoru!" The old laughed, running across the beach.

"It's not my fault! The ball is rolling away!" Kaoru giggled.

"The Host Club on traveling business"

The girls swooned at the scene of their "forbidden love."

A hermit crab scuttled across the sand in front of the two female hosts sat huddled under an umbrella, a bored look painted on both the blond and brunette's faces.

"Why?" both girls whined in their heads, bringing their knees closer to their clothed chests as they observed Tamaki and his current client as well as the long wait line to join the blond on the rock.

"Your alone time with Tamaki is up, next please." Kyouya called to the pair on the rock.

"This sucks." Naruto sighed.

"Why are we conducting Host Club activities at beach?'" Haruhi groaned.

The girls briefly glanced to their right in time to witness the strange dance Mori and Honey were doing with their clients.

"Um… Naruto-kun, Haruhi-kun?" A voice brought their attention from the strange scene happening beside them and to the trio of girls behind them.

"Aren't you guys going to go swimming?" One asked, blushing lightly.

The two hosts glanced at each other before responding.

"We much prefer watching the sea." Haruhi explained kindly, with a small smile.

"Well, would it be okay if we joined you both?" Another girl asked shyly.

Naruto smiled charmingly at the three girls. "How come? You should go swim, since you're wearing such cute swimsuits and all"

The three girls blushed profusely at the comment.

"We were completely fooled, huh?" Hikaru commented, lifting up the beach ball they'd finally caught up with.

"Who'd have thought he'd bring guests with us?" Kaoru added.

"We certainly didn't expect that."

"I invited you club members along for free," Kyouya interrupted the twins complaining. "So be sure to perform your services."

"But with guests here…" Hikaru started.

"Naruto and Haruhi can't wear their swimsuits." Kaoru finished, both twins shoulders slumped.

"Everything's been taken into account." Tamaki added from his chair beside Kyouya. "Did you think I'd let my dear little girl in her swimsuit be exposed to your eyes?" He smirked.

Inside-Tamaki's-Brain Theatre

3

2

1

0

Tamaki and Haruhi walked across the beach, the sun disappearing below the horizon and into the water leaving the world around them a fiery orange. The younger brunette in a dress that flowed against the wind

"And then, come sundown, Haruhi and I will take a stroll, just the two of us, along the shore."

The pair looked towards the setting sun.

"Oh wow." Haruhi said breathlessly, smiling gently. "What a pretty sunset." The brunette turned to look up at the blond male beside her, blushing lightly. "I wish we could stay here like this and watch it together forever."

She beamed at him, still blushing.

In the real world, Tamaki was beat red with his hands on his cheeks grinning strangely. "Or something along those lines! That would be just too much, huh?" He squirmed in his lounging chair earning the attention of several guests.

"What's come over Tamaki-kun?" One girl asked, worry clear in her voice.

"Don't worry about it." Hikaru said as he and his twin lounged, hands behind their heads.

"It's his usual condition." Kaoru explained vaguely.

Haruhi and Naruto were walking quietly along the shore before the loud voice of their tiny senpai interrupted their moment of peace.

"Haru-chan! Naru-chan!" He called to them. "Let's go hellfish shunting!"

The younger hosts sweatdropped at his mispronunciation.

"Don't you mean 'Shellfish Hunting'?" Haruhi corrected.

"I've never heard of anyone going shellfish hunting anywhere like this…" Naruto said looking around before her eyes landed on Honey's bucket of shellfish.

Haruhi noticed at to and gasped and backed away, looking warrily at the bucket then at the sand around them only to be surrounded by crabs.

"What the hell?!" She yelped. "No way!"

Mori turned and peaked over the large rocks beside the group of four.

"Mori-senpai," Kyouya greeted. "My folks private police force wanted to make up for their offence against Honey-senpai earlier, so they brought shellfish."

Naruto nodded to herself, overhearing the explanation.

"Wow!" Honey exclaimed staring happily at the buckets of shellfish, Haruhi kneeling on the sand beside him. "What a haul!"

Naruto watched them from a distance, smiling.

"We're going to have a fancy side dish tonight, huh?" Haruhi said grinning. Brimming with happiness. 'It's going to be delicious!'

"Well, you two look like you're enjoying yourselves, so I guess it's alright." Tamaki said as Mori jumped down from the rocks, landing beside the tallest blond in the Host Club.

"Senpai!" Haruhi called, gaining both males' attention. "We caught a big haul for tonight's supper!"

Tamaki blushed, squeezing his own cheeks. "You did, you did, my little girl?" He said as if Haruhi was the child she'd sounded like.

Her calling had gained the attention of the other hosts as well as the guests, who'd now surrounded the pair.

Tamaki picked up one of the large crabs from the haul of shellfish.

"What do you think, Haruhi? Do you find this large crab to be… crab-tivating?" The King half joked with a smirk.

Haruhi flushed and grinned up at him. "Yeah."

Tamaki's blushed deepened at the sight. "How cute!~"

A black and yellow centipede crawled across the body of the crab.

The girls around them paled.

"Cen…"

"Ti…"

"Pede!"

The guests cried out, before running away, screaming.

Tamaki was frozen with tears streaming down his cheeks, before Naruto gently removed the bug from the crab and let crawl into the rocks with a quiet "There you go." before walking back toward Tamaki, who was staring at her with shock, and Haruhi, who was unfazed.

"Hey, Naruto…" The twins slid to either side of the blond, wearing matching smirks, and rested their elbows on each of the blond's shoulders.

"To think that the tough Host Club Knight …" Hikaru said.

"Is so gentle with bugs." Kaoru finished.

"I would've just thrown it." Haruhi deadpanned.

"The gentle Haruhi tosses the bugs carelessly and the destructive Naruto releases them gently…" Hikaru whispered to his twin.

"I would've guess the opposite." Kaoru whispered back.

"Naruto-kun is so brave!" Some girls swooned. "Just picking up the bug like that without fear! How manly!"

"And so sweet, too!"

"Fantastic."

"Haruhi-kun too! So fearless!"

The Trio of Terror, as known among the club, turned, surprised by the sudden appearance of the lady guests. The twins slid away from the blond, leaving the female host to deal with the crowd alone, shoulders slumped.

"Well, isn't that just great." Hikaru huffed.

"Naruto's not normal, I thought girls were afraid of bugs." Kaoru commented glumly.

"Isn't there anything she's afraid of? Not even Haruhi was afraid of the bug…" Tamaki muttered.

Light bulbs went off in the twins' heads. "Sir! Sir!"

"Hm?" Naruto's sharp ears perked at the mischief she could clearly hear in the twins' tone.

"We just thought up a fun game. Want to play? We call it… the 'Who can find Haruhi and Naruto's weakness game?' game!"

"What an awful sounding game." Tamaki said with disgust.

The twins walked away smirking.

"Yeah you're probably right." Hikaru said "Haruhi would only show her weakness to someone she's close to, and all."

That got the blond male interested. "What are the rules!?" He demanded.

They turned to face their president. "That's more like it."

"The deadline is tomorrow at sunset." Hikaru explained

"Whoever finds one of their weaknesses first, wins." Kaoru added.

Kyouya's eyes gleamed behind his glasses. "I will give whoever wins a prize." He held up middle school pictures for both girls, Naruto in one hand and Haruhi in the other.

"We wanna play too!" Honey called grinning.

"I guess everyone's playing then." Kyouya said, moving Haruhi's pictures only for the blond king to follow them with his whole body.

"Kyo-chan, how is it you have those photos?" Honey asked.

Kyouya smirked. "I have my sources. Why don't we just leave it at that."

And so…

Game Start!

"This is the place." Hikaru whispered as the group approached a large cave. "It's said to be the most haunted spot in all of Okinawa. The locals don't even come out here."

"It's a cave that only shows itself at low tide." Kaoru said quietly. "Up to now, they say that a lot of people drowned down here. They say that their lingering resentment drags passers-by into the dark."

The two clients with the 4 hosts were shaking by now.

"What's that there?!" Hikaru yelped, pointing to something beside them.

Up in the rocks was a ghostly figure with glowing pink eyes, large teeth and long bony fingers. The creature was cackling, staring down at the group of six.

The two guests screamed and a bony hand landed on each of the female hosts' shoulders.

"What's this?" Naruto asked, boredom clear in her voice.

"A test of courage or something?" Haruhi muttered to herself, also unaffected by what was happening.

They looked over their shoulder to see Hikaru with a flashlight pointed at his face holding the fake skeleton hands that were draped over their shoulders. Behind the girls Kaoru was manipulating a mechanical monster, also shining a flashlight into his face.

"Aren't you afraid of ghosts?" He asked semi-shocked.

