Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

If you ask Mark numerous times on what he wants for Christmas, he’ll give you the same answer. A boyfriend. You can call him desperate but he won’t care.

Every day, he’d pray to God to give him what he wants. He tried being kind and helpful to strangers even though he lacks the confidence to actually start a decent conversation with them. He thought that if he does good things, he’ll be rewarded. But three months of being the Good Samaritan that he was, still no sign of him getting what he wants.

Sighing, Mark looks down on his lap while sitting on one of the swings in the playground near his house. It was snowing and Christmas will be in a few hours. You might be wondering what he was doing outside, alone, in such a cold weather.

He had lost hope. He knew he won’t be getting a boyfriend this year and dreaded at the possibility that it would be the same for the next year. He’s twenty eight and his relatives have such high expectations that he’d be settling down before he hits thirty. But even without them giving him pressure, Mark still wanted a boyfriend.

He wanted to know how it feels to have that special person beside you, supporting you and just loving you the way you are. It may not have been obvious with his poker face, Mark feels jealous of people who already have their special someone with them. He bets they’d be celebrating Christmas, the holidays or maybe every day, their love while he mopes about his pathetic and dull love life.

Mark wakes up with his alarm ringing on his bedside. He groaned and lazily reached for the offending device before shutting it off completely. The moment he sat up, the door bursts open making him jerk a little bit and glares at the unwelcomed visitor afterwards.

“Merry Christmas, Mark hyung!” Bambam, his younger cousin, greeted him cheerfully with a wide grin on his face and Mark wanted to wipe that away but find no energy to do so.

“Merry Christmas.” Mark murmured before he lied on his back, attempting to go back to his dream where he was having a nice Christmas dinner with his non-existent boyfriend. But Bambam chose that moment to jump on his bed, shaking it with his weight and waking up Mark rudely. “Stop it.”

“No! You have to get up and open your presents!” The younger continued to jump like a little kid even though he’s already a third year in college. “And your mom’s boss’ son is downstairs already. I don’t even know why he’s here.” That piqued Mark’s interest but still didn’t make a move to lift his body off of his bed so he let Bambam continue his rambling. “She said something about her boss leaving for a business meeting. Thought he was ugly when Auntie mentioned him but he was really, really handsome, it made my panties wet.”

Mark rolled his eyes as he sat up, glaring at his cousin who was grinning at him. “First of all, you don’t wear panties, you brat. Second, I don’t care if my mom’s boss’ son is downstairs. Third, I just want to sleep for the rest of the day so could you please leave me alone?” He grabbed his blanket and dragged it over his head, hoping to fall back to sleep once again.

“I’m having none of your attitude, Mark hyung. Your mom strictly told me to get you prepared for breakfast because we have a guest.” Bambam shook his head as he forcefully yanked the blanket away from Mark’s body and throwing it somewhere across the room. Mark was so adamant to stay on bed but Bambam manages to drag his body to the bathroom and before Mark knew it, he was already drenched.

Bambam didn’t even take off his clothes before he dumped Mark in the bath tub. Bastard.

To say that his mom’s boss’ son is handsome would be an understatement.

Mark thought Bambam was joking but when he caught sight of a blonde hair combed elegantly backwards, eyes so sharp and stares deeply right through his soul, edgy nose and a pair of strawberry-colored lips moist with saliva, he almost tripped down the stairs and embarrassed himself in front of a God, literally.

“Oh, Mark, it’s good to see you awake. Merry Christmas.” His mom walked up to him and kisses the side of his head and all the while, Mark’s eyes remained on their visitor who was leisurely sitting on their couch, right leg resting over the left with a newspaper on his left hand and a cup of tea on his right. When his mom mentioned his name, the handsome blonde lifted his eyes from the newspaper before meeting Mark’s orbs.

It felt like Mark was electrocuted with just a simple stare. He couldn’t help but shiver and was glad that his mother didn’t notice. “Yeah, Merry Christmas, Mom. Who’s he?”

“Come on, I’ll introduce you two.” She dragged him towards the living room while Mark watches as their visitor settled both the newspaper and the cup on top of the table before standing up. Surprisingly, their height were just the same but the other has a broader built than his which made him dart his tongue out and wet his bottom lip at the dirty thoughts which coincidentally involves muscled biceps and hard body. “Mark, this is Jackson Wang, my boss’ son. He’ll be staying here with us today until tomorrow. Jackson, meet my son, Mark.”

