Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Word count: <1k

"Faith? Is that you?" I heard a voice I would recognise anywhere, anytime ask. I turned around to see Jinki standing behind me in line for coffee. I stood staring for a moment, not quite believing it was him. He had grown, just as myself. He almost looked like a grown man, but I was 100% sure it was impossible for him to ever grow up completely. The way his eyes lit up when he smiled was so pure and carefree, much like a child. I couldn't help but smile back at him and think to myself that I had missed that smile more than I knew.

"Oh my god Jinki. It's been ages." I wrapped my arms around his neck and breathed in the familiar sweet scent of Lee Jinki.

"So do you maybe want to have coffee together?" He asked, seeing as we were both here and by ourselves.

"I'd love to." I sent him a wide smile. It was our turn next so we walked up to order. I ordered my usual caramel coffee and Jinki got a cappuccino. We walked to a booth in the far corner.

"Still love your coffee sweet. You haven't changed at all have you?" He chuckled as we sat down on each side of the table.

"Not one bit," I said and joined in on the chuckling.

"How come you're back in Korea?" Jinki asked, taking a sip of his coffee. Not once did his eyes look away from mine. I had always loved how he would keep eye contact with the person he was speaking to. He always seemed so interested in the other person and I believed that he was. He was a great listener and indeed a great talker too.

"I simply missed it too much. I'm here permanently now. I even have a job at a radio station and everything." It was easy to tell I was doing well by the huge smile plastered on my face.

"Did you get that small flat with the big windows that you always wanted?" He asked, remembering what I had told him on our first date.

"I did. It's so cosy... But how about you?" I was eager to find out how he had been doing.

"I've been doing well too. I live with four other guys and it's a lot of fun. We have a great place and one of them, Jonghyun, is starting up a record label that we're all helping with. We all have some side jobs to earn some money too, though. So far we're living the dream."

"I'm glad we're both doing well," I told him and drank the last bit of coffee in the mug. "I missed you," I confessed as I set the mug back down on the table.

"I missed you too. I had the time of my life back then." I smiled to let him know that I felt the exact same way.

"Do you have a little more time for me? I'll show you my flat. It's just around the corner." He nodded and we eagerly got up from our seats. We arrived within a couple of minutes and I opened the door for him.

"This is just how I imagined your future flat would look," he said, looking around all the rooms. "I love it. It's very you."

"Me too. It's perfect for me." I smiled and sat down on the sofa. Jinki followed. "I'm glad we bumped into each other today."

"From time to time, I would wonder how you are doing... I sometimes think that we shouldn't have broken up. We were so good." His confession was followed by a wide grin.

"I think about that too, especially when I feel lonely. I sit and wonder if I threw all my happiness out the window when we ended it. I've established a good life now but I still feel alone," I admitted to him, seeing as he was one of the very few people I felt like I could tell everything to even if we had broken up. He was one of those people who would keep all your deepest and darkest secrets hidden for you so that you wouldn't have to carry all the weight yourself. All his traits made it so easy to love him, too easy.

"I'll keep you company." His sweet smile made me feel like there were butterflies in my stomach. He ran a hand through my hair as he gave me a warm look.

"You've always made it so annoyingly easy for me to fall in love with you." I spoke my mind as I always did with Jinki. We were used to not having any secrets between us. We had always told each other exactly how we felt when we felt it. It was part of the reason we were so good together. We had a special, mutual understanding of each other's thoughts and feelings. I missed having him so close. I had never in my life had a connection with someone the way I had with him.

"Ditto," he said before he in one swift motion moved closer to me and pulled my face closer to his. He didn't kiss me right away. He kept my face painfully close to his and, the gentleman he was, waited for my reaction to this, which was very simply to place my lips softly, slowly and tenderly on his. His pulp lips were so familiar. The way they moved against mine was so familiar. The way his tongue felt as it grazed my lower lip ever so slightly was so familiar. The slow pull-away was so familiar. When I opened my eyes back up I was met with a pair of eyes that were so familiar. They had been missing for so long as I now realised.

I've waited so long to see you again.