"I've never seen one." Haruhi said.

"They're ghosts, there's not exactly much they can do… Besides I've fought worse." Naruto explained with a smile.

"Paranormal terror line of attack failed"

"Haru-chan! Naru-chan! Over here!" Honey called.

"What the…?" The two girls questioned.

Honey was standing in the back of a truck from Kyouya's private police force, surrounded by the black clad men.

"Is this thing even allowed on the beach?" Haruhi asked incredulously.

The two girls joined Honey on the truck.

"Okay, private police people, if you please!" Honey said.

"Yessir!" They saluted the tiny blond and lowered the door to the truck.

Shortly after Honey started freaking out. "It's dark and scary in here! I feel like the walls are closing in." He said quickly.

Naruto and Haruhi sweatdropped. "Honey-senpai…"

The older blond ignored them and continued to flail and scream.

"Closed, dark space terror line of attack failed"

"This is a mori [Harpoon], right, Mori-senpai?" Haruhi asked as the sharp metal object was shoved inches away from her face. Play on words.

"Y-yeah." (He already knew it wouldn't scare Naruto)

"Sharp point terror line of attack failed"

"This game is harder than I thought it'd be." Hikaru complained as he and his twin watched the sun set.

"No joke," Kaoru agreed. "I'm totally bored with it already."

They watched as both girls, still clad in boys clothes, approached the shoreline. Haruhi carried a bucket and a shovel, but it was Naruto they were distracted by. The blond wasn't facing Haruhi or the sun, she was face to the side and stared down at a crystal that hung from her neck.

"What kind of heroine is she? She's got to be afraid of something right? Both of them do." Hikaru said quietly.

Both twins sighed and pouted.

Tamaki's laughter broke them out of their self-pity. They looked behind themselves.

"Sir? What are you doing?" Hikaru asked, watching the older boy tug on a plant.

"I found some rat snakes," He showed them the bucket of snakes. "Surely Haruhi will freak out when she sees these." The blond grinned.

"Anyone would find those unpleasant. That's not a weakness." Hikaru said.

"Then again, does Okinawa even have rat snakes?" Kaoru questioned innocently.

"And another side dish…" Haruhi said happily as she put another shellfish into her bucket while Naruto stood quietly next to her.

"Haruhi-kun! Naruto-kun!" A female voice called.

"Hey there!"

"The breeze feels great!"

Three guests were up on a large rock looking down at the two first year hosts.

"It's dangerous up there." Haruhi called.

"Be careful." Naruto said, looking to her brunette friend worriedly.

"This feels great, huh?" One guest asked rhetorically.

The other girls agreed.

"Oho, there are girls up here." A male voice said from behind them.

Two men were behind them, smirking at the three bikini clad girls.

"Lucky! Hey girls, let's play together." One said, coming closer to the Host Club clients.

"What are you people doing here?" One girl asked before the leader of the duo grabbed her wrist and leaned in close to her face.

"Who care? It must be dull having nothing but girls around, huh?" The first creep said.

"Please stop. This is a private beach." One of the girls behind the first said, holding onto the third girl.

The second creep wrapped his arms around the two other girls. "Private? Does that mean we're alone?" He smirked.

Creep #1 was suddenly hit with a bucket full of shellfish. He yelped in pain and released the girl he'd been holding onto. He turned to see Haruhi holding her now-empty shellfish bucket and Naruto, who was surrounded by a threatening aura with a piercing glare aimed at the two men.

"Would you go away now?" The blond said with clear disinterest. "They've made it clear that they don't want you."

"They say you're bothering them." Haruhi said. "Leave them alone."

"Haruhi-kun…"

"Naruto-kun…"

The look in the guy's eyes darkened as he glared at the pair. "You little runts…" He growled.

"Those aren't rat snakes!" The twins yelled running away from the snake bucket. "Those are poisonous Habu snakes!"

"What do I do?" Tamaki asked, tears of fear streaming down his face as he held the bucket farther from his body, chasing the twins.

The sound of fearful screaming made the three male hosts stop and look at the girl running towards them.

"Tamaki-sama! It's Haruhi-kun!"

Creep #1 held Haruhi by the shirt and slowly backed the crossdressing girl towards the edge of the rock while Creep #2 still held onto the two guests.

"I suggest you both let Haruhi go before I get serious." Naruto said, her bangs overshadowing her eyes.

"Oh yeah? And what are you gonna do blondie?" Creep #1 said, not taking his eyes off the brunette he was backing off the edge.

Naruto sighed and within moments the creep restraining the two guests was knocked out and the girls ran off the rock.

"You're buddy's out for the count. You wanna be next?" The man did not respond to Naruto's threat, nor did he back away from the edge.

She growled, grabbing Creep #1 by the back of his shirt and yanking both him and Haruhi away from the edge, causing the brunette to fall to her knees and the man to lose his footing briefly. It was only seconds before the older female host was free and the creep was on the ground, pinned.

"Haruhi!" Tamaki's voice sounded and the blond female looked up from the creep she had pinned.

The club president rushed to the brunette host's side, who was still on the ground. He lifted the small brunette into his arms princess style and carried her off the rock, leaving Naruto to dispose of the scum with the help of Kyouya's private police force.

Back on the beach Naruto approached the rest of the Host Club, who'd surrounded Tamaki and Haruhi. She hid a smile when she saw the he was holding onto her.

"Hey, he'd didn't hurt you, right?" She asked her brunette friend.

Haruhi smiled at Naruto. "No, I'm fine."

"You're not fine you scraped your knee!" Tamaki whined, causing the surrounding group to sweatdrop.

Haruhi lowered herself from the blond's arms and Tamaki looked at Naruto. "They didn't give you too much trouble then? They were both on the ground when I got there."

Naruto scoffed. "I'm pretty sure that was the easiest fight of my entire life. Pathetic."

The blond turned to the now-standing brunette girl. "And you? Are you a martial arts master like Naruto and Honey-senpai? How could you possibly think you could take one of them on alone?!"

Haruhi looked up at the blond blankly. "I didn't think about it. I was just there… My body kind of moved on its own…" Naruto's eyes widened and Haruhi went to continue but the tallest blond cut her off.

"Well, think about it, you idiot! You're a girl!" He yelled at her and suddenly the blue eyed blond rounded on him.

"And what am I? Huh? Gender has nothing to do with this!" Naruto went to pull Haruhi away but saw the brunette's glare and let her speak her mind.

"I apologize for making you come after us needlessly, but I can't understand any other reason you'd be mad at me. I haven't done anything wrong!" She snapped, her brown eyes boring into Tamaki's violet ones.

"You haven't, huh?" The blond male whispered, removing his hands from her shoulders and walking past her and the rest of the club. "Then you go right ahead. I'm not speaking to you again until you admit you were wrong!"

Haruhi only glared in response.

The Ootori Family Villa

"Tada!" Honey cried as he entered the dining hall. "All the crabs are boiled!" He and Mori placed the plates of crab onto the large table.

"I'm sorry, senpai, that there aren't any maids here now." Kyouya apologized to the shorter male.

"We're the ones who barged in on your villa, Kyo-chan." Honey smiled up at the younger host.

The lolita blond turned to his taller cousin. "Takashi, go call Haru-chan and Naru-chan in."

The tall brunette wordlessly complied.

"It's awfully gloomy out there, huh?" Honey said looking out one of the large windows of the villa. "It looks like it might rain."

"Speaking of gloomy," Hikaru said looking to his left.

"There's someone even more gloomy right here in the dining room. Take a look at senpai." Kaoru finished looking toward the older blond who was pouting behind a pillar.

"If you're going to mope like that…" Hikaru started.

"...then you shouldn't have picked a fight with her." Kaoru finished.

The doors to the dining room swung open loudly revealing Mori with the two girls, who were now both wearing dresses. Haruhi was wearing a pink dress dress that had a slightly ruffled top and a thin red ribbon bow with ruffled shoulder straps. Naruto was wearing a sleeveless pale yellow halter-neck sundress that went down to her knees.

"Woah!" Honey exclaimed seeing the girls dressed like actual girls for once.

"Naruto, Haruhi, did you buy those dresses yourselves?" The twins asked in awe.

"Ero-sennin/my dad must have re-packed my bags." The girls responded then glanced at each other with a sigh. "They always want us wearing stuff like this…"

The twins each gave two thumbs up and grinned. "Good job, Haruhi's dad and Naruto's…?"

She gave them a sad smile. "Godfather."

"And Naruto's godfather!" Naruto laughed, grateful for the lack of pity in their eyes.

"Naru-chan, Haru-chan, you look so cute!" Honey complimented.