“It’s nice to meet you, Mark.” He gulped at the baritone voice. Mark is such a sucker for deep voices and this one definitely made his knees go weak.

“Nice to meet you too, Jackson.” He took hold of the offered hand and shook them together. The other has a firm grip on his hand and Mark loved the feeling of being secured as if he was wrapped around the arms of the other.

“Okay, boys, I’ll leave you two alone as I still need to prepare breakfast.”

Before Mark could even protest, she already disappeared. Damn. When he turned around to face Jackson, the latter was obviously staring at him - his eyes, his nose until it settled on his lips. Mark couldn’t stop himself from nibbling his bottom lip at the intensity of the atmosphere around them. It was somewhat sexual and yet so unbelievable at the same time because they just met a few seconds ago. His heart thumped painfully hard against his chest when Jackson’s eyes lifted and fell on his own.

He didn’t know what really happened because when he opened his eyes - he hadn’t even realize that he had closed them - his body was situated on Jackson’s lap, his arms tightly wounded around Jackson’s neck and lips dancing fiercely against Jackson’s lips.

All Mark could think about was Jackson, Jackson, Jackson.

Love at first sight? Mark didn’t know.

Lust at first sight? Probably.

Jackson had just started unbuttoning his shirt before they were interrupted by a loud clearing of the throat. Mark jumped and almost fell. Thankfully, Jackson manages to catch him with his fast reflexes, pulling Mark’s body closer to his heated one. Mark blushes hard as he looked away and widened his eyes when he saw his father standing by the entrance to the living room. Mark immediately stood up and excused himself, locking himself up in his bedroom.

After that incident, Mark would always catch Jackson’s gaze on him and he would look away before his strong desire towards the other gets out of control. So, throughout the rest of the day, he made sure that he wouldn’t cross path with Jackson. He didn’t want to give in with his lust because Mark isn’t looking for a quick fuck. He always wanted a relationship that would last, maybe, forever.

However, with the measurement of their house, it deemed impossible to hide from Jackson because when the night went deeper, Mark found himself pinned against the wall of his bedroom, his lips ferociously attacked by Jackson. Mark tried resisting but he couldn’t push the other off of him, so he thought fuck it and responded to the kiss with the same fervor.

“Stop running away from me.” Jackson breathed on his open mouth, lustful eyes meeting Mark’s. Jackson must have thought that he wouldn’t give him any reply because the former dived down and bit on his neck, ripping a moan out of Mark’s mouth.

“Jack- Jackson!” Mark panted, his nails digging on Jackson’s shoulder. “I won’t- ugh. I won’t run away. So, so please- ah!”

“Fuck.” Jackson pulled away before claiming Mark’s lips once more into a passionate kiss. He sucked, bit and nibbled on Mark’s already swollen lips. Mark moaned louder when Jackson’s hands traveled from his sides down to his ass, cupping both cheeks and squeezing them tightly. “Shh. Keep quiet, baby.”

Mark’s reply was muffled with the kiss and his arms tightened around Jackson’s neck when the latter hoisted him up, wrapping both of his legs around Jackson’s waist. Mark had to bend down slightly with the new height difference, whimpering when he felt hands prodding his behind, fingers digging onto the fabric where the crack of his ass is. The thin material of his pajama pants only made it easier for Jackson to locate his hole as he scratches his finger against it.

When Jackson took a step backward, Mark had to cling harder as there wasn’t anything to support him aside from Jackson’s arms under his ass. He was surprised when Jackson easily navigated around his room with eyes closed whilst kissing Mark with hunger, it’s as if he knew where to go and memorized Mark’s bedroom by heart when in fact, it was the first time he had been there. They made it safely to the bed with their lips still intact like magnets.

And the night went incredibly slow for them as they got lost in their desires for each other.

Waking up the next day was, by far, the best morning for Mark.

