Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

"Would you stop? And delete these last five minutes too... no seriously... fuckin'... film all the shows ye want, pre-gig cocktails, stupid random banter, gettin' yer hair cut or watchin' street performers whatever but if ye spend one more second shoving that camera in me face while I'm tryna chill out I'll-"

"You'll what?" Matt interrupts swiftly, his grin cheeky like he knows he's not really in trouble with his friend.

"I'll phone up Mrs. Jill Helders herself and tell 'er exactly 'how much bloody hair gel her wayward son is using," he calls triumphantly, smiling lazily over at Nick who burst out laughing at the threat.

"Ah, young Al, there'll come a time when you're using too much of the stuff yourself!" He smirks and Alex can't help a snort.

"Don't refer to me as 'young', I'm older than you! Besides you won't catch me slicking my hair back-" Matt cuts him off with a smirk, "ooooh no you're far too fond of your hair to be smotherin' it like that," he snarks but his smile is fond and he ruffles Alex's long locks softly.

"Ooooh I'd not cross our princess if I were you Matt, the threat of your mum is formidable enough," Nick offers through a laugh and even Alex, grumpy though he's trying to remain, can't help but crack a soft smile.

Matt shoots him a smirk and Alex, with his hand shielding his eyes from blazing sun, watches his friend shut down the camera and immediately plonk himself down beside him, getting comfy so he too can share a moment of peace in the sun. There's relative silence for a few minutes and so Alex pushes his hair aside casually, tilts his face to the sun and shuts his eyes once more. The peace doesn't last long.

"So... are you gonna tell me why you're so moody? Or pretending to be?" Matt queries softly and Alex can feel eyes on him.

He exhales. By the time he's inhaled again and is halfway through the next steady exhale the gaze on his face feels like it's burning but he's managed put together enough words to form a sentence so he opens his eyes, squints a little and then voices a cautious, "m'not moody... not really, just... struggling to find space to think." It's carefully phrased of course and he trusts Matt will pick up on which word is key.

"Space?" His friend queries and Alex smiles a little for Matt's got it right again.

"Mmmh yeh, well..." he clears his throat, "well, there's... time in abundance but rarely enough... space..." he catches himself sounding cryptic and before he knows it he's backtracking, eyes fully open and sitting up properly too so that he can face Matt as he begins talking again, stretching slowly, sentences coming out at a languid pace to match the low volume. "Mind you, perhaps I'm just' feelin' stifled more physically, s' hot, tha's all, jus'... always warm, even sleeping is... stickeh... yknow?" Luckily Matt also knows when to stop questioning and automatically he groans in understanding.

"God why d'you think I cut all me hair off eh?"

"Ehh, it looks good Matthew, I dunno if I said so... but it does." He murmurs and he feels more than hears Matt smile his thanks.

The conversation stays forgotten until perhaps a full week later when they're on another plane, this time homeward bound, when Alex is sat beside Matt and grumbling half heartedly about how he never does get any sleep on flights.

"You look knackered," Matt informs as though he wasn't already aware. He wants to sigh or maybe glare at his friend but Matt's speaking again before he really gets a moment to think it through. "Y'know, I spoke with me mum last night, she said there's plans for a surprise party for ye, on your birthday." Alex gets a feeling he's broaching this subject delicately.

"Well it's hardly a surprise now is it?" He murmurs as though either of them cares. Matt does smile and then apologise but there's a glint in his gaze that suggests all is not completely revealed. Alex just lets him continue, far too tired to bother interrupting.

"Figured you've been getting even less sleep than the rest of us," is what he says next and there's always been a beauty to the way he and Matt communicate. There's that method of subtle twisting and turning like Matt knows he's got to keep Alex interested by avoiding talking straight, he loops his way around to make his point while still managing to only spout sentences of relevance. It's a rare talent and one Alex can always appreciate.

"We're all tired, Matt," he supplies, recognising that it's his turn to speak, another tactic of Matt's no doubt, employed to keep him on his feet. "Got in about sunrise last night and I were hardly the last back," he smirks as Matt tells him what he told the camera earlier that morning; that he "slept like a glove", in Alex's bed though, something he hadn't divulged to the masses it something of a necessity when he'd been so unwilling to find his way down the hallway to his own room.

"Aye," Matt continues with a yawn, "but specifically I'm on about yer... thinkin' space... or lack thereof... figured there's sometimg can help... someone." Alex does sigh then but not because he's annoyed, simply because he knows the antidote to this particular poison, has known for a solid two weeks and has been taunted by how unreachable that cure-all was. A phone call helped, texts, a few photos sent to cheer him up or share some funny tour moment but it was the presence of the person, the physical proximity that had him calmed, that allowed him to speak freely - if somewhat stilted - those words at the far reaches of his mind that clogged up invisible "thinking space" and kept him darker and moody where his friends were concerned.