The clock seemed to tick louder and everyone seemed nervous looking at the blond 'king' and brunette female. Haruhi looked bored and Tamaki looked tense at being sat beside the girl he was fighting with/giving the silent treatment to.

"The air is stuffy, huh?" Hikaru broke the uncomfortable silence between the group of hosts.

"It's kind of tense in here." Kaoru added.

"Ya think?" Naruto responded sarcastically from between the twins.

"Let's eat Haru-chan!" Honey smiled, sweating lightly from the tense atmosphere."I'm sure the crabs we caught today are delicious.

Wordlessly, Haruhi picked up a crab leg and snapped it, letting the meat come out and causing Tamaki to flinch. She bit into the meat and chewed before repeating the process faster. She snapped another crab leg and quickly at the meat inside.

"These crabs…" She said. "Taste in-crab-ible." She threw the shells to the side as she continued to eat "Get it?"

"Aren't you eating too much, to say the least?" Tamaki asked nervously.

She didn't look at him. "Huh? I thought you weren't speaking to me." She snapped another crab leg open.

"You're not being cute." He said and she glanced at him, making him stand up. "Okay, I get it. You're not going to reconsider what you've done. Fine, then. I'm going to bed."

He left his seat and started walking away. "Kyouya, show me to my room."

The black haired teen wiped his mouth. "All right. Well, if you'll excuse me, too…" He got up and followed the blond.

Haruhi went to snap another crab leg but stopped. "Maybe I really should learn some Karate or something…" She muttered causing the remaining hosts to look at her.

The twins rested their heads on a hand. "So it is bothering you, then?" They asked.

"That's the direction your thoughts are going, is it?" Hikaru inquired.

"It's not like we'd stop you, or anything." Kaoru added.

"I can teach you some self defence if you really want, but you shouldn't do it just because you had a fight with him about it." Naruto said and Haruhi's brown eyes widened. "That aside, you really shouldn't have acted so rashly."

The group stared at her.

"Yeah, you should tell everyone you're sorry." Honey told her.

"You were all worried about me?" The brunette asked, looking up.

"Of course you idiot!" Naruto snapped, standing up. "What would've happened if I hadn't been there?! That prick throws you off the rock and then what? You die? Drown? Maybe you'd be saved but who knows…" Ocean blue bore into brown until Haruhi's gaze broke Naruto's/

The brunette looked down, avoiding everyone's eyes. "I'm sorry." She said quietly.

Suddenly she was being hugged by Naruto, the twins and Honey.

"You're so cute, so we'll forgive you" Naruto said squeezing her older friend.

Haruhi suddenly didn't feel so good. The group noticed.

"What's the matter?" The twins and Naruto asked, as they stopped squeezing her and rubbing their cheeks on her.

"I don't feel so good." She groaned.

"You at too much crab." Hikaru said.

Naruto laughed. "And you tell me I eat a lot. I never eat myself sick though."

"Haru-chan, be strong!" Honey cheered for her.

"Come on, over to the washroom! The washroom!" Kaoru yelped.

Haruhi turned off the tap and looked into the mirror of the bathroom holding a towel to her mouth.

'What a wasteful thing I've done…'

She opened the door and glanced around the hall. 'I was in such a rush, I just plunged into the nearest room. Where am I?'

"Are you okay?" A male voice snapped her out of her head. She turned to see a shirtless black haired male drying his hair off with a towel.

"I'm sorry for intruding into the room of a stranger." She said politely, bowing in respect.

"Don't be silly, it's just me." She noticed the glasses on the table beside him.

"Kyouya-senpai? Oh, I'm sorry, I seem to have gotten everyone worried about me." She apologized again.

Kyouya blinked, glancing at the brunette. "I wasn't particularly worried." He took a drink of water. "I knew Naruto would be able to help. It was hard to stop Hikaru and Kaoru from trying to beat those punks half to death after she was done with them though."

Haruhi's eye twitched as she listened to him.

"Then there was the trouble I went through sending bouquets to the girls by way of apology, after looking forward to coming along on this trip." He walked toward her, towel now draped around his neck.

"I'll pay for those flowers myself." She tried.

Kyouya reached for the lights. "The bouquets cost 50,000 per person, so it comes to 600,000." He flipped the switch, surrounding the two of them in darkness.

"Why did you turn the lights off." Haruhi asked, innocently.

"If you want to, you can pay for those flowers with your body." He bent down so he was eye level with her.

Kyouya grabbed her wrist and she yelped, and suddenly she was on the bed, Kyouya hovering over her.

"You should rethink your own gullibility, that things have nothing to do with a person being a boy or a girl. You've made a mistake in leaving yourself so open." Grey/brown eyes bored into her wide brown ones.

'So that's it,'

"Kyouya-senpai, you won't do it." She said simply and his eyes widened. "I mean, there isn't anything to gain by getting into it with me, right?"

He smiled and got off of the small brunette. "True enough."

"Besides, I'm not the one you want." She added and Kyouya's eyes widened just enough to tell the honor student she was right.

"You are indeed fascinating." He looked away from her.

"I did find out one thing, though." She smiled. "You're even nicer than I thought."

The raven put his glasses on and tilted his head in confusion.

"After all, you were just backing up what Tamaki-senpai said, right?"

"Well, think about it you idiot! You're a girl."

Kyouya stood but Haruhi continued. "You intentionally played the bad guy to show me that, didn't you?"

"Kyouya?" Tamaki's voice interrupted them, as he opened the door and entered the room. "Do you have any lotion? This sunburn is worse than I thought-" He stopped when he saw the shirtless megane in the dark room with Haruhi sitting on the bed.

The blond's violet eyes widened before he glared at the raven. "Kyouya, you rotten-" He was smacked in the face with the lotion bottle as Kyouya walked past him.

"Here. Use as much as you want, you goof." He said before exiting the room, leaving the two alone.

"Hey, Hikaru, Kaoru." Naruto said suddenly.

"Huh?" They looked at her.

"Can I speak with you? Privately?" They couldn't read her expression but at the implication the twins faces turned red.

"Sure!" They chimed following her to a room on the far side of the villa, far from prying ears and eyes.

"So what did you want to talk about?" Hikaru asked, his cheeks still red.

"I'm well aware of your little game." Suddenly the butterflies in the twins' stomachs felt more like bricks. "Calm down, I'm not mad. I just wanted to tell you that if you wanted to know you could've just asked. Having a weakness isn't something to be ashamed of, it's human nature. Besides my weaknesses aren't something you can figure out by telling scary stories or locking me in a dark room."

The twins' eyes widened as they listened to her talk, this wasn't the type of thing they'd expected from someone like Naruto.

"I have a few, but my greatest fear is my friends and family being in danger and not being able to save them." Hikaru and Kaoru's eyes softened. "Earlier, when Haruhi rushed up on that rock to help the guests… the though of that happening if I hadn't been there… It scares the crap out of me thinking about how that could've ended."

"Naruto…" They said in unison.

"I didn't tell you for pity, or to help you win your game." She smiled sweetly at them, making them blush darker. "I told you because I trust you, but if you break that trust I'll hunt you down, okay?"

They quickly nodded. "Yes ma'am!"

Naruto only laughed.

Haruhi watched the lightning flash above the villa as Tamaki walked closer.

"What were you doing with Kyouya?" He asked lowly.

She looked away from the window and up at the blond. "Nothing, really."

Suddenly he was freaking out, shoving his finger in her face. "You expect me to believe that?!" He yelped. "Then how come the lights were out and you two were alone?! You are positively..." He cut himself off and looked down.

"Never mind. A lot has happened today and you must be tired, so hurry off to bed." He said calmer, and turned to walk out of the room.

"Senpai…" Haruhi reached her arm out to grab onto him. Lightning flashed brightly behind her and she grabbed onto his shirt before dropping it. "I mean…"

Thunder boomed loudly and she yelped and shook with fear.

"Haruhi…?"

"I'm sorry." She said opening the wardrobe and climbing inside. "I just remembered something I have to do, so excuse me-" She closed the doors behind her.

"Nobody has any business in there!" The blond yelled.

Thunder boomed once more and Tamaki stared at the wardrobe the brunette had stuffed herself in.

"Haruhi, are you afraid of thunder? Why don't you come out here." He tugged on the doors but they wouldn't budge. "Being in there makes it that much more scary, doesn't it?"

"I'm all right." She said from within the wardrobe. "I always get through it by doing this."

Tamaki stopped struggling with the wardrobe.

"'Always'…" He repeated to himself in shock. "Always, by yourself...in your home...without calling on us for help even though we're nearby… I see." He smiled to himself.

