Chapter Text

Midnight Man

Chapter 1 - The Officer & The Baker

Fili woke up feeling suprisingly well, but when he realized where he was, he buried his head into the pillow again. He could hear Dwalin making coffee in the kitchen and opened one eye to look at him. Considering how huge his boss was, he was fairly quiet and stealthy... There was a weather forecast on the radio, 'We are expecting the warmest night of the month tonight, folks, so make sure to drink a lot. Booze, not the water. Or is it the other way around? Hahahaaa!'

Oh, god... Fili turned his gaze to the pattern on the sofa where he was lying; someone somewhere must have spent hours weaving it together. Or... a machine probably made it, right? Nobody made couch upholstery by hand anymore...

He grew to love this couch over time, it was his safe haven in times like these... Whenever they got into a fight, he would go and stay at Dwalin’s apartment overnight. Given that Dwalin spent half his nights in his lover’s apartment, he hoped he wasn’t bothering the detective too much. He was rather curious about this mysterious Ori. He didn’t even know whether it was a woman or a man by the name... For all he knew, Ori could have been a young skinny Scottish boy or a chubby middle-aged woman from Botswana... and he could picture Dwalin with both.

The phone rang somewhere and Fili’s heart started to pound. What was the time? Seven? She never called this early in the morning to find out where he went... He looked around for the phone. Maybe-

'Yeah?'

Ah, Dwalin’s phone. Fili let his head drop onto the pillow again. It was all right, it was fine. He could take few more minutes without having to think about what lie she will come up with this time, what he will do, how he will tell her that this time she really crossed the line...

'I’ll be there at eight,' Dwalin hang up, his eyes falling on Fili. He coughed. 'I believe I may have expressed my opinion about your girlfriend before, Fili...'

'Yeah, you did,' Fili mumbled, sitting up on the couch and running his hands over his face.

'Once or twice...'

'Everytime I knocked on this door.'

'Ah,' Dwalin sipped his coffee, 'roughly twelve times then.'

'And you’re gonna do it again...'

'Yes, because you don’t listen. Look, Fili,' he passed to the window with his cup and opened it, lighting a cigarette, 'we all know what she’s like. She’s never going to change and by forgiving her everytime she does it, you’re just playing a part in her game... Well, that’s all I have to say about that. You’re a pretty smart kid, by now you should understand it too.' He sighed, 'But you’re going back to her anyway, so I’ll just try to think of something better for next time.'

Fili pressed his fingers to his temples, trying to push the yesterday’s headache somewhere where it wouldn’t hurt so much. He knew Dwalin was right. He knew everyone else around him was probably thinking the same thing. Everyone knew his girlfriend was cheating on him, even he knew, right from that very first guy. But he could never get past her tears, her sweet smile, her plausible lies and leave her. She had him wrapped so tightly around her finger that he couldn’t get away. So he made himself believe her stories, denying the truth, because in the end he was always the one she came home to. But yesterday’s night... Jesus, it was his friend this time... his friend...

'You know about someone having a free apartment?' he asked.

Dwalin raised his eyebrow, a smile appearing on his lips, 'You can crash on the couch here tonight and then take this one, kid.'

Fili’s head snapped up,'You’re moving to your...' Girlfriend? Boyfriend? Her? Him? '... Ori?'

'Yeah.'

Fili looked around. Well, if he was honest with himself, he was practically living here already. There was even one of his uniforms in the wardrobe and two his cups in the cupboard... He smiled at the detective, 'Ered Luin 14 sounds like a good address to me.'

...

Fili stepped into the corridor, waiting for Dwalin to find his keys before leaving for breakfast and as soon as he turned around, he got hit by a huge cardboard box.  

'Sorry, man, are you okay?'

Fili moved his lower jaw, running his fingers over it, making sure it wasn’t broken and glaring at the man who was still trying to open the door to the apartment across the hall. He wasn’t all that old, a guy his age probably, maybe younger... Tall, dark-haired. Unshaved for probably two or three days...What on earth did he have in that box? Bricks? Ensuring he was all right and the morning didn’t get any worse than it had already been, he smiled a little, 'Yeah, no worries.'

'Morning, Dwalin,' the guy grinned somewhere behind Fili’s back.

'Kili,' the detective nodded, appearing at the door, 'how’s the moving going?'

'Not bad, just two more of these boxes and I shall be done. It would be way more easier if Mr. Goblin hadn’t already crammed all his things there. Seems like he is even more anxious to get away from his wife than I am to get away from those dripping pipes. And right after I’m done with that, I’m going to the Café to tell Ori what an unfaithful, adulterous and cheating bastard you are.' His gaze fell on Fili, a playful smile on his lips.