He woke up wrapped around in some kind of warmth that weren’t there for the past twenty eight years of his existence and when he realizes where it was coming from, events of yesterday night made him smile goofily as he snuggled closer at the flushed body beside him. He buried his nose on the other’s neck, sniffing on Jackson’s unique scent of perfume and sweat. He winces when a dull ache spread on his back side until he felt a warm hand rubbing the small of his back.

“You okay?” Jackson worriedly asked, kissing the top of Mark’s head as he continues to rub the pain away from Mark’s back. “Does it hurt? Was I too rough on you yesterday?”

Jackson’s voice was laced with concern and Mark had to kiss Jackson’s chest for being so caring. It didn’t fail to make his heart flutter and the butterflies in his stomach to swim pleasantly. “Just a little sore, but I’m okay.”

“Are you sure?” The other asked once more as he nuzzles on Mark’s hair and Mark could only nod as he found it hard to even speak because all he wanted was to cuddle with Jackson all day. “Alright, if you say so. Are you hungry? Want to grab breakfast downstairs?”

“Don’t wanna.” Mark whined causing Jackson to laugh at his childishness.

“Okay, baby. But I’ll go grab something to eat. Don’t want to make you hungry.” Jackson said as he pulled away from Mark but the latter made grabby gestures with his hand similar to a little kid who doesn’t want to be left behind. Jackson grabbed both of Mark’s hands and kisses his knuckles tenderly. “I’ll be right back. Just rest here, baby.”

Although he didn’t want to, Mark eventually let Jackson go because he, too, was feeling hungry. What happened last night has drained all of his energy. He even fainted two times because of extreme ecstasy and Jackson had to wake him up because the latter obviously wasn’t finished yet. So, they continued their affair until the crack of dawn. Mark looked at his digital clock and saw that it was seven in the morning. Surprisingly, they had just slept for two hours and yet he felt like he was sleeping for ages.

Jackson didn’t take long as he emerged from the door while holding a bowl of fresh strawberries. He settled down on to the bed, back resting on the headboard while Mark moved lazily, wincing every now and then, and laid his head on Jackson’s lap. Smiling, Mark opened his mouth at the offered strawberry and hummed in delight at the sweetness of the fruit, chewing it slow so he could appreciate its flavor.

“Thank you.” Mark said and Jackson smiled, bending down to put an affectionate kiss on his forehead. When Jackson pulled away, Mark’s expression went from happy to anticipation, his eyes twinkling with hope. He swallowed hard before muttering the question he always wanted to ask, “What are we?”

Instead of being pushed away like what Mark was expecting, Jackson smiled softly down at him. “What do you want us to be?”

“I don’t know.” Mark didn’t want to push Jackson. He didn’t want to be selfish. He didn’t want to go up and tell Jackson that he wanted them to be more than friends, to be more than just fuck buddies. He wanted the two of them to enter into a relationship, a love relationship even though they’ve just met yesterday, even though things happened too fast between the two of them.

Jackson was his first and Mark didn’t want to waste his virginity to an asshole, but he knew a lot has changed especially when he gave his v-card to Jackson. It would really suck if Jackson didn’t want to enter into a relationship with him but he wouldn’t regret giving to Jackson his virginity either.

He didn’t even notice that he was crying already until Jackson smooth a thumb down his cheek, wiping the tears away. With such a gentle touch, Mark couldn’t stop the whimper from escaping, tears uncontrollably rolling down the apple of his cheeks. It was the first time in a long while that he was crying like a child. He suddenly felt so stupid for not being to control his emotions.

“I’ll let you think about it.” Jackson softly offered before he gently nudges Mark’s head and lifted himself off the bed.

Mark wanted to reach for him but something was pulling him back so the only thing he could do is to watch silently as Jackson collected his own clothes from the floor and leave his bed room for good. When the door closes, Mark’s tears were released from its confines.

Chapter Text

For the past week, Mark had been thinking what went wrong.

After Jackson left his bedroom, everything suddenly felt awkward. It’s as if there’s an invisible barrier in between, hindering them from running into each other’s arms. Mark wanted to ask Jackson to be his boyfriend but he was afraid to be rejected.

Was it wrong to give in to his own desires?