Tamaki ripped the doors open and saw Haruhi in on herself.

"I think I get it. Okay, I lose." He said. "You grew up without relying on anyone else. So, come on…"

Haruhi looked up at the blond.

"Come on over here." He held his hand out to her.

Thunder boomed once again and she gasped, leaping into the blond's arms and hugging him tightly, burying her face in his chest.

"From now on, I'll be there. I'll do all I can not to take my eyes off of you, to make sure that you're never alone again."

"Are you sure it's a good idea…?" Hikaru started.

"To leave the two of them alone together?" Kaoru finished.

Kyouya and Naruto glanced at each other and smiled.

"She's with our Tamaki." The raven haired host said.

"What could possibly go wrong?" The blond laughed.

"Sir?" The twins knocked on the door. "We're coming in."

The door opened revealing Tamaki sitting in front of a blindfolded Haruhi.

"You see?" He told her, not noticing the other hosts. "With the blindfold on you can't see anything, and sound-wise if you wear ear plugs…"

Haruhi smiled. "Ah! You're right."

"You nasty pervert." Hikaru said, finally gaining the blond host's attention.

"What kind of foreplay is that?" Kaoru asked.

"It's not like that!" He yelped in denile.

As everyone was packing their stuff into the car the twins and Naruto called to Haruhi.

"Be careful Haruhi." Hikaru said.

"His highness apparently has a thing for S&M, too" Kaoru added.

Tamaki fumed, stomping like a toddler. "I told you it wasn't like that!"

Naruto smirked. "That's not what it looked like to me." She teased.

"I see. So that's what S&M is. I let you get away with something funny without even knowing it." She turned her head from the blond male and rolled the window up.

"It wasn't like that! I did it for your sake!" He cried.

"Start driving." She said, ignoring the angry blond.

The car started moving.

"Hey!" He yelped, chasing after the car. "Don't leave me behind! Wait!"

I'm so so so so so sorry I'm two months late! I'll be posting hopefully every 2/3 days depending on how long each chapter takes but I will make it to my goal of chapter 15 before the end of September!

Also, I'm not 100% happy with the Naruto&The Twins scene I stuffed in but I felt like with all the TamakixHaruhi it needed to be evened out (even though it's sloppy and rushed.

Next Time: A Challenge from Lobelia Girls' Academy!

Until Then!

KoreanOreo

Chapter Text

“Only those with excellent social standing and those from filthy rich families are lucky enough to spend their time here, at the elite private school: Ouran Academy.” The blond explained. “The Ouran Host Club is where the school’s handsomest boys with too much time on their hands entertain young ladies who also have way too much time on their hands. Just think of it as Ouran Academy’s elegant playground for the super rich and beautiful.”

At the gates of Ouran Academy wisteria petals blow in the soft spring breeze as three feminine figures dance, spinning en pointe outside the private school.

“Huh? Really? All the afternoon classes have been cancelled?” The blond host club knight asked.

Class had ended earlier than usual and students from the class, who hadn’t left, were talking in small cliques. Naruto and Haruhi, who’d been uninformed about whatever it was that was happening and were clearly confused, had been tracked down by two female students who knew them from the Host club and explained the situation.

“You mean you two didn’t know? For these two days, today and tomorrow, the whole school is holding an exposition for the cultural clubs. Drama and Choral clubs from other schools have been invited.” One girl informed them.

“It’s a big annual event that we hold,” Added another.

“Is that so?” Haruhi muttered.

“What?! You’ve never tried it?!” Twin voices interrupted the conversation.

Naruto and Haruhi turned to see Hikaru and Kaoru grilling the Host club’s manager a few meters away, their voices loud enough to be heard from any point in the room yet somehow only drawing the attention of the two disguised female hosts.

“It’s the preferred drink among the whole host club right now,” Hikaru told the french student.

“And if you call yourself a manger then you have to drink it.” Kaoru added.

Renge was sweating lightly, her cheeks pink from embarrassment. “I-I’ve heard of instant coffee before. It’s that one item, right? That stuff where you buy the beans that are already ground?”

The twins buzzed her out as if she’d gotten an answer wrong on a game show.

“That’s completely different,” Hikaru explained. “Instant coffee doesn’t have the slightest trace of the bean remaining. You just mix the powder in hot water and then drink it like that. It’s pretty awesome.”

“It’s basically just like coffee but not as robust,” The younger twin summed up.

“And yet it’s strangely satisfying,” The older said, mostly to himself.

“Come to think of it, the club’s stock has run out…” Dread pooled in Haruhi’s gut, knowing what was going to happen next, even while maintaining a conversation with three other people.

Naruto also saw it coming before they even laid a hand on the girls’ shoulders.

“Naruto, Haruhi, go buy some.” The twins demanded, grinning slyly,

The two girls the female hosts had been speaking to looked at the twins in surprise while Naruto’s blond eyebrow twitched in annoyance, reminded of the many chores she and Sakura and Sasuke had been forced to do. At least it’s not that damn cat...

“How does that work?” Haruhi asked, exasperated with the antics of the hosts.

The twins’ grins’ widened and they affectionately fluffed the girls’ short hair and poked their cheeks as they responded.

“Well, you’re the only ones who know where they sell it!” Hikaru said cheekily.

“We’ve even been serving it to our guests lately, and anyways, it’s part of your job!” Kaoru added, continuing to pamper the pair as he spoke in a failing attempt to get them to say yes.

“The cultural clubs’ exposition is supposed to start, right?” Naruto asked in a desperate attempt to get out of it.

The twins lifted the two disguised hosts and carried them to the door of the classroom.

“It’s not mandatory, so if you’re not interested, you don’t have to go!” Hikaru said cheerily.

“With that being said,” Kaoru started.

“Come back safely!” They finished together, waving the pair off.

The blond and brunette leaned against the wall just beside the door and sighed in annoyance.

‘Damn these rich people.’ The pair’s thoughts echoed each other, eyes twitching. For how much Naruto got along with the pair, with all of the hosts, really, this was the one sticking point with all of them. Even Shikamaru who was a Nara wasn’t this bad because for all he complained he at least did his duty--and did it well, especially after what happened after that first mission.

“Haruhi-kun, Naruto-kun, thanks for helping them out.” A feminine voice said from behind them.

“No problem,” Naruto said, an air of gloom hanging around her head.

“I just wish they’d buy their own instant coffee.” Haruhi was also surrounded by gloom because honestly, all they had to do was go to a supermarket. It wasn’t difficult. In fact you’d think it’d be easier for them seeing as they had money out the ears.

“Still,” The girl with long wavy hair started. “Hikaru-kun and Kaoru-kun both seem to be enjoying themselves. Good for them! It’s all thanks to Naruto-kun and Haruhi-kun!”

Confusion fell over both of the crossdressed females’ faces.

“Enjoying… themselves?” The pair always seemed to be enjoying themselves, mostly at other people’s expense, but still. They always seemed to be having fun of their own making.

The girl with the bob cut explained.

“We’ve been in the same class as those two since middle school, but they’ve never been as friendly with the rest of the class as they are now.”

“It’s like they never let anyone get too close…” Their classmate said sadly. “I don’t think the two of them liked school very much.”

“I wonder if it was when they started the Host Club. They’ve started to talk to us little by little haven’t they?”

Naruto glanced back into the classroom to see the twins conversing happily with two of their male classmates. Seeing them like that made it hard to believe that they were ever isolated. It was a feeling Naruto was intimately familiar with, having grown up on her own. It was different for her, seeing as her classmates clearly wanted to know the twins whereas no one really wanted to know Naruto--at least not until recently. Not that it mattered. As long as she was here, Konoha’s opinion of her couldn’t touch her--good or bad.

“I see..”

“It’s been especially since you two came here, Naruto-kun, Haruhi-kun, that they started talking to all our other classmates.”

The one with longer hair started talking again, her words echoing in both hosts as they shopped.

“That’s why we’re so very happy now. After all, it’s important to have fun every day right?”

~()~

They ended up buying a lot of instant coffee. Far more than they needed, but at the very least they wouldn’t need to get more for a while--thankfully. The blond and the brunette each had a brown paper bag filled with instant coffee in all different brands. Most of the jars were glass and they clinked together noisily as they walked back to the school. They walked in a comfortable silence until a noise from beside them took their attention away from the conveniently placed banana peel that was perfectly positioned so Haruhi would step on it.

The brunette braced for impact (and having to buy more instant coffee) and Naruto nearly dropped her own bag to save her. Someone else got to her first though.

The woman’s (girl’s?) uniform was unfamiliar. A white sailor style top with maroon accents and a creamy light yellow bow with a maroon skirt. Her hair was cut not unlike Naruto and Haruhi’s own, in a pixie style only parted down the middle, and her lashes were long and thick.