Matt seems fond of keeping his proclamations ambiguous though, doesn't elaborate at all but continues all the same. Perhaps he was looking for a reaction rather than any verbal confirmation but it seems he's got what he needed for he smiles at Alex again and then rearranges his features to form something a little more serious. He even clears his throat.

"Anyways, thought I'd... dissuade them from the party fandango eh?" He offers but still there an edge to his voice that gives off a vibe of uncertainty. Alex hesitates, rubs at his eye and stifles a yawn unsuccessfully. "Nah sod that actually, I'm definitely dissuading them, you'll 'ave more fun at a party after you've 'ad some sleep." He takes on a rarer tone, one that always makes Alex feel like some day he'll be a brilliant parent. It's a tone echoed in the lines on his brow and the concern in his eyes. Alex looks away, bites his lip, thinking.

*please, for the safety of all passengers, fasten seat belts and ensure seats are in the upright position for take off, thank you.*

His gaze unwittingly tracks itself to the side, seeking out the two other familiar faces across the aisle. It's rare these days that they all catch the same flight home, usually it's a split between the North and London or some other variant. It's partly for his sake this time, the end of the Australian leg of tour, just a week that ended 2009 and began 2010 and they're all heading back to Sheffield for his birthday. It's only a week until they're off again, more of the tour and then some studio time in the states that everyone's looking forward to. There's an excitement surrounding the four, buzzing excitement, electricity sparking between them. They've got ideas, they've got some not quite explainable darker, moody quality to their freshest material and they're all eager to get it down, to let it spread itself into every corner it likes and swell into something new. For now though they're eking out a stay with their families, having had to cut the Christmas one short. Before Alex can answer Matt properly he's got his mind drifting again, the vision of an already dozing Jamie Cook enough to have him wondering. He's not surprised his mind is so crowded of late, what with Christmas and the tour it's really been much too long.

"Maybe suggest 'aving the party on the Saturday... it'll errr be nice to see everyone but it'll give us all a chance to unwind and get some sleep tha knows?" Matt beams at him, apparently his solution was ideal for he says no more on the matter, simply informs Alex that he's got to remember to act surprised and then Alex catches that glint again. He doesn't ask though, and Matt certainly doesn't tell.

"Apparently there's a load of snow in the uk, London's something of a mess, trains are... struggling," Matt offers conversationally and Alex recognises the bait, it's a long flight and he knows he'll fall asleep eventually but it seems Matt is intent on keeping him distracted for as long as he can.

"Gonna be a system shock after this last week," Alex adds and shivers reflexively. The pair of them never have struggled for light topics of conversation, there's always been football or bands to talk about, past experiences distant and recent, the weather near or far. It takes Alex less time than he's given himself credit for to fall asleep, hair slipping across his face as he lets himself drift into clouded thoughts. He does wake during the flight and each time he does Matt is asleep beside him so he focusses his waning energy on pushing thoughts aside, ready to pen down or offload vocally in breathless mumbles, he types a few into a text message box beside Miles' name but can't send them for the lack of phone signal. He wakes for the last time just before the announcement of their descent and Matt is stretching into consciousness beside him, asking him if he managed to sleep and then smiling at the affirmation and downing half a bottle of water in one go.

When they actually leave the plane Alex is brought sharply to the realisation that it really is cold in the U.K. And dark too. He was expecting both of course but the darkness is inky and the cold biting and he shivers as the four of them stand bleary eyes at the arrivals gate and wait for a taxi.

"You're coming to mine," he hears from beside him close enough that he can feel body heat warming his slight frame. He just smiles gratefully, not bothering to process properly or vocalise his response and there's certainly no need for the token protest where Matt is concerned. After all it's three AM, he's exhausted and Matt's is closer anyway.

There's little to remember of a sleepy taxi ride and confused half wakefulness culminating in a stumbling through the door laden with luggage. Of course as soon as he's in bed in Matt's spare room, blank walls and white sheets he struggles to clear his mind properly for sleep but sleep does come, forced by way of sheer exhaustion and the first comfortable night since they left Sheffield. Matt's sheets smell like home and the window, open just a crack, lets in freezing cold fresh air. It's beyond welcome after the seemingly endless days of sticky heat that stifle sleeping. He's dead tired, weighed down by weary limbs and a crowded mind and in the cool comfort he's asleep in minutes.