He wanted Jackson and so he let the latter do whatever he wants with him but it never had crossed his mind what would happen after. He thought that if two people have sex then it automatically equates to them being together, officially. However, Mark has been naïve. He was ignorant and didn’t consider Jackson’s perspective. Maybe he was in the wrong here. If only he had enough control to tame himself then this sticky situation wouldn’t have come to life.

Asking Jackson what’s their relationship is was the stupidest move Mark had ever decided to do. Now, it was clear to him that it was he who had pushed Jackson away. The latter must have thought that Mark was truly desperate to have a relationship and Mark remembers saying that he won’t care but things changed and Mark would be lying to himself if he tells that he doesn’t care, because it’s the complete opposite.

Then, Jackson left later that day without even saying goodbye to him. Mark had broken down and his family was worried, asking him what was wrong. He didn’t know what to tell them and so he ran to his room and locked himself up, bawling his eyes out until he was exhausted from all the crying and slipped into a lifeless dream. He was thankful that his family didn’t push him into answering questions regarding his earlier break down when he went downstairs and ate dinner with everyone. Mark had the time to be at peace and let his family heal his broken heart.

New Year would be in a few days and Mark hopes that everything will go well for him the next year.

“Okay, wait. Let me get this straight. You had sex with this hot blonde guy on the day you met him?” Jinyoung stared dumbfounded at Mark who embarrassingly nodded. “What the fuck, Mark? I thought you wanted something that would last?”

“I do!” Mark protested, his voice had gone higher causing some of the customers in the coffee shop to look at his way. He gave them an apologetic smile before returning his eyes to his friend who still find it hard to accept the fact that Mark indeed lost his virginity to some guy who he had just met and left the next day.

“Then what the hell is this you’re telling me?”

Sighing, Mark slumps his body on his seat, pulling his snapback downward to hide his eyes before crossing his arms lazily on top of his stomach. “I don’t know. Everything happened too fast and I had no time to think about it. The moment our eyes met, it’s as if we’re speaking through it and before I knew it, I was naked and sore in his arms.”

Mark wasn’t exactly lying. He felt like he was in a dreamy state when everything folded in front of his eyes.

“Look, Mark, I have no qualms whatsoever with your decisions in life because I know you put logic first before your emotions but this is ridiculous. Are you sure you were sane when you said yes to his invitation to bed?”

Raising an elegant eyebrow up, he stared at Jinyoung incredulously. “Are you implying that Jackson drugged me just to get into my pants?”

“I don’t know. You tell me.” Jinyoung huffed, glaring at Mark who had his mouth gaping.

“What the hell’s wrong with you, Jinyoung? So, what if I gave him my v-card, what does it have to do with you?!” Mark hissed under his breath. He could feel tears building up at the back of his eyes and his nose started to sting painfully so he pulled harshly his snapback further down to completely hide his eyes from anyone including Jinyoung.

Instead of yelling, Jinyoung sighed and drank his caramel macchiato as Mark swallowed his tears. “It does have to do with me, Mark. I’m your best friend, remember? I just want the best for you and losing your virginity to a douche is something I couldn’t possibly ignore. I love you, you know that, right?”

Mark nodded wordlessly, wiping the tears that had somehow escaped with his hands. He straightened his back as he sniffled, still not wanting to meet anyone’s eyes as of the moment.

He was being an ass to Jinyoung, there’s no doubt about that. Maybe it was because he now felt bitter for giving Jackson his everything just to get dumped the next few hours but it wasn’t still enough reason to drag his best friend to this mess. He’s just so pathetic for feeling like the shitiest person on Earth.

Everything seemed to calm after that.

Thankfully, his friendship with Jinyoung is still strong and what happened in the coffee shop was just a little quarrel that was soon fixed with an apology and a hug.

Mark has been trying to forget about Jackson. It was really ridiculous to feel so strongly towards a person he had just met. Sure, they had sex and that could be considered some sort of a bond between the two of them but he still can’t believe how much the other affects him even with just the mention of his name. He tried busying himself with lesson plans and whatnot since he’s a primary school teacher.

He loves his work far more than anything in the world.

Although most of his family wanted him to be something more - they say - like a lawyer or a doctor but that’s too extravagant for Mark besides he likes being surrounded by children so why not become a teacher. Every day with the children is pure bliss and a good distraction as well. But since it’s a holiday season, he couldn’t have them as his distraction from thinking about Jackson.

