Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

even after lukas dumped rose, he wasn’t exactly comfortable holding philip’s hand in public which he...understood but didn’t entirely agree with. tivoli wasn’t manhattan or buffalo, and being openly gay with the resident ‘weird kid’ wasn’t exactly good for lukas’ heterosexual motocross aesthetic. so philip reluctantly let it be.

he had waited this long, after all, he could be patient for a few weeks more.

if it made it to months, though, he’d have to stage a small riot in protest of lukas’ behavior.

philip walked past lukas’ locker on his way back to his own, playfully bumping their shoulders together as he absently spun a pin on the band of his backpack. he wasn’t even aware that lukas was following him until a familiar hand slid into his and laced their fingers together.

he started, curling his fingers around lukas’ entirely out of reflex before he lifted his head to look his boyfriend right in his pretty blue eyes. it felt like it would be a joke, that lukas would yank his hand away and yell in the face the same way he had before when his strict image™ was directly threatened by philip breathing in his general direction.

but as lukas leaned in to press a gentle kiss to his temple and the hallway erupted into stage whispers and gasps of horror mixed in with surprise and delight, philip realized that they were in a distinctly different situation now.

“you know, lukas, they’re not going to think you’re this savage macho man anymore after this. are you sure you can deal with the consequences of that?” philip’s voice was pitched low as a small smile grew on his face and he pressed a little closer to lukas. it didn’t matter to him really, he was the weird kid who wore lipgloss and nail polish – he had no masculine credit in tivoli. but that masculine credit was exceptionally important to lukas and his future.

“let them talk, then. there’s more to the world than little old tivoli, right?”

philip grinned brightly, standing on his toes to kiss lukas to more whispers and shouts of surprise from the student body.

“right. now, i’m going to be late to philosophy. walk me?”

“yeah, i’ll walk you.”

they held each other’s hands tightly as they walked down the hall, matching smiles on their lips.

Chapter Text

philip slept on his stomach, something lukas didn't understand and figured there was some deep psychological meaning behind it that wasn't any of lukas’ business. it made cuddling somewhat inconvenient most times, but it was times like this one where lukas couldn't find it in him to complain.

philip was asleep on his chest, his cheek pressed against lukas’ heart while his hand rested almost protectively over his bullet wound. he'd taken to sleeping that way after the attack, and there was a very slim chance of the brunet stopping any time soon.

lukas had whined and complained when rose tried to cuddle up to him like this, made up excuses about how he didn't want heat on him when he was sleeping, but rose simply hadn't gone through the same level of trauma they had. philip slept like this to make sure lukas was alive and stayed that way.

he couldn't fault him for that.

he slowly brought one hand up to gently stroke it over philip’s t-shirt covered back, scratching lightly with his blunt nails as he sat and watched his face relax from the gentle affection.

lukas wasn't exactly...used to physical affection like this. it was easier, when they were alone, or when helen and gabe were milling around beneath them and they could pretend to be alone. he was trying to be better for himself, but especially for philip.

they needed each other and philip deserved a good boyfriend.

speaking of philip…

“you stopped scratching me..” it was a small grumble as one dark eye slid open, and he lifted his head enough to pout before letting it fall down hard on lukas’ chest. “continue..”

lukas covered his mouth to keep from laughing and startling gabe or helen, leaning down to kiss philip’s forehead as he started scratching philip’s back again. “you got it, boss.”

Chapter Text

lukas did little things to tell philip that he loved him, and none of them were explicitly verbal.

he sent him songs that made him think about philip, links to photography tips, pictures of puppies and kittens and flowers. he always set aside a little part of his day for philip and that was..nice.

there were little touches, too.

they'd sit next to each other at the dinner table, dancing around conversations about college and grades while playfully nudging their knees together under the dark wood. sometimes lukas would do something so he had an excuse to grab philip’s hand.

( “i can tell your fortune by looking at your palm!” lukas said one day while they sat under their favorite tree, philip’s hand held safely in his own.

“oh yeah?” philip had asked, wriggling his fingers in lukas’s face as a challenge. lukas took it, of course, waiting for this sort of invitation, and looked very carefully at every line and bump in philip’s palm.

“it says you’re a gay ass nerd!”

“your palm says you're a little bitch, lukas!”

“you can't read palms!” gabe found them like that later and just sent philip a text to let him know dinner was ready. best to leave them alone, he thought. )

but philip’s favorite silent thing that lukas did, that he'd never admit out loud, were his little forehead kisses. they usually started with hugs, then lukas resting his head against philip’s before moving it just so so that his lips pressed the most tender of kisses to the crown of his head.

the forehead kisses felt like prayers to philip, sometimes. prayers for what he didn't know — he didn't even know if lukas believed in god, or anything like that. but he wondered. he wondered if lukas worshipped the way he was able to love philip.

it was wishful thinking, he knew, but he wondered anyway.