'Ori knows about him,' Dwalin said, completely unconcerned.

Kili‘s smile grew even wider, 'You two are so kinky, I can’t even comprehend... See you!' And with that he managed to open his door and vanished inside, leaving chuckling Dwalin and red Fili behind.

'Hey! It’s not- We’re not-...' Fili turned around at Dwalin, 'Can you believe this guy?'

...

Hunched in one of Café Ori’s booths, Fili was slowly sipping his coffee, trying not to stare at the vision in front of him. Ori was a guy all right. And even though he could picture Dwalin with a man before, secretly he had his money on that chubby lady and there was something strangely embarassing about this whole situation.

But he had to admit, the boy was adorable, with his pink cheeks and glasses and snow white jumper. There was something about him that made Fili want to hug him. The boy was sitting next to Dwalin, an absolute happiness written across his face. Fili only hoped that they wouldn’t kiss in front of him. Though on a second thought... He couldn’t believe it even crossed his mind, but he sort of wanted them to kiss... He sipped his coffee again. There was something wrong with him, maybe he was the one who was kinky... And all this was her fault, she had made this mess out of him. A nervous wreck who would give anything to have a shot of whiskey poured into that coffee...

He realized that Ori was asking him something. Was he all right?

'Yes, yes,' he answered, forcing a smile. Please don’t mind me, I just want to drown in self-pity because the only person I had, just went and shagged my friend...

Dwalin was staring at him intently, as if deciding whether it was a good time to tell Ori that Fili finally decided to leave his girlfriend. Fili would bet anything that the boy already knew everything about his love life from the detective. But then Dwalin decided that it would be way too much for Fili to hear her name mentioned so instead he turned to Ori and said, 'We just met Kili. He seemed to jump to a conclusion that the two of us were inolved and you should be informed immediately. I believe it might have upset Fili a bit...'

The boy’s eyes got wide and he leaned a little to Fili, 'Oh, please don’t mind him. He just keeps joking like that all the time.'

'You know him?' Fili looked up, suddenly interested.

'He works here,' Ori answered, nodding.

Excellent. The first neighbour he got to meet knew both Dwalin and Ori and knew they were together... ergo had every possible reason to think he was gay as well. Just excellent. And how did someone as nice and gentle as Ori came to work with someone who looked like he had just robbed the National Bank and then spent all the money on alcohol or drugs? Maybe that was what was in that box... Dear lord, did he really just think such a nonsense? Was he getting insane?

'Please don’t be angry with him, he is really nice and he... he didn’t have it all that easy in life,' Ori said quietly, staring into his cup, 'I’m sure you could be good friends if you gave it a chance and got to know him better.' He turned pink and looked up at Fili quickly, as if worried that maybe he was meddling into things that didn't concern him and he turned to Dwalin swiftly, 'So... where are you off to now?'

'I’m meeting Thorin, he’s leaving for a week and going south.'

'Do you think he will bring Bilbo back with him?'

'That’s the plan.'

Bilbo? That sounded like a guy from Italy, with a thin black moustache, selling mountains of olives every Friday on the piazza. Or a tall American basketball player who likes to go on solitary trips in his canoe in his free time. Or a chubby Botswana woman... Damn, didn’t anyone date people with normal names anymore?

'And then I’ll go and help Fili pack up his things before he changes his mind.'

'She’s che...' Ori stopped himself, glancing at Fili with concerned eyes.

Of course he knew everything...

*****

Fili was standing with his hands crossed on his chest, listening to the yellow police tape flapping in the light wind, staring at the building he had just moved into. This day really couldn’t get any worse. It could have been a normal late shift, but then Dwalin got a call from the chief inspector of the Homicide Squad, asking him to come down and the detective dragged Fili along, claiming he can’t leave him behind to do something stupid, like calling his ex. But he should have known, this was just his luck. He moves somewhere to have a nice new beginning and someone gets murdered in that very building...

Dwalin next to him dropped the cigarette butt and moved towards the house as doctor Oin emerged from it.

'Well?' the chief inspector from HS joined them with a cigar in his mouth, wrapped in a trench coat as if the warmest night of the month could suddenly conjure up a blizzard.

'I’d say it’s pretty simple, Gloin. The woman’s been poisoned, some six or seven hours ago, I’d say. My guess is cyanide, though I’ll tell you more as soon as I’m sure. Can we move her now?'

'Yeah, about that...' the chief inspector paused, scratching his beard and looking at Dwalin hopefully, 'Dwalin, I was wondering whether you would like to have a look at her too, for the old times' sake, you know. I rather miss those old days when we used to work together, don’t you? And when I heard you lived here... Well, unless you’re busy...'