Whatever he’s doing or wherever he’s going, Mark would always, always have Jackson in his mind. The thought of the other wouldn’t leave him alone.

And every time he closes his eyes to sleep, he’d found himself lying in his own bed with his body rocking back and forth with Jackson on top of him with ecstasy written all over his face. Mark would wake up every three in the morning, panting and hard. There’s nothing much to do but to relieve himself in the bathroom, trying so hard to suppress his moans.

Mark stared at his digital clock, blinking at the numbers until he realizes that it was a minute away from New Year. He could hear everyone talking and laughing downstairs and it wouldn’t be long until they start the countdown. Just as they started with ten, his room burst open and he was dragged out of his room by his ever-so-rude cousin, Bambam who was beaming at him with a 2017 glasses on.

“8!”

Everyone roared at the backyard. They were having barbeque and a pool party so Mark went to sit on one of the beach chairs and wrap his arms around himself.

“4!”

“3!”

“2!”

“1!”

As soon as the explosion of fireworks echoed in his ears, someone suddenly had gripped his arm pulling him up in a standing position before he staggered backwards as a pair of lips crashed on his own.

Gasping, Mark pulled away with his ears ringing and his lips trembling.

He blinked away the state of haziness from his eyes and tries to focus his vision on the person in front of him. When it cleared, he widened his eyes, finding it hard to believe that the exact same person he had been going crazy about is now standing just a hand span away from him with the same dashing smile and twinkling brown orbs staring intently at him.

“Jackson.” He breathlessly said, tears now cascading down his porcelain cheeks.

Slowly, he cups the other’s face with his hands, smoothing his thumbs on the skin under the other’s eyes. When Jackson grabbed hold both of his wrists, Mark knew he wasn’t dreaming.

This was all real.

Jackson’s there with him.

A whimper came out of his lips as Jackson kisses the inside of his wrists. The touch was gentle and the skin where Jackson placed his lips was burning. He didn’t know what his family were cheering for, was it the New Year or his reunion with Jackson, because he’s busy staring at Jackson as if the other would disappear with just a bat of his eyelash.

“I can’t stop thinking about you. I tried meeting other people but no one can replace you.” Jackson confessed, mumbling against Mark’s palms. “I’ve missed your touch, your kisses. I’ve missed everything about you and I so badly wanted to see you.” He lifted his face from Mark’s hands and held gazes with him.

“Jackson.”

“I love you, Mark.”

His breath hitches, his chest constricting. It’s like he couldn’t breathe and yet he held his ground. His tears doubled as he heartily laughed at Jackson’s confession. It felt like everything was a dream and when Jackson kissed him one more time with gentleness that it made Mark’s heart to burst in wondrous ways, he realizes that all of this is happening for real and outside of his dream.

And when Jackson uttered the next few words of his own speech, Mark could only nod in happiness and pulled Jackson in a passionate kiss.

“Will you be my boyfriend?”

Chapter Text

“Why’d you come back?”

Mark stared deeply at Jackson’s eyes as he propped his chin on top of the other’s chest. They were cuddled in Mark’s bed with Jackson leisurely brushing his fingers on Mark’s hair.

“Why? You don’t want me here?” Jackson raised an eyebrow up as he stilled his fingers.

Rolling his eyes, Mark huffed and nuzzled his cheek on Jackson’s chest, his arm going around the other’s waist. “I was just asking. If you don’t want to answer, then don’t. I’m not forcing you to, anyway.” He mumbled.

Sensing that Mark is somehow sulking, Jackson chuckled and Mark loved hearing the vibrations against his chest where he’s laying his head. Jackson buried his nose on Mark’s hair, inhaling the unique scent that is undoubtedly Mark’s and also one of the reasons why he fell in love with him.

“Stop acting so adorable or I might just lose control and eat you up while your family is downstairs celebrating the New Year.” Jackson tightly hugs Mark to prove his point that he was indeed holding himself back and Mark couldn’t help but blush at the fact that he’s making Jackson feel like Mark is irresistible.

“I’m not!” Mark playfully slaps Jackson’s chest earning another laugh from the other in which Mark followed afterwards.