She put Haruhi down gently before Naruto could make any demands for it.

“It would be a shame if any harm came to that cute face of yours, miss.” Her voice was deep for a female but she was clearly aware that Haruhi wasn’t the boy she was pretending to be.

She smiled down at the brunette before turning to the blond.

A Challenge from Lobelia Girls’ Academy!

Students of Ouran High School stared in wonder and confusion at the two young women walking through the halls. They carried themselves with a confidence unmatched and despite looking very different, wore identical red and white uniforms and matching expressions. The one walking toward the leftmost side was shorter than her companion and wore her light auburn hair in a bob cut. The taller one to her right had long, wavy, light chestnut colored hair and a slightly deeper voice. Together they marched right up to Music Room 3.

“This seems to be the place.” The taller one said as they reached the tall, light pink doors.

“Yes.”

Each girl took the door handle on their respective sides and pushed them open, looks of determination on their faces.

“Welcome~” The occupants of the music room chorused at the sound of the door opening.

The Host Club was dressed in medieval themed outfits. The orange headed twins were dressed in matching light aqua blue outfits reminiscent of something the three musketeers would wear. Kyoya was dressed as a knight, sat legs-crossed on the hot pink couch, book in hand. Honey was dressed in a light pink knightley outfit with Usa-chan in hand and his cousin, dressed in a darker knight’s armor was equipped with a large sword. Last but not least was the club leader, Tamaki, who was dressed as a literal white knight with strawberry pink and gold accents.

Neither of the two ladies looked impressed or enamoured.

“Well, well, girls-from-another-school, are you?” Tamaki asked, raising a long, silver sword with a gold hilt to hold the blade in front of his face. “I wonder if we haven’t startled our first-time guests here a little bit.”

He walked toward the two young women, easily towering over them.

“I’m glad you’ve come, my princesses. Even if the world were to be destroyed, I would want to be the knight that protects you from this day forward, even at the expense of my own life.” Tamaki kneeled before the two girls.

“My, at the expense of his own life, he says?” The taller girl mocked. “That’s quite the arrogant sentiment, is it not? I wonder if he thinks that’s what makes women happy.”

“What can you do, Suzuran nee-chan?” The shorter of the two asked her companion, Suzuran, rhetorically. “Men are lower life forms, who prize their own honor above all else. They take their own futility in being unable to protect even one of their kind and change it into something to suit themselves. Isn’t that condescending?”

“My, Hinagiku, you’re such a clever girl.” Suzuran complimented.

“That’s pretty harsh, huh?” Tamaki asked light heartedly, tapping the dull blade of the sword against his shoulder. “Well then, what would you like me to tell you?”

“Good question,” A new voice echoed throughout the room and the lights went out. “In my case it would be “I would never leave my lover alone.” “

The hosts’, along with Hinagiku and Suzuran’s attention turned to the doorway where a tall, brunette, young woman stood holding Haruhi and Naruto in her arms. Images of lilies seemed to surround her as she struck a pose, her brown eyes looking up toward the ceiling instead of at anyone else in the room. Haruhi looked thoroughly confused and Naruto looked like she wanted to die--caught somewhere between laughing and crying.

The hosts merely blinked at the ridiculousness before them (not realizing that they were getting a taste of their own medicine in the process).

“If we are to fight, it will be together. If we prevail not, we shall meet our fate together. Even though I may perish, I swear to you, I’ll never leave your side.”

The tallest woman spun the two female hosts gracefully, finishing her speech by kneeling before them and pressing a kiss to each of their hands.

The hosts continued to stare, caught between confusion and perplexion. The only one who seemed at all impressed by the performance was Honey, whose cheeks and nose were tinged pink with a blush, small hands holding his young looking face. Tamaki looked the most disturbed of everyone, pointing at the scene in shock.

Hinagiku and Suzuran approached their schoolmate with the two female hosts (who hadn’t moved from their pose yet).

“Benibara-sama, you’re late,” Hinagiku complained.

“What are we to do with you?” Suzuran teased. “And where did you find these adorable ladies?”

The pixie cut brunette, Benibara, stood and looked down at her classmates kindly.

“Oh, just over there. They may be dressed as boys but I could tell right away. Look here,” Benibara grabbed Naruto and spun her before dipping her as one would in ballroom dancing.

“Such clear, maidenly eyes,”

They turned to Haruhi and pulled up her pants legs and sleeves, caressing her flawless, pale skin.

“Wow, her skin is incredibly pretty!” Hinagiku complimented.

“And she has whiskers like a cat, how cute.” Suzuran remarked, stroking Naruto’s tan, birthmarked cheeks.

Tamaki charged at the three non-Ouran students.

“Hold it! Don’t go touching my Haruhi without asking first!” Tamaki cried.

Naruto didn’t even care that he once again neglected to mention her at all. If those two didn’t get together sometime soon she was going to scream. While her brunette friend was oblivious, not only to Tamaki’s feelings, but also to her own, Naruto was not oblivious about either of their feelings. Nor was she oblivious to her growing affection for the twins. Both of the twins. There was no way she’d be able to choose between the two if it came down to it, but even if they did like her she couldn’t be worrying about relationships. There was too much going on back home for that.

Benibara easily punched him away before he made contact with the brunette.

“Hands off, you boor!”

Tamaki backed away, tears welling in his violet eyes as he held his red cheek. He crawled backwards toward the other members of the host club.

“Sh-she hit me! That was violent!”

Even Honey was done with his melodrama.

“Tama-chan, buck up!”

Naruto almost cracked up at their small, childlike senpai saying that to anyone--though she supposed Tamaki was probably the only one he could say it to.

The non-Ouran girls stood, releasing the disguised hosts, and watched the hosts with a smirk.

“They’re even more feeble than we’d heard,” Benibara remarked. “A fledgling, cobbled-together mishmash of frivolous fools.”

Kyoya pushed up his glasses, the light catching on the lenses.

“From your uniforms, I see you’re students from Lobelia Girls’ Academy,” Always one with all the information. Naruto couldn’t help but wonder what he’d been able to dig up about her.

Benibara smirked.

“Indeed we are.”

Suddenly their uniforms went flying into the air and the lights went out. They weren’t naked though. Benibara was wearing a purple suit (how she was hiding that under her knee-length skirt and mid-sleeve uniform, Naruto would never understand) with a hat.

“Lobelia~” She sang in a low alto pitch, striking a pose with a white lily in her teeth and a purple spotlight on her.

Suzuran was a cream colored ball gown with a light blue fabric around her shoulders and wrapped around the skirt and long gloves that reached the middle of her upper arm.

“Lobelia~” She sang somewhere between alto and soprano 2 pitch, and held the flower up in a pose, facing away from Benibara with a matching blue spotlight on her.

Hinagiku wore a frilly pink dress that stopped mid-thigh and gloved that covered her forearms. She also wore pink shoes with frilly socks and a pink matching headband.

“Lobelia~” Her voice was clear soprano and she posed on Benibara’s other side, also facing away from the taller student. She also held a white lily toward the ceiling with one leg bent up, a pink spotlight highlighting her outfit.

When the three each sang their part they changed poses. Hinagiku got down on one knee and extended one arm away while she pointed her lily toward Benibara, whose head was angled to the floor with a hand on her hat and the other on her hip. Suzuran also turned to face Benibara, also pointing her lily toward the taller lady, her free arm extended away from her on the opposite side.

Benibara, as the other ladies had called her, spoke first, introducing herself properly.

“St. Lobelia Academy, high school second year, Amakusa Benio,” She took her hat off her head just slighting in greeting. “Aka, Lady Benibara.”

“Lobelia~” The three chorused together, facing forward and pointing the flowers, and their faces, toward the ceiling.

The one that had been referred to as Suzuran introduced herself next.

“Also, second year, Maihara Chizuru,” She fanned herself lightly with a fan she didn’t have before. “Aka, Lady Suzuran.”

They struck another pose.

“Lobelia~”

Finally, the one in pink, Hinagiku, introduced herself to the hosts.

“Also, first year, Tsuwabuki Hinako,” She positioned her arms to frame her face. “Aka, Lady Hinagiku.”

“Lobelia~”

They struck yet another pose as they sang. Their right legs were extended forward with their right arms, lilies in hand. Their left arms were extended out and bent to face the ceiling and their left legs were bent slightly.

Benibara spoke up again.

“We are St. Lobelia Academy’s White Lily League, but people call us…” She threw her hat and more lights came on.