( the truth was, lukas’ proof of divinity was in philip’s smile and every forehead kiss was a thank you for being allowed to share in his divinity. he'd never say that aloud, though. wouldn't even think about it. )

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philip was nearly asleep in the bathtub by the time lukas joined him, lulled into a sense of calm and security by the warm water and the soft sounds of his radio filtering in from his bedroom.

he didn't notice that lukas had even come into the bathroom until his limp body was being carefully shifted so that lukas could climb into the water behind him. “did i fall asleep…?” he asked softly, shifting his head to turn tired eyes up at lukas’s stupidly attractive face.

“i think you almost did. no, don't move i've got you.” lukas ducked his head to nuzzle tenderly at philip’s forehead before shifting to grab the nearby bottle of shampoo and pour it into his hand.

“you're supposed to wet my hair, lukas..”

“rose said that your hair gets softer if you put the shampoo in when it's dry. said cosmo had a whole article about it.” he replied easily, carefully massaging the shampoo into philip’s hair as he settled down again at the attention. “or refinery29, i don't really pay attention to those makeup/lifestyle sites that you two subscribe to.”

philip didn't respond, though he was still awake, his fingers gently drawing wet designs on lukas’ knees. he breathed in the earthy smell of his shampoo, and the lemony ‘man scent’ that was entirely lukas. he let his boyfriend move him around to rinse the shampoo out of his hair, and dozed off again once it was time for conditioner.

he doesn't actually remember falling asleep under lukas’ careful ministrations, but he wakes up curled up in his boyfriends arms and wrapped up securely in one of lukas’ hoodies and his own sweats.

“when did i fall asleep?”

“after you proclaimed your undying love for me.” lukas replied with an overly serious tone and philip raised his hand to pop him lightly on the shoulder.

“anyway.”

Chapter Text

lukas was an absolute baby when under the weather, which philip might have found more endearing if lukas wasn’t being an absolute baby on philip’s bed. he didn’t mind taking care of his whining boyfriend, but he did mind the way that lukas and all his long limbs took up the space on his bed.

philip climbed onto the bed beside lukas, gently patting his sweat away with a damp towel before nudging lukas’ lips apart with the thermometer. “don’t whine, i have to know your temperature.”

“isn’t there a more fun way to do this?” lukas grumbled around the thermometer, though his lips quirked up at the disbelieving snort that left philip. there was absolutely no way they were sharing any sort of fluids while lukas had the flu, but he could dream, couldn’t he? “kidding, i swear…”

he turned his head when philip gently brushed his knuckles over his cheek, taking the thermometer out and checking it with a rather maternal click of his tongue. “you’re at 101º, which means you still can’t get kisses.”

“damn.”

philip snorted again, leaning down to relieve lukas’ pout by giving him a short eskimo kiss. “you’re gonna have to eat some chicken noodle soup, luka.” the nickname slipped as naturally as saying lukas’ name, but he found he kind of liked out it sounded.

“chicken noodle soup doesn’t taste like anything, though!” lukas complained, shifting in closer to philip to attempt to leach his heat through the thick blankets wrapped around him. he pulled his hands out from under the blankets to cradle philip’s cheeks and pucker his lips playfully. “kisses will heal me faster!”

“in your dreams! also, my chicken noodle soup has more taste than you do taste in clothes so don’t come for me like that.” philip rested a finger on lukas’ lips before pulling back entirely to help him sit up in order to be able to eat.

“if i can’t come for you, why can you come for me?” he complained even as philip set the bowl of soup in his lap and offered him the spoon.

“it’s not coming for you if it’s a fact.” philip smiled sweetly, giving lukas a quick kiss on the cheek. “besides, you eat the chicken soup or i go grab the cough syrup.”

lukas had never put something into his mouth so quickly in his life.

besides, the sooner he got better, the sooner he’d be able to kiss philip again.

Chapter Text

they were going over the footage from lukas’ most recent video when philip felt the blond’s head rest a little more heavily on his shoulder with a soft groan.

“we've been at this for hours, philip. can't we just get it done tomorrow? or just..put that out there?” his voice was muffled by philip's shirt as lukas began to drape his body over philip’s.

such a drama queen for someone who prided himself on being such a savage biker man.