Chapter Text

Word count: >600

"If you fall in love as easily as you say you do then fall in love with me," Namjoon pleaded me. I was walking in front of him, slowly going insane from Namjoon's constant nagging. Out of my many admirers, Namjoon was the most obvious and clingy. He would wait outside my house every morning and follow me to school. When he was sick he would send me a text telling me he wouldn't be there that morning. I stopped and turned around to look him in the eyes.

"Would you stop trying to get me to like you because I really don't. You just get on my nerves. It's been half a year just let it go. Stop going after something you can't have." I rolled my eyes and turned around to walk away when Namjoon spoke up.

"You're right... I should just drop it." For some reason, this didn't make me as happy as I had thought it would. It was like it broke something inside me. I left quickly, so the feeling would go away.

I walked out of my door the next day expecting to see Namjoon standing there with his usual big cute smile. I checked my phone to see if he had sent me any texts. He hadn't. I frowned and walked to school feeling strangely lonely and missing the none stop talking from behind me. I usually loved silence, although not today. Today silence sucked and my whole body urged for me to get my phone out from my pocket and call Namjoon. I resisted the urge.

I caught myself looking around for Namjoon in the hallways, my friends asking me if I was okay. I spotted him once. He was standing next to his friend Jackson and he seemed to be very happy. The smile on his face made me both happy and sad. Happy that he was happy. Sad that he was happy without me.

"He didn't even look at me once." I kicked a stone on the deserted path on my way home. "Did he get over me that quickly? I thought he was in love with me." My steps were as gloomy as the weather that day. I was positive it was going to rain before I reached home and sure enough it did just as the last words had left my mouth. Only seconds later an umbrella was shielding me from the rain. I looked up to see Namjoon.

"I still am," he said looking straight ahead of him. "I tried to stay away from you, but it was impossible," he told me with a small smile. His love for me was never a secret, so he felt fine expressing himself to me like this. I stopped walking, which made him do the same.

I looked into his beautiful eyes. I had never noticed just how beautiful they really were. I grabbed his arm. I had never noticed just how much muscle he really had. I placed my other hand on his face. I had never noticed just how soft his skin really was. I pulled him in for a kiss. I had never, for one second, thought that his kiss would feel this good. He dropped his umbrella and placed both his arms around my waist. We were getting soaked from the rain, but none of us cared. What was there for me to care about other than the tall, awkward fool standing right in front of me, kissing me in a way I had never been kissed before? I pulled away slowly.

"That took you way too long to realise was a good idea," Namjoon said, his face lighting up with happiness. I agreed with him, took his hand and lead him to my place for a nice warm bath and some hot chocolate.

Chapter Text

Word count: >700

I put on my long, silk night robe and walked into my living room with no motive. I approached the empty sofa, feeling the black lingerie hug my body. I usually felt pretty wearing this, with my night robe open so that the expensive lingerie was shown off, but not today. I stretched my whole body before letting myself flop down on the sofa lazily. I threw my legs up on the coffee table. I tapped my nails on the soft fabric of the sofa. I let my head fall back with a sigh. I got back up. For a while, I mindlessly wandered around my fairly large flat. I made eye contact with Elvis Presley on the front cover of one of the countless Elvis' greatest hits records that had been made over time. My parents gave it to me a couple of years ago when I moved away. In the beginning, I found it rather lame to own a 'greatest hits' record, but soon I found it to become one of my favourites on a night like this one. I carefully took out the record and put it on. I made sure the volume was just right before I spun around and moved to the music. I let the rhythm of the song take me wherever it wanted me to go.

I turned my head in wonder when I heard keys rattle at the door. The only person with a key was Minho and he was supposed to be in Japan for another week. I watched the door from the other side of the room as it opened. Minho stopped in the doorway as we made eye contact. He gave me a small acknowledging nod before he closed the door carefully and I felt my restlessness disappear as I met his eyes for the first time in several months. He turned back around and walked to me without a word. His steps as gentle as the look in his eyes. I stood frozen in my spot from the unexpected visit. He stopped when the gap between us had been reduced to no more than a few inches. I blinked my eyes twice quickly; a habit that I was very well aware of. It made the left side of his mouth lift up shortly. With one swift change of gaze, his eyes were on my clothes. He lifted a finger slowly and touched the little bit of skin that was showing on my stomach from the hole in my body stocking. He traced the hem of the circular hole with much concentration. I looked back up to find his eyes fixed on his finger. He was gently biting his tongue. His touch made me shiver.