Chapter Text

A/N: sorry for the delay but one thing led to another and anyways here's part two! Finally Miles apears :) comments/messages always make me happy cuz I'm an attention whore :P enjoy?

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Alex wakes to the immediate regret of having left the window open, he's warm but a chilly draft forces him to curl up with a groan. As he blinks away sleep he rolls over and first notices how apparently late it is, the sun is pale and wintry but certainly suggests that it's definitely afternoon already. A certain grogginess overshadows any sort of other feeling but something feels off, missing perhaps? Or forgotten? He shakes it off and pulls himself out of bed, shuts the window and hastily pulls on one of Matt’s jumpers that happens to be folded on the windowsill. Yawning, he makes his way to the kitchen, pushing the greasy hair from his face. He's tired, could easily have rolled over and fell right back to sleep, well not easily perhaps, but he's certainly tired enough. Now, sleepy though he still is, he's simply interested in finding Matt, to thank him for letting him stay and also to perhaps nab a cup of tea before he heads off. Much as he loves Matt’s place, the quietly artistic elements to the decor and the perpetually welcoming feel of familiarity, he wants to sleep and he wants his own bed, somewhere he always manages to fall asleep just that little bit quicker and deeper, to properly rest. In a long gone sleepless night he’d once put it down to a scent or warmth that may not physically be present but that lingered in memory and set him at ease. His bedroom and the bed itself conjured insurmountable memories. A hand at his shoulder, warm fingers curling round his hip, lips against forehead and words whispered between sheets, in the dead of night or in the golden sunshine of late morning trickling in through the curtains. That’s where there were smiles and soft kisses and generous little giggles that Alex swore he could still hear even when he was alone there. He's not entirely sure what comfort the room might bring him today when it's empty beside himself but he somehow has faith in those ever strong memories.

He blinks, realising he’s been standing at the door for a moment, pushes the handle and stumbles out, still groggy by the time he’s reached the living room. Matt is awake already, speaking hushed on the phone presumably in an effort not to wake Alex but the other man grows suspicion when Matt turns, notices him, and ends the conversation all in one go.

"Who was that?" Alex asks, a little rude maybe but he's curious and he knows that Matt won't mind.

"Nobody," he blurts quickly, and then he appends, "err me mum..." It sounds like a question though and Alex turns from where he's filling the kettle to fix him with a stare. Matt looks away but there's a smile playing at his lips so Alex just apologises quietly, pushing his hair away and pulling out two mugs.

It's clear they're both too tired for unnecessary conversation and so they both lean against the countertop waiting for the tea to brew until Alex shuffles around, filling up both cups and he passes one over, huddling around his own and closing his eyes so he can breathe in the steam. Eventually he decided to break the silence.

"Thanks for letting me stay," he begins but Matt anticipates the next thing he's going to say.

"You're off soon?" He queries and Alex really has to joke with him.

"Eh, don't sound so excited," he tries to sound scandalised but he's too tired really, "no but I just wanna get home and... sleep? But I'll see you Saturday no?"

"Oh aye the party, yeh definitely," he murmurs and looks as though he's thinking hard. "Don't you wanna shower before ya go?" He asks.

"Uhm... rude," Alex feels himself smirk in response but he knows that Matt isn't insulting him. "Do I look that bad eh?"

Matt chuckles, "you've got a lot of hair," he hints and when he comes closer to mess it up Alex joins in the laughter. "You should make tweaked presentable at least."

"Alright mate," Alex concedes suspiciously but he has to admit that a hot shower wouldn't be a bad thing. "That'd be great actually, thanks." Matt sort of looks like he's won some bet but Alex simply ignores him, finishes his tea and stretches slowly before rinsing his mug.

He's on his way upstairs to the bathroom when he hears Matt talking again, on the phone clearly and speaking quietly like he hopes he can't be heard. Suspicious.

By the times he leaves Matt's it's almost 3pm and that sun from earlier is hidden by thick pale grey cloud. Matt offered dozens of times to drive him home but Alex is sort of insistent on a walk, it's only the next street over so it's hardly far and he wants to clear his head a bit, he still feels sorta strange after the long plane journey. He does regret it slightly when he's halfway down the road and struggling with his luggage but it's really not far at all and he's got alone time to look forward to, maybe he'll use the privacy to phone Miles, talk properly without time zones or press stuff or sound check or gigs getting in the way.

His key won't turn in the lock and when he frustratedly pushes the handle down a certain fear rushes through him as he realises the door is unlocked. He was so sure he hadn't left it open but as he cautiously pushes the door open he hears nothing and so he walks through to the living room carefully, still weary. When he hears footsteps on the stairs he looks up and his heart rate seems to simultaneously speed up and also stop. He drops the brown shoulder bag he's carrying and his feet do the rest.