Suddenly the girls were in even more ridiculous costumes than they had been wearing before. They had a large fan-like ring of feathers surrounding them from behind with. Suzuran wore a dress, Benibara wore flowy pants and Hinagiku wore puffy, almost Arabian-like pants.

“The Zuka Club!” They stated the name of their club together, one again striking a pose.

Honestly, Naruto got bored about a third of the way through their performanced and if they didn’t finish soon she would be the one to finish it (and probably get into a lot of trouble for it).

The other hosts didn’t fare much better. They looked a combination of appalled, startled, confused and amused.

Naruto looked between the two clubs for a while, the Zuka Club steadfastly held their pose and the Host Club merely blinked at the sheer absurdity of it all. Tamaki paled greatly and the two clubs continued to stand motionless as they waited for the other to say or do something.

Tamaki fell to the ground, the twins cracked and everything went to hell.

“The Zuka Club!” Kaoru cackled.

“What great taste in names! The Zuka Club! My stomach hurts!” Hikaru laughed.

The twins clutched their stomachs and leaned back as they continued to laugh much to the Zuka Club members’ annoyance.

“And to intentionally wear those costumes under their uniforms!”

A familiar female voice echoed throughout the room and the twins halted their laughing.

“You must not take the Zuka Club lightly!”

A fake chuckle echoed as the sound of grinding gears brought everyone’s attention to Renge, who was sitting under an umbrella with a cup of instant coffee in her hands. She was wearing what was probably more cosplay and nearly spit the coffee out as she took a sip.

“St. Lobelia Academy, truly a woman’s world! The Zuka Club is a gathering of damsels that consider females to be especially superior, even for there.” Renge explained “It prides itself on thirty years since its founding as a society of maidens, by maidens, for maidens. The Zuka Club’s activities include maidens’ tea parties, maidens’ debate forum and most importantly, singing and theatrical routines performed by the top members.”

The Host Club got out of their costumes and back into their uniforms.

“Renge-kun, you sure cover a wide field,” Kyoya remarked, placing the chest plate of his armor with the cloak and boots he’d been wearing before.

“Still, ultimately, but it’s still a fantasy. Not actually having any boys around makes it no good for me,” With that Renge and her machinery descended, leaving the hosts alone with the Zuka Club once again.

“A maiden’s beauty, it is to have a spirit pure enough to not give in to superficial beauty, influence or lust,” Suzuran said.

Naruto could agree with that. She’d never been considered conventionally beautiful. She was always too masculine for most boys to consider her anything other than a bro and an annoyance. Blonde hair and blue eyes may be considered especially attractive but for Naruto, it had never really mattered anyway. Even if she was beautiful in the way Sakura and Ino and Hinata were, no one liked her anyway because of… that. She’d been easily influenced when she was younger, but now she was really only influenced by those she looked up to (for the best, Iruka-sensei would probably say). She wasn’t sure she’d ever felt lust before, but she was pretty certain those kinds of feelings were normal, especially in your teen years… (Take that! She does listen to people once in a while). Besides, she’d read and edited enough of her godfather’s work to know what it entailed.

“”As a girl, you…” “For a girl, you…” We’re fed up with the oppressive male contempt for women.”

Naruto had never dealt with that, at least not back home. There were plenty of strong (and terrifying) women that no one would ever dare try to oppress. If she was insulted in regards to her skills it was always outright, maybe comparing to the rest of her class but never because of something as dumb as gender. No one would ever dare call Tsunade weak (not if they valued their lives anyway) and Anko--who was practically the walking embodiment of lust back home--was just as scary (even if she was weaker).

“Our pride, it comes from having soulful relationships based on equality, as a result of being the same sex,” Benibara said. “Including, yes, even relationships of love.”

That didn’t make much sense. They were only equal because of their gender? Not because they were people. She was pretty sure that wasn’t far off from why everyone had hated her back home, why they hated Gaara. She wasn’t sure she agreed. It wasn’t like you could control what gender you were born. Fighting oppression with oppression didn’t make much sense, Naruto was pretty sure that was how every war back home was started. She herself only liked boys romantically, but male or female really made no difference when it came to friends. She’d really only had male friends, with a few exceptions, and until recently she had no female influence in her life at all. Nothing they were saying made any sense.

The twins were playing a DS game while Honey watched and going through the haul of instant coffee. Mori was practicing his Kendo stances--Naruto was very tempted to join-- while Kyoya was reading a book while he sat on the arm of the couch.

“I’ve gotten tired of laughing,” Hikaru complained, looking up from his game.

“Yeah, seriously, go away.” Kaoru deadpanned, as he lifted a jar from the paper bag he had in his lap.

“Oh, my, does this mean you have nothing to say about our sublime love?” Hinagiku asked mockingly.

Neither Haruhi nor Naruto could see why any of them would care, especially since they were both pretty sure none of them were really listening--except maybe Kyoya.

“What is she talking about?” Hikaru asked.

No one answered his question.

“Oh,” Kaoru said as he read the label of the instant coffee in his hand. “I haven’t had this one before. It’s a new one.”

“You have to feel sorry for them, Hinagiku. Their patented host skills didn’t work on us,” Suzuran stated the obvious, stroking Benibara’s face. “They don’t know how to handle it.”

Obviously their hosting skills would fail against someone who isn’t attracted to them--or their gender. Naruto was willing to bet that if she or Haruhi gave it a try they’d swoon just fine, though.

“Even so,” Benibara said (Naruto really just wished they’d get the picture and leave, it was obvious their presence was unwelcome). “It was worth it, while we were here for our performance, to come and see the notorious Ouran Host Club for ourselves.”

Honey looked at his fellow hosts.

“Are we notorious?”

“Maybe.” Mori’s curt, deadpan response surprised no one.

Naruto and Haruhi, who were standing with their backs against the wall as they watched everything unfold, were suddenly crowded by Benibara, who was much bigger than them.

“To think that they dragged these sweet girls down along with them, though.”

Naruto tilted her head to the side like a puppy and Haruhi let out a quiet, confused “Huh?”

Benibara turned suddenly, fist clenched.

“I don’t know if their president is supposed to be a halfer or not but spreading around false love with impressive appearances and toying with the pure hearts of young maidens is positively demeaning towards women!”

Naruto and Haruhi were suddenly unsure of whether or not they knew what a host club was. It wasn’t as if the guests (or most of them anyway) thought that any of the hosts were actually in love with them. It was mainly so that they could feel special and it wasn’t as if their presence was unappreciated. The more girls that showed up, the less debt either of them were in so it was really for the best.

Benibara continued her rant.

“It is outrageous how you claim to be carrying out club activities while satisfying your own appetites!” Did she think they got off on it or something? If it made people happy was it really that bad? “I swear that I will bring down the Host Club at once!”

(Haruhi was entirely aware of the direct reference to Hitler they made by dressing in soldier uniforms and gesturing the way they did. No one commented but none of them were very happy about it. Naruto remained mostly oblivious.)

“Indeed, I understand what you’re saying,” Kyoya tried to defuse the situation and get the Lobelia students to leave but clearly not taking their threat seriously at all. “However, could we continue this at another time?”

Benibara’s dark eyes attempted to pierce Kyoya’s but he remained unfazed.

“Are you saying you can’t take us on?”

“No,” He gestured toward Tamaki who was laying on a bed seemingly unconscious. “Our president is still bedridden from the culture shock.”

“The Zuka Club is scaring me,” Tamaki whined.

Honey clutched Usa-chan to his chest.

“You see, Tama-chan is having nappy time right now.”

“Get him up!” Benibara glared hard at the carefree hosts.

Haruhi decided she’d defuse the situation herself, if the male hosts were going to be so rude. She held a tray of three cups of coffee toward the girls.

“I made some coffee. Would you like some?”

Naruto grabbed the cream and sugar just in case and offered that as well.

Benibara pulled dramatics that could rival Tamaki’s while the other two looked down at the coffee in wonder.

“Thank you! How kind of you,” She swooned, taking a cup just after the other two. “You two are real treasures in this trash heap. Coffee made by a maiden possesses such a fragrant aroma.”

Naruto almost wanted to see their face when they tried the instant coffee, knowing that these rich people all seemed to be snobs about it but Haruhi spoiled the fun.

“This is instant.”

They didn’t react, either not caring that it was instant or not hearing her.

“Well then, why don’t the five of us have a tea party?”

Tamaki opened his eyes to Honey’s pink bunny on one side, Kyoya shaking a bear rattle on the other and the Zuka ladies fawning all over Haruhi and Naruto. He sat up and charged at them again.

“You girls are wrong! Where is the fruitfulness of a girl being in love with another girl?!”