'Not really, but the sooner your boys pack it up here, the better, I would really like to get to bed. What time is it anyway?'

'Three in the morning,' Fili answered and both detectives looked at him with tired eyes.

'Well, let’s pack it up quickly then,' Gloin clapped his hands, leading the way back into the house, 'I’m so glad you two offered to help.'

Dwalin sighed, shooting a reconciled smile at Fili.

They all climbed to the second floor, passing dozens of Gloin’s men on the way and then entered one of the apartments. The owner, the newly moved in Mr. Goblin, was collapsed in one of the armchairs, opening his mouth like a fish taken out of water, gasping for air. He was the most obese man Fili had ever seen in his life. His huge protruding eyes were set wide apart, giving him a creepy toad-like appearance.

'Did he say anything?' Dwalin asked quietly one of Gloin’s men.

'No much, sir, still in shock... And, um, some of the tenants asked if they could go outside for a smoke, sir, so I was wondering...'

'Excellent idea,' the detective smiled, 'sure they can, but keep an eye on them.' He approached the wheezing man and patted him on the shoulder, 'Do you smoke, Mr. Goblin?'

The man nodded, closing his mouth for the first time, apparently disconcerted by the unexpected question.

'Perfect, why don’t you go outside with sergeant here, have a cigarette and calm down a little?' The man nodded again and way too eagerly jumped out of his armchair. Given his body proportions he was suprisingly agile.

Once he was gone, they all turned their attention to the body of a woman lying on the sofa.

'I take it he found her...' Dwalin murmured.

'Yeah, we don’t know much. Mr... eh...' Gloin browsed through his notes, 'Bofur. Mr. Bofur called us. He and the lady from the top floor heard him screaming 'Murder' and came running to him. They found him on the floor, passed out and called us. Mr. Goblin mumbled something about getting up for a glass of water and finding her, says he doesn’t know her...'

She was certainly pretty, around thirty, tall and rather beefy, her skin completely ashen. She was lying with her hands laid over her chest, giving the impression that she was only deep in her sleep. She was dressed in black ad white skirt suit, decent but not very expensive, pearl bracelets on each hand and small pearl ear-rings, partly hidden by blonde hair. The overall effect was fairly ellegant...

Fili bent over her, 'What’s on that card?'

'What card?' Gloin turned to him, suprised.

'The one under her left hand...'

Both detectives squeezed next to him and Dwalin reached for the piece of hard paper. It was ordinary enough, with words 'I’ve warned you, you’re next' written over it.

*****

'I can’t believe this! I can’t believe this!'

Fili smiled, this was certainly a very unorthodox way of meeting his new neighbours, but given the characters of the occupants of the building he really doubted they would ever meet together like this under any other circumstances.

'I refuse to believe this! This is not happening. What have I ever done to anyone?'

They were all standing in front of the house as the ambulance with the woman’s body was leaving, every single one of them with a cigarette or a cigar, Mr. Goblin pacing between them, waving his corpulent arms in the air.

Fili supposed he would freak out just like him, had he stood up at two in the morning to get water and found a dead unknown woman in his living room.

'It’s a conspiracy!' Mr. Goblin yelled turning suddenly to Kili where he was standing next to Fili, smoking, 'It’s like they waited for me to get to your apartment to blame a murder on me!'

'Who?' Kili asked, curious. And whether he was mocking or not, Fili couldn’t tell.

'The government. Or my wife! Yes, it was her for sure. She always hated me. Said I was getting fat and perverted. Me! She was the one getting fat! I bet she found herself someone from the governement so that they could get their hands on my thingies once I’m in prison...' He started pacing again.

'He’s sort of... paranoic,' Kili whispered, standing a little closer to Fili and Fili winced. Ever since they got out of the building, Kili always seemed to be somewhere near him... He shot a look at him, the boy’s dark eyes sliding over his neighbours.

'Yeah? What can you tell me about the others?' Fili asked.

Kili looked at him, that playful smile of his back on his lips, 'It’s always straight to the business with you, isn’t it? You must be the pride of the precint, officer.'

'Captain.'

'Captain,' Kili repeated and it seemed to Fili that he somehow got even closer again, his gaze sliding to Fili’s lips and Fili could feel his cheeks heating up, unable to look away from those eyes. 'Relax, officer, I’m not gonna kiss you,' Kili giggled and straightened up, 'and I know you don’t sleep with Dwalin.' He winked at him and looked back to their neighbours.