"Minho." This was the only thing that needed to be said. He was snapped out of his trance and looked back into my eyes. His finger staying stubbornly on my soft skin. He rested the other one on my hip and leant his forehead on mine.

"Beautiful... You're really beautiful," he whispered to me. I looked down at my chubby figure. It wasn't too bad. It had never been, but pressure from the outside world had made me feel like it was, with the exception of being in Song Minho's presence. The way he would admire me as if I was an artwork portraying something so graceful and perfect that it would be out of any human's reach, made me feel right. He softly pressed his lips onto mine. Even when we were accompanied by his band members I would feel as though I didn't need to hide my figure from the world. He let his finger part from my skin and grabbed my hip instead. Even on the rare occasions, where we would step out in public together, I would feel good about myself. I put my arms around his neck and pulled myself closer to him. Because Song Minho made it okay not to have the perfect S-line. Because Song Minho made me out to be completely normal. Because Song Minho never had to state that I looked a little larger than most women. Because Song Minho knew I didn't need to be skinny to be beautiful and lovable. Because Song Minho loved me and my body.

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Word count: <700

I ruffled my hair, walking into the kitchen with lazy steps. Having a boyfriend with an unsteady schedule like mine did, it was hard not to get jealous at 6:30 when I left him sleeping on the bed to get ready for school. We hadn't seen each other much that week, both of us being busy at different times.

"At least it's Friday," I told myself. "Thank god for that." I made myself a bowl of cereal, not able to find the energy for anything fancier. I waddled lazily into the bathroom after leaving my bowl in the sink. I brushed my teeth, staring into the mirror, having my usual pretentious deep thoughts about anything, mainly Taehyung. His beauty, his lightness like he was always floating on air, his high standards to basically anything, which made it easy for me to make fun of him. He would always be a good sport when I did, which was another reason to love him even more. I wished I could stay in bed with him.

I tiptoed into the bedroom to change into some warm clothes for the cold weather outside, which did not make it easier to leave. I kept it simple with a yellow striped sweater, making me look like a Hufflepuff mascot. I threw my backpack over my shoulder and looked over at my sleeping boyfriend one last time before leaving the flat.

I came home to find Taehyung gone with a note on the kitchen counter saying he had been summoned by the gods of visuals because of his stunning looks. I chuckled at his idiocy, knowing this meant he had been called by the company due to last minute schedule. My chuckle turned into a frown, having looked forward to find comfort in his arms after a long day.

The same night I sat in front of our tv on our sofa, determined to stay up until Taehyung was home. Of course, this didn't happen. I fell asleep, feeling the week of school weighing down on me.

I woke up in the same place I had fallen asleep in. I groaned as I realised my early departure from consciousness. I looked around to spot a new note lying on the small table in front of me. 'The damn gods didn't let me go in time to see your beautiful eyes open and awake. You better get your ass back to bed this second!'. I smiled at the note, hurrying up from the sofa and into the bedroom, where I found my boyfriend fast asleep, hugging my pillow. I jumped in behind him and threw my hand over his waist. This very ungentle action woke him up.

"Mmm good morning beauty," he spoke in a raspy morning voice as he took my hand in his. I brought my other arm through the small space between the pillow and his neck. He lifted his head to make this task a little easier.

"Morning visual." I kissed the back of his neck. "What was it that the gods of visuals wanted that was important enough to take you away from me for a whole day. I'm very cross about it," I mumbled jokingly into his skin.

"Just the usual last minute meetings about which one of us is the prettiest. As you probably guessed, I won."

"As expected." I smiled at the sound of his sleepy laugh. He shuffled 180 degrees to face me. I brushed my nose against his, causing his eyes to close and a smile to appear on his face. We shared a few quick kisses, thriving for each other's love. We stayed quiet for a while, just touching each other in the most innocent of ways. We entered our familiar bubble, that blocked out anyone but the two of us. We allowed no phone calls, alarms, doorbells ringing, clocks ticking. Only the morning was allowed in for when these mornings call, they only call for us.