It was clear that Tamaki was speaking out of jealousy but Naruto was still tempted to add another bruise to his jaw for the remark. A banana peel did the job for her. He stumbled, his finger ending up in Hinagiku’s freshly made coffee. He stumbled backwards screaming in pain, holding his inflamed finger as gently as possible, trying to make the pain go away. Honey blew some cold air on it in an attempt to help.

Haruhi walked over with worry in her chocolate brown eyes and a roll of bandages in her hands.

“Geez, you need to be more careful.”

She wrapped his finger gently and Tamaki looked at her with pink cheeks. Naruto had her fingers crossed that the oblivious pair would finally get their act together. She wasn’t so lucky.

Tamaki stared at his wrapped finger.

“Thank you. Do you always carry first aid tape around with you?”

Haruhi gave him a bright smile.

“The supermarket was giving it away when we bought the instant coffee. The store always has giveaways.”

“Giveaway?”

“This doesn’t even seem to be worth discussing,” Benibara interrupted the moment they were having, much to Naruto’s chagrin. The taller girl yanked the brunette up and away from the blond boy, pulling her to her chest. “Now that we know the situation, we cannot allow these maidens to remain in this club! We must prepare the paperwork for a transfer to Lobelia at once, and welcome them into the Zuka Club”

Naruto’s blue eyes bulged in her head. She didn’t agree to that! Were these girls nuts?

Haruhi separated herself from Benibara and stepped back a bit.

“Just a minute, please! There seems to be some misunderstanding here,” Naruto agreed wholeheartedly, both girls attended Ouran for a reason. “You’ve labeled Tamaki-senpai a halfer for one,”

Tamaki rubbed the back of his neck, face flushed.

“Tama-chan is a halfer. A French and Japanese Half-chan.” Honey helpfully supplied.

Naruto had to force herself not to call him a bottle blond. Afterall, genetically speaking, it would be impossible for a full Japanese person to have a blond baby--no matter who they slept with. Since they didn’t carry the gene the only ones who would be their children--thus making Tamaki a quarter Japanese. Unless his hair was dyed. Naruto learned a while back that hair colors here worked much differently than they did back home. Sakura was a prime example of that.

Haruhi flushed in embarrassment and attempted to continue.

“B-but still, I’m not so sure about calling the Host Club fledgling and picking on them on other pretexts as well.”

She was corrected again.

“No, we’re pretty new,” The twins said--explaining why no one was offended by anything the Zuka Club had to say about them. “We were only founded two years ago. His highness created it when he reached high school, after all.”

Haruhi drooped.

“Well, be that as it may,” She spun her finger in a circle, hoping that this one would be right. “If anything, saying that their club activities are only held to satisfy their own appetites is going too far. It’s not as though they’re charging their guests or anything”

Naruto agreed with that to a degree, she’d thought the same thing before. But thinking deeper that may not be the case, it just might be slightly different than she’d originally interpreted. They didn’t get off on it the way she’d thought, but they were definitely selfish enough that making girls happy and being close to each other, as brothers and friends, would be enough to keep them in the club. While it was true they didn’t charge for their time, Naruto was acutely aware of their weird habit of selling things to raise money for the club--between Kyoya and the twins it was all very sneaky.

“I wouldn’t call it a charge but we do have a point system. We do offer priority service, depending on the price of items won in web auctions on the club’s homepage,” Haruhi drooped further but at the very least, she wasn’t correct about their appetites. “You see, Haruhi, your used mechanical pencil just sold for a winning bid of ¥30,000. Good for you.”

Naruto hid a wince and Haruhi stared at Kyoya’s laptop in shock-horror. Telling her that was probably a really bad idea.

“That’s the mechanical pencil I thought I lost!” She glared at the older boy. “This is the first time I’m hearing about any of this, you know! I never heard we were taking money for this!”

Naruto wondered if the money the club got for them procuring hers and Haruhi’s belongings went toward the debt they owed. She hoped so. The blonde girl didn’t voice this.

“You thought we were providing this service as volunteers?” Since it was a school club, it made sense, especially since Haruhi came from a lower middle class background. Schools tended to provide clubs with a budget for events and equipment not the clubs themselves. “Well, if you subtract the expenses we have for throwing events, costumes and refreshments for our guests, we do make a slight profit.”

Haruhi seemed to melt into the floor.

“Then please don’t go selling other people’s things without permission! That’s thievery!”

Naruto didn’t particularly care as long as it wasn’t something dear to her. She could live without a mechanical pencil. As long as it was Tsunade’s necklace or any of her gear there wasn’t much else that she truly cared about in terms of belongings. As long as the twins didn’t tell her that she technically had lost it and they simply found it, they should be able to avoid a full meltdown.

Naruto was never a lucky person.

“It’s not thievery. It fell on the floor,” The twins’ voices chimed unhelpfully.

It was more than clear now that they were the main culprits of her things going missing.

Tamaki had tears running down his flushed face.

“I’m sorry, Haruhi! It’s not like we were hiding it from you! You can have my pencil!” He held up a blue pencil with a brown bear at the top. “See? It has a teddy bear.”

“I don’t want that thing.”

“Then, if you’d like I’ll tell you all the secrets to my success together with the grand memories of my seventeen years!”

Naruto sat on the couch beside the twins with a heavy sigh as the two bickered, resting her face in her tan hands.

“No, of all the things I’m hearing for the first time, I care about that information the least.”

From the choked gasp Naruto could only guess the expression on Tamaki’s face. It wasn’t pretty.

“You… don’t care?” He sounded horrified by the idea.

The blond boy ended up sulking in the corner while Honey stared at him.

“You poor things, it must be a shock to be so deceived.” The Lobelia students attempted to use their sympathy to seduce the two female hosts to their school.

Technically they weren’t deceived, Haruhi was just really unobservant for someone so smart. Given her occupation, it wasn’t good for Naruto to be nearly as oblivious--even if she did still have her moments of unadulterated and absolutely humiliating stupidity. Luckily those events had become a rare occurrence the last couple years.

“Come on, dump this bunch and come over to us.” Apparently one was much more subtle than the other.

“Now, hold on, Hinagiku. This maiden is all shaken up today,” Benibara said patiently, looking down at the pouting Haruhi. “We’ll ask again tomorrow. We’ll be expecting a favorable answer from you both.”

They finally walked to the door to leave.

“Adieu.”

They ballet-spun out of the room and down the halls, leaving the angry brunette to deal with the male hosts without a buffer. Naruto thought they deserved everything they would get. They handled the situation poorly and they would face the consequences of that.

She turned her cold brown eyes to the five boys, since Tamaki was still sulking, and four of them stiffened to varying degrees. They watched her anxiously, waiting for her to say something.

“I’ll be excusing myself now, too.” She said coldly

The twins, Honey and Mori seemed unnerved by the change in attitude while Kyoya took pictures of her, presumably to sell in another online auction or in a photobook. She walked out without looking back.

When she was sure Haruhi was far enough from the door, Naruto could no longer hold back her giggles while Tamaki panicked.

“What good does it do to tell the truth if it just adds more fuel to the fire!?”

“The facts are the facts.” Kyoya said, calm as ever.

“Maybe we shouldn’t have sold her pencil…” Honey muttered.

“It might’ve been a keepsake from her mother…” Kaoru speculated.

“No, it was just a freebie from an electronics store,” Kaoru supplied--actually helpful for once.

No one asked why Naruto thought the whole thing was funny and she didn’t interrupt their conversation, wanting to see where it led.

“Gentlemen, think about it,” Tamaki said, standing dramatically with a hand on the window. “Haruhi may be basically indifferent but if she had to decide, she does tend to favor men’s clothing. Besides, when she first joined the Host Club didn’t she say “Being a host and getting fussed over by a bunch of girls may not be so bad.” Why did I never realize it before? It’s just possible that the Zuka Club might be a better match for her than the Host Club could ever be, isn’t it?”

A realization seemed to spark through them just as an idea hit Naruto. A really, really great, bad idea.

“What’s more, both her and Naruto are far more suited to go to a girls’ school.”

She was starting to think they forgot she was even still in the room, despite her near walrus-like cackling.

Honey cried.

“Haru-chan and Naru-chan are gonna transfer away!”

“What do we do?” Hikaru asked.

“With their smarts they could easily pass Lobelia’s scholarship tests.” Kaoru added much to Naruto’s flattery--it wasn’t often she was called smart and she tended to bask in it, especially when it came from people she cared about.

“At Lobelia they’d probably be able to pay off their ¥8,000,000 debt.” Kyoya said.

Naruto never thought about that but she’d feel bad if the school paid it off for her and she knew Haruhi felt the same. The vase was their fault so they would take responsibility. Finally she decided she’d suffered enough and put her idea into action.