When their laughter died down, Jackson went back to messing Mark’s hair, twirling the soft, raven locks with his fingers before tugging it softly as if he was massaging Mark’s scalp. “Because I love you.”

“Huh?” Mark had to pull back and lifted himself off with his elbows to look at Jackson properly with a confused expression on his face. Jackson just had to lean down and kiss him square on the lips.

“I love you.” He repeated when he pulled away.

Even though blushing, Mark still sported the same, adorable confused look. “I still don’t get it. I mean, when you left my room that morning, I thought you hated the idea of being tied down in a relationship. If that’s the case, then I wouldn’t be surprised because it’s you we’re talking about. You’re the absolute package. You can get whoever you want.”

Jackson stared at him like he had grown another head in which Mark pouted at. “You wound me, Mark.” He dramatically placed a hand on his chest.

“You’re such a drama queen.” Mark commented as he let Jackson cuddle him once more. “Seriously, tell me the reason why’d you come back. I wanted to know.”

“Okay.” Jackson responded rather quietly, staring at the ceiling as he thought of what to say first. “Actually, I was just as confused as you. I know it was an ass move to leave you like that and to tell you honestly, I thought you were the one who didn’t want to enter into a relationship with me.”

“What?!” Mark gasped in disbelief, sitting up when he did. “Of course not! I - “

Jackson placed a finger against Mark’s lip, shutting the latter effectively. He supported his weight with his hands behind him as he sat up also before resting his back against the headboard. He spread his arms wide and beckoned Mark to come closer. Mark followed and cocooned himself again around Jackson’s warm body.

“Remember when I reversed the question?” He felt Mark nod and he smiled softly at that. “I asked you what you want us to be. Maybe I was being a little too ambitious but I was hoping that you’d say you want me to be your boyfriend. But that didn’t come out from your mouth so I assumed you didn’t want to, that’s why I left and told you to think about it.”

As Jackson talked, Mark finally realized who went wrong.

It was him all this time.

He failed to read between the lines. He failed to read the situation the two of them were in. He was concerned with his own insecurities, with his own needs that he failed to consider Jackson’s perspective. Now he knows that Jackson also did suffer when he decided not to be honest with his own feelings.

Mark could feel tears slipping from his eyes, his nose getting stuffy and his lips trembling at how stupid he had been for the past week.

“Oh my god - I’m so sorry, Jackson.” Mark wheezes as he finds it hard to breathe, his own hands flying to cup his mouth, trying so hard to swallow the hiccups from escaping. “I’m so sorry. So, so, sorry.”

“Hey, hey, hey.” Jackson turned Mark’s body around so they were facing each other. He gently holds Mark’s face with his hands, wiping the tears away with his thumbs. Mark continues to shed tears, whimpering every now and then while Jackson tried to calm him down. “Shh, baby, don’t cry. I’m not mad at you, Mark. I’m not. Please don’t cry.”

“I’m sorry. I’m so stupid. If only I had told you that time how much I wanted to be your boyfriend, then we would have celebrated the week after Christmas together.” Mark desperately clings on to Jackson’s hands, squeezing them tightly as he struggled to keep his hiccups at bay all the while his tears uncontrollably flowed down his cheeks.

“It’s okay now, Mark. We’re okay. We’re together. Alright?” Mark nodded silently, his cries turning into adorable sniffles, his eyes red and puffy from all the crying. “I’m here. I won’t leave you again. Not ever. Not now that I have you in my arms. Not now that I can finally say that you’re mine.”

And just like that, Jackson manages to calm him down. With Jackson’s reassurance, he felt his insecurities slowly dissipating. Suddenly, he felt a whole lighter, breath taken away when Jackson claimed his lips in a hungry kiss. His heart swelled at the thought that Jackson couldn’t get enough of him. It felt so nice to know that he could make Jackson feel like the way he’s feeling right now. So, he responded to the kiss with the same intensity, as if to tell Jackson that he, too, feel the same way.

When they pulled away, Jackson held his breath as Mark smiled softly at him. Despite the bloodshot eyes, the runny nose, the pink tinted cheeks and the swollen lips, Mark still looked absolutely beautiful.

“I love you.” Mark murmured against Jackson’s lips.

Jackson grinned. “I know.”