"Surprise! Happy birthday, love," he hears, spoken soft against the top of his head. Outside it was cold but he really hadn't noticed until now, until warm arms wrapped around him begin carefully running up and down his back. When he shows no sign of moving he feels one hand move up to his hair it's still a little damp but it's soft from being washed and he really is glad Matt suggested making himself presentable. Miles holds him and he can feel his hammering heart begin to slow down as he sinks into the hug.

They stand there, halfway up Alex's staircase, for longer than might have been necessary but Alex was sure they could have stood there longer. The only thing that pulls him back to reality is the fact that he's got questions. He pushes away slowly and notices how Miles' hand stays at the back of his head, fingers tangled in his hair and gaze flitting from one feature to another like he's not sure what to focus on first, like he's making up for lost time.

"How did you-?" Is all he manages before Miles' expression turns from warm tenderness to easy amusement. Alex smiles before he even speaks, feels the joy that he's radiating without trying.

"Matt." He divulges as though that explains everything and Alex is happy to pretend it does for another minute or two so that he can pull his boyfriend closer once more. The next time he speaks he doesn't bother to move away but just mumbles against Miles' collarbone. It's easy to say words, not even sentences, just words. He knows Miles will understand anyway so he doesn't have to think about it hard. He lets things slip out unguarded and sometimes Miles simply listens, other times he'll answer and occasionally he'll piece the phrases together and discuss something with Alex at length, all the while carefully attuned to his mind and fully able to offer Alex what he needs, be it a smile or a joke, or physical touch, or just little kisses that make him feel so perfect.

"So this party?" Is what he says and this time it's an answer that he receives, a soft chuckle that he feels ripple through them both, and then fingers at his hairline sorting his parting.

"Was genuinely a plan, Matt said you're all too tired tho, so it'll be on Saturday instead... still wanted that element of surprise though," he smiles again and Alex pulls away once more so he can look at him properly.

"Your hair's very long," he remarks and Miles snorts, pulls on a lock of Alex's gently but says nothing. "I like it," Alex mumbles, eyes slipping closed as Miles chuckles a little and remarks that it's due a cut.

"Shall we get off the stairs love?" He murmurs, amused, a few minutes later when Alex shows no sign of moving but he nods slowly and smiles as he drops a little kiss on Miles' jaw, linking their fingers and pulling him downstairs.

"Was gonna take you out for lunch y'know, spoil ye a little, y'know that place ye showed me when we first toured here together?" Alex stops, smiles at him as he nods as then Miles continues, letting him know of all the plans he had, all the things he was going to do, so that Alex felt special. Miles pulls him onto the sofa and curls his arms around him immediately. He just sighs contentedly and holds him closer as he finishes off by suggesting they do all those things later in the week.

"You're staying then?" Alex blurts, eyes a little wider as he searches Miles' face and watches his features go soft.

"Until you leave, love-" he begins.

"-it's been too long," Alex finishes, voice soft and he gets the impression it's what Miles might've said. It's their telepathy working again, certainly heightened by proximity but still unexplainable. It's happened before though, they've been continents apart and Alex will reach for his phone and get as far as unlocking the screen when he'll be startled by an incoming call from Miles. "Was just thinking about you," he'll greet and Alex will be overcome with warmth at the words.

On one of the slightly more obscure channels on Alex's TV they're playing re-runs of old British comedies, "Only Fools and Horses" is on currently so Miles puts it on without a word, pulls Alex into a comfy position and wraps an arm around him properly. "Comfy?" he checks and Alex nods against his chest as Miles lets his fingers start slipping though his hair with the utmost gentleness.

Suddenly, Alex sits upright mumbling something about almost falling asleep and "let me just do this one thing first" and Miles startled slightly but lets him free so he can fumble around for his phone quickly. He types a single word and sends it off. "Thanks" it reads and Matt responds almost before he can lock the screen again. "Welcome, happy birthday :)" comes the reply and he smiles to himself as he snuggles back down, happy enough with Miles' occasional mumbles helping him doze off, little rumbles through his chest that Alex can feel against his cheek. There's his heartbeat too, slow and steady and there's his deep, regular breathing, all comforting with their connotations of warmth. In that moment he's happy, he's warm and there's Miles, loving and tender in his actions and gentle in his words. The sun, still pale barely lasts a half hour longer before it's being pulled under and the sky begins to darken.

"You can sleep, love" he hears a little softer even than everything else he's voiced. As though he's actively encouraging it and Alex, as though he'd not previously been aware that he could, finds his obedient mind clearing instantly in response to the words.