“Do you really want Haruhi’s forgiveness? For her to stay in the Host Club?” She asked teasingly.

Six sets of eyes fell on her as if they just remembered she was in the room.

Tamaki recovered first and nodded like a child.

“Please tell us!”

“I have no plans to go anywhere, but for Haruhi... Here’s what you have to do to convince her she should stay…”

This was going to be the best prank she played since she got here.

It was obvious that Haruhi wasn’t going to leave Ouran, she chose the school for academics, not clubs. If she’d wanted to go to Lobelia, she would’ve because there was no way she’d have failed the required tests.

The idiots she had to deal with on a daily basis didn’t need to know that though.

After their performance for the cultural festival, one that impressed their many fans and weirded out the students of Ouran, they headed toward the Host Club room again. They were going to finally convince the two ladies the men had seduced and deceived that they belonged with their own kind, effectively rescuing them from the horrible fate they’d found themselves in.

“Today’s performance was a great success, huh?” Hinagiku asked rhetorically.

“Our singing and acting comes across well, wherever we go,” Suzuran said happily.

Benibara agreed.

“But today’s main event is about to begin.”

When Haruhi got to the club room, the Lobelia girls were already standing in the hall. She assumed Naruto headed there early since she hadn’t been at their usual meeting place so they could head down together. The brunette hoped she’d knocked some sense into the boys for her.

“Hey there, maiden,” Benibara greeted.

“As promised yesterday, we’re here to ask you and the other maiden again,” Hinagiku continued. 

“We are really going to set things straight with those Host Club people today.” Suzuran finished.

“Set what straight?” Haruhi had never been more confused than when these girls were involved.

“That maidens like you two should be in a place more appropriate for you!” Benibara pulled Haruhi with her to the club room while the other two spun behind them.

When they opened the doors, all the lights were off. Much to all of their surprise. Through the darkness, they could see an even darker lump in the middle of the room. Purple and blue lights came on but they didn’t illuminate the room enough to see anything more than silhouettes

“Ouran~” An obviously masculine voice sung in poor falsetto as a feminine figure rose from the lump with curly pigtails.

“Ouran~” A matching figure with a similar sounding voice rose beside the other.

“Ouran~” A monotonous voice sung in a deep, base pitch, the standing silhouette was clearly masculine holding a disc looking object.

“Ouran~” A tenor voice sung thought the silhouette was clearly feminine.

“Ouran~” A smaller feminine figure rose from the shrinking lump with a child-like singing voice.

The chandelier turned on.

“Ouran~” A blond sung in a low tenor.

“Host Club~” All the voices chorused at once.

With the lights on it was obvious that the hosts, with the exception of Mori (and Naruto who was nowhere to be seen) were dressed in extravagant womens’ dresses and makeup complete with wigs.

The twins were dressed in matching light aqua dresses with twisty orange pigtails, wearing a similar color scheme to their medieval-like outfits from the day before, with puffy sleeves, white gloves and orange fans. Their eyeshadow was lime green and their lips were stained dark reddish pink. Mori, the only one wearing masculine clothes, was wearing a regal looking blue uniform with white gloves, a tambourine and no makeup. Honey was wearing a hot pink dress with pale pink skirt with a bow in his wig and light blue eyeshadow covering his eyes. Beside him, with a dark salmon pink feather in his long blond wig, Tamaki wore a matching colored dress with a choker. His lips were painted deep red and his eyes dusted with purple eyeshadow, also wearing white gloves. Lastly, Kyoya was wearing a dark purple dress with matching gloves and a lighter purple lipstick. His outfit almost looked maid-like and he had a black feathered fan to finish the outfit off.

“Weclome~”

The Zuka club and Haruhi looked beyond disturbed by the sight before them and Naruto’s cackling stole their attention away from the boys’ ridiculousness.

Tamaki walked up to them, his high heels clacking on the pink tiles of the club room floor.

“Ah, Haruhi! Welcome!”

Honey came twirling up behind him.

“Haru-chan! Haru-chan! I’m a princess! Don’t I look good?”

She didn’t have time to answer before Benibara began to speak.

“What kind of stunt is this?!” She demanded. “Are you trying to make fun of our culture?!”

“Make fun? No, we’ve taken everything into account. This is a surefire technique, guaranteed among commoners to make even a crying child happy! The Freebie Campaign!” The Host Club boys struck a pose before Tamaki continued with a low chuckle. “You ladies who have lived sheltered lives at Lobelia might not know this, but commoners are apt to have a weakness to free things.”

Not for Naruto, Haruhi wanted to say, but she remained silent, still in shock as Tamaki continued.

“It’s true that Haruhi may now be distracted and sensing the appeal of joining the Zuka Club. However, if you choose our club, your brothers and sisters come with it!”

Sister Tamaki

Sister Hikaru

Sister Kaoru

Sister Honey

Brother (Only) Takashi

Sister (Mother?) Kyoya

Naruto (Something in between?)

“Yes,” Tamaki continued. “The plan is to experience the feeling of being in the Zuka Club while still staying in the Host Club!”

He turned back to Haruhi and twirled.

“You see, Haruhi? Aren’t I pretty?”

The twins curtsied slightly.

“We’re the Hitachiin Sisters. Which one is prettier?” The twins’ attempt a feminine voices was bad.

“Just kidding!” Hikaru winked.

Kaoru gave an attempt at a girly giggle that just sounded like some kind of animal in pain.

“Haru-chan! Haru-chan!” Honey called. “You can call me Nee-sama!”

Kyoya and Mori said nothing as they drifted by but the masculine dressed boy jingled the tambourine he was holding.

“Wa- You think a maiden can be taken in by this?!” Benibara demanded. “We’ve had enough of your fooling around!”

Haruhi’s laughter cut off whatever the older girl was about to say next. Everyone stayed silent as she crumbled into an unstoppable giggling, Naruto following soon after. She knew it would be good, but for them to have taken it this far… It was too much for both masculine dressed girls.

“Too much! I don’t even know what this means!” Haruhi fell to her knees, banging on the floor, still laughing her heart out. “I thought you guys were goofballs but geez…”

Haruhi was wiping tears out of her eyes, oblivious to the look of defeat on Benibara’s face as she calmed down.

“Are we really that funny?” The twins and Honey got in her face, sending the brunette into another bout of laughter. “Call me Nee-sama!” They chased her, chanting “ Nee-sama!” Nee-sama!” over and over.

“Stop! Stop!” They didn’t stop but it didn’t really seem like she actually minded . “Really, stop it, already!” When she was finally able to calm down she asked them: “What were you thinking, really?

“Well, we want to run the Host Club with you and Naruto, Haruhi,” Hikaru said, looking away.

Haruhi smiled.

“Maiden, are you…” Benibara trailed off.

“I’m sorry. There are all sorts of people in this world and I do think your way of thinking is unique and interesting but I’m studying at this school because I have a goal for my future so I never intended to quit attending Ouran to begin with.”

“Haruhi…” Tamaki cried tears of joy this time and Kyoya’s glasses seemed to sparkle just a little more than they usually did. He paused. “Hold on, if you were never planning to leave then why did you act so angry yesterday?”

He turned to Naruto.

“And you! You knew she wasn’t planning on leaving! You set us up!” Naruto fell into another giggling fit, giving them no excuse--though no one really seemed mad about it. She had a feeling karma might get her later but for now she was going to enjoy every second of the scene in front of her.

“When you steal people’s things and sell them without asking they usually get mad! That mechanical pencil was easy to write with and I liked it!”

Tamaki winced, dropping his head. “Sorry about that… Still! I offered you this complimentary teddy-bear pencil, didn’t I?”

“I told you I don’t want it.”

“Benio…” Suzuran said carefully as she approached her companion.

“Yeah, I know, “ The tallest female in the room dropped her head in defeat. They would give in, for now.

“We’re not giving up on you maidens,” Benibara said as she and her fellow club members turned to leave once more. “We swear to you, someday we will come and rescue you from this place and bring down the Host Club!”

She waved at the group of eight.

“Until next time.”

The three girls twirled away laughing before slipping on the three conveniently placed banana peels. The club room doors closed before they could see them hit the floor.

The lights went out once more and Renge rose from the floor on her platform. There was an ape on her table and both herself and the primate were holding bananas.

“And so, a new rival, the Zuka Club appears and the story becomes even more exciting! What fate awaits them from here on? Hang in there, Host Club! Don’t give in, Host Club!”

“Hey!” Tamaki yelled up at their self-proclaimed manager. “Don’t go livening things up on your own!”

He slipped on a banana peel.