'Well, first you got the ground floor. Mrs. Jackson, the housekeeper. She is nice enough if you flatter her, don’t insult her cooking abilities and bring her some cigarettes from time to time. She spends her life seated by the window, so she knows everything that happens at either end of the street. I bet she did it. The poor girl probably came asking for some recipes, told the old lady that her recipes sucked and she did away with her. Took her up to Mr. Goblin’s room because she doesn‘t like him and she managed to climb all those stairs with a body on her shoulder because in reality she’s a guy, a former wrestler who’s hiding here from all his fangirls.'

He looked at Fili and upon seeing his expression burst out laughing.

'I’m sorry, man, that was... a really bad joke. But I just couldn’t help it, don’t you ever smile? You’ve got to live the life, not just survive it.'

Fili glared at him, 'Well, excuse me, if I’m not in the mood for joking today but I broke up with my girlfriend because she slept with my friend, I had to move out of our apartment just to get away from her, I will have to sneak back there tomorrow when she’s at work to get the rest of my stuff because I can’t stand facing her and a murder occured in a house I’ve just moved into.' He was breathing heavily now, he wanted to scream or shout the whole damn day and now just couldn’t hold it anymore.

'I’m sorry, I’m just...'

'It’s okay,' Kili got serious for the first time, 'She had to be a real bitch if you had to stay so many nights at Dwalin’s place. If I were you, I’d be happy I got rid of her and just forgot about her.'

Fili was staring at him. They only just met today, how on earth did he know how many nights he spent there?

'Peace?' Kili asked with a small smile, offering his hand.

'Peace,' Fili said after a moment, shaking Kili’s hand. It was warm and strong and for some unknown reason he didn’t want to let go of it. He shivered, dropping the boy’s hand in an instant. What was it with him?

Kili pretended not to notice anything and instead turned to the housekeeper again, 'All right, let’s be serious. I don’t think Mrs. Jackson is a man, but she does know everything, maybe she saw something.

Then there’s Bombur and his cousin Bifur. Cooks. They work at the Rivendell Hotel & Spa uptown. Neither married, though that’s really suprising given that the hotel is full of old rich widows. Nothing too interesting about them, except neither of them can drive and they both have a phobia of public transport so they go to the hotel every day by taxi. You’d think it wouldn’t hurt them to walk once in a while...

Then on the first floor we’ve got Dwalin, or... you from tomorrow (I dare say you two didn’t do it) and me. And let me say here, I didn’t do it either. I work at Ori’s Café on the corner, and some nights play sax at the Erebor Bar, if Bofur, over there, can’t make it. He lives on the second floor. He’s a writer during the day, he writes these cheesy romantic novels for middle-aged women and they are real best sellers.

And opposite him lives Mr. Goblin, I guess you’ve already met him. He used to live across the street but he’s getting divorced so he moved to my old apartement.' Kili lowered his voice, 'He doesn’t know about the pipes yet...

And then on the third floor... there’s Mr. Gazile. He moved here a couple of months ago. I don’t know anything about him except he freaks me out, don’t look into his eyes, they’re really creepy. And then there’s only Gal. I don’t know if it’s her real name or just a way of addressing her but that’s how Mrs. Jackson calls her and she’s the only one Gal ever speaks to. She’s... I don’t know. I’ve never seen her outside the building...'

Fili looked at the blonde woman standing not far from them, beneath an old oak. Just as Kili finished, she looked in their direction and smiled, almost as if she knew that they were talking about her. Well, that was pretty creepy too, Fili thought. But somehow... the feeling passed and the more he looked at her, the more he was sure she couldn’t possibly harm anyone. Plus she was really beautiful...

'All right, ladies and gentlemen,' Gloin appeared at the main door, 'we will now take your statements and I can promise you we will try to make it as quick as possible so that you could all return to your beds soon.'

Mr. Goblin rushed forward, 'You can’t expect me to go back in that apartment! God knows what else I might find!'

Bofur and the cooks laughed, grateful for a distraction from the oppressive atmosphere and they all went slowly inside, no one looking at anyone and only Fili remained outside, waiting for Kili to finish his cigarette.

'You know,' Kili said, looking at him intently, 'I might have a theory or two about why it didn’t work out with your girlfriend...'

Fili glanced at him, 'Really? And what would those be?' 

'Well, first is the obvious one. You are way too nice for the kind of women like her. She won’t be happy till she finds someone who won’t hesitate to slap her if she ever so much as kisses another guy, let alone sleeps with him. And that’s not you... The second,' he dropped his cigarette to the ground, stepping on it and getting too close to Fili for his liking, 'is that maybe a girl isn’t what you need... or want.'

And before Fili could even think about what he meant by that, Kili grabbed his shirt, pulled him to himself and kissed him.