Chapter Text

Word count: >600

It was not rare for Jiyong to be taken over by stress. His brain would feel too small for his skull and his beard would grow out until his bandmates started pointing it out. Their teasing was enough to get him to shave it off.

Jiyong had a place to go when stress made his brain explode; a small theatre not far from the dorm. Once a week a young girl would go on stage, sitting under the huge round light with her cello. She would play her heart out and she would go none stop for thirty minutes. He would sit in the back even when there were little to no other people in the small room.

It was another one of his bad days when he entered the theatre, freshly shaved because Daesung had been kind enough to point out how greatly Jiyong's chin and cheeks resembled a hedgehog's back. He sat down at the very back, this time all alone in the room with the girl on stage. Her hair was different today. She had cut it short. Jiyong focused on the sharp edges as they bounced at the slightest move of her head. Jiyong closed his eyes and let the music enter his ears, calming his stressed mind. He sighed, smiling.

It ended all too soon as always. Jiyong stayed seated for a few moments. He pushed himself up and slouched out of the theatre. He threw a cigarette between his lips and fished the lighter out of his back pocket.

"Can I borrow that?" Jiyong looked around to find a girl with a cello case standing next to him. He recognised the perky cheeks and the sharp haircut. He handed her the lighter. "What's a superstar like you doing at my shows so regularly?" The smoke left her body through her nostrils and Jiyong stared for a second.

"Stress." She nodded understandingly. "You're really good. It's a shame that not a lot of people get to hear that."

"It's fine. I just enjoy playing. I'm glad you come, though. Thank you." She smiled up at Jiyong, wondering what he'd say if she asked him back to her place. She found his answer quite pleasing.

"So this is how you live. I was wondering about that, you know." She smiled at Jiyong, who was walking around her small flat, admiring the wall decorations. "I- You make me wonder..." Her eyes sparkled, making Jiyong hold eye contact very intensely. "You make me wonder about many things... Calm things. You fill my brain with calm things... Like what kind shampoo you use or the colour of your bedsheets. I like that." She raised her eyebrows. "I wonder about your name too."

"Alice. Alice Claire Turner." Jiyong's smile grew wider and Alice couldn't take her eyes off of the man, five years older, richer, more successful, beautiful as the strings of her cello, vibrating from her touch.

"Alice Claire Turner." He tasted the name on his lips, enjoying the sweetness that it gave off on his wet lips, much like her smile did. She tilted her head in the cutest of ways. Jiyong found it hard not to push aside the two-metre gap between them and bring his lips quite close to hers, so unmistakenly close.

"Okay," Alice breathed out in surprise as if she had been holding her breath. She reached up to kiss him and she felt how much he had needed her to do that. She felt how much it calmed him. She felt how much he wanted her to ask him to stay the night. She felt how much they should probably do this again next week.

She felt how much she wanted to let him.

Chapter Text

Word count: >1,1K

There are waves brushing over his feet. When he crumbles his toes together, they submerge into the wet sand. He cuddles them in as deep as they can go. In here, the waves only wash up to his ankles. Out there, they grow tall enough to wash him away if he would be brave enough to test their forces. It tempts him at times. He sighs enviously at the blue horizon. The sea and the sky blend together so well.

He has been singing that Korean song about loneliness to himself ever since he saw the moon peep out on the naked sky. The lights on his bike are broken, so he keeps an eye out. The tacky Hawaiian shirt and the ghastly shorts make him feel vulnerable on the deserted road. He thinks it looks cold even on a summer night.

Jinyoung likes living on the Isle of Wight on days when he can stand at the very beginning of the never-ending sea after sundown and not get cold feet, even though he always does eventually.

Junior, they like to call him here because apparently, Jinyoung is too hard to pronounce. So, when Mark calls for him by his real name, it takes a second for him to respond in the heavy darkness.

“It’s 1:25 am.”

“Hm.”

“Why are you barefoot?”

“I’m in England and it’s warm for once. I’m celebrating.” Mark looks amused. Jinyoung uses his hands to poorly straighten his yellow shirt with the vast red flowers. He has never been to Hawaii.

“I made too much hot chocolate.” Mark is home alone. Taking a teenager to visit the cheek pinching aunt for ten days is not an option once they are old enough to say no.