“i thought you wanted all the validation that came with my perfectly edited videos, hm?” philip’s lips curled into a fond smile a lukas’ responding grunt and increased body weight.

but, he had to admit that lukas had a point. it was the tail end of one am, and philip was no where close to being done with the editing. besides, he was almost ninety-percent sure he used the wrong clip for one section.

which didn't bode well for lukas’ views and fans.

“i love the validation. but you know what i also love?”

“me?”

lukas nipped sleepily at philip, though he smiled fondly. “yeah. but sleep. i really love sleep. so can we do that?”

philip didn't need the convincing, saving his work before setting his laptop to the side and pushing lukas down so he could lay down on top of him. “then i guess it's time for sleep, huh?”

together they wriggles under philip’s blankets, lukas tucking the smaller boy against his side as they fell asleep to the gentle sound of each other’s breathing. u

Chapter Text

“helen? helen, have you seen my leather jacket?” philip called as he came down the stairs, his backpack slung over his shoulder.

“no, did you leave it at lukas’ house?” she asked, pausing in front of the coffee machine. the boys were always leaving something somewhere, which she'd learned to expect from teenage boys.

the boy shrugged some, pursing his lips in thought before grabbing his personal tumbler of coffee and giving helen a quick kiss on the cheek before rushing out to his bike before he was almost criminally late for school.

—

lukas had noticed his boyfriend’s jacket slung over the back of his desk chair that morning when he was getting ready, and figured there was absolutely no harm in wearing it to school.

after all, he'd already made out with philip in the hallways. there wasn't getting much gayer than that, he'd thought.

rose had teased him about it, tugging playfully on the pin covered lapels as she grinned a peachy grin.

“you wanna talk about me wearing my boyfriend’s jacket when you're wearing his lipgloss? he's gonna be looking for that too, you know.”

“it's not my fault that he's absent minded.” rose drawled, tapping lukas on the nose before she spotted philip dismounting his bike and waved him over. “philip!”

philip opened his mouth when he saw them both, crossing his arms over his chest as he made his way across the school’s front lawn and held his hand out to rose. “lipgloss.”

she pouted her lips at him before fishing in her purse for the lipgloss tube and handing it back to him. “you left it on my bedroom floor..”

“doesn't mean it's a gift, rosie posie.” he kissed her on the cheek, raising a brow as he saw lukas move in the corner of his eye.

“you,” he said, turning around to face lukas and kiss him quickly on the lips, “can keep that until lunch. i like how it looks on you.”

lukas watched him walk away with his mouth hanging open, only closing it when rose flicked his chin with her nails. “don't swallow a bee, your dumb ass is allergic.”

Chapter Text

lukas dumped every pillow and blanket he could find on top of philip, grinning apologetically when his boyfriend looked up at him with an exceptionally disgruntled expression.

“what are you doing with the entirety of helen and gabe’s linen closet and why is it on top of me?”

“because you and i are going to build a blanket fort.”

philip’s expression calmed, but then he sat up and tilted his head. “do you know how to make a blanket fort, lukas?”

“nope!” but lukas wasn't going to be stopped and pulled his phone out of his pocket to pull up the instructions he found on rose’s pinterest. “but the internet does!”

“fair point.” philip admitted, pulling himself out of the bed and taking the phone so he could tell lukas where everything went.

they ended up taking over the living room when they were done; the couch turned entirely around to face the tv with two of the dining room chairs keeping the front of the fort open for them to see whatever superhero movie was playing on flat screen.

lukas had arranged his gangly limbs so he was curled protectively around philip, his chin propped on philip’s shoulders. “that looks so savage.”

“if your new life goal is the winter soldier i'm just going to swing on you right now.” philip muttered, watching the explosions on the screen with an interest directed solely on the cinematography. he wasn't going to do anything to lukas right now, if he was being honest. their position was too comfortable.

“no, you won't.”

“doesn't mean i don't want to. i'd leave you for captain america.”

“i’d leave myself for captain america.”

Chapter Text

philip pulled lukas out of the train station at christopher street, grinning brightly as he tried not to bounce too excitedly at the surprise.

“you know, i was hype to just enter manhattan but you're excitement is a little...much, if i say so myself.” lukas teased, letting philip drag him down the street to what he assumed was their destination. “where are we going anyway?”

“there..” philip gestured grandly to an ice cream shop at the corner of grove street and lukas’ mouth fell open in surprise when he took in the obnoxious rainbow colored sign.

“The Big Gay Ice Cream Shop.” he read out loud, looking between the window and philip with wide blue eyes. “they actually let it be named this?”