“I’ll settle my bike and be right at your service.” To have a neighbour, who does not eye him up and down every day and call him Junior, is more than he hoped for when he came here last year. His bike is rushed into the backyard with clumsy movements. He crawls over the fence. It earns him a cut on his exposed shin that he ignores and goes to wave at Mark through the window by the back porch.

“I like your shirt.” By the size of it, it could be his father’s. It far from fits him but he hopes that one day it might. The chances of that are slim, he is not going to grow much taller.

“Did you go to the beach?” Jinyoung warms his hands on the full mug. It says ‘SHINee’ on it and Jinyoung wears a confused expression. “My sister talked to your sister.” The lonely song re-occupies his mind. His mind hurts less today than it did yesterday. The ocean washed away all his most aching questions.

“Ah, I see.” They sip their drinks in silence and both burn their tongues from impatience of the nervous kind.

“I did go to the beach.” The sipping stops.

“Isn’t it a little late for that?”

“It’s like a black hole at night. It absorbs me better that way.”

“What do you need a black hole for?”

“It takes me for who I am.” Mark licks his lips. A strand of his hair that is a confusing mix of blonde and brown falls in front of his eye. “Am I crazy?” Mark shakes his head and the strand of hair shakes with him.

“I have a place like that too.” He hesitates, staring into the brown warmth in his cup. It has started to form a layer of skin at the top. “I can show you if you want to see?” Jinyoung nods carefully.

Mark takes him up the stairs and into his bathroom. “Here?” Mark just smiles secretively and it wins Jinyoung’s curiosity. He turns on the tap and Jinyoung watches as the bathtub fills up. “This?” Mark hums.

“Step into my black hole,” Mark offers as he pulls his socks off. Jinyoung’s feet are dirty after going barefoot all evening, so the water gets a bit of colour when his feet make contact. He must admit that the warmth and stillness make for a good tender atmosphere that calms his thoughts compared to the cold and rowdy ocean. His thoughts seem centred here in the proportioned tub instead of being spread across the whole ocean where they never seem to fit. They always wash a little too far away. Mark steps in and closes the tap when the water reaches their ankles. He sits down on the tub’s edge and Jinyoung feels that he must follow suit for the full experience. They stare at the white tiles in front of them.

“I can see why this could work.”

“This wall becomes my canvas of frustration. Each tile holds a story or an emotion that I‘ve cast away in here. The warm water helps them run out.” Jinyoung nods at the tiles. He gets it. He gets them, the frustrations.

Mark’s eyes land on Jinyoung’s leg. From the cut, two red lines have made their way down his slim leg. His hand reaches for the shower handle. The water feels nice on his leg. It stings a bit but the atmosphere makes up for it. It is funny, Jinyoung thinks, how Mark knows as much as the sea or the bathroom tiles. He knows the words before they are spoken, and maybe Jinyoung knows Mark’s words too.

It is 2:02 am and Mark suggests that Jinyoung stays.

The water has turned lukewarm, so now they sit in front of their cold chocolates. They are no good anymore and Jinyoung finds it chilly to be barefoot now. Mark gets him a pair of socks. “They match your shirt.” They do and it manages to make Jinyoung laugh. “Jolly good.” Mr Owen often says that in class, still, Jinyoung believes he has it from watching BBC at noon all summer.

“I think I have an old shirt like that somewhere.” Jinyoung waits cross-legged on the teal bedsheets while Mark disappears into his wardrobe. “I found it!” He comes out with blue waves covering his upper body. It fits Mark a lot better than Jinyoung’s fits him. “Mine has the waves but you’re the one swimming in yours.” Mark chuckles. “It works for you somehow.” Jinyoung starts to see the charm in the shirt he has been wearing for five days straight.

Days are blurry lately. He has been going to the deep waters for a long time but Mark has shown him the charm of bathtub paddling. He wants to go to Hawaii now, where the waters are as warm as in Mark’s bathtub.

Their shirts do not blend well but they do. Since when has it been possible to hear the things never said out loud?

Mark knows, and maybe Jinyoung knows too.

It is 2:34 am and Jinyoung intends to stay.