“yeah! stonewall is diagonally that way,” philip turned and pointed past a triangular park to the inn where the the first pride riot happened, “so we're in one of the gayest parts of new york city where it's totally play to name an ice cream shop ‘The Big Gay Ice Cream Shop’.”

lukas had to admit that the idea of hanging out in a place where he and philip could kiss and hold hands without being outwardly judged for it was really nice. “so… we're going in, yeah?”

“yeah!”

they settled onto one of the benches with a ‘salty pimp and philip shoved a spoon into the top of it to shovel the chocolate covered ice cream into his mouth with a bright grin. lukas rolled his eyes fondly even as he obnoxiously licked one half of the cone.

that wouldn't stop philip, of course, but while they were being immature might as well go hard or go all the way back to tivoli.

philip lifted his polaroid, leaning into lukas so they could take a shot with the half eaten ice cream cone. lukas was still impatient about watching the polaroid develop, but he'd claimed the shot before it was even fully developed.

Chapter Text

the boys had set up another blanket fort in the living room once helen and gabe went out for one of their all night dates that lukas didn’t exactly understand, and hooked up the tv to watch all four jurassic park movies – no matter how long it took.

or how bad they got.

lukas had personally only seen the first and last movies, which philip had insisted was a crime against humanity. “a bigger crime than movies two and three combined,” he’d added after some contemplation and before pressing ‘play’ on jurassic park.

philip managed to stay awake all the way through jurassic park – partially due to lukas trying to replicate all of the obnoxious screams all the way through – but a few minutes after a young camilla belle was attacked by a hoard of dino dinosaurs, the brunet rested his head in lukas’ lap for a nap. after getting a little farther into the movie, lukas couldn’t exactly say that he blamed him. the second movie was bad and the third worse, so with philip still safely asleep he went to jurassic world to ogle chris pratt.

lukas looked down at his boyfriend, smiling tenderly as he brushed his fingers through his wavy hair. he’d never noticed how cute philip was when he was asleep. probably because whenever lukas was awake after philip went to sleep he was having a serious mental crisis.

he made a mental note to pay more attention to philip. he deserved it.

Chapter Text

lukas needed to wear more padding when he was on his bike, or else he was going to give philip more heart attacks than he deserved – as a good relatively law abiding gay – and after the whole ryan incident, he’d had his fair share of too many emotional breakdowns.

but, he wasn’t fortunate enough to have a boyfriend who cared about his safety once he got onto a dirt bike, so they were stuck on helen and gabe’s front porch with a giant cut on lukas’s arm and philip playing dutiful ( but loudly complaining ) nursemaid. perhaps he’d chosen peroxide to clean the wound due to the intense bacteria cleansing properties, but there was also a greater chance that he’d chosen it to torment lukas.
“that shit stings, philip!” the blond complained, trying to pull his arm out of philip’s grip before he stilled at the dark eyed glare he received. right. don’t provoke a stressed out philip. he knew that.

“no one told you to overestimate your fucking jump, you dumbass.” he pressed the peroxide covered cotton swab harder against lukas’ arm before deciding to cut his boyfriend a little slack and carefully wiping the cut down with cool water. “you’ve been doing this for like, ever. how did you fuck up that bad?”

there were a few answers that lukas could give to that question, and he chose to work with the ‘let’s flatter philip so he stops torturing me’ option.

“i caught sight of your face and it just, totally threw me.”

philip paused, looking up at lukas with an amused smile on his flushed face before he started wrapping the bandage around his arm. “that’s gay.”

“well, good thing we’re gay, huh?”

“don’t make me tighten this so you have to get your arm amputated because there’s no circulation.”

Chapter Text

philip had spent most of his life sharing a bed with his mother, so when lukas crawled into bed with him, he didn’t really think anything of it; they were only a floor apart and had become more attached to each other since they could be more open about their relationship now that all of their parents knew.

what he wasn’t expecting, so many months later, was for lukas to whisper about the nightmares he still had. about being trapped in ryan’s trunk, about saving philip, about being shot. philip hadn’t expected him to be over it, of course, because he wasn’t over it himself, but he didn’t think that they’d be sharing nightmares at three o’clock in the morning with helen and gabe only a few doors away.

quietly, once lukas’ voice trailed off into silence, philip leaned over to take his hand in his own and give it a gentle kiss. they’d gone through it all together. sharing painful memories wasn’t so different from sharing a bed, after all.

“hey, philip?” he asked after a few beats of silence. “you do think we’ll ever go through something that crazy ever again?”

philip hummed softly to himself, head tilting a little in thought. “i sure as hell hope not. tivoli can only handle so much excitement.”

“yeah.. i